WEBVTT 00:00.329 --> 00:23.356 Six music today from two Mickey spangles and the posse from midday Music balloon with Julie splas, but now Admiral corn balls and bucculis Welcome to the big big castle It's time for Adam and Joe to broadcast on the radio 00:32.503 --> 00:34.304 Rapping, rapping, I'm Christmas rapping. 00:34.524 --> 00:36.365 I'm a local counsellor, there's rates to be capping. 00:36.645 --> 00:38.446 I rap here and I rap there. 00:38.666 --> 00:40.808 I only got two lines in. 00:40.828 --> 00:41.648 You did very well. 00:42.488 --> 00:49.832 Imagine if you were in like a really terrifying Detroit nightclub rapping against some really tough rappers. 00:49.912 --> 00:50.533 Like 8 Mile. 00:50.573 --> 00:57.557 Like 8 Mile and you came on stage and you know that was really intimidating atmosphere and you came out with that. 00:57.937 --> 00:59.898 Rapping, rapping, I'm Christmas rapping. 01:00.118 --> 01:01.199 I work for the council. 01:01.319 --> 01:01.899 How does it go? 01:02.179 --> 01:04.020 I'm a local councillor, there's rates to be capping. 01:04.341 --> 01:05.061 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 01:05.181 --> 01:07.203 So strong opening cut-plate, you're saying. 01:07.263 --> 01:08.504 But then you sort of collapsed. 01:09.425 --> 01:11.706 I mean, the crowd would be behind you for that, they'd be gasping. 01:11.926 --> 01:13.087 Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. 01:13.648 --> 01:14.208 Kind of noise. 01:14.368 --> 01:15.489 That's how M&M started. 01:15.809 --> 01:20.033 That's an accurate evocation of the first time M&M stepped out onto the boards. 01:20.313 --> 01:20.633 Really? 01:20.913 --> 01:21.774 It's amazing. 01:22.065 --> 01:23.445 Hey, listeners, this is Adam. 01:23.725 --> 01:24.426 Hey, this is Joe. 01:24.466 --> 01:32.767 Welcome to the Adam and Joe radio show here on BBC 6 Music on this kind of weird Saturday morning where everything's switching to winter. 01:33.127 --> 01:33.808 Yeah, boy. 01:33.888 --> 01:34.908 Do the clocks even go? 01:35.328 --> 01:38.529 Possibly, but it's all sort of been cooled off today, hasn't it, this morning? 01:38.609 --> 01:39.569 It's a little nip in the air. 01:39.989 --> 01:41.349 Three weeks they go forward, is it? 01:41.369 --> 01:41.529 Really? 01:41.549 --> 01:42.289 No, I don't know. 01:42.409 --> 01:43.950 It's very windy across the British Isles. 01:44.030 --> 01:44.890 Gales in the north. 01:46.072 --> 01:46.632 It's all over. 01:46.853 --> 01:48.133 My elbow's hurting. 01:48.394 --> 01:48.834 Oh dear. 01:49.014 --> 01:51.155 The nasty weather's not agreeing with my elbow. 01:51.175 --> 01:51.876 You want rheumatism? 01:52.056 --> 01:52.416 Yes. 01:52.717 --> 01:53.277 Oh dear. 01:53.477 --> 01:56.179 Do you get that seasonal related aches and pains yet? 01:56.219 --> 01:56.699 Not really. 01:56.819 --> 01:57.039 No. 01:57.580 --> 01:58.020 Wait for it. 01:58.040 --> 02:00.782 It's a tiny little bit of depression in the air though. 02:01.022 --> 02:01.302 Yeah. 02:01.823 --> 02:02.083 You know. 02:03.364 --> 02:04.284 Right, seasonal depression. 02:04.324 --> 02:05.145 Seasonal depression. 02:05.225 --> 02:05.865 It's just a little bump. 02:06.125 --> 02:07.566 It's gonna be Christmas soon, don't worry about it. 02:07.626 --> 02:08.206 Ah, that's true. 02:08.366 --> 02:11.028 It's gonna be Santa time, Santa party time. 02:11.048 --> 02:13.089 We've got all sorts of stuff coming up in the show. 02:13.429 --> 02:15.790 We've got Text the Nation, the nation's favourite feature. 02:15.910 --> 02:18.632 We've got Retro Text the Nation, the nation's second favourite feature. 02:19.112 --> 02:27.477 We've got Future Text the Nation, we've got Medieval Text the Nation, we've got Sci-Fi Text the Nation, and of course we've got Japanese Text the Nation and our new feature 02:28.657 --> 02:30.098 mumble to the nation. 02:30.598 --> 02:31.218 No, that's not true. 02:31.258 --> 02:32.159 Only two of those are real. 02:32.199 --> 02:37.541 It would be ridiculous to fill the show with hundreds of different versions of the same segment. 02:37.561 --> 02:38.361 That would be madness. 02:38.381 --> 02:42.923 The one segment that we thought up two years ago and we've never been able to think up of a different segment. 02:44.978 --> 02:45.318 We did! 02:45.358 --> 02:47.520 We thought up the idea of texting a radio program. 02:47.540 --> 02:49.881 We thought up the idea of calling it texting mission. 02:50.522 --> 02:51.542 That's an idea, isn't it? 02:52.103 --> 02:54.524 Just because many other people have have it. 02:54.865 --> 02:58.987 We'll be going into that area as well of ideas and stolen jokes. 02:59.328 --> 03:03.350 We're going to have an amazing stolen joke face off, so stay tuned for that. 03:03.691 --> 03:08.414 Plus there's a Black Squadron command coming up any moment, but are we going to have a little bit more music first? 03:08.434 --> 03:09.414 A little bit more music, mate. 03:09.675 --> 03:10.535 Do you know what? 03:10.835 --> 03:14.618 Before you heard the song we heard at the top of the show, the intro song, mate. 03:15.038 --> 03:16.899 That was rapping from young MC. 03:17.439 --> 03:17.939 Oh, great. 03:17.959 --> 03:18.880 Yeah, with no how. 03:18.960 --> 03:19.100 Great. 03:19.300 --> 03:20.980 He's an educated rapper from the past. 03:21.020 --> 03:23.181 It's so great to hear a young MC rapping. 03:23.221 --> 03:23.381 Isn't it? 03:23.421 --> 03:24.802 There's so many old MCs. 03:24.842 --> 03:26.703 It's good to let the youngsters through. 03:26.723 --> 03:27.183 It's great. 03:27.363 --> 03:28.963 I feel that about pop music in general. 03:29.504 --> 03:31.424 It's so dominated by the older folk. 03:31.724 --> 03:32.465 Oh, it's true, man. 03:32.485 --> 03:35.266 Why don't they let some young artists come through once in a while? 03:35.306 --> 03:39.688 I'd like to set up some kind of young rapping scheme to get the youngsters involved. 03:39.708 --> 03:43.309 To get the youngsters to get the under 20s rapping, because there's so many 03:44.309 --> 03:47.470 over 60s rapping, it's becoming tedious. 03:47.510 --> 03:49.771 All the geriatric rappers, I'm so sick of them. 03:49.891 --> 03:50.651 Get off the stage. 03:50.711 --> 03:51.732 I'm sick of them, mate. 03:51.752 --> 03:52.652 It's the kids a chance. 03:52.712 --> 03:55.213 I'm so sick of them, they make me so angry. 03:55.253 --> 03:56.813 That doesn't really work. 03:57.013 --> 03:57.354 Why? 03:57.394 --> 03:58.734 An angry Australian accent. 03:58.874 --> 03:59.734 It's oil on water. 03:59.774 --> 04:01.375 Australians don't really get angry. 04:01.475 --> 04:06.116 Some of them do, mate, when they're out in the outback and their sword slips and they cut their fingers. 04:06.356 --> 04:07.637 Their sword slips? 04:07.657 --> 04:10.698 Yeah, they're using their sword for chopping the brush back. 04:11.659 --> 04:12.039 Okay. 04:12.220 --> 04:13.060 With a sword. 04:13.160 --> 04:14.101 With that bit of sword. 04:14.181 --> 04:14.742 Yeah, mate. 04:14.782 --> 04:15.522 That's what it's called. 04:15.582 --> 04:17.604 And when it slips in it, nicks your finger. 04:17.644 --> 04:18.585 That makes you angry. 04:18.825 --> 04:19.285 Try it. 04:19.606 --> 04:20.847 Play the record, I think, maybe. 04:20.947 --> 04:23.749 Yeah, this is wild beasts with all the king's men. 04:26.231 --> 04:31.315 There is an elite listening force known as Black Squadron. 04:32.276 --> 04:40.383 They are trained to rise early on a Saturday morning and listen to the very beginning of the Adam and Jo Show live on Six Music. 04:41.607 --> 04:47.372 They don't just listen when it's convenient later in the week with the iPlayer or the podcast. 04:47.833 --> 04:53.919 They listen now, in the present, without the ability to skip past the bits they don't like. 04:54.639 --> 04:57.102 Black Squadron, we salute you! 04:58.177 --> 05:04.140 Yes, it's time for another one of our brand new, very exciting, innovative Black Squadron photo commands. 05:04.460 --> 05:06.281 Well, the photo command is much better. 05:06.321 --> 05:12.384 I mean, in the olden days, Black Squadron used to be issued just a random command, like hide or something. 05:12.404 --> 05:15.025 We had no evidence really that people had done it. 05:15.305 --> 05:15.685 Exactly. 