WEBVTT

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That was the Lemonheads with If I Could Talk I Tell You.

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Doobie, doobie very careful with your five a day.

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Make up later, make over later on.

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Make up and over later on.

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Hi.

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This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.

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Welcome to the show listeners.

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It's quite early on, quite miserable Saturday morning down here in London.

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How did you cope with the clocks going back last weekend?

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Did you remember?

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I did.

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I got up an hour early the next morning.

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Right.

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It was a bit traumatizing, but it was good.

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It was fine.

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I was in a shop on the Saturday evening and I had no clue that the clocks were going back, but I overheard a guy at the counter saying, clocks going back tonight, extra hour in bed tomorrow morning.

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So I thought, yeah, good one.

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But then I was thinking, hmm, I think he's got that wrong.

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I think the clocks go forward in the winter time, don't they?

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And you get an hour less in bed, because isn't the point to make, to shift the daylight hours later into the evening?

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I was thinking,

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I mean, my mind was all scrambled.

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Obviously, that's not the point, and I'm a moron.

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And so the next morning, I put all the clocks forward, and I forced everyone out of bed an hour early.

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Because I'm so confused.

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It is tricky, it's weird, how even after many years on the planet Earth, it's still of confusing things, isn't it?

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I was trying to imagine the daylight in my head as an area of black and white with the white daylight hours in the middle and that white band shifting forward.

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What?

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This is what was going on.

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It was a mess in my mind.

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You're like Russell Crowe in a beautiful mind.

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Totally.

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Or the guy in the soloist.

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If there was a film, lots of stuff would appear on the screen around your head.

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That's right.

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Good little with Philip Glass music playing.

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Except I've not got any discernible talent like the people in those films.

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Except it would just be a woman's bottom and the sauces roll.

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Circling slowly.

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Where would the sausage roll end up?

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It doesn't matter.

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And the thing is that I'm just totally out of sync with the universe at the moment, you know what I mean?

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I feel like every morning I wake up in the universe just because, oh god, it's that jerk.

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It's that little jerk.

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I think you're flattering yourself that the universe cares about either of us.

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It does.

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It listens to the podcast.

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Does it?

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Yeah.

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Is it Black Squadron?

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No, the universe doesn't listen live.

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It's too busy.

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But it downloads the podcast on a Monday evening.

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Cool.

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And listens to that.

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Should we stand Black Squadron to attention?

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We certainly should.

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Black Squadron are the elite listening force that listen live to this programme between 9am and 9.30.

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They're a carefully trained crack squadron of people.

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They're carefully trained squadron of ducks.

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And they live in a pond.

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Anyway, we're going to give them a command in a second.

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And it's a photo command.

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We have a kind of a race to see who can get us the best photo fastest.

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You have to text it into our text number, 64046.

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Correct.

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Calls are charged at a standard rate.

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Any photo sent may appear on the Adam and Jo blog.

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You are warned.

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But we're going to give you a command.

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We're going to try a kind of experimental command.

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Are we?

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Let's talk about it.

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We're gonna talk about it during this record.

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Oh, really?

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Yeah, then we'll do the command.

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I think so.

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We're gonna play some Biffy Clyro while we talk about it.

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I'm not sure about the name Biffy Clyro for a band.

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What's going on with it?

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Well, is it a cartoon character or something?

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Is she from a graphic novel?

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All I remember is that on one of their early albums or EPs, they had a cartoon of a lady having fun with herself, and I always thought it was a little bit too much.

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Well, they're currently on tour in the UK, so you better be careful what you say.

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I mean, they seem roughty-toughty.

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You would think with a name like Biffy Cliero, they would be a little bit pansy.

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There's a picture of them here.

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Look, the lead singer looks quite roughty-toughty.

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They do look roughty.

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The two other men look quite jaunty-taunty.

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Don't you think?

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Let's see what they sound like.

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Is that what they're called, jaunty and taunty?

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Is the lead singer called roughty?

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He is.

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Roughty-toughty.

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It's only roughty-toughty.

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And this is The Captain by Biffy Cliero.

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It's Biffy Clyro with the captain, this is Adam and John BBC Six Music.

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Adam was just showing me a little video there, weren't you?

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Yeah, we went to Centre Parks this week for the half term, me and my family, and on the first day it was a little bit rainy, so we mainly gravitated indoors, did the swimming bit, which was fantastic, all the lubes and tubes and lubes.

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So are they called?

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Don't think so.

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You have a lube to go in the tube, right?

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Otherwise you get stuck.

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Do you?

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I'm not sure you do, but anyway, it's fine.

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That's how it works.

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They grease you down, shoot you down the tube.

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That's not true.

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But we went into the arcade and they had one of those machines there where you go in and it's like a photo booth and you take three shots of yourself and whoever you're with.

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And then they create a little video for you by just inserting your face over some... Do they lube your face first?

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Obviously your face is lubed first, otherwise it'd be irresponsible.

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So you pay three quid and you get the most absolutely useless DVD that doesn't play on any conventional computer known to man.

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I was able to extract the movie file for you.

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£3 is quite cheap.

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You reckon?

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They could have pushed that to tenner.

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I mean, in the olden days, when we went to the arcade, right, you could go with a bag of tenpenny pieces and have fun for a whole afternoon.

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Do you remember that, though?

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I mean, a game of Space Invaders was tenpenny, right?

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Yeah, I guess so.

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I mean, when things started, like, when Dragon Slayer came out, and that cost 50p, I remember that was like, whoa!

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50p!

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You're joking, but it was all computer animation and stuff.

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So you dealt with it, but it was still quite a smack in the teeth.

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Now... Hey, I've got to correct you, though.

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It's traditional cell animation.

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This is Don Bluth, Dragon Slayer.

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But it played off a laser disc.

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That was the exciting thing.

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Right, right, right.

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Yeah.

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Good correction.

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Thanks, man.

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We've got to do it when we can.

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Yeah, exactly.

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We've got to get the facts right when we can.

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So I'll tell you some more about Centre Parks later on, possibly.

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But listen, Black Squadron Command... Yeah, Black Squadron... Black Squadron would be doing very well over the last few weeks.

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We peaked at like 171 photos we got about two weeks ago.

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But last week's command was very challenging.

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It was very testing, wasn't it?

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In pants, in street.

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Yeah.

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So you sort of had to put your pants on and go out into the street.

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And we got about 70 photos.

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Which is still pretty good, I think.

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Yeah.

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It's like 100 less, isn't it?

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They've effectively halved the amount of people that aren't willing to take part.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Is that a good thing?

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Well... I mean, we're really testing them now, don't you think?

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Yes.

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Yes.

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So we tested you physically last week, Black Squadron, with your ability to stand outdoors in your pants.

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We're gonna test you mentally now.

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We're gonna give you quite a confusing abstract command that doesn't necessarily have a simple interpretation.

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No.

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And we're gonna see what you come up with.

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And immediately after Joe issues the command, Admiral Cornballs will issue the command and we'll bang in with like the first free play this week.

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Now Joe, you didn't have any free plays with you.

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You ran out of time, I guess, before you left the house.

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So I've selected a few for you.

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Thank you.

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And we'll be playing them throughout the show.

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But this is one of mine.

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All my free plays are themed.

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Can you guess what the theme is?

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Um, bottoms and sausage rolls.

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Exactly right.

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no it's not it's it's uh halloween because today's halloween listeners i don't know if you knew and this is a radio show it's like the evil christmas yeah yeah yeah exactly christmas evil christmas like jack skellington yeah yeah what's this what's this i hate that song come on that's one of the best songs ever

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I won't be playing that song, however.

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Initially, I will be playing all kind of ghost or Halloween-related material that I hope you may enjoy, listeners, and I'll be playing Frank Black and the Catholics with all my ghosts as soon as Joe issues the Black Squadron command for this morning.

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The number to send your photo to is 64046.

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Stand by for your command, Black Squadron.

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This week's command is... Problem Biscuits!

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Love it.

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Frank Black and the Catholics there with All My Ghosts.

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This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.

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I was talking a little bit earlier about the fact that I got confused with the clocks going back last weekend.

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Thought maybe they went forward.

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And some people have helpfully emailed and texted in some mnemonics, which the main one being, spring back, fall forward.

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Right?

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Is that how you remember?

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It's a little distracting in here, listeners, because they're doing a fire alarm test.

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Two quite, uh, authoritative men came in, didn't they?

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Yeah.

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So don't worry, we're gonna do it with fire alarms, the lights will flash, you won't hear anything.

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It'll last for a few minutes.

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So there's all sorts of lights flashing and stuff?

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But we can hear something.

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What's that?

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It's the fire alarm, right?

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That's quite scary.

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I thought it was a baby crying.

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Or Lucy, our assistant crying.

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It's like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre sound.

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It sounds like someone's telling someone off.

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Do you remember that sound in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

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Sort of weird metal creek.

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Anyway, sorry, it's quite hard to concentrate this.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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So anyway, mnemonics, right?

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Yeah.

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What's the mnemonic for... Spring forward, fall back.

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That's what people are suggesting.

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Spring forward, fall back, but fall back.

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Count buccullis can't deal with that mnemonic.

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Well, I point it at you.

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You're instantly dismissive of it.

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Now, you can quite easily say spring back, fall forward.

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I mean, both of those are sort of phrases as well, aren't they?

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Yeah, you think it doesn't purchase in your brain?

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No, no.

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And also the other one that I get similarly confused with is, feed a cold starve of fever, you know?

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Never heard that one before.

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It's what you're supposed to do when, like, if you're feeling feverish, is it a good thing to eat, or are you better off if you just abstain from food for a while?

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So, like, do you feed, you feed a cold, like, if you've got a cold, it's a good thing.

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Or do you starve the... fever?

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Or do you feed the fever and starve the cold?

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It works either way.

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No wonder you're so confused.

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You're being over analytical.

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The universe hates me.

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Don't you think?

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It loves you.

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It downloads the podcast.

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Yeah, the universe doesn't like that.

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So that's not a good enough mnemonic listeners for Count Buckley's Spring Forward Fall Back.

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I like the way you say mnemonic, like Gary mnemonic.

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It won't fit in his head.

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We've got to think of a better one.

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How are we doing with Black Squadron's photo command?

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I'm going to look in a second.

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Let's look during the next record, maybe.

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If the clocks put the clocks in the box in the winter, tick tocks.

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Yeah.

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They go forwards.

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No, that's no good.

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This alarm is freaking my mind.

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Let's play a record band.

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No, we're going to play a trail right now.

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This is a freak zone trail.

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Check out some Stuart McConnie action right now.

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That is the Cardagons with I need some fine wine and you, you need to be nicer.

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Oh, all right.

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It's quite a bossy title for a track there.

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Yeah, Black Squadron Command this morning, listeners, was problem biscuits.

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It was an abstract command designed to provoke you into some kind of creative interpretation.

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To get the class station.

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Yeah, exactly.

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And we've had some very good photos.

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A lot of them are anonymous.

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There's a man with a beard and brown eyes and rather a nice pillow with a blue flowery cover who is being attacked by biscuits.

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He's drawn faces on some... They look like... They look like some sort of herbal rivita biscuit.

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Oh, I know those.

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They're ritz.

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Yeah, they're nice healthy ritz.

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Anyway, that's a very good one.

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But he's anonymous.

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We can't name check him.

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There's an amazing one.

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Where's it gone?

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Of a family who are all making biscuits.

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And one of the children is holding an electric drill in a threatening manner.

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Look at this, Adam.

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He's got flour all over his face.

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He's holding an electric drill.

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In what way would you use an electric drill to make biscuits?

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Uh, you would use it to do the holes for the, uh, digestives.

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Yes.

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That's what you would use it for.

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I mean, you'd need a very small drill bit.

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I mean, that looks like a very problematic biscuit making session that family are having.

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He's got his face all whited up there, so it's a Halloween thing as well.

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Someone called Greg.

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Maybe they're making Halloween cookies.

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It's a very nice job.

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Matthew Taylor has sent... Have you seen this one?

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He's put like a bourbon biscuit in the middle of the line-up for the usual suspects, right?

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It's another one.

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Where the Kaiser Sols say it would be.

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As you know, it's just another one.

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Somebody sent quite a good picture of a big stack of biscuits on the very, very edge of a mantelpiece.

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And they're at an angle a bit like the Leaning Tower of Biscuits.

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Yeah.

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So that's a suspenseful image of biscuits.

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Dangerous biscuits.

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Yes.

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So these pictures are very good, and they're going to make a fine gallery, I think, because there's going to be all sorts of variety of interpretation.

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Do you know what I mean?

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I do.

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And that's going to be fun.

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Some of them would make great album covers.

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You know, if we ever did an album of this show, it'd be good to have some of these pictures on the cover.

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Do you think?

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Yeah.

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That was one of those boring things I said in my life.

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Why would we make an album of the show?

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Well, there was so many things from it.

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We could have hits from it, like an elbow track, some cardigans.

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It's nice of you to entertain... Like a drive time garage forecourt CD.

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Yeah, it's nice of you.

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But there were so many things wrong with the idea, the sentence, everything about it was just tedious.

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And I'm really sorry about that, listeners.

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So I'm going to play you some music right now to make up for it.

13:44.903 --> 13:46.824
This is Vitalik with Poison Lips.

13:47.244 --> 13:53.688
That is Vitalik with Poison Lips from his latest album Flash Mob, which was released last month.

13:54.028 --> 13:56.029
We're going to stand down Black Squadron right now.

13:56.129 --> 13:56.809
Here's the jingle.

14:11.212 --> 14:12.893
You can put your cameras down, Black Squadron.

14:12.913 --> 14:17.954
Thank you very much for responding to the command this week, but right now it's just gone 9.30 and it's time for the news.

14:18.134 --> 14:20.635
That's the squeeze with Up the Junction.

14:20.895 --> 14:27.157
Hey, it's Adam and Joe here on quite a disappointing morning weather-wise, I would say.

14:27.278 --> 14:28.738
Do you cycle in in this weather, Adam?

14:29.178 --> 14:31.099
Sure, I am not a fair weather cyclist.

14:31.139 --> 14:32.599
Me too, I cycled in in this rain.

14:32.639 --> 14:34.160
It's quite invigorating, actually, I find.

14:34.200 --> 14:34.740
You reckon?

14:34.800 --> 14:38.982
Yeah, but my shorties are a bit damp, so I've hung them up over the emergency lights.

14:39.102 --> 14:39.662
Is that safe?

14:40.502 --> 14:43.823
Yeah, well it's nice, it stops us noticing if there's a fire.

14:43.843 --> 14:45.664
If there's a fire, yeah, just blissful ignorance.

14:46.024 --> 14:48.385
You know, if there was a fire, your shorts would dry that much quicker.

14:48.445 --> 14:48.925
Exactly.

14:49.125 --> 14:50.285
So everyone wins.

14:50.325 --> 14:50.545
Yeah.

14:51.506 --> 14:52.186
Which is nice.

14:52.426 --> 14:54.927
But no, I don't like cycling in the rain particularly much.

14:54.947 --> 14:55.347
Don't you?

14:55.587 --> 14:55.807
No.

14:55.847 --> 14:56.948
I find it invigorating.

14:57.468 --> 14:57.928
Do you?

14:57.988 --> 14:58.888
Schwaa!

14:58.908 --> 14:59.528
Schwaa!

14:59.769 --> 15:00.749
This is getting a spritz.

15:01.629 --> 15:02.470
Nature spritz.

15:02.490 --> 15:04.892
I like to shake my head and all the water flies off.

15:04.912 --> 15:06.493
Do you sing and stuff while you're cycling?

15:06.513 --> 15:07.994
I open my mouth and drink in the rain.

15:08.274 --> 15:08.974
Unbutton a few.

15:09.034 --> 15:10.355
I do sing while I'm cycling, yeah.

15:10.716 --> 15:14.538
Unbutton your shirt a little bit and let the rain go down.

15:14.578 --> 15:15.719
I just enjoy getting all wet.

15:15.779 --> 15:17.100
Chest and right.

15:17.600 --> 15:18.781
I'm getting a little bit turned on.

15:19.642 --> 15:27.107
So folks, last weekend I was listening with my family in the car to Weekend Woman's Hour, which is something I enjoy doing very much.

15:27.547 --> 15:30.009
My favourite presenter was doing it, Jane Garvey.

15:30.569 --> 15:35.453
I prefer Jane Garvey to the other lady that does Woman's Hour.

15:35.473 --> 15:36.033
Marcus Garvey.

15:37.634 --> 15:38.355
Yeah, that's right.

15:39.055 --> 15:40.036
I like Jane better.

15:40.276 --> 15:41.497
She's got a really nice voice.

15:41.537 --> 15:43.259
She seems like someone I might get on with.

15:43.319 --> 15:45.280
You're not supposed to listen to Woman's Hour.

15:45.540 --> 15:45.881
Why not?

15:45.921 --> 15:46.961
Because it's for womans.

15:47.121 --> 15:47.982
I'm interested in womans.

15:48.282 --> 15:51.785
I want to get inside their minds before I get inside their dresses.

15:54.744 --> 15:57.126
I was hoping you'd stop me before I said that.

15:57.366 --> 15:58.647
I'm glad you said dresses.

15:59.527 --> 16:00.248
Keep talking, though.

16:01.228 --> 16:06.812
Anyway, they were talking about they had a little segment on the amount of television that children watch, right?

16:06.932 --> 16:08.993
And whether it's a good thing or a bad thing.

16:09.013 --> 16:09.874
What a hot potato.

16:10.034 --> 16:10.914
It's a hot one.

16:10.934 --> 16:11.515
Top topic.

16:11.795 --> 16:27.430
And they got a couple of experts on, a lady from the BFI educational department, she was pro-watching, or rather she was poo-pooing the notion that watching a great deal of Tetley and playing on computers is necessarily bad for the mind.

16:27.690 --> 16:32.394
And then they had a lady who said, you've got to watch it because it's going to rot those little minds.

16:33.095 --> 16:38.777
She was even saying that children between up until the age of three should not be allowed to watch TV at all.

16:39.098 --> 16:51.523
And she said that in France and Australia and stuff, they're trying to get legislation passed to stop, although I don't know how it worked, to stop children, you know, to make it illegal for children under the age of three to watch TV.

16:52.603 --> 16:53.304
Can that be right?

16:53.644 --> 16:56.367
Or did I misunderstand in the way that I often do?

16:56.747 --> 17:03.634
But they had some very endearing clips of children from South Yorkshire talking about the amount of TV they watch.

17:04.155 --> 17:07.879
And this one clip, I've got a couple, there's a couple of little bits here.

17:08.139 --> 17:14.586
One is from a chap called Ross who's aged eight and I think a girl called Bethany or Isabelle, not sure which.

17:15.246 --> 17:22.989
Um, who's also aged eight, and Ross's comments about the amount of TV he watches became like a catchphrase in our house for the rest of the week.

17:23.009 --> 17:23.970
Here he is talking about it.

17:25.310 --> 17:28.611
So all of you, how much time do you all spend watching television, for example?

17:29.152 --> 17:38.235
I spend ages, where whenever I finish my breakfast I go and watch telly, whenever I get home from school I watch telly, whenever I'm not doing the computer I watch telly.

17:38.796 --> 17:43.457
And my Nana lets me watch telly all the time, because she's got to call.

17:44.218 --> 17:44.818
She's got to call.

17:45.652 --> 17:46.613
Telly, I watch Telly.

17:46.893 --> 17:55.460
I watch Telly when I wake up, I watch Telly when I get out of bed, I watch Telly when I have my bath, I watch Telly when I'm having my breakfast, I watch Telly when I come home from school, I watch Telly.

17:55.780 --> 17:57.321
When I'm asleep, I watch Telly.

17:57.341 --> 17:58.222
While I watch Telly.

17:58.562 --> 18:00.424
While I watch Telly, I'm watching Telly a moment.

18:00.444 --> 18:05.328
If I'm on the computer, I have a little Telly next to the computer that I watch, and then I watch Telly while I'm doing that.

18:05.348 --> 18:06.809
When I go to the cinema, I watch Telly.

18:06.849 --> 18:08.990
I've got some glasses and they've got small Telly's in the inside.

