WEBVTT 00:02.011 --> 00:05.473 Wow, that's like some kind of insane Irish jig done with guitars. 00:05.533 --> 00:07.334 Can't you see Michael flatly dancing to that? 00:07.674 --> 00:08.274 Really fast. 00:08.394 --> 00:09.195 Really, really fast. 00:09.215 --> 00:10.315 Until he hurts his ankles. 00:10.455 --> 00:10.715 Yeah. 00:10.855 --> 00:12.716 Oh, he's unable to hurt his ankles. 00:12.977 --> 00:13.217 Really? 00:13.377 --> 00:13.897 Indestructible ankles? 00:13.917 --> 00:14.657 Yeah, bionic, yeah. 00:15.078 --> 00:16.678 That was recovered by the automatic. 00:17.019 --> 00:20.220 Before that, you heard Empire by Kasabian. 00:20.720 --> 00:26.423 And this is Adam and Joe here on XFM on a Saturday morning, taking you right through until one o'clock. 00:26.463 --> 00:29.005 We thought we were only going to go through till 12 today. 00:29.325 --> 00:31.726 We tried to get ourselves fired from the X list. 00:32.006 --> 00:48.569 didn't work didn't quite happen so uh i'm pretty sure that we're going to screw it up so badly this week that they can't possibly have us back uh any further after this week so we'll do our best to mess that up for you uh later on this show we've got all kinds of competitions coming up 00:48.609 --> 00:50.331 Do we have more than one competition or just one? 00:50.351 --> 00:51.432 We've got loads of competitions. 00:51.452 --> 00:56.257 We're going to have a text competition in the second hour, which is going to be based on my viewing of the film Crank. 00:56.698 --> 00:57.358 You saw Crank? 00:57.398 --> 00:57.999 I saw Crank. 00:58.019 --> 01:00.762 We're going to be talking more about that later and having a text competition based on it. 01:00.802 --> 01:04.426 And in the first hour, we've got a new sort of competition, right, Adam? 01:04.586 --> 01:06.328 Yeah, because I've had an exciting week. 01:06.368 --> 01:07.409 I've been in a film. 01:08.470 --> 01:17.196 Right, and I'm not going to tell you who's in the film or anything about the film just yet, but I will tell you that, you know, between takes, it's what we call them in films. 01:17.256 --> 01:18.036 Between what? 01:18.096 --> 01:18.696 Takes, Joe. 01:18.897 --> 01:24.940 It's when they... They start filming, when they film the people with the camera. 01:24.960 --> 01:25.681 I don't understand. 01:26.141 --> 01:54.939 a camera's like a big film with a window on it and stuff goes in one end and poo comes out the other and they uh when they film the people it's called a take and in between takes um the people or actors as their names stand around and they chat to each other and i recorded one of the my fellow actors chatting and later on i'm going to play you the anecdote that he told me and i'm going to ask you to guess listeners not only what film he's talking about but who the actor is okay it's kind of like celebrity regression therapy except real 01:55.299 --> 01:55.539 Yeah. 01:55.979 --> 01:56.699 Well, that's exciting. 01:56.719 --> 01:57.640 That's coming up later this hour. 01:57.660 --> 01:58.620 We've got great prizes. 01:58.960 --> 02:03.882 When I say great prizes, I mean a copy of something called Dark Knight on DVD. 02:04.282 --> 02:05.342 Is that anything to do with Batman? 02:05.622 --> 02:05.862 No. 02:06.302 --> 02:07.283 Well, what is it? 02:07.343 --> 02:08.163 I don't really know. 02:08.403 --> 02:10.243 We'll look into it in more detail later. 02:10.483 --> 02:10.704 Okay. 02:10.724 --> 02:11.744 But it's definitely a DVD. 02:12.344 --> 02:12.825 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 02:12.845 --> 02:13.886 They've got intrinsic value. 02:13.986 --> 02:17.851 It's even one of those thick ones, like the thickness of maybe a video game DVD. 02:17.871 --> 02:19.273 Yeah, I think it's a TV series. 02:19.653 --> 02:19.874 Is it? 02:20.154 --> 02:24.459 Plus we've got tickets to give away to go and see Jet at the Carling Academy. 02:24.760 --> 02:25.901 We had those last week, didn't we? 02:26.162 --> 02:29.766 And Richard Ashcroft, same tickets as last week, basically, to give away. 02:29.846 --> 02:31.128 Well, if people weren't listening, though. 02:31.808 --> 02:33.629 We've got Jet and Richard Ashcroft tickets. 02:33.909 --> 02:37.131 We don't have any more copies of the Armando Iannucci shows because we stole them all. 02:37.551 --> 02:39.332 And I've had a very enjoyable week watching those. 02:39.352 --> 02:40.212 They're amazing. 02:40.553 --> 02:41.813 You should really check them out, folks. 02:41.853 --> 02:49.517 That's a sort of forgotten series from the early noughties that if you haven't heard of it before, called the Armando Iannucci shows, and it's available on DVD. 02:49.617 --> 02:50.417 There's a little plug for that. 02:50.617 --> 02:52.198 And we should play some more music now. 02:52.238 --> 02:53.659 This is KT Tonstel. 02:59.417 --> 03:01.819 Katie Tunstall with Suddenly I See. 03:02.319 --> 03:04.441 Now, Joe, did you watch Jonathan Ross last night? 03:04.501 --> 03:04.981 No, I didn't. 03:05.322 --> 03:05.722 You didn't? 03:05.942 --> 03:05.982 No. 03:06.002 --> 03:09.245 So you didn't see Pete and Tina from Big Brother, what's her name? 03:09.265 --> 03:10.486 No, Nicky. 03:10.646 --> 03:10.986 Nicky? 03:11.106 --> 03:12.027 Yeah, Crazy Nicky. 03:12.087 --> 03:13.768 Crazy Nicky. 03:13.949 --> 03:15.009 They were guests, were they? 03:15.170 --> 03:16.070 Yeah, they were guests. 03:16.451 --> 03:19.413 And it was a very, very odd watch. 03:19.433 --> 03:20.174 Did you see that, Pete? 03:21.328 --> 03:22.388 that was it was bizarre. 03:24.129 --> 03:27.310 We've got a new producer today because he's gone to best of all. 03:27.570 --> 03:27.950 That's right. 03:28.090 --> 03:28.590 Pete's here. 03:28.870 --> 03:29.750 Everyone's got a best of all. 03:29.951 --> 03:30.371 Yeah. 03:31.871 --> 03:33.472 Really, it's a lovely weekend for it. 03:34.152 --> 03:34.652 Perfect. 03:34.792 --> 03:35.792 Pete's very professional though. 03:35.832 --> 03:38.033 So you might get a better quality produced show this week. 03:38.353 --> 03:40.814 Now no insult to Xanthi. 03:40.994 --> 03:41.734 That's a joke. 03:41.754 --> 03:43.054 She's not she'll be a best for she'll be drunk. 03:43.074 --> 03:43.554 She'll be asleep. 03:44.055 --> 03:44.855 She's gonna say that safely. 03:46.116 --> 03:54.869 Anyway, so you guys missed a bit of weird TV last night, if you didn't see Jonathan Ross interviewing these two, because I hadn't even watched Big Brother properly. 03:54.929 --> 04:00.918 I was aware who Pete was, you know, and all of his special character and everything. 04:01.679 --> 04:09.322 But it was just extraordinary because the odds were stacked against Jonathan anyway with Pete's... Well, with that level of fame and celebrity. 04:09.362 --> 04:12.123 Yeah, but with Pete's Tourette's outbursts as well, you know what I mean? 04:12.203 --> 04:13.464 And his kind of manic energy. 04:13.484 --> 04:15.044 Well, it gets worse when he's nervous, doesn't it? 04:15.064 --> 04:15.324 Much worse. 04:15.344 --> 04:16.725 He must have been very, very nervous. 04:16.745 --> 04:17.345 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 04:17.705 --> 04:23.527 And he was, like, they kept on cutting to him backstage in the green room thing, swigging from beer after beer. 04:23.568 --> 04:27.069 He must have been fairly tooty by the time he actually got on the couch there. 04:27.509 --> 04:30.371 And he came out and he jumped on Jonathan and wrapped his legs around him. 04:30.892 --> 04:33.374 And Jonathan kind of plonked him down in the couch. 04:33.834 --> 04:35.256 Everything was fine up to that point. 04:35.696 --> 04:38.178 But more or less it was then the Nicky show. 04:38.639 --> 04:42.762 As soon as Jonathan asked her a question, that was pretty much the end of the interview. 04:43.002 --> 04:46.005 Because she started talking like, I didn't, as I said, I didn't see Big Brother. 04:46.045 --> 04:50.208 So I was unprepared for her kind of nutty detachment. 04:50.569 --> 04:51.449 Because what's the deal with her? 04:51.489 --> 04:52.691 She gets angry a lot, right? 04:53.487 --> 04:54.808 Yeah, well, she's like a toddler. 04:54.988 --> 04:55.188 Yeah. 04:55.448 --> 04:58.090 She's like a woman with the brain of a baby. 04:58.450 --> 04:58.791 Yeah. 05:00.292 --> 05:00.692 Yeah, exactly. 05:00.712 --> 05:03.234 Which is brilliant in a way, because no one's done that before. 05:03.874 --> 05:05.575 Jay Goody had the brain of a toddler. 05:06.156 --> 05:06.336 Yeah. 05:06.436 --> 05:07.356 Yeah, six year old. 05:07.837 --> 05:11.439 But Nicky's ramped it down to the brain of like a six month year old. 05:11.499 --> 05:11.959 An infant. 05:12.060 --> 05:12.820 An infant, yeah. 05:13.360 --> 05:14.181 A mewling infant. 05:14.221 --> 05:14.441 Yeah. 05:15.782 --> 05:20.405 Because she seems completely disconnected from reality in every meaningful way. 05:20.685 --> 05:21.586 It's brilliant though, isn't it? 05:21.646 --> 05:22.746 Yeah, kind of. 05:23.027 --> 05:25.368 But Jonathan was really flummoxed. 05:26.189 --> 05:32.633 And they sort of record that show ahead of time a little bit to give themselves a chance to cut it down and stuff. 05:33.433 --> 05:46.300 But they had a real job on their hands, because she launched into this sort of unbroken mad ramble anecdote about some party she'd been to in Brighton or something, where she thought that someone had spat on her. 05:47.200 --> 05:53.223 And it was basically this incredibly long anecdote, the payoff of which was that actually it was a water pistol. 05:53.703 --> 05:56.625 But she built it up for literally about ten minutes, she was going, 05:57.225 --> 06:13.666 and someone I was like oh what someone spat on me what i can't i can't believe it and i just i thought oh it's warm you know and then i was sorry angry i was like i can't get angry i can't get angry and then i just thought i am getting angry because someone spat 06:14.367 --> 06:16.008 Well, thinking is an adventure for her. 06:16.588 --> 06:21.272 So she's describing thinking in the way that an explorer might describe climbing a mountain. 06:21.452 --> 06:22.533 Do you know what I mean? 06:22.573 --> 06:24.995 And that's exciting for the world of chat shows generally. 06:25.315 --> 06:28.998 Chat shows, because it means guests will have more to talk about. 06:29.319 --> 06:29.579 Right. 06:29.879 --> 06:30.920 So she was excited. 06:31.140 --> 06:33.902 To her, the anecdote was the unfolding of a new experience. 06:34.002 --> 06:34.683 Yeah, exactly. 06:34.723 --> 06:39.387 Which was a thing happens to you, and then you think about it, and then you think about how to respond. 06:40.227 --> 06:42.469 Last week's big experience was, I done a wee. 06:43.590 --> 06:46.171 And she could have gone on several chat shows to talk about that. 06:46.911 --> 06:50.852 This week's experience was I felt the sensation of warm fluid on my face. 06:50.932 --> 06:53.173 It is, it's like a baby who can talk. 06:54.313 --> 06:55.113 Maybe that's what it is. 06:55.153 --> 06:57.174 It's like that film Baby Geniuses. 06:58.154 --> 07:00.194 Only, you know, with boobs. 07:01.015 --> 07:03.595 And functioning adult body parts. 07:04.096 --> 07:04.816 Which is, it's perfect. 07:05.996 --> 07:06.276 You know? 07:06.456 --> 07:11.638 It was very surreal and the whole thing... I think they've actually given birth to her in some kind of weird heat magazine cloning lab. 07:11.718 --> 07:12.338 Cloning tank. 07:12.419 --> 07:16.240 They've got some DNA from, I don't know, Jade Goody and... A couple. 07:16.300 --> 07:17.400 I don't know, a sponge. 07:17.440 --> 07:18.041 A little dog. 07:18.221 --> 07:19.781 A worm, a small tiny dog. 07:19.821 --> 07:20.061 Yeah. 07:20.121 --> 07:20.902 And they've bred her. 07:21.562 --> 07:21.762 Uh huh. 07:22.023 --> 07:24.126 So that they can keep their stupid magazine going. 07:24.366 --> 07:25.528 What a brilliant experiment. 07:25.668 --> 07:25.888 Yeah. 07:25.908 --> 07:27.711 That's the kind of thing that I'd be happy to fund. 07:28.051 --> 07:31.656 How can you, how could you get even better than, how could you go even stupider than Nicky, right? 07:31.676 --> 07:34.961 If Nicky is this generation's celebrity, what'll they do next year? 07:35.201 --> 07:36.944 How are they going to get more infantile than that? 07:37.945 --> 08:02.737 Somebody who actually can't somewhere in a vegetative state well no because you can't have someone just gurgles and pukes and and vomits and just laughs Insanely would that be good no because that but it's very sexy right and naked most of the time Yeah, because it would be good if Nikki's clothes fell off that would be the only other edge She could get like if she was literally like a kind of feral jungle woman yeah like the woman from Fifth Element or or um 08:03.618 --> 08:05.200 Jodie Foster in Nell. 08:05.320 --> 08:06.241 Or the Lady in the Lake. 08:06.421 --> 08:07.262 Yeah, exactly. 08:07.683 --> 08:11.067 Who just chirps and speaks nonsense and then her top keeps falling off. 08:11.307 --> 08:11.568 Right. 08:12.028 --> 08:13.630 Like a nutty woman in the supermarket. 08:14.371 --> 08:14.972 What about that? 08:14.992 --> 08:17.134 I think that's the way to go for next year's big brother. 08:17.755 --> 08:20.419 Just round up people from who burble at you in supermarkets. 08:20.599 --> 08:20.859 Yeah. 08:21.059 --> 08:22.081 Sexy, mad women. 08:22.913 --> 08:23.874 whose clothes fall off. 08:23.894 --> 08:25.016 They're my favourite kind. 08:25.516 --> 08:34.466 Let's have a free play right now and coming up shortly is going to be our competition, our anecdote competition from a famous movie star and you guys are going to have to guess who it is. 08:34.506 --> 08:40.193 Well you don't have to, obviously there's no way we can force you but if you want to you can and who knows you might win a copy. 08:40.213 --> 08:41.995 Have you found out what Dark Knight is yet Joe? 08:42.739 --> 08:43.441 No, no, I haven't. 08:43.661 --> 08:44.603 I'll do that during the next song. 08:44.683 --> 08:45.344 I'll do some research. 