05:15.745 --> 05:20.668 Analog commands, which were completely atavistic in this digital age. 05:20.728 --> 05:20.948 Yeah. 05:21.588 --> 05:22.228 What was the other one? 05:22.348 --> 05:23.069 Bread in pocket. 05:23.709 --> 05:24.969 bread in pocket. 05:25.089 --> 05:28.850 I mean, I trust Black Squadron that they would have definitely had bread in their pockets. 05:28.890 --> 05:29.570 Yeah, oh, they did. 05:29.950 --> 05:31.991 And in fact, people used to send us photos back then. 05:32.251 --> 05:33.271 Yeah, but not many. 05:33.771 --> 05:42.833 But now it's integral to the command, we're going to give you a kind of a photo theme, Black Squadron, and we'd like you to race to send in a picture along this theme. 05:43.053 --> 05:46.033 And there's no winner, of course, not a competition. 05:46.053 --> 05:46.773 It's not bad. 05:46.813 --> 05:48.874 How do we describe it just to fun, interactive? 05:49.754 --> 05:53.397 A fun, random scrabble, something like that. 05:53.417 --> 05:54.098 Scrabble? 05:54.318 --> 05:55.479 No, that's confusing. 05:55.899 --> 05:57.220 Anyway, we're going to give you a command. 05:57.240 --> 06:00.303 We'd like you to send a photo in of you doing the command. 06:00.483 --> 06:02.225 So get your photo equipment ready. 06:02.545 --> 06:05.347 Let me just tell you before we do that, a bit of Black Squadron news. 06:05.387 --> 06:10.712 Did you know this about the Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez? 06:11.772 --> 06:17.177 In May of this year, he... Oh, I wrote a little rhyme here. 06:17.197 --> 06:18.338 I forgot I wrote the rhyme. 06:18.758 --> 06:25.003 like I can rap but some people think he's wicked some people think he's not but he's a Venezuelan president he's the only one I got 06:28.522 --> 06:31.304 I've put it in brackets, so maybe I should have forgotten about it. 06:31.624 --> 06:32.105 That was good. 06:32.265 --> 06:32.525 Thanks. 06:32.965 --> 06:55.901 Anyway, Hugo Chavez, he's the various world president, I can't say that, and he started to implement a four-part color-coded revolutionary reading plan this year, the goal of which, this is true, listeners, the goal of which is the democratization of books and reading with a new conception of reading as a collective act under the fundamental values and principles of revolutionary socialism. 06:56.261 --> 06:57.042 I'm not making this up. 06:57.302 --> 06:58.163 No, he's a good guy. 06:58.203 --> 07:04.270 He was the guy that Ken Livingston went to try and do a deal for petrol on London Transport, wasn't he? 07:04.591 --> 07:04.811 Yeah. 07:05.312 --> 07:06.633 That was a little bit controversial. 07:06.713 --> 07:07.835 He's a controversial figure. 07:08.095 --> 07:10.378 He's got very polarised political views. 07:10.438 --> 07:11.539 He does, isn't he? 07:11.579 --> 07:12.320 Yeah, it's true. 07:12.980 --> 07:23.931 Anyway, the government in Venezuela is organising and encouraging the formation of state-sponsored book clubs or revolutionary reading squads, which will follow a set list of 100 books the government has drawn up. 07:30.857 --> 07:37.302 In all, there are four phases to the curriculum, initially enticing readers with literature and then progressing through to books. 07:37.542 --> 07:40.143 You must read Cormac McCarthy's The Road. 07:40.183 --> 07:40.824 Read it now. 07:40.944 --> 07:42.105 Everybody must read it. 07:42.125 --> 07:42.645 It's true. 07:42.685 --> 07:43.206 It's very good. 07:43.226 --> 07:43.966 Have you read it? 07:44.586 --> 07:44.807 No. 07:44.927 --> 07:45.327 You should. 07:45.387 --> 07:46.608 What's the one about the dog? 07:46.908 --> 07:48.069 The autistic boy and the dog? 07:49.650 --> 07:50.651 Johnny and Tibbles. 07:50.971 --> 07:52.812 You must read Johnny and Tibbles. 07:53.072 --> 07:54.553 That's a Venezuelan accent. 07:56.114 --> 08:13.304 are you will be shot similar to the very strange very broad bad Nazi here are the actual squadrons that Hugo Chavez is implementing red squadron readers in queue introduced to books that encourage the reader to empathize with humanity before politics 08:13.684 --> 08:20.728 Green Squadron will work on deconstructing the capitalist worldview through reading and discussion of texts about our true symbols. 08:21.188 --> 08:28.192 Orange Squadron focuses on consolidating the reader as an individual and collective subject of the Socialist and Revolutionary Project. 08:28.653 --> 08:38.918 And fourth and finally, Black Squadron, devoted to sharing textual tools for cultural resistance against the ideological cultural attacks of the imperialists. 08:40.319 --> 08:43.902 So, in a way, they're like the key squadron there in Chávez's reading group. 08:43.922 --> 08:45.743 Do you think we could do a link, some kind of a link up? 08:46.264 --> 08:47.505 I was hoping that we might. 08:47.565 --> 08:48.746 Can we get them on the phone? 08:49.446 --> 08:51.628 Surely someone... Or a leader, a black squadron leader. 08:51.908 --> 08:54.330 Because they can get this show in Venezuela, can't they? 08:54.891 --> 08:56.091 If you live in Venezuela... 08:56.872 --> 09:03.916 and you can get in contact with a Black Squadron member, then please email us at AdamandJoe.6musicatpbc.co.uk. 09:04.596 --> 09:13.461 I mean, can you imagine if those people were actually reading their, you know, sharing their textual tools for cultural resistance and listening live to this show? 09:13.981 --> 09:15.802 They would be the ultimate Black Squadron member. 09:15.822 --> 09:16.382 They really would. 09:16.622 --> 09:19.064 I mean, obviously they've got a very particular political doctrine. 09:19.884 --> 09:22.846 And are we suggesting that our Black Squadron share the same views? 09:22.866 --> 09:24.407 Well, they could dovetail, couldn't they? 09:24.587 --> 09:25.007 They could. 09:25.047 --> 09:26.508 I'm sure there's areas where they overlap. 09:26.648 --> 09:26.888 Sure. 09:27.148 --> 09:28.049 I mean, people are people. 09:28.609 --> 09:29.110 Aren't they? 09:29.390 --> 09:29.690 Right? 09:29.750 --> 09:30.891 You could write a song about that. 09:31.471 --> 09:34.353 So anyway, maybe we should issue our command for our Black Squadron. 09:34.373 --> 09:34.593 Yes. 09:34.673 --> 09:42.858 And remember, listeners, if you do text us a or email us a photo, or if you text us a photo, your texts will be charged at your standard message rate. 09:43.278 --> 09:43.859 That's what it says. 09:43.919 --> 09:46.100 But actually, they're sometimes a bit more expensive, aren't they? 09:46.360 --> 09:47.301 Gotta be careful. 09:47.321 --> 09:48.222 Gotta be aware of the charges. 09:48.242 --> 09:49.783 So we're just saying that it's not our fault. 09:49.923 --> 09:50.263 Exactly. 09:50.683 --> 09:56.188 And by the way, after Admiral Cornball's issues the command for Black Squadron, we're going to have a free play. 09:56.748 --> 09:58.369 It's a one-hit wonder by the hombres. 09:58.730 --> 09:59.210 Let it out. 09:59.470 --> 10:00.231 Let it all hang out. 10:00.251 --> 10:02.332 The first of three sixties themed free plays. 10:02.352 --> 10:03.073 Nice. 10:03.533 --> 10:05.235 But first, here is the command. 10:05.535 --> 10:06.576 Stand by Black Squadron. 10:07.196 --> 10:09.358 Cameras and cell phones at the ready. 10:09.478 --> 10:10.299 Here is your command. 10:11.243 --> 10:12.184 Backwards clothes! 10:26.798 --> 10:27.839 What's going on there, Adam? 10:27.859 --> 10:31.121 That guy, he's reversed his clothes and he's... Or she. 10:31.421 --> 10:32.522 Dark picture. 10:32.562 --> 10:34.102 Is that Kevin Spacey's face? 10:34.163 --> 10:34.923 I don't think so. 10:34.943 --> 10:35.864 I don't know whose face that is. 10:35.904 --> 10:40.787 Someone... I mean, this is very effective because it's a jacket and a shirt and tie reversed. 10:41.127 --> 10:44.729 So it really reads, you know, if you just reverse a red jumper. 10:44.869 --> 10:45.089 Yeah. 10:45.289 --> 10:48.151 It maybe doesn't punch through, but this is really happening, isn't it? 10:48.171 --> 10:49.192 That's the lady, you're right. 