18:09.010 --> 18:09.791
When I'm asleep, I watch Telly.

18:09.811 --> 18:11.212
I watch Telly when I'm asleep.

18:11.252 --> 18:12.513
When I'm swimming underwater.

18:12.673 --> 18:14.054
In my dreams, I watch Telly.

18:14.815 --> 18:15.855
He watches a lot of telly.

18:16.056 --> 18:16.716
Watches loads of TV.

18:16.736 --> 18:19.757
I mean that's good news for telly because I was under the impression it was slowly dying.

18:20.277 --> 18:21.017
Oh really?

18:21.037 --> 18:24.359
Apart from the X Factor and major live events nobody really watches anything anymore.

18:24.539 --> 18:25.439
The children love it.

18:25.539 --> 18:29.381
The children love it don't they because they're not allowed on the computer though but as soon as they get on the computer.

18:30.601 --> 18:31.361
Yeah, don't you think?

18:31.802 --> 18:32.642
It's what happens.

18:32.962 --> 18:33.822
They're more interested.

18:34.102 --> 18:34.903
Oh, I see, yeah.

18:35.863 --> 18:36.603
Yes, exactly.

18:36.764 --> 18:37.484
But it's for telly.

18:37.524 --> 18:39.325
Telly should aim itself at the under five.

18:39.405 --> 18:42.546
Children's TV is doing very well at the moment.

18:42.606 --> 18:47.768
I mean, entertainment in general for children is probably as good as it's ever been, I think.

18:47.788 --> 18:48.428
Do you think so?

18:48.448 --> 18:50.029
Yeah, I mean, you've got the Pixar movies.

18:50.049 --> 18:55.971
We're living through the golden age of... People are angry about massive cutbacks in CITV and CBBC, right?

18:56.231 --> 18:57.472
They were a year ago or so.

18:58.012 --> 19:01.295
But they're still doing funny shows and stuff, and the cartoons are- Yeah, it's true.

19:01.476 --> 19:03.357
You got all the Spongebob stuff.

19:03.397 --> 19:03.498
Yeah.

19:03.518 --> 19:04.459
Sorry, I've got no head.

19:04.619 --> 19:04.979
That one.

19:05.199 --> 19:05.480
Right.

19:05.660 --> 19:06.140
That's funny.

19:06.200 --> 19:07.221
That's a sketch show for kids.

19:07.241 --> 19:08.402
Yeah, that's very good, that one.

19:08.443 --> 19:08.663
Yeah.

19:08.763 --> 19:10.184
There's horrible histories and stuff.

19:10.324 --> 19:12.947
The one where they fall through the floor?

19:13.367 --> 19:13.668
Uh-huh.

19:13.788 --> 19:17.331
Do you know with the funny, weird, weird old gargly man?

19:17.552 --> 19:18.192
Yeah.

19:18.232 --> 19:18.913
What's that one called?

19:19.373 --> 19:20.794
You're trapped or something.

19:21.455 --> 19:24.196
You're trapped and you have to sabotage the games.

19:24.377 --> 19:24.737
Yes.

19:24.857 --> 19:25.577
And you have an earpiece.

19:25.597 --> 19:26.158
That one's good.

19:26.178 --> 19:27.098
My children love that one.

19:27.118 --> 19:27.819
Do they love that one?

19:27.939 --> 19:28.639
It's the S.A.V.E.N.

19:28.879 --> 19:30.020
Sarah Jane Adventures.

19:30.200 --> 19:30.861
I've never watched that.

19:30.881 --> 19:31.661
Do you ever watch S.A.V.E.N.?

19:31.821 --> 19:32.102
What's S.A.V.E.N.?

19:32.142 --> 19:32.362
S.A.V.E.N.?

19:32.622 --> 19:44.190
S.A.V.E.N's CBBC or CITV, I can't remember, but it's this sort of medieval game show that presents itself as if children are going through incredibly dangerous sort of trials.

19:44.250 --> 19:47.552
But they're always wrapped up in incredible health and safety.

19:48.532 --> 19:53.293
outfits, which rather takes the edge off the presenter's patter.

19:54.254 --> 19:58.855
The following test has destroyed the careers of various warriors.

19:58.875 --> 20:05.076
I don't know, he's got all this terminology kind of thing, but it's undercut by the helmets and the shoulder pads and the cables.

20:05.216 --> 20:07.777
Were you allowed to watch Tell A Willy Nilly when you were little?

20:07.797 --> 20:08.217
Willy Nilly?

20:09.470 --> 20:10.771
Um, will they nail their telly?

20:12.232 --> 20:14.414
Or were their curbs put on your... No, I had a telly.

20:14.454 --> 20:15.295
Yeah, I had a telly.

20:15.315 --> 20:16.456
You had a telly in your room.

20:16.656 --> 20:17.797
From when I was seven, yeah.

20:17.877 --> 20:18.397
Seven?

20:18.597 --> 20:20.499
Well, I had viral meningitis.

20:20.559 --> 20:23.581
I was in hospital for a week having a lumbar puncture.

20:23.701 --> 20:24.302
You're lucky.

20:24.322 --> 20:25.403
A spinal lumbar puncture.

20:25.423 --> 20:26.163
Yeah, but you're lucky.

20:26.324 --> 20:30.147
So my lovely granny gave me a telly.

20:30.227 --> 20:32.849
A week of spinal meningitis and you get a telly hour.

20:32.909 --> 20:33.349
Come on.

20:33.409 --> 20:34.170
I would have done that.

20:34.270 --> 20:35.431
It did feel like a good deal.

20:35.471 --> 20:37.712
If that was an option, I would have had the spine out.

20:39.094 --> 20:57.593
replaced with a broom as long as I got that telly listen I'm joking obviously I'm not wishing spinal meningitis on anyone or considering it a good option for anything but still you're lucky you can't tell ya I was a wicked telly so you can watch telly in the morning and in the evening and when you watch deliverance on it in black and white when you ate like a big

21:00.851 --> 21:02.153
Here's a live session right now.

21:02.193 --> 21:10.806
This was recorded way, way, way back in February of this year for The Simon Mayo Show.

21:10.826 --> 21:11.367
Was it this year?

21:12.568 --> 21:14.550
Well, you see, I haven't got a date on there, Ben.

21:14.610 --> 21:21.418
And it's confusing, because the Pixies, who we're playing the session from, could well have recorded a session this year on account of they've reformed, haven't they?

21:21.699 --> 21:23.761
But we're assuming that it's not from this year.

21:23.781 --> 21:26.124
I think this is a vintage session for The Simon Mayo Show.

21:26.444 --> 21:28.146
And this is, uh, Here Comes Your Man.

21:28.547 --> 21:31.651
Was that really 21 years ago that was recorded?

21:32.359 --> 21:34.440
Oh my gosh, I feel ancient.

21:34.540 --> 21:40.581
That was the Pixies with Here Comes Your Man, recorded for Simon Mayo's program way back in February 1988.

21:42.122 --> 21:43.922
Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music.

21:44.022 --> 21:46.603
I think we should get into Retro Text the Nation.

21:46.703 --> 21:47.383
Here's the jingle.

22:00.743 --> 22:04.326
And now my mail might be read out instead of thrown in the trash and forgotten about.

22:04.426 --> 22:08.228
That's the original Funky version, back again, using the word trash.

22:08.509 --> 22:09.129
I love that version.

22:09.169 --> 22:09.870
Shorter stir-ups.

22:09.890 --> 22:10.670
That's controversy.

22:10.830 --> 22:11.911
Old school, man.

22:11.951 --> 22:12.471
I love it.

22:12.632 --> 22:14.473
Trash, the Funky version.

22:15.013 --> 22:15.514
It's great.

22:15.554 --> 22:17.995
It's like a breath of fresh hair.

22:18.556 --> 22:18.996
Thanks.

22:19.677 --> 22:24.140
So Text the Nation last week was about stuff what you've nicked from the street, right?

22:24.660 --> 22:26.401
Civil sharing civil sharing.

22:26.441 --> 22:47.889
Yeah things that you'd appropriated because you assumed they were being thrown out because they were sitting on the pavement I've seen such place this struck a chord most particularly with men because I believe that it is a primal urge for the man to Find things in skips and things like that and then bring it home and keep it in the house Just in case because it may come in useful

22:48.569 --> 22:50.690
You love gender-based assumptions.

22:50.970 --> 22:56.472
You're listening to Women's Hour, which is a program for women's.

22:56.932 --> 22:58.232
We both like loose women's.

22:59.373 --> 23:02.974
And what you just said there was a generalization about men.

23:04.675 --> 23:06.136
It's good culturally.

23:06.256 --> 23:09.338
It's good culturally for men and women to be separated, isn't it?

23:10.158 --> 23:11.779
And have different likes and interests.

23:11.799 --> 23:14.922
There are fundamental differences between the man and the woman.

23:15.362 --> 23:17.423
And it's insane to deny physical differences.

23:17.443 --> 23:18.204
Not just physical.

23:18.364 --> 23:19.104
Mental differences.

23:20.105 --> 23:23.007
Physiological as well as mental differences.

23:23.527 --> 23:26.750
And to ignore them is madness.

23:26.990 --> 23:31.353
I'm not saying that people should be prejudiced or there should be discrimination.

23:31.473 --> 23:32.774
Or people should be sexist.

23:33.598 --> 23:36.221
Yeah, but... Or are you saying that?

23:36.641 --> 23:37.242
Well, no, no, no.

23:37.262 --> 23:39.064
Are you saying people should be sexist?

23:39.284 --> 23:39.704
No, no.

23:39.724 --> 23:43.788
Being sexist is not the same as appreciating the differences between men and women.

23:44.089 --> 23:44.949
No, you're absolutely right.

23:44.989 --> 23:46.611
I was being silly.

23:46.631 --> 23:47.832
Yeah, you're taunting.

23:47.852 --> 23:49.154
You're prodding me with your stick.

23:51.115 --> 23:52.416
But I'm refusing to rise.

23:52.456 --> 23:53.996
Anyway, but that's a fair point.

23:54.496 --> 23:56.197
Why is it?

23:56.417 --> 23:57.638
Men like hoarding things, right?

23:57.738 --> 23:57.958
Right.

23:57.998 --> 23:59.158
Generally, they're the hunter-gatherers.

23:59.678 --> 24:01.239
They like to go out and hunt and gather.

24:01.599 --> 24:04.860
And they like to get the signs and bring them back in case the signs come in useful.

24:05.181 --> 24:06.461
Also, the signs might jazz up the cave.

24:06.481 --> 24:07.942
Annabel likes going to the supermarket.

24:08.542 --> 24:09.842
Is that not hunting and gathering?

24:10.182 --> 24:11.143
I mean, she really likes it.

24:11.983 --> 24:14.766
She hunts around for food, gathers it in a trolley.

24:14.866 --> 24:15.326
Not the same.

24:15.586 --> 24:16.107
Not the same.

24:16.207 --> 24:19.570
No, because she's just getting the scrapples for the cakes.

24:19.610 --> 24:20.150
Scrapples?

24:20.271 --> 24:20.531
Yeah.

24:20.711 --> 24:21.171
I don't know.

24:21.191 --> 24:22.533
What are scrapples?

24:22.553 --> 24:23.013
A new product.

24:23.173 --> 24:26.216
The men are hunting and gathering things for the cave to jazz up the cave.

24:26.376 --> 24:26.636
Right.

24:26.917 --> 24:27.377
Jazz cave.

24:27.477 --> 24:28.758
Like an illuminated sign.

24:28.998 --> 24:30.500
Let's read out some of the messages we got.

24:30.900 --> 24:36.345
After all that, I'm going to start by reading out a message from some women who did a bit of civil sharing.

24:37.646 --> 24:38.306
It goes like this.

24:38.387 --> 24:39.067
Hi Adam and Joe.

24:39.427 --> 24:47.232
On our walk home from a night out, me and my housemates came across a two-story high Harry Potter on a broomstick.

24:47.772 --> 24:49.173
I mean, that's very tall.

24:49.233 --> 24:49.873
Two stories.

24:50.053 --> 24:53.556
Which had fallen off a massive 3D film placard on the main road.

24:53.996 --> 24:56.817
We decided, as it had fallen off, it was now public property.

24:57.118 --> 25:02.581
So three small women dragged this monster, MDF Harry, back to our tiny backyard.

25:03.041 --> 25:10.724
The broom riding Harry covered our entire living room and first floor bedroom window and fast became the local attraction for our student friends.

25:11.164 --> 25:14.745
One day, a knock on the door introduced us to our local police force.

25:15.205 --> 25:20.207
Apparently, they'd been looking for the missing potter and had been tipped off of its whereabouts.

25:21.047 --> 25:25.970
by some eagle-eyed passers-by who saw a giant distory Harry Potter at someone's house.

25:26.691 --> 25:37.578
There were threats of charges which were finally dropped after they realised it wasn't a crime of vandalism and that three small women did not have the capacity to dislodge the flying Potter by themselves.

25:37.638 --> 25:39.659
They sadly removed Harry from our property.

25:39.779 --> 25:41.460
That's an interesting one, isn't it?

25:41.500 --> 25:43.562
She signs it off in quite a challenging way.

25:43.582 --> 25:45.143
She says, Love, Bonnie, kill boggins.

25:48.004 --> 25:53.087
I mean, there are... When you go onto the motorway out of London, there are often amazing adverts, aren't there?

25:53.127 --> 25:53.967
With all sorts of things.

25:54.487 --> 25:57.709
Like, years ago there was a sort of Perspex box with a person in it.

25:57.729 --> 25:58.609
Do you remember there was an office?

25:58.749 --> 25:59.209
Sure.

25:59.270 --> 26:01.611
They kind of mounted an actual working office to a billboard.

26:01.631 --> 26:02.751
Was that even for office space?

26:03.031 --> 26:03.411
The film?

26:03.591 --> 26:03.932
No.

26:04.052 --> 26:04.412
I don't know.

26:04.472 --> 26:05.012
I can't remember.

26:05.272 --> 26:06.813
There was a car mounted up there.

26:06.933 --> 26:07.093
Yeah.

26:07.353 --> 26:09.934
And things like that, it's very tempting to nick them, isn't it?

26:10.074 --> 26:12.155
Of course it's... Because often they're only just out of reach.

26:12.195 --> 26:14.617
What, you mean go into the Perspex box and steal the person?

26:14.637 --> 26:15.497
Steal the person.

26:15.817 --> 26:17.338
Yeah, go in there with them.

26:17.578 --> 26:24.762
Yeah, but do you think that's right that the police force should waste taxpayers money by trying to get back a giant Harry Potter?

26:26.363 --> 26:29.685
Do you think that's it's got I mean, I think now you're asking the big questions.

26:30.665 --> 26:36.188
I think you know, it's advertising it's already kind of intruding into our psyche and public space.

26:36.288 --> 26:37.829
Yeah with their silly adverts.

26:38.189 --> 26:40.050
Well, shouldn't we be allowed to just take them home?

26:40.090 --> 26:44.832
If they were guilty of criminal damage by vandalising the poster in the first place, that's a different matter.

26:45.452 --> 26:47.573
That is fair enough for the cops to be dealing with.

26:48.013 --> 26:54.135
But if it had fallen off and the ladies had rehoused it, well, yeah, the coppers obviously took a kindly attitude, didn't they?

26:54.175 --> 26:55.215
They didn't press charges.

26:55.315 --> 26:56.296
Kindly coppers.

26:56.496 --> 26:57.516
Hello, hello, hello.

26:57.556 --> 26:58.296
Just this once.

26:58.357 --> 26:59.177
Just this once.

26:59.197 --> 27:00.477
We're going to let you go.

27:00.877 --> 27:01.818
Kindly coppers.

27:02.558 --> 27:05.640
Here's another one from... Oh, which one am I going to read?

27:05.660 --> 27:06.221
Yeah, here we go.

27:06.261 --> 27:07.162
This is from Paul Morgan.

27:07.422 --> 27:10.944
About 15 years ago, a load of us were staying in a cottage in France for New Year.

27:11.605 --> 27:16.869
Some of the gang went for a walk and found an abandoned house with the door open.

27:17.769 --> 27:22.093
They proceeded to grab as much stuff as they could carry and bring it back to the cottage.

27:22.133 --> 27:23.073
Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.

27:23.694 --> 27:27.136
Standard lamps, chairs, cushions, pots, pans, etc.

27:28.217 --> 27:33.282
Needless to say, they were spotted by the French equivalent of Neighbourhood Watch, and the gendarme soon turned up.

27:33.562 --> 27:39.508
I've got some great photos of them sheepishly walking back with the booty, Peaceman looking on in an amused, bemused fashion.

27:39.988 --> 27:41.169
Yeah, that's got a little Paul Morgan.

27:41.189 --> 27:42.671
That's got a floor in it, hasn't it, that one?

27:43.411 --> 27:44.953
It's the phrase, abandoned hats.

27:47.609 --> 28:06.720
abandoned fully furnished town temporarily abandoned while the owner went to the shop i mean that's a good application of that word for this whole text the nation isn't it because what's the definition of abandoned how can you tell if something's abandoned this is the thing this is what happens i've been through it myself i've spoken about it on this show an abandoned house

28:06.840 --> 28:13.625
You know, you find something and you sort of convince yourself that it's abandoned and you re-appropriate it and you snaffle it.

28:14.246 --> 28:19.810
And then you start feeling guilt about like, maybe your definition of abandoned is a little bit too flexible.

28:21.727 --> 28:27.071
How can you ransack a house in a spirit of fun and opportunism?

28:28.672 --> 28:30.193
That seems to me to be going too far.

28:30.373 --> 28:34.095
Here's something a little bit similar, but didn't seem to be a problem ultimately.

28:34.335 --> 28:36.197
This is from Sally in Shepherd's Bush.

28:36.997 --> 28:39.758
After me talking about all these men doing it, it's all the women in here.

28:40.118 --> 28:48.521
Dear Adam and Jo, when I first moved to London, I moved to a pokey one-bedroom place in Hammersmith, not big enough for normal, misappropriated street furniture.

28:48.821 --> 28:54.803
But one evening on my way home, I spotted a neighbour had left about 12 bottles of wine outside their house.

28:55.183 --> 28:58.945
On closer inspection, I noticed these were all full, unopened wine bottles.

28:59.425 --> 29:01.106
Seals untampered and everything.

29:01.626 --> 29:05.187
I walked on by, but noticed they were still there the following morning.

29:05.747 --> 29:09.988
That evening, when they were still there, I decided to pop one in my bag.

29:10.468 --> 29:15.430
Surely no sane person would leave wine outside their house and not expect it to be taken.

29:16.010 --> 29:17.770
The next evening, I took two more bottles.

29:18.210 --> 29:22.932
But by the following evening, it was clear that someone else was onto it, so I picked up the whole box and took it home.

29:23.232 --> 29:23.732
Amazing!

29:24.152 --> 29:27.093
Free wine that must have cost at least a five or a bottle.

29:27.613 --> 29:29.353
Still the mark of class in my eyes.

29:29.693 --> 29:31.234
Love you, Sally Shepherd's Bush.

29:32.134 --> 29:34.196
So she's just, I mean, what's the deal there?

29:34.236 --> 29:37.678
Someone's left, but then I would be worried that it was tainted in some way.

29:38.099 --> 29:42.742
Why would someone leave free wine in a box there unless there was something wrong?

29:42.762 --> 29:44.804
That's quite an enigmatic email you've read out there.

29:45.464 --> 29:47.806
It lacks contextualising information.

29:48.947 --> 29:52.470
So she saw the wine, she took it, then she took it all.

29:53.311 --> 29:53.651
The end.

29:53.991 --> 29:56.254
She's snaffling a little bit, bit at a time.

29:56.274 --> 29:57.435
She's testing the waters.

29:57.655 --> 29:59.837
Seeing if there's any problem with snaffling one bottle.

30:00.438 --> 30:01.419
And going back for the whole box.

30:01.439 --> 30:02.720
It's not just like shoplifting.

30:03.021 --> 30:03.501
What's else?

30:03.581 --> 30:04.182
It's a band on!

30:05.043 --> 30:06.764
And on to, in that case!

30:07.904 --> 30:09.685
It's wine time!

