WEBVTT 00:00.009 --> 00:09.013 Sounds like it's going up. 00:09.073 --> 00:09.833 To heaven! 00:18.280 --> 00:20.061 Might be, might be going up to heaven. 00:20.502 --> 00:21.522 Which is less scary. 00:22.023 --> 00:25.325 Er, that's so sad and lonely, is the name of the song, by secret machines. 00:25.365 --> 00:27.246 What kind of secret machines do you think they've got? 00:27.286 --> 00:28.647 Secret, secret, anyway. 00:28.667 --> 00:31.108 Like a little secret kind of bum wiper. 00:31.148 --> 00:33.770 No, no, butterscotch whip machines, whip machines. 00:33.790 --> 00:34.951 Oh, a little secret one of those. 00:34.991 --> 00:35.932 Secret whip machines. 00:36.072 --> 00:37.473 Or a little vibrator. 00:38.193 --> 00:38.393 Mmm. 00:38.653 --> 00:39.614 A little secret one. 00:39.654 --> 00:40.214 Secret one. 00:40.254 --> 00:40.475 Yes. 00:41.314 --> 00:43.615 So very shortly, it's going to be competition time. 00:43.976 --> 00:48.799 It's going to be Crap Commentary Corner, the competition where we play you an excerpt from a crap DVD commentary. 00:48.819 --> 00:52.020 You have to tell us what the film that they're talking about is. 00:52.061 --> 00:53.201 It's quite an easy one this week. 00:53.601 --> 00:55.262 But the prizes are big. 00:55.583 --> 01:05.629 Spider-Man 2 double special two-disc edition on DVD and the Spider-Man 2 game on the PlayStation 2, where you can swing around a virtually created New York. 01:06.329 --> 01:07.851 Is that a game you've played yourself, Jon? 01:07.871 --> 01:09.093 I've had a little go on it, yes. 01:09.313 --> 01:11.195 I don't use the PlayStation 2 myself. 01:11.916 --> 01:24.012 Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu 01:24.672 --> 01:43.479 So somebody gets the DVD and the game and maybe someone who calls in but gives the wrong answer might get that just for calling in, but the winner gets the DVD and the game and a triple action web blaster, which is basically a can of silly string mounted to a spidey glove that straps onto your wrist. 01:43.879 --> 01:44.899 Nicely solved. 01:45.079 --> 01:47.120 And squirts silly string at people. 01:47.400 --> 01:48.120 Good job, man. 01:48.240 --> 01:48.661 Thanks, man. 01:48.741 --> 01:50.001 I think people are pretty excited. 01:50.201 --> 01:50.681 Yeah. 01:50.721 --> 01:51.282 Stick around. 01:51.382 --> 01:52.202 It's coming up after this. 02:06.206 --> 02:08.327 Many street preachers, empty souls. 02:08.827 --> 02:12.149 Just a little grammatical point on that I just want to make. 02:12.529 --> 02:18.651 God knows what makes a comparison, he sings, for empty souls. 02:19.852 --> 02:24.174 The correct grammar, surely, is what compares to empty souls. 02:24.814 --> 02:25.414 What does he sing? 02:26.075 --> 02:28.236 God knows what makes a comparison. 02:29.440 --> 02:44.311 to for empty souls and your you say he should be singing well is he saying what constitutes a comparison is he asking about what makes a comparison you know like what's a comparison basically no he's actually saying what compares to empty souls 02:45.571 --> 02:48.894 You can't compare anything to Empty Souls, they're incomparably sad. 02:48.914 --> 02:49.934 Let's never play that record again. 02:50.114 --> 02:52.376 I don't think we will because, you know... Let's have it banned. 02:52.396 --> 02:55.338 Yeah, because it's just filling children with bad grammar. 02:55.978 --> 03:05.385 OK, it's time for Crap Commentary Corner, the competition where we play you an excerpt from the DVD commentary of a crap film, and you have to tell us what 03:06.085 --> 03:07.586 film these people are talking about. 03:07.866 --> 03:29.614 Quite an easy one this week, a great prize, Spider-Man 2 DVD, Spider-Man 2 on the Playstation 2, plus a triple action wrist-mounted web blaster that fires silly string, or should I say spider's web fluid, and water, and missiles, by missiles I mean bits of plastic with foam on the top, but it could be converted into a truly dangerous weapon. 03:30.114 --> 03:32.075 If you swap the silly string for a can of mace, 03:32.715 --> 03:59.356 the water for maybe hydrochloric acid or bleach and the plastic for bullets and the plastic for darts I was thinking okay yeah if you're a kid and you are actually going to go out and fight crime wearing this then I would swap it for more dangerous things because the phone probably won't stop criminals yeah okay so should we play the clip and the number is of course 0 8 7 1 triple 2 1 0 4 9 0 8 7 1 triple 2 1 0 4 9 if you can tell us what film these people are talking about 04:01.084 --> 04:27.403 oh it's the wrong one sorry man shocking that was a clip from the film okay we'll play that to you in a second yeah here we go if you're good and uh this is the incomparable vinnie jones who uh when we wrote the part we always sort of hoped that maybe we could get vinnie jones he was well we were we wrote it with vinnie jones or a vinnie jones type in mind never thinking that yeah the dream being vinnie jones or someone that would rip vinnie off and the the pleasure of getting him was just just so great amazing 04:28.274 --> 04:29.495 Wow, so many questions there. 04:29.795 --> 04:31.976 What a dream to have Vinnie Jones. 04:32.196 --> 04:32.476 Yeah. 04:32.536 --> 04:33.377 What an amazing dream that is. 04:33.537 --> 04:37.419 And then, the question of what it would be like to be someone who ripped Vinnie off. 04:37.619 --> 04:45.763 Yeah, but what would it be like to write a script and sort of fantasise that you might get Vinnie for the role, then phone up his agent and be told no. 04:46.143 --> 04:46.784 Would that happen? 04:47.324 --> 04:52.487 Well, that would happen to everyone, yeah, because he's ungettable, because he's so... He's so in demand. 04:52.507 --> 04:53.447 He's so very high up the A-list. 04:53.467 --> 04:54.508 Well, he lives in Hollywood now. 04:54.648 --> 04:55.829 Yeah, he's like a Hollywood star. 04:55.849 --> 04:56.429 Yeah, yeah. 04:57.049 --> 05:01.071 So who were those people dreaming about casting Vinnie Jones? 05:01.352 --> 05:03.333 And what was the film that they cast Vinnie Jones in? 05:03.373 --> 05:04.633 Call 08712221049. 05:05.494 --> 05:06.815 In fact, you don't have to tell us who they were. 05:06.855 --> 05:10.917 Just tell us the film that they dreamed about casting Vinnie in and obviously succeeded. 05:10.937 --> 05:10.917 08712221049. 05:11.357 --> 05:15.239 And do you want to hear the example of his work? 05:15.520 --> 05:18.461 I think once we've got a winner, we'll hear the example of Vinnie's work. 05:18.521 --> 05:23.444 We'll hear an example of what happens when you successfully cast the master and he performs in your work. 05:23.624 --> 05:27.567 OK, we've got the Chemical Brothers now, and after this we'll see if we have any winners. 05:28.107 --> 05:36.013 This is a track taken from the Block Rockin' Duos fifth album, which is going to be called Push the Button, and it features a vocal from US rapper Q-Tip. 05:36.033 --> 05:36.874 He's a favorite of yours, isn't he? 05:36.894 --> 05:37.675 Oh, I like Q-Tip, yeah. 05:37.815 --> 05:38.575 I'll see what you think of this. 05:52.162 --> 05:52.943 Yeah, that's good, isn't it? 05:52.963 --> 05:54.385 It's gonna be a hit. 05:54.866 --> 05:55.847 It's a hit for the chemicals. 05:56.047 --> 05:56.588 It's a hit. 05:56.608 --> 05:57.790 That's called Galvanize. 05:57.890 --> 05:59.492 Chemical Brothers, this is Edward John, XFM. 05:59.512 --> 06:05.500 We've got a couple of people on the line now with some theories on who was, uh... Should we play the clip again? 