10:49.252 --> 10:52.574 And the lady on the back of her head, she's put some kind of a mask. 10:53.194 --> 10:54.314 So there's that one. 10:54.334 --> 10:56.515 These are anonymous, because they're by text. 10:57.035 --> 11:00.196 This is from where there was rather an attractive lady. 11:01.097 --> 11:01.857 She's gone away. 11:02.817 --> 11:06.918 And it suddenly made me think, wow, maybe we could be onto some kind of new fashion trend here. 11:07.158 --> 11:08.099 Yeah, backwards clothes. 11:08.159 --> 11:08.479 Yeah. 11:08.519 --> 11:12.340 Well, I mean, in the hip-hop community, sure, they wear their trousers back. 11:12.360 --> 11:12.840 Has she gone? 11:13.881 --> 11:19.182 But has there ever been any significant move in the indie pop community to wear your shirts backwards? 11:19.202 --> 11:21.523 She's attractive as well, but she wasn't the one I was thinking of. 11:23.001 --> 11:23.181 What? 11:23.201 --> 11:23.622 Sorry, mate? 11:23.982 --> 11:27.425 Have people worn their shirts backwards properly? 11:27.505 --> 11:29.647 Chris Cross just did the trousers, didn't they? 11:29.667 --> 11:30.928 Yeah, no one's really done the shirts. 11:31.008 --> 11:32.469 No, that's exciting. 11:32.609 --> 11:33.130 That's the next. 11:33.150 --> 11:34.010 Chris could be on to it. 11:34.030 --> 11:35.251 I mean, fashion's desperate, isn't it? 11:35.271 --> 11:38.134 It's gone all the way back to the 80s and suddenly here's a new door opening. 11:38.314 --> 11:38.554 Yeah. 11:38.634 --> 11:39.335 Into the future. 11:40.055 --> 11:40.716 Future door. 11:40.936 --> 11:47.422 Anyway, keep those photos coming in for the next four minutes because, of course, Black Squadrons stand down at half past nine. 11:47.782 --> 11:50.244 That'd be violating various rules to send them in after then. 11:50.484 --> 11:57.127 Our producer James, just as Neil Young was fading out there, said, could you get into Lady Hawk before the news? 11:57.627 --> 12:01.469 I was thinking that's not quite a short notice to get into like a whole band. 12:01.489 --> 12:02.709 Oh, I see. 12:05.691 --> 12:09.072 You know, she's OK, but I don't know if I can get into her before the news. 12:09.753 --> 12:10.893 Now that sounds dirty, doesn't it? 12:11.013 --> 12:11.213 Yeah. 12:11.393 --> 12:12.974 Listen, here's Magic by Lady Hawk. 12:13.277 --> 12:16.399 Yes, yeah, Lady Hawk on Adam and Jo. 12:16.599 --> 12:17.600 She's not German. 12:18.121 --> 12:19.021 Yeah, but I was. 12:19.041 --> 12:19.842 Yeah? 12:19.882 --> 12:20.582 Yeah. 12:20.743 --> 12:21.663 You were imagining her. 12:21.983 --> 12:22.924 I was German. 12:23.344 --> 12:27.788 She sounds, I mean, they sound exactly like what the other ones from Australia made. 12:28.828 --> 12:30.328 The Empire of the Sun? 12:30.469 --> 12:32.429 Well, it's very fashionable to sound like that. 12:32.449 --> 12:36.650 It's fashionable to sound like that and to dress like a giant ponce. 12:37.250 --> 12:41.171 Talking of dressing like a giant ponce, wouldn't it be amazing if someone from Black Squadron spent the whole day and the back was closed? 12:41.271 --> 12:41.671 Yeah. 12:41.851 --> 12:49.513 Like actually went out tonight, went to the supermarket and if anyone commented, just, you know, said, yeah, you know, it's like super fashionable. 12:49.693 --> 12:53.137 I'd like to see a picture of someone out in the street dressed like that, certainly. 12:53.337 --> 12:54.118 Yeah, that would be brave. 12:54.238 --> 12:55.740 Consider that an incitement. 12:56.201 --> 12:58.684 But now it's time to stand you down, Black Squadron. 13:00.306 --> 13:04.530 Apart from this girl who I've slightly fallen in love with, she can not stand down. 13:04.771 --> 13:05.512 She can come over. 13:05.792 --> 13:06.353 Yeah. 13:06.433 --> 13:07.534 OK, it's time to stand down. 13:07.574 --> 13:08.155 Here's the jingle. 13:08.735 --> 13:09.616 And Black Squadron! 13:12.012 --> 13:19.504 Stand down, your work is done You've earned yourself a nice warm bath And maybe a nice little bargain 13:21.863 --> 13:22.843 Super Furry Animals. 13:23.003 --> 13:23.683 Sorry Adam. 13:24.764 --> 13:25.684 With Hello Sunshine. 13:25.704 --> 13:27.164 Is that what you were going to say as well? 13:27.204 --> 13:28.724 Yeah, exactly what I was going to say. 13:28.784 --> 13:29.444 Coincidence. 13:29.785 --> 13:33.125 That was taken from their 2003 album Phantom Power. 13:33.185 --> 13:36.086 Hey listeners, this is Adam and Jo here on BBC 6 Music. 13:36.366 --> 13:38.306 Very nice to have you along this Saturday morning. 13:38.906 --> 13:45.408 Now Jo, I can remember going out to dinner with friends and it being quite uncomfortable to have quite a sweet drink. 13:45.468 --> 13:47.148 For instance, if we were having sangria. 13:47.848 --> 13:50.989 to the point where I had to say, that's it, I can't have any more. 13:51.470 --> 13:55.071 The dentist diagnosed really that I did have sensitive teeth. 13:55.752 --> 13:58.473 I felt I hadn't been looking after my teeth properly. 13:59.133 --> 14:00.214 I started using boggins. 14:00.874 --> 14:02.755 There's the whitening version over there. 14:02.795 --> 14:03.695 That's my favourite. 14:03.775 --> 14:05.756 It sits in my bathroom all the time. 14:05.776 --> 14:08.137 It ticks all the boxes really for me, keeps my teeth white. 14:08.157 --> 14:11.439 I'm not sure how it does it, but it seems to work. 14:12.199 --> 14:16.362 Hey, listen, do you mind if I come and make a commercial with you? 14:16.842 --> 14:20.324 It's just I work for Boggins and I'm just going to do it on my camcorder. 14:20.664 --> 14:21.264 Right. 14:21.545 --> 14:23.966 In your actual kitchen or bathroom. 14:23.986 --> 14:25.687 It's going to be very naturalistic and real. 14:26.307 --> 14:33.552 I feel that your honest relationship with the product Boggins, captured in a very honest way, is really going to communicate to consumers. 14:34.272 --> 14:40.056 And other people who have this problem that some people see as trivial, but actually we know is actually a very serious problem. 14:40.256 --> 14:44.379 Well, it was tough for me because I, after a while, I couldn't have any more sangria. 14:44.699 --> 14:46.600 Well, yeah, and you do like to drink heavily. 14:46.700 --> 14:47.601 Love sangria. 14:47.761 --> 14:48.902 Yeah, sort of. 14:49.482 --> 14:49.822 Right. 14:50.063 --> 14:50.883 Okay. 14:51.604 --> 14:52.524 You want to make a commercial? 14:52.924 --> 14:57.548 Well, it's a bit weird for me because I was just confiding in you as a friend about the sensitive tea. 14:57.568 --> 14:58.028 Well, do you know what? 14:58.348 --> 15:04.895 I actually secretly filmed you while you were doing that and we've already cut it together and we are going to put it out on telly. 15:05.636 --> 15:08.138 I mean, it's going to be very real and it's going to be very real. 15:08.999 --> 15:09.200 What? 15:09.720 --> 15:10.241 How do you mean? 15:10.421 --> 15:10.861 It's fine. 15:10.961 --> 15:13.164 Look, all you need to know is the sangria's back on. 15:13.344 --> 15:14.605 I feel totally violated. 15:14.645 --> 15:16.768 You violated my trust, my friendship. 15:17.388 --> 15:18.309 Well, I have some free boggins. 15:18.329 --> 15:21.210 I was trying to talk to you about my sensitive teeth and I was using boggins. 15:21.250 --> 15:23.191 I'm never going to use boggins ever again now. 15:23.611 --> 15:24.832 Okay, we won't use this mess. 15:25.052 --> 15:27.513 Destroyed my relationship with boggins. 15:27.994 --> 15:30.595 Now I'm going to have to play some Death Cab for Cutie to make up for it. 15:30.695 --> 15:31.335 Oh God. 15:31.576 --> 15:32.956 Oh well, you brought it on yourself. 15:33.056 --> 15:34.157 This is Meet Me at the Equinox. 15:34.577 --> 15:37.700 Death Cab for QT with Meet Me at the Equinox. 15:37.840 --> 15:39.481 This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music. 15:39.541 --> 15:41.122 It's time for Retro Text the Nation. 15:41.142 --> 15:44.545 And before we play the jingle, we received an email that I'd like to read out to you. 15:45.146 --> 15:55.514 Dear Blameless Adam and Jo, I am a dedicated podcast listener and possible member of Slack Squadron, although I don't fully understand all the pseudo-squadrons you have lurking about. 15:56.135 --> 15:58.737 I'm also, for this email, the voice of the people. 15:59.457 --> 16:03.460 Y-O-Y is the hypnotically brilliant Retro Text the Nation jingle. 16:04.435 --> 16:05.055 Hang on a second. 