WEBVTT 00:00.629 --> 00:06.094 It's Christmas time. 00:06.334 --> 00:09.476 Adam and Jo are just arriving at the Christmas shack. 00:10.036 --> 00:12.618 Look at the ceiling, something's hanging there in black. 00:12.698 --> 00:13.419 It's Steve LaMac. 00:13.720 --> 00:17.322 Hmm, that was Fleet Foxes with white winter hymnal. 00:17.923 --> 00:18.984 Hey! 00:19.004 --> 00:19.064 Hey! 00:19.084 --> 00:28.490 Juno, Juno, before we get started properly, I was in a restaurant the other day and who appeared, we were sitting in the window, and who appeared looking through the window, staring at our food? 00:28.510 --> 00:28.790 Juno. 00:29.070 --> 00:30.671 The lead singer of the Fleet Foxes. 00:30.731 --> 00:31.192 Really? 00:31.232 --> 00:31.472 Yeah. 00:31.492 --> 00:36.155 How can you be sure it wasn't just a random... Because my friend said, look, there's the lead singer of the Fleet Foxes. 00:36.715 --> 00:39.017 Was he asking for 10p for a cup of coffee? 00:39.617 --> 00:41.339 He looked like a sort of shambling Christmas tramp. 00:41.499 --> 00:41.679 Yeah. 00:42.039 --> 00:49.508 Because they, you know, they could line up there in 10 years' time, they'd all be lined up harmonically saying, Could you lend me ten pee? 00:49.528 --> 00:51.350 Could you lend me ten pee? 00:51.450 --> 00:54.394 For a cup of coffee and some tea? 00:55.592 --> 00:56.413 Hey, I'm Adam. 00:56.673 --> 00:57.353 Hey, I'm Joe. 00:57.433 --> 01:00.255 Welcome to our very special Christmas special. 01:00.716 --> 01:02.137 Two specials in the same sentence. 01:02.177 --> 01:03.618 I've ruined this program already. 01:03.698 --> 01:04.358 Don't worry, man. 01:04.399 --> 01:15.647 Hey, we know it's been ages and Joe and I have literally just turned up about five minutes ago here at the Big British Castle and we deliberately have ignored each other, haven't really spoken to each other. 01:15.687 --> 01:17.388 We've saved all our chit chat for now. 01:18.069 --> 01:20.230 I mean, the last time I saw you, man, was at Glastonbury. 01:20.330 --> 01:20.570 You, man. 01:21.831 --> 01:22.832 Is that really true? 01:22.872 --> 01:23.092 Yeah. 01:23.552 --> 01:23.953 Wow. 01:24.053 --> 01:24.893 How time flies. 01:25.013 --> 01:26.074 It's a long time ago. 01:26.114 --> 01:26.995 Long time ago. 01:27.055 --> 01:28.876 Listen, we've just arrived in the Christmas shack. 01:28.956 --> 01:29.596 I've changed. 01:29.816 --> 01:30.617 You have changed. 01:30.657 --> 01:31.437 I have changed. 01:31.477 --> 01:32.018 I mean, I can see. 01:32.038 --> 01:33.138 I've different changed. 01:33.599 --> 01:34.880 You're sexy. 01:35.020 --> 01:36.320 There's different things about me. 01:36.541 --> 01:36.721 Yeah? 01:37.001 --> 01:37.261 Yeah. 01:37.401 --> 01:39.202 Am I going to find out later on in the programme? 01:39.442 --> 01:39.743 Yeah. 01:39.843 --> 01:40.543 I've changed too. 01:40.663 --> 01:41.704 I'm unpredictable now. 01:42.004 --> 01:42.804 I haven't changed at all. 01:43.545 --> 01:44.626 I'm exactly the same. 01:45.246 --> 01:48.008 But listen, I'm freezing, so let's warm up the shack, shall we? 01:48.028 --> 01:49.729 Have you got the matches? 01:50.149 --> 01:50.850 Yeah, I've got the matches. 01:50.870 --> 01:51.470 Bring them over here. 01:51.650 --> 01:52.030 There they are. 01:52.111 --> 01:52.691 Thanks very much. 01:52.751 --> 01:55.053 That's a twiglet, not a match, you freak of nature. 01:55.073 --> 01:55.933 I get confused. 01:56.674 --> 01:58.075 Okay, here we go, I've got the matches. 01:58.095 --> 02:00.197 Here we go. 02:02.158 --> 02:04.039 Star, just wobbling the logs there, mate. 02:04.560 --> 02:05.601 It is chilly, isn't it? 02:06.321 --> 02:07.182 Yeah. 02:07.822 --> 02:09.064 Close the door of the girdle. 02:13.448 --> 02:15.070 I can strike the match off this twiglet. 02:15.090 --> 02:15.891 I'm freezing. 02:15.911 --> 02:17.052 I always do that. 02:17.112 --> 02:18.834 When am I going to learn? 02:23.126 --> 02:25.947 I had the crackers attached to my knackers again. 02:26.927 --> 02:27.047 Oh. 02:27.267 --> 02:27.927 Thanks very much. 02:27.948 --> 02:30.608 We were saving up those explosives for next year. 02:30.628 --> 02:33.769 I know, I had to pour all the champagne over the fireball as well. 02:33.789 --> 02:36.090 We were going to cause an incident and now we can't. 02:36.230 --> 02:36.850 Sorry about that. 02:37.050 --> 02:41.072 But listen, instead of champagne, because some, why did I say that like that? 02:41.232 --> 02:41.732 Champagne, yeah. 02:41.752 --> 02:42.152 Champagne. 02:42.172 --> 02:43.272 Because that's how it's correctly said. 02:43.292 --> 02:46.453 I was thinking it might be more, more posher, but it came out wrongular. 02:47.213 --> 02:51.015 Um, so instead of champagne this year, because it always makes me feel a bit acid, I don't know about you. 02:51.035 --> 02:51.755 Mm-hmm. 02:52.055 --> 02:52.215 Yeah? 02:52.535 --> 02:53.375 Yeah, not really. 02:53.415 --> 02:54.616 Not really, you just like it. 02:55.496 --> 02:57.397 Well, I thought we'd go a different direction this year. 02:57.417 --> 02:58.237 But then so does acid. 02:58.637 --> 02:59.097 Right. 03:00.558 --> 03:03.059 I thought we'd go for, um, G and T's. 03:03.219 --> 03:03.639 No. 03:03.659 --> 03:04.099 In cans. 03:04.139 --> 03:05.319 That's powerful business. 03:05.339 --> 03:05.900 Don't you reckon? 03:06.200 --> 03:07.360 That's powerful stuff. 03:07.540 --> 03:08.901 Because I thought it might be kind of summery. 03:08.921 --> 03:10.701 I can't handle my G and T. You can. 03:10.721 --> 03:11.201 I can't. 03:11.221 --> 03:11.561 Just sip it. 03:11.641 --> 03:12.902 I bought ice as well. 03:13.002 --> 03:17.083 Did your mum and dad used to give you little sippies of, uh, plonkers when you were a kid? 03:17.303 --> 03:18.404 Maybe the odd bit of wine. 03:18.524 --> 03:18.824 Really? 03:18.984 --> 03:19.184 Yeah. 03:19.404 --> 03:23.526 I mean, famously, European parents often give their kids sips of wine. 03:24.407 --> 03:27.828 But my mum and dad used to... My mum used to drink G&T. 03:28.068 --> 03:28.409 Did she? 03:28.589 --> 03:30.029 And she used to let me have a sip. 03:30.390 --> 03:32.711 And it's quite nice and sweet and tasty, isn't it? 03:32.911 --> 03:35.252 Yes, it takes a few... Very drunk. 03:36.132 --> 03:40.775 And so I like it, and I'm a bit like Obelix in Asterix and Obelix. 03:40.875 --> 03:44.477 You know he got... He fell into a big vat of magic potion, didn't he? 03:44.777 --> 03:46.077 Yeah, not G&T, though. 03:46.298 --> 03:46.678 Yeah, but... 03:48.079 --> 03:50.542 What magic potion is to him, G and T, is to me. 03:50.842 --> 03:52.964 Right, so are you worried it's going to set you off again? 03:53.365 --> 03:55.247 It'll make me more drunk than normal. 03:55.607 --> 03:56.608 Well, just sip it, man. 03:56.628 --> 03:57.870 Look, I've got loads of ice here. 03:57.910 --> 03:59.311 And this is Christmas morning, Adam. 03:59.351 --> 04:02.374 I mean, we're in a very privileged situation with this programme. 04:02.795 --> 04:07.300 Christmas Day happens to fall... Christmas morning falls within our special slot. 04:07.600 --> 04:08.460 Yes, absolutely. 04:08.500 --> 04:10.101 It's the most holy of the holy slots. 04:10.401 --> 04:14.203 And families all around Britain will be... Drinking G&T. 04:14.243 --> 04:15.044 Drinking G&T. 04:15.104 --> 04:16.064 No, they'll be huddled in. 04:16.284 --> 04:17.485 They'll be huddled opening presents. 04:17.525 --> 04:18.905 I mean, it's 10am now, right? 04:18.946 --> 04:19.446 Or just gone 10? 04:19.646 --> 04:22.027 You don't open your presents at 10am, boy. 04:22.267 --> 04:23.408 What time do you open them? 04:23.608 --> 04:24.508 After lunch. 04:24.728 --> 04:25.609 After lunch, do you? 04:25.649 --> 04:25.889 Yeah. 04:27.085 --> 04:27.665 I disagree. 04:27.685 --> 04:29.045 Actually, do we do it after lunch? 04:29.065 --> 04:29.666 I can't remember. 04:29.866 --> 04:32.046 Maybe we do it... No, we do it after lunch. 04:32.586 --> 04:37.467 I think any healthy Liberal parent would let their kids open their presents as soon as they get up. 04:37.947 --> 04:38.568 Oh, really? 04:38.588 --> 04:38.768 Yeah. 04:39.088 --> 04:41.788 No, you can have a couple of presents, but you can't have the whole bang shoot. 04:42.328 --> 04:42.648 Really? 04:42.689 --> 04:43.129 Young man. 04:43.589 --> 04:46.829 No, because otherwise it's just... Why are you giving your kids bang shoots? 04:47.670 --> 04:48.770 I'm giving them a bang shooter. 04:48.990 --> 04:51.250 Why, they're not old enough to control bang shooters. 04:51.631 --> 04:53.011 It's just a nerf bang shooter. 04:54.231 --> 04:57.793 Anyway, listen, while I dole out the G&Ts, would you like one, James? 04:58.293 --> 04:59.093 There you go, come on. 04:59.554 --> 05:02.015 And we're not encouraging people to do this kind of thing at 10 in the morning. 05:02.315 --> 05:05.996 To be honest with you folks, in the name of transparency, we are actually pre-recording this show. 05:06.857 --> 05:09.258 So this was a few weeks before Christmas. 05:09.938 --> 05:11.579 But, and it's late at night. 05:11.739 --> 05:13.400 In fact, it's five in the morning. 05:14.781 --> 05:15.521 We're in Denmark. 05:16.322 --> 05:16.902 That's not true. 05:17.402 --> 05:20.364 But it's the evening for us, so G&Ts are allowed. 05:20.484 --> 05:23.225 But you're not allowed because it's only ten in the morning, just gone. 05:23.786 --> 05:27.468 So get yourself together, go for a jog, come back, then you can open your presents. 05:28.268 --> 05:32.411 Right now, before we go any further, here's a bit of music, and it's from The Cure. 05:32.511 --> 05:34.012 Are they a Christmassy band, James? 05:34.613 --> 05:35.954 Not really, are they? 05:36.214 --> 05:38.176 They're a wintry band, I'll give you that much. 05:38.596 --> 05:40.057 But I don't know about Christmas cheer. 05:40.177 --> 05:42.519 Anyway, this is a sort of a cheery cure song. 05:42.559 --> 05:45.882 This is close to me from 1985's Head on the Door. 05:45.962 --> 05:47.223 That was The Cure with Close to Me. 05:47.263 --> 05:48.964 This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music. 05:49.024 --> 05:50.405 A very Merry Christmas, listeners. 05:50.625 --> 05:51.526 We're in our little shack. 05:52.086 --> 05:54.249 which is stuck on the side of the Big British Castle. 05:54.269 --> 05:58.153 We've got our fire going, and we're having a lovely Christmas morning, aren't we, Adam? 05:58.434 --> 06:05.001 James, our producer, has festooned the studio here at the Big British Castle with a lot of tinsel. 06:05.041 --> 06:10.047 More tinsel than I've seen since the unfashionable 70s when tinsel was de rigueur. 06:10.487 --> 06:14.689 Now it's very unacceptable, taste-wise, to have tinsel. 06:14.949 --> 06:16.050 It's a little tacky, isn't it? 06:16.070 --> 06:21.692 It's very tacky, and our household is incredibly, you know, we've got a minimalist... Super sophisticated, aren't we? 06:21.792 --> 06:24.874 Walking into your house is like going into, like, the Habitat Shop window. 06:24.974 --> 06:25.894 Yeah, it's a lot like that. 06:26.295 --> 06:27.635 Are you silver and black this year? 06:27.695 --> 06:28.656 Totally silver and black. 06:28.916 --> 06:29.516 Yeah, sure. 06:29.536 --> 06:30.617 You painted your kids silver. 06:31.297 --> 06:33.219 But listen, listeners, we should sort out one or two things. 06:33.279 --> 06:38.683 First of all, we're just pretending that we're recording this on Christmas morning, because this is a pre-record. 06:39.023 --> 06:42.125 I'm not going to mention that again, because it's fine to lie at Christmas. 06:42.486 --> 06:44.988 It's a time of fantasy and escape and adventure. 06:45.328 --> 06:49.031 But we're only mentioning it in the context of the forthcoming Black Squadron command. 06:49.391 --> 06:52.894 Now, listen, Black Squadron, we know you've been stood down for a long time. 06:52.954 --> 06:53.154 Yes. 06:53.554 --> 06:55.176 You'll probably be quite rusty and creaky. 06:55.636 --> 06:57.277 You may have forgotten what Black Squadron is. 06:57.337 --> 06:58.959 You might have grown out of Black Squadron. 06:58.979 --> 06:59.059 Hey! 06:59.779 --> 07:17.882 Come on Adam hey hey you know they're a year older year more mature I think they'll be senior members of Black Squadron now and they'll be even more committed to the cause we're about to issue you a command we'd like you to respond to it in the form of photos that you can email us don't text because we're not here to receive your texts you've just got to email them and the email address is 07:18.843 --> 07:27.127 Adamandbbc.jo.com at forward slash HTTP balloons. 07:27.747 --> 07:28.027 Wrong. 07:28.347 --> 07:30.968 It's Adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk. 07:31.449 --> 07:39.112 So email the photos that you take in response to the following Black Squadron command to that email address and we will post the very best on the blog. 07:39.712 --> 07:45.195 Now, later in the programme we're going to be giving each other some presents, as is our traditional won't around this time of year. 07:46.155 --> 07:46.575 Three. 07:47.175 --> 07:48.216 As is our traditional what? 07:48.316 --> 07:48.636 Won't. 07:48.876 --> 07:49.236 Won't. 07:49.436 --> 07:50.436 Yeah, want. 07:51.877 --> 07:55.538 Well, you fixed it now, but you did it wrong twice. 07:55.558 --> 07:56.398 No, it's fine. 07:56.438 --> 07:58.238 The pronunciation was old. 07:58.258 --> 07:59.959 That was the old English pronunciation. 07:59.979 --> 08:01.259 Pronunciation was fiene. 08:01.699 --> 08:03.500 Anyway, yeah, we're going to be giving each other presents, right? 08:03.720 --> 08:04.100 Three each. 08:05.799 --> 08:07.840 But here's the Black Squadron command, okay? 08:07.920 --> 08:09.340 Shall we do that, then get into a record? 08:09.360 --> 08:09.820 Yeah, okay. 08:10.261 --> 08:10.481 Yeah? 08:10.641 --> 08:10.821 Yeah. 08:10.901 --> 08:11.401 Happy with that? 08:11.601 --> 08:12.942 Yeah, I'm gonna play a free play. 08:12.962 --> 08:16.223 So I'm gonna bang in this free play straight after the command. 08:17.023 --> 08:19.424 And I've been listening to some great music this year. 08:20.144 --> 08:23.125 And here's one of the tracks that I very much enjoyed from the last few months. 08:23.165 --> 08:24.506 This is Darwin Dees. 08:24.526 --> 08:26.246 Have you ever seen Darwin Dees, Joe? 08:26.406 --> 08:26.806 No, mate. 08:26.866 --> 08:28.407 He's an extraordinary-looking fella. 08:28.687 --> 08:33.729 He's an American indie popper who looks like a cross between Emily... Emily! 08:34.889 --> 08:38.591 Howard from Little Britain, and the kind of Hasidic Jew. 08:38.911 --> 08:43.433 He's got ringlets, but then a little headband, and he's an extraordinary-looking fellow. 08:43.633 --> 08:48.075 But he's groovy, and this is a track from his last album, and it's called Constellations. 08:48.095 --> 08:50.176 You'll be hearing it after the Black Squadron command. 08:50.276 --> 08:50.756 Go, Joe! 08:50.976 --> 08:52.377 Okay, here's the Black Squadron command. 08:52.417 --> 08:53.817 Now, we're not going to define this. 08:53.897 --> 08:55.018 We're just going to say the words. 08:55.038 --> 08:58.839 You can interpret it as you wish, right? 08:59.240 --> 08:59.680 Here it is. 08:59.960 --> 09:01.200 Black Squadron, stand by. 09:01.241 --> 09:01.941 Your command is... 09:02.501 --> 09:03.302 Tinsel undies! 09:03.542 --> 09:04.362 Jungle boogie! 09:04.642 --> 09:05.943 That was cool in the gang. 09:06.303 --> 09:08.164 Hey Merry Christmas listeners. 09:08.364 --> 09:09.385 Yeah, Merry Christmas listeners. 09:09.405 --> 09:11.026 This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music. 09:11.066 --> 09:14.047 We're here in our little Christmas shack with the firecrackling. 09:14.087 --> 09:15.648 You can probably hear that in the background. 09:15.968 --> 09:19.610 And I don't know whether you know, but at Christmas it's traditional to give presents. 09:19.931 --> 09:20.571 Yeah, that's true. 09:20.611 --> 09:23.212 Where does the tradition of giving presents come from, Jo? 09:23.373 --> 09:25.394 It actually comes from... 10, this is QI. 09:25.434 --> 09:26.314 The dawn of time. 09:26.654 --> 09:27.695 The dawn of time. 09:27.735 --> 09:29.256 So early, early man. 09:29.716 --> 09:30.537 Yeah. 09:30.697 --> 09:34.959 When cavemen lived in caves, they celebrated Christmas. 09:35.179 --> 09:38.281 And they would come in with special rocks and twigs. 09:38.321 --> 09:44.165 They would stuff gifts inside dead animals, like the carcasses of the creatures they'd slaughtered. 09:44.665 --> 09:47.367 And the present, I mean the shopping wasn't particularly good 09:48.007 --> 09:50.828 back then, so the range of presence was limited. 09:50.888 --> 09:53.868 Well the MP3 players then were very primitive. 09:53.908 --> 09:54.748 They were very primitive. 09:54.768 --> 09:56.809 You could get only about five songs on. 09:56.949 --> 10:14.392 Yeah, Call of Duty, it was, I think it was the very first Call of Duty was released back then, so you know, and it was the video game, the quality of the video games, I mean the... Yeah, they were very blocky, like the people in them, the movements were not naturalistic. 10:15.812 --> 10:17.273 You know, the graphics, that's the word I was looking for. 10:17.293 --> 10:19.054 We're talking about a very primitive time. 10:19.074 --> 10:20.535 I mean, graphics were very primitive. 10:20.635 --> 10:22.076 Graphics were very primitive. 10:22.757 --> 10:25.018 And there was no sellotape, imagine. 10:26.279 --> 10:29.881 Oh, that's me looking at the graphics thinking, oh, oh, primitive. 10:30.342 --> 10:32.003 Black ops is bad. 10:32.183 --> 10:33.404 That's not how someone move. 10:33.684 --> 10:35.865 Anyway, so me and Adam are going to, that's not a wumble. 10:36.486 --> 10:37.566 That's not a wumble. 10:37.646 --> 10:38.927 Do you want a wumble? 10:39.127 --> 10:39.307 What? 10:40.558 --> 10:42.959 No, I said, that's not how someone move. 10:43.840 --> 10:45.861 Looking at the guy in the video, OK? 10:46.281 --> 10:52.465 Language was, of course, very primitive, which is why they use the word primitive to describe. 10:52.485 --> 10:56.207 And also they had, their diet was very bad, so they were constantly clearing their throats. 10:56.227 --> 10:56.667 They were. 10:57.067 --> 10:57.468 They were. 10:58.368 --> 11:00.469 And the Royal Mail was terribly slow back then. 11:01.829 --> 11:04.009 That's not a nice noise to make on Christmas morning, is it? 11:04.410 --> 11:06.030 Yeah, we're going to give each other presents. 11:06.070 --> 11:07.130 We bought each other presents. 11:07.170 --> 11:09.151 What sort of rules have we bought these presents within? 11:09.171 --> 11:12.532 We used to have a budgetary limit, didn't we, of sort of a tenner. 11:12.712 --> 11:12.912 Yeah. 11:13.012 --> 11:16.432 But that ceiling has been smashed in recent years. 11:16.493 --> 11:17.673 Someone smashed the ceiling. 11:18.553 --> 11:19.393 stood up too quickly. 11:19.413 --> 11:23.834 Have you applied any parameters to your present buying? 11:24.254 --> 11:28.135 Well last year you very generously gave me David Burns' bicycle buying. 11:28.175 --> 11:35.236 I know and you sent me a strongly worded email saying no serious gifts and obviously that had stuck in your mind for a year. 11:35.316 --> 11:36.497 I love that book by the way. 11:37.417 --> 11:38.237 It's my lovey book. 11:38.257 --> 11:39.237 It's been my lovey book for 2010. 