WEBVTT 00:12.389 --> 00:15.251 Lay Lady Lay, that's Monster Magnet. 00:15.871 --> 00:16.952 My name's Adam Buxton. 00:17.852 --> 00:19.553 My name's, uh, Joe Cornish. 00:19.914 --> 00:21.134 Why did you have to think about it? 00:21.895 --> 00:22.895 Uh, yeah, I did. 00:23.135 --> 00:23.536 Okay, then. 00:24.429 --> 00:29.112 And we're Adam and Joe here for the next 1 hour and 55 minutes on XFM. 00:29.932 --> 00:41.760 We've got very good music coming your way from the likes of Franz, Ferdinand, NERD, Snow Patrol, The Morrissey, Foo Fighters, etc. 00:41.780 --> 00:42.140 etc. 00:42.180 --> 00:44.682 As well as a few surprises we might try and slip in there. 00:45.502 --> 00:53.992 And as usual, we'll be chatting about things we've seen on television this week, movies, movies, movies. 00:55.154 --> 00:57.336 I feel like doing a lazy review of Troy this week. 00:57.837 --> 00:58.557 That's a good idea. 00:58.598 --> 01:01.261 We could do a lazy review of The Last Ever Friends as well. 01:01.741 --> 01:02.942 Oh yeah, I thought it was last night. 01:02.962 --> 01:03.802 Everybody's talking about it. 01:03.982 --> 01:07.063 It's last night in America apparently, not in Britain, so I've been told. 01:07.323 --> 01:13.746 Cause I tuned in, I thought it was last night, I tuned in and I thought, well this isn't the last, this is just another boring old piece of old toilet. 01:13.766 --> 01:16.407 I tuned in and I just assumed that everyone was the last one. 01:19.144 --> 01:20.165 That's a strange ending. 01:20.766 --> 01:22.227 Oh, no, this must be the last episode. 01:23.569 --> 01:24.310 I'm so sad. 01:24.810 --> 01:26.352 And here's another one. 01:26.712 --> 01:28.775 Do you ever laugh during Friends? 01:29.696 --> 01:31.337 Oh, sometimes, yeah. 01:31.357 --> 01:32.579 Yeah, because you do, don't you? 01:32.599 --> 01:33.700 Because there are funny things in it. 01:33.740 --> 01:35.542 Friends is weirdly good. 01:35.802 --> 01:37.044 It is weirdly good. 01:37.424 --> 01:39.746 But there's so much of it that's like a smack in the face. 01:40.247 --> 01:40.647 You know what I mean? 01:40.667 --> 01:42.368 It makes you just want to smash your telly. 01:42.769 --> 01:46.271 And then something will creep along and make you laugh and then you feel quite dirty. 01:46.291 --> 01:47.792 You know what I'm saying? 01:48.532 --> 01:49.713 What else did you watch last night? 01:50.373 --> 01:53.815 I watched, well last week we were talking, was it last week we were talking about Craig Charles? 01:54.376 --> 01:55.516 A couple of weeks ago, yeah. 01:55.836 --> 01:59.058 We were talking about Craig Charles and the fact that he's never off the telly. 01:59.499 --> 02:00.199 For some reason. 02:00.239 --> 02:03.101 He's got a new show called Weapons of Mass Distraction. 02:03.181 --> 02:03.421 Yeah. 02:03.961 --> 02:06.863 And I saw him, first of all I haven't seen his new do yet. 02:07.423 --> 02:09.365 He's got an afro and a soul beard. 02:10.765 --> 02:15.368 And you know when someone with a famous face has a new hairdo, it just looks like a costume. 02:15.388 --> 02:22.953 Because you're just used to their face in one, looking one way, and then it just looks like he's drawing it on with a burnt cork, and he's wearing a wig. 02:23.233 --> 02:27.736 And you were all, I saw about ten seconds of this show, but it was enough to shock my system. 02:28.437 --> 02:32.239 He was coming out of a joke, and then he introduced the band, who were Goldfrapp. 02:32.839 --> 02:36.902 But he introduced the band, he went, and now, Goldfrapp! 02:37.830 --> 02:38.911 in exactly that tone. 02:40.312 --> 02:46.797 As if they were so amazing that he was furious with whatever response the audience could give, he would be furious. 02:47.218 --> 02:49.900 He was obviously angry with them for being so amazing. 02:50.380 --> 02:52.642 So he announced them, Goldfraaaaaap! 02:53.623 --> 02:54.083 Like that. 02:54.443 --> 02:58.687 It's just another day in the Craig Charles funky bunker of musical madness. 02:59.622 --> 02:59.902 Yeah. 03:00.162 --> 03:01.143 Well, that's an amazing show. 03:01.163 --> 03:02.765 Was it about sex again this week, do you know? 03:02.785 --> 03:04.186 Uh, apparently. 03:04.306 --> 03:06.548 I switched off after he said gold frat like that. 03:07.308 --> 03:10.371 But yeah, apparently it was about women who'd, uh, shag footballers. 03:10.671 --> 03:11.692 I think it's always about sex. 03:11.732 --> 03:12.553 I'm not quite sure. 03:12.573 --> 03:13.373 I'm not sure if it's themes. 03:13.413 --> 03:14.594 What isn't about sex, Adam? 03:14.755 --> 03:16.296 Uh, good, uh, yeah. 03:17.317 --> 03:21.021 The other stuff I watched on telly last night was Distraction, not Weapons Of. 03:21.682 --> 03:23.103 The Jimmy Carr game show. 03:23.123 --> 03:26.547 Jimmy Carr game show, channel 4, 10, 30 I think it is. 03:27.989 --> 03:30.351 Surprised that I really liked it actually. 03:30.632 --> 03:32.934 Didn't watch the whole thing because I turned over and watched Jonathan Ross. 03:33.655 --> 03:37.876 But I thought it was really strong, and Jimmy Carr really made me laugh. 03:38.296 --> 03:39.577 Did they do the Wii in-game again? 03:39.957 --> 03:41.037 Didn't see any of the games. 03:41.257 --> 03:44.718 There's quite a long bit of the... It's a game show! 03:45.038 --> 03:47.419 Not really, for the first ten minutes it's a Jimmy Carr show. 03:47.459 --> 03:47.639 Is it? 03:47.799 --> 03:53.601 Yeah, and they just have the guests out there, and Jimmy says funny things to them, because they're all quite well-picked, freaky people that they have. 03:53.761 --> 03:54.041 Right. 03:54.161 --> 04:00.863 As panellists, and Jimmy just sort of says... I'm fairly certain pre-rehearsed stuff to them, but it's funny stuff. 04:01.403 --> 04:05.546 And he does it really well, and I've never really got Jimmy Carr before. 04:06.867 --> 04:12.110 And now he's kind of maneuvered his sort of weird schtick around to a very funny place. 04:12.590 --> 04:14.912 And he's doing it incredibly well, so I was converted. 04:14.932 --> 04:17.894 I'm a... I'm a... I'm a Carf Buff. 04:18.374 --> 04:18.995 Car buff? 04:19.235 --> 04:19.495 Yeah. 04:20.235 --> 04:22.117 I'm car crazy. 04:23.037 --> 04:24.158 I buy car magazines. 04:25.339 --> 04:28.121 And Derren Brown was the other thing I watched. 04:28.581 --> 04:29.842 You've seen Derren Brown before, right? 04:30.082 --> 04:30.342 Yes. 04:31.483 --> 04:32.403 What do you think of the show? 04:32.784 --> 04:33.684 I like Derren Brown. 04:34.004 --> 04:35.726 I think there's a problem with his show though. 04:36.366 --> 04:45.012 The problem is that when they used to do Magic on Telly, Paul Daniels style, in fact it said this quite well in Private Eye the other week, they would lock off the camera. 04:45.592 --> 04:55.275 and sustain the shot, so you knew that there was, even though it was trickery, you could guess, you know, the parameters were limited, so it was possible to guess how he might be doing it. 04:55.916 --> 04:58.857 With Darren, the show is so layered with 04:59.815 --> 05:15.395 different layers of editing, there's just so much scope for trickery, that it just becomes in the end a bit... Well that's the thing, because it's all about the suggestiveness of his victims, as it were. 05:16.116 --> 05:17.998 you know, the people that he does his tricks on. 05:18.459 --> 05:27.088 So for example, last night he had a thing about, he had a film student and he said, you know, what you need to do this next trick is a suggestive person. 05:27.189 --> 05:29.131 Who's more suggestive than a film student? 05:29.491 --> 05:30.732 Didn't quite follow that logic. 05:30.773 --> 05:33.415 I think it's just because, you know, they're so imaginative. 05:34.016 --> 05:35.756 that they want to believe all sorts of things. 05:35.776 --> 05:36.417 They're just gullible. 05:36.437 --> 05:37.817 They believe that they'll make films. 05:38.037 --> 05:38.297 Yeah. 05:38.397 --> 05:38.737 One day. 05:38.757 --> 05:39.917 And they won't. 05:40.397 --> 05:40.797 Probably. 05:40.817 --> 05:41.718 There you go. 05:41.758 --> 05:43.278 Who's more suggestible than a film student? 05:43.718 --> 05:51.339 So he does this thing where he supposedly is going to fool this guy into thinking that he's become invisible, that Darren Brown's become invisible. 05:51.960 --> 05:55.340 So presumably this is just a bit of hypnotism he does. 05:55.680 --> 06:02.902 But he does it so fast that all he does is lean over, once he's explained the premise, and say, you can't see me anymore. 06:03.982 --> 06:05.643 And then he backs away very slowly. 06:06.064 --> 06:08.346 And sure enough the film students like, what? 06:08.626 --> 06:09.186 Who said that? 06:09.507 --> 06:10.087 What's going on? 06:10.407 --> 06:11.248 Where's Derren gone? 06:11.729 --> 06:17.694 And then Derren goes away and he comes back in and he's wearing like a invisible man outfit. 06:18.430 --> 06:23.758 with bandages around him and everything and dark glasses and he sits down in front of the guy and the guy can see this, right? 06:24.259 --> 06:24.399 What? 06:24.439 --> 06:25.200 Can see the invisible man outfit? 06:25.220 --> 06:26.122 Can see the invisible man outfit? 06:26.142 --> 06:28.165 But when he starts to take the... The bandages off! 06:28.185 --> 06:29.026 The bandages off! 06:29.086 --> 06:31.890 The guy's mind starts blowing all over the room! 06:32.151 --> 06:32.912 Can I tell you like... 06:34.534 --> 06:35.996 an ancient principle of magic. 06:36.456 --> 06:42.142 There's something in magic called prompting, or queuing, and this has been going on for a hundred years, I only read about it recently. 06:42.903 --> 06:52.874 And what you do is, it's a basic thing that magicians use a lot, you get to put an audience member up on stage, and you say for instance, write, and you've got a microphone that's on, 06:53.675 --> 07:01.380 And you say into the microphone, ladies and gentlemen, I've never met this person before, in a second, every time I touch him, he's gonna act as if he's had a huge electric shock. 