08:45.385 --> 08:47.369 Study the Box during Adam and the Ants. 08:47.389 --> 08:52.519 This is a track from their extraordinary album, Kings of the Wild Frontier, and it's called The Magnificent Five. 08:52.579 --> 08:52.880 Enjoy! 08:57.219 --> 09:15.682 Adam and the ants with magnificent five I've got a theory that Adam and the ants are like the strokes or at least the strokes ripped off everything from Adam and the ants that could be true except for the kind of I mean Adam Adam had like a mad way of singing that was a bit like a sort of crazed Indian Apache man or something yeah 09:15.942 --> 09:18.984 You know, he must be annoyed by the success of Pirates of the Caribbean. 09:19.485 --> 09:19.865 Adam Ant? 09:20.105 --> 09:22.367 Yeah, he must think, I want a piece of that pirate pie. 09:22.507 --> 09:24.508 Yeah, because he got all the pirate iconography. 09:24.588 --> 09:27.510 If you do anything with pirates, you should immediately call him, shouldn't you? 09:27.670 --> 09:28.291 I would think so. 09:28.331 --> 09:29.372 Get him to do a cameo. 09:29.512 --> 09:29.712 Yeah. 09:29.732 --> 09:30.893 Or at least put his music on it. 09:31.033 --> 09:32.174 Or use him as a consultant. 09:32.614 --> 09:34.695 Because he's the closest thing to a modern day pirate. 09:35.256 --> 09:38.258 He's the oldest, the only surviving genuine pirate. 09:38.818 --> 09:39.078 Is he? 09:39.539 --> 09:40.319 From the high seas, yeah. 09:40.339 --> 09:42.141 He's descended from the piratical lineage. 09:42.161 --> 09:43.321 No, he's not, no. 09:43.341 --> 09:43.922 Is he not? 09:43.962 --> 09:45.443 He's just released some records. 09:45.723 --> 09:47.123 Oh, you're confusing me. 09:47.484 --> 09:48.284 But he's a genius. 09:48.664 --> 09:52.725 And those songs, everything on Kings of the World Frontier, if you haven't got it, you really should get it. 09:52.965 --> 09:54.005 There's not a bad track on it. 09:54.345 --> 10:04.028 And I think of them as like the strokes because each of the songs, like the one I just played, has like about five separate ideas that could be songs in themselves, all in one song. 10:04.048 --> 10:04.588 It's amazing. 10:04.628 --> 10:07.509 Such a wealth of invention and musical brilliance. 10:07.749 --> 10:13.651 Anyway, let's play some ads and we'll come back with some music and then our first competition of the day. 10:14.091 --> 10:14.431 Stick with us. 10:14.491 --> 10:14.791 All right. 10:14.931 --> 10:15.412 I agree. 10:15.532 --> 10:15.972 Do you agree? 10:16.032 --> 10:17.292 Yeah, you have my permission. 10:17.392 --> 10:17.733 All right, man. 10:17.773 --> 10:18.093 Here we go. 10:21.994 --> 10:24.816 That's Orson with No Tomorrow. 10:25.416 --> 10:27.117 And this is Adam and Joe here on XFM. 10:27.457 --> 10:28.457 Competition time now. 10:29.037 --> 10:30.158 I'm going to line up the jingle. 10:30.178 --> 10:32.439 Yeah, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle all the way. 10:34.282 --> 10:34.942 With Tim Allen. 10:35.162 --> 10:36.743 Is he in that? 10:37.323 --> 10:37.964 Jingle all the way. 10:38.044 --> 10:38.784 Arnold Schwarzenegger. 10:39.024 --> 10:40.004 Oh, you're quite right. 10:40.044 --> 10:41.365 If only Tim Allen had been in it. 10:41.585 --> 10:42.005 Imagine. 10:42.205 --> 10:42.565 Imagine. 10:42.605 --> 10:44.106 Tim Allen is in the Santa Claus. 10:44.226 --> 10:44.486 Thanks. 10:44.506 --> 10:45.386 That was my confusion. 10:45.406 --> 10:47.427 Competition time. 10:48.348 --> 10:52.369 You could win a DVD or tickets to a show. 10:53.289 --> 10:54.830 You just never know. 10:55.390 --> 10:59.552 So sharpen up your brain and get ready to play. 11:00.237 --> 11:05.579 The prize, because the jingle mentioned you could win a DVD, and that is exactly what you could win. 11:05.780 --> 11:06.640 Or tickets to a show. 11:06.920 --> 11:08.461 Yeah, that's true, tickets to a rock show. 11:08.701 --> 11:13.583 But the DVD's called Dark Night, Night with a K, and we weren't really sure what it was. 11:13.763 --> 11:21.546 It's three discs, so we went on the internet database, and it says this is quite probably the worst TV show made in the last 25 years. 11:23.187 --> 11:30.413 On the back it says, the only quote they've got is, what more could anyone possibly want from Bello Magazine. 11:30.473 --> 11:35.157 That's got to be the beginning of a review that says, well, a lot. 11:35.397 --> 11:39.640 You'd think that, you know, with all the setup, you'd think what more could anyone possibly want. 11:39.980 --> 11:42.182 Then you watch the thing and you realise. 11:42.542 --> 11:45.825 Apparently it's a radical new look at the Ivanhoe legend. 11:46.045 --> 11:46.705 About time too. 11:47.997 --> 11:49.499 I've been waiting for that for years. 11:49.599 --> 11:51.842 What are the devil people on the front doing there? 11:51.862 --> 11:55.446 I don't know, there's a man with red eyes and lots of teeth. 11:55.546 --> 11:58.029 Actually there's another review from the Daily Mail that says it's a belter. 11:58.349 --> 11:59.090 It's a belter! 11:59.390 --> 12:00.211 So it could be brilliant. 12:01.092 --> 12:03.075 And you could win it if you get this competition right. 12:03.115 --> 12:05.698 And it's a new type of competition this week, isn't it Adam? 12:06.198 --> 12:11.804 Yeah, this is like a one-off competition, because I've been working on a film this week, which I'll tell you about a bit later on. 12:12.365 --> 12:17.651 But as I said before, in between shots, takes, whatever. 12:17.671 --> 12:18.632 Can we call it a DVD? 12:18.652 --> 12:22.256 Because I think the word film has fallen out of circulation. 12:22.456 --> 12:22.737 Right. 12:22.757 --> 12:23.978 Just say I've been working on it. 12:23.998 --> 12:25.159 We've been shooting a DVD. 12:27.401 --> 12:28.762 It may well go straight to DVD. 12:29.543 --> 12:37.887 We've been working, I've been working hard on a DVD this week, and in between takes I've been chatting with some of my fellow actors. 12:38.047 --> 12:38.627 Film stars. 12:38.727 --> 12:39.348 Film stars. 12:39.528 --> 12:40.948 Yes, some of my fellow film stars. 12:40.988 --> 12:41.709 DVD stars. 12:42.229 --> 12:49.353 And I actually got one of them to tell me an anecdote, or one of them was telling me an anecdote, and I whipped out my mini disc player. 12:49.373 --> 12:50.493 Did he know you were recording it? 12:50.513 --> 12:52.314 Well I asked him if I could, yeah. 12:52.574 --> 12:55.296 It was fairly obvious when I, you know, put the microphone in front of him. 12:55.336 --> 12:55.676 Right, right. 12:56.016 --> 12:59.439 But he told me this anecdote about a film that he'd worked on. 13:00.120 --> 13:07.767 And I want you listeners to tell me what the film was called and also what the name of the actor speaking is. 13:08.007 --> 13:09.749 OK, it's that simple. 13:10.089 --> 13:17.716 It's quite a tough one, because if you use IMDb, the actor in question who's telling the anecdote is not actually listed as taking part in the film. 13:18.977 --> 13:21.500 So IMDb may not be helpful in this situation. 13:22.140 --> 13:23.421 So it's gonna be really quite tough. 13:23.461 --> 13:25.062 Yeah, this is one for film buffs. 13:25.142 --> 13:26.002 For real film buffs. 13:26.042 --> 13:26.643 For DVD buffs. 13:26.803 --> 13:27.803 Anyway, here's the anecdote. 13:27.904 --> 13:30.885 It's sort of for a couple of minutes, so check it out. 13:31.065 --> 13:38.110 Okay, so I get a call mid-summer, haven't worked for a couple of months, about doing a film in the south of France with Matthew Modine. 13:38.150 --> 13:41.912 He's one of my great, you know, he did Birdie, he's a fantastic actor. 13:42.672 --> 13:58.598 and so I'm very excited about it and also what really captures me is that they say it's in the South of France and you'll be working with two orangutans all summer and I thought that's fantastic orangutans all summer me and me actors chair within orangutan fantastic anyway so I travel down to the South of France get there 13:59.358 --> 14:22.056 introduced to Matthew Modine who's just heaven and they say okay we're going to do a familiarization with the monkeys but unfortunately the orangutans didn't get through customs so now it's a chimpanzee from Leon I'm thinking disappointing but chimpanzee is still really cute very lovely I'll spend the summer with the chimpanzee so we get to the room where there's we're doing the familiarization and the chimps there with its with its owner and it's got a chain around its neck and it's going 14:23.717 --> 14:25.477 And you're like, wow, and its teeth are really gleaming. 14:26.198 --> 14:27.618 And the guy's going, no, no, there's no problem. 14:27.658 --> 14:28.878 It's just what needs to get to know you. 14:28.918 --> 14:30.119 And then it's, you know, it's totally trained. 14:30.139 --> 14:30.659 It's totally friendly. 14:30.679 --> 14:31.199 We're like, okay, cool. 14:31.639 --> 14:35.420 So Matthew Modine, who is the loveliest guy in the world, and he goes, oh, that's great. 14:35.480 --> 14:42.362 And he walks over to this monkey, puts his arms out and the monkey just goes like that and bites through the tendon in his thumb. 14:43.142 --> 14:45.523 So now even to this day, his thumb doesn't work properly. 14:46.363 --> 14:51.385 So it's a terrible for all, everyone's really sure, and they kill the monkey, the monkey's killed, dead. 14:52.046 --> 14:59.529 And now, Matthew's got his arm in a sling, and they bring in a midget from Paris who is an alcoholic, who's going to wear a suit. 15:00.369 --> 15:10.814 So now, from the great job that I was really excited about in the South of France, Matthew Modine two orangutans, it's now an alcoholic midget from Paris in a really bad suit in the South of France with Matthew Modine with a sling in his arm. 15:11.374 --> 15:11.955 So there you go. 15:12.335 --> 15:13.516 What film is he talking about? 15:13.856 --> 15:15.477 Man, that is a fair trade, though. 15:15.537 --> 15:18.440 I mean, if a monkey bites Matthew Modine, the monkey dies. 15:18.900 --> 15:19.461 Yeah. 15:19.721 --> 15:20.962 Well, later on, I've got another little clip. 15:21.022 --> 15:25.365 I would have hoped it was... obviously, I'm being ironic here, but is that really right? 15:25.726 --> 15:26.166 Yeah, that's right. 15:26.186 --> 15:26.987 For the monkey to die? 15:27.147 --> 15:29.449 Well, listen, I asked him exactly how it happened. 15:29.629 --> 15:30.710 How did they kill the monkey? 15:30.990 --> 15:31.531 They shot it. 15:31.691 --> 15:32.532 The guy shot it. 15:32.592 --> 15:33.733 The guy shot his own monkey. 15:34.073 --> 15:35.975 Instantly shot it because it went bananas. 15:36.035 --> 15:37.216 It bit through Matthew's hand. 15:37.917 --> 15:40.160 And then there was a big, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. 15:40.180 --> 15:47.007 And there was a big chase and it was going, and jumping around the room and they grabbed it, put it in a, in like a Hessian sack, took it outside and shot it dead. 15:48.068 --> 15:49.649 And I was like, this is a kid's film. 15:50.859 --> 15:56.400 What would they do with the alcoholic midget if it, say, was rude to Matthew Modine? 15:56.820 --> 15:59.941 Would they put that in a Hessian sack and shoot it? 16:01.021 --> 16:02.082 That should be legalised. 16:02.182 --> 16:05.042 Murder is legal if it happens inside a Hessian sack. 16:05.142 --> 16:06.843 And it's for the sake of a film. 16:06.963 --> 16:08.163 It's Matthew Modine's thumb. 16:08.243 --> 16:09.003 Or DVD. 16:09.423 --> 16:10.223 So, call now. 16:10.423 --> 16:10.223 08712221049. 16:10.603 --> 16:17.125 So hang on, they've got a call in with the name of the film that the guy was shooting when that happened. 16:17.165 --> 16:17.325 Yeah. 16:17.825 --> 16:20.626 And also the name of the actor who was actually telling that anecdote. 16:20.766 --> 16:21.446 Yeah, exactly. 16:22.366 --> 16:23.447 And that's pretty tough. 16:23.467 --> 16:28.028 So if you nail that, if you nail both of those, you can have pretty much anything you want. 16:28.488 --> 16:31.849 The number to call is 0871-222-1049. 16:31.869 --> 16:32.810 0871-222-1049. 16:34.470 --> 16:39.131 Call it right now if you know the answer to that anecdote question quiz thing. 16:39.351 --> 16:40.292 Here are the ordinary boys. 16:44.625 --> 16:47.486 That was The Ordinary Boys with Lonely at the Top. 16:47.526 --> 16:48.826 This is Adam and Joe on XFM. 16:48.846 --> 16:53.468 It's a beautiful Saturday morning and we're in the middle of playing a very, very difficult competition. 16:53.568 --> 16:55.889 So difficult that nobody's called. 16:56.509 --> 16:57.369 It's baffled everyone. 16:57.549 --> 17:06.152 We played you an anecdote that Adam recorded on the set of a film he was in and you had to guess the name of the actor and 17:06.932 --> 17:09.534 the name of the film about which the anecdote was. 17:09.914 --> 17:12.515 Talking about it. 17:12.575 --> 17:24.242 No one's done it because it's so difficult and Adam just told me the answer and I've heard of the actor but I've never heard of the film and it's not even obviously the film involves a monkey it's not even any of my favorite monkey based films it's not Dunstan Checks In. 17:24.262 --> 17:24.302 No. 17:24.902 --> 17:28.846 It's not Ed, with what's-his-name from Friends. 17:29.186 --> 17:30.727 What other good monkey films are there? 17:30.887 --> 17:31.828 It's certainly not Congo. 17:32.008 --> 17:33.690 No, I was going to say, Congo's the king of them all. 17:33.710 --> 17:35.031 Congo's the king of the monkey films. 17:35.892 --> 17:37.633 Chimp films, it's not every which way but loose. 17:37.953 --> 17:41.216 There's no good guessing, you know, if you are by a computer. 