WEBVTT 00:11.149 --> 00:12.692 Looking where there's just a touch on the face of spirit. 02:26.285 --> 02:44.653 In my backpack, I got my act right She should act quite difficult And your result, we end With anger and discontent Slowing, singing in search of my keyboard I'm a peace-loving decoy ready for retaliation I change the whole occasion to a pine box six under 03:02.517 --> 03:03.918 Why you feel the bruiser? 03:04.719 --> 03:30.559 Chill with your old lady at the gym I got a 90-day station and I feel with you From Queens, Tennessee You want it from a bottom line, from a gang team Tonight I hear the shots swing, so I'm a light sleeper Cost of life seems to get cheaper Out in the desert with my sweet sweeper The war is over, soul sets beat up With the rice soup on, fancy hair, I'm just a pawn So we can advance, remember when they eat the beans 04:11.795 --> 04:12.876 Christmas, my friend! 04:12.896 --> 04:13.838 Christmas! 04:14.278 --> 04:24.853 Since I bought this house between Simon Callow and Brian Blessed, it's caused me problems around the festive season listeners, because when I hear that sound, listen. 04:27.279 --> 04:32.343 I simply don't know whether it's Santa or Blessed or Callo. 04:32.483 --> 04:33.104 Oh, it's Blessed. 04:34.165 --> 04:35.225 He said Simon. 04:35.926 --> 04:37.367 Do you know what that sound is, listeners? 04:37.807 --> 04:39.469 My house is directly between Callo and Blessed. 04:39.489 --> 04:45.313 That's the sound of Blessed talking to Callo through the walls of my house. 04:45.674 --> 04:46.494 There's Callo. 04:51.991 --> 04:54.315 Can you hear that as clearly as I can hear that listener? 04:54.335 --> 04:55.557 I paid £750,000 for this house. 04:55.697 --> 04:56.999 I'm mortgaged up to my... Ball eyes. 05:07.432 --> 05:08.993 Blimey, they're being very loud this evening. 05:09.013 --> 05:09.493 Oh, hey, man. 05:09.933 --> 05:10.794 They are being very loud. 05:11.154 --> 05:18.439 I wish they could just go round or speak on the phone, but shouting to each other through my house is really anti-social. 05:18.459 --> 05:19.819 Can you imagine them texting each other? 05:19.839 --> 05:21.120 It would all be capitals, wouldn't it? 05:21.200 --> 05:23.642 If they weren't such extraordinary actors. 05:23.722 --> 05:25.002 They're good actors, I'll tell you that much. 05:25.022 --> 05:25.403 I would complain. 05:25.803 --> 05:27.144 I'll give you that much for free. 05:27.924 --> 05:30.005 So, folks, it's Christmas Eve. 05:30.266 --> 05:30.846 Oh, boy. 05:31.026 --> 05:33.828 I mean, that's almost my favourite part of Christmas, right? 05:33.868 --> 05:35.148 My cockles have never been warmer. 05:35.309 --> 05:35.609 Yeah. 05:36.109 --> 05:37.270 They're absolutely boiling. 05:38.050 --> 05:39.971 Do you have a little Christmas Eve ritual at all? 05:40.731 --> 05:45.454 I mean, in the olden days, when we lived near to each other, we would go round to each other's houses. 05:46.114 --> 05:48.595 You guys, a little bit of phlegm there, it's Christmas phlegm. 05:48.796 --> 05:49.436 Festive phlegm. 05:55.640 --> 05:59.303 We would all converge at my parents' house in Clapham. 05:59.703 --> 06:09.191 My dad would get a little bit tooty on champagne and regale us with stories of the old days, and Joe and Louis would sit by the fire and sort of chuckle at him. 06:10.052 --> 06:10.632 I would join in. 06:10.672 --> 06:12.354 It was good times, man. 06:12.574 --> 06:13.174 Good times. 06:13.194 --> 06:13.795 They're gone now. 06:14.275 --> 06:14.535 Are they? 06:16.335 --> 06:19.056 But no, we've got some good times for you right here, listeners. 06:19.076 --> 06:23.497 This is a compilation of some of our favourite moments from the programme throughout the year. 06:23.537 --> 06:24.677 We really hope you enjoy it. 06:25.097 --> 06:26.998 It's two hours long, isn't that correct? 06:27.178 --> 06:32.899 And it's full of chitchat highlights from a full year of Adam and Jo radio shows here on BBC Six Music. 06:33.299 --> 06:38.760 And some of the exciting topics that we're going to cover include our trip to Glastonbury, 06:39.780 --> 06:41.001 MP's expenses, mate. 06:41.041 --> 06:42.463 That was a hot button topic this year. 06:42.483 --> 06:42.923 Ah, hot topic? 06:43.223 --> 06:43.764 All over it. 06:43.964 --> 06:46.666 The BBC's points of view programme, The Archers. 06:46.887 --> 06:47.948 Bla boobie de baya. 06:48.028 --> 06:53.753 And lots of contributions that you, the listeners, made to various techs the nation, so you never know. 06:53.833 --> 06:55.354 You could be featured in this programme. 06:55.735 --> 06:57.096 Mmm, that's exciting for you, isn't it? 06:57.396 --> 07:03.241 Because let's not forget that you, listeners, are the backbone of the show, and without you it would be a formless pile of dog poo. 07:04.282 --> 07:04.482 Yep. 07:05.083 --> 07:06.583 That's going a bit too far, isn't it? 07:06.603 --> 07:07.804 That's not very Christmasy, isn't it? 07:07.824 --> 07:08.905 It's not a Christmasy image, is it? 07:08.965 --> 07:10.665 No, it's a formless pile of dog poop. 07:10.866 --> 07:12.526 So listen, here's some Jamie Bowie. 07:12.546 --> 07:14.487 He's one of our favourite artists on the programme. 07:14.828 --> 07:16.909 And this is a very special song for me. 07:17.369 --> 07:19.510 This is the first song I ever learned how to play on the guitar. 07:20.270 --> 07:24.813 And I sang this to my beautiful wife at our wedding in front of my friends and family. 07:25.293 --> 07:27.034 And I'm still a little bit embarrassed about it. 07:27.275 --> 07:27.755 No, you're not. 07:27.815 --> 07:30.036 I have to tell you, yeah, I really am. 07:30.096 --> 07:34.579 Sometimes I wake up at night sweating thinking, oh, maybe that wasn't the best idea. 07:34.799 --> 07:37.821 But here's David doing the proper version of Coops. 07:46.587 --> 07:49.614 Will you stay in our lover's story? 07:50.475 --> 07:55.807 If you stay, you won't be sorry, cause we believe in you. 07:57.646 --> 08:09.912 Soon you'll grow, so take a chance With a couple of kooks, hung up on romancing Will you stay in our lover's story? 08:10.612 --> 08:23.898 If you stay, you won't be sorry Cause we'll believe in you Soon you'll grow, so take a chance With a couple of kooks, hung up on romancing 08:33.626 --> 08:59.722 We bought a lot of things to keep you warm and dry And a funny old crib on which the paint won't dry I bought you a pair of shoes, a trumpet you can blow And a book of rules of what to say to people when they pick on you Cause if you stay with us, you're gonna be pretty cooking too Will you stay in our lover's storage? 09:00.563 --> 09:01.303 If you stay 09:04.090 --> 09:14.092 He believed in you Soon you'll grow So take a chance With a couple of kooks Come up alone 09:27.138 --> 09:49.232 Remember how they messed up, you're so fool Don't pick fights with the bullies or the cats Cause I'm not much cop, adventuring other people's dads And if the homework brings you down Then we'll throw it on the fire and take the car downs out Will you stay in my lover's story? 09:50.152 --> 09:55.176 If you stay, you won't be sorry Cause we believe in you 09:57.284 --> 09:59.125 What a funny face. 09:59.165 --> 10:00.546 Beautiful eyes. 10:00.586 --> 10:02.807 Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. 10:02.828 --> 10:04.969 A bear was Fuzzy Wuzzy. 10:05.809 --> 10:07.470 Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. 10:26.314 --> 10:27.618 I don't know the rest of that poem. 10:34.216 --> 10:37.117 It was, it was, it was, it was. 10:37.337 --> 10:38.677 Iman, is that the phone ringing? 10:38.897 --> 10:41.017 It was, it was. 10:42.477 --> 10:58.060 Just Adam and Jo at Glastonbury 2009 live for BBC 6 Music and don't forget there's full coverage of the festival for the rest of the day here on 6 Music and you can find all sorts of exciting fees from all the stages at bbc.co.uk slash Glastonbury. 10:58.680 --> 11:02.741 You know if you're at home some may say you're in a better position to enjoy the festival than if you're here. 11:02.981 --> 11:04.201 I mean, they'd be slightly foolish. 11:04.421 --> 11:06.362 Yeah, because it's been an absolutely beautiful festival. 11:06.402 --> 11:08.142 We've been very lucky with the weather thus far. 11:08.542 --> 11:23.626 Anyway, listen, folks, we're going to fill you in now on how we got on yesterday when we went to the cabaret tent and did a stint of live performing for the crowds and for Black Squadron, who turned up in their hundreds to see us read out some classic made-up jokes. 11:23.646 --> 11:30.048 Yeah, if you've contributed a joke to this show, listen carefully, because you never know, your material might have been read out in front of a Glastonbury crowd. 11:30.168 --> 11:30.508 Check it out. 11:31.732 --> 11:45.557 BBC six music live from Glastonbury 2009 with Adam and Joe Hey listeners, we're outside the cabaret tent Kevin Eldon is on inside It's a very very packed audience in there. 11:45.718 --> 11:54.361 It is quite a few people have turned up to see us, which is very heartening We're just doing this little link outside the tent and would you say 15 people with cameras have gathered around us? 11:54.401 --> 11:54.601 Yeah 11:54.941 --> 11:56.242 Black Squadron are here, basically. 11:56.302 --> 11:58.543 It's the Black Squadron paparazzi division. 11:58.563 --> 11:59.244 It's amazing. 11:59.504 --> 12:00.265 They're popping us. 12:00.425 --> 12:02.946 And this is the 10th Stevenage we're getting as well. 12:03.346 --> 12:04.887 Never has there been so much Stevenage. 12:04.908 --> 12:06.288 There's waving and excitement. 12:06.328 --> 12:06.869 Check this out. 12:06.889 --> 12:09.330 If I shout Steven right now, I'm going to get a good response. 12:09.350 --> 12:09.671 Do you think? 12:09.691 --> 12:09.851 Yeah. 12:10.311 --> 12:10.751 Let's try it. 12:11.051 --> 12:12.032 One, two, three. 12:12.352 --> 12:12.773 Steven! 12:12.793 --> 12:13.013 Go Steven! 12:15.514 --> 12:16.454 That was pretty good. 12:17.134 --> 12:17.574 Look at that. 12:17.634 --> 12:18.195 Pretty good. 12:18.235 --> 12:20.675 You know, they've had a tough weekend, so they're not as tight as they might be. 12:20.955 --> 12:23.956 We didn't even arrange high quality, so it's very good indeed. 12:24.296 --> 12:24.876 So here we go. 12:24.896 --> 12:36.618 Stephen! 12:36.758 --> 12:37.438 This is amazing. 12:37.458 --> 12:38.678 This is maximum Stephenish. 12:38.858 --> 12:41.919 If you don't know who the hell we are, all we're talking about, we're Adam and John, Adam. 12:42.399 --> 12:43.059 Hello, I'm Joe. 12:45.189 --> 12:47.590 We do a radio show on BBC 6 music. 12:47.970 --> 12:50.511 We used to be on television a long time ago before 9-11. 12:50.531 --> 12:53.212 9-11 changed all that. 12:53.232 --> 12:54.432 We've been banned from TV now. 12:54.693 --> 13:00.555 But we're here tonight to do a very, very fast set, a four minute set of pure comedy uranium. 13:00.795 --> 13:04.056 These are made up jokes that our listeners have sent in to us. 13:04.376 --> 13:08.078 Yeah, we have to stress, these are all authored by real people. 13:08.098 --> 13:09.558 You know, they're not made by jokes, scientists. 13:09.578 --> 13:11.539 These are organic, fair trade jokes. 13:12.259 --> 13:13.080 You know, for the new millennia. 13:13.460 --> 13:19.585 And to maximise the efficiency of this set, we're going to ask you not to make any noise at all. 13:19.845 --> 13:23.008 If you think the jokes are terrible, please stay silent. 13:23.048 --> 13:25.930 If you think they're amazing, please stay completely silent. 13:25.951 --> 13:28.433 We're going to try and get three minutes of pure silence, and at the very end... 13:28.933 --> 13:29.673 You can let it all out. 13:29.714 --> 13:31.375 You can respond in any way you please. 13:31.435 --> 13:33.876 We'll give you the cue and then you can let it all out. 13:33.896 --> 13:38.419 But until then, absolute silence for these extraordinary made up jokes. 13:38.960 --> 13:44.503 I'm going to begin by setting the scene with a joke I made up myself that got the ball rolling on our radio show. 13:44.803 --> 13:45.644 I'm very pleased with it. 13:46.465 --> 13:48.146 What do you call a group of rapping babies? 