06:07.051 --> 06:14.834 So this is some filmmakers talking about how excited they were to actually cast Vinnie Jones in their film. 06:15.094 --> 06:22.197 And this is the incomparable Vinnie Jones, who when we wrote the part, we always sort of hoped that maybe we could get Vinnie Jones. 06:22.237 --> 06:30.660 Well, we wrote it with Vinnie Jones or a Vinnie Jones type in mind, never thinking of the dream being Vinnie Jones or someone that would rip Vinnie off. 06:30.900 --> 06:34.401 And the pleasure of getting him was just so great. 06:34.562 --> 06:34.902 Amazing. 06:35.882 --> 06:36.622 That's difficult, isn't it? 06:36.642 --> 06:39.263 Because they don't say anything about the film whatsoever. 06:39.483 --> 06:43.624 They don't, but there's only a certain number of movies that have been graced with Jones' presence. 06:43.944 --> 06:44.944 There's more than you think. 06:45.325 --> 06:45.605 Really? 06:45.785 --> 06:47.945 Well, shall we take a call anyway, and see how we're doing? 06:48.105 --> 06:49.005 Is Dennis on the line? 06:49.406 --> 06:49.686 Hello, mate. 06:50.066 --> 06:50.726 Hey, Dennis, how are you? 06:51.006 --> 06:51.306 Good, good. 06:52.326 --> 06:52.886 What do you think it is? 06:54.367 --> 06:56.227 Um... Gone in 60 Seconds? 06:57.368 --> 06:57.928 Good guess. 06:58.068 --> 06:59.908 It's a classic Vinny film, Gone in 60 Seconds. 06:59.928 --> 07:02.229 Did you have any other ideas, Dennis? 07:04.309 --> 07:05.629 Well, let's stick to Gone in 60 Seconds. 07:05.649 --> 07:07.170 Have you seen Gone in 60 Seconds, Dennis? 07:07.590 --> 07:07.790 I have. 07:08.050 --> 07:09.770 Do you remember Vinnie's extraordinary role in that? 07:10.210 --> 07:12.351 Yeah, it was about three minutes long, wasn't it? 07:12.371 --> 07:14.031 Well, he's sort of mute in it, isn't he? 07:14.051 --> 07:15.032 He's the silent man. 07:15.092 --> 07:15.672 The silent man. 07:15.692 --> 07:16.672 He doesn't say anything. 07:16.792 --> 07:20.353 And then at the very end of the film, there's a brilliant and hilarious reversal, isn't there? 07:20.993 --> 07:21.653 Do you remember, Dennis? 07:22.153 --> 07:23.634 No, I can't remember that much. 07:23.954 --> 07:27.334 I do believe, at the end, he quotes some poetry or some Shakespeare. 07:27.634 --> 07:28.735 Everyone thinks he's an idiot. 07:28.795 --> 07:33.696 And then at the very end, he says, oh, yeah, but dust the autumn wind, kiss thine, or something, I don't know. 07:34.993 --> 07:35.674 Yes, Bottom. 07:35.754 --> 07:36.194 That was it. 07:36.534 --> 07:37.855 But sadly you're wrong, Dennis. 07:38.355 --> 07:39.296 Oh, I'm sorry about that. 07:39.316 --> 07:39.856 But you know what? 07:39.876 --> 07:45.420 Just for calling in and getting it wrong, would you like the Spider-Man 2 double disc edition and Spider-Man 2 on the PlayStation 2? 07:45.520 --> 07:45.580 OK. 07:46.821 --> 07:47.942 That's pretty generous. 07:47.982 --> 07:48.682 Dennis, come on, man. 07:48.702 --> 07:50.063 You've got to sound more excited than that. 07:51.164 --> 07:51.925 I'm too excited. 07:51.965 --> 07:52.685 I might poo myself. 07:53.005 --> 07:53.686 There you have it. 07:54.226 --> 07:57.068 Dennis, you're laboratorially Bottom area obsessed. 07:57.288 --> 07:58.969 You brought it down to our level. 07:58.989 --> 07:59.750 We appreciate that. 07:59.810 --> 08:00.630 Thanks, Dennis. 08:00.931 --> 08:02.452 OK, now, Lewis, are you there? 08:04.366 --> 08:04.826 How you doing? 08:04.946 --> 08:07.047 Are you sure you sound exactly like Dennis? 08:07.628 --> 08:09.068 I'm not Dennis, no. 08:09.289 --> 08:10.909 Okay, good, good. 08:10.989 --> 08:12.290 Now, talk us through your thinking. 08:12.370 --> 08:14.171 Who do you think, which film do you think this might be? 08:14.191 --> 08:21.175 I actually haven't seen it recently, and I think it's where he plays the football hooligan in EuroTrip. 08:21.715 --> 08:22.295 Ooh. 08:22.475 --> 08:23.856 And did you watch the commentary? 08:30.611 --> 08:32.072 It is an incredible film, Eurotrip. 08:32.092 --> 08:32.893 You are, of course, right. 08:33.273 --> 08:40.477 It is the masterpiece Eurotrip, a film about American college students that go driving... He basically pursues a girl across Europe. 08:40.997 --> 08:48.241 Entirely shot in Prague and with some of the most fake sort of versions of London and Paris and... Didn't you find it fake, Lewis? 08:49.982 --> 08:50.623 I didn't, actually. 08:50.763 --> 08:51.944 I got sucked in by that one. 08:52.304 --> 08:52.644 OK. 08:52.684 --> 08:54.305 Did you like the bit where he became the Pope? 08:54.325 --> 08:55.406 No. 08:55.426 --> 08:59.508 That was the icing on the cake. 09:01.371 --> 09:16.766 Yeah, but it was one of those films that was so poor I personally found it very enjoyable and Vinny's performance was extraordinary and it must have been so exciting for them to envisage him or someone pretending to be him in the part and then not only get him. 09:17.007 --> 09:21.811 Shall we give you an example of the kind of thing that Vinny came up with once he was secured for the film? 09:21.851 --> 09:23.353 Here's the scene featuring Vinny. 09:23.593 --> 09:23.753 Oi! 09:24.293 --> 09:30.876 This is a private member's bar, exclusively for the supporters of the greatest football team in the world, Manchester United. 09:31.256 --> 09:35.117 If you're Manchester United, I suppose, sing the Manchester United song. 09:35.777 --> 09:36.998 I'm not much of a singer. 09:37.178 --> 09:38.278 Sing! 09:38.538 --> 09:44.240 The Manchester United football team, the best freaking team in all the land! 09:44.420 --> 09:45.001 Woohoo! 09:45.621 --> 09:47.001 Pretty damn good, lads! 09:47.081 --> 09:48.162 Yeah! 09:49.589 --> 10:07.774 He didn't expect that the Manchester United supporters like the singing of the American college boys And they become friends and a Manchester United boys go around the world Protecting the boys from all kinds of scrapes by being racist hooligan thugs Which is amusing and that's what all Americans think British people are like yeah, are you still there Lewis? 10:13.838 --> 10:30.036 Yeah, that's true, but what how amazing for those filmmakers to dream about getting him then to get him then to let the master Deliver that performance Louis congratulations absolutely correct answer all those amazing spider-man gifts are on their way to you. 10:30.056 --> 10:31.538 This is Adam and Joe on xfm 10:39.915 --> 10:40.095 Yeah. 10:41.236 --> 10:42.457 Blink-182 with Always. 10:42.597 --> 10:45.679 One of Stephen King's favourite records of the year, I'll have you know. 10:45.940 --> 10:46.680 Where did you read that? 10:46.900 --> 10:47.801 In Entertainment Weekly. 10:47.841 --> 10:51.664 He reckons his best album of the year is the Blink-182 album. 10:51.944 --> 10:53.165 What's your best album of the year? 10:53.465 --> 10:56.388 Probably As Ray Ray by Raphael Sadiq. 10:57.228 --> 10:57.648 Wow. 10:57.789 --> 10:58.029 Yeah. 10:58.329 --> 10:58.669 What is that? 10:58.709 --> 10:59.310 Well, you asked. 10:59.991 --> 11:01.613 It's a sort of a very good soul album. 11:01.833 --> 11:02.955 What have you got against Tunde? 11:03.716 --> 11:04.036 What, what? 11:04.056 --> 11:05.318 The Tunde album. 11:05.578 --> 11:06.179 The Tunde? 11:06.479 --> 11:06.839 Tunde. 11:06.880 --> 11:08.281 I don't know about the Tunde album. 11:08.522 --> 11:08.982 Oh wow. 11:09.202 --> 11:11.025 That's the one that's advertised everywhere, isn't it? 11:11.105 --> 11:11.826 Yeah, Tunde. 