17:41.457 --> 17:45.260 The only way you're going to get this right is if you've either seen it by some freak of nature. 17:45.280 --> 17:45.860 Very unlikely. 17:47.101 --> 17:51.845 or you're near a computer and the thing to do is get on there and look for Matthew Modi. 17:51.865 --> 17:56.348 And it's not Matthew, he's not really in sort of top of the range films anymore. 17:56.608 --> 17:56.828 No. 17:57.348 --> 18:01.391 He was brilliant, he is brilliant, but he can't really command the roles these days. 18:01.692 --> 18:04.213 No, it's ludicrous, he's due for rediscovery, surely. 18:04.554 --> 18:06.135 It is ludicrous who commands the roles. 18:06.755 --> 18:08.917 But Modi does not command the roles. 18:10.123 --> 18:12.484 Listen, here's a quick reminder of the voice of this actor, okay? 18:12.544 --> 18:13.604 I'm gonna make this easy for you. 18:14.044 --> 18:18.486 Either you get on IMDb and you check out Matthew Modine films... Search Modine Monkey. 18:18.646 --> 18:22.247 ...and do the math, or you know the voice of this actor. 18:22.267 --> 18:24.127 We'll take just the correct actor. 18:24.147 --> 18:24.687 Both unlikely. 18:25.007 --> 18:26.788 Okay, so who's this talking right now? 18:27.128 --> 18:37.011 They shot it the guy shot it the guy shot his own monkey Instantly shot it because it went bananas it bit through Matthew's hand and then there was a big oh my god Oh my god. 18:37.051 --> 18:46.895 Oh my god, and there was a big chase and it was going Jumping around the room and they grabbed it put it in a in like a Hessian sack took it outside and shot it dead And I was like, this is a kids film 18:47.975 --> 19:06.391 so there you go if you know if you know who that is talking yeah call 0 8 7 1 2 2 2 1 0 4 9 0 8 7 1 2 2 2 1 0 4 9 it's completely open i mean even if you guess wrongly uh we'll still give you a prize yeah we just want someone to have a go just want to chat to someone yeah you know just want to talk to someone 19:06.511 --> 19:08.832 Please talk to us about some of our problems. 19:09.412 --> 19:10.552 We've got a free play right now, Joe. 19:10.572 --> 19:11.173 This is one of yours. 19:11.193 --> 19:11.373 Yeah. 19:11.553 --> 19:18.775 This is some new material from Weird Al Jankovic, the hilarious American Steve Wright lookalike musical comedian. 19:19.055 --> 19:27.258 And this is a little bit of advice that should be listened to carefully and adhered to by young people who approve of illegal downloading. 19:30.233 --> 19:33.035 This is Adam and Joe here on XFM on a Saturday afternoon. 19:33.335 --> 19:45.343 Now, very shortly, we are going to be talking to someone who has the correct answer to our competition this afternoon, which is unbelievable because it is one of the most difficult competitions I think we've ever had on the programme. 19:45.363 --> 19:46.364 In the history of competitions? 19:46.744 --> 19:48.865 In the history of all competitions. 19:49.586 --> 19:51.607 We have got him on the phone, or we're going to get him on the phone. 19:51.627 --> 19:52.168 He's called Ted. 19:52.508 --> 19:53.789 I'm just... Is he called Ted? 19:53.989 --> 19:54.149 Yeah. 19:54.389 --> 19:56.330 Yeah, I'm just teasing it, because that's exciting. 19:56.350 --> 20:02.472 You know, you can now imagine what Ted's gonna sound like, what kind of a guy he is, all the things that the name Ted evokes. 20:02.972 --> 20:04.172 All the romance and drama. 20:04.292 --> 20:05.893 Who's the classic Ted of all time? 20:05.913 --> 20:06.573 Ted Danson. 20:06.793 --> 20:07.173 Of course. 20:07.373 --> 20:07.993 Ted Bovis. 20:08.594 --> 20:10.194 No, well, Ted Danson is number one. 20:10.214 --> 20:11.554 Maybe Ted Bundy? 20:11.755 --> 20:13.615 Ted... Ted... Bundy. 20:14.255 --> 20:16.036 Uh, you know Big Ted, I would say? 20:16.076 --> 20:16.276 Yeah. 20:16.576 --> 20:20.177 If this was, what was the competition where you had to line things up and you'd go, wah, wah. 20:20.217 --> 20:21.417 That's Family Fortunes, isn't it? 20:21.497 --> 20:21.737 Yeah. 20:22.657 --> 20:25.157 Or the Mint, like the Mint might have, tared blank. 20:25.378 --> 20:26.698 They're gonna get rid of the Mint, you know. 20:27.278 --> 20:28.018 Good, good. 20:28.038 --> 20:31.719 Because it's contravening loads of regulations. 20:31.779 --> 20:33.199 Of course it is, about time too. 20:33.259 --> 20:35.939 We figured that out about two months ago, didn't we, on this show? 20:35.959 --> 20:36.759 Yeah, we did, yeah. 20:36.779 --> 20:45.581 We did, and if you look at it, if you watch the Mint, the lady now keeps going, people say bad things about us, people keep criticising us, but we don't care about the haters. 20:46.462 --> 20:47.325 And stuff like that. 20:47.345 --> 20:48.067 It's like us, isn't it? 20:49.050 --> 20:50.134 Here's James Dean Bradfield. 20:50.154 --> 20:51.438 We'll be back after this with Ted. 20:56.195 --> 21:01.058 Yes, that's James Dean Bradfield and his xylophone with an English gentleman. 21:01.598 --> 21:02.939 This is Adam and Joe here on XFM. 21:02.959 --> 21:03.979 Now we have Ted on the line. 21:04.039 --> 21:04.439 Hi, Ted. 21:05.100 --> 21:05.440 Hello. 21:05.840 --> 21:07.381 Hey, Ted, thanks for hanging on for so long. 21:07.501 --> 21:08.302 Yeah, we appreciate it. 21:08.902 --> 21:13.244 Now, Ted, you think you know the identity of the person who was telling that anecdote? 21:13.264 --> 21:14.785 I'll just do a very brief reminder. 21:14.805 --> 21:16.186 How did they kill the monkey? 21:16.446 --> 21:17.006 They shot it. 21:17.146 --> 21:17.987 The guy shot it. 21:18.047 --> 21:19.207 The guy shot his own monkey. 21:19.507 --> 21:22.169 So you don't know who that is speaking, though, do you, Ted? 21:22.543 --> 21:26.207 Yeah, I'm pretty sure I know the film, but the person speaking is the guest. 21:26.507 --> 21:28.189 Let's have the name of the film then, Ted. 21:28.209 --> 21:30.391 Well, I'm pretty sure the film is called Funky Monkey. 21:30.752 --> 21:32.914 Funky Monkey with Matthew Modine. 21:32.954 --> 21:34.155 That's correct, it is. 21:34.856 --> 21:38.640 And I imagine you found that out by popping on the computer there for a second. 21:38.680 --> 21:40.702 Yeah, I've never even heard of Matthew Modine. 21:40.962 --> 21:42.704 I've never heard of Matthew Modine. 21:42.724 --> 21:43.505 You haven't seen Birdie? 21:44.681 --> 21:45.802 I haven't seen Birdie. 21:45.822 --> 21:47.743 I haven't seen racing with the moon. 21:47.763 --> 21:51.966 Sorry, he plays Private Joker in Full Metal Jacket. 21:51.986 --> 21:53.547 I haven't seen him, but I didn't know. 21:53.567 --> 21:54.547 Got to see Birdie, man. 21:54.587 --> 21:55.228 That's a brilliant film. 21:55.248 --> 21:56.509 Why haven't you seen Funky Monkey? 21:57.749 --> 22:01.772 Well, actually, I might have to buy it, because he goes from Amazon for £4. 22:02.032 --> 22:03.473 Apparently, someone else has texted him. 22:03.493 --> 22:09.316 We haven't looked at it on the IMDb, but somebody says it's got a ninja and a cyborg chimpanzee. 22:10.437 --> 22:11.698 I can read you the plot outline. 22:11.718 --> 22:12.158 Go on, then. 22:12.358 --> 22:13.079 Is it quite brief? 22:13.579 --> 22:15.380 It's very brief, it is. 22:15.420 --> 22:22.165 Boy genius Michael Dean teams up with a super talented chimpanzee and its caretaker to take down an animal testing lab. 22:22.665 --> 22:25.987 In exchange, the scientist gives the boy some pointers on the girl of his dreams. 22:43.659 --> 22:44.420 MVP. 22:44.780 --> 22:46.161 Yeah, that's true. 22:46.201 --> 22:49.183 In fact, that's why I cancelled my Sky Movies subscription. 22:49.203 --> 22:52.826 There's only so many times you can watch Most Valuable Primaries. 22:53.766 --> 22:55.087 So listen, Ted, congratulations. 22:55.147 --> 22:56.649 You absolutely got that correct. 22:57.649 --> 22:59.331 Would you like some kind of prize? 22:59.371 --> 23:00.531 Now, you've got an amazing choice. 23:00.611 --> 23:01.252 It's eyebrow. 23:01.272 --> 23:02.593 Who is the person speaking there? 23:03.078 --> 23:04.259 Oh, I'm going to tell you that. 23:04.699 --> 23:06.060 I'm going to tell you that right now, weren't I? 23:06.300 --> 23:07.081 Well, that's exciting. 23:07.121 --> 23:07.921 Well done teasing it. 23:08.502 --> 23:09.743 Like, short-term teasing. 23:09.783 --> 23:10.563 That's very good. 23:10.623 --> 23:13.005 In a second, I'm going to tell you the name of the actor. 23:13.045 --> 23:15.306 At the end of this sentence, I will reveal the name of the actor. 23:15.346 --> 23:16.507 It was Jason Fleming. 23:17.288 --> 23:19.209 Jason Fleming is one of the Lockstock heads. 23:19.229 --> 23:21.631 He's one of the stars of Lockstock and Two Smoking Barrels. 23:23.032 --> 23:23.832 You'd know him if you saw him. 23:23.852 --> 23:27.875 He's a very familiar face and he's one of my co-stars on this show. 23:27.915 --> 23:30.177 He sounds like a very nice chap. 23:30.217 --> 23:34.141 He's very, very nice, and he's full of extremely funny anecdotes about all sorts of stuff. 23:34.762 --> 23:37.245 And thank you, Jason, for letting me use that one. 23:37.345 --> 23:38.246 But, Ted, what prize? 23:39.127 --> 23:39.827 Uh, what's the option? 23:40.168 --> 23:46.754 Jet tickets, 7th of November, Richard Ashcroft, 5th of December, or a copy of Dark Knight on DVD. 23:47.595 --> 23:48.256 And it's now next to a Batman. 23:48.336 --> 23:49.257 I've got to go with the jet tickets. 23:50.080 --> 24:06.134 good man okay we will send them to you stay on the line and then our producer Pete can take your details thanks very much indeed for calling in Ted congratulations cheerio bye lots of love okey-doke it's time for a few more ads than the news and we'll be back shortly 24:12.216 --> 24:15.218 Wow, there you go, the Scissor Sisters with Don't Feel Like Dancing. 24:15.618 --> 24:35.052 We were discussing to what extent that track is just like a joke, a parody song, and how it's ended up sort of on XFM and in the NME, how they as a band have ended up with kind of indie cred, even though when you just strip away all the packaging and listen to the music, it's like a Bee Gees impersonation panel. 24:35.072 --> 24:39.355 Yeah, it's like a very, very good sounder-like of a track from Saturday Night Fever. 24:39.555 --> 24:40.936 Shouldn't that just be on Capitol? 24:41.596 --> 24:44.778 Well, it probably is on Capitol as well, but they're a crossover act, aren't they? 24:45.099 --> 24:47.260 Um, they're a bit like Daft Punk in that sense. 24:47.340 --> 24:48.381 Or a bit like The Darkness. 24:48.821 --> 24:49.101 Yeah. 24:49.121 --> 24:50.662 They're this year's big joke band. 24:51.543 --> 24:52.504 Yeah, yeah. 24:52.564 --> 24:54.385 And it's credible to be a joke, right? 24:54.405 --> 24:54.925 It's cool to be a joke. 24:54.946 --> 24:55.546 For a little while. 24:55.826 --> 25:00.089 And that's how they managed to straddle, uh, indie stations and pop stations. 25:00.449 --> 25:00.690 Uh-huh. 25:01.510 --> 25:01.770 Yeah. 25:02.311 --> 25:03.692 I think it's a bit Robbie. 25:04.452 --> 25:05.353 Well, it's not- Am I alone? 25:05.513 --> 25:08.535 Um, it's a good- I mean, but it is a good- It's good, it's good, it's good, it's brilliant. 25:08.575 --> 25:10.456 It's like a brilliant missing track, you know what I mean? 25:10.476 --> 25:10.917 Let's play it again. 25:11.337 --> 25:12.197 Shall we play the whole thing again? 25:12.217 --> 25:13.078 Let's play the whole thing again. 25:13.178 --> 25:15.859 What I might do though is I might slow it down a little bit. 25:16.059 --> 25:16.899 So it lasts longer. 25:17.019 --> 25:18.300 So it lasts a little bit longer. 25:18.340 --> 25:18.760 Great idea. 25:18.780 --> 25:23.062 Maybe I might slow it down like double half the speed. 25:23.082 --> 25:23.382 Twose. 25:23.722 --> 25:24.503 Twonce. 25:24.603 --> 25:24.983 Twonce. 25:25.443 --> 25:28.264 And then it'll last twice as long. 25:28.504 --> 25:37.568 What I'm gonna do instead actually is I'm gonna do a free play on your ass and it's gonna be pavement and it's gonna be as indie as you can get but that's after we launch our text competition. 25:37.648 --> 25:39.990 Yes, well why don't we play the freeplay, then launch the text competition? 25:40.010 --> 25:40.410 You want to do that? 25:40.490 --> 25:44.893 Yeah, because we should really clear our ears out after that scissoring. 25:45.213 --> 25:50.637 This is a fairly late Pavement track from I think their penultimate album, Bright in the Corners, and it's called Shady Lane. 25:55.333 --> 25:56.253 That's more like it, isn't it? 25:56.474 --> 25:56.794 There you go. 25:56.814 --> 25:58.074 Pavement with Shady Lane. 25:58.094 --> 25:59.455 This is Adam and Joe on XFM. 25:59.995 --> 26:02.096 This week, uh, listeners, I went to see Crank. 26:02.956 --> 26:03.176 Crank. 26:03.196 --> 26:06.038 Now, that's got Jason Statham, also a lock stock bloke. 26:06.298 --> 26:07.298 Yeah, Jason Statham. 26:07.318 --> 26:08.399 He's a fantastic actor. 26:08.439 --> 26:09.619 He's doing extremely well. 26:10.080 --> 26:14.401 You know, in America, making action films, he was in The Transporter 1 and The Transporter 2. 26:14.702 --> 26:15.642 He did an excellent job. 26:15.962 --> 26:20.887 and now he's in Crank, which basically kicks Transporter 1 and Transporter 2 to the curb. 26:21.228 --> 26:21.548 Really? 26:21.668 --> 26:26.333 It's quite the most extraordinary film, and I'm being sincere, I've seen in a long time. 26:26.573 --> 26:27.374 Who's it directed by? 26:27.394 --> 26:32.579 I don't know, a couple of guys who were stunt coordinators and special effects cameramen. 26:32.760 --> 26:32.900 Yeah. 26:33.700 --> 26:36.063 And this is their debut feature and it's an amazing. 26:36.103 --> 26:48.393 It looks like an action film That's basically been homemade and then sort of edited on someone's Apple laptop sort of thing future cinema aren't it very futuristic shot digitally But don't get me wrong. 