WEBVTT 00:16.465 --> 00:17.246 Susie and the Badges. 00:18.987 --> 00:20.188 Hey, how you doing, listeners? 00:20.408 --> 00:21.569 Adam Buxton here. 00:22.110 --> 00:23.071 Hello, this is Joe Cornish. 00:23.111 --> 00:25.973 Is that it for your for your Susie sign off? 00:26.654 --> 00:27.094 Yeah. 00:27.314 --> 00:29.336 It was quite surreal and abrupt and staccato. 00:29.756 --> 00:29.976 Sure. 00:30.197 --> 00:33.259 I decided to say the first part of it off mic. 00:33.700 --> 00:34.020 Wow. 00:34.220 --> 00:34.861 This is a new thing. 00:34.881 --> 00:35.761 Yeah, I'm mixing it all up. 00:35.821 --> 00:38.143 I'm inventing a new kind of radio. 00:38.303 --> 00:40.705 We're seconds in and you're off the chart. 00:41.026 --> 00:41.646 What's he doing? 00:41.806 --> 00:42.507 He's out of control. 00:45.210 --> 00:48.079 He's moved away from his mic and he's making peculiar bird noises. 00:48.119 --> 00:49.322 I'M DOING THE SHOW FROM HERE! 00:49.946 --> 00:52.467 We're going to get another Sony Gold for this. 00:53.007 --> 00:56.167 For Adam Buxton's incredible off-mic avant-garde radio show. 00:56.287 --> 00:57.068 Good morning, listeners. 00:57.288 --> 00:58.128 Happy Saturday morning. 00:58.168 --> 01:00.648 This is Adam and Joe here with you on BBC6 Music. 01:01.108 --> 01:05.709 All the way until 1 o'clock in the afternoon, we'll be pushing through the noon barrier. 01:06.010 --> 01:08.250 And we've got loads of exciting things coming up for you. 01:08.270 --> 01:10.931 We're going to have some traveler's tales, some made-up jokes. 01:10.951 --> 01:14.011 We'll have the results of the extraordinary Royal Wedding Song Wars. 01:14.031 --> 01:15.792 We're going to have some great music. 01:16.332 --> 01:17.012 What else have we got? 01:17.472 --> 01:20.633 Well, we're going to stand the squadron to attention before any of that. 01:20.693 --> 01:21.513 Should we do that right now? 01:22.053 --> 01:23.073 Let's do it right now. 01:23.093 --> 01:27.694 Black Squadron! 01:27.714 --> 01:29.995 Always catch the beginning of the show. 01:30.455 --> 01:32.575 Black Squadron don't want to miss a thing. 01:32.835 --> 01:35.196 That's not the way Black Squadron rolls. 01:35.236 --> 01:38.556 Black Squadron! 01:38.596 --> 01:40.857 Went to bed at a reasonable hour. 01:41.277 --> 01:43.797 Gotta be sharp on Saturday morning. 01:44.057 --> 01:46.698 That's the secret of the squadron's power. 01:50.004 --> 01:54.347 If you're a new listener to the show, if you've never heard this program before, then welcome. 01:54.627 --> 01:57.349 You are by default a member of Black Squadron. 01:57.389 --> 01:58.150 That's right though, isn't it? 01:58.310 --> 01:58.831 That's correct. 01:58.891 --> 02:06.036 Anybody who listens live in the first hour of the show automatically becomes dragooned into Black Squadron. 02:06.556 --> 02:07.497 Can you be dragooned? 02:07.837 --> 02:08.218 I don't know. 02:08.278 --> 02:12.981 Yeah, sure you can by Johnny Depp or someone like that. 02:13.322 --> 02:13.502 Right. 02:14.182 --> 02:17.323 So, and of course, Black Squadron are the elite listening force. 02:17.363 --> 02:22.004 They're a shadowy group of covert agents spread across this planet. 02:22.204 --> 02:22.964 They're not planets. 02:22.984 --> 02:24.244 You know what binds them together? 02:24.444 --> 02:25.405 They're not wasters. 02:26.845 --> 02:35.767 The wasters were out there last night, Friday night, talking mumbo, jumbo, having too much to, getting absolutely tooty. 02:36.468 --> 02:53.330 and probably went to bed way after midnight still asleep probably still lazily waiting for the podcast or listen again not black squadron no they're not like digiforce they're a bunch of wasters hey hey they're not gonna hear it oh they're not gonna hear it because of course none of this goes in the podcast 02:53.930 --> 02:56.312 We'll cut the Digiforce insults out of the podcast. 02:57.052 --> 02:58.093 That's a brilliant scheme. 02:58.914 --> 03:01.015 So listen, we're going to issue you a command, Black Squadron. 03:01.035 --> 03:09.060 You have to grab hold of your cameras, or your cell phones with cameras in them, and text a photo of you executing this command to 64046. 03:10.481 --> 03:15.165 Alternatively, you can email it to adamandjoe.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk. 03:15.505 --> 03:23.250 All submissions may well be put on our blog, so don't send us a photo that you wouldn't want posted on the BBC Adam and Joe blog. 03:23.530 --> 03:38.051 they may well be put on the blog and maybe one day they'll turn up as a really cheap cash-in kind of book that turns up next to the counter and in like a music shop actually that's not true because music shops won't exist anymore will they no shops won't exist shops won't exist the world won't exist 03:39.352 --> 03:40.013 It's a cheery thought. 03:40.033 --> 03:41.213 Thanks very much. 03:41.973 --> 03:48.596 So yeah, in a second, we're going to fire off a bit of music by Johnny, a track called You Was Me out on Monday, May the ninth. 03:49.236 --> 03:51.317 But actually, no, look at this more fun facts. 03:51.657 --> 03:52.317 I didn't know this. 03:52.638 --> 03:58.040 Johnny, are you Yuros Childs from Gorky's Zygotic Monkey and Norman Blake from Teenage Fan Club. 03:58.080 --> 03:58.720 How exciting. 03:58.740 --> 03:59.901 I'm looking forward to hearing that. 04:00.181 --> 04:07.684 So we're going to be firing that off in just a few moments after Commander Torpedo Commander Cornish gives you the command. 04:07.984 --> 04:08.424 I'm filling. 04:08.604 --> 04:09.785 Can you hear it when I start filling? 04:10.805 --> 04:13.787 That's when I just start talking pure nonsense. 04:14.027 --> 04:14.647 It's still happening. 04:15.528 --> 04:16.528 The filling is still happening. 04:16.548 --> 04:18.249 Because I'm trying to figure out this Black Squadron command. 04:18.589 --> 04:21.511 Now listen, Black Squadron, last week we gave you quite an edgy command. 04:21.751 --> 04:22.511 What was it last week? 04:22.531 --> 04:22.971 Surgery. 04:23.312 --> 04:24.012 It's quite edgy. 04:24.152 --> 04:27.974 Personally, IJ Korns regretted it quite quickly. 04:28.134 --> 04:30.777 Well, there was a lot of photos of people brandishing knives. 04:31.377 --> 04:32.678 It made me very uncomfortable. 04:33.119 --> 04:34.140 I found it unsettling. 04:34.600 --> 04:36.462 And is the gallery a little smaller than usual? 04:36.942 --> 04:40.626 Just because some of the photos were quite medically frightening. 04:40.706 --> 04:41.927 They were removed for health and safety. 04:41.947 --> 04:44.369 We have a lot of professional surgeons who listen. 04:44.930 --> 04:47.732 So as a result, I mean, our listenership is mostly surgeons. 04:48.573 --> 04:49.654 Many of them are untrained. 04:50.535 --> 04:53.676 But all our listeners are very enthusiastic about surgery. 04:53.717 --> 04:55.537 Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense, nonsense! 04:55.857 --> 04:56.858 Hey, we can't get to that yet. 04:57.698 --> 04:59.079 What, you're saying they're all trained surgeons? 05:00.219 --> 05:01.600 So we're going for something a little softer. 05:01.700 --> 05:05.902 And remember, Black Squadron, you can interpret this command in any way you want. 05:05.942 --> 05:08.343 You can be creative or whatever. 05:08.743 --> 05:11.185 And the key is to get your photo in as quickly as possible. 05:11.465 --> 05:13.085 This is quite a verbose command, Black Squadron. 05:13.125 --> 05:13.586 Are you ready? 05:14.046 --> 05:14.766 Is everybody ready? 05:14.986 --> 05:16.007 Is everybody ready? 05:16.227 --> 05:16.327 Yes. 05:17.950 --> 05:19.891 Okay, here we go, Black Squadron, here is your command. 05:20.391 --> 05:22.172 Incredibly nice, warm, comfy and cozy. 05:24.934 --> 05:26.054 Mmm, enjoyable. 05:26.334 --> 05:29.116 That was Johnny, you was me, out on Monday. 05:29.136 --> 05:33.178 Erm, Eros Childs from Gorky, Zygotic Monkey and Norman Blake there. 05:33.298 --> 05:35.199 Very keen to hear more of that. 05:35.219 --> 05:37.520 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC6 Music. 05:37.540 --> 05:39.981 That's quite a good DJ link there, didn't you think? 05:40.021 --> 05:40.921 Yeah, it was well said. 05:40.962 --> 05:42.983 You kind of, it flowed from the previous sentence. 05:43.003 --> 05:45.124 And you kind of did this on it and a little vocal peak. 05:45.184 --> 05:45.644 More of that! 05:46.344 --> 05:50.667 Yeah, forceful, crunch and roll, compulsive rolling. 05:50.707 --> 05:51.128 Thank you very much. 05:51.148 --> 05:52.048 You're very good. 05:52.309 --> 05:53.429 Very, very good. 05:53.449 --> 05:53.890 Yeah. 05:53.950 --> 05:54.790 Well started well. 05:55.011 --> 05:55.491 Very good. 05:55.671 --> 05:58.793 First link of the show was amazing and carried on. 05:59.174 --> 05:59.694 Hello and welcome. 06:00.054 --> 06:01.996 Hello and welcome to Back Row on Radio 4. 06:03.116 --> 06:05.098 Hello and welcome to Back Row on Radio 4. 06:05.563 --> 06:08.966 Your voice is so well moderated, is that the word? 06:09.467 --> 06:09.667 Yes. 06:09.967 --> 06:19.016 So, Black Squadron, your command was incredibly nice, warm, cuddly and cosy, and I thought I would get a lot of incredibly nice, warm, cuddly and cosy pictures of everybody in bed. 06:19.096 --> 06:21.919 Joe was saying while we were playing that record, I wanted to see people in bed. 06:22.479 --> 06:26.782 I wanted to see them all like super wrapped up in a duvet because that's where I want to be right now. 06:27.523 --> 06:31.666 So I envy them and I want to see them all incredibly warm, cuddly and cozy. 06:31.766 --> 06:31.846 Yeah. 06:31.866 --> 06:32.446 And what have you got? 06:32.867 --> 06:36.109 We've got three photos so far or that's what I've been given. 06:36.149 --> 06:41.393 We have a very nice anonymous couple, a man who looks a little bit like a better looking Toby young. 06:41.533 --> 06:41.973 That's right. 06:42.013 --> 06:46.797 He does with his wife who's, we can only see the top of her head even better looking Toby. 06:46.877 --> 06:47.177 Yes. 06:47.657 --> 06:49.919 Hard though it may be to believe such a thing. 06:50.419 --> 06:54.341 They're wrapped up in what looks like a beautifully hand crocheted rug of some sort. 06:54.501 --> 06:55.541 They're nice. 06:55.761 --> 06:57.722 Does it look incredibly nice, warm, cuddly and cosy? 06:57.742 --> 06:57.922 It does. 06:57.962 --> 06:58.943 And they've both got glasses. 06:58.983 --> 07:00.043 They both look intelligent. 07:01.264 --> 07:01.504 Yeah. 07:02.584 --> 07:05.446 Is that good enough as an answer? 07:05.526 --> 07:09.027 Joe was making a little note there. 07:09.087 --> 07:10.068 Lots more have come in now. 07:10.108 --> 07:10.728 Things have changed. 07:10.768 --> 07:13.669 There was obviously some sort of blockage in the pipes. 07:13.969 --> 07:14.250 Right. 07:14.410 --> 07:16.210 But whatever it is, it's been pushed through. 07:16.230 --> 07:16.931 It's been expulsed. 07:17.991 --> 07:20.433 So listeners, last week I was talking- That's the sound of it being pushed through. 07:21.113 --> 07:23.075 And what's the sound of us busting through the noon barrier? 07:23.175 --> 07:24.015 Oh, we'll hear that at noon. 07:24.195 --> 07:24.796 Okay, alright then. 07:25.216 --> 07:33.361 Last week on the show I was talking about the fact that I was attending Joe's premiere of his film Attack the Block this Wednesday and I was worried about what I was going to wear. 07:33.481 --> 07:34.262 You looked amazing! 07:34.702 --> 07:39.164 Thanks very much in the end, and thank you very much indeed to everybody who sent in their sketches. 07:39.184 --> 07:41.405 There were some very nice sketches of things I should wear. 07:41.626 --> 07:43.787 Yeah, design outfits, fashion sketches. 07:43.847 --> 07:53.732 Someone sketched a large block-shaped outfit that I should wear, so I would be wearing essentially a big material, you know, like a block. 07:54.052 --> 07:55.412 Did anyone sketch you in the nude? 07:56.133 --> 07:56.673 No! 07:56.733 --> 07:59.855 I'd be interested to see some people's sketches of you in the nude. 07:59.955 --> 08:02.156 I'd be interested to know what they think you're mysterious. 08:04.810 --> 08:07.193 Your areas are like... This is a fun thing we used to do, wasn't it? 08:07.213 --> 08:09.376 I remember one holiday, do you remember that? 08:09.396 --> 08:11.599 When we were sat waiting for a ferry in Patras. 08:11.819 --> 08:13.682 Some of them could be... Sketching each other in the new. 08:14.203 --> 08:14.523 Really? 08:14.583 --> 08:17.026 We weren't naked though, we weren't posing for each other naked. 08:17.086 --> 08:18.068 We were speculating. 08:20.914 --> 08:23.695 They needn't necessarily be fully revealing. 08:23.735 --> 08:29.516 They could be sort of Beryl Cook-style, bawdy, bawdy seaside postcard pictures. 08:29.676 --> 08:30.496 I'm remembering the sketches. 08:30.516 --> 08:33.717 I think that would be funny, because I think your buttocks are quite unusual. 08:34.317 --> 08:36.318 I don't know, I think it's a secret you hold from me. 08:36.478 --> 08:45.180 They're unusually impressive, certainly, because the rest of me is a little out of shape, but when you get to the buttocks you think, what the heck, they're in amazing condition! 08:45.880 --> 08:47.702 The secret weapon. 08:47.762 --> 08:48.102 Really? 08:48.242 --> 08:49.443 Wow, you've been working out. 08:49.503 --> 08:50.564 Well, because I'm a cyclist. 08:50.744 --> 08:51.625 I cycle everywhere. 08:52.005 --> 08:54.567 So they are just extraordinary. 08:54.947 --> 08:56.508 Anyway, not enough people get to see them. 08:56.868 --> 09:04.594 But in the end, what I did was I went for the suit that I got married in, my morning suit, tails, the waistcoat, the whole nine yards. 09:04.614 --> 09:08.017 I mean, I put it in my saddle bag on the bike, so it got a little creased. 09:08.037 --> 09:13.160 Did you at any point have a crisis of confidence as you came down the red carpet towards the photographers? 09:13.200 --> 09:14.722 Did you at any point think, 09:16.063 --> 09:17.785 Is this the right sartorial choice? 09:18.086 --> 09:20.949 Well I did, I had a crisis of confidence earlier than that though. 09:21.089 --> 09:28.619 I strode out of the house, it was a beautiful evening on Wednesday, and I was all excited, got myself dressed up, you know, haven't been out for a long time. 09:30.561 --> 09:53.167 I had my jacket over my shoulder then I was striding down the street going to get a taxi another luxury you know I don't normally get taxis and I was about to hail a taxi and I had my shades on as well I thought I thought I'm probably looking young and quite cool and you know this is exciting and I was striding along then someone yelled from across the street excuse me 09:53.968 --> 09:59.575 And I thought, hmm, probably panhandlers after one of my tuppences. 09:59.936 --> 10:01.298 But they're not going to get it. 10:01.438 --> 10:03.981 I haven't got time to deal with panhandlers right now. 10:04.021 --> 10:05.503 I'm sorry I'm not in a charity mood. 10:05.523 --> 10:07.085 I've got things to do and taxis to get. 10:07.506 --> 10:10.690 So I strode on, and when I got in the taxi, 10:11.631 --> 10:25.692 Finally I glanced down and realized that my very long flies on my special suit trousers were absolutely undone, as undone as they possibly could be, and I was absolutely agape in every conceivable way. 10:27.955 --> 10:29.357 probably the guy across the street. 10:29.457 --> 10:33.141 In every conceivable way, because I'm conceiving some ways. 10:33.181 --> 10:34.402 Well, you would be right. 10:34.663 --> 10:35.203 Go further. 10:35.844 --> 10:35.984 Oh. 10:36.144 --> 10:37.045 Yeah, you'd be right. 10:37.286 --> 10:39.148 I mean, it's amazing that I didn't feel the breeze. 10:39.328 --> 10:40.069 Do you know what I'm saying? 10:40.469 --> 10:44.253 And this guy was obviously trying to help me out from across the street. 10:44.313 --> 10:44.974 No, really? 10:44.994 --> 10:46.916 You could tell, like, that guy's in trouble! 10:48.416 --> 10:49.797 I don't know where he's going. 10:49.817 --> 10:54.358 I don't know if it's a wedding or the premiere of Attack the Block, but he's in trouble. 10:54.378 --> 10:57.619 Anyway, luckily I noticed when I got in the taxi. 10:57.639 --> 10:58.179 Good move. 10:58.219 --> 11:01.140 So my confidence was shaken by the time I got to the gauntlet. 11:01.160 --> 11:12.644 Some pairs of trousers, I think people who live in trouser factories, occasionally they sort of make the zip so that they will just fall open as something to get their day to go faster. 