30:09.985 --> 30:14.627
Here is another one from a person called Adam McQueen.

30:14.967 --> 30:17.528
When I was at university I went round to see my friend Viv.

30:18.028 --> 30:21.469
She shared a house and her housemates said she was out, but on her way back.

30:21.890 --> 30:23.470
So we sat in the kitchen and waited for her.

30:23.950 --> 30:30.013
After about 15 minutes Viv arrived, with a big beaming smile on her face and an even bigger bunch of flowers in her arms.

30:30.953 --> 30:33.155
Oh, we all said, who's been giving you flowers, Viv?

30:33.755 --> 30:37.037
Viv said, I just found them in the street, still beaming.

30:37.437 --> 30:38.658
Where, we asked, baffled.

30:38.918 --> 30:41.180
Oh, they were just propped up against a lamppost.

30:41.200 --> 30:42.621
She said cheerily.

30:42.641 --> 30:46.623
Her smile gradually faded away and was replaced by a look of horror to match our own.

30:47.063 --> 30:49.365
I'd like to apologize to everyone in the world for this story.

30:49.845 --> 30:51.346
No, surely that's apocryphal.

30:51.686 --> 30:52.106
Do you think?

30:52.346 --> 30:52.806
Yeah, surely.

30:52.826 --> 30:53.907
I think that's made up.

30:54.307 --> 30:56.228
I just can't believe anyone would do that.

30:56.788 --> 30:58.529
Maybe if it was the first bunch there.

30:58.889 --> 31:08.693
I mean, if for any reason you don't know what we're talking about, sometimes when there's been a tragic accident, like a fatal accident in the street, people will leave floral tributes at the scene of the accident.

31:09.373 --> 31:18.338
And I guess maybe if you don't know about that, if you're young or maybe come from another country or something... I don't know, you would think... They didn't make the connection.

31:18.538 --> 31:21.219
I'm going to read an upbeat one quickly, just to clear the air.

31:21.279 --> 31:22.039
Do you know what I mean?

31:22.059 --> 31:23.160
Here's one from Lucy Loftus.

31:23.420 --> 31:29.983
When I was at university in Sheffield, my mate Dougal pinched one of those hospital signs that point you to the correct department with an arrow.

31:30.303 --> 31:32.605
He fixed it to the wall outside his bedroom pointing to the door.

31:32.905 --> 31:35.006
The sign read, Breast Examination Centre.

31:36.820 --> 31:37.981
Do we like Google for doing that?

31:38.001 --> 31:38.661
That's more like it.

31:38.681 --> 31:39.121
I don't know.

31:39.161 --> 31:39.862
It's just a classic.

31:39.922 --> 31:40.422
It's a classic.

31:40.862 --> 31:41.742
It's the total you think.

31:41.762 --> 31:43.503
Totally irresponsible classic.

31:44.524 --> 31:45.584
Here's a free play for you now.

31:45.604 --> 31:46.625
Do you think he fooled anybody?

31:47.645 --> 31:49.426
Oh, you reckon he got some traffic?

31:49.466 --> 31:53.068
I mean, people respond to those municipal hospital signs without really thinking.

31:53.428 --> 31:53.869
Do they?

31:54.029 --> 31:54.769
Yes, they do.

31:54.789 --> 31:59.351
Especially the... Hello.

32:01.232 --> 32:02.193
Are you really a doctor?

32:03.473 --> 32:03.894
Yes.

32:04.194 --> 32:04.934
Yes, I am.

32:05.675 --> 32:06.595
It's Dr. Sexy.

32:06.835 --> 32:08.236
Is that how Dr. Sexy got started?

32:08.476 --> 32:09.036
Yes, it is.

32:09.056 --> 32:14.359
By stealing hospital signs and then just mounting them.

32:14.720 --> 32:16.341
Setting up a little ad-hoc clinic.

32:17.201 --> 32:17.981
Free plays, right?

32:18.142 --> 32:21.283
I'm selecting Joe's free plays for him this week because he didn't bring any in.

32:21.303 --> 32:21.944
I'm lazy.

32:22.044 --> 32:24.085
Because it was an oversight on his part.

32:24.705 --> 32:28.627
And so I've chosen Halloween themed songs.

32:28.867 --> 32:29.587
I hope you like this one.

32:29.707 --> 32:32.108
Have you got Scott Walker's album, Scott Four yet?

32:32.588 --> 32:33.488
No, what do you mean yet?

32:33.829 --> 32:34.949
Well, because like it's new out.

32:35.049 --> 32:35.649
Well, no, no, no.

32:35.669 --> 32:38.530
I mean, it's just one of the albums that everyone should own, you know, right?

32:38.590 --> 32:39.051
No, I don't.

32:39.471 --> 32:40.451
It's really amazing.

32:40.511 --> 32:40.731
Yeah.

32:40.851 --> 32:41.572
And you would love it.

32:41.612 --> 32:44.913
And people bore on about how fantastic it is, but it is great.

32:45.173 --> 32:50.055
And even if you listen to it the first few times and think, well, this is a bit middle of the road, maybe a bit croony.

32:50.615 --> 32:51.036
It's not.

32:51.176 --> 32:53.999
I tell you what, Adam, give it a play, give it a spin.

32:54.219 --> 32:54.960
I'll see what I think.

32:55.100 --> 32:58.864
Well, you know, I thought you would like this one as well because it's called The Seventh Seal.

32:59.264 --> 33:02.027
Oh, and that's a film by Ingmar Bergman.

33:02.047 --> 33:02.567
That's right.

33:02.948 --> 33:06.812
And it's death playing chess with... And I like films.

33:06.912 --> 33:08.153
And you love films.

33:09.134 --> 33:11.977
And you know, it also features in one of our favourite films.

33:13.238 --> 33:13.498
What?

33:14.399 --> 33:17.241
Uh, which is, um... Escape to which mountain?

33:17.422 --> 33:18.102
No, no, no.

33:18.122 --> 33:18.462
Starring.

33:18.602 --> 33:19.603
Which one am I thinking of?

33:19.843 --> 33:21.064
Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey?

33:21.084 --> 33:21.505
Oh, yes.

33:22.005 --> 33:22.265
You know.

33:22.426 --> 33:23.426
What this song features?

33:23.486 --> 33:29.371
I don't think of the Ingmar Bergman classic so much as Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey when I hear this song by Scott Walker.

33:29.411 --> 33:30.412
This is the seventh seal.

33:30.572 --> 33:33.935
This is the voice of the big, windy castle.

33:34.075 --> 33:36.157
It is the top of the hour.

33:36.217 --> 33:37.698
Ooh, that's wonderful.

33:37.938 --> 33:40.200
I got support with the last hour.

33:45.508 --> 33:47.428
That's The Clash with Spanish Bombs.

33:47.468 --> 33:50.049
This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music.

33:50.109 --> 33:51.490
It's nice to be with you listeners.

33:51.510 --> 33:52.330
Thanks for joining us.

33:52.850 --> 33:54.871
This rather dreary Saturday morning.

33:55.251 --> 34:00.653
Now, an area in which I, one of the many areas in which I underperform in this programme is the jingle writing.

34:00.693 --> 34:02.334
I've got a couple of jingles that are all right.

34:02.914 --> 34:05.715
There was a jingle of yours in the podcast last week, wasn't there?

34:06.075 --> 34:08.256
It was sort of like an electronic noise with you just going,

34:10.978 --> 34:13.160
No, I didn't hear that.

34:13.660 --> 34:14.441
It's a weird thing.

34:14.501 --> 34:15.902
It slipped in the podcast somehow.

34:15.922 --> 34:17.244
I was like, what the heck is that?

34:17.264 --> 34:18.945
I assumed it was yours.

34:18.985 --> 34:19.465
I don't know.

34:19.986 --> 34:21.127
Weird anomalous sound.

34:21.727 --> 34:27.833
But I was trying to redress my lack of jingle writing about two or three weeks ago.

34:27.853 --> 34:29.634
I was under pressure of time.

34:30.015 --> 34:31.616
I thought I'd quickly try and do a jingle.

34:31.996 --> 34:32.437
So I did.

34:32.557 --> 34:34.679
I'd done a jingle at it plopped.

34:35.399 --> 34:38.962
And I bought it into the studio and gave it to James Sterling.

34:38.982 --> 34:40.423
This was about three weeks ago.

34:40.443 --> 34:46.968
Well, no, I emailed it, actually, and he emailed back saying, oh, good jingle, you know, that'll be good for the top of the show.

34:47.489 --> 34:48.569
We've never played it.

34:48.850 --> 34:49.930
We've played it once, didn't we?

34:49.970 --> 34:51.171
I don't think we did, did we?

34:51.392 --> 34:52.292
I'm sure we did.

34:52.412 --> 34:52.853
Did we?

34:53.113 --> 34:53.974
Should we play it right now?

34:53.994 --> 34:55.154
I don't think we've ever played it.

34:55.695 --> 34:59.598
But my suspicion is it's because it's awful and he didn't want to tell me.

34:59.838 --> 35:02.060
Well, it's a commercial track, though.

35:02.080 --> 35:03.581
It's not even a garage band track, right?

35:03.601 --> 35:04.461
That's true, yeah.

35:04.501 --> 35:06.042
But it's a BBC track, isn't it?

35:06.423 --> 35:07.023
No, no, no.

35:07.303 --> 35:08.544
It's by Booker T and the MG's.

35:08.964 --> 35:09.224
Is it?

35:09.585 --> 35:09.865
Yeah.

35:09.885 --> 35:11.446
Oh, you think that's why he's not playing it?

35:11.466 --> 35:12.326
I think possibly.

35:12.346 --> 35:12.787
Really?

35:12.807 --> 35:13.187
I don't know.

35:13.387 --> 35:14.668
But it's not a problem for the live show.

35:14.708 --> 35:15.148
Let's hear it.

35:15.168 --> 35:15.629
It's not a problem.

35:15.649 --> 35:16.209
Let's hear it.

35:16.309 --> 35:17.190
It's a cricket jingle.

35:24.695 --> 35:26.356
Don't get out of bed.

35:27.624 --> 35:44.614
Eat your breakfast in bed instead Don't move or switch over or go too early Cause it's time for Adam and Jo and BBC Radio

35:49.406 --> 35:51.048
Oh no, I've dropped the pans.

35:53.631 --> 35:54.732
Because there's percussion.

35:54.752 --> 35:57.515
Well, I had to put extra pans in to make the joke work.

35:57.555 --> 35:59.337
It's a nice little bit of production.

35:59.357 --> 36:04.422
It was just a quick jingle, but I was getting paranoid there because I thought it was awful.

36:04.462 --> 36:08.907
And then when I came in this morning, it appeared that it had been deleted off the system.

36:09.928 --> 36:10.789
They found it again, though.

36:11.070 --> 36:11.450
They did.

36:11.570 --> 36:13.572
But it's two layers of appropriation, you see.

36:14.052 --> 36:17.135
That track, I believe, was recorded by Booker T and the MJ's in the late 60s.

36:17.155 --> 36:19.978
It's called Time is Tight, or maybe the early 70s.

36:20.018 --> 36:21.519
And then it was used by the Click-It people.

36:21.659 --> 36:23.161
Then it was used by the Crickles.

36:23.961 --> 36:26.043
So we can't use it in the podcast, that's my mistake.

36:26.063 --> 36:29.366
Can't use it in the podcast because it's commercial.

36:29.587 --> 36:30.107
But it's great.

36:30.387 --> 36:32.890
Let's play it every 10 minutes.

36:32.910 --> 36:34.531
Let's play it every 10 minutes.

36:34.551 --> 36:36.373
Let's play it a couple of times this show as well.

36:36.693 --> 36:36.994
Yes.

36:37.494 --> 36:37.755
Yes.

36:37.775 --> 36:38.455
Play it later on.

36:38.636 --> 36:39.356
Let you let!

36:39.617 --> 36:40.077
I like it.

36:40.097 --> 36:41.459
Well, you've done a new one as well, right?

36:41.479 --> 36:44.863
You don't have to worry though, because you've written The Greatest Jingle of All Time, which is a retro-text translation joke.

36:44.883 --> 36:46.826
Yeah, but what if that was a bizarre anomaly?

36:46.866 --> 36:52.372
I mean, I'm not agreeing that the way you described it is the case, but what if it was just a freak anomaly?

36:52.573 --> 36:54.595
Yeah, well, when you want to hit that big.

36:55.456 --> 36:55.876
It's hard.

36:55.936 --> 36:56.817
I churn them out, you see.

36:56.857 --> 36:58.038
I'm like a Tim Pan Alley guy.

36:58.538 --> 37:01.300
Here's my jingle for a segment.

37:01.380 --> 37:03.502
We decided that we were going to turn this into a segment, right?

37:03.842 --> 37:07.385
Famous name repurposing in everyday life.

37:07.405 --> 37:07.965
Yes, yes.

37:08.145 --> 37:08.346
Right?

37:09.006 --> 37:10.147
So here's the jingle I came up with.

37:11.793 --> 37:28.633
Famous name repurposing, I do it care and nightly It's really Molesome Wells, if you do it Matthew, rightly If your life's not Boris, good enough You're Michael McIntyre, do some famous name repurposing And maybe things would feel so Danny Dyer

37:29.138 --> 37:31.079
Hey, that's good.

37:31.099 --> 37:32.899
You see, you've done it all in the jingle.

37:33.359 --> 37:34.419
Yeah, I've explained it, right?

37:34.519 --> 37:34.780
Yeah.

37:34.800 --> 37:37.000
I mean, that makes it clear what this little segment's about.

37:37.020 --> 37:39.041
You've even got Danny Dyer's book there.

37:39.061 --> 37:40.241
Did you go and spend money on that?

37:40.641 --> 37:44.082
No, I just, uh, upstairs in the office upstairs, I saw it lying around.

37:44.142 --> 37:47.343
It's an unauthorized biography of Britain's toughest star, Danny Dyer.

37:47.563 --> 37:47.943
Wow.

37:48.043 --> 37:49.423
I was just reading little bits out of it.

37:49.844 --> 37:53.525
And the cover is, it looks like splattered blood with his photograph.

37:53.545 --> 37:55.185
Doesn't just look like splattered blood.

37:55.425 --> 38:00.448
It is splattered blood that Danny's by himself lamp-daffing someone's face.

38:00.488 --> 38:03.330
He's a very sensitive, dimensional individual.

38:03.550 --> 38:06.371
Read a random sentence from the book that doesn't contain foul language.

38:06.431 --> 38:07.192
There aren't any.

38:08.573 --> 38:11.854
Danny needn't have worried about being liked, or whether audiences would get it.

38:12.995 --> 38:14.355
Yeah, that's all we need to know.

38:14.435 --> 38:14.796
I like it.

38:14.956 --> 38:15.216
Good book.

38:15.416 --> 38:15.816
What's it called?

38:16.356 --> 38:18.177
It's called The Real Deal.

38:19.537 --> 38:21.357
So famous name repurposing, right?

38:21.457 --> 38:23.418
I mean, I think the jingle more or less explained it.

38:23.438 --> 38:27.259
This was something we had as a text donation a few weeks back, but we still keep getting them through.

38:27.319 --> 38:29.620
They keep dribbling through on the message system, right?

38:30.140 --> 38:33.662
Don't forget if you want to email us the... It's quite a horrible image.

38:34.143 --> 38:34.703
Dribbling through.

38:34.763 --> 38:36.384
Dribbling through on the message system.

38:37.565 --> 38:41.808
So I want to just get a little flannel and just, you know, wipe the spout.

38:42.248 --> 38:44.890
The email address if you would like to send us a message.

38:45.270 --> 38:46.030
I'm just ignoring.

38:46.050 --> 38:47.510
They're calcifying down the wall.

38:47.530 --> 38:48.971
The messages.

38:48.991 --> 38:49.151
Yeah.

38:49.191 --> 38:50.351
Because of the tripling.

38:51.511 --> 38:58.152
The email address is adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.

38:58.192 --> 39:01.033
This would never happen if James Sterling was producing.

39:01.093 --> 39:03.493
You'd have it printed out properly.

39:04.693 --> 39:07.094
So you can send us messages any time you like about anything you like.

39:07.114 --> 39:13.895
Actually, I'll take this opportunity right now to say, can you please try and keep your messages... Can you please... Concise.

39:14.475 --> 39:14.755
Yes.

39:14.895 --> 39:15.175
Right?

39:15.435 --> 39:16.536
Oh, this is the Thing listeners.

39:16.576 --> 39:25.938
We're getting quite a lot of emails and it's wonderful they're so long and involved and we both wish we had the time to read them all, but we couldn't get through them all this week in time.

39:26.418 --> 39:31.259
So the shorter you can make them, the more equitable it is for everybody who writes.

39:31.279 --> 39:39.121
I mean, it's cheeky because we ourselves ramble a great deal and we are anything but concise, but we ask you, we pray for some concision from you.

39:39.981 --> 39:41.103
pray for concision.

39:54.116 --> 39:55.817
Yeah.

39:56.257 --> 39:57.197
No wonder she goes.

39:57.337 --> 40:03.299
Also, he says, also, I'm looking for employment, so I spend a lot of time on the internet looking for openings.

40:03.960 --> 40:04.560
Everyone does that.

40:05.000 --> 40:07.701
When the said girlfriend asks, what are you up to?

40:08.021 --> 40:09.962
I reply, I'm looking for Steve Jobs.

40:11.417 --> 40:12.438
I don't think she likes it.

40:12.498 --> 40:14.540
Sometimes I just say it in my head.

40:14.580 --> 40:15.701
I prefer still only.

40:16.121 --> 40:22.687
Kiss kiss, big hug, small hug, big hug, small hug, big hug, small hug, big kiss, big kiss, small kiss from Vic.

40:23.608 --> 40:24.689
Yeah, I'm ever still only.

40:25.390 --> 40:26.030
That's good.

40:26.050 --> 40:27.051
Still only.

40:27.391 --> 40:29.253
Ever still low, low, low, low, low.

40:29.313 --> 40:30.194
That's good.

40:30.254 --> 40:32.716
That's almost as good as what was the Travolta one?

40:33.997 --> 40:34.958
Oh, he's still travoting.

40:35.478 --> 40:37.440
No, it was a different one.

40:37.600 --> 40:38.601
It was more cleverer.

40:38.621 --> 40:40.503
Oh, we'll have to try and remember it.

40:40.823 --> 40:44.406
Here's another one from Blair from Inverness.

40:44.907 --> 40:50.672
When questioned about something which I am sure of, I often reply by shortening definitely to a deafo.

40:51.192 --> 40:57.317
Sometimes when I'm feeling particularly sassy, I like to reiterate the point by saying William Defoe.

40:58.058 --> 40:58.738
That's good.

40:58.758 --> 40:59.558
I'm going to use that.

40:59.578 --> 41:00.459
He says, Defo.

41:00.999 --> 41:01.799
William Defo.

41:02.139 --> 41:02.619
Yes.

41:02.899 --> 41:03.439
I like that.

41:03.499 --> 41:04.060
Who's done that?

41:04.120 --> 41:04.840
What's that person's name?

41:04.860 --> 41:05.340
That's Blair.

41:05.360 --> 41:06.460
Blair's a dude.

41:07.120 --> 41:12.702
Also, as a classroom assistant in primary school, I have to put jackets on the little ones fairly frequently.

41:12.862 --> 41:15.262
Whenever I say something like, can you put your arm in?

41:15.562 --> 41:18.183
I always want to say, put your arm in Van Helden.

41:19.283 --> 41:22.744
I hope you like them and please, for the love of gosh, don't bin boggins.

41:23.164 --> 41:23.845
He says.

41:23.885 --> 41:25.505
We'll talk a little more about boggins later.

41:26.116 --> 41:28.277
Has anyone seen Boggins this morning?

41:28.417 --> 41:29.878
I haven't seen him at all this morning.

41:31.558 --> 41:33.819
He would have trotted him with those security men earlier.

41:33.920 --> 41:35.660
Well you can always smell him when he's around.

41:35.980 --> 41:38.241
I haven't smelled him so far this morning.

41:38.361 --> 41:42.583
Finally, for repurposed famous names this week, Johnny Law has sent this one in.

