WEBVTT 00:05.191 --> 00:05.591 Wow! 00:06.351 --> 00:06.812 Wow! 00:07.292 --> 00:09.013 That was the Foo Fighters with Best of You. 00:09.053 --> 00:12.814 This is Adam and Joe here on XFM for the next one hour and fifty-five minutes. 00:12.834 --> 00:13.954 How are you doing, Joe? 00:13.994 --> 00:14.935 I'm fine, thank you very much. 00:14.955 --> 00:15.915 Good. 00:15.975 --> 00:16.976 Cletus, I'm bored. 00:17.356 --> 00:19.176 What plaything have you to offer me today? 00:19.477 --> 00:21.858 An obscure planet in the SK system. 00:22.138 --> 00:26.759 Its inhabitants refer to it as... ...the planet Earth. 00:26.859 --> 00:27.760 How fable it looks. 00:28.300 --> 00:31.262 Maybe I will destroy this earth. 00:31.862 --> 00:34.164 That sounds as if we rehearsed that, but we actually didn't. 00:34.564 --> 00:39.186 Yeah, lines from Flash Gordon, the classic Mike Hodges film from the early 80s. 00:39.387 --> 00:43.769 That's one of the prizes we've got to give away, and a special sort of tin snap case. 00:44.510 --> 00:45.690 Any special extras on there? 00:45.710 --> 00:46.351 Snap case? 00:46.371 --> 00:47.111 A snap case. 00:47.131 --> 00:48.152 What's a snap case? 00:48.432 --> 00:49.913 You can just snap it shut. 00:50.333 --> 00:50.713 Really? 00:50.773 --> 00:51.034 Yeah. 00:51.134 --> 00:51.354 Wow. 00:51.434 --> 00:51.774 There are. 00:51.794 --> 00:56.437 There's a Mike Hodges audio commentary, and there's a Brian Blessed commentary as well. 00:57.628 --> 00:58.269 Is that too loud? 00:58.289 --> 00:59.450 That's my Brian Blessed impression. 00:59.490 --> 01:00.451 Apparently he's drunk on it. 01:00.531 --> 01:01.532 Very drunk all the way through. 01:01.752 --> 01:02.052 Really? 01:02.072 --> 01:02.553 So I've heard. 01:02.573 --> 01:03.373 Yeah, I haven't listened to it yet. 01:03.714 --> 01:04.154 Fantastic. 01:04.174 --> 01:06.036 Did you glean that from when you spoke to Blessed? 01:06.817 --> 01:07.697 No, I'm just assuming. 01:07.998 --> 01:08.078 OK. 01:08.338 --> 01:08.698 Yeah. 01:09.179 --> 01:10.040 That might be libelous. 01:10.480 --> 01:11.121 Nah, not really. 01:11.561 --> 01:12.482 Uh, that's a good prize. 01:12.902 --> 01:15.084 Plus we've got Chronicles of Riddick DVDs to give away. 01:15.325 --> 01:18.187 You know what, I was surfing my Sky movie channels the other day. 01:18.207 --> 01:18.287 Yeah. 01:19.068 --> 01:21.471 And I saw a clip from the Chronicles of Riddick. 01:21.511 --> 01:25.234 I didn't know what it was, but it looked like the most amazing film I'd ever seen. 01:25.254 --> 01:25.855 Do you ever do that? 01:25.875 --> 01:27.877 You're surfing through the telly and you just come across a film. 01:28.157 --> 01:31.461 You can't identify it and you think, my God, this looks incredible. 01:31.781 --> 01:38.368 It was millions of space soldiers running across a planet and an enormous spaceship crashing on them and squashing them like ants. 01:39.429 --> 01:40.890 So it might be quite good, the Chronicles of Riddick. 01:41.611 --> 01:41.892 Yeah. 01:42.192 --> 01:42.412 Yeah. 01:42.893 --> 01:43.213 Or not. 01:43.633 --> 01:46.696 Or, er, what we should do is just give it to someone and they can tell us if it's any good. 01:46.716 --> 01:47.557 Come on, it's a great film. 01:47.577 --> 01:49.840 The nice people who've made it have given it to us as a prize. 01:50.120 --> 01:50.681 Oh, yeah, yeah. 01:50.701 --> 01:51.742 So we've got to get behind it. 01:51.842 --> 01:53.203 I think it looks brilliant. 01:53.263 --> 01:54.364 I think it looks really good. 01:54.404 --> 01:57.928 It cost about 150 million pounds and you're going to get it for free. 01:57.988 --> 01:58.529 That's amazing. 01:58.549 --> 02:00.210 It's the equivalent of us giving away 150 million dollars. 02:01.972 --> 02:02.252 Is it? 02:02.453 --> 02:02.673 Yeah. 02:02.893 --> 02:03.634 In a little box. 02:03.754 --> 02:04.715 That's a really good prize. 02:04.735 --> 02:05.836 Pressed onto a silver disc. 02:05.856 --> 02:08.658 Hey, listen, I've got a jingle for us, an intro jingle. 02:08.738 --> 02:08.979 Oh, good. 02:09.199 --> 02:12.942 It's kind of generic this week, cos I really, from week to week, I can't tell what's happening. 02:13.503 --> 02:14.144 Anyway, here it is. 02:21.510 --> 02:29.212 I never know what you'll say Have you seen that really crappy advert? 02:29.592 --> 02:39.734 It's annoying and it makes me scream I'm not sure about that new TV show Have you seen that brand new film with the man from the other day? 02:39.754 --> 02:42.375 It's supposed to be a great new film 02:43.255 --> 02:55.246 I'm not sure about that new TV show That sounds interesting, let's talk about it Let's start talking now It's just hard to know what you're talking about 02:56.420 --> 02:57.401 What new advert? 02:58.122 --> 03:01.186 What film would demand from the other thing? 03:01.206 --> 03:02.888 That's why I said I kept it generic. 03:04.169 --> 03:06.432 So you weren't actually thinking of anything specific? 03:07.113 --> 03:07.854 No. 03:08.074 --> 03:11.158 I think I have seen the film with demand from the other thing, yes. 03:11.418 --> 03:13.801 You know, I was thinking about something when I thought of that. 03:14.862 --> 03:16.063 That's exciting. 03:16.143 --> 03:18.405 I can't remember what it was. 03:18.585 --> 03:20.307 We got some good music coming up in the show. 03:20.347 --> 03:26.612 We got the Kaiser Chiefs, I'm gonna play that in a second, Dead Sixties, White Stripes, Killers, all the usual kind of stuff. 03:26.652 --> 03:27.693 Supergrass, fantastic. 03:27.873 --> 03:29.674 Oh, I love that song, Low C. Have you heard that? 03:29.794 --> 03:29.974 No. 03:30.154 --> 03:30.815 Oh, it's very good. 03:31.295 --> 03:33.517 And we'll be playing a few free plays as well. 03:33.837 --> 03:37.040 We've got a competition, Celebrity Regression Therapy this week. 03:37.180 --> 03:37.620 Oh, good. 03:37.841 --> 03:39.222 It's really a very easy one. 03:39.262 --> 03:41.584 So if you want to win that, then stick around. 03:41.604 --> 03:42.925 Maybe for the Flash Gordon DVDs. 03:43.425 --> 03:44.045 Oh, yeah, you reckon? 03:44.085 --> 03:46.587 Yeah, the phone number's 0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-o-four-nine. 03:46.607 --> 03:49.548 The text is 83-X-F-M for when the competition starts. 03:49.588 --> 03:52.209 Or you can text us at any point on 83-X-F-M. 03:52.289 --> 03:55.151 We'll do the competition in, like, about 20 minutes or so. 03:55.271 --> 03:56.711 I wanted to talk about Santa Land. 03:57.131 --> 03:57.732 Santa Land? 03:57.772 --> 03:58.732 Yeah, at Earl's Court. 03:59.212 --> 04:00.113 Is that real? 04:00.133 --> 04:03.875 Yeah, well, I can't tell you too much about Santa Land, but I've just noticed it's sponsored by Hart. 04:04.355 --> 04:04.615 Wow. 04:04.855 --> 04:06.836 They're on the same- they're in the same building, aren't they? 04:07.156 --> 04:07.496 Yeah. 04:07.736 --> 04:08.057 Aren't they? 04:08.077 --> 04:11.498 I was in the lift with the DJ and he said he worked at Hart. 04:11.518 --> 04:12.439 He said it was on this floor. 04:12.539 --> 04:13.359 Is it? 04:13.399 --> 04:13.979 Oh, that's all right. 04:13.999 --> 04:15.400 Xanthe looks befuddled. 04:15.440 --> 04:16.801 No, I think Hart's miles away. 04:16.821 --> 04:17.021 Is it? 04:17.041 --> 04:18.321 Yeah, it's in the Christmas. 04:18.361 --> 04:18.521 Is it? 04:18.602 --> 04:18.962 Okay. 04:19.242 --> 04:21.843 In that case, I'm gonna go health- I'm gonna lay into Santa Land. 04:21.863 --> 04:22.523 Okay. 04:22.763 --> 04:23.504 I'm gonna rip it apart. 04:23.524 --> 04:24.544 Well, we can do that later. 04:24.904 --> 04:26.445 I want to talk about Dick and Dom again as well. 04:26.485 --> 04:28.206 It's over for Santa and Dick and Dom. 04:28.226 --> 04:30.067 I've got some problems with Dick and Dom again. 04:30.347 --> 04:32.029 Last week it was over for Franz Ferdinand. 04:32.189 --> 04:32.469 Yeah. 04:32.770 --> 04:35.132 And this week it's over for Santa and Dick and Don. 04:35.212 --> 04:36.133 Yeah, stick with us. 04:36.213 --> 04:36.513 Yeah. 04:48.426 --> 04:50.548 The Kaiser Chiefs, they're so hot right now. 04:51.084 --> 04:52.525 Every day I love you less and less. 04:52.685 --> 04:56.086 This is Adam and Joe on XFM's nice Saturday afternoon here in London. 04:56.106 --> 04:57.447 I'm just setting the scene, Joe. 04:57.827 --> 05:04.570 I'm starting to feel guilty because last week somebody called in, I think his name was Rory, and we had a really good chat about zombies. 05:04.690 --> 05:05.270 He was a nice guy. 05:05.310 --> 05:07.451 And I made a flippant comment about meeting him. 05:07.551 --> 05:08.551 I said, we got a lot to talk about. 05:08.571 --> 05:10.492 We should meet in the Virgin Megastore. 05:10.592 --> 05:11.413 But you were very specific. 05:11.453 --> 05:15.695 You said, let's meet in the hip-hop section of a rented megastore at 10 o'clock. 05:15.775 --> 05:18.377 And then as we left the studio, he texted and said, are you serious? 05:18.777 --> 05:19.958 But I just sort of ignored it. 05:20.339 --> 05:22.180 And now people are texting and saying, did we meet? 05:22.200 --> 05:23.921 Oh, no. 05:24.241 --> 05:25.022 Rory, call in. 05:25.762 --> 05:29.304 Rory, if you're listening again this week, give us a call, because I'd like to apologize to you. 05:29.505 --> 05:30.145 You're a tease. 05:30.525 --> 05:31.686 I am a flirt, a tease. 05:31.706 --> 05:33.547 You're a dirty, dirty, cheesy flirt. 05:33.868 --> 05:37.030 So listen, I was watching Dick and Dom in Dabungalow this morning. 05:38.731 --> 05:39.591 Uh, like you do. 05:39.651 --> 05:40.232 Do you still watch it? 05:40.912 --> 05:41.032 No. 05:41.593 --> 05:41.753 No. 05:42.713 --> 05:52.179 But I turned on while they were having this competition thing that was like the scene from the Deer Hunter where they do Russian roulette. 05:52.719 --> 05:57.282 So it was Dick or Dom, whichever one, in an attic in Dabungalow. 05:57.862 --> 06:27.126 with a young girl and they were both they both had bandanas on you know and sort of camouflage paint as if they were in Vietnam even though of course they're not dressed like that in the scene in the Russian roulette scene in the film and they had to and they were eating like toffees you know they were going they're picking toffees from a circular tray and eating them one by one and one of the toffees we were told tasted like vomit you know so that was the game and eventually it was whichever one dick or dom that got the vomit toffee 06:27.426 --> 06:29.887 And he screamed, and he went, ah, it's disgusting. 06:30.568 --> 06:31.948 And, you know, that was it. 06:32.328 --> 06:34.710 So I had problems with this on a number of levels. 