26:48.433 --> 26:52.497 It's not like grotty and lo-fi even though it's got kind of a punky feel yeah 26:53.097 --> 26:54.098 But it is fantastic. 26:54.498 --> 26:57.639 It's fantastic because it's got Jason Statham in it and he's amazing. 26:58.019 --> 27:02.742 It's fantastic because it's basically like the film of the game Grand Theft Auto. 27:03.082 --> 27:10.125 So it's basically just a character and they don't bother with giving him redeeming features or making him sort of human or identifiable. 27:10.305 --> 27:11.727 Because who cares about that anymore? 27:11.887 --> 27:12.147 I don't. 27:12.247 --> 27:13.068 I certainly don't. 27:13.128 --> 27:13.228 No. 27:13.529 --> 27:19.716 I just want a bloke to cause as much carnage and have as much fun within the context of a film as possible. 27:19.736 --> 27:24.001 Do you know what I think about people with kind of understandable feelings and human problems? 27:24.021 --> 27:24.281 What? 27:24.681 --> 27:25.282 They're dead. 27:25.883 --> 27:27.024 They are, aren't they, their boy? 27:27.124 --> 27:28.185 I hate them. 27:28.345 --> 27:29.206 Yeah, right on. 27:29.246 --> 27:29.746 Yeah, thanks. 27:30.046 --> 27:30.267 Yeah. 27:31.067 --> 27:33.329 Er, so it's got that amazing, the amazing premise. 27:33.349 --> 27:34.010 Do you know the premise? 27:34.270 --> 27:35.491 Yeah, remind me of the premise again. 27:35.511 --> 27:41.297 He's injected with a drug, er, that will kill him unless he stays very, very excited. 27:42.117 --> 27:45.699 Like, he's gotta keep his adrenaline levels up, otherwise he'll die. 27:45.959 --> 27:49.561 So it's the premise of that film, Speed, but within the human body. 27:49.601 --> 27:50.782 But what a brilliant idea. 27:50.902 --> 27:51.462 That is amazing. 27:51.522 --> 28:04.369 So it's basically a film about what you do if you've got Grand Theft Auto or one of those sandbox games, right, and you don't bother doing any of the missions, you just go around killing people, blowing things up, which is what everyone does anyway, right? 28:04.389 --> 28:07.351 So if he accidentally heard some Scissor Sisters, he'd be in trouble. 28:08.051 --> 28:08.752 Why do you say that? 28:09.292 --> 28:12.073 Cos his, you know, his heart rate would go right down. 28:12.113 --> 28:13.273 Would go all the way down, yeah. 28:13.353 --> 28:15.674 Unless he was, er, like a secretary. 28:15.714 --> 28:16.554 That's not fair, really. 28:16.574 --> 28:20.895 Since Sisters is exciting and danceable, if he heard some Jose Gonzalez, he'd be in real trouble. 28:20.935 --> 28:21.715 He'd be dead, yeah. 28:22.035 --> 28:24.035 So he has to stay excited through the whole film. 28:24.256 --> 28:25.196 There's a lot of swearing. 28:25.756 --> 28:27.336 There's a lot of unprovoked violence. 28:27.356 --> 28:29.297 There's a great deal of toplessness. 28:29.557 --> 28:29.817 Is there? 28:30.277 --> 28:34.418 And a lot of blowing things up, a lot of shooting, a lot of car and motorbike carnage. 28:34.878 --> 28:36.658 It's non-flipping stop. 28:36.718 --> 28:38.619 That's like a weekend at my house. 28:38.979 --> 28:44.183 He runs through Los Angeles wearing a hospital gown with his Jolly Roger at full mast. 28:44.843 --> 28:45.444 Does he really? 28:45.464 --> 28:46.084 He does, yeah. 28:46.204 --> 28:46.565 No. 28:46.645 --> 28:52.929 Because his adrenaline is so, his blood pressure levels are so high that everything pops up to say hello. 28:53.109 --> 28:53.249 No. 28:53.289 --> 28:53.910 And stays there. 28:53.930 --> 28:54.090 Yeah. 28:54.110 --> 28:54.830 Do you really see that? 28:55.011 --> 28:55.231 Yeah. 28:55.691 --> 28:58.073 And well not like, it's under the gown. 28:58.093 --> 28:58.893 It's under the gown. 28:59.134 --> 29:00.595 But then he hooks up with his girlfriend. 29:01.480 --> 29:03.302 And you, well, put two and two together. 29:03.422 --> 29:03.983 Maybe I will. 29:04.203 --> 29:10.991 And they perform an act of love, is the phrase, in a public place, while a busload of Japanese schoolgirls watch. 29:11.712 --> 29:13.454 A man gets his hand chopped off with a machete. 29:13.955 --> 29:15.657 Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite is in it. 29:16.257 --> 29:18.560 It's got more visual effects than a 70s pop video. 29:18.580 --> 29:20.082 I heard- Basically, it's incredible. 29:20.262 --> 29:31.110 Yeah, I heard one person telling me about a scene where there's a Japanese character talking and there's subtitles and the camera kind of swings round to get the reverse and the subtitles also swing round. 29:31.130 --> 29:32.711 That's correct. 29:32.771 --> 29:34.612 And there's all sorts of different subtitles in it. 29:34.672 --> 29:40.236 Like if it's an Asian character, the subtitles will look as if they're on like an import VCD. 29:40.256 --> 29:42.718 So they'll be all shaky with dots between the words. 29:42.998 --> 29:43.419 That's a good idea. 30:03.081 --> 30:12.769 regardless of reality or any kind of human interest, just come up with the most amazingly stupid premise that will deliver in terms of action. 30:13.150 --> 30:13.370 Yeah. 30:13.590 --> 30:14.251 And you're in the money. 30:14.451 --> 30:22.237 It's almost like the game you used to play as children when you would sort of imagine the most gnarly way you could die or something. 30:22.257 --> 30:22.417 Yeah. 30:22.598 --> 30:29.443 And it was someone would always come up with, you could slide down a banister that turned into a razor at the end. 30:29.884 --> 30:30.164 Yes. 30:30.184 --> 30:31.285 And stuff like that, you know what I mean? 30:31.485 --> 30:42.713 Yes, but less horrific, more about just a narrative premise that would provide you with no-holds-barred action, regardless of any kind of credibility or human interest. 30:43.153 --> 30:47.236 So I was trying to think of some myself, and that's the text competition, listeners. 30:47.556 --> 30:48.897 Text 83XFM. 30:49.478 --> 30:53.360 If you can think of an action film premise that is as potent 30:54.601 --> 31:16.270 crank yeah okay here are my ideas some of them are quite good some of them aren't very good here's the first one and this is just to get to get you thinking listeners yeah homo car homo car homo car as in homo sapiens okay not going on okay a world champion racing car driver gets his body all mashed up while failing to rescue his daughter from kidnappers mm-hmm 31:17.210 --> 31:38.507 he has his brain stroke up a torso fused inside his car to create homo car it's like robo cop it's a little yeah and it's elements of night rider as well elements of night rider but he gets the car tooled up with loads of weaponry and then goes on an insane vengeance killing spree in his car but he's a human car 31:39.007 --> 31:41.848 So you can't get out of the car and go into rooms to talk to people. 31:42.109 --> 31:54.994 He just has to drive through the wall Okay, and what about this man van you could call it if you just made it a lot larger car Yeah, yeah, man vans better because homo car might put people off, but it's a bit like Herbie on crack Mm-hmm. 31:55.434 --> 31:58.535 It's like it's like a contemporary Herbie right a vicious Herbie. 31:58.996 --> 31:59.716 It's not quite good. 31:59.876 --> 32:01.597 That is good, man I like that homo car. 32:01.717 --> 32:02.497 Yeah, what about this? 32:02.677 --> 32:04.038 Yeah invincibil 32:05.699 --> 32:07.259 Not invincible, Invincibill. 32:07.760 --> 32:09.901 I haven't quite figured this one out, but it's a good title. 32:10.621 --> 32:11.422 Invincibill. 32:11.442 --> 32:12.562 Yeah, the character's called Bill. 32:13.503 --> 32:21.267 And somehow, basically it's taking the premise that they used so well in Asterix and Obelix of falling into a vat of magic potion. 32:21.947 --> 32:23.148 They should use that more often. 32:23.448 --> 32:30.312 Because this guy, he's a samurai, he falls into a vat of magic potion that makes his body part grow back when they're cut off. 32:31.042 --> 32:38.787 Okay, I like and then he goes on some sort of vengeance killing spree amongst other ninjas And there's a great deal of slashing and hacking of body parts. 32:39.347 --> 32:44.250 Yeah, but they always grow back on him That's always enjoyable to see as well the CG with of course. 32:44.310 --> 32:45.090 It is grow back. 32:45.150 --> 32:47.992 Of course it is But but he can't be completely invincible. 32:48.292 --> 32:49.213 He is invincible. 32:49.573 --> 32:50.413 He is invincible. 32:50.473 --> 32:53.415 Well, then well, there's no jeopardy That's the tagline. 32:53.815 --> 32:55.937 He is he's invincible. 32:56.117 --> 32:58.858 He's invincible He's invincible 33:00.359 --> 33:00.659 Yeah? 33:00.860 --> 33:01.040 Yeah. 33:01.200 --> 33:02.181 Would you pay to see that? 33:02.241 --> 33:02.501 Yes. 33:02.821 --> 33:03.042 No. 33:04.042 --> 33:04.703 What else have you got? 33:04.723 --> 33:05.464 Okay, here's another one. 33:05.484 --> 33:07.285 This is a splatter version of Twister. 33:07.646 --> 33:08.206 Splatster. 33:08.787 --> 33:08.987 Uh huh. 33:09.207 --> 33:09.447 Right. 33:10.428 --> 33:13.931 So a vast flaming iron ore meteor crashes into the Earth's atmosphere. 33:14.692 --> 33:17.515 And it causes lethal freak weather phenomena. 33:18.195 --> 33:19.356 It rains nails. 33:20.237 --> 33:39.033 and wind is fire that kind of thing that's good that's good so the second you go out in the rain you're peppered with nails yeah so the it's as if the weather has become possessed by evil or something yeah exactly yeah so it's like a kind of uh a twister yeah but with with extreme gore right and the threat of kind of um 33:39.793 --> 33:50.342 Extreme gore at any moment things blowing up as well, obviously Yeah, Pete looks a bit disturbed by that and the Sun as soon as you go out into the Sun Yeah, no question of you know flames high factor of Sun lotion. 33:50.362 --> 33:52.464 You just burn burst into flames exactly. 33:52.504 --> 33:53.985 That's exciting Isn't it is excited? 33:54.045 --> 34:03.373 I had another one I mean those were my best ones don't forget listeners 83 X FM if you can come up with an action film premise better than Crank or better than homo car or better than invincible. 34:03.513 --> 34:03.793 Hang on. 34:03.813 --> 34:04.394 Tell us about the 34:04.694 --> 34:06.798 Tell us about the other one after the ads, okay? 34:06.818 --> 34:09.362 When we start getting some people texting in. 34:09.902 --> 34:12.787 Man, don't lose that pitch notion, okay? 34:12.807 --> 34:14.369 But we have to play these ads, we'll be right back. 34:19.485 --> 34:21.307 This is Adam and Joe here on XFM. 34:22.268 --> 34:26.051 And who on earth was that? 34:27.152 --> 34:28.113 Oh, that was the rifles. 34:28.214 --> 34:29.495 Of course it was the rifles. 34:29.555 --> 34:30.416 With peace and quiet. 34:30.436 --> 34:31.437 With peace and quiet. 34:31.497 --> 34:34.019 Yeah, certainly had a rifle block there. 34:34.319 --> 34:42.487 So we've been asking you to text in your ideas for action films that are as kind of stupid and straightforward and rewarding as the premise for Crank. 34:43.248 --> 34:44.288 Which is our film of the week. 34:44.608 --> 34:47.329 We don't usually have a film of the week, but we're gonna have one this week. 34:47.529 --> 34:50.370 Yeah, that's an unironic thumbs up for Crank. 34:50.750 --> 34:52.431 So are you ready to hear some of these pictures, Adam? 34:52.451 --> 34:53.591 They're coming in thick and fast. 34:53.931 --> 34:54.271 Hit me. 34:54.392 --> 34:57.252 Imagine that I am, uh, who's the big fat bloke? 34:57.272 --> 34:58.073 Harvey Weinstein. 34:58.273 --> 34:59.173 Yeah, Harvey. 34:59.553 --> 35:00.293 Harvey, yeah. 35:00.333 --> 35:01.214 Come on, hit me. 35:01.234 --> 35:03.174 I wanna hear your pictures. 35:04.035 --> 35:04.755 Okay, here we go. 35:04.775 --> 35:05.155 Yeah. 35:06.348 --> 35:08.491 Hydro Phobosapien. 35:08.771 --> 35:09.872 Hydro Phobosapien. 35:10.433 --> 35:12.295 Yeah, you see, you'd have to change that name. 35:12.355 --> 35:13.617 The kids will never remember that. 35:14.198 --> 35:14.938 Hydro Phobosapien. 35:14.958 --> 35:15.479 So let me guess. 35:17.105 --> 35:22.068 He is afraid of water? 35:22.348 --> 35:22.929 No, come on. 35:23.189 --> 35:32.354 A water-fearing action hero, because he nearly drowned once, fights the spirit of an executed serial killer that's been somehow channeled into his town's water supply. 35:33.135 --> 35:35.436 Water-related deaths in Seumark in Hornchurch. 35:35.716 --> 35:37.937 That's not the one I meant to read, but that's alright. 35:38.017 --> 35:38.658 That's not bad. 35:38.778 --> 35:39.238 What does he do? 35:39.278 --> 35:40.499 Just thrash around in water? 35:40.999 --> 35:42.820 Well, it would be a bit like the Abyss, wouldn't it? 35:42.880 --> 35:49.742 You could have all the water effects and a bit like... Like watery, yeah, but you don't get any gore or splatter from just slicing up a water man. 35:50.242 --> 35:56.805 Ah, but you see the water could use it, it could form itself into sort of drill things that would go right through the guy's head. 35:57.065 --> 35:57.565 Oh, I see. 35:57.665 --> 36:00.106 You know, and explode people from the inside. 36:00.286 --> 36:06.388 You know, you could imagine a scene where all the water pours through someone's mouth and they just expand and expand and then just explode. 36:06.710 --> 36:08.351 Yeah, that would have to be the climax. 36:08.971 --> 36:10.052 Yeah, okay, here's a better one. 36:10.072 --> 36:11.073 Oh, I've lost it. 36:11.093 --> 36:11.513 No, here we go. 36:11.533 --> 36:12.314 Sleeping with the fishes. 36:12.614 --> 36:22.700 The mafia throw a man into a lake, but radioactive waste speeds evolution, and he grows gills in a fin and returns to seek revenge with special aquatic powers. 36:23.160 --> 36:23.841 That's not bad. 36:23.981 --> 36:24.781 That's not bad, is it? 36:24.821 --> 36:26.662 I mean, again, just a man who looks like a fish. 36:27.743 --> 36:29.605 Killing people, it's not that exciting. 