WEBVTT 00:00.674 --> 00:01.795 Hi, I'm Adam. 00:02.035 --> 00:02.876 Hi, I'm Joe. 00:02.896 --> 00:03.216 Joe. 00:03.256 --> 00:03.536 Joe. 00:03.596 --> 00:03.896 Joe. 00:03.936 --> 00:04.216 Joe. 00:04.256 --> 00:04.597 Joe. 00:04.737 --> 00:04.977 Joe. 00:04.997 --> 00:05.097 Joe. 00:05.117 --> 00:05.197 Joe. 00:05.237 --> 00:05.457 Joe. 00:05.477 --> 00:05.557 Joe. 00:05.577 --> 00:05.818 Joe. 00:05.838 --> 00:05.918 Joe. 00:05.958 --> 00:06.118 Joe. 00:06.158 --> 00:06.458 Joe. 00:06.518 --> 00:06.898 Joe. 00:06.938 --> 00:07.078 Joe. 00:07.118 --> 00:07.319 Joe. 00:07.359 --> 00:07.579 Joe. 00:07.619 --> 00:07.799 Joe. 00:22.833 --> 00:23.854 This is XFM London's 104.9. 00:24.695 --> 00:27.638 You're listening to the... ...and Joe radio show. 00:27.658 --> 00:30.280 That's right, the... ...and Joe radio show. 00:30.841 --> 00:31.041 What? 00:31.761 --> 00:32.362 Adam's missing. 00:33.323 --> 00:34.204 Uh, my name's Joe Cornish. 00:34.604 --> 00:35.625 This is my co-host. 00:37.307 --> 00:37.627 Hello? 00:38.488 --> 00:38.708 Adam? 00:39.829 --> 00:40.109 Adam! 00:41.310 --> 00:41.471 AD! 00:42.797 --> 00:43.077 Adam? 00:44.159 --> 00:45.380 Adam, where are you? 00:46.181 --> 00:47.542 Oh, is there something I said? 00:48.503 --> 00:49.364 Where have you gone? 00:50.665 --> 00:52.006 He's not here, listeners. 00:52.307 --> 01:01.095 This week, I'm presenting on my own, because Adam's gone to Cambersands to see some stupid band called Spoon play live. 01:01.876 --> 01:03.518 I'm going to have to do the whole thing. 01:06.552 --> 01:07.893 I'll show them my own. 01:09.074 --> 01:09.855 So please help me. 01:10.055 --> 01:13.298 Call 087-122-1049 the second we ask for calls. 01:13.318 --> 01:14.459 We're going to have Dizzies in the Dock. 01:14.719 --> 01:17.302 We're going to have the crap commentary competition. 01:17.582 --> 01:18.883 We've got some fantastic music. 01:19.143 --> 01:22.266 I've got loads of things to talk about, but I need your help. 01:22.286 --> 01:25.349 087-122-1049, the second we ask for callers. 01:25.629 --> 01:27.651 This is the Anjo radio show. 01:27.911 --> 01:28.292 Here's Keen. 01:36.104 --> 01:37.605 Somewhere only we know. 01:37.845 --> 01:47.468 Maybe round the back of that little shed in the forest that stinks of wee and has got graffiti on it and we can smoke naughty things and touch each other. 01:48.149 --> 01:50.730 Uh, that was the earnest fat-faced puppy dog stylings of Keen. 01:51.050 --> 01:53.111 This is Joe Cornish on XFM. 01:53.651 --> 01:58.993 Flying solo this week, uh, because Adam Buxton's gone to all tomorrow's parties in Camber Sands. 01:59.053 --> 02:01.034 It's a sort of indie holiday camp fest. 02:01.934 --> 02:04.436 But that's not a very good excuse, is it, for not turning up on the show? 02:04.456 --> 02:05.497 Just you want to go to a gig? 02:05.978 --> 02:06.598 What sort of thing is that? 02:06.658 --> 02:08.079 I want to go to a gig every Saturday. 02:08.119 --> 02:11.242 I'd far rather be in bed watching a film. 02:11.602 --> 02:18.909 So we punished Mr Buxton by bringing him into the studio earlier this week and recording some fascinating links to make life easier for me this week. 02:18.929 --> 02:19.749 Let's have a listen to one of them. 02:20.130 --> 02:21.111 Well, I'm here with Adam Buxton. 02:21.131 --> 02:22.131 Thanks a lot for joining us, Adam. 02:22.652 --> 02:23.653 Yes, nice to be here. 02:24.073 --> 02:26.635 Now, this Saturday show you're not going to be present at. 02:26.655 --> 02:29.578 Can you give the listeners a good excuse, a good reason why? 02:30.058 --> 02:37.121 Well, there was a poll, and it was found that I had become too important to actually do the show live anymore. 02:37.681 --> 02:44.903 I'm not saying that you're not too important to do it live, but one of us had to, and on this occasion, I won. 02:45.584 --> 02:50.886 And I'm going to be at all tomorrow's parties, the obscure music festival. 02:50.946 --> 02:51.846 Are you performing there? 02:52.466 --> 02:55.007 No, no, I'll be just wandering around in a daze. 02:55.187 --> 02:57.448 So you're skiving off the show to go to a gig? 02:57.987 --> 03:00.788 Yeah, but I'll refer you to my earlier answer, the poll. 03:00.988 --> 03:02.509 Too important to do the show. 03:02.569 --> 03:03.850 I've heard that the poll's a lie. 03:04.770 --> 03:08.732 It's kind of a lie, it's based on some lies, but still, the poll. 03:08.972 --> 03:15.135 I've heard that you're simply skiving off to go to gig, get drunk, lollop around some portacabins in where? 03:15.275 --> 03:16.956 It happens in Butlins or somewhere, doesn't it? 03:16.976 --> 03:19.377 It's Camber Sands, which is in Kent somewhere. 03:19.417 --> 03:23.419 To get drunk with a whole lot of teenage indie freaks. 03:23.719 --> 03:24.440 That's scurril. 03:24.500 --> 03:25.540 Snog somebody. 03:25.720 --> 03:26.281 No, no. 03:26.301 --> 03:26.981 Not tell your wife. 03:27.341 --> 03:27.801 No, no. 03:27.821 --> 03:29.443 Fall over, go to sleep in mud. 03:29.743 --> 03:30.424 I'm working. 03:30.684 --> 03:31.364 I'll be working. 03:31.525 --> 03:33.746 I'll be sort of interviewing some of the bands. 03:33.866 --> 03:37.910 You know, I might have an interview on next week's show with some of the bands, with Deerhoof. 03:38.130 --> 03:39.071 It's unlikely, isn't it? 03:39.151 --> 03:41.713 Or the Finkles, or Basement Lavatory. 03:41.993 --> 03:42.634 Basement Lavatory? 03:42.754 --> 03:43.955 Yeah, they're all playing. 03:44.215 --> 03:44.896 Oh, that's different. 03:44.976 --> 03:45.796 Go, go, go for it. 03:45.916 --> 03:46.477 The Woofles. 03:46.677 --> 03:47.378 Get the Waffles. 03:47.458 --> 03:48.458 Get Basement Lavatory. 03:48.959 --> 03:50.981 And Gene from the Dirty Shirties. 03:51.321 --> 03:55.804 But you're gonna take part in the show this week by pre-recording some little items, aren't you? 03:56.605 --> 04:18.939 yeah yeah yeah I mean I'm gonna be more or less here you know pretty much yeah just entire the only thing that separates me from the listeners is three days four days yeah but of course the brilliant thing is with you being on tape is that I can cut you off at any point yeah exactly I mean you wouldn't cut me off right now because I'm gonna say some really amazingly interesting stuff and probably cut you off by now right 04:25.645 --> 04:28.307 Ah, the hurdy-gurdy sounds of the thrills. 04:29.208 --> 04:31.629 This is the Anjo radio show. 04:32.050 --> 04:35.512 I'm Joe Cornish, presenting on my own this week as Adam's gone to all tomorrow's parties. 04:36.313 --> 04:38.894 But I've got some incredible prizes to give away this week. 04:38.914 --> 04:42.657 I've got tickets for The Streets at the Alexandra Palace on Friday the 11th of March. 04:43.237 --> 04:48.941 I've got Chris Rock DVDs, and I've got triple CD sets of 80s 12 inches. 04:49.302 --> 04:49.882 Is that a good prize? 04:49.922 --> 04:50.723 Yes, it is a good prize. 04:51.383 --> 04:54.768 And you can win those in crap commentary competition, which is coming up in a second. 04:55.248 --> 04:56.069 And this is in the dock. 04:56.550 --> 05:00.936 And we're going to have a text competition as well, tied in with the Oscars, which are, of course, hosted by Chris Rock. 05:01.296 --> 05:02.698 But no one can see them because they're on Sky. 05:03.760 --> 05:06.163 But we'll come back with that in a second after New Order. 05:12.921 --> 05:14.182 That's New Order with Crafty. 