07:01.680 --> 07:11.206 And then what you do is you turn to the contestant, you drop your microphone away from your mouth, so you're no longer audible, and you just say to him, quietly in his ear, act like you've been shocked. 07:12.867 --> 07:15.670 And it's important to say it in a really angry voice. 07:15.990 --> 07:18.393 So the person goes, what did you just say to me? 07:18.653 --> 07:19.974 There's millions of people looking at me. 07:20.455 --> 07:21.095 Oh my God. 07:21.476 --> 07:23.538 And he acts like he's been shot. 07:23.638 --> 07:27.181 And everyone goes, you don't do what I tell you, you're gonna look like a jerk. 07:27.261 --> 07:29.083 And that's a basic principle of magic. 07:29.163 --> 07:31.125 So when you can get away with stuff like that... 07:31.866 --> 07:35.188 The scope for stuff like that in Darren's show is just too big. 07:35.268 --> 07:36.669 I like a lot of his stuff. 07:36.809 --> 07:43.574 I mean, I wasn't questioning the validity of what he was doing, but it just occurred to me that actually the audience is in the same position as the guy. 07:43.654 --> 07:46.836 You're being asked to just believe a whole lot and take his word for it. 07:47.316 --> 07:48.417 Yeah, yeah. 07:48.577 --> 07:50.719 The audience maybe isn't in the same position as the guy. 07:51.359 --> 07:51.719 Why not? 07:52.060 --> 07:53.601 Guy's probably on the production team. 07:53.961 --> 07:54.541 Oh, fair enough. 08:01.380 --> 08:03.581 Yeah, had a little sound effect on the end of that one. 08:03.621 --> 08:04.141 That was lovely. 08:04.181 --> 08:04.981 That was The Strokes with 1251. 08:05.361 --> 08:07.682 It's Adam and John, XFM Runners 104.9. 08:07.822 --> 08:10.863 I haven't seen an advert that I have not seen, which is unusual. 08:11.103 --> 08:11.423 Have you? 08:11.723 --> 08:12.623 I can't believe you haven't seen it. 08:12.643 --> 08:14.164 I think it's for Marks and Spencers. 08:14.724 --> 08:21.626 And it's apparently real people who clearly aren't real people, which is a big trend in adverts at the moment. 08:22.506 --> 08:23.227 And magic shows. 08:23.347 --> 08:24.047 And magic shows. 08:24.427 --> 08:29.489 Talking about, I'd just like to stress very quickly that I am a big fan of Darren Brown and do enjoy the show. 08:31.209 --> 08:35.772 Because we occasionally bump into Darren and I don't want him to serve magic my mind. 08:35.792 --> 08:38.153 But I wouldn't worry. 08:38.373 --> 08:44.476 So this advert, there's these people sat in a room talking about all the delicious food you can get from M&S. 08:45.037 --> 08:46.738 And they seem to be real people. 08:47.578 --> 08:51.839 But the way they speak is sort of disgusting and it turns you off the food. 08:51.919 --> 08:58.682 There's one girl, particularly, who says... She does that. 08:58.702 --> 09:00.142 What's she eating? 09:00.342 --> 09:02.143 She's not actually eating anything. 09:02.183 --> 09:05.964 She's imagining, she's remembering how amazing it was to eat something. 09:06.064 --> 09:07.885 And these are like Vox Pops with people in the street? 09:08.005 --> 09:09.445 No, in their homes. 09:09.565 --> 09:10.046 In their homes. 09:10.066 --> 09:11.006 In their homes. 09:11.526 --> 09:16.868 And so they're sat there and then someone says, yeah, spaghetti bolognese, linguine, lasagna. 09:16.928 --> 09:18.869 It's like an Italian banquet. 09:19.209 --> 09:20.990 I tell you what, it is difficult to do, though. 09:21.470 --> 09:22.791 It's difficult to pretend. 09:23.471 --> 09:28.273 When you're saying something scripted, it is very difficult to pretend you're being spontaneous. 09:28.293 --> 09:28.713 Of course. 09:28.733 --> 09:32.054 And a lot of people end up just putting gammy pauses in sentences. 09:32.074 --> 09:33.375 That's right. 09:33.435 --> 09:33.995 You finish, though. 09:34.575 --> 09:44.018 And there's one woman at the end who particularly freaks my mind, and she's got a really sort of filthy face, which is I guess why they picked her for it. 09:44.258 --> 09:45.539 What does a filthy face look like? 09:46.099 --> 09:48.100 Just like a naughty, dirty pixie. 09:48.140 --> 09:49.480 That's not a filthy face. 09:51.801 --> 09:53.603 It's just a needy face. 09:53.763 --> 09:54.784 Yeah, that's a thick face. 09:55.664 --> 10:05.112 So I'm not even sure what she's talking about, because the people are pretending to be so real that their addiction is almost completely unintelligible. 10:05.573 --> 10:12.859 And this woman says something, I don't know what she's talking about, and she goes, they entertain other parts of me that men can't reach, should you say. 10:14.187 --> 10:15.768 What part can a man not reach? 10:15.889 --> 10:17.710 Well, that's why I was thinking, like, her guts. 10:18.471 --> 10:19.752 Well, you can reach the guts. 10:20.613 --> 10:24.356 I mean, but surely it's not just men who can't reach her guts. 10:24.396 --> 10:26.337 I'll tell you what would be difficult. 10:26.598 --> 10:28.619 To get inside the skull would be hard. 10:28.639 --> 10:29.400 Right, her brain. 10:29.420 --> 10:30.681 Like, actually tickle the brain. 10:30.841 --> 10:32.422 But you could get in there via the nostrils. 10:32.623 --> 10:34.224 Well, what food would be doing that? 10:34.244 --> 10:36.986 I mean, the question, obviously, is that she's talking about a minky. 10:39.468 --> 10:42.951 But, you know, you just think, why, what's she doing with the food? 10:43.031 --> 10:45.332 Well, maybe it's a really long pointy lolly. 10:46.413 --> 10:46.994 OK. 10:47.814 --> 10:48.915 So we should play some music now. 10:48.995 --> 10:52.217 No, no, no, she's putting it in her mouth and it's gone into her brain. 10:52.257 --> 10:53.958 No, no, you're digging yourself in more. 10:54.019 --> 10:56.040 This is a new track from N.E.R.D. 10:56.060 --> 10:57.101 It's called Maybe. 10:57.141 --> 10:59.903 We've never heard it before, so you're as in the dark as us. 10:59.923 --> 11:01.144 Hope we enjoy it. 11:01.344 --> 11:02.124 Pointy lolly. 11:02.184 --> 11:03.025 Pointy lolly. 11:03.085 --> 11:03.845 Love was the egg. 11:04.586 --> 11:04.746 See. 11:11.556 --> 11:13.918 That's N-E-R-D with a track called Maybe. 11:13.938 --> 11:17.140 It sounds a bit like Randy Newman and Eagle Eye Cherry. 11:17.721 --> 11:23.645 Yeah, I'm sitting here going through the emails and they're very, very eclectic this week. 11:24.146 --> 11:24.386 Really? 11:24.786 --> 11:28.029 We've got some really enthusiastic ones, people who love us. 11:28.349 --> 11:30.511 But then I'll just be feeling really Boyd. 11:30.531 --> 11:32.212 Boyd Hilton. 11:32.232 --> 11:32.793 Boyd Hilton. 11:33.133 --> 11:36.116 And then I'll come across one that just says, you are bad. 11:37.575 --> 11:41.157 There's another one that says, Joe, aren't you jealous that Adam is more successful than you? 11:41.457 --> 11:41.857 What? 11:41.897 --> 11:42.497 That got me. 11:43.198 --> 11:47.360 But you know, it's like an emotional rollercoaster on these emails. 11:47.780 --> 11:48.380 Jesus. 11:48.620 --> 11:51.622 You can email us at adamandjoe at xfm.co.uk. 11:51.642 --> 11:52.482 You can text us. 11:52.742 --> 11:53.763 Can they text us, Brian? 11:53.783 --> 11:54.163 I don't know. 11:54.263 --> 11:56.024 They've rubbed it off the board, the text number. 11:58.481 --> 12:08.564 83936. 11:58.561 --> 12:08.564 Now, I want to talk about something that I think needs to be talked about, which is Lenny Henry's show on the BBC Last Night. 12:08.644 --> 12:10.345 So that was the beginning of a new series, was it? 12:11.185 --> 12:12.986 No, it was the second show in a new series. 12:13.386 --> 12:15.427 Listeners, I don't know Lenny Henry's new show. 12:16.247 --> 12:17.287 I love Lenny Henry. 12:17.587 --> 12:18.328 Let me say this. 12:18.568 --> 12:19.828 I used to love Tiz Woz. 12:20.348 --> 12:21.069 I grew up with him. 12:21.089 --> 12:22.349 I used to love three of a kind. 12:22.569 --> 12:24.150 In the same house you grew up with Lenny? 12:24.170 --> 12:24.290 Yeah. 12:24.690 --> 12:24.870 Wow. 12:24.910 --> 12:24.991 Yeah. 12:25.011 --> 12:26.032 So you do love him. 12:26.072 --> 12:26.874 He's a lovely man. 12:26.934 --> 12:27.134 Yeah. 12:27.815 --> 12:28.977 He's a lovely man. 12:29.078 --> 12:29.659 So funny. 12:30.260 --> 12:32.463 But something's gone wrong, hasn't it? 12:33.385 --> 12:58.760 Well, I tell you what man, I didn't see the show, but I tuned in towards the end and I assumed it was a repeat of an old series because there was a sketch of Lenny pretending to be Gabrielle and the sketch was basically about that Gabrielle has an eye patch and the rest of the band were pirates and Lenny was dressed as a pirate when he was singing, without jokes, a Gabrielle song. 13:00.521 --> 13:04.545 And then the show ends and Lenny comes out and says, thanks very much for watching. 13:04.865 --> 13:09.069 And then Gabrielle, the real Gabrielle comes out and Lenny goes, uh oh, I'm in trouble now. 13:09.970 --> 13:12.573 Well this is the thing about it, it's basically, it would be. 13:12.593 --> 13:18.719 But somehow it's ended up during a sort of family adult viewing time. 13:18.879 --> 13:20.641 What time is it on, like 8 or 9 or something? 13:20.961 --> 13:21.221 Yeah, 9, 9.30. 13:21.782 --> 13:23.624 Yeah, when kids should be in bed. 13:24.204 --> 13:29.587 But listen man, don't forget that the BBC on Friday night, that's a very mainstream proposition. 13:30.127 --> 13:33.288 That's fine, but there's mainstream and there's mainstream, you know? 13:33.448 --> 13:33.748 Yeah. 13:34.109 --> 13:35.529 The stream is too main. 13:36.210 --> 13:44.233 Well, I don't know, but you know, we might be snobby about comedy and people are just coming round to the patch joke in the rest of the country, who knows? 13:44.293 --> 13:45.014 And they might be really... 13:45.814 --> 13:47.215 I might really be tickled by that. 13:47.375 --> 14:03.507 The thing that gets me is, we'll put the sketches to one side, but the thing that gets me, and listeners please do contact us, maybe we're getting this totally wrong, maybe people out there find Lenny's new show funny, and I repeat, we love Lenny, but it's the way that he does his stand up bits. 14:04.147 --> 14:07.849 that are very mannered, and I think he's decided on certain rules. 