36:29.885 --> 36:32.428 Yeah, but, you know, an ugly fish. 36:32.868 --> 36:33.349 Yeah, okay. 36:33.549 --> 36:35.571 Maybe a puffer fish, that would be the thing, wouldn't it? 36:35.691 --> 36:38.093 With big spikes on him, he could just suddenly go... Yeah. 36:38.453 --> 36:41.496 And have these spikes... How about this from Peter? 36:41.576 --> 36:42.377 It's called Kingkiller. 36:42.457 --> 36:47.662 A man discovers he's one millionth in line to the throne, so he kills 999,999 people in order to become king. 36:52.967 --> 36:53.767 That's quite good, isn't it? 36:53.787 --> 36:58.609 That's more like crank because it gives you the whole 90 minutes of action there back in one line. 36:58.910 --> 36:59.810 You know what he's got to do. 37:00.090 --> 37:01.991 You know it's going to result in death and carnage. 37:02.371 --> 37:03.412 All he's got to do is do it. 37:03.752 --> 37:06.873 You sit comfortably stuffing your face while watching. 37:07.153 --> 37:07.433 Yeah. 37:07.793 --> 37:15.016 That is quite good because you could have a little bit at the beginning where he works out the lineage and works out that he technically will inherit the throne. 37:15.057 --> 37:17.357 And all the million people he had to kill or the 9999999 would all be toffs. 37:21.099 --> 37:23.021 And everyone loves to see toffs, get it? 37:23.281 --> 37:23.701 Don't they? 37:24.242 --> 37:24.942 Toffs in trouble. 37:24.982 --> 37:25.683 Toffs in trobs. 37:25.803 --> 37:26.224 Absolutely. 37:26.244 --> 37:27.765 Okay, how about this from Robin Mile End? 37:28.205 --> 37:28.986 Robot cop. 37:29.586 --> 37:31.708 Half man, half machine, all police officer. 37:32.028 --> 37:40.576 A policeman dies a gruesome death at the hands of evil men, gets fused with an experimental cyborg machine, and returns from the grave to wreak revenge on those that killed him and criminality per se. 37:41.610 --> 37:43.092 No, no, no, Rob, that sounds derivative. 37:43.212 --> 37:44.574 That sounds ridiculous, Rob. 37:44.854 --> 37:45.995 No one's ever gonna make that. 37:46.656 --> 37:48.158 You're insane. 37:48.478 --> 37:50.400 That's the worst idea for a film I've ever heard. 37:50.480 --> 37:50.921 Another one? 37:51.081 --> 37:51.241 Yep. 37:51.622 --> 37:59.171 When the death toll of rabbits on England's roads hits one billion, a revolutionary rabbit leads a war against humans. 38:00.356 --> 38:04.477 The rabbit could be voiced by Warren G. Little hip hop rabbit joke. 38:04.857 --> 38:05.597 But that's quite good. 38:05.637 --> 38:10.258 It's like, what's the, is it Watership Down is the rabbit death film? 38:10.398 --> 38:10.638 Yes. 38:10.778 --> 38:12.498 Yeah, it's like an updated Watership Down. 38:13.259 --> 38:13.519 Yeah? 38:13.539 --> 38:15.319 Watership Down was brutal, wasn't it? 38:15.339 --> 38:18.760 It was brutal, but imagine, you know, it's ready for revenge, isn't it? 38:18.980 --> 38:19.680 Deadly rabbits. 38:19.800 --> 38:21.060 Everyone was upset by that film. 38:21.120 --> 38:23.661 Everyone's ready for those rabbits to get their own back. 38:23.701 --> 38:24.361 To fight back. 38:24.461 --> 38:25.981 Animals that are experimented on. 38:26.001 --> 38:27.081 Name of that film? 38:27.141 --> 38:29.022 Become mutated and go on a killing spree. 38:29.042 --> 38:30.122 I can't believe no one's made that. 38:30.362 --> 38:30.663 Yeah. 38:30.883 --> 38:31.844 Watership gun down? 38:32.626 --> 38:32.986 Yeah. 38:33.026 --> 38:33.747 Watership what? 38:33.888 --> 38:35.210 There's something in there, isn't there? 38:35.230 --> 38:36.131 Watership takedown. 38:36.712 --> 38:37.553 I like it, that's it. 38:37.593 --> 38:38.354 Watership takedown. 38:42.495 --> 38:46.497 Hey, hang on, let's play a bit more music, because we haven't heard your... only you did your other pitch, didn't you? 38:47.077 --> 38:50.558 Yeah, I did have another one, but they're not, you know, they're not exactly the ones that are coming in. 38:51.338 --> 38:52.259 Well, keep them coming in. 38:52.799 --> 38:59.461 We'll do... we'll wrap this up in the next sort of 20 minutes, and we've still got some amazing prizes to give away. 38:59.481 --> 39:04.123 Yeah, text your movie premises to 83XFM for, like, guaranteed action film premises. 39:04.983 --> 39:05.784 Here's another free play. 39:05.804 --> 39:06.344 This is The Doors. 39:10.407 --> 39:10.807 There you go. 39:10.827 --> 39:14.790 That's Muse with black holes and revelations. 39:14.950 --> 39:16.651 No, that's not what it's called at all. 39:17.371 --> 39:19.552 That's just one of the lines in the song. 39:19.832 --> 39:20.873 It's called Starlight. 39:21.413 --> 39:23.675 But that's that's the way people should name songs. 39:23.695 --> 39:29.138 You know, I really object to anyone who names a song with a title that's got nothing to do with the main refrain. 39:29.158 --> 39:29.758 Do you know what I mean? 39:30.238 --> 39:35.902 But bands legally just be made to it's like Rainy Day, Women, Numbers. 39:36.997 --> 39:37.718 What are the numbers? 39:37.758 --> 39:38.758 You know that Bob Dylan song? 39:39.119 --> 39:50.526 Everybody Must Get Stoned is what everyone thinks the song is called because that's all he sings throughout the song but it's actually called Rainy Day Women Numbers something I can never remember what the numbers are. 39:50.626 --> 39:51.747 What are you talking about? 39:51.887 --> 39:52.547 Just burbling. 39:52.627 --> 39:53.288 I'm intervening. 39:53.488 --> 39:53.848 Okay then. 39:53.888 --> 40:05.056 This is Adam and Joe on XFM London's 104.9 we're in the midst of a text competition trying to get you to think up premises for action movies that deliver as efficiently and brilliantly as that for crank 40:05.956 --> 40:09.918 Jason Statham's extraordinary new film that we highly recommend you go and see immediately. 40:10.378 --> 40:12.719 So here are some more and we've got to pick a winner. 40:12.999 --> 40:13.199 Yeah. 40:13.319 --> 40:13.799 Are you ready? 40:14.059 --> 40:14.319 Hit me. 40:14.859 --> 40:15.180 Okay. 40:15.580 --> 40:18.621 Global Warning is the title. 40:18.761 --> 40:18.981 Yeah. 40:19.181 --> 40:19.501 Okay. 40:19.821 --> 40:21.562 This is from James in South Nutfield. 40:21.622 --> 40:22.302 Global Warning. 40:22.642 --> 40:24.023 Fears that the earth is heating up. 40:25.325 --> 40:29.528 are just a conspiracy created by evil, cold-loving aliens. 40:30.208 --> 40:31.549 That's good already, you see. 40:31.910 --> 40:40.436 Our hero must save the Earth by blowing things up, starting fires and turning up radiators while the aliens, environmentalists and the public all try and stop him. 40:41.296 --> 40:42.237 That's quite good, isn't it? 40:42.397 --> 40:43.238 Wait, wait, wait, wait. 40:43.678 --> 40:44.939 The aliens want 40:47.155 --> 40:54.557 They want humans to make the earth, to pollute the earth in order to bring on a second ice age then they can move in. 40:55.097 --> 40:58.177 The human race will be destroyed and cold loving aliens will move in. 40:58.217 --> 40:58.517 Got it? 40:58.917 --> 41:00.438 I think I do. 41:00.678 --> 41:02.818 Therefore global warming is a conspiracy. 41:03.698 --> 41:12.580 Al Gore would be one of these aliens for instance and our hero has to... Well no that doesn't make sense does it because he'd have to stop global warming wouldn't he? 41:13.767 --> 41:16.808 Oh, anyway, we don't understand that, James in Nutfield. 41:16.828 --> 41:22.189 We're confused, and if we can't understand it, then your popcorn munching public aren't going to understand it, are they? 41:22.289 --> 41:24.189 We're pretty stupid, you know? 41:24.209 --> 41:25.530 We're a good stupidity filter. 41:25.830 --> 41:26.530 Okay, what about this? 41:26.550 --> 41:27.430 This has got a good title. 41:30.791 --> 41:33.071 It's Maths and Assassin, put together. 41:33.091 --> 41:33.811 The Mathsassin? 41:33.971 --> 41:34.171 Yeah. 41:34.952 --> 41:36.552 The Mathsassin, a lonely maths teacher. 41:37.232 --> 41:43.017 sees his class kidnapped by drug barons on a school trip, he takes his vengeance by slowly hunting the bad guys down using maths, we assume. 41:44.038 --> 41:45.279 We don't know how he hasn't thought that through. 41:45.599 --> 41:47.121 Here's another one, hermaphrodroid. 41:47.921 --> 41:48.842 Hermaphrodroid? 41:48.882 --> 41:49.463 Good title. 41:49.783 --> 41:57.330 Half man, half woman, military pleasure droid escapes from the military base that's his prison, clutches, and the clutches of his fetishist scientist creator. 41:57.570 --> 42:03.054 Once at large in the world, the hermaphrodroid seeks for meaning and humanity in the core of his perverted circuitry. 42:03.755 --> 42:04.719 That's from Ben Robinson. 42:04.940 --> 42:07.168 That doesn't really, that's just like a sort of a porno film. 42:07.850 --> 42:11.753 Yes, well, you know, a better take on that whole genre is species. 42:12.554 --> 42:12.914 Exactly. 42:13.014 --> 42:13.855 Okay, here's a good one. 42:14.435 --> 42:15.136 This doesn't have a name. 42:15.636 --> 42:19.499 A toxic leak from a power station affects the water and atmosphere around the UK. 42:20.039 --> 42:24.082 Wildlife and pets are genetically altered into rampant killing beasts. 42:24.543 --> 42:25.423 Their prey is man. 42:25.784 --> 42:28.306 Hunting packs of cows rampage through Milton Keynes. 42:28.706 --> 42:31.468 Salmon gorge on fishermen on a Scottish riverbank. 42:31.788 --> 42:36.272 Killer pigeons crap radioactive poo on Londoners. 42:37.154 --> 42:39.633 It's 28 days later meets piranha. 42:41.616 --> 42:42.477 That's quite good, isn't it? 42:42.497 --> 42:49.021 Cos I was thinking a film where squirrels, garden squirrels, and blue tits started killing people would be quite frightening. 42:49.241 --> 42:49.902 Do you reckon? 42:50.222 --> 42:50.902 Yeah, I do. 42:50.922 --> 42:51.683 I'm not so sure. 42:51.783 --> 42:53.644 I don't really get that frightened about animals. 42:53.884 --> 42:57.647 No, of course they're not frightening, but they're everywhere, so if they did become a threat, then you'd be in trouble. 42:57.867 --> 43:01.009 I know, but even when they go berserk or whatever in films... Do you know what? 43:01.029 --> 43:03.030 I've never seen The Birds, Alfred Hitchcock. 43:03.230 --> 43:03.471 Really? 43:03.551 --> 43:05.372 Just cos I find the idea so... That is quite good. 43:05.452 --> 43:06.012 I know. 43:06.092 --> 43:07.493 I mean, obviously it's like a classic film. 43:07.513 --> 43:11.256 What about in Omen II, when the raven attacks the woman's hair and she gets squashed by a truck? 43:11.616 --> 43:12.116 that bothered. 43:12.397 --> 43:13.477 Oh you're just cold-hearted. 43:13.537 --> 43:15.139 I'm interested in the truck squashing. 43:15.359 --> 43:16.660 Okay how about this. 43:16.680 --> 43:19.302 Now this is quite sophisticated so so have a think about this. 43:19.882 --> 43:21.083 Limvisti. 43:22.864 --> 43:24.745 Little ones gonna go and see Limvisti. 43:25.146 --> 43:26.006 But it's quite a good idea. 43:26.287 --> 43:29.349 A SWAT cop breaks up what he thinks is a big drug exchange in a warehouse. 43:29.689 --> 43:31.130 Turns out it's aliens doing stuff. 43:31.470 --> 43:31.770 Anyway... 43:32.651 --> 43:39.952 He gets hit by a random ray of science light, and because of his helmet and a bulletproof vest, his limbs go invisible, but not his head and his torso. 43:39.972 --> 43:42.233 Well, to cut a long story short... Limb visibility. 43:42.293 --> 43:42.493 Yeah. 43:42.633 --> 43:43.373 Well, he spelt it wrong. 43:43.513 --> 43:43.673 Right. 43:44.013 --> 43:46.433 People think he's like a paraplegic with no limbs. 43:46.493 --> 43:46.693 Yeah. 43:46.773 --> 43:48.294 But actually, the limbs are just invisible. 43:48.814 --> 43:50.054 So he's like a floating torso. 43:50.074 --> 43:53.135 So he's able to do a floating torso who can do karate on people. 43:53.615 --> 43:54.735 Now, that's pretty good, isn't it? 43:54.755 --> 43:55.895 That's from Dave Gregory. 43:56.215 --> 43:56.495 Dave. 43:56.655 --> 43:57.495 Dave, you're a clever man. 43:57.575 --> 43:58.515 What were you doing last night? 43:58.555 --> 44:00.936 Okay, but possibly even better than that is helicopter. 44:01.996 --> 44:09.402 A cop hell-bent on revenge is fitted with cranial rotor blades, he flies and hovers, and shreds his enemies' awestruck faces off. 44:09.602 --> 44:11.103 You know, that's like Inspector Gadget. 44:11.803 --> 44:14.946 Yeah, but with a gory kind of angle on it for adults. 44:15.286 --> 44:19.609 You know, they should do Inspector Gadget as a more adult thing, where he's just a killing machine. 44:19.849 --> 44:20.730 Yeah, they should. 44:21.030 --> 44:22.531 They probably will now that you've suggested it. 44:22.551 --> 44:23.052 Okay, good. 44:24.149 --> 44:24.910 So who's going to win? 44:25.070 --> 44:29.872 I don't know, I'll give you, do you want one more? 44:30.192 --> 44:30.732 Yeah, go on. 44:30.992 --> 44:37.775 This is from Glenn in Battersea. 44:38.155 --> 44:40.577 Nice use of the phrase broad-spectrum antivenom. 44:40.597 --> 44:40.897 Yeah. 44:41.177 --> 44:50.761 Snakes might be a bit played out in action films, but I like the idea of a story based around the late, great Steve Irwin, where he actually has to get himself attacked. 44:50.781 --> 44:52.022 He has to provoke animals. 44:52.082 --> 44:52.362 Right. 44:52.802 --> 44:57.606 They won't be able to do that for a while because of the tastelessness of the subject. 44:57.786 --> 45:00.088 I don't know, I think that's actually an added incentive. 45:00.369 --> 45:01.369 He's been canonised. 45:01.430 --> 45:03.071 Stripe while the iron's hot. 45:03.111 --> 45:04.572 He's been dianified, you know. 45:04.612 --> 45:04.893 Has he? 45:05.413 --> 45:06.234 In Australia. 45:06.454 --> 45:06.774 Really? 45:07.134 --> 45:09.296 It's a real, I mean, national mourning. 