06:35.390 --> 06:43.854 First of which being, just on a very banal level, I don't like things on TV where you're just told that it's bad and you have to trust them. 06:43.874 --> 06:44.494 You know what I mean? 06:44.955 --> 06:48.716 I don't believe the vomit toffee really tasted offensively bad. 06:49.597 --> 06:51.918 And I was just bored watching it. 06:51.978 --> 06:55.620 And do you remember on Distractions with Jimmy Carr when they used to electrocute people? 06:56.380 --> 06:58.601 I just don't believe that they would seriously electrocute them. 06:58.762 --> 07:04.665 If people are going to be electrocuted for fun on TV, I want to see some physical evidence that they've been hurt. 07:05.406 --> 07:06.046 Do you know what I'm saying? 07:06.066 --> 07:06.146 Yeah. 07:06.166 --> 07:06.426 What else? 07:06.446 --> 07:08.047 What are your other problems with the toffee? 07:08.087 --> 07:13.011 Well, my other- my main problem is who cares about the deer hunter? 07:13.091 --> 07:18.134 It was- it was like a really elaborate exercise aimed at spoofing this thing for the- from the deer hunter. 07:18.154 --> 07:19.094 Kids love the deer hunter. 07:19.154 --> 07:19.595 Do they? 07:19.755 --> 07:21.216 Underterms are crazy about the deer hunter. 07:21.236 --> 07:22.396 Well, that's what I was wondering. 07:22.416 --> 07:23.537 I mean, is Michael- Do you know what I bet? 07:23.557 --> 07:24.658 Do you know that game, Beer Hunter? 07:25.238 --> 07:25.859 That's a better game. 07:25.879 --> 07:27.119 They should've done that with cans of coke. 07:27.439 --> 07:28.300 That would've been the thing to do. 07:28.560 --> 07:30.761 Ten fizzy drinks, shake one up, much more visual. 07:31.421 --> 07:31.982 Exactly. 07:32.122 --> 07:33.122 You should be producing that show. 07:33.142 --> 07:34.223 I should be producing that show. 07:34.383 --> 07:45.889 But it just made me, er, confused and I thought, well, if they're going down this route, you know, then I thought of some other games they could play from, from that, you know, from, from, er, movies that kids are obviously into. 07:45.949 --> 07:46.169 Yeah. 07:46.549 --> 07:47.770 Er, for example, The Ice Storm. 07:48.791 --> 07:50.794 Ah, you know, that's a British kids movie, isn't it? 07:50.914 --> 07:54.160 Not sure those would be appropriate games, the games they play in the ice store. 07:54.180 --> 07:55.383 Yeah, the gunk key party. 07:56.331 --> 07:57.892 The gunky key party, right? 07:57.972 --> 07:59.253 The gunky key party, right. 07:59.293 --> 08:01.074 So there's a scene in the ice storm. 08:01.174 --> 08:02.354 Who's it directed by, the ice storm? 08:02.414 --> 08:02.734 Ang Lee. 08:02.935 --> 08:03.635 Ang Lee, there you go. 08:03.655 --> 08:05.016 Dummy Ang Lee. 08:05.876 --> 08:11.719 Where there's a group of people at a drinks party and they put their car keys in a bowl and then they take turns picking them up. 08:11.739 --> 08:13.740 I think our listeners know what a key party is, Adam. 08:13.780 --> 08:14.041 Do they? 08:14.081 --> 08:16.082 I'm just explaining for the non-hipsters. 08:16.422 --> 08:20.724 They pick them out at random and they decide who goes whom with whom at the end of the night. 08:21.004 --> 08:23.706 So I was thinking Dick and Dom could get the kids in Dabungalow 08:24.546 --> 08:39.140 to do the same sort of thing but instead of a night of passion with a random spouse they get gunked depending on what car they got here's another one okay paths of glory right yeah stanley kubrick film cowardly custody court martial 08:39.981 --> 08:40.281 Right. 08:40.862 --> 08:53.891 So you force a group of kids to jump into a tank of rancid custard and then, if any of them don't do it, if they refuse to go into the custard, you conduct a kind of crazy court-martial and then they're found guilty and then you shoot them with gunk. 08:55.232 --> 08:55.772 What do you think? 08:55.792 --> 08:57.573 I think those are terrific ideas. 08:57.613 --> 08:59.215 I've got one more and then I'm going to shut up. 08:59.975 --> 09:01.636 OK, remains of the day, yeah? 09:02.176 --> 09:02.696 How about this? 09:02.996 --> 09:04.717 Remains of the cake challenge. 09:05.197 --> 09:10.259 So you starve some kids and you put them in da bungalow, starve them for like a week or something. 09:10.799 --> 09:14.781 And then you make them stand around a few slices of delicious birthday cake. 09:15.041 --> 09:15.661 Oh, right. 09:16.081 --> 09:21.483 And then Dick and Dom ask them if they want cake, but they're not allowed to say if they want the cake. 09:21.823 --> 09:22.743 I'm confused. 09:22.863 --> 09:23.944 Like Anthony Hopkins. 09:24.364 --> 09:24.824 Oh, I see. 09:24.885 --> 09:26.186 Wow, that's very sophisticated. 09:26.206 --> 09:27.186 Unrequited cake. 09:27.306 --> 09:29.448 I think we need a song so we can all think about that. 09:30.269 --> 09:32.050 If anyone says they want cake, they get gunked. 09:32.771 --> 09:33.211 Do you get that? 09:33.271 --> 09:34.632 And if they don't say they- Ah, that's deep. 09:34.652 --> 09:34.972 That's deep. 09:34.993 --> 09:37.094 If they don't say they want the cake, they don't get anything. 09:37.114 --> 09:37.555 That's deep. 09:37.615 --> 09:38.896 Let's have some time to think about it. 09:49.696 --> 09:51.697 He's gonna shave his wicked soul. 09:52.357 --> 09:54.599 He's got a hairy... He's got a hairy soul. 09:55.499 --> 09:56.480 That's disgusting. 09:56.500 --> 09:59.021 That was Cub with wicked soul. 09:59.261 --> 10:00.962 Cub spelt K-U-double-B. 10:01.502 --> 10:03.083 He's gonna shave his... Anyway. 10:03.824 --> 10:06.465 Um, this is Adam and Joe, and XFM will be back very shortly. 10:07.265 --> 10:08.666 Oh, I pressed the wrong button. 10:08.846 --> 10:09.386 Okay, here we go. 10:09.487 --> 10:10.207 This is gonna be good now. 10:10.367 --> 10:10.707 Adverts! 10:18.513 --> 10:20.368 You can't totally hear but I love XFN 10:53.752 --> 10:55.613 This is like a riot on the radio, isn't it? 10:55.693 --> 10:56.233 Yes, it is. 10:56.253 --> 10:57.594 Did we say that before when we played that? 10:57.614 --> 10:58.074 Probably. 10:58.134 --> 10:58.554 Probably. 10:58.574 --> 11:00.335 This is Adam and Joel on XFM. 11:01.035 --> 11:02.615 We're about to do celebrity regression. 11:02.735 --> 11:06.577 If you'd like to take part, call 0871 222 1049. 11:06.677 --> 11:07.938 This is how we usually do it, isn't it? 11:08.618 --> 11:09.598 Just get somebody to call. 11:09.658 --> 11:10.739 I know we regress you first. 11:11.039 --> 11:12.819 Yeah, you've got to do the actual commentary. 11:13.080 --> 11:13.980 So listen, Santa Land. 11:14.460 --> 11:14.840 Yeah! 11:15.160 --> 11:18.521 Now, Earl's Court, this Christmas, is going to be the home of Santa Land. 11:18.541 --> 11:20.301 And this is not the first year they've done Santa Land. 11:20.341 --> 11:22.082 I think they've done this for the last two or three years. 11:22.822 --> 11:25.283 And Adam, I want you to take your kids to it. 11:25.843 --> 11:27.563 Oh, man, don't ask me to do that. 11:27.643 --> 11:28.323 Come on, look. 11:28.643 --> 11:29.064 Look at this. 11:29.344 --> 11:34.425 It's the Daily Mail's Santa Land and the Adventures of Santa's Magic Ribbons. 11:35.285 --> 11:35.946 What's that? 11:36.066 --> 11:37.248 Well, this is what I want to know. 11:37.268 --> 11:43.637 I mean, presumably they've hired out Earl's Court and they've built some insane Santa-based attraction. 11:43.877 --> 11:44.098 Yeah. 11:44.398 --> 11:46.241 And you've got to pay quite a lot of money to get in. 11:46.341 --> 11:46.661 Really? 11:46.982 --> 11:47.222 Yeah. 11:47.342 --> 11:47.703 How much? 11:47.943 --> 11:48.344 I don't know. 11:48.624 --> 11:50.507 I'll find out during the next record, but it's a lot. 11:51.568 --> 11:54.209 And, uh, everyone has to pay, the kiddies have to pay, adults have to pay. 11:54.769 --> 11:56.310 And then when you get in, this is what you get. 11:56.330 --> 12:01.671 What I'm gonna do, I'm gonna tell you the list of attractions, and I want you, Adam Buxton, to tell me what you think that'll actually be like. 12:01.691 --> 12:02.152 All right, then. 12:02.512 --> 12:07.773 First of all, meet Santa, explore his magical land, become one of his little helpers, and help save Christmas. 12:08.734 --> 12:09.974 Visit Santa in his grotto. 12:10.574 --> 12:11.355 That'll be nice, won't it? 12:12.535 --> 12:13.777 Ricky and Steve talk over each other 12:28.952 --> 12:30.933 I think that's just the Piccadilly line. 12:31.573 --> 12:32.773 With a Santa stuck on the front. 12:32.793 --> 12:33.174 Could it be? 12:33.494 --> 12:34.194 What's that going to be? 12:34.454 --> 12:35.874 Catch the Santa Land Express. 12:35.934 --> 12:37.115 It's not the Northern line, is it? 12:37.675 --> 12:42.676 At best it's going to be a tiny, tiny little train like you sometimes have at seaside crazy golf courses. 12:43.316 --> 12:44.257 Well that would be fine. 12:44.757 --> 12:45.697 Could you be quite happy with that? 12:45.717 --> 12:47.297 Frank would love that. 12:47.397 --> 12:49.138 A 100 foot real snow slide. 12:50.097 --> 12:50.837 One hundred foot? 12:51.017 --> 12:51.297 Yeah. 12:51.377 --> 12:52.138 Is that quite big? 12:52.238 --> 12:53.038 That is quite big. 12:53.538 --> 12:54.378 Well, that sounds good. 12:54.398 --> 12:54.679 I like that. 12:54.699 --> 12:56.239 With a three hundred foot queue. 12:56.799 --> 12:57.219 Wow! 12:57.259 --> 12:59.000 And how long does it take to get down the slide? 12:59.500 --> 13:00.100 A second. 13:00.140 --> 13:00.660 That's right. 13:01.381 --> 13:01.741 Okay. 13:02.721 --> 13:04.082 Huge Christmas market. 13:04.782 --> 13:05.582 That sounds awful. 13:05.602 --> 13:06.702 That's just a shop, isn't it? 13:06.722 --> 13:07.483 A shop. 13:07.823 --> 13:09.123 I've been to a huge Christmas market. 13:09.143 --> 13:12.804 I mean, that's now the fourth thing, and they're already trying to sell their shop as an attraction. 13:13.124 --> 13:14.565 Santa's house and secret rooms. 13:14.665 --> 13:16.706 Have you ever been to a Christmas market, can I just say? 13:16.886 --> 13:17.906 No, what is a Christmas market? 13:18.106 --> 13:22.330 Well, it's like a market, but it's under, it's under, um, you know, a tent or whatever. 13:22.550 --> 13:22.691 Yeah. 13:22.711 --> 13:28.856 And it's loads of stalls with either Christmas- directly Christmas-related things like tinsel and baubles. 13:28.917 --> 13:29.777 Yeah. 13:29.797 --> 13:30.478 Or- Baubles. 13:30.518 --> 13:30.959 Baubles. 13:32.507 --> 13:35.008 Or it's just gift ideas, you know what I mean? 13:35.328 --> 13:42.751 And the last time I was there, I got suckered in by so many bad gift ideas, the worst one of which was refillable ink for your printer. 13:43.191 --> 13:43.891 Have you ever done that? 13:44.451 --> 13:47.012 You get like a set with a syringe in it and you... No. 13:47.132 --> 13:48.733 Yeah, it's really... It's madness. 13:48.753 --> 13:49.453 It's madness. 