41:42.964 --> 41:48.026
For some time now I've described a pleasurable or enjoyable experience as being Donald

41:48.786 --> 41:49.826
or Donald Pleasant.

41:49.866 --> 41:50.166
Yes.

41:50.566 --> 41:52.547
Derived, of course, from the actor Donald Pleasants.

41:53.047 --> 41:55.307
Please note, he says, the spelling of Pleasants.

41:55.467 --> 41:58.888
It's not with an A, as most people seem to think at the end.

41:58.928 --> 42:02.889
It's with an E. I'd like to imagine Adam reading this in his shouty voice.

42:03.029 --> 42:03.709
I know I am.

42:03.809 --> 42:05.789
He's really furious about this, so I'll read the last bit.

42:06.089 --> 42:15.711
And don't get me started on Jimmy Saville, spelt with a double L, or Dan Aykroyd, spelt A C K instead of A Y K.

42:17.910 --> 42:18.531
Aykroyd?

42:18.571 --> 42:19.732
What's he angry about?

42:19.992 --> 42:21.754
You spell Dan Aykroyd, Aykroyd.

42:22.614 --> 42:25.517
And most people spell it A-C-K-R-O-Y-D.

42:25.797 --> 42:28.000
He's furious, absolutely livid about it.

42:28.060 --> 42:29.121
What's his name, Johnny Law?

42:29.401 --> 42:31.383
That'd be a good name for a policeman in a film.

42:31.483 --> 42:32.203
John Q. Law.

42:32.424 --> 42:32.584
Yeah.

42:33.845 --> 42:38.832
Thanks for those messages, and if you would like to contribute to Famous Name Repurposing, do get in touch.

42:39.032 --> 42:40.514
It's an official segment now, right?

42:40.534 --> 42:41.896
It's got a jingle and everything.

42:41.916 --> 42:42.617
It's not going to be every week.

42:42.637 --> 42:43.217
It's like a birth.

42:43.638 --> 42:45.320
But, you know, when we feel like it.

42:45.600 --> 42:46.622
Here's some music right now.

42:47.062 --> 42:49.365
This is Them Crooked Vultures.

42:50.146 --> 42:51.407
I've never heard this one, have you, Joe?

42:51.847 --> 42:52.047
No.

42:52.228 --> 42:53.128
This is New Fang.

42:54.009 --> 42:54.329
Hmm.

42:54.789 --> 42:55.950
That's a super group.

42:55.970 --> 42:57.011
I didn't realise that.

42:57.051 --> 42:58.893
You know what that made me... Who's in that super group?

42:59.633 --> 43:03.496
Dave Grohl, Josh Homme, and John Paul Jones.

43:03.796 --> 43:07.559
Now, do you think that they should be investigated by the Monopolies and Mergers Commission?

43:07.799 --> 43:08.039
Why?

43:08.359 --> 43:10.460
Because they're unfairly powerful.

43:10.660 --> 43:14.241
You know, that's like Tesco and Asda and Sainsbury's merging together.

43:14.561 --> 43:17.662
That wouldn't be allowed, because it's not fair for other supermarkets.

43:17.762 --> 43:18.943
Behemoths of rock.

43:18.983 --> 43:29.507
Yeah, so should there not be a similar body to the Monopolies and Mergers Commission that stops bands like, you know, talented people like that working together because it's unfair, it unbalances the market.

43:29.887 --> 43:36.129
Not really, because as soon as anyone starts quibbling about that kind of thing, you can just point to the travelling Wilburys.

43:37.169 --> 43:38.610
And why would you point to them?

43:39.050 --> 43:45.073
Because sometimes a collision of massive talents cancels everything out, and you're left with a void.

43:47.454 --> 43:50.875
I'm not suggesting the Wilburys were a total void.

43:51.115 --> 43:54.397
They had their moments, but on the whole they weren't like one of the best bands in the world.

43:54.417 --> 43:57.718
Just imagining a weird black vortex travelling around Britain.

43:57.939 --> 44:01.020
You know, young bands at the time of the Wilburys were not going,

44:01.300 --> 44:02.541
Oh, it's so unfair.

44:02.721 --> 44:05.682
We're not getting any breaks because all the attention's on the Wilburys.

44:05.923 --> 44:17.129
If you turned up at a travelling Wilburys gig, would you look at the stage and there'd just be a sort of weird black patch, a sort of, like a galaxy, a sort of black hole and a... Sound.

44:17.229 --> 44:20.030
It would be now because many of the Wilburys are no longer with us.

44:20.350 --> 44:20.590
Oh, God.

44:20.650 --> 44:20.931
Sorry.

44:22.672 --> 44:28.115
Speaking of which, actually, have you got those clips up there, those Christmas clips, Ben?

44:28.955 --> 44:30.216
You know, Christmas is coming, Joe.

44:31.056 --> 44:31.336
Right.

44:31.496 --> 44:32.837
The goose is getting fat.

44:32.957 --> 44:33.258
Yes.

44:33.358 --> 44:35.259
Could you put a penny in the old man's hat?

44:35.399 --> 44:35.879
No.

44:35.980 --> 44:37.741
He haven't got a penny a hapenny would do.

44:38.061 --> 44:39.282
I don't like to go near him anyway.

44:39.302 --> 44:40.263
He haven't got a hapenny, then.

44:40.303 --> 44:40.963
God bless you.

44:41.083 --> 44:42.564
He's surrounded by his own urine.

44:42.864 --> 44:44.545
That's Jim Carrey you're talking about.

44:44.566 --> 44:44.606
Oh.

44:45.166 --> 44:45.386
What?

44:45.926 --> 44:47.448
He's the guy in the Christmas carol, right?

44:47.468 --> 44:49.029
Yes, Robert Zemeckis, Christmas carol.

44:49.049 --> 44:49.869
That's very exciting.

44:50.189 --> 44:50.930
3D fun coming up.

44:51.050 --> 44:51.550
Absolutely.

44:51.871 --> 44:54.933
But one of the most exciting things about Christmas is Christmas albums.

44:55.733 --> 44:57.734
When people do special Christmas albums, right?

44:58.094 --> 45:01.956
This is something that happens in America a lot more than it does in the UK, I think.

45:02.236 --> 45:06.638
For American artists, it's all part of the folder role of the Christmas season.

45:06.958 --> 45:08.138
Bring out a Christmas album.

45:08.519 --> 45:09.319
You know, they've all done it.

45:09.719 --> 45:12.300
And this year, Bob Dylan has got a Christmas album out.

45:12.720 --> 45:18.223
And I actually first heard about this through a friend of mine who's in a band, my friend Dougie from Travis, right?

45:18.663 --> 45:23.045
He was approached earlier in the year to write a song for Bob Dylan for his Christmas album.

45:23.465 --> 45:25.466
amongst many other artists who'd been approached apparently.

45:25.486 --> 45:32.768
So I was thinking maybe this Christmas album's going to be like new Christmas songs with just Dylan doing his Dylan thing over them.

45:33.368 --> 45:35.368
That's not how it's turned out at all.

45:35.809 --> 45:39.190
What he's done is just covered like standards, Christmas standards.

45:39.210 --> 45:42.150
I've got a few clips of some of them to play you right now.

45:42.511 --> 45:50.673
Very short clips because if I played you long clips, you would start weeping and crying and you would want to lose, you'd lose the will to live.

45:51.413 --> 45:55.217
This is inspired by a message we got from Robert Ralph who said, Hi, Rob here.

45:55.297 --> 45:56.097
Long time listener.

45:56.638 --> 45:57.999
First email contribution.

45:58.379 --> 46:02.243
Thought you might be looking for some Christmas tune fodder for the coming festive season.

46:02.603 --> 46:05.826
If so, I found this new album of Christmas hits by Adam Buxton.

46:05.986 --> 46:07.207
I mean Bob Dylan.

46:07.647 --> 46:10.250
His voice on this album is the most weird ever.

46:10.630 --> 46:12.792
I'm worried he might not even reach Christmas.

46:13.172 --> 46:14.053
Well worth a listen.

46:14.093 --> 46:14.673
Cheers fellas.

46:14.693 --> 46:18.277
Well thanks Robert for alerting us to this and here's a couple of clips right now.

46:19.077 --> 46:26.279
uh what's the first one on there james i'm really sorry ben winter wonderland fire this one off check see what you make of this

46:45.003 --> 46:46.184
So you get the idea, right?

46:46.704 --> 46:49.487
Like, to call it saccharin is a massive understatement.

46:49.507 --> 46:52.969
Sounds like John Colshaw, or it sounds like an impressionist doing an album.

46:53.129 --> 46:53.810
Yes, exactly.

46:54.330 --> 46:56.212
And that's Dylan's new voice, right?

46:56.372 --> 47:02.077
Which we've talked about on this show before, which is why Robert Ralph was saying it's Christmas Hits by Adam Buxton, I mean Bob Dylan.

47:03.157 --> 47:07.201
because it's an enjoyable thing to do, a new Bob Dylan voice.

47:07.681 --> 47:11.184
He's had about three different voices in his career, maybe more than that, I would say.

47:11.224 --> 47:14.847
There's early Bob Dylan with the classic sort of nasal sound.

47:14.907 --> 47:24.155
Then after he had his motorcycle accident, something weird happened and that kind of slide squeaked into his voice, which he's got on Nashville Skyline and some of those albums.

47:24.495 --> 47:27.498
And now, late period Bob Dylan, he just sounds like a muppet.

47:28.331 --> 47:28.531
Right?

47:28.692 --> 47:28.912
Yeah.

47:29.272 --> 47:30.975
And so that's what you're getting on the Christmas album.

47:31.015 --> 47:33.778
Here's a clip from a little town of Bethlehem.

47:46.647 --> 48:04.681
the cookies cookies cookies i love cookies yum yum yum gobble them all up christmas cookie time cookie time cookie time gobble gobble gobble all the cookies right now ah cookie brother what about that for a song that would be nice he does sound like uh uh a muppet like you said yeah exactly

48:04.861 --> 48:06.843
Well, I've done a little go at one of them.

48:06.883 --> 48:07.803
Oh, you've done a little go?

48:07.904 --> 48:12.247
I mean, it's going to be Christmas soon, and my plan... Not that soon, if I get... Sure it is!

48:12.607 --> 48:13.448
The lights are up!

48:13.888 --> 48:15.990
The posters for Christmas Carol.

48:16.350 --> 48:17.611
It's all in Oxford Street.

48:17.671 --> 48:18.332
It is, isn't it?

48:18.352 --> 48:18.892
Yeah.

48:19.453 --> 48:21.555
It's coming, whether you like it or not.

48:21.915 --> 48:24.457
And I'm going to try and do my own Bob Dylan Christmas album.

48:24.697 --> 48:25.718
And I've had a little stab here.

48:25.738 --> 48:27.219
I've started off with old Lang Syne.

48:28.712 --> 48:36.918
Should all the acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?

48:37.258 --> 48:45.703
Should all the acquaintance be forgot for the sake of holding tight?

48:54.855 --> 49:00.380
Could you lend us 10p for a cup of tea for the day?

49:00.520 --> 49:01.901
Come on, legs up!

49:03.857 --> 49:06.918
Lovely Caribbean sort of feel to that one.

49:06.938 --> 49:08.339
It's put an extra layer on it.

49:08.359 --> 49:08.919
Yeah, yeah.

49:09.519 --> 49:10.520
It's amazing, isn't it?

49:10.900 --> 49:11.580
Is it that easy?

49:11.600 --> 49:15.962
Do you think a lot of people would buy an album like the one what Bob Dylan has done?

49:15.982 --> 49:16.222
Yeah.

49:16.242 --> 49:16.442
Definitely.

49:16.742 --> 49:17.362
Do you think so?

49:17.723 --> 49:17.943
Yeah.

49:18.223 --> 49:20.864
I mean, it seems very formulaic is the only thing.

49:21.384 --> 49:27.847
It's just the thing about Christmas, it doesn't seem very, you know, interesting.

49:28.087 --> 49:28.247
No.

49:28.687 --> 49:29.228
It's so weird.

49:29.268 --> 49:30.289
It's very formulaic.

49:30.309 --> 49:33.072
I can't get my head around it because he's such an intelligent, interesting, creative guy.

49:33.092 --> 49:34.934
This is the problem with Christmas as a whole, isn't it?

49:34.954 --> 49:35.114
Right.

49:35.194 --> 49:37.696
I mean, that's a very good example of what it is.

49:37.777 --> 49:41.620
It's so, you know, it can kill the interest in even Bob Dylan, right?

49:41.640 --> 49:42.261
Yeah, yeah.

49:42.301 --> 49:45.725
You take that same tedious trope and then spread it over, what, three months?

49:46.145 --> 49:46.405
Uh-huh.

49:47.006 --> 49:47.947
Really thinly.

49:48.307 --> 49:48.548
Yeah.

49:48.988 --> 49:49.949
It's got to be changed.

49:49.989 --> 49:50.810
My favourite time of year.

49:51.010 --> 49:52.811
I love the day itself, don't get me wrong.

49:53.171 --> 49:57.833
When the three big Christmas days come, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day.

49:57.893 --> 49:58.534
Three wise men.

49:58.654 --> 49:59.114
I love it.

49:59.794 --> 50:06.318
But it's the flipping builder that makes me want to just basically, oh yeah, I can't say.

50:06.618 --> 50:07.418
No, no, no.

50:07.718 --> 50:08.038
I love it.

50:08.339 --> 50:09.119
Do you love the builder?

50:09.219 --> 50:09.819
Absolutely love it.

50:09.839 --> 50:10.079
Do you?

50:10.219 --> 50:10.940
Love everything about it.

50:10.960 --> 50:11.240
You're lucky.

50:11.620 --> 50:13.201
Here's a free play for you right now, listeners.

50:13.241 --> 50:15.202
This is another Halloween choice for you.

50:15.722 --> 50:16.903
And it's a spooky weird one.

50:16.923 --> 50:18.683
Is this from the Ghost Rider soundtrack?

50:18.723 --> 50:21.005
I don't know if this was used on the Ghost Rider soundtrack.

50:21.165 --> 50:23.706
I doubt it, because it's too good to go anywhere near.

50:23.766 --> 50:25.046
Hey, the Ghost Rider soundtrack.

50:25.066 --> 50:25.527
How rude.

50:25.827 --> 50:27.968
This is by Suicide, and it's called Ghost Rider.

50:28.188 --> 50:30.069
Little fun track for you there for Halloween.

50:30.109 --> 50:31.710
That's Ghost Rider by Suicide.

50:31.790 --> 50:33.571
Someone sent in a message.

50:33.611 --> 50:34.411
By Suicide?

50:34.691 --> 50:35.211
Yeah, I know.

50:35.231 --> 50:36.412
What kind of a radio station is this?

50:37.132 --> 50:46.515
Edgy okay, they're a couple of crazy chaps from the New York punk scene there So if they want to call themselves that then you deal with it.

50:47.175 --> 50:49.176
All right, you can stick it in your ear.

50:49.396 --> 50:54.217
Hey I'm sorry about that, but you can you can stick it right in your ear

50:54.897 --> 50:57.500
someone pointing out that the Bob Dylan album is for charity.

50:58.040 --> 50:59.141
Why does that make a difference?

50:59.241 --> 50:59.982
That's not an excuse.

51:00.002 --> 51:01.243
It's the last refuge of scoundrels.

51:01.283 --> 51:01.984
Well, exactly.

51:02.004 --> 51:03.065
I mean, we all love charity.

51:03.105 --> 51:05.787
We all love helping out the underprivileged and the disadvantaged.

51:05.887 --> 51:07.408
Does it excuse any kind of behaviour?

51:07.428 --> 51:10.611
I mean, this is a too big a debate for just coming up into the news.

51:10.631 --> 51:11.812
That's a massive great can of worms.

51:12.053 --> 51:12.393
Delicious.

51:12.413 --> 51:12.833
Can I have some?

51:13.734 --> 51:14.815
Here's the news right now.

51:14.915 --> 51:15.035
It's 10.30.

51:20.445 --> 51:32.477
extra noises extra production on there from um cornballs top to sexy cooperators that was muse with undisclosed desires they've got a tv ad for that album do you have any undisclosed desires adam

51:32.817 --> 51:34.038
Yes, I am, yes.

51:34.779 --> 51:35.299
Couple.

51:35.740 --> 51:36.600
Yeah, couple.

51:36.860 --> 51:41.444
Yeah, I'd like to watch you while you're on your bike in the rain.

51:42.245 --> 51:49.831
Singing and shaking the rain off your face and I'd like to dry you when you get back home.

51:49.851 --> 51:51.492
Oh, you've disclosed them now.

51:51.512 --> 51:51.552
Oh.

51:52.473 --> 51:54.755
You'd like to dry me.

51:54.835 --> 51:55.536
Tell you off.

51:55.776 --> 51:56.436
Tell me off.

51:56.696 --> 51:58.558
After you ride in the rain.

51:58.578 --> 52:00.840
Taxation time, listeners.

52:00.860 --> 52:01.661
Here's the jingle.

52:03.414 --> 52:05.558
What if I don't want to?

52:05.618 --> 52:07.020
But I'm using email.

52:07.040 --> 52:07.501
Is that a problem?

52:14.775 --> 52:17.216
Yeah, you're expecting me to go, text the nation this week's listeners.

52:17.236 --> 52:17.716
Yes, I am.

52:17.836 --> 52:19.116
Yeah, I ain't got it.

52:19.316 --> 52:20.557
Now, what are you going to do?

52:20.677 --> 52:21.617
You're a contrarian.

52:21.877 --> 52:22.077
Yes.

52:22.277 --> 52:24.298
All right, I'll set the scene for the listeners in that case.

52:24.638 --> 52:31.460
I was on a break, a half-term break this week, listeners, and we went to Centre Parks, me and my family.

52:32.100 --> 52:35.140
Had a jolly good time, although there was a little bit of bad weather.

52:35.501 --> 52:39.142
And because my family are at a certain age, like I've got young children, right?

52:39.182 --> 52:39.402
Yeah.

52:40.902 --> 52:48.564
They were a bit too young to do a lot of the really fun, exciting things at Centre Park, the zip wires and the more roughty-toughty activities.

52:49.284 --> 52:55.365
So there were times when we were more or less housebound, we were in our little lodge, right, which was very nice.

52:56.025 --> 53:04.907
But we went a bit stir crazy and it seemed a bit nuts that we elected to spend four days in like a much smaller space than the one we normally occupy.

53:06.528 --> 53:12.552
You know, with all the attendant problems of having a baby and two young boys, it was magnified.

53:12.592 --> 53:13.833
It seemed madness.

53:14.234 --> 53:17.316
Anyway, we played a bit of Monopoly, right?

53:17.356 --> 53:25.062
We had a junior version of Monopoly, which we'd brought with us, and we thought it would be a good idea to sit down and have a little bit of Monopoly fun.

53:25.629 --> 53:26.790
And the rules are very straightforward.

53:26.810 --> 53:28.852
They're even simpler than for the regular Monopoly.

53:29.452 --> 53:35.578
But within about 10 minutes, there was stropping and flouncing off, and the whole thing degenerated.

53:35.618 --> 53:37.619
I mean, we tried to play for about 20 minutes.

53:38.200 --> 53:40.642
After, by the end of 20 minutes, I was sat there on my own.

53:41.202 --> 53:48.589
And every single person, my wife, well, my wife had to go and feed the baby, but the two boys had flounced off at various points, and then they came back.

53:48.729 --> 53:49.609
What made them flounce?

53:50.750 --> 53:51.251
That's the trigger.

53:51.491 --> 53:53.533
Well, it's hard to recall exactly.

53:53.573 --> 53:56.416
This is the weird thing, because everyone was technically playing by the rules.

53:56.936 --> 53:59.439
One of the triggers was how long it took.

54:00.180 --> 54:01.040
It's a long game.

54:01.100 --> 54:01.401
Yeah.

54:01.901 --> 54:04.203
And someone was faffing around.

54:04.284 --> 54:08.067
Frank was faffing around a little bit with his money and paying over.

54:08.107 --> 54:12.291
Like, he couldn't decide if he wanted to buy one of the properties, or was he going to pass on it?

54:12.772 --> 54:14.734
Is it the same properties in Junior Monopoly?