16:05.255 --> 16:11.058 Why oh why in the hypnotically brilliant retro-Texanation jingle is it thrown in the trash and forgotten about? 16:11.399 --> 16:14.880 The word grinds on my ears each time I'm forced to sing along with it. 16:15.301 --> 16:25.206 My elder sister and I are such fans that we recently found ourselves unable to sleep in a tent in Texas, singing an Adam and Jo jingle medley, of which I am only a little ashamed. 16:25.686 --> 16:27.287 I always sing bin. 16:27.887 --> 16:30.508 For the love of God, what's wrong with Ben? 16:31.108 --> 16:36.550 If you choose to ignore my pleas and continue with this random Americanism, feel free to discard this email. 16:36.950 --> 16:39.731 But when it disappears forever, it will be in the BIN! 16:40.691 --> 16:49.954 I'm fairly sure Adam has nothing to do with those lyrics, so good work, Count Buckilies, from Clem and her sisters Fleur and Blanche in Delaney Kent. 16:50.214 --> 16:55.196 Well, let's have a listen to the jingle and see what they're talking about and listen out for that random Americanism in there. 16:56.397 --> 17:10.945 I like to listen to Adam and Joe But I listen to the podcast, not the live show I used to feel a cute frustration Because I couldn't join in with Tex the Nation 17:11.605 --> 17:26.218 But now my troubles have disappeared Because rent protects the nations here And now my letter might be read out Instead of thrown in the trash and forgotten about 17:26.978 --> 17:27.658 So that's the canoe? 17:28.379 --> 17:30.260 You know, it never really bothered me before. 17:30.380 --> 17:30.860 You know what? 17:31.040 --> 17:33.081 It actually bothered me when I recorded it. 17:33.121 --> 17:33.761 Why did you do it? 17:33.981 --> 17:35.222 Well, why did I do it? 17:35.642 --> 17:36.702 Why did you do it? 17:37.283 --> 17:41.484 Um... Well, I didn't have time. 17:41.525 --> 17:48.468 I think I did it quite late in the day and rushed into the studio like Holly Hunter in broadcast news to get it on air in time. 17:48.568 --> 17:48.768 Yeah. 17:49.068 --> 17:51.409 And it was always gnawing at the back of my brainium. 17:52.410 --> 17:56.513 And you're a bit of a bimbo like William Hurt in broadcast news. 17:56.593 --> 18:02.918 And so the Americanism was just lodged there in the forefront of your mind and out it popped. 18:03.738 --> 18:05.219 And this especially for Clem. 18:05.520 --> 18:10.844 Was there a part of you that was thinking we should broaden our appeal, we should make the show transatlantic in some way? 18:11.304 --> 18:13.827 No, I was just being, you know, just being lazy. 18:13.887 --> 18:14.147 Right. 18:14.968 --> 18:18.552 So I've made an adjustment for Clem and Fleur and Blanche. 18:19.092 --> 18:23.357 And from henceforth, this following jingle will be our new jingle. 18:23.437 --> 18:28.382 So you guys, you've changed the fabric of the show and therefore the universe. 18:28.462 --> 18:29.243 And space time. 18:29.283 --> 18:29.483 Yeah. 18:29.543 --> 18:29.763 Yeah. 18:29.863 --> 18:30.264 Let's hear it. 18:30.882 --> 18:45.436 I like to listen to Adam and Joe But I listen to the podcast, not the live show I used to feel a cute frustration Because I couldn't join in with Tex the Nation 18:46.096 --> 19:03.622 But now my troubles have disappeared Because retro takes the nations here And now my letter might be read out Instead of thrown in the bin and forgotten about Nicely amended, yeah. 19:03.642 --> 19:04.083 It's better. 19:04.143 --> 19:07.804 What are you gonna do about the fact that it sounds like a cute frustration? 19:07.824 --> 19:09.705 Oh, that's a cute frustration. 19:09.725 --> 19:10.485 I'll deal with that as well. 19:12.020 --> 19:12.601 What would you like? 19:13.361 --> 19:17.023 You say, I used to feel a cute frustration. 19:17.384 --> 19:19.385 So I'd need to lengthen the pause. 19:19.705 --> 19:22.487 I used to feel a cute frustration. 19:23.507 --> 19:24.768 But is that any different? 19:25.048 --> 19:26.889 Acute rather than a cute. 19:27.549 --> 19:28.030 Acute. 19:28.110 --> 19:29.230 Yeah, you're saying a cute. 19:29.451 --> 19:30.691 Look at that cute frustration. 19:30.711 --> 19:31.872 Yeah, but it still sounds like that. 19:32.532 --> 19:32.913 Acute. 19:33.253 --> 19:34.573 That's a cute frustration. 19:34.634 --> 19:35.034 Where'd you get it? 19:35.054 --> 19:35.674 I'll change that as well. 19:35.894 --> 19:38.616 If anyone else would like me to adjust that jingle in any way. 19:39.556 --> 19:42.438 Please contact us and I will do it. 19:42.718 --> 19:44.620 And that's the end of retro-texanation. 19:44.640 --> 19:45.700 No, it's not. 19:45.760 --> 19:53.205 Retro-texanation, just to remind you, if you haven't heard this show before, is, if you hadn't heard the show before, I wouldn't be reminding you though about anything, would I? 19:53.385 --> 19:54.026 So anyway, listen. 19:55.026 --> 20:03.951 It's about, it's a chance for people who listen to this show during the week after the live show to contribute to the Text the Nation subject, which last week was run-ins with Petty Officialdom. 20:04.451 --> 20:08.573 So here are a few of the communications we received during the week. 20:08.853 --> 20:23.520 This one is from, I responded to this one particularly because I'm a fellow cyclist, this is from Alison Linden Parker and she did something which a lot of cyclists do rather northerly, which is jump over a red light and just carry on cycling. 20:24.240 --> 20:27.563 even though she makes the point of... Well, I'll read out her message. 20:28.043 --> 20:34.408 She says, I had a cycling-related encounter with a motorbike policeman who stopped me for jumping a red light on my bike. 20:34.568 --> 20:45.097 I hasten to add that no one was crossing the road, there wasn't even a pedestrian in sight, and the road ahead was clear, so I took an informed decision to cycle off just before the light turned orange. 20:45.557 --> 20:48.820 The man from chips went through the usual spiel. 20:49.600 --> 20:52.442 did I know why he had stopped me, etc., etc. 20:52.502 --> 21:03.428 And eventually, after around six minutes, summarised by saying that I had acted dangerously and endangered lives by ignoring the red light, and asked if I agreed as he pulled out a small notebook. 21:03.769 --> 21:12.774 I did not agree and told him that over and over, and I told him that however much he patronised me, I would never agree as I had made sure the road was clear. 21:13.094 --> 21:16.236 I pointed out that he, however, had nearly caused me to fall off, 21:16.596 --> 21:24.219 and had also parked his motorbike across one lane of the road, causing two lanes of busy traffic to filter into one, endangering all road users. 21:24.759 --> 21:32.002 He was becoming annoyed, so I also mentioned that he was talking to me as if I were a Tarot 18, which is inappropriate because I'm a 38-year-old mother. 21:32.542 --> 21:36.063 At this, he threw his notepad on the floor in rage. 21:36.944 --> 21:39.444 You don't know whether to kiss me or hit me, do you? 21:39.645 --> 21:40.225 I asked. 21:42.739 --> 21:44.320 I don't know whether to kiss me or hit me. 21:44.400 --> 21:45.681 He was so embarrassed. 21:46.101 --> 21:49.063 He told me to get out of here before I throw the book at you. 21:49.504 --> 21:54.187 I looked at his tiny notebook on the road in a puddle, smiled at him and cycled away. 21:54.587 --> 21:55.348 That's from Alison. 21:55.428 --> 21:57.289 Strangely a strangely erotic story. 21:57.369 --> 21:58.430 It went all sexy at the end, isn't it? 21:58.610 --> 22:02.913 It's like the beginning of an erotic story in an adult magazine. 22:04.111 --> 22:05.692 That would, yeah. 22:06.133 --> 22:09.355 She'd be looking at his tiny little something else in that version. 22:09.755 --> 22:10.356 That's good though. 22:10.416 --> 22:13.798 She was very cheeky and it's not, you're not advised to be cheeky to the police. 22:13.838 --> 22:14.379 They hate that. 22:14.639 --> 22:15.179 No, no. 22:15.279 --> 22:17.381 Don't say you don't know whether to kiss me or hit me. 22:19.983 --> 22:22.565 What if you were a man and you sent back to a male cop as well? 22:22.865 --> 22:25.128 She's short-circuited, his tiny copper. 