11:13.145 --> 11:14.105 What's the word they sort of 11:14.685 --> 11:15.906 Loosen the zip. 11:15.946 --> 11:16.146 Yeah. 11:16.226 --> 11:17.526 And secretly chuckle to themselves. 11:17.826 --> 11:18.066 Right. 11:18.246 --> 11:19.547 Grease the teeth or something. 11:19.567 --> 11:22.828 Because I've got a couple of pairs of trousers where, you know, gravity just pulls the zip down. 11:22.848 --> 11:23.588 They just slide right down. 11:23.608 --> 11:24.389 They just slide right down. 11:24.609 --> 11:26.490 And especially it's a low grade type of zip. 11:26.690 --> 11:26.910 Yeah. 11:27.090 --> 11:28.570 Maybe it's a Lou grade type of zip. 11:28.610 --> 11:29.771 Maybe they're made by Lou grade. 11:29.791 --> 11:31.071 Yeah, that's the kind of thing he's into. 11:31.091 --> 11:32.392 He's finished raising the Titanic. 11:33.712 --> 11:34.873 And now he's lowering the zip. 11:37.154 --> 11:40.035 Better have a record. 11:40.135 --> 11:42.016 Yeah, OK, here's a free play for you listeners. 11:42.176 --> 11:43.096 Where's the free play? 11:43.456 --> 11:44.096 I don't know. 11:44.657 --> 11:48.298 It's just like, it's just a fun, fun, a fun play, a fun record. 11:48.318 --> 11:51.819 It's a fun deviation from the excellent playlist thrown together by our producer, James. 11:51.839 --> 11:52.460 This looks good. 11:52.480 --> 11:54.480 This looks like a sophisticated film based choice. 11:55.081 --> 12:00.643 I noticed last week I wanted to play Bernard Herrmann's taxi driver theme, but we didn't get time to do it, did we? 12:01.383 --> 12:02.163 We might play it today. 12:02.183 --> 12:02.643 Play it today! 12:02.663 --> 12:03.464 That's exciting. 12:03.724 --> 12:06.545 Well, it'll be a nice little themed thing in a way then, won't it? 12:06.585 --> 12:10.006 Because I have Anton Karas, Damien's dad. 12:10.806 --> 12:11.146 Really? 12:11.206 --> 12:11.566 No, he's not. 12:11.827 --> 12:14.507 But he's a, a, a zither, the zithermeister. 12:15.768 --> 12:21.990 And so he was spotted by, I think, the producer of The Third Man, the Orson Welles film. 12:22.910 --> 12:25.211 And he was asked to compose a theme for it. 12:25.231 --> 12:26.311 And this is what he came up with. 12:26.351 --> 12:27.932 One of the best- He said, alright then, 12:28.012 --> 12:30.413 And was this not recorded under a table or something strange? 12:30.673 --> 12:31.353 Oh, I don't know about that. 12:31.373 --> 12:33.314 I think it's under the table in his kitchen or something. 12:33.374 --> 12:35.114 I saw a making of documentary once. 12:35.234 --> 12:35.595 Maybe. 12:35.615 --> 12:37.255 1949 from the Third Man soundtrack. 12:37.275 --> 12:39.796 Yeah, it's got an amazing acoustic, the zither plane. 12:39.816 --> 12:44.278 Yeah, it's lovely and old and constantly delightful. 12:44.578 --> 12:47.979 This is the Harry Lime theme. 12:48.619 --> 12:51.060 I mean, do you feel happy when people speed things up? 12:51.943 --> 12:52.524 In a record? 12:52.564 --> 12:58.669 Yeah, when they do like a speedy version, like when they did the Fat Boy Norman Ricks remix of Brimful of Ash. 12:58.689 --> 13:00.591 Oh, when they sample something and speed it up. 13:00.711 --> 13:02.092 Is that what you mean? 13:02.212 --> 13:04.034 Yeah, I mean, well, that's Gorillaz, right? 13:04.194 --> 13:05.074 With Clint Eastwood. 13:05.134 --> 13:06.135 And that's the speedy version. 13:06.356 --> 13:07.977 Originally, it was... Oh, right. 13:08.577 --> 13:15.481 Well, every year the young population of the country lose another sort of minute of attention. 13:15.761 --> 13:16.882 Do you know what I mean? 13:16.902 --> 13:18.243 Abilities to sustain attention. 13:18.283 --> 13:25.347 So actually every year everything is speeded up a tiny bit just to get the younger generation, keep them interested. 13:25.607 --> 13:28.448 Yeah, what's the slowest thing around these days? 13:28.809 --> 13:30.369 The slowest thing? 13:30.530 --> 13:32.070 Well, they're slow food, isn't they? 13:32.191 --> 13:33.431 They don't even have slow food. 13:33.491 --> 13:36.393 I mean, there's no maybe slow worms. 13:36.764 --> 13:38.365 I had a friend who had an injured leg. 13:38.846 --> 13:39.186 Did you? 13:39.266 --> 13:44.510 And she could only walk incredibly slowly and like really, really slowly, tiny paces. 13:45.170 --> 13:48.172 And it was really quite lovely walking around with her. 13:48.493 --> 13:48.893 Sure. 13:48.913 --> 13:51.995 Cause you just walk extraordinarily slowly. 13:52.175 --> 13:53.596 Look at the world in a new way. 13:53.636 --> 13:54.557 It was really cool. 13:54.637 --> 13:58.200 I mean, it's the kind of thing other people probably don't understand. 13:58.600 --> 13:58.920 Wow. 13:59.000 --> 14:00.982 Look at the bark on the tree. 14:01.022 --> 14:01.462 Exactly. 14:01.702 --> 14:02.323 That kind of thing. 14:02.563 --> 14:04.664 Hey, Black Squadron command has been issued. 14:04.684 --> 14:07.765 We're about to stand down the squadron, but we've got some fantastic responses. 14:07.805 --> 14:10.506 Thank you very much for everybody who sent a photo. 14:11.266 --> 14:18.668 Here is a picture of a little boy, and the message says, my nephew Fred, he's called Fred, in the cow feeder. 14:19.088 --> 14:19.488 Cozy. 14:19.528 --> 14:21.469 And this little boy is up to his neck in straw. 14:21.729 --> 14:24.190 In straw and rat feces. 14:25.791 --> 14:27.632 Would you say he's incredibly nice, warm and cosy? 14:27.832 --> 14:29.713 I don't know, maybe in an emergency situation. 14:29.733 --> 14:31.174 He looks happy, he looks at Fred's face. 14:31.194 --> 14:33.876 He does, he looks like he's a sweet little urchin chap with his face poking out. 14:33.896 --> 14:36.478 He's a beautiful little boy, doing a little happy smile. 14:36.598 --> 14:39.360 Personally I don't think that's the best place for children in the straw pile. 14:39.540 --> 14:39.780 I don't know. 14:40.180 --> 14:43.541 Sam, Percy and Yogi are three men. 14:43.741 --> 14:46.742 They're three men's men and they are in bed together. 14:47.122 --> 14:48.743 They're covered in a lovely duvet. 14:48.923 --> 14:49.643 Very cool. 14:49.863 --> 14:52.604 One of them is having a can of what looks like perhaps a beer. 14:53.684 --> 14:55.025 Yeah, a breakfast. 14:56.025 --> 14:58.026 Oh yes, because look at what's on their wall behind them. 14:58.986 --> 14:59.966 Oh wow. 15:00.026 --> 15:02.807 They live in a house made of old beer cans. 15:03.127 --> 15:03.788 They're students. 15:04.128 --> 15:04.728 They're students. 15:04.988 --> 15:07.249 I used to like people who did things like that, like decorate a whole room. 15:07.269 --> 15:07.929 But that's very nice. 15:08.249 --> 15:10.890 And I tell you what I'm particularly impressed by is people's bedding. 15:11.250 --> 15:15.171 And people seem to have a lot of cushions on their beds. 15:15.232 --> 15:18.253 That's a modern thing, isn't it, to make your bed look a bit like a hotel room? 15:18.373 --> 15:18.853 Cuscians. 15:18.913 --> 15:19.993 Lots of scatter cushions. 15:20.013 --> 15:20.633 I don't like cushions. 15:20.653 --> 15:21.494 Coloured rugs, don't you? 15:21.514 --> 15:22.434 What do you have on your bed? 15:22.814 --> 15:49.018 as little as possible duvet my four pillows our bed is divided into two halves very strictly delineated with a brick wall in between if i had my way yes barbed wire but at night time i like things cool i'm a hot man so i like to sleep with very little i'm covering me i certainly don't wear any pjs whereas your wife whereas my wife is a cold woman 15:49.218 --> 15:51.819 And she likes to be covered up with as much as possible. 15:51.959 --> 15:53.299 So that sounds conflicted. 15:53.319 --> 15:59.100 So she's wearing like a fur coat and then on top of that she piles an extra half width duvet. 15:59.140 --> 16:00.541 Does she really wear a fur coat? 16:00.561 --> 16:01.661 No, but she wears a lot of PJs. 16:02.341 --> 16:07.842 And then on top of that she'll wear like, she will have a half width duvet piled on top of that. 16:08.062 --> 16:08.342 No. 16:08.782 --> 16:10.063 And then the double width duvet on top of that. 16:10.083 --> 16:13.484 Sometimes she'll get a blanket, fold that in half, put that on top of the duvet. 16:13.504 --> 16:13.764 Calm down. 16:16.205 --> 16:18.487 It's unbelievable, I'm telling you. 16:18.527 --> 16:20.168 Calm the hecking heck down. 16:20.188 --> 16:21.530 It's like the Berlin war. 16:21.570 --> 16:27.916 Listen, rewind a lot of information because everybody's trying to picture you and your good lady wife at home in bed. 16:27.956 --> 16:31.879 Having earlier tried to picture you in the nude, we are now trying to picture you in bed. 16:32.500 --> 16:32.800 And so... 16:33.621 --> 16:34.201 does she have her 17:04.102 --> 17:12.471 no pillows that's where I draw the line no pillows you sleep sorry I got one very squishy I got one very squishy thin one 17:15.273 --> 17:17.254 My wife likes the larger plumper ones. 17:17.314 --> 17:18.235 She's happy with two or three. 17:18.295 --> 17:18.415 Really? 17:18.435 --> 17:19.175 You're very different. 17:19.596 --> 17:20.376 We are very different. 17:20.396 --> 17:21.016 It'll never work. 17:21.437 --> 17:22.117 Opposites attract. 17:22.297 --> 17:23.698 When they met, it was murder. 17:24.618 --> 17:28.641 Uh, ladies and gentlemen, you're listening to the Adam and Joe radio program here on BBC 6 Music. 17:29.341 --> 17:31.983 I think it's the finest digital radio station in the world. 17:32.003 --> 17:32.843 That's only my opinion. 17:32.903 --> 17:33.023 It's 10.30. 17:33.284 --> 17:33.944 Here's the news. 17:37.865 --> 17:39.888 Stand down, your work is done. 17:39.908 --> 17:45.375 You've earned yourself a nice warm bath and maybe a nice little bargain. 17:55.439 --> 18:02.505 I used to feel acute frustration cause I couldn't join in with text the nation. 18:02.525 --> 18:03.326 That's what I was thinking. 18:03.706 --> 18:06.008 New order with true faith there. 18:06.028 --> 18:08.130 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC six music. 18:08.170 --> 18:09.211 Very nice to have you aboard. 18:09.531 --> 18:09.671 Sorry. 18:09.711 --> 18:10.512 I was disrespectful. 18:10.572 --> 18:10.852 Wasn't it? 18:10.972 --> 18:11.413 New order. 18:11.573 --> 18:13.274 Obviously they are no disrespect. 18:13.294 --> 18:16.137 Don't want to have a fight with you, Bernie or any of the other guys. 18:16.757 --> 18:29.441 Um, so listen, earlier on, we were talking about, um, go to Joe's premiere, we got into a thing, we made a hilarious comment about Lou Grade and flies and stuff like that, but then afterwards I realised that I hadn't, like, delivered the punchline right. 18:29.461 --> 18:36.443 Do you ever get that when you say something that you think is nominally amusing in some way but then you think, ugh, I could have said it so much better! 18:36.803 --> 18:37.983 I wish I could go back and fix it! 18:38.343 --> 18:39.864 So what did you say the first time round? 18:39.884 --> 18:40.884 I mean, it wasn't that funny, but... 18:41.804 --> 18:55.300 it was you were talking about who grade and raise the Titanic yeah and then and we were talking about the fact that my flies run down so I said and now it's lower and now it's lower the flies I should have said and now it's lower the fly tannic 18:56.791 --> 18:57.972 Yeah, so what we're gonna. 18:58.052 --> 19:21.612 Do is we're gonna fix it in the podcast That's the wonderful thing that we can do because we have this live show But then we also have a podcast and James our wonderful producer chops it around and makes it sound nicer So we're gonna it's gonna make all the difference sure it is gonna It's gonna people are gonna laugh very very powerfully and authoritatively when they hear that improved joke and now we've that's enough We've done it right now haven't we because you've got me saying it and you can just chop it in this magic magic 19:22.212 --> 19:23.353 It's a tissue of lies! 19:24.254 --> 19:26.196 Now, you've got something there, Joe, in your sweaty hands. 19:26.256 --> 19:26.756 I have indeed. 19:26.776 --> 19:30.279 Here's an email we received from a listener called Don Wallyman. 19:30.580 --> 19:31.060 Wallyman? 19:31.541 --> 19:32.001 Dave Wallyman. 19:32.021 --> 19:32.481 Dr. Don. 19:33.042 --> 19:39.868 He says, Dear Adam and Joe, After last week's show, I was surprised at Adam's clear lack of understanding about your show's listener demographic. 19:40.588 --> 19:56.645 Joe quite rightly pointed out that what Adam was saying was nonsense now this was when you said very casually without warning during last week's show you proposed that this listener had very this radio program had very few listeners between the ages of 75 and 25 17 to 25 17 to 25 sorry my brain I'm 75 20:02.852 --> 20:04.032 And I declared that nonsense. 20:04.573 --> 20:04.953 Nonsense. 20:05.553 --> 20:06.734 I intervened instantly. 20:06.854 --> 20:07.155 You did. 20:07.195 --> 20:08.075 You were very vehement. 20:08.215 --> 20:09.676 Very vehement and strident. 20:10.157 --> 20:11.738 And because the nonsense alarm went off. 20:11.838 --> 20:12.078 Sure. 20:12.098 --> 20:13.319 Because what you had said was nonsense. 20:13.339 --> 20:14.119 I pressed the nonsense button. 20:14.139 --> 20:15.140 Let's continue with the email. 20:15.861 --> 20:20.784 Even though I'm 29, says Dr Dom, I know loads of people who listen to your show who are between 17 and 25. 20:21.164 --> 20:23.986 I mean, have you ever seen the pictures of Black Squadron? 20:24.286 --> 20:24.787 No, he hasn't. 20:24.987 --> 20:25.988 Because I do that. 20:26.688 --> 20:27.949 I sometimes pass a few over. 20:28.089 --> 20:28.489 That's true. 20:28.670 --> 20:29.530 Joe sees more than I do. 20:29.750 --> 20:38.638 To further reinforce Joe's point of view, I have catalogued the entire debacle using some funky beats with a Z. So here is what Dr. Dom has put together. 20:38.658 --> 20:39.519 This is extraordinary. 20:39.579 --> 20:40.439 Please listen closely. 20:40.740 --> 20:48.046 Because people who are aged between around 17 and 25 don't generally listen to this program. 20:48.246 --> 20:49.167 Oh, that's nonsense. 20:49.207 --> 20:49.427 Is it? 20:49.607 --> 20:51.188 Yeah, that's nonsense. 20:51.569 --> 20:54.251 That is nonsense. 20:56.993 --> 20:57.433 Nonsense! 20:57.493 --> 20:57.933 Nonsense! 20:57.993 --> 20:58.514 Nonsense! 20:58.914 --> 21:01.355 No, but the nonsense button's gone off. 21:01.395 --> 21:01.635 Nonsense! 21:01.775 --> 21:04.916 The funny Easter Bunny is back with the voice of Russell Brand. 21:05.256 --> 21:07.197 Nonsense! 21:07.257 --> 21:08.577 It's flashing. 21:08.597 --> 21:09.718 That's nonsense! 21:09.818 --> 21:14.819 If you listen to this programme at your age, 70 to 25... Hello, just wait a minute, please. 21:14.999 --> 21:15.760 Wait a minute! 21:15.800 --> 21:19.321 The fridge doesn't say that to me when I want to get something fridgey out of it. 21:19.980 --> 21:20.361 Nonsense! 21:20.401 --> 21:20.861 Nonsense! 21:20.901 --> 21:21.242 Nonsense! 21:21.322 --> 21:21.522 Nonsense! 21:21.542 --> 21:21.883 Nonsense! 21:21.963 --> 21:22.243 Nonsense! 21:36.321 --> 21:36.822 There we are. 21:36.922 --> 21:39.806 That could be a good promo for the show, couldn't it, James? 21:40.366 --> 21:44.111 Well now, what we have done is we have installed a real nonsense button. 21:44.312 --> 21:44.892 Yeah. 21:44.952 --> 21:47.235 Is that button capable of making noise? 21:47.436 --> 21:47.816 Nonsense! 21:47.856 --> 21:48.237 Nonsense! 21:48.277 --> 21:48.737 Nonsense! 21:49.058 --> 21:49.478 There we are. 21:49.498 --> 21:49.539 So... 21:51.040 --> 21:55.825 This can now be activated at any point if dr. Buckles or indeed cornballs. 21:56.025 --> 22:12.200 Yeah says something that is absurd Uh-huh, so it's gonna be going off a lot Wow get used to that noise That's also something that people I mean we're becoming like proper wacky Saturday morning DJ sure We've got more jingles than we have things to say We've got nonsense buttons 22:13.662 --> 22:14.382 Oh, dear. 22:14.983 --> 22:16.604 But that's fantastic, Doctor Dom. 22:16.945 --> 22:18.386 Thank you very much for putting that together. 22:18.406 --> 22:20.208 And I have to say... What? 22:20.488 --> 22:22.610 If we had a reverb facility, then we'd be there. 22:23.231 --> 22:24.312 We haven't got a posse, though. 22:24.892 --> 22:26.354 We don't have a posse. 22:26.374 --> 22:31.278 We should get an obsequious Black Squadron posse to laugh in an unmediated way. 22:31.298 --> 22:32.519 James laughs sometimes. 22:32.579 --> 22:34.942 He smiles at some of our dog rubbish. 