14:08.349 --> 14:12.332 So I'm going to give you a joke, Adam, and I'm going to try and coach you to do it like Lenny. 14:12.652 --> 14:15.854 So the joke is about athletics, and it's an observational joke. 14:16.174 --> 14:16.894 It's athletics. 14:17.235 --> 14:19.496 The clothes they're wearing are getting smaller and smaller. 14:19.876 --> 14:21.897 It's like a 100 meter biology lesson. 14:22.297 --> 14:24.719 Pretty soon they'll be going out onto the running track naked. 14:25.179 --> 14:27.861 That's right, pin a number on my butt and I'm ready to go. 14:28.763 --> 14:30.805 Okay, yeah, well you did that pretty well. 14:31.145 --> 14:31.505 Thank you. 14:31.905 --> 14:35.568 So, if you want to do it like Lenny, first of all, do it in a strange, slightly American accent. 14:36.089 --> 14:36.329 Right. 14:36.449 --> 14:37.350 For no apparent reason. 14:37.710 --> 14:41.293 Secondly, make sure there's a silly bit of dialogue in it that you do in a funny voice. 14:41.553 --> 14:42.514 So that's the bit at the end. 14:42.894 --> 14:44.735 Pin a number on my button, I'm ready to go. 14:44.755 --> 14:45.296 Okay. 14:46.036 --> 14:48.738 and then single someone in the audience out while you tell the joke. 14:48.778 --> 14:52.041 Say something like, you know what I'm talking about, that guy there, don't be shy! 14:52.361 --> 14:55.344 To intimidate the audience, to make nervous laughter. 14:56.245 --> 14:59.127 Be unable to suppress your own giggles during the joke. 14:59.828 --> 15:00.909 This is a lot to remember. 15:01.029 --> 15:04.972 Well these are just things you can do to make just a statement appear to be like a joke. 15:05.412 --> 15:11.758 And then at the end, strut around the stage, run around doing an over-the-top mime of what you just did, and do that. 15:12.398 --> 15:13.079 Does that make sense? 15:13.199 --> 15:14.460 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 15:14.540 --> 15:15.180 Is that mean and cynical? 15:15.200 --> 15:15.761 Is that your stomach? 15:16.021 --> 15:16.341 Maybe. 15:16.642 --> 15:17.583 Is that mean and cynical? 15:19.264 --> 15:19.864 It's difficult. 15:19.884 --> 15:21.146 There's more to it than that, man. 15:21.246 --> 15:22.026 Is there? 15:22.086 --> 15:22.627 Are you sure? 15:22.647 --> 15:23.548 Yeah, there is. 15:24.128 --> 15:24.588 He's good. 15:24.608 --> 15:25.249 He's very funny. 15:25.289 --> 15:29.453 He's been doing a lot of private gigs to warm up for that show. 15:30.013 --> 15:31.975 And I've only heard good things about them. 15:33.174 --> 15:34.755 You know, he's not everyone's cup of tea, is he? 15:34.795 --> 15:40.821 And I stress that he's not trying to push back boundaries anymore, he's just trying to funny bone. 15:40.861 --> 15:42.863 Have you seen the news desk report he does? 15:43.783 --> 15:43.943 No. 15:43.963 --> 15:44.424 Oh, boy. 15:44.584 --> 15:49.929 Well, listen, don't forget that Vernon Kaye is also fond of a few bad news-based gags. 15:50.249 --> 15:50.509 Yeah. 15:50.930 --> 15:53.552 And he's Mr. Hip and Trendy, so who knows? 15:53.572 --> 15:54.673 There's no accounting for taste. 15:54.693 --> 15:55.233 Let's move on. 15:55.434 --> 15:56.134 It's too difficult. 15:56.174 --> 15:57.375 It's a minefield. 15:57.535 --> 15:58.917 It's a minefield. 15:59.197 --> 16:00.138 Here's some adverts. 16:08.274 --> 16:10.397 Very strong, that's Orpheus by Ash. 16:10.517 --> 16:13.701 Kind of doing what I wish Supergrass would do a bit more of, if you know what I'm saying. 16:13.721 --> 16:14.142 What's that? 16:14.923 --> 16:15.864 Just rocking their nuts. 16:15.884 --> 16:16.405 Rocking out. 16:16.445 --> 16:18.728 Supergrass is very 80s their new single, isn't it? 16:18.848 --> 16:19.209 Yeah, very 80s. 16:19.229 --> 16:20.570 It's all wizzy, bangy and poppy. 16:20.991 --> 16:22.593 I don't mind though, I love Supergrass. 16:22.693 --> 16:22.894 Yes! 16:23.234 --> 16:29.675 Coming up later in the show, very shortly in fact we have a celebrity regression therapy quiz for you. 16:30.235 --> 16:33.556 This is when Joe puts me in deep hypnosis. 16:33.676 --> 16:37.037 It's based on what they do on This Morning with Phil and Fern. 16:37.077 --> 16:39.737 The man with the healing hands on This Morning with Phil and Fern. 16:39.757 --> 16:40.637 Sounds sexy, no. 16:40.777 --> 16:43.538 He puts his hands on your knee if you've got knee problems. 16:43.958 --> 16:44.358 Oh yes I have! 16:44.378 --> 16:45.478 And he makes it slightly better. 16:45.718 --> 16:47.458 You know what makes me suspicious about him? 16:47.639 --> 16:47.899 What? 16:48.039 --> 16:50.059 Lots of gold rings and bracelets. 16:50.279 --> 16:51.259 He just likes to feel. 16:51.459 --> 16:53.180 He just draws attention to his hands. 16:53.240 --> 16:59.282 If he was a real healer, he wouldn't need to put all this spangly jewellery on it to make you think, oh, his hands are successful. 16:59.902 --> 17:01.143 They might heal me. 17:01.863 --> 17:14.507 So anyway, you might win tickets to go and see Keen tomorrow night if you correctly guess the celebrity that I am being regressed into the roles of, if that makes any sense. 17:14.787 --> 17:16.988 I hear it's a relatively easy one this week. 17:17.109 --> 17:17.949 Man, it's so easy. 17:17.969 --> 17:18.970 We haven't even won last week. 17:19.070 --> 17:22.252 This week, I think it's the easiest one ever, so stand by those photos. 17:22.272 --> 17:23.913 It's gonna be a bun fight for the Keen tickets. 17:23.953 --> 17:25.113 Yeah, you'll get it immediately. 17:25.133 --> 17:28.035 If you want to go see Keen tomorrow night, then check out Celebrity Regression. 17:28.636 --> 17:31.918 Also, later in the show, we have a later review of Troy for you. 17:32.238 --> 17:33.719 We have Scallywag's song. 17:34.219 --> 17:49.229 He's done a song, it's very much streets, which is getting rave reviews, and Scallywag basically blows the streets out of the water to kind of finish off our whole rock rap thing that we've been encouraging people to do, rapping over rock instrumentals. 17:49.810 --> 17:52.792 So we have a feature-length Scallywag rap for you. 17:53.372 --> 17:58.135 We've also got Ditties in the Dock, as well as other rubbishy chat. 17:58.655 --> 18:00.817 I'm not implying that... Speaking of which... Yeah, what? 18:01.757 --> 18:03.459 This week I went to see Van Helsing. 18:04.319 --> 18:05.499 Ooh, why did you do that? 18:05.519 --> 18:06.280 I thought you weren't going to. 18:06.300 --> 18:07.420 Well, that's a very good question. 18:07.500 --> 18:08.921 Why did I go and see Van Helsing? 18:08.941 --> 18:10.321 But you knew what it was going to be like. 18:10.621 --> 18:11.061 I didn't. 18:11.141 --> 18:12.782 I always think this one might be the one. 18:13.822 --> 18:14.122 You know? 18:14.342 --> 18:15.523 I think... And you know what? 18:15.543 --> 18:16.243 I've walked out. 18:16.343 --> 18:17.243 I walked out of The Mummy. 18:17.883 --> 18:21.544 I walked out of The Mummy Returns, but then I came back and bought them on DVD. 18:21.845 --> 18:22.425 You returned? 18:22.685 --> 18:23.265 I returned. 18:24.245 --> 18:26.306 Van Helsing, I paid a tenner to see. 18:26.666 --> 18:27.626 Empire Leicester Square. 18:28.307 --> 18:29.367 It was awesome. 18:29.907 --> 18:30.407 Awesome. 18:30.567 --> 18:33.068 It was so awesome I left after half an hour. 18:33.648 --> 18:35.089 Oh, that's how awesome it was. 18:35.489 --> 18:36.169 Bad awesome. 18:36.389 --> 18:37.590 You know what I loved about it? 18:38.390 --> 18:38.570 What? 18:38.710 --> 18:39.770 All my favorite monsters. 18:40.951 --> 18:41.351 Yeah. 18:41.411 --> 18:42.891 All my favorite boring old monsters. 18:43.272 --> 18:44.272 Well, the wolf man. 18:44.312 --> 18:45.232 Why is the wolf man in it? 18:45.252 --> 18:48.693 I can't believe the wolf man's on the posters as if you're supposed to go, the wolf man? 18:48.713 --> 18:49.774 I love the wolf man. 18:49.934 --> 18:52.795 The hairy face and the growling. 18:53.055 --> 18:53.955 Ah, the wolf man. 18:54.235 --> 18:55.856 Frankenstein, don't you love Frankenstein? 18:57.436 --> 18:59.458 I'm walking slowly. 18:59.478 --> 19:03.059 I'm walking slowly. 19:03.079 --> 19:04.440 That's all he does. 19:04.460 --> 19:07.322 I'm gonna kill some who have been pushed away. 19:07.342 --> 19:09.763 Is it supposed to be camp, the film? 19:10.003 --> 19:11.043 It's beyond camp. 19:11.864 --> 19:12.964 It's Centre Park's. 19:14.412 --> 19:17.654 I'm trying not to swear it was so bad. 19:18.955 --> 19:20.015 No, it wasn't bad, it was awesome. 19:20.255 --> 19:24.278 It was awesome to see Nick Cotton finally getting his big screen break as Dracula. 19:24.578 --> 19:25.138 Is he in there? 19:25.398 --> 19:27.559 No, but he looks just like Nick Cotton. 19:27.760 --> 19:28.760 Who's the main guy? 19:28.780 --> 19:29.460 Hugh Jackman. 19:29.481 --> 19:30.121 Hugh Jackman? 19:32.402 --> 19:34.264 and Kate Beckinsale. 19:34.724 --> 19:41.529 Three hot supermodels play Dracula's maidens and when they become naked, they transfer into evil vampires. 19:43.030 --> 19:44.692 All their nipples and bits disappear. 19:45.272 --> 19:45.813 Oh, that's a shame. 19:45.913 --> 19:48.174 They just go all smooth because it's a 12A. 19:48.314 --> 19:50.176 It's a 12A, that's a disaster. 19:50.196 --> 19:55.340 Well, it would be distracting if the wolf man's knackers were flopping around as he leapt over the camera. 19:55.620 --> 19:59.582 I saw, what's his name, the man, I'm just thinking about that. 19:59.662 --> 20:00.322 Is this a tangent? 20:01.302 --> 20:02.083 Small tangent. 20:02.543 --> 20:04.544 Have you got more to say about Van Helsing? 20:04.564 --> 20:04.824 Yes. 20:05.124 --> 20:05.424 Okay. 20:05.624 --> 20:07.185 Well here's a tiny tangent for you. 20:08.426 --> 20:11.767 Who's the guy, Eric Banner, who played the Hulk was on Jonathan Ross' show last night. 20:11.787 --> 20:14.968 No, Eric Banner is the name of the guy who turns into the Hulk. 20:15.469 --> 20:18.050 The guy who played the Hulk. 20:18.090 --> 20:20.251 No, David Banner is the guy who turns into the Hulk. 20:21.291 --> 20:22.052 What are you talking about? 