45:09.456 --> 45:10.037 Dianified. 45:10.277 --> 45:11.838 I completely sympathised, though. 45:11.878 --> 45:14.419 I was very upset when I heard about poor old Steve. 45:14.439 --> 45:19.060 But I mean, you know, you can't take away from the fact that that is quite a classic way to go. 45:19.080 --> 45:22.381 I mean, it's very sad, especially for his family. 45:22.421 --> 45:22.922 It's horrible. 45:23.062 --> 45:26.463 But, you know, Steve probably would have wanted it that way. 45:26.723 --> 45:28.584 I imagine everybody said that this week. 45:29.104 --> 45:31.305 But if you'd written a more poetic demise, 45:32.665 --> 45:34.907 Well, rather you couldn't, is what I'm saying. 45:35.268 --> 45:36.428 So who's going to win the competition? 45:36.549 --> 45:36.909 I don't know. 45:36.949 --> 45:37.449 Let's decide. 45:37.469 --> 45:39.891 Let's play another record, decide and see if we can get the winner on the line. 45:40.131 --> 45:41.032 OK, let's do that. 45:43.614 --> 45:45.636 This is Scott Matthews with Illusive. 45:49.418 --> 45:51.480 That's kind of psychedelic and relaxing. 45:51.780 --> 45:54.803 That would be perfect for some kind of mobile phone or car advert. 45:55.183 --> 45:56.364 That's true, isn't it? 45:56.384 --> 45:58.285 Scott Matthews, he's big news at the moment. 45:58.506 --> 45:59.566 Hey, more exciting news. 45:59.767 --> 46:00.007 Go on then. 46:00.147 --> 46:02.089 We've got Hollywood's top pitchmeister on the phone. 46:02.409 --> 46:02.609 Ooh. 46:02.989 --> 46:03.590 Dave Gregory. 46:03.810 --> 46:04.611 Hello, Dave, are you there? 46:04.971 --> 46:05.511 Hello, sir. 46:05.952 --> 46:06.712 How are you doing, Dave? 46:07.093 --> 46:08.053 Not bad, not bad. 46:08.093 --> 46:08.834 How's Los Angeles? 46:09.755 --> 46:11.576 Pretty kind of shiny. 46:11.897 --> 46:12.237 Yeah. 46:12.257 --> 46:14.579 Shiny people, shiny things. 46:14.859 --> 46:17.081 Dave, can you remind us of your pitch once again, please? 46:17.857 --> 46:18.878 Yes, I did spell it wrong. 46:19.198 --> 46:20.218 Limvisity. 46:20.758 --> 46:21.539 Limvisity. 46:21.579 --> 46:22.359 Now, I read it wrong. 46:22.379 --> 46:23.359 You did spell it right, mate. 46:23.920 --> 46:24.220 Did I? 46:24.460 --> 46:26.641 Oh, you spelt it wrong the first time, then right the second time. 46:27.041 --> 46:27.641 Second time. 46:27.781 --> 46:28.281 That's nice. 46:28.582 --> 46:29.422 Limvisity. 46:29.802 --> 46:39.966 Yes, and Daniel Craigson, the cop, gets hit by a science light. 46:40.346 --> 46:40.867 Wait a second. 46:40.927 --> 46:41.627 Rewind, rewind. 46:41.887 --> 46:42.927 Daniel Craig's son, 46:44.915 --> 46:46.235 No, not Daniel Craig's son. 46:46.295 --> 46:48.096 But the character's called Daniel Craigson? 46:48.576 --> 46:49.216 Yes. 46:49.236 --> 46:49.436 Why? 46:49.496 --> 46:49.757 Why? 46:49.777 --> 46:52.837 I made it up. 46:53.018 --> 46:53.418 That's good. 46:53.438 --> 46:54.598 That's a good reason. 46:54.658 --> 46:54.918 Yeah. 46:55.158 --> 46:58.479 So he's hit by a science ray. 46:59.500 --> 47:00.320 A ray of science. 47:00.340 --> 47:01.480 A science light. 47:01.500 --> 47:05.641 So is this just mean an angle poised lamp belonging to a scientist? 47:05.661 --> 47:07.562 No, it's much more sophisticated. 47:08.742 --> 47:10.323 It's burst out of a lab somewhere. 47:10.343 --> 47:11.763 It's something from, say, MOSMOS. 47:12.263 --> 47:13.044 Yeah, I get you. 47:13.184 --> 47:13.504 All right. 47:14.244 --> 47:17.949 Yeah, it's a science light with atoms of science in it. 47:18.029 --> 47:18.430 Yeah. 47:18.710 --> 47:19.852 And it hits him and what happens? 47:20.373 --> 47:23.758 He breaks down the visual molecules of his lens. 47:24.078 --> 47:25.140 Visual molecules? 47:25.220 --> 47:25.941 Visual molecules. 47:28.267 --> 47:31.812 and makes them unseeable by the human eye. 47:31.832 --> 47:37.059 Wow, you must be a scientist because you're using all these scientific terms. 47:37.139 --> 47:38.501 There's a lot of technical angles. 47:38.541 --> 47:40.503 Keep going though, keep going, this is a good pitch man. 47:40.824 --> 47:46.051 Yep, yep, and it's all backed up with long bits of science speaking. 47:47.899 --> 47:52.321 The Alien Mafia did this by accident, by the way. 47:52.522 --> 47:53.862 The Alien Mafia. 47:54.383 --> 48:00.827 And then he takes revenge on the Alien Mafia by beating him up, but they can't see his punches coming. 48:02.007 --> 48:04.228 So it's a bit like, what's his name in Forrest Gump? 48:04.529 --> 48:07.910 Who's that actor that had his legs CGI'd out? 48:08.291 --> 48:09.011 Gary Sinise. 48:09.051 --> 48:09.871 Gary Sinise, yeah. 48:09.971 --> 48:13.273 And he'll pretend to be a small, disabled, helpless chap. 48:13.693 --> 48:18.396 And then suddenly leap off and kick the decades of certain experiments. 48:18.416 --> 48:20.577 That's good as well, because you get that thing, don't you? 48:20.677 --> 48:24.079 Apparently if you have lost a limb, you often get a kind of ghost memory. 48:24.179 --> 48:25.780 A sense memory of the limb. 48:26.060 --> 48:29.322 So it would be a terrific kind of wish fulfilment for people in that situation. 48:30.062 --> 48:30.783 Everyone would see it. 48:30.883 --> 48:31.784 It's a big market. 48:31.864 --> 48:33.225 It's a big market. 48:34.386 --> 48:35.146 The pink pound. 48:35.226 --> 48:37.848 I don't know what sort of a pound that is. 48:38.229 --> 48:38.989 That's brilliant. 48:39.089 --> 48:40.210 You're very clever, Dave. 48:40.250 --> 48:44.634 No wonder you live in Los Angeles and are very wealthy. 48:44.734 --> 48:49.697 So Dave, prize-wise, it's either a trip to go and see Spadeface. 48:50.698 --> 48:51.319 What's his name? 48:51.359 --> 48:52.580 Richard Ashcroft. 48:53.781 --> 48:56.423 Or Jet at the Carling Academy. 48:56.443 --> 48:57.463 No, we've given away the Jet tickets. 48:57.504 --> 48:58.004 Or a copy of 48:59.725 --> 49:00.665 Or a copy of Dark Knight. 49:00.686 --> 49:07.008 I tell you what, we'll throw in a copy of Dark Knight anyway, cos, um... OK, so I've got my options as limit as done for. 49:07.048 --> 49:08.829 Yeah, we're not asking you, we're telling you. 49:08.909 --> 49:10.550 Do you want the Spadeface tickets, though? 49:10.570 --> 49:11.730 It's more than your prize on me. 49:11.950 --> 49:12.370 Yeah. 49:12.710 --> 49:14.331 That's fine, yes, I'll go and see Spadeface. 49:14.491 --> 49:16.352 Go and see Spadeface and watch Dark Knight. 49:16.652 --> 49:17.512 I might when I get back. 49:17.612 --> 49:19.873 Yeah, you're... Thanks for calling, Dave. 49:19.913 --> 49:22.414 You're very clever and good luck with the rest of your film career. 49:22.434 --> 49:22.734 Thank you. 49:22.754 --> 49:23.195 Good work. 49:23.295 --> 49:23.675 Thank you. 49:23.755 --> 49:24.435 Thanks, man. 49:24.475 --> 49:25.235 Have a great weekend. 49:25.676 --> 49:25.936 Cheers. 49:26.556 --> 49:27.096 That was Dave. 49:27.156 --> 49:27.577 Fantastic. 49:27.597 --> 49:29.098 Winning our text competition this afternoon. 49:29.278 --> 49:34.661 Right, we are into the final hour, the X list in a few minutes just after the news. 49:34.982 --> 49:36.303 Joe, did you have something to add there? 49:36.483 --> 49:40.986 Well, only that we've forgotten once again to canvas requests for the X list. 49:41.046 --> 49:42.967 This is why it's being taken away from us. 49:43.607 --> 49:49.952 We've forgotten, you know, we can almost do it on purpose so we can just play free plays for an hour and put fake names behind them. 49:50.112 --> 49:50.272 Yeah. 49:50.832 --> 49:55.937 But if you do have a request, text it in 83 XFM and we'll endeavor to play it. 49:55.977 --> 49:58.259 Let's just rename it Good Music Fake Names. 49:58.279 --> 49:58.999 The A and J list. 49:59.139 --> 50:02.682 The Good Music Fake Names Hour here on XFM. 50:02.722 --> 50:03.663 That's coming up shortly. 50:08.627 --> 50:10.669 Oh, so that's, hang on, sorry, we're back on air. 50:10.789 --> 50:12.210 Well we're just, we're getting a coat. 50:12.230 --> 50:14.452 That was a little disaster area there, just for a second. 50:14.472 --> 50:15.192 I pressed the wrong button there. 50:15.212 --> 50:20.616 I always like to press one wrong button a week, and I pressed the wrong one just there. 50:20.977 --> 50:23.779 So you heard little, little, little man trail there. 50:23.979 --> 50:24.999 Yeah, that was exciting. 50:25.059 --> 50:26.660 Little Man looks like a really good film. 50:26.680 --> 50:27.860 The Wayans Brothers. 50:27.940 --> 50:30.180 I'll see anything by the Wayans Brothers. 50:30.341 --> 50:36.582 Yeah, he's a gangster on the run and he has to hide out in the body of a baby or he pretends to be a baby. 50:36.602 --> 50:42.343 I don't know, but it's got hilarious jokes about like sexualizing breastfeeding. 50:42.603 --> 50:43.063 Yes, exactly. 50:43.083 --> 50:43.604 Which is funny. 50:43.764 --> 50:46.244 You know, I've been waiting for someone to sexualize breastfeeding. 50:46.484 --> 50:48.365 It's the last thing not to be sexualized. 50:48.405 --> 50:49.345 So it's about time too. 50:49.785 --> 50:50.746 Well done, Wayans Brothers. 50:50.786 --> 50:57.769 Yeah, because anything with babies behaving as if they were randy men... Yeah, is useful, societally. 50:58.490 --> 50:58.990 Absolutely. 50:59.250 --> 51:04.873 So listen, we're in the final hour here, this is the X list, and that was Beck of course with New Pollution kicking us off there at the top of the hour. 51:05.213 --> 51:16.219 If you have any requests, if you'd like to hear an XFM classic of any kind, then give us a call, 08712221049 if you'd like to hear a song or dedicate a song or whatever you want. 51:16.259 --> 51:16.939 If you just want to chat, 51:17.759 --> 51:31.565 give us a shout and I'm gonna be telling you about my exciting week as a movie star Wow later on but right now here's here's a another free play this is one of yours Joe and yeah this is the far side with she keeps on passing me by 51:36.596 --> 51:38.538 That was the far side with passing me by. 51:38.578 --> 51:40.580 This is Adam and Joe on XFM London's 104.9. 51:41.440 --> 51:49.868 We're in the midst of the X-list hour, so send your requests to 83XFM for classic XFM-type tunes, and we'll endeavour to play them for you. 51:50.288 --> 51:57.794 Now, it's Hollywood Anecdote Time, because my radio partner Adam Buxton has secured a part in a film. 51:58.055 --> 51:58.235 Yeah. 51:58.755 --> 52:00.436 And now tell us about this film, Adam. 52:00.456 --> 52:01.197 What is it called? 52:01.577 --> 52:03.359 Well, it's a film called Stardust. 52:03.719 --> 52:03.999 Right. 52:04.139 --> 52:07.402 Is it based on the famous Neil Gaiman book of the same name? 52:07.662 --> 52:11.165 I don't think the book is called Stardust, though, is it? 52:11.445 --> 52:11.806 I don't know. 52:11.826 --> 52:13.127 I think it's got a different title. 52:13.327 --> 52:15.268 I've never read any Neil Gaiman. 52:15.889 --> 52:20.593 I'm ashamed to admit, but he's enormously popular and has a huge global following. 52:20.633 --> 52:22.494 And this film's directed by Matthew Vaughn, right? 52:22.514 --> 52:26.017 The director of Layer Cake, also one of the Lock Stock. 52:26.597 --> 52:28.018 He's the producer of Lock Stock. 52:28.158 --> 52:30.458 Erstwhile, producing partner of Guy Ritchie. 52:30.798 --> 52:31.058 Yeah. 52:31.278 --> 52:34.019 And so you were up at Pinewood, right? 52:34.199 --> 52:36.740 Which is a glamorous collection of barns. 52:36.940 --> 52:37.440 It's exciting. 52:37.460 --> 52:43.562 Well basically what happened was that Noel Fielding from The Mighty Boosh was supposed to be in this film. 52:44.162 --> 52:46.183 But he got ill, unfortunately. 52:46.223 --> 52:47.583 He's okay, I'm glad to say. 52:47.823 --> 52:49.584 But he wasn't sufficiently well. 52:49.604 --> 52:50.364 So you filled in. 52:50.704 --> 52:52.565 So I filled in right at the last moment. 52:54.265 --> 53:15.481 Which will disappoint Boosh fans no doubt but it delighted me because I was able to be part of this amazing film and Although I'm not actually in any scenes with the following people I'm able to say that I'm in a film with yeah Robert De Niro Michelle Pfeiffer Claire Danes Wow Ricky Gervais not Ricky Gervais. 53:15.521 --> 53:16.782 He's the world's greatest actor. 53:16.902 --> 53:18.423 He's the world's greatest actor and 53:18.963 --> 53:21.507 And all these people and many, many more very talented people. 53:21.527 --> 53:22.288 But you play, right? 53:22.328 --> 53:24.851 Am I right in saying you're one of a kind of chorus of ghosts? 53:24.911 --> 53:25.452 That's right, yeah. 53:25.472 --> 53:27.615 Who are like a Greek chorus, they comment on the action. 53:27.635 --> 53:27.975 Yeah. 53:28.155 --> 53:31.760 And so you were doing some stuff dressed as a ghost against a green screen. 53:32.060 --> 53:34.403 I'm thinking of it being a bit like Rent-A-Ghost. 53:35.224 --> 53:36.746 or Neil Jordan's High Spirits. 53:36.906 --> 53:39.548 It's like, it's exactly like Rent-A-Ghost. 53:39.628 --> 53:40.469 Yeah. 53:40.709 --> 53:41.730 Who are the other ghosts? 53:42.010 --> 53:44.372 The other ghosts, well there's seven of us in total. 53:45.053 --> 53:46.654 Mark Strong, do you know him? 53:46.714 --> 53:51.718 He was, he's a really talented actor and he was in, he's just been in Sunshine. 53:52.199 --> 53:53.700 Fine, whatever, hit us with the big names. 53:53.980 --> 53:56.623 Anyway, okay, well the, he is a big name. 53:56.983 --> 53:57.643 Rupert Everett. 53:57.764 --> 53:58.604 Yeah, that's more like it. 53:58.724 --> 53:59.045 Yeah. 53:59.785 --> 54:15.047 And the other ones are people that you'll know from TV shows people like Mark Heap from Greenway s who plays the crazed doctor and he was also in space of course and David Walliams yes UK king of comedy and What about Rupert Everett? 54:15.407 --> 54:15.887 Rupert Everett. 