22:35.943 --> 22:43.749 It should also be pointed out that we had hundreds of emails from people aged between 17 and 25 writing in to correct things. 22:45.769 --> 22:47.371 Yes, yes, yes. 22:47.451 --> 22:52.095 I know, but I get the feeling, you know, we're going to reveal the results of Song Wars later on. 22:52.215 --> 22:56.719 And I get the feeling that it's going to be a bit of a week of rubbing Dr. Buckle's face. 22:56.839 --> 22:57.619 I don't get that. 22:57.819 --> 22:59.000 I don't get that feeling at all. 22:59.101 --> 23:03.584 I think I would put money that you have absolutely won Song Wars. 23:03.604 --> 23:05.486 Yeah, well, we're going to be revealing that about 23:06.767 --> 23:12.171 In about half an hour, just after 11 o'clock, we're going to be doing retro text the nation in a second. 23:12.331 --> 23:13.132 Well, not a second. 23:13.372 --> 23:16.295 I mean, like in a minute or in a few minutes, maybe. 23:16.515 --> 23:20.538 But first, here is friend of the show, beautiful, beautiful human being. 23:20.558 --> 23:21.358 She's beautiful. 23:21.599 --> 23:25.262 And top notch, lovely, folky woman, Emmy the Great. 23:25.382 --> 23:26.202 This is Iris. 23:26.503 --> 23:27.784 Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense! 23:31.229 --> 23:51.416 she is lovely and we love her that's emi the great and the track is called iris from her new album virtue out on the 13th of june that's so far away it's such a long time to wait maybe she'll be in glastonbury this year and if we're there perhaps we can uh hook up for some uh cakes or something 23:52.361 --> 23:53.822 Adam and Joe here on BBC6Music. 23:54.023 --> 24:00.451 It's retro textination time and we are getting a lot of very nice and beautifully crafted jingles being sent in. 24:00.531 --> 24:07.821 Yeah and they're sort of fitting into a groove because last week we played an amazing sort of cover of Bowie's Space Oddity. 24:08.141 --> 24:09.161 Ashes to Ashes from Sam. 24:09.181 --> 24:10.262 Oh, Ashes to Ashes, I'm sorry. 24:10.562 --> 24:13.542 Yeah, that was so beautifully put together and such a great sounder-like. 24:13.602 --> 24:16.283 And now this week we've got another kind of Bowie-esque version. 24:16.383 --> 24:17.984 This is from a fellow called Craig. 24:18.044 --> 24:25.085 He says, here's my Bowie-esque retro Texanation jingle recorded today, a riposte to Sam's excellent Ashes to Ashes. 24:25.585 --> 24:31.207 It's a bit long, but as the retro Texanation jingle is the greatest jinglest jingle in jingledom, 24:31.647 --> 24:35.029 As Adam will agree, he puts in insulting brackets there. 24:35.529 --> 24:37.150 I didn't want to mess with it too much. 24:37.330 --> 24:37.791 Oh no! 24:37.851 --> 24:39.291 He wanted to make it much, much, much longer. 24:39.352 --> 24:42.874 Why would you want to mess with the greatest jingle in jingle-dom? 24:44.494 --> 24:48.277 Still, had to cut the first line, though, or it would have been... I love jingle-dom. 24:48.817 --> 24:49.217 How long? 24:49.237 --> 24:50.658 I actually live... I'm going there this afternoon. 24:50.898 --> 24:51.859 I live in jingle-dom. 24:51.899 --> 24:52.399 My work. 24:52.779 --> 24:53.820 Live and work in jingle-dom. 24:54.420 --> 24:55.461 Where I'm a lowly serf. 24:55.881 --> 25:00.344 Anyway, so let's fire off Craig's amazing Bowie-inspired jingle right now. 25:01.284 --> 25:09.470 I, I used to feel acute frustration, cause I couldn't 25:29.983 --> 25:30.845 Sanctions nation 26:10.296 --> 26:11.497 That is amazing, Craig. 26:11.557 --> 26:12.357 Thank you so much. 26:13.278 --> 26:15.319 That's, I mean, what a talented guy. 26:15.739 --> 26:16.039 Yeah. 26:16.159 --> 26:17.200 And a brilliant impression. 26:17.480 --> 26:18.240 But what a jingle. 26:18.300 --> 26:21.302 I mean, what a jingle to inspire that kind of devotion. 26:21.922 --> 26:22.482 It's amazing. 26:22.522 --> 26:28.866 It's just amazing how strong and important that jingle is and how powerful it is. 26:29.286 --> 26:31.388 Certainly seems to mean a lot to a lot of people. 26:31.428 --> 26:39.456 Because other people make jingles and I mean jingle after jingle after jingle and they just don't seem to catch on like that one does. 26:39.496 --> 26:40.177 It's amazing. 26:40.217 --> 26:41.558 No they don't seem to connect. 26:41.598 --> 26:42.359 Such a great jingle. 26:42.379 --> 26:42.760 Wow. 26:42.780 --> 26:44.081 In the same way all of mine. 26:44.101 --> 26:45.062 Mind blowing really. 26:45.362 --> 26:45.783 Do they? 26:46.403 --> 26:56.948 Okay, so retrotexanation is dealing with last week's texanation subject, which was body fiddles, and we were inundated with all kinds of variously interesting and revolting fiddles. 26:57.448 --> 27:00.190 We're not going to reveal too many of the really horrible ones. 27:00.210 --> 27:01.450 But these are quite fun, aren't they? 27:01.490 --> 27:05.092 These are just little body ticks that you do just to pass the time. 27:05.512 --> 27:09.134 Like yesterday, I found myself doing the double knee jiggle. 27:09.474 --> 27:10.034 Double knees! 27:10.074 --> 27:11.315 Because I was really going for it. 27:11.375 --> 27:33.123 I wasn't watching but then I realised everything was trembling around me and I realised I had both going da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da 27:33.623 --> 27:39.267 We like fiddles that you can do at home with no kind of proppage there might be one or two with some props But why don't you try these at home? 27:39.307 --> 27:40.548 Maybe you'll find a brand new fiddle. 27:40.568 --> 27:46.292 That's the one for you like as you do menu and said Hey, what? 27:47.332 --> 28:03.123 Excuse me Here's a bit of fun that I think a lot of people have with their nose Dear Adam and Joe says Alan a man from woking and sorry I have a deeply satisfying fidget that my wife finds incredibly irritating if I pull out my nasal hair of which I have copious amounts 28:03.463 --> 28:05.165 I can sometimes make myself sneeze. 28:05.706 --> 28:10.771 I find the petit mal of the sneeze both satisfying and addictive. 28:11.311 --> 28:18.579 So I keep pulling out hairs and making myself sneeze until either my wife shouts at me to stop or I bring on a nosebleed. 28:18.679 --> 28:19.500 Is that a fiddle? 28:20.120 --> 28:22.583 It doesn't feel like you can repeat that often enough. 28:22.903 --> 28:25.946 He's got a lot of nose hairs and they keep growing back. 28:26.647 --> 28:27.708 I mean, now we're going to get a doctor's sale. 28:27.728 --> 28:28.489 And he sneezes every time. 28:28.749 --> 28:29.069 Poing! 28:30.210 --> 28:35.095 If you do it in the right way, and from the right area, you can get a very nice little sneeze going there. 28:35.275 --> 28:37.117 This is something Dr. Buckles does as well. 28:37.217 --> 28:38.338 Once or twice I've done it. 28:38.418 --> 28:38.739 It's fun. 28:39.399 --> 28:43.263 I am totally addicted to doing this, says Alan, and cannot stop myself. 28:43.643 --> 28:48.968 My son also has a similar thing whereby he has completely removed all the hair from one of his eyebrows. 28:50.169 --> 28:51.110 No, that's just a problem. 28:51.310 --> 28:51.891 It is a problem. 28:52.051 --> 28:53.652 We don't know why, and we can't stop him! 28:53.792 --> 28:54.472 Love you, bye! 28:54.652 --> 28:55.593 Says Alan. 28:55.773 --> 28:57.314 That's not a fiddle, that's a problem. 28:57.334 --> 28:57.954 That's no good. 28:57.974 --> 28:59.615 You can't stop that. 28:59.675 --> 29:00.115 Don't do that. 29:00.255 --> 29:02.397 The way to stop that is just to stop doing it. 29:03.237 --> 29:04.938 Right, it's not that easy though sometimes, is it? 29:05.038 --> 29:07.759 You have to maybe pluck both of them and then just start painting your eyebrows. 29:07.779 --> 29:11.121 That's not what you want to encourage in your young son though, I don't think necessarily. 29:11.141 --> 29:14.083 Is there anything wrong with plucking your eyebrows and painting them if you're a young man? 29:14.845 --> 29:15.205 Here we go. 29:15.245 --> 29:20.246 Here's another one that comes from Rob McLeod who's a project designer in design office. 29:20.887 --> 29:34.270 I love designers This email is entitled my mate Alan Hello, Adam and Joe my mate Alan who I've known since we were children has two odd things Which he still does now and we're 28 one. 29:34.610 --> 29:38.731 He jumps up and down clapping his hands when he is excited for long periods of time 29:40.066 --> 29:41.527 How long are we talking about here? 29:41.567 --> 29:42.427 He doesn't say. 29:42.448 --> 29:43.448 Number two. 29:43.868 --> 29:49.092 If we play anything very physical that requires coordination, like basketball, he pulls a crazy face. 29:49.572 --> 29:51.253 He lifts his eyebrows as high as possible. 29:51.533 --> 29:52.194 I'm doing this now. 29:52.734 --> 29:53.675 Opens his eyes wide. 29:54.115 --> 29:55.396 Opens his mouth very wide. 29:55.936 --> 29:56.836 Exposing all his teeth. 29:57.097 --> 29:58.638 And sticks his tongue out really far. 30:00.279 --> 30:01.359 It's like a sort of Maori war face. 30:05.131 --> 30:07.113 This is what I'm imagining Alan doing. 30:07.413 --> 30:07.893 Is that his name? 30:07.953 --> 30:08.113 Yeah. 30:08.314 --> 30:08.534 Yeah. 30:08.554 --> 30:12.057 I love the show and would love it if you read this out as it would make my palette work. 30:12.097 --> 30:12.877 Think I'm brilliant. 30:13.198 --> 30:14.198 If not, fair do's. 30:14.659 --> 30:16.060 Love and regards, Rob McLeod. 30:16.440 --> 30:17.261 Is that a fiddle? 30:20.403 --> 30:21.124 Who chose these? 30:21.204 --> 30:22.365 Like Patrick and SpongeBob. 30:22.385 --> 30:23.086 They're so big. 30:24.006 --> 30:26.248 The sneezing, the nose hair plucking, the jumping up and down. 30:26.288 --> 30:27.008 They're so loud. 30:28.189 --> 30:30.491 Here's one that it's written in a kind of... Written? 30:31.071 --> 30:34.714 It's written in a sort of modern day Russell Brand style patois. 30:35.034 --> 30:35.114 Ah. 30:36.115 --> 30:37.956 Adman and Joscon. 30:38.456 --> 30:41.759 This is from Lee Hickman from Oz Squadron. 30:41.779 --> 30:43.020 He's out there in Australia, mate. 30:43.580 --> 30:47.523 He says, I wear big glasses... I'm going to read it exactly as it's written, right? 30:47.983 --> 30:50.325 I wear big glasses, pon me eye earls. 30:50.985 --> 30:54.949 They is right annoyin' and oft on come slippin' down me nose innit. 30:55.569 --> 30:59.553 Anyways right, I am like always pushin' me goggles back up with me finger. 30:59.894 --> 31:07.040 Thing is right, when me puts me contacts in, I forgets all about it and carry on pushin' up on me non-existent glasses like. 31:07.641 --> 31:10.063 I think people reckon I'm buffin' me nose or summin'. 31:10.584 --> 31:11.625 It gets me well vexed. 31:12.723 --> 31:13.684 Thanks ever so love you. 31:13.704 --> 31:19.730 Bye Lee Hinckman mail or squadron really understand any of that I just enjoyed the the noises the goggles the words. 31:19.991 --> 31:25.456 It's like an email from Dick Van Dyke Here's one from Michael clapham in Manchester. 31:25.496 --> 31:26.057 Hello chaps. 31:26.377 --> 31:32.463 This one requires patience at times of boredom and lethargy I'm prone to sticking the first inch of my tongue out and 31:32.683 --> 31:41.751 from the safety of my mouth and sealing it off with my lips so that the tip of my tongue is exposed to the harsh outside world and the remainder is left in the safety of my mouth. 31:42.992 --> 31:49.799 I try to go about two minutes without returning the little fella home which makes it really rather dry and seems to expose the taste buds. 31:50.419 --> 31:57.888 It is a strange sensation to feel part of your tongue completely added, but returning it to its oral sheath is hugely satisfying. 31:58.428 --> 32:02.753 The drying out process can be sped up by exhaling from the nostrils onto the tongue. 32:03.274 --> 32:09.942 You then achieve a kind of two-tone tongue, which feels very strange and nice when you wiggle it about before popping it back in your gob. 32:12.779 --> 32:13.159 Try it. 32:13.660 --> 32:15.481 It makes your own saliva taste yummy. 32:15.961 --> 32:16.481 Smooches. 32:16.862 --> 32:18.103 Michael Clapham from Manchester. 32:18.303 --> 32:19.483 Yeah, I got that song out. 32:19.503 --> 32:21.185 It went out for about a minute. 32:22.005 --> 32:23.386 There's another minute though, right? 32:23.606 --> 32:24.887 You've got to seal it off with your tongue. 32:25.007 --> 32:27.829 You've got to like, you know, seal it off. 32:28.829 --> 32:30.150 Yeah, I don't think it's one for us to do live. 32:30.170 --> 32:31.450 We can do it during a record and try it out. 32:31.470 --> 32:32.010 Have you got another one? 32:32.030 --> 32:32.630 Seems quite nice. 32:32.851 --> 32:33.591 This is from Lauren. 32:33.611 --> 32:34.731 She's a girl from Yorkshire. 32:35.351 --> 32:41.513 Dear Adam and Joe, I heard your show for the first time yesterday on the podcast as my boyfriend listens to your show regularly. 32:41.613 --> 32:44.574 Anyway, I thought you were... Oh, no, this is the wrong thing. 32:44.614 --> 32:45.294 I'm so sorry. 32:45.434 --> 32:46.115 Hang on a second. 32:46.135 --> 32:47.175 Do you want me to jump in here? 32:47.195 --> 32:48.816 My page numbers have come out of whack. 32:48.896 --> 32:49.796 Do you need me to jump in? 32:49.816 --> 32:50.236 No, I got it. 32:50.256 --> 32:51.476 I wanted to jump in. 32:51.636 --> 32:51.957 All good. 32:51.977 --> 32:52.757 You can jump in if you want. 32:52.777 --> 32:53.497 Don't want to anymore. 32:53.697 --> 32:55.518 This is from... 32:57.258 --> 32:58.419 I'm going to jump in. 32:58.439 --> 33:13.784 Lou from Bradford who is a girl says dear Adam and Joe while going to sleep I slip my little toe in and out of the two largest toes on the opposite foot I repeat I slip my little toe on one foot in and out of the two largest toes on the opposite foot 33:14.444 --> 33:15.365 I find it soothing. 33:15.586 --> 33:16.327 I do that, yeah. 33:16.427 --> 33:17.548 That sounds nice to me. 33:17.688 --> 33:18.349 That is nice. 33:18.690 --> 33:28.882 Here's one from Janine Shroff, and she says, I like to take a small but long strip of hair left side of head only and always the same bit of hair. 33:29.263 --> 33:30.044 I can always find it. 33:30.564 --> 33:35.128 and run my fingers down, not through it, until it's perfectly smooth and silky. 33:35.568 --> 33:44.596 Then I like to loop the strip with one hand only, then stroke the back of my left ear once, and then the back of my neck once with the smooth loop. 33:45.196 --> 33:47.998 Sometimes, after much smoothening – is that a word? 33:48.179 --> 33:58.027 Yes it is – I like to stick the strand backwards over my ear, almost to Princess Leah but more crazy, and then I make my girlfriend look at it and force her to praise me insincerely. 33:58.647 --> 34:00.249 Then I start smoothing it again. 34:00.629 --> 34:03.352 If it's not perfectly smooth, the sensation is ruined! 34:03.692 --> 34:04.093 Toodles! 34:04.313 --> 34:04.593 Janine. 34:05.154 --> 34:06.075 Thanks very much, Janine. 34:06.095 --> 34:06.956 That's a good fiddle. 34:07.456 --> 34:10.079 Thank you very much to everybody who sent in their fiddles. 34:10.399 --> 34:14.363 There'll be a new Text-A-Nation subject coming up very soon. 34:15.084 --> 34:16.385 Yeah, here's the Beastie Boys right now. 34:16.405 --> 34:17.306 Let's just make some noise! 34:22.481 --> 34:23.062 beep beep beep. 34:34.784 --> 34:37.245 The country's getting some much needed rainfall. 34:37.465 --> 34:37.965 Much needed. 34:38.025 --> 34:42.127 It's good for the farmers, they've had a very dry... It's been the hottest April since records began. 34:42.347 --> 34:47.629 Yeah, and the earth needs a little bit of moisturising, so that's nice. 34:47.829 --> 34:57.552 But the summer is on its way, and with it, festival season, and BBC6 Music are going to be representing to the max at the Mighty Glastonbury Festival this year. 34:58.012 --> 35:01.033 Here's just some of the bands you can look forward to hearing from there. 35:01.994 --> 35:02.294 You two. 35:03.534 --> 35:03.614 Oh. 35:03.714 --> 35:06.256 I want reactions to all of these, Joe. 35:06.276 --> 35:06.356 Whoa. 35:07.577 --> 35:08.078 The Coldplay. 35:09.739 --> 35:10.159 Beyonce. 35:13.722 --> 35:15.803 That's not my opinion, actually, because I quite like Beyonce. 35:15.843 --> 35:16.044 Sure. 35:16.824 --> 35:17.465 Primal Scream. 35:20.147 --> 35:20.807 Chemical Brothers. 35:22.388 --> 35:23.429 Queens of the Stone Age. 35:23.469 --> 35:23.729 Sorry. 35:24.470 --> 35:25.130 Fleet Foxes. 