11:40.498 --> 11:41.218 Great compliment. 11:41.238 --> 11:42.258 It's alright man. 11:42.458 --> 11:44.858 I've read a couple of pages every time I go in there. 11:44.998 --> 11:47.359 I can picture you reading it and it fills my heart with 11:47.919 --> 11:48.880 That's interesting! 11:50.081 --> 11:53.303 A Christmas-y stench of mince pies. 11:53.343 --> 11:54.083 There you go! 11:56.365 --> 11:58.186 I can smell the mince pies. 11:59.487 --> 12:00.628 The mince pies? 12:01.048 --> 12:02.069 Anyway, listen, yes, presents. 12:02.669 --> 12:05.471 Okay, so this is a kind of a... Hey, how many presents have you got me? 12:05.771 --> 12:06.311 Well, what, you three? 12:06.331 --> 12:06.872 How many have you got, mate? 12:06.892 --> 12:07.672 I've got you four. 12:07.953 --> 12:10.494 Oh, well, now you've broken the rules instantly! 12:10.554 --> 12:12.796 Only because I saw something that I just had to get you. 12:12.956 --> 12:13.577 Well, do you want to start then? 12:13.597 --> 12:17.099 I bought the first three and then I saw something that is just you through and through. 12:17.119 --> 12:18.680 I'll leave that one till last. 12:18.700 --> 12:19.641 It's bound to be offensive. 12:19.661 --> 12:20.661 Do you want to start then? 12:21.062 --> 12:21.402 No, no, no. 12:21.442 --> 12:22.723 You go, girl. 12:23.023 --> 12:24.524 That's what they say these days, isn't it? 12:24.564 --> 12:25.165 Yes, it is. 12:25.325 --> 12:26.666 So this is a beautifully wrapped present. 12:26.726 --> 12:27.306 Oh, it's heavy. 12:28.347 --> 12:30.168 It's got really lovely wrapping paper. 12:30.268 --> 12:30.869 Well, you know what? 12:30.909 --> 12:32.410 This is from me and James. 12:32.990 --> 12:33.450 Is it really? 12:33.590 --> 12:33.830 Yeah. 12:34.170 --> 12:34.451 Really? 12:34.711 --> 12:39.612 James has, like, just raised his eyebrow in a way that suggests... A James Bond style way. 12:39.752 --> 12:40.613 So this is wonderful. 12:40.713 --> 12:41.633 And it's sort of soft. 12:41.693 --> 12:44.614 It's the size of a... I don't know what it's the size of. 12:45.154 --> 12:45.575 A book. 12:46.655 --> 12:46.975 Not a book. 12:47.075 --> 12:49.136 Oh, I think I might know what this is actually. 12:49.156 --> 12:51.357 Something much better than a book. 12:51.417 --> 12:51.557 Yeah. 12:51.577 --> 12:53.638 Something far more precious than any book. 12:53.878 --> 12:55.778 Well, this is a very loaded gift. 12:55.818 --> 12:56.399 Look at that. 12:57.339 --> 12:57.479 Yeah. 12:58.442 --> 13:01.944 Joe is unwrapping a heavy Perspex obelisk. 13:02.144 --> 13:07.567 Well, this is going to make me sound quite sort of conceited to announce what this is. 13:08.128 --> 13:11.169 It's Adam and Joe Sony Gold Award. 13:11.349 --> 13:13.791 What we got for our show last year, was it? 13:13.831 --> 13:14.491 Was it this year? 13:14.711 --> 13:15.232 This year. 13:15.332 --> 13:16.392 2010's all happened. 13:16.412 --> 13:17.253 That's amazing. 13:17.273 --> 13:18.153 What an amazing... 13:19.514 --> 13:20.755 Gift, thank you very much. 13:21.015 --> 13:21.555 What are you gonna say? 13:21.595 --> 13:22.135 Come on, speech. 13:22.215 --> 13:23.116 Thank you very much. 13:23.456 --> 13:24.196 I mean, what's the deal? 13:24.216 --> 13:25.937 I've got so many questions are going through my head. 13:25.977 --> 13:29.078 Because Joe wasn't at the Sony Awards, you see, back at the beginning of the year. 13:29.118 --> 13:32.200 So I accepted on behalf and Chris Evans handed over the award. 13:32.220 --> 13:33.700 It was an amazingly exciting night. 13:34.020 --> 13:34.441 It was. 13:34.621 --> 13:36.562 And it was really sad that Joe couldn't be there. 13:36.642 --> 13:38.642 So now, come on, pretend you're up on that stage. 13:38.662 --> 13:43.805 You've got Chris Evans looking at you saying, richly deserved, he said to us, which was really nice. 13:43.825 --> 13:44.225 Thanks, Chris. 13:44.785 --> 13:45.805 That's very kind of you. 13:46.726 --> 13:51.207 It seems strange holding this award whilst in the middle of this particular show. 13:52.308 --> 13:53.828 What an astounding award. 13:54.128 --> 13:57.630 And thanks very much to everybody who works on the show. 13:57.650 --> 13:58.410 Yeah? 13:58.630 --> 13:59.130 That's what I say. 13:59.150 --> 14:00.470 You see, it's a good thing I wasn't there. 14:00.871 --> 14:02.051 No good at making speeches. 14:02.451 --> 14:03.872 And I also got you something to go with it. 14:04.432 --> 14:04.692 Did you? 14:06.849 --> 14:09.490 Adam's foraging in his buckles bag. 14:10.011 --> 14:11.732 Oh, ho, ho, now you're talking. 14:11.792 --> 14:12.512 I know you're a fan. 14:12.632 --> 14:13.813 The Top Gear Calendar 2011. 14:15.574 --> 14:16.714 You love Top Gear, don't you? 14:16.734 --> 14:17.655 I love Top Gear. 14:17.695 --> 14:18.795 No, you seriously do that. 14:18.815 --> 14:19.596 No, seriously? 14:19.776 --> 14:19.956 No. 14:20.456 --> 14:20.896 Seriously. 14:20.916 --> 14:21.117 Yeah. 14:21.437 --> 14:22.297 I love Top Gear. 14:22.377 --> 14:22.737 I know. 14:23.058 --> 14:24.578 Look at that, the Top Gear Calendar. 14:24.618 --> 14:26.860 This is a BBC thing as well, isn't it? 14:26.900 --> 14:29.081 Looks so well within our rights to talk about it. 14:29.121 --> 14:30.261 Do they put funny things on there? 14:30.281 --> 14:31.602 What kind of funny things do they put on? 14:31.662 --> 14:32.883 How have they customised it? 14:32.903 --> 14:34.904 Because it says on the front, what does it say? 14:34.944 --> 14:35.104 Look. 14:36.547 --> 14:38.869 with added clocks and May and Hammond. 14:39.009 --> 14:41.470 How do they add extra clocks and May and Hammond to it? 14:41.590 --> 14:43.391 Well, they've put pictures of them in it, innit? 14:44.072 --> 14:47.474 Oh, it's got the Lamborghini Morcegia, the LP670SV. 14:47.594 --> 14:48.395 I love that car. 14:48.415 --> 14:48.775 You do. 14:48.855 --> 14:49.756 I knew that was your favourite. 14:49.776 --> 14:51.897 Oh, it's got James May pulling a face. 14:52.577 --> 14:53.178 It's brilliant. 14:54.439 --> 14:55.139 What a calendar. 14:55.159 --> 14:58.281 Oh, March is going to be a specially good month. 14:58.421 --> 14:59.882 I mean, it's been a tricky year for the Stig. 15:00.302 --> 15:00.663 Has it? 15:01.243 --> 15:02.364 Haven't you been reading the papers? 15:02.504 --> 15:02.604 No. 15:03.084 --> 15:05.185 There was all sorts of scandal about the Stig. 15:05.205 --> 15:07.045 He tried to blow his cover and publish a book. 15:07.405 --> 15:08.906 The BBC tried to stop him. 15:09.426 --> 15:10.466 There was a court case. 15:10.906 --> 15:14.587 I mean, it's been a troubling year for Top Gear and the Stig and Top Gear fans. 15:14.827 --> 15:16.288 Yeah. 15:16.588 --> 15:18.288 I mean, there wasn't a point behind that. 15:18.348 --> 15:19.649 I'm just bringing you up to speed. 15:19.809 --> 15:21.089 You brought everyone down, haven't you? 15:21.309 --> 15:23.250 We've got to pick it up now with some more fun music. 15:23.590 --> 15:24.950 Here's Julian Casablanca. 15:25.030 --> 15:26.191 I wish it was Christmas today. 15:26.211 --> 15:27.311 It is, you idiot! 15:27.631 --> 15:30.712 Julian Casablanca's with I wish it was Christmas today. 15:30.732 --> 15:33.513 I've already told you it is you moron. 15:33.874 --> 15:35.174 You're listening to Adam and Joe here. 15:35.234 --> 15:36.194 Happy Christmas listeners. 15:36.234 --> 15:37.035 It's time for the news. 15:37.135 --> 15:39.356 I wonder what David's doing this Christmas morning. 15:39.376 --> 15:41.557 What do you think Christmas in the Bowie household is like, Adam? 15:42.077 --> 15:44.618 Um, I would say probably around 10 in the morning. 15:45.098 --> 15:47.359 A little bit of light festive miming. 15:49.561 --> 15:54.726 followed by a superlattative game of Girard's. 15:55.326 --> 16:00.331 Who do you think comes over to the Bowie household on Christmas morning? 16:00.531 --> 16:02.493 Ryan Eno. 16:02.533 --> 16:03.814 Does he join in the miming? 16:04.214 --> 16:07.377 He refuses to do miming because it's too traditional. 16:08.058 --> 16:18.086 Brian points to a huge collection of drawings of his own buttocks on the walls, each one with a different letter on it. 16:18.506 --> 16:27.093 And when he points randomly at each letter, the person playing charades has to conjure a charade-based game. 16:27.394 --> 16:28.715 Are there gnomes? 16:28.835 --> 16:29.035 Yes. 16:29.235 --> 16:30.136 Yes, there are gnomes. 16:30.336 --> 16:31.957 How many gnomes are there in there? 16:32.077 --> 16:34.539 16 gnomes on the Christmas morning. 16:36.000 --> 16:37.802 On the Christmas 16. 16:38.382 --> 16:41.605 Yes, it must be 16 16 names on the Christmas. 16:41.645 --> 16:42.706 Are there any elves? 16:43.527 --> 16:53.656 No And is there anything other gifts for the little children and is there perhaps a little coin for Tommy the beggar boy? 16:53.676 --> 17:00.742 That's from Bowie's Tony newly-faced yes and Bowie of course dresses up like a 17:01.042 --> 17:02.223 Of course, if it's a king. 17:02.343 --> 17:05.425 Pixie King, of course, he does with his big jock strap. 17:05.445 --> 17:05.545 Jared. 17:06.045 --> 17:06.386 Yes. 17:06.886 --> 17:13.651 For one morning alone, I am Jared, and I will give you gifts only if you do my bidding. 17:13.831 --> 17:15.852 I wish I was at Bowie's house this Christmas morning. 17:15.892 --> 17:16.753 It would be amazing. 17:19.014 --> 17:23.917 Duncan, you will not have your gift until you have sold this riddle for me. 17:27.300 --> 17:27.960 What's the riddle? 17:29.641 --> 17:29.861 What? 17:33.824 --> 17:34.825 That's a good riddle. 17:34.845 --> 17:35.726 In my packet. 17:37.247 --> 17:39.829 Oh dear, there's a peculiar atmosphere in the room. 17:40.830 --> 17:42.111 It's a fun atmosphere, come on. 17:42.331 --> 17:44.553 Hey listen, this is Adam and Jo, this is BBC6 Music. 17:44.593 --> 17:46.775 Merry Christmas morning listeners, we're in our little shack. 17:48.136 --> 17:49.597 Just outside the big British castle. 17:49.998 --> 17:51.199 And we're exchanging gifts. 17:51.619 --> 17:53.460 Are we going to do some gift action right now? 17:53.521 --> 17:55.262 Let's do a gift in a second. 17:55.682 --> 17:57.344 How are you doing for refreshments everyone? 17:57.364 --> 17:58.425 We've got some twiglets here. 17:59.425 --> 18:00.926 I've had a load of twiglets. 18:00.966 --> 18:01.766 Yeah, you happy with them? 18:02.066 --> 18:04.587 Yeah, they're like old man's bones. 18:04.767 --> 18:06.968 I notice you never suck them, you just crunch them right. 18:07.028 --> 18:09.929 No, you can't suck a crisp, they become soggy and lose their Christmas. 18:09.949 --> 18:11.630 It's not a crisp, it's a twiggle, that's the whole point. 18:11.650 --> 18:13.411 Yeah, but it comes within the subset of crisps. 18:13.431 --> 18:14.571 Do you know how they make twiggles? 18:14.671 --> 18:15.632 It's a crispy snack. 18:16.112 --> 18:19.713 They line the twiggles up, it's like a firing squad. 18:19.913 --> 18:20.174 Really? 18:20.614 --> 18:28.097 And they're nude, like they line up the nude twiggles, and then like a guy with a high-pressure hose full of Marmite guns. 18:28.797 --> 18:30.759 And he sprays the heck out of those mothers. 18:32.140 --> 18:32.640 Awful. 18:32.660 --> 18:33.801 Some of them don't make it. 18:33.901 --> 18:34.822 I'm not going to lie to you. 18:34.962 --> 18:36.963 That guy with a hose full of Marmite fumes. 18:36.983 --> 18:38.364 Yeah, I'm not going to sugarcoat it. 18:38.444 --> 18:39.365 Some of them don't make it. 18:39.665 --> 18:39.925 Really? 18:39.945 --> 18:44.088 But the ones that do are the best of the best and delicious! 18:44.128 --> 18:46.070 That's like a kind of average Marmite advert. 18:47.471 --> 18:50.173 That would be a good pitch for a wacky new Marmite ad, wouldn't it? 18:50.833 --> 18:52.935 So what are we going to do before we open the prezzies? 18:52.955 --> 18:54.476 Because all I care about are the prezzies. 18:54.576 --> 18:59.160 Well, would you like to hear a bit of music from a haughty young ice queen? 18:59.280 --> 18:59.520 Yes. 18:59.841 --> 19:00.661 Here's Laura Marlin. 19:01.062 --> 19:01.962 Oh, mate. 19:02.503 --> 19:03.343 Laura Marlin. 19:03.363 --> 19:04.024 She's beautiful. 19:04.204 --> 19:04.985 She's so beautiful. 19:05.005 --> 19:06.106 She's terribly sensitive. 19:06.166 --> 19:07.206 She's like a beauty. 19:07.246 --> 19:08.607 She's not, you know, isn't she? 19:08.708 --> 19:09.828 No, she's an ice queen. 19:10.229 --> 19:10.549 Is she? 19:10.609 --> 19:11.790 She's got no feelings. 19:11.870 --> 19:12.651 Is she cold? 19:12.831 --> 19:14.032 She's so cold. 19:14.392 --> 19:15.213 That's not very nice. 19:15.253 --> 19:17.216 She's hewn from marble. 19:17.737 --> 19:19.339 But she's very talented. 19:19.900 --> 19:21.883 But she's got ice in her heart. 19:21.983 --> 19:23.305 Because that's what it takes to get a hit. 19:24.406 --> 19:27.130 Well there's a sad brutal truth for Christmas morning. 19:27.691 --> 19:29.293 That's what Christmas is all about. 19:29.373 --> 19:29.894 Brutal truth. 19:31.576 --> 19:34.219 Yes, that's very true, that's what Jesus wanted. 19:34.620 --> 19:35.701 I want a present! 19:35.761 --> 19:36.542 Well, you're gonna get one. 19:36.562 --> 19:36.743 Hooray! 19:36.763 --> 19:38.745 This is Adam and Joe, this is BBC Six Music. 19:39.106 --> 19:40.688 Happy Christmas morning, listeners. 19:41.509 --> 19:46.855 We've been exchanging gifts, because it's traditional, and here's a present from me, Joe, to Adam. 19:47.036 --> 19:47.436 Thanks, man. 19:48.197 --> 19:49.759 Now you always give me good presents. 19:49.799 --> 19:52.201 That's one thing about you that I can say. 19:52.221 --> 19:56.465 I mean, you know, as a friend in many ways, you're a let down. 19:57.326 --> 20:00.949 But as a present giver, you are pretty much second to none. 20:01.730 --> 20:05.314 Intelligent, thoughtful, creative, surprising. 20:07.115 --> 20:09.056 I'm unwrapping the gift as you can hear. 20:09.076 --> 20:13.338 This is a Flexi book. 20:13.399 --> 20:14.439 It's a Flexi book. 20:14.479 --> 20:20.062 It's about the size, you know, it's A4 magazine but it's a hard spine. 20:23.226 --> 20:24.067 What have we got here? 20:24.807 --> 20:24.847 Oh. 20:25.748 --> 20:29.210 Now, I've been observing your guitar skills. 20:29.511 --> 20:29.791 Oh, yeah. 20:30.011 --> 20:31.512 Because Adam's quite a good guitar player. 20:31.592 --> 20:33.714 I can't help that you're a bit stuck in the past. 20:34.094 --> 20:34.494 I am a little. 20:34.514 --> 20:39.378 With your Neil Young and your Bowie and your sixties and seventies repertoire. 20:39.718 --> 20:46.163 So I've decided to give you a gift that brings you slap bang into the noughties, which is the last decade I know, but it's better than the sixties and seventies. 20:46.463 --> 20:51.307 And it is Lady Gaga, the Fame Monster guitar tabs. 20:51.587 --> 20:52.268 Here's a guitar. 20:52.708 --> 20:55.950 I've had it specially brought into the studio, an acoustic guitar. 20:56.791 --> 20:59.233 And I'd like you to choose a Lady Gaga song. 20:59.393 --> 20:59.673 Alright. 21:00.094 --> 21:04.277 And during the records for the next hour and a half or so, I'd like you to practice it. 21:04.297 --> 21:04.797 Alright. 21:04.877 --> 21:09.481 And then at the end of the show, I'd like you to play us out with a Lady Jaja song. 21:09.721 --> 21:13.884 Does it matter that I don't really... Well, you've got the music there. 21:13.924 --> 21:15.024 You've got the music there. 21:15.484 --> 21:16.505 You don't need to have heard it. 21:16.705 --> 21:17.846 You just read the music. 21:17.866 --> 21:20.868 You've got the lyrics, you've got everything you need to perform a Lady Jaja song. 21:21.148 --> 21:21.848 Alejandro. 21:22.028 --> 21:23.149 Have you actually got this album? 21:23.810 --> 21:23.990 No. 21:24.430 --> 21:25.390 No, of course you do. 21:26.111 --> 21:26.911 Not insane. 21:28.172 --> 21:29.634 Yeah, you know Alejandro, right? 21:29.694 --> 21:30.315 You know that one. 21:30.415 --> 21:31.596 Obviously I know Alejandro, I don't know. 21:31.616 --> 21:32.357 Why, obviously, though? 21:32.377 --> 21:32.758 I know dance. 21:32.778 --> 21:33.198 Why, obviously? 21:33.218 --> 21:34.119 That's not even the big hit. 21:34.139 --> 21:36.282 The big hit is Bad Romance, or whatever it's called. 21:36.302 --> 21:37.603 Telephone is the big hit, isn't it? 21:38.284 --> 21:38.785 I don't know. 21:38.865 --> 21:41.448 Bad Romance is the one they sing. 21:41.568 --> 21:42.329 Is that Bad Romance? 21:42.789 --> 21:45.132 Yeah, that's the one they sing on the X Factor the whole time. 21:45.152 --> 21:46.454 You see, I don't know Bad Romance. 21:46.474 --> 21:47.815 That's all you need to know. 21:48.877 --> 21:49.437 telephone. 21:49.497 --> 21:51.859 How is telephone going to sound on the acoustic guitar? 21:52.880 --> 21:53.680 That's the idea. 21:54.121 --> 21:55.502 I don't know A sharp. 21:55.682 --> 21:56.983 You've got your work cut out for you. 21:57.023 --> 21:57.623 Are you nervous? 21:57.984 --> 21:58.644 F minor. 21:58.804 --> 22:00.005 I mean there's millions listening. 22:00.185 --> 22:05.269 I know D, G and A. You've got everything you need to do a cracking performance. 22:05.529 --> 22:06.229 Are you going to do telephone? 22:06.249 --> 22:07.010 Have you selected that then? 22:07.170 --> 22:08.951 I think I'm going to have to try telephone. 22:09.011 --> 22:09.412 All right. 22:09.552 --> 22:12.494 Well, listen, while Adam has a little practice, why don't we hear a bit more music? 22:12.534 --> 22:14.275 This is a free play from me. 22:14.315 --> 22:19.679 And this year was very exciting because, of course, Orange Juice released their box set of everything they'd ever done. 22:19.699 --> 22:25.903 And if you're a regular listener to our waffle, you'd have heard me bemoaning in the past the lack of availability of their oeuvre. 22:26.764 --> 22:38.309 And it all plopped out a couple of months ago in a fantastic box set and this is from the album Texas Fever that has been unavailable for years and years and was always one of my favourites. 22:38.849 --> 22:40.550 This is a track called Bridge by Orange Juice. 22:40.770 --> 22:45.412 Vampire Weekend with Run, this is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music on a lovely Christmas morning. 22:45.632 --> 22:46.472 Yes, absolutely. 22:47.212 --> 22:50.374 But you know, even on Christmas Day I find it hard to be 22:51.354 --> 22:53.374 entirely unsymical about the world. 22:54.255 --> 22:59.856 Christmas is the traditional time when I present my list of things that annoy me to my family. 23:00.036 --> 23:01.556 Brilliant, they must love that. 23:01.576 --> 23:02.657 I look forward to it. 23:03.217 --> 23:16.000 Before I give out any presents at all, I stand in the middle of the room like a kind of musing comedian from Mock the Week, and I unfurl a large piece of paper and I say, you know what winds me up? 23:17.020 --> 23:19.081 And then I sort of go on for a while. 23:19.542 --> 23:21.523 I mean, they're genuinely things that wind me up. 23:21.543 --> 23:22.424 You're going to do that now? 23:22.624 --> 23:22.904 Yeah. 23:25.005 --> 23:25.406 Wicked. 