22:25.148 --> 22:27.070 Yeah, you can do that sometimes to cops. 22:27.410 --> 22:29.833 Here's one we got from R.J. 22:29.994 --> 22:30.514 Barker. 22:30.554 --> 22:36.281 Dear Adam and Jo, I went to see the rock band Tool, other rock bands are available, at a huge place in Manchester. 22:36.761 --> 22:41.026 While I awaited the band to start, I'd been enjoying a lolly cherry flavour. 22:41.767 --> 22:48.869 Once the lolly was finished, I kept the stick to chew on, partly so as not to litter, and partly in the mistaken belief I would look cool. 22:49.689 --> 22:55.491 As I was crossing the arena to visit the gentleman's restroom, lolly stick in mouth, I was stopped by a security guard. 22:55.791 --> 22:57.532 You can't smoke in here, he told me. 22:58.412 --> 23:01.733 It's a lolly stick, I replied, while sharing him the offending item. 23:01.853 --> 23:08.075 I don't care what it is, put it out, he said in a stern manner, while pointing a beefy finger at me. 23:08.815 --> 23:14.718 Although there were many clever in which he replies available to me at this point, the security guard was a lot bigger than me and cowardice won out. 23:15.218 --> 23:20.540 I apologized and he watched rather smugly, as I pretended to stub out my lolly stick on the floor. 23:22.101 --> 23:26.383 He was then gracious enough to direct me to a bin and tell me not to be caught doing it again. 23:26.403 --> 23:31.865 I found it very difficult to enjoy the rock band tool afterwards, as I felt. 23:32.465 --> 23:38.493 rebellious rock and roll credentials had been somewhat diminished by the lolly stick incident and my pathetic caving in to the man. 23:38.813 --> 23:39.654 Wow, it's appropriate. 23:39.674 --> 23:43.799 Maybe Tool have their own special security guards appropriate to the name of the band. 23:44.200 --> 23:44.640 That's amazing. 23:44.660 --> 23:45.601 Stop out the lolly stick. 23:45.622 --> 23:46.643 Stop out the lolly stick. 23:46.663 --> 23:48.185 And he actually did. 23:48.545 --> 23:48.946 Okay then. 23:49.446 --> 23:50.027 Okay. 23:50.467 --> 23:50.908 Sorry. 23:50.948 --> 23:51.328 Another one. 23:51.829 --> 23:52.489 Yeah, here we go. 23:53.410 --> 23:54.970 Again, this is a bike bell thing. 23:56.051 --> 23:58.492 A bike-related thing. 23:58.572 --> 23:59.652 This is from Tim in Bath. 23:59.932 --> 24:04.454 I had my details taken by the police after ringing the bell on a parked bike. 24:05.515 --> 24:13.358 I was leaving a message on a friend's answer phone at the time singing a song and I thought the bell would compliment my vocals nicely, so I gave it a quick ring. 24:13.918 --> 24:16.501 A passing patrol car flashed its blue lights. 24:16.801 --> 24:18.363 I panicked and started to run away. 24:18.784 --> 24:21.366 I rounded the corner to find another car waiting for me. 24:21.667 --> 24:26.211 I was busted, like two cars on the bike ringing, the bell ringing thing. 24:26.732 --> 24:31.877 I thought this was a good time for me to finish my answer phone message, so I parted with, sorry, I have to go, I'm being arrested. 24:32.498 --> 24:33.878 I explained what was going on. 24:34.379 --> 24:35.899 I said I was just singing a song. 24:36.179 --> 24:40.601 They seemed to understand, and apparently they thought I might be trying to steal the bike. 24:40.941 --> 24:44.382 On being released, I asked, haven't you got any real criminals to catch? 24:44.882 --> 24:46.182 Nice line. 24:46.482 --> 24:48.083 They've never heard that before, the cops. 24:48.663 --> 24:52.124 It remains the most crass quip I've ever had the embarrassment to come up with. 24:52.404 --> 24:53.945 All this because I rang a bike bell. 24:54.325 --> 24:55.605 Also, I was very drunk. 24:55.845 --> 24:56.486 Thanks for reading. 24:56.506 --> 24:57.986 Keep up the good work, Tim from Bath. 24:58.086 --> 25:05.270 We got quite a lot of emails on this subject from people who had actually broken the law and they got really indignant about being caught. 25:05.550 --> 25:07.251 Well, there's shades of law breaking. 25:07.291 --> 25:12.213 I know this is all about the, you know, powers of enforcement trying to use a little bit of discretion. 25:12.233 --> 25:12.974 Discretion is the key word. 25:12.994 --> 25:15.215 Rather than being condescending and officious. 25:15.555 --> 25:16.736 Sticking to the letter of the law. 25:16.776 --> 25:19.657 Here's a good one from Phil Webb in Acton. 25:20.678 --> 25:26.601 He says, I was on holiday in a ski resort in France when I thought I'd go for a nice relaxing swim. 25:27.401 --> 25:34.908 When I went to the pool in my shorts, the lifeguard shook his head and pointed to a sign that had a picture of a man in shorts with a line through it. 25:34.928 --> 25:38.190 He explained in French that I could only wear speedos in the pool. 25:38.991 --> 25:44.176 When I said that I'd paid and that I didn't have any speedos, he suggested I borrow a pair at the pay-in desk. 25:44.796 --> 25:48.318 Feeling very wound up, I demanded to borrow some permitted swimwear at the reception. 25:48.998 --> 25:53.560 The woman there produced a wet pair of speedos that an eight-year-old would have difficulty squeezing into. 25:54.380 --> 26:01.243 Rather than lose my admission fee, I wrestled my way into them, returned fuming to the pool, with my chuddlies bursting at the seams. 26:02.624 --> 26:09.927 I found the lifeguard, pointed at my crotch, and declared, Vous êtes-contrendes-mentenant, zout à l'homme mon pantelon. 26:11.428 --> 26:14.109 Vous êtes-contrendes-mentenant, zout à l'homme mon pantelon. 26:14.892 --> 26:15.893 That's from Phil Webb in Acton. 26:15.913 --> 26:17.354 It's the new single by Wild Beasts. 26:19.375 --> 26:24.900 That's bad though when you get made to put on clothes in, like when you go to a restaurant and they make you put on a tie or a jacket. 26:24.920 --> 26:26.921 It's the visual image though of the Chudleys. 26:27.121 --> 26:27.562 Certainly. 26:27.822 --> 26:29.603 Bursting out on both sides. 26:29.623 --> 26:31.745 Also the unpleasantness of putting on a wet pair. 26:31.885 --> 26:33.767 And that being enforced by the pool. 26:34.047 --> 26:34.987 That's ridiculous. 26:35.788 --> 26:49.853 Thank you very much indeed for all your messages throughout the week and don't forget that you can contribute in any way, not just for retro textination, by emailing us at adamandjo.sixmusic at bbc.co.uk. 26:49.913 --> 26:54.855 And there's another textination coming up in like about 13 minutes because it's the only idea we've got. 26:55.535 --> 26:56.476 Here's a free play. 26:56.516 --> 26:57.156 This is yours, Joe. 26:57.456 --> 26:57.736 Is it? 26:57.796 --> 26:58.596 Yeah, this is lovely. 26:58.617 --> 26:59.437 This is John Holt. 27:00.157 --> 27:03.320 Uh, this is some reggae from the sixties or possibly the seventies. 27:03.660 --> 27:04.781 I'll find out while it's playing. 27:04.841 --> 27:07.283 I only know help me make it through the night by John Holt. 27:07.303 --> 27:08.144 Is this a good one? 27:08.184 --> 27:09.124 Obviously, this is a good one. 27:09.185 --> 27:10.165 It's called Ali Baba. 27:10.325 --> 27:13.328 That's Noah and the whale with blue skies. 27:14.529 --> 27:19.393 Um, I wonder if there are no, of course, there nothing to do with, is it Noah Wiley from ER? 27:20.894 --> 27:22.275 Is that the actor's name? 27:23.975 --> 27:24.316 Yeah. 27:24.516 --> 27:25.316 Maybe he's a fan. 27:25.976 --> 27:28.958 He is a band that sounds a bit like my name. 27:28.978 --> 27:30.539 That's how he speaks in real life. 27:31.279 --> 27:31.979 You know, in E.R. 27:32.019 --> 27:34.440 he sounds sexy and together, in real life. 27:34.540 --> 27:35.641 That's how we talk. 27:36.101 --> 27:38.322 Oh, have you seen Noah in the world? 27:38.362 --> 27:39.843 That sounds like my name. 27:39.903 --> 27:41.203 Noah was. 27:41.704 --> 27:44.205 I will buy their album. 27:45.171 --> 27:56.920 So this week, Joe, my son was at breakfast and suddenly he pipes up, hey dad, my maths teacher said he heard you on the radio. 27:57.661 --> 28:00.603 And he said he thought Joe was really, really funny. 