35:25.951 --> 35:26.572 No, what? 35:27.052 --> 35:28.173 Laura Marley. 35:32.709 --> 35:33.190 What was that? 35:33.230 --> 35:34.571 I was just wandering past a pond. 35:34.811 --> 35:35.112 Sure. 35:35.492 --> 35:37.854 And I think we're going to be there as well. 35:38.535 --> 35:43.100 In fact, we're going to be finishing our sort of season, whatever you want to call it, our run of shows. 35:43.180 --> 35:44.661 Our summer season on the pier. 35:44.861 --> 35:45.722 It's going to be finishing. 35:45.742 --> 35:47.384 We're going to be doing three shows, I think. 35:47.884 --> 35:49.686 Friday morning afternoon. 35:49.806 --> 35:50.807 I'm very excited. 35:50.927 --> 35:52.329 So am I. I cannot wait. 35:52.529 --> 35:54.631 I've got a feeling in my bones it's going to be a very good one. 35:54.711 --> 35:55.252 A classic one. 35:55.532 --> 35:56.293 A classic one. 35:56.533 --> 36:03.418 bit of rain, bit of sunshine, I'm sure you too and Coldplay will play about a blinder and- Joy and pain, sunshine and rain. 36:03.438 --> 36:04.559 That's all you need isn't it? 36:05.960 --> 36:20.310 In fact Lauren Laverne was there yesterday at Worthy Farm, home of the Evers family, and if you missed the show you can listen again on the iPlayer of course, and Lauren kicked off our Glastonbury coverage kind of early we have to say. 36:21.571 --> 36:42.991 even though you know it's just May now Glastonbury is going to be taking place on the 24th and to the 26th of June for the third year running six music will be there and hope to see you down there but here is something that happened at Lauren's show it was the Gillamonts they were playing live for the program and this is their cover I'm assuming it's a cover of the Beatles Tomorrow Never Knows. 36:44.127 --> 36:48.171 Gilamot's there, live on Lauren Laverne's show yesterday on BBC 6Music. 36:48.211 --> 36:50.233 That's their cover of Tomorrow Never Knows. 36:50.654 --> 36:52.095 Adam and Joe here on 6Music. 36:52.135 --> 36:54.277 Now, Joe, you're a Bronholm fan, right? 36:54.317 --> 36:55.298 I love Pierce Brosnan. 36:55.318 --> 37:00.103 I mean, I think it's safe to say we both love Bronholm, but you're a particular aficionado of his noises. 37:00.123 --> 37:00.223 Yes. 37:00.264 --> 37:01.805 And excortations. 37:02.266 --> 37:02.506 Yes. 37:02.666 --> 37:04.268 Mainly the non-verbal ones. 37:04.888 --> 37:06.330 I like every noise he makes. 37:06.830 --> 37:25.967 non sort of the more articulate or the less articulate the better really from Bonham he articulates he's a terribly good grunter with his grunts yeah and when it comes to playing Bond in particular it's very important to grunt if you're doing something exerting some sort of effort yeah killing someone saying something witty getting taller yourself up yeah 37:29.606 --> 37:31.607 It's a trick that Craig misses. 37:32.268 --> 37:32.508 Yeah. 37:33.248 --> 37:34.449 Did you ever see the film Taffyn? 37:35.009 --> 37:36.230 I've heard of the film Taffyn. 37:36.310 --> 37:38.312 Early Bronham. 37:38.352 --> 37:38.872 Eighties. 37:38.892 --> 37:38.872 1988. 37:39.933 --> 37:49.980 He is an Irish tough guy debt collector asked by his local community to help rid the town of developers bent on building a chemical plant on the outskirts of town. 37:50.360 --> 37:52.482 Now why did you end up watching Taffyn? 37:52.822 --> 38:16.943 Well last weekend I did a gig, it was called Sod Cancer and it was a charity thing and I was there with a lot of wonderful comedians and in the green room we were bantering after we went on and did our sets and I was talking to lovely Dave Armand and Justin Edwards and they were talking about Taffy and I was saying oh yeah I watched Taffy and they asked why did you watch Taffy and they called up this clip on YouTube 38:18.403 --> 38:20.504 and I understood why they'd watched Taffy. 38:21.164 --> 38:29.767 Here is Bronholm delivering a line in just about the most extraordinary way conceivable, in only the way that Bronholm can. 38:30.287 --> 38:39.570 And it sounds as if like at the beginning of this very short clip, he's saying it's none of your business or something and the word business is cut off. 38:39.731 --> 38:41.651 That's the way it actually appears in the film. 38:41.731 --> 38:43.432 It's not just a quirk of the clip. 38:43.492 --> 38:43.832 Here he is. 38:44.292 --> 38:46.598 What goes on in this town is none of your business. 38:46.658 --> 38:48.162 As long as I'm living here, it is. 38:48.222 --> 38:50.528 Then maybe you shouldn't be living here! 38:52.303 --> 38:53.364 Ooh! 38:53.925 --> 38:55.506 That's a good way to make a point. 38:55.806 --> 38:56.667 That's good, isn't it? 38:56.747 --> 38:57.007 Yeah. 38:57.028 --> 38:59.209 I mean, he's shouting and he's elongating. 38:59.310 --> 39:00.931 So you're a director, right? 39:01.191 --> 39:03.553 What would you, how would you feel once... It'd be great. 39:03.633 --> 39:04.494 Move on, move on, move on. 39:04.554 --> 39:05.015 Exactly. 39:05.035 --> 39:05.255 Done. 39:05.335 --> 39:06.336 In the bag, in the can. 39:06.416 --> 39:08.297 Would you ask him to try it any other ways? 39:08.377 --> 39:09.579 No, can I hear it again even? 39:09.619 --> 39:10.720 Can we please hear it again? 39:10.740 --> 39:13.102 What goes on in this town is none of your business. 39:13.162 --> 39:14.683 As long as I'm living here it is! 39:14.723 --> 39:16.745 Then maybe you shouldn't be living here! 39:18.832 --> 39:24.277 I like that it's what she just said right back at her. 39:24.317 --> 39:31.443 We don't know the what's the context? 39:31.463 --> 39:32.364 We don't know the context. 39:32.424 --> 39:34.305 Maybe that kind of emotion is justified. 39:34.365 --> 39:36.787 Is it what's going down in Taffyn when that why? 39:37.148 --> 39:43.333 I think it's in the last third of the film and things are getting tense and clearly 39:44.628 --> 39:48.692 Maybe you shouldn't be li- No, like, what other ways could he have said the line? 39:48.993 --> 39:55.299 He presumably started- do you think he, like, built to that pitch and started, well, maybe you shouldn't be living here? 39:55.499 --> 39:57.221 Well, that's- I mean- And then built it up. 39:57.381 --> 39:58.843 Maybe you shouldn't be living here. 39:59.103 --> 40:01.346 Then maybe you shouldn't be living here. 40:01.886 --> 40:04.268 No, no, no, that's, I mean, no, no, no, no, no. 40:04.288 --> 40:05.288 How does he do it then? 40:05.828 --> 40:08.390 He's, correctly, he's absolutely at the end of his tether. 40:08.530 --> 40:08.710 Sure. 40:09.170 --> 40:15.594 As, you know, as a director, and I know all about acting, and what he's doing there is... Don't generally listen to this program. 40:15.614 --> 40:16.615 What's happening? 40:17.035 --> 40:17.716 That's someone else. 40:18.036 --> 40:22.338 He's pushing it right to the very edge, and the next thing as an actor, he would do is burst into tears. 40:22.358 --> 40:22.599 Right. 40:22.839 --> 40:23.959 There's nowhere else to go there. 40:26.777 --> 40:29.738 I'm so unhappy! 40:29.758 --> 40:32.180 That's the next thing you do on the acting spectrum. 40:32.200 --> 40:35.622 Then maybe you shouldn't be living here! 40:35.682 --> 40:37.363 Another thing he could do is just vomit. 40:37.383 --> 40:39.505 Just start smashing everything up at that point. 40:39.525 --> 40:40.445 Just freaking out. 40:40.485 --> 40:46.309 He could smack, punching people, throwing furniture around, throwing vases, headbutting windows. 40:46.329 --> 40:47.250 He's going argh! 40:49.907 --> 41:19.122 doing a raspberry that's what Brando would do and then puke yes on himself let's just have him once more on his own again James then maybe you shouldn't be living here yes it's good isn't it that that's another reason we're becoming such excellent wacky Saturday morning DJs like repeatedly playing clips and stuff we could drop that clip in like unexpectedly later in the show I think that's a good idea it's a good idea exactly what's gonna happen here's talking heads this is blind 41:21.016 --> 41:30.806 It's time for song wars The war of the songs A couple of tunes by a couple of prongs Which will you vote for? 41:31.427 --> 41:32.848 Which one is the best? 41:33.449 --> 41:37.493 We're putting our songs to the listener test So check it out 41:38.399 --> 41:53.211 So yes, just over a week ago, Willy and Katie were married and the nation celebrated and we composed songs in their honour here on the Adam and Jo BBC6 music programme and we asked you to vote for which one you liked best. 41:53.612 --> 41:59.136 We played them in full on last week's show and thank you very much indeed for emailing throughout the week with your votes. 41:59.196 --> 42:00.918 Here's just a few of the comments that came in. 42:00.938 --> 42:04.461 We've been handed these by James so he has offered us 42:04.941 --> 42:09.464 a couple of comments for our songs each, so we don't know how the voting has gone. 42:10.385 --> 42:15.189 It's been kind of kept from us, although a few of them trickled through in some of the emails I noticed. 42:15.229 --> 42:17.110 I think I've got a good sense of how it's gone. 42:17.170 --> 42:20.452 Well, the only ones that I read throughout the week were voting for Joe's. 42:20.673 --> 42:21.673 I disagree. 42:21.753 --> 42:30.340 I saw nothing but people voting for you and I saw tweets saying how hilarious the Queen's Laura Laura song was. 42:30.360 --> 42:32.081 I haven't finished yet. 42:32.381 --> 42:35.704 And on the blog, which I look at... Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense! 42:35.744 --> 42:37.505 Hey, hey, hey, you don't know whether this is nonsense. 42:38.586 --> 42:43.910 On the blog, a lot of people posting comments on the blog underneath these songs were voting for the Queen. 42:43.930 --> 42:44.531 I didn't see that. 42:44.591 --> 42:47.193 I just think people have a lot of respect for her Madge. 42:47.593 --> 42:47.973 Sure they do. 42:48.334 --> 42:55.399 And when they hear her singing in that way, they respect her and wish to vote for her because they're good patriotic citizens. 42:56.700 --> 43:06.463 Alternatively, should the song by the Queen turn out to be a treasonous, ribald spoof, then he who sang such a song should be executed for treason. 43:06.743 --> 43:08.484 Have his crown jewels chopped off? 43:08.924 --> 43:09.164 Yes. 43:09.284 --> 43:17.687 Well, a few people I noticed emailing in and saying, you know, I only started listening to the show recently and I don't understand why the Queen sounds like a kind of... 43:18.607 --> 43:33.680 reached the point where it now alienates anybody who hasn't been listening for a year there's so much to explain now there's no there's not room for any more passengers on board no not really for the next bus so it's it's it's a long story why the queen sounds like that she just does all right 43:33.800 --> 43:35.482 It's because she presented Blind Date for years. 43:35.542 --> 43:38.305 But yeah, here are some balanced responses. 43:38.525 --> 43:40.367 You read out the ones for mine, I'll read out the ones for yours. 43:40.387 --> 43:47.695 Okay, but I've got a different one for mine for the second one because, you know, this is another indicator that maybe I've lost because this one doesn't really talk about my song. 43:48.115 --> 43:48.395 Oh, right. 43:48.535 --> 43:49.957 It just happens to say my name in it. 43:50.177 --> 43:52.838 It says from Jenny Ross, woo, go Joe. 43:52.938 --> 43:58.840 Me and my friends just returned from a Duke of Edinburgh expedition that we got through by singing your jingles and doing impressions of you. 43:58.900 --> 43:59.880 Thanks for the entertainment. 43:59.900 --> 44:00.980 We love you guys. 44:01.341 --> 44:01.781 Yeah, you're right. 44:01.801 --> 44:02.881 She's not really talking about my song. 44:03.161 --> 44:04.702 Here's one from Yassa M in Canada. 44:05.082 --> 44:05.902 Adam clearly won. 44:06.222 --> 44:11.884 His mastery of the English language and complete ignorance of the Queen's actual voice made his song truly sensational. 44:12.404 --> 44:13.905 Here's one from Steph in Redcar. 44:13.925 --> 44:14.946 It was a very hard choice. 44:15.066 --> 44:20.710 I decided to let my parrot Charlie choose which one to vote for, and although she danced to both, she danced more to Joe's. 44:20.751 --> 44:21.091 Sorry, Adam. 44:21.111 --> 44:25.514 You see, so all I get is somebody who's actually not writing about the song and a parrot. 44:25.694 --> 44:28.797 Well, I should have kept some of the ones I read during the week. 44:28.817 --> 44:29.617 Sorry, you've got one there. 44:29.657 --> 44:31.779 Here's another one for you from Jay in London. 44:32.019 --> 44:34.101 This is the best song Adam has ever written. 44:34.421 --> 44:37.944 I think it should be the national anthem once the Prince of Willys becomes king. 44:38.669 --> 44:38.869 Yeah. 44:38.889 --> 44:43.211 I mean, I read, I swear to you, I read so many more that was set. 44:43.251 --> 44:47.734 There was one very rude one actually from a guy saying they were both, uh, rubbish. 44:47.754 --> 44:48.794 You didn't use the word rubbish. 44:49.355 --> 44:51.416 Um, but I would definitely go for Joe's. 44:51.536 --> 44:52.996 Lots of people really enjoyed Joe's. 44:53.036 --> 44:55.338 But we have the envelope here with the official results. 44:55.358 --> 44:55.998 What an envelope. 44:56.318 --> 45:02.521 This is the first Song Wars envelope we've had for a while and some real effort has been put in by James and Lucy and Tom, our team. 45:02.941 --> 45:07.484 It's in a properly sealed envelope which says confidential property of the big British castle. 45:07.944 --> 45:09.805 It's properly addressed with a six music sticker. 45:10.485 --> 45:12.326 I'm going to open it now, this is very exciting. 45:13.006 --> 45:15.508 Joe is removing the results from the envelope. 45:18.081 --> 45:20.903 Oh, Joe gets 41%, Adam 59. 45:21.864 --> 45:23.325 Ooh, just scrapes it. 45:23.345 --> 45:24.466 Count Bicules is the winner. 45:24.566 --> 45:26.627 I got a bigger vote than I still have yet. 45:26.667 --> 45:26.907 Yes! 45:27.968 --> 45:31.110 You know what, I got quite depressed yesterday reading all the comics. 45:31.150 --> 45:36.354 I swear to you, I literally only read ones where people loved your song and were voting for that one. 45:36.774 --> 45:38.596 I just thought, I'm going to get trounced! 45:38.836 --> 45:41.398 I can't believe it, I killed myself doing that song! 45:42.258 --> 45:43.239 Luckily, it's turned out fine. 45:46.771 --> 45:50.052 So now my song is going to be erased from history. 45:51.432 --> 45:55.033 Black squadron squads will be visiting your house, kicking in your front door. 45:55.053 --> 45:56.114 But that is a close result. 45:56.474 --> 45:59.034 Demagnetising your hard drives to get rid of my song. 45:59.074 --> 46:00.575 I'm very grateful to everyone. 46:00.655 --> 46:04.736 I think your song is disgusting and insulting to the Queen. 46:04.876 --> 46:08.537 My parents-in-law said, is your song disrespectful? 46:08.557 --> 46:11.358 They heard, they said, what are you doing on your radio program this week? 46:11.438 --> 46:14.119 I said, oh, we're doing, cause I don't think they listened to the show. 46:14.139 --> 46:15.839 My dad said something along those lines as well. 46:15.939 --> 46:18.581 I said, we're doing songs for Kate and Wills. 46:18.801 --> 46:19.922 He said, don't be too cruel. 46:20.022 --> 46:20.382 Exactly. 46:20.402 --> 46:22.184 Well, they said, I hope it's not disrespectful. 46:22.804 --> 46:25.726 And I'm not sure if they're... Mums and dads know the bottom line. 46:25.786 --> 46:27.968 Republicans or not, but I said, no, it's not too disrespectful. 46:28.929 --> 46:32.151 I think it's disrespectful and disgusting, and I don't think we should play it. 46:32.391 --> 46:33.172 Well, here it is. 46:33.192 --> 46:33.993 We should play mine instead. 46:34.573 --> 46:43.260 And now, my lords, ladies and gentlemen, performing her own special musical tribute of a happy couple, her royal match highness, the Queen. 46:44.060 --> 47:02.539 Once upon a time in a lovely university Lived a lovely couple called Willie and Katie They fell in love when Katie showed her pants at the party And then they went on telly to appear on Blinder Data If you were a princess, what kind were you boy? 47:03.180 --> 47:25.587 Be a really lovely one, I promise you your majesty I won't fix introductions for suitcases and money Or do a sketch on Red Nose Day, even if it's really funny Thanks a lot, Chuck, that sounds good to me Graham, slide the curtain back, I think we'll go for Katie Willy and Katie, Katie and Willy 47:25.987 --> 47:29.650 You're going to have a long and lonely life, just don't be silly. 