13:49.513 --> 13:56.416 And I paid about 50 quid and this guy talked me through it and everything and I thought, wow, I'm never gonna have to pay for expensive printer refills again. 13:57.136 --> 14:00.777 but instead I spent 50 quid and threw it away the next day. 14:01.477 --> 14:02.658 Santa's house and secret rooms. 14:02.678 --> 14:04.198 Would you let your kids into Santa's secret rooms? 14:05.718 --> 14:06.039 Yes. 14:06.639 --> 14:06.979 Yes. 14:07.659 --> 14:08.859 Santa Land post office. 14:09.660 --> 14:12.840 Why would you pay for entry into Santa's post office? 14:13.281 --> 14:14.321 Because there might be elves. 14:14.841 --> 14:16.281 Animatronic Polar Park. 14:16.882 --> 14:17.702 What's that going to be? 14:18.542 --> 14:19.603 That'll be bears, won't it? 14:20.643 --> 14:26.165 There'll be two- possibly a couple of penguins if you're lucky, robotic penguins, whose heads turn from right to left repeatedly. 14:27.506 --> 14:28.286 Anyway, shall I go on? 14:28.706 --> 14:31.327 Christmas Factor Xmas Factor Christmas Karaoke. 14:31.607 --> 14:35.809 Basically it sounds like the biggest old pile of Santa poop. 14:36.229 --> 14:37.210 It sounds like hell on earth. 14:37.230 --> 14:37.930 When does it start? 14:38.070 --> 14:39.931 It starts on the 3rd to the 23rd of December. 14:40.191 --> 14:41.431 Has anyone been to Santa Langs? 14:41.472 --> 14:42.312 It was on last year. 14:42.412 --> 14:44.213 What, it starts on the 23rd of December? 14:44.873 --> 14:46.394 Sorry, 3rd of December till the 23rd of December. 14:46.414 --> 14:47.194 Oh, the 3rd of December. 14:47.594 --> 14:48.235 OK, I'm gonna go. 14:48.255 --> 14:48.295 OK. 14:48.996 --> 14:49.796 You're gonna go? 14:49.877 --> 14:51.698 Yeah, I'm gonna go with Frank and we'll take a tape recorder. 14:51.718 --> 14:51.979 Wicked. 14:52.099 --> 14:52.459 Wicked. 14:52.660 --> 14:54.041 And we'll do a report for the show. 14:54.061 --> 14:54.321 Wicked. 14:54.401 --> 14:54.722 How about that? 14:54.742 --> 14:55.262 That's exciting. 14:55.402 --> 14:55.763 OK. 14:55.823 --> 14:58.726 So coming up after this, it is time for celebrity regression. 14:58.846 --> 15:00.628 Here's one off the playlist now. 15:00.688 --> 15:03.811 This is Talking Heads with The Good Thing. 15:14.454 --> 15:17.236 Talking heads with the good thing, this is Ed and Joe on XFM. 15:17.616 --> 15:19.417 So someone told us how much Santaland was. 15:19.918 --> 15:24.861 Santaland cost £22.50 per adult and £17.50 for a child. 15:25.141 --> 15:25.862 That's a lot. 15:25.882 --> 15:28.343 So- so you, uh, you take both kids? 15:28.924 --> 15:29.604 No, just Frank. 15:29.624 --> 15:30.244 No, okay. 15:30.324 --> 15:30.765 Nat's too young. 15:30.785 --> 15:31.505 So what does that make? 15:31.525 --> 15:32.026 £39- £30- £40? 15:36.279 --> 15:36.860 I can't count. 15:37.260 --> 15:39.362 £40 plus all the money you spend in there as well. 15:39.382 --> 15:40.143 Wow, Santa Land. 15:40.183 --> 15:41.083 That's the magic of Christmas. 15:41.103 --> 15:41.704 That is the magic of Christmas. 15:41.724 --> 15:43.806 They've successfully captured the magic of Christmas. 15:44.366 --> 15:45.987 So now it's time for celebrity regression. 15:47.108 --> 15:47.429 OK. 15:47.509 --> 15:51.072 OK, so we're going to establish a clinical atmosphere here in the studio. 15:52.032 --> 15:53.534 I'm a trained hypnotherapist. 15:53.554 --> 15:57.277 What I'm going to do is regress Adam into the mind and movies of a famous film star. 15:57.837 --> 16:05.461 you have to listen carefully to what he witnesses when he's in his hypnotic state and tell us the name of the actor or actress and the three films that he's going to be regressed into. 16:05.481 --> 16:16.026 The numbers 0-8-7-1, triple 2-1-0-4-9 and you could either win the Flash Gordon collector's tin or, and this is a new late in the day prize that we haven't previously announced, tickets to see the League of Gentlemen live. 16:16.046 --> 16:17.347 It's supposed to be very good. 16:17.527 --> 16:20.748 Started this week with some preview shows and apparently they were a smash. 16:21.488 --> 16:24.330 So here we go, let's ring the bell of hypnosis. 16:26.730 --> 16:33.478 And take a deep breath, pushing the stomach out, breathing in through the nose and out through the bottom. 16:35.860 --> 16:45.792 And relax and drift back, back, back, back, all the way back until you're a little baby. 16:46.661 --> 16:52.728 Until you're a tiny spermatovore riggling around in your dandies. 16:53.649 --> 16:53.949 Oh dear. 16:54.349 --> 16:55.170 Yeah, okay, good. 16:55.290 --> 16:56.972 I think Adam's been successfully regressed. 16:57.893 --> 16:58.514 Can you hear me, Adam? 16:59.695 --> 17:00.536 He's a long way away. 17:01.717 --> 17:03.399 Now wake up, tell us what you can see. 17:05.081 --> 17:08.223 Oh, I'm on a ship. 17:08.624 --> 17:11.806 I'm on a big ship, creaking boards and bits of rope. 17:12.307 --> 17:15.089 And there's a kid here, his arm's all busted up. 17:15.189 --> 17:18.212 They're gonna cut off his arm, and that's the way it goes on a ship. 17:18.412 --> 17:22.836 But I'll give him a book when they're finished cutting off the arm, and that should make him feel better about the whole thing. 17:23.356 --> 17:29.061 He'll have a tough time holding the book and turning the pages with just one arm, but he's gotta work it out! 17:29.141 --> 17:31.482 Cuz that's what it's like here on a ship, you understand me? 17:31.762 --> 17:34.264 And he's happy anyway, cuz I gave him a book. 17:34.344 --> 17:36.965 I'm not a pansy, and he respects that. 17:37.045 --> 17:39.427 So everybody else on the boat respects that as well. 17:39.487 --> 17:43.749 And if anyone says I'm a pansy, I'll knock their face off with my hand, you understand me? 17:43.769 --> 17:47.511 And ruffle up their hair, and I'll spit on their trousers, and I'll knock them around. 17:48.131 --> 17:48.451 OK. 17:48.511 --> 17:48.852 Breathe. 17:50.172 --> 17:50.913 Just relax. 17:51.433 --> 17:52.654 I think I know who this could be. 17:53.814 --> 17:56.956 A very different voice he's got from what I remember. 17:57.816 --> 17:59.717 Let's take Adam into the second film. 17:59.797 --> 18:00.078 Remember 087122149? 18:02.119 --> 18:05.140 If you can guess the movies he's experiencing and the name of the star. 18:05.240 --> 18:05.500 Wake up. 18:05.520 --> 18:06.321 Tell us what you can see. 18:07.563 --> 18:08.244 I'm in a room. 18:08.964 --> 18:10.786 It's a nice college room. 18:10.906 --> 18:13.088 University kind of situation. 18:13.128 --> 18:15.311 My head hurts because I'm intelligent. 18:15.491 --> 18:17.413 And right now I'm pretending to be sensitive. 18:17.873 --> 18:19.374 I'm a thinking genius. 18:19.475 --> 18:20.395 I'm a thinking genius. 18:20.476 --> 18:22.317 I got a lot of things going on in my head. 18:22.778 --> 18:24.840 Numbers flying around all over the place. 18:24.880 --> 18:25.901 Maybe too many numbers. 18:25.961 --> 18:28.023 I can't deal with the numbers or I'm losing it. 18:28.383 --> 18:33.627 I'm gonna smack some people right in the jacket, because I can't even deal with the numbers that I may be thinking, genius. 18:33.667 --> 18:39.411 But I'm no pansy, so I'm gonna push some people over and pull their ears and grab their socks off in that kind of situation. 18:40.052 --> 18:41.493 Ah, I'm kinda...punching. 18:42.153 --> 18:42.354 OK. 18:42.434 --> 18:42.794 Oh, it's in 1221049. 18:42.854 --> 18:44.996 It's not very difficult. 18:45.296 --> 18:46.397 No, I told you it was good. 18:47.517 --> 18:48.458 And here's the third film. 18:48.718 --> 18:49.019 OK. 18:49.479 --> 18:49.779 Relax. 18:50.340 --> 18:50.660 Wake up. 18:50.740 --> 18:51.601 Tell us what you can see. 18:53.186 --> 18:54.467 I'm in South America. 18:55.168 --> 18:55.908 It's a mess. 18:55.968 --> 18:57.149 It's just a mess here. 18:57.249 --> 18:59.751 Cars and shooting and punching and gorillas. 19:00.532 --> 19:04.215 Not monkeys, you understand me, but foreign people with guns and bad ideas. 19:04.375 --> 19:05.656 I'm on a tough assignment. 19:06.097 --> 19:09.720 I gotta... I gotta get this guy out, cause he's one of us. 19:10.200 --> 19:11.441 Not foreign, I mean. 19:11.461 --> 19:11.901 He's a... 19:12.722 --> 19:21.149 And that's a tough, it's tough, because I, you know, I could go in there and shoot people in the ankles and ruffle up their armpits, but that, that's the easy part, you know? 19:21.269 --> 19:42.245 Cause I'm not a pansy, the problem is his wife, the wife of the man who I gotta get out, cause I'm fixing on boinking her, I'm gonna boink her in the film, and in real life, on the stairs, in a box, I don't care, cause I'm not a pansy, and if it causes problems, I'll knock over some people's legs and kick them in the jacket and deliberately bruise their apples, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna kick them in the jacket! 19:43.185 --> 19:46.647 OK, Adam is going to stay in a regressed state until we get a correct answer. 19:47.448 --> 19:53.211 The prize is the Flash Gordon box set, all tickets to see the League of Gentlemen, the numbers 0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-o-four-nine. 19:53.231 --> 19:53.891 We'll be right back. 19:53.971 --> 19:54.451 Call now! 20:08.275 --> 20:10.697 Welcome back to celebrity regression. 20:10.757 --> 20:16.740 Adam is regressed into the mind of a film star, but Xanthi hasn't come back from the phone room yet. 20:17.320 --> 20:18.061 Come on, Xanthi. 20:18.081 --> 20:18.861 There she is. 20:19.902 --> 20:22.283 OK, and we'll find out who we've got on the line. 20:22.323 --> 20:23.484 Who do we have on the line, Xanthi? 20:23.504 --> 20:24.624 You can tell us using words. 20:25.205 --> 20:25.885 Chad. 20:25.905 --> 20:26.165 Chad. 20:26.205 --> 20:26.746 Hello, Chad. 20:27.966 --> 20:28.647 Speak to us, Chad. 20:28.667 --> 20:28.947 Hello! 20:29.347 --> 20:29.928 Hey, how you doing? 20:30.088 --> 20:30.768 Good, how are you guys? 20:31.068 --> 20:34.931 We're very good, so keep your voice nice and low, Chad, because Adam is in a regressed state. 20:35.451 --> 20:38.833 If you frighten him in any way, you could damage his brain violently. 20:39.474 --> 20:39.994 Hello, Chad. 20:40.274 --> 20:40.514 Hello. 20:40.735 --> 20:41.455 Hello, well done. 20:42.316 --> 20:44.617 OK, Chad, who do you think it is? 20:44.697 --> 20:45.898 I think it might be Russell Crowe. 20:46.478 --> 20:47.439 Rattle crow. 20:47.939 --> 20:49.541 Let's see if Adam responds. 20:49.701 --> 20:50.221 Russell Crowe. 20:51.282 --> 20:52.463 Yes, that's cool! 20:52.643 --> 20:54.504 How on earth did you work that out, Chad? 20:54.524 --> 20:55.605 That was pretty difficult. 20:55.625 --> 20:56.406 The voice threw me. 20:56.606 --> 21:01.749 Yeah, that was a little, you know, I threw that in just to... That kind of Brooklyn version of Russell Crowe. 