11:12.126 --> 11:12.587 Tunde. 11:13.639 --> 11:15.381 Um, right. 11:16.082 --> 11:16.262 What? 11:16.362 --> 11:16.502 Sorry. 11:16.522 --> 11:16.742 Go on. 11:16.762 --> 11:17.643 What were you gonna say? 11:18.284 --> 11:19.605 I was gonna say a couple of things. 11:19.885 --> 11:22.207 I finally figured out why razor light are called razor light. 11:22.487 --> 11:22.768 Go on. 11:23.048 --> 11:24.669 Because it's like rays of light. 11:25.330 --> 11:25.750 Razor light? 11:26.071 --> 11:26.311 Yeah. 11:26.551 --> 11:27.652 Sort of in a West Country accent. 11:27.692 --> 11:28.012 Exactly. 11:28.052 --> 11:28.433 Razor light. 11:28.473 --> 11:29.334 Oh, that would be razor light. 11:29.854 --> 11:31.175 Isn't that, that's the thing though, isn't it? 11:31.475 --> 11:32.356 Yeah, that's probably, yeah. 11:32.556 --> 11:32.857 That's obvious. 11:32.877 --> 11:33.217 Double meaning. 11:33.457 --> 11:33.637 Yeah. 11:34.478 --> 11:35.999 I just, it took me a while to work it out. 11:36.220 --> 11:37.400 It doesn't make me like them any better. 11:37.841 --> 11:38.081 Yeah. 11:38.441 --> 11:39.182 So we've got an email. 11:39.202 --> 11:41.343 You know it's the big reality TV payoff tonight? 11:41.444 --> 11:41.824 Yeah. 11:42.084 --> 11:46.768 It's the climax of Strictly Go Dancing and X Factor. 11:47.388 --> 11:50.951 And we've got an email that says that you, Adam Buxton, look like one of the guys from G4. 11:51.131 --> 11:52.252 Oh, that's nice. 11:52.272 --> 11:53.673 They're all really good looking guys. 11:53.753 --> 11:54.133 They are. 11:54.173 --> 11:55.174 They're the half-life choice. 11:55.494 --> 11:56.075 They're goofy. 11:56.335 --> 11:58.136 And there is one that does look slightly like you. 11:58.937 --> 11:59.578 And what's that? 12:00.058 --> 12:02.540 Kind of like a sort of short... No, just burly. 12:02.940 --> 12:03.800 Burly, right. 12:03.860 --> 12:05.361 Burly and handsome. 12:05.602 --> 12:07.483 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 12:07.503 --> 12:09.184 And there are some ugly ones in G4. 12:09.304 --> 12:14.908 You know, I hadn't even watched X-Factor and I didn't realize that G4 was just this joke, flying pickets. 12:14.968 --> 12:15.749 They're not a joke. 12:15.889 --> 12:17.350 They're totally not a joke. 12:18.030 --> 12:18.830 I mean, what's the deal? 12:18.850 --> 12:19.551 They're amazing. 12:19.911 --> 12:21.852 And the guy, who's the guy that's up against them? 12:21.972 --> 12:22.272 Steve. 12:22.753 --> 12:23.313 Steve. 12:23.413 --> 12:23.773 Steve. 12:24.053 --> 12:28.776 And Steve's just like this sort of boring bloke who's got this completely unremarkable voice. 12:28.796 --> 12:29.616 You're boring. 12:29.656 --> 12:30.176 That's so naive. 12:30.236 --> 12:31.817 Is that what it's taken half a year to get to? 12:31.837 --> 12:32.938 You're so naive. 12:33.378 --> 12:42.743 Steve and G4 are the future of music and tonight will be an extraordinary clash of the titans that will define the direction music goes in for the next millennium. 12:43.747 --> 12:44.709 At bar mitzvahs, you mean? 12:44.869 --> 12:52.819 Yeah, and not only that, but in the future we'll be listening to either Steve or G4, and dancing to it in the manner of whoever wins Strictly Come Dancing. 12:54.482 --> 12:56.304 While eating Witcherty Grubs. 12:56.905 --> 12:57.526 What are they called? 12:57.846 --> 12:58.707 Yeah, Witcherty Grubs. 12:58.727 --> 13:00.369 Did you watch the end of all the I'm a Celebrity stuff? 13:00.389 --> 13:00.570 Yeah. 13:01.010 --> 13:19.926 did you enjoy it at all yeah but i thought burrell should have won really why because he's funny he is funny man i tell you i can't believe it was less than a week ago that it all happened seems so long ago now but that trial that he did last saturday night sticking his hand in those holes the hellhole trial 13:20.646 --> 13:24.389 And then the final trial he did eating all the horrible witch tea grubs. 13:24.929 --> 13:27.891 They were the funniest things I've ever seen on telly. 13:27.951 --> 13:28.411 There you go. 13:28.451 --> 13:32.274 And the best thing about the one where he stuck his hand in the holes was they used the music from Flash Gordon. 13:32.554 --> 13:34.395 Oh, that's the very same sequence in Flash Gordon. 13:34.655 --> 13:34.996 Yeah. 13:35.056 --> 13:35.596 With Peter. 13:35.736 --> 13:36.517 Is it Peter Duncan? 13:36.577 --> 13:36.977 Yeah. 13:37.157 --> 13:37.377 Yeah. 13:37.597 --> 13:38.158 There you go. 13:38.458 --> 13:46.223 But I was watching that on my own and I was rocking back and forth, holding my sides, literally holding my sides, laughing. 13:46.563 --> 13:48.184 And actually the thought went through my head. 13:48.325 --> 13:50.006 I'm having such a good time. 13:52.068 --> 14:10.968 on your own watching that show but it made me so happy i just when it finished i just thought man that was an actual proper good time that i had watching the tv well you've got to watch the x-factor showdown it'll be the same kind of experience so you say yeah okay here's another little free play right now this is uh tod rungren and uh song of the viking 14:21.328 --> 14:21.968 Sorry about that. 14:22.789 --> 14:23.790 Just something I hate. 14:24.370 --> 14:25.911 Snow Patrol with How to Be Dead. 14:26.231 --> 14:28.033 Adam and Joe here on XFM. 14:28.493 --> 14:28.953 Competition. 14:28.993 --> 14:30.855 We've got another kind of competition for you right now. 14:31.175 --> 14:33.216 This is a text-based competition. 14:33.677 --> 14:36.639 All you have to do is text us. 14:37.259 --> 14:48.323 This is if you want to win tickets to the XFM Christmas Party, sponsored by Jameson Irish Whiskey, and the Subways and the Black Velvets are going to be playing. 14:48.343 --> 14:52.045 This is happening on Wednesday the 15th at the Islington Academy. 14:52.745 --> 14:57.287 Starts at 7pm, and there's an amazing array of XFM DJs on the decks. 14:57.307 --> 14:58.527 Can you guess who will be there, Joe? 14:59.208 --> 15:00.088 Oh, Fatboy Slim. 15:00.688 --> 15:01.929 He's not an XFM DJ. 15:01.969 --> 15:02.469 Pete Tong. 15:02.909 --> 15:04.490 Yeah, neither is Pete Tong. 15:04.510 --> 15:04.910 Zoe Ball? 15:05.871 --> 15:06.752 No, not anymore. 15:08.074 --> 15:08.875 What's he called? 15:09.716 --> 15:11.138 Who does the radio want? 15:11.239 --> 15:11.679 Oh, Wes. 15:12.540 --> 15:13.221 Wes Butters. 15:13.943 --> 15:14.543 Not Wes. 15:14.784 --> 15:15.425 He's been sacked. 15:16.426 --> 15:17.608 Lauren Laverne will be there. 15:17.628 --> 15:21.053 Adam Longworth, Dan Greenpeace, Ian Baker and Jared. 15:22.014 --> 15:23.136 I don't know what that means. 15:23.156 --> 15:28.382 OK, well this ties in a little bit to something that I saw earlier in the week on television. 15:28.422 --> 15:32.127 I was watching in the afternoon for a change, like a kind of lazy student. 15:41.378 --> 15:48.660 And I saw this show that Channel 4, I presume, were repeating from a later evening slot, but they were repeating it during the day. 15:49.200 --> 15:51.681 And it was called Other People's Holidays? 15:52.401 --> 15:52.922 Ever seen that? 15:53.362 --> 15:58.523 And it was an episode which had a couple of people in Ibiza, I think, or Lanzarote, or somewhere like that. 15:58.543 --> 16:03.425 Just a couple of young girls, and they were lying on the beach, and some guy came and chatted them up. 16:04.325 --> 16:09.826 And the conversation that ensued included several uses of the S-word. 16:10.827 --> 16:11.007 What? 16:11.467 --> 16:11.947 Unbeeped. 