13:49.144 --> 13:50.245 The no solids crew. 13:51.146 --> 13:51.807 No noise! 13:51.907 --> 13:52.588 There was some noise. 13:52.888 --> 13:56.993 Here's one I made up when my girlfriend said to me, oh Joe, I've got really bad indigestion. 13:57.213 --> 13:57.894 Quick as a flash. 13:58.114 --> 14:01.198 I came back with, well, why don't you get out of digestion? 14:03.211 --> 14:03.691 No noise. 14:05.073 --> 14:07.314 This is a joke from Gareth in Letwick Major. 14:07.655 --> 14:09.736 What do you call an Italian who could talk to the dead? 14:10.297 --> 14:10.978 Luigi board. 14:10.998 --> 14:12.098 Another one from Gareth. 14:12.379 --> 14:14.320 My cat Minton ate a shuttlecock. 14:14.901 --> 14:16.202 Bad Minton. 14:16.702 --> 14:18.964 How do you find Will Smith in the snow? 14:19.925 --> 14:20.806 Look for Fresh Prince. 14:22.762 --> 14:25.984 Just take a tiny second to take that in and let's move on. 14:26.384 --> 14:30.147 It's important for me to tell you that this next joke is written by a four-year-old, ladies and gentlemen. 14:30.327 --> 14:31.208 Oh, you've got the year-old? 14:31.368 --> 14:31.588 Yeah. 14:32.248 --> 14:34.850 What do you call a man with a spade on his head? 14:36.311 --> 14:37.332 The Pooh Monster. 14:37.352 --> 14:41.714 These are from Merrick Cartwright, incidentally, aged four. 14:42.035 --> 14:43.235 Why did the chicken cross the road? 14:43.516 --> 14:45.357 He was being chased by the Pooh Monster. 14:47.096 --> 14:54.141 When old Schwarzenegger was upset last Easter, because he didn't get any eggs, his secretary said to him, does this mean you hate Easter now, Mr. Governor? 14:54.541 --> 14:57.283 And he said, nah, I still love Easter, baby. 14:58.164 --> 14:59.985 That's it, made up dance. 15:04.388 --> 15:08.330 Well, Adam and John, thank you very much to any listeners who've come to see us. 15:08.350 --> 15:09.071 Thanks to all the animals. 15:09.191 --> 15:09.811 Stephen! 15:09.851 --> 15:11.232 Have a great first of all. 15:13.240 --> 15:16.003 We have just come off stage at the cabaret tent. 15:17.144 --> 15:19.187 We just completed our made up joke set. 15:19.907 --> 15:21.069 And how did you feel it went Joe? 15:21.289 --> 15:23.091 I was excited, I think it went really well. 15:23.131 --> 15:26.635 I made a couple of pronounced C-A-T-R-E boo-boos, but I feel that's part of my shtick. 15:26.915 --> 15:27.456 It was brilliant. 15:27.476 --> 15:28.296 We turned it round. 15:28.917 --> 15:32.558 I, you know, I rigged you a little bit about it and you took the ribbing really well. 15:32.638 --> 15:42.001 I thought you might get angry because, you know, you're the stand-up and I was doing really well and probably level with you, you know, and I just thought you might be getting a bit angry and jealous. 15:42.021 --> 15:42.961 I thought I might be threatened by it. 15:43.101 --> 15:45.322 Yeah, threatened by my kind of untutored stand-up skills. 15:45.342 --> 15:48.863 I thought I'd be annoyed by the fact that you haven't got any formal training skills. 15:48.903 --> 15:50.383 Yeah, yeah, yeah, there I am. 15:50.423 --> 15:52.744 Like Michael Caine versus Al Pacino, you know. 15:52.924 --> 15:53.724 Yeah, exactly. 15:54.244 --> 15:55.264 But what a great crowd. 15:55.324 --> 15:56.805 They came out in droves for us. 15:56.825 --> 16:00.666 If anyone's listening to this who was in that crowd, thank you, thank you for coming and for giving us such a welcome. 16:00.686 --> 16:03.467 You made two very happy men, very, very old. 16:26.537 --> 16:44.654 A shallow piece of dignity I wish I had a bottle Right here in my dead place 17:20.799 --> 17:24.252 So that this is the end 17:56.545 --> 18:01.429 We don't talk about love We only wanna dance 18:55.491 --> 18:57.338 Inside for life 20:17.264 --> 20:18.845 This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music. 20:18.905 --> 20:25.428 One of the biggest challenges of coming to the Glastonbury Festival, uh, aside from surviving the festival itself, is the journey. 20:25.889 --> 20:26.209 Oh yes. 20:26.309 --> 20:27.329 It's getting down here. 20:27.370 --> 20:29.351 Like one year you and I drove, didn't we Adam? 20:29.471 --> 20:29.671 Yeah. 20:29.731 --> 20:33.913 Back in the days when we were doing tele coverage for BBC Choice, we drove down. 20:34.193 --> 20:35.534 How long did we sit in a jam for? 20:35.854 --> 20:36.394 Uh, seven hours. 20:36.735 --> 20:37.535 Seven hours. 20:37.595 --> 20:38.596 It was infuriating. 20:38.756 --> 20:39.056 It was. 20:39.116 --> 20:40.617 Nothing worse than being stuck in a jam. 20:40.637 --> 20:42.098 Especially... A special Douglas can attest. 20:42.238 --> 20:42.778 Exactly. 20:43.058 --> 20:47.721 You know, in this big metal box sitting in the middle of God knows where, Lord knows where, unable to move. 20:47.741 --> 20:48.741 I ran out of music to play. 20:48.761 --> 20:53.844 I had my mini disc player, and I thought I'd done pretty well stocking up for the music. 20:54.224 --> 20:55.845 I was down to the really rotten stuff. 20:56.465 --> 21:01.108 They might have improved it over the years, but the roads around Glastonbury become notoriously congested leading up to the festival. 21:01.148 --> 21:05.350 Various local villages have to be sort of circled off by security men and stuff. 21:05.690 --> 21:06.491 It's a big hoo-ha. 21:06.691 --> 21:07.591 It's an absolute dime of hoo-ha. 21:07.611 --> 21:08.872 It's one of the largest of all the hoo-has. 21:09.372 --> 21:10.973 So this year we decided to come by train. 21:11.614 --> 21:20.741 And we got our agents to pressure the BBC into sending us down in minor style, write a cheap weekend first class upgrade, because the carriages were very full. 21:20.781 --> 21:24.123 So I was sitting in first class and some other people had had the same idea. 21:24.143 --> 21:25.845 They bought the cheap first class upgrade. 21:26.445 --> 21:27.985 And there are a couple of lads sitting opposite me. 21:28.045 --> 21:32.686 I say lads, they were in their mid-to-late 30s, obviously childhood friends. 21:33.086 --> 21:41.188 They sat down and they'd obviously sort of got off a week's work early and they were going to relive their youth by going down to Glasto together like they did maybe 15 years ago. 21:41.568 --> 21:43.308 They went to the buffet as soon as it opened. 21:43.649 --> 21:45.589 How many tins of beer do you think they got each? 21:46.009 --> 21:46.269 Each. 21:47.089 --> 21:48.670 Well, if it was me, I'd go for a couple. 21:48.990 --> 21:49.170 Eight. 21:49.590 --> 21:50.570 Eight each. 21:50.670 --> 21:52.310 Two-hour journey, eight each. 21:52.690 --> 21:53.611 What's the maths on that? 21:54.111 --> 21:54.891 That's unbelievable. 21:54.931 --> 21:55.391 What for them? 21:55.831 --> 21:56.191 15 minutes. 21:56.231 --> 21:56.971 That's extraordinary. 21:57.132 --> 21:57.852 That was extraordinary. 21:57.872 --> 22:06.475 They started off with quite intelligent conversation but then and they were sitting right near me I was trying to read my paper but I couldn't help but listen to every single word they were saying. 22:06.535 --> 22:07.355 Yeah. 22:07.375 --> 22:09.256 They started to have a burping competition. 22:09.456 --> 22:10.037 Did they? 22:10.257 --> 22:13.938 Yeah and then that the burping competition it devolved into a farting competition. 22:14.118 --> 22:15.239 In executive class this is? 22:15.279 --> 22:16.799 This was in premier class. 22:17.179 --> 22:21.401 They started blowing off really loud classic raspberry farts. 22:21.741 --> 22:22.501 What the hell? 22:22.521 --> 22:25.462 And I thought, this can't go on, so I broke the fourth wall again. 22:25.482 --> 22:25.522 No! 22:26.382 --> 22:28.243 Like I did at the King Creosote gig. 22:28.323 --> 22:29.103 Oh, you intervened. 22:29.123 --> 22:31.604 And I turned to them and said, how old did you say you are? 22:31.624 --> 22:31.604 37. 22:32.164 --> 22:33.164 That was your opening gambit. 22:33.184 --> 22:33.844 With a smile. 22:34.205 --> 22:36.005 It was a nice, light-hearted thing to say. 22:36.025 --> 22:38.826 And they looked at me and laughed, but they were mortified. 22:39.026 --> 22:39.746 Nice and light-hearted. 22:39.766 --> 22:41.487 Cornish managed to do his mortifying act again. 22:41.527 --> 22:42.587 Were you shaking while he said it? 22:42.947 --> 22:45.408 No, no, I was, I was, I'm used to this kind of thing. 22:45.468 --> 22:49.130 I'm a professional, you know, professional party pooper. 22:49.210 --> 22:49.470 Yeah. 22:49.890 --> 22:54.313 And then we had a little chitchat that was fine, but they were obviously so freaked out at being caught at being juvenile. 22:54.373 --> 22:54.553 Yeah. 22:54.733 --> 22:59.195 They tried to then turn their conversation into something more intellectual. 22:59.835 --> 23:03.577 I wrote down some of the stuff they said immediately after the farting incident. 23:03.617 --> 23:06.959 People you don't ever want to be stuck in a confined space with. 23:07.019 --> 23:07.179 Me. 23:07.199 --> 23:07.639 Number one. 23:07.839 --> 23:08.279 Choking. 23:10.700 --> 23:14.501 There was some giggling after the fighting had been exposed and they sort of didn't know what to do next. 23:14.821 --> 23:16.242 Their style was cramped by me. 23:16.542 --> 23:17.182 What a weird. 23:17.522 --> 23:22.643 So they started to talk about films and one of them said, you know what the best film is ever made? 23:22.703 --> 23:23.363 Citizen Kane. 23:23.463 --> 23:24.023 Do you know why? 23:24.304 --> 23:24.784 Two words. 23:25.004 --> 23:25.624 Greg Toland. 23:25.824 --> 23:27.564 Depth of field. 23:27.584 --> 23:28.965 75% of all communication is non-verbal. 23:29.265 --> 23:30.265 It's about seeing the ceiling. 23:30.685 --> 23:34.146 He started to go super intellectual about Citizen Kane. 23:34.586 --> 23:38.607 To try and convince me, the Cornballs, that they weren't just Fartmeisters. 23:40.047 --> 23:41.448 And they completely stopped guffing. 23:41.508 --> 23:43.169 It wasn't like... The guffing stopped. 23:43.589 --> 23:47.191 But he was really making a conscious effort to try and turn his reputation around. 23:47.231 --> 23:47.471 Yeah. 23:48.351 --> 23:49.492 I don't know what their names were. 23:49.692 --> 23:50.592 I won't embarrass them. 23:50.932 --> 23:51.893 But they were having a good time. 23:51.913 --> 23:53.173 And you know what the sweetest thing was? 23:53.694 --> 23:59.516 When the train pulled up at Castle Kerry and the Tannoy announced where we were, they both high-fived each other. 23:59.656 --> 24:01.557 Like a couple of excited 15-year-olds. 24:01.577 --> 24:02.237 It was very sweet. 24:02.598 --> 24:05.859 And they fell out of the train on their faces and fell asleep on the platform. 24:06.239 --> 24:07.540 As far as I know, they're still there. 24:08.440 --> 24:12.804 Are you going to tell anyone else in the festival off today? 24:13.364 --> 24:15.266 I'm going to tell a lot of people off in the festival. 24:15.646 --> 24:19.570 After the show's finished, we should go out there and record you just telling some people off. 24:19.790 --> 24:20.490 They were farting. 24:20.671 --> 24:22.152 Would you have just tolerated the farting? 24:22.212 --> 24:23.313 It was stinky as well. 24:23.953 --> 24:26.855 You can't do stinky guffs in first class, can you? 24:27.015 --> 24:29.417 No, I admire your interventionary skills. 24:29.477 --> 24:30.458 That's very impressive. 24:30.478 --> 24:32.519 How old did you say you were? 24:32.940 --> 24:36.342 But don't paint me as some kind of headmaster type character. 24:36.402 --> 24:37.603 No, why would I? 24:38.424 --> 24:39.404 It was Jovil. 24:40.165 --> 24:41.005 It was friendly. 24:41.165 --> 24:42.546 We're good pals. 24:42.606 --> 24:43.107 That's cool. 24:58.513 --> 25:03.576 I promise I'm so much. 25:03.796 --> 25:07.178 I am a relic. 25:07.339 --> 25:11.001 I am just a petrified cry. 25:11.841 --> 25:17.445 Well, I want to hear a sign of time, sovereignly. 25:23.373 --> 25:25.254 It's time to start my songs. 