54:15.174 --> 54:16.095
No, it's different ones.

54:16.215 --> 54:16.735
What are they?

54:16.755 --> 54:17.595
They're childish ones.

54:17.615 --> 54:18.076
What are they?

54:18.896 --> 54:20.056
I can't remember exactly.

54:20.096 --> 54:21.657
What streets do kids prefer?

54:21.677 --> 54:22.777
Do you know what I mean?

54:22.797 --> 54:23.777
They're just colour coded.

54:24.037 --> 54:24.438
Oh, right.

54:25.138 --> 54:27.158
So it's just a grey street.

54:27.178 --> 54:29.179
Maybe they're like fictional imaginary streets.

54:29.299 --> 54:29.739
Yeah.

54:29.839 --> 54:30.480
Fun streets.

54:30.600 --> 54:31.220
Fun streets.

54:31.260 --> 54:32.520
I think they're even just grey.

54:32.560 --> 54:35.461
They just say grey or yellow or red.

54:35.761 --> 54:36.061
Okay.

54:36.201 --> 54:36.361
Right.

54:37.142 --> 54:38.182
I might be wrong about that.

54:38.822 --> 54:42.486
But so there was a huge amount of stopping like almost immediately.

54:42.506 --> 54:43.647
Oh, you're taking too long.

54:43.707 --> 54:44.288
Hurry up.

54:44.348 --> 54:44.708
Hurry up.

54:45.089 --> 54:47.891
And then there's like arguments about how much money you've got.

54:47.951 --> 54:50.394
People started getting annoyed when their luck was running out.

54:50.434 --> 54:50.854
You know what I mean?

54:51.214 --> 54:53.036
Like, oh, this is not fair.

54:53.397 --> 54:55.919
I always get I always land in jail.

54:56.219 --> 54:57.561
I'm getting fined again.

54:57.581 --> 54:58.462
It's frustrating.

54:58.502 --> 54:58.582
Yeah.

55:00.023 --> 55:04.187
I sometimes feel like that during Scrabble, when I draw a really bad hand.

55:04.627 --> 55:06.469
It feels like the work fate is against you.

55:06.509 --> 55:07.490
You don't strop off.

55:08.071 --> 55:09.012
Sometimes I do.

55:09.112 --> 55:15.097
I mean, I'm too mature to physically strop off, but in my head I'm dropping myself right off.

55:15.317 --> 55:16.819
I mean, Scrabble!

55:17.439 --> 55:17.940
Scrabble!

55:18.520 --> 55:22.143
is famously a contentious game, but not Monopoly, wouldn't you say?

55:22.363 --> 55:23.004
It's like life.

55:23.304 --> 55:25.025
It's that blend of luck and skill.

55:25.486 --> 55:32.070
And even if you've got all the skill in the world, you can still be thwarted by fortune, bad fortune.

55:32.091 --> 55:32.831
That's annoying.

55:32.991 --> 55:37.334
Monopoly, essentially, is a kind of a microcosm of capitalist society.

55:39.576 --> 55:44.720
And so to that degree, you do feel as if it says something about you as a person.

55:46.221 --> 55:52.122
And if you're doing badly, which I always do, I always feel like this isn't, this is exactly like my life.

55:52.222 --> 55:53.303
The universe hates me.

55:53.763 --> 55:56.043
And now it's happening again in this Monopoly game.

55:56.383 --> 55:57.644
And I'm terrible with money.

55:57.684 --> 55:59.304
Why is all the money just going away?

55:59.344 --> 56:00.344
Why have I got no money?

56:00.364 --> 56:03.185
I should have bought that property when I landed on Park Lame.

56:03.385 --> 56:04.305
I'm insane!

56:04.665 --> 56:05.326
What am I doing?

56:05.386 --> 56:06.286
It's leaking out of me.

56:06.906 --> 56:08.547
So what's the Text the Nation premise?

56:08.908 --> 56:12.750
It's about the biggest arguments you've had whilst playing games.

56:13.010 --> 56:13.491
Good one.

56:14.491 --> 56:17.994
Whether it's a card game or Scrabble... Do you know what infuriates me?

56:18.594 --> 56:19.835
I like to play a bit of Jenga.

56:20.175 --> 56:20.436
Right.

56:20.756 --> 56:23.738
And what infuriates me is somebody using two hands.

56:24.879 --> 56:27.180
I mean, you pull the Jenga... What are they called?

56:27.200 --> 56:28.061
Just a block.

56:28.601 --> 56:32.144
You pull the Jenga block out with finger and thumb, right?

56:32.504 --> 56:34.866
You can't use the other hand to push it from the other side.

56:35.006 --> 56:35.406
Really?

56:35.426 --> 56:35.466
No.

56:36.747 --> 56:37.087
Why not?

56:37.107 --> 56:38.748
And you can't touch the table either.

56:38.848 --> 56:40.189
I'd be in trouble if I was playing jungle.

56:40.209 --> 56:41.490
I know, that's part of the skill.

56:41.770 --> 56:42.371
If you're it's me.

56:42.631 --> 56:45.092
If people do that, sometimes people do that unconsciously.

56:45.133 --> 56:47.254
It doesn't say on the box you can only use one hand, does it?

56:47.474 --> 56:50.236
Well, I haven't got the box with me, but I believe that's true.

56:50.656 --> 56:51.477
I would say it does.

56:51.497 --> 56:53.138
We need some confirmation on that, listeners.

56:53.678 --> 56:57.439
Another thing that really annoys me when I'm playing Connect 4, I'm good at Connect 4.

56:58.159 --> 56:58.759
Sure you are.

56:58.939 --> 56:59.919
I can take on all commas.

56:59.979 --> 57:01.100
You and I used to play Speed Connect 4.

57:01.140 --> 57:01.860
I've got a system.

57:02.200 --> 57:02.520
Have you?

57:03.020 --> 57:16.743
But what really annoys me, and this is nobody's fault, but a game of Connect 4 is reaching its gut-wrenching climax, and then suddenly the kind of swing bridge that holds all the coins in, you tap it and it swings open and they all fall out.

57:17.403 --> 57:17.763
That can be...

57:18.904 --> 57:23.891
Well, back to Monopoly, the thing that really winds me up is sloppy dice throwing.

57:23.971 --> 57:25.033
Sloppy dice throwing.

57:25.173 --> 57:30.140
And when people just take too long shaking the thing first of all and blowing on it.

57:30.441 --> 57:30.701
Yes.

57:31.282 --> 57:33.485
Come on, lady luck, lady luck, lady luck, come on.

57:34.726 --> 57:40.108
Sick, sick, sick, sick, both hands, sick, both hands, sick of one hand, sick of one hand, sick of behind the head, sick of behind the back.

57:40.128 --> 57:40.628
Frank does.

57:40.908 --> 57:41.749
This kind of thing, right?

57:42.009 --> 57:50.852
And then lobbing the dice so that it scatters all the houses and all the hotels and all the little boots and top hats and everything on the board.

57:51.232 --> 57:52.673
It all gets scattered and stuff.

57:53.013 --> 57:56.094
All the money goes flying and the title deeds and everything.

57:56.234 --> 57:57.455
Thanks very much, Frank!

57:57.835 --> 58:00.236
You've totally destroyed the game now!

58:00.776 --> 58:02.177
That's what happens around our house.

58:02.257 --> 58:07.561
So we want to hear your incredible arguments that have sort of spun out of nowhere when playing some kind of a game.

58:07.601 --> 58:16.868
It doesn't necessarily need to be a board game, it could be any sort of game really, but the kind of activity where a group is supposed to, you know, have a harmonious time, there's never arguments on the boxes.

58:17.268 --> 58:17.508
are there.

58:17.528 --> 58:22.390
There's always photos of perfect looking families gathered round the board looking really happy.

58:22.810 --> 58:27.031
Never like screaming at each other, grinding the plastic bits into each other's faces.

58:27.071 --> 58:31.893
I'm trying to think of a game that hasn't provoked resentment and acrimony.

58:32.153 --> 58:33.033
Buckaroo, maybe?

58:33.942 --> 58:34.742
That's quite tense.

58:35.042 --> 58:36.983
I mean, that is a tense game.

58:38.183 --> 58:41.484
64046 is the text number if you want to send us your messages or you can email us.

58:41.504 --> 58:44.245
And if you're listening during the week, i.e.

58:44.325 --> 58:49.047
not live on Listen Again or whatever, or the iPlayer, emails only, please.

58:49.267 --> 58:55.089
Adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk.

58:55.449 --> 58:57.950
Here's Dick Dale right now with Mizzalou.

58:58.610 --> 59:01.972
Uh, forever associated with pop fiction, I suppose, for many people.

59:02.032 --> 59:05.355
That track, Dick Dale, with, uh, Mizzalou there.

59:05.375 --> 59:07.376
This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music.

59:07.416 --> 59:09.117
I just remembered I made a mistake earlier on.

59:09.137 --> 59:12.199
Did people point out that I said the wrong name of the Booker T in the MG's track?

59:12.259 --> 59:13.280
Yeah, people pointed that out.

59:13.320 --> 59:15.962
People didn't like you saying William Dafoe instead of Willem Dafoe.

59:15.982 --> 59:16.882
Didn't really say that.

59:16.942 --> 59:18.363
I know that he's called Willem Dafoe.

59:18.403 --> 59:18.864
It's tough.

59:18.944 --> 59:19.964
It's Saturday morning.

59:20.145 --> 59:20.645
It's early.

59:20.685 --> 59:21.485
We're stupid.

59:21.746 --> 59:21.966
Yeah.

59:22.066 --> 59:23.347
You know, everything's against us.

59:23.667 --> 59:25.848
I got the, uh, Jenga thing right, though.

59:25.928 --> 59:26.329
Did you?

59:26.409 --> 59:27.369
It's rule number five.

59:27.409 --> 59:28.330
You've got to use one hand.

59:28.570 --> 59:29.290
Well done.

59:29.330 --> 59:30.271
It is in the rules.

59:30.511 --> 59:33.432
I mean, that's kind of a red letter day for us, that we've got something right.

59:33.612 --> 59:33.893
Yeah.

59:33.933 --> 59:34.393
Don't you think?

59:34.573 --> 59:36.254
What is the book it's in the M.J.

59:36.394 --> 59:37.194
Idji's track called?

59:37.214 --> 59:38.995
Oh, I'd have to scroll down all the text.

59:39.155 --> 59:41.576
But then again, I wasn't the one who claimed to know what it was called.

59:41.596 --> 59:43.917
Soul Limbo is what it's called.

59:44.017 --> 59:44.297
There you go.

59:44.317 --> 59:45.618
You've got to get used to that, listeners.

59:45.938 --> 59:48.239
This isn't a fact-based show.

59:48.319 --> 59:52.061
If it was in a bookshop, it would be filed under fiction, wouldn't it?

59:52.121 --> 59:52.421
Yeah.

59:52.841 --> 59:53.101
Yeah.

59:53.181 --> 59:53.842
Or confused.

59:55.083 --> 59:57.686
It would just be on the floor between two sets of shelves.

59:57.766 --> 01:00:00.309
It would be halfway under or some sort of soft chair.

01:00:00.469 --> 01:00:02.332
It would be in the confused section.

01:00:03.213 --> 01:00:04.875
Here's a free play for you right now, Joe.

01:00:04.895 --> 01:00:06.136
I've picked this one out for you.

01:00:06.176 --> 01:00:06.637
Oh, thanks.

01:00:06.657 --> 01:00:10.001
It's a little bit of an experimental instrumental track.

01:00:10.021 --> 01:00:10.261
I hate it!

01:00:10.802 --> 01:00:12.784
Because I know you enjoy instrumentals, right?

01:00:13.425 --> 01:00:14.346
And this is beautiful.

01:00:14.366 --> 01:00:15.567
I mean, this isn't specific.

01:00:16.107 --> 01:00:16.808
This is this is beautiful.

01:00:17.528 --> 01:00:18.149
It's beautiful.

01:00:18.169 --> 01:00:22.653
I was going to say it's absolutely beautiful, but it's not specifically Halloween themed.

01:00:22.693 --> 01:00:29.979
It's by Squarepusher and it's called Quadrature from his last album.

01:00:30.399 --> 01:00:31.440
Oh, fact alert.

01:00:31.540 --> 01:00:32.581
Fact alert.

01:00:33.141 --> 01:01:02.087
information quandary it was called just a souvenir yes and um but it's lovely are you sure it was called that i'm positive yeah yeah i'm not sure it was his last album though right okay i'm pretty sure but i love this it's so relaxing i hope you agree and it's very sort of subtle and nuanced and unusual do you know when you played um you know when you played your guitar thing last yeah yeah and i like laughed through it that got a lot of people very angry did it

01:01:02.287 --> 01:01:06.130
Well, not very angry, but a lot of people wrote in to say, look, we love that guitar piece.

01:01:06.610 --> 01:01:09.352
Joe's an idiot hole for gurgling through it.

01:01:10.433 --> 01:01:12.915
And, you know, I repeat, I wasn't gurgling at the guitar music.

01:01:12.955 --> 01:01:19.100
I was gurgling at your face and the air of self-importance that descended when you played it.

01:01:20.200 --> 01:01:21.281
It was nice, though.

01:01:21.541 --> 01:01:21.941
It was good.

01:01:21.981 --> 01:01:24.922
People were asking for more of that kind of stuff.

01:01:25.203 --> 01:01:26.483
Well, here you go.

01:01:26.723 --> 01:01:27.844
Here's more of that kind of stuff.

01:01:27.884 --> 01:01:34.447
And this is atypical, I would say, of SquarePusher's output, in that it's very relaxed and mellow.

01:01:34.507 --> 01:01:38.248
But, you know, it's as good as... I'm gonna have a little snooze join in.

01:01:38.288 --> 01:01:38.809
Check this out.

01:01:38.849 --> 01:01:39.649
This is quadrature.

01:01:43.123 --> 01:01:57.508
Shishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishishish

01:01:57.810 --> 01:02:03.656
Well, you see, it's ironic you assume that that's the tone of the thing, because nothing could be further from the truth.

01:02:03.676 --> 01:02:03.856
I know.

01:02:03.876 --> 01:02:09.921
Of course Billy Bragg is an extremely sensitive, intelligent man with a very profound understanding of issues.

01:02:10.342 --> 01:02:12.064
That's from his 1980s social issues.

01:02:12.084 --> 01:02:14.306
1988 album workers play town.

01:02:14.326 --> 01:02:14.926
That was a hard time.

01:02:14.946 --> 01:02:15.527
Fire, fire, fire.

01:02:15.827 --> 01:02:16.227
Shut it.

01:02:16.488 --> 01:02:16.748
Lamp.

01:02:17.108 --> 01:02:17.469
Football.

01:02:17.849 --> 01:02:18.109
Pub.

01:02:18.510 --> 01:02:19.430
Fire, fire, fire.

01:02:20.131 --> 01:02:21.032
Not what he's like at all.

01:02:21.172 --> 01:02:21.352
No.

01:02:21.652 --> 01:02:23.193
He's urbane to the max.

01:02:23.793 --> 01:02:25.714
Shall we get back into textination this week?

01:02:25.734 --> 01:02:29.976
If you want to look for his records in HMV, would you look under the urbane section?

01:02:30.156 --> 01:02:31.157
Just move on, move on, move on.

01:02:31.577 --> 01:02:31.757
What?

01:02:32.137 --> 01:02:32.417
Quickly.

01:02:32.497 --> 01:02:32.857
Move on.

01:02:33.218 --> 01:02:33.618
Come on.

01:02:33.718 --> 01:02:34.058
What?

01:02:35.339 --> 01:02:36.079
Textination.

01:02:36.199 --> 01:02:37.300
Text, text, text.

01:02:37.380 --> 01:02:38.120
Textination.

01:02:38.180 --> 01:02:39.140
What if I don't want to?

01:02:39.401 --> 01:02:40.121
Textination.

01:02:40.201 --> 01:02:41.201
But I'm using email.

01:02:41.382 --> 01:02:42.122
Is that a problem?

01:02:42.142 --> 01:02:42.722
It doesn't matter.

01:02:42.742 --> 01:02:43.002
Text.

01:02:45.384 --> 01:02:46.525
A little crunchy sound there.

01:02:46.585 --> 01:02:47.385
What's that little carrot?

01:02:47.526 --> 01:02:48.526
Oh, what's the mic up for that?

01:02:48.686 --> 01:02:49.207
A k-rot.

01:02:49.547 --> 01:02:50.808
Yeah, does that mean a little k-rot?

01:02:50.848 --> 01:02:52.549
Is that how kids say carrot nowadays?

01:02:52.589 --> 01:02:52.990
K-rot.

01:02:53.790 --> 01:02:54.391
Yeah.

01:02:54.411 --> 01:02:54.691
K-rot.

01:02:54.851 --> 01:02:55.832
Oh, I guess one of them rots.

01:02:56.332 --> 01:02:56.532
Yeah.

01:02:56.953 --> 01:02:57.313
Rotters.

01:02:57.533 --> 01:02:58.013
Yeah.

01:02:58.194 --> 01:02:58.834
Guess you're a rotter.

01:02:58.994 --> 01:02:59.454
Oi!

01:02:59.715 --> 01:03:00.916
Look at the size of my rattle.

01:03:01.656 --> 01:03:14.704
So Text the Nation's all about terrible arguments you've had during family game playing, like board games or could be charades or, you know, any sort of any sort of game that's supposed to bring everyone together.

01:03:14.864 --> 01:03:15.785
We've mentioned this before.

01:03:15.805 --> 01:03:16.866
It ends up schisming them.

01:03:17.246 --> 01:03:20.728
But my favourite is always my friend Mark's story about his dad playing.

01:03:20.748 --> 01:03:22.289
The Scrabble story.

01:03:22.469 --> 01:03:22.750
Yeah.

01:03:23.150 --> 01:03:23.790
And, yeah.

01:03:26.252 --> 01:03:40.580
he came up with two words one of which was quit jut well the word quit and jut like together and he wanted the points for both those words i mean the risky area is is um that you are you are i mean a family has a heart

01:03:42.341 --> 01:03:44.263
A family has a hierarchy, doesn't it?

01:03:46.905 --> 01:03:48.046
That was Adam, not Boggins.

01:03:48.766 --> 01:03:49.967
Boggins hasn't showed up today.

01:03:50.568 --> 01:03:55.572
But a family has a hierarchy and it's important to the functioning of the family that everyone knows where they are in the pecking order.

01:03:56.072 --> 01:04:01.257
Suddenly when you play a game, everyone's level pegging and it's almost like, okay, let's redraw this hierarchy.

01:04:01.877 --> 01:04:04.039
And dads get their pride challenged.

01:04:04.499 --> 01:04:07.482
Kids see an opportunity to gain some authority over mum and dad.

01:04:07.702 --> 01:04:07.922
Yeah.

01:04:08.043 --> 01:04:10.225
And that's where things start, start going bonio.

01:04:10.365 --> 01:04:11.968
Dad's got to set an example.

01:04:12.268 --> 01:04:17.234
And in that case, Mark's dad went absolutely mental and started jumping, hopping about.

01:04:17.354 --> 01:04:19.217
He played a non-existent word.

01:04:19.377 --> 01:04:19.837
Quick jump.

01:04:20.138 --> 01:04:21.640
And then he also wanted to play B.I.P.

01:04:22.040 --> 01:04:22.461
B.I.P.

01:04:23.880 --> 01:04:24.981
A bit might be a word.

01:04:25.041 --> 01:04:26.362
I think it was in the 40s.

01:04:26.882 --> 01:04:27.303
Yeah.

01:04:27.643 --> 01:04:28.123
Todl-bip.

01:04:29.564 --> 01:04:30.685
Todl-pip, maybe.

01:04:30.785 --> 01:04:31.506
No, Todl-bip.

01:04:31.726 --> 01:04:31.946
Todl-bip.

01:04:31.966 --> 01:04:33.587
Todl-bip.

01:04:33.987 --> 01:04:35.889
Here's an email from Hetty in Totnes.

01:04:36.509 --> 01:04:40.993
My ex-husband managed to create an argument playing a cooperative game called Sky Travellers.