54:15.907 --> 54:16.288 What about him? 54:16.308 --> 54:16.748 I talked about him. 54:16.768 --> 54:18.089 Didn't you mention he was in it? 54:18.109 --> 54:18.930 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 54:18.950 --> 54:19.730 Julian Rhine-Tutt. 54:19.870 --> 54:20.811 He's also in Green Wing. 54:20.831 --> 54:21.351 There's the handsome one. 54:21.371 --> 54:22.432 And how were they? 54:22.552 --> 54:24.674 I'm interested in how was... Jason Fleming of course. 54:24.714 --> 54:26.295 How was Rupert Everett? 54:26.315 --> 54:31.839 Well the thing is about the other ghosts, I've got quite a serious wound as a ghost. 54:31.859 --> 54:39.504 I probably shouldn't say too much about the thing, although I did ask if it was okay to talk about it and the writer of the film told me that it was okay. 54:41.045 --> 54:42.886 Anyway, so I've got a little wound basically. 54:43.306 --> 54:44.627 I've got a sort of head trauma. 54:44.667 --> 54:49.028 I've done a couple of films this year and in each one I've had severe head trauma of some kind. 54:49.589 --> 54:53.590 And in this one I'm also quite badly damaged but my face is okay. 54:53.890 --> 55:02.114 But the other actors have to have like massive quite extensive prosthetics because they've all been killed in various gruesome ways and that's why they're ghosts now. 55:02.814 --> 55:07.056 And Rupert Everett is one of the people, Walliams as well, also has a lot of makeup. 55:07.076 --> 55:10.078 They've got like four or five hours of makeup every morning. 55:10.838 --> 55:13.680 And it's really horrible and uncomfortable for them. 55:14.100 --> 55:18.302 And they have to go around for the rest of the day for ten hours wearing this stuff. 55:18.682 --> 55:19.683 It's really grim. 55:20.003 --> 55:21.484 So they go into a little private place. 55:21.504 --> 55:23.545 Not as grim as doing an actual job though. 55:24.666 --> 55:26.027 I would say it. 55:26.288 --> 55:27.408 It's really uncomfortable. 55:27.428 --> 55:31.211 It's so itchy and horrible they can't touch it or anything. 55:31.251 --> 55:34.173 It's really hot in the studio and under the lights and everything. 55:34.574 --> 55:37.816 And then they've got to act as well on top of the whole thing. 55:38.136 --> 55:42.820 So basically they kind of zone out and they go inside themselves and they go very very quiet. 55:43.861 --> 55:51.487 But obviously I don't know Rupert Everett that well, so it's quite frightening and intimidating because he's quite a big acting star. 55:51.787 --> 56:03.618 And I was nervous anyway because obviously I'm not like a well-trained, skillful actor as such, and I was worried that I would just be persecuted by these people who are thinking, what's he doing here? 56:03.858 --> 56:05.399 Why the hell have they got him in? 56:06.360 --> 56:08.241 I thought Walliams might do that, but he's not. 56:08.261 --> 56:09.202 He's been very nice, Dave. 56:10.123 --> 56:37.483 very nice to uh to work with him to work with him terrific stuff but i asked rupert everett about uh when i did have a little chat with him i asked him the main thing i wanted to know was what was robert um what was uh bob dylan like you know right right because he was in uh what is it called hearts of fire yeah that weird 80s film that's right uh where he plays uh uh rupert everett plays like a new a brand new rock star and uh uh bob dylan is the kind of yoda figure that kind of older mentor figure right yes yoda is a very 56:37.483 --> 56:41.446 very accurate description of what Bob Dylan is like now actually. 56:42.346 --> 56:43.968 What did he say? 56:43.988 --> 56:45.289 What did he say about Dylan? 56:45.349 --> 56:46.269 He said Dylan was amazing. 56:46.309 --> 56:48.271 He was like a real big Dylan fan anyway. 56:48.431 --> 56:50.933 We're talking about the new album, the fact that the new album's really good. 56:51.113 --> 56:52.193 New album's number one you know. 56:52.314 --> 56:52.534 Is it? 56:52.654 --> 56:54.135 Yeah it's not bad for like a 16, 18 year old man. 56:54.155 --> 56:55.376 Timberlake will soon knock that off. 56:55.876 --> 56:56.296 You reckon? 56:56.396 --> 56:56.676 Yeah. 56:57.937 --> 57:08.063 But he said that Dylan was great, but when they made the film Hearts Afire, Dylan was going through the tail end of quite a long period of being a bit of a druggie and drinker. 57:08.463 --> 57:11.925 So he was fairly addled most of the time, I think, and didn't do too much chatting. 57:12.405 --> 57:19.989 But they had to shoot a scene in the back of a limo and the limo was on a sound stage, like in a studio, you know? 57:20.709 --> 57:25.232 And so they were just in this limo the whole afternoon, like hours and hours, they just sat there. 57:26.593 --> 57:41.992 acting away and at the end of the finally they wrapped the scene and they got out of the limo and and Dylan just said to Rupert Everett where's the hotel man he thought they'd been driving around no in a real car I can't see the hotel where is it 57:44.955 --> 57:48.637 He must probably be a very good actor, because he just thinks everything around him is actually happening. 57:49.057 --> 57:50.378 It's why he's such a great actor. 57:51.019 --> 57:52.179 Well, man, I'm looking forward to that. 57:52.199 --> 57:56.342 And we've had a couple of texts in saying that the book is called Stardust, and apparently it's amazing. 57:56.842 --> 57:57.963 I don't doubt that at all. 57:58.223 --> 58:05.787 And just another quick message for Sarah in Kent, who was listening to our discussion there of breastfeeding as it appears in the film Little Man. 58:05.827 --> 58:10.190 And she seems to be a bit insulted, thinking that we were talking about sexualizing breastfeeding. 58:10.530 --> 58:13.572 Sarah, we were describing scenes in the film Little Man. 58:14.973 --> 58:19.437 And we were sort of ironically pointing out how appalling it is that little man does that. 58:19.877 --> 58:22.619 We weren't ourselves advocating the practice. 58:22.719 --> 58:23.960 It's something we do quite a lot. 58:25.201 --> 58:29.065 Say stupid things in the hope that people realise we're not serious about them. 58:29.605 --> 58:36.351 But every now and then it's worth pointing out not to take everything we say at face value as our opinions. 58:36.371 --> 58:38.933 But we're sorry if we upset you Sarah and Kent. 58:39.494 --> 58:40.735 But we actually agree with you. 58:41.135 --> 58:48.101 Yeah, we agree, although I personally wouldn't rule out some breastfeeding myself if it was offered to me. 58:48.261 --> 58:48.721 Let's do it. 58:49.062 --> 58:49.662 Play the record. 58:52.004 --> 58:55.287 This is the Dead Kennedys with California Uber Alles. 58:55.327 --> 58:56.308 And this is my breast. 58:56.328 --> 58:57.529 Go for it. 58:57.669 --> 58:58.269 Okay! 59:01.380 --> 59:02.140 That's amazing, isn't it? 59:02.180 --> 59:04.781 That's Echo and the Bunnymen with the Killing Moon. 59:04.921 --> 59:12.283 Echo and the Bunnymen were poised at one stage in their career to be the biggest band on the planet like U2 became eventually. 59:12.303 --> 59:14.264 It was between Echo and the Bunnymen and U2. 59:14.324 --> 59:15.184 They were that big. 59:15.244 --> 59:15.884 It's hard to remember. 59:15.904 --> 59:18.325 Well, they're still massively respected, aren't they? 59:18.365 --> 59:18.745 Yeah, of course. 59:18.765 --> 59:21.486 Doesn't Chris Martin worship Ian McCulloch? 59:21.886 --> 59:42.161 yes he does absolutely no no no there's no question there's discerning people would rate them higher than you two perhaps yeah um but yeah that was a fantastic track this is joe cornish and adam buckston here on xfm for another 26 minutes i don't know something like that uh now listeners if you're uh keen followers of investigative 59:42.981 --> 59:50.483 consumer programs on television, you might have caught the latest exciting BBC One show in that genre. 59:50.683 --> 59:55.545 It's called Old Dog's New Tricks and it stars Esther Ranson and what's she called? 59:55.585 --> 59:57.685 Jane Foldy Whittington or something? 59:57.765 --> 59:58.846 Lin Faulds Wood. 59:58.866 --> 59:59.386 There we go. 59:59.406 --> 01:00:00.646 Esther bends metal. 01:00:01.767 --> 01:00:02.547 Lin Faulds Wood. 01:00:03.267 --> 01:00:06.530 And they're two very experienced consumer journalists. 01:00:06.590 --> 01:00:11.313 Esther, of course, used to host That's Life and Lin Foldy Woods used to host Watchdog. 01:00:12.114 --> 01:00:23.382 And they've been teamed up to present a brand new consumer interest show that has basically blown open the genre and redefined the entire thing. 01:00:23.762 --> 01:00:24.703 Right, Adam Buxton? 01:00:24.903 --> 01:00:31.688 Well, I find it difficult to comment because... Well, the reason Adam Buxton finds it difficult to comment, listeners, is because he does the voiceover on it. 01:00:32.228 --> 01:00:40.094 And I was startled to turn on the telly and see this extraordinary programme and to hear my comedy partner, long time friend, voicing it over. 01:00:40.554 --> 01:00:42.475 So I'm going to tease him about it now. 01:00:42.736 --> 01:00:48.760 I'd like you to join me as we listen to some clips from Adam Buxton's voice over of old dogs, new tricks. 01:00:48.780 --> 01:00:50.741 I should describe the show first a bit, though. 01:00:51.182 --> 01:00:52.483 Basically, yes, the Ranson. 01:00:53.403 --> 01:00:59.667 is in denial about her age and these are all Joe Cornish's opinions, nothing to do with Adam Buxton, he doesn't agree with this at all. 01:01:00.727 --> 01:01:15.575 So she's made herself, she's lovely, a brilliant, talented broadcaster but she's painted her hair bright red and her lipstick's bright red and she's wearing jeans designed for a 13 year old and the rear view is very odd. 01:01:15.996 --> 01:01:18.497 Well she was made over, wasn't she, recently for a show. 01:01:18.577 --> 01:01:19.938 She was given a completely new look. 01:01:19.958 --> 01:01:20.098 Right. 01:01:20.718 --> 01:01:22.479 And I think- By Dr. Frankenstein. 01:01:22.579 --> 01:01:23.080 Come on. 01:01:23.180 --> 01:01:23.620 Come on. 01:01:24.000 --> 01:01:25.001 She does look odd, though. 01:01:25.041 --> 01:01:26.542 She looks great for a woman of her age. 01:01:26.602 --> 01:01:27.443 She look- Well, I don't know. 01:01:27.463 --> 01:01:28.724 It depends whether you find that. 01:01:29.124 --> 01:01:33.207 I would find a woman who was more natural-looking attractive. 01:01:33.227 --> 01:01:34.248 But anyway, that's just me. 01:01:34.568 --> 01:01:35.228 That's just me. 01:01:35.709 --> 01:01:41.413 And then, so, but she's a brilliant presenter, and she's sexy, and vivacious, and spunky. 01:01:42.033 --> 01:01:43.714 Can I use that word in the 50's sense? 01:01:43.734 --> 01:01:44.475 Yeah, I'd like you to. 01:01:44.655 --> 01:01:48.578 Whereas Linfold's words is kind of more hard-boiled. 01:01:49.278 --> 01:02:09.970 slightly grumpy but in a very exciting way and basically the scenario is this they've got a funky flat like a warehouse flat it's all painted white there's fluffy mirrors and cool egg-shaped chairs and state-of-the-art laptops and these two women hang out there investigating consumer affairs in a very very stylish way and the whole program's presented like a thriller 01:02:10.470 --> 01:02:30.983 a sexy detective story like as if it was like a cop show with two mature women but instead of investigating crimes well they're still investigating crimes are kind of sort of consumer crimes like in this case in this episode it's pills that promise to enlarge your breasts that's right and patches that promise to enlarge your penis yeah 01:02:31.463 --> 01:02:31.703 Right? 01:02:32.224 --> 01:02:36.167 And this gives them a great chance for some playful, sexy, and you-end-on-it comedy. 01:02:36.667 --> 01:02:40.770 So imagine all these elements thrown into the mix and just imagine what plops out at the other end. 01:02:41.931 --> 01:02:43.072 Voiced over by Adam. 01:02:43.533 --> 01:02:44.834 And they do it like a drama. 01:02:44.854 --> 01:02:46.815 There's little bits of drama where they're chatting to each other. 01:02:46.995 --> 01:02:54.001 They don't just present the contents of the show like subjects will emerge conversationally in little staged bits of drama. 01:02:54.021 --> 01:02:55.342 Well it's like Thelma and Louise. 01:02:55.622 --> 01:02:56.943 It is like Thelma and Louise. 01:02:57.383 --> 01:02:59.485 But not quite as good. 01:03:00.605 --> 01:03:28.934 and then Adam you do the voiceover but you you have a very good sort of approach it's as if you're kind of a nutty man who lives in their air conditioning system and is watching what they do and commenting on it a bit like Rutger Hauer in the Hider in the House or whatever that film was so you're just spying on them and you're in love with them and you're excited about by everything they do so let's let's listen to Adam's opening bit of VO from that from the top of the show and just get a handle on on your tone and the way you approach it because it's very impressive 01:03:30.535 --> 01:03:31.255 That's the wrong one. 01:03:33.057 --> 01:03:34.138 That's a record as well. 01:03:34.198 --> 01:03:34.518 Here we go. 01:03:36.099 --> 01:03:36.699 Oh no, isn't it? 01:03:36.880 --> 01:03:37.180 Sorry. 01:03:37.480 --> 01:03:38.641 You're so multi-talented. 01:03:39.482 --> 01:03:43.945 Voice-overs, movie appearances, and also an award-winning DJ. 01:03:45.506 --> 01:03:46.527 We've never won awards. 01:03:47.227 --> 01:03:48.448 You can say that, can't you? 01:03:48.488 --> 01:03:50.870 The phrase award-winning is applicable to anything these days. 01:03:50.890 --> 01:03:52.711 You don't have to actually win an award. 01:03:53.592 --> 01:03:54.052 Are you ready? 01:03:54.072 --> 01:03:55.914 Do you know what number it is on that CD? 01:03:56.134 --> 01:03:58.536 Size Matters for Lin and Esther. 01:04:00.322 --> 01:04:01.942 Two women, one mission. 