25:25.354 --> 25:36.280 Electric desert, dearera Scream to us all, to us all Electric desert, dearera Scream to us all, to us all 27:30.698 --> 27:55.774 To my son, dear Herrera Scream to my son, to my son Left his death son, dear Herrera Scream to my son, to my son I saw my medal, it paid a bill And sales of markets lost forever 28:12.682 --> 28:13.390 to the side 28:51.278 --> 28:53.239 Adam and Joe's on 6 Music. 29:09.605 --> 29:15.110 People, people, we got to get over before we go under. 29:15.250 --> 29:17.532 Down, oh. 29:17.932 --> 29:21.915 People, people, we got to get over before we go under. 29:22.336 --> 29:25.719 Hey country, you didn't say what you meant, you just changed. 29:26.199 --> 29:29.382 Brand new funky, president down. 29:31.103 --> 29:34.126 Start market going up, jobs going down. 29:42.745 --> 29:51.390 Let's get together and raise some Let's get together, get some land Raise our food like the man 30:12.028 --> 30:14.010 Put up a backflip on the job. 30:14.350 --> 30:16.131 Whoo! 30:16.692 --> 30:20.395 Come on, let me out. 30:21.035 --> 30:23.097 Hello, Godfather. 30:23.197 --> 30:25.019 Hello! 30:25.099 --> 30:25.619 Whoo! 30:25.679 --> 30:27.480 Turn on your funk motor. 30:27.501 --> 30:29.202 Get down and bring his load. 30:30.383 --> 30:35.027 Get sexy, sexy, get funky and dainty. 30:35.367 --> 30:36.228 Love me, baby. 30:36.428 --> 30:37.268 Love me nice. 30:39.768 --> 30:43.789 Don't make it one, but can you make it twice? 30:43.989 --> 30:44.770 I like it. 30:44.810 --> 30:48.230 Peep-a-peep-a, we gotta get over before we go under. 30:49.211 --> 30:52.912 Peep-a-peep-a, well, well, well, before we go under. 30:53.892 --> 30:56.693 Turn on your funk motor, I know it's tough. 30:57.753 --> 31:01.914 Turn on your funk motor, until you get enough, yeah. 31:02.514 --> 31:05.395 Hey, give this a chance to come through. 31:08.940 --> 31:10.742 I can do what you can do. 31:13.765 --> 31:15.827 Hey, this is the band. 31:15.887 --> 31:16.748 Rap Godfather. 31:16.808 --> 31:17.428 Hey there. 31:17.769 --> 31:18.789 Code Red. 31:19.931 --> 31:21.032 Beep-a-beep-a. 31:24.615 --> 31:24.815 Hey. 31:24.855 --> 31:25.636 Beep-a-beep-a. 31:28.178 --> 31:28.839 Hey. 31:29.199 --> 31:31.762 Beep-a-beep-a. 31:31.802 --> 31:33.323 Don't you see what he's doing? 31:33.523 --> 31:34.104 Beep-a-beep-a. 31:40.726 --> 32:04.367 Change it, yeah Got to get together and get some land Raise our food just like the man Hey, hey, hey, hey I got to say it again We got to get together and find some land Raise our food just like the man 32:11.118 --> 32:14.761 up your factory and own the job. 32:14.901 --> 32:18.484 I got to get over before we go under. 32:19.264 --> 32:22.267 Time ain't a jaunt. 32:23.067 --> 32:29.652 Lord, could you do you know just what I meant? 32:29.692 --> 32:31.133 Well, there's change. 32:31.193 --> 32:33.375 I got a brand new funky business. 32:33.415 --> 32:36.918 I need to be the mayor. 32:41.524 --> 32:50.090 This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music. 32:50.130 --> 32:57.895 I've just got a bit of advice for some people in the BBC, some of our fellow big British castle dwellers. 32:59.056 --> 33:01.637 It was the last episode of Points of View this week. 33:02.118 --> 33:02.398 Oh really? 33:02.418 --> 33:03.539 Do you ever watch Points of View? 33:03.699 --> 33:03.979 No, who's 33:04.019 --> 33:04.760 hosting it these days. 33:25.300 --> 33:31.686 But isn't it important for there to be a forum within a channel where viewers can have their say and get a sense of feedback? 33:31.706 --> 33:33.768 They've got to have their right to reply. 33:34.048 --> 33:39.673 Especially for the BBC in this day and age, there's been a lot of scrutiny of the BBC and its values and all that kind of business. 33:40.734 --> 33:51.543 So in a way, Points of View is a very important programme because it should seriously reflect that listener's points of view are being taken seriously. 33:51.684 --> 33:51.864 Yeah. 33:52.524 --> 33:57.806 And you would have thought that would be reflected in the theme music, wouldn't you? 33:57.946 --> 33:59.746 Yeah, I've no idea what the theme music is. 33:59.786 --> 34:07.649 Well, this is the theme music that the BBC have decided to use for points of view, and they have kind of improved the rest of the show. 34:07.669 --> 34:12.910 In the old days, the host used, the letters used to be read out by sort of comedy voices, do you remember? 34:12.990 --> 34:13.210 Yeah. 34:13.470 --> 34:15.491 And it was just a tiny bit dismissive. 34:16.171 --> 34:18.232 and making light of people's complaints. 34:18.692 --> 34:19.833 And I think they changed that. 34:19.933 --> 34:22.194 It's now presented by Jeremy Vine. 34:22.214 --> 34:26.436 And in the old days, it was in a sort of front room, a cozy sort of front room with some flowers. 34:26.496 --> 34:29.178 Now it's in a sort of, he's leaning on a control desk. 34:29.238 --> 34:35.321 It's as if it's more serious and like the news and as if your complaints are really getting to a place that matters. 34:35.821 --> 34:37.402 But they made all those improvements. 34:37.422 --> 34:38.002 The control desk. 34:38.422 --> 34:45.029 but they're still using a theme tune that maybe doesn't reflect the necessary respect for their listeners. 34:45.049 --> 34:47.631 Because I would imagine it would be something like the news, you know? 34:47.812 --> 34:50.054 Yes, serious and important. 34:50.074 --> 34:51.035 Like a current affairs gig. 34:51.055 --> 34:51.415 Yeah, yeah. 34:51.455 --> 34:53.017 Well, no, this is the theme tune they use. 35:04.824 --> 35:05.725 You made that up. 35:05.865 --> 35:07.205 No, that's the real theme music. 35:07.265 --> 35:10.667 I had to edit it a bit there because the iPlayer kept stalling. 35:11.088 --> 35:11.688 Ah, it does that. 35:12.568 --> 35:13.849 Is that really the theme music? 35:13.869 --> 35:14.850 That's the theme music. 35:14.910 --> 35:15.910 Let's have it again. 35:27.997 --> 35:33.303 The BBC has been in some quite serious trouble in the last year or so. 35:33.923 --> 35:37.106 That's just a tip to my colleagues in the castle. 35:37.507 --> 35:41.150 You might want to change that music. 35:41.451 --> 35:42.191 Who made that? 35:42.552 --> 35:44.734 Whoever done that is a jingle genius for a start. 35:44.754 --> 35:47.056 Yeah, it's good music, but maybe on the wrong show. 35:47.096 --> 35:47.857 On the wrong show. 35:47.877 --> 35:49.959 See, that would be good theme music for our show. 35:50.739 --> 35:51.080 It would. 35:51.100 --> 35:54.202 Well, maybe we should sing over it or do an extended mix of it. 35:54.222 --> 35:57.405 We should do a jingle for... We should do a new piece of theme music for their show. 35:57.425 --> 35:59.727 We should sing them the Black Squadron music or something. 35:59.747 --> 35:59.967 Right. 36:00.508 --> 36:03.150 I'll try and think of some new music for their show, right? 36:03.210 --> 36:06.392 They can have that, and we can use... We can use Bla Boobadee Baya. 36:08.514 --> 36:10.336 We need to find out who composed that. 36:10.576 --> 36:12.377 Who composed Bla Boobadee Baya? 36:12.397 --> 36:15.720 I'd love to go to a live concert by then. 36:15.760 --> 36:16.121 Wouldn't you? 36:17.061 --> 36:18.562 I don't know what the album's like. 36:18.622 --> 36:21.184 For their encore they'd come out and they'd do that four more times. 36:21.364 --> 36:25.527 Anyway, message to Vine there and... Play Bla Boobity Blya! 36:25.747 --> 36:30.270 Let's keep an eye on the next series of points of view and see whether they stick with that music. 36:31.911 --> 36:35.233 I'm sick of playing Bla Boobity Blya, it's all anyone asks for. 36:35.253 --> 36:37.494 They're reforming the band! 36:37.515 --> 36:40.657 Oh no, we're gonna have to play Bla Boobity Blya again. 36:51.284 --> 36:52.125 Staring up 37:36.326 --> 37:46.470 Rough that blood out of the sky 38:30.566 --> 38:33.193 The future's all it feels to see 38:55.745 --> 38:59.072 All you need is a kiss 40:07.352 --> 40:12.460 The largest amount of pots, pans and kitchen implements ever used at once on a pop record. 40:12.480 --> 40:13.081 Did you know that? 40:13.362 --> 40:15.445 That was Kiss of Life by Friendly Fires. 40:15.906 --> 40:17.408 You invented that fact though, didn't you? 40:17.648 --> 40:17.849 Yes. 40:18.723 --> 40:20.425 That was an invented fact. 40:20.545 --> 40:22.187 We should have an invented fact jingle on this thing. 40:22.207 --> 40:23.408 We'd be playing it round the clock. 40:23.588 --> 40:25.230 That was an invented fact. 40:25.911 --> 40:28.553 That was based on spurious guesswork. 40:28.794 --> 40:29.755 Could be the other jingle. 40:29.895 --> 40:30.195 Yeah. 40:30.756 --> 40:33.739 Kiss of Life by Friendly Fires is the song we just play. 40:33.759 --> 40:39.005 Friendly Fires are presenting a show on Six Music this Sunday as part of our month of Mercurys. 40:39.965 --> 40:52.237 And they didn't win anything at the Mercurys, I'm afraid to say, but that hasn't stopped them, you know, putting their chin up, jutting their chin out and saying, never mind, there's always next year, there's always the chance we might get a Mercury nom next year. 40:52.377 --> 40:54.119 Who won the Mercury nom last year? 40:54.919 --> 40:57.402 Well, the big Mercury winners were Elbow, weren't they? 40:57.962 --> 40:58.543 Ah, were they? 40:59.003 --> 41:00.484 And this year it was speech to Bell. 41:01.184 --> 41:10.070 I mean Elbow was sort of well established before they won the Mercury, so there's no question of them fading from view the way some people who have won the Mercury Prize in the past have done. 41:10.231 --> 41:10.911 Have they really? 41:10.951 --> 41:13.433 Do some people consider it as a bit of a kiss of death? 41:13.993 --> 41:16.494 Well, it's a poisoned chalice for some people, isn't it? 41:16.554 --> 41:18.714 Who was the guy Ronnie Sighs and his represent? 41:18.934 --> 41:23.816 Right, you don't really want a probation from above, do you, if you're a rebellious pop type? 41:24.596 --> 41:25.196 No, exactly. 41:25.216 --> 41:26.957 You don't want to be formed prefect on the head boy. 41:26.977 --> 41:28.497 You don't want to be stroked by the head boy. 41:28.517 --> 41:30.398 You want to be at the back of the bus flicking V's. 41:31.058 --> 41:32.659 Well done, speech to Belle. 41:32.959 --> 41:33.419 Well done. 41:34.439 --> 41:37.440 All the chaps think you've done a brilliant job on your album. 41:37.460 --> 41:40.741 You're gobbing in the street as the best gobbing in the school. 41:41.221 --> 41:43.003 Well done with your Flemmy bits. 41:43.403 --> 41:46.687 You're a naughty chap, and we think that's great. 41:47.328 --> 41:48.249 Top marks! 41:48.509 --> 41:50.671 Here's a prize and a cheque to go with. 41:50.851 --> 41:53.874 We've given up, trying to get everybody to speak proper. 41:54.155 --> 41:56.858 From now on, the whole school gonna speak not proper. 41:57.398 --> 41:59.459 And you're going to be the leader of them. 41:59.839 --> 42:00.719 Wicked, well done. 42:01.119 --> 42:01.859 Grim, grim, grim it. 42:02.219 --> 42:03.300 Grim, grim, grim it. 42:03.480 --> 42:07.801 Listen, I'm not going to dress the same way as you just say, you know, or behave like you. 42:08.221 --> 42:11.022 Or actually listen to the records you're buying, making. 42:11.402 --> 42:12.783 But good job. 42:12.823 --> 42:13.483 There's the check. 42:13.703 --> 42:15.904 I want people to think I'm cool like you. 42:15.924 --> 42:16.984 Stand next to you. 42:17.384 --> 42:18.304 Give you a prize. 42:18.584 --> 42:20.325 Look at me disco dancing. 42:20.605 --> 42:22.966 Speech to Belle come round for dinner with me. 42:23.986 --> 42:28.828 That's what the head of the Mercury is, a little song he sung just backstage after he'd given her the prize. 42:28.848 --> 42:34.549 You know the people that decide the Mercury Prize, the nominees and the winners, are nothing like that. 42:35.029 --> 42:35.810 Freddie Mercury. 42:36.470 --> 42:38.050 It's nothing to do with Freddie Mercury. 