01:04:41.673 --> 01:04:47.075
The goal was for us to help each other to get back to our spaceship after finding the parts.

01:04:47.455 --> 01:04:48.956
Sounds like Pikmin, doesn't it?

01:04:49.176 --> 01:04:53.058
The rest of us died, but he said he won because he survived.

01:04:53.378 --> 01:04:57.980
He made up some elaborate story about where he had ended up and about how great it was.

01:04:58.820 --> 01:05:13.103
I mean, that's quite abstract because we don't really understand the game, but in there there's a little kernel of somebody in such denial that they had lost that they have to sort of invent some elaborate narrative or attitude that makes them seem like a winner.

01:05:13.263 --> 01:05:18.304
And then crowing over the others as well to rub their faces in their non-existent victory.

01:05:20.965 --> 01:05:23.247
I mean, these are quite protoplasmic emails.

01:05:24.067 --> 01:05:28.149
No insult to the people who've emailed, but maybe the broth will thicken us.

01:05:28.169 --> 01:05:28.570
No insult.

01:05:28.610 --> 01:05:29.951
You're calling them protoplasm.

01:05:30.891 --> 01:05:33.212
Call them amoebas, why not?

01:05:33.252 --> 01:05:34.873
Single cell organisms.

01:05:36.894 --> 01:05:38.235
That's not what I'm trying to say.

01:05:38.275 --> 01:05:38.975
You know what I mean.

01:05:39.255 --> 01:05:42.717
This idea is snowballing and the snowball is quite small.

01:05:44.318 --> 01:05:45.458
Maxine in Bexhill.

01:05:46.879 --> 01:05:50.980
I once came across a monopoly set at my boyfriend's house and we decided to have a friendly game.

01:05:51.501 --> 01:05:51.821
He won.

01:05:52.381 --> 01:05:55.063
I demanded four rematches and lost each game.

01:05:55.403 --> 01:06:00.087
At this point, I burst into tears and my bemused boyfriend now refuses to play with me ever again.

01:06:00.427 --> 01:06:01.508
Now, this is another good thing.

01:06:01.548 --> 01:06:02.889
It happens with Connect 4 a lot.

01:06:03.370 --> 01:06:03.750
Rematch.

01:06:04.050 --> 01:06:06.873
Best of three, best of five, best of ten, best of twenty.

01:06:06.993 --> 01:06:07.533
Do you know what I mean?

01:06:07.573 --> 01:06:08.434
Just not letting go.

01:06:08.454 --> 01:06:09.715
I will win this one.

01:06:09.975 --> 01:06:10.555
It's terrible.

01:06:10.575 --> 01:06:11.156
I mean, it's shocking.

01:06:11.596 --> 01:06:17.841
If you're a person with a gambling problem and you're betting money on these kind of things, that's how you end up like a massive loser.

01:06:17.961 --> 01:06:18.221
Yes.

01:06:19.543 --> 01:06:20.223
Yeah, that's bad.

01:06:20.263 --> 01:06:23.546
I mean, that's entering into a different and dangerous area, isn't it?

01:06:23.626 --> 01:06:24.247
Yeah, yeah.

01:06:24.987 --> 01:06:33.075
My Uncle David once tossed a whole chessboard and pieces into the fire because he was losing against my dad.

01:06:33.255 --> 01:06:34.076
Uncle Dave!

01:06:34.136 --> 01:06:42.243
Dad forgave him, even though it was his chess set telling me his behaviour was typical of his brother because he was highly strung due to him being an actor.

01:06:44.324 --> 01:06:45.525
Caroline from Cambridge.

01:06:45.545 --> 01:06:50.989
What would happen if you were playing chess with with Blessed and Callo?

01:07:02.546 --> 01:07:04.169
I've beaten you again, my friend!

01:07:05.351 --> 01:07:07.795
I'm going to put the chess set in the fire!

01:07:07.815 --> 01:07:07.855
No!

01:07:08.255 --> 01:07:08.977
Stop it!

01:07:09.137 --> 01:07:12.783
That's my favorite chess set!

01:07:13.104 --> 01:07:13.925
It's burning!

01:07:13.945 --> 01:07:15.287
Can you see it burning?

01:07:16.129 --> 01:07:16.849
That's what would happen.

01:07:17.030 --> 01:07:18.410
Oh, my ears are in pain.

01:07:19.131 --> 01:07:22.753
Wow, I'm so glad I didn't buy that house between Blessed and Callow.

01:07:22.933 --> 01:07:23.213
Yeah.

01:07:23.393 --> 01:07:24.514
That would have been a disaster.

01:07:25.194 --> 01:07:27.635
So keep those emails and texts coming in.

01:07:28.256 --> 01:07:38.301
The text number is 64046, the email adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk, arguments, horrible arguments you've had over supposedly fun domestic games.

01:07:38.501 --> 01:07:42.083
Here's the polyphonic spree right now with their high watermark.

01:07:42.464 --> 01:07:44.925
In my humble opinion, this is soldier girl.

01:07:54.151 --> 01:07:54.952
Oh no!

01:07:54.972 --> 01:07:56.233
Who left the door open?

01:07:59.817 --> 01:08:02.780
I'm really sorry listeners, I know some of you really object to this.

01:08:10.867 --> 01:08:12.209
He's very vocal today.

01:08:12.229 --> 01:08:13.370
Hello bogins!

01:08:13.590 --> 01:08:14.991
Don't come too close, don't come too close.

01:08:15.732 --> 01:08:16.533
Hello, Boggins.

01:08:16.673 --> 01:08:18.014
I'm gonna just jump on your leg.

01:08:18.034 --> 01:08:19.015
Ben, can I borrow your glove?

01:08:19.035 --> 01:08:20.416
I'm gonna jump on your leg for a little bit.

01:08:20.436 --> 01:08:22.659
Just give me that plastic bag and I'll rub it round my hand.

01:08:22.679 --> 01:08:24.280
Give it a little rub if that's okay, I love you.

01:08:24.300 --> 01:08:25.922
That's not a plastic bag, that's a piece of paper.

01:08:26.582 --> 01:08:28.084
Alright, no, don't bend, don't worry, don't worry.

01:08:28.204 --> 01:08:29.145
I rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub.

01:08:29.365 --> 01:08:33.569
I'm just giving him a little pat on the headlessness, but I've put plastic round my hand.

01:08:33.789 --> 01:08:34.750
Oh, jeepers.

01:08:36.511 --> 01:08:37.012
What is that?

01:08:37.032 --> 01:08:37.752
That's like fish.

01:08:38.933 --> 01:08:41.335
There's a, oh, and a bit of pee.

01:08:41.895 --> 01:08:43.476
That's got so many notes in it.

01:08:43.716 --> 01:08:45.197
It's like really elaborate.

01:08:45.477 --> 01:08:45.897
I love you.

01:08:45.937 --> 01:08:46.837
Reculsive perfume.

01:08:46.897 --> 01:08:53.221
I'm just gonna, listen bruv, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna drag myself across the carpet.

01:08:53.261 --> 01:08:54.661
Boggins is a dog.

01:08:55.262 --> 01:08:59.264
To itch my glands if that's okay.

01:08:59.344 --> 01:08:59.744
I love you.

01:09:00.644 --> 01:09:01.525
He's doing that thing now.

01:09:01.565 --> 01:09:02.425
He's very noisy.

01:09:02.445 --> 01:09:03.286
He's intrusive.

01:09:05.201 --> 01:09:07.082
Oh, that's just a little bit repulsive.

01:09:07.862 --> 01:09:08.682
Poor Boggins.

01:09:09.163 --> 01:09:13.364
Listen, so Boggins is this dog that wanders around here in the BBC.

01:09:13.564 --> 01:09:14.484
Boggins, do it again!

01:09:14.544 --> 01:09:15.985
Get him out!

01:09:16.325 --> 01:09:19.606
What's he doing?

01:09:19.646 --> 01:09:20.086
Get out!

01:09:20.446 --> 01:09:21.027
Get out!

01:09:21.107 --> 01:09:23.247
He's getting rid of Boggins!

01:09:23.668 --> 01:09:25.008
There's a chimney in here!

01:09:25.268 --> 01:09:25.628
Boggins!

01:09:28.462 --> 01:09:29.362
Why is he here?

01:09:29.523 --> 01:09:30.063
I don't know.

01:09:30.083 --> 01:09:30.783
He got let in.

01:09:30.823 --> 01:09:34.265
I think it was... Well, you went out to the toilet and then... Went to get some water and then I came through.

01:09:34.285 --> 01:09:34.985
And then there was boggins.

01:09:35.025 --> 01:09:37.066
I mean, we've had quite a bit of correspondence about boggins.

01:09:37.086 --> 01:09:38.247
Has he been dragging himself?

01:09:38.747 --> 01:09:43.009
There is a bit of a sort of a trail across the carpet, but he's ill, man.

01:09:43.029 --> 01:09:43.449
Be nice.

01:09:43.989 --> 01:09:50.272
Kieran from Southfields, me and my housemate were distraught to hear about possibly putting down boggins on last week's podcast.

01:09:50.652 --> 01:09:52.533
So much so, we've founded the S.O.B.

01:09:52.593 --> 01:09:53.774
group, Save Our Boggins.

01:09:54.654 --> 01:09:58.797
What you both fail to realise is he's not just your dog, he is the nation's dog.

01:09:58.957 --> 01:10:01.899
The nation's favourite dog.

01:10:02.940 --> 01:10:05.181
This message from Glenn Simpson is not quite so positive.

01:10:05.702 --> 01:10:11.466
Although I'm a dog person, not a half man half dog you understand, but someone who likes dogs,

01:10:12.046 --> 01:10:24.819
I plead with you to put boggins down, as hearing a grown man pretend to be a dog and eat his own poo while licking another grown man's face is just wrong and makes me feel uncomfortable week in week out.

01:10:27.799 --> 01:10:32.724
He says something about... Hearing a... Hearing a grown man pretend to be a dog.

01:10:32.744 --> 01:10:33.305
What's that about?

01:10:33.465 --> 01:10:34.806
I have no idea what he means by that.

01:10:35.166 --> 01:10:36.468
Why are you reading that one out?

01:10:36.548 --> 01:10:38.049
Well, I just thought it was interesting.

01:10:38.490 --> 01:10:44.275
He finishes up by saying, it ranks up there with George Galloway pretending to be a cat.

01:10:44.876 --> 01:10:46.458
Stop the madness in capitals.

01:10:46.858 --> 01:10:47.759
Kill the dog.

01:10:48.259 --> 01:10:48.980
Ta ta for now.

01:10:49.220 --> 01:10:49.881
Glenn Simpson.

01:10:51.162 --> 01:10:51.403
Well...

01:10:52.398 --> 01:10:59.399
Yeah, I mean, as you know, listeners, we've been thinking about humanely killing, executing boggins.

01:10:59.779 --> 01:11:04.740
I mean, we think it would be good for ratings, because we would do it on the show.

01:11:04.760 --> 01:11:06.360
The public execution.

01:11:06.521 --> 01:11:08.341
That's the way broken Britain's headed anyway, right?

01:11:08.361 --> 01:11:09.881
Well, it's the big British castle.

01:11:10.461 --> 01:11:16.162
It's a medieval, atavistic, atavistic organization.

01:11:16.502 --> 01:11:17.683
It's the kind of thing they're good at.

01:11:17.703 --> 01:11:19.583
We could dust off the stocks or the guillotine.

01:11:21.344 --> 01:11:24.045
But then we've had a lot of people who love Boggins.

01:11:24.085 --> 01:11:28.008
For instance, Ian says Boggins reminds him a lot of his old dog Bertie.

01:11:28.629 --> 01:11:30.730
Bertie was adopted when he was about 100 years old.

01:11:30.770 --> 01:11:39.556
He was blind and deaf, clambered about with a strange toothless grin, often wandering into a room and doing a massive wee while grinning gormlessly at you.

01:11:40.777 --> 01:11:42.258
That's like you, Adam.

01:11:42.438 --> 01:11:49.343
His breath smelled like death, his poos were horrific and he was clumsy and simple, but he was literally the best dog ever.

01:11:49.943 --> 01:11:54.564
Whenever I hear boggins coming to the studio, I get a mental image of a gigantic Bertie.

01:11:54.725 --> 01:11:56.305
I would say he's not as nice as Bertie.

01:11:56.625 --> 01:11:57.946
Please don't ever kill boggins.

01:11:58.026 --> 01:11:59.106
No, that's a nice message.

01:11:59.166 --> 01:12:01.387
I mean, it's a very, very difficult situation.

01:12:01.407 --> 01:12:02.807
Have you seen Up, the film Up?

01:12:03.007 --> 01:12:03.667
Yeah, sure I have.

01:12:04.027 --> 01:12:06.908
You know there's a dog in there who reminded me a lot of boggins.

01:12:06.928 --> 01:12:08.369
Who talks, yeah, they have little sandboxes.

01:12:08.389 --> 01:12:09.229
He says, I love you.

01:12:09.389 --> 01:12:09.609
Yes.

01:12:09.709 --> 01:12:10.549
Are you like squirrels?

01:12:10.690 --> 01:12:11.110
Right, yeah.

01:12:11.130 --> 01:12:11.850
He says, point squirrel!

01:12:12.370 --> 01:12:12.630
Yeah.

01:12:13.190 --> 01:12:13.770
That is a good one.

01:12:13.790 --> 01:12:16.511
Well, some people have suggested that Boggins could have a media career.

01:12:16.771 --> 01:12:17.111
Yeah.

01:12:17.432 --> 01:12:23.493
I mean, at the moment, he's just an intrusion and on a basic phonic level.

01:12:23.613 --> 01:12:27.094
He also sounds like a comedian called Brian Gittens.

01:12:27.475 --> 01:12:27.815
Does he?

01:12:28.015 --> 01:12:29.315
Yeah, you should check out Brian Gittens.

01:12:29.355 --> 01:12:31.016
He's very funny, but he sounds a lot like Boggins.

01:12:31.036 --> 01:12:31.396
Does he?

01:12:31.516 --> 01:12:33.356
I don't know what to do about Boggins.

01:12:34.217 --> 01:12:38.678
I think just keep him out of the studio and the problem will go away, even if the stink doesn't.

01:12:38.918 --> 01:12:40.779
I mean, the stink is overpowering.

01:12:40.819 --> 01:12:41.939
That's the main problem with it.

01:12:42.379 --> 01:12:43.820
Some people have suggested washing him.

01:12:44.680 --> 01:12:45.381
I don't want to touch him.

01:12:48.022 --> 01:12:51.284
Well, we'll bring some protective clothing in and maybe give bogins a bath next week.

01:12:51.653 --> 01:12:54.235
Here's Superfurry Animals with something for the weekend.

01:12:54.635 --> 01:12:57.557
Superfurry Animals there with something for the weekend.

01:12:57.657 --> 01:13:00.118
You're tuned to BBC Six Music.

01:13:00.238 --> 01:13:01.299
It's a digital station.

01:13:01.319 --> 01:13:02.820
You've got a DAB radio.

01:13:02.880 --> 01:13:03.380
Well done.

01:13:03.420 --> 01:13:05.001
You're one of the trendsetters.

01:13:05.522 --> 01:13:07.863
You're going out there and you're an early adopter.

01:13:07.883 --> 01:13:09.524
You could be listening on the internet.

01:13:11.225 --> 01:13:12.006
Many people do.

01:13:12.706 --> 01:13:14.327
Now you've made me look ridiculous.

01:13:14.387 --> 01:13:17.328
Have you ever played with an internet radio?

01:13:18.229 --> 01:13:20.850
Er... A radio with like a Wi-Fi connection.

01:13:21.290 --> 01:13:22.011
They're amazing.

01:13:22.211 --> 01:13:22.551
Are they?

01:13:22.571 --> 01:13:23.871
Why are they better than normal ones?

01:13:24.012 --> 01:13:27.353
Because you can get any radio station in the entire world.

01:13:27.393 --> 01:13:28.634
Oh, in the world!

01:13:28.714 --> 01:13:31.315
And you can get any podcast in the entire world.

01:13:31.395 --> 01:13:31.855
Woah.

01:13:32.075 --> 01:13:35.777
And there's a radio station for every tiny niche of music.

01:13:36.057 --> 01:13:36.277
Oh my gosh.

01:13:36.297 --> 01:13:37.098
That you're interested in.

01:13:37.138 --> 01:13:38.498
And a lot of them don't have any talking.

01:13:38.879 --> 01:13:41.200
So can you organise it by genre and stuff like that?

01:13:41.220 --> 01:13:41.440
Yeah.

01:13:41.880 --> 01:13:49.186
That's the only thing is that selection is so infinite that they haven't really sussed the interface to make it easy, that easy to find what you want.

01:13:49.727 --> 01:13:50.767
Certainly not on my one.

01:13:50.928 --> 01:13:53.590
Over William, over Willem... What?

01:13:53.890 --> 01:13:54.711
Over Wilhelmet.

01:13:54.931 --> 01:13:56.993
Over Helmed Willem.

01:13:57.013 --> 01:13:57.753
By the Wilhem.

01:13:58.834 --> 01:13:59.515
Smokey Robinson.

01:13:59.935 --> 01:14:01.157
Yes, the Smokestar.

01:14:01.357 --> 01:14:02.058
The Smokestack.

01:14:02.218 --> 01:14:02.658
The Robber.

01:14:03.079 --> 01:14:10.487
He was part of the BBC's Electric Proms, uh, Shabash, and he performed their... Baking Shabash?

01:14:10.807 --> 01:14:11.067
Yeah.

01:14:11.488 --> 01:14:12.148
Excuse me.

01:14:12.208 --> 01:14:13.029
He performed...

01:14:19.214 --> 01:14:26.396
He performed last Saturday, or at least the concert that he'd done, went out on Radio 2 last Saturday around 8.30pm.

01:14:26.416 --> 01:14:28.697
We were alerted to this fact by Ed Althwaite.

01:14:29.117 --> 01:14:30.038
Thank you very much, Ed.

01:14:30.238 --> 01:14:36.620
He sent in a message basically saying that Smokey Robinson had done a little joke there.

01:14:36.640 --> 01:14:39.442
We're going to have some made up jokes later on in this programme.

01:14:39.482 --> 01:14:42.043
Smokey had attempted to say a joke to the crowd.

01:14:42.223 --> 01:14:43.563
Yeah.

01:14:43.683 --> 01:14:45.204
Let's have a listen right now.

01:14:46.553 --> 01:14:47.333
Thank you so much.

01:14:48.454 --> 01:14:48.834
Thank you.

01:14:51.815 --> 01:14:56.016
We have out a new CD and a new album.

01:14:56.637 --> 01:14:57.937
Vinyl is back, you guys.

01:15:01.638 --> 01:15:05.120
So we have a sebum or an LD.

01:15:07.000 --> 01:15:07.180
No.

01:15:09.081 --> 01:15:10.041
What was the guy shouting?

01:15:12.441 --> 01:15:37.582
we have a sebum or an Aldi so he's swapping the the beginning the first consonant an album and a CD so he's a sebum a sebum i mean sebum's not a very attractive word no i can remember using the word sebum and you hearing it for the first time ever yeah and you reacted as if i'd dropped some kind of brain bomb it was amazing you couldn't get over sebum well you'll see

01:15:39.684 --> 01:15:40.885
I said oily sebum.

01:15:40.905 --> 01:15:41.546
Oily sebum.

01:15:42.607 --> 01:15:47.632
Sebum is an oily substance which is secreted by the sebaceous glands in mammalian skin.

01:15:47.652 --> 01:15:48.613
Sure it is, sure it is.

01:15:48.653 --> 01:15:53.217
Main purpose, to make the skin and hair waterproof and to protect them from drying out.

01:15:53.237 --> 01:15:53.818
Oily sebum.

01:15:54.178 --> 01:15:54.839
Oily sebum.

01:15:55.019 --> 01:15:59.303
If you go on YouTube, there's videos of people squeezing out oily sebum.

01:15:59.323 --> 01:16:01.265
No, you don't even say that.

01:16:02.806 --> 01:16:03.827
How many did you watch?

01:16:03.987 --> 01:16:04.888
Quite a few.