23:26.266 --> 23:27.407 Because it's Christmas Day. 23:27.447 --> 23:28.187 That's what I do. 23:28.207 --> 23:29.368 Have a bit of gin and puff. 23:29.608 --> 23:30.669 Do you ever do that? 23:30.689 --> 23:31.970 Is that not a tradition in your house? 23:32.750 --> 23:33.011 Yes. 23:33.311 --> 23:34.111 The worsties list. 23:34.672 --> 23:35.592 The worsties list. 23:35.712 --> 23:37.053 How's your worsties list getting on? 23:37.714 --> 23:38.094 Cornballs. 23:38.174 --> 23:40.055 In the cornballs household, there's no worsties list. 23:40.075 --> 23:41.836 There's a besties list, a loving list. 23:41.876 --> 23:42.257 Yeah. 23:43.237 --> 23:44.838 On my worsties list this year, right? 23:46.560 --> 23:49.864 and I added quite a few things to my worsties list this year. 23:50.485 --> 24:00.717 One of them, a minor worstie, was the opening title montage from The Apprentice, with Alan Sugar saying, I'm not interested in any steady eddies or cautious carols. 24:02.299 --> 24:03.660 What's a cautious carol? 24:03.700 --> 24:04.301 He just made that one up. 24:04.321 --> 24:05.182 Well, it's made that one up. 24:05.202 --> 24:06.944 Obviously, it barely alliterates, though. 24:06.964 --> 24:07.664 I mean, it's a scene. 24:07.704 --> 24:09.506 And it's sexual equality. 24:09.666 --> 24:10.287 All right. 24:10.627 --> 24:12.449 But I just got sick of hearing about it and everything. 24:12.729 --> 24:14.751 Steady Eddies or cautious carol. 24:14.771 --> 24:16.452 They never varied the montage. 24:16.533 --> 24:16.793 No. 24:16.893 --> 24:17.453 At the beginning. 24:17.714 --> 24:19.936 It drove me insane, ladies and gentlemen! 24:23.917 --> 24:28.842 That's the audience going crazy for my, uh, appearance on Michael McIntyre's Comedy Road accident. 24:29.743 --> 24:31.725 Here's another thing that winds me up, right? 24:32.346 --> 24:33.888 Come on, this is good stuff! 24:33.948 --> 24:34.668 It's good, I like it. 24:34.809 --> 24:35.609 Go, give us another one. 24:36.130 --> 24:39.814 And this is a genuine thing that happened to me at, uh, Legoland, right? 24:40.114 --> 24:40.334 Mm-hmm. 24:41.175 --> 25:04.588 in a very long queue we got there just at the wrong moment literally queuing for one hour then when we were right at the front just about to buy our tickets because we'd made the mistake of not buying them online they open up a new window right next to us so we go over to the to the next line but loads of people have crowded in there before us we ended up further back than we were before we switched no that's like what happens at banks 25:05.268 --> 25:05.488 Yeah. 25:05.869 --> 25:06.089 Yeah. 25:06.189 --> 25:07.770 It happens in all sorts of situations. 25:08.050 --> 25:13.555 That's what makes my story so very enjoyable. 25:13.575 --> 25:14.916 Can you put a Lego twist on the story? 25:14.936 --> 25:16.217 Because I'm going to be brutal. 25:16.237 --> 25:19.340 It feels like quite an old observation about queuing at banks. 25:19.800 --> 25:22.122 But the thing that's new about it, listen, stay with me. 25:22.282 --> 25:23.123 I'm not being nasty. 25:23.143 --> 25:24.604 The thing that's new about it is the legoness. 25:25.265 --> 25:26.626 So just put a Lego twist on it. 25:27.475 --> 25:30.198 Why, what, how do I put a Lego twist on that? 25:30.218 --> 25:32.300 Were the booths made Lego shaped? 25:32.340 --> 25:33.241 Were they Lego shaped? 25:33.881 --> 25:34.102 No? 25:34.122 --> 25:34.162 No. 25:34.182 --> 25:36.264 They were just booths! 25:36.424 --> 25:37.225 Okay, nothing I can do. 25:37.405 --> 25:40.228 I tripped over some blocks, is that the kind of thing you're thinking? 25:40.248 --> 25:40.828 Yes, there you go. 25:41.289 --> 25:44.412 I was scrambling for the shorter queue, but I tripped over some blocks. 25:44.592 --> 25:44.953 That's it. 25:45.633 --> 25:46.594 It's got a Lego spin. 25:47.195 --> 25:47.896 Is Lego Land good? 25:48.156 --> 25:52.941 The best part of Lego Land is the, you know, world, bits of the world constructed from Lego. 25:52.961 --> 25:54.342 Yes, well that's the old school area. 25:54.382 --> 25:55.424 That's been there for years. 25:55.784 --> 25:57.266 The rides are a new development. 25:57.706 --> 26:00.429 I would want all elements of the rides to be made out of Lego. 26:00.749 --> 26:01.610 Still going around like a... Sorry. 26:02.390 --> 26:03.611 My list is very long. 26:03.691 --> 26:08.313 I mean, it's going to be going right through the show, my worstiest list, because people love this kind of thing, I'm telling you. 26:09.054 --> 26:12.356 Here's a chap that I bumped into that you and I know, Joe. 26:12.716 --> 26:15.698 Lovely Steve Mason from the beat-a-band bumped into him at latitude. 26:15.718 --> 26:24.883 He was looking hail and hearty, played a great set, and it was genuinely lovely to see him, and congratulate him on his excellent album this year, and here's a track from it, Lost and Found. 26:25.003 --> 26:31.606 Track from one of the big albums of this year, Arcade Fire's Suburbs album, and that was We Used to Wait. 26:31.626 --> 26:35.287 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music wishing you a very happy Christmas. 26:35.327 --> 26:37.828 Delighted to be back on 6 Music, Joe. 26:38.128 --> 26:41.810 Yeah, now earlier in the show, we issued a Black Squadron command. 26:42.070 --> 26:43.350 It was Tinselpants. 26:43.951 --> 26:44.651 Tinselundis. 26:45.031 --> 26:45.791 Tinselundis. 26:45.951 --> 26:47.032 Should have been Tinselpants. 26:47.412 --> 26:48.712 Well, because it's got more punch to it. 26:49.292 --> 26:49.813 Too late now. 26:49.893 --> 26:51.773 For the ladies, then that's true. 26:52.293 --> 26:53.273 They need some tinsel on the cover. 26:53.293 --> 26:54.594 An American might have got confused. 26:54.894 --> 26:55.174 Right. 26:55.654 --> 26:56.774 So tinsel undies it was. 26:56.794 --> 26:57.834 Tinsel traps! 26:58.194 --> 27:00.335 I mean, we're pre-recording this show, we would mention. 27:00.435 --> 27:02.295 Don't, you know, let that settle in your brain. 27:02.315 --> 27:03.016 You can forget about it. 27:03.036 --> 27:03.696 Imagine it's live. 27:03.736 --> 27:04.936 Christmas is a time for lies. 27:05.516 --> 27:09.117 But we will, I'm sure, have been inundated with pictures of people 27:09.958 --> 27:12.020 Uh, wearing nothing but tinsel undies. 27:12.140 --> 27:13.322 That's what we're hoping, isn't it? 27:13.362 --> 27:14.943 Is that... is that tinsel? 27:16.746 --> 27:17.466 That's all we'll be saying. 27:17.486 --> 27:18.488 It's not very colourful. 27:19.349 --> 27:23.073 It's spiky but not very colourful. 27:23.614 --> 27:24.415 Brown tinsel. 27:26.237 --> 27:27.979 Anyway, time for another present though. 27:27.999 --> 27:29.180 Wear exchanging gifts. 27:30.261 --> 27:32.383 Um... Brown didn't say it. 27:32.403 --> 27:33.864 You didn't have to say it again! 27:33.884 --> 27:35.065 That's where you went. 27:35.085 --> 27:44.851 Yeah, we're exchanging gifts because it's Christmas and I've just given Adam the guitar tab book for Lady Jaja's... What's the album called? 27:45.512 --> 27:47.033 Ah... Poop. 27:47.093 --> 27:48.054 Poop Ants. 27:49.495 --> 27:51.396 Bad Poop Ants or whatever it's called. 27:52.257 --> 27:55.221 He's going to be learning how to play the track telephone on the acoustic guitar and singing it. 27:55.241 --> 27:57.002 We'll be hearing that towards the end of the show. 27:57.022 --> 27:58.824 There's so much to look forward to. 27:58.884 --> 28:00.446 I'm on my second tin of G&T. 28:00.566 --> 28:01.547 The Fame Monster. 28:01.567 --> 28:02.528 The Fame Monster. 28:02.548 --> 28:03.770 Of course it's called that. 28:03.790 --> 28:05.071 The Fame Monster. 28:05.552 --> 28:06.673 She loves The Fame Monster. 28:06.693 --> 28:07.734 She loves to be chased by it. 28:07.974 --> 28:10.277 Chase me, Chase me, Fame Monster. 28:11.876 --> 28:12.856 Anyway, there you go, there's your gift. 28:13.357 --> 28:14.017 Gift number two. 28:14.537 --> 28:15.898 Gift number two from Adam to me. 28:15.938 --> 28:19.401 Look at this, it's wrapped in, it looks like the Daily Mail. 28:19.701 --> 28:20.682 Yeah, that's because it is, boy. 28:20.982 --> 28:22.263 Do you buy the Daily Mail? 28:22.603 --> 28:27.546 No, I wrapped that round at my parents' house. 28:28.387 --> 28:29.568 On wrapping now, it's a book. 28:29.608 --> 28:30.688 I mean, it's definitely a book. 28:30.708 --> 28:31.989 Sure, it's a big expensive book. 28:32.009 --> 28:33.711 It's a big expensive book, is it really? 28:33.831 --> 28:34.011 Yeah. 28:36.398 --> 28:37.740 Ah, now this is quite good. 28:37.780 --> 28:40.583 This is the Keith Richards book, Life. 28:41.123 --> 28:45.428 I've been watching him, like I watched him on The Late Show a month or so ago. 28:45.668 --> 28:47.230 Being interviewed by... Jim'll fix it. 28:47.250 --> 28:48.431 Yeah, Herbert McWeenie. 28:48.491 --> 28:49.212 Dixon, Weenie. 28:49.232 --> 28:50.233 DixonMcDotGreen. 28:51.534 --> 28:53.576 He's a weighty interviewer, isn't he? 28:53.596 --> 28:55.078 I mean, he thinks he's still on monitor. 28:56.078 --> 28:56.438 Doesn't he? 28:56.499 --> 28:59.500 He's the last remaining fragment of 60s BBC. 28:59.740 --> 29:00.180 What's his name? 29:00.200 --> 29:01.121 He's a lovely guy, apparently. 29:01.141 --> 29:01.641 Andrew Graham Dixon. 29:01.681 --> 29:03.002 Lauren speaks very highly of him. 29:03.102 --> 29:03.242 Yeah. 29:03.702 --> 29:07.744 He used to be the arts correspondent on the Culture Show and is now sort of spreading his talent. 29:07.764 --> 29:11.185 Yeah, you can't help sort of thinking he was cryogenically frozen in 1969. 29:12.506 --> 29:14.026 He does have that kind of haircut. 29:14.406 --> 29:18.027 And Keith Richards came across in that interview was quite a fascinating chap. 29:18.107 --> 29:19.268 He was very articulate. 29:19.608 --> 29:21.788 This seems like quite a serious gift in there. 29:21.808 --> 29:25.209 I mean, I guess it's got bouncy anecdotal qualities, right? 29:25.409 --> 29:26.509 It's not a serious gift. 29:26.809 --> 29:27.830 It's a ridiculous gift. 29:27.850 --> 29:28.450 Have you read it? 29:28.550 --> 29:28.810 Yeah. 29:29.150 --> 29:30.590 And have you picked out some bittles? 29:30.870 --> 29:35.111 I've listened to the audio book, which I recommend you do if you're interested. 29:36.272 --> 29:39.472 Because A, it's more easy than reading. 29:39.573 --> 29:40.293 Who done it read it? 29:40.473 --> 29:41.073 Who done it read it? 29:41.753 --> 29:42.614 Is it Keith himself? 29:42.634 --> 29:43.614 Well, here's the thing. 29:43.935 --> 29:45.776 It's a selection of people reading it. 29:45.876 --> 29:46.216 No. 29:46.396 --> 29:51.340 Because Keith would absolutely not be able to... It's a big book, I mean... Because they can't take it, can they? 29:51.360 --> 29:53.601 They get a few pages in and they just can't take it. 29:53.662 --> 29:53.782 Sure. 29:53.802 --> 29:54.382 They can't believe it. 29:54.402 --> 29:55.103 Especially not Keith. 29:55.183 --> 29:57.664 I mean, some of the stories in there are going to curl your toes. 29:58.225 --> 30:01.727 But it is... I mean, the audio book itself is about 17 hours. 30:01.747 --> 30:03.749 I mean, it's re-ludacrous. 30:05.050 --> 30:08.173 So here is a clip of one of the narrators. 30:08.293 --> 30:09.594 Let's see if you can guess who it is. 30:09.835 --> 30:14.639 Nothing like a good 10-15 minutes of pubescent female shrieking to cover up all your mistakes. 30:15.701 --> 30:20.545 Or 3,000 teenage chicks throwing themselves at you or being carried out on stretchers. 30:21.505 --> 30:22.766 All the bouffants are aye. 30:23.446 --> 30:27.428 Skirts up to their waists, sweating, red, eyes rolling. 30:28.468 --> 30:29.469 That's the spirit girl. 30:30.249 --> 30:31.269 That's the way we like him. 30:31.469 --> 30:32.230 That was the wrong clip. 30:32.430 --> 30:33.030 That's about me. 30:36.230 --> 30:37.631 3,000 teenage girls. 30:37.711 --> 30:38.811 Yeah, but who was reading that then? 30:39.091 --> 30:40.572 Ah, Huey from the Fun-Loving Criminals. 30:41.092 --> 30:45.113 Yes, no it wasn't, it was Johnny Depp, who was like Huey from the Fun-Loving Criminals. 30:45.133 --> 30:45.834 Sort of the same. 30:45.854 --> 30:56.057 So the audiobook starts off with Depp in command, and he does a fairly, as you could hear there, fairly sort of sober read, fairly flat, but you know... They're close chums, aren't they? 30:56.077 --> 30:56.277 They are. 30:56.298 --> 30:58.778 I mean, they're the pirates of the Caribbean forms. 30:58.798 --> 31:01.719 Of course, you know, notoriously Johnny Depp modelled his performance. 31:01.780 --> 31:02.500 And then, yeah. 31:03.200 --> 31:05.542 on him and then Keith turned up to play his dad in one of them, didn't he? 31:06.262 --> 31:13.967 But then, about halfway through, seemingly at random, the narration duties are taken over by one Joe Hurley. 31:14.047 --> 31:15.128 Have you ever heard of Joe Hurley? 31:15.328 --> 31:15.568 No. 31:16.869 --> 31:22.492 Well, I think he is apparently, from looking online, a New York singer-songwriter. 31:22.552 --> 31:25.194 He's in a kind of a Celtic rock band called The Gents. 31:25.214 --> 31:26.495 That's a good name for a band, isn't it? 31:26.655 --> 31:28.316 Name your band after a Lavi. 31:30.097 --> 31:40.162 And here, and I don't know if this is really the way Joe Hurley speaks, or if he's doing an accent, if he's trying to approximate Keith's accent, or what, but this is how he comes out. 31:40.663 --> 31:44.745 Fleet Street and Andrew Oldham provide our new popular image. 31:45.465 --> 31:48.587 Long-haired, obnoxious, and dirty. 31:49.107 --> 31:51.828 Mick and I write a song we can give the stones. 31:52.589 --> 31:58.212 I write satisfaction in my sleep, and we have our first number one. 32:00.066 --> 32:01.106 Well, you know why that is. 32:01.527 --> 32:02.327 Because it's real. 32:02.347 --> 32:03.187 Speaking voices like this! 32:03.608 --> 32:05.589 And they've had to slow him down. 32:05.609 --> 32:07.029 They had to slow it right down. 32:07.069 --> 32:08.350 Down to that. 32:08.410 --> 32:09.010 That's weird. 32:09.050 --> 32:14.713 It sounds like he's been recorded on an analogue, you know, reel-to-reel tape recorder that's got a bit of a problem. 32:14.873 --> 32:17.134 I mean, I think he must be doing some kind of accent. 32:17.154 --> 32:20.035 Here's another very brief clip of Joe Hurley in action. 32:20.335 --> 32:24.097 It was soon after that that I picked up a Smith & Wesson 38 Special. 32:26.278 --> 32:28.739 Was the Wild West still is? 32:29.379 --> 32:32.100 Slightly west country there as well. 32:32.380 --> 32:37.061 I mean, you're only allowed to read Keith's words if you've been pretty much maimed by drugs. 32:37.721 --> 32:38.582 Yeah, exactly. 32:38.942 --> 32:46.164 Well, of course, the king of all Keith Richards impressions was Phil Cornwell, who did an amazing impression on Stellar Street. 32:46.184 --> 32:47.944 Why didn't they get him to do it then? 32:48.225 --> 32:49.225 Yeah, I don't know. 32:49.685 --> 32:52.606 But instead, at the very end, you get Keith himself. 32:53.426 --> 33:02.913 And Keith starts, like, you can tell that they've only been able to do like 10 minute chunks with Keith before he gets... That's all Keith can do, 10 minute chunks. 33:03.334 --> 33:03.734 Yeah. 33:04.575 --> 33:06.556 So here's sort of relatively perky Keith. 33:07.077 --> 33:12.200 Aside from poaching, which I haven't done since then, I'd ate a gent's life. 33:13.777 --> 33:14.859 I just am a Mozart. 33:15.339 --> 33:16.802 Read many, many books. 33:17.503 --> 33:18.945 I'm a voracious reader. 33:19.826 --> 33:20.587 I'll read anything. 33:21.248 --> 33:23.051 And if I don't like it, I'll toss it. 33:23.392 --> 33:25.014 He's not talking about books, is he? 33:25.154 --> 33:25.435 No. 33:25.715 --> 33:26.036 No. 33:28.179 --> 33:29.280 But then he gets tired. 33:29.861 --> 33:33.963 He gets tired and he gets a little bit late, and things start to slow down. 33:33.983 --> 33:35.284 He doesn't specify the books. 33:35.364 --> 33:37.045 I mean, it could just be the Mr. Man books. 33:37.105 --> 33:37.385 He does. 33:37.465 --> 33:38.086 Yeah, absolutely. 33:38.106 --> 33:39.126 In an ongoing cycle. 33:39.186 --> 33:40.007 He'll read anything. 33:40.067 --> 33:44.650 His favourite, oh, Lauren Charles. 33:44.850 --> 33:47.111 It's suddenly gone quite posh. 33:47.531 --> 33:48.031 No, but he is. 33:48.051 --> 33:49.652 That's the secret of Keith, is that he is. 33:49.752 --> 33:49.893 Is it? 33:50.013 --> 33:50.973 He is kind of posh. 33:51.633 --> 33:53.875 Anyway, here's another little clip where he's a little bit more tired. 33:54.555 --> 33:59.256 It wasn't too long after Mick's ribbon cutting that he called me to say, I've got to tell you this now. 34:00.496 --> 34:03.597 Tony Blair is insisting that I accept a knighthood. 34:04.557 --> 34:07.518 It was incomprehensible for Mick to do it. 34:08.358 --> 34:10.099 He'd blown his credibility. 34:10.219 --> 34:11.379 I rang Charlie. 34:11.999 --> 34:14.220 What's all this about a knighthood? 34:15.300 --> 34:17.801 He said, you know he's always wanted one. 34:17.961 --> 34:20.581 I said, no, I didn't know. 34:20.601 --> 34:22.942 This never occurred to me. 34:30.738 --> 34:37.343 Anyway, so I thought half the fun of getting you this book rather than just the audiobook would be for you to do your own narrations, right? 34:37.663 --> 34:39.064 Because it's a fun thing to do. 34:39.684 --> 34:42.366 Everyone should have a Keith impression in their locker, right? 34:42.386 --> 34:43.787 Oh, I'm ready now. 34:44.207 --> 34:44.808 Turn to page 173. 34:45.108 --> 34:50.632 There's a little bit there about writing or recording The Last Time, which might be interesting. 34:51.502 --> 34:56.424 The last time was the cottage during a magical period at the RCA studios in Hollywood. 34:57.224 --> 34:59.845 Work was always intensely hard. 34:59.865 --> 35:02.706 The gigs never finished just because you got off stage. 35:02.746 --> 35:03.806 Let's go back to that. 35:08.448 --> 35:09.468 You can't arise in that. 35:09.488 --> 35:11.509 That's more or less what it's like. 35:11.829 --> 35:12.369 Let's have a go. 35:12.749 --> 35:13.189 Have a go. 35:14.190 --> 35:16.431 Okay. 35:16.571 --> 35:20.072 I think it helps to kind of pretend that you're on the lobby. 35:21.718 --> 35:26.521 That's my Pierce Brosnan technique. 35:28.101 --> 35:32.484 That was a magic discovery, but so were these riffs. 35:32.624 --> 35:34.745 No, that's a bit too fruity, isn't it? 35:35.165 --> 35:36.246 That's an answer. 35:36.306 --> 35:37.106 Who is that now? 35:37.126 --> 35:38.107 That's like Leslie Phillips. 35:39.167 --> 35:41.648 David Frost, I'm turning into that. 35:41.668 --> 35:45.169 I think Keith and David Frost are quite similar. 35:45.750 --> 35:49.211 These crucial, wonderful riffs just came. 35:49.231 --> 35:51.572 I don't know where they came from. 35:51.592 --> 35:55.914 I'm blessed with them and I can never get to the bottom of them. 35:55.934 --> 36:02.016 When you get a riff like Flash, you get a great feeling of relation. 36:02.356 --> 36:03.357 It's worse than mine. 36:05.393 --> 36:06.435 I've never been happier. 36:07.156 --> 36:08.398 Wicked glee. 36:09.099 --> 36:16.190 Course then comes the other thing of persuading people that it's great as you actually know it is. 36:16.871 --> 36:18.754 You have to go through the poo poo. 36:19.864 --> 36:23.927 Flash is basically satisfaction in remotes. 