42:38.510 --> 42:42.732 They're all young, intelligent, groovy people, nothing like the way we've just characterized them. 42:42.752 --> 42:44.132 It's another made up fact. 42:44.232 --> 42:45.873 It's another made up fact. 42:45.893 --> 42:49.013 You see, we just have to have that as a music bed, basically, not a jingle. 42:49.254 --> 42:50.534 Now, can you hear that I've got a cold? 42:50.914 --> 42:55.556 Yeah, listeners, Adam came in today looking very under the weather with a with a terrible cold. 42:56.016 --> 42:56.217 Yeah. 42:56.777 --> 42:57.877 I've got you're doing very well. 42:57.957 --> 42:58.578 I'm coming in. 42:58.898 --> 42:59.638 Got some medications. 42:59.958 --> 43:05.461 Well, I wasn't sure if I should come in because, you know, a few months back, it was a big deal on the news. 43:05.501 --> 43:08.342 It was like, well, if you've got a cold, should you go into work? 43:08.702 --> 43:15.306 And the consensus was no, you shouldn't, because it's putting your coworkers at risk of the pandemic. 43:16.546 --> 43:33.116 But then I thought the pandemic's over a little you just flinched well I said that very loud, and I suddenly had a sort of Medical flash you I should have covered my mouth with I could see the disease molecules flying through the air towards me covering my mouth with a medicated tissue I had a macro flash 43:33.416 --> 43:34.117 Is that better? 43:34.718 --> 43:35.318 Yeah, that's better. 43:35.358 --> 43:35.879 Keep talking. 43:36.059 --> 43:38.182 It's very ghastly because of the beard. 43:38.202 --> 43:39.883 I can't do that. 43:39.903 --> 43:40.544 That's ridiculous. 43:41.145 --> 43:42.907 But no, I did wonder if I should come in. 43:43.187 --> 43:48.253 But then on the other hand, the good thing about having a cold is that it does give a special quality to your voice, right? 43:49.414 --> 43:50.876 A special kind of a tambourine. 43:51.300 --> 43:52.160 Yeah, no, it's good. 43:52.220 --> 43:52.941 It's sounding good. 43:53.421 --> 43:54.641 I sound a bit like the lady. 43:54.741 --> 43:59.162 Who's the lady that does the sort of trails before our show starts? 43:59.202 --> 43:59.983 Can you play that thing? 44:00.003 --> 44:01.223 The sexy, bored one. 44:01.243 --> 44:01.983 The sexy one. 44:02.003 --> 44:03.524 She says everything the same way. 44:03.544 --> 44:04.244 I'm so bored. 44:04.404 --> 44:05.224 She is sexy. 44:05.284 --> 44:06.265 Six music. 44:06.385 --> 44:07.705 Today from two. 44:08.365 --> 44:09.125 John Holmes. 44:09.826 --> 44:10.206 Yeah. 44:10.226 --> 44:10.866 From midday. 44:11.466 --> 44:12.447 Liz Kershaw. 44:12.507 --> 44:12.827 What? 44:13.067 --> 44:14.928 And now, it's Adam and Joe. 44:14.948 --> 44:15.709 Who cares? 44:15.789 --> 44:17.130 She just talks like that. 44:17.150 --> 44:17.930 Stuff him down the toilet. 44:17.950 --> 44:18.711 All the time. 44:18.731 --> 44:19.131 Who cares? 44:19.151 --> 44:21.772 Listen darling, I'm going to the shops. 44:22.173 --> 44:23.393 Do you want anything? 44:24.194 --> 44:25.174 Actually hang on. 44:25.535 --> 44:26.075 Tonight? 44:26.395 --> 44:26.695 What? 44:27.036 --> 44:27.696 Half price. 44:28.276 --> 44:29.057 Fish fingers. 44:29.357 --> 44:29.757 Yeah. 44:30.157 --> 44:30.638 Yeah. 44:31.158 --> 44:32.879 Do you want fish fingers for tea? 44:33.439 --> 44:35.321 Okay, that's what we'll have. 44:36.021 --> 44:37.243 Do you want potatoes? 44:37.904 --> 44:38.685 Or broccoli? 44:38.705 --> 44:39.126 It's 7.15. 44:39.787 --> 44:40.388 Or both? 44:40.428 --> 44:41.329 The Bill! 44:41.349 --> 44:44.634 I don't know why she extended it there. 44:44.754 --> 44:45.635 I think she got stuck. 45:13.595 --> 45:36.529 I just can't convince myself I couldn't live with no one else And I can only play that part And sit and nurse my broken heart so lonely 46:28.105 --> 46:30.118 They're always free 48:29.762 --> 48:30.667 I feel all alone 49:26.198 --> 49:29.682 So Joe, MPs, expenses. 49:30.122 --> 49:35.147 Oh, I'm glad you bought this up because there hasn't been enough talk about this subject in the media. 49:35.187 --> 49:36.909 I know you like hot button topics. 49:36.929 --> 49:38.090 I love hot button topics. 49:38.711 --> 49:40.272 I saw Dervle Cohen. 49:40.292 --> 49:41.694 Do you know the actress Dervle Cohen? 49:42.174 --> 49:45.377 She was in Ballykiss Angel and she's a well-known TV actress. 49:46.298 --> 49:49.260 And she was on The One Show. 49:49.320 --> 49:50.460 Is it still called The One Show? 49:50.581 --> 49:50.861 Yes. 49:51.621 --> 49:54.923 With Adrian Childs and The Lady. 49:55.523 --> 49:58.885 And they were talking about MP's expenses and they just asked Dervle Cohen. 49:59.826 --> 50:02.527 And I thought maybe she'd come out with some kind of wishy-washy. 50:02.567 --> 50:03.148 Yeah, you know. 50:03.188 --> 50:04.008 Well, that's shocking. 50:04.048 --> 50:06.910 That's what I would come out with if I was asked about the TV show. 50:07.310 --> 50:08.412 She was absolutely adamant. 50:08.472 --> 50:10.755 She said, it's a disgrace. 50:10.915 --> 50:12.237 It's an absolute disgrace. 50:12.457 --> 50:13.398 We've been let down. 50:13.719 --> 50:15.541 I spent my whole life being honest. 50:15.821 --> 50:17.984 I never fiddled a single thing in my life. 50:18.485 --> 50:19.846 And I think it's shocking. 50:20.905 --> 50:23.708 And even Adrian Charles was like, well, you never fiddle anything. 50:23.948 --> 50:25.169 Not a single thing you've been dishonest. 50:25.370 --> 50:25.650 No. 50:26.291 --> 50:28.012 Came the answer from, she said it nicer than that. 50:28.032 --> 50:28.633 She didn't shout. 50:29.033 --> 50:30.315 But more, but her attitude was saying. 50:30.335 --> 50:32.437 Well, now I'm worried about you and Adrian Charles. 50:32.677 --> 50:32.917 Why? 50:32.937 --> 50:34.679 Because you clearly fiddled things. 50:34.779 --> 50:35.961 Have you not fiddled nothing? 50:36.261 --> 50:36.541 Never. 50:36.902 --> 50:37.342 Never. 50:37.422 --> 50:38.083 You're like Dervle Cohen. 50:38.103 --> 50:39.124 I've never fiddled anything. 50:39.144 --> 50:39.744 I don't believe you. 50:39.905 --> 50:40.605 I don't believe you. 50:40.725 --> 50:42.027 I do believe Dervle Cohen. 50:42.167 --> 50:42.968 I don't believe you. 50:43.128 --> 50:43.809 You are the fiddler. 50:44.349 --> 50:45.130 You're Johnny Fiddler. 50:45.650 --> 50:46.831 What thing to accuse me of? 50:46.871 --> 50:47.631 What's your evidence? 50:47.691 --> 50:49.672 You're the Yehudi Menuhin of life. 50:49.692 --> 50:50.332 Oh, I fiddled. 50:50.513 --> 50:51.473 You loved to fiddle. 50:51.553 --> 50:51.733 What? 50:51.773 --> 50:52.354 Where's your evidence? 50:52.454 --> 50:53.014 I don't know. 50:53.034 --> 50:53.814 I'm projecting. 50:53.834 --> 50:56.296 I fiddled lots of things. 50:56.376 --> 50:56.836 Clearly. 50:56.856 --> 50:57.477 Clearly. 50:57.497 --> 51:00.298 You've never taken, like, toilet paper from work? 51:01.039 --> 51:01.679 Uh, no. 51:01.879 --> 51:03.560 Bit of computer printing paper. 51:04.501 --> 51:04.941 Pens. 51:05.021 --> 51:06.162 Sometimes I steal pens. 51:06.202 --> 51:06.682 You're the Fiddler. 51:07.603 --> 51:08.964 Biro, is this that bad? 51:09.204 --> 51:09.424 Yes. 51:09.724 --> 51:12.087 Could an MP be thrown out of court for nicking up Biro? 51:12.147 --> 51:13.188 Definitely, definitely. 51:13.208 --> 51:14.248 What about a lighter? 51:14.629 --> 51:17.852 Sometimes I go home with other people's lighters in the past, I've done that. 51:17.872 --> 51:18.552 Public Apology. 51:19.353 --> 51:32.525 I hereby apologise unreservedly to listeners of the BBC Four in 1985 taking Chris Barnes' Bic lighter accidentally from his house. 51:32.833 --> 51:34.675 Now you've busted barns for being a filthy smoker. 51:34.695 --> 51:35.917 So I'm going to thank you for that. 51:35.937 --> 51:36.838 This was in the 80s. 51:37.078 --> 51:37.659 Yeah, well. 51:37.939 --> 51:39.020 Everyone smoked in the 80s. 51:39.101 --> 51:39.701 That's true. 51:39.721 --> 51:40.582 It was healthy back then. 51:40.602 --> 51:43.986 It was acceptable in the 80s. 51:44.167 --> 51:45.688 That's the only thing you've ever fiddled, is it? 51:46.569 --> 51:47.110 Pretty much. 51:47.330 --> 51:47.971 Never tried to. 51:48.151 --> 51:49.273 You are such a liar. 51:50.266 --> 51:51.487 I know I'm not a big fiddler. 51:51.788 --> 52:05.700 I'm not a big fiddler, but I'm you can't even look at me Well, I'm not looking at cuz I remember I'm starting to remember some of your fiddles What about the photographs that we've got of your fiddles all the good times that we used to have oh, okay? 52:05.720 --> 52:06.521 That was stealing 52:08.490 --> 52:09.851 That wasn't as subtle as fiddling. 52:09.871 --> 52:11.052 Fiddling's a nice word. 52:11.093 --> 52:12.354 That was just theft. 52:13.094 --> 52:17.979 I may have done some shoplifting in the 80s, but that's something that lots of kids go through. 52:18.099 --> 52:19.861 That's not true, and we're not encouraging it by any means. 52:19.881 --> 52:21.903 No, it's a terrible thing, but that's a bit different. 52:21.923 --> 52:25.226 That's a kind of rite of passage when you're discovering the nature of property and theft. 52:25.246 --> 52:26.728 You weren't shoplifting, though. 52:26.748 --> 52:27.028 Come on. 52:27.368 --> 52:27.748 That was. 52:27.768 --> 52:30.069 Kind of. 52:30.329 --> 52:31.549 Wasn't technically shocking. 52:31.929 --> 52:36.630 As a member of the big British car, you could even get thrown out retrospectively for admitting something like that. 52:36.710 --> 52:37.631 Something I did in 1986. 52:37.871 --> 52:39.151 Definitely, definitely. 52:39.691 --> 52:40.151 Come on. 52:40.611 --> 52:46.193 If they're putting people in prison with DNA evidence, you know, I mean that's murder obviously, it's slightly different. 52:47.393 --> 53:01.369 Yeah, they could retrospectively caution you, hang you out, because they don't... I can't believe that this link has ended up with me being forced into a criminal confession about petty shoplifting I did in the mid-80s. 53:02.831 --> 53:07.594 when it started out with MPs tax-fiddling, and now I'm on the ropes. 53:07.775 --> 53:15.240 See, this is a good example of me not... I didn't want you to confess to any grand larceny. 53:15.600 --> 53:18.842 I was interested in, like, pens... I've been skillfully manipulated. 53:21.084 --> 53:27.048 I've been skillfully manipulated by Sherlock... Buxton... into making a confession. 53:27.669 --> 53:30.671 We better play some more music before we're all fired. 53:39.344 --> 54:03.804 I wanna be rich and I want lots of money I don't care about clever, I don't care about funny I want loads of clothes and I want loads of diamonds I heard people die while they're trying to find them And I'll take my clothes off and it will be shameless Cause everyone knows that's how you get famous I'll look at the sun and I'll look in the mirror 54:47.372 --> 55:15.818 It's all about fast cars and crossing each other But it doesn't matter cause I'm packing plastic And that's what makes my life so fantastic And I am away from a massive consumption And it's not my fault, it's how I'm programmed to function I look at the sun and I look in the mirror I'm on the right track, yeah we're on to a winner I don't know what's right and what's new 55:34.650 --> 55:37.983 You say you can go without a feeling 55:55.455 --> 56:09.102 I forget about guns, I forget ammunition Cause I'm killing them all on my own little mission Now I'm not a saint, but I'm not a sinner Now everything's cool as long as I'm getting thinner 56:41.425 --> 56:41.666 Oh. 57:19.671 --> 57:21.056 We'll be here with the people care 58:41.347 --> 59:03.665 world the time has come to push the button world the time has come to push the button world the time has come to push the button world my finger is on the button my finger is on the button 59:05.859 --> 59:09.370 My finger is on the button Push the button 59:52.125 --> 59:54.107 We're on top of the hour, you'll be glad to know. 59:54.147 --> 59:56.150 But we're not on top of anything else at all. 59:56.190 --> 59:57.631 Let's go to the ball. 01:00:41.989 --> 01:01:09.327 Sometimes you better off dead There's a gun in your hand that's pointing at your head You think you're mad, too unstable Kicking in chairs and knocking down tables in a restaurant In a West End town, call the police There's a mad man around, running down underground To a dive bar in a West End town In a West End town, a dead end world For the East End boys and West End girls In a West End town, a dead end world 01:01:10.080 --> 01:01:30.084 The eastern boys and western girls, western girls Too many shadows whispering voices, faces on persons, too many choices if, when, why, what 01:01:50.575 --> 01:01:55.389 The Eastern Boys and Western Boys 01:02:59.549 --> 01:03:24.248 Built to last in every city and every nation From Lake Geneva to the Finland Station Our western town, the dead end world Our western town, the dead end world Our western town, the dead end world Our western town, the dead end world 01:03:51.015 --> 01:03:55.378 A couple of weeks ago, was it a couple of weeks ago we did a little grunting masterclass? 