16:12.147 --> 16:12.647 Unbeeped. 16:12.827 --> 16:13.627 S-H-1-T. 16:14.028 --> 16:14.488 Oh, dear. 16:14.908 --> 16:17.568 And I just felt quite violated. 16:18.889 --> 16:20.589 It was just like two in the afternoon. 16:21.109 --> 16:22.290 Well, it's funny, isn't it? 16:22.330 --> 16:23.510 Daytime TV's funny. 16:23.750 --> 16:27.031 Not usually about swearing, but they often assume, I suppose, that kids are at school. 16:27.571 --> 16:31.452 And Phil and Fun have reviewed vibrators on This Morning. 16:31.872 --> 16:32.232 Really? 16:32.433 --> 16:37.717 And Richard Madeley has... They tested someone for testicular cancer, didn't they, on This Morning, very famously. 16:37.737 --> 16:38.878 That's medical, though, isn't it? 16:38.898 --> 16:42.281 Yeah, but it's still dangly nuts on television at lunchtime. 16:43.302 --> 16:46.545 Big, hairy dangles, angles being squeezed about. 16:46.565 --> 16:52.911 Yeah, but you can always get away with that stuff because it's an important medical... There's a thin line between medicine and eroticism, isn't there? 16:53.243 --> 16:54.504 Well, I'm talking about swearing. 16:54.524 --> 16:56.706 There's no excuse for SH1T. 16:56.806 --> 16:57.087 OK. 16:57.247 --> 16:58.067 But you're absolutely right. 16:58.308 --> 16:58.748 No, there isn't. 16:59.869 --> 17:05.975 You know, maybe people genuinely disagree and think that the times call for a slackening of the rules. 17:05.995 --> 17:11.380 This is a very good issue, that certain swear words might be sort of, if they're like drugs, aren't they, like declassifying drugs? 17:11.440 --> 17:11.720 Yeah. 17:12.380 --> 17:20.863 that certain swear words might be declassified, like, sort of, cannabis was, slightly, maybe that's what's happened, that SH1T has just been declassified. 17:21.103 --> 17:24.784 I remember in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, he says that word, doesn't he? 17:25.264 --> 17:26.145 He does, but it's different. 17:26.165 --> 17:26.645 That was a PG. 17:26.685 --> 17:27.405 It's a PG. 17:27.425 --> 17:29.186 You've got to have your parental guidance there. 17:29.366 --> 17:32.827 The assumption is for telly, during the day, that it's all you. 17:33.527 --> 17:34.968 You know, universal, man. 17:35.288 --> 17:37.028 You can't have parental guidance all the time. 17:37.148 --> 17:39.149 So what do you want from the listeners for the competition? 17:39.329 --> 17:43.614 All right, so I want you to supply us with some made-up swear words that we can use on this show. 17:43.794 --> 17:47.077 Because we can't say SH1T on this show without a rap on the knuckles. 17:47.257 --> 17:49.880 We can't even say the TW word anymore. 17:50.120 --> 17:51.682 I used to use that word quite liberally. 17:51.782 --> 17:52.623 I said it the other week. 17:52.803 --> 18:00.011 Yeah, I still don't find it offensive, but there's memos everywhere you work in TV and the radio that say, don't use the TW word because it is offensive. 18:00.051 --> 18:01.572 It's one step away from the C word. 18:02.333 --> 18:03.334 Which I personally don't agree. 18:03.354 --> 18:05.856 So we're looking for words that sound really rude. 18:06.296 --> 18:06.496 Yeah. 18:06.516 --> 18:06.957 But aren't. 18:07.057 --> 18:07.357 Exactly. 18:07.377 --> 18:09.098 But don't appear on any official band lists. 18:09.138 --> 18:09.538 That's right. 18:09.558 --> 18:10.399 It's good if you make them up as well. 18:10.439 --> 18:11.420 Like for instance, shunt. 18:12.205 --> 18:32.135 yeah or uh twunt or front or twunt front was one we used to use with a u f r u n t yeah these are all going down the same lines it would be good if you were more creative than that yeah steer away from the unt suffix all you have to do is text us and the number to text is 18:32.875 --> 18:34.055 83-XFM. 18:34.075 --> 18:35.096 83-XFM. 18:35.436 --> 18:37.736 And you have to just text the word Jameson. 18:38.176 --> 18:41.097 Capital J-A-M-E-S-O-N. 18:41.457 --> 18:45.218 And then after that, your name and your answer or just the answer? 18:45.258 --> 18:45.918 Just the swear word. 18:45.938 --> 18:46.959 Just the swear word, right. 18:46.999 --> 18:47.999 Just the invented swear word. 18:48.019 --> 18:49.459 So you have to text the word Jameson. 18:49.679 --> 18:53.240 Jameson with a capital J and your invented swear word. 18:53.340 --> 18:56.301 And then you will receive back a text, an automatic text. 18:56.341 --> 18:59.782 And you also find yourself compelled to buy some Jameson this weekend. 19:00.262 --> 19:00.863 Yeah, right? 19:00.903 --> 19:01.663 Is that the idea? 19:01.683 --> 19:08.568 If you wander into the off-license, like, just slightly not knowing what you want. 19:09.269 --> 19:10.569 Well, buy it for your dad. 19:10.770 --> 19:14.012 We don't want to encourage young people to drink, do we? 19:14.212 --> 19:19.036 Anyway, so get texting now, and you could win tickets to that XFM party, which would be amazing! 19:19.556 --> 19:21.117 And be creative with those swear words. 19:21.157 --> 19:23.939 Adam and Joe here on XFM, and this is Stephen Malkmus. 19:32.566 --> 19:34.992 Stephen Malkmus and fantasies. 19:35.614 --> 19:38.000 This is a little coda at the end of the song. 19:40.834 --> 19:47.441 That comes from a really good album, his first eponymous debut solo album, if that's not a total tautology. 19:48.182 --> 19:49.563 It's Sam and Joe on XFM. 19:49.864 --> 19:51.145 So the made up, sorry, Adam. 19:51.285 --> 19:51.966 Yeah, no, you were saying? 19:52.046 --> 19:53.808 The made up swear words are flooding in. 19:53.848 --> 19:55.149 It is important that they're made up. 19:55.469 --> 20:00.455 They can't be sort of combinations of already existing swear words and made up swear words. 20:00.475 --> 20:01.896 They have to be entirely fake. 20:02.777 --> 20:06.620 So they don't violate any kind of sweary laws, media swear laws. 20:06.640 --> 20:08.102 Because we want to keep this really clean. 20:08.122 --> 20:11.204 We don't want to be just like, you know, it has to be totally inventive. 20:11.604 --> 20:18.510 Like, for example, someone sent in something involving the word that sounds like freaking. 20:19.171 --> 20:19.371 Yeah. 20:19.991 --> 20:23.514 And I don't think you can say the real word, which rhymes with rigging. 20:25.015 --> 20:27.017 You know, that's off limits, isn't it? 20:27.517 --> 20:28.638 Yeah, we've got a lot. 20:28.678 --> 20:30.239 The people are really responding to this. 20:30.479 --> 20:30.779 OK. 20:31.079 --> 20:33.241 Well, we'll read some of those out very shortly. 20:33.641 --> 20:40.085 Now, Joe, did you see a program on BBC Three this week about the history of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen? 20:40.285 --> 20:40.725 I did not. 20:41.426 --> 20:41.726 Wow. 20:41.886 --> 20:43.007 You really missed something. 20:44.487 --> 20:45.848 The history of just that one song. 20:46.429 --> 20:48.550 The film was the... Yeah, just the one song. 20:48.570 --> 20:52.773 It was called The Story of Bohemian Rhapsody and it was hosted by Richard E. Grant. 20:53.553 --> 20:53.953 Good choice. 20:54.253 --> 20:59.234 And I'm not sure if it was supposed to be ironic or not. 20:59.395 --> 21:00.355 I couldn't really tell. 21:00.755 --> 21:12.598 It certainly seemed to be a fairly unironic overview of the creation of the song and the impact thereafter of this undoubtedly iconic piece of work by Queen. 21:13.198 --> 21:14.179 Great song, of course. 