21:01.970 --> 21:03.591 I gotta punch you in the jacket! 21:04.792 --> 21:15.858 Well, yeah, I told you it was easy I was gonna do I was gonna do the guy from shine that plays David health gots dad But if anyone can tell me his name while they can because they can look it up. 21:15.878 --> 21:23.402 Well, hang on Let's get let's get the crow dealt with first I know but I was just saying that's why it was so easy because I thought well easy or really obscure and I Just went for easy. 21:24.003 --> 21:25.704 So how did you how did you deduce that Chad? 21:25.724 --> 21:25.764 Oh 21:26.084 --> 21:31.166 Well, I've seen Master and Commander and Proof of Life and Cinderella Man, so... What's Cinderella Man? 21:31.186 --> 21:31.546 Now, hang on. 21:31.566 --> 21:32.827 No, Cinderella Man wasn't there. 21:32.847 --> 21:33.547 I was the middle one. 21:33.607 --> 21:34.648 I thought that was Cinderella Man. 21:34.668 --> 21:35.628 No, that was Beautiful Mind. 21:35.668 --> 21:37.289 Cinderella Man's the boxing movie. 21:37.649 --> 21:39.610 There was such a massive flop in the States. 21:40.290 --> 21:42.891 They had to offer people their money back if they didn't like it. 21:43.211 --> 21:43.772 Well, that's fair. 21:43.832 --> 21:44.572 Is that really true? 21:44.652 --> 21:46.093 And most people claim their money back. 21:46.233 --> 21:47.653 Yeah, that is true. 21:47.973 --> 21:48.634 That's desperate. 21:48.834 --> 21:49.294 Wow. 21:49.314 --> 21:49.714 Well done. 21:49.774 --> 21:51.515 And so what's your choice of prize, Chad? 21:52.035 --> 21:53.877 I'll go with the Flash Gordon box fill I think. 21:53.917 --> 22:01.263 Good choice, that's in a limited edition steel pack so if some kind of space mongo does invade, it'll be protected. 22:01.283 --> 22:03.745 I think, isn't space mongo a racist term? 22:03.925 --> 22:07.568 No, because there's a race of people in Flash Gordon called the mongos. 22:07.588 --> 22:08.869 Oh yeah, they're from mongo aren't they? 22:08.889 --> 22:10.069 So I'm alright, I'm justified. 22:10.090 --> 22:10.790 Mean it's from mongo. 22:10.930 --> 22:11.711 Mean the mongolas. 22:12.131 --> 22:34.003 so listen jack congratulations thank you very much indeed for phoning in thank you and enjoy your prize it's a wonderful film and of course the other film that chad didn't actually get even though we gave him the prize anyway was proof of life or the rescue man as i like to call it it's a really quite boring film that one the rescue man with meg ryan doing a really weird serious performance 22:34.597 --> 22:35.237 Anyway, there you go. 22:35.257 --> 22:37.218 That was an easy celebrity regression. 22:37.278 --> 22:38.799 Next time I'll make it a little bit harder. 22:39.700 --> 22:42.301 But let's play some... Actually, no, we should play some adverts now. 22:42.621 --> 22:43.342 More adverts. 22:43.442 --> 22:44.062 More adverts. 22:44.082 --> 22:44.822 We've got to pay the way. 22:45.123 --> 22:46.483 And then we'll be back very shortly. 22:46.503 --> 22:47.084 This is Adam and Jo. 23:21.976 --> 23:22.077 you 23:29.073 --> 23:32.534 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 23:32.754 --> 23:33.054 Wow. 23:33.214 --> 23:33.694 I love that. 23:33.714 --> 23:35.314 That was good, wasn't it? 23:35.334 --> 23:37.235 That's... Jenny was a friend of mine by the Killers. 23:37.595 --> 23:41.036 But almost better than that song was the ad break that went before it. 23:41.076 --> 23:43.796 Well, ad breaks are just a phantasmagoria on this station. 23:43.816 --> 23:47.077 There were so many things to talk about that we're probably not allowed to. 23:47.537 --> 23:48.757 Because they're adverts. 23:49.337 --> 23:52.438 But, um... Well, don't talk about the adverts themselves. 23:52.518 --> 23:52.898 No, I know. 23:52.978 --> 23:53.278 OK. 23:53.638 --> 23:57.419 Well, the one about the Robbie Williams interview... I don't secretly love Robbie. 23:58.450 --> 23:58.690 No. 23:58.710 --> 23:59.631 Is that what it said? 23:59.772 --> 24:00.492 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 24:00.753 --> 24:05.138 It's the scenario is you're going into a shop and you're buying the observer because you're ashamed. 24:05.678 --> 24:06.219 But you're ashamed. 24:06.299 --> 24:07.660 It's as if you're buying a dirty mag. 24:08.081 --> 24:09.563 And the guy behind the counter goes, Oi! 24:09.923 --> 24:13.327 This bloke's buying the observer for the Robbie Williams interview! 24:14.188 --> 24:16.390 And the voice over goes, Come on, admit it. 24:16.651 --> 24:17.411 You love Robbie. 24:18.427 --> 24:19.088 I don't, I don't. 24:19.488 --> 24:20.569 No, I'm not going to admit that either. 24:20.589 --> 24:22.251 I don't want to listen to XFM, do they? 24:22.271 --> 24:25.874 Do XFM listeners have a secret repressed desire for Robbie? 24:26.655 --> 24:28.437 He doesn't need that kind of advertising. 24:28.497 --> 24:32.881 He's got a huge loyal fan base of slightly stupid people. 24:33.062 --> 24:33.262 Yeah. 24:33.662 --> 24:38.264 And no one else is secretly harbouring a yearning for Robbie at all. 24:38.384 --> 24:39.705 Have you seen the new Will Young video? 24:40.165 --> 24:40.565 No, I haven't. 24:40.905 --> 24:41.926 It's a Top Gun parody. 24:42.506 --> 24:43.166 It's quite good. 24:43.406 --> 24:45.007 It's quite good. 24:45.227 --> 24:47.908 With Young as the Tom Cruise figure? 24:47.928 --> 24:49.809 Yeah, that's the only bit that doesn't really work. 24:49.829 --> 24:51.249 He doesn't really look like Cruise. 24:51.369 --> 24:51.650 No. 24:51.670 --> 24:54.531 He looks like Tom Cruise if you cut Tom Cruise's head off and replaced it with a wellie. 24:57.012 --> 24:58.472 But Tom Cruise probably sings a bit better. 24:59.452 --> 25:01.113 That's very rude, isn't it? 25:01.193 --> 25:03.513 It's probably absolutely lovely, William. 25:03.653 --> 25:07.574 OK, but the thing I did want to talk about, which also featured in the commercial break, was The X Factor. 25:07.634 --> 25:09.955 They had a good little trailer for The X Factor, obviously very exciting. 25:10.275 --> 25:13.376 But I don't know whether anybody who listens to our show watches The X Factor. 25:14.076 --> 25:42.078 personally for me it's over it was over at the end of last saturday because it's they finished the auditions which is the interesting bit and they've moved on to the live shows which are tedious they're like old school variety shows no one actually wants to hear these people sing a full song we just want to see them either very happy or very sad and the interesting thing about the x factor i don't know whether you agree anyone listening or adam is that they've managed to get they're doing this american thing where it's all about teasing you to keep you watching yeah so they've got a few they know that the best bit is when the hearts are broken 25:42.818 --> 25:57.282 You know when the people are either their dreams are made or shattered Yeah, so they delay that bit till the very very last segment of not one one-hour show, but two one-hour shows Yeah, there's one from like seven to eight then there's one from Nine till ten or something. 25:57.342 --> 25:57.702 I don't know. 25:57.962 --> 25:58.922 There's two one-hour shows. 25:58.942 --> 25:59.483 You never watch it. 25:59.503 --> 26:01.163 Do you Adam not really baffled? 26:01.483 --> 26:08.825 Okay, but this is how a segment of The X Factor works at the beginning of the show they tell you what's still to come and that lasts a minute and 26:09.305 --> 26:12.526 OK, how long is an ITV segment between breaks? 26:12.866 --> 26:13.687 Is it 11 minutes? 26:14.307 --> 26:15.207 Er, if that. 26:15.267 --> 26:19.008 It's about 11 minutes maximum, so they've got four 11 minute segments to play with. 26:19.248 --> 26:21.749 So segment one, still to come, is a minute, OK? 26:21.889 --> 26:26.391 Then there's a catch-up package to remind you, if you haven't seen the previous segment, that's a minute. 26:26.871 --> 26:27.971 So that's the first two minutes. 26:28.692 --> 26:30.392 And they always put Carmen, what's it called? 26:32.133 --> 26:35.034 That song that Michael Jackson uses, and Carmen Bavura, what's it called? 26:35.894 --> 26:36.895 Thank you very much, Santi. 26:36.935 --> 26:39.716 Sorry, that's my limited knowledge of opera. 26:39.796 --> 26:40.677 It's always got that on it. 26:41.037 --> 26:45.640 Then they have a clip of each person who's gonna sing, singing, so you're reminded what their singing sounds like. 26:45.840 --> 26:46.480 That's two minutes. 26:46.640 --> 26:47.421 We're into four minutes. 26:47.441 --> 26:49.262 There's only six minutes left of the segment. 26:49.542 --> 26:51.143 Yeah, and then Kate Thornton turns up. 26:51.563 --> 26:55.966 We haven't even factored in Thornton, because then there's an interview clip of each person. 26:56.526 --> 26:59.408 They interview them about whatever is about to happen. 26:59.428 --> 27:00.108 Does that make any sense? 27:00.148 --> 27:00.328 Yeah. 27:00.929 --> 27:04.631 So they go, oh, I feel really nervous about the big thing thong in front of 27:05.251 --> 27:06.212 Um, Nasty Nigel. 27:06.552 --> 27:07.752 No, it's not him anymore. 27:08.253 --> 27:10.274 Um, that lasts two minutes, cos they do all the contestants. 27:10.294 --> 27:11.114 So what are we up to there? 27:11.194 --> 27:12.155 For six minutes. 27:12.815 --> 27:13.896 We've only got five minutes left. 27:14.156 --> 27:16.357 Then there's about four minutes of actual programme. 27:16.797 --> 27:19.759 Because after that there's two minutes of coming up after the break. 27:20.139 --> 27:22.200 So my point is they've managed to get the actual content. 27:22.480 --> 27:23.361 It's like mini Pringles. 27:24.481 --> 27:25.702 much- so much packaging. 27:25.982 --> 27:29.164 You know, the packaging to actual content ratio is so out of whack. 27:29.744 --> 27:32.586 And with the X Factor, that is the most heinous example of that phenomenon. 27:32.946 --> 27:36.328 I think there's only about four minutes of actual good telly in the X Factor. 27:36.348 --> 27:37.069 Steve of nutritional telly. 27:37.089 --> 27:37.609 Ricky Yeah. 27:38.269 --> 27:39.190 Of nutritional content. 27:39.210 --> 27:40.631 Steve Well, that doesn't surprise me. 27:40.671 --> 27:41.551 That's why I don't watch it. 27:41.571 --> 27:42.612 Why do you watch it in a minute? 27:42.632 --> 27:48.235 Ricky But, I tell you why I watch it, because going by that equation, the final segment of the final show last week was amazing. 27:48.255 --> 27:48.455 Steve Yeah. 27:48.475 --> 27:50.717 Ricky It was twelve people, two of them children, 27:51.570 --> 27:59.141 whose entire hopes and dreams for their whole lives were smashed rapidly in succession in about a four minute segment. 