20:22.092 --> 20:23.253 I got it right the first time! 20:23.393 --> 20:25.695 Eric Bana is the name of the actor who plays David Bana. 20:25.715 --> 20:26.796 It's a bit of a coincidence, isn't it? 20:27.217 --> 20:28.398 Have you only just worked that out? 20:28.578 --> 20:29.279 Yeah. 20:29.299 --> 20:32.081 Did you also work out that it was directed by Ang Lee? 20:32.162 --> 20:33.122 And don't make me Ang Lee. 20:33.323 --> 20:34.604 You wouldn't like me when I'm Ang Lee. 20:35.805 --> 20:41.891 So Jonathan was just saying to Eric Bana, so what's the deal with his trousers? 20:41.931 --> 20:45.614 You know, obviously the trousers would fall off if someone grew to that size. 20:46.375 --> 20:51.999 And Eric Band just said, well, you know, it's a kids film, you can't see the Hulk's knob. 20:53.240 --> 20:54.280 What did Jonathan say to that? 20:54.400 --> 20:56.702 He just giggled in his floppy haired way and carried on. 20:56.782 --> 20:58.923 Anyway, continue with Van Helsing. 20:59.443 --> 21:02.926 Van Helsing, he's so awesomely skilled, he's got a Gatling crossbow. 21:02.946 --> 21:04.106 Oh no. 21:04.226 --> 21:10.771 And it takes him about 4000 bolts just to nip one of the woman's wings. 21:11.571 --> 21:13.912 Literally, he's the most unskilled man in the world. 21:13.932 --> 21:14.793 Are you fading in a track? 21:15.253 --> 21:16.094 It's a long fade. 21:16.254 --> 21:16.494 Is it? 21:16.654 --> 21:16.974 Okay. 21:17.815 --> 21:20.596 The CGI in Van Helsing is done in an amazing new way. 21:20.876 --> 21:29.721 I think what they did was make the film and give it to about ten twelve-year-old boys and then give them a box of indelible pens and just let them loose on it. 21:29.902 --> 21:33.804 On everything and wings and making everyone all muscley and thingies in the mouth. 21:35.083 --> 21:46.867 I tell you what Van Helsing's like, it's like the ten loudest action films ever projected on top of each other at the same time, with all their soundtracks playing at the same time, at a million decibels. 21:47.687 --> 21:50.388 And even on DVD would this be a possible purchase? 21:50.508 --> 21:50.708 Nope. 21:51.409 --> 21:51.849 Oh dear. 21:52.549 --> 21:53.289 That's Van Helsing. 21:53.589 --> 21:53.990 Avoid it! 21:54.390 --> 21:54.870 Here's the verb. 22:03.780 --> 22:06.783 The Verve with a shortened version of Bittersweet Symphony. 22:07.443 --> 22:09.205 Shortened and slightly improved. 22:09.525 --> 22:10.126 Sweetened. 22:10.666 --> 22:10.987 Yes. 22:11.407 --> 22:12.948 And now Celebrity Regression. 22:14.990 --> 22:16.571 Welcome to the surgery. 22:17.292 --> 22:22.437 Once again Adam is going to be regressed into the body and films of a famous film star. 22:23.358 --> 22:26.000 In order to win tickets to the Keene concert tomorrow evening. 22:28.094 --> 22:31.235 No, tickets and album for Keen tomorrow evening at the Virgin Megastore. 22:31.255 --> 22:31.795 What does that mean? 22:32.355 --> 22:33.796 Tickets and album for Keen. 22:33.816 --> 22:38.057 Oh, Keen, collect your tickets and your album from the Virgin Megastore tomorrow evening. 22:38.077 --> 22:39.097 Is that a message for Keen? 22:39.817 --> 22:41.198 Oh, well, we'll sort it out later. 22:41.278 --> 22:45.179 You can see Keen playing in the Virgin Megastore and you get a free Keen album as well. 22:45.259 --> 22:45.939 Hey! 22:46.299 --> 22:47.439 Not really a concert, is it? 22:47.899 --> 22:49.060 Come on, they're still playing music. 22:49.080 --> 22:49.560 Okay, okay. 22:50.220 --> 22:59.565 Okay, so, all you have to do is guess what famous Hollywood star Adam is being regressed into, which of their films he's being regressed into, and you could win that amazing prize. 23:00.125 --> 23:00.645 Adam, are you ready? 23:00.825 --> 23:01.306 Yes, I am. 23:02.146 --> 23:05.488 Okay, listeners, if you follow these instructions too, just take a deep breath. 23:06.708 --> 23:08.029 In through the nose, out through the mouth. 23:08.149 --> 23:09.470 Really inflate the whole of the chest. 23:09.510 --> 23:11.811 Remember the... Sort of central in the body. 23:11.831 --> 23:13.632 Make sure you push your stomach out as you breathe. 23:14.292 --> 23:15.693 Let the breath out very slowly. 23:15.853 --> 23:16.373 Sorry. 23:16.873 --> 23:17.534 Close your eyes. 23:17.754 --> 23:18.014 Okay. 23:19.019 --> 23:39.177 and i want you to drift back clear your mind drift back and further back you're 10 years old you're five you're four you're three you're one year old you are in your mother's womb you are now in the life of a film star open your eyes tell us what can you see 23:40.293 --> 23:41.254 I'm feeling calm. 23:41.654 --> 23:42.374 Very calm. 23:42.474 --> 23:48.598 I've been meditating for a few hours, so now I'm ready to go to work and kick some people's heads in. 23:49.078 --> 23:53.820 You see, where I work, there tends to be a lot of violence, which I don't enjoy, but I'm very good at. 23:54.341 --> 23:55.321 Okay, I do enjoy it. 23:55.361 --> 23:56.222 In fact, I love it. 23:56.542 --> 24:06.327 I love punching and doing kung-fu kicks and throwing men in cowboy hats into tables full of glasses and tearing people's throats out with my bare hands! 24:06.827 --> 24:07.688 But it scares me too. 24:08.806 --> 24:11.029 I need to control the violent, sexy animal in me. 24:11.069 --> 24:14.733 That's why I meditate and try to live by a strict personal code. 24:15.534 --> 24:17.636 It's my way or the highway. 24:17.656 --> 24:18.738 Relax. 24:18.898 --> 24:19.278 My way? 24:19.298 --> 24:19.659 Breathe. 24:19.839 --> 24:20.840 Oh, highway? 24:21.020 --> 24:21.341 Breathe. 24:23.877 --> 24:23.917 No. 24:42.395 --> 24:43.255 Oh, I'm in the woods. 24:44.156 --> 24:44.696 It's cold. 24:45.336 --> 24:47.217 But at least I've got my gun to keep me warm. 24:47.297 --> 24:51.579 I love my gun almost as much as I love my brother and my football buddies. 24:52.180 --> 24:54.561 They're here too, so we can all keep each other warm. 24:55.001 --> 24:58.963 It's nice in a way, handsome young men out here in the woods keeping each other warm. 24:59.263 --> 25:04.145 Not in a homosexualist way, of course you understand, but in a football playing, shouting and shooting kind of way. 25:04.945 --> 25:06.866 Anyway, we've got some chicks with us, so it's cool. 25:06.986 --> 25:07.987 And I'm not being sexist. 25:08.587 --> 25:15.096 I mean, toting high school girls fighting alongside boys is sexist, then sorry, but I guess I just don't know what sexism is. 25:15.997 --> 25:17.419 It's kind of ironical, really. 25:17.439 --> 25:24.368 Me and my brother used to come to these woods to shoot animals with our lovely guns, and now we're out here fighting for our very survivalist. 25:24.568 --> 25:25.129 I mean, survival. 25:26.220 --> 25:26.821 But it's fun. 25:27.641 --> 25:30.664 Lots of fun, guns and fighting and shooting. 25:30.684 --> 25:33.167 Fighting and shooting... Just relax. 25:33.327 --> 25:33.787 Just relax. 25:33.807 --> 25:34.368 Just relax. 25:34.448 --> 25:35.409 Just relax. 25:35.429 --> 25:35.789 Just relax. 25:35.809 --> 25:36.170 Just relax. 25:36.190 --> 25:36.670 Just relax. 25:36.690 --> 25:37.251 Just relax. 25:37.291 --> 25:37.611 Just relax. 25:37.651 --> 25:38.051 Just relax. 25:38.132 --> 25:38.412 Just relax. 25:38.432 --> 25:38.952 Just relax. 25:39.072 --> 25:39.513 Just relax. 25:39.533 --> 25:39.813 Just relax. 25:39.853 --> 25:40.073 Just relax. 25:40.093 --> 25:40.654 Just relax. 25:41.034 --> 25:41.855 Just relax. 25:41.895 --> 25:42.356 Just relax. 25:42.376 --> 25:43.296 Just relax. 25:49.432 --> 25:51.233 I'm... I feel different. 25:51.313 --> 25:54.335 I'm in a big room with a big springy floor. 25:54.895 --> 25:58.977 I feel sexy and manly, but in an artistic way. 25:59.457 --> 26:08.342 This is not the accent I use in the film, but it is more of a true expression of the nature of my character, for I am a teacher of kind of. 26:09.142 --> 26:11.764 During the day I teach people my craft. 26:12.164 --> 26:15.687 Mainly rich women who don't have any real feeling for my craft. 26:16.007 --> 26:18.810 I don't like it, it's so uptight and boring. 26:19.410 --> 26:21.732 I feel like a sexy tiger in a tiny cage. 26:22.032 --> 26:30.999 But when the working day is over, that's when my soul really comes to life and I can express my sexy insides in a naughty way. 26:31.419 --> 26:32.160 Do you like it? 26:32.400 --> 26:35.302 Do you like how my muscles, sweaty muscles start to rippling? 26:35.363 --> 26:36.704 I'm expressing myself! 26:37.344 --> 26:49.614 sexy springy floor muscles dancing tiger look at me calm Adam breathe breathe oh eight seven one two two two one oh four nine if you know who Adam was being regressed into 26:58.843 --> 27:01.204 Adam and Jo on XFM, London's won at 4.9. 27:01.404 --> 27:03.765 You join us in the middle of our celebrity regression this week. 27:03.805 --> 27:09.028 Adam's been regressed into the life and films of a famous star, and we've got Debushish on the line. 27:09.048 --> 27:09.728 Debushish, you there? 27:10.987 --> 27:11.467 Hello. 27:12.188 --> 27:12.608 Hello. 27:12.748 --> 27:13.689 Hello, how are you? 27:14.189 --> 27:14.850 I'm alright, thanks. 27:15.811 --> 27:20.835 Now, if you would tell us now who you think Adam was regressed into. 27:20.875 --> 27:28.140 Debashish, if you say the name nice and loudly, Adam will either be trapped in his regression forever or will wake up and return to normal. 27:28.180 --> 27:29.361 Say the name now, please, Debashish. 27:29.902 --> 27:30.282 Patrick. 27:31.082 --> 27:32.604 You got it. 27:32.644 --> 27:33.604 That's extraordinary. 27:33.825 --> 27:34.745 It was quite easy. 27:34.825 --> 27:35.126 Was it? 27:35.146 --> 27:35.846 It was quite easy. 27:35.866 --> 27:38.108 Which films did you recognize there, Debashish? 27:39.417 --> 27:43.319 There was Roadhouse, which was an awful film. 27:43.699 --> 27:44.500 Oh, steady on! 27:44.520 --> 27:45.440 Did you say awesome? 27:45.460 --> 27:46.040 Awful! 27:46.080 --> 27:46.221 Awful! 27:46.301 --> 27:46.481 Awful! 27:46.501 --> 27:46.641 Awful! 27:46.661 --> 27:46.881 Awful! 27:46.901 --> 27:47.041 Awful! 27:47.061 --> 27:47.161 Awful! 27:47.181 --> 27:47.321 Awful! 27:47.361 --> 27:47.461 Awful! 27:47.481 --> 27:47.581 Awful! 