05:14.242 --> 05:16.064 This is London's XFM. 05:16.084 --> 05:17.125 My name's Joe Cornish. 05:17.706 --> 05:21.029 And now I've got to play another of these pre-recorded links from Adam. 05:21.370 --> 05:21.950 Do we have to? 05:21.970 --> 05:23.412 I'm doing all right, aren't I? 05:24.377 --> 05:26.678 I'm capable of doing this show on my own. 05:27.238 --> 05:30.480 But here's some Buxton, in case anyone is feeding for Buxton. 05:31.060 --> 05:33.962 Hello, you're back with the pre-recorded sound of Adam Buxton. 05:34.302 --> 05:36.683 I'm not in the studio this weekend because I've skived off. 05:36.743 --> 05:38.584 I'm at a kind of crazy rock festival. 05:38.884 --> 05:44.707 But Joe's being punished by coming in and playing little bits of me recorded on tape earlier in the week. 05:44.907 --> 05:47.108 It doesn't really get much worse than that, I would say. 05:47.148 --> 05:49.990 This is pretty much the lowest point of Joe's career. 05:50.790 --> 05:55.672 But I'm going to make his life a tiny bit better now by playing a wonderful song by Jeff Buckley. 05:56.013 --> 05:57.093 And this is called Grace. 05:57.153 --> 05:58.074 Hope you like it, Joe. 05:58.094 --> 06:05.957 It's time to call in. 06:05.977 --> 06:07.678 You could win something amazing. 06:07.718 --> 06:08.138 Let us begin. 06:10.689 --> 06:13.910 Can you guess which film we're playing? 06:13.930 --> 06:17.631 I didn't want the same. 06:18.271 --> 06:21.592 Crap Commentary Corner. 06:22.052 --> 06:24.473 Ah, it's time to play Crap Commentary Corner. 06:24.773 --> 06:34.216 This is the competition, of course, when we play you an excerpt from a DVD commentary and you have to call in and tell us who's speaking and what film the commentary's been taken off. 06:34.256 --> 06:40.238 Call 0871 222 1049 and this week you can win a Chris Rock DVD called Never Scared. 06:40.898 --> 06:42.399 I think Chris Rock is extremely funny. 06:42.540 --> 06:43.760 He's hosting the Oscars this year. 06:44.421 --> 06:45.262 So that's a great prize. 06:45.582 --> 06:46.703 Call 871-222-1049. 06:47.443 --> 06:53.047 Have a listen to this incredibly posh actress and see if you can guess who it is and what film she's talking about. 06:53.087 --> 06:53.408 Here we go. 06:53.868 --> 06:54.008 Ooh! 06:54.408 --> 06:54.909 Ooh, no. 06:55.069 --> 06:55.309 Yes. 06:55.669 --> 06:55.890 Yes. 06:55.970 --> 06:56.530 Stop it. 06:57.231 --> 06:57.451 Arrgh! 06:57.911 --> 06:58.311 Oh, dear. 06:58.572 --> 06:58.852 Yes. 06:59.392 --> 07:14.936 stop talking shut up oh ghostly oh yes a bit of pouting look at my hair you see you see curly nearly oh no no i'm feeling it i'm feeling it and oh here we are but i'm being very flirty now aren't i oh why does my eyebrow do that 07:15.768 --> 07:16.568 Christmas Day. 07:16.849 --> 07:18.850 It's astonishing this woman's a professional actress. 07:19.350 --> 07:20.450 She sounds like a ten-year-old. 07:20.831 --> 07:21.251 Who is she? 07:21.271 --> 07:25.253 0871-222-1049 to win a Chris Rock DVD. 07:25.433 --> 07:26.413 Shall we play a second clip? 07:26.773 --> 07:27.794 Let's play one more clip. 07:27.854 --> 07:29.515 If you thought that was posh, get this. 07:30.307 --> 07:31.488 I was angry at him there. 07:31.729 --> 07:33.450 Did you see that kind of scowl? 07:33.711 --> 07:34.531 Oh, pout there. 07:34.952 --> 07:37.214 You are a fine specimen of a man. 07:37.314 --> 07:38.235 But look at my cleavage. 07:38.416 --> 07:39.437 It is horrific. 07:39.477 --> 07:40.117 That was lovely. 07:40.338 --> 07:42.200 It must be love, babe. 07:42.420 --> 07:43.621 You're so masculine. 07:43.761 --> 07:44.442 Hang him, Pooh. 07:44.902 --> 07:45.623 Oh, there we go. 07:45.663 --> 07:46.524 That was unexpected. 07:47.105 --> 07:48.626 He's not very nice, is he? 07:48.987 --> 07:49.687 Oh, angry. 07:49.988 --> 07:50.608 Angry acting. 07:50.809 --> 07:51.950 Angry breathing acting. 07:52.833 --> 07:57.536 Yeah, that's a little insight into her acting techniques, a little analysis of her own methods there. 07:57.777 --> 08:00.559 Who is that? 08:00.579 --> 08:03.181 08712221049, if you want to win a Chris Rock DVD. 08:03.741 --> 08:12.988 Earlier in the week, during our pre-record, Adam and My Pre-Record, which was designed to punish him for not being here, I played him those clips, and this was the little chat we had. 08:13.348 --> 08:15.990 God almighty, she's the poshest person in the world. 08:16.010 --> 08:16.350 She really is. 08:16.470 --> 08:17.351 I thought I was posh. 08:17.831 --> 08:20.412 I started hating her, but then I started to fall in love with her. 08:20.532 --> 08:22.453 Well, she's a confusing entity, isn't she? 08:22.473 --> 08:24.493 Because she's very, very attractive. 08:24.533 --> 08:26.594 She's like a very sexy, tiny, posh child. 08:26.614 --> 08:30.656 But on the other hand, she's like a kind of mad, posh horsewoman. 08:30.916 --> 08:32.636 Ghostly, she says. 08:33.417 --> 08:34.437 Look at my cleavage. 08:34.737 --> 08:35.317 Oh, no. 08:35.818 --> 08:36.498 Brilliant stuff. 08:36.698 --> 08:39.339 You know, I think we should release those chats on CD. 08:40.239 --> 08:41.460 I think they'd sell very well. 08:41.820 --> 08:45.201 You only need to sell about, what, 200 to get to number one these days? 08:45.970 --> 08:46.930 I think we'd get to number one. 08:47.350 --> 08:49.051 So that's Crap Commentary Competition for this week. 08:49.071 --> 08:52.712 0871-221049 to win a Chris Rock DVD. 08:52.992 --> 08:55.232 Who is the posh, tiny little actress? 08:55.613 --> 08:56.213 This is Green Day. 08:59.934 --> 09:01.174 It's time to call in. 09:01.214 --> 09:02.894 You could win something amazing. 09:02.934 --> 09:03.695 Let us begin. 09:05.888 --> 09:09.130 Can you guess which film we're playing? 09:09.550 --> 09:12.871 I hear and what they're saying. 09:13.512 --> 09:16.333 Crap Commentary Corner. 09:16.433 --> 09:18.374 It's not possible to overplay that jingle. 09:18.494 --> 09:18.954 It's not. 09:19.194 --> 09:19.955 It's impossible. 09:20.015 --> 09:22.536 It's actually impossible to overplay that jingle. 09:23.076 --> 09:24.557 Scientific fact. 09:24.577 --> 09:29.499 You're listening to Joe, the Joe show, the and Joe radio show here on XFM. 09:30.220 --> 09:33.501 Adam's away this week, but we've been playing Crap Commentary Corner. 09:33.741 --> 09:34.902 We've got two callers on the line. 09:35.422 --> 09:39.966 First of all, we might listen to one of those clips again in case anybody's just tuned in. 09:40.226 --> 09:44.150 Who is this amazingly posh actress and what film is she commenting on? 09:44.630 --> 09:44.790 Ooh! 09:45.191 --> 09:46.632 Ooh, no, yes, yes. 09:46.732 --> 09:47.272 Stop it. 09:47.973 --> 09:48.193 Argh! 09:48.674 --> 09:49.074 Oh, dear. 09:49.334 --> 09:49.654 Yes. 09:50.055 --> 09:50.915 Stop talking. 09:50.975 --> 09:51.416 Shut up. 09:51.636 --> 09:52.577 Ooh, ghostly. 09:53.177 --> 09:54.899 Oh, yes, a bit of pouting. 09:55.119 --> 09:55.720 Look at my hair. 09:55.740 --> 09:56.100 You see? 09:56.120 --> 09:56.420 You see? 09:56.480 --> 09:56.921 Curly. 09:57.301 --> 09:59.343 Nearly... Ooh, no, no, I'm feeling it. 09:59.563 --> 10:00.163 I'm feeling it. 10:01.204 --> 10:01.944 Oh, here we are. 10:02.104 --> 10:03.745 But I'm being very flirty now, aren't I? 10:03.805 --> 10:05.726 Ooh, why does my eyebrow do that? 10:06.727 --> 10:07.967 Ooh, ghostly. 