27:59.501 --> 27:59.822 Bang! 27:59.962 --> 28:00.302 Bang! 28:00.443 --> 28:00.803 Bang! 28:00.903 --> 28:01.264 Bang! 28:01.664 --> 28:07.152 There was a tiny little spotty blonde boy with glasses who could hardly speak without crying. 28:07.953 --> 28:09.374 whose dreams were shattered. 28:10.494 --> 28:24.779 And they put a camera crew with this kid's family, wait for him to come back from wherever the hideous training session is in Sharon Osbourne's house in LA, or wherever, and then film it as he comes in and announces to his parents that he hasn't made it. 28:25.540 --> 28:28.341 The poor boy couldn't even speak, he just ran into his mother's arms. 28:29.261 --> 28:31.862 What I want to know is what happens when the camera crew leave. 28:32.582 --> 28:39.404 So they're filming, it's alright, it's alright, you're better than that, you'll still make it, try again next year. 28:39.784 --> 28:45.386 Camera crew's standing there slightly shamefacedly filming it and going, right. 28:45.786 --> 28:46.466 Thanks very much. 28:46.486 --> 28:46.987 Thanks a lot. 28:47.407 --> 28:47.807 Bye. 28:47.927 --> 28:48.347 Cheer up. 28:48.787 --> 28:49.387 It'll never happen. 28:49.587 --> 28:50.468 Have you tried macrame? 28:52.116 --> 28:53.237 but maybe they don't say that. 28:53.977 --> 28:55.698 Well, man, that's the end of my speech. 28:55.738 --> 28:56.858 That sounds really sad. 28:57.478 --> 28:58.539 Here's something to cheer you up. 28:59.119 --> 29:03.481 This is a song by Pavement, and taking us into our second hour here on XFM. 29:12.745 --> 29:14.706 That's Pavement with Major Leagues. 29:16.127 --> 29:17.367 This is Ed and Joe on XFM. 29:17.567 --> 29:20.389 We'll be back for our second hour very shortly, so stay with us. 29:22.111 --> 29:25.235 XFM one two one two two 29:49.575 --> 29:50.477 them. 30:04.466 --> 30:07.927 That would make a great theme tune for a new Channel 4 property show. 30:08.808 --> 30:09.648 That's a good idea. 30:11.008 --> 30:12.949 Let's raise a light with Kirby's House. 30:13.429 --> 30:14.249 Yep, Kirby's House. 30:14.289 --> 30:15.710 Maybe a Saturday morning kids show. 30:16.030 --> 30:16.670 Yeah, mate. 30:17.150 --> 30:18.611 That was like being in church. 30:18.631 --> 30:20.592 I don't know why I'm talking in an Australian accent. 30:20.632 --> 30:21.072 I like it. 30:21.092 --> 30:21.732 I like it. 30:21.752 --> 30:23.633 This is Adam and Joe on XFM. 30:24.793 --> 30:26.354 It's time for our text competition. 30:26.714 --> 30:31.515 The text number is 83XFM and we've got tickets to see the League of Gentlemen live. 30:31.715 --> 30:33.136 This is their sort of panto, isn't it? 30:33.396 --> 30:34.377 Yeah, they're kind of Christmas panto. 30:34.397 --> 30:35.839 The League of Gentlemen are behind you. 30:36.359 --> 30:36.539 Yeah. 30:36.739 --> 30:39.542 So I think it's probably got quite a lot of raucous audience interaction. 30:39.943 --> 30:40.443 Absolutely. 30:40.483 --> 30:42.145 I'm looking forward to seeing it. 30:42.485 --> 30:43.847 I think we're going to go to a party. 30:43.867 --> 30:44.768 Are we? 30:44.848 --> 30:45.168 Yeah. 30:45.428 --> 30:46.830 But what about the League of Gentlemen show? 30:46.850 --> 30:47.250 I don't know. 30:47.470 --> 30:49.392 I'm just saying I'm excited about the party. 30:49.493 --> 30:50.353 Changing the subject. 30:50.373 --> 30:50.954 No, no, no. 30:51.415 --> 30:54.438 I think there might be a League of Gentlemen party and we might get invited. 30:54.458 --> 30:54.658 Wow. 30:54.718 --> 30:55.499 That's exciting. 30:55.539 --> 30:55.679 Yeah. 30:55.819 --> 31:00.700 So if you want to win those tickets, um, you've just got to, uh, answer our text competition. 31:01.141 --> 31:07.322 So listen, this is sort of inspired by, uh, a show called Brush With Fame, which I saw on BBC One this week. 31:07.342 --> 31:08.843 It was on yesterday afternoon. 31:09.583 --> 31:12.744 And, uh, it's hosted by Carol Thmaily. 31:12.764 --> 31:13.664 It's a good title, isn't it? 31:13.764 --> 31:14.585 Brush With Fame. 31:14.625 --> 31:15.065 Brush With Fame. 31:15.085 --> 31:16.245 Is it paying with the word brush? 31:16.285 --> 31:16.625 Yeah. 31:16.685 --> 31:17.745 So can you guess where it is? 31:17.866 --> 31:18.066 Yeah. 31:18.086 --> 31:18.166 Yeah. 31:18.426 --> 31:21.867 Well presumably it's non-painter- or is it amateur painters? 31:22.227 --> 31:22.427 Yeah. 31:23.406 --> 31:25.628 Er, competing... I don't know, what is it? 31:25.708 --> 31:33.996 This is the latest in a long line of increasingly desperate BBC rip-offs of pop idol style elimination shows. 31:34.016 --> 31:37.339 Do you know what my second, sorry, favourite phrase apart from brush with fame is? 31:37.519 --> 31:38.300 What? 31:38.420 --> 31:39.220 Pizza the action. 31:39.721 --> 31:40.462 Pizza the action? 31:40.482 --> 31:40.662 Yeah. 31:40.722 --> 31:42.223 I'd like a show called pizza the action. 31:42.463 --> 31:44.625 Well there's a pizza company called pizza the action, isn't there? 31:44.645 --> 31:44.886 Is there? 31:44.906 --> 31:46.027 It's a similar kind of phrase. 31:46.067 --> 31:46.247 Yeah. 31:46.767 --> 31:49.569 Anyway, Brush With Fame. 31:49.609 --> 31:51.050 Like, for example, Political Idol? 31:51.110 --> 31:51.890 Did I imagine that? 31:51.930 --> 31:52.931 Or was that a real show? 31:53.091 --> 31:54.632 I think that was a Channel 4 show, wasn't it? 31:54.712 --> 31:55.012 Right. 31:55.212 --> 31:56.293 OK, so not a BBC one. 31:56.333 --> 32:02.977 Anyway, this show, Brush With Fame, basically is attempting to find just a competent portrait painter, really. 32:03.057 --> 32:07.600 Not anyone particularly spectacular, because after all, if you were a really good painter, 32:08.380 --> 32:09.981 Why would you be on that show? 32:10.421 --> 32:12.402 You'd be just busy being an artist, wouldn't you? 32:12.682 --> 32:21.265 Anyway, if they're sufficiently okay, they can win 10,000 quid and they get an exclusive publishing deal, whatever that is. 32:21.946 --> 32:23.986 And it just seemed like a baffling show. 32:24.006 --> 32:28.428 And you've got all these people in the room painting self-portraits for the first round. 32:28.868 --> 32:31.369 And then you've got a couple of art, so-called art experts. 32:31.389 --> 32:35.631 We don't know what they've done or how they're qualified to comment about art in any way whatsoever. 32:35.871 --> 32:37.512 And they wander around the room and they, 32:38.312 --> 32:47.225 They disagree about what they think of the art in a hilarious Simon Cowell versus Louis Walsh type way. 32:48.166 --> 32:50.810 But the level of the banter is really not very high. 32:52.785 --> 32:54.728 I can't even, I haven't even got any down here. 32:54.988 --> 33:01.458 The only banter I've got is between one of the art critics and one of the people, one of the artists that he's talking to. 33:01.938 --> 33:03.881 And this is the kind of whole level of the show. 33:04.402 --> 33:08.608 So he's saying, you've made the eyes very watery, like 33:09.269 --> 33:30.485 like eyes he says he didn't say that yeah he made the eyes very watery like like eyes that's a good metaphor is that a metaphor or a simile i don't know it's saying i don't know what that is it's a new type of grammar and the woman says well i always think that once you've got the eyes right the rest just falls into place and the art critic goes yeah well they say that the eyes are the window to the soul 33:33.012 --> 33:34.594 Ricky and Steve laugh Ricky and Steve laugh 33:49.716 --> 33:50.136 rest of it. 33:50.156 --> 33:51.478 Easy. 33:52.779 --> 33:56.662 It made me think though that there's a lot more types of shows like this. 33:56.682 --> 33:59.204 Elimination shows that the BBC will almost certainly be making. 33:59.224 --> 34:00.986 Rolf Harris is a great artist though, isn't he? 34:01.086 --> 34:02.047 Or other broadcasters. 34:02.367 --> 34:03.148 Yes, absolutely. 34:03.168 --> 34:05.009 What are you talking about Rolf for? 34:05.290 --> 34:08.733 I'm just talking about the BBC's concept, you know, idea of art. 34:09.213 --> 34:09.993 Oh, yeah, that's right. 34:10.234 --> 34:14.776 Which, as illustrated by this program and as illustrated by Rolf being now King of Art. 34:14.816 --> 34:16.276 Well, it's sort of anti-snobbery, isn't it? 34:16.316 --> 34:17.957 But it's gone a bit too far the other way. 34:18.117 --> 34:18.217 Yeah. 34:18.718 --> 34:29.663 Anyway, what I would like to do is a very long-winded way of saying that we'd like people to text in what they think the next type of elimination show will be on not just the BBC, but any channel. 34:30.143 --> 34:30.444 ideas. 34:30.544 --> 34:31.886 OK, I came up with Top Docs. 34:32.226 --> 34:42.081 Now this is a quest to find a bright young surgeon of tomorrow, and the winner, so you have like surgery, surgery, good ideas, and you get, because people like watching surgery. 34:42.101 --> 34:43.643 Yeah, so if you mess up the surgery, 34:44.449 --> 34:45.030 And you're out. 34:45.050 --> 34:46.411 There's a lot at stake, yeah. 34:46.532 --> 34:48.834 If people are disfigured or if they die, then you're out. 34:48.874 --> 34:50.236 You don't go through to the next round. 34:50.476 --> 34:54.400 And they get awarded, you know, paid tuition at medical school. 34:54.501 --> 34:58.405 That would be good because you'd follow the emotional story of the person who has operated on as well. 34:58.445 --> 34:58.966 That's right. 34:58.986 --> 34:59.967 Could they operate on each other? 35:00.387 --> 35:00.907 on each other. 35:17.054 --> 35:21.856 this is a search for a sparky, attractive, yet committed aid worker. 35:22.597 --> 35:26.459 Er, you know, cos you want someone sexy who's gonna- but who's also sensitive. 35:26.479 --> 35:27.759 Like a UN ambassador sort of thing. 35:27.819 --> 35:28.980 Like Jerry Halliwell. 35:29.000 --> 35:29.380 Exactly. 35:29.680 --> 35:37.884 And the winner of Make Me an Aid Worker gets a year's worth of free medical supplies and a guaranteed job at the next site of- of any major environmental disaster. 35:37.904 --> 35:38.144 That's good. 35:38.164 --> 35:39.345 And what do they have to do at the audition? 35:39.385 --> 35:41.586 They stand on their necks and just empathise. 35:41.966 --> 36:04.796 yeah you'd you'd give them some bad some malnourished children to empathize with but they'd have to do it in a sort of sexy telegenic way i'm so sorry what a pity you wouldn't be going through to the next round no how about this yeah no it's it's and it's essential that aids 36:05.476 --> 36:05.696 What? 36:05.936 --> 36:06.176 What? 36:06.456 --> 36:08.257 No, I'm not missing that joke. 36:08.277 --> 36:09.157 Keep talking. 36:09.457 --> 36:10.598 No, no, no, bad, bad. 36:10.798 --> 36:12.739 Anyway, so text in now, okay? 36:12.839 --> 36:13.399 83XFM. 36:13.719 --> 36:15.460 No, yeah, that's right, isn't it? 36:15.560 --> 36:20.001 83XFM, and we want to hear your suggestions for more... For the latest big elimination show. 36:20.061 --> 36:20.941 Big elimination shows. 