36:24.427 --> 36:24.808 Wow. 36:24.968 --> 36:25.148 Yeah? 36:25.648 --> 36:26.349 Is it a good book? 36:26.389 --> 36:27.730 Are there like shocking stories? 36:27.770 --> 36:29.391 Like I read the Motley crew one. 36:29.631 --> 36:29.911 Oh, yeah. 36:30.291 --> 36:32.093 What's the most awful thing you've come across? 36:32.113 --> 36:32.353 So far. 36:33.493 --> 36:34.594 So far. 36:34.834 --> 36:38.597 I mean, sort of casual references to having leprosy at one stage. 36:38.657 --> 36:42.520 I can't figure out if he's being serious or not. 36:42.540 --> 36:45.742 Halfway home, I realized my legs weren't there. 36:46.707 --> 36:54.950 They'd fallen off in the studio and I'd gone half way across Manhattan with a cab without a rear. 36:55.190 --> 37:03.052 Suddenly I was playing a riff to give me shelter and my finger just popped right off. 37:03.493 --> 37:07.174 I knelt down and it fell into Mick's mouth. 37:07.714 --> 37:10.636 I knelt down to bow before the Queen. 37:11.596 --> 37:22.402 I was jolted with a cold... jolt of realisation that I still had a whole syringe in my forehead. 37:22.462 --> 37:30.307 These are patterned birds came and she was sucking on my toes while I actually see the Queen. 37:31.207 --> 37:41.254 And the Queen was... Looking at her later, she said, oh, Laura, Laura Blanda Delta. 37:41.274 --> 37:43.395 All right, let's play some Rolling Stones, shall we? 37:43.415 --> 37:44.636 Anyway, I hope you like your book, man. 37:44.916 --> 37:45.717 Thank you very much. 37:45.737 --> 37:46.257 It's a good read. 37:46.277 --> 37:47.158 I do like your book. 37:47.338 --> 37:47.918 Good luck with it. 37:48.178 --> 37:48.499 Thanks. 37:48.899 --> 37:51.341 Ray Charles there with Shaker Tail Feather. 37:51.381 --> 37:53.242 Hey, happy Christmas, listeners. 37:53.322 --> 37:56.324 It's Adam Buxton here with... Hey, I'm Joe Cornish. 37:56.804 --> 38:00.568 We're Adam and Jo, you're listening to BBC Six Music on Christmas Day 2010. 38:02.491 --> 38:06.375 Now Christmas is of course the season of the tramp. 38:06.755 --> 38:08.738 I'm thinking of... It's the season of the witch. 38:08.918 --> 38:09.659 The jolly tramp. 38:10.640 --> 38:11.300 Ah, Santa. 38:11.541 --> 38:12.422 From the North Pole. 38:13.282 --> 38:21.407 And I'm like the anti-Santa in some ways because, you know, I've got a little black beard and I'm like a little gnome. 38:21.767 --> 38:23.968 And you come into people's houses and take their presents. 38:23.988 --> 38:25.349 You stamp on them, don't you? 38:25.409 --> 38:26.810 I steal their presents, yeah. 38:28.330 --> 38:35.274 But in other ways I'm like a tramp too and this has been, I was thinking about it the other day, this has been one of my trampier years in some ways. 38:35.294 --> 38:37.876 I had a couple of incidents that really made me think, 38:38.516 --> 38:39.977 Boy, I'm pretty much just a tramp. 38:41.178 --> 38:48.644 One was when I was doing a gig the other day in Norwich, a bug show, and that's a show where I show music videos and chat in between. 38:49.004 --> 38:55.349 And while one of the music videos was playing, I was up on stage tapping away on my legs like that with my hands, right? 38:55.789 --> 39:01.734 I had a cut on one of my fingers and it started to bleed onto my trousers, which were light-coloured. 39:02.474 --> 39:07.398 So when the lights came back up, I looked down and I realised that my trousers were covered in blood. 39:08.559 --> 39:14.865 And so I was then presented with the problem of what I was going to say to the audience about this, because at some stage I'd have to stand up. 39:15.426 --> 39:19.810 And they would be thinking, why's he got blood all over his trousers? 39:19.830 --> 39:20.891 How much blood was there? 39:21.011 --> 39:23.854 Quite a bit, like more than you would expect, because I was really tapping away. 39:24.495 --> 39:26.917 The blood really pumps out your little finger there when you're tapping. 39:28.839 --> 39:30.360 So I thought, what am I going to do? 39:30.960 --> 39:31.581 What would you have done? 39:31.621 --> 39:35.003 Would you have not mentioned it and sidled out that there was no way I could hide it? 39:35.023 --> 39:35.964 What colour were the trousers? 39:35.984 --> 39:36.924 Were they pale trousers? 39:36.984 --> 39:39.146 Yeah, they're like the ones I'm wearing today. 39:39.266 --> 39:41.087 I probably would have just hit them with the truth. 39:41.407 --> 39:42.148 Well, that's what I did. 39:42.168 --> 39:42.868 I hit them with the truth. 39:42.888 --> 39:47.091 I said, listen, I was tapping away there and I've got blood all over my... But they went all quiet. 39:47.131 --> 39:50.554 The audience went quiet and because they thought it was weird, which it was. 39:51.514 --> 39:55.958 And I felt very naked you know and I felt mental in front of them. 39:56.018 --> 40:06.825 I felt like I feel mental that's sexy Here's another incident which was less mental, but more tramp like yeah And maybe I made a bad judgment call on it as well. 40:06.865 --> 40:09.407 I was in the on the train heading to London and 40:10.187 --> 40:17.353 And I went to the lavatory cubicle there, and I was going to wash my hands at the end of the exercise. 40:18.354 --> 40:23.578 And first of all, I put soap from the dispenser on my hands, and then I went to rinse it off. 40:24.279 --> 40:25.720 No water in the tap, right? 40:26.120 --> 40:27.561 So I'm pressing the little stud there. 40:27.581 --> 40:29.423 There's no water coming out whatsoever. 40:30.083 --> 40:30.723 Absolutely nothing. 40:30.823 --> 40:32.644 So I think, aww, what am I going to do? 40:32.704 --> 40:35.545 Because my hands covered in this stinky gunk. 40:36.326 --> 40:45.129 So I tried to sort of wipe it off, maybe get the tissues and wipe it off, but it was so sticky, there was no question of me being able to go back in that state. 40:45.630 --> 40:46.970 So I was like, what am I going to do? 40:46.990 --> 40:49.271 There was no, not even drips coming out of a tap. 40:50.052 --> 40:50.892 So what do you do? 40:52.230 --> 40:52.711 What would you do? 40:53.972 --> 40:58.637 Um, wipe them on my... Probably wipe them on the bum of my trousers. 40:59.558 --> 41:00.899 No, because they're still going to be sticky. 41:00.939 --> 41:01.640 This is what I'm saying. 41:01.660 --> 41:03.682 Hmm, I don't know. 41:03.702 --> 41:04.183 What did you do? 41:05.164 --> 41:06.185 Wash them in the lobby. 41:07.306 --> 41:08.728 Wash them in the toilet bowl. 41:09.966 --> 41:11.927 What was the state of hygiene of the bowl? 41:11.948 --> 41:14.830 Well look, I didn't dip it right in the bowl, I'm not totally unbalanced. 41:14.850 --> 41:15.690 Where was this against? 41:15.770 --> 41:18.773 This is on the train heading from Norwich to London, right? 41:20.514 --> 41:25.217 And there was no, and I went to another lab as well, there was no water in any of the toilet vehicles. 41:26.278 --> 41:30.401 So I didn't dip them right in there, yeah, because I'm not crazy. 41:31.222 --> 41:33.664 Is there any, you know, what's the alternative to the dipping bowl? 41:34.364 --> 41:35.445 I flushed the lab. 41:35.625 --> 41:35.925 Lovely. 41:36.245 --> 41:41.109 And so I just ran my hands on the... Like a sort of beautiful, excitation waterfall. 41:41.129 --> 41:41.689 Exactly. 41:42.249 --> 41:43.590 I mean, that stuff's pretty good. 41:43.610 --> 41:44.151 You can drink if you want. 41:44.171 --> 41:46.272 You should have just jumped and dived on in there. 41:46.772 --> 41:48.834 Well, I thought about it. 41:50.055 --> 41:52.456 But as I was doing it, obviously I had some qualms. 41:52.496 --> 41:53.617 I had a number of qualms. 41:53.797 --> 41:54.097 Yeah. 41:54.417 --> 41:56.559 But I was thinking... As long as you didn't have any plots. 41:56.619 --> 41:58.660 I was thinking, is this the lowest I've sunk? 41:58.760 --> 42:01.402 Am I... Do I get a tramp card now? 42:01.862 --> 42:03.744 Do I get invited to any tramp parties? 42:04.584 --> 42:05.304 But what do you do? 42:05.324 --> 42:16.809 I mean is that someone else must do I tell you what you do is you go to the buffet Uh-huh, and you purchase a bottle of still water right and then you go back to the Lulu Yeah, you pour the bottle of water. 42:16.869 --> 42:22.932 I was too cheap straight to the Lavi 150 for a bottle of water straight to the Lavi boy 42:23.660 --> 42:24.421 That's how I do it. 42:24.721 --> 42:25.182 Good for you. 42:25.202 --> 42:26.564 Here's Gold Heart Assembly. 42:26.604 --> 42:27.525 This is King of Rome. 42:27.645 --> 42:29.688 That was King of Rome by Gold Heart Assembly. 42:29.708 --> 42:32.712 This is Adam and Joe on BBC Six Music on Christmas morning. 42:34.094 --> 42:34.514 Santa. 42:34.655 --> 42:35.035 Hello. 42:35.275 --> 42:36.037 Hello Santa. 42:36.217 --> 42:36.697 Who are you? 42:36.777 --> 42:37.298 Go away. 42:37.518 --> 42:37.979 Oh dear. 42:38.179 --> 42:38.440 Come back. 42:39.240 --> 42:41.102 Okay, here's the news. 42:41.302 --> 42:43.944 That was the Gorillaz with Donkamatic. 42:44.104 --> 42:45.585 That's a new Gorillaz song. 42:45.625 --> 42:47.506 Like, that's not even on the last album. 42:47.667 --> 42:48.507 They're very prolific. 42:48.727 --> 42:49.908 They're churning them out there. 42:49.968 --> 42:50.849 What a year it's been. 42:50.869 --> 42:52.390 They were the saviours of Glasto. 42:52.810 --> 42:53.271 Were they? 42:53.351 --> 42:54.291 Were they, though? 42:54.391 --> 42:54.772 Not really. 42:54.792 --> 42:55.892 What's the final analysis? 42:55.932 --> 42:56.693 Not really. 42:56.733 --> 42:59.435 They look a lot very keen on the mother. 42:59.495 --> 43:00.596 No, not really. 43:00.996 --> 43:01.757 They are. 43:01.817 --> 43:03.478 Would I like a present? 43:03.578 --> 43:04.078 Yes, I would. 43:06.440 --> 43:07.160 Is that too greedy? 43:07.320 --> 43:08.281 No, no, it's good. 43:08.541 --> 43:11.382 Like, how greedy are you around about Christmas time? 43:11.422 --> 43:12.202 Great question, Ad. 43:13.703 --> 43:14.243 Not very. 43:14.643 --> 43:14.964 You're not? 43:15.184 --> 43:15.824 No, not very. 43:15.844 --> 43:16.684 Do you never stuff yourself? 43:17.245 --> 43:17.885 With food. 43:17.905 --> 43:18.745 Yeah, that's greed. 43:19.085 --> 43:19.866 Not really. 43:19.966 --> 43:21.306 No, I've got a tiny tum tum. 43:21.326 --> 43:21.626 Have you? 43:21.706 --> 43:22.247 A little tum tum. 43:22.267 --> 43:22.847 Never over eat. 43:22.887 --> 43:23.587 You don't get a lot in. 43:23.627 --> 43:24.628 You don't get a lot in. 43:24.668 --> 43:25.328 No, I don't. 43:25.568 --> 43:25.668 No. 43:25.868 --> 43:28.790 I don't think I've ever seen you over-indulged. 43:29.570 --> 43:31.251 Except in private. 43:31.351 --> 43:33.492 Emotionally, yeah. 43:33.532 --> 43:34.393 Here's a prezzy for you. 43:34.433 --> 43:35.914 It might be small, but boy is it powerful. 43:36.214 --> 43:36.954 Oh, thanks. 43:36.994 --> 43:37.935 Like a stinky stern. 43:39.156 --> 43:39.516 Look at this. 43:39.536 --> 43:40.216 What have we got here? 43:40.296 --> 43:40.917 Oh, yes, it is. 43:41.177 --> 43:42.317 It's wallet-sized. 43:44.138 --> 43:48.961 Just to bring listeners up to speed, it's Christmas and Azra's Artworks changing presents. 43:49.061 --> 43:51.603 Yeah, this is our traditional gift exchanging. 43:52.663 --> 44:09.560 thing and it is a small book the kind of thing you find next to the counter in all disreputable shops and it is called body language how to understand the unspoken language of the body so this is I'm like giving you a key 44:10.200 --> 44:10.621 Thanks, man. 44:10.641 --> 44:14.625 I'm like giving you the gift of interpreting body language. 44:14.645 --> 44:19.210 Right, this is the kind of thing that Darren Brown is very good at doing and has made a career out of. 44:19.230 --> 44:26.418 When people communicate or enter a space with another person, they are giving away all sorts of things about themselves without knowing it. 44:26.438 --> 44:31.844 By the physical position they're in, by the gestures they make, by the expressions they put on their face. 44:32.324 --> 44:35.084 Look at this, the five spatial zones. 44:35.204 --> 44:35.545 Yes. 44:35.965 --> 44:41.306 Students of human behavior have identified five concentric spatial zones affecting behavior. 44:41.546 --> 44:47.567 The close, intimate, intimate, personal, social... The close, intimate. 44:48.007 --> 44:48.247 Right. 44:48.527 --> 44:49.247 So breathe them properly. 44:49.267 --> 44:53.988 The close, intimate, intimate, personal, social and public zones. 44:54.208 --> 44:54.508 Yes. 44:54.948 --> 44:56.688 And do they have exact measured distances? 44:57.088 --> 44:58.148 Yeah, they appear to. 44:58.168 --> 45:01.049 They'll naturally give you like a... 45:02.089 --> 45:13.836 numerical values, but you can see that the public zone is really very wide, but the close intimate zone and the intimate zone are very close together. 45:13.856 --> 45:19.079 I'm someone that doesn't like people really to penetrate anything but the public zone. 45:19.619 --> 45:20.860 Now what sort of distance is that? 45:20.900 --> 45:22.241 A couple of metres, would you say? 45:22.261 --> 45:22.421 Yeah. 45:23.121 --> 45:26.803 Yeah, so the general public can't come closer than a couple of metres. 45:26.843 --> 45:27.623 No, I don't really like it. 45:28.163 --> 45:28.683 How about you? 45:28.903 --> 45:31.565 You're not someone that invades people's intimate zones, are you? 45:31.685 --> 45:31.865 Yes. 45:32.245 --> 45:32.525 Are you? 45:32.685 --> 45:33.485 Yes, when they're asleep. 45:33.505 --> 45:34.366 Do you like that? 45:34.946 --> 45:35.786 Are you tactile? 45:35.826 --> 45:37.787 I can't really... You're not very tactile. 45:37.807 --> 45:39.248 It depends who's tactilling me. 45:41.149 --> 45:41.709 Here's another one. 45:42.489 --> 45:45.590 I've taken the book from Adam now because he's not ready for it. 45:46.371 --> 45:48.692 This chapter is called Conversational Gazing. 45:49.492 --> 45:55.678 Exactly where people look when they talk to each other gives clues to the kind of relationship they have, as the examples below show. 45:56.419 --> 46:03.666 During a normal friendly conversation, each person's eyes generally focus on the part of the other individual's face between the mouth and eyes. 46:11.474 --> 46:12.334 Yeah, that'll be the nose. 46:12.394 --> 46:12.614 Yeah. 46:13.595 --> 46:19.897 An experienced negotiator might give a conversation a purposeful air by focusing on the other person's forehead. 46:21.158 --> 46:21.858 What about the eyes? 46:21.878 --> 46:22.438 I look at the eyes. 46:22.458 --> 46:22.638 And eyes. 46:22.899 --> 46:23.279 And eyes. 46:24.119 --> 46:24.759 Not around the eyes? 46:24.879 --> 46:30.181 In an intimate conversation between potential sexual partners who are at close quarters. 46:30.301 --> 46:30.882 Woof. 46:30.922 --> 46:35.143 The gaze may range from eye level down to chest level. 46:36.324 --> 46:39.005 So he's popping a glance at the old tots. 46:39.545 --> 46:40.987 That's alright though, everyone does that. 46:41.247 --> 46:42.008 Is that secret? 46:42.028 --> 46:43.429 Especially if they're out on display. 46:44.330 --> 46:50.697 What about, you know, I'm not very good at hiding my discomfort sometimes in body language situations. 46:52.173 --> 46:57.656 And I am easily like, when I lie or if I'm being insincere, I always do things like look away. 46:57.676 --> 46:59.057 You know what I mean? 46:59.197 --> 46:59.417 Dude. 46:59.737 --> 47:01.598 Like I can't hold a person's gaze. 47:02.339 --> 47:04.920 This is the chapter that's key though, the chapter on courtship. 47:04.940 --> 47:05.701 Shouldn't have told you that. 47:05.961 --> 47:09.943 And it basically, you'll find this useful, it breaks down courting signals. 47:10.623 --> 47:14.926 So these are the things to look out for in a lady who might find you attractive. 47:15.666 --> 47:16.447 What is that one of them? 47:16.467 --> 47:16.887 Yeah. 47:16.907 --> 47:16.988 Yeah. 47:17.008 --> 47:17.148 What? 47:36.888 --> 47:40.812 The meaning or the intention signalled sexual excitement. 47:41.072 --> 47:41.653 Does it really? 47:41.673 --> 47:43.294 Oh, I can't read this on Christmas. 47:43.454 --> 47:45.636 Well, I mean, what kind of... It's too fruity on Christmas. 47:45.656 --> 47:48.378 It doesn't take a genius to interpret that one, though, does it? 47:48.719 --> 47:51.601 Hey, don't forget this is a present. 47:54.003 --> 48:01.229 The meaning of this subtle signal is that she is ready for Christmas at that chapter at presents. 48:03.351 --> 48:04.412 Anyway, good gift, you like it? 48:04.432 --> 48:05.093 That's great, man. 48:05.113 --> 48:06.214 You got me a little filthy book. 48:06.514 --> 48:09.597 I mean, it's not filthy, but it's full of useful information. 48:09.758 --> 48:10.418 Obvious information. 48:10.458 --> 48:13.021 I thought this was going to be a laughter firecracker. 48:13.581 --> 48:15.123 It's turned into a damp squib. 48:15.443 --> 48:16.424 It's too involved. 48:16.905 --> 48:18.466 There's too much to read and process. 48:18.526 --> 48:19.227 It's a disaster! 48:19.467 --> 48:20.528 It's brilliant, man. 48:20.588 --> 48:21.009 I love it. 48:21.289 --> 48:25.193 I've even marked pages with humorous things on it with little green post-its. 48:25.213 --> 48:26.173 Come on, they're great. 48:26.334 --> 48:26.794 Read one out. 48:26.814 --> 48:31.218 Look at this, it's all about the difference between real smiles and false smiles. 48:31.238 --> 48:32.819 We've discussed this even in the past. 48:33.040 --> 48:33.980 Yeah, exactly. 48:34.261 --> 48:35.582 Are you a good fake smiler? 48:36.836 --> 48:37.136 No! 48:37.976 --> 48:39.477 No, you are quite a good fake smiler. 48:39.537 --> 48:41.457 What's the difference between a fake smile and a real smile? 48:41.477 --> 48:44.838 Well, a real smile is of a certain strength. 48:45.358 --> 48:48.878 A fake smile may be of an incorrect strength. 48:49.279 --> 48:50.119 That book's BS. 48:50.259 --> 48:53.899 A fake smile may appear far too quickly or far too slowly. 48:54.180 --> 48:58.680 You mean, I just get a fixed grin on my face if I'm in any kind of social situation. 48:58.740 --> 48:58.981 A rictus. 48:59.021 --> 48:59.921 Yeah, like a rictus. 49:00.181 --> 49:01.821 But I think it's a convincing rictus. 49:02.101 --> 49:06.302 But sometimes I can feel it cracking and I can see my eyes deadening, you know what I mean? 49:06.442 --> 49:07.122 What a great gift. 49:07.403 --> 49:08.403 Yeah, that's a great gift. 49:08.443 --> 49:08.843 Thanks, man. 49:08.863 --> 49:10.604 And it's very handy size as well. 49:10.624 --> 49:11.105 It's so handy. 49:11.125 --> 49:14.587 Because I can pop it right in the bin and it'll fit really easily. 49:14.987 --> 49:19.690 If you're in a confusing social situation, you can pick it out of your pocket and refer to it. 49:19.750 --> 49:20.130 Exactly. 49:20.310 --> 49:21.431 Hang on just one second. 49:21.471 --> 49:25.893 That woman's sitting with her legs wide apart stroking a pencil and staring at me. 49:26.154 --> 49:27.534 What does it mean? 49:27.795 --> 49:28.935 With her top off. 49:29.676 --> 49:30.876 Hold on a second. 49:31.157 --> 49:31.817 Give me a minute. 49:32.037 --> 49:36.999 These are the kind of signs that a band like MGMT might well be able to interpret. 49:37.539 --> 49:39.000 Here they are with flash delirium. 