27:47.601 --> 27:47.741 Awful! 27:47.761 --> 27:47.862 Awful! 27:47.882 --> 27:48.022 Awful! 27:48.042 --> 27:48.162 Awful! 27:48.182 --> 27:48.282 Awful! 27:48.442 --> 27:48.562 Awful! 27:48.582 --> 27:48.682 Awful! 27:48.702 --> 27:48.822 Awful! 27:48.882 --> 27:49.042 Awful! 27:49.062 --> 27:49.182 Awful! 27:49.202 --> 27:49.322 Awful! 27:49.342 --> 27:49.482 Awful! 27:49.502 --> 27:49.683 Awful! 27:49.703 --> 27:49.843 Awful! 27:49.863 --> 27:49.983 Awful! 27:50.003 --> 27:50.103 Awful! 27:50.123 --> 27:50.223 Awful! 27:50.263 --> 27:50.363 Awful! 27:50.383 --> 27:50.483 Awful! 27:50.503 --> 27:50.603 Awful! 27:50.643 --> 27:50.743 Awful! 27:50.763 --> 27:50.883 Awful! 27:50.943 --> 27:51.063 Awful! 27:52.064 --> 27:52.184 Awful! 27:52.344 --> 27:52.484 Awful! 27:52.524 --> 27:52.664 Awful! 27:52.724 --> 27:52.824 Awful! 27:52.844 --> 27:52.965 Awful! 27:52.985 --> 27:53.105 Awful! 27:53.125 --> 27:53.225 Awful! 27:53.245 --> 27:53.345 Awful! 27:53.365 --> 27:53.585 Awful! 27:53.625 --> 27:53.765 Awful! 27:53.785 --> 27:53.965 Awful! 27:54.005 --> 27:54.145 Awful! 27:54.726 --> 27:54.826 Awful! 27:54.846 --> 27:55.026 Awful! 27:55.066 --> 27:55.186 Awful! 27:55.206 --> 27:55.426 Awful! 27:55.446 --> 27:55.546 Awful! 27:55.566 --> 27:55.766 Awful! 27:55.786 --> 27:56.026 Awful! 27:56.166 --> 27:56.467 Awful! 27:56.487 --> 27:56.747 Awful! 27:56.767 --> 27:56.887 Awful! 27:56.907 --> 27:57.347 Awful! 27:57.367 --> 27:57.927 Awful! 27:57.947 --> 27:58.128 Awful! 27:58.268 --> 27:58.408 Awful! 27:58.428 --> 27:58.588 Awful! 27:58.628 --> 27:58.868 Awful! 27:58.888 --> 27:59.068 Awful! 27:59.108 --> 27:59.228 Awful! 27:59.448 --> 27:59.548 Awful! 27:59.588 --> 27:59.729 Awful! 27:59.749 --> 27:59.929 Awful! 27:59.949 --> 28:00.049 Awful! 28:00.069 --> 28:00.169 Awful 28:04.244 --> 28:08.368 Yeah, I can't remember that movie quite well, but I do recall, I think the Russians and the Cubans invaded? 28:08.388 --> 28:09.249 That's correct. 28:09.309 --> 28:11.892 Almost as good as Chuck Norris's invasion of the USA. 28:12.393 --> 28:13.514 And what's the third film? 28:14.134 --> 28:16.257 I think that one was actually Dirty Dancing. 28:16.497 --> 28:17.118 Correct. 28:17.618 --> 28:21.162 I tried to make it a bit abstract, because obviously Dirty Dancing is very easy. 28:21.402 --> 28:24.405 But Devashish, well spotted, and you've got all the films absolutely right. 28:24.706 --> 28:26.588 You're getting tickets to go and see Keen. 28:27.208 --> 28:31.331 And even though it is a free gig they're playing at the Virgin Megastore, you will be standing. 28:31.632 --> 28:32.172 No, come on. 28:32.412 --> 28:36.816 It was a free gig, but now that it's ticketed, there's no tickets left. 28:37.116 --> 28:38.357 You can't get them for love nor money. 28:38.377 --> 28:39.838 These are very special tickets. 28:39.978 --> 28:41.199 And you're in the VIP area. 28:41.239 --> 28:41.859 Yeah, that's the thing. 28:41.879 --> 28:43.180 You'll be standing in the VIP area. 28:43.261 --> 28:44.301 You'll get your free album. 28:44.321 --> 28:45.222 Yeah, and you get to snog them. 28:45.402 --> 28:47.063 And you get to snog keen with timers. 28:47.103 --> 28:48.244 I skipped that bit. 28:48.304 --> 28:49.285 Come on, Debashish. 28:49.305 --> 28:50.006 But it'll be good, man. 28:50.026 --> 28:51.026 They're a fantastic band. 28:51.046 --> 28:52.067 I hope you have a good time. 28:52.167 --> 28:54.189 And thanks very much indeed for phoning in, Debashish. 28:54.369 --> 28:55.129 Alright, thank you! 28:55.189 --> 28:56.070 Take care, bye! 28:56.210 --> 28:56.850 Okay, bye! 28:56.870 --> 29:07.196 That's the delays with Nearer Than Heaven. 29:07.216 --> 29:15.921 This is Adam and Joe on XFM London's 104.9 and it's a sad day today because we are losing saying goodbye to one of our key features. 29:17.442 --> 29:22.965 Yes, dear listeners, it is with great sadness that our rock and rap feature 29:24.758 --> 29:25.458 passes away. 29:25.818 --> 29:26.998 So lame, isn't it? 29:27.959 --> 29:36.720 I didn't know you were going to do it, but I've brilliantly slipped into this fantastic pastor's voice, and I'm already making loads of funeral gags. 29:37.760 --> 29:45.222 So we've been basically encouraging you folks out there to send in your raps over instrumental breaks in rock songs. 29:45.322 --> 29:46.962 And we had some extraordinary ones. 29:47.522 --> 29:47.902 Absolutely. 29:47.942 --> 29:52.523 We should have sort of spliced together a montage of the great moments, but there weren't really any. 29:53.183 --> 29:58.007 Well, there were quite a few good ones, and I'd like to take this opportunity to thank all the people that did send in their raps. 29:58.167 --> 30:00.589 So would I, absolutely, we both would. 30:01.069 --> 30:03.211 And yeah, thanks for taking the time. 30:03.731 --> 30:11.257 And of course, we had Scallywag, who was our in-house rapper, and he would play his rap numbers. 30:11.697 --> 30:15.120 And he's very much like The Streets, except quite a lot better, I think. 30:15.800 --> 30:21.442 And Scallywag now has a proper song, a full song with verses and choruses. 30:21.763 --> 30:28.565 And this is the very first airing of that song, and very possibly the last as well. 30:29.826 --> 30:36.329 So here you go, this is Scallywag with Scallywag's Warning, reaching off our Roppin' Rap. 30:36.389 --> 30:36.709 What? 30:36.729 --> 30:38.149 It's called Scallywag's Warning? 30:38.229 --> 30:38.510 Yeah. 30:38.810 --> 30:40.430 It's just called Warning or Scallywag's Warning? 30:40.450 --> 30:41.371 Scallywag's Warning. 30:41.531 --> 30:42.931 People should be recording this, man. 30:42.951 --> 30:44.072 Do you think people are prepared? 30:44.779 --> 30:47.240 No, I don't think there's any way they could be prepared. 30:47.260 --> 30:47.880 Lay it on us. 30:55.423 --> 30:55.723 Ooh! 30:56.063 --> 30:57.504 You know that bloke bad? 30:57.524 --> 30:59.285 Yeah, well, he's a f***hole. 30:59.365 --> 31:02.746 He's always hanging round my burp poorly like he's minding a golem. 31:02.846 --> 31:04.667 It makes me sick the way he carries on. 31:04.747 --> 31:05.627 It's wrong, I tell ya! 31:05.687 --> 31:08.628 I'm gonna say something to that bloke that he's not careful. 31:08.708 --> 31:10.249 One of these days, ooh! 31:10.289 --> 31:11.569 Back by six! 31:11.670 --> 31:12.670 Back by six! 31:12.910 --> 31:13.390 I want you 31:43.511 --> 31:45.073 Oh my gosh, that's unbelievable 32:11.246 --> 32:14.086 This is the instrumental break Don't talk over it! 32:14.167 --> 32:14.428 Sorry 32:31.701 --> 32:32.061 to you 32:49.537 --> 32:54.519 Wow yeah yeah mixed messages about drugs there at the end 33:14.767 --> 33:16.188 No, it's basically don't do drugs. 33:16.449 --> 33:17.089 With one do. 33:17.610 --> 33:19.591 Nah, but that's to fit in with the song. 33:20.272 --> 33:21.333 The messages don't. 33:21.473 --> 33:22.254 That was amazing. 33:22.434 --> 33:27.619 Yeah, well that's Scallywag rapping over the intro to a song called Warning Sign by Talking Heads. 33:28.479 --> 33:30.121 Amazing bit of production there from Brian. 33:30.521 --> 33:34.004 Tina Weymouth's bass and Chris France's drumming. 33:34.585 --> 33:36.547 But they weren't involved in the Scallywag. 33:36.587 --> 33:41.211 They didn't actually get involved personally in the Scallywag song. 33:41.671 --> 33:42.792 And it was really good. 33:42.812 --> 33:43.732 It was really good. 33:43.772 --> 33:45.432 The instrumental break was weird. 33:45.552 --> 33:46.693 It was kind of Bollywood. 33:47.093 --> 33:50.214 It was like having 40 of you just moaning. 33:50.434 --> 33:50.834 Yeah. 33:51.375 --> 33:52.735 Not in a dirty way though. 33:52.755 --> 33:52.795 No. 33:53.315 --> 33:55.436 Anyway, that's it for rock and rap. 33:55.476 --> 33:57.557 That's Scallywag's song. 33:58.057 --> 34:00.418 And that's the first and last time you'll ever hear it. 34:00.438 --> 34:03.039 We're gonna be replacing it with something equally brilliant and awesome. 34:03.199 --> 34:04.639 We just haven't had the idea yet. 34:04.759 --> 34:05.280 Well, we have. 34:05.320 --> 34:05.640 We have. 34:05.660 --> 34:06.200 We're gonna do it. 34:06.220 --> 34:07.060 Oh, the play? 34:07.240 --> 34:07.881 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 34:08.021 --> 34:09.101 It's gonna be good, man. 34:09.421 --> 34:12.082 Well, we need something that listeners can contribute to as well. 34:12.102 --> 34:13.102 Contribute to the play. 34:13.262 --> 34:14.463 We'll figure it out, we'll figure it out. 34:14.503 --> 34:15.143 Oh, don't you worry. 34:15.223 --> 34:15.643 Next week. 34:15.783 --> 34:16.184 Maybe not next week. 34:16.204 --> 34:17.144 It's gonna be amazing. 34:17.164 --> 34:17.944 Maybe in a few weeks time. 34:17.984 --> 34:18.584 Maybe in a few weeks. 34:18.604 --> 34:21.125 When we've got our DVD done and get some thinking time. 34:21.285 --> 34:22.206 Yeah, exactly. 34:25.447 --> 34:28.188 Yeah. 34:32.670 --> 34:36.031 Hi, I'm Julianne Moore and you're listening to Adam and Joe on XFM. 34:36.776 --> 34:41.180 And that was the Beastie Boys with Cha Cha- No, just one Cha, Check It Out. 34:41.761 --> 34:44.744 And I'm your DJ, the King of Rock. 34:44.984 --> 34:45.664 I love that single. 34:45.905 --> 34:46.405 Yes, very good. 34:46.425 --> 34:50.269 You know what's great about it is that the stab, whatever it is, it's just the same all the way through. 34:50.529 --> 34:52.391 And you wait for it to go da da. 34:55.912 --> 34:56.712 But it just doesn't. 34:57.212 --> 35:01.474 And at first that's frustrating, but then it sort of blooms like a weird hip-hop flower. 35:01.574 --> 35:02.414 Yeah, you get used to it. 35:02.934 --> 35:03.234 Yeah. 35:03.434 --> 35:07.235 You know, I saw Sharon Stone saying something interesting on TV last night. 35:07.355 --> 35:07.615 What? 35:08.176 --> 35:11.377 She said, I don't feel I have to be someone other than who I am. 35:11.397 --> 35:12.877 I don't think I'm the best. 35:13.137 --> 35:14.117 I don't think I'm the greatest. 35:14.438 --> 35:15.498 I just think I'm good at being me. 35:17.418 --> 35:18.979 Oh, no, I made a mistake. 35:19.239 --> 35:19.919 It wasn't interesting. 35:21.020 --> 35:21.320 Sorry. 