36:20.961 --> 36:21.622 We should play some music. 36:21.642 --> 36:22.882 We've been going on for ages. 36:23.502 --> 36:25.083 Here are the Ramones. 36:36.798 --> 36:37.279 Come on. 36:37.299 --> 36:40.062 That's the Ramones with beat on the brat. 36:40.102 --> 36:41.904 This is Adam and Joe here at XFM. 36:41.964 --> 36:45.008 It's such a beautiful day today, you know, I'm slightly surprised anyone's listening. 36:45.548 --> 36:47.070 Well... It's such a lovely day. 36:47.711 --> 36:51.215 But people are, and we're being flooded with ideas for new reality shows. 36:52.076 --> 36:52.976 Do you want to hear some of them, Adam? 36:53.016 --> 36:56.637 Yeah, these are sort of not just reality but elimination shows, right? 36:57.017 --> 36:57.818 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 36:57.958 --> 36:58.258 OK. 36:58.658 --> 36:59.618 Here is one. 36:59.698 --> 37:01.239 Cheeses of Nazareth. 37:02.059 --> 37:02.639 What's that? 37:02.699 --> 37:05.000 Where people model religious figures from dairy products. 37:05.320 --> 37:08.261 That's more sort of a pun that that person has sort of, um... 37:09.421 --> 37:13.802 just sort of turned into an answer to the, er, to the text competition. 37:13.922 --> 37:14.762 OK, OK, OK. 37:15.422 --> 37:17.683 Maybe we just haven't got any that are good enough to read out. 37:17.703 --> 37:19.263 Jesus of Nazareth? 37:19.323 --> 37:19.603 Yeah. 37:19.864 --> 37:20.364 That was the best one. 37:20.384 --> 37:21.364 What are you thinking about? 37:21.644 --> 37:22.444 Who wrote that one? 37:22.844 --> 37:23.284 Er, hang on. 37:23.804 --> 37:24.385 Where's he gone? 37:24.665 --> 37:25.045 James. 37:25.285 --> 37:25.865 In Rochester. 37:25.925 --> 37:26.505 Well done, James. 37:26.525 --> 37:28.606 That's a very obscure elimination show. 37:28.626 --> 37:29.346 Yeah. 37:29.386 --> 37:30.006 It really is. 37:30.046 --> 37:31.766 All you've got to work with is the title there. 37:31.806 --> 37:33.987 I don't really think people will go back to the cheeses. 37:38.610 --> 37:39.891 that's a real show. 37:40.512 --> 37:41.993 They made that already. 37:43.154 --> 37:43.594 You know what? 37:43.634 --> 37:45.796 I'm not sure we've got any that are suitable to be read out. 37:45.816 --> 37:46.817 Are they all disgusting? 37:46.857 --> 37:48.978 They're all either disgusting or not very good. 37:49.479 --> 37:51.260 Well, that's what we're like, Joe, you see. 37:51.300 --> 37:52.401 That's a reflection of us. 37:52.801 --> 37:53.302 What do you mean? 37:53.502 --> 37:54.803 Disgusting and not very good. 37:54.923 --> 37:55.483 Oh, no. 37:55.503 --> 37:58.566 Well, remember, there are tickets to see the League of Gentlemen at stake here. 37:58.746 --> 37:59.867 Yeah, come on, get it together. 38:00.447 --> 38:04.030 We'll play some more music and give you some more time to text us, 83XFM. 38:04.050 --> 38:13.078 And we want to hear some of your ideas for what you think the future of the elimination show is, the pop idol style elimination show. 38:13.118 --> 38:20.985 So think about like what people are actually doing, not just the title, although the title is important, of course. 38:21.705 --> 38:24.648 And we'll be back after this one from feeder. 38:24.728 --> 38:25.629 This is called Shatter. 38:30.527 --> 38:31.734 AHHHH! 38:37.116 --> 38:41.837 That's the Beatles needed with Hey Bulldog. 38:42.138 --> 38:43.898 I shouldn't really have played that after the break. 38:44.078 --> 38:47.699 I should have played Superglass with Low C, but I'm going to play that very shortly. 38:48.399 --> 38:50.440 So you join us in the middle of our text competition. 38:50.460 --> 38:52.261 We got tickets to give away to the League of Gentlemen. 38:52.581 --> 38:56.942 Behind you, their great new panto show sort of thing that's touring the country this winter. 38:57.302 --> 39:02.944 And we've had some terrific responses to our proposal for what the next big reality show will be. 39:03.724 --> 39:07.645 Erm, I could read out some of the text, but why don't we go straight to our two favourites. 39:08.205 --> 39:08.285 Yes. 39:08.305 --> 39:09.205 Cos we've got them on the line. 39:09.325 --> 39:10.066 Who have we got first? 39:10.126 --> 39:10.826 Natalie, you there? 39:11.246 --> 39:11.786 Yeah, hi. 39:11.906 --> 39:13.046 Natalie, thanks for speaking to us. 39:13.546 --> 39:13.907 Hello. 39:14.347 --> 39:16.587 Now, er, are you a fan of these, this kind of programme? 39:17.147 --> 39:18.248 No, I think they're terrible. 39:18.528 --> 39:19.268 Which ones do you watch? 39:19.928 --> 39:21.969 Erm, none of them as I can help it. 39:22.029 --> 39:22.349 Really? 39:22.629 --> 39:23.489 Not even The X Factor? 39:23.509 --> 39:25.809 I'm watching The X Factor, but it's got a bit boring now. 39:25.970 --> 39:26.570 It has, hasn't it? 39:26.710 --> 39:26.990 Yeah. 39:27.070 --> 39:27.710 Did you see it last week? 39:30.160 --> 39:32.762 Oh, so you missed the, er, the misery fest, the people's eyes being ruined. 39:32.782 --> 39:36.045 Well, when I went home on the plane, I did see it, yep, and yeah, no, I did see it. 39:36.085 --> 39:36.746 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 39:36.946 --> 39:37.026 OK. 39:37.046 --> 39:38.567 So what, so what's your idea, Natalie? 39:39.428 --> 39:51.458 Erm, I thought there should be one called Top Tramps, where, erm, you had, erm, a selection of homeless people who had to go and basically earn the most money, and obviously tried to not, you know, get beaten up. 39:51.986 --> 39:53.966 or giant fruit at night or anything like that. 39:54.006 --> 39:54.987 Natalie, you're sick. 39:55.187 --> 39:55.747 You're sick. 39:55.927 --> 39:59.207 I think Channel 4 are working on that for their new Friday Night lineup. 39:59.407 --> 40:00.148 Top Tramps. 40:01.128 --> 40:02.828 Like Top Trumps, but with tramps. 40:03.128 --> 40:03.668 Absolutely. 40:03.748 --> 40:05.349 Would you play the tramps off each other? 40:05.369 --> 40:08.649 I hadn't thought of it, but yeah, it's probably a good idea. 40:08.669 --> 40:09.990 Because that's what Top Trumps was, wasn't it? 40:10.010 --> 40:11.370 You sort of break down their stats. 40:11.750 --> 40:12.030 Yeah. 40:12.050 --> 40:14.450 You know, what stats would you have on Top Tramps? 40:14.910 --> 40:15.611 I don't know. 40:15.631 --> 40:16.491 Alcohol content. 40:16.651 --> 40:16.891 Yes. 40:18.396 --> 40:19.816 Stink. 40:19.896 --> 40:20.457 That sort of thing. 40:20.757 --> 40:21.417 That's a good idea. 40:21.497 --> 40:22.237 Adam, what do you reckon on that? 40:22.277 --> 40:22.977 You set the competition. 40:23.678 --> 40:24.318 That's good. 40:24.378 --> 40:28.119 I mean, you know, as a piece of satire as well, it's good. 40:28.139 --> 40:29.620 It's all about satire. 40:29.740 --> 40:30.920 It's all about the satire. 40:31.700 --> 40:32.921 No, I like that one, Natalie. 40:33.101 --> 40:37.642 And as I say, I'm pretty sure that if you went to Channel 4 with that, you'd get a commission. 40:38.782 --> 40:40.883 So, you know, it might be worth thinking about. 40:41.683 --> 40:42.744 But that's definitely up there. 40:42.764 --> 40:45.745 I think we're going to have to give you some tickets to the League of Gentlemen. 40:45.805 --> 40:46.725 Are you a League fan? 40:47.245 --> 40:48.326 I absolutely am, yeah. 40:48.346 --> 40:48.907 Steve Oh, brilliant. 40:49.507 --> 40:52.270 Well, this is apparently an amazing show, so I hope you have a good time. 40:52.970 --> 40:54.031 And thanks so much for calling in. 40:54.071 --> 40:54.752 Thanks for listening, Natalie. 40:54.772 --> 40:55.593 Hey, we called her. 40:55.893 --> 40:56.734 Let's not lie about it. 40:57.154 --> 40:58.275 We've got someone else on the line. 40:58.295 --> 40:59.376 We've got, um, thanks, Natalie. 40:59.396 --> 40:59.956 We've got Lewis. 41:00.357 --> 41:00.577 Hello, Lewis. 41:00.597 --> 41:01.598 Lewis Hello there. 41:01.798 --> 41:02.258 Steve How you doing? 41:02.278 --> 41:03.199 Lewis I'm very well, mate. 41:03.239 --> 41:03.460 How are you? 41:03.480 --> 41:03.960 Steve Very well. 41:03.980 --> 41:04.721 Thanks for talking to us. 41:04.901 --> 41:05.922 You've got a really good idea. 41:06.482 --> 41:07.643 This is my personal favourite. 41:07.663 --> 41:08.264 Tell us your idea. 41:09.109 --> 41:10.010 It's called flight school. 41:11.431 --> 41:18.496 You get wannabe pilots, give them a plane, say off you go, and if they make it to Australia- Is that the catchphrase, off you go? 41:18.516 --> 41:20.057 That's a good idea. 41:20.118 --> 41:20.618 Off you go. 41:20.638 --> 41:22.699 And they- hang on let them finish. 41:23.200 --> 41:27.263 So if they get there then they win and they get a good job with BA or whoever. 41:27.283 --> 41:30.365 And if not then they die or they end up on an island. 41:31.506 --> 41:32.527 So there's just one round? 41:33.669 --> 41:34.329 Yeah, basically, yeah. 41:34.409 --> 41:37.590 It's a one-off and, and how many contestants, how many planes? 41:38.131 --> 41:40.171 I don't know, about, about 20. 41:40.432 --> 41:41.052 20 planes. 41:41.192 --> 41:44.793 Well, you should do it so that they, there's various stages, there's various points they have to get to. 41:44.853 --> 41:46.354 Well, they could start with a hang glider. 41:46.394 --> 41:49.155 Well, no, because you want to, I mean, you, you want to see the big planes crash. 41:49.175 --> 41:54.297 Yeah, because you, you come and you say, well, we're at Singapore and, uh, six planes have made it. 41:54.337 --> 41:55.137 Yeah, yeah. 41:55.477 --> 42:00.059 So are these, are these planes, what, what sort of planes, Louis, are you imagining? 42:00.419 --> 42:02.621 Well, I was imagining a big jump. 42:03.261 --> 42:04.482 Like the one in Flight Plan. 42:05.502 --> 42:07.684 With, like, massive, like, the Titanic plane. 42:08.384 --> 42:09.045 Two stories. 42:09.285 --> 42:10.346 One of those new Airbus ones. 42:10.446 --> 42:11.907 What's Flight Plan, a video game? 42:11.947 --> 42:13.488 Flight Plan's, no, it's a Jodie Foster film. 42:13.768 --> 42:14.188 Oh, OK. 42:14.208 --> 42:16.270 Where she's on this ridiculously huge plane. 42:16.510 --> 42:18.091 You know what I'm talking about, don't you, Lewis? 42:18.731 --> 42:20.292 No, I have no idea. 42:20.733 --> 42:22.054 Lewis, I think that's a good idea. 42:22.174 --> 42:24.995 I mean, I think we might have some... One last question for Lewis. 42:25.476 --> 42:26.256 Are these planes empty? 42:26.436 --> 42:27.097 Why are they full? 42:27.877 --> 42:30.059 You could stick them with Simon Cowell and, you know... 42:31.449 --> 42:32.410 unpopular celebrities. 42:32.430 --> 42:33.250 That's a good idea. 42:33.410 --> 42:33.890 And glitter. 