49:55.347 --> 49:57.089 I have to say, did you buy these crackers, Adam? 49:57.349 --> 49:57.949 Yeah, I did, yeah. 49:58.350 --> 49:59.090 They look low price. 49:59.851 --> 50:00.591 Oh, they're luxury crackers. 50:00.651 --> 50:01.092 Look at that. 50:01.232 --> 50:01.912 Golf tees. 50:02.313 --> 50:04.374 You got golf tees perfect because you love your golf. 50:04.574 --> 50:05.095 I love golf. 50:05.115 --> 50:06.015 You love your golf. 50:06.035 --> 50:07.576 Do you know what I'll do? 50:07.616 --> 50:09.838 I'll probably just stick them in the lawn for the sheer pleasure. 50:09.918 --> 50:11.319 It's like putting thumbtacks in a wall. 50:11.579 --> 50:11.899 Yeah. 50:12.360 --> 50:15.622 I got a little mini opener and that's good because I love booze. 50:15.642 --> 50:16.283 You love drinking. 50:18.065 --> 50:19.407 On go the party hats. 50:20.028 --> 50:21.511 It's noonish, isn't it now? 50:21.631 --> 50:24.355 So a lot of people will be moving, heading lunchwards. 50:24.475 --> 50:25.337 What's your joke, mate? 50:26.258 --> 50:27.400 See if you can guess the punchline. 50:27.540 --> 50:27.821 Okay. 50:28.322 --> 50:31.447 What happened to the hyena who swallowed an oxo cube? 50:33.059 --> 50:34.741 Now, you should be able to figure that out. 50:35.201 --> 50:37.203 She got happened to the hyena. 50:37.323 --> 50:37.604 Yeah. 50:38.505 --> 50:39.466 What do hyenas do? 50:40.006 --> 50:40.366 Laugh. 50:40.707 --> 50:42.629 That swallowed an oxo cube. 50:43.049 --> 50:44.190 What's oxo cube? 50:44.751 --> 50:47.453 I was thinking... What do you make with an oxo cube? 50:47.533 --> 50:48.094 Gravy. 50:48.314 --> 50:51.277 Yeah, another word for gravy. 50:51.417 --> 50:51.717 Soup. 50:53.459 --> 50:53.759 No. 50:54.100 --> 50:54.900 What is it? 50:55.261 --> 50:55.821 Sauce. 50:55.881 --> 50:56.142 Stock. 50:56.162 --> 50:56.502 Stock. 50:57.683 --> 50:59.484 She became a laughingstock. 50:59.524 --> 50:59.825 Yes! 51:00.045 --> 51:05.369 But I thought it was going to be... He made a laughingstock of himself. 51:05.469 --> 51:05.589 Oh. 51:05.629 --> 51:08.851 I thought the punchline was going to be... He felt a little bobberil. 51:15.156 --> 51:15.876 Ask me your one. 51:16.016 --> 51:16.336 Okay. 51:16.777 --> 51:20.299 How does good King Wenceslas like his pizza? 51:20.679 --> 51:21.840 Come on. 51:22.181 --> 51:23.061 You don't know that one. 51:23.301 --> 51:25.223 On the Feast of Stevens. 51:26.624 --> 51:28.145 I got Stephen in the street yesterday. 51:29.045 --> 51:32.887 It's a surprise to still be being Stephen. 51:33.367 --> 51:34.808 So how does... Deep and Crispin even. 51:34.948 --> 51:35.628 Of course! 51:35.648 --> 51:39.610 Hey listen, you've got loads of presents for me still, right? 51:39.790 --> 51:40.951 I do, I do, I've still got two. 51:40.971 --> 51:42.552 Do you want the big one or the small one? 51:42.592 --> 51:44.192 And size is no indication of merit. 51:45.073 --> 51:49.495 Don't go drawing conclusions from the sheer scale of the gift. 51:49.535 --> 51:52.216 Well the last one I had was small, so let's have a big one. 51:52.336 --> 51:53.177 Let's have a big one! 51:53.797 --> 51:54.438 There's a big one. 51:54.678 --> 51:55.158 A big one. 51:55.198 --> 51:56.359 Now you're gonna like this. 51:56.379 --> 52:02.344 If it's anything like as successful as the body language book, then we're in big trouble. 52:02.444 --> 52:06.067 It's about the size of a box of tissues, ladies and gentlemen, and about the same weight. 52:06.788 --> 52:10.350 And I would say that there's a plastic case on there. 52:10.771 --> 52:12.212 Is it an action figure? 52:13.853 --> 52:14.734 I bet that's my guess. 52:14.954 --> 52:15.635 Have I guessed right? 52:15.975 --> 52:16.195 Maybe. 52:16.335 --> 52:18.117 It is an action figure. 52:20.058 --> 52:22.700 And it's John Lennon, the New York years. 52:25.082 --> 52:25.463 Wow. 52:25.483 --> 52:30.306 Because I love playing John and Yoko with all my toys. 52:30.346 --> 52:33.429 Tell us about it. 52:33.469 --> 52:34.089 Describe it. 52:34.350 --> 52:34.930 This will be fun. 52:35.250 --> 52:40.094 Yeah, so it is a plastic... That's a tall figurine, isn't it? 52:40.134 --> 52:41.275 That's got to be about 20, 25 centimetres. 52:43.757 --> 52:44.557 Yeah, it's big. 52:44.757 --> 52:47.458 As I said, you know, it's the size of a box of man-sized tissues. 52:47.838 --> 52:52.620 So it's pretty big, and if you imagine an action figure that fills that kind of capacity, plastic box. 52:52.640 --> 52:56.561 And Lennon in the New York years, what kind of a man was he in that period of his life? 52:57.141 --> 52:59.622 He was rocking the blue denim look. 52:59.742 --> 53:04.183 Blue jeans, he had that white t-shirt with New York written on it. 53:04.203 --> 53:05.064 His arms are folded, aren't they? 53:05.104 --> 53:05.844 He's defiant. 53:06.104 --> 53:07.184 Absolutely, very much. 53:07.244 --> 53:08.525 He's split from the Beatles. 53:08.725 --> 53:11.906 Had a lot of hassle with immigration, but he'd finally settled in New York. 53:11.926 --> 53:12.786 Living his own life. 53:13.566 --> 53:23.154 Yeah, and spending his time in the Dakota building where of course he was to tragically end his life Some years later and as well as the figure it comes with an accessory doesn't it? 53:23.514 --> 53:24.235 Oh, it's a wall. 53:24.275 --> 53:25.556 That's the accessory is it? 53:26.056 --> 53:34.603 It's a piece of authentic wall But it's this is this one of these action figures that it looks very much as if you are nothing sharp James You can't actually 53:36.917 --> 53:38.598 Joe's stabbing the botch right now. 53:38.718 --> 53:43.582 It looks like one of those kind of action figures that you can't really move. 53:45.023 --> 53:46.244 Like, it's more of a model. 53:46.264 --> 53:49.226 I wouldn't say it's... Does it call itself an action figure, even? 53:49.247 --> 53:50.708 I don't know. 53:50.728 --> 53:51.889 It's probably a figurine. 53:51.989 --> 53:52.629 It's a collectible. 53:52.869 --> 53:54.851 Yeah, yeah, yeah, because it's... It's valuable. 53:56.929 --> 53:59.891 Yes, it's a model, really, rather than an action figure. 53:59.952 --> 54:01.873 It's the kind of thing that you would... What would you do? 54:01.913 --> 54:12.922 You would stand it on your mantelpiece next to all your other... next to your Beatles albums, maybe, and you could use it as a... as a CD bookend kind of thing. 54:13.022 --> 54:14.043 Adam's now assembling it. 54:14.323 --> 54:17.286 He's attaching the section of New York wall to a small stand. 54:17.666 --> 54:21.949 Okay, and it's got two little bobbles where you stick his... And then his feet in. 54:22.270 --> 54:23.471 It's very moving, isn't it? 54:24.522 --> 54:25.342 Well, not literally. 54:25.362 --> 54:29.663 It actually literally doesn't move. 54:29.943 --> 54:33.744 And when you stand him up... Oh, look, he's standing sort of rakishly. 54:33.804 --> 54:34.944 He's got a lot of toothed. 54:35.384 --> 54:36.765 He's got a load of toothed. 54:36.785 --> 54:40.986 I mean, he really... Although he is... One of his hands looks a little spare there. 54:41.686 --> 54:42.186 Thanks, man. 54:42.206 --> 54:47.007 I mean, I don't know what to tell you because... You know I'm a big Beatles fan. 54:47.027 --> 54:48.427 I love John Lennon. 54:49.027 --> 54:52.088 And you just went ahead and got me a model of John Lennon. 54:53.090 --> 54:54.314 That was cheap. 54:54.435 --> 54:55.479 That means a lot. 54:56.021 --> 54:57.325 Oh look, his head moves round. 54:57.446 --> 54:58.630 Sure it does, all the way round. 55:01.622 --> 55:02.723 He's looking the wrong way. 55:03.203 --> 55:05.884 I tell you what it says on the bottom of this John Lennon figurine. 55:05.984 --> 55:09.585 It says copyright 2006, Yoko Ono Lennon. 55:10.266 --> 55:10.666 Really? 55:11.046 --> 55:11.386 Yeah. 55:11.426 --> 55:12.987 She owns every image of John's. 55:13.007 --> 55:14.667 So she owns likenesses. 55:14.887 --> 55:15.148 Yeah. 55:15.248 --> 55:18.949 Would you be happy if you died and your wife was left in total control of your image? 55:19.589 --> 55:20.330 Yeah, I wouldn't mind. 55:20.370 --> 55:22.490 I mean, she'd probably do a better job than I would. 55:22.911 --> 55:23.331 Fair enough. 55:24.791 --> 55:26.752 Yeah, I mean, Yoko does okay, doesn't she? 55:26.792 --> 55:27.272 She does do. 55:27.292 --> 55:33.114 There's not too much goofy stuff of John around, apart from this one item, which is ludicrous. 55:33.374 --> 55:34.135 But no, thanks, man. 55:34.155 --> 55:35.295 That's a nice little thing. 55:35.735 --> 55:36.435 Disappointing? 55:36.595 --> 55:37.696 Admit it if you're a bit disappointed. 55:37.716 --> 55:38.336 Not in the least. 55:38.496 --> 55:46.339 It would be good for this show to reflect a certain amount of disappointment for Christmas, because let's face it, for kids, sometimes prezzies can be disappointing. 55:46.879 --> 55:50.820 And it's an important rite of passage to learn to deal with that kind of thing. 55:50.881 --> 55:52.101 Yeah, look, I'll be honest with you. 55:52.341 --> 55:54.883 This is something that I will never throw away. 55:55.103 --> 55:55.784 I mean that. 55:56.405 --> 55:58.586 But I'm never ever going to do anything with it. 55:58.787 --> 56:05.212 It's just going to sit there on my shelf next to all my kind of SpongeBob SquarePants merchandise. 56:05.472 --> 56:06.493 You could give it to the kids. 56:06.553 --> 56:07.714 They might enjoy playing with it. 56:07.734 --> 56:08.775 Yeah, what are they going to do? 56:08.795 --> 56:10.757 Imagine the adventures. 56:11.538 --> 56:12.578 I'm John Lennon. 56:12.999 --> 56:13.519 Have I? 56:14.200 --> 56:16.282 To them, it's just a random guy with glasses. 56:16.342 --> 56:18.003 I'm going on a lost weekend. 56:18.023 --> 56:18.123 Great. 56:20.345 --> 56:23.286 It could be worth a lot when the new yellow submarine movie comes out. 56:23.866 --> 56:26.247 What's going on here, Paul? 56:26.267 --> 56:29.928 I've written a song. 56:29.948 --> 56:35.409 I'm doing a cover of Stand By Me, Paul. 56:35.489 --> 56:37.450 Dr Robert There by The Beatles. 56:38.490 --> 56:39.350 They're a good band. 56:39.610 --> 56:40.050 Don't know. 56:40.270 --> 56:41.291 Have you heard of The Beatles? 56:41.611 --> 56:43.011 No, I'm not really into The Beatles. 56:43.531 --> 56:44.691 What's your problem with The Beatles? 56:44.891 --> 56:46.532 I just haven't heard much of it. 56:46.992 --> 56:49.053 Well, you should watch X Factor. 56:49.073 --> 56:50.234 They had them on there the other day. 56:50.494 --> 56:50.834 I will. 56:51.354 --> 56:51.894 And they were good. 56:51.914 --> 56:53.815 Everyone was singing their Beatles songs. 56:54.195 --> 56:55.396 They did them really well, I thought. 56:56.056 --> 56:56.276 Yes. 56:56.316 --> 56:57.857 You know what I'd like to see on X Factor? 56:58.117 --> 56:59.138 Is a Bob Dylan one. 56:59.718 --> 57:01.499 Because they did a Bowie special the other day. 57:02.159 --> 57:03.640 And that was quite, you know, moving. 57:03.680 --> 57:04.360 Did they? 57:04.400 --> 57:06.021 Yeah, they were singing Heroes. 57:06.201 --> 57:06.521 Really? 57:06.601 --> 57:07.461 Was Bowie present? 57:07.721 --> 57:09.282 No, Bowie was not present. 57:09.382 --> 57:13.164 You see, that's the difference between him and other artists. 57:13.504 --> 57:15.627 Which other artists have turned up for their specials? 57:16.668 --> 57:17.950 Well, that's a good question, isn't it? 57:17.970 --> 57:20.133 I mean, Elton John wouldn't have turned up, would he? 57:20.654 --> 57:21.815 Maybe nobody turns up. 57:22.376 --> 57:23.718 McCartney turned up, famously. 57:23.738 --> 57:23.998 Did he? 57:24.119 --> 57:24.619 Yeah, yeah. 57:24.659 --> 57:24.960 Did he? 57:25.561 --> 57:26.141 He turned up. 57:26.262 --> 57:27.303 But Bowie didn't turn up. 57:27.623 --> 57:29.626 I'd like to see them doing a Bob Dylan special. 57:30.387 --> 57:36.588 I think that would be very good and, you know, there's a lot of classic tunes there that they could really murder in an entertaining way. 57:36.628 --> 57:39.809 It's a good context for protest, isn't it, the X Factor? 57:39.829 --> 57:40.009 It is. 57:40.089 --> 57:41.450 It's a switched on show. 57:41.990 --> 57:43.990 It's very politicised. 57:44.010 --> 57:45.210 It's a politically charged forum. 57:45.230 --> 57:55.153 It's a politically charged forum and it's the ideal place for Bob Bob to put forward some of his more controversial and provocative song poets. 57:55.173 --> 57:56.293 Don't call him Bob Bob though. 57:57.053 --> 57:57.853 Bobbob, why not? 57:58.193 --> 57:59.014 He doesn't like Bobbob. 57:59.034 --> 58:00.894 That's his new name for the Nintendo generation. 58:00.994 --> 58:01.714 That's demeaning. 58:02.014 --> 58:03.855 It's not demeaning, it's empowering. 58:03.935 --> 58:04.855 But listen, what? 58:04.875 --> 58:10.437 Hey, these old-time stars, they're desperate for a bit of the X-Factor glitter. 58:10.617 --> 58:10.857 Yeah. 58:11.097 --> 58:11.757 They'll do anything. 58:11.777 --> 58:14.218 I like it when you say hey at the beginning of your sentences. 58:14.238 --> 58:15.658 It means I don't know what to say. 58:16.118 --> 58:16.358 Hey. 58:16.598 --> 58:17.699 Do you do that in your life? 58:17.919 --> 58:18.419 Yes, hey. 58:19.119 --> 58:23.682 You just think it engages the audience and then you've got them and then you just have to quickly think of what to do with it. 58:23.702 --> 58:25.983 But it means that you're going to say a thought though, doesn't it? 58:26.003 --> 58:29.365 You don't say it before like, hey, could you pass me that cereal? 58:30.146 --> 58:31.566 No, sometimes I might do that. 58:31.586 --> 58:31.646 See? 58:32.127 --> 58:35.088 Hey, yeah, it's just a fun, upbeat word. 58:35.129 --> 58:36.229 Hey, Crusader. 58:36.709 --> 58:37.570 Have you any nuts? 58:37.810 --> 58:39.671 I've got mixed nuts and raisins. 58:39.831 --> 58:40.832 Salted cashews. 58:41.172 --> 58:43.553 So, anyway, back to Bobo Dillon, right? 58:43.954 --> 58:48.376 Bob Bob, if you remember, released a Christmas album last year, right? 58:48.917 --> 58:50.518 We had lots of fun with it on this show. 58:50.538 --> 58:54.080 Here's a little snatch, if you don't mind me saying, just to remind you. 58:54.100 --> 58:55.440 Adman, it's Christmas, sorry. 59:14.645 --> 59:17.167 And pretend that he's a circus clown. 59:17.287 --> 59:17.867 So there you go. 59:18.688 --> 59:25.292 That's old Bob-Bob with his special old Bob voice doing a bit of Christmassy sing-songery there. 59:25.973 --> 59:28.635 So here's a track that was not included on the album. 59:28.655 --> 59:29.956 This is exciting, Jones. 59:30.016 --> 59:32.097 It's an exclusive that I'm going to play you now. 59:36.500 --> 59:38.782 And no one's ever heard this before, right? 59:38.802 --> 59:39.302 Are you ready? 59:39.622 --> 59:41.924 For brand new... Tell us, I mean, what is it? 59:41.964 --> 59:43.745 It's an old classic? 59:44.906 --> 59:47.428 No, it's a new song that he's just written. 59:47.508 --> 59:51.290 It's all about television ads at Christmas. 59:51.631 --> 59:52.111 Have a listen. 59:52.391 --> 59:57.455 There are ads that are meerkat-based loved by the nation. 59:58.275 --> 01:00:01.898 And Halifax ads in the radio station. 01:00:03.325 --> 01:00:06.347 But do you recall the most wonderful adverts of all? 01:00:14.946 --> 01:00:25.249 Television ads at Christmas, festive advertising fun, kicking off around October, bringing happiness to everyone. 01:00:26.029 --> 01:00:30.911 All of the famous people are coming out to sell you stuff. 01:00:31.331 --> 01:00:36.272 Please give them all your money, because times are getting kind of tough. 01:00:36.772 --> 01:00:41.414 Peter Kay is clowning around with Twiggy and Danny Minogue. 01:00:42.274 --> 01:01:00.229 Ellie Goulding sings your song It sounds like it's gone slightly wrong Here's a brilliant Russell Brand book And one by Michael McIntyre They should keep you nice and toasty If you stick them on the fire He's the king of comedy, don't you know? 01:01:00.769 --> 01:01:05.293 Look at all the supermarkets Look at all the crap they stock 01:01:06.053 --> 01:01:21.393 Look at Jamie Oliver bouncing round He's a total Christmas man Selling you a giant turkey He's selling you some booze and pies Don't worry about your waistline Santa really likes big thighs 01:01:22.194 --> 01:01:26.396 It will be Boxing Day with ads for all the sales. 01:01:26.977 --> 01:01:31.839 Then the new year after that with diet ads, cause we're so fat. 01:01:32.099 --> 01:01:36.982 Right now I'm so very happy, like I am when I watch Glee. 01:01:37.262 --> 01:01:44.625 Watching all the festive adverts and dancing round my Christmas tree. 01:01:45.626 --> 01:01:47.327 Oh, my bubbles. 01:01:48.089 --> 01:01:48.870 He fell over. 01:01:49.310 --> 01:01:50.431 And smashed his baubles. 01:01:50.451 --> 01:01:52.412 He smashed a couple of his Christmas baubles. 01:01:52.732 --> 01:01:54.454 You know, you know what that makes me think? 01:01:57.256 --> 01:02:00.438 It makes me think, you know, does Dylan enjoy Christmas? 01:02:00.498 --> 01:02:01.679 Is he having a happy Christmas? 01:02:02.039 --> 01:02:03.300 Maybe he should watch Les Telly. 01:02:03.340 --> 01:02:05.601 It sounds as if the adverts are dragging him down. 01:02:06.622 --> 01:02:13.707 I can't tell in that Bob Dylan song if he likes the adverts or if he's annoyed about them. 01:02:13.867 --> 01:02:15.709 I think he's annoyed by them. 01:02:16.269 --> 01:02:16.529 Why? 01:02:17.169 --> 01:02:20.670 Well, you can't stop watching them because they're so beautifully produced and they're so loud. 01:02:20.810 --> 01:02:23.351 You know, I personally enjoy the Christmas adverts, don't you? 01:02:23.371 --> 01:02:25.412 Um, yeah, I guess I do. 01:02:25.532 --> 01:02:27.732 There's a lot of feuding parties going on, aren't there? 01:02:27.752 --> 01:02:29.073 I mean, everyone's having a party. 01:02:29.113 --> 01:02:29.353 Sure. 01:02:29.393 --> 01:02:31.473 Little Woods are having one, M&S are having one. 01:02:31.513 --> 01:02:34.114 Well, there was a big party, was the Tech That party a couple of years back. 01:02:34.134 --> 01:02:34.334 Yes. 01:02:34.454 --> 01:02:35.655 but now everyone's doing it. 01:02:35.695 --> 01:02:38.917 And of course Iceland have one as well, don't they? 01:02:39.057 --> 01:02:48.042 And they have different sorts of food at different parties, depending maybe on the socioeconomic bracket that the party holder lives in. 01:02:48.062 --> 01:02:48.662 I mean, it's true. 01:02:48.682 --> 01:02:51.064 I mean, M&S, that's a posh party. 01:02:51.264 --> 01:02:51.544 Yes. 01:02:51.584 --> 01:02:52.704 And they've got less food. 01:02:52.745 --> 01:02:56.066 You're probably going to have your Stephen Fry's there, Jennifer Saunders. 01:02:56.146 --> 01:02:58.328 Aerodite company, a large country house. 01:02:58.428 --> 01:03:00.469 Yeah, book lined shelves. 01:03:00.629 --> 01:03:11.782 warm log fires whereas the your iceland party i mean jason donovan in some tights of course not to impugn the food in any way whatsoever there's no value judgment being made here and they have a lot more food 01:03:16.006 --> 01:03:18.147 They have a lot more food at the Iceland party. 01:03:18.187 --> 01:03:20.908 It's like they're trying to overcompensate for something. 01:03:21.468 --> 01:03:23.929 Well, because the standard of conversation is not so high, you're saying. 