28:01.004 --> 28:01.444 Yes. 28:01.844 --> 28:02.185 Nice. 28:02.365 --> 28:08.630 And then my mum, who can see that my feelings are tiny little bit dented there, said, did he say anything about daddy too? 28:09.827 --> 28:10.528 And he says, no. 28:12.409 --> 28:18.433 But then, very sweetly, right, trying to save my feelings, he said, sorry, Dad, no, I'm afraid not, he didn't. 28:19.114 --> 28:20.495 Do you know that's a thing? 28:20.635 --> 28:24.237 Parents always like your friends more than they like you. 28:24.257 --> 28:25.118 Do you get that? 28:25.158 --> 28:32.743 When your friends come to your house, they always seem to take a real shine to the friend because they don't know that the friend's an idiot hole. 28:33.204 --> 28:34.244 They don't know what you know. 28:34.585 --> 28:36.106 I found that a lot when I was a child. 28:36.626 --> 28:37.627 I'd feel inside, well, if you 28:38.407 --> 28:41.849 Like Timmy better than me then have him as a son and I'll leave! 28:42.449 --> 28:43.549 Yeah, maths teacher then. 28:43.569 --> 28:44.289 Similar kind of thing. 28:44.309 --> 28:50.672 I mean, that's no good if the maths teacher is more of a fan of you than he is of me and he's dealing with my son. 28:51.232 --> 28:53.273 Well, your son is a kind of piece of you. 28:53.673 --> 28:53.913 Yeah. 28:54.133 --> 28:56.054 So in a way... Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. 28:56.114 --> 29:01.216 Every time he gets something wrong in maths class, he's going to be thinking, typical cornballs would have got that. 29:01.436 --> 29:02.777 Yeah, well, cornballs would have got that. 29:02.797 --> 29:03.877 Cornballs' son would have done that. 29:04.017 --> 29:04.577 Yeah, 398, sir. 29:06.278 --> 29:06.759 Exactly. 29:06.779 --> 29:08.941 44 squared, sir. 29:09.582 --> 29:10.442 He's got all the answers. 29:11.604 --> 29:14.386 Here's a message we got from Sarah and Maisie as well. 29:15.387 --> 29:16.088 This says... 29:17.453 --> 29:18.574 Sarah and Maisie, is that right? 29:18.914 --> 29:20.294 Hi Adam and Joe. 29:20.514 --> 29:22.935 My three-year-old Maisie, okay, there we go. 29:23.155 --> 29:31.639 My three-year-old Maisie asked for some tele-time recently and requested the funny film with the piano, which is Laurel and Hardy's The Music Box. 29:31.659 --> 29:32.739 Oh, she meant the piano. 29:32.879 --> 29:33.799 A family favourite. 29:33.939 --> 29:34.760 No, not the piano. 29:35.400 --> 29:36.080 Kids love that film. 29:36.120 --> 29:42.303 The music started and Laurel and Hardy's faces filled the screen and Maisie excitedly shouted, it's Adam and Joe! 29:43.354 --> 29:45.235 Well, that's not particularly flattering to either of us. 29:45.255 --> 29:47.395 She says, I hope you take this as a compliment. 29:47.715 --> 29:48.856 How would that be a compliment? 29:49.476 --> 29:51.296 Well, they're very funny and very famous. 29:51.316 --> 29:51.736 That's true. 29:51.756 --> 29:54.457 They are comedy geniuses, but we're clearly not comedy geniuses. 29:54.497 --> 29:57.738 So all we can assume is that we look a bit like Laurel and Hardy. 29:58.038 --> 30:00.679 Yeah, one of us is short and one of us is tall. 30:00.799 --> 30:01.019 Yeah. 30:01.439 --> 30:02.979 You're in no way large, though. 30:03.459 --> 30:03.740 Wow. 30:04.040 --> 30:04.280 Lardy. 30:04.300 --> 30:04.800 Not at all. 30:04.820 --> 30:05.760 A little stocky. 30:05.880 --> 30:06.480 Not anymore. 30:07.561 --> 30:08.801 You've lost it all now. 30:08.981 --> 30:09.361 It's true. 30:09.421 --> 30:10.321 I'm trying to be flattering. 30:10.341 --> 30:10.801 Thanks, man. 30:10.882 --> 30:12.382 At least for the last 10 years, I'd say. 30:12.822 --> 30:13.082 Yeah. 30:13.382 --> 30:15.243 You've been very, uh, trim and svelte. 30:15.324 --> 30:16.084 Thanks very much. 30:16.184 --> 30:16.464 Yeah. 30:16.524 --> 30:17.105 So what about you? 30:17.125 --> 30:19.566 How are you dealing with being like the long, thin guy? 30:20.547 --> 30:21.507 Ah, all right. 30:21.627 --> 30:21.947 All right. 30:22.007 --> 30:22.948 How old is this person? 30:23.028 --> 30:23.308 Three. 30:23.388 --> 30:23.648 Three. 30:23.849 --> 30:24.969 I'm not going to get angry. 30:25.249 --> 30:25.610 Are you not? 30:25.950 --> 30:26.090 Yeah. 30:26.130 --> 30:27.771 When she's a bit old, I was absolutely furious. 30:27.811 --> 30:30.512 I went around and shouted in her face. 30:31.733 --> 30:32.654 What do you mean? 30:32.974 --> 30:33.634 Look at me! 30:33.874 --> 30:35.976 Am I like a huge fat man? 30:36.396 --> 30:37.156 No I'm not! 30:37.316 --> 30:39.337 I've got a beard! 30:39.357 --> 30:40.718 Does he ever have a beard? 30:40.898 --> 30:41.719 No, he didn't! 30:41.779 --> 30:42.919 Get away from my son! 30:42.959 --> 30:45.261 So why did you keep your opinions to yourself? 30:45.381 --> 30:46.641 Call the police, Jeffery. 30:46.702 --> 30:48.643 If that is your name. 30:48.663 --> 30:49.083 Get out! 30:50.151 --> 30:50.852 So what happened? 30:51.072 --> 30:54.076 Yeah, her mum was crying, the cops turned up. 30:55.398 --> 30:57.241 You were wrestled out for hitting a toddler. 30:57.261 --> 30:58.342 I went to prison for three days. 30:58.382 --> 30:59.483 I didn't hit the toddler. 30:59.504 --> 31:00.184 Didn't you though? 31:00.885 --> 31:02.147 Well you claim it was accidental. 31:02.167 --> 31:04.110 Well the cops restrained me before I could get to her. 31:05.211 --> 31:06.712 I mean, it was a scene of carnage. 31:07.012 --> 31:09.254 So I'm just saying, listeners, careful, all right? 31:09.274 --> 31:11.175 Just be careful what you compare us to. 31:11.595 --> 31:12.596 Otherwise that could happen. 31:12.656 --> 31:13.136 Here's Pulp. 31:13.557 --> 31:14.397 Stupid trees. 31:14.878 --> 31:15.458 That's Pulp. 31:15.858 --> 31:19.441 Excuse me, I have a little bit of a bit of phlegm in my throat there. 31:19.521 --> 31:20.701 A little bit of boggins up there. 31:20.722 --> 31:22.102 A little bit of boggins in the noggins. 31:22.543 --> 31:25.885 That was taken from their 2001 album We Love Life. 31:25.925 --> 31:27.706 Was that even their last album, I think? 31:29.147 --> 31:31.769 That's the one that absolutely sucked their will to live. 31:32.128 --> 31:33.289 Was that 2001? 31:33.869 --> 31:35.150 Anyway, so many questions. 31:35.311 --> 31:36.111 So many questions. 31:36.592 --> 31:38.573 It reached number 23 in the UK singles charts. 31:38.773 --> 31:40.234 Did you get your precious photos? 31:40.254 --> 31:41.736 Did you get your precious photos? 31:41.936 --> 31:49.041 Listen, we have a segment on this show called Made Up Jokes where we get listeners to send in jokes that have to be authored by themselves. 31:49.081 --> 31:49.602 That's the whole point. 31:49.642 --> 31:50.763 It's not a lame joke. 31:50.963 --> 31:53.865 Some people think, oh, I've got a joke for your lame joke section. 31:53.885 --> 31:54.606 It's not about lame jokes. 31:54.626 --> 31:55.726 You've got to have made it up. 31:55.746 --> 31:56.987 It's about made up jokes. 31:57.007 --> 31:57.588 It's so subtle. 31:57.988 --> 32:03.212 It's been tricky for us to impose that criteria because how do you tell who has authored a joke? 32:03.372 --> 32:08.576 How can you prove that, you know, a particular person has actually thought of it first? 32:08.616 --> 32:12.600 I mean, just to underline the fact that these are made-up jokes, let's have the jingle. 32:12.620 --> 32:13.120 Think about it. 32:14.205 --> 32:31.085 I'm a funny person, I often make up jokes My jokes are more amusing than those of other folks When you hear my joke I think you'll find that you agree Come on, you're all invited to a made up joke party 32:31.926 --> 32:33.387 You see, they're funny jokes, right? 32:34.067 --> 32:35.868 Hey, don't use your gavel yet, Judge Reinhold. 32:36.409 --> 32:42.312 So listen, we had a joke in from a chap called James Hewitt, and it went, how did it go? 32:42.332 --> 32:45.334 I think it was something like, how much did they play? 32:45.554 --> 32:49.116 How much did they charge to play sports at Hogwarts? 32:49.836 --> 32:51.257 The answer was a quidditch. 32:53.318 --> 32:57.800 So, okay, so that all happened, and we read it out on the show, and life continued. 