21:14.660 --> 21:18.864 But does it really warrant a half-hour documentary which was more or less po-faced? 21:19.205 --> 21:29.636 One of the sections of the documentary involved a group of Oxford dons sat round a table in a big library in Oxford like they do, talking about the meaning of the lyrics. 21:30.456 --> 21:33.059 And it was, you know, pretty unrevealing. 21:33.440 --> 21:34.200 What did they come up with? 21:34.941 --> 21:38.584 Well, they came up with, I can't even remember, it was so banal. 21:38.844 --> 21:51.054 It was stuff like, oh, he's upset about his mother and I can't, you know, they just more or less read them out and sort of said, this reminds me of Byron or something. 21:51.534 --> 21:52.115 But it was rotten. 21:52.515 --> 21:59.681 One of the key parts of the documentary, though, was Richard E. Grant in a cellar, sort of weirdly lit cellar, reciting the lyrics. 21:59.941 --> 22:02.764 They would intersperse various bits of the poetry. 22:03.064 --> 22:04.145 Exactly like poetry. 22:04.645 --> 22:12.868 And it was the realisation, really, of that Pete and Dud sketch, where, is it Pete or Dud who's pretending to be Laurence Olivier, and reading out the lyrics to Hard Day's Night? 22:12.928 --> 22:16.810 It's been a hard day's night, and I've been working, like a dog. 22:17.230 --> 22:23.572 And of course the joke there was, you know, the elevation of these lyrics, pop lyrics, to poetry. 22:23.612 --> 22:27.914 But here it was, actually happening, for real, for serious, on BBC3. 22:28.174 --> 22:29.995 Unless I've missed the joke, which is possible. 22:30.555 --> 22:33.176 Well, Dylan's lyrics have been published as poetry, haven't they? 22:33.536 --> 22:34.656 Yeah, but that's one thing. 22:34.676 --> 22:36.957 You know, you can draw a line with pop lyrics. 22:36.977 --> 22:41.538 You can say one set of lyrics is supposed to be good, and another's just supposed to be throwaway. 22:41.558 --> 22:45.259 I think Bohemian Rhapsody wouldn't come under the good section. 22:46.439 --> 22:48.560 I think they work fantastically for the song. 22:48.580 --> 22:49.240 Have you got them there? 22:49.380 --> 22:50.080 I do, yeah. 22:50.100 --> 22:52.101 I see a little silhouetto. 22:52.281 --> 22:53.141 What is silhouetto? 22:53.561 --> 22:55.542 But he read them out, like Richard E. Grant read them out. 22:55.562 --> 22:56.582 Read them out like he read them out. 22:57.372 --> 22:58.093 Is this the real life? 22:58.213 --> 22:59.173 Is this just fantasy? 22:59.754 --> 23:01.735 Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality. 23:02.196 --> 23:04.818 Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see I'm just a poor boy. 23:04.838 --> 23:10.982 I need no sympathy because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low, any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me. 23:12.003 --> 23:15.786 Mama, just killed a man, put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he's dead. 23:16.266 --> 23:19.028 Mama, life had just begun, but now I've gone and thrown it all away. 23:19.088 --> 23:20.109 Mama, ooh, ooh, ooh. 23:20.570 --> 23:24.072 Do we know, do they know what Freddie Mercury actually meant when he wrote them? 23:24.172 --> 23:24.833 Is that on record? 23:25.876 --> 23:29.806 Uh, no, I think I once heard that maybe it was about the fact that they had to move house. 23:31.990 --> 23:32.370 Really? 23:32.710 --> 23:33.050 I don't know. 23:33.070 --> 23:34.171 I have no idea, actually. 23:34.191 --> 23:43.393 I'm sure there's articles about it in Mojo magazine or Q. But it occurred to me that you could do the same thing with a lot of lyrics, you know, given similar treatment. 23:43.433 --> 23:45.393 For example, the words of Busted. 23:46.414 --> 23:47.414 This is Air Hostess. 23:48.434 --> 23:53.075 Air Hostess, I like the way you dress, though I hate to fly, but I feel much better. 23:53.695 --> 23:56.256 Occupied my mind writing you a love letter. 23:56.276 --> 24:00.077 I messed my pants when we flew over France. 24:00.757 --> 24:06.803 Will I see you soon in my hotel room for a holiday romance air hostess? 24:07.884 --> 24:08.885 You know, that's beautiful. 24:08.965 --> 24:09.966 It's pretty amazing stuff. 24:10.446 --> 24:16.412 And actually, while I was trawling through the lyrics of Busted, I found the words to a song called Dawson's Geek. 24:16.472 --> 24:17.973 Have you heard Dawson's Geek by Busted? 24:18.434 --> 24:22.257 It's all about a girl who's obsessed by Dawson's Creek, and it's quite brilliant. 24:23.238 --> 24:23.558 Read it. 24:23.798 --> 24:25.019 You think you know it all. 24:25.359 --> 24:26.920 I see it in the way you're speaking. 24:27.140 --> 24:30.422 The long words that you use are starting to get irritating. 24:30.802 --> 24:32.603 I've got the urge to knock you out. 24:33.043 --> 24:34.204 And I can't handle this. 24:34.544 --> 24:37.665 The ladder by your bedroom door really takes the piss. 24:38.306 --> 24:41.347 And it goes on in a similar vein, but it's quite a good job by Busted, I think. 24:41.627 --> 24:42.408 Well done, Busted. 24:42.428 --> 24:44.529 Of course, winners of the Record of the Year for Thunderbirds. 24:45.089 --> 24:46.352 Did they win record of the year for that? 24:46.432 --> 24:47.674 Yeah, deservedly so. 24:47.754 --> 24:48.376 Great record. 24:48.716 --> 24:49.558 Best record of the year. 24:49.778 --> 24:54.267 Well, we'll be back after some adverts and some music with some made up swear words. 24:54.287 --> 24:55.049 Yeah, stick with it. 25:05.626 --> 25:07.507 That's Graham Cox on. 25:07.967 --> 25:10.368 Yeah, nice introduction to the made-up swearing. 25:10.588 --> 25:11.228 We're freaking out. 25:11.248 --> 25:13.049 This is Adam and Joel on XFM, London's 104.9. 25:13.269 --> 25:13.809 It's just gone 2.30. 25:14.629 --> 25:24.293 We're having a competition where you have to text in the word Jameson and the made-up swear word, because Adam and I are angry men, and we're frustrated that we can't use genuine swear words on the radio. 25:24.653 --> 25:26.834 So we need some made-up ones that have equal impact. 25:27.714 --> 25:31.936 And the best ones, we're going to give tickets to the XFM Christmas party on Wednesday night, sponsored by Jameson. 25:32.536 --> 25:34.817 So are you ready to hear some of the entries, Adam? 25:34.997 --> 25:35.958 Yeah, please, what have we got? 25:35.998 --> 25:38.840 You foffin' lump-monker. 25:39.580 --> 25:41.281 Quite good, foffin' lump-monker. 25:41.361 --> 25:42.802 Oh, shut up, you spunkle-spooge. 25:43.723 --> 25:46.665 That spunkle-spooge... Oh, you little funt. 25:47.585 --> 25:50.387 Funt is too close to front, which is... Oh, shut up, pig-bum. 25:51.048 --> 25:52.168 Pig-bum is sweet. 25:52.228 --> 25:53.809 Oh, you gipping sow. 25:54.790 --> 25:55.070 What? 25:55.631 --> 25:58.192 Shut up, crack-lunker. 25:58.993 --> 25:59.773 That's a bit rude. 26:00.694 --> 26:01.755 These are some of the best as well. 26:02.403 --> 26:04.787 Well, I like some of the first couple of ones. 26:05.247 --> 26:06.229 Oh, come on. 26:07.130 --> 26:07.691 Fructus? 26:08.192 --> 26:09.373 You've got to be careful with this. 26:09.714 --> 26:10.355 Fructus. 26:10.595 --> 26:13.559 Fructus is like one of the ingredients of... Fructus. 26:13.760 --> 26:14.901 Fructus you get in shampoo. 26:14.961 --> 26:16.404 Oh, don't be a monkey, waggler. 26:17.136 --> 26:18.156 That's just childish, isn't it? 26:18.176 --> 26:18.697 It's ludicrous. 26:19.177 --> 26:22.218 And then someone's pointed out that Scunthorpe has a very rude word in the middle. 