01:03:55.678 --> 01:03:56.559 Yes, a couple of weeks, yeah. 01:03:56.699 --> 01:04:07.187 Yeah, I was harnessing Adam's skills as a screen actor to just take you listeners through some of the grunting skills that are required for performances in action films. 01:04:07.307 --> 01:04:09.829 That's good man, what was that? 01:04:10.709 --> 01:04:38.182 uh... that was lifting a manhole cover with a body lying across it yes very good very good important part of any actors repertoire to be able to grant for big screen movies but i'm i've always been fascinated by uh... the archers the radio four drama series are you a listener uh... i listen every now and then i'm more often i'm in a room when other people are listening or i catch the beginning and switch it off uh... but i do love the archers 01:04:39.122 --> 01:04:46.805 And it's occurred to me that there's a special skill required for acting in The Archers, similar to the skill of grunting for action films. 01:04:47.105 --> 01:04:52.408 In The Archers, it seems to me, moaning and sighing is very important. 01:04:52.428 --> 01:04:53.028 That's good. 01:04:55.179 --> 01:05:10.164 It seems to me when I listen to the archers on Radio 4 that they're constantly coming into a Roman sighing, making tea, and then sighing again, and then that's the end of the scene. 01:05:10.304 --> 01:05:12.925 That's the default tone of the archers. 01:05:13.045 --> 01:05:13.765 I think so. 01:05:13.825 --> 01:05:14.725 It's sort of ennui. 01:05:15.045 --> 01:05:19.787 It's something that permeates Radio 4 drama as a whole, is sort of abject sighing. 01:05:20.727 --> 01:05:22.249 It's a good way of emoting on the radio. 01:05:22.269 --> 01:05:39.402 Yeah, well it's important, you know, it's obviously you can't, there's nothing to look at, no face to express, so you've got to use the voice as a, I mean you know this Adam already as an experienced actor, you've got to use the voice as a tool in radio very particularly, but I don't know, maybe sometimes it gets a little bit much on the archers. 01:05:39.902 --> 01:05:41.343 There's a little bit too much sign. 01:05:41.363 --> 01:05:42.704 I wondered what would happen. 01:05:42.744 --> 01:05:50.688 For instance, if I took an episode of The Archers and removed everything but the sign, I wondered what that would sound like. 01:05:50.748 --> 01:05:51.328 So I'd done it. 01:05:51.648 --> 01:05:52.108 You've done it. 01:05:52.148 --> 01:05:52.649 Let's have a listen. 01:05:52.669 --> 01:05:53.749 Yeah, this is what it sounds like. 01:05:59.696 --> 01:05:59.956 Thanks. 01:06:01.177 --> 01:06:01.797 Anyway. 01:06:03.258 --> 01:06:03.398 Tom! 01:06:03.418 --> 01:06:04.259 I'm dead. 01:06:05.079 --> 01:06:05.900 Ready? 01:06:26.152 --> 01:06:28.613 Now you see it's not bad, is it? 01:06:28.913 --> 01:06:29.833 No, it sounds good, man. 01:06:29.853 --> 01:06:31.773 Because you've got ups and downs, peaks and troughs in there. 01:06:31.793 --> 01:06:32.553 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 01:06:32.673 --> 01:06:34.434 I mean, it starts off quite fruity there. 01:06:34.934 --> 01:06:38.735 Well, it sounds like quite a dirty evening in Cambridge, doesn't it? 01:06:38.755 --> 01:06:39.635 Cambridge, what's it called? 01:06:39.655 --> 01:06:40.275 Cambridge, right? 01:06:40.295 --> 01:06:40.455 Yeah. 01:06:40.955 --> 01:06:41.455 Cambridge. 01:06:42.055 --> 01:06:42.855 It's like Cambridge. 01:06:42.895 --> 01:06:43.656 Yeah, Cambridge. 01:06:44.596 --> 01:06:45.636 Yeah, no, that was nice. 01:06:45.716 --> 01:06:50.317 It starts off very, very saucy and then gets a little bit tiring and then 01:06:50.939 --> 01:06:52.380 Yeah, and then, ah, Tom. 01:06:52.440 --> 01:06:52.980 Annoying. 01:06:54.380 --> 01:06:55.741 Yeah, and then it sort of kicks off again. 01:06:55.961 --> 01:06:56.321 Yeah. 01:06:57.421 --> 01:06:59.062 But are you good at sighing there? 01:06:59.102 --> 01:07:00.282 Could you do that sort of sighing? 01:07:01.963 --> 01:07:10.326 What if just come in the door and say, you've come home from a busy day's work and you're just calling into the house to see if anyone else is there? 01:07:10.626 --> 01:07:10.666 Go. 01:07:13.217 --> 01:07:13.577 Hello! 01:07:13.597 --> 01:07:15.478 That's good you see. 01:07:15.859 --> 01:07:28.466 What about if the inspector has come to inspect the drainage systems on the farm and he's laid down a lot of new EU rules on how you're going to have to put the drainage down and you're telling your husband about all the new EU rules? 01:07:30.447 --> 01:07:33.209 Well there's a lot of new EU rules about the drainage. 01:07:35.257 --> 01:07:36.338 That's good. 01:07:36.378 --> 01:07:37.759 You really, you really did that one. 01:07:38.040 --> 01:07:40.022 I mean, I exhaled as much as I could. 01:07:40.122 --> 01:07:48.710 What about just, you've had a hard day and you've just had a sip of tea and you've put the tea cup down and this is a side that just expresses all the ennui in your life, you know. 01:07:49.510 --> 01:07:52.333 Okay, putting that, I'm gonna sip the tea first, right? 01:07:52.373 --> 01:07:53.834 Just to warn you, there'll be a sound effect for that. 01:08:03.398 --> 01:08:04.780 No, no, that was terrible. 01:08:04.800 --> 01:08:05.181 Too much. 01:08:05.301 --> 01:08:07.964 Yeah, that sounded like a horse doing a poo. 01:08:07.984 --> 01:08:10.386 You said everything, you said put everything in there. 01:08:10.507 --> 01:08:15.212 Yeah, but it came out as an incontinent foal, horse, stallion. 01:08:21.266 --> 01:08:24.708 I don't think anyone in Aimbridge would sip tea like that. 01:08:25.048 --> 01:08:25.928 Well, I'm doing it. 01:08:26.288 --> 01:08:27.409 I'm exaggerating. 01:08:28.009 --> 01:08:30.430 You're not a very good supportive director, I must say. 01:08:30.450 --> 01:08:33.311 Man, I can see you in one of the underworld films, yes. 01:08:33.852 --> 01:08:35.092 But not in the archers. 01:08:35.512 --> 01:08:36.233 You're too big. 01:08:36.633 --> 01:08:37.333 Too big? 01:08:37.413 --> 01:08:39.714 I think we need an actor or an actress from the archers. 01:08:39.754 --> 01:08:40.174 I can do subtle. 01:08:40.194 --> 01:08:41.475 I can teach you about sign. 01:08:46.017 --> 01:08:46.817 That's good, you see. 01:08:47.018 --> 01:08:47.918 That's better, isn't it? 01:08:48.238 --> 01:08:49.959 I mean, the drinking was still too much, but... Yeah. 01:08:50.618 --> 01:08:51.339 Anyway, there we go. 01:08:51.379 --> 01:08:55.423 That was a little glimpse into the secret world of the archers for you listeners. 01:08:55.543 --> 01:08:56.103 Music time? 01:08:56.143 --> 01:08:57.344 What about some joy division? 01:08:57.805 --> 01:08:58.926 This is Love Will Tear Us Apart. 01:09:53.112 --> 01:10:06.231 You'll never turn apart again Why is it that you're so broke? 01:10:06.312 --> 01:10:08.495 Turn away at night 01:10:34.163 --> 01:10:34.264 Oh 01:11:31.144 --> 01:11:45.341 One more time again One more time again One more time again 01:12:11.038 --> 01:12:17.526 We were talking the other day about songs that you kind of customise so that you can sing them as part of your everyday routine. 01:12:17.546 --> 01:12:24.073 This all started with someone saying that they sung, lock the taskbar, lock the taskbar. 01:12:24.394 --> 01:12:30.181 Only somebody emailed us in annoyed that we said it in a kind of posh voice and elongated the A. 01:12:30.621 --> 01:12:31.021 Oh, yeah. 01:12:31.061 --> 01:12:32.722 Because of course, it could be taskbar. 01:12:32.862 --> 01:12:34.302 Yeah, lock the taskbar. 01:12:34.422 --> 01:12:36.142 If you're from a different area of Britain. 01:12:37.103 --> 01:12:40.503 Well, that's how I'm quite angry in a in a class orientated way. 01:12:40.663 --> 01:12:40.943 Really? 01:12:41.144 --> 01:12:41.784 By email. 01:12:41.804 --> 01:12:42.044 Yeah. 01:12:42.184 --> 01:12:43.064 People do that, don't they? 01:12:43.084 --> 01:12:45.845 Said we were too posh to execute that joke properly. 01:12:46.125 --> 01:12:46.965 Tough luck, buster. 01:12:47.065 --> 01:12:47.325 Yeah. 01:12:47.485 --> 01:12:48.225 Socialist worker. 01:12:48.345 --> 01:12:49.666 Yeah. 01:12:50.086 --> 01:12:51.386 Well, we've got a couple more here. 01:12:51.546 --> 01:12:52.446 Some good ones have come in. 01:12:52.506 --> 01:13:00.028 Actually, this one is from Steve, aka Stephen, exclamation Mark Curran, the man at the very epicentre of the Stephen phenomenon. 01:13:00.168 --> 01:13:03.112 He's one of the founding stones of the show. 01:13:03.152 --> 01:13:05.915 He is the Rosetta Stone of this programme. 01:13:06.776 --> 01:13:15.386 Steve Curran says, when my flatmate and I are drinking red wine, we sometimes open the bottle a little beforehand to let it breathe. 01:13:15.486 --> 01:13:16.868 It improves the taste, of course. 01:13:17.288 --> 01:13:18.610 When we do this, we like to sing, 01:13:19.631 --> 01:13:24.917 Let it breathe, let it breathe, let it breathe, let it breathe. 01:13:25.098 --> 01:13:26.779 To the tune of Let It Be by The Beakers. 01:13:26.819 --> 01:13:27.340 That's good. 01:13:27.360 --> 01:13:27.580 Yeah? 01:13:27.941 --> 01:13:29.583 That's a posh one as well, I like that one. 01:13:30.063 --> 01:13:30.744 Let it breathe. 01:13:30.764 --> 01:13:32.506 They can hold hands and sing that one as well. 01:13:32.526 --> 01:13:33.747 Yeah, everyone could sing in unison. 01:13:34.588 --> 01:13:36.090 Well, that is so bourgeois, isn't it? 01:13:36.130 --> 01:13:39.274 While they're waiting for their wine to breathe a little bit, I love that. 01:13:39.894 --> 01:13:41.375 Here's one from Graham. 01:13:41.715 --> 01:13:46.917 He says I used to have a pair of blue boxes with pictures of wolves on them given to me by my mum. 01:13:47.317 --> 01:13:48.858 Mum gives the best pants, don't they? 01:13:48.938 --> 01:13:49.678 I love his mum. 01:13:49.878 --> 01:13:51.999 I mean, they always give good pants. 01:13:52.119 --> 01:13:54.159 Mums have just got a really good sense of pants. 01:13:54.280 --> 01:13:54.560 They really do. 01:13:54.580 --> 01:13:55.300 They're born with it. 01:13:55.660 --> 01:13:56.961 Yeah, it's true, isn't it? 01:13:57.001 --> 01:13:57.342 Yeah. 01:13:57.682 --> 01:13:59.323 Mums and p- they know their pants. 01:13:59.663 --> 01:14:00.084 A woman? 01:14:00.865 --> 01:14:04.067 Which I became very attached to, my wolf pants, says Graham. 01:14:04.588 --> 01:14:08.751 When donning them over the morning, I used to sing to the tune of Mr. Sandman. 01:14:08.771 --> 01:14:09.332 Mr. Wolf Pants? 01:14:11.073 --> 01:14:12.094 Show me your pants. 01:14:12.214 --> 01:14:13.155 Bong, bong, bong, bong. 01:14:13.195 --> 01:14:15.917 Make them a nice pair of blue shiny scants. 01:14:20.480 --> 01:14:22.382 Yeah, not sure what to say. 01:14:22.482 --> 01:14:22.822 Nothing. 01:14:23.182 --> 01:14:24.283 Mr. Wolfpens. 01:14:25.004 --> 01:14:26.445 Oh, show me your pants. 01:14:26.545 --> 01:14:27.466 Bong, bong, bong, bong. 01:14:28.647 --> 01:14:29.908 Mr Wolf Pants. 01:14:29.928 --> 01:14:30.769 That's good Graham. 01:14:30.969 --> 01:14:36.756 He says it used to amuse me no end and may actually have led to the early demise of some of my relationships. 01:14:37.076 --> 01:14:38.818 Worth it though I think and I miss them dearly. 