10:08.507 --> 10:09.648 I love the way she says that. 10:10.388 --> 10:11.989 Maybe we should, maybe I should try and hook up with her. 10:12.609 --> 10:13.129 But who is she? 10:13.149 --> 10:13.730 That's the question. 10:14.370 --> 10:15.350 Uh, we've got Adam on the line. 10:15.370 --> 10:15.790 Hello, Adam. 10:16.211 --> 10:16.691 How are you, mate? 10:16.911 --> 10:20.052 You're not, like, Adam, my friend Adam, are you, calling from Camber Sands? 10:20.593 --> 10:22.153 Mate, I'll be whoever you want to be, mate. 10:22.553 --> 10:24.674 Oh, well, yeah, oh, well, in that case. 10:24.734 --> 10:25.875 You need a friend that badly. 10:26.275 --> 10:27.396 OK, how are you doing today, Adam? 10:27.836 --> 10:28.696 Yeah, I'm doing well, mate. 10:28.756 --> 10:29.336 On my way to work. 10:29.597 --> 10:30.377 You're Australian, aren't you? 10:31.934 --> 10:33.735 Right, uh, what's your, what's your work? 10:34.596 --> 10:35.897 Mate, I work in air conditioning. 10:36.577 --> 10:39.199 Okay, you actually work, and what do you do when you're in the air conditioning? 10:39.219 --> 10:41.241 Do you have an office in an air conditioning unit? 10:42.962 --> 10:44.063 Mate, uh, no. 10:44.703 --> 10:44.883 No. 10:45.003 --> 10:45.424 You don't? 10:45.444 --> 10:46.525 Other way around, other way around. 10:46.565 --> 10:47.665 You install air conditioning? 10:47.825 --> 10:49.367 You can't be very busy at this time of year. 10:50.147 --> 10:51.128 Oh, no, we're busy, mate. 10:51.568 --> 10:52.048 Doing what? 10:52.789 --> 10:53.750 Installing air conditioning. 10:53.950 --> 10:55.451 To make places even colder? 10:56.432 --> 10:58.293 Yeah, we get a bit of heating and cooling, mate. 10:59.019 --> 11:03.420 You're insane, but obviously very successful at selling snowballs to Eskimos. 11:04.080 --> 11:04.980 Who do you think it is, Adam? 11:05.881 --> 11:07.241 I think it's Helen of Bottom Carter, mate. 11:07.701 --> 11:08.621 Wow, what makes you think that? 11:09.822 --> 11:10.342 The poshness? 11:10.762 --> 11:13.963 Bit of a thing for Helen of Bottom Carter, and I recognise her voice. 11:14.063 --> 11:15.143 I think it's her. 11:15.363 --> 11:15.663 Really? 11:15.683 --> 11:16.543 You've got a thing for her? 11:16.563 --> 11:18.104 Are you a short man? 11:18.784 --> 11:19.424 No, I'm a tall man. 11:19.444 --> 11:20.764 Because she is tiny. 11:21.424 --> 11:24.505 You could pretty much put her on the end of a keychain and hang her off your rucksack. 11:24.525 --> 11:27.806 I don't have a rucksack, but I'd hang her off something. 11:28.926 --> 11:30.347 OK, thank you very much, Adam. 11:30.967 --> 11:31.668 What a frightening thought. 11:32.188 --> 11:33.489 You're wrong, I'm afraid to say. 11:33.569 --> 11:34.630 It's not Helena Bonham Carter. 11:34.850 --> 11:36.671 What film did you think she was talking over? 11:37.231 --> 11:39.453 Well, I thought she might have been talking about The Grudge. 11:40.433 --> 11:41.274 She wasn't in The Grudge. 11:47.119 --> 11:49.161 I'm- I'm so confused by you, Adam. 11:49.541 --> 11:51.463 You're selling people air conditioning in winter. 11:52.024 --> 11:54.546 You think Helena Bonham Carter would be doing a commentary over the grudge. 11:55.367 --> 11:56.468 Uh, you're fantastic. 11:56.548 --> 11:57.509 Thank you very much for calling. 11:57.749 --> 11:58.890 I'm very sorry you got it wrong. 11:59.310 --> 12:01.873 Uh, good luck with, uh, all the installations, etc. 12:02.693 --> 12:02.994 Bye! 12:03.854 --> 12:04.895 OK, our second caller's David. 12:04.935 --> 12:05.436 Hello, David. 12:05.716 --> 12:06.036 Hello. 12:06.337 --> 12:06.657 How are you? 12:06.677 --> 12:09.239 Um, I'm a bit hungover, but I'm alright. 12:09.299 --> 12:10.721 You sound very close, very intimate. 12:11.684 --> 12:15.869 Q. Are you some sort of sex line operator, gay sex line operator? 12:15.889 --> 12:17.210 A. Um, no. 12:17.230 --> 12:18.071 Q. Have you thought about it? 12:18.091 --> 12:19.933 A. Not until now. 12:19.953 --> 12:20.994 Q. You'd be very, very good. 12:21.034 --> 12:22.155 A. Do you think I could make a career out of it? 12:22.175 --> 12:24.157 Q. You could make a lot of money, yeah. 12:24.438 --> 12:26.360 So, David, do you think you know who that is, then? 12:26.380 --> 12:27.761 A. Um, yes, I do. 12:27.781 --> 12:29.163 Q. And tell us who you think it is. 12:29.183 --> 12:31.045 A. Well, I think it's Keira Knightley. 12:31.667 --> 12:32.828 OK, based on what evidence? 12:33.468 --> 12:36.090 Erm, based on that it sounds like her voice. 12:36.510 --> 12:37.290 That's very good. 12:37.511 --> 12:38.091 Good thinking. 12:38.351 --> 12:39.712 And what movie do you think she's talking over? 12:40.152 --> 12:41.773 I think it's Pirates of the Caribbean. 12:42.914 --> 12:43.774 You are correct! 12:43.834 --> 12:45.655 You have got it right! 12:45.936 --> 12:46.756 Whey! 12:46.856 --> 12:48.097 David, that must be great news. 12:48.998 --> 12:50.879 It's the best news I've ever heard. 12:51.079 --> 12:52.880 Are you sexually attracted to Keira Knightley? 12:53.500 --> 12:53.680 No. 12:54.141 --> 12:54.501 Why not? 12:55.819 --> 12:56.280 I don't know. 12:56.300 --> 12:57.922 She's just... I'm just not. 12:58.342 --> 12:58.903 What can I say? 12:58.943 --> 12:59.744 She's not attractive. 13:00.084 --> 13:01.626 Can I tell you how I feel about Kiera? 13:01.987 --> 13:02.267 Go on. 13:03.448 --> 13:07.153 Well, I think she's amazingly gorgeous from a three-quarter angle. 13:07.713 --> 13:10.176 But as soon as she hits her profile, she turns into a horse. 13:11.647 --> 13:15.028 She's sort of like a royal, or she might have a tiny bit of royal blood in her. 13:16.548 --> 13:18.809 You know that scene in Love Actually when she's at the door? 13:18.889 --> 13:20.769 That ridiculous scene where he's got all the signs? 13:21.349 --> 13:24.090 Oh, well I haven't seen that film but... It's not good, avoid it. 13:25.651 --> 13:30.952 In one shot she looks ravishing, in the next shot she looks like an old filthy old pony. 13:32.717 --> 13:33.357 So, what? 13:33.578 --> 13:33.898 Would I? 13:34.038 --> 13:35.579 Would I do it with a filthy old pony? 13:35.999 --> 13:38.701 I didn't say that, I mean- Yeah, no, I definitely would. 13:38.861 --> 13:40.242 You would do it with a filthy old pony? 13:40.262 --> 13:40.342 Yeah. 13:40.382 --> 13:42.123 I was up- yeah, yeah, yes. 13:42.744 --> 13:44.745 And Keira Knightley, as long as she was there as well. 13:45.125 --> 13:54.311 I was up very late making that crap commentary, and, er, at first I thought, this woman's so posh, that's appalling, I couldn't- it'd be like being trapped in a box with a teenage Penelope Keith. 13:55.212 --> 13:56.773 But then I started to fall in love with her. 13:57.233 --> 14:01.916 I- I admire you for getting- listening to that commentary, cos I think I listened to the first two minutes 14:02.555 --> 14:03.736 of her voice and then I had to give up. 14:03.917 --> 14:05.538 You know what, David, that was the tip of the iceberg. 14:06.159 --> 14:12.026 It's unbelievable, I can't believe that she's, it's like she's gone straight from school, a very, very posh school, straight to Hollywood. 14:12.520 --> 14:14.802 Mummy, is it really possible to star in a film? 14:14.822 --> 14:16.163 Of course it would, Kiera. 14:16.763 --> 14:17.644 And then she's just in a film. 14:18.084 --> 14:18.564 And that's it. 14:18.945 --> 14:19.605 It's a scandal. 14:19.665 --> 14:22.828 And she's playing like an action hero in this film, Domino, that's coming up this summer. 