35:21.840 --> 35:22.340 Sorry about that. 35:23.080 --> 35:24.000 I feel the same way. 35:24.140 --> 35:24.781 Actually, no, I don't. 35:24.801 --> 35:26.141 I think I'm pretty rubbish at being me. 35:27.281 --> 35:31.163 This week, I saw a program called 60-Minute Makeover on ITV. 35:31.383 --> 35:32.923 Now, this is in the afternoons, isn't it? 35:32.963 --> 35:34.824 Yeah, Tuesday, 1pm, ITV. 35:35.044 --> 35:37.805 And it's one hour of... Do they do up a whole house? 35:37.925 --> 35:38.265 Yeah. 35:38.745 --> 35:40.945 Well, they do selected rooms in the house. 35:41.186 --> 35:45.767 The idea is that it's the whole house, but really it ends up being the bedroom, the latte in the front room. 35:46.127 --> 35:51.528 You see, they used to do this live, I think it might have been on the BBC, and it was the most chaotic program I've ever seen. 35:51.588 --> 35:59.269 They had to make over a whole house in an hour and a half, and the garden, and it had to build up to a climax when they revealed everything. 35:59.850 --> 36:02.070 It had the Scottish gay guys on it, didn't it? 36:02.330 --> 36:04.350 Justin and... what's his face? 36:04.931 --> 36:07.531 I'm not sure it did, to be honest, but they are on again. 36:08.331 --> 36:12.372 Well, there's a northern gay guy in this one. 36:13.132 --> 36:14.193 and Claire Sweeney. 36:14.213 --> 36:16.376 What more do you need? 36:16.676 --> 36:17.077 What more? 36:17.117 --> 36:20.360 It's just formula for guaranteed smashism. 36:21.021 --> 36:31.092 And the thing that strikes you about the show is why, what is the point of giving yourself only 60 minutes to decorate people are going to have to live in fears? 36:31.803 --> 36:33.383 Brian, is that your mobile phone? 36:33.403 --> 36:34.664 That's mine, I'm afraid. 36:34.684 --> 36:36.564 It sounded like a far off sound effect though. 36:36.584 --> 36:37.845 That's page one, Joe. 36:37.905 --> 36:39.345 Page one mistake. 36:39.365 --> 36:40.646 Switch off mobile phones. 36:40.846 --> 36:44.147 So stay calm, keep going. 36:44.327 --> 36:45.527 Okay, so what's the point? 36:45.547 --> 36:47.568 You're going to have to live in this place. 36:47.588 --> 36:51.409 It's so depressing, the idea that these people are just doing these real quick fixes. 36:51.429 --> 36:55.530 So this has always been, that's the basic flaw of all makeover shows. 36:56.010 --> 36:57.291 The basic premise is wrong. 36:58.331 --> 36:58.852 It's stupid. 36:59.072 --> 37:01.754 But at the same time, that's the genius, because that's what makes it fantastic telling. 37:01.914 --> 37:02.635 It's exciting. 37:02.875 --> 37:12.604 And as the makeover proceeds, kind of the other layer of this multi-layered piece of old rubbish is that you get DIY hints from Claire Sweeney, for example. 37:13.485 --> 37:15.867 If you get gloss on your carpet, don't rub it in. 37:16.447 --> 37:20.151 Use a bit of white spirit to get it out, then use carpet shampoo. 37:20.171 --> 37:23.554 So you think, yeah, great, thanks very much for that, Claire, that's brilliant. 37:24.054 --> 37:28.077 You know, I probably would have just added more paint and then trodden it in for the helpful hints. 37:28.797 --> 37:37.862 And then finally, the makeover finishes and it's unveiled to the hapless man and his two kids who live in the house. 37:38.183 --> 37:46.468 Claire Sweeney comes out and says, Before the lounge was a dumping ground for games and toys, now it's an ultra-hip space for Andy to entertain and relax in. 37:47.228 --> 37:56.313 And the reason it's ultra-hip is because the team have got a white canvas and stuck three banana leaves onto it with bark. 37:56.613 --> 37:58.134 You know what they'd call Justin and Colin? 37:58.154 --> 38:00.275 You know what I saw Justin and Colin doing today? 38:00.295 --> 38:00.335 No. 38:00.775 --> 38:06.838 They were in a front room that was awfully tween yesterday and just totally over and disgusting and how can you feel modern in a room like this? 38:07.118 --> 38:12.061 So what we've done is we've got 40 meters of gold fabric and they just hung it. 38:13.641 --> 38:14.422 over the walls. 38:15.142 --> 38:19.104 Just this fantastic, it's like a Turkish boudoir, this fantastic romantic tent. 38:19.624 --> 38:21.605 And they said that this terrible accent I'm doing, I know. 38:21.985 --> 38:30.529 But then he goes, the best thing about it is that if Wendy is tired of the fabric, then all she has to do is pull it back, and there's the old wallpaper again. 38:30.629 --> 38:31.190 Brilliant. 38:31.510 --> 38:37.573 She just has to remove it from the... Who, what, is there one person in the world who thinks what they're doing is nice? 38:37.833 --> 38:39.013 What essentially they're doing? 38:39.434 --> 38:40.194 A smack addict. 38:40.354 --> 38:40.654 Yeah. 38:41.395 --> 38:41.635 Who's... 38:42.495 --> 38:45.496 Right, really just shot up a lot of very powerful smack. 38:45.957 --> 38:48.058 Might love that decor idea. 38:48.078 --> 38:48.898 No, I don't believe it. 38:49.218 --> 38:50.439 They're beyond the power of decor. 38:50.459 --> 38:51.419 There can be nobody. 38:51.779 --> 38:55.441 Well, I'll tell you who would be into it is a kid getting ready for a party. 38:55.641 --> 38:57.402 That's essentially what they're doing. 38:57.482 --> 39:03.904 It's doing a temporary bit of decoration, but the idea that people are going to have to live in it for a long term period is just too depressing for words. 39:04.305 --> 39:07.986 So I was thinking of other shows that could be just done in 60 minutes, yeah? 39:08.567 --> 39:11.668 So, you know, why not have a 60 minute driving course show? 39:12.268 --> 39:12.388 Mmm. 39:12.588 --> 39:14.489 Or that one that comes from the hospital. 39:14.770 --> 39:15.070 Yeah. 39:15.110 --> 39:16.310 Just really fast operations. 39:16.331 --> 39:18.312 That's right, I was thinking 60 minute brain surgery. 39:18.332 --> 39:19.752 We're running out of time, so just stitch that up. 39:19.833 --> 39:21.333 Yeah, yeah, no, just plug that, that's fine. 39:21.534 --> 39:23.435 And just tie the unb- yeah, whatever, that's fine. 39:23.455 --> 39:23.855 Brilliant. 39:23.915 --> 39:24.195 Bye! 39:24.215 --> 39:25.216 Yeah, 60 minute brain surgery. 39:25.256 --> 39:28.458 Right, that's the bell, time's up, put your scalpels down, pop your scalp back on. 39:28.738 --> 39:30.239 But that's it, okay, you can't do anything else. 39:30.559 --> 39:35.261 Now it's the moment of truth, Barry's coming round from the anaesthetic, let's see what he thinks of the 60 minute brain surgery. 39:35.301 --> 39:36.142 Barry, how do you feel? 39:39.144 --> 39:40.845 Okay, just blink if you like it, Barry. 39:41.665 --> 39:43.847 Oh dear, he's not happy, or maybe he just can't blink. 39:44.407 --> 39:45.407 You know, that kind of thing. 39:45.508 --> 39:45.808 Yeah. 39:45.908 --> 39:46.548 That would be good. 39:46.808 --> 39:54.033 Well they already do, like they do Time Team is on a limit, and often they're excavating quite important historical sites, but they've got two days. 39:55.154 --> 39:55.974 Time Team. 39:56.655 --> 39:58.376 Or the 60 minute pregnancy. 39:59.296 --> 40:01.178 Or 60 minute therapy for the deeply disturbed. 40:01.359 --> 40:01.679 Yeah. 40:01.999 --> 40:03.001 Or a 60 minute diet. 40:03.081 --> 40:04.883 Yeah, we've got five minute news haven't we? 40:04.903 --> 40:05.844 Do they still do that on Channel 5? 40:06.244 --> 40:07.065 Five facts? 40:07.346 --> 40:07.606 Yeah. 40:08.287 --> 40:09.808 The shorter the better with everything. 40:09.908 --> 40:11.891 Five minutes is, that's luxuriously long. 40:12.311 --> 40:14.434 BBC 3 have sort of 30 seconds, don't they? 40:14.514 --> 40:14.794 It's crazy! 40:32.318 --> 40:33.539 I must be seeing that guy. 40:34.040 --> 40:35.761 Yeah, he puts a lot into it, doesn't he? 40:35.841 --> 40:36.222 Yeah. 40:36.402 --> 40:38.724 Muse and sing for absolution. 40:38.924 --> 40:48.673 We just had an idea, we were talking about, we were reading, I know this is very old news for everybody else, but I was just reading the thing that Steve Martin and Beyonce Knowles are gonna be in the new Pink Panther film. 40:49.154 --> 40:50.174 Sounds like a terrible idea. 40:50.194 --> 40:53.097 Then Brian, our producer, went, oh weren't they gonna do it with Chris Rock? 40:53.317 --> 40:53.818 Chris Tucker. 40:53.878 --> 40:56.781 Chris Tucker, so inevitably I said, oh well that would be the Black Panther. 40:57.341 --> 41:02.963 And then we thought, wouldn't that be quite a good comedy movie about a bumbling, uh, 70s sack urban terrorist? 41:03.023 --> 41:04.664 Yeah, I have a bomb. 41:05.764 --> 41:06.464 I got a bomb. 41:06.584 --> 41:09.505 And I'm going to blow up you a honkies. 41:09.845 --> 41:10.346 Maybe not. 41:10.746 --> 41:11.146 I don't know. 41:11.486 --> 41:12.426 Might be a bad idea. 41:12.446 --> 41:13.006 Talking of bad ideas... 41:15.247 --> 41:21.309 As we've already mentioned, we've let go of rock and rap this week, so we need a new competition in the show. 41:21.710 --> 41:24.791 And Adam and I haven't really had any ideas yet, we're working on things. 41:25.551 --> 41:27.652 But we want to ask you, the listeners, to help us. 41:28.112 --> 41:30.933 We'd like you to send us your ideas for competitions. 41:31.753 --> 41:37.656 There's some basic guidelines, they need to have some sort of question that people can phone in to answer. 41:37.676 --> 41:44.880 It would be good if they had some sort of performance elements, so Adam and I could do a bit of poncy comic acting. 41:45.560 --> 41:55.005 And it would be good if they were in two parts, they had a sort of set up part where you establish the premise of the competition, like the brilliant mechanics of celebrity regression. 41:55.865 --> 42:07.710 You know, you do the regression in the first part, people listen and then call in and then have to guess it in the se- Please email us your ideas to adamandjoe at xfm.co.uk or text them to the text number, which is, Adam? 42:08.371 --> 42:10.091 Oh, 83936. 42:10.552 --> 42:15.394 But listen, we don't want to text them, surely, because that's not going to be great. 