32:58.141 --> 33:10.967 But then we were made aware of a popular young comedian, who you may well know, Josie Long, appears on Telly Wins Awards, very funny woman, and on the Twitter website, she was complaining that that was her joke. 33:11.627 --> 33:12.308 Not only that, 33:13.309 --> 33:17.972 that it was the sort of basis for five minutes of her current stand-up set. 33:18.573 --> 33:25.058 And by broadcasting this Quidditch joke on the show, we had pulled the rug out from under her stand-up. 33:25.179 --> 33:29.522 But, in fact, we can hear this from the horse's mouth, so to speak, because Josie's on the line. 33:29.542 --> 33:30.163 Hello, Josie. 33:30.603 --> 33:31.403 Hello, how are you? 33:31.724 --> 33:32.404 Very well, thank you. 33:32.424 --> 33:33.304 Thanks for joining us. 33:33.764 --> 33:40.828 This is quite a serious part of the show because obviously some quite troubling accusations have been made by you. 33:41.008 --> 33:43.589 People get very upset about joke theft. 33:43.729 --> 33:46.770 I mean, people like Stuart Lee, they do whole routines about joke theft. 33:46.850 --> 33:49.011 It's a big scandalous thing in the world of comedy. 33:49.352 --> 33:54.134 But Josie, tell us how this happened, how this joke has affected you and your life. 33:55.194 --> 33:58.836 Well, I write that joke about 34:00.598 --> 34:25.790 about a year and a bit ago and I recently I've just started really enjoying mucking around with it like I would do that bit of a joke and then I would sort of do this really prolonged routine about how they do a register about who's paid the pound and who's not paid the pound and how basically that's the entire book and I really enjoyed doing it and I appreciate that 34:26.556 --> 34:34.060 I think it's probably sort of a, it's a pun and, you know, anyone can reach a pun and all that, but I don't know. 34:34.380 --> 34:41.565 But listen, is it not true now that when you tell that joke, what happens when you, what happens when you tell that joke now? 34:42.145 --> 34:46.507 You see, last Saturday my friend texted me because I was out and he's like, your joke is on Adam and Jo. 34:46.547 --> 34:48.669 And I was like, oh, I love Adam and Jo. 34:49.029 --> 34:52.110 And then he's like, no, someone is texting in and saying your joke is theirs. 34:52.150 --> 34:53.011 And I was like, what? 34:53.371 --> 34:54.592 And then that night I had a gig. 34:55.092 --> 35:05.887 And I did the joke just thinking well I'll see you know but and then people shouted out Adam and Jo and I was like no it's mine someone nicked it off me and then they looked at me like you vile pedant. 35:07.041 --> 35:08.202 They've never since. 35:08.282 --> 35:09.242 I can't do it. 35:09.562 --> 35:13.364 And it's not that in my head it's different, it's that when I try and do it, it doesn't work anymore. 35:13.384 --> 35:16.105 So we're going to take this to the joke court. 35:16.645 --> 35:17.846 Adam's going to preside now. 35:18.126 --> 35:19.046 But what are we saying here? 35:19.066 --> 35:22.348 Are we saying that James Hewitt stole the joke from Josie? 35:22.548 --> 35:24.609 Well, that's what you're accusing him of, right? 35:24.629 --> 35:26.129 Josie, what's your accusation here? 35:28.164 --> 35:32.466 Oh, although I'm willing to admit that we both could have come up with the joke. 35:32.486 --> 35:33.366 No, that's impossible. 35:33.526 --> 35:34.246 That's impossible. 35:34.847 --> 35:35.527 Yeah, exactly. 35:35.547 --> 35:37.768 I'm sorry, I'd like to put forward as evidence. 35:37.848 --> 35:50.233 The fact that I've heard that this man is from Australia and I have done the Melbourne International Comedy Festival in March this year, where at the Hi-Fi Club, on two occasions... This is good. 35:50.253 --> 35:50.953 Get angry, come on. 35:52.222 --> 35:55.445 On two occasions you did the joke at the Hi-Fi club in Melbourne, Australia. 35:55.845 --> 35:57.967 Mate, were you at the Hi-Fi last night? 35:58.667 --> 36:01.590 Oh, mate, there was an amazing Hogwarts joke there. 36:01.690 --> 36:09.016 I'm going to steal it from my own pleasure and then later I'll ring in an English radio station and that'll get my revenge. 36:09.136 --> 36:17.163 I'm going to phone in 19 different countries and get respect from lots of different lazy early morning Saturday shows around the world. 36:17.183 --> 36:18.284 Hewlett, you mad, man. 36:18.584 --> 36:21.546 But this is the thing Josie, we're going to have Hewitt on. 36:21.566 --> 36:24.467 Sometime after 11 we're going to get Hewitt on. 36:24.527 --> 36:25.868 You're going somewhere at 10.30 right? 36:25.888 --> 36:27.108 And he's umpiring a cricket match. 36:38.234 --> 36:42.395 So we couldn't get you both on air at once. 36:42.615 --> 36:51.117 So listen, we would like now Josie to record like a 10 second statement to you from you to James that we're going to play back to him later in the show. 36:51.137 --> 36:51.897 Are you ready for that? 36:53.358 --> 36:54.578 Do not please do not swear. 36:54.718 --> 36:58.199 I know the depth of feeling we're dealing with here, but try not to swear. 36:58.539 --> 37:01.580 Your 10 second statement to James starts now. 37:02.580 --> 37:04.041 Right, Hewitt, listen to me. 37:04.261 --> 37:05.342 I know you stole the joke. 37:05.382 --> 37:06.322 It's my bloody joke. 37:06.362 --> 37:07.723 It come out of my imagination. 37:08.163 --> 37:09.244 You want to write a joke? 37:09.544 --> 37:12.005 You write a joke about your cricket umpiring. 37:12.165 --> 37:13.406 Alright, that's it. 37:13.426 --> 37:14.146 Time up, sorry. 37:14.166 --> 37:15.307 Time up, please. 37:15.327 --> 37:15.827 Stand down. 37:15.847 --> 37:16.648 Stand down. 37:16.688 --> 37:17.168 Calm down. 37:17.568 --> 37:18.068 Security! 37:18.088 --> 37:19.149 She's gone insane. 37:19.589 --> 37:20.090 She's lost it. 37:21.050 --> 37:22.611 That's Judge Ryan Holds Scavill there. 37:23.771 --> 37:25.872 So we're going to play that back and we're going to get to the bottom of this. 37:25.972 --> 37:34.195 But just to finish this off, Josie, can you try and tell us and describe the precise moment that you invented this joke? 37:34.455 --> 37:36.896 Do you have any witnesses or circumstantial evidence? 37:37.976 --> 37:43.778 Well, I just heard the word quid each and I thought it sounded a bit like the words quid and each. 37:44.738 --> 37:49.260 And then I thought really long and hard about how I could make it so that it worked. 37:49.767 --> 37:53.488 And then I thought of all the silly stuff about them taking a register. 37:53.508 --> 37:54.028 When was this? 37:54.168 --> 37:54.689 When was this? 37:54.729 --> 37:56.029 We can have a good old laugh here. 37:56.049 --> 37:56.969 How long ago was this Josie? 37:57.349 --> 37:58.610 It was last July. 37:59.130 --> 37:59.490 Last? 37:59.890 --> 38:00.851 I have no proof though. 38:01.111 --> 38:11.354 And also, you know, I'm not claiming to be the greatest comedian in the world, but all I want is, you know, it's my fun joke that I enjoy performing and now I can't do it anymore. 38:12.116 --> 38:12.897 I'm really sorry. 38:13.497 --> 38:16.820 Josie, it's a tragic story and we're going to do our best to get to the bottom of it. 38:17.020 --> 38:20.163 My friend texted me and went, oh, was it the really funny one about opal fruits? 38:20.283 --> 38:22.185 And I was like, no. 38:22.465 --> 38:25.828 Well, listen, we're going to get to the bottom of this, Josie, and we'll let you know what happens. 38:25.888 --> 38:27.509 But thank you very much for talking to us. 38:28.110 --> 38:28.670 You're very kind. 38:28.690 --> 38:30.192 I hope you have a nice festive show. 38:30.292 --> 38:30.932 Hey, thanks a lot. 38:30.952 --> 38:32.093 And you know, you're so brilliant. 38:32.274 --> 38:33.895 One joke out of your set. 38:33.915 --> 38:35.997 That's not going to make you replace it with an even stronger one. 38:36.017 --> 38:36.878 You'll bounce back. 38:36.958 --> 38:37.158 Yeah. 38:38.328 --> 38:40.529 That's the lovely and brilliant Josie Long listeners. 38:40.549 --> 38:44.272 And we'll be playing that clip to James a bit later and getting to the bottom of this. 38:44.552 --> 38:46.673 And somebody will be physically punished. 38:47.074 --> 38:47.954 There will be blood. 38:48.194 --> 38:49.155 My money's on James. 38:49.575 --> 38:51.236 Here's Monsters of Folk with Say Please. 38:51.496 --> 38:53.017 Monsters of Folk with Say Please. 38:53.057 --> 38:54.558 This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music. 