42:34.550 --> 42:35.151 Gary Glitter. 42:35.171 --> 42:36.291 No Phil, not Gary. 42:36.671 --> 42:38.192 Just Phil and Phil of actual glitter. 42:38.392 --> 42:39.953 I saw when they crash it's pretty. 42:40.093 --> 42:42.454 Yes. 42:43.474 --> 42:44.495 What do you think? 42:47.273 --> 42:51.276 stuff full of glitter. 42:51.316 --> 42:53.117 They should do that anyway with planes. 42:53.537 --> 42:55.998 Even if they crash with a lot of people, at least it's pretty. 42:56.059 --> 42:57.219 This is not good to say. 42:57.920 --> 43:00.781 It was an appalling tragedy, but it looked lovely. 43:01.582 --> 43:03.203 That's awful, you can't say that. 43:03.303 --> 43:05.504 It's not like there's no spirit in the laughter anymore. 43:05.964 --> 43:07.825 This is not funny. 43:07.845 --> 43:09.286 Louis, thanks very much. 43:09.906 --> 43:12.228 You're going to win tickets to see the League of Gentlemen as well, will you go? 43:12.688 --> 43:13.409 Yes, I will go, yeah. 43:13.569 --> 43:13.849 Cool. 43:14.089 --> 43:14.909 Well, I hope you enjoy it. 43:14.929 --> 43:16.831 I'm sure you will, for letting us call you. 43:17.211 --> 43:19.972 Yeah, thanks a lot, Lewis, and thank you very much indeed, Natalie. 43:20.793 --> 43:27.477 I feel as if we should make some kind of disclaimer after some of the things we've said, but probably best ignore it. 43:28.017 --> 43:28.798 Here's Supercross. 43:38.942 --> 43:39.663 Very nice. 43:39.964 --> 43:43.550 That's Supergrass with Low C. This is Adam and Joe on XFM. 43:43.850 --> 43:47.396 We'll be back very shortly with Ditties in the Dark, so stick with us. 44:14.068 --> 44:15.891 This is XFM. 44:37.790 --> 44:51.716 that's good i like that that's good well done that's the gorillas well done well done gorillas that's dare by gorillas you may go outside and play with shawn rider i think i heard him on there uh right should we do yeah yeah come on let's get going 44:55.276 --> 44:57.517 OK, it's Diddy's in the dock if you haven't heard the show before. 44:57.577 --> 45:01.078 It's when you, the listeners, get the chance to vote for the song that we play the show out with. 45:01.218 --> 45:02.119 Each week it's themed. 45:02.179 --> 45:04.840 This week, the theme is bad rap. 45:05.780 --> 45:06.140 Bad rap. 45:06.161 --> 45:06.641 Shall I start? 45:06.841 --> 45:07.721 Yeah, why don't you start? 45:07.781 --> 45:08.541 OK, we'll make this quick. 45:08.662 --> 45:10.262 Come on over to explain the rules to new listeners. 45:10.482 --> 45:10.742 Yeah. 45:10.922 --> 45:11.863 So you choose one of the songs. 45:11.903 --> 45:12.983 Adam and me are going to pitch a song. 45:13.363 --> 45:15.224 You guys have to select which one we play the show out with. 45:15.244 --> 45:16.565 You call 0 8 7 1 triple 2 1 0 4 9. 45:17.825 --> 45:23.508 Everybody who gets through to vote wins a copy of the Chronicles of Riddick on DVD. 45:24.088 --> 45:24.388 Wow. 45:24.528 --> 45:25.408 The director's cut. 45:25.568 --> 45:31.069 So even longer than the thing in the cinema that got such great reviews. 45:31.209 --> 45:32.330 It's supposed to be amazing. 45:32.350 --> 45:35.810 It's supposed to be like a film with people in it and there's talking and you know. 45:36.110 --> 45:36.791 It's fantastic. 45:36.831 --> 45:37.451 Yeah it's exciting. 45:37.511 --> 45:46.512 And it's terrific and it's out in the shops now so if you don't get through and win it go and buy one because you won't be disappointed depending on what your expectations are. 45:46.673 --> 45:48.633 So bad rap, Adam, what are you proposing? 45:49.193 --> 46:03.140 I'm going for a track from the glory days of the early 90s, the early 90s dance boom, and it's a track from Wii 3, O-U-I 3, and it's called Break from the Old Routine. 46:03.320 --> 46:07.622 Don't know if our listeners remember that track, but it's not bad, exactly. 46:07.642 --> 46:12.805 I mean, it's a bit rubbish, but the rapping in it is just odd rather than terrible. 46:13.505 --> 46:21.615 And I liked it because it had the rhyme, I'm disinclined to sit and watch the dust settle, turn up the heat a little, get like papa catapetal. 46:22.796 --> 46:29.044 And any rapping that goes and names some volcanoes is good as far as I'm concerned. 46:29.344 --> 46:30.706 That's all I'm going to say, basically. 46:30.726 --> 46:38.075 A little blast from the sort of hinterland, the weird lost years of early dance music, which I think will probably resist revival. 46:38.095 --> 46:40.398 So we're not saying either of these are good records. 46:40.458 --> 46:42.060 In fact, they're actively awful records. 46:42.080 --> 46:43.062 I don't know about awful. 46:43.102 --> 46:47.027 I mean, my one is quite listenable, but it's... But the category's bad rap! 46:47.587 --> 46:48.388 Well, it is bad. 46:48.448 --> 46:49.708 It fits into that category. 46:50.028 --> 46:51.369 So, what would people vote for? 46:51.589 --> 46:52.049 We three. 46:52.209 --> 46:53.130 Break From The Old Routine. 46:53.150 --> 46:54.110 Break From The Old Routine. 46:55.031 --> 46:58.052 OK, so if you want to hear Break From The Old Routine, you call 0871221 049. 46:58.753 --> 47:01.494 Or, my choice is Kenny Everett with the snot rap. 47:01.554 --> 47:08.297 And if you're a fan of the Goldilocking Chain, or one of these modern satirical hip-hop bands, this is basically where they got their ideas from. 47:08.317 --> 47:09.218 It was released in 1984. 47:09.258 --> 47:15.641 If you're a younger listener, Kenny Everett was a TV comedian who specialised in media parody. 47:16.461 --> 47:19.682 He had a TV series that ran from the early 80s till about 88, I think. 47:19.862 --> 47:21.262 He was a visionary genius! 47:21.302 --> 47:22.203 He was a visionary genius. 47:22.263 --> 47:33.366 He was a very famous and successful funny DJ and had a brilliant TV show with all sorts of stupid characters like Gizzard Puke and Reg Prescott, a DIY man that used to just accidentally sever his limbs off and stuff. 47:33.426 --> 47:34.186 That's right, I forgot that. 47:34.206 --> 47:42.108 Cupid, this character with, well it was man in drag, big beard, big boobs and sexy legs, used to say it's all in the best possible taste! 47:42.708 --> 47:44.408 And this is Kenny's big single from 1984. 47:44.509 --> 47:45.989 It's called Snot Rap. 47:46.289 --> 47:48.009 It's got the most, I mean, it's dreadful. 47:48.049 --> 47:50.770 It's when people are just trying to come to terms with what rap is. 47:50.850 --> 47:53.931 One of the lyrics is, I thought a rap was something you wear. 47:54.171 --> 47:56.392 You know, round your shoulders and the rest is bare. 47:56.412 --> 47:58.112 Okay? 47:58.132 --> 47:58.932 That's just a glimpse. 47:59.173 --> 48:03.034 And also rhymes the word circumcision with the word Eurovision. 48:03.634 --> 48:06.434 So if you want to hear Kenny Everett's Snot Rap, call 0 8 7 1 triple 2 1 0 4 9. 48:07.215 --> 48:10.796 And remember everybody who gets on air wins a copy of the Chronicles of Ridiculous. 48:10.996 --> 48:11.756 Call now. 48:25.171 --> 48:46.069 there you go that's the doors with break on through this is adam and joe here on xfm and it's time for dissing the dog isn't it just before we go back to dissing the dog yeah i don't know if you noticed there joe but they've changed that on the reissued version of that doors album the first doors album they've restored the lyrics that were originally taken off taken off break on through which were it was supposed to say uh 48:47.330 --> 48:51.933 He goes, she get, she get, she get high at the end. 48:52.573 --> 48:53.834 He wasn't supposed to say hi. 48:54.154 --> 48:55.956 Right, and they took that off because it's a naughty drug reference. 48:55.976 --> 48:56.876 It's a naughty drug reference. 48:57.016 --> 48:57.737 And they put it back. 48:58.057 --> 49:02.960 So now he goes, she get high, she get- And I think it was better before, anyway. 49:03.320 --> 49:04.581 Wow, that's another conversation, isn't it? 49:04.601 --> 49:05.542 That's a different conversation. 49:05.662 --> 49:06.903 It's time for Diddys in the Dock. 49:07.853 --> 49:09.034 And it's time for the verdict. 49:09.054 --> 49:10.335 We've got five callers on the line. 49:10.495 --> 49:19.302 Each of them are going to be the lucky recipients of a copy of the Chronicles of Ridiculous, Vin Diesel's epic sci-fi masterpiece of bald men. 49:20.283 --> 49:21.724 So, you know, good news for everybody. 49:21.744 --> 49:23.025 Nicely sold. 49:23.125 --> 49:24.546 Thanks a lot. 49:24.566 --> 49:26.828 The first person is Carly? 49:26.888 --> 49:27.288 Carl? 49:27.328 --> 49:27.728 Khalil. 49:28.429 --> 49:28.769 Khalil. 49:28.809 --> 49:29.230 Hello, Khalil. 49:30.807 --> 49:33.169 How you doing? 49:33.249 --> 49:33.990 You are wicked? 49:34.010 --> 49:34.230 Why? 49:34.290 --> 49:36.833 How do you know you're wicked? 49:37.293 --> 49:38.494 You've got little horns. 49:38.554 --> 49:39.776 Perfect answer. 49:40.116 --> 49:40.957 How do you spell your name? 49:44.680 --> 49:46.822 Is that the name of Superman? 49:47.383 --> 49:48.784 No, that's Kal-El. 49:49.165 --> 49:49.945 Right, Kal-El? 49:51.319 --> 50:01.305 Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- Like, when he's in- 50:09.230 --> 50:10.212 The bogey rap? 50:10.272 --> 50:11.173 It's the snot rap. 50:11.353 --> 50:11.914 Whatever. 50:12.214 --> 50:12.855 The snot rap. 50:12.915 --> 50:13.616 Very good choice. 50:13.656 --> 50:14.677 Thank you very much, Khalil. 50:14.697 --> 50:16.680 You win a copy of the Chronicles of Ridiculous. 50:16.920 --> 50:17.802 Thank you very much. 50:17.922 --> 50:18.863 And thanks a lot for calling. 50:18.903 --> 50:19.384 Very good vote. 50:19.444 --> 50:20.245 One nil to Cornish. 50:20.485 --> 50:20.966 Thanks for calling. 50:20.986 --> 50:21.887 It's Joel on the next one. 50:21.927 --> 50:22.428 Hello, Joel. 50:23.209 --> 50:23.729 Yeah, hey, man. 50:24.130 --> 50:24.610 How you doing? 50:25.444 --> 50:26.666 Yeah, what's up? 50:26.826 --> 50:27.227 What's up? 50:27.868 --> 50:30.552 We've got lots of, like, young kids listening today. 50:30.632 --> 50:31.673 It's like street sounds. 50:31.693 --> 50:31.954 Wow! 50:32.194 --> 50:34.177 Yeah, the bright young things are out in force, you know? 50:34.297 --> 50:34.878 Well, good for you. 50:34.898 --> 50:36.240 And what are you going to be voting for, Joel? 50:36.260 --> 50:39.925 Oh, I'll vote for Wii 3, because it actually sounds really crap when I hear it. 50:39.945 --> 50:40.727 Do you remember it at all? 50:41.227 --> 50:42.047 I don't actually know. 50:42.108 --> 50:43.968 You've got to admit we hit a spot of bad form. 50:44.149 --> 50:46.130 We used to be hot, but now it's getting kind of lukewarm. 50:46.370 --> 50:48.031 Wouldn't you agree we need to change the scenery? 