26:23.699 --> 26:24.159 Pongkit. 26:24.839 --> 26:25.739 Pongkit, I like. 26:25.839 --> 26:28.580 Most of these just sound like sort of Star Trek space words. 26:29.341 --> 26:29.861 Well, you know what? 26:29.881 --> 26:31.241 We're approaching the planet Pongkit. 26:31.502 --> 26:33.622 On Battlestar Galactica they used to say frack. 26:34.022 --> 26:34.423 Remember that? 26:34.443 --> 26:35.083 Oh, frack. 26:35.603 --> 26:35.963 Frack. 26:36.003 --> 26:36.223 Yes. 26:36.323 --> 26:37.424 Is that not a Star Trek word? 26:38.164 --> 26:40.048 No, Star Trek didn't have any made-up swearing. 26:40.128 --> 26:40.889 It was a utopia. 26:40.909 --> 26:42.152 There's no swearing in utopia. 26:42.172 --> 26:46.920 Quidlicker, Aliceman, cat flaps, sticky carpet hoover, cruff. 26:47.932 --> 26:48.713 Sticky carpet hoover. 26:48.733 --> 26:49.433 Sticky carpet hoover. 26:49.453 --> 26:50.374 Sticky carpet hoover. 26:50.394 --> 26:51.095 Sticky carpet hoover. 26:51.115 --> 26:51.555 Sticky carpet hoover. 26:51.595 --> 26:52.877 Sticky carpet hoover. 26:52.897 --> 26:53.897 Sticky carpet hoover. 26:53.917 --> 26:54.618 Sticky carpet hoover. 26:54.638 --> 26:55.119 Sticky carpet hoover. 26:55.139 --> 26:55.579 Sticky carpet hoover. 27:09.585 --> 27:10.705 Boy, there's a lot to choose from. 27:10.745 --> 27:11.426 You cronoc. 27:11.886 --> 27:13.266 Narrow it down, what are your favourites? 27:13.486 --> 27:14.126 I don't know. 27:14.787 --> 27:16.427 Niggle buns, it's just pathetic. 27:16.527 --> 27:17.047 Boolie? 27:17.508 --> 27:18.548 It's just baby words. 27:18.568 --> 27:19.288 Boolie's good! 27:19.448 --> 27:19.868 Boolie? 27:20.008 --> 27:20.909 How do you spell Boolie? 27:21.029 --> 27:21.749 B-O-L-E-Y. 27:22.029 --> 27:22.809 I like Boolie. 27:22.889 --> 27:24.730 Okay, Boolie shall come to the party then. 27:24.910 --> 27:25.410 Yeah! 27:25.810 --> 27:27.571 Boolie, how many tickets have we got to give away? 27:28.411 --> 27:28.711 Three. 27:28.791 --> 27:29.872 So Boolie gets one. 27:29.912 --> 27:30.453 Boolie, you're in. 27:30.473 --> 27:33.015 What about Spunkle Spoodge? 27:33.215 --> 27:34.176 Spunkle Spoodge, you're in. 27:34.596 --> 27:36.237 Spunkle Spoodge is in. 27:36.337 --> 27:36.537 Yeah. 27:36.958 --> 27:37.358 Wow. 27:37.658 --> 27:39.860 They've got to use these words a lot when they come to the party. 27:40.000 --> 27:40.420 Exactly. 27:40.560 --> 27:44.303 You've got to use them to young kids with hoodie tops and see how it goes down. 27:44.423 --> 27:46.765 What about Foffen Lumpmonker? 27:47.846 --> 27:49.087 Yeah, that's a bit of a mouthful. 27:49.127 --> 27:50.108 You don't sound sure. 27:50.208 --> 27:51.389 It sounds a bit too Muppet. 27:52.489 --> 27:53.390 Aww, pig bum? 27:55.711 --> 27:59.193 Pig bum's quite good cos pigs don't have very attractive bums. 27:59.293 --> 28:00.454 It's hard to beat pig bum. 28:01.174 --> 28:03.956 Well, should pig bum come to the party? 28:03.976 --> 28:05.296 I thought you were gonna say pig pump. 28:05.997 --> 28:07.358 That would be almost better, wouldn't it? 28:07.418 --> 28:07.558 Yeah. 28:08.138 --> 28:14.207 So we're inviting Pig Bum and Spunkle Spooge and who was the other one? 28:14.327 --> 28:16.490 And Niggle Bonts or was it Boolie? 28:16.530 --> 28:18.733 Boolie, Spunkle Spooge and Pig Bum. 28:19.394 --> 28:21.597 Sounds like a new CBBC show. 28:21.637 --> 28:22.558 Yeah, a new boy band. 28:24.230 --> 28:24.750 So that's it. 28:24.770 --> 28:26.011 Congratulations all of those people. 28:26.031 --> 28:29.653 Have you noticed that the BBC One has started calling itself The One? 28:30.333 --> 28:30.734 No. 28:30.994 --> 28:32.154 Yeah, on all their trailers. 28:32.194 --> 28:33.995 That's tonight on The One. 28:34.256 --> 28:34.976 You're joking. 28:35.036 --> 28:35.296 No. 28:35.536 --> 28:37.677 It happened last week and they're not going to let go. 28:37.697 --> 28:39.418 Oh my goodness. 28:39.799 --> 28:43.601 Sometimes the BBC needs a real hard slap on its pig bum. 28:43.801 --> 28:44.121 The One. 28:46.502 --> 28:56.607 here's kasabian we met kasabian at the winter wonderland they were very nice very nice i thought they were going to be scary but they were lovely obviously they were angry and rock as well yeah yeah 29:08.843 --> 29:16.749 Ooh, it's like we're floating in a spooky space station with Kasabian and Process Beat. 29:16.969 --> 29:17.790 Adam and Joe on XFM. 29:17.970 --> 29:20.071 Joe, you've been getting some more made up spare words. 29:20.091 --> 29:25.615 Yeah, they're still coming in and we might regret sending Spooge and Spunkle, whatever, to the party. 29:25.755 --> 29:26.076 Never. 29:26.296 --> 29:28.477 Because we've got, uh, what is it? 29:29.491 --> 29:30.972 I'm going to have to say this very carefully. 29:31.712 --> 29:32.332 Kruntus. 29:32.892 --> 29:33.552 Kruntus. 29:33.812 --> 29:35.413 Kruntus is a bit dangerous, isn't it? 29:35.533 --> 29:36.713 It sounds like a condition. 29:37.534 --> 29:38.514 Farthenhole. 29:40.435 --> 29:41.335 Farthenhole! 29:41.875 --> 29:43.236 Best said in a German accent. 29:43.536 --> 29:47.317 Of course, somebody pointing out that Judge Dredd in 2000AD used to use the word drock. 29:48.513 --> 29:51.695 Yeah, that's a good source of couple of made up ones, didn't he? 29:51.855 --> 29:52.195 Yeah. 29:52.735 --> 29:54.416 That's a good well remembered, though. 29:54.536 --> 29:59.159 The key made up swearing thing, of course, is Johnny Dangerously. 29:59.199 --> 30:00.759 Johnny Dangerously. 30:00.859 --> 30:01.720 The Michael Keaton film. 30:01.780 --> 30:04.381 Somebody's texted that in as well with Fargen Eithol. 30:04.501 --> 30:05.602 You Fargen Eithol. 30:05.782 --> 30:06.843 You summon them batch. 30:07.723 --> 30:08.283 And fantastic. 30:08.303 --> 30:09.544 What were some of the other ones he did? 30:10.793 --> 30:15.115 Uh... Don't you faggot look at me, you asshole. 30:15.215 --> 30:16.516 That was close. 30:17.856 --> 30:20.057 That was very close to actual swearing! 30:20.077 --> 30:22.899 But yeah, Johnny Dangerously, great film. 30:23.339 --> 30:24.940 Sort of overlooked classic. 30:25.340 --> 30:31.843 But thank you for everybody who's texted in, unfortunately our three tickets have gone, but there's another chance to win something coming right up because it's very nearly Dizzy's-in-the-dock time. 30:32.223 --> 30:36.665 This week's theme is TV theme tunes, and pretty soon Adam and I are going to be pitching 30:37.225 --> 30:40.866 for the records we want you to call in and ask us to play to play out the song. 30:40.986 --> 30:46.868 And we're giving away a Alfred Hitchcock signature collection DVD box set. 30:47.908 --> 30:49.768 I like signature collections, don't you, Adam? 30:50.148 --> 30:57.610 What, collections that have- That have been signed by the director, or not actually signed, but have the director's signature printed on them. 30:57.890 --> 30:59.511 Is that the only thing that makes them a signature collection? 30:59.531 --> 30:59.611 Yeah. 31:00.511 --> 31:04.635 Surely it's implying that the movies contained inside are supposedly his best. 31:05.415 --> 31:06.596 I don't know what it implies. 31:06.636 --> 31:08.237 It just means that he's authorized it. 31:09.018 --> 31:10.079 This is what he would wish. 31:10.099 --> 31:10.719 From the grave. 31:10.759 --> 31:15.603 From the grave, and it includes North by Northwest, I confess, Stagefright, The Wrong Man, Dial M for Murder, and Strangers on a Train. 