01:16:04.928 --> 01:16:06.368
You love that kind of thing.

01:16:06.929 --> 01:16:10.751
Any kind of snake bite or... Oh, dear.

01:16:11.391 --> 01:16:15.613
I don't feel like a person that does love those things, but when I start watching them, I can't stop.

01:16:15.673 --> 01:16:16.073
Why?

01:16:16.934 --> 01:16:18.154
You're like David Cronenberg.

01:16:18.955 --> 01:16:21.336
Fascinated by the breakdown of the human body.

01:16:21.936 --> 01:16:23.117
Sebum.

01:16:23.697 --> 01:16:25.018
And the other one he mentioned was Aldi.

01:16:25.198 --> 01:16:27.419
I mean, it's a peculiar collision of words.

01:16:27.439 --> 01:16:28.520
Aldi is a shop, is it?

01:16:28.900 --> 01:16:30.601
Yeah, is that just peculiar to Britain?

01:16:30.801 --> 01:16:31.441
Not sure about that.

01:16:31.461 --> 01:16:32.942
There may be Aldi's in all kinds of countries.

01:16:32.962 --> 01:16:33.362
C. Bummon Aldi.

01:16:33.682 --> 01:16:34.422
C. Bummon Aldi.

01:16:34.462 --> 01:16:37.823
It's so weird to hear Smokey Robinson saying those words on the stage.

01:16:37.843 --> 01:16:38.904
He didn't get a huge response, did he?

01:16:38.924 --> 01:16:39.744
He got a niche response.

01:16:39.864 --> 01:16:40.384
It's confusing.

01:16:40.805 --> 01:16:41.425
From the crowd.

01:16:41.445 --> 01:16:42.105
C. Bummon Aldi.

01:16:42.945 --> 01:16:43.566
We have out.

01:16:43.966 --> 01:16:46.867
And the other thing is his grandma was so sort of arcane.

01:16:47.147 --> 01:16:48.688
We have out a new CD.

01:16:49.648 --> 01:16:51.169
and a new album.

01:16:51.809 --> 01:16:54.510
So we have a Seabum or an Aldi.

01:16:55.530 --> 01:16:56.150
Who sent that in?

01:16:57.791 --> 01:16:58.371
Ed Althwaite.

01:16:58.631 --> 01:16:59.252
Thank you, Ed.

01:16:59.432 --> 01:17:00.412
Well spotted.

01:17:00.932 --> 01:17:05.074
And as I said, we've got some made up jokes coming up in the last half hour of the programme.

01:17:05.414 --> 01:17:08.355
But right now, here is another free choice for you.

01:17:08.395 --> 01:17:10.176
It's another Halloween themed one.

01:17:10.616 --> 01:17:13.417
And it's Johnny Cash with Ghost Riders in the Sky.

01:17:13.817 --> 01:17:18.543
Johnny Cash there with Ghost Riders in the Sky, and Adam and Joel on BBC6 Music.

01:17:18.884 --> 01:17:21.547
I'd just like to say something that's a bit boring, really.

01:17:22.108 --> 01:17:27.575
But I've been at the London Film Festival a lot in the last few weeks, and it's just been amazing.

01:17:28.519 --> 01:17:32.040
It's not within my ken, is that a phrase?

01:17:32.361 --> 01:17:32.561
Right.

01:17:32.941 --> 01:17:33.761
Is it a phrase?

01:17:33.801 --> 01:17:34.541
Yeah, I think so, yeah.

01:17:34.601 --> 01:17:35.442
Within my ken.

01:17:35.482 --> 01:17:36.702
Within our ken, usually.

01:17:36.842 --> 01:17:37.382
Yeah.

01:17:37.463 --> 01:17:39.763
To like just randomly plug things.

01:17:39.823 --> 01:17:41.464
But I had such an amazing time.

01:17:41.544 --> 01:17:41.724
Yeah.

01:17:41.904 --> 01:17:43.305
Have you ever been to a film festival?

01:17:44.265 --> 01:17:49.250
No, the whole of Leicester Square London's Leicester Square was sort of taken over by it.

01:17:49.731 --> 01:17:50.531
I saw fantastic.

01:17:50.572 --> 01:17:51.172
Mr. Fox.

01:17:51.492 --> 01:17:54.235
Oh, yes I saw Mick Maxx the new Janae film.

01:17:54.936 --> 01:17:56.257
You know the guy that did delicatessen.

01:17:56.277 --> 01:17:57.178
Yeah, how was that?

01:17:57.458 --> 01:18:00.281
It was it was good Yeah, I saw no where boy.

01:18:00.541 --> 01:18:02.903
I saw the new harmony Corinne trash humpers.

01:18:03.064 --> 01:18:03.644
You love him.

01:18:03.704 --> 01:18:03.944
Don't you?

01:18:04.005 --> 01:18:07.027
I do like a bit of harmony Corinne trash humpers good.

01:18:07.068 --> 01:18:07.488
That sounds like a

01:18:07.608 --> 01:18:08.429
parody of a Harmony Corinne.

01:18:08.449 --> 01:18:09.310
Can you guess what it's about?

01:18:09.330 --> 01:18:16.157
I mean, for younger listeners, Harmony Corinne is a kind of enfant terribler, kind of outsider artist type guy.

01:18:16.337 --> 01:18:18.038
Not so much of the enfant anymore, though, is he?

01:18:18.099 --> 01:18:18.559
No, no.

01:18:18.719 --> 01:18:21.021
Yeah, he's married now and got a little kid.

01:18:21.402 --> 01:18:23.164
But he was when he first burst on the scene.

01:18:23.204 --> 01:18:26.047
He wrote the script to Larry Clark's film Kids when he was about.

01:18:27.288 --> 01:18:27.868
17 or something.

01:18:29.310 --> 01:18:31.972
And he specializes in doing the weirdest of the weird.

01:18:32.133 --> 01:18:33.254
Trash hampers.

01:18:33.294 --> 01:18:34.275
Can you guess what it's about?

01:18:34.996 --> 01:18:38.599
It's about vagrants who go around shagging other vagrants.

01:18:39.520 --> 01:18:39.880
No.

01:18:40.401 --> 01:18:42.123
The clue's in trash hampers.

01:18:42.803 --> 01:18:44.125
They shag bins.

01:18:45.092 --> 01:18:48.076
Oh, I was thinking, like, surely they don't just shank the bins.

01:18:48.356 --> 01:18:49.358
Yeah, they do.

01:18:49.498 --> 01:18:50.820
And they make chicken noises.

01:18:51.320 --> 01:18:54.104
And that's pretty much it for an hour.

01:18:55.626 --> 01:19:01.234
And he introduced the film at the National Film Theatre, or the BFI South Bank, as we have to call it now, and he said...

01:19:01.694 --> 01:19:03.516
This is quite a weird film.

01:19:04.017 --> 01:19:09.463
If you're the kind of person who walks out of things, then you should just walk out now.

01:19:09.483 --> 01:19:13.368
There's no point in walking out during the film, you'll spoil it.

01:19:13.388 --> 01:19:16.631
So if you're a walker out, just please do it now.

01:19:16.651 --> 01:19:18.514
Did people walk out?

01:19:18.694 --> 01:19:21.817
No, nobody walked out at that point, but then the trash humping started.

01:19:22.718 --> 01:19:39.800
and quite a few people walked out but it was quite cool because it's like a test can you endure this can you endure these images and you were sat there whooping I was loving it waving flags I loved it but it was such fun and I don't know it was just lots of people I knew were there

01:19:40.236 --> 01:19:41.317
And it was so enjoyable.

01:19:42.057 --> 01:19:44.738
And it just seems to me to be going from strength to strength.

01:19:45.078 --> 01:19:48.120
And if you like films, it's such an amazing place to see them.

01:19:48.300 --> 01:19:49.140
Is it still continuing?

01:19:49.400 --> 01:19:50.861
No, it finished last week.

01:19:50.881 --> 01:19:53.342
But there are film festivals all over Britain, aren't there?

01:19:53.422 --> 01:19:56.123
Nottingham, Bristol, Edinburgh, amazing.

01:19:56.143 --> 01:19:59.505
And if you've never been to one and you like films, you should really check it out.

01:19:59.725 --> 01:20:00.645
And do you love those Q&A?

01:20:00.665 --> 01:20:02.866
Do you see weird stuff that I like a good Q&A?

01:20:03.287 --> 01:20:06.208
I like a good really awkward question from an audience.

01:20:06.448 --> 01:20:12.456
Because I would say about half the time, directors seem ill-equipped to actually do public speaking.

01:20:12.476 --> 01:20:16.782
Do you think, I think most of the time, the public are ill-equipped to ask questions?

01:20:16.983 --> 01:20:18.385
Well, it's a bit of both, isn't it?

01:20:18.865 --> 01:20:21.789
There's usually one person in an audience for a Q&A.

01:20:22.370 --> 01:20:29.696
that thinks they know more about the personal stage than anyone else in the world, and thinks they deserve to be sort of taken under that artist's wing.

01:20:30.237 --> 01:20:38.643
So they'll ask a really complicated question that's designed more to state how much they know than it is to actually ask the question, and it can be quite excruciating.

01:20:38.664 --> 01:20:39.364
You're right.

01:20:39.484 --> 01:20:40.845
Yeah, that happens quite often.

01:20:40.885 --> 01:20:45.029
People using quotes and stuff like that to really show off their knowledge.

01:20:45.469 --> 01:20:50.013
And then a lot of the time, the director just gets confused and doesn't really understand the question.

01:20:50.453 --> 01:20:54.858
Yeah, or if it's a cheeky director, he'll sort of throw it back in his face and humiliate the person.

01:20:55.238 --> 01:21:01.325
And then you'll see their brain trying to deal with their hero kind of rebuffing their big, you know, their big gambit.

01:21:01.465 --> 01:21:07.632
And then there's the person who feels the best way to deal with a big famous director is to be quite aggressive and rude.

01:21:07.652 --> 01:21:08.553
Provocative, yeah.

01:21:08.713 --> 01:21:09.734
Yeah, that's true.

01:21:10.555 --> 01:21:12.776
And then there's the Q&A's when just no one asks anything.

01:21:13.077 --> 01:21:13.277
Yeah.

01:21:13.597 --> 01:21:14.137
When they turn.

01:21:14.177 --> 01:21:15.758
And now it's time, that's enough of me.

01:21:16.539 --> 01:21:18.240
Here's a chance for you guys to ask questions.

01:21:18.260 --> 01:21:18.860
Who's got a question?

01:21:18.900 --> 01:21:20.221
Anyone got a question for?

01:21:20.881 --> 01:21:21.201
Nothing.

01:21:21.262 --> 01:21:21.862
Anyone at all?

01:21:21.882 --> 01:21:26.044
Okay, well let's talk a little bit more about the costumes.

01:21:28.237 --> 01:21:40.540
But man, the London Film Festival was amazing and I had such a good time and I do recommend if you should check out if you like films, your local film festival if there is one, because it is probably going to be wicked.

01:21:40.720 --> 01:21:41.880
It's absolutely wicked.

01:21:42.080 --> 01:21:42.720
Viva Film.

01:21:43.161 --> 01:21:43.761
Is that the message?

01:21:43.901 --> 01:21:45.081
That's basically the message.

01:21:45.801 --> 01:21:49.102
Here's CSS with Let's Make Love and Listen to Death from Above.

01:21:49.762 --> 01:21:52.183
Ooh, freaky, unpleasant noise.

01:21:52.263 --> 01:21:55.284
There you go, that CSS with let's make love and listen to death.

01:21:55.664 --> 01:21:56.965
It was a bit though, wasn't it?

01:21:57.065 --> 01:21:58.145
At the end there.

01:21:58.165 --> 01:22:02.607
This is BBC 6 music, it's just gone 11.30, it's time for the news.

01:22:02.867 --> 01:22:15.272
We had a little audio messaging from a couple of listeners, James Shepherd and his brother, Rory, they sent us a little clip, it's quite nice, they're from Australia, you just play it in Ben.

01:22:15.882 --> 01:22:26.510
And just so you know, we are from Australia, and we just want to say... Do you want to say anything more?

01:22:26.751 --> 01:22:28.892
We like Adam and Jo, and we're kids.

01:22:29.353 --> 01:22:29.693
Yes.

01:22:30.353 --> 01:22:32.875
Retro Technicians here!

01:22:33.216 --> 01:22:33.676
Bye-bye!

01:22:33.696 --> 01:22:34.617
Love you too.

01:22:35.946 --> 01:22:50.286
Love you Joe at the end there sings your jingle and then says love you Joe Thanks very much for reaching out across the ocean to smack me in the face I don't care if they're 12 and 11 and they're cool.

01:22:50.306 --> 01:22:50.606
I know

01:22:50.606 --> 01:22:53.589
I don't care that a smack in the face is still a smack in the face.

01:22:53.609 --> 01:22:54.830
Are you going to get on an economy flight?

01:22:54.870 --> 01:23:00.515
Whether it's from an 11-year-old Australian or a burly bouncer from South End.

01:23:00.575 --> 01:23:05.700
Are you angry enough to go straight to the airport after the program and fly to Harvey in Australia and go and have it out with them?

01:23:05.720 --> 01:23:07.222
Yeah, I've got some money saved.

01:23:07.602 --> 01:23:14.268
I could be in Australia by tomorrow afternoon and I would lamp that guy right back for the insult that he'd done on me.

01:23:14.288 --> 01:23:15.129
I was knocking the door.

01:23:16.030 --> 01:23:16.290
Yeah.

01:23:16.730 --> 01:23:16.990
Hi.

01:23:17.090 --> 01:23:17.831
What's his name?

01:23:17.971 --> 01:23:19.671
Harvey and... No, James and Rory.

01:23:19.711 --> 01:23:20.332
They live in Harvey.

01:23:20.372 --> 01:23:20.552
Yeah.

01:23:20.772 --> 01:23:21.732
Good day, mate!

01:23:22.032 --> 01:23:24.533
Which one is James and which one is Rory?

01:23:24.773 --> 01:23:40.400
Yeah, suppose you think it was funny reaching across the ocean with your audio message to smack me in the face on national radio by saying, he's singing Joe's Jingle Jingle Jingle Jingle and then saying I love you Joe at the end.

01:23:41.000 --> 01:23:42.100
Well, how about this?

01:23:42.560 --> 01:23:43.801
Smack lamp.

01:23:44.341 --> 01:23:46.403
And I'd get it in there before the cops came.

01:23:46.423 --> 01:23:47.244
And then they'd love you.

01:23:48.105 --> 01:23:49.165
And then they'd love you.

01:23:49.446 --> 01:23:52.428
Oh, yes, I'm losing sight of the point of the trip, isn't it?

01:23:54.891 --> 01:23:58.614
The point is not to punish them, it's to convince them that I'm more lovable than you are.

01:23:58.854 --> 01:24:01.617
Yeah, but you didn't think about that on the flight over, you just watched all the films.

01:24:01.977 --> 01:24:04.980
I just thought I got absorbed in the films and the free food.

01:24:07.222 --> 01:24:10.666
Anyway, thanks James and Rory for sending that in.

01:24:11.086 --> 01:24:11.587
I loved it.

01:24:11.807 --> 01:24:13.389
Now I loved it too James and Rory.

01:24:13.669 --> 01:24:15.230
I'm only joking with you.

01:24:15.270 --> 01:24:16.151
That's very sweet.

01:24:16.231 --> 01:24:21.657
I would encourage the practice of messages being sent in from whoever.

01:24:22.057 --> 01:24:22.878
Hey, what are we going to do now?

01:24:22.898 --> 01:24:24.679
Are we going to do some more text the nation at some point?

01:24:24.699 --> 01:24:26.220
Or have we got some random waffle or what?

01:24:26.240 --> 01:24:27.020
We've got a lot to get to.

01:24:27.040 --> 01:24:28.842
We've got less than 20 minutes of the show.

01:24:28.862 --> 01:24:30.463
We've still got made up jokes, yo.

01:24:30.663 --> 01:24:31.864
Well, let's do that right now.

01:24:31.924 --> 01:24:32.324
Why not?

01:24:32.484 --> 01:24:33.104
All right.

01:24:33.244 --> 01:24:34.825
Have you got the made up jokes jingle, Ben?

01:24:35.806 --> 01:24:39.969
This is testing Ben on the hoof powers to the absolute maximum.

01:24:40.369 --> 01:24:43.992
James, coffee styling is away this week.

01:24:44.372 --> 01:24:45.993
And Ben, apple yard.

01:24:46.293 --> 01:24:47.634
That's an easy name to remember.

01:24:47.654 --> 01:24:50.396
I mean, that's the image right there already for you.

01:24:51.816 --> 01:24:56.838
He's fighting his bottom lip like some sort of, I don't know, slightly... Bernapple yards.

01:24:57.278 --> 01:25:02.980
Our favourite stand-in producer is here with us and he has queued up the made-up jokes jingle and here it is.

01:25:03.860 --> 01:25:07.541
I'm a funny person I often make up jokes

01:25:07.981 --> 01:25:12.024
My jokes are more amusing than those of other folks.

01:25:12.724 --> 01:25:16.446
When you hear my joke, I think you'll find that you agree.

01:25:16.927 --> 01:25:22.570
Come on, you're all invited to a made-up joke party.

01:25:22.790 --> 01:25:25.152
I love Adam's made-up jokes, Jingle.

01:25:25.572 --> 01:25:27.093
Made-up joke party.

01:25:27.173 --> 01:25:28.114
Why couldn't he have done that?

01:25:28.274 --> 01:25:31.016
Hey, if you're aged 12 and you like Adam,

01:25:31.616 --> 01:25:35.079
then record a little message for him because he's getting really bruised.

01:25:36.400 --> 01:25:37.941
It's made up joke time listeners.

01:25:38.341 --> 01:25:43.245
These are supposed to be jokes that you've genuinely authored and they're supposed to be some way decent.

01:25:43.265 --> 01:25:45.847
They're not supposed to deliberately send us bad jokes.

01:25:46.707 --> 01:25:48.608
Um, we're getting a lot, as well.

01:25:48.828 --> 01:25:54.392
I mean, it's... I'm not sure that the ones I've picked out are absolutely the top humdingers, cos there were hundreds.

01:25:54.572 --> 01:25:58.475
Can I give you an example of something that... Someone who's got it slightly wrong, in my opinion.

01:25:58.675 --> 01:26:02.137
This is Flav Collins, or Flare of Collins, has said the same.

01:26:02.157 --> 01:26:03.598
She's not gonna be sending you a little audio.

01:26:03.618 --> 01:26:04.559
I think it might be a guy.

01:26:05.379 --> 01:26:13.341
I mean, anyway, I'm pretty confident, he says, this is one of the worst made up jokes ever, right up there with Annie Lennox.

01:26:13.521 --> 01:26:13.961
Hey.

01:26:14.521 --> 01:26:16.262
So, already there's problems there.

01:26:16.382 --> 01:26:17.902
Yeah, that's not a bad joke.

01:26:17.942 --> 01:26:21.763
It's a brilliant joke, Annie Lennox, and you're not supposed to deliberately do bad ones.

01:26:22.103 --> 01:26:26.304
His joke is, why did the nanny get fired from working in the China shop?

01:26:27.345 --> 01:26:27.745
I don't know.

01:26:28.205 --> 01:26:29.685
Too many drop-ins.

01:26:30.185 --> 01:26:32.246
And then he puts in brackets, Mary Poppins.

01:26:33.710 --> 01:26:38.471
Mmm, so that's just, that's just kind of no disrespect to the individual, but that's just poor, right?

01:26:38.491 --> 01:26:41.232
And he says, I made that up out of my own imagination.

01:26:43.872 --> 01:26:45.732
So, Flav, no disrespect, as Joe says.

01:26:46.213 --> 01:26:48.253
Thanks very much for sending it in, Flav.

01:26:48.693 --> 01:26:51.634
But I think you've got the wrong end of the stick there.

01:26:51.654 --> 01:26:55.754
It's not supposed to be deliberately absolutely Barney Rubbles, which is what you've done.

01:26:57.055 --> 01:26:58.355
Give us a properly good one, Joe.

01:26:58.835 --> 01:27:02.440
How, well, that's quite a thing to ask me to do, isn't it?