50:48.231 --> 50:49.891 Instead of going through the motions like machinery. 50:50.332 --> 50:50.832 It's like that. 50:50.972 --> 50:51.912 So good vote, Joel. 50:51.932 --> 50:52.813 Thanks very much for that. 50:53.453 --> 50:53.653 What? 50:53.813 --> 50:54.414 Later. 50:54.454 --> 50:54.614 What? 50:54.774 --> 50:55.054 Later. 50:55.294 --> 50:55.594 Kick it. 50:55.854 --> 50:56.935 Joel said later. 50:57.235 --> 50:57.835 He said later. 50:57.875 --> 50:58.636 Hillel said wicked. 50:58.656 --> 50:59.076 You know what? 50:59.096 --> 50:59.816 Joel said later. 50:59.917 --> 51:00.177 I know. 51:00.197 --> 51:00.817 He didn't say later. 51:00.837 --> 51:01.237 He said later. 51:01.497 --> 51:01.998 Later. 51:02.458 --> 51:02.818 Later. 51:02.998 --> 51:03.859 Later. 51:04.339 --> 51:06.360 I bet both of those guys have got hooded tops, you know. 51:06.420 --> 51:06.980 You know what this is? 51:07.040 --> 51:07.500 It's the Riddick. 51:07.520 --> 51:08.301 It's the power of Riddick. 51:08.501 --> 51:09.441 The kids love Riddick. 51:09.822 --> 51:10.602 Kate, are you there? 51:10.822 --> 51:37.176 yes i am hello how you doing i'm quite hungover but i'm you sound sexy you do sound sexy very sexy kate say something don't say something rude but say something oh i smoked far too many cigarettes oh sexy i love a woman that smokes a lot the massive amount of siggies oh stop smoking yeah so what are you voting for sexy kate i'm gonna go with kenny everett i think kenny are you old enough to remember kenny i am i am but i've never heard 51:38.077 --> 51:53.469 Well done I tell you what spark if we win spark up 20 at once Are you excited about winning Riddick I am actually you know, I figured that that's really what motivated me to call. 51:53.509 --> 52:00.374 Yeah Yeah, you think Vin Diesel's quite sexy don't you I you know, I've never seen a Vin Diesel film really keen to see that 52:02.833 --> 52:03.253 He's a nanny. 52:03.413 --> 52:04.734 The one I want to see. 52:05.154 --> 52:06.055 The one where he's a what? 52:06.175 --> 52:06.915 A nanny. 52:06.975 --> 52:07.456 Oh, a nanny. 52:07.476 --> 52:09.437 He's a hardcore nanny with guns and stuff. 52:09.557 --> 52:10.698 Well, good luck to you, Kate. 52:11.458 --> 52:13.979 With your Siggy's and your Vin Diesel films. 52:13.999 --> 52:15.740 It's going to be a great weekend. 52:15.981 --> 52:18.982 Thanks for calling, Kate, you sexy, sexy-sounding woman. 52:19.062 --> 52:20.783 So that's 2-1 to Cornish with snot rap. 52:21.064 --> 52:21.364 Greg. 52:21.684 --> 52:21.904 Greg. 52:22.404 --> 52:23.105 Greg, are you on the line? 52:23.265 --> 52:23.785 Old Greg. 52:24.085 --> 52:24.866 Yeah, yeah, I'm here. 52:25.426 --> 52:26.146 How are you, Greg? 52:26.807 --> 52:28.548 I'm, uh, I'm cool. 52:28.668 --> 52:31.730 You sound more intelligent and sophisticated than the previous callers. 52:32.537 --> 52:33.118 Maybe older. 52:33.698 --> 52:34.559 Older American? 52:34.579 --> 52:36.000 Canadian. 52:36.120 --> 52:36.580 Canadian. 52:36.620 --> 52:37.681 I thought he was Canadian. 52:37.701 --> 52:38.902 That's why he sounds intelligent. 52:39.483 --> 52:40.804 They're all intelligent in Canada. 52:40.824 --> 52:41.785 What do you do for a living, Greg? 52:44.047 --> 52:46.048 I'm kind of unemployed, basically. 52:46.068 --> 52:46.929 Oh, that doesn't sound right. 52:47.510 --> 52:50.332 Well, but like when you don't have to work, it gets you unemployed. 52:50.752 --> 52:51.633 Oh, you don't have to work. 52:51.673 --> 52:53.054 You mean you're independently wealthy. 52:54.595 --> 52:59.940 We could make a lot of allusions for that, but I think that in the spirit of John Keel's review, 53:00.509 --> 53:02.910 We should also tribute one of the great entertainers. 53:03.210 --> 53:03.471 What? 53:03.931 --> 53:04.411 Kenny Edwards. 53:04.691 --> 53:04.891 Yeah. 53:04.991 --> 53:05.612 Oh, Kenny, well done. 53:05.632 --> 53:06.052 Absolutely. 53:06.472 --> 53:07.252 See, he was getting there. 53:07.553 --> 53:10.154 Greg, I sort of want to learn the secret of Greg. 53:10.754 --> 53:11.935 What is the secret of old Greg? 53:11.975 --> 53:15.997 Greg might just be like a mogul or some kind of amazingly famous guy. 53:16.397 --> 53:17.738 Anyway, Greg, thanks a lot for calling in. 53:17.818 --> 53:19.139 We appreciate you listening. 53:19.780 --> 53:20.801 Now, so how are we doing? 53:20.821 --> 53:21.581 Don't mess with Greg. 53:21.601 --> 53:22.422 Have I lost yet? 53:22.862 --> 53:23.523 Uh, have you? 53:23.703 --> 53:24.043 I don't know. 53:24.103 --> 53:24.303 That's 3-1. 53:24.704 --> 53:26.405 Isn't that 3-1 to Cornish? 53:26.425 --> 53:27.146 You won! 53:27.346 --> 53:28.086 I didn't realise that. 53:28.106 --> 53:28.987 So what about Tristan? 53:29.147 --> 53:31.929 I was so interested in Greg, and so... Let's hear Tristan's vote. 53:31.949 --> 53:32.470 Hello, Tristan. 53:32.510 --> 53:33.711 Hi, Adam. 53:33.731 --> 53:34.491 You all right, Jerry? 53:34.691 --> 53:35.232 I'm very well. 53:35.292 --> 53:36.473 Hey, thanks for calling us by name, Tristan. 53:36.493 --> 53:37.854 Oh, that's all right, mate. 53:37.874 --> 53:38.815 That's all right. 53:38.835 --> 53:40.736 So look, you've been completely castrated. 53:41.257 --> 53:42.037 Your vote is moot. 53:43.447 --> 53:47.810 Well, it doesn't make a difference, because in the worst possible taste, I'm gonna go with Kenny Ambrick. 53:47.890 --> 53:49.011 Tristan, that's disturbing. 53:49.051 --> 53:49.912 That's a good impression. 53:49.972 --> 53:50.352 That is good. 53:50.372 --> 53:51.913 Have you got a helium balloon beside you? 53:52.073 --> 53:52.814 No, no, no. 53:52.894 --> 53:54.795 I just crushed myself and walked out of myself. 53:55.756 --> 53:56.296 Wow. 53:56.836 --> 53:58.738 That often happens to me. 53:58.758 --> 53:59.739 I wish I was there with you. 53:59.759 --> 54:00.839 Why? 54:01.520 --> 54:02.280 Because I could help him. 54:03.401 --> 54:04.002 Scoop is nuts. 54:04.222 --> 54:05.022 Oh, stop it. 54:05.082 --> 54:05.342 OK. 54:05.683 --> 54:06.363 Well done, Tristan. 54:06.543 --> 54:07.784 Thanks a lot for calling, Tristan. 54:07.844 --> 54:09.325 Thanks a lot to all our callers. 54:10.046 --> 54:12.848 Can we not hear a little bit of us three, a little bit of the rap? 54:13.448 --> 54:14.749 You haven't got it lined up, have you? 54:14.929 --> 54:16.971 I have, but it's got kind of a long intro. 54:16.991 --> 54:17.912 Do you remember it? 54:18.012 --> 54:18.912 Can we fast forward it? 54:21.074 --> 54:22.635 This is the losing record, listeners. 54:22.655 --> 54:24.597 We're just giving it an airing to see what we're missing. 54:25.495 --> 54:26.215 It sounds uplifting. 54:26.235 --> 54:26.956 It's a good beginning. 54:26.996 --> 54:29.477 It sounds like MP4. 54:29.517 --> 54:30.917 Doesn't it? 54:31.017 --> 54:33.198 It's from the same sort of era as MP4. 54:33.278 --> 54:35.179 This is what all music was like in the early 90s. 54:35.219 --> 54:37.120 It sounds like Labour Party conference music. 54:37.440 --> 54:40.882 You see, technically it is bad rap, but it's quite a good song. 54:40.942 --> 54:42.382 I like it when rap is like that. 54:55.816 --> 55:19.607 see there you go turn up the heat and get a bit of papa catapetal turn up the heat a little get like papa catapetal Wow that's the key line so I'm glad I got to play that okay well Kenny Everett it is and we should say goodbye we say goodbye and yeah get you ready for JLC Justin Lee Collins in the house I think the big Harry conflake I've seen him wandering around he's gonna come with you very shortly and hey thanks for listening listeners yeah it's been quite a verbose 55:20.107 --> 55:21.369 a wordy show. 55:21.690 --> 55:24.373 But we hope you've enjoyed it and we'll be back next week. 55:24.974 --> 55:26.737 And maybe we'll work a bit harder next week. 55:26.837 --> 55:30.482 We'll work a bit harder, we'll make the links a bit shorter, all that kind of things. 55:30.522 --> 55:31.523 More music, less talk. 55:32.004 --> 55:32.885 So, here's Kenny. 55:32.905 --> 55:34.628 See you next week, thanks for listening. 55:54.036 --> 56:15.241 Flamin' out, it's all in rhythm, it's all in rhyme You wonder what I'm talkin' about half the time, it's a rap It's all over fireballs, it don't make sense It's all off the wall of the local gens You can listen if you want, I couldn't care less The whole thing's just all a musical mess, it's a rap 56:37.305 --> 56:55.824 I thought I'd wrap with something you wear You know around your shoulders and the rest is bare But I love records of big hits Suddenly get your hand off my tail Shut up, fatso! 56:56.064 --> 56:56.605 It's a wrap! 57:02.853 --> 57:10.356 Listen, Slaggy, if you're doing it wrong, you've got to stay on the beat to do this song. 57:10.376 --> 57:15.018 Oh, Sid, you know I'd love to do it. 57:15.238 --> 57:17.239 I'll leave it out. 57:17.419 --> 57:19.980 There's nothing to it. 57:20.200 --> 57:20.940 It's a wreck! 57:21.020 --> 57:25.182 What do you think this record's going for? 57:25.202 --> 57:26.883 It's going round, Dobby. 57:27.083 --> 57:28.103 It's funny. 57:28.163 --> 57:30.664 I used to go round with Bert Reynolds. 57:30.964 --> 57:32.625 Shut up, dog breath. 57:43.797 --> 57:46.379 You know what I mean about things you've done or think you've seen? 57:46.399 --> 57:50.161 Well, I've seen things big and small, but let's not get into that at all! 57:50.382 --> 57:51.582 It's a wrap! 57:54.965 --> 58:06.693 Look, you just might get up, it should go along, so nobody knows if you're doing it wrong, and you can chuck in a word like circumcision, cause we ain't going in for your efficient, it's a wrap! 58:15.200 --> 58:23.808 It tastes like the best possible taste It's all done with taste and the best possible taste Well, Cindy, what do you think of my new record? 58:23.888 --> 58:24.389 Your record? 58:24.409 --> 58:25.630 It's my record! 58:25.690 --> 58:27.251 No, it isn't, it's mine! 58:27.491 --> 58:28.993 I'm the star out here! 58:29.113 --> 58:31.755 I mean, look at the makeup of my hair! 58:31.875 --> 58:32.576 And the pink! 58:32.676 --> 58:33.317 And these! 58:33.417 --> 58:35.879 What do you think these are, chopped liver? 58:35.999 --> 58:36.960 They're so tall, right? 58:37.040 --> 58:38.762 Let's get something to try between those two! 58:40.999 --> 58:42.220 We'll go back to my place. 58:42.320 --> 58:47.442 I've got some light, sweet music, and we can watch a video of my latest movie. 58:47.622 --> 58:48.682 Oh yeah, what's it called? 58:48.722 --> 58:50.803 The town death of the recording studio? 58:50.963 --> 58:52.544 Oh, see, you're only jealous. 58:52.664 --> 58:56.865 By the way, do you think we'll get on top of the tops? 58:56.905 --> 58:57.466 Why not? 58:57.486 --> 59:02.207 You've been on top of everything else. 59:02.347 --> 59:04.688 Oh, sick!