14:23.228 --> 14:24.189 Holding a huge gun. 14:24.829 --> 14:25.510 Action hero. 14:26.330 --> 14:26.730 I don't know. 14:27.071 --> 14:29.713 It makes me feel sick and slightly sexually aroused at the same time. 14:30.093 --> 14:31.294 David, congratulations, you've won. 14:31.314 --> 14:33.035 You win Chris Rock with Never Scared. 14:33.375 --> 14:36.838 It's his latest searing political stand-up diatribe. 14:37.298 --> 14:37.999 Are you a fan of Chris Rock? 14:38.479 --> 14:38.679 No. 14:39.099 --> 14:39.299 No? 14:39.720 --> 14:41.661 Not really, but they're fantastic. 14:41.981 --> 14:42.661 Thank you. 14:42.681 --> 14:45.382 You're such a contrary man, but very, very clever. 14:45.422 --> 14:46.303 Who's that giggling in the background? 14:46.723 --> 14:47.963 That's my friend Richard. 14:48.163 --> 14:48.904 Your friend Richard? 14:49.004 --> 14:49.784 He's from the north. 14:50.144 --> 14:50.404 Is he? 14:50.725 --> 14:55.587 That's no excuse for making little high-pitched Buffalo Bill style serial killer giggles in the background. 14:55.627 --> 14:56.207 It's not, no. 14:56.327 --> 14:57.308 Thank you for calling, David. 14:57.328 --> 14:58.168 Thank you very much. 14:58.208 --> 15:00.449 The DVD that you don't want will be winging its way to you. 15:00.469 --> 15:00.829 You know what? 15:00.849 --> 15:01.469 I had two copies. 15:01.589 --> 15:02.510 Can I have one for myself? 15:02.870 --> 15:03.972 Yeah, go on then. 15:15.911 --> 15:17.252 Oh, but I've messed it up now. 15:17.912 --> 15:20.774 Chris Rock's hosting the Oscars, of course, on Sunday night, which can only be seen on Sky1. 15:21.435 --> 15:23.977 And the Oscar producers are desperate to find a way to make people watch it. 15:24.557 --> 15:28.860 The viewing figures have plummeted in America, and obviously in Europe they're tiny already, but they've become minuscule. 15:29.400 --> 15:32.622 The producers are abandoning all logic in an attempt to make people watch it. 15:32.963 --> 15:36.325 So they're, you know, bringing some new things to the Oscars. 15:36.345 --> 15:41.929 We're going to talk about that, and I'm going to have a text competition, and your motive for texting will be to win tickets to see the streets. 15:42.529 --> 15:44.333 Friday the 11th of March at the Alexandra Palace. 15:44.593 --> 15:51.507 If you can come up with a good way to improve the Oscars, I'm going to come back with one or two suggestions of my own right after the Black Velvets with 3, 3, 4, 5. 15:59.980 --> 16:14.151 Hi, Joe, it's coming up to the end of the first hour, and this is your little virtual pep talk from Adam here, which was recorded earlier in the week to keep your spirits up and make you feel less lonely, seeing as you're being really nice and helming the show more or less on your own. 16:14.171 --> 16:19.956 You've got Lila there, our sexy producer, standing there, looking at you firmly, firmly. 16:20.476 --> 16:23.841 And I just want to say that I'm sure it's going really well. 16:23.861 --> 16:25.363 You're my favourite DJ. 16:25.383 --> 16:30.030 I don't listen to anyone else on the radio and I'm sure everyone out there in XFM land agrees. 16:30.470 --> 16:31.131 Keep it up, man. 16:31.332 --> 16:34.777 You're the king of the airwaves and you've got good hair. 16:40.640 --> 16:42.862 That's the Kaiser Chiefs with Oh My God. 16:42.902 --> 16:48.527 They were on some TV show very late last night and I thought they came across incredibly well, the lead singer especially. 16:48.547 --> 16:50.329 I'm not talking about the Friday Night Project, were they on that? 16:50.869 --> 16:52.631 I think they were but I don't watch that anymore. 16:53.632 --> 16:54.753 I've banned that from my eyes. 16:55.013 --> 17:07.285 They were on some late night documentary or maybe four music and the reason I really wore them to the lead singer is he was showing us around his tour bus and he was showing us his little bed where he slept and he said, and this is my Beddington's and soon I'm off to Sleepy's. 17:08.246 --> 17:10.771 Anyone who says Beddington's and Sleepy's is alright in my book. 17:11.573 --> 17:12.174 Um, okay. 17:13.303 --> 17:17.885 Now is your chance to win tickets to see the streets at the Alexandra Palace, Friday the 11th of March. 17:18.726 --> 17:21.587 Uh, supported by the Mitchell Brothers, or are the Mitchell Brothers part of the streets? 17:21.907 --> 17:23.168 No, they're the support act, aren't they? 17:23.228 --> 17:23.888 Lila, tell me. 17:24.309 --> 17:25.249 Yeah, I've got it right, good. 17:26.110 --> 17:30.312 OK, uh, and, in order to win those tickets, you've got to come up with an idea to improve the Oscars. 17:30.372 --> 17:32.573 Ratings are plummeting, no one's interested in the Oscars. 17:32.613 --> 17:38.296 According to the host, even, Chris Rock, they're only watched by gay men, who are in the entertainment business. 17:39.904 --> 17:44.907 I guess that makes me a gay man in the entertainment business, even though I'm not a gay man. 17:45.267 --> 17:46.627 But I am sort of in the entertainment business. 17:46.908 --> 17:49.089 But I love the Oscars, even when they're really boring. 17:49.349 --> 17:52.790 I find them watchable, but I'm very excited about these new twists they're giving the format this year. 17:53.331 --> 17:54.591 We've already had a few texts in. 17:55.191 --> 17:58.073 Mike says, to improve the Oscars, you could make the statues out of jelly. 17:58.913 --> 18:00.834 I don't know if that would improve it a lot. 18:01.134 --> 18:01.394 Would it? 18:01.414 --> 18:02.315 It would just be messy. 18:02.335 --> 18:03.715 A couple of jelly jokes. 18:04.316 --> 18:05.096 Not sure about that one. 18:05.416 --> 18:08.498 And he says, make all the winners collect their Oscars using jet packs. 18:09.278 --> 18:22.285 That's pretty good, but, of course, jetpacks tend to burn what's beneath them, so you'd end up with a lot of very crispy, dead film stars, which would be more interesting, but... Well, yeah, no, that's a really good idea, actually, cos you'd kill the current crop of film stars. 18:22.565 --> 18:24.206 Gets the new ones in, cos, frankly, they're boring. 18:25.167 --> 18:26.807 I had a couple of ideas how to improve the Oscars. 18:28.048 --> 18:28.829 Let's have a look. 18:29.929 --> 18:30.209 Here we go. 18:30.249 --> 18:31.190 OK, this is a pretty good idea. 18:31.750 --> 18:33.291 One of the- you invent a new category. 18:33.311 --> 18:36.192 The new category is- is most hated man in Hollywood. 18:36.532 --> 18:37.252 Worst actor. 18:37.913 --> 18:38.153 Okay? 18:38.173 --> 18:39.113 Most reprehensible person. 18:39.353 --> 18:44.035 You award them an Oscar without tele- for some other category, but it's an exploding Oscar. 18:44.796 --> 18:51.018 So they- they give a big speech, they love it, and then towards the end of the ceremony, you make an announcement, you say, right, we're now down to the exploding Oscar. 18:51.218 --> 18:54.380 One of you who's been awarded an Oscar tonight has an incendiary device in their lap. 18:54.400 --> 18:59.702 And then you just pan across the stalls, Jack Nicholson, Adam Sandler, all the big stars, Tom Cruise, BANG! 19:00.362 --> 19:02.883 it would explode, killing one of the stars. 19:02.903 --> 19:03.963 Wouldn't that be fantastic? 19:04.284 --> 19:06.784 And it would give a suspense to the whole show, be like a ticking time bomb. 19:06.804 --> 19:08.345 I think that would be extraordinary. 