47:30.050 --> 47:33.492 Keita, Prince of Willys, Will and Princess Keita. 47:33.652 --> 47:37.415 Just follow my instructions please, I am the head of Stata. 47:37.455 --> 47:40.978 Don't get a stupid butler, who rifles through your pants. 47:41.378 --> 47:44.860 He'll end up in the jungle with their clan of neons. 47:45.120 --> 47:48.503 Stay clear of Piers Morgan, and done the sleazy pen. 47:48.523 --> 47:52.526 Don't wanna see Andy Morton or Martin Bashir again. 47:54.247 --> 48:06.038 Sometimes a life of a princess, can be a royal pain in the parts, a lullicating. 48:08.420 --> 48:15.967 Meeting boring people, asking what they do, pretending that you're interested, smiling for the cameras. 48:19.246 --> 48:42.470 When all you want to do is say you're all boring farts Willy and Kitty, Kitty and Willy Welcome, Willy, Kitty to a happy family Kitty Prince of Willy's, Willa Princess Kitty Laura, Laura, Lily, Coppola or Plunder Data Kitty, Kitty, Kitty Willy, Willy, Wills 48:43.030 --> 48:44.713 Don't dress up as Nazis! 48:44.953 --> 48:46.475 Don't get hooked on pills! 48:46.876 --> 48:47.336 K.T.' 48:47.296 --> 48:50.060 's on the plate, and Willie's on the cob! 48:50.240 --> 48:54.086 There's a lot of people watching you, so please don't screw this up! 48:55.049 --> 48:56.249 Imagine Kate and... Awful. 48:57.010 --> 48:57.530 Insulting. 48:57.650 --> 48:57.930 Awful. 48:58.150 --> 48:58.710 So rude. 48:58.750 --> 49:01.712 I mean, they're a young couple getting married. 49:01.752 --> 49:02.732 They had no choice. 49:03.212 --> 49:07.374 The Queen has worked so hard all over all. 49:07.394 --> 49:13.116 She's such a modest, respected woman and I just think that's so disgusting and sad. 49:13.236 --> 49:15.677 Aw, come on. 49:15.957 --> 49:16.617 Hey! 49:16.637 --> 49:18.518 She's back in the studio. 49:18.718 --> 49:19.138 No, I love it. 49:19.178 --> 49:19.838 I think it's brilliant. 49:21.759 --> 49:22.679 She sounds a bit tired. 49:22.739 --> 49:23.720 It's been an exhausting week. 49:23.740 --> 49:24.400 So tired. 49:24.860 --> 49:28.503 All the lovely cars and presents coming in. 49:28.803 --> 49:31.926 Put me in a cool special place for presents. 49:31.986 --> 49:33.567 Thank you for the presents. 49:33.987 --> 49:35.108 Oh, nice t-shirt mate. 49:35.529 --> 49:36.029 Oh, thank you. 49:36.109 --> 49:36.369 Your match. 49:36.930 --> 49:37.370 Yes? 49:37.851 --> 49:41.373 Um, seeing as you're here, where can you reveal any royal scoops? 49:41.754 --> 49:43.995 Do you know where the couple will be going for their honeymoon? 49:44.155 --> 49:45.056 Here they go. 49:45.236 --> 49:45.977 Send the pox. 49:47.298 --> 49:48.659 It's nice there. 49:48.719 --> 49:49.720 Big doll, Minnie. 49:50.180 --> 49:53.423 And all the lovely, lovely swimming pool. 49:54.963 --> 49:55.884 That's very exciting. 49:55.924 --> 49:57.965 There's other parks available. 49:58.805 --> 50:00.246 There's space in all parks? 50:00.306 --> 50:03.528 There's other parks available with a tower, Minnie. 50:03.768 --> 50:05.049 And they must have made a mess. 50:05.089 --> 50:06.910 Was it tough clearing up after the party? 50:07.250 --> 50:08.991 Oh, it's a lot a lot a mess, mate. 50:09.051 --> 50:13.634 Choc, sorry, lollipop, lollipop, some piece of wood. 50:13.934 --> 50:17.935 Did that, was there any, were there any wine stains on the wallpaper or anything bad? 50:17.975 --> 50:26.198 There's a Laura vomiting on the carpet from the Duke of Prince of Edinburgh will listen to scrub and scrub, get that off. 50:28.379 --> 50:30.079 Did you do some of that scrubbing yourself, your man? 50:30.439 --> 50:31.400 I'm a scrubber. 50:31.600 --> 50:32.060 What? 50:32.080 --> 50:34.040 Even when it comes to stains, that is. 50:34.180 --> 50:35.021 What, Laura, bye! 50:35.461 --> 50:37.161 Disgusting and insulting. 50:37.321 --> 50:38.802 Here's justice with civilization. 50:39.420 --> 50:41.881 Justice, they are French from France, did you know? 50:41.901 --> 50:43.421 Yeah, I did know. 50:43.541 --> 50:45.242 I very much like their song Stress. 50:45.442 --> 50:46.922 That's got an incredible video. 50:46.962 --> 50:49.623 Have you ever seen the video about Stress by Justice? 50:50.023 --> 50:54.164 It's quite scary, but it's amazingly clever and really cool. 50:54.584 --> 50:54.864 Is it? 50:55.285 --> 50:55.605 Yeah. 50:55.645 --> 50:58.366 It's got lots of yobs running around beating people up and vandalising things. 50:58.386 --> 51:01.186 That would be a very, very superficial interpretation of it. 51:01.366 --> 51:02.747 Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense! 51:02.767 --> 51:03.127 Yes, please. 51:04.372 --> 51:06.333 Come on James, you've got to be Haggard Hossa on the button now. 51:06.353 --> 51:08.574 No, it's too late, it's too late, it's too late, too late, too late, too late. 51:08.814 --> 51:13.136 If we're going to be a wacky Saturday morning show, you've got to have your big fluffy jingle button. 51:13.156 --> 51:14.957 Then maybe you shouldn't be living here! 51:14.997 --> 51:17.037 Not just, not just, not just! 51:17.198 --> 51:18.378 No, you see, this is terrible. 51:18.418 --> 51:19.358 That's a pile up. 51:19.418 --> 51:21.599 We're no good at being wacky Saturday morning DJs. 51:21.639 --> 51:27.602 We've got Texanation coming up in a few minutes, but first it's 11.30 here on 6music and time for the news. 51:29.055 --> 51:30.536 This is very distorted. 51:30.556 --> 51:31.457 It's very sloppy. 51:31.497 --> 51:33.398 Doesn't that need to be digitally remastered? 51:33.439 --> 51:34.179 All over the place. 51:34.299 --> 51:37.041 They're not going to amount to a hill of beans, that lot. 51:37.281 --> 51:37.822 Of boobs. 51:39.123 --> 51:40.384 A tiny hill of boobs. 51:40.784 --> 51:42.145 That's what they might amount to. 51:42.946 --> 51:43.666 That's the who. 51:44.947 --> 51:45.988 Whoever they are. 51:47.128 --> 51:48.950 It's funny because of course they're a big band. 51:49.451 --> 51:51.053 Listeners, it's now... I'm ignoring you. 51:51.293 --> 51:54.117 Listeners, it's now time for this week's Text the Nation. 51:56.520 --> 51:57.341 Text the Nation. 51:57.381 --> 51:58.442 Text, text, text. 51:58.562 --> 51:59.283 Text the Nation. 51:59.363 --> 52:00.304 What if I don't want to? 52:00.565 --> 52:01.306 Text the Nation. 52:01.386 --> 52:02.387 But I'm using email. 52:02.567 --> 52:03.308 Is that a problem? 52:03.328 --> 52:03.889 It doesn't matter. 52:03.909 --> 52:04.169 Text! 52:06.522 --> 52:14.028 And Text the Nation is the part of the show listeners when we give you a subject and you text it in to us what you think about it. 52:14.608 --> 52:17.250 And the text number is 64046. 52:17.290 --> 52:21.573 The email is adamandjoe.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk. 52:21.733 --> 52:30.360 Now sometimes on Text the Nation we have a subject that generates so much correspondence that it seems criminally, ludicrously insane 52:30.740 --> 52:31.980 just to leave it alone there. 52:32.020 --> 52:37.062 And about two years ago, we did a thing on Texanation about public pretending, we called it. 52:37.342 --> 52:43.444 Little games you play with yourself when you're out and about, just to, you know, sort of charades you play. 52:43.484 --> 52:44.464 How would you describe it, Joe? 52:44.504 --> 52:47.405 Well, it's sort of the theatre of public spaces, isn't it? 52:47.485 --> 52:55.968 And for instance, some of the good ones I remember from last time are, if you're waiting for a friend in a particular public place, the friend doesn't turn up 52:56.528 --> 53:16.160 and you start getting self-conscious about why you're standing there or for instance if you're in a restaurant alone waiting to order but your friend hasn't turned up you might do some quite exaggerated watch looking at yes well here is some table tapping to make it clear to everyone around you that you're waiting for somebody bit of public pretending here's Lauren she's a girl from Yorkshire 53:16.720 --> 53:18.201 And she's a new listener to the show. 53:18.542 --> 53:19.662 She says, hi, Adam and Joe. 53:19.742 --> 53:24.506 I heard your show for the first time yesterday on the podcast as my boyfriend listens to your show regularly. 53:24.786 --> 53:28.769 Anyway, I thought you were very funny and you reminded me of odd things I do as well. 53:29.349 --> 53:30.270 Here are a few. 53:30.750 --> 53:42.059 When in an area in which I feel unsafe, I pretend that I am an undercover policewoman and talk into my collar so people will think I'm covering some important police job and I've got backup. 53:42.759 --> 53:49.046 I have actually done this and consider myself to be a normal person, and now I've written it down, it seems a bit mentile. 53:49.627 --> 54:01.720 When my parents wouldn't allow me to have a dog – here's another example – when my parents wouldn't allow me to have a dog, I got over it by perusing the dog food aisle in supermarkets so that people would at least think I had a dog. 54:02.521 --> 54:04.042 I'm bored and I have a hangover. 54:06.262 --> 54:07.843 I like the talking into your color one. 54:07.883 --> 54:08.543 That's very good. 54:09.063 --> 54:10.164 I've got a confession to make. 54:10.364 --> 54:20.628 I used to years ago, I had a charger for my, you know, little MP3 player in my car and it plugged into the cigarette lighter and it had one of those windy cables. 54:21.508 --> 54:24.069 And if I saw someone driving very badly, 54:24.629 --> 54:25.889 or someone I was angry with. 54:26.509 --> 54:36.291 I would hold my phone in my hand and I would use the wiry cord to stretch between my hand and the dashboard and I'd jog into it as if I was a policeman. 54:36.531 --> 54:41.232 And it used to work because there's something about the wiry cord that looks official. 54:41.252 --> 54:41.692 You must have training. 54:41.752 --> 54:44.193 And people would look at me and then look again and look frightened and move away. 54:44.213 --> 54:44.793 He's got a wiry cord. 54:45.013 --> 54:45.393 He's a policeman. 54:45.533 --> 54:46.433 He's an undercover policeman. 54:46.473 --> 54:48.273 He's got a loopy cord. 54:48.413 --> 54:50.554 Only the Faz Brigade have got the springy cords. 54:50.854 --> 54:51.774 That's pathetic, isn't it? 54:52.214 --> 54:57.301 And I used to feel so pathetic after I did it, but then when people gave me the double take I used to think, yes! 54:57.661 --> 55:01.386 They were doing a double take thinking, that Wally thinks he's a policeman. 55:01.726 --> 55:03.368 That Wally thinks he's a policeman. 55:03.388 --> 55:06.172 Hey look darling, there's a Wally over there, he thinks he's a cop. 55:06.252 --> 55:06.773 He'd be right. 55:07.673 --> 55:09.515 Here's one from Rhianne Owens. 55:09.635 --> 55:10.356 Hi Adam and Joe. 55:10.856 --> 55:16.741 I thought a good idea for text the nation one week might be secret competition so that's a sort of another way of saying public pretending. 55:16.761 --> 55:17.682 It's a little subsection. 55:17.922 --> 55:22.866 I was chatting to my brother about how sometimes I start races with other people in the general public. 55:23.346 --> 55:28.950 For example, if I get off the train at the same time as someone else, I think, I'll race you to the top of the stairs. 55:29.331 --> 55:31.993 And I get very competitive even though the other person doesn't know they're in a race. 55:32.373 --> 55:35.475 My brother replied that he used to have a race called the Notting Hill Gate Derby. 55:35.876 --> 55:38.497 It had rules like no running and a start and finish line. 55:38.998 --> 55:41.179 Thought this might be a fun thing to ask the listeners. 55:41.460 --> 55:42.661 So that's public pretending. 55:42.681 --> 55:47.524 You're pretending you're in a race with your fellow commuters up the escalator to make your commute more exciting. 55:47.925 --> 55:49.326 Yeah, they don't know about it and you do. 55:50.006 --> 55:59.395 The other thing I used to do, which maybe I talked about last time we did this, was a little similar to yours, and it's a tactic I use sometimes to avoid conversations with taxi drivers. 55:59.975 --> 56:14.929 You know, you get into a black cab, and what I used to do when I used to live in London and took more black cabs was listen to my MP3 player or whatever, but then I would make notes as if I was a kind of A&R guy. 56:15.549 --> 56:18.432 And I'm so busy, I've got to make notes about all the things I'm listening to. 56:18.792 --> 56:19.733 This is a good band. 56:20.114 --> 56:20.774 Gonna go far. 56:20.895 --> 56:22.336 We got to get them for the label. 56:22.797 --> 56:23.477 That kind of thing. 56:23.778 --> 56:24.038 What? 56:24.118 --> 56:26.480 Because... Would you be like nodding your head along to the music? 56:26.500 --> 56:27.161 That kind of thing. 56:27.221 --> 56:30.505 It's all designed to... Good lyrics. 56:30.665 --> 56:31.466 This band gonna be big. 56:32.707 --> 56:39.817 So you're aiming it at the driver so you're assuming he's going to look in the wing mirror and he sees this man nodding his head with his headphones in making notes. 56:39.877 --> 56:40.198 Exactly. 56:40.438 --> 56:45.485 Oh I better not talk to that geezer because he's a busy A&R man from a big record company. 56:46.166 --> 56:48.609 So I won't spout my racist drivel this time. 56:49.330 --> 56:51.691 I'll just let him get on with it. 56:52.092 --> 56:54.092 Would you be actually making notes, writing things down? 56:54.113 --> 56:55.973 Obviously not all taxi drivers are racists. 56:55.993 --> 56:58.935 That was a little bit of a reductive characterisation. 56:58.955 --> 57:00.015 Would you be making real notes? 57:01.556 --> 57:02.897 Sometimes I did make notes, yeah. 57:02.937 --> 57:03.197 Really? 57:03.217 --> 57:03.357 Yeah. 57:04.077 --> 57:06.138 OK, so you get the general idea, listeners. 57:06.179 --> 57:07.599 The text number is 64046. 57:08.039 --> 57:17.084 The email is adamandjoe.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk for our second visit to the extraordinary, mysterious interior world of public pretending. 57:17.344 --> 57:23.686 And now it's time to head to the Appalachian Mountains and listen to some lovely Fleet Foxes. 57:23.726 --> 57:24.946 This is Grown Ocean. 57:26.146 --> 57:35.309 Yeah, they've been out sucking on licorice canes and kindling wood that they got from an old Indian man with a crow on his hat. 57:36.069 --> 57:37.189 Good singing there, fellas. 57:38.170 --> 57:39.550 Somebody put the beans on. 57:41.866 --> 57:43.627 a mess of catfish and grits. 57:43.847 --> 57:46.408 Who goes getting dipping in the gulch? 57:47.229 --> 57:49.490 I'm going to make a new guitar out of this old turtle. 57:51.050 --> 57:51.911 I found an old turtle. 57:51.931 --> 57:55.753 I'm going to make a guitar out of it and write a song about turtles. 57:56.033 --> 58:02.316 I'm going to go fetch me some snake oil and then pour it on a jackrabbit. 58:03.297 --> 58:06.918 And then hang out with the crazy priest from Sassafras. 58:07.098 --> 58:09.779 He's turned into the chap from Silence of the Lambs. 58:10.920 --> 58:11.440 Oh, wait. 58:12.540 --> 58:13.201 Yeah, that guy. 58:13.241 --> 58:14.781 Is she a great big fat person? 58:14.801 --> 58:17.302 Oh, wait, the guy from Fleet Foxes? 58:17.702 --> 58:17.982 Yeah. 58:18.262 --> 58:19.323 Are they the same people? 58:19.683 --> 58:22.604 Oh, I think maybe... Say the thing about the basket. 58:23.484 --> 58:25.345 It puts the lotion in the basket. 58:28.689 --> 58:31.369 The Fleet Foxes could never change their sound really, could they? 58:31.629 --> 58:32.249 Oh, wait. 58:32.529 --> 58:34.190 Is she a great big fat person? 58:34.490 --> 58:35.110 Not really. 58:35.130 --> 58:36.050 I mean, well, they change. 58:36.570 --> 58:37.591 They're subtle changes. 58:37.611 --> 58:39.891 Are there subtle changes between that album and the previous album? 58:39.971 --> 58:40.311 Yeah. 58:40.511 --> 58:41.452 They've got the same echo. 58:41.472 --> 58:43.072 They've got a very particular acoustic. 58:43.092 --> 58:46.993 They record all their albums in the same cave in the Appalachian Mountains. 58:47.453 --> 58:47.913 That's right. 58:47.973 --> 58:51.814 Bit of Fleet Foxes fun there here on BBC's Six Music. 58:52.674 --> 58:54.775 Now, you know what I would really like to hear? 58:55.616 --> 59:02.056 is some kind of a trail about a show that's coming up on this station how about it it'll never happen 59:04.142 --> 59:05.623 Where's my keyboard when I need it? 59:06.204 --> 59:09.706 I could have enormously enhanced the closing passages of this song. 59:11.087 --> 59:13.529 Enormously enhanced my closing passages? 