42:15.414 --> 42:22.557 I think that's good, because the deal is, the twist about this is that we are going to have to do one every week. 42:23.557 --> 42:27.758 So send it in and we will, even if we get two, we'll have to try the competition out. 42:28.178 --> 42:33.399 So however ill thought out they are, we're going to have to do a listener-created competition. 42:33.459 --> 42:34.319 Are we going to do it next week? 42:34.339 --> 42:34.699 Every week. 42:35.180 --> 42:37.140 Yeah, well if we've got enough, we'll do it next week. 42:37.760 --> 42:41.941 Go to the website for more details, www.xfm.co.uk. 42:42.241 --> 42:45.842 And we have to do one, no matter how dreadful it is. 42:45.922 --> 42:48.462 We'll call it the compulsory listener competition. 42:48.502 --> 42:49.443 The compulsory quiz. 42:49.983 --> 42:50.843 Compulsory quiz. 42:52.139 --> 42:59.561 And, okay, so, you know, get texting, get emailing, and they could be really brilliantly clever, but the less of the better. 43:00.081 --> 43:00.982 Yeah, yeah, exactly. 43:01.022 --> 43:05.243 We want to preferably just be able to turn up on the day and do them. 43:05.523 --> 43:09.924 And the other thing is, if we do your competition, then you win a prize. 43:10.184 --> 43:13.085 Yeah, so this is pretty desperate all round in a way, really, isn't it? 43:13.125 --> 43:17.467 Because we're just saying... You might even win a prize like the tickets to the free concert. 43:19.288 --> 43:20.068 Might be as good as that. 43:20.148 --> 43:25.052 We're still going to continue with our own ideas that we have to actually put some work and thought into. 43:25.072 --> 43:26.213 We've got a big one on the boil. 43:26.273 --> 43:26.994 Big boil. 43:27.034 --> 43:28.114 We've got a big boil. 43:28.615 --> 43:38.763 And we're just up against it a bit at the moment because we're putting the finishing touches on our DVD and it's all a lot of work and going through rushes and all. 43:38.803 --> 43:39.103 Yeah. 43:39.203 --> 43:47.910 Now this will mean nothing to people who never used to watch our old show on Channel 4 but just in case you did and know why we're on here and people care about us. 43:49.752 --> 43:54.541 We've got a DVD coming out soon and a few people have emailed in about it and it's looking really, really amazing. 43:55.501 --> 43:56.221 The actual disc. 43:56.522 --> 43:57.842 To me. 43:58.082 --> 43:58.843 It's amazing. 43:59.143 --> 44:03.825 And it plays and it's gonna be about two and a half hours of fun. 44:04.165 --> 44:06.506 We wanted a double disc but they only gave us one. 44:06.887 --> 44:09.288 Chris Morris gets a double disc. 44:09.908 --> 44:10.889 You know what the truth is? 44:11.129 --> 44:12.970 Double discs are often rip-offs. 44:13.790 --> 44:14.230 Why? 44:14.290 --> 44:17.072 Well, I've discovered while doing our DVD you can fit 220 minutes of material. 44:19.673 --> 44:20.613 That's what we're being allocated. 44:20.653 --> 44:22.313 On to a single-sided DVD. 44:22.353 --> 44:22.614 Yeah. 44:23.094 --> 44:27.834 A lot of double DVDs, they just spread the material thinly, charge twice the money. 44:28.094 --> 44:29.075 That's right. 44:29.415 --> 44:32.015 So you think it's more stuff, but it's not. 44:32.035 --> 44:34.516 It's just the same amount of stuff spread on to double the price. 44:34.736 --> 44:43.257 Yeah, you get a collector's edition thing, and the extra disc might only have 20 minutes of so-called exciting behind-the-scenes material, which is just an EPK, you know. 44:44.017 --> 44:49.058 That will not be the case with the Adam and Joe DVD, which will send... Oh, for goodness sake. 44:57.717 --> 45:00.298 Yeah, yeah, foot fighters and big me. 45:00.358 --> 45:02.779 I love Dave, I wish I was Dave Grohl. 45:02.999 --> 45:03.280 Do you? 45:03.540 --> 45:05.020 Yeah, I've said this before. 45:05.421 --> 45:07.101 No, you're right, he's a pretty cool customer. 45:07.121 --> 45:10.903 He's a good looking man, in my opinion, even though he's slightly goofy. 45:11.283 --> 45:17.146 But there's something so sexy about him, and he just seems like a nice guy, and I just want to hang out with him. 45:17.686 --> 45:17.986 OK. 45:18.607 --> 45:21.248 Now listen, at my house, I'm having a Chuck Norris season. 45:21.268 --> 45:22.229 Don't know if you're interested. 45:22.249 --> 45:23.009 No! 45:23.049 --> 45:25.471 I've decided to re-appraise the word Chuck Norris. 45:25.811 --> 45:26.011 What? 45:26.312 --> 45:27.272 No, you're not interested? 45:27.312 --> 45:27.352 No. 45:27.852 --> 45:28.073 No. 45:28.573 --> 45:29.754 We were fans of Chuck Norris. 45:29.854 --> 45:30.874 You were, maybe. 45:30.914 --> 45:32.615 Chuck Norris has been lost in time. 45:32.675 --> 45:37.278 He is, you know, he was to the movies in the 80s, what, sort of Vin Diesel and The Rock are some movies now. 45:37.298 --> 45:38.299 You were not a fan of Chuck Norris. 45:38.699 --> 45:40.281 We laughed at Chuck Norris movies. 45:40.301 --> 45:43.985 Nick Cheek was a famous Chuck Norris and we used to call him Nick Chuck Cheek. 45:44.025 --> 45:46.508 Do you not remember Delta Force or Invasion USA? 45:46.588 --> 45:47.489 I remember them. 45:47.549 --> 45:48.350 I never watched them. 45:48.490 --> 45:50.512 Well, I used to love Invasion USA. 45:50.532 --> 45:53.135 Invasion USA has got the highest body count of any movie ever made. 45:53.395 --> 45:53.755 Really? 45:53.815 --> 45:54.656 Yeah. 45:54.676 --> 45:55.037 How many? 45:55.577 --> 45:56.178 I think in the 250. 45:58.180 --> 46:00.162 Yeah, but that's not, obviously independent. 46:00.182 --> 46:05.307 You don't count a plane being blown up, actual individuals who you see getting wasted. 46:05.747 --> 46:09.671 It's an extraordinary film, Invasion USA, I ordered it on the internet and watched it. 46:10.052 --> 46:11.093 And it held up, did it? 46:11.293 --> 46:12.554 Well, it's just incredible. 46:13.014 --> 46:14.356 Have you seen Red Dawn recently? 46:14.796 --> 46:18.059 No, but can I finish about Invasion USA? 46:18.099 --> 46:18.400 Go on then. 46:18.640 --> 46:20.582 So the plot of Invasion USA, do you know what the plot is? 46:21.382 --> 46:22.082 I can guess. 46:22.482 --> 46:22.802 Guess? 46:23.022 --> 46:24.183 Just guess it from the title. 46:24.383 --> 46:26.903 Alright then, America is invaded. 46:26.963 --> 46:32.365 Yeah, it's invaded by a sort of terrorist, ultra-terrorist, gets together every kind of terrorist in the world. 46:33.145 --> 46:37.486 You know, Arab ones, Japanese terrorists, all of them. 46:37.706 --> 46:40.586 And loads them onto boats, like in Saving Private Ryan. 46:41.046 --> 46:42.167 D-Day landing boats. 46:42.207 --> 46:45.807 And so about 20 minutes into the film, they just land on the coast of Florida. 46:46.148 --> 46:47.228 And all these terrorists... 46:48.468 --> 46:58.614 pile out of these boats and their plan is basically about 400 of them just to run across America and kill everybody they meet and blow everything up. 46:59.875 --> 47:05.158 And there's a sequence where they just drive into a lovely urban environment like out of a Spielberg film. 47:05.418 --> 47:10.081 For some reason it's night but all the kids are playing in the street and they're putting up the lights on the Christmas trees. 47:10.521 --> 47:17.484 And the villain just drives into this little Brookside Close, gets out a bazooka, and just bazookas, seven or eight houses. 47:18.044 --> 47:20.405 It's about a fifteen minute sequence, it's fantastic. 47:21.145 --> 47:24.387 So they're working their way across America and it seems to be going absolutely fine. 47:25.407 --> 47:28.628 And there's very little plot, Chuck says very little. 47:29.549 --> 47:34.711 The villain has a flashback where he's been caught by Chuck, and Chuck says, it's time to die. 47:35.646 --> 47:36.366 That's pithy. 47:36.426 --> 47:36.987 Yeah, pithy. 47:37.127 --> 47:37.907 But he gets away. 47:37.947 --> 47:41.749 But then at the end of Invasion USA, he says, It's time to die. 47:42.409 --> 47:43.050 And kills him! 47:43.330 --> 47:45.351 Which is obviously a terrifically rewarding payoff. 47:45.631 --> 47:47.812 That's right, like an Arnold Schwarzenegger thing. 47:48.192 --> 47:50.353 Not even bothering to reverse the line or anything. 47:50.393 --> 47:53.015 It's the way he says it though, with absolutely no nothing. 47:53.235 --> 47:55.996 You know in the 80s, action heroes had to be emotionless and cold? 47:56.016 --> 47:56.176 Yeah. 47:56.536 --> 47:58.377 While Chuck Norris was beyond emotionless. 47:58.537 --> 47:59.638 Just absolutely nothing. 47:59.678 --> 48:01.999 That's right, because mentioning Schwarzenegger, there's none of the camp. 48:02.459 --> 48:03.761 No, nothing. 48:03.781 --> 48:04.281 There's nothing. 48:04.321 --> 48:05.303 Chuck is just nothing. 48:05.323 --> 48:06.123 He just means business. 48:06.224 --> 48:07.265 He's got a pet armadillo. 48:07.285 --> 48:08.006 Does he? 48:08.106 --> 48:09.227 Yeah, which is very cute. 48:09.247 --> 48:10.048 That's quirky. 48:10.168 --> 48:12.491 Yeah, but then his house gets bazookas. 48:13.992 --> 48:15.614 And they don't follow up on the armadillo. 48:15.654 --> 48:16.776 We assume it was killed. 48:17.356 --> 48:20.198 It knocks over its saucer of milk in quite an endearing moment. 48:20.559 --> 48:34.249 The other key bit in Invasion USA, and do get in touch if you've seen Invasion USA, I do need help with this, is the villain standing there and there's a woman doing cocaine through a brass metal straw. 48:34.910 --> 48:39.293 And very casually, to sort of make a point, the villain slams her head down. 48:40.154 --> 48:43.758 And the tube goes up, the tube rams up her nose. 48:44.018 --> 48:48.722 And in case that wasn't enough, he then picks her up and throws her out the window. 48:48.742 --> 48:51.365 And carries on, goes on about his business. 48:51.745 --> 48:53.347 I do recommend Invasion USA. 48:53.367 --> 48:55.088 Alright, well let's watch it. 48:55.108 --> 48:56.109 $8.99 on the internet. 48:57.110 --> 48:57.470 It's a winner. 48:57.490 --> 48:57.611 Next. 48:57.831 --> 48:59.252 Next event. 104.96. 