19:09.165 --> 19:11.126 Other ideas I had, nude ceremony, just do it in the nude. 19:11.146 --> 19:15.448 I think it would be very interesting to see the tackle and tits of Hollywood's stars. 19:15.468 --> 19:16.348 Don't you think? 19:16.868 --> 19:18.009 Tackle and tits at the Oscars. 19:18.905 --> 19:20.045 That's a good phrase, isn't it? 19:20.586 --> 19:21.006 Classy. 19:22.226 --> 19:24.067 Inflatable assault course to decide the winner. 19:24.407 --> 19:25.227 All the losers are gunged. 19:25.847 --> 19:26.267 That'd be good. 19:26.667 --> 19:27.908 Host to get Dick and Dom to do it. 19:27.968 --> 19:29.028 Dick and Dom host the Oscars. 19:29.308 --> 19:30.308 Dick and Dom in-depth Oscars. 19:30.468 --> 19:31.409 I've got so many ideas. 19:31.789 --> 19:33.529 What about announcing the national lottery numbers? 19:34.129 --> 19:35.230 One between each Oscar. 19:36.178 --> 19:37.179 Yeah, that'll keep people tuned in. 19:37.499 --> 19:45.323 If you've got better ideas than that, and it shouldn't be hard to have better ideas than that, you can text 83XFM, email adamandjoe at xfm.co.uk. 19:46.003 --> 19:46.564 Can they call? 19:47.124 --> 19:47.644 They could call. 19:47.664 --> 19:52.607 08712221049 and you could win tickets to see The Streets, Friday the 11th of March. 19:52.887 --> 19:56.729 Now, music from... Snow Patrol. 20:02.113 --> 20:03.414 That was Snow Patrol with Run. 20:03.435 --> 20:05.036 They must have been very busy in the past week. 20:05.577 --> 20:06.118 Snow Patrol. 20:06.298 --> 20:07.219 Because it was snowing. 20:10.997 --> 20:12.338 This is Joe Cornish on XFM. 20:12.618 --> 20:15.839 Now, we've been asking you for your ideas on how to improve the Oscars. 20:16.159 --> 20:22.301 I forgot to let you know the actual ideas that the producers of the Oscars are implementing for Sunday night's ceremony. 20:23.121 --> 20:24.501 The two I know about are these. 20:24.581 --> 20:32.144 First of all, the host, Chris Rock, is going to promenade amongst the audience and give some Oscars to the winners in their seats. 20:33.399 --> 20:39.625 So that whole sort of Michael Barrymore, you know, an audience with Lenny Tarbuck, who's he? 20:39.965 --> 20:44.449 But you know, it sounds like a rather cheap Saturday night ITV1 thing to do. 20:45.110 --> 20:50.094 The Oscars is quite demeaning for film stars generally, but this I think is going to make it even worse for them. 20:50.435 --> 20:58.863 And the other twist is they're going to call a lot of the nominees up on stage when they give the Oscars and have them sort of line up 20:59.463 --> 21:18.661 and then announce who's won in a kind of weird pop idol style moment and they'll probably do that thing that they always do now which is you know you've got the sentence which is and the Oscar goes to Finding Neverland but they'll go and the Oscar goes to and they'll make this silence last for as long as possible 21:19.744 --> 21:21.385 Just because they know you can't switch off. 21:21.905 --> 21:23.605 They know you're guaranteed to stay watching. 21:23.865 --> 21:25.406 So they extend that moment endlessly. 21:25.806 --> 21:26.766 They might do that at the Oscars. 21:27.187 --> 21:27.907 It's just an idea. 21:28.127 --> 21:29.427 I think if they've got any sense, they will. 21:29.887 --> 21:31.908 Your ideas are coming in thick and fast by text. 21:31.928 --> 21:33.349 8-3-XFM. 21:33.629 --> 21:36.890 We're gonna read some of them out and decide who's won these tickets to the streets. 21:37.590 --> 21:38.891 But before that, here's a free play. 21:38.911 --> 21:41.471 This is a bit of music by a guy called Mark Mathersberg. 21:41.511 --> 21:42.732 He used to be in Devo. 21:43.172 --> 21:49.616 He composed the music for the Rugrats, you'll be excited to hear, and he's also done the fantastic score for the new Wes Anderson movie, The Life Aquatic. 21:49.916 --> 21:56.801 And this is a very short bit of music that the Team Zissou diving team play in their helmets when they go deep sea diving. 21:56.821 --> 22:04.846 So imagine you've got your big diving bell on, Bill Murray's on your left, Owen Wilson's on your right, you've sunk under water, there's animatronic fish all around you, and this is what you're hearing. 22:34.582 --> 22:36.004 I'll see you next time. 23:08.072 --> 23:09.913 Uh, you're listening to XFM, London's 104.9. 23:10.293 --> 23:11.413 My name's Joe Cornish. 23:11.653 --> 23:12.993 I'm here with you for another 35 minutes. 23:13.413 --> 23:20.595 Uh, my co-presenter Adam is away this week, but we have been asking you for your suggestions to improve the Oscars, uh, this year. 23:20.675 --> 23:22.656 And we've been inunde... inundected? 23:23.176 --> 23:24.076 Indecucted? 23:24.617 --> 23:25.977 Inundeeded? 23:26.417 --> 23:28.478 With, uh, quite clever ideas, really. 23:29.218 --> 23:30.058 Uh, here is one. 23:31.178 --> 23:32.719 Um, okay, let's have a look. 23:33.019 --> 23:37.220 To improve the Oscars, the nominee with the least amount of votes gets shot in the head. 23:38.624 --> 23:40.606 All other winners wear explosive collars. 23:41.787 --> 23:43.228 Uh, that's a good idea, I think. 23:44.009 --> 23:44.289 Yeah? 23:44.810 --> 23:45.190 Don't you think? 23:45.591 --> 23:46.451 Battle royale style? 23:47.412 --> 23:48.053 Uh, here's another one. 23:48.894 --> 23:51.356 Uh, a way to improve the Oscars is to get the... Oh, no, hang on. 23:51.476 --> 23:53.598 Actually, we're gonna go speak to that person, so let's skip that one. 23:53.618 --> 23:57.722 To improve the Oscars, you could host it live from Bognor Butlins near the Derby Race. 23:58.002 --> 23:59.584 The red coats are so forgiving. 24:00.084 --> 24:00.725 That's from Phil. 24:00.745 --> 24:03.047 I think that's a really good idea, the Oscars from Butlins. 24:03.347 --> 24:04.088 Get them to slum it. 24:04.608 --> 24:17.038 really damp, cold environment, rubbish food, diseased old eggs, and awful Butlins redcoats doing terrible S Club 8 covers in between the awards. 24:17.338 --> 24:18.319 That'll be fantastic. 24:18.619 --> 24:19.200 How about this one? 24:20.901 --> 24:26.466 The person who wins only actually gets the award if they tell us an amazing secret about one of the losers. 24:27.602 --> 24:28.242 I think that would be good. 24:28.282 --> 24:33.326 So you'd win, but you only actually get the Oscar officially if you give something scandalous away about one of the other losers. 24:33.566 --> 24:39.450 But my two favourite ones, the two at the top of the running, we've actually got the people who've invented them on the line. 24:39.470 --> 24:40.170 So let's speak to Anna. 24:40.190 --> 24:40.590 Hello, Anna. 24:40.991 --> 24:41.391 Hello. 24:42.172 --> 24:42.632 How are you doing? 24:43.166 --> 24:44.247 I'm very good, thank you. 24:44.427 --> 24:47.931 Now what's your idea for... First of all, can I ask you, are you a keen viewer of the Oscars? 24:47.951 --> 24:48.692 Do you watch it every year? 24:49.933 --> 24:52.616 I try and avoid them as much as I can, really. 24:52.696 --> 24:52.996 Why? 24:53.577 --> 24:56.039 Because I just find them slightly dull. 24:56.199 --> 24:58.882 Oh, but Anna, they're the... But with my idea, I would jazz them up. 24:59.182 --> 25:06.705 OK, but before we get to that, you do realise that everyone involved in the Oscars is prettier than you, clever than you, richer than you, more successful than you. 25:07.025 --> 25:08.505 Everything they say is fascinating. 