01:27:02.480 --> 01:27:05.143
I'll give you one of the ones that I pulled out and stuck in.

01:27:05.323 --> 01:27:08.147
How does Timothy Claypole keep in touch with the rest of Rent-A-Ghost?

01:27:08.587 --> 01:27:10.670
Oh, good retro reference.

01:27:10.710 --> 01:27:11.792
Best one for dads.

01:27:11.952 --> 01:27:12.893
Yeah, I don't know.

01:27:13.233 --> 01:27:15.116
They use Facebook.

01:27:16.681 --> 01:27:17.361
Facebook.

01:27:17.861 --> 01:27:18.841
Fa-spook.

01:27:18.861 --> 01:27:19.622
Fa-spook.

01:27:19.682 --> 01:27:20.262
Fa-spook.

01:27:20.302 --> 01:27:21.342
Timothy Claypole was a fa-spook.

01:27:21.362 --> 01:27:22.722
He was a little fa-spook.

01:27:22.862 --> 01:27:23.462
Fa-spook.

01:27:23.522 --> 01:27:24.183
Fa-spook.

01:27:24.483 --> 01:27:28.523
And that's good because it fuses the retrograde with the contemporaneous.

01:27:29.144 --> 01:27:33.725
And it's also a very retrograneous, as Smokey Robinson might say.

01:27:33.765 --> 01:27:33.985
Yeah.

01:27:34.505 --> 01:27:38.406
It's a very nice assessment of the character of Mr. Claypole.

01:27:38.526 --> 01:27:38.966
As well.

01:27:39.206 --> 01:27:39.526
Yeah.

01:27:40.026 --> 01:27:41.126
It's a nice way of putting it.

01:27:41.206 --> 01:27:42.066
Yeah.

01:27:42.146 --> 01:27:45.007
You could be less complimentary about what Mr. Claypole was like.

01:27:45.527 --> 01:27:45.827
Yes.

01:27:46.088 --> 01:27:48.830
If you were like, you know, if you were an unpleasant person.

01:27:49.190 --> 01:28:01.279
Here's a message from Yasha, a joke rather, and she says, Dear Dr. Buckles and Professor Cornballs, how did the brat pack unscrew a smutty roasted nut that had a cross on top?

01:28:02.020 --> 01:28:03.701
Now that's a good setup.

01:28:04.442 --> 01:28:05.523
Unscrew a whaty?

01:28:05.743 --> 01:28:07.104
A smutty roasted nut.

01:28:07.244 --> 01:28:08.365
A smutty roasted nut.

01:28:08.385 --> 01:28:09.145
With a cross on top.

01:28:10.887 --> 01:28:12.048
With a cross on top.

01:28:12.388 --> 01:28:15.871
Oh man, if you gave me a few minutes, I bet you I'd be able to deduce that.

01:28:15.911 --> 01:28:16.472
Do you reckon?

01:28:16.832 --> 01:28:17.152
Yeah.

01:28:17.353 --> 01:28:21.176
They used a lewd Armand Phillips head screwdriver.

01:28:21.676 --> 01:28:21.977
What?

01:28:21.997 --> 01:28:25.119
The lewd diamond Phillips head screwdriver.

01:28:25.320 --> 01:28:26.421
Oh, I wouldn't have got that.

01:28:27.822 --> 01:28:31.245
I mean, so the only connection to the Bratpeck is lewd diamond Phillips.

01:28:31.385 --> 01:28:31.645
Yeah.

01:28:33.339 --> 01:28:34.259
That's pretty tenuous.

01:28:34.860 --> 01:28:36.160
Yeah, but the rest of it fits.

01:28:36.280 --> 01:28:38.061
The smutty roasted nut allude on.

01:28:38.081 --> 01:28:38.481
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:28:38.501 --> 01:28:39.162
It's good, it's good.

01:28:39.182 --> 01:28:44.684
I mean, that's becoming quite a typical thing for people to do when they send in these jokes, is to kind of work backwards.

01:28:44.704 --> 01:28:46.865
I guess that's the precedent that Anilinox set.

01:28:47.025 --> 01:28:47.765
Work backwards?

01:28:47.925 --> 01:28:49.486
Yeah, from some bizarre phrase.

01:28:49.826 --> 01:28:50.066
Yeah.

01:28:52.028 --> 01:28:54.610
Here's one from Ben in Liverpool.

01:29:09.261 --> 01:29:09.641
I don't know.

01:29:10.361 --> 01:29:11.142
Press that in.

01:29:12.722 --> 01:29:13.222
Press that in.

01:29:13.443 --> 01:29:13.923
Press that in.

01:29:13.963 --> 01:29:14.563
Press that in.

01:29:14.663 --> 01:29:15.363
There's Shoulder Blade.

01:29:15.403 --> 01:29:16.844
Press it in from Ben in Liverpool.

01:29:16.864 --> 01:29:21.125
I'm hoping that writing the jokes in green helps them to get read out as it seems to have worked for other people.

01:29:22.046 --> 01:29:23.806
How does he know what colour other people live in?

01:29:23.826 --> 01:29:27.187
Because I mentioned when I read that other one out, I Love You, Lee.

01:29:27.748 --> 01:29:29.148
I Love You, Lee.

01:29:29.168 --> 01:29:30.128
Still one of my favourites.

01:29:30.228 --> 01:29:31.389
We didn't do the right accent.

01:29:31.909 --> 01:29:32.770
I made it amazing.

01:29:33.010 --> 01:29:33.812
I love you, Lee.

01:29:34.092 --> 01:29:34.452
I love you.

01:29:34.472 --> 01:29:35.153
I love you, Lee.

01:29:35.233 --> 01:29:36.115
I still one of my favourite.

01:29:36.235 --> 01:29:37.396
I'd say that's my number two after it.

01:29:37.476 --> 01:29:39.619
Because it was the Norwich accent even.

01:29:39.659 --> 01:29:44.005
It was, but I think by not doing the Norwich accent, I made it a bit more awkward and added a bit more.

01:29:44.185 --> 01:29:48.491
But it's better because it's perfect for the Norwich accent because it goes, I love you, Lee.

01:29:48.971 --> 01:29:50.251
Yeah, I love your line.

01:29:50.531 --> 01:29:52.492
Anyway, here's one right now.

01:29:52.612 --> 01:29:55.593
And we've had variations on this one from several other listeners.

01:29:55.693 --> 01:29:56.933
I won't name them all.

01:29:57.093 --> 01:29:58.814
It's impossible, but please calm down.

01:29:58.874 --> 01:30:00.594
Don't write in in an angry way.

01:30:01.195 --> 01:30:02.975
If this is a variational one, you've already sent in.

01:30:03.015 --> 01:30:05.056
Dear Adam and Jo, this is from Georgie.

01:30:05.656 --> 01:30:09.517
My boyfriend James has made up a joke that I've been meaning to share for months.

01:30:09.957 --> 01:30:10.397
Here it is.

01:30:11.037 --> 01:30:13.758
How do you turn red wine into a rabbi?

01:30:14.678 --> 01:30:16.919
Reduce it on a hob until it becomes a dew.

01:30:19.235 --> 01:30:19.735
or a Jew.

01:30:21.096 --> 01:30:24.859
Well, Adam Buxton, that's quite an interesting joke to read.

01:30:25.499 --> 01:30:28.181
Georgie says, I think it's a goodie and he's proud of it.

01:30:28.241 --> 01:30:31.984
My only worry is that it could possibly be slightly offensive.

01:30:32.504 --> 01:30:35.166
Hopefully the big British castle will deem it readoutable.

01:30:35.406 --> 01:30:37.248
We didn't actually run it past anyone.

01:30:37.488 --> 01:30:40.330
Adam the big British Adam Buxton deemed it readoutable.

01:30:40.770 --> 01:30:43.492
Because, you know, it's just a play on the word Jew.

01:30:43.612 --> 01:30:45.674
Yeah, I think we should move on.

01:30:46.414 --> 01:30:47.695
How is that offensive, just the word?

01:30:47.715 --> 01:30:50.376
I don't know, it's just making me feel nervous, the whole thing.

01:30:50.636 --> 01:30:53.297
It's created an unnervous... Someone get boggins in.

01:30:53.978 --> 01:30:54.358
Boggins?

01:30:55.458 --> 01:30:56.519
Here boy, come on, boggins.

01:30:57.159 --> 01:30:58.740
Oh, boggins, thank God for that.

01:30:59.380 --> 01:31:00.681
I'm gonna give you a hot boggins.

01:31:00.721 --> 01:31:01.301
I love you, bruv.

01:31:02.361 --> 01:31:04.763
So, a turn to enter a rabbi.

01:31:05.703 --> 01:31:06.203
Oh no.

01:31:06.643 --> 01:31:09.205
It almost sounds as if boggins is telling that joke.

01:31:09.225 --> 01:31:10.285
Let's get boggins out.

01:31:10.505 --> 01:31:10.665
Out.

01:31:11.145 --> 01:31:11.666
Come on, boggins.

01:31:12.486 --> 01:31:13.147
Go on, go out.

01:31:13.207 --> 01:31:13.788
Go, go, go.

01:31:14.528 --> 01:31:15.029
Go away.

01:31:16.130 --> 01:31:17.071
Go on, close the door.

01:31:18.172 --> 01:31:24.198
Why did Boggins... I just went out to get some water because I was a bit nervous about that rabbi joke and then Boggins just scampered past him.

01:31:24.218 --> 01:31:25.380
He came in to save the day.

01:31:25.400 --> 01:31:27.682
You got another one there?

01:31:27.862 --> 01:31:28.363
Super Boggins.

01:31:28.583 --> 01:31:31.286
You know, I do but it's not very good.

01:31:31.326 --> 01:31:34.129
I mean, well it's good but I think it's probably an old one.

01:31:34.429 --> 01:31:34.889
Oh, come on.

01:31:34.909 --> 01:31:39.711
Because it's a, it goes like this, which hip hop rap star only eats Mexican food?

01:31:40.151 --> 01:31:40.471
Hmm.

01:31:40.751 --> 01:31:42.172
Chili corn, Kanye West.

01:31:42.492 --> 01:31:43.852
Oh, that's, it's old, isn't it?

01:31:43.892 --> 01:31:44.453
But it's good.

01:31:44.833 --> 01:31:45.273
Yeah, is it?

01:31:45.293 --> 01:31:45.653
Chloe.

01:31:46.473 --> 01:31:48.314
Em, Em, Emilia Barter.

01:31:48.534 --> 01:31:49.755
Here's one from Paul O'Connor.

01:31:50.315 --> 01:31:54.756
My manga-obsessed friend is now stalking a particularly wooden actress.

01:31:55.617 --> 01:31:56.057
Oh, is he?

01:31:56.077 --> 01:31:58.498
This is in the form of a conversation.

01:31:59.718 --> 01:32:02.799
Yeah, my manga obsessed friend is now stalking a particularly wooden actress.

01:32:03.299 --> 01:32:03.659
Oh, is he?

01:32:04.159 --> 01:32:04.420
Yes.

01:32:04.880 --> 01:32:07.160
He started watching Akira Knightley.

01:32:08.201 --> 01:32:08.941
That's good.

01:32:09.301 --> 01:32:10.001
That's very good.

01:32:10.021 --> 01:32:10.441
I like it.

01:32:10.541 --> 01:32:11.181
I like it a lot.

01:32:11.482 --> 01:32:16.923
I was just thinking there it would be fun to get really famous actors to perform these jokes, but in a conversational style.

01:32:17.083 --> 01:32:17.243
Yeah.

01:32:17.303 --> 01:32:19.284
Because can you imagine De Niro and Wolkan?

01:32:20.684 --> 01:32:25.266
Like on a street corner in New York, turning to each other and just casually delivering those lines?

01:32:25.506 --> 01:32:26.806
Can you imagine Buxton doing it?

01:32:27.722 --> 01:32:31.646
Mmm, only if he got squashed by something afterwards.

01:32:33.027 --> 01:32:33.687
Or something in his eye.

01:32:33.727 --> 01:32:38.711
We should try and get some other brilliant actors, as well, apart from A. Buckles.

01:32:39.752 --> 01:32:40.232
A. Buckles.

01:32:40.252 --> 01:32:44.415
You know, because it's a little bit insulting for you to just suddenly mention De Niro and walk.

01:32:44.456 --> 01:32:45.717
And then you're in the room.

01:32:45.857 --> 01:32:46.337
They're okay.

01:32:50.080 --> 01:32:58.009
So basically I kind of ran out of time to harvest made-up jokes, and I think I've got some quite average ones.

01:32:58.309 --> 01:33:03.055
Here's one final one before we move on, because we've still got a wrap-up text the nation in the name of Flip.

01:33:03.756 --> 01:33:04.737
This is from Nick Deer.

01:33:05.257 --> 01:33:08.421
How much does it cost Cockneys to wash their hair?

01:33:09.001 --> 01:33:09.482
I don't know.

01:33:11.630 --> 01:33:12.051
Nice!

01:33:12.591 --> 01:33:14.433
Here's LL Cool J, this is Rock the Bells.

01:33:14.713 --> 01:33:19.619
Well, we're nearly running out of time, listeners, so we thought we should just do one more little packet of text-a-nation.

01:33:19.679 --> 01:33:21.901
So have you got the jingle there, Ben, quickly?

01:33:23.182 --> 01:33:24.003
Text-a-nation!

01:33:24.043 --> 01:33:25.124
Text, text, text!

01:33:25.225 --> 01:33:25.965
Text-a-nation!

01:33:26.025 --> 01:33:26.986
What if I don't want to?

01:33:27.247 --> 01:33:27.967
Text-a-nation!

01:33:28.048 --> 01:33:29.049
But I'm using email.

01:33:29.229 --> 01:33:29.970
Is that a problem?

01:33:29.990 --> 01:33:30.851
It doesn't matter, text!

01:33:33.294 --> 01:33:40.738
And Text the Nation is all about furious arguments and confrontations that have arisen out of fun family games.

01:33:40.878 --> 01:33:41.218
Yeah.

01:33:41.778 --> 01:33:43.339
Board games, cards, that kind of thing.

01:33:43.699 --> 01:33:44.559
Here's an anonymous one.

01:33:45.800 --> 01:33:52.683
My dad once stormed out of the room and declared that a game of Cranium didn't count because my two little sisters had won.

01:33:53.364 --> 01:33:57.626
His reason was that it wasn't fair because they were twins.

01:33:58.906 --> 01:34:00.366
And they've got the same cranium.

01:34:00.386 --> 01:34:01.647
Some kind of psychic ability.

01:34:01.947 --> 01:34:03.067
They've got similar braniums.

01:34:03.147 --> 01:34:04.507
That's not impressive for Dad.

01:34:04.747 --> 01:34:07.228
Come on Dad, that is bad on a number of levels.

01:34:07.288 --> 01:34:08.008
Tom and Cardiff.

01:34:08.168 --> 01:34:11.248
Once when I was younger we were engaged in a family game of Scrabble.

01:34:11.288 --> 01:34:14.209
We were pretty deep into the game and the board was filling up with toiled words.

01:34:14.249 --> 01:34:17.089
It was my turn, but I couldn't deploy the word I wanted.

01:34:17.389 --> 01:34:19.490
My family kept nagging me to make my turn.

01:34:19.510 --> 01:34:20.390
It was stressing me out.

01:34:20.770 --> 01:34:25.251
So I picked up the whole board and threw it onto the kitchen floor, thus ruining the game for everyone.

01:34:25.491 --> 01:34:26.831
I've never played Scrabble since.

01:34:27.831 --> 01:34:30.093
Tom and Cardiff, is that a good tactic if you're losing?

01:34:30.473 --> 01:34:31.394
To throw the whole thing on the floor.

01:34:31.414 --> 01:34:32.795
I mean, it's conclusive, isn't it?

01:34:33.015 --> 01:34:37.138
But people do tend to think of you as an idiot hole thereafter.

01:34:37.718 --> 01:34:38.699
That's the risk, isn't it?

01:34:38.839 --> 01:34:43.382
Freddie Elsom says, whenever I play my girlfriend at chess, I always win.

01:34:43.763 --> 01:34:53.850
I gain great satisfaction by making fight noises and explosions when I take her king, ultimately resulting in the destruction of the chessboard as my victorious piece kicks and headbutts all her pieces.

01:34:54.230 --> 01:34:56.572
When I tire of this, I demand, loser cleans up!

01:34:56.952 --> 01:35:14.333
and leave the room now what about that like over-the-top celebratory behavior yeah when you're pulling ahead to just taunt your opponents that causes problems immediately that can be the kind of spark that lights the fuse that ends in the argument and we got time for one more the fuse that broke the camels

01:35:15.054 --> 01:35:24.657
When the family was bonding over a jigsaw, I would secrete a piece somewhere about my person so I could always have the joyous satisfaction of inserting the last bit.

01:35:24.957 --> 01:35:25.597
Woah!

01:35:25.637 --> 01:35:27.157
Geordie Alex from Holloway.

01:35:27.237 --> 01:35:28.718
You are a super-ponce, Geordie Alex.

01:35:28.738 --> 01:35:29.498
That's crafty.

01:35:29.778 --> 01:35:30.838
I think he's a mega-dude.

01:35:30.878 --> 01:35:33.359
I thought you were going to say secrete an oily sebum.

01:35:33.959 --> 01:35:34.659
Oily sebum.

01:35:35.499 --> 01:35:37.580
And finally, Anne Tebs.

01:35:38.320 --> 01:35:51.769
Adam and Jo, my ex-boyfriend and family invited their Uncle Brian round for Christmas dinner.

01:35:52.109 --> 01:35:54.130
They decided to have an after dinner game of Jenga.

01:35:54.651 --> 01:35:58.953
After a few glasses of wine, Uncle Brian started insisting that they play Jenga for money.

01:35:59.574 --> 01:36:04.097
The family objected since it was Christmas Day, and knowing that their uncle is a little highly strung.

01:36:05.377 --> 01:36:13.339
Eventually, they conceded to keep Uncle Brian happy.

01:36:13.920 --> 01:36:16.960
Unfortunately, Uncle Brian lost numerous games.

01:36:17.420 --> 01:36:23.522
He kicked the game across the living room floor, shouting hysterically, quote, I'll kill you and your family.

01:36:23.982 --> 01:36:24.702
Close quotes.

01:36:25.143 --> 01:36:26.223
Merry Christmas, Anne.

01:36:27.836 --> 01:36:29.137
I'll kill you!

01:36:29.678 --> 01:36:31.100
Let's play for money!

01:36:31.300 --> 01:36:33.142
Come on, you paddy!

01:36:33.162 --> 01:36:35.064
Let's play social money!

01:36:35.604 --> 01:36:37.586
I'll kill you and your family!

01:36:38.167 --> 01:36:40.009
Uncle Brian?

01:36:40.229 --> 01:36:41.130
Uncle Brian, yeah.

01:36:41.210 --> 01:36:42.191
Uncle Brian round again.

01:36:42.972 --> 01:36:45.314
So listeners, we're going to be away next week.

01:36:46.174 --> 01:36:47.335
We got business to attend to.

01:36:47.375 --> 01:36:47.955
Sorry about that.

01:36:47.975 --> 01:36:52.999
But there's a big treat waiting for you because Richard Herring and Andrew Collins will be filling in for us.

01:36:53.039 --> 01:36:59.804
They do an extremely good podcast and they're going to be doing their business here at the Big British Castle, which is exciting for us and for you.

01:37:00.484 --> 01:37:02.226
So yes, that's something to look forward to.

01:37:02.306 --> 01:37:06.270
However, we will have a little place holding podcast, which we're just about to record now.

01:37:06.330 --> 01:37:14.878
So not only will you be able to download a podcast of this week's show on Monday, but the Monday thereafter, there'll be a little special nugget there for you as well.

01:37:14.938 --> 01:37:15.939
Take care, listeners.

01:37:16.039 --> 01:37:16.899
Stay tuned for this.

01:37:17.260 --> 01:37:17.520
Sure.

01:37:17.560 --> 01:37:18.321
Have a wonderful week.

01:37:18.361 --> 01:37:18.661
I love you.

01:37:18.681 --> 01:37:18.761
Bye.