59:13.849 --> 59:14.069 What? 59:14.089 --> 59:16.811 That still sounds like the future though, that song. 59:16.891 --> 59:18.192 It does, it certainly does. 59:18.212 --> 59:29.100 I mean, do you think young people, some of this Phantom 17-25 demographic that apparently loves this show, do you think they're listening to that and thinking, boy, that sounds like granddad music? 59:29.620 --> 59:35.042 I can't believe they are because to me it sounds like solid gold future powder. 59:35.482 --> 59:35.762 Good. 59:36.002 --> 59:37.382 Depeche mode there of course. 59:37.903 --> 59:39.503 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC6 Music. 59:39.663 --> 59:51.367 It was a beautiful weekend last weekend across most of the country and there was an atmosphere of great celebration but in my neighbourhood in South London this resulted in a local person having a party. 59:52.487 --> 01:00:00.153 and an outdoor party that started at about, in fact it was going when I got back from this programme at about 2pm, 2.30pm. 01:00:00.473 --> 01:00:00.914 Always good. 01:00:01.394 --> 01:00:09.340 And I'll tell you a bit more about that in a second but here's a text we received from an anonymous correspondent. 01:00:09.860 --> 01:00:11.262 Please Adam and Joe, please help me. 01:00:11.762 --> 01:00:20.669 My neighbours a few doors away have a very powerful PA system and last night decided to test how loud it could go while having a karaoke party till two in the morning in the garden. 01:00:21.389 --> 01:00:36.008 My house is double glazed, my walls have been cavity insulated, my loft space has a huge amount of insulation in it, all doors and windows were shut, and yet still, the noise level penetrating through my entire house was akin to being in a tent at a festival very close to the main stage. 01:00:36.588 --> 01:00:52.038 Being a fairly responsible parent I was unable to aid mine or my children's sleep the way festival goers do and instead the three of us had to suffer lying in bed being subjected to banging beats and appalling singing while desperately trying to blot out the horrendous noise using television and headphones. 01:00:52.359 --> 01:00:56.762 Today we're all very tired and still rage-filled at their idiotic audacity. 01:00:57.202 --> 01:01:05.888 Besides pleading to two well-respected comic geniuses, that's very nice of you, don't know who you're talking about, film makers and DJs such as yourself, what can I do? 01:01:07.269 --> 01:01:24.622 and so there is an anonymous plea and that struck a chord with me because last weekend when I got home from the show literally my entire neighborhood like three or four blocks were pounding with dreadful euro house or from one from one yeah yeah and as I got out of the car I spotted 01:01:25.943 --> 01:01:42.748 My neighbour, who's a gentleman in his 70s or even early 80s, lovely man, quite ill recently, but he was walking around clearly trying to find the source of this noise, because my neighbourhood is like a little echo chamber, and it's quite hard to tell where the music might be coming from. 01:01:42.868 --> 01:01:44.529 So I ran along and caught up with him. 01:01:44.989 --> 01:02:08.320 and eventually we cut through some gardens and got to the source of this noise and my house backs on the garden of my house there's lots of it's almost like a giant set of allotments you know divided into you know how what London gardens are like sure you get lots of backing onto each other yeah exactly so we eventually found the garden where this noise was coming from and the site that met our eyes was basically one man 01:02:09.700 --> 01:02:12.661 a dog and a baby in a quite large garden. 01:02:12.781 --> 01:02:13.682 And he'd set up a table. 01:02:13.702 --> 01:02:15.622 He was obviously building up for his big Barbie. 01:02:16.083 --> 01:02:17.603 And he had also a PA system. 01:02:17.623 --> 01:02:24.226 And this seems to be a new thing, like a proper, massive club sized speaker that he'd run out from his kitchen. 01:02:24.646 --> 01:02:31.168 And he was just playing utterly, utterly deafening, dreadful, your house, funky house. 01:02:32.669 --> 01:02:33.769 So I started shouting. 01:02:33.829 --> 01:02:35.990 I kind of stood up on a wall and I started shouting. 01:02:36.710 --> 01:03:03.969 can you turn it down can you turn it down please and i had to shout at the top of my voice i was i could only just be heard and he like he had a little sort of trilby you know and shorts and he turned around and looked at me as if i was some sort of mental case aggressive nut case yeah and he was like what what i was like turn that down you're ruining everyone's weekend there's families around here you're deafening the entire neighborhood 01:03:04.329 --> 01:03:06.330 And this guy starts getting angry at me. 01:03:06.411 --> 01:03:06.631 Right. 01:03:07.011 --> 01:03:10.253 As if I am some sort of fascist man. 01:03:10.293 --> 01:03:11.374 That's top p-doc, man. 01:03:11.394 --> 01:03:12.835 The con is the party pooper. 01:03:12.895 --> 01:03:14.036 Notorious in this area. 01:03:14.076 --> 01:03:25.184 I blame the Beastie Boys for releasing the track Fight For Your Right To Party, because this guy started to sort of get sort of agitated and self-righteous as if he had the right to play this incredibly loud. 01:03:25.404 --> 01:03:28.486 And literally in every house for three or four blocks, you couldn't hear yourself think. 01:03:28.646 --> 01:03:30.127 You need to fight for your right to stop the party. 01:03:30.147 --> 01:03:31.769 Cups were vibrating and everything. 01:03:33.190 --> 01:03:35.872 Anyway, that doesn't really have much of a punchline in this story. 01:03:36.032 --> 01:03:41.457 Well, eventually he turned it down and then his girlfriend came out looking very indignant with her hand on her hips. 01:03:41.617 --> 01:03:43.399 Why has the euro been turned down? 01:03:43.579 --> 01:03:45.461 And her question was, why are you shouting at us? 01:03:46.081 --> 01:03:53.207 The answer to which was because you're playing music so loudly that even to have the most basic communication I have to yell at the top of my voice. 01:03:53.227 --> 01:03:54.328 We're part of a community, guys. 01:03:54.368 --> 01:03:56.170 And she was going, why can't we have a party? 01:03:56.490 --> 01:03:57.451 What's wrong with having a party? 01:03:58.111 --> 01:03:59.332 Don't we have a right to have a party? 01:04:00.053 --> 01:04:03.776 And you start to think, you know, I'm a bit divided about this because 01:04:04.176 --> 01:04:17.845 I love a good party but at the same time it's weird isn't it that people seem to think that the right that one individual's right to have an amazingly good time supersedes everyone else's right to choose whether to have a good time or not. 01:04:18.666 --> 01:04:26.811 I just wondered whether any listeners had any techniques for diffusing or dealing with that kind of thing because I do feel myself being on both sides of the argument a bit. 01:04:27.252 --> 01:04:33.696 I don't want to be a party pooper but at the same time I don't think one individual has the right to impose their party 01:04:34.316 --> 01:04:37.398 on an entire six or seven blocks of South London. 01:04:37.459 --> 01:04:38.019 Absolutely. 01:04:38.259 --> 01:04:48.887 And then conversely, do you not find that when you're at parties at friends houses and they're cranking it way up and you can't hear each other speak and that's annoying, but also you feel bad for the neighbours yourself. 01:04:49.007 --> 01:04:51.769 There's nothing you can do about it because you call the council and they do nothing. 01:04:51.849 --> 01:04:56.212 You've got to, they tell you, well, do a diary and write down every time this happens. 01:04:56.232 --> 01:04:59.374 And if it happens like consistently for about 10 weeks, then you might have a case. 01:04:59.454 --> 01:05:00.315 noisy nightmare neighbours. 01:05:00.335 --> 01:05:01.136 There's nothing you can do. 01:05:01.216 --> 01:05:06.921 People seem to be able to just... The only thing you can do is just try and go round there and reason with them and not lose your temper. 01:05:06.941 --> 01:05:07.741 But that's what I'm after. 01:05:07.781 --> 01:05:08.202 Tactics. 01:05:08.282 --> 01:05:10.183 Good tactics to reason with people. 01:05:10.244 --> 01:05:11.164 It's outrageous. 01:05:11.344 --> 01:05:15.248 I can't enjoy myself at a party if the music is that loud and I think people are being bothered. 01:05:15.268 --> 01:05:16.329 You know what we should become? 01:05:16.369 --> 01:05:18.871 We should become DJs at a music station because we love music so much. 01:05:19.552 --> 01:05:20.973 Yeah, that's a good idea! 01:05:21.553 --> 01:05:22.254 Let's do that! 01:05:22.714 --> 01:05:24.016 And we could play stuff like this. 01:05:24.076 --> 01:05:25.397 This is Two Door Cinema Club. 01:05:26.899 --> 01:05:31.606 I can talk Adam and Joe here on BBC six music and we've just pushed through the noon barrier 01:05:35.027 --> 01:05:37.228 She's gonna thank you for naming a rock and roll mate. 01:05:37.688 --> 01:05:38.448 It's just a tip. 01:05:38.728 --> 01:05:49.612 That's the seed with no No, the track is called the seed isn't asked by roots with Cody chestnut there Adam and Joe here on BBC six music Let's have some traveling tales fire off the jingle James. 01:05:49.672 --> 01:05:50.012 Why not? 01:06:01.912 --> 01:06:02.132 Yeah. 01:06:02.713 --> 01:06:05.315 Um, here's a message right now from Tom Disney. 01:06:05.495 --> 01:06:08.697 He's a mailman from Liverpool, male human man. 01:06:09.218 --> 01:06:14.722 He says recently whilst I sat on the bus, uh, I felt a drop of water land on my head. 01:06:14.882 --> 01:06:16.924 Nearly every bus in Liverpool is old and leaky. 01:06:17.344 --> 01:06:19.005 And as it was raining, I didn't think much of it. 01:06:19.466 --> 01:06:26.131 Then I felt something trickle down my neck and back, which was warm turning around. 01:06:27.452 --> 01:06:36.439 Turning around, I was met with the sight of a big German Shepherd – a dog, not a man – that had climbed up on the seat behind me with its head above mine, slowly drooling. 01:06:36.939 --> 01:06:40.842 I froze with disgust as the dog proceeded to lick my face. 01:06:41.403 --> 01:06:44.525 The owner just sat there smiling, staring ahead with a faint smile. 01:06:45.686 --> 01:06:49.009 I don't mind dogs, but animal drool is several steps too far. 01:06:49.449 --> 01:06:53.152 I went mad, and in my rage, the only thing I could shout was 01:06:53.712 --> 01:07:18.156 bus chairs are for humans not dog seats which doesn't make much sense but she had the cheek to reply if you got a problem I'm gonna do a Liverpool accent if you got a problem go sit somewhere else when are you gonna do the Liverpool accent I don't know maybe never I wasn't able to think of a comeback so I did go and sit somewhere else I felt sick for the rest of the day Tom Disney 01:07:18.484 --> 01:07:21.727 Was he wearing his MP3 headphones, do you think? 01:07:21.747 --> 01:07:22.668 Because I don't believe that. 01:07:23.128 --> 01:07:23.689 You don't reckon? 01:07:23.709 --> 01:07:27.872 I think if a huge diamond shepherd was at its port, you'd be conscious of it, you'd smell it. 01:07:29.847 --> 01:07:31.609 I mean, imagine if Boggins, imagine if it was Boggins. 01:07:31.629 --> 01:07:34.011 Do you remember Boggins, the dog that used to come into this studio? 01:07:34.131 --> 01:07:34.992 Yeah, vaguely, yeah. 01:07:35.012 --> 01:07:35.693 You remember the smell. 01:07:35.793 --> 01:07:36.734 Imagine if it was Boggins. 01:07:36.814 --> 01:07:40.217 I mean, you would not have to wait for Boggins to dribble down your neck before you were aware of his presence. 01:07:40.237 --> 01:07:48.024 Well, you'd know it was Boggins immediately because he'd be biting the back of your legs and, you know, doing a little... Yeah, and the stench, I mean, the stench would be extraordinary. 01:07:48.044 --> 01:07:48.925 You don't believe that. 01:07:49.085 --> 01:07:53.990 I mean... Well, unless he had his MP3 headphones in, then you're sort of totally cut off to everything, aren't you? 01:07:54.352 --> 01:07:54.752 Hmm. 01:07:56.232 --> 01:07:58.573 You don't want a German Shepherd to roll down your back. 01:07:58.653 --> 01:07:59.733 Yucky doodles. 01:08:03.094 --> 01:08:03.774 Give us another one. 01:08:04.494 --> 01:08:08.855 Well, you know, a lot of people have been communicating about conductors. 01:08:09.555 --> 01:08:11.016 Oh, the announcement we played last week. 01:08:11.036 --> 01:08:18.758 We played a clip of an announcement someone had recorded on a train, the guy that tells you what station's coming up, and no one could tell whether this chap was a robot or a human. 01:08:18.998 --> 01:08:20.178 Let's just remind ourselves. 01:08:20.848 --> 01:08:22.229 Mmm, Tadman Corner. 01:08:22.289 --> 01:08:24.471 He doesn't like that situation very much. 01:08:24.651 --> 01:08:24.831 Well... 01:08:38.681 --> 01:08:44.226 Lucy Carruthers says, I was delighted to hear the train carriage footage on your show last week. 01:08:44.266 --> 01:08:45.366 It brought back happy memories. 01:08:45.827 --> 01:08:47.969 I've shared that same real person. 01:08:48.009 --> 01:08:48.929 He's not a robot. 01:08:49.510 --> 01:08:57.616 Uh, he's a driver or a conductor on a last train from London bridge to Peckham rye, or as he announced it Peckham rime. 01:09:00.098 --> 01:09:04.340 He's the best train driver ever, and he succeeded in making me laugh. 01:09:04.380 --> 01:09:07.881 Apologies for said laughter on the attached sound file. 01:09:07.921 --> 01:09:09.302 Are we playing the one with the laughter? 01:09:09.342 --> 01:09:09.862 Okay, here it is. 01:09:09.882 --> 01:09:10.982 So she's recorded him as well? 01:09:11.142 --> 01:09:11.782 Yeah, a little clip. 01:09:11.802 --> 01:09:12.043 Cool. 01:09:12.063 --> 01:09:16.824 Ladies and gentlemen, this is your sound service to Norwood Junction. 01:09:16.844 --> 01:09:18.805 The next station stowaway pattern... fine. 01:09:22.495 --> 01:09:23.096 That's good. 01:09:23.196 --> 01:09:24.098 Is that the same guy? 01:09:24.158 --> 01:09:24.839 How does he say that? 01:09:24.899 --> 01:09:26.962 The next station stop will be back. 01:09:27.363 --> 01:09:28.144 Is that the same guy? 01:09:28.184 --> 01:09:28.865 Is this the same guy? 01:09:28.925 --> 01:09:29.887 On the same train. 01:09:29.947 --> 01:09:31.009 Wow, this guy's amazing. 01:09:31.029 --> 01:09:31.890 Can we hear that once more? 01:09:40.470 --> 01:09:41.771 That is insane. 01:09:42.191 --> 01:09:43.571 He's got skills. 01:09:43.591 --> 01:09:45.532 He should be on six music. 01:09:46.353 --> 01:09:47.593 He should genuinely be. 01:09:47.653 --> 01:09:48.473 He should come and do. 01:09:48.854 --> 01:09:50.234 Can we make contact with that guy? 01:09:50.714 --> 01:09:55.517 Because he has got a voice for radio and those are skills that kind of intonation is not easy to do. 01:09:55.917 --> 01:09:58.538 And he's applying a lot of voiceover skills. 01:09:58.578 --> 01:10:02.680 He's elongating, he's curtailing, he's distributing emphasis in a peculiar manner. 01:10:02.720 --> 01:10:03.660 He could be the identity. 01:10:03.800 --> 01:10:21.585 king he's old school he's new school he's got he's got so much skill there and it really should be tapped here's a message from Matt he says dear Adam and Joe your bit last week about the train announcement reminded me of a ticket collector on the Shrewsbury or Shrewsbury train to Birmingham sorry the Shrewsbury to Birmingham line that has its own catchphrase 01:10:22.425 --> 01:10:32.232 I recorded this a few months ago he regularly uses the phrase enjoy your train travels as a catchphrase so much so that regular travelers feel let down if they don't get it at the end of the line. 01:10:32.472 --> 01:10:33.732 Here's a little clip of him in action. 01:10:34.173 --> 01:10:41.998 All exits out of Birmingham new street station this is Birmingham all change here please have a pleasant day and enjoy your train travels. 01:10:43.886 --> 01:10:46.128 He does a little gap there, a little force for effect. 01:10:46.428 --> 01:10:48.570 And enjoy your train travels. 01:10:49.831 --> 01:10:57.477 Man, do you think that the railway network is a secret reservoir of extraordinarily talented vocal stylies? 01:10:57.517 --> 01:10:59.819 I mean you get this a lot on planes as well. 01:11:00.199 --> 01:11:06.023 You used to get it in buses, sorry to steamroller, you used to get it on buses in the 70s I remember when they had conductors. 