01:14:39.519 --> 01:14:42.222 Is sad when a favourite pair of pants is no longer usable. 01:14:43.243 --> 01:14:54.611 Do you think he sung that when he was with a lady and maybe they were reaching an intimate moment in their relationship and he was dropping his drawbridges and the wolf pants? 01:14:54.631 --> 01:14:56.152 Do you think he would sing that at that moment? 01:14:56.492 --> 01:14:57.773 A Mr. Wolf Pants? 01:14:58.454 --> 01:15:01.216 Would that get a lady going? 01:15:02.122 --> 01:15:03.743 Would things continue as planned? 01:15:03.823 --> 01:15:05.624 You don't see that in many films, do you? 01:15:05.845 --> 01:15:06.505 Imagine though. 01:15:11.789 --> 01:15:16.292 Show me your pants. 01:15:16.532 --> 01:15:19.834 Make them a nice pair of blue shiny scans. 01:15:20.255 --> 01:15:22.816 Please turn on your magic beam. 01:15:22.836 --> 01:15:24.678 I just finished that bit for him. 01:15:28.480 --> 01:15:30.781 Um, I think that's, that would be a sexy scene in a film. 01:15:31.021 --> 01:15:37.724 Can you imagine though, if you met a girl and without prompting, she sang to you that song, you know? 01:15:37.924 --> 01:15:41.445 So you drop your trousers and she sees your wolf pants for the first time. 01:15:41.805 --> 01:15:44.126 And she just starts spontaneously singing. 01:15:44.707 --> 01:15:45.767 Mr. Wolf pants. 01:15:47.488 --> 01:15:49.428 A slightly sexy, breathy voice. 01:15:51.249 --> 01:15:52.470 She's really excited. 01:15:56.892 --> 01:15:58.133 That's far fetched, man. 01:15:58.153 --> 01:15:59.214 That's really far fetched. 01:15:59.254 --> 01:16:01.116 Yeah, but you would know that you found the one. 01:16:01.176 --> 01:16:06.160 Yeah, if that happened, you should just live on a desert island on your own, the two of you, forever. 01:16:06.240 --> 01:16:09.203 Your wolf pats would just explode off you with excitement at that point. 01:16:09.223 --> 01:16:09.463 Yeah. 01:16:26.513 --> 01:16:38.905 Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back She hid around corners and she hid under 01:16:47.521 --> 01:17:14.957 And from it she fled With every bubble she sank with a drink And washed it away down the kitchen sink The dog days are over The dog days are done The horses are coming so you better 01:18:00.666 --> 01:18:02.169 I'm so sorry. 01:19:00.746 --> 01:19:00.896 and f- 01:19:51.647 --> 01:20:15.942 Here's the bells for the jingles Who need the jingle bells I am Michael Caine He's walking there I'm afraid I don't know I see the thousand jumping from the windows This panic and I hear somebody 01:20:26.986 --> 01:20:37.860 I'm trying very hard to keep my fingers clean I can't remember tell me what's his name My name is Michael Caine 01:20:41.937 --> 01:21:07.617 And all I wanted was a word Of all to grant to keep And all I wanted was a word Of all to grant to keep This sound is laughing, it's another broken morning I see your shadow and call out to try and warn him He didn't seem to hear, just turn away 01:21:12.475 --> 01:21:18.259 Quiet, no fellow follows, points his finger straight at you. 01:21:19.620 --> 01:21:26.305 You have to say everybody sits right, yes, throw it all away. 01:21:45.447 --> 01:22:10.458 And all I wanted was a word Of all to grant to keep And all I wanted was a word Of all to grant to keep His face I remember him once, round and round and so There is no place we can't ever call his own This seems to jump at the sound of the phone 01:22:14.099 --> 01:22:41.834 Staring at the window, there's nothing we can ever do All he wanted was to remember You said you could remember his own name My name is Michael King And all I wanted was a word A phone to grab to hear And all I wanted was a word A phone to grab to hear 01:22:44.565 --> 01:23:04.457 And all I wanted was a word I fought to grab And all I wanted was a word I fought to grab to keep And all I wanted was a word I fought to grab 01:23:19.964 --> 01:23:27.110 Now, we had a few messages from people who had heard my voice on the Philippe Stark sort of, what would you call it? 01:23:27.310 --> 01:23:28.812 It's not really a documentary, is it? 01:23:28.952 --> 01:23:30.733 No, I don't think it is a documentary. 01:23:30.813 --> 01:23:33.255 It's one of those kind of eliminations, reality series. 01:23:33.315 --> 01:23:36.298 It's like a reality elimination thing, a little bit like the apprentice. 01:23:36.418 --> 01:23:39.601 It's a design apprentice, the apprentice for contemporary design. 01:23:39.781 --> 01:23:42.243 And it's on BBC, is it on Tuesday evenings? 01:23:42.643 --> 01:23:43.143 I don't know. 01:23:43.163 --> 01:23:43.964 Sometime around. 01:23:44.204 --> 01:23:45.705 It's a prime time proposition, though. 01:23:45.745 --> 01:23:47.145 It's like a nine o'clock thing. 01:23:47.226 --> 01:23:50.748 And he's a ridiculous over-the-top French design figure. 01:23:50.788 --> 01:23:52.649 He's also quite brilliant in the industry. 01:23:52.689 --> 01:23:53.689 You reckon he's brilliant, do you? 01:23:53.930 --> 01:23:58.993 Well, he's very, yeah, he is, because he's completely distinct and you can tell a Philip Stark thing. 01:23:59.033 --> 01:23:59.413 Can you? 01:23:59.913 --> 01:24:01.274 What's his most famous design? 01:24:01.694 --> 01:24:04.096 The Philip Stark golf ball, of course. 01:24:04.836 --> 01:24:05.597 Is that true? 01:24:05.657 --> 01:24:07.278 Yes, it is the triangle. 01:24:09.899 --> 01:24:16.104 Well, someone suggested the other day that I replace or fool around with the VO, because I do the voice-over, right? 01:24:16.124 --> 01:24:22.910 You do the voice-over, yeah, and it is disconcerting for... I mean, I sat down and watched it the first week it was on, and I realized it had your voice in it. 01:24:22.930 --> 01:24:24.731 I tried to do a serious one as well. 01:24:25.072 --> 01:24:29.455 Yeah, but it's hard not for it to be a bit funny, even when you try and do your serious voice. 01:24:29.475 --> 01:24:30.896 I was directed to be serious. 01:24:30.916 --> 01:24:31.717 Yeah, directed. 01:24:33.078 --> 01:24:45.167 But it's odd, and especially when we know that you do quite an outrageously peculiar French accent yourself, it does not sound dissimilar to Starks' outrageously peculiar French accent. 01:24:45.248 --> 01:24:50.351 Well, with that in mind, I've slightly retooled the first minute or so of the programme. 01:24:50.492 --> 01:24:50.872 Good one. 01:24:53.533 --> 01:24:59.116 World-renowned designer Philippe Starck has set out to find Britain's best young creative talent. 01:24:59.476 --> 01:25:11.542 Great design is all about the unexpected idea, like a bed made out of glass or a glass made out of glass and a bed. 01:25:11.663 --> 01:25:17.726 From hundreds of online applicants, he chose 12 to join his school of design in Paris. 01:25:17.786 --> 01:25:20.187 Bonjour, les ugly, pouvou la la. 01:25:20.387 --> 01:25:24.269 Now he's putting them through their paces to find the best of the best. 01:25:24.329 --> 01:25:25.389 I use the best of the best. 01:25:25.449 --> 01:25:25.809 Yes. 01:25:26.050 --> 01:25:26.630 OK, you stay. 01:25:26.830 --> 01:25:27.470 Thank you. 01:25:27.810 --> 01:25:31.492 One up-and-coming designer who's worthy of a place at his own agency. 01:25:31.692 --> 01:25:32.632 I am crazy. 01:25:32.812 --> 01:25:35.274 OK, I say what I think, because I'm a genius. 01:25:35.534 --> 01:25:36.294 Look at my nipples. 01:25:36.354 --> 01:25:36.714 Woo-hoo. 01:25:37.134 --> 01:25:40.376 So far, he has challenged them to rethink everything they know. 01:25:40.536 --> 01:25:42.537 OK, you know, mugs? 01:25:43.057 --> 01:25:43.477 Mugs? 01:25:43.877 --> 01:25:46.158 OK, for drinking the coffee, the tea? 01:25:46.719 --> 01:25:49.640 Rethink instead used a smashed hat of a tramp. 01:25:50.160 --> 01:25:53.103 He has praised their high moments, and slammed their low ones. 01:25:53.203 --> 01:25:55.485 And when students fail to meet his exacting standards, 01:26:06.855 --> 01:26:09.557 A return journey through the channel tunnel beckons. 01:26:09.838 --> 01:26:17.004 I want you to go out through the channel tunnel now like a big fart because that's what you are to me, a massive great fart of a person. 01:26:17.064 --> 01:26:21.467 Go, go away, get out of my sight, out of it now and take your lonely chair with you. 01:26:21.988 --> 01:26:22.989 That's a better program. 01:26:23.429 --> 01:26:24.029 Yeah, come on. 01:26:24.049 --> 01:26:25.050 It's a much better program. 01:26:25.511 --> 01:26:29.154 You know what I'd also like to hear is, is the voiceover done in that voice as well? 01:26:30.657 --> 01:26:31.457 One of the whole things. 01:26:31.737 --> 01:26:32.597 Waterfalls. 01:26:32.637 --> 01:26:33.558 Just insane. 01:26:34.638 --> 01:26:35.498 Frenchorama. 01:26:35.558 --> 01:26:38.219 And have instead of British students insane French students as well. 01:26:38.239 --> 01:26:38.319 Yeah. 01:26:38.339 --> 01:26:38.959 That was excellent. 01:26:39.059 --> 01:26:39.279 Thanks. 01:26:39.359 --> 01:26:40.099 Thanks for doing that. 01:26:40.159 --> 01:26:41.500 We need some music to recover now. 01:26:59.475 --> 01:27:07.750 I tried to, now I'm running out of lives It's the clear view when all your eyes get paid 01:27:36.536 --> 01:27:57.209 All the contradictions get me everything I want I'll let you know but I think it's gonna take a while It's a clear view, no one's waiting at the door A million letters, they couldn't make me change my mind 01:28:11.713 --> 01:28:29.873 Falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling, falling Now you want it to be sitting by the waterfront I should be drifting far enough to reach the shore 01:28:34.491 --> 01:28:39.093 I know that I could live without it I think I'd better run, run, run, run 01:29:02.176 --> 01:29:17.971 You just gotta play the game, you gotta do it I think you better run, run Outside there's a box car waiting Outside the fan, let's do it 01:29:29.454 --> 01:29:39.101 I know the dirt it hangs Out by the box caught with him Take me way to nowhere to lay 01:30:16.984 --> 01:30:28.452 Big shake on the box coming Big shake to the land that's falling down It's a wind makes a pond stop blowing A big, big shake 01:31:24.431 --> 01:31:24.732 Wait 01:32:24.402 --> 01:32:26.935 Adam and Joe on 6 Music. 01:33:07.842 --> 01:33:15.611 Nothing for me Looking for the right trace You know you're wasting your time 01:33:20.111 --> 01:33:45.938 You're no friend of mine You plan your conversation To press the college bar Just talking about your mother And that is jack you all When you're political teacher And sacred college scum You spent on the world situation But just for a long time 01:33:52.201 --> 01:33:53.555 You know you're wasting your time 01:34:32.123 --> 01:34:35.044 Are you wasting your time? 01:34:35.184 --> 01:34:49.692 Working for the matrix You know that I'm mine Just working at your leisure To learn the things you don't need The promises you make tomorrow 01:34:57.466 --> 01:34:58.387 You know you 01:35:26.604 --> 01:35:28.425 That was the specials with Rat Race. 01:35:28.465 --> 01:35:29.306 Very nice to hear that. 01:35:29.326 --> 01:35:32.228 Don't know if you saw the specials playing on Jules Holland the other day, Joe. 01:35:32.308 --> 01:35:32.908 I did, yes. 01:35:33.889 --> 01:35:35.630 I mean, they performed very well. 01:35:35.650 --> 01:35:36.810 They're still sounding fantastic. 01:35:36.830 --> 01:35:40.373 But Terry Hall didn't look as if he wanted to be there in the sly test. 01:35:40.673 --> 01:35:42.074 Or do you think that that's just his shtick? 01:35:42.794 --> 01:35:46.596 I think he's always, you know, he's never been a sort of enthusiastic performer. 01:35:46.616 --> 01:35:49.858 That's part of his skill and his mood, isn't it? 01:35:50.038 --> 01:35:53.120 Right, he's got a kind of lugubrious demeanor. 01:35:53.140 --> 01:35:59.883 Yeah, that was always the sort of duality, if I may be so pretentious of their music, wasn't it? 01:35:59.903 --> 01:36:00.764 It's getting me hot. 01:36:01.084 --> 01:36:04.606 You know, they sung about slightly depressing things. 