49:13.531 --> 49:15.173 You're listening to Adam and Jo on XFM. 49:15.213 --> 49:16.654 It's time for Ditties in the Dock. 49:16.954 --> 49:22.279 This is the part of the show where Jo and I battle it out for our one, count it one, free play of the week. 49:22.639 --> 49:28.104 Otherwise we are forced to adhere to XFM's excellent playlist. 49:28.184 --> 49:29.485 With the exception of Scallywag. 49:29.865 --> 49:30.386 Yeah, of course. 49:30.446 --> 49:31.126 Yeah, Scallywag. 49:31.146 --> 49:31.907 We slipped in there. 49:32.027 --> 49:33.068 We had to work hard though. 49:33.248 --> 49:34.049 Yeah, we certainly did. 49:35.029 --> 49:38.250 Well, it's a tough one this week because it's a couple of good tracks. 49:38.270 --> 49:50.953 I know what Joe's got and it is a smash, but let me start by telling you that this week I have brought in a classic, classic song by Gil Scott-Heron and it's probably his most well-known song. 49:51.093 --> 49:53.354 It's The Revolution Will Not Be Televised. 49:53.754 --> 50:02.256 Now, I'm assuming you've all heard this before and will want to hear it again, but in case you've never heard this song before, this is really a piece of proto-hip-hop, I suppose. 50:03.056 --> 50:13.185 And it just works on every single as a piece of blistering anti-establishment poetry and as a sort of groovy kind of funk workout. 50:14.066 --> 50:20.512 Just an amazing, masterful, charismatic performance by Gil Scott-Heron, who's often known as the godfather of hip-hop. 50:21.292 --> 50:24.894 And, boy, if you've never heard this one before, do yourself a favour and vote for it. 50:25.055 --> 50:27.916 And if you have, then do yourself a favour and vote for it again. 50:28.237 --> 50:32.439 So that's, uh, Gil Scott Heron is my vote for Ditties in the Dark. 50:32.479 --> 50:33.220 Joe, what have you got? 50:33.560 --> 50:38.163 This week, Adam and listeners, I've got, um, uh, Trio by Da Da Da. 50:38.583 --> 50:39.324 Other way around, isn't it? 50:39.444 --> 50:41.986 Yes, I purposely said Trio by Da Da Da. 50:42.646 --> 50:43.166 Okay. 50:43.406 --> 50:44.767 Da Da Da by Trio. 50:45.068 --> 50:45.488 There you go. 50:46.148 --> 50:48.389 And it's an amazing, blistering track. 50:49.409 --> 50:57.252 And boy, do yourself a favour, because if you like Germans talking at you, saying things you don't know what they are, then this is the track for you. 50:57.332 --> 50:58.732 What was the machine call they did it on? 50:59.393 --> 51:00.173 I do not know. 51:00.253 --> 51:00.753 I do not know. 51:00.773 --> 51:02.994 I think it was a Casio VL tone or something. 51:03.194 --> 51:04.275 Trio by Da Da Da is one. 51:04.735 --> 51:05.896 I keep saying it the wrong way round. 51:05.956 --> 51:07.216 Da Da Da by Trio. 51:07.297 --> 51:08.737 Could I have written it the wrong way round? 51:09.078 --> 51:09.778 That's my problem. 51:10.238 --> 51:12.360 One of the first singles I ever bought, a fantastic single. 51:12.380 --> 51:13.360 I listened to it this morning. 51:14.061 --> 51:14.921 I highly recommend it. 51:14.961 --> 51:16.122 It'll sound great in a car. 51:16.442 --> 51:17.683 It'll sound great in your ears. 51:17.703 --> 51:18.843 It's great. 51:19.944 --> 51:21.185 It'll sound great in your ears. 51:21.205 --> 51:28.571 I don't know, I'm tired. 51:28.851 --> 51:29.312 Call 0871 2221049. 51:29.832 --> 51:33.395 We'll take the first five callers, best of five wins. 51:33.595 --> 51:42.923 Everyone who gets put on air for this Ditty's in the Dock segment will go and see Keen tomorrow night and get a free Keen album, which is a big deal. 51:57.608 --> 52:00.650 Adam and Joel on XFM, London's 104.9. 52:00.910 --> 52:03.151 It is the payoff now to Ditty's in the Dock. 52:03.532 --> 52:06.333 Oh, I should say that was Graham Coxon with Bittersweet Bundle of Misery. 52:06.373 --> 52:07.974 Very, very good song indeed. 52:07.994 --> 52:10.856 And... You know, to be honest, I don't think I stand a chance. 52:10.896 --> 52:13.918 I've never done a worse pitch for a song. 52:14.298 --> 52:17.620 I've never actually got the name of the song wrong three times before. 52:17.980 --> 52:19.561 You want to remind people what you voted for? 52:20.021 --> 52:20.962 Or what you were pitching? 52:20.982 --> 52:23.243 I was pitching Da Da Da by Trio. 52:23.283 --> 52:23.744 There you go. 52:24.324 --> 52:27.606 And I was pitching The Revolution Will Not Be Televised by Gil Scott-Heron. 52:27.666 --> 52:29.627 And we haven't been trusting our producer, Brian. 52:29.667 --> 52:32.809 We think he's been a little bit bent and twisting the results. 52:32.969 --> 52:37.171 So this week I pressed my ear to the receiver, I listened to every single call and I watched him write it down. 52:37.531 --> 52:40.313 And it was a very, very close battle, despite my appalling pitching. 52:40.333 --> 52:43.514 So, let's find out who has won, Gil Scott or Trio. 52:43.895 --> 52:45.715 Best of five will take five calls. 52:45.756 --> 52:46.336 Kate, are you there? 52:46.356 --> 52:47.176 I am, hello. 52:47.376 --> 52:48.877 Is it Gil or Trio? 52:49.017 --> 52:50.138 No, it's Da Da Da. 52:50.678 --> 52:52.319 My trio, that's one for trio. 52:52.479 --> 52:54.021 One for trio, straight from the off. 52:54.761 --> 53:00.405 And you should remember, you know, it is a good song, dah, dah, dah, covered by Justine Frishman with Alaska. 53:01.226 --> 53:02.587 Why wouldn't people know that anyway? 53:02.887 --> 53:03.427 I'm just saying. 53:03.707 --> 53:05.168 Yeah, okay. 53:05.208 --> 53:05.809 Brent, are you there? 53:05.829 --> 53:06.930 Yes, I'm here. 53:07.370 --> 53:08.511 Is it going to be Gil or trio? 53:09.031 --> 53:09.891 It's 2 for Trio. 53:10.391 --> 53:10.692 Trio? 53:10.732 --> 53:11.592 That's 2 for Trio? 53:11.612 --> 53:12.872 It's 2 for Trio, it's okay. 53:12.952 --> 53:14.833 Remember, this is Gil Scott-Heron I'm talking about. 53:15.233 --> 53:16.753 It's like a seventies classic. 53:16.793 --> 53:19.134 It's almost as if it's been sculpted in this way. 53:19.534 --> 53:20.194 Andy, are you there? 53:20.214 --> 53:21.795 I'm here, yeah. 53:21.895 --> 53:23.075 Is it gonna be Gil or Trio? 53:23.375 --> 53:25.096 I'm pointing to the genius Gil Scott-Heron. 53:25.116 --> 53:25.616 Gil Scott-Heron. 53:25.636 --> 53:26.716 There we go, finally. 53:26.776 --> 53:27.296 Some sense. 53:27.336 --> 53:28.917 This is like Connect 4, isn't it? 53:29.577 --> 53:30.757 You know, you can sort of predict. 53:31.378 --> 53:32.058 Anyway, keep going. 53:32.078 --> 53:32.718 Helen, are you there? 53:33.138 --> 53:34.879 Of course it has to be Gil. 53:35.320 --> 53:35.960 There you go. 53:35.980 --> 53:36.861 It's one-all, thank you Helen. 53:36.881 --> 53:37.641 Thanks for your call Helen. 53:38.161 --> 53:39.642 OK, the decider is Phil. 53:39.722 --> 53:46.247 It's as if you put your piece in... I put my first piece in the middle and then... I'm trying to continue with your Connect 4 analogy. 53:46.907 --> 53:47.648 Oh, it's exciting. 53:47.688 --> 53:49.349 Is it going to be Gil, Scott Heron or Trio? 53:49.389 --> 53:50.169 Here's the last caller. 53:50.289 --> 53:52.050 The deciding vote goes to Phil. 53:52.070 --> 53:52.551 Phil, you there? 53:53.111 --> 53:53.331 Yep. 53:53.671 --> 53:53.992 Hello Phil. 53:54.012 --> 53:54.652 Gil, Scott Heron. 53:55.172 --> 53:55.693 Oh, Phil! 53:55.753 --> 53:57.394 Thanks very much indeed, Phil. 53:57.414 --> 53:58.715 That's a vote for sense. 54:00.336 --> 54:02.217 Thanks very much indeed for joining us this week. 54:03.118 --> 54:07.161 We'll see you next week. 54:07.401 --> 54:08.402 Bye. 54:09.262 --> 54:13.485 You will not be able to stay home, brother. 54:14.366 --> 54:18.308 You will not be able to plug in, turn on, and pop out. 54:18.448 --> 54:25.053 You will not be able to lose yourself on Skag and skip out from here during commercials because the revolution will not be televised. 54:28.527 --> 54:29.668 The revolution will not be televised. 54:30.028 --> 54:34.151 The revolution will not be brought to you by Xerox and four bars without commercial interruptions. 54:34.852 --> 54:40.576 The revolution will not show you pictures of mixtures blowing up your eyes by John Mitchell, Philo Abrams, and Spyro Agnew. 54:40.956 --> 54:45.739 To eat hard bars confiscated from the Harlem sanctuary, the revolution will not be televised. 54:47.761 --> 54:54.626 The revolution will not be brought to you by the shape of a war theater, and will not star Natalie Woods and Steve McQueen, or Paul Winkle and Julia. 54:58.448 --> 55:00.510 The revolution will not give you a brown sex appeal. 55:00.850 --> 55:02.751 The revolution will not get rid of the nub. 55:03.132 --> 55:07.996 The revolution will not make you look five pounds thinner because the revolution will not be televised, mother. 55:08.016 --> 55:16.983 There will be no pictures of you and Willie Mays pushing that shopping cart down the block on the dead run, or trying to fly that color TV into a stolen ambulance. 55:17.663 --> 55:21.986 NBC will not be able to predict the winner at age 32 or point from 29 years old. 55:22.006 --> 55:23.768 The revolution will not be televised. 55:26.469 --> 55:29.711 There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down bubbles on the instant replay. 55:29.892 --> 55:32.814 There will be no pictures of pigs shooting down bubbles on the instant replay. 55:33.074 --> 55:36.896 There will be no pictures of Wookiee Young being run out of Harlem on the rail with a brand new process. 55:36.916 --> 55:45.983 There will be no slow motion or still life of Roy Wilkins strolling through Watts in a red, black, and green liberation jumpsuit that he has been saving for just the proper location. 55:48.280 --> 55:59.693 Green Lakers, Beverly Hillbillies, and who knows no person, will no longer be so damn relevant, and women will not care if they finally got down the drain on sex for tomorrow, because black people will be in the street looking for a brighter day. 55:59.853 --> 56:01.615 The revolution will not be televised. 56:03.757 --> 56:09.464 There will be no highlights on the 11 o'clock news and the woman liberationists, and Dr. Olaf is blowing her nose. 56:11.943 --> 56:12.945 The revolution will not 56:30.444 --> 56:34.367 The revolution will not be televised The revolution will not be televised