25:08.525 --> 25:12.047 We all have to aspire to the way they live. 25:12.287 --> 25:13.207 You realise that, don't you? 25:13.227 --> 25:14.508 Of course, of course. 25:14.628 --> 25:18.389 And if you think they're just a load of hopeless old chancers, you're very, very stupid. 25:18.945 --> 25:20.727 Yeah, but they're good to gossip about anyway. 25:20.907 --> 25:22.088 Yeah, as long as we've established that. 25:22.249 --> 25:24.831 So what's your idea for invigorating the Oscars this year? 25:25.232 --> 25:32.880 My idea is that every table you have a little microphone, and you've got a little button next to it as well, so you can buzz in and listen to any of the tables. 25:33.328 --> 25:38.813 And you can hear what your colleagues are gossiping about you basically. 25:38.993 --> 25:46.520 And I reckon the entertainment of hair pulling and punches being thrown and drinks being thrown would be really jazz up the night. 25:46.700 --> 25:47.641 That's a very good idea. 25:47.681 --> 25:49.402 So basically every seat is miked. 25:50.183 --> 25:55.708 And we at home can listen to the stars cursing, swearing, gossiping, bitching. 25:56.148 --> 25:58.170 Exactly, and they can listen to each other. 25:58.692 --> 26:20.762 they'd have to know that though wouldn't they I mean you have to warn them about this before they turned up well because you go then you can only do it one year and the next year they'd all realize and they'd all can up then the next year they're gonna be so wound up waiting for what next is gonna happen the next year you do something else that's it that's so that's so clever you should put that in a letter and send it to them I think 26:22.682 --> 26:31.732 I wouldn't be surprised if you were flying first class to America to the Oscars at number Oscars, Oscars Street and having them put that idea into practice. 26:32.152 --> 26:33.614 I think possibility. 26:33.714 --> 26:34.695 Are you a big fan of the streets? 26:35.275 --> 26:37.498 Yes, I would love to go and see it. 26:37.518 --> 26:38.359 Genuinely, you'd love it? 26:38.719 --> 26:39.920 No, I would, I would really enjoy it. 26:39.940 --> 26:40.621 Who would you take? 26:41.382 --> 26:42.283 I'd take my boyfriend. 26:42.483 --> 26:42.863 Really? 26:43.384 --> 26:43.764 I would. 26:43.784 --> 26:45.166 What sort of thing would you do when you got there? 26:45.691 --> 26:48.813 When we got there, I'd try and MC and try and do a bit of breakdancing. 26:48.873 --> 26:50.233 Would you push all the way to the front? 26:50.754 --> 26:51.474 Oh, of course. 26:51.594 --> 26:51.974 Really? 26:52.254 --> 26:53.055 Yeah. 26:53.375 --> 26:56.697 And I'll wear my funny hat as well that I wore last year. 26:57.057 --> 26:59.018 So I'll wear my rabbit hat and everyone can see me. 26:59.349 --> 27:00.290 That sounds extraordinary. 27:00.330 --> 27:03.311 Well, listen, thank you so much for coming on the show. 27:03.331 --> 27:04.592 That's okay. 27:04.812 --> 27:11.155 I've got one other caller I'm going to speak to, but after that I'm going to make a decision based on levels of enthusiasm about who to give these tickets to. 27:11.395 --> 27:12.276 So thank you very much, Anna. 27:12.296 --> 27:12.956 Please keep listening. 27:13.437 --> 27:18.239 And I very much hope, you know, Rupee's going to have to be very enthusiastic to beat Anna's enthusiasm there. 27:18.419 --> 27:19.120 So let's go to Rupee. 27:19.140 --> 27:19.660 Hello, Rupee. 27:20.180 --> 27:20.300 Hi. 27:20.540 --> 27:20.941 How are you doing? 27:21.381 --> 27:21.921 I'm not bad. 27:21.961 --> 27:23.822 Not very enthusiastic, but I'm not bad as well. 27:23.862 --> 27:24.623 Well, you're just too cool. 27:24.643 --> 27:25.263 You're too laid back. 27:25.694 --> 27:26.394 That's it, you see. 27:26.474 --> 27:29.575 It's not right for men to be enthusiastic, you know, it destroys our cred. 27:30.336 --> 27:31.236 We've got to keep a distance. 27:31.516 --> 27:32.857 Well, that's it, it's just a guy thing. 27:33.257 --> 27:35.397 So, Rupi, what's your idea for invigorating the Oscars? 27:35.878 --> 27:44.241 Well, you have the boring old speeches every year, and they go on thinking of long lines of Gwyneth Paltrow and all that. 27:44.501 --> 27:46.821 Why don't you have them just sing the acceptance speeches? 27:46.962 --> 27:50.943 And then I was thinking, what better song to sing along to than Eye of the Tiger? 27:51.423 --> 27:51.943 Wow. 27:51.963 --> 27:55.065 I was going to say something quite rude there. 27:55.085 --> 28:02.308 I think under those circumstances they would say something rude but I can't say what I was going to say. 28:14.056 --> 28:14.316 Really? 28:14.376 --> 28:17.338 And you think it would be alright for them to sing Eye of the Tiger over and over again? 28:17.378 --> 28:19.460 I mean, there are about 15 awards or something? 28:19.480 --> 28:20.621 That'd be quite repetitive, wouldn't it? 28:20.741 --> 28:23.903 Well, they could have a bit of variety, sing along to SpongeBob SquarePants. 28:23.923 --> 28:26.865 I don't know, there's loads of stuff, or perhaps Knight Rider theme. 28:27.105 --> 28:28.826 Sing along to SpongeBob SquarePants? 28:29.287 --> 28:31.668 Yeah, the theme music to that, just for variety's sake. 28:31.749 --> 28:32.209 How does that go? 28:33.086 --> 28:33.866 I have no idea. 28:33.886 --> 28:35.287 I'm not going to sing on air either. 28:35.807 --> 28:36.748 Oh, that's a shame. 28:37.188 --> 28:39.229 Well, I think that's a very, very good idea. 28:40.610 --> 28:42.251 Did I read out the one about weeing? 28:42.271 --> 28:42.311 No. 28:43.111 --> 28:44.652 There's another good one, Rupi. 28:44.672 --> 28:45.272 See what you think of this. 28:45.332 --> 28:51.776 James from Art Minster says, force the stars to drink loads of water before the ceremony, then ban them from going to the toilet. 28:53.262 --> 28:54.423 That would be very interesting. 28:54.443 --> 28:56.845 I don't know if it would be watchable, but that would be very interesting. 28:56.865 --> 28:57.805 I think it would be very watchable. 28:57.825 --> 29:03.489 There'd be a sense of real suspense, a building pressure, you know? 29:03.509 --> 29:06.891 If they look very agitated, it's probably because they're coked up beforehand anyway. 29:07.472 --> 29:08.232 That's very true. 29:08.272 --> 29:12.075 I mean, that's a libelous allegation you've made there. 29:12.794 --> 29:13.694 Allegedly, coke. 29:13.714 --> 29:15.475 You may be sued by Hollywood. 29:16.255 --> 29:17.136 I doubt they're listening. 29:17.296 --> 29:18.916 Well, I think Hollywood listens regularly. 29:18.936 --> 29:21.677 Okay, fair enough. 29:21.757 --> 29:26.399 So, okay, so now, the only other question I have for you, Rupee, is, do you want to win these tickets to see the streets? 29:26.899 --> 29:30.901 Absolutely, I'll get fully kitted out in my Burberry gear, I'll be fully chavved out. 29:31.341 --> 29:31.961 Chavved out? 29:32.241 --> 29:32.661 Yeah! 29:32.801 --> 29:34.382 Okay, good. 29:34.402 --> 29:37.143 I'll be out there the front, moshing away. 29:37.163 --> 29:37.943 Who would you take? 29:37.963 --> 29:40.184 I'd probably take my chav-tastic brother. 