01:36:05.206 --> 01:36:07.587 But in a sort of cheerful, scar-y way. 01:36:07.607 --> 01:36:08.607 Upbeat way, yeah. 01:36:08.687 --> 01:36:11.468 But then with sort of gloomy, moody bass lines and stuff. 01:36:11.928 --> 01:36:15.189 I wanted to reach in and give him a little tickle and a hug. 01:36:16.029 --> 01:36:16.909 How would he have responded? 01:36:17.749 --> 01:36:18.189 I slack me away. 01:36:18.229 --> 01:36:18.609 I don't know. 01:36:18.649 --> 01:36:19.230 It's hard to tell. 01:36:19.250 --> 01:36:20.110 I think he would have liked it. 01:36:20.150 --> 01:36:22.510 I've met him once and he was very nice indeed. 01:36:22.691 --> 01:36:24.111 Well, there's no question that he's a nice fella. 01:36:24.631 --> 01:36:28.012 But as far as your performing persona goes, you know what I mean? 01:36:28.652 --> 01:36:29.152 But it's good. 01:36:29.172 --> 01:36:31.855 There's room for all kinds of moods, shades, colours. 01:36:32.155 --> 01:36:32.615 Who is there? 01:36:32.715 --> 01:36:33.296 You know, yeah. 01:36:33.836 --> 01:36:34.597 On the spectrum. 01:36:34.997 --> 01:36:35.858 On the pop spectrum. 01:36:35.978 --> 01:36:37.339 Yeah, absolutely true. 01:36:37.439 --> 01:36:40.081 Anyway, I was very happy to see them back again. 01:36:40.521 --> 01:36:41.262 They sounded great. 01:36:42.343 --> 01:36:45.686 And I tell you what I worry about on later... What do you worry about? 01:36:45.806 --> 01:36:47.647 ...is Jules' presentational style. 01:36:47.667 --> 01:36:48.968 It's for characters. 01:36:49.008 --> 01:36:50.429 Oh, I'm about to say... 01:36:53.277 --> 01:36:54.638 It's becoming incomprehensible. 01:36:54.758 --> 01:36:55.858 It's a brilliant band. 01:36:56.078 --> 01:37:00.040 It's a fantastic noise. 01:37:00.700 --> 01:37:01.321 That's all right. 01:37:01.461 --> 01:37:03.742 All the key facts are there, the salient points. 01:37:04.962 --> 01:37:07.123 Brilliant band, exciting Jack Pinatae. 01:37:07.423 --> 01:37:08.884 He just seemed a bit drunk on that one. 01:37:09.484 --> 01:37:10.645 He gets a little bit drunk. 01:37:10.745 --> 01:37:11.685 No, he's too professional. 01:37:11.705 --> 01:37:12.546 No, he's too professional. 01:37:13.346 --> 01:37:14.527 He's just, that's his thing, man. 01:37:14.547 --> 01:37:15.288 He's not drunk. 01:37:15.608 --> 01:37:17.049 Yeah, definitely. 01:37:17.109 --> 01:37:17.790 He's definitely not drunk. 01:37:17.810 --> 01:37:20.432 He might have a little flute of champagne at the Hootenanny. 01:37:20.793 --> 01:37:20.993 Yeah. 01:37:21.113 --> 01:37:22.154 But the rest of the time, definitely. 01:37:22.174 --> 01:37:23.495 I think every day's a Hootenanny. 01:37:23.875 --> 01:37:25.297 For Jules. 01:37:25.597 --> 01:37:26.197 Wake up. 01:37:26.277 --> 01:37:27.939 It's a rare 24-7 Hootenanny. 01:37:27.979 --> 01:37:29.200 Bit of boogie woogie. 01:37:29.220 --> 01:37:29.861 Hootenanny. 01:37:32.042 --> 01:37:33.404 Again, alright. 01:37:33.804 --> 01:37:35.585 Ladies and gentlemen, 01:37:36.807 --> 01:37:39.371 We're gonna have some breakfast, this is the British Wonderful Baking Eggs. 01:37:40.192 --> 01:37:42.515 This is the cookie, over here's the cooker. 01:37:42.535 --> 01:37:45.039 It's brilliant, it's over here, you also have the toaster. 01:37:45.059 --> 01:37:48.885 As you know, it is based on the garden, these wonderful flowers from the garden. 01:37:50.765 --> 01:37:51.925 That's him in his kitchen. 01:37:52.025 --> 01:37:52.325 Yeah. 01:37:53.366 --> 01:37:54.266 I want to be there. 01:37:54.586 --> 01:37:55.166 This is my wife. 01:37:55.186 --> 01:37:56.207 This is my wife. 01:37:56.247 --> 01:37:57.647 My children's getting in the car. 01:37:57.667 --> 01:37:59.327 I'm bringing the car round my blossom car. 01:38:05.369 --> 01:38:06.729 I love it in Jules's world. 01:38:06.849 --> 01:38:07.410 It's brilliant. 01:38:07.470 --> 01:38:09.410 That's how he conducts his daily life. 01:38:09.450 --> 01:38:09.990 Every week. 01:38:10.350 --> 01:38:12.331 We should get him to do some links for the show, shouldn't we? 01:38:12.371 --> 01:38:13.691 Yeah, he's definitely going to now, isn't he? 01:38:13.971 --> 01:38:14.472 Definitely. 01:38:17.483 --> 01:38:19.286 He's on his way, right now. 01:38:19.346 --> 01:38:20.488 In his little Fiat Punto. 01:38:21.570 --> 01:38:22.050 You know what? 01:38:22.271 --> 01:38:27.138 I think we should do the top of our and then get into Texanation after a bit more music from New Order. 01:38:27.179 --> 01:38:27.619 How about that? 01:39:26.385 --> 01:39:29.009 I miss the school lights and the kids 01:40:26.180 --> 01:40:44.071 On this occasion it's not true Look at me, I love you I would like a place I could call my phone Have a conversation on the telephone 01:40:56.072 --> 01:40:57.907 all the time 01:41:50.111 --> 01:41:58.777 Just wait until tomorrow I guess that's what they wanna say Just be free 01:42:26.747 --> 01:42:35.794 I went on holiday to Spain and me and my lady partner, we booked a couple of nights in a very posh spa hotel. 01:42:35.894 --> 01:42:41.098 We thought we'd go posh at the beginning and then go a bit cheaper for the main body of the holiday. 01:42:41.118 --> 01:42:41.738 That's strange. 01:42:41.778 --> 01:42:42.899 I would do it the other way around. 01:42:42.999 --> 01:42:46.702 Well, we ended up spending the whole holiday in the spa. 01:42:46.822 --> 01:42:48.463 Yeah, because we didn't like the other place. 01:42:49.383 --> 01:42:52.684 Anyway, so when we first got there, we decided to book ourselves some treatment. 01:42:52.704 --> 01:42:54.005 Have you ever had that kind of thing? 01:42:54.045 --> 01:42:54.525 Yes, I have. 01:42:54.605 --> 01:42:56.925 Have you been to a spa and had a treatment? 01:42:57.226 --> 01:42:58.406 Yes, on my honeymoon. 01:42:58.466 --> 01:42:59.626 Have you had a massage? 01:42:59.766 --> 01:43:02.027 Yeah, and it really takes it out of thing. 01:43:02.067 --> 01:43:03.527 Have you had an elaborate massage? 01:43:03.567 --> 01:43:04.648 Certainly I have. 01:43:04.908 --> 01:43:09.529 Like, you know, exotic orange aromas of the Himalayas. 01:43:09.589 --> 01:43:10.329 Have the whole thing. 01:43:10.389 --> 01:43:12.010 I mean, it was everything but sensual. 01:43:12.130 --> 01:43:12.791 you know what I'm saying? 01:43:32.688 --> 01:43:34.009 avoidable sexy free song. 01:43:52.318 --> 01:43:55.741 Was your lady partner having the massage at the same time in the same room? 01:43:55.761 --> 01:43:57.903 She had hers before, but in a different room, right? 01:43:58.003 --> 01:43:58.724 In the same room. 01:43:58.764 --> 01:43:59.785 In the same room, but you weren't there. 01:43:59.805 --> 01:44:00.686 There was only one massage. 01:44:00.726 --> 01:44:02.267 It's very boutique, this place, Adam. 01:44:02.728 --> 01:44:03.709 It's one massage room. 01:44:03.809 --> 01:44:05.310 It was cleaned between massages. 01:44:06.051 --> 01:44:08.593 Anyway, I thought after this massage, I'm going to be so relaxed, I'll be unable to walk. 01:44:09.454 --> 01:44:13.918 But weirdly, the massage made me very tense for the following reasons. 01:44:14.779 --> 01:44:22.145 Reason one was the erotic nature of the massage, and I knew I was going to expose my naked body to this woman. 01:44:22.285 --> 01:44:23.146 Oh, totally naked. 01:44:23.206 --> 01:44:28.870 Well, it wasn't naked, but so I go into this little room, and the following sort of music is playing in the background. 01:44:28.890 --> 01:44:35.015 This isn't the real music, but I've attempted to recreate the sort of music in the massage room. 01:44:35.315 --> 01:44:36.236 Nice and new-agey. 01:44:36.396 --> 01:44:36.716 Thank you. 01:44:36.756 --> 01:44:39.238 Can you hear the Amazonian... Sure the birds. 01:44:40.179 --> 01:44:41.120 Oh, this chanting. 01:44:43.655 --> 01:44:44.696 Yeah, that was what was going on. 01:44:44.716 --> 01:44:45.897 Was that you chanting there? 01:44:45.937 --> 01:44:48.880 Well, that's me, but I'm just trying to capture the act like this. 01:44:48.900 --> 01:44:50.061 I love music. 01:44:50.122 --> 01:44:50.842 I genuinely do. 01:44:51.783 --> 01:44:52.824 So I go into this room. 01:44:52.864 --> 01:44:58.109 This music's playing this very lovely woman with black curly hair, all wearing sort of floppy black clothing. 01:44:58.690 --> 01:44:59.651 She's got limited English. 01:44:59.671 --> 01:45:00.572 She says, hello, sit. 01:45:01.613 --> 01:45:02.514 Please take off clothes. 01:45:03.486 --> 01:45:06.309 I go, okay, so I take off my clothes modestly, and she exits for that. 01:45:06.329 --> 01:45:07.150 Not all clothes! 01:45:07.410 --> 01:45:10.153 But she leaves me a tiny, tiny plastic bag. 01:45:10.894 --> 01:45:13.056 Very small, what one might call a dime bag. 01:45:13.416 --> 01:45:13.636 Right. 01:45:13.917 --> 01:45:15.758 With some sort of article of clothing in it. 01:45:16.119 --> 01:45:22.725 So she leaves the room, I unwrap the article of clothing, and it's the smallest little paper thong you've ever set your eyes upon. 01:45:22.885 --> 01:45:23.646 A thong! 01:45:23.926 --> 01:45:40.897 so I slip on this tiny thong completely naked now with a little piece of string going between my butox and a tiny little bag for my bits and bobbins at the front and I put this thing on and I feel very exposed I think I can't the woman can't come back into the room and see me like this 01:45:41.437 --> 01:45:42.939 So I wrap a towel around myself. 01:45:43.019 --> 01:45:44.241 She comes back in. 01:45:44.301 --> 01:45:45.843 She says, take off the towel. 01:45:46.323 --> 01:45:47.145 I take off the towel. 01:45:47.625 --> 01:45:49.307 Reveal my tiny little man packet. 01:45:49.848 --> 01:45:51.690 That's not in a state of interest. 01:45:51.911 --> 01:45:53.873 You might have to loop the massage music chains. 01:45:54.574 --> 01:45:56.477 So I'm feeling a bit compromised because of that. 01:45:56.497 --> 01:45:57.498 She starts giggling. 01:45:58.239 --> 01:45:59.340 She's repressed to smile. 01:45:59.941 --> 01:46:06.385 And I lay on the bed and my massage involved being covered in oils and then rubbed with salt. 01:46:07.205 --> 01:46:09.767 And then, yeah, it was like a chicken being prepared. 01:46:09.807 --> 01:46:10.147 Wow. 01:46:10.267 --> 01:46:12.429 And then she put some sort of herbal sauce on me. 01:46:12.449 --> 01:46:13.089 Coriander. 01:46:13.149 --> 01:46:15.330 And she was being very invasive. 01:46:15.631 --> 01:46:20.914 Well, not that, she'd been very un-invasive with the thumbs, but they did get very, very close to certain areas. 01:46:20.934 --> 01:46:21.754 To special places. 01:46:22.195 --> 01:46:22.935 And it was oily. 01:46:23.535 --> 01:46:25.537 So if she'd slipped, that thumb would have gone right up. 01:46:26.077 --> 01:46:26.277 Yeah. 01:46:28.238 --> 01:46:30.180 I mean, it was within seconds of happening. 01:46:30.240 --> 01:46:31.882 Well, she's a professional, so she's not gonna let that happen. 01:46:31.902 --> 01:46:33.243 Does that sort of thing happen to you? 01:46:33.263 --> 01:46:33.864 Not on a regular basis. 01:46:33.884 --> 01:46:34.664 It's never, no. 01:46:35.005 --> 01:46:37.547 But it did, I mean, I know what you mean, the massage I had. 01:46:37.567 --> 01:46:38.768 I mean, it was extreme. 01:46:38.788 --> 01:46:40.990 It's an injury away from danger, at all points. 01:46:41.050 --> 01:46:42.632 But listen, how did you feel afterwards? 01:46:43.853 --> 01:46:45.934 Well, let me just get to a moment in the middle. 01:46:45.954 --> 01:46:51.659 I was lying on this bed, I was lying on a sheet of plastic covered in oil and salt and herbs. 01:46:52.019 --> 01:46:57.243 And then she wraps me up in this plastic because that's part of the, you know, treatment. 01:46:57.284 --> 01:47:00.406 She props you in the oven and she says, I leave for 10 minutes. 01:47:00.846 --> 01:47:01.807 You lie, relax. 01:47:02.348 --> 01:47:08.453 So I left, she left the room and I was lying there wrapped in plastic covered in all these things, listening to the massage music. 01:47:09.413 --> 01:47:12.536 Who's paid up the massage music for a bit to try and recreate that moment? 01:47:15.259 --> 01:47:18.260 And for about a minute I felt really relaxed. 