31:15.723 --> 31:18.526 Maybe we should do Dishes in the Dark now, because it's already twice. 31:18.566 --> 31:19.627 Yeah, well, we're about to start. 31:19.647 --> 31:20.627 Well, you think we should pitch them now? 31:20.687 --> 31:22.149 Look, I see Justin Lee Collins out there. 31:22.209 --> 31:23.029 It's like seeing The Yeti. 31:23.049 --> 31:23.329 Oh, my Yeti. 31:23.530 --> 31:25.932 Wandering around, there he is, bouncing out like The Yeti Man. 31:26.172 --> 31:27.193 The Somerset Sasquatch. 31:28.807 --> 31:30.128 Oh, Justin Lee Collins, he's coming up soon. 31:30.168 --> 31:31.348 Yeah, let's do Ditties in the Dock now. 31:31.388 --> 31:32.549 Come on, we've only got 20 minutes left. 31:33.049 --> 31:33.329 OK. 31:37.011 --> 31:43.074 So, of course, Ditties in the Dock is the segment of the show where we get you to decide which song we play out with. 31:43.334 --> 31:46.156 And each week we have a theme and Adam and I pitch different records. 31:46.196 --> 31:48.617 You vote for either my choice or Adam's choice. 31:50.458 --> 31:51.758 Would you like to go first this week, Adam? 31:53.059 --> 31:53.559 Yeah, I guess so. 31:55.313 --> 31:56.734 Are you feeling confident about your choice? 31:56.754 --> 31:58.755 Well, I don't know, you're obviously smug about something. 31:58.775 --> 31:59.575 I'm not that smug. 31:59.735 --> 32:00.716 Okay, let's make this quick though. 32:01.476 --> 32:04.318 Mine is Banana Splits, theme from the Banana Splits. 32:04.438 --> 32:04.838 Oh, good one. 32:04.938 --> 32:08.640 La la la, la la la, la la la, la la la. 32:08.720 --> 32:09.940 Enough said, okay? 32:09.960 --> 32:10.181 Yeah? 32:10.301 --> 32:11.321 Vote for the Banana Splits. 32:11.341 --> 32:15.103 So you have to call 08712221049 if you want to hear the Banana Splits. 32:16.084 --> 32:22.487 Or, alternatively, do you want to hear the theme from Minder, as sung by Dennis Waterman and his band, Kenny. 32:23.127 --> 32:26.749 If you wanna change the situation. 32:27.130 --> 32:27.890 It's how it starts. 32:28.070 --> 32:29.531 Oh, it's a classic song. 32:29.631 --> 32:31.753 I could be so good to you. 32:31.913 --> 32:37.256 Obviously inspired the Dave Walliams sketch on the miniature Dennis Waterman sketch on Little Britain. 32:37.556 --> 32:43.520 Theme from mine that, in my opinion, the greatest sung TV theme tune in history. 32:44.100 --> 32:45.602 So that's Diddy's in the Dock this week. 32:45.902 --> 32:49.726 It's the theme from Minder versus the theme from the Banana Splits. 32:49.746 --> 32:59.054 0-8-7-1-triple-two-one-o-four-nine say banana or minder and the deciding vote will win Alfred Hitchcock's signature collection. 33:01.516 --> 33:05.400 We'll be back after this is Bob Dylan from Blood On The Tracks. 33:06.061 --> 33:07.162 You're gonna make me lonesome when you go. 33:07.182 --> 33:08.082 This is Edmund Joe on XFL. 33:23.377 --> 33:24.857 XFM, London. 33:28.138 --> 33:33.560 This is Adam and Joel on XFM on a Saturday afternoon, and we are near the gut-wrenching climax of Ditters in the Dock. 33:33.880 --> 33:45.824 We've got five callers on the line, but what we're going to do this week, right, just to really string it out in a kind of amazingly exciting way, is take four callers, and... I haven't thought this through. 33:45.864 --> 33:46.664 I haven't thought this through. 33:46.704 --> 33:46.764 No. 33:47.967 --> 33:52.328 Let's take the calls, see what happens, and we'll come back to that bit of logic, Ad, in a second. 33:52.688 --> 33:57.150 So this week it is the theme from Banana Splits versus the theme from Minder. 33:57.470 --> 33:59.350 It's a TV-themed, tuned play-off. 33:59.751 --> 34:00.891 So let's go to Ben. 34:01.231 --> 34:03.232 Hello, Ben, are you there? 34:03.812 --> 34:07.093 Yes, I'm gonna... Hello, Adam. 34:07.113 --> 34:07.653 Hello, Ben. 34:07.673 --> 34:08.433 Thanks for saying hello. 34:08.453 --> 34:12.734 I'm gonna vote for Banana Splits. 34:13.015 --> 34:13.855 Yeah, good job. 34:13.915 --> 34:14.515 Well done, Ben. 34:14.555 --> 34:15.655 That's a very good choice. 34:15.735 --> 34:17.436 Do you remember the Banana Splits, Ben? 34:18.041 --> 34:19.902 I got it on the CD. 34:20.122 --> 34:20.522 Really? 34:20.823 --> 34:21.063 Yeah. 34:21.203 --> 34:22.924 What CD have you got it on, Ben? 34:23.404 --> 34:24.504 It's like CD 2. 34:24.665 --> 34:25.145 It's like this. 34:25.585 --> 34:28.807 La la la, la la la la, la la la. 34:29.387 --> 34:30.468 Yeah, that's exactly how it is. 34:30.488 --> 34:31.048 That's perfect. 34:31.128 --> 34:32.028 That's very well sung. 34:32.068 --> 34:32.749 How old are you, Ben? 34:33.249 --> 34:33.870 Eight years old. 34:34.310 --> 34:35.091 Oh, that's fantastic. 34:35.131 --> 34:35.971 Well done for calling. 34:36.211 --> 34:42.296 You know, Ben, we're going to give you a special, slightly condescending gift because you're, I think, our youngest caller ever. 34:42.316 --> 34:44.037 We're going to give you Garfield on DVD. 34:44.498 --> 34:45.919 Would you like Garfield on DVD? 34:46.119 --> 34:48.000 Yeah, should I want to really see that? 34:48.381 --> 34:49.281 You do want to really see it? 34:49.622 --> 34:49.842 Yeah. 34:50.062 --> 34:52.124 Well then, that's a fantastic prize for you. 34:52.144 --> 34:52.724 We'll send that to you. 34:52.744 --> 34:53.505 Thanks for calling, Ben. 34:53.525 --> 34:55.886 So that's one nil for the Banana Splits. 34:56.607 --> 34:57.348 Louise, are you there? 34:57.828 --> 34:58.108 Hello. 34:58.428 --> 34:58.989 Hello, how are you? 35:00.390 --> 35:00.850 Very good. 35:00.910 --> 35:04.113 Are you on a sort of hands-free... Are you on speakerphone? 35:05.013 --> 35:05.714 No, I'm in the bath. 35:06.034 --> 35:07.155 You're in the bath? 35:07.295 --> 35:07.795 Sexy! 35:09.276 --> 35:09.496 Wow! 35:09.996 --> 35:12.918 You naughty, foffing lump-monker! 35:13.919 --> 35:15.300 Are you touching your spunkles, Booj? 35:15.440 --> 35:16.000 Steady! 35:16.020 --> 35:19.963 Oh, you dirty pig bump! 35:19.983 --> 35:20.403 She is! 35:20.804 --> 35:22.665 Oh, she's a gipping sow. 35:22.685 --> 35:24.066 That's actually quite rude. 35:24.526 --> 35:25.947 Now, what are you going to vote for? 35:25.967 --> 35:27.348 Mind her, please. 35:27.608 --> 35:28.389 Mind her. 35:28.469 --> 35:29.950 Can you sing us a little snatch? 35:33.652 --> 35:34.432 Yeah. 35:34.452 --> 35:35.032 She's sinking. 35:35.072 --> 35:36.353 There you go. 35:36.373 --> 35:36.773 Fantastic. 35:37.133 --> 35:42.395 I feel compelled to give you a prize for being in the bath, but we ain't got one, so just your prizes are saying thank you. 35:42.575 --> 35:43.436 Thank you very much. 35:43.456 --> 35:46.577 So that's one nil between the banana splits. 35:46.757 --> 35:47.617 One all. 35:47.677 --> 35:48.138 Yeah, one all. 35:48.158 --> 35:48.558 Sorry, mate. 35:49.218 --> 35:49.738 So Mikey. 35:50.118 --> 35:50.839 Is Mikey on the line? 35:50.859 --> 35:51.379 Hello, Mikey. 35:52.179 --> 35:52.679 Hi there. 35:52.940 --> 35:53.440 How are you? 35:53.460 --> 35:54.920 I'm very well, thanks. 35:55.341 --> 35:56.001 That's okay. 35:56.701 --> 35:57.902 And who, what? 35:58.042 --> 35:58.662 Hello, Mikey. 35:59.161 --> 36:01.303 Hello, I can hardly hear you. 36:01.323 --> 36:05.347 I'm in the car driving along. 36:05.367 --> 36:06.328 So you're breaking the law. 36:06.348 --> 36:08.129 Breaking the law. 36:08.170 --> 36:09.611 You are breaking the law. 36:09.831 --> 36:11.072 Very quickly, tell us what it's going to be. 36:11.092 --> 36:12.033 Bananas, Blitz or Minder? 