29:40.817 --> 30:03.104 fantastic brother Wow have you got did you listen to Anna's case I certainly did and it was full of enthusiasm why should I give them to you not Anna because it's a guy thing and plus I think you know I'm a bigger fan of the streets I've got both his albums I think it's really cool and I go for that whole UK garage stuff as well why don't you take Anna we're paying Anna I could give you one ticket each 30:04.076 --> 30:05.196 Oh, I don't know about that. 30:05.216 --> 30:06.517 What if she turns out to be crazy? 30:06.677 --> 30:08.878 Yeah, but she's probably fantastic and sexy. 30:09.398 --> 30:10.979 And you're fantastic and sexy, right? 30:10.999 --> 30:12.619 Um, oh yeah, of course. 30:12.679 --> 30:15.040 Well, she's gonna say the same, so there you go! 30:15.720 --> 30:16.100 You know what? 30:16.120 --> 30:17.781 Do you think her boyfriend would beat me up, though? 30:18.915 --> 30:44.595 There's no telling what could happen in this modern day and age it could either be a fight or A big love in who knows in this crazy modern world Well, I'm gonna have to decide between rupee and Anna's ideas We're gonna work figure some way out to decide that thank you very much for talking to me rupee Now enjoy this popular music by one of the country's oh no I tell you what this is actually this is LCD sound system with Duff Punk is playing at my house and 30:48.823 --> 30:52.868 Wow, that's the LCD sound system with Daft Punk is playing at my house. 30:53.009 --> 30:56.413 I'm saying daft, not like a northerner, but like a German man. 30:56.493 --> 30:56.934 Daft! 30:57.995 --> 31:00.799 So let us settle the battle between Rupee and Anna. 31:00.839 --> 31:01.840 I'm going to give the tickets to Anna. 31:02.801 --> 31:06.486 Because, Rupee, I think her idea is actually better. 31:07.409 --> 31:08.550 to mike the audience. 31:08.650 --> 31:10.050 I think it's a feasible idea. 31:10.811 --> 31:12.872 And it's also funny, you know. 31:13.452 --> 31:19.715 And, Rupi, I think you're a great guy and I hope you don't hate me because I, uh, took the tickets away from you. 31:20.636 --> 31:21.976 But, um, you know, there we go. 31:22.016 --> 31:23.837 Thanks very much for everybody who entered that competition. 31:23.857 --> 31:24.698 There were some terrific ideas. 31:24.718 --> 31:30.481 I'll be forwarding them all to the Oscars, number one Hollywood street, America, the USA. 31:31.561 --> 31:35.884 OK, in a second we're going to start playing Dizzies in the Dock, me against a virtual Adam. 31:36.224 --> 31:42.127 But right before that, this is you two with Sometimes You Can't Make It. 31:42.868 --> 31:44.629 That's what it says on my sheet, on your own. 31:50.672 --> 31:51.252 That's you two. 31:51.332 --> 31:51.733 You know what? 31:51.773 --> 31:53.774 I think Bono should just sing in Parliament. 31:54.414 --> 31:58.697 Cut out the middleman and just perform in the House of Commons with no band. 32:00.023 --> 32:02.687 You know, he's a politician really, more than a musician now, don't you think? 32:03.428 --> 32:05.371 Put him in politics, keep him quiet. 32:06.233 --> 32:07.595 That's U2, that's a great single though. 32:08.336 --> 32:09.919 Now it's time to play Dizzy's in the Dark. 32:14.085 --> 32:28.919 Of course, this is the part of the show where Adam and I usually battle it out to get the last free play of the show and you, our trusty, loyal, good-looking, attractive, sweetly-scented listeners, choose which song, either mine or Adam's, is going to play out the show. 32:29.099 --> 32:30.381 This week, of course, Adam isn't here. 32:30.641 --> 32:33.103 He's gone to all tomorrow's parties in Camber Sands. 32:33.804 --> 32:37.828 He's currently probably choking on his own vomit in a little hut. 32:38.548 --> 32:45.992 But earlier this week, as punishment for not being here, he came into the studio and recorded some bits and bobs, so we've got a sort of pre-recorded pitch for Adam's track. 32:46.472 --> 32:48.513 So, let's start with that. 32:48.553 --> 32:50.715 Let's hear what Adam's pitch is for Ditties in the Week. 32:51.235 --> 32:51.855 Ditties in the Week? 32:52.035 --> 32:53.076 Ditties in the Dock, this week. 32:53.556 --> 32:56.157 Hey, it's Virtual Adam Buxton here from earlier in the week. 32:56.637 --> 33:04.359 Now, it's Ditty's in the Dock time, so I have to pitch my Ditty on Wednesday, and Joe will play it in right now on Saturday. 33:05.019 --> 33:07.600 But I don't really see the point, because they're gonna rig it. 33:07.740 --> 33:08.520 It's gonna be rigged. 33:08.620 --> 33:13.022 Joe cheats at the best of times, bending rules this way and that way, whenever it suits him. 33:13.382 --> 33:16.843 So why on earth would he let me win when I'm not even in the studio? 33:17.563 --> 33:23.525 However, listeners, I implore you to have the good sense to vote for this track. 33:24.145 --> 33:29.266 I want you to vote for Andy Warhol by David Bowie from the classic Hunky Dory album. 33:29.606 --> 33:33.427 Because this week it's songs about real people from the real world. 33:33.667 --> 33:40.849 And Bowie penned this classic track about his hero, the pop art guru, Andy Warhol. 33:41.349 --> 33:57.590 way back in the early 70s and it's still an absolute peach very odd song but a wonderful one nevertheless and surely one of the best songs ever written about a real person forget nelson nandella forget all the forget whoever loonie joe's managed to dig up a song about this is where it's at 33:57.850 --> 33:59.771 Hunky-dory, come on, there's not a bad track on it. 33:59.811 --> 34:01.853 OK, that's enough, come on, time up, cut him off, cut him off, time up. 34:01.913 --> 34:05.295 He always talks for too long, and even when he's pre-recorded, he goes on for too long. 34:05.936 --> 34:08.177 But that's an extremely good song, I wouldn't mind hearing that. 34:08.477 --> 34:13.861 The number, of course, is 0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-o-four-nine, but before you call, here's what it's up against. 34:13.921 --> 34:19.525 You could either listen to David Bowie's Andy Warhol, or you could listen to Madness with My Name Is Michael Caine. 34:19.765 --> 34:22.427 That's right, because this week's theme is Songs About Real People. 34:22.847 --> 34:26.110 I worked so hard to find a really good song, I considered Bette Davis' Eyes, 34:26.870 --> 34:28.130 But that's too hot FM, really. 34:28.671 --> 34:31.632 Hey Jude, which is about Julian Lennon, that's overplayed. 34:31.852 --> 34:33.872 When Smokey Sings by ABC, that's rubbish. 34:34.172 --> 34:36.753 Joan of Arc by Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark, it's boring. 34:37.093 --> 34:38.834 Dorothy Parker by Prince, I thought. 34:39.074 --> 34:41.875 But no, Dorothy Parker was a famous poet, and his song's about a waitress. 34:42.215 --> 34:42.715 Can't play that. 34:43.556 --> 34:47.617 The Robert De Niro Calypso from the Adam and Joe show, I was gonna play, but that would be shameless self-promotion. 34:48.297 --> 34:50.178 So I decided not to play that. 34:50.238 --> 34:52.178 Rock Me Amadeus, I was gonna play by Falco. 34:52.719 --> 34:53.559 But that stinks! 34:54.639 --> 34:57.842 Buddy Holly by Weezer I was going to play, but Alex Ayn just played that in his show. 34:58.462 --> 35:03.486 The Gorillaz with Clint Eastwood, but it's not actually about Clint Eastwood, it's just a random, you know, hip-hop thing. 35:04.086 --> 35:06.908 So, I've Gone For Madness with Michael Caine, which is a pretty excellent song. 35:07.188 --> 35:16.554 The high point of My Name Is Michael Caine by Madness is of course the very beginning when Suggs, for no apparent reason, goes a-good-ja-ya-ya, a-good-ja-ya-ya. 35:17.355 --> 35:23.720 If anyone can tell me what that has to do with Michael Caine, what it means, a good year, yeah, yeah, could be the stupidest thing anyone's ever sung in any record. 