01:03:23.949 --> 01:03:24.949 Do they have to fill their cup? 01:03:24.969 --> 01:03:34.112 No, I thought maybe they can't afford a lot of food most of the year round, so having a lot of very cheap food makes everyone feel more festive. 01:03:34.392 --> 01:03:36.013 You're on shaky ground there, Santa. 01:03:36.033 --> 01:03:37.934 I mean, they've got prawn ice cream. 01:03:38.375 --> 01:03:40.776 They've got all sorts of insane concoctions. 01:03:40.816 --> 01:03:42.197 There's no rules in Iceland. 01:03:42.437 --> 01:03:45.560 I'd much prefer... Don't get me wrong, I'd much prefer to be at the Iceland party. 01:03:45.640 --> 01:03:46.540 I would never get you wrong. 01:03:46.820 --> 01:03:49.382 I'd rather be at the Iceland party, because it's more down to earth. 01:03:49.442 --> 01:03:52.204 Well, the people in the in the M&S party are snotty. 01:03:52.244 --> 01:03:53.345 They're snoopy. 01:03:53.365 --> 01:03:54.425 And they're so up themselves. 01:03:54.445 --> 01:03:56.487 You've got Stephen Fry standing in the corner. 01:03:56.527 --> 01:03:57.628 Boring, crunch. 01:03:57.668 --> 01:03:58.248 He's probably drunk. 01:03:58.308 --> 01:03:58.888 He's probably drunk. 01:03:58.928 --> 01:03:59.749 He's drunk out of his line. 01:03:59.909 --> 01:04:03.111 On a ginger wine, do a great big long anecdote. 01:04:03.231 --> 01:04:03.992 Twiggy is bitter. 01:04:04.712 --> 01:04:07.353 She's bitter bitterly cold not personality wise. 01:04:07.453 --> 01:04:08.554 She's she underdressed. 01:04:08.974 --> 01:04:10.054 She's bitterly cold. 01:04:10.134 --> 01:04:11.255 Where is it the ice them part? 01:04:11.275 --> 01:04:12.255 You got Jason Donovan. 01:04:12.275 --> 01:04:13.055 Do you hon Donna? 01:04:13.095 --> 01:04:19.398 Yes You've got Jane McDonald and the cast of loose women and they're just they're just much more relaxed 01:04:20.138 --> 01:04:21.980 But which party would Dylan go to? 01:04:22.100 --> 01:04:23.962 Who are his celebrity friends in reality? 01:04:24.002 --> 01:04:26.084 Does he hang out with other famous people, Bob Dylan? 01:04:26.104 --> 01:04:26.905 Alicia Keys! 01:04:27.366 --> 01:04:27.826 Oh really? 01:04:27.886 --> 01:04:28.827 He likes Alicia! 01:04:28.847 --> 01:04:32.210 Well he's probably at some Brooklyn hip-hop Christmas party then, isn't he? 01:04:32.250 --> 01:04:33.091 With heavy beats. 01:04:33.352 --> 01:04:34.052 That's right! 01:04:34.112 --> 01:04:34.633 Don't you think? 01:04:34.933 --> 01:04:35.294 Pastor! 01:04:35.374 --> 01:04:36.855 Cos he's like a sort of roster. 01:04:37.976 --> 01:04:38.476 Exactly. 01:04:38.516 --> 01:04:42.597 He's sort of the first of the rappers, but... He's perapar the rapper. 01:04:42.757 --> 01:04:45.958 Yeah, I liked him mentioning the Halifax radio station adverts. 01:04:45.978 --> 01:04:47.138 That was my favourite ad of the year. 01:04:47.158 --> 01:04:48.118 That's a good one, isn't it? 01:04:48.138 --> 01:04:49.119 Because they're having a lot of fun in there. 01:04:49.139 --> 01:04:50.439 How can you tune into that radio station? 01:04:50.819 --> 01:04:51.639 I wish I knew. 01:04:51.659 --> 01:04:53.440 I would like to download the podcast. 01:04:53.480 --> 01:04:55.600 We should make our show a bit more like that, shouldn't we? 01:04:55.900 --> 01:04:57.941 Oh, I've been trying to, but you are resisting. 01:04:57.961 --> 01:04:59.521 You are resisting. 01:04:59.841 --> 01:05:01.021 And Jamie Oliver, as well. 01:05:01.061 --> 01:05:02.302 He's got a big advert, hasn't he? 01:05:02.422 --> 01:05:03.722 His perfect Christmas, though. 01:05:04.002 --> 01:05:05.562 Like, he went to go out. 01:05:06.002 --> 01:05:07.143 You know the perfect Christmas hat? 01:05:07.183 --> 01:05:08.083 He's setting up a perfect Christmas hat. 01:05:08.103 --> 01:05:09.183 Well, you can win one, can't you? 01:05:09.203 --> 01:05:09.923 You can win a deal? 01:05:10.103 --> 01:05:12.064 Well, by now, someone has won the perfect Christmas hat. 01:05:12.084 --> 01:05:20.666 Right, so your whole town or village can win a perfect Christmas, which seems to involve Jamie Oliver and a film crew turning up and blowing artificial foam snow. 01:05:21.206 --> 01:05:21.386 Yeah. 01:05:21.606 --> 01:05:22.467 All up in your house. 01:05:22.547 --> 01:05:24.729 What happens because the weather's been all over the shot. 01:05:24.769 --> 01:05:25.790 We're pre-recording this show. 01:05:25.810 --> 01:05:29.353 I don't know if it is actually snowy this Christmas day where you are, listeners. 01:05:29.854 --> 01:05:32.336 But it has been very snowy over the last few weeks. 01:05:32.456 --> 01:05:35.359 What happens if Christmas Day turns out to be another blizzard? 01:05:35.599 --> 01:05:38.401 Do they still spray or do they clear the snow away for you? 01:05:38.421 --> 01:05:42.205 They would spray the foam snow on top of the real snow. 01:05:42.305 --> 01:05:43.106 The real snow. 01:05:43.606 --> 01:05:44.547 Yeah, it doesn't melt. 01:05:46.328 --> 01:05:47.269 It's less dirty. 01:05:47.449 --> 01:05:47.729 Yeah. 01:05:48.329 --> 01:05:53.012 But I'd like to hear from the person that won that competition, because presumably that was awful. 01:05:53.652 --> 01:05:54.352 Absolutely rubbish. 01:05:54.672 --> 01:06:01.936 And then you're standing out there trying to get fake snow out of your mouth, watching kind of a bad projection of the snowman on someone's house. 01:06:01.956 --> 01:06:04.057 Does Oliver turn up? 01:06:04.097 --> 01:06:05.258 Does he turn up and cook for you? 01:06:05.478 --> 01:06:06.338 Yeah, I would say. 01:06:06.378 --> 01:06:09.800 He's happy about that, or is it a little bit of social, sort of forced bonermy? 01:06:09.900 --> 01:06:10.981 I imagine they're paying him. 01:06:11.981 --> 01:06:12.902 It's probably okay. 01:06:12.942 --> 01:06:14.943 We'd like to hear from you if you won Jamie's Christmas. 01:06:14.983 --> 01:06:15.943 Maybe it was fantastic. 01:06:16.283 --> 01:06:17.904 I'm a funny person. 01:06:18.384 --> 01:06:20.005 I often make up jokes. 01:06:20.425 --> 01:06:25.048 My jokes are more amusing than those of other folks. 01:06:25.148 --> 01:06:28.889 When you hear my joke I think you'll find that you agree. 01:06:29.350 --> 01:06:33.172 Come on, you're all invited to a made-up joke party. 01:06:34.528 --> 01:06:38.149 And can there be a bigger made-up joke party than Christmas Day? 01:06:38.389 --> 01:06:43.871 I mean, that's where all the unloved jokes like Little Orphans go, is crackers, of course. 01:06:44.151 --> 01:06:46.432 Who makes them up, the jokes in crackers? 01:06:46.492 --> 01:06:47.432 Well, funnily enough. 01:06:47.612 --> 01:06:51.393 Is there a sort of standard text, do you think? 01:06:51.694 --> 01:06:53.254 Do they all come from the same source? 01:06:53.274 --> 01:06:54.294 Because they're kind of timeless. 01:06:54.314 --> 01:06:56.015 You don't find contemporary gags, do you? 01:06:56.295 --> 01:06:58.336 No, they never seem to change very much at all. 01:06:59.176 --> 01:07:06.538 In fact, it seems to be a kind of unspoken agreement amongst the community of the world that they'll never actually improve very much at all. 01:07:06.558 --> 01:07:07.659 Who were crackers invented by? 01:07:07.679 --> 01:07:09.839 Ah, well that's an interesting question. 01:07:10.019 --> 01:07:10.820 Sarah Cracknell. 01:07:13.200 --> 01:07:13.460 Yes. 01:07:13.800 --> 01:07:14.061 Yes. 01:07:16.481 --> 01:07:17.241 From the band St. 01:07:17.302 --> 01:07:17.682 Etienne. 01:07:17.742 --> 01:07:18.762 Yeah, she invented them. 01:07:19.202 --> 01:07:20.643 Really, when she cracked one off. 01:07:21.223 --> 01:07:21.443 Yeah. 01:07:21.943 --> 01:07:23.603 And one of the other members of St. 01:07:23.643 --> 01:07:25.124 Etienne trapped it in a glass. 01:07:26.451 --> 01:07:27.493 That's not the expression. 01:07:27.513 --> 01:07:28.975 He tried to say farted. 01:07:29.296 --> 01:07:31.579 That cracked one off is a different thing. 01:07:32.040 --> 01:07:32.481 Oh, is it? 01:07:32.501 --> 01:07:35.325 Well, yeah, and I know. 01:07:35.345 --> 01:07:39.552 Anyway, she cracked one off and he trapped it in a glass. 01:07:40.555 --> 01:07:48.738 And one of the other members of Centetion, Bob Stanley, caught it in an old toilet roll that he had nearby, trapped it. 01:07:48.758 --> 01:07:49.418 Right, here we go. 01:07:49.578 --> 01:07:54.379 And he wrapped it in colored paper as a stinky surprise, right? 01:07:54.639 --> 01:07:54.959 Happens. 01:07:55.220 --> 01:07:57.140 And that is how crackers were invented. 01:07:57.160 --> 01:08:01.962 That would be dangerous, though, if you really did it that way, because the little cracker strip inside could ignite that gas. 01:08:02.002 --> 01:08:02.602 That's true. 01:08:02.622 --> 01:08:03.962 There'd be a little explosion. 01:08:03.982 --> 01:08:05.823 That would be a good twist for crackers. 01:08:05.843 --> 01:08:09.504 Although maybe that's how the explosion works, how it's powered. 01:08:09.815 --> 01:08:11.217 Anyway, listen, we're getting off the subject. 01:08:11.257 --> 01:08:17.223 We've got a few made up jokes from listeners to this programme that have been tweeted and texted in. 01:08:18.024 --> 01:08:20.887 And do you want to start this one, Joe? 01:08:21.568 --> 01:08:23.590 Sure, yeah, we've been canvassing made up jokes. 01:08:23.630 --> 01:08:26.953 And of course, the criteria here is that they've got to be authored. 01:08:27.694 --> 01:08:33.418 And we've become pretty good at kind of fishing out the ones that we think have been written by someone else. 01:08:33.838 --> 01:08:36.760 But as a result, some of these can be pretty demented, right? 01:08:37.000 --> 01:08:40.843 And the list we got in front of us here reaches new levels of dementia. 01:08:40.883 --> 01:08:41.844 Have you looked through them, Adam? 01:08:42.244 --> 01:08:44.725 I've seen a couple of them, but I'm coming to these more or less cold. 01:08:45.066 --> 01:08:45.346 OK. 01:08:46.347 --> 01:08:47.067 Like the weather. 01:08:47.347 --> 01:08:48.908 Here's one from Stephen Riley. 01:08:49.309 --> 01:08:49.809 Here we go. 01:08:50.249 --> 01:08:56.433 Why was the Welsh pigeon who lives in a hive disappointed that the festive season was over? 01:08:56.453 --> 01:08:57.354 I don't know. 01:08:58.375 --> 01:09:02.497 Die wish it could be Christmas every day. 01:09:03.678 --> 01:09:05.259 So let's break that one down. 01:09:05.739 --> 01:09:06.540 Welsh pigeon. 01:09:06.560 --> 01:09:07.521 Die wish. 01:09:07.541 --> 01:09:09.242 That's a Welsh name. 01:09:09.262 --> 01:09:10.242 Who lives in a hive. 01:09:11.283 --> 01:09:11.663 Be. 01:09:11.783 --> 01:09:12.744 Is there no pigeon? 01:09:12.764 --> 01:09:13.164 There we go. 01:09:13.305 --> 01:09:13.885 Cooled. 01:09:14.265 --> 01:09:14.806 And that's it. 01:09:15.706 --> 01:09:17.487 How is wishing lives in a hive connected? 01:09:18.328 --> 01:09:22.270 Why was the Welsh pigeon who lives in a hive disappointed that the festive season was over? 01:09:22.651 --> 01:09:25.112 Die wish it could be. 01:09:25.333 --> 01:09:25.673 Yeah. 01:09:25.913 --> 01:09:26.673 That's absolutely. 01:09:27.794 --> 01:09:32.856 That's three different things there into one line from a famous song. 01:09:32.876 --> 01:09:34.877 That's clever, isn't it? 01:09:35.797 --> 01:09:37.558 He could have put Die again at the end. 01:09:37.898 --> 01:09:40.479 Die wish it could be Christmas every die. 01:09:40.499 --> 01:09:42.660 Nice job there, Steven. 01:09:43.240 --> 01:09:43.961 Congratulations. 01:09:44.581 --> 01:09:46.842 Here's one from Slab Squat Thrust. 01:09:46.882 --> 01:09:48.643 That's a good name, Slab Squat Thrust. 01:09:49.503 --> 01:09:53.526 I mean, that's the kind of name that I would name a son of mine or something. 01:09:54.147 --> 01:09:57.849 What do you get if you cross James Bond and an after eight? 01:09:58.610 --> 01:09:59.711 A mint spy. 01:10:00.031 --> 01:10:01.632 Now, I don't even understand that one. 01:10:01.692 --> 01:10:01.953 What? 01:10:02.253 --> 01:10:02.473 How? 01:10:02.513 --> 01:10:03.254 What's not to understand? 01:10:03.274 --> 01:10:04.014 A mint spy. 01:10:04.094 --> 01:10:04.975 A mint spy. 01:10:05.315 --> 01:10:06.456 Oh, now I understand it. 01:10:06.516 --> 01:10:06.876 Yeah. 01:10:07.137 --> 01:10:08.778 Like, a mint spy is a Christmasy thing. 01:10:09.078 --> 01:10:10.179 A mint and a spy. 01:10:10.419 --> 01:10:10.799 A mint spy. 01:10:10.819 --> 01:10:11.900 That's quite good, isn't it? 01:10:11.920 --> 01:10:12.701 Can that be made up? 01:10:14.093 --> 01:10:16.134 I mean, that's a brilliant Christmas joke as well. 01:10:16.194 --> 01:10:17.715 Thanks, Slab Squat Thrust. 01:10:17.755 --> 01:10:19.235 How about this one from Steve Wells? 01:10:19.435 --> 01:10:28.519 What did Jonah Louis – this is for maybe older listeners who can remember Christmas number ones from the past – what did Jonah Louis say when he turned vegetarian at Christmas? 01:10:29.960 --> 01:10:31.120 Stop the carvery. 01:10:34.451 --> 01:10:35.091 That's good. 01:10:35.411 --> 01:10:36.792 That's a good six music joke. 01:10:36.912 --> 01:10:37.932 Good six music joke. 01:10:38.012 --> 01:10:39.513 Because, you know, he's an artist. 01:10:39.553 --> 01:10:40.673 I mean, everyone will know that song. 01:10:40.693 --> 01:10:41.613 That's a classic song. 01:10:41.773 --> 01:10:43.074 Here's one from Grant Solo. 01:10:43.354 --> 01:10:45.635 Hey, I'm going on holiday to Narnia this Christmas. 01:10:46.195 --> 01:10:49.436 I booked it at a well-known travel agent, Thomas Cook. 01:10:50.036 --> 01:10:51.337 That's a character from Narnia. 01:10:51.397 --> 01:10:51.817 Thomas. 01:10:52.037 --> 01:10:52.517 Yeah. 01:10:52.677 --> 01:10:53.717 Thomas sounds like Thomas. 01:10:53.917 --> 01:10:54.318 That's right. 01:10:54.338 --> 01:10:55.278 Sounds like Thomas! 01:10:56.112 --> 01:10:57.373 Oh, getting aggressive. 01:10:57.393 --> 01:10:58.734 Being very aggressive on Christmas Day. 01:10:58.754 --> 01:11:02.017 Just trying to fill the blank void with some sort of emotion. 01:11:02.537 --> 01:11:03.918 That's what I'm trying to do in my life too. 01:11:05.880 --> 01:11:06.240 Sorry. 01:11:06.620 --> 01:11:08.642 Oh, this is from Songwar Manga as well. 01:11:08.662 --> 01:11:10.964 Have we already read out one by Songwar Manga? 01:11:11.024 --> 01:11:11.464 No, not yet. 01:11:11.965 --> 01:11:17.109 Okay, Songwar Manga says, What is the Three Kings and Shepherds' favourite song? 01:11:18.310 --> 01:11:21.633 I repeat, What is the Three Kings and Shepherds' favourite song? 01:11:22.753 --> 01:11:25.094 Major Zone by Kenny Boggins. 01:11:26.315 --> 01:11:31.198 Now Song Warmunga has, I'm going into analysis very quickly there just to fill the silence. 01:11:31.318 --> 01:11:36.040 Song Warmunga has included Boggins in there for us Kenny Loggins, Boggins. 01:11:36.400 --> 01:11:38.661 Major Zone of course sounding like Danger Zone. 01:11:39.262 --> 01:11:44.964 That's a single letter replacement which is an acceptable criteria for a joke statistically. 01:11:44.984 --> 01:11:51.848 I mean, swapped and removed letters from Boggins and swapped one word from Danger Zone. 01:11:52.128 --> 01:11:52.328 Mm-hmm. 01:11:53.570 --> 01:11:58.535 Fail to really, uh, preface or foreshadow Kenny Loggins in the setup line. 01:11:59.576 --> 01:12:00.537 Oh gosh, I stopped listening. 01:12:01.618 --> 01:12:02.059 Did you? 01:12:02.279 --> 01:12:02.459 Yeah. 01:12:02.479 --> 01:12:03.941 Well that's where you made your mistake. 01:12:04.001 --> 01:12:06.103 Because now you can't follow what I'm saying. 01:12:07.785 --> 01:12:09.286 No, I absolutely stopped. 01:12:09.506 --> 01:12:11.988 I'm just giving Songwamunga some tips for next year. 01:12:12.008 --> 01:12:21.756 If he or she had included some aspect of luggage in the setup line, the punchline would have worked a bit better. 01:12:21.896 --> 01:12:23.958 Blondie there with heart of glass. 01:12:23.998 --> 01:12:27.621 She's like the kind of woman that Santa would hang out with, I think. 01:12:28.261 --> 01:12:28.842 Do you think? 01:12:29.122 --> 01:12:29.502 Yeah. 01:12:29.582 --> 01:12:30.363 Why do you think that? 01:12:30.723 --> 01:12:36.246 I can just imagine her in sort of a red skirt, you know, with a fluffy white edge. 01:12:36.806 --> 01:12:39.487 The same kind of stuff that Santa would wear, but a sexy version. 01:12:39.507 --> 01:12:45.330 When you picture Santa in your head, which popular media portrayal of Santa do you tend to think of? 01:12:45.850 --> 01:12:47.451 You know, the fizzy drink version. 01:12:47.991 --> 01:12:48.391 Okay. 01:12:48.772 --> 01:12:51.113 Not the Dudley Moore version. 01:12:52.293 --> 01:12:52.553 No. 01:12:52.734 --> 01:12:54.254 Not the Santa Claus the movie version? 01:12:54.554 --> 01:12:55.775 Well, what does he look like in that? 01:12:56.315 --> 01:12:59.537 Just a big jolly fat old fellow with rosy ruddy cheeks. 01:13:00.342 --> 01:13:05.183 So the same as the Coca-Cola one, really, but I like to picture him in that very toy factory. 01:13:05.523 --> 01:13:06.003 Oh, yeah, yeah. 01:13:06.183 --> 01:13:08.064 And he has a Santa-mobile, doesn't he, in that? 01:13:08.104 --> 01:13:09.604 He has some sort of flying car. 01:13:09.744 --> 01:13:10.304 Yes, he does. 01:13:10.324 --> 01:13:12.025 He's got a good one, a good high-powered one. 01:13:12.465 --> 01:13:16.466 Well, I guess one of my favorite Santas, you get to see Santa an elf, the movie, right? 01:13:16.486 --> 01:13:16.786 Yes. 01:13:17.306 --> 01:13:23.068 I mean, that's pretty much my favorite portrayal of Santa and also the working environment of the elves. 01:13:23.128 --> 01:13:23.408 Yes. 01:13:24.128 --> 01:13:28.229 I really love that film, and that was our family film last year, in fact. 01:13:28.809 --> 01:13:30.089 Have you got one lined up for this year? 01:13:30.149 --> 01:13:31.130 I haven't, not yet. 01:13:31.790 --> 01:13:35.290 Before that, like, we had the Bourne film for the adult films. 01:13:35.531 --> 01:13:35.971 Okay. 01:13:37.311 --> 01:13:39.691 And something, Master and Commander was a good one. 01:13:39.731 --> 01:13:40.092 Yes. 01:13:40.632 --> 01:13:41.912 Shawshank Redemption was the good one. 01:13:41.932 --> 01:13:44.172 The Shawshank Redemption, that's a popular one, yeah. 01:13:44.352 --> 01:13:46.513 Yeah, that's like the number one favourite film. 01:13:46.893 --> 01:13:49.454 We used to watch that round at Christmas before it was announced. 01:13:49.474 --> 01:13:50.374 Yes, it's really moving. 01:13:50.674 --> 01:13:51.174 It's a good one. 01:13:51.394 --> 01:13:54.856 He's dug a hole in the wall and covered it up with a poster. 01:13:56.496 --> 01:14:02.719 Well, it's hard finding films that cross all the various taste and generational boundaries. 01:14:02.739 --> 01:14:03.979 For Christmas, it's true. 01:14:04.940 --> 01:14:07.141 That unifies all the different generations. 01:14:07.341 --> 01:14:10.402 And Groundhog Day is obviously one of the best ones. 01:14:10.422 --> 01:14:11.963 You go for quite modern films, don't you? 01:14:12.523 --> 01:14:13.244 Well, what would you say? 01:14:13.264 --> 01:14:13.784 What's a good one? 01:14:13.804 --> 01:14:15.825 I mean, I'm not gonna go for It's a Wonderful Life. 01:14:15.905 --> 01:14:17.266 My dad wouldn't stand for it. 01:14:17.286 --> 01:14:18.707 Yeah, he would just bore on about. 