01:11:06.544 --> 01:11:09.106 I remember as a child there was one that used to go around going, get your hair cut! 01:11:09.406 --> 01:11:11.148 Get your hair cut, get your hair cut. 01:11:11.648 --> 01:11:14.351 And yeah, you would look forward to these charismatic guys. 01:11:14.431 --> 01:11:15.372 Character conductors. 01:11:15.392 --> 01:11:19.877 Kind of like a Butlins guy on a coach or making your journey more fun bows. 01:11:20.157 --> 01:11:26.324 But to do it on the PA system, that's super cool because then you can employ all sorts of special tonal delivery techniques. 01:11:26.364 --> 01:11:26.564 Yeah. 01:11:26.764 --> 01:11:31.309 Well, you know, if you want to record your favourite crazy conductor, then sit in. 01:11:31.569 --> 01:11:32.490 Now we're like, that's life. 01:11:32.670 --> 01:11:33.130 That's cool. 01:11:33.371 --> 01:11:35.373 And tell us what train they're on. 01:11:35.773 --> 01:11:36.594 Because you never know. 01:11:36.654 --> 01:11:38.796 I mean, this could this could build into something. 01:11:39.156 --> 01:11:39.717 Yeah, exactly. 01:11:39.757 --> 01:11:47.545 We'd like to know what and maybe you know, you could even you could even go further and go and talk to the guy yourself and get a little snap, ask him what his name is and stuff. 01:11:47.785 --> 01:11:48.966 So give us his catchphrase. 01:11:49.086 --> 01:11:50.628 So we can give some of these people their props. 01:11:50.828 --> 01:11:53.430 I mean, British Rail don't exist anymore, which is a shame. 01:11:53.470 --> 01:11:55.132 The same company own all the tracks, do they? 01:11:55.572 --> 01:11:57.253 Is there some sort of unified company? 01:11:57.914 --> 01:12:06.742 I don't know, but if there were, they could have a sort of website which would have pictures of all their charismatic train hosts and their catchphrases, you know. 01:12:07.562 --> 01:12:09.524 They could, oh, I don't know, I'm gonna stop now. 01:12:10.925 --> 01:12:11.565 I just shut down. 01:12:11.665 --> 01:12:12.226 That's good though. 01:12:12.266 --> 01:12:14.847 We want to hear from, from you about any of those people. 01:12:15.187 --> 01:12:16.908 No, no, no, no. 01:12:17.008 --> 01:12:17.328 Stop it. 01:12:17.528 --> 01:12:18.248 No, no, no. 01:12:18.268 --> 01:12:18.608 Who's that? 01:12:18.989 --> 01:12:22.530 I was talking about the guy last week on the phone, on the cinema phone line. 01:12:22.570 --> 01:12:23.771 I got Ben Kingsley coming back. 01:12:24.151 --> 01:12:24.751 Oh, sexy. 01:12:24.771 --> 01:12:25.591 No, no, no. 01:12:25.811 --> 01:12:26.112 Stop it. 01:12:26.212 --> 01:12:26.392 Yes. 01:12:26.592 --> 01:12:26.772 Yes. 01:12:27.012 --> 01:12:27.192 Yes. 01:12:27.612 --> 01:12:27.772 Yes. 01:12:27.852 --> 01:12:28.072 Gill. 01:12:28.212 --> 01:12:28.413 Yes. 01:12:29.033 --> 01:12:29.313 Gal. 01:12:29.593 --> 01:12:30.353 No, he's called his name. 01:12:30.533 --> 01:12:31.274 Gal. 01:12:31.434 --> 01:12:31.674 Gal. 01:12:31.794 --> 01:12:32.934 Gal is short for Gary, isn't it? 01:12:32.954 --> 01:12:33.375 I just suddenly. 01:12:33.635 --> 01:12:33.995 Oh, is it? 01:12:34.035 --> 01:12:34.795 I thought it was Gale. 01:12:34.835 --> 01:12:35.436 G-A-L-E. 01:12:35.476 --> 01:12:35.896 No, it's Gal. 01:12:36.696 --> 01:12:37.297 Oh really? 01:12:37.397 --> 01:12:41.180 I thought it was quite cool that you had a sort of weirdly feminine name for such a macho guy. 01:12:41.220 --> 01:12:42.762 We're talking about sexy beasts by the way. 01:12:43.042 --> 01:12:43.863 I could never understand that. 01:12:43.903 --> 01:12:44.864 Why are they calling him Gale? 01:12:45.344 --> 01:12:46.545 No it's Gal short for Gary. 01:12:46.685 --> 01:12:47.726 Fancy a little bit of Gomez. 01:12:47.787 --> 01:12:49.128 I'd love some Gomez yes please. 01:12:49.168 --> 01:12:49.688 Here we are then. 01:12:49.868 --> 01:12:50.129 Options. 01:12:52.177 --> 01:12:54.678 That was Gomez with, what was it called, Options. 01:12:55.178 --> 01:12:55.398 Sorry. 01:12:55.418 --> 01:12:57.139 This is Adam and Joe on BBC6 Music. 01:12:57.239 --> 01:12:58.459 It is, I'm going to do a time check. 01:12:58.479 --> 01:12:59.059 Are you excited? 01:12:59.259 --> 01:12:59.559 Love it. 01:12:59.679 --> 01:13:00.900 It's 16 minutes past noon. 01:13:00.920 --> 01:13:02.880 16 minutes past noon. 01:13:02.900 --> 01:13:03.221 Either. 01:13:03.421 --> 01:13:04.901 Way through the noon barrier. 01:13:05.081 --> 01:13:07.202 45 minutes left of our show here. 01:13:07.322 --> 01:13:08.442 Lots of fun still to come. 01:13:08.482 --> 01:13:10.783 We might be doing some made up jokes in a second, but first. 01:13:10.883 --> 01:13:14.764 I'm going to throw a can from this side of the room to the other, see if I can get it in that bin. 01:13:14.984 --> 01:13:15.785 Nobody cares about that. 01:13:15.825 --> 01:13:16.665 Come on, this is good radio. 01:13:17.825 --> 01:13:40.998 dammit missed coca-cola over the window just a kind of a segue from the traveling tales someone sent in the jingle that they have in France on the rail network on the SNCF do you know that jingle let me remind you this is what you hear on the railways in France before they make an announcement on the platforms 01:13:44.115 --> 01:13:52.966 No way, I haven't I must have not been on a train in France for ages because that sounds almost Japanese, right, right I mean, I think I recognize that I think that's been around for a few years. 01:13:53.006 --> 01:13:54.968 It sounds like you done on play it once more 01:13:58.981 --> 01:14:00.202 That's nice, isn't it? 01:14:00.222 --> 01:14:04.605 But here's a message from James and Sophie who sent that in, they live in London, and they say, 01:14:17.976 --> 01:14:20.998 Uh, it's the jingle, the SNCF station jingle in France. 01:14:21.478 --> 01:14:24.700 It is obviously made up of four bips. 01:14:25.180 --> 01:14:26.561 Da da da da. 01:14:26.981 --> 01:14:29.622 But Sophie swears it is only made up of three. 01:14:30.082 --> 01:14:30.503 Huh? 01:14:30.983 --> 01:14:31.423 How? 01:14:31.843 --> 01:14:43.570 From Paris to Nice and back again, for over two years, we have never known peace on this jingle, on the point of this jingle, and it almost broke us up, as I cannot accept that she thinks it's just three bips. 01:14:43.950 --> 01:14:44.850 Please conduct to buckles. 01:14:44.870 --> 01:14:45.851 Hang on, what's a bip? 01:14:46.511 --> 01:14:47.171 Like a note. 01:14:47.291 --> 01:14:48.372 A note, yeah. 01:14:48.492 --> 01:14:52.274 And please could Dr. Buckles and Dr. Sexy give their expert clinical opinion? 01:14:52.814 --> 01:14:53.735 Or boggins, he says. 01:14:54.255 --> 01:14:57.377 Let's hear it one more time and count the notes that we got in there. 01:15:00.506 --> 01:15:04.488 Well it's, I mean it's fundamentally four isn't it? 01:15:04.728 --> 01:15:05.949 So why does she think it's three? 01:15:05.969 --> 01:15:08.511 Well because there's a distinction between the vocal and the accompaniment. 01:15:09.151 --> 01:15:12.233 Aren't there two musical notes and four vocal notes? 01:15:12.253 --> 01:15:13.754 Yeah but if you count those it's even more. 01:15:13.774 --> 01:15:15.375 Yeah but they need to get their criteria straight. 01:15:15.595 --> 01:15:17.276 Well she I think is thinking that it's... 01:15:20.956 --> 01:15:25.479 So the last one is extended sustained has got some kind of modulation going in it or something. 01:15:25.979 --> 01:15:27.600 That's how maybe she's justifying it. 01:15:27.881 --> 01:15:30.062 But listen, James, I'm on your side with that. 01:15:30.082 --> 01:15:30.502 What about you? 01:15:30.663 --> 01:15:31.203 I'm on her side. 01:15:31.483 --> 01:15:32.023 Are you on her? 01:15:32.063 --> 01:15:33.364 You just said it was four though. 01:15:33.584 --> 01:15:34.925 No, I'm changing your mind now. 01:15:35.486 --> 01:15:43.291 Listen, while I was looking at that clip on the internet, I came across this amazing bit of techno created by someone. 01:15:43.331 --> 01:15:45.632 I can't figure out who it was by and I really searched hard. 01:15:45.853 --> 01:15:50.576 It was uploaded onto YouTube by a guy called tuning one 50 and it's a really nice, 01:15:51.356 --> 01:16:01.264 parody of Kraftwerk meets Air using that SNCF jingle as a base and I thought I might play it for you this afternoon as one of my free plays. 01:16:01.874 --> 01:16:02.274 Here it is. 01:16:02.614 --> 01:16:05.155 Sounds like a little girl with a flower and a balloon on a bike. 01:16:05.615 --> 01:16:06.775 It's actually Lauren Laverne. 01:16:07.475 --> 01:16:09.455 And that was from around 10 years ago. 01:16:09.515 --> 01:16:09.835 Wow. 01:16:09.955 --> 01:16:11.216 With Mint Royale there. 01:16:11.636 --> 01:16:15.276 What popular TV show theme did Mint Royale create, Joe? 01:16:16.156 --> 01:16:19.517 Arr, Arr, me hearties. 01:16:19.557 --> 01:16:21.217 I'm having a pirate arse. 01:16:21.237 --> 01:16:23.498 You haven't had a pirate arse for a long time. 01:16:23.578 --> 01:16:24.458 I've no idea. 01:16:24.558 --> 01:16:25.718 The Priory! 01:16:26.038 --> 01:16:26.978 Was it Biker Grove? 01:16:26.998 --> 01:16:27.778 The Priory! 01:16:27.798 --> 01:16:29.019 Was it Biker Grove? 01:16:29.059 --> 01:16:30.439 The theme to the Priory! 01:16:31.360 --> 01:16:35.024 The Priory with Zoe Ball and Jamie Thixton. 01:16:35.145 --> 01:16:36.606 No one remembers The Priory. 01:16:36.807 --> 01:16:37.748 We went on The Priory. 01:16:37.868 --> 01:16:39.951 Yeah, no one remembers The Priory. 01:16:39.971 --> 01:16:45.418 And we had to, don't you remember, we had like water pistols and we had to water pistol a big cardboard cut out of pot spice. 01:16:45.438 --> 01:16:45.939 Anyway, enough of that. 01:16:47.060 --> 01:16:47.220 No. 01:16:47.260 --> 01:16:47.900 Priory! 01:16:48.040 --> 01:16:48.220 No. 01:16:48.481 --> 01:16:49.221 Come on, bring it back. 01:16:50.081 --> 01:16:59.544 We had an email that we read out earlier from a lady who had an upsetting weekend because of very loud noise from her neighbours. 01:17:00.445 --> 01:17:01.745 Her name was Wendy in Plymouth. 01:17:01.765 --> 01:17:02.325 Hello, Wendy. 01:17:02.666 --> 01:17:05.647 And I was also telling you about my very loud noise experience. 01:17:05.667 --> 01:17:08.628 And I was asking people for techniques to deal with extremely loud parties. 01:17:09.108 --> 01:17:13.990 When you're a bit divided about it, like me, you like parties, but you don't really want to have one. 01:17:14.150 --> 01:17:14.330 Yeah. 01:17:14.610 --> 01:17:14.790 Then. 01:17:15.470 --> 01:17:17.812 You know, I like to choose when I have my parties. 01:17:17.832 --> 01:17:18.272 Sure you do. 01:17:18.292 --> 01:17:20.494 Come on then, Jeremy Vine. 01:17:20.694 --> 01:17:24.837 Here are one or two bits of advice that have come from various people. 01:17:26.318 --> 01:17:27.599 Now where's the really good one? 01:17:27.619 --> 01:17:28.419 Oh no! 01:17:28.780 --> 01:17:36.025 There was quite an amazing tactic that someone sent through, some complicated lie that they told and they got into an exchange with their neighbours. 01:17:36.385 --> 01:17:39.707 I'm going to come back to this because I had such a good email and it's just vanished. 01:17:40.107 --> 01:17:40.347 Is it? 01:17:40.647 --> 01:17:41.928 It's just completely vanished. 01:17:42.028 --> 01:18:02.657 One time, let me tell you, when, years ago when I moved into a very small flat, and it was one of my first flats that I ever got and I was very excited, I had a bit of a party with some friends of mine, and there was a knock on the door from the guy that lived next door, a very nice posh gentleman, and he and his boyfriend were being kept awake by the noise coming from my groovy place. 01:18:03.197 --> 01:18:14.469 I felt really bad about it and he was all shaking with rage because he didn't know what kind of person I was because I'd just moved in so he didn't know you know like oh no I've got a nightmare neighbor he didn't realize it was just nice Dr. Buckles. 01:18:14.730 --> 01:18:18.694 So anyway the next day the next day I left a nice bottle of wine. 01:18:18.954 --> 01:18:41.267 Oh that's very nice doorstep and after that he was all smiles and we became good buddies here it is I found it here's the email morning Adam and Joe regarding your angry music neighbor my friend Dan recently had a few of us staying over at his rural terrace with neighbors on both sides we had the usual night in the pub then we went back to his for a couple of post pub wines this led to us staying up until 4 a.m. 01:18:41.527 --> 01:18:43.608 playing unreasonably loud music mate 01:18:43.848 --> 01:18:44.128 Yes. 01:18:44.148 --> 01:18:44.248 What?! ! 01:19:00.936 --> 01:19:04.357 The next day Dan received another note apologizing for the original complaint. 01:19:04.457 --> 01:19:05.377 Oh mate! 01:19:05.437 --> 01:19:10.098 Good tactic for avoiding neighbour friction but probably a one-use solution. 01:19:11.198 --> 01:19:13.538 That's the old 400 blows tactic isn't it? 01:19:13.558 --> 01:19:14.519 Yeah. 01:19:14.699 --> 01:19:19.239 The way Antoine Doinel gets out of something at school by pretending his dad has died. 01:19:19.279 --> 01:19:20.480 Yeah he gets pretty quickly busted. 01:19:20.520 --> 01:19:25.741 And then in 10 minutes his dad turns up in the school with the headmaster looking very angry. 01:19:26.161 --> 01:19:26.861 But that is the 01:19:27.741 --> 01:19:29.921 Yeah, that's like DEFCON 5, isn't it? 01:19:29.981 --> 01:19:36.643 You only resort to a fictional death in extreme circumstances. 01:19:36.763 --> 01:19:37.943 He couldn't just say sorry. 01:19:38.643 --> 01:19:39.623 It won't happen again. 01:19:39.643 --> 01:19:41.123 Here's another good one from Simon in Sheffield. 01:19:41.364 --> 01:19:51.345 The best thing to do is to turn up at the party with a bottle of wine, say Jim invited you, walk in bold as brass, then rip all the wires out of their music equipment and leg it over the fence. 01:19:51.625 --> 01:19:53.806 Party over, says Simon in Sheffield. 01:19:53.846 --> 01:19:54.806 I think that's quite a good 01:19:55.366 --> 01:19:56.147 Bit of advice. 01:19:56.387 --> 01:19:57.088 Or here's another one. 01:19:57.108 --> 01:19:58.068 Have we got time for one more? 01:19:58.409 --> 01:20:00.511 Yeah, here is one from an anonymous texter. 01:20:00.531 --> 01:20:02.892 For a party diversion, go and knock on the door. 01:20:03.293 --> 01:20:09.698 Say that since the music was so loud, you assumed it was a public party and demand to be let in, lest they turn down the stereo. 01:20:10.098 --> 01:20:14.762 If they refuse, assume they're inviting you and proceed to be the worst party guest ever. 01:20:15.123 --> 01:20:22.889 Smash things, eat all their food, drink all their booze, tell inappropriate stories, and try and have naughty times with the girlfriend. 01:20:23.391 --> 01:20:28.654 Only leave when they promise to turn down the music from Danny Williams' I Am A Girl and a newly converted Slack squadron member. 01:20:28.934 --> 01:20:29.834 We salute you, Danny. 01:20:30.054 --> 01:20:31.075 That's a good bit of advice. 01:20:31.155 --> 01:20:33.596 Any more techniques for stopping parties, do send them to us. 01:20:33.656 --> 01:20:34.957 Until then, here is the news. 01:20:36.405 --> 01:20:59.425 watching them come and go that's an extraordinary song i was sort of um pining to hear it weirdly and now i have that was a free play and uh it's a it's amazing isn't it nobody i there's something about what was that 80s bowie late 80s bow that is mid-80s bowie there's something about it i don't know i guess i was just at the right age for it 01:20:59.445 --> 01:21:01.587 I mean, he was in something of a slump then as well. 01:21:01.647 --> 01:21:04.529 Well, I know, but in retrospect, it's amazingly dramatic. 01:21:04.610 --> 01:21:06.371 I think he always said he loved the song. 01:21:06.391 --> 01:21:07.232 It is a great song. 01:21:07.252 --> 01:21:08.253 It's sort of overproduced. 01:21:08.273 --> 01:21:09.033 What's it about? 01:21:09.093 --> 01:21:10.575 All that Templars and Saracens stuff? 01:21:10.595 --> 01:21:11.576 It's like Rosicrucian. 01:21:11.756 --> 01:21:12.697 Conflicts, man. 01:21:12.757 --> 01:21:14.818 He talks about Palestine and modern problem. 01:21:15.539 --> 01:21:16.080 Oh, so it is. 01:21:16.100 --> 01:21:16.700 It's about Templars. 01:21:16.720 --> 01:21:17.961 It's like about the Ottoman Empire. 01:21:18.802 --> 01:21:19.122 Yeah. 01:21:19.142 --> 01:21:19.663 Stuff like that. 01:21:19.743 --> 01:21:20.443 Big subjects. 01:21:21.484 --> 01:21:23.806 Very grandiose delivery there from Bowie. 