35:23.900 --> 35:28.204 And for that alone, I think it's worth voting for My Name Is Michael Caine by Madness. 35:28.284 --> 35:34.409 So, did it in the dock this week is Andy Warhol by David Bowie versus My Name Is Michael Caine by Madness. 35:34.629 --> 35:36.971 So call 0871 222 1049, vote Warhol or Caine and you could win. 35:41.554 --> 35:44.056 A compilation of great 12-inch mixes from the 80s. 35:44.096 --> 35:46.358 Three CDs in there. 35:46.639 --> 35:47.720 We've got five to give away. 35:47.960 --> 35:50.983 Everyone who gets on the air will win a copy of that great CD. 35:51.003 --> 35:53.164 0-8-7-1, triple 2, 1-0-4-9. 35:53.184 --> 35:54.666 We'll find out the winner right after this. 36:10.327 --> 36:12.188 Yes, sir, you're back with me, Joe Cornish. 36:12.208 --> 36:13.589 This is the last seven minutes of the show. 36:13.629 --> 36:16.531 We're very quickly going to pay off Dizzies in the Dock now. 36:16.791 --> 36:25.477 The theme this week is Songs About Real People and it's Madness with My Name Is Michael Caine versus David Bowie with Andy Warhol. 36:26.158 --> 36:27.238 Bowie is Adam's choice. 36:27.599 --> 36:28.579 Madness is my choice. 36:28.599 --> 36:34.984 Just before we go to the lines, let me say that before the ad break you heard Orange Juice with Felicity, that of course going out to Edwin Collins. 36:35.624 --> 36:39.167 Uh, who's a good friend of the Adam and Jojo, came on when we used to be, uh, when we used to do that show. 36:39.647 --> 36:41.709 And best wishes to him and his family and stuff. 36:41.969 --> 36:43.830 Okay, time for Dizzy's in the Dark now. 36:44.130 --> 36:45.671 Who do we have on line one? 36:45.691 --> 36:46.252 Hello, speak. 36:47.553 --> 36:47.853 Hello? 36:48.073 --> 36:49.094 Hello, what is your name, sir? 36:49.474 --> 36:50.255 It's, uh, Jason. 36:50.535 --> 36:51.716 Jason, thank you very much for calling. 36:51.776 --> 36:52.376 What is your vote? 36:52.436 --> 36:54.438 Is it gonna be Bowie, or is it gonna be Madness? 36:54.983 --> 36:56.204 I'd like to hear Madness, please. 36:56.464 --> 36:56.965 Well done. 36:57.365 --> 36:58.546 That's the correct vote. 36:58.586 --> 36:59.807 That's a vote for my song. 36:59.827 --> 37:00.548 Therefore, it's correct. 37:00.788 --> 37:01.549 Thanks very much for calling. 37:01.569 --> 37:07.433 And you win a copy of 12 Inches of the 80s, a brand new triple CD compilation of 80s 12 Inches. 37:07.453 --> 37:08.414 Thanks very much. 37:08.634 --> 37:08.995 There we go. 37:09.015 --> 37:09.555 Thanks for calling. 37:09.815 --> 37:10.916 Who's on line two? 37:10.956 --> 37:12.678 Hello, speak please. 37:14.246 --> 37:17.750 I think what we should do is there's a tiny bit of chaos on the phone lines. 37:18.330 --> 37:24.016 So when I say please speak, if everyone who's holding on speaks, then one of you will be heard by London. 37:24.336 --> 37:25.217 So who's on its caller? 37:25.478 --> 37:25.918 Hello. 37:25.958 --> 37:26.619 Hey, there we go. 37:26.659 --> 37:27.099 What's your name? 37:27.520 --> 37:27.860 Hayley. 37:28.080 --> 37:28.541 Hello, Hayley. 37:28.561 --> 37:29.382 Thanks a lot for calling. 37:29.922 --> 37:30.483 What's your vote? 37:30.523 --> 37:32.525 Is it going to be Andy Warhol or Michael Caine? 37:33.024 --> 37:35.025 I feel like it has to be, Madness. 37:35.585 --> 37:36.145 Oh, Hayley. 37:37.105 --> 37:38.746 You really mean that, don't you? 37:38.766 --> 37:40.447 Yes, it has to be. 37:40.487 --> 37:42.547 You're a huge Madness fan, and you actually hate Bowie. 37:43.268 --> 37:43.668 I've heard. 37:43.688 --> 37:45.048 I'm not going to say that. 37:45.088 --> 37:45.949 Don't say that, no. 37:45.969 --> 37:47.049 But you're a big, big fan of Madness. 37:47.069 --> 37:47.269 That's 2-1. 37:47.289 --> 37:48.249 Thank you very much. 37:48.270 --> 37:50.850 Hayley, you win a copy of those CDs. 37:51.651 --> 37:53.791 Sort of bribery money there for Hayley. 37:54.052 --> 37:55.132 It's 2-1 to Madness. 37:55.172 --> 37:55.992 Cornish is in the lead. 37:56.272 --> 37:57.973 Virtual Buxton appears to be losing. 37:58.293 --> 37:59.293 Let's go to our next caller. 37:59.353 --> 38:00.414 All callers speak now. 38:02.366 --> 38:03.612 Hello, there we go, what's your name sir? 38:05.236 --> 38:06.057 Patrick, hello Patrick. 38:06.077 --> 38:07.838 Do you like the way I'm calling everyone sir? 38:08.859 --> 38:09.219 That's good. 38:09.359 --> 38:10.200 It's respectful, isn't it? 38:10.660 --> 38:12.482 Patrick, you sound like a very serious and sober man. 38:12.502 --> 38:13.503 Absolutely. 38:14.023 --> 38:15.865 With quite serious taste in music. 38:15.885 --> 38:16.765 Of course. 38:16.826 --> 38:21.349 You don't sound like you're interested in the frippery of Madness' music. 38:21.369 --> 38:22.770 Not at all, mate. 38:22.810 --> 38:23.251 Not at all. 38:23.271 --> 38:27.794 You sound like somebody who likes to listen to classic rock and might be voting for Bowie, am I right? 38:27.814 --> 38:29.256 Nope, I'm going for Madness. 38:29.396 --> 38:29.776 Whey! 38:29.796 --> 38:31.177 Oh, so that's it, isn't it? 38:31.197 --> 38:32.859 That's three out of five. 38:34.130 --> 38:59.233 Patrick you're fantastic there we go that's it I've won Cornish wins I didn't even have to cheat and it leaves me with two copies of the 12 inches of the 80s to take home and give away to tramps and three copies to give away to our three listeners there Wow thank God we got through that because sort of a sort of a technical breakdown an extraordinary panic here in the XFM studio I wish you could have all witnessed that I've never seen work experience legs 39:00.354 --> 39:09.323 Run so fast a work experience girl is gonna have such well toned thighs and bum cheeks Fantastic and for that very reason she can come back. 39:09.923 --> 39:10.884 Thanks very much for listening. 39:11.004 --> 39:12.766 I've been Joe Cornish next week Adams back. 39:12.866 --> 39:15.589 I hope And that's it. 39:15.909 --> 39:18.131 We're playing out with madness with my name is Michael Caine. 39:18.491 --> 39:19.112 I'll see you next week. 39:19.172 --> 39:19.392 Bye 39:30.259 --> 39:31.621 I am Michael Caine. 39:50.950 --> 40:18.419 Except useless paper and puts it in my pocket I'm trying very hard to keep my fingers clean I can't believe you tell me what's his name My name, Michael Caine And though I wanted what's happened I've fallen to ground, to keep my name And though I wanted what's happened I've fallen to ground, to keep 40:20.723 --> 40:42.154 The sun is laughing, it's another broken morning I see a shadow and call out to try and warn him He didn't seem to be here, just turned away The quiet fellow follows, who points his fingers straight at you 40:44.748 --> 40:50.527 You have to sacrifice his brightness And throw it all away 41:09.474 --> 41:34.479 No, I won't take what's at work, I'll fall to ground to keep His face on the river, he walks round and round in circles There is no place he can ever call his home He sings the joke about the sound of the phone 41:37.980 --> 41:42.282 I'm staring out the window, there's nothing we can ever do. 41:42.403 --> 41:44.884 All he wanted was to ruin it. 41:44.964 --> 41:49.407 He said he'd regret the fact that I hate this whole thing.