01:14:18.727 --> 01:14:19.768 Soon as Benny Hill came out. 01:14:29.935 --> 01:14:33.518 Big sumptuous children's musicals like that. 01:14:34.860 --> 01:14:35.941 That's true, isn't it? 01:14:36.181 --> 01:14:37.502 I know, it's all dark. 01:14:37.942 --> 01:14:40.344 You have to go dark and you have to have seen the previous seven. 01:14:40.585 --> 01:14:44.428 What about an amazing stand-alone lavish children's musical? 01:14:44.448 --> 01:14:45.449 Could you have it, though? 01:14:45.529 --> 01:14:46.350 Things are too cynical. 01:14:46.390 --> 01:14:48.632 They would try and stuff them full of... We could do it. 01:14:48.672 --> 01:14:49.513 We could write the songs. 01:14:49.673 --> 01:14:51.634 They'd stuff them full of adult jokes and stuff. 01:14:51.695 --> 01:14:52.215 No, we wouldn't. 01:14:52.695 --> 01:14:53.276 No, would we not? 01:14:53.556 --> 01:14:54.337 No, it would be brilliant. 01:14:54.697 --> 01:14:56.799 All right, men, it's time for me to give you a present. 01:14:57.240 --> 01:14:58.121 Oh, that's very exciting. 01:14:58.702 --> 01:14:59.582 Um, here you go. 01:14:59.683 --> 01:15:00.724 Thank you very much. 01:15:00.804 --> 01:15:02.225 This is a personalised gift. 01:15:02.245 --> 01:15:04.187 I don't know what you're going to make of this one. 01:15:04.207 --> 01:15:05.249 Is it homemade? 01:15:05.269 --> 01:15:05.549 Kind of. 01:15:05.589 --> 01:15:06.530 Kind of homemade. 01:15:06.750 --> 01:15:07.551 It's fragile. 01:15:07.891 --> 01:15:09.153 It's wrapped in a rubber band. 01:15:09.173 --> 01:15:09.994 It is fragile. 01:15:10.034 --> 01:15:11.255 It's come a long way, I tell you. 01:15:11.275 --> 01:15:11.595 Has it? 01:15:11.655 --> 01:15:11.856 Yeah. 01:15:12.924 --> 01:15:13.785 Wow, sir. 01:15:13.865 --> 01:15:14.966 Maybe it's from New York. 01:15:15.007 --> 01:15:16.068 You went to New York, didn't you? 01:15:16.088 --> 01:15:17.149 But far further afield even. 01:15:17.169 --> 01:15:17.710 Further than that. 01:15:17.770 --> 01:15:19.592 Is it from Australia, mate? 01:15:19.952 --> 01:15:20.773 It's not far. 01:15:20.793 --> 01:15:21.975 That would be really exciting. 01:15:22.075 --> 01:15:22.816 Not that far. 01:15:22.996 --> 01:15:24.137 Not that far again. 01:15:24.217 --> 01:15:25.258 Wrapped in the Daily Mail. 01:15:25.278 --> 01:15:26.700 This time the Female section. 01:15:26.800 --> 01:15:28.062 My favourite section. 01:15:28.922 --> 01:15:29.042 Oh. 01:15:30.683 --> 01:15:32.565 Oh, well, this is peculiar. 01:15:33.365 --> 01:15:34.686 Oh, no, it's a little book, isn't it? 01:15:34.806 --> 01:15:35.586 It's in a plastic bag. 01:15:35.626 --> 01:15:36.327 It's multi-coloured. 01:15:36.367 --> 01:15:37.527 It's small and square. 01:15:37.928 --> 01:15:38.888 It's got a fish on it. 01:15:39.088 --> 01:15:40.089 It's a little notebook. 01:15:40.189 --> 01:15:40.829 It's a notebook. 01:15:40.889 --> 01:15:42.010 It's from the Maldives. 01:15:42.110 --> 01:15:42.390 Yeah. 01:15:43.011 --> 01:15:44.411 And it says notebook Maldives. 01:15:44.451 --> 01:15:45.832 It's got a fish and some sand. 01:15:46.713 --> 01:15:48.194 And it's written. 01:15:48.534 --> 01:15:49.775 It's actually handwritten. 01:15:50.495 --> 01:15:52.196 So Adam has bought this notebook. 01:15:52.236 --> 01:15:54.257 And my God, he's written. 01:15:54.317 --> 01:15:54.758 He's written a... 01:15:56.634 --> 01:15:57.936 I did a little picture in the back. 01:15:57.976 --> 01:16:00.741 I flipped to the back and it's a little bit, a little bit fruity. 01:16:02.703 --> 01:16:03.164 I'll read it to you. 01:16:03.184 --> 01:16:03.665 Can I read it? 01:16:03.725 --> 01:16:04.606 Is it suitable for reading? 01:16:04.626 --> 01:16:05.648 Yeah, it's suitable for reading. 01:16:05.668 --> 01:16:06.149 You page one. 01:16:06.209 --> 01:16:07.571 Profound Maldives thoughts. 01:16:07.911 --> 01:16:08.873 I went to the Maldives with my boy. 01:16:08.893 --> 01:16:10.155 I went to the Maldives with my boy. 01:16:10.195 --> 01:16:10.635 From ad, Christmas 2010. 01:16:12.337 --> 01:16:12.998 Thought number one. 01:16:13.798 --> 01:16:18.721 Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the number of moments that take our breath away. 01:16:19.581 --> 01:16:20.262 Like now. 01:16:20.682 --> 01:16:22.383 And that's a quote from Bass Hunter. 01:16:22.963 --> 01:16:24.784 And where did he say that, Bass Hunter? 01:16:24.964 --> 01:16:26.305 I think maybe his first album. 01:16:26.525 --> 01:16:26.905 Really? 01:16:26.925 --> 01:16:27.466 Yeah. 01:16:28.266 --> 01:16:34.069 Here's a quote from Andy Peters, who some of these quotes are real, some of them made up. 01:16:34.089 --> 01:16:35.310 You have to guess which. 01:16:35.870 --> 01:16:41.453 Quote, Save up your pennies because try buying nice things without pennies. 01:16:41.733 --> 01:16:42.374 You can't. 01:16:44.284 --> 01:16:45.225 That's Andy Peters. 01:16:46.686 --> 01:16:48.248 Does he pay for everything in pennies? 01:16:48.508 --> 01:16:49.770 Sure he does, he's got a big saxophone. 01:16:49.890 --> 01:16:51.191 Here's a quote from Pixie Lot. 01:16:51.792 --> 01:16:55.275 Sandals are just shoes with a lot less material. 01:16:55.856 --> 01:16:56.676 That's a made up one. 01:16:56.716 --> 01:16:58.398 That's a made up one, but she's right. 01:16:58.618 --> 01:17:00.060 She can't spell sandals. 01:17:00.360 --> 01:17:00.580 No. 01:17:01.221 --> 01:17:04.164 But that's, you don't need to spell to be a great musician. 01:17:04.464 --> 01:17:07.547 Here's a quote from Dr Buckles, who is actually you. 01:17:08.788 --> 01:17:13.231 Funny thing to say when you're playing Scrabble and your opponent starts moaning that they've got no good letters. 01:17:14.052 --> 01:17:16.214 A bad word man blames his tiles. 01:17:17.512 --> 01:17:19.233 A bad workman blames his tools. 01:17:19.253 --> 01:17:24.357 A bad workman blames his tiles. 01:17:24.557 --> 01:17:25.979 Because you like playing Scrabble, right? 01:17:26.179 --> 01:17:26.999 I love playing Scrabble. 01:17:27.019 --> 01:17:27.700 Here's another one. 01:17:27.800 --> 01:17:30.402 Peter Andre, you've got to be so careful, mate. 01:17:32.343 --> 01:17:33.384 No, this is a good one. 01:17:33.804 --> 01:17:36.587 Peter Andre, quote, you've got to be so careful, mate. 01:17:36.947 --> 01:17:37.747 Just watch yourself. 01:17:37.807 --> 01:17:39.289 Watch out for that there. 01:17:40.209 --> 01:17:40.569 Mate! 01:17:42.291 --> 01:17:44.292 Paundre, I can't stop reading them. 01:17:44.332 --> 01:17:45.052 That's a good quote, isn't it? 01:17:45.072 --> 01:17:46.573 Maybe we'll do some more in the next link. 01:17:46.634 --> 01:17:47.314 This is amazing. 01:17:47.414 --> 01:17:49.135 And Angelina Jolie's coming up. 01:17:49.716 --> 01:17:51.357 This is very, very impressive. 01:17:51.577 --> 01:17:56.300 Well, you know, you always give me such good personalised, like you gave me a lovely personalised gift at Glastonbury when we were there. 01:17:56.340 --> 01:17:56.860 Didn't I? 01:17:57.041 --> 01:17:59.642 That's true, and now you're returning the favour. 01:17:59.662 --> 01:17:59.862 Yeah. 01:17:59.942 --> 01:18:00.623 Here's a made up joke. 01:18:00.903 --> 01:18:04.285 Did you know that Ridley Scott has a lazy cousin who's never done anything with his life? 01:18:04.706 --> 01:18:05.586 No, what's his name? 01:18:05.866 --> 01:18:07.207 He's called Diddly Squat. 01:18:07.628 --> 01:18:07.848 Yes! 01:18:09.229 --> 01:18:10.029 That's good. 01:18:10.609 --> 01:18:12.270 There's a quote from Angelina Jolie here. 01:18:12.630 --> 01:18:12.850 Yeah. 01:18:13.130 --> 01:18:13.751 Let's tease that. 01:18:13.771 --> 01:18:14.491 We're going to tease that. 01:18:14.511 --> 01:18:15.191 That's good radio. 01:18:15.211 --> 01:18:17.372 We're going to hear that quote from Angelina Jolie. 01:18:17.672 --> 01:18:18.812 How do you say her second name? 01:18:19.032 --> 01:18:19.432 Yeah, Jolie. 01:18:19.452 --> 01:18:20.413 She's married to Dom Jolie. 01:18:20.833 --> 01:18:21.033 Good. 01:18:21.793 --> 01:18:23.874 We'll hear that in a second after this, whatever it is. 01:18:23.994 --> 01:18:27.155 This is Martha Reeves in the Vandalas and love is like a heatwave. 01:18:27.515 --> 01:18:30.136 Martha Reeves in the Vandalas and heatwave. 01:18:30.196 --> 01:18:33.597 This is Adam and Jo here on Christmas Day on BBC Six Music. 01:18:33.697 --> 01:18:34.437 It's time for the news. 01:18:34.478 --> 01:18:38.519 Hey, this is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music in our Christmas shack. 01:18:38.959 --> 01:18:40.380 fire going, nice little bit of music. 01:18:40.400 --> 01:18:41.301 It's very cosy. 01:18:41.321 --> 01:18:44.024 We still have a bit of drinking, haven't we? 01:18:44.124 --> 01:18:44.224 Yeah. 01:18:44.304 --> 01:18:45.105 Earlier this morning. 01:18:45.125 --> 01:18:45.745 A little time. 01:18:45.846 --> 01:18:49.009 And frankly, um, I'm feeling a bit maudlin. 01:18:49.349 --> 01:18:49.649 Are you? 01:18:49.669 --> 01:18:50.610 Are you getting a bit depressed? 01:18:51.191 --> 01:18:55.194 Well, I think I went too hard too fast on the little boozy poo. 01:18:55.234 --> 01:18:57.036 That's what happens on Christmas Day though sometimes. 01:18:57.056 --> 01:18:57.436 It does, doesn't it? 01:18:57.496 --> 01:19:01.040 And now I'm feeling, I wouldn't say maudlin is the right word, reflective. 01:19:01.400 --> 01:19:04.482 Mmm, I'll tell you what you should do though, if you're feeling like that. 01:19:05.003 --> 01:19:06.724 Stick around for another half hour. 01:19:06.884 --> 01:19:11.828 After our show, you got Richard Hawley here on Six Music from 1pm. 01:19:12.368 --> 01:19:14.030 He's gonna pick you right the heck up. 01:19:14.150 --> 01:19:14.350 Is he? 01:19:14.790 --> 01:19:18.073 And maybe even indulge some of your modernity as well. 01:19:18.533 --> 01:19:20.956 Because he's got double skills on him. 01:19:20.976 --> 01:19:22.578 He's got a profound soul. 01:19:23.078 --> 01:19:25.781 Did you ever see that film exit via the gift shop about that? 01:19:25.801 --> 01:19:26.482 Yeah, I liked that. 01:19:27.103 --> 01:19:32.949 Well, he's responsible for that opening track, that amazing song about going out in the streets. 01:19:32.969 --> 01:19:33.730 He's cool. 01:19:34.531 --> 01:19:35.372 He's great, isn't he? 01:19:35.492 --> 01:19:41.178 So listen, a while ago I teased an extraordinary quote by the film actress Angelina Jolley. 01:19:41.478 --> 01:19:43.100 Mmm, Tom Jolley's husband. 01:19:43.200 --> 01:19:44.541 She starred in the film Salt. 01:19:45.002 --> 01:19:45.182 Yeah. 01:19:45.242 --> 01:19:46.383 Did you see the film Salt? 01:19:46.723 --> 01:19:54.231 You know, that was an option on the plane when we were flying to the Maldives recently, but I skipped it in favour of The Kids Are All Right. 01:19:54.571 --> 01:19:56.472 Did you see her in the film The Changeling? 01:19:57.352 --> 01:19:57.872 No, no. 01:19:57.933 --> 01:19:59.533 You know, generally I avoid her. 01:19:59.633 --> 01:20:02.695 What's the last film by Angelina Jolie that you saw? 01:20:02.935 --> 01:20:04.095 I'll tell you exactly what it was. 01:20:04.435 --> 01:20:06.056 It was... Tomb Raider. 01:20:06.276 --> 01:20:13.379 It was Tomb Raider and we watched it when we were on our honeymoon in Las Vegas on September the 10th, 2001. 01:20:13.639 --> 01:20:14.900 Oh! 01:20:15.320 --> 01:20:15.560 Yeah. 01:20:15.840 --> 01:20:17.021 Just before the world changed. 01:20:17.041 --> 01:20:17.661 I'm afraid so. 01:20:17.701 --> 01:20:18.041 Forever. 01:20:18.301 --> 01:20:20.502 So it was the last thing we saw in the old world. 01:20:20.562 --> 01:20:21.703 So here's Jolie Jolie's quote. 01:20:22.483 --> 01:20:29.711 Quote, I can't change the direction of the wind but I can wage the correction of the didn't. 01:20:32.096 --> 01:20:33.457 That's classic jolly. 01:20:33.677 --> 01:20:35.158 That's classic jilly jolly. 01:20:35.239 --> 01:20:37.100 She's a deep thinker, what can I tell you? 01:20:37.140 --> 01:20:38.922 She's got big brains. 01:20:39.542 --> 01:20:41.564 She's got giant brains. 01:20:41.644 --> 01:20:50.531 Only this year did I come across a viral smash from last year, Billy Bob Thornton being interviewed on Q Radio in Canada. 01:20:50.671 --> 01:20:51.392 Have you ever seen that? 01:20:51.572 --> 01:20:51.772 No. 01:20:52.072 --> 01:20:53.373 It is staggering. 01:20:53.473 --> 01:20:57.897 Listeners, if you've never seen this clip, go and look it up on YouTube right now, right? 01:20:58.617 --> 01:20:59.497 It's unbelievable. 01:20:59.577 --> 01:21:05.558 He's there, Billy Bob Thornton, with his band, his execrable kind of beat combo, and they're called the Boxmasters. 01:21:06.038 --> 01:21:10.419 They sound a little bit like the band in That Thing You Do, the Tom Hanks film, if you remember that. 01:21:11.059 --> 01:21:26.282 Anyway, he's on there, and the DJ is being very respectful and polite, and making an extra effort not to ignore the other members of the band, because obviously most people would focus on Billy Bob Thornton being a famous award-winning actor and playwright. 01:21:27.062 --> 01:21:39.756 But anyway, that doesn't stop Billy Bob Thornton getting incredibly annoyed about the fact that the DJ in his opening introduction just simply mentions the fact that Billy Bob Thornton is a well-known actor and a talented man in other respects. 01:21:40.416 --> 01:21:47.084 So there then follows about five or six minutes of Billy Bob Thornton refusing to answer any of this DJ's questions in a normal way. 01:21:47.464 --> 01:21:49.086 He just gives these childish, 01:21:49.606 --> 01:21:54.387 sort of cryptic responses until finally the DJ says, you're right, have I upset you? 01:21:54.407 --> 01:21:56.348 And he's like, yeah, you have upset me, actually. 01:21:56.728 --> 01:22:02.249 We agreed that you wouldn't mention the fact that I am an actor at all during this interview and you just went ahead and mentioned it. 01:22:03.009 --> 01:22:04.129 It's just ridiculous. 01:22:04.169 --> 01:22:09.250 And it's the most tense atmosphere as well that you've ever seen in a, the DJ's a genius. 01:22:09.290 --> 01:22:10.571 He handles it so well. 01:22:10.691 --> 01:22:11.431 You got to see the clip. 01:22:11.671 --> 01:22:12.551 I'd like to see the clip. 01:22:12.831 --> 01:22:13.972 I'm going to go have a look at it now. 01:22:15.232 --> 01:22:18.734 Let's have some more present-giving, because I've still got one more present. 01:22:19.254 --> 01:22:21.715 Shall we have that after this next track? 01:22:21.895 --> 01:22:23.276 Which is The Beach Boys. 01:22:23.696 --> 01:22:24.637 And Little Saint Nick. 01:22:24.677 --> 01:22:26.017 I love this on a Christmas day. 01:22:26.057 --> 01:22:28.038 That was The Beach Boys with Little Saint Nick. 01:22:28.118 --> 01:22:29.179 This is Joe Cornish. 01:22:29.219 --> 01:22:32.740 I'm joined by Adam Buxton here in the BBC Six Music Studio. 01:22:33.301 --> 01:22:34.081 It's Christmas Day 2010. 01:22:34.121 --> 01:22:35.281 What do you want to ask me about? 01:22:36.582 --> 01:22:38.203 I'd like to ask you about the future. 01:22:38.563 --> 01:22:39.343 Well, the future. 01:22:39.363 --> 01:22:40.324 What's coming up next year? 01:22:40.344 --> 01:22:41.704 What are the major events going to be? 01:22:42.305 --> 01:22:43.005 Oh, I can tell you. 01:22:43.025 --> 01:22:44.166 Unexpected events. 01:22:44.366 --> 01:22:44.626 Mmm. 01:22:45.166 --> 01:22:50.949 Around about March, a brand new exciting pop star will emerge. 01:22:51.709 --> 01:22:57.732 The pop star will have ten foot feet and a very, very long pair of ears. 01:22:58.893 --> 01:23:01.614 And they're going to be called Earsy Feet. 01:23:02.382 --> 01:23:05.243 And they'll play a new kind of music. 01:23:05.483 --> 01:23:06.063 Anything else? 01:23:06.364 --> 01:23:11.285 What will happen in the world of... Sport? 01:23:11.586 --> 01:23:12.266 Sport! 01:23:13.146 --> 01:23:18.688 Honestly, if my sporting career carries on as it has been, I've been like a sport dad. 01:23:18.708 --> 01:23:22.990 I've been going to rugby with my... That's the terrible irony of life, isn't it? 01:23:23.830 --> 01:23:25.612 Father who hates sport has kids who love him. 01:23:25.772 --> 01:23:26.333 And I have to pretend. 01:23:26.353 --> 01:23:27.234 But it keeps him occupied doesn't it? 01:23:27.254 --> 01:23:32.979 And then the other dads come up to me and they start chatting to me about rugger and sport balls. 01:23:33.760 --> 01:23:35.382 Well this may help you. 01:23:35.482 --> 01:23:35.782 Really? 01:23:36.122 --> 01:23:38.204 I saw this and I could not not buy it for you. 01:23:38.705 --> 01:23:39.265 Oh good one. 01:23:39.826 --> 01:23:40.286 Thanks man. 01:23:40.867 --> 01:23:42.408 I'm handing Adam his presents. 01:23:42.428 --> 01:23:44.390 This is a small presents, very light. 01:23:44.811 --> 01:23:45.992 Any idea what that could be? 01:23:46.132 --> 01:23:47.453 I mean it could be a wrist watch. 01:23:48.354 --> 01:23:49.134 The size of it? 01:23:50.755 --> 01:23:54.957 Why would you give me a wristwatch? 01:23:55.017 --> 01:23:55.878 Funny wristwatch? 01:23:58.359 --> 01:23:59.219 What could it be? 01:23:59.339 --> 01:24:01.280 Could it be... No, it's a funny wristwatch. 01:24:01.480 --> 01:24:01.681 Is it? 01:24:01.821 --> 01:24:02.181 Is it? 01:24:02.281 --> 01:24:02.521 Yes! 01:24:04.922 --> 01:24:06.303 Yeah, I didn't finish that rap beat yet. 01:24:06.323 --> 01:24:07.143 I just guessed it, didn't I? 01:24:07.263 --> 01:24:08.204 Yeah, you guessed it. 01:24:12.806 --> 01:24:15.587 It's an arsenal wristwatch. 01:24:15.747 --> 01:24:16.908 Because who's your favourite team? 01:24:19.090 --> 01:24:20.110 What's your favourite sport? 01:24:20.470 --> 01:24:21.271 Sportball. 01:24:21.291 --> 01:24:22.311 Sportball. 01:24:23.451 --> 01:24:24.271 Arsenal. 01:24:24.291 --> 01:24:27.292 Are they the Gunners? 01:24:28.172 --> 01:24:29.312 I don't know, possibly. 01:24:29.332 --> 01:24:30.553 They've got a cannon, don't they? 01:24:30.813 --> 01:24:32.053 Yes, look, they're the Gunners. 01:24:32.173 --> 01:24:32.693 Put it on. 01:24:33.353 --> 01:24:38.534 I mean, that can get you out of all sorts of sticky situations, dude, and into some as well. 01:24:38.674 --> 01:24:45.136 It's clearly made of plastic, listeners, and it has a lurid red velcro strap, which I am attaching right now. 01:24:45.416 --> 01:24:46.477 I would say that it's designed. 01:24:46.497 --> 01:24:49.199 Arsenal fans can't do, you know, they need Velcro. 01:24:50.040 --> 01:24:50.980 Yeah, exactly. 01:24:51.000 --> 01:24:54.323 They can't do like... Do you call those things prongs and dots? 01:24:55.424 --> 01:24:56.104 Yeah, prong dots. 01:24:56.124 --> 01:24:58.726 I'm having a bit of trouble attaching Velcro myself. 01:24:58.746 --> 01:25:00.127 They can't do conventional fastening systems. 01:25:00.407 --> 01:25:01.468 It's not going well for buckles either. 01:25:01.508 --> 01:25:02.789 They're made to be an Arsenal fan. 01:25:03.630 --> 01:25:07.012 And it's clearly meant for an under five, this watch, I would say. 01:25:08.454 --> 01:25:09.394 And at my next... 01:25:10.595 --> 01:25:12.217 Sportball, I've done it, I've done it. 01:25:12.517 --> 01:25:19.023 At my next sportball match, when I'm coaching my son, I will be wearing this watch. 01:25:19.183 --> 01:25:20.804 Do you want to hear me coaching my son? 01:25:20.864 --> 01:25:21.084 Yes. 01:25:21.184 --> 01:25:22.786 I made a recording of it the other day. 01:25:22.806 --> 01:25:25.889 Here you go, this is me coaching Frank. 