01:21:23.946 --> 01:21:24.567 I loved it. 01:21:24.747 --> 01:21:27.369 And what an amazing fill, it's got a 16 beat fill. 01:21:27.829 --> 01:21:28.890 Oh is that 16? 01:21:29.831 --> 01:21:34.415 It's amazing. 01:21:35.095 --> 01:21:38.638 He's a duet with Brosnan. 01:21:39.198 --> 01:21:39.619 Yeah man. 01:21:39.699 --> 01:21:40.139 Imagine. 01:21:41.420 --> 01:21:44.222 Then maybe you shouldn't be leaving here! 01:21:45.868 --> 01:21:47.589 Only the most dramatic song ever written. 01:21:47.869 --> 01:21:49.790 Let's have some made-up jokes! 01:21:50.570 --> 01:21:52.191 I'm a funny person. 01:21:52.651 --> 01:21:54.291 I often make up jokes. 01:21:54.652 --> 01:21:58.733 My jokes are more amusing than those of other folks. 01:21:59.433 --> 01:22:03.135 When you hear my joke I think you'll find that you agree. 01:22:03.635 --> 01:22:07.457 Come on, you're all invited to a made-up joke party. 01:22:08.570 --> 01:22:11.973 Now, I have to announce, listeners, that I haven't actually vetted any of these jokes. 01:22:12.014 --> 01:22:17.299 I've been slack this week on account of busyness, so I will be reading my jokes for the first time. 01:22:17.319 --> 01:22:19.761 They're no reflection on my taste this week. 01:22:20.482 --> 01:22:21.303 Oh, really? 01:22:21.323 --> 01:22:23.325 I'm distancing myself already. 01:22:23.545 --> 01:22:31.133 After we gave some rules out for the made-up jokes the other week, we were saying please avoid mascarpone, mascarpone jokes. 01:22:31.673 --> 01:22:32.933 Harry Potter based jokes. 01:22:32.973 --> 01:22:39.295 Well someone sent in... Can I add another one, sorry to that, is any sort of Indian or foreign food based jokes. 01:22:39.755 --> 01:22:40.035 Right. 01:22:40.055 --> 01:22:44.157 The sort of thing you might have come up with in your local Indian or Chinese restaurant while having a beer. 01:22:44.257 --> 01:22:44.997 Korma jokes. 01:22:45.077 --> 01:22:46.417 Yeah, based on the menu. 01:22:46.677 --> 01:22:47.758 Okay. 01:22:47.818 --> 01:22:51.139 Someone, Mike from Sheffield says no more Potter jokes you say. 01:22:51.759 --> 01:22:51.999 Agreed. 01:22:55.140 --> 01:22:57.203 Now that kind of thing slips through the fence. 01:22:57.904 --> 01:22:59.145 That gets through the net there. 01:22:59.846 --> 01:23:01.609 Here's one through the fence, not the net. 01:23:01.809 --> 01:23:05.514 No, you see, I think it gets through the fence and the net. 01:23:07.256 --> 01:23:08.558 Here's one from Sally Field. 01:23:08.898 --> 01:23:09.639 Sally Field! 01:23:10.160 --> 01:23:10.521 What? 01:23:10.561 --> 01:23:11.622 You love me now! 01:23:12.443 --> 01:23:38.028 from Sheffield and she says hi Adam hi Joe while up half the night with my teething baby daughter Mia I had the time to make up a joke for you here goes which call my bluff presenter has recently discovered the secret language of a small Mediterranean fruit I don't know sandy talks fig sandy talks fig sandy talks fig 01:23:41.131 --> 01:23:42.672 Yes! 01:23:43.133 --> 01:23:43.833 Come on! 01:23:43.853 --> 01:23:44.394 That's good. 01:23:44.614 --> 01:23:47.476 I found this hilarious at 3am, not so much at 4.30am. 01:23:47.656 --> 01:23:48.096 Love the show. 01:23:48.276 --> 01:23:49.577 Thanks Sally, that was great. 01:23:49.898 --> 01:23:51.239 Here's one from BC. 01:23:52.359 --> 01:23:55.502 He's like a great author, he only goes, or she only goes by their initials. 01:23:56.102 --> 01:24:02.847 Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. 01:24:02.967 --> 01:24:04.608 Not this one. 01:24:04.909 --> 01:24:06.009 I told you I didn't choose this. 01:24:06.029 --> 01:24:06.270 I know. 01:24:06.290 --> 01:24:07.130 Do you want me to skip it? 01:24:07.170 --> 01:24:07.390 Nope. 01:24:08.231 --> 01:24:09.192 I gotta go through with it now. 01:24:09.232 --> 01:24:09.612 You do now. 01:24:10.073 --> 01:24:15.858 He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. 01:24:16.139 --> 01:24:20.663 This made him a super calloused, fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis. 01:24:21.043 --> 01:24:24.407 I'm pretty sure we did a very similar variation on that one. 01:24:25.147 --> 01:24:25.648 Who chose these? 01:24:26.167 --> 01:24:28.969 A novice, maybe Lucy, she's only about 13 years old. 01:24:29.329 --> 01:24:32.651 James is so professional, he would not pick out a single member of the team. 01:24:32.992 --> 01:24:35.473 He wouldn't just target our appropriate match. 01:24:35.994 --> 01:24:39.636 I mean, that's a good one, but I do feel as if that has been done before. 01:24:41.097 --> 01:24:41.617 Sorry, man. 01:24:42.478 --> 01:24:43.318 Hey, don't apologize. 01:24:43.338 --> 01:24:44.499 I've already distanced myself. 01:24:44.539 --> 01:24:45.400 It's all cool. 01:24:47.161 --> 01:24:47.601 Here's one. 01:24:47.621 --> 01:24:53.245 He's quite a tortured one from Andrew Tate in Durham, North Carolina, in the United States of America. 01:24:53.345 --> 01:24:54.005 Very glamorous. 01:24:54.045 --> 01:24:54.266 Yeah. 01:24:55.286 --> 01:24:58.089 Dear Adam Joe and James you get that's very nice. 01:24:58.109 --> 01:25:01.972 How polite Question why is he frozen out Tom and Lucy? 01:25:02.772 --> 01:25:10.198 I'm sure he how rude that's very rude Andrew He says what did commander Tom Stinger Jordan from Top Gun? 01:25:10.679 --> 01:25:17.564 Say to the Englishman when he saw Lewis Collins chasing a food critic traveling on top of Emil's at a pack and 01:25:19.125 --> 01:25:20.686 That is an everyday occurrence. 01:25:21.246 --> 01:25:21.767 It happens. 01:25:22.607 --> 01:25:22.967 Answer. 01:25:23.127 --> 01:25:25.989 Hang on, I'm not sure I've stored all those setups in my head. 01:25:26.089 --> 01:25:28.470 So you know Commander Stinger Jordan from Top Gun, right? 01:25:28.490 --> 01:25:28.950 Not really. 01:25:31.151 --> 01:25:41.237 What did he say to the Englishman when he saw Lewis Collins chasing a food critic travelling on top of Emil Zatopek? 01:25:42.638 --> 01:25:43.739 Is Emile that a bit? 01:25:43.759 --> 01:25:45.642 Well, I'll explain shortly. 01:25:46.383 --> 01:25:48.505 There is quite a lengthy explanation. 01:25:49.166 --> 01:25:51.068 Your Egon's writing checks! 01:25:51.369 --> 01:25:52.811 Your Bodhi can't catch! 01:25:52.831 --> 01:25:54.172 Your Egon's writing checks! 01:25:54.192 --> 01:25:54.793 Your Egon's writing checks! 01:25:54.813 --> 01:25:56.215 Your Egon's writing checks! 01:25:56.235 --> 01:25:56.936 Your Egon's writing checks! 01:25:56.956 --> 01:25:57.957 Your Egon's writing checks! 01:25:57.977 --> 01:25:58.658 Your Egon's writing checks! 01:25:58.678 --> 01:25:59.299 Your Egon's writing checks! 01:25:59.819 --> 01:26:00.800 Okay, here's the explanation. 01:26:01.200 --> 01:26:03.721 Your Egon's writing checks your Bodhi can't catch. 01:26:03.941 --> 01:26:04.422 Explanation. 01:26:04.782 --> 01:26:23.773 Emil Zatopek was a very good Czech runner who, I believe, even when weighed down by the heft of food critic Egon Rone, would still be more than a match for television and film actor Lewis Collins whose most famous role was as William Bodhi in the hit late 80s, no late 70s and early 80s show The Professionals. 01:26:24.313 --> 01:26:31.440 Even though food critic Egon Rone was Hungarian-born, he lived the majority of his life in the UK and produced most of his seminal work there. 01:26:31.840 --> 01:26:40.208 Therefore, it would be correct for the American Commander Jordan to refer to both Rone and Bode as yours to the Englishman to whom he is speaking. 01:26:40.448 --> 01:26:41.089 It's watertight. 01:26:41.329 --> 01:26:43.111 Cheers, Andrew Tate. 01:26:44.052 --> 01:26:44.993 That's extraordinary. 01:26:45.073 --> 01:26:47.275 That's a fun joke, isn't it, that everyone can use at parties? 01:26:48.253 --> 01:26:54.477 Oh yeah, I mean I've got one here about impressionist painters but already I'm feeling... I mean that made me chuckle but I felt like it was... Really? 01:26:54.717 --> 01:26:56.619 Okay I've got one about... Do it though. 01:26:57.179 --> 01:26:57.619 Do you think? 01:26:57.639 --> 01:26:57.859 Do it! 01:26:58.460 --> 01:26:59.340 Well I'm going to do another one. 01:26:59.360 --> 01:26:59.440 Yes! 01:26:59.460 --> 01:26:59.540 Yes! 01:26:59.580 --> 01:27:00.881 This is from Jim Lumsden. 01:27:01.342 --> 01:27:02.342 Hello you lovely lads. 01:27:02.743 --> 01:27:04.784 I've gone for a slightly different joke format. 01:27:04.824 --> 01:27:08.606 These are news stories followed by tabloid style headlines. 01:27:08.966 --> 01:27:10.127 Is this ringing any bells? 01:27:10.167 --> 01:27:10.988 I didn't read this one. 01:27:11.748 --> 01:27:13.230 Let's do this, he says. 01:27:13.270 --> 01:27:15.372 That's an exciting way to start, isn't it? 01:27:15.452 --> 01:27:16.733 I read it in a very flat way. 01:27:17.574 --> 01:27:18.796 Let's do this. 01:27:20.838 --> 01:27:23.040 Teen sensation disgusted at Frenchman's sunburn. 01:27:25.367 --> 01:27:26.007 Oh, God. 01:27:27.388 --> 01:27:30.229 Hannah Monta- I'm abandoning that. 01:27:30.269 --> 01:27:30.849 I'm throwing it away. 01:27:30.889 --> 01:27:31.429 I'm throwing it away. 01:27:31.509 --> 01:27:31.969 I'm throwing it away. 01:27:31.989 --> 01:27:32.890 I can smell that one still. 01:27:32.910 --> 01:27:33.410 I'm abandoning it. 01:27:33.650 --> 01:27:37.031 Listen, why don't you read this one from Peter Lawson in Melbourne? 01:27:37.191 --> 01:27:37.731 Yes, please. 01:27:37.771 --> 01:27:38.471 I like this one. 01:27:38.491 --> 01:27:38.731 Oh, hang on. 01:27:38.751 --> 01:27:40.072 I've got some, like, niche ones. 01:27:40.232 --> 01:27:41.092 I'll come back for those. 01:27:42.333 --> 01:27:43.233 Worst Nightmare. 01:27:43.353 --> 01:27:43.953 Oh, you've read it! 01:27:43.973 --> 01:27:45.073 You've just done the punch! 01:27:45.093 --> 01:27:46.414 That's my system! 01:27:47.034 --> 01:28:09.337 for myself this is a disaster can i read my niche one instead i've got high hopes for this so this is a special subsection of made-up jokes these are jokes that will only play in very select company dear adam and joe here are a couple of made-up jokes although i'm very pleased with them i fear they may have limited appeal as their subjects are perhaps a little too niche see what you think the first joke is a geology base was jointly made up by my boyfriend chris and i we made it up while walking in the lake district recently 01:28:10.118 --> 01:28:13.824 It may have been influenced by our rocky mountainous surroundings, or maybe not. 01:28:14.225 --> 01:28:18.091 Question, why was the stupid basalt happier than the clever limestone? 01:28:19.593 --> 01:28:23.259 Because... Igneous is bliss. 01:28:25.069 --> 01:28:26.791 The second joke was made up by me a while ago. 01:28:26.831 --> 01:28:30.776 I can't remember anything about the surrounding circumstances, but it's about gluten intolerance. 01:28:31.476 --> 01:28:35.301 Why did the coeliac disease sufferer eat loads of breads? 01:28:35.621 --> 01:28:37.263 Because he was a gluten for punishment. 01:28:37.763 --> 01:28:39.806 Jane Taven, a woman, Chris Moore's man, Birmingham. 01:28:44.330 --> 01:28:45.291 Happy Saturday everybody. 01:28:45.331 --> 01:28:46.752 Happy Saturday music. 01:28:47.072 --> 01:28:48.413 Alright, yeah, okay. 01:28:48.453 --> 01:28:49.833 Listen, let's just regroup. 01:28:49.913 --> 01:28:51.794 Let's all get together this week. 01:28:51.934 --> 01:28:52.715 Have a little chat. 01:28:52.755 --> 01:28:53.255 Sit down. 01:28:53.275 --> 01:28:55.736 I mean, I just didn't have time to root through them and pick any. 01:28:55.756 --> 01:28:56.017 Sure, sure. 01:28:56.037 --> 01:28:56.437 It's fine. 01:28:56.497 --> 01:28:58.458 Listen, this kind of thing happens once in a while. 01:28:58.478 --> 01:29:01.820 Let's just not freak out and just take some time to think. 01:29:01.940 --> 01:29:02.680 Here's Young Knives. 01:29:05.422 --> 01:29:07.183 Stephen, Stephen Wonderful. 01:29:08.674 --> 01:29:20.322 That's superstition Adam Joe here on BBC six music nearly at the end of the program Just a couple of things that I wanted to mention here on my bits of paper Little shout out that caught my eye sue in Paddington. 01:29:20.683 --> 01:29:25.086 Happy birthday sue that's from your brother kill doing shout outs It's not a shout out 01:29:25.626 --> 01:29:28.969 I've we've got jingles and wacky things and shout outs. 01:29:29.029 --> 01:29:34.913 This is shows turning into wackaday day from Dublin says that made up jokes is spiraling out of control. 01:29:34.933 --> 01:29:36.754 Dave, you know, I agree with that. 01:29:36.795 --> 01:29:38.496 I said this a couple of weeks ago. 01:29:38.516 --> 01:29:42.259 I think he says people keep sending in jokes you can easily find on the Internet. 01:29:42.759 --> 01:29:45.341 None the wiser, that Gandhi joke I heard last year. 01:29:45.661 --> 01:29:47.082 And you keep reading them out. 01:29:47.363 --> 01:29:52.186 Plus now we have upstarts trying to change the format by adding puns and newspaper headlines. 01:29:52.246 --> 01:29:53.527 It's spiraled out of control. 01:29:53.848 --> 01:29:56.169 It will lead to the ultimate downfall of democracy. 01:29:56.249 --> 01:30:02.875 I blame it on moving the time slot from nine to 12 and 10 to 10 till one and thereby letting any old clown join black squadron once an elite and awesome team. 01:30:03.235 --> 01:30:06.497 Dave, I have to say I agree, but that was an anomalous made up jokes. 01:30:06.818 --> 01:30:08.759 The jokes were not vetted by Jay Korns. 01:30:09.259 --> 01:30:11.521 Usually the step, my jokes, I had many more jokes. 01:30:11.541 --> 01:30:12.522 You had many, I ruined it. 01:30:12.842 --> 01:30:14.682 were solid golden nuggets. 01:30:16.203 --> 01:30:20.683 Here's a little message right now from someone who is sticking it to the man, Joe. 01:30:21.283 --> 01:30:21.924 Ed Bailey. 01:30:22.644 --> 01:30:25.644 I love pink lady apples, but they're so darn expensive. 01:30:25.844 --> 01:30:33.366 So every lunchtime for about the last year, I go to the self-service aisle of a certain supermarket to pay for my lunch. 01:30:33.546 --> 01:30:40.507 And when paying for my pink lady apple, I select Cox apple from the list instead of pink lady. 01:30:40.987 --> 01:30:41.427 A beep. 01:30:42.547 --> 01:30:45.168 I reckon I save about 20p a day. 01:30:45.968 --> 01:30:55.110 But I'm starting to get a bit twitchy because now it's gone on for so long and I always try and stand between the staff guy and the screen so he can't actually see. 01:30:55.650 --> 01:31:01.232 I keep expecting to see an in-store... I keep expecting to see myself on an in-store scoundrel list. 01:31:01.812 --> 01:31:02.472 Thank you very much. 01:31:02.492 --> 01:31:02.852 Love the show. 01:31:02.872 --> 01:31:05.393 Hey, that is the Text the Nation theme for next week. 01:31:05.433 --> 01:31:08.954 Pathetic but satisfying ways to stick it to the man. 01:31:08.974 --> 01:31:09.794 Stick it to the man. 01:31:10.394 --> 01:31:14.658 Don't forget this week's Text The Nation, which we've actually failed to pay off. 01:31:14.818 --> 01:31:22.224 We set it up and we will read out your contributions in retro Text The Nation next week, but it is a return to public pretending. 01:31:22.644 --> 01:31:28.289 Things you do in public in order to sort of cover up for perceived awkwardness. 01:31:28.869 --> 01:31:34.872 Yeah, and kind of little games you play with yourself in public, just bits of public theatre to cover up. 01:31:34.892 --> 01:31:40.495 Like the woman who pretended to have a radio in her collar and be a police woman, that kind of thing. 01:31:41.016 --> 01:31:41.436 Exactly. 01:31:42.516 --> 01:31:43.997 So thank you so much for listening, folks. 01:31:44.057 --> 01:31:52.282 Don't forget to download the podcast later on this evening and get in touch with us throughout the week by email on any of the subjects that we've been discussing today. 01:31:52.742 --> 01:31:53.963 Stay tuned for Liz Kershaw. 01:31:53.983 --> 01:31:56.164 She's got Jazz Coleman, ex of Killing Joke, coming up. 01:31:57.484 --> 01:31:59.085 And that's it, I think, isn't it? 01:31:59.105 --> 01:32:08.709 Yeah, don't forget to check out the Black Squadron gallery at our blog bbc.co.uk forward slash blogs forward slash adam and joe and we'll be back next week live from ten till one here on BBC six music. 01:32:08.769 --> 01:32:10.709 Here's the ukulele Beatles to play you out. 01:32:10.749 --> 01:32:12.070 This is their version of the Beatles. 01:32:12.110 --> 01:32:13.030 I've just seen a face. 01:32:13.110 --> 01:32:13.530 Take care. 01:32:13.550 --> 01:32:13.891 I love you. 01:32:13.931 --> 01:32:14.591 Bye. 01:32:14.771 --> 01:32:14.951 Bye.