01:47:18.600 --> 01:47:18.841 Yeah. 01:47:20.061 --> 01:47:21.802 But then I started to feel like an idiot. 01:47:22.562 --> 01:47:24.843 Like this was the stupidest thing to be doing. 01:47:25.303 --> 01:47:32.867 Lying wrapped in plastic in a tiny little room completely on my own listening to like insane... Good music, I like music. 01:47:32.887 --> 01:47:33.427 Good music. 01:47:33.527 --> 01:47:35.067 It's a good Amazonian chanting. 01:47:35.087 --> 01:47:35.508 Sure it is. 01:47:36.704 --> 01:47:37.445 That's the end of the story. 01:47:37.485 --> 01:47:45.370 She came back in, I unpeeled my plastic, I had a shower, washed it all off, and I sort of felt weirder and more tense than I did when I went in. 01:47:45.690 --> 01:47:59.579 Yeah, did you, did you, because the thing that can happen with a massage, like a really amazing massage, is that afterwards you feel totally drained, and it brings like a lot of toxins out of you, I don't know what exactly it does to you, but you feel much worse than you did before you went in, like for a day. 01:47:59.879 --> 01:48:01.520 Tell you the other things she did. 01:48:01.940 --> 01:48:04.262 She massaged my face, and I didn't know what 01:48:04.582 --> 01:48:06.103 expression to have on my face. 01:48:06.263 --> 01:48:06.723 Do you know what I mean? 01:48:06.743 --> 01:48:08.604 Because my eyes are closed and hers are open. 01:48:09.024 --> 01:48:11.065 I wanted her to think I was really relaxed. 01:48:11.605 --> 01:48:13.426 So I tried to look as relaxed as possible. 01:48:13.826 --> 01:48:17.087 Then she starts massaging my face in such a way that it opens my mouth. 01:48:20.229 --> 01:48:20.849 Like that! 01:48:21.249 --> 01:48:22.690 So I'm making silly little noises. 01:48:25.798 --> 01:48:25.998 What? 01:48:26.038 --> 01:48:27.239 He's massaging my face! 01:48:27.759 --> 01:48:32.661 Anyway, this whole very serious ritual, to me, was just like a comic assault course. 01:48:32.681 --> 01:48:37.763 That's the other thing that can happen, is you can get the giggles after Garth was telling me about when he got a massage. 01:48:38.303 --> 01:48:41.284 He just started laughing hysterically, and he couldn't stop. 01:48:41.324 --> 01:48:43.705 Like, every single touch he was just howling with laughter. 01:48:44.425 --> 01:48:49.409 and they weren't able to administer the proper massage in the end because he was incapacitated by chuckles. 01:48:49.649 --> 01:48:50.109 I got hurt. 01:48:50.149 --> 01:48:51.831 It hurt me quite badly as well. 01:48:51.911 --> 01:48:52.151 Yeah. 01:48:52.191 --> 01:48:53.892 Her thumbs were really causing me pain. 01:48:53.912 --> 01:48:55.933 I didn't want to say anything because I thought it would be unmanly. 01:48:57.214 --> 01:48:58.996 It was unmanly for you to go and get the massage in the first place. 01:48:59.016 --> 01:49:00.216 In the first place, wasn't it? 01:49:00.256 --> 01:49:00.537 Yeah, it was. 01:49:00.557 --> 01:49:02.158 It was expensive as well. 01:49:02.518 --> 01:49:02.858 I bet. 01:49:04.079 --> 01:49:07.122 That was nice, I was relaxing just hearing the story and hearing the music. 01:49:07.142 --> 01:49:07.282 Thanks. 01:49:07.302 --> 01:49:16.671 Yeah, we might put my massage music up on the blog as well, and then if you want to do an erotic massage with your partner, you will have some inauthentic Amazonian rainforest trance. 01:49:16.691 --> 01:49:17.352 Send us the video. 01:49:17.372 --> 01:49:20.175 Do you mind if I just do a little massage on you during this next song? 01:49:20.195 --> 01:49:20.575 Not at all. 01:49:20.695 --> 01:49:21.236 Passion pit. 01:49:21.256 --> 01:49:22.037 Can you do the balls? 01:49:23.118 --> 01:49:23.618 Of your feet. 01:49:24.159 --> 01:49:24.719 Yes, certainly. 01:50:16.416 --> 01:50:30.942 I wish for the same of things That turned me inside out 01:50:52.053 --> 01:51:19.025 I'm prying from my scars Nowhere to see I wish for you Feels the way I told you I'd always be with you Never have I ever been Clutching at your hand To cure you absent still But that's the kind of state I'm in 01:51:20.804 --> 01:51:23.151 Swimming in a pool of garbage 01:51:46.596 --> 01:52:03.223 I cried, I cried, you did me in the dark I felt a heart, I heard it from a cry, you got my spot And that's why I didn't want to be so princely, I wish we all could be used away 01:52:27.359 --> 01:52:44.862 What if I don't want to? 01:52:44.942 --> 01:52:46.843 But I'm using email, is that a problem? 01:52:46.883 --> 01:52:47.723 It doesn't matter, text! 01:52:50.253 --> 01:52:57.298 These are some responses to Text the Nation which is all about interviews or auditions and awful experiences you've had therein. 01:52:57.658 --> 01:52:58.979 This is from Simon in Wimbledon. 01:52:59.340 --> 01:53:01.901 I had an interview for an engineering firm last year. 01:53:02.262 --> 01:53:07.025 Partway through my phone rang but luckily it was on silent and only vibrating. 01:53:07.546 --> 01:53:14.571 I tried shifting my leg to move the phone deeper into my pocket to reduce the sound of the buzzing but in doing so answered the phone. 01:53:15.311 --> 01:53:18.853 It was my mother, and I also put it on speakerphone accidentally. 01:53:18.873 --> 01:53:19.674 What a loony! 01:53:20.094 --> 01:53:22.415 All so, all with my dexterous right thigh. 01:53:22.736 --> 01:53:23.076 Hello! 01:53:23.096 --> 01:53:24.857 Simon, are you there? 01:53:24.877 --> 01:53:25.457 It's Mummy! 01:53:26.058 --> 01:53:26.698 said the voice. 01:53:27.459 --> 01:53:31.421 Needless to say, the rejection letter I received three days later was very polite. 01:53:31.601 --> 01:53:35.262 Well, you don't want to work for a firm that's going to reject you on the basis of a mummy corp. 01:53:35.342 --> 01:53:35.682 I know. 01:53:35.762 --> 01:53:38.343 You would be hired instantly by the Adam and Jo Corp. 01:53:38.503 --> 01:53:39.083 Absolutely. 01:53:39.123 --> 01:53:40.704 Just for you still using the word mummy. 01:53:40.744 --> 01:53:41.644 You'd be right in there. 01:53:41.684 --> 01:53:42.804 Yeah, you'd be made MD. 01:53:43.544 --> 01:53:45.465 Like, that's one of our application criteria. 01:53:45.565 --> 01:53:45.925 Exactly. 01:53:46.245 --> 01:53:50.306 Do you call your parents mum and dad or mummy and daddy? 01:53:50.946 --> 01:53:52.887 And they'll get all confused and they'll think, oh, I don't know. 01:53:52.907 --> 01:53:53.867 That's the right answer. 01:53:53.927 --> 01:53:55.428 Mum and dad probably is the coolest thing. 01:53:55.828 --> 01:53:56.288 Mum and dad. 01:53:57.148 --> 01:53:58.550 Thank you very much for coming in. 01:53:58.710 --> 01:53:59.691 Get out! 01:54:00.372 --> 01:54:01.874 Here's another one from Mariel. 01:54:01.954 --> 01:54:06.138 She says, at the end of an interview which I thought had gone well, the interviewer got up to say goodbye. 01:54:06.519 --> 01:54:08.641 He stood uncomfortably close to me. 01:54:09.062 --> 01:54:11.384 So I thought, oh, he's going to kiss me. 01:54:12.406 --> 01:54:12.786 What? 01:54:13.006 --> 01:54:14.128 OK, just go with it. 01:54:14.168 --> 01:54:14.908 Don't be uptight. 01:54:14.969 --> 01:54:15.930 It's all very media. 01:54:16.811 --> 01:54:17.592 So I kissed him. 01:54:20.173 --> 01:54:24.416 Only to look down to see his outstretched hand waiting to shake mine. 01:54:24.616 --> 01:54:25.356 Do I kiss that too? 01:54:25.376 --> 01:54:27.878 It still makes me cringe three years on. 01:54:28.758 --> 01:54:29.819 Well done, Mario. 01:54:29.959 --> 01:54:33.961 Again, you would have got the job at the big British castle instantly. 01:54:33.981 --> 01:54:38.404 We've got more than you bargained for, probably. 01:54:38.424 --> 01:54:39.444 At that very interview. 01:54:39.464 --> 01:54:40.265 Hello. 01:54:40.525 --> 01:54:42.706 Hey, you're our kind of girl. 01:54:43.307 --> 01:54:46.308 Now, you're not the kind of person who causes trouble, are you? 01:54:49.110 --> 01:54:51.532 That's our rigorous interview procedure. 01:54:52.472 --> 01:54:54.854 Here's one from an anonymous texter. 01:54:54.914 --> 01:54:58.416 I'm a casting director and have had many difficult audition times. 01:54:58.877 --> 01:55:07.042 One particularly awkward audition I recall was when I was working with a very well-known director who asked an actor the typical question, so what have you done recently? 01:55:07.402 --> 01:55:10.824 To which the actor replied, no, you first. 01:55:11.305 --> 01:55:14.287 Needless to say, he didn't get the job. 01:55:14.447 --> 01:55:15.027 That's great. 01:55:16.628 --> 01:55:21.793 You might as well, if you kind of sense you're not going to get the job, you might as well... Because then you get a reputation. 01:55:21.833 --> 01:55:29.840 Because the reason these casting directors are so eccentric and difficult is they're not many of them and they're enormously powerful. 01:55:30.240 --> 01:55:38.027 There's four or five really famous casting directors in London who American studios hire to see actors, and they're megalomaniacs. 01:55:38.547 --> 01:55:41.750 I mean, I'm never going to beget an acting job now that I've said that. 01:55:41.770 --> 01:55:44.012 They've got maybe a distorted sense of power, possibly, 01:55:44.472 --> 01:55:44.752 Yeah. 01:55:44.852 --> 01:55:46.772 I'm sure some of them are very nice and lovely. 01:55:46.792 --> 01:55:47.573 Some of them are lovely. 01:55:47.593 --> 01:55:47.973 They are. 01:55:47.993 --> 01:55:48.553 They're brilliant. 01:55:48.593 --> 01:55:49.393 They're brilliant people. 01:55:49.433 --> 01:55:50.793 Well, the guy I had yesterday was amazing. 01:55:50.813 --> 01:55:51.753 He was amazing. 01:55:52.053 --> 01:55:52.894 He was nice. 01:55:52.974 --> 01:55:54.554 But no, sometimes they're brutal. 01:55:54.614 --> 01:55:56.634 I mean, you hear all sorts of stories. 01:55:56.754 --> 01:56:01.815 There's an actor friend I had the other day who was... That came out wrong. 01:56:02.155 --> 01:56:03.315 There's an actor friend I know. 01:56:03.375 --> 01:56:04.316 I didn't have them. 01:56:05.336 --> 01:56:10.077 And they were telling a story about doing an audition where the casting director was just flicking through like a copy of Heat. 01:56:10.517 --> 01:56:10.877 Really? 01:56:10.937 --> 01:56:11.117 Yeah. 01:56:12.257 --> 01:56:37.427 and that's a cattle call you know that's no good here's another one from Kate who says an interviewer asked me when you were a child what did you want to be when you grew up i truthfully answered a fairy she looked appalled so i hastily corrected well queen of the fairies she looked so shocked that i started giggling and couldn't stop i didn't get the job an executive fairy 01:56:40.246 --> 01:56:45.230 in charge of a large department of a fairy task force. 01:56:45.670 --> 01:56:46.751 Here's one from Tamzin. 01:56:47.031 --> 01:56:48.352 Aggregating fairy power. 01:56:48.633 --> 01:56:56.699 I had a fit of giggles in my first job interview many years ago, when the interviewer asked me if I saw myself having a quote, big job in the future. 01:57:00.081 --> 01:57:00.522 Oh dear. 01:57:00.722 --> 01:57:04.425 Lindsay Norwich, who supplies her age, 31. 01:57:04.845 --> 01:57:08.147 When I was 18, I went to an interview for the role of campsite person. 01:57:09.208 --> 01:57:14.649 I was asked what my worst characteristic was, to which I replied, sometimes I get a bit angry. 01:57:14.689 --> 01:57:18.610 I've never worked on a campsite. 01:57:18.850 --> 01:57:21.751 These are very good. 01:57:22.091 --> 01:57:26.972 It's the understatement that really sells that, isn't it? 01:57:26.992 --> 01:57:35.994 The snow's coming down I'm watching it fall 01:57:39.505 --> 01:58:07.286 Baby, please come home With church bells in town There'll rain a song But a happy sound Baby, please come home They're singing deck the halls But it's not like Christmas at all 01:58:16.155 --> 01:58:32.814 Pretty lights on the tree I'm watching them shine You should be here with me here Baby, please come home 01:59:09.769 --> 01:59:36.154 But it's not like Christmas at all I remember when you were here And all the fun we had last year When there was a ride I'd hold back these tears 02:00:01.309 --> 02:00:01.436 babies.