36:13.955 --> 36:14.495 He's crashed. 36:14.515 --> 36:15.216 He's been arrested. 36:15.276 --> 36:16.017 He's crashed. 36:16.037 --> 36:17.198 He's gone down for life. 36:17.358 --> 36:18.199 Mikey, are you still there? 36:18.279 --> 36:18.800 Hello there. 36:18.960 --> 36:21.142 Hi, are you going to vote for Bananas, Blitz or Minder? 36:22.838 --> 36:23.979 Banana splits, okay! 36:24.299 --> 36:26.019 Hang up quickly, Mike, and concentrate on the road. 36:26.039 --> 36:27.080 Thank you very much for your call. 36:27.120 --> 36:30.641 So that's 2-1 for banana splits and only one for minder. 36:30.901 --> 36:32.161 Okay, Harry, are you there? 36:32.341 --> 36:33.742 Is this a male or a female, Harry? 36:34.142 --> 36:36.943 It's a smile, Harry, you lump munkers. 36:36.963 --> 36:38.443 Oh, steady on, Harry, that's rude. 36:38.463 --> 36:41.124 Don't bring me such a crack munker. 36:42.405 --> 36:45.185 Come on, you two, you fructose monkey waggler. 36:45.446 --> 36:46.126 Step away. 36:46.146 --> 36:49.547 Harry, which one are you going to go for? 36:50.077 --> 36:54.022 I would love to hear the mighty finished watermelon. 36:54.042 --> 36:54.844 I'll be so good for you. 36:54.864 --> 36:56.686 There ain't nothing I can do. 36:56.706 --> 36:57.807 I'll be so good for you. 37:05.877 --> 37:10.338 You see, that's the kind of thing I'd like to see on X-Factor instead of the... That's well, then watch X-Factor. 37:10.438 --> 37:12.999 Because that is the kind of thing you see on X-Factor. 37:13.019 --> 37:14.180 You stupid little front. 37:15.140 --> 37:16.260 Harry, thank you for calling. 37:16.440 --> 37:17.280 So that's 2 All. 37:17.420 --> 37:18.021 It's 2 All? 37:18.081 --> 37:19.961 Now here's my amazing... Is it 2 All? 37:20.461 --> 37:21.261 Yes, it is 2 All. 37:21.522 --> 37:21.802 Here's my... 37:23.943 --> 37:25.585 I'm glad you don't host X-Factor. 37:25.625 --> 37:28.408 My amazing plan is to play a record, right? 37:28.709 --> 37:31.873 Come back after the record and get a final phone and see which way it's gonna go. 37:31.893 --> 37:32.413 Do you see what I mean? 37:32.433 --> 37:35.697 Well, it was actually my plan, then you started saying it and messed it up. 37:36.601 --> 37:37.542 Is that the way it happened? 37:37.582 --> 37:37.782 Yeah. 37:38.162 --> 37:39.604 I want that clear to the nation. 37:39.824 --> 37:44.769 So, uh, stick around, here's the zoutons, after this you'll find out which of those amazing songs been on the blitz. 37:44.789 --> 37:53.316 Hey, but we should tell people now, call now, 0871221 049 and the next caller we put on air will be not only the deciding vote, but will win the Hitchcock DVD collection. 37:58.361 --> 38:00.463 It's funny how it turns me over 38:03.709 --> 38:06.207 The Zeotoms, with confusion. 38:07.671 --> 38:12.115 Zootons, of course, stole the show at the Winter Wonderland. 38:12.175 --> 38:12.715 They were very good. 38:13.155 --> 38:16.918 Zootons and Kasabian were generally agreed to have been the standout actors. 38:16.938 --> 38:17.639 And, of course, Isabelle. 38:18.239 --> 38:19.120 And Isabelle were, in fact, fantastic. 38:19.140 --> 38:20.401 The extraordinary kiddie band. 38:20.461 --> 38:21.802 OK, let's wrap things up now. 38:22.523 --> 38:24.684 So Dizzy's on the Dog is on a knife edge. 38:24.724 --> 38:28.347 We've got two votes for the Banana Splits theme and two votes for the theme from Minder. 38:28.367 --> 38:30.109 This next call will be the deciding call. 38:30.129 --> 38:33.812 They'll also win a copy of the Alfred Hitchcock signature collection. 38:34.492 --> 38:36.594 Now, just even to extend things a little further. 38:36.614 --> 38:36.774 Yeah. 38:36.994 --> 38:38.795 Can I just give myself a plug? 38:39.335 --> 38:50.260 I'm involved in a TV show called The Last Chance of This Week, which you can see, it's like a sitcom about a band in Brighton, and it's on E4 every night this week, about 10 or 11. 38:50.340 --> 38:52.261 My heart beats a bit redundant, really, isn't it? 38:52.661 --> 38:54.602 No, it makes it sound even more amazing. 38:54.702 --> 38:55.342 Check it out. 38:55.362 --> 38:57.543 You never know, you might like it. 38:57.824 --> 38:58.564 I had to say that. 38:59.124 --> 39:00.285 Okay, here we go. 39:00.405 --> 39:01.225 Who's our final caller? 39:01.245 --> 39:01.565 Sarah. 39:02.346 --> 39:02.826 Hello, Sarah. 39:04.144 --> 39:04.484 How are you? 39:04.504 --> 39:05.485 I'm fine, thanks. 39:05.886 --> 39:06.246 Are you okay? 39:06.406 --> 39:06.987 Yeah, we're fine. 39:07.007 --> 39:09.570 I'm nervous because you realise the significance of your call. 39:09.590 --> 39:12.853 You're now going to be the swinging vote on This Is In The Dark. 39:12.873 --> 39:14.435 I know, I could change my mind. 39:16.978 --> 39:17.618 Yeah, you could. 39:17.678 --> 39:18.940 What a mantle of responsibility. 39:19.640 --> 39:20.982 Which way are you going to go, Sarah? 39:21.162 --> 39:22.123 I'm going to go for Minder. 39:24.265 --> 39:25.466 Cornish takes it again! 39:26.553 --> 39:27.214 You freak. 39:27.514 --> 39:31.737 Thank you, Sarah, and you get that Alfred Hitchcock signature collection. 39:31.918 --> 39:32.698 I'm gonna rub it. 39:33.099 --> 39:35.401 What have you got against the banana split, Sarah? 39:35.421 --> 39:36.962 Two hard cakes and a nine. 39:37.515 --> 39:37.895 Yeah. 39:38.095 --> 39:39.216 It's just too gimmicky, Ab. 39:39.376 --> 39:40.797 I understand the listeners better than you. 39:40.997 --> 39:42.678 They like really good music. 39:42.718 --> 39:45.019 They like music that sounds a bit like the Wurzels. 39:45.280 --> 39:45.620 OK. 39:45.720 --> 39:46.460 Or Chas and Dave. 39:46.560 --> 39:47.641 Well, you asked for it. 39:47.681 --> 39:48.361 You're going to get it. 39:48.441 --> 39:49.402 Thanks very much for your call. 39:49.442 --> 39:52.083 Thanks to everyone who called in and texted us this week. 39:52.804 --> 39:54.385 Justin the Collins coming up very shortly. 39:54.745 --> 39:58.447 We'll be back next week between 1 o'clock and 3 o'clock here on XFM. 39:58.887 --> 40:00.448 And we'll be here on Christmas Day, right? 40:00.648 --> 40:00.969 Yeah. 40:01.049 --> 40:01.589 Can't wait for that. 40:01.609 --> 40:02.109 Christmas show. 40:02.449 --> 40:03.570 Have a lovely week. 40:03.610 --> 40:04.010 We love you. 40:04.030 --> 40:04.210 Bye. 40:04.271 --> 40:04.871 Bye. 40:23.659 --> 40:39.228 If you want to, I'll change the situation Right people, right time, just the wrong location I've got a good idea 40:43.712 --> 41:03.291 Just you keep me near I'll be so good for you I'm gonna help you out I'll do anything for you I'll be so good for you I'll do it like you want me to I'll do it like you want me to 41:11.098 --> 41:28.342 Others are good for you Sometime when you're feeling like a poor relation Call on me and I'll give you more than a conversation Take a shaking hand to deal 41:37.248 --> 42:00.871 If you're the brother, I'll make you him I'll be so good for you I'll be right by your side Love you like you want me to There ain't nothin' you can hide from Me, I'll be so good for you I'll be right by your side Love you like you want me to Love you like you want me to 42:03.235 --> 42:13.443 I'll tell you the lies Use my shoulder to rest on I'll be right by your side 42:28.018 --> 42:46.051 He's so good for you I'm the one you really need Love you like you want me to I can even have you leave I'll be so good for you I can make the good times roll Even roll Love you with my heart and soul