01:04:02.383 --> 01:04:05.343 Busting the pills that say they'll make your breasts bigger. 01:04:06.384 --> 01:04:08.804 The penis patch that promises extra inches. 01:04:09.125 --> 01:04:10.745 Do any of the claims stand up? 01:04:11.165 --> 01:04:13.486 That went from very small to very big very quickly. 01:04:13.986 --> 01:04:15.466 Do any of the claims stand up? 01:04:15.626 --> 01:04:16.647 That's a little innuendo. 01:04:16.667 --> 01:04:17.627 It's a little innuendo. 01:04:17.727 --> 01:04:18.967 A little bit of a willy joke. 01:04:19.328 --> 01:04:23.689 So that, but I'm not, I'm not taking the mick or anything there, it's just, I'm excited. 01:04:23.749 --> 01:04:24.749 It's a different tone, isn't it? 01:04:24.769 --> 01:04:27.070 You've changed your voice a bit, you've made it a bit more upbeat. 01:04:27.430 --> 01:04:27.610 Yeah. 01:04:28.110 --> 01:04:51.102 and kind of you're relishing the content there but this is my favorite clip if you skip the one about esther making her breasts bigger by chanting and go to the next one this sounds like a clip from a different more interesting show okay unnerved by lativio's penis exercises esther seeks medical help yeah 01:04:52.711 --> 01:04:53.871 That's a more interesting show. 01:04:54.071 --> 01:04:59.793 That's the Sikhs psychiatric help because of some sort of penis-based trauma. 01:04:59.933 --> 01:05:02.254 You know what, I think that was a deliberately funny line. 01:05:02.354 --> 01:05:03.694 Well, yeah. 01:05:03.874 --> 01:05:04.694 No, I think that's true. 01:05:04.954 --> 01:05:05.795 I think that is true. 01:05:06.655 --> 01:05:11.196 But, you know, listeners, you should tune in next week because there's exciting things coming up next week. 01:05:11.516 --> 01:05:13.897 If you play the last clip, it's the tease for next week. 01:05:14.477 --> 01:05:16.918 Next week on Old Dog's New Tricks. 01:05:18.078 --> 01:05:20.319 Undercover in the company built on a lie. 01:05:21.079 --> 01:05:25.961 No wonder when the ladies arrive, the boss turns nasty. 01:05:29.682 --> 01:05:33.144 That's Linfold's words getting stroppy because they're pushing. 01:05:33.364 --> 01:05:36.365 Don't push the cameraman, you've got Esther Rantzen in your office. 01:05:38.584 --> 01:05:39.545 Who could answer to that? 01:05:39.786 --> 01:05:41.488 I did make it sound quite exciting, though. 01:05:41.628 --> 01:05:42.209 You did, man. 01:05:42.409 --> 01:05:43.771 A company built on a lie? 01:05:43.791 --> 01:05:44.632 It's built on a huge lie. 01:05:44.733 --> 01:05:45.574 That's amazing. 01:05:45.594 --> 01:05:46.195 A giant lie. 01:05:46.215 --> 01:05:50.280 What construction company uses lies as actual foundations for buildings? 01:05:50.300 --> 01:05:50.681 Well, exactly. 01:05:50.801 --> 01:05:53.565 I mean, you know, they're notoriously unstable. 01:05:53.765 --> 01:05:54.947 Big truck full of lies. 01:05:54.967 --> 01:05:55.267 You know? 01:05:56.351 --> 01:05:58.072 reversing early in the morning. 01:05:58.092 --> 01:06:00.954 The thing about lice is that they are relatively cheap. 01:06:01.334 --> 01:06:01.594 Right. 01:06:01.875 --> 01:06:03.796 So they're easy to buy in bulk. 01:06:03.856 --> 01:06:04.096 Right. 01:06:04.276 --> 01:06:08.719 You know, you can build the foundations of the thing with lice, but they generally don't last that long. 01:06:08.879 --> 01:06:10.740 Yeah, most companies are built on them these days. 01:06:10.760 --> 01:06:11.561 Yeah. 01:06:12.081 --> 01:06:13.722 Anyway, cement is better. 01:06:13.902 --> 01:06:14.623 Cement is better. 01:06:14.983 --> 01:06:15.824 But there you go. 01:06:15.864 --> 01:06:17.024 That's Old Dog's new tricks. 01:06:17.605 --> 01:06:18.806 An exciting show. 01:06:18.926 --> 01:06:19.726 How do you feel about it? 01:06:19.746 --> 01:06:20.447 Have you been watching it? 01:06:21.027 --> 01:06:22.168 Yeah, man, I always watch it. 01:06:22.188 --> 01:06:29.873 You know, I get very excited if I'm doing a voiceover for something and it comes on and I'm always like turning on the TV and stuff casually. 01:06:29.933 --> 01:06:31.795 I'm like, oh yeah, I'm going to the kitchen. 01:06:32.695 --> 01:06:42.042 My wife's in there maybe doing some cooking or whatever in the kitchen and I'll turn it on and I'll just sort of stand there and wait for my voice to pop up and I kind of look back. 01:06:42.062 --> 01:06:42.683 Drop your trousers. 01:06:42.723 --> 01:06:43.383 Yeah, yeah. 01:06:43.743 --> 01:06:45.425 And everything gets a little bit sexy. 01:06:46.265 --> 01:06:47.586 That's good stuff. 01:06:48.567 --> 01:06:49.147 And when's it on? 01:06:49.187 --> 01:06:49.568 When's it on? 01:06:50.208 --> 01:06:51.389 Thursday nights. 01:06:51.429 --> 01:06:52.149 There you go. 01:06:52.269 --> 01:06:53.770 It's extraordinary. 01:06:54.030 --> 01:06:54.690 BBC One. 01:06:54.750 --> 01:06:55.050 Yeah. 01:06:56.071 --> 01:07:02.534 And especially if you're a drag queen, you can get lots of ideas for outfits and stuff from it. 01:07:03.034 --> 01:07:03.634 So there we go. 01:07:03.894 --> 01:07:05.715 This is Adam and Jo on XFM. 01:07:05.775 --> 01:07:06.616 Now here's a free play. 01:07:06.636 --> 01:07:09.177 I want to play this one for Rosie. 01:07:09.697 --> 01:07:10.678 from Eagle Vision. 01:07:11.018 --> 01:07:14.321 Rosie very kindly sent me a couple of Pixies DVDs. 01:07:14.661 --> 01:07:18.384 They've got amazing DVDs of like classic Pixies concerts that have just been released. 01:07:18.404 --> 01:07:20.846 I've never seen these before so I'm really really excited about it. 01:07:21.167 --> 01:07:21.987 Thanks very much Rosie. 01:07:22.007 --> 01:07:27.152 I don't have any Pixies with me this week but here is a track from Frank Black. 01:07:31.550 --> 01:07:34.512 Frank Black from his album Teenager of the Year, that's called Super Abound. 01:07:34.812 --> 01:07:38.774 This is Adam and Joe here on XFM in the last quarter of an hour of The X-List. 01:07:38.834 --> 01:07:43.237 It's not too late to get your requests in. 01:07:43.257 --> 01:07:45.898 08712221049 if you'd like to hear something from The X-List. 01:07:46.579 --> 01:07:49.160 We've got to play some more ads and we'll be back with you very shortly. 01:07:56.058 --> 01:08:01.561 I feel like a nerd to text in and tell me what the name of the drum machine Prince used to use was, you know? 01:08:01.581 --> 01:08:03.002 Because it was so distinctive. 01:08:03.042 --> 01:08:07.345 Yeah, that's a very distinctive... Yeah, it's got funny effects on it. 01:08:07.525 --> 01:08:09.706 It's like he's hitting something with bamboo, do you know what I mean? 01:08:09.987 --> 01:08:10.327 Yeah. 01:08:10.627 --> 01:08:11.227 Like his knee. 01:08:13.149 --> 01:08:13.769 Like his knee? 01:08:13.929 --> 01:08:14.269 His knee. 01:08:14.309 --> 01:08:14.990 He's hitting his knee. 01:08:15.010 --> 01:08:16.531 If his knee was also made of bamboo. 01:08:16.551 --> 01:08:19.893 Or maybe he's hitting the knee of someone else with bamboo, like Sheila E or someone. 01:08:19.933 --> 01:08:20.433 Bamboo. 01:08:20.853 --> 01:08:23.255 I wouldn't be surprised if one of his band was called Bamboo. 01:08:23.275 --> 01:08:23.535 Bamboo. 01:08:24.556 --> 01:08:24.956 Yo, Bamboo! 01:08:26.641 --> 01:08:27.922 So this is Adam and Joe. 01:08:27.942 --> 01:08:28.703 We're running out of time. 01:08:28.723 --> 01:08:30.164 We've only got six minutes left. 01:08:30.845 --> 01:08:33.067 So this is the bit when we thank everybody who texted in. 01:08:33.087 --> 01:08:39.592 We've got thousands of texts this morning and thanks to everybody who texted in with their movie ideas and their requests. 01:08:40.313 --> 01:08:42.014 We didn't even get many insults today. 01:08:42.314 --> 01:08:42.635 Did we not? 01:08:42.695 --> 01:08:44.716 I think we only got one and that was quite mild. 01:08:44.736 --> 01:08:46.478 So it's been a good morning. 01:08:46.658 --> 01:08:47.199 That's good. 01:08:47.299 --> 01:08:47.519 Good. 01:08:47.899 --> 01:09:07.331 Excellent um hey listen folks if you're a fan of the podcast i'm really sorry there wasn't one last week uh that's because you know we were both very busy and trying to keep the quality up trying to keep the quality yeah you know what i mean unless we can make it good we we kind of figure don't do one we could have done one you know i've got one here we could have done one but it was it was 01:09:08.231 --> 01:09:09.352 What was it like, Joe? 01:09:09.672 --> 01:09:10.132 It's alright. 01:09:10.553 --> 01:09:17.678 I lifted a bit out of last week's show, but we like to add some extra stuff and we didn't have time, because believe it or not, we both have jobs during the week. 01:09:18.599 --> 01:09:19.279 You don't, come on. 01:09:19.459 --> 01:09:20.200 I do, yeah. 01:09:20.360 --> 01:09:20.640 Really? 01:09:20.940 --> 01:09:21.841 Well, sort of. 01:09:21.981 --> 01:09:22.982 Sort of. 01:09:23.002 --> 01:09:24.183 We keep busy during the week. 01:09:24.223 --> 01:09:25.243 Yeah, yeah, I've got this job. 01:09:25.324 --> 01:09:29.387 I do, when I'm not working in films, I move bricks. 01:09:31.928 --> 01:09:34.650 Yeah, just little Lego bricks, but they're still, I know. 01:09:34.670 --> 01:09:35.370 I have to move them. 01:09:35.390 --> 01:09:35.531 Do you? 01:09:35.551 --> 01:09:35.651 Right. 01:09:35.691 --> 01:09:42.175 Could you supply them with more of the blue boxes, you know, the larger boxes with the flip? 01:09:52.441 --> 01:09:52.901 Yeah, sure. 01:09:53.081 --> 01:09:56.183 Can you do something about the design of the flip top thing? 01:09:56.223 --> 01:09:57.343 You know, because you raise it. 01:09:57.383 --> 01:09:58.584 I don't have that much influence. 01:09:58.724 --> 01:10:00.925 But the aperture there is not sufficiently large. 01:10:01.165 --> 01:10:02.986 You just want to knock out a couple sometimes. 01:10:03.126 --> 01:10:03.386 Right. 01:10:03.446 --> 01:10:05.287 You have to really shake it around to get there. 01:10:05.967 --> 01:10:07.448 Anyway, that's our working week. 01:10:07.488 --> 01:10:09.829 And that's the reason we couldn't do a podcast last week. 01:10:09.849 --> 01:10:10.569 We're really sorry. 01:10:10.889 --> 01:10:12.330 But we'll definitely do one this week. 01:10:12.430 --> 01:10:15.011 And we're going to go into the studio to record some stuff specially for that. 01:10:15.051 --> 01:10:16.352 Yeah, it should be a good one. 01:10:16.372 --> 01:10:17.192 It would be funny. 01:10:17.352 --> 01:10:17.772 It might be. 01:10:17.792 --> 01:10:18.393 It might be awful. 01:10:19.373 --> 01:10:20.314 Time trumpet don't forget. 01:10:20.334 --> 01:10:23.878 I think it's the last episode this week of the show time trumpet. 01:10:23.958 --> 01:10:32.106 Yeah, don't forget crank Jason Statham in crank if you want a good time tonight Get yourself a tiny bit tutti and go and see crank. 01:10:32.406 --> 01:10:34.968 I might do that I'll give you your money back if you don't like it. 01:10:35.329 --> 01:10:39.012 That's that's a good guy when I say I yeah, I don't mean me 01:10:40.373 --> 01:10:47.616 I mean, a friend of mine called, I will give you the money back or something, I don't know, but you know what I mean, I don't actually mean that, but I sort of do. 01:10:47.917 --> 01:10:48.177 Yeah. 01:10:48.757 --> 01:10:49.457 It's so good. 01:10:49.777 --> 01:10:54.559 What if a person who didn't like it came in here to explain why they didn't like it and had a debate with you live on air? 01:10:54.619 --> 01:10:57.661 Then I would offer to, we could have the money like at stake. 01:10:57.701 --> 01:10:57.921 Yeah. 01:10:58.161 --> 01:10:58.381 Yeah. 01:10:58.501 --> 01:10:59.962 Okay, so if you see Crank this week. 01:11:00.102 --> 01:11:00.962 And don't like it. 01:11:01.002 --> 01:11:04.804 And you absolutely don't like it, and you've got a coherent, non-mental argument for why you don't like it. 01:11:04.824 --> 01:11:05.364 We can get you on the phone. 01:11:05.624 --> 01:11:09.987 Then we can at least get you on the phone, but it would be better if you could come into the studio and battle it out with Joe live on air. 01:11:10.387 --> 01:11:12.008 And if you don't like it, he will refund you. 01:11:12.548 --> 01:11:18.452 And if you win the debate, you know, the odds are against you, obviously, because we control everything. 01:11:18.472 --> 01:11:19.253 Because we control it. 01:11:19.693 --> 01:11:22.935 But if you can convince us that you're right and Joe's wrong, we'll give you your money back. 01:11:22.955 --> 01:11:23.635 How about that? 01:11:24.096 --> 01:11:26.577 Now, I'll leave you this week with Jonathan Richman. 01:11:26.997 --> 01:11:28.718 Meet Rock coming up very shortly. 01:11:29.759 --> 01:11:29.999 Yes. 01:11:30.479 --> 01:11:42.245 Mick Rock is a bit like Jason Stratham in Crank, but the other way around, as if a man has been injected with a drug that requires him to be as dull as possible for two hours, otherwise he'll die. 01:11:42.625 --> 01:11:43.785 And he does a brilliant job. 01:11:43.805 --> 01:11:44.646 That's my opinion. 01:11:45.406 --> 01:11:47.067 Joe Cornish, I'll probably get fired saying that. 01:11:47.107 --> 01:11:47.767 He's brilliant, man. 01:11:47.807 --> 01:11:49.268 He's genius and you should check out the show. 01:11:49.288 --> 01:11:51.429 He plays a lot of amazing music and he is a ledge. 01:11:51.809 --> 01:11:53.170 He's a ledge. 01:11:53.670 --> 01:11:56.051 What I'm saying is his delivery is very laid back. 01:11:56.451 --> 01:11:57.331 I'm Mick Rock. 01:11:59.492 --> 01:12:00.333 Rock and roll. 01:12:00.693 --> 01:12:03.675 What a great thing rock and roll is. 01:12:03.695 --> 01:12:06.417 I remember Chuck Berry. 01:12:06.437 --> 01:12:09.259 This is me rock. 01:12:11.000 --> 01:12:11.680 That kind of thing. 01:12:12.020 --> 01:12:12.941 I rest my case. 01:12:12.961 --> 01:12:14.962 We'll be with you again next week. 01:12:14.982 --> 01:12:15.362 Lots of love. 01:12:15.382 --> 01:12:15.643 Bye.