01:25:27.990 --> 01:25:29.912 Hold it, prop the nutties, prop the nutties! 01:25:30.192 --> 01:25:33.055 You're not propping them, prop the nutties, you're not propping them! 01:25:33.355 --> 01:25:33.896 There you go. 01:25:34.236 --> 01:25:35.197 Nicely done. 01:25:35.577 --> 01:25:36.298 Beautifully propped. 01:25:36.838 --> 01:25:37.099 Okay. 01:25:38.123 --> 01:25:38.684 Down the bowl. 01:25:38.704 --> 01:25:40.406 Move it round the bowl. 01:25:40.626 --> 01:25:41.046 Rock it. 01:25:41.287 --> 01:25:42.328 Rock it up and down. 01:25:42.348 --> 01:25:43.909 Nice bundle. 01:25:44.630 --> 01:25:45.211 That's a bundle. 01:25:46.132 --> 01:25:46.792 No bundling. 01:25:47.754 --> 01:25:48.534 Go for a nice drive. 01:25:49.215 --> 01:25:50.356 Go for a lovely drive. 01:25:51.037 --> 01:25:51.878 Beautiful scenery. 01:25:51.898 --> 01:25:53.780 Dad, no. 01:25:54.201 --> 01:25:54.461 What? 01:25:54.481 --> 01:25:56.103 I'm being a coach man. 01:25:56.483 --> 01:25:57.885 Dad, shut up. 01:25:58.525 --> 01:25:58.665 OK. 01:25:59.807 --> 01:26:01.088 That's a little sketch there for you. 01:26:01.408 --> 01:26:01.908 Is it old? 01:26:02.509 --> 01:26:03.729 No, that's brand new. 01:26:04.130 --> 01:26:06.151 A recording of me coaching my son. 01:26:06.171 --> 01:26:08.032 Did you not play a rugby at school? 01:26:08.432 --> 01:26:08.912 Not really. 01:26:08.972 --> 01:26:10.193 Those are real rugby terms. 01:26:10.533 --> 01:26:10.913 Yeah. 01:26:11.314 --> 01:26:12.394 I used to do rugby. 01:26:12.795 --> 01:26:13.355 Rock over? 01:26:13.375 --> 01:26:14.415 That was the fly half. 01:26:14.455 --> 01:26:15.456 What's a rock over? 01:26:15.776 --> 01:26:16.697 What the hell is that? 01:26:16.837 --> 01:26:18.118 That's when you jump over the rock. 01:26:18.358 --> 01:26:18.658 Is it? 01:26:19.218 --> 01:26:19.979 Probably. 01:26:19.999 --> 01:26:20.879 Did you used to do rugby? 01:26:20.939 --> 01:26:21.179 Yeah. 01:26:21.640 --> 01:26:23.060 You're too long for rugby, aren't you? 01:26:23.521 --> 01:26:25.142 I used to be the fly half, the wing man. 01:26:26.721 --> 01:26:30.544 I used to be the one on the outside and they chucked the ball along and I took it and ran. 01:26:31.164 --> 01:26:32.005 Wing Commander Cornish. 01:26:32.025 --> 01:26:32.765 Then fell over. 01:26:34.066 --> 01:26:35.127 Sometimes I was the hooker. 01:26:35.507 --> 01:26:35.867 Really? 01:26:35.887 --> 01:26:37.368 I mean, I say sometimes, once. 01:26:37.589 --> 01:26:38.429 I didn't like it. 01:26:38.729 --> 01:26:39.010 No. 01:26:39.130 --> 01:26:42.432 I didn't like shoving my head between other boys' buns. 01:26:42.572 --> 01:26:43.072 Exactly. 01:26:43.453 --> 01:26:46.015 And then getting it, like, into my neck hurt. 01:26:46.035 --> 01:26:47.916 Stuff your head into their muddy butox. 01:26:48.516 --> 01:26:49.097 How is that fun? 01:26:49.557 --> 01:26:51.158 I didn't like the showers afterwards. 01:26:51.218 --> 01:26:51.558 No. 01:26:51.658 --> 01:26:52.718 Nothing about it was good. 01:26:53.058 --> 01:26:56.359 And sometimes, did you ever get in one of those communal bath things we had? 01:26:56.379 --> 01:26:56.479 Yes. 01:26:56.879 --> 01:27:03.901 Like a mini swimming pool you get in there and the water would be black with bits of turf and other things floating around on top of it. 01:27:04.482 --> 01:27:05.482 You'd get in there. 01:27:07.362 --> 01:27:09.003 You'll do this to your own son. 01:27:09.263 --> 01:27:09.843 He loves it though. 01:27:12.945 --> 01:27:15.390 Usually about 10 minutes in he goes, can we go home now, Dad? 01:27:15.770 --> 01:27:18.916 The cycle of violence perpetuated down the generations. 01:27:18.936 --> 01:27:20.900 No, keep, keep rucking over! 01:27:21.758 --> 01:27:23.359 You will state to the end of the match. 01:27:23.379 --> 01:27:24.280 That's how it goes. 01:27:24.460 --> 01:27:26.482 Anyway, listen, man, thank you so much for my sport words. 01:27:26.502 --> 01:27:27.243 It's all right, that's all right. 01:27:27.263 --> 01:27:28.044 That's the best present. 01:27:28.084 --> 01:27:30.786 Don't you think that's the key present of the day in terms of my presence to you? 01:27:30.806 --> 01:27:32.968 That's the best one, wouldn't you say? 01:27:34.029 --> 01:27:34.990 Ah, Snill. 01:27:35.991 --> 01:27:37.011 Ah, Snill. 01:27:37.452 --> 01:27:38.833 Pass, Snill. 01:27:38.853 --> 01:27:38.873 1-0. 01:27:38.933 --> 01:27:41.876 What would you say, like, if you're wearing that watch and we're at a match? 01:27:41.996 --> 01:27:42.196 Yeah. 01:27:42.456 --> 01:27:44.958 And I say, oi, Ed, what's the time, mate? 01:27:45.579 --> 01:27:48.361 I say, ooh, 10 pass ball. 01:27:50.017 --> 01:27:50.417 Correct. 01:27:50.637 --> 01:27:51.478 Here's Groove Armada. 01:27:51.518 --> 01:27:53.399 That was Groove Armada with Paper Romance. 01:27:53.439 --> 01:28:01.602 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music on Christmas morning and we've been exchanging presents recently in the last couple of hours. 01:28:01.762 --> 01:28:02.343 What presents? 01:28:02.983 --> 01:28:05.704 And I gave Adam a very wonderful present. 01:28:05.944 --> 01:28:14.068 The gift of the songbook to Lady Gaga's album Fame Monster with all the, you know, simple to play bar chords in there. 01:28:14.208 --> 01:28:15.368 Yeah, it's really amazing. 01:28:15.428 --> 01:28:15.628 Yeah. 01:28:15.769 --> 01:28:16.749 Such a lot to think about as 01:28:16.829 --> 01:28:35.380 well when you when you lyrically lyrics and stuff yeah it's fame I assumed that fame was a fun thing it's a monster and then when you factor in Gaga herself a personality the way she's dressed yeah her fashion a lot to think about absolutely sighting for young people you know it's very easy to be cynical about Lady Gaga and if you knew that 01:28:38.541 --> 01:28:47.963 But while we were playing that record and, you know, during the little breaks we've had in the show, you've been working on your rendition of a particular Lady Gaga song, haven't you? 01:28:48.083 --> 01:28:58.546 Yeah, well, you know, quite sincerely, Telephone was one of the big songs of the year, that Ludacris video, and I actually downloaded the song and I listened to it. 01:28:59.826 --> 01:29:00.367 with my ears. 01:29:01.207 --> 01:29:02.308 And I was quite impressed. 01:29:02.328 --> 01:29:03.209 I thought it was quite good. 01:29:03.229 --> 01:29:09.914 Sort of heartening that a big massive phenomenon like that actually has some worth to it, I thought. 01:29:10.194 --> 01:29:10.714 Yeah. 01:29:11.095 --> 01:29:12.296 Well, she'll be glad. 01:29:12.796 --> 01:29:14.677 She's been worried about what you're going to think. 01:29:14.777 --> 01:29:15.258 Exactly. 01:29:15.378 --> 01:29:22.103 She's been a bit depressed because... And often when you make your announcements, people... Listen, I know. 01:29:22.463 --> 01:29:23.164 It's Christmas Day. 01:29:23.784 --> 01:29:25.265 That's my gift to Lady Gaga. 01:29:25.305 --> 01:29:26.106 That's very good of you. 01:29:26.186 --> 01:29:27.507 That I thought one of her songs was all right. 01:29:28.067 --> 01:29:33.270 However, not so good for Dr. Buckles because it's not very easy to play on the guitar. 01:29:33.751 --> 01:29:39.975 Despite the handy chords that were included in the book you got me, I couldn't get them to sound anything like telephone. 01:29:40.475 --> 01:29:47.940 So what I did was I quickly opened up GarageBand and did kind of an acapella backing track, a bit of beatboxing in there. 01:29:49.501 --> 01:30:00.227 But I'm going to start by playing the introduction on the guitar, an approximation thereof, and I'm going to try and sing along at the same time. 01:30:00.247 --> 01:30:02.809 Oh, this is not a good idea, is it? 01:30:02.909 --> 01:30:04.310 So I don't really understand. 01:30:04.530 --> 01:30:06.071 How much of this is going to be live? 01:30:06.852 --> 01:30:08.272 So you've put together a backing track? 01:30:08.613 --> 01:30:09.913 Yeah, after my initial 01:30:11.758 --> 01:30:12.639 guitar intro. 01:30:12.739 --> 01:30:12.979 Yeah. 01:30:13.260 --> 01:30:16.143 The backing track noises you hear will be the stuff that I've done. 01:30:16.223 --> 01:30:18.606 Previously recorded, but you are going to sing now live for us. 01:30:18.826 --> 01:30:19.127 Yeah. 01:30:19.187 --> 01:30:20.388 I think you should just go for it. 01:30:20.708 --> 01:30:20.949 Okay. 01:30:21.009 --> 01:30:21.589 I'm going to have a go. 01:30:21.689 --> 01:30:22.010 Here we go. 01:30:29.938 --> 01:30:31.459 Hello, Joey. 01:30:31.519 --> 01:30:33.219 Where you trying to call me? 01:30:33.239 --> 01:30:38.441 Sorry, I was busy in the lavatory, you see. 01:30:38.541 --> 01:30:39.321 What did you say? 01:30:39.601 --> 01:30:41.082 You're breaking up for me. 01:30:41.662 --> 01:30:43.183 Sorry, I cannot hear you. 01:30:43.263 --> 01:30:46.964 I'm kind of busy, kind of busy, kind of busy. 01:30:49.665 --> 01:31:13.315 Sorry, I cannot hear you, I'm kinda busy Just a second, it's my favourite song they're going to play And I cannot text you with a drink in my hand, ay You should've made plans with me, you knew that I was free And now you won't stop calling me, I'm kinda busy Stop, stop, calling, calling, I don't wanna think anymore 01:31:13.635 --> 01:31:33.509 I got my head and my heart on the dance floor Stop calling, stop calling I don't wanna talk anymore I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor Stop telephoning me I'm kinda busy Stop telephoning me 01:31:43.368 --> 01:31:43.648 More! 01:31:44.389 --> 01:31:44.669 More! 01:31:45.550 --> 01:31:46.350 More, I want more. 01:31:46.851 --> 01:31:47.972 What's going on with the backing track? 01:31:48.432 --> 01:31:50.433 This is... I was quite pleased with this bit. 01:31:51.874 --> 01:31:52.455 That's quite good. 01:31:53.616 --> 01:31:54.617 How are you doing that? 01:31:55.077 --> 01:31:56.358 With my mouth. 01:31:56.838 --> 01:31:58.279 Thank God. 01:31:58.319 --> 01:32:00.041 This is all like real beatboxing here. 01:32:00.061 --> 01:32:00.641 This is good. 01:32:00.801 --> 01:32:02.723 Thanks a lot, man. 01:32:02.763 --> 01:32:04.004 No, stop it James. 01:32:04.184 --> 01:32:04.884 It was good, it was good. 01:32:04.904 --> 01:32:05.545 It's torture. 01:32:05.905 --> 01:32:07.045 Well, that was terrific. 01:32:07.105 --> 01:32:07.525 Well done. 01:32:07.965 --> 01:32:11.306 I mean, in a way you, you know, many ways you succeeded. 01:32:11.506 --> 01:32:14.407 It was really good for a start. 01:32:14.547 --> 01:32:16.648 But in some other ways, you know, it wasn't very guitar-y. 01:32:16.908 --> 01:32:17.888 It wasn't that guitar-y. 01:32:19.268 --> 01:32:24.489 Like the lyrics started off, I changed the first couple of lines so that they were sort of, this is Joe playing now. 01:32:26.250 --> 01:32:26.690 That's guitar-y. 01:32:26.710 --> 01:32:27.530 That's too good, you see. 01:32:27.610 --> 01:32:27.850 Yeah. 01:32:28.790 --> 01:32:31.771 And then I just went with the real lyrics. 01:32:31.991 --> 01:32:34.792 I couldn't even sing the real lyrics and it was a disgrace. 01:32:35.925 --> 01:32:36.766 Really is what it was. 01:32:36.806 --> 01:32:39.288 It was like a slap in the face of Santa. 01:32:39.408 --> 01:32:40.269 In the disgrace face. 01:32:41.690 --> 01:32:47.095 So listen, we should have some real music before we say goodbye, because we're almost at the end of the show, which is very sad. 01:32:48.176 --> 01:32:49.817 But right now here is Beck. 01:32:49.877 --> 01:32:50.918 This is Gamma Ray. 01:32:50.958 --> 01:32:53.701 That was Beck with his Gamma Ray. 01:32:53.881 --> 01:32:56.203 Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music. 01:32:56.283 --> 01:32:59.886 Folks, we've pretty much come to the end of our Christmasy show today. 01:33:00.106 --> 01:33:03.791 Don't forget to stick with six music for Richard Hawley, who's coming up next. 01:33:03.811 --> 01:33:04.932 That should be fantastic. 01:33:05.092 --> 01:33:06.414 But thanks for joining us, listeners. 01:33:06.454 --> 01:33:10.739 We've had a lovely time this morning here in our little shack outside the castle. 01:33:11.100 --> 01:33:15.465 It's time to wee on the fire and clear up all the rubbish. 01:33:16.606 --> 01:33:18.047 And just drink more, I think. 01:33:18.648 --> 01:33:21.810 Are you good at clearing up as you go in your house during Christmas? 01:33:21.990 --> 01:33:29.154 Well, we recycle and I will spend a lot of time tearing the tape off the edges of the wrapping paper so it can be fully recycled. 01:33:29.174 --> 01:33:29.595 Good for you. 01:33:29.655 --> 01:33:35.599 And I may well be opening presents with wrapping paper that I remember from up to 10 or 11 years ago. 01:33:36.119 --> 01:33:38.340 And are you quite frugal when you're doing your wrapping? 01:33:39.281 --> 01:33:40.642 Am I frugal with paper? 01:33:40.842 --> 01:33:41.643 Yes, with paper. 01:33:41.823 --> 01:33:42.183 Paper? 01:33:42.883 --> 01:33:44.945 Uh, yeah, I try and, yeah, I don't over-wrap. 01:33:44.985 --> 01:33:46.125 I mean, it's a terrible waste, Adam. 01:33:46.186 --> 01:33:47.366 It's a terrible waste! 01:33:47.466 --> 01:33:48.987 Do you know about trees? 01:33:49.368 --> 01:33:50.588 I do know about trees. 01:33:50.608 --> 01:33:51.889 There's not many of them left. 01:33:51.909 --> 01:33:53.330 Listen, I love my wife, right? 01:33:53.590 --> 01:33:54.331 She's the best. 01:33:55.211 --> 01:33:57.753 And, uh, she's just great in many ways. 01:33:58.253 --> 01:33:59.674 She over-wraps. 01:34:00.034 --> 01:34:00.455 Does she? 01:34:01.135 --> 01:34:03.096 like by twice as much sometimes. 01:34:03.296 --> 01:34:04.557 I loathe your wife. 01:34:04.577 --> 01:34:05.877 And she's destroying the planet. 01:34:05.938 --> 01:34:06.678 Well, exactly. 01:34:06.878 --> 01:34:09.179 She's single-handedly destroying the planet. 01:34:09.359 --> 01:34:14.922 And the thing is that when I try and say, because I get very antsy when I see her doing it, I'm like, do you want me to rap that? 01:34:15.162 --> 01:34:17.063 I could probably do that if you want. 01:34:17.243 --> 01:34:20.505 Do you want me to rap that? 01:34:20.585 --> 01:34:21.506 I could do it if you want. 01:34:21.726 --> 01:34:22.186 I love you. 01:34:22.953 --> 01:34:24.074 Um, she doesn't like it. 01:34:24.134 --> 01:34:27.237 She just goes, oh, just stop nagging, will you? 01:34:27.257 --> 01:34:28.759 She doesn't like it. 01:34:28.779 --> 01:34:30.200 And I'm like, I'm not really nagging. 01:34:30.340 --> 01:34:33.563 I'm trying to save the human race is what I'm trying to do. 01:34:33.623 --> 01:34:34.604 Well, that's disgusting. 01:34:34.904 --> 01:34:35.825 And she should be stopped. 01:34:35.845 --> 01:34:37.767 She'll probably be stopped by some sort of legislation. 01:34:37.787 --> 01:34:42.371 And the other thing is that, you know, I've gone out and I bought those bracelets, those tape bracelets. 01:34:42.412 --> 01:34:43.332 You know what I'm talking about? 01:34:43.913 --> 01:34:46.756 It's a little tape dispenser mounted on a springy. 01:34:46.896 --> 01:34:48.157 What are you laughing like that for? 01:34:48.217 --> 01:34:49.238 Or it's a brilliant idea. 01:34:49.258 --> 01:34:50.100 That's good, that's good. 01:34:50.140 --> 01:34:52.082 A tape mounted wristwatch kind of thing. 01:34:52.102 --> 01:35:00.234 It's a tape, a wrist mounted tape dispenser and it dispenses small strips of tape which are all you need to do the job. 01:35:00.594 --> 01:35:03.478 Maybe three or four strips per prezi is all you need. 01:35:03.979 --> 01:35:06.482 My wife's got the massive roll. 01:35:06.882 --> 01:35:09.865 She's just tearing out great long hunks of the stuff. 01:35:09.925 --> 01:35:12.868 Sometimes she'll leave it twisting so it gets all twisted on itself. 01:35:13.249 --> 01:35:17.794 So she thinks, ah, she discards that one, pulls out another great long bit, wraps it all around. 01:35:17.854 --> 01:35:18.995 She needs to be taught a lesson. 01:35:19.215 --> 01:35:20.076 Who's going to teach her? 01:35:20.496 --> 01:35:24.899 If she was in a chapter of some Roald Dahl, you know, tales the unexpected. 01:35:25.040 --> 01:35:25.360 Oh, yeah. 01:35:25.580 --> 01:35:26.921 There'd be some, some twist. 01:35:26.961 --> 01:35:29.303 Well, she'd end up getting wrapped up herself, wouldn't she? 01:35:29.323 --> 01:35:30.564 She'd get tangled up and wrapped up. 01:35:30.804 --> 01:35:31.304 So, yeah. 01:35:31.444 --> 01:35:35.908 And then she'd be ripped open by lots of little devil children and they'd pull her limb from him. 01:35:35.928 --> 01:35:36.548 Whoa, whoa. 01:35:36.588 --> 01:35:37.049 Hey, what? 01:35:37.509 --> 01:35:38.891 That's my wife you're talking about. 01:35:38.931 --> 01:35:39.732 It's Christmas Day. 01:35:39.772 --> 01:35:40.393 She's lovely. 01:35:40.433 --> 01:35:40.854 She's lovely. 01:35:41.074 --> 01:35:41.835 She's absolutely wonderful. 01:35:41.855 --> 01:35:42.135 She is. 01:35:42.155 --> 01:35:42.716 She's the best. 01:35:42.856 --> 01:35:49.425 So on that image, a woman wrapped in Christmas paper being pulled limb from limb by tiny, satanic children. 01:35:50.046 --> 01:35:51.327 We bear thee farewell. 01:35:51.447 --> 01:35:52.689 We bear thee farewell. 01:35:54.070 --> 01:35:54.911 We featherbed thee. 01:35:55.711 --> 01:35:57.192 And thank you so much for listening. 01:35:57.212 --> 01:35:59.873 We're so sorry that we haven't been with you more this year. 01:35:59.933 --> 01:36:05.055 Listeners, we really miss you guys and we very much hope we'll be seeing more of you in 2011. 01:36:05.535 --> 01:36:08.116 We can't give you an exact date for when we'll return. 01:36:08.556 --> 01:36:12.280 And we should draw attention to a sort of... A forago? 01:36:12.581 --> 01:36:19.008 A forago, a sort of ill-considered aside that was dropped during our Christmas video on the Adam and Jo website. 01:36:19.028 --> 01:36:25.716 Yeah, we made a little video on the website and people assumed that some of the things... And you used the words for the last time. 01:36:26.036 --> 01:36:26.697 Yeah, yeah. 01:36:26.717 --> 01:36:27.117 Didn't you? 01:36:27.257 --> 01:36:28.018 Well, it was only accident. 01:36:28.058 --> 01:36:29.999 I didn't mean it was going to be the last thing we ever do. 01:36:30.400 --> 01:36:32.121 So we will be back here on BBC Six Music. 01:36:32.161 --> 01:36:34.423 It's just a question of figuring out exactly when, right? 01:36:34.603 --> 01:36:36.565 Yeah, my schedule is very busy. 01:36:36.645 --> 01:36:38.466 Joe's not really doing anything at this time at the moment. 01:36:38.486 --> 01:36:39.207 He's twiddling his thumbs. 01:36:39.287 --> 01:36:41.469 But I've got a lot of exciting irons in the fire. 01:36:41.529 --> 01:36:46.633 And when I figure out where those irons are going to go, then hopefully we'll be back. 01:36:47.475 --> 01:36:58.601 and just watch the, if you care or interested, just watch the Adam and Jo website here at 6 Music and we'll announce as soon as we come back, but we're very much looking forward to it in the new year, right? 01:36:58.841 --> 01:37:00.142 Yeah, have a great one, listeners. 01:37:00.202 --> 01:37:02.843 Enjoy the rest of your Christmas here on 6 Music. 01:37:03.023 --> 01:37:05.145 Stick around for Richard Hawley, don't forget, and have a wonderful 2011. 01:37:05.205 --> 01:37:07.106 Thanks, listeners. 01:37:07.166 --> 01:37:07.766 Merry Christmas! 01:37:07.826 --> 01:37:09.267 Love you, bye! 01:37:09.287 --> 01:37:09.547 Bye!