38:54.578 --> 38:55.178 Sorry, mate. 38:55.439 --> 38:56.099 That's all right, mate. 38:56.139 --> 38:58.380 Adam was just in the little boy's room. 38:58.400 --> 38:59.061 He's in the dunny. 38:59.221 --> 39:00.482 What were you doing in there, mate? 39:00.942 --> 39:03.243 I was looking at myself in the mirror, mate. 39:04.404 --> 39:12.889 Every day off he goes in the middle of dinner or lunch He stands up and off he tiptoes up the stairs into a little room. 39:13.149 --> 39:14.350 What does he do in there? 39:14.370 --> 39:16.211 What are you talking about, mate? 39:16.291 --> 39:27.718 Every now and then I follow him and put my ear to the door and I hear a tingling of water What is he doing in there in a little room that he tiptoes into every 10 minutes every day? 39:28.078 --> 39:29.139 What does he do? 39:29.679 --> 39:32.120 A splish splash, I hear the sounds of tingling. 39:32.461 --> 39:33.721 What is he doing in there? 39:34.762 --> 39:35.362 Oh, I see. 39:36.203 --> 39:37.023 Bit of both, mate. 39:37.123 --> 39:37.744 Front and back. 39:38.264 --> 39:38.464 What? 39:38.844 --> 39:39.245 Dear me. 39:39.585 --> 39:42.847 Listen, we got an email, listeners, from somebody called... 39:45.168 --> 40:02.615 David Glover and he says hi Adam and Joe I was in Tesco this evening other supermarkets are available and as I was walking past the demo TVs which were running a Tesco promo on a loop I noticed that the music seemed rather familiar I recorded it with my phone have a listen 40:16.315 --> 40:16.983 Yeah. 40:17.084 --> 40:17.307 What? 40:18.137 --> 40:19.998 That's the Text the Nation jingle, isn't it? 40:20.018 --> 40:21.699 Well, certainly part of it. 40:21.759 --> 40:22.879 What's going on there, Adam? 40:22.939 --> 40:30.023 I mean, you must have... I thought the Text the Nation jingle was an original composition that you slaved long and hard to compose. 40:30.103 --> 40:32.164 So did I. Is someone copying you there, mate? 40:32.544 --> 40:33.884 No, what's happening there, mate? 40:34.265 --> 40:37.706 Is they're using the same bit of softy...softy wear that I used. 40:37.806 --> 40:38.507 Garageband. 40:39.087 --> 40:42.308 And that's, like, pretty much the first loop you come across in Garageband. 40:42.549 --> 40:44.029 It's called 80s synth. 40:44.469 --> 40:47.531 So it's basically the sign of a very, very lazy composer. 40:47.691 --> 40:48.572 Totally lazy composer. 40:48.832 --> 40:52.635 And not only that, but he's strung together all the other loops that come in that little block. 40:52.955 --> 40:54.256 Just one after the other. 40:54.616 --> 40:56.417 At least I varied mine a tiny bit. 40:56.577 --> 40:57.398 Not very much, though. 40:57.418 --> 40:58.199 Shall we hear our watch? 40:59.500 --> 41:01.441 What if I don't want to? 41:01.621 --> 41:02.942 But I'm using email. 41:02.982 --> 41:04.043 Is that a problem? 41:11.610 --> 41:14.451 I mean, there's even less to mine than that. 41:14.491 --> 41:15.652 Yeah, but you got there first. 41:15.952 --> 41:27.498 I feel very insulted always that, you know, when people are just not aware, like wasn't anyone in Tesco's at that meeting saying, Hey, this is like the text the nation jingle on Adam and Joe's show. 41:27.518 --> 41:34.862 I mean, obviously I'm implying that everyone listens to this program, which is not the case, but one person in the whole of the Tesco organization. 41:34.982 --> 41:35.242 Nah. 41:35.902 --> 41:36.663 That's a shame. 41:37.543 --> 41:38.404 It's an absolute shame. 41:38.444 --> 41:40.685 It's a disgrace, but thanks for sending us that, David. 41:40.705 --> 41:43.507 If you can spot the, uh... Ooh. 41:43.628 --> 41:44.668 A little bit of a cough there. 41:44.908 --> 41:48.691 If you can spot the Texanation jingle anywhere else, give it to yourself. 41:49.011 --> 41:52.614 I had a bit of a hot chocolate there, listeners, and it's done something to my throat. 41:53.074 --> 41:54.335 It's gone all gunky in there. 41:54.395 --> 41:54.875 Has it? 41:54.895 --> 41:55.996 Yeah, it's not a proper hot chocolate. 41:56.016 --> 42:03.762 Do you ever get that when you drink some types of drinks, like some fizzy pop, and they just coagulate all the stuff going on in your throat in an unpleasant way? 42:03.982 --> 42:04.162 No. 42:04.262 --> 42:04.822 Never happens to you? 42:04.983 --> 42:05.123 No. 42:05.783 --> 42:11.128 Listen, we're going to have another record, then we'll come back and do Text the Nation, so stand by your texting machines. 42:12.088 --> 42:13.149 Here is, what's this? 42:13.229 --> 42:14.330 Oh, this is a free choice. 42:14.711 --> 42:22.917 Now, I'm DJing tonight listeners at a club called the 13th Floor, which is run by the brilliant comedy writer Dan Mayer. 42:23.298 --> 42:30.284 He writes for Harry Hill's TV Burp, and he organises this kind of 60s, psychedelia, soul and pop club at the Albany Pub. 42:30.324 --> 42:31.525 It's downstairs at the Albany. 42:32.505 --> 42:37.029 240 Great Portland Street and I'm going to be doing a couple of short DJ sets there. 42:37.089 --> 42:39.570 The night starts at 9pm and it would be great to see you. 42:40.051 --> 42:44.874 So pop down, but that's why I'm theming my free plays this week as little 60s nuggets. 42:45.354 --> 42:50.258 I don't know if I'll play this one because it's a little bit slow, but I really love this song by Funny Papa Smith. 42:50.778 --> 42:51.679 It's Hungry Wolf. 42:51.939 --> 42:53.841 Probably not from the 60s though, is it? 42:54.362 --> 42:55.363 Did you find out when it was from? 42:55.423 --> 43:02.929 Well, no, because you type these things into a search engine and actually the internet's not that great for easily finding music details. 43:03.110 --> 43:06.973 You get taken to a load of annoying spurious sites. 43:07.033 --> 43:09.976 That's usually a discography for each artist on Wikipedia. 43:10.754 --> 43:11.594 Yeah, nothing further. 43:11.775 --> 43:12.915 Nothing for him. 43:13.475 --> 43:14.976 Well, I'm sure one of our listeners will tell us. 43:14.996 --> 43:22.560 We were just a little bit worried after the long and ambitious spiel about the theme free plays, a track possibly from the fifties kicked in. 43:22.980 --> 43:23.640 Or even earlier. 43:23.661 --> 43:25.321 But there we go. 43:26.202 --> 43:28.403 It's time for the Text the Nation Now listeners. 43:37.611 --> 43:40.534 What if I don't want you? 43:40.694 --> 43:54.189 Text the nation But I'm using email He's not a part, but he doesn't matter, text! 43:55.219 --> 43:58.502 There was a collaborative effort there on a Texternation jingle. 43:59.063 --> 44:02.165 Lee Henman was the man that provided me with the backing track there. 44:02.305 --> 44:08.471 And don't forget if you would like to do alternate backing tracks for any of our jingles that we can then retool and have. 44:08.531 --> 44:10.052 Yeah, there's one coming up next week. 44:10.093 --> 44:13.536 I got one during the week, a kind of Brazilian version of the Retro Texternation. 44:14.236 --> 44:18.760 The guy did a music bed and he managed to figure out the BPM precisely. 44:19.440 --> 44:20.641 And he said, look, slot this in. 44:20.681 --> 44:22.903 It'll slot into the retro Tex the Nation vocal. 44:23.364 --> 44:25.545 And it did perfectly like a glove. 44:25.565 --> 44:26.166 It was amazing. 44:26.206 --> 44:27.187 We'll be playing that next week. 44:27.527 --> 44:35.073 So Tex the Nation this week, listeners, is inspired by a trip to the Westfield Shopping Center that I undertook earlier in the week. 44:35.113 --> 44:36.054 Have you been there yet, Jove? 44:36.294 --> 44:36.614 No. 44:36.895 --> 44:37.795 It's around Shepherd's Bush. 44:37.815 --> 44:38.856 You know what I'm talking about, though, right? 44:38.956 --> 44:39.497 Yeah, I do. 44:39.657 --> 44:40.638 It's a colossal 44:41.258 --> 44:44.199 capitalist cathedral that they have erected there. 44:44.279 --> 44:45.619 I mean it's pretty overwhelming. 44:45.679 --> 44:51.040 I mean it is huge and cavernous and you get the feeling. 44:51.060 --> 44:52.621 It's all chain stores though, isn't it? 44:52.681 --> 44:52.941 Is it? 44:53.381 --> 44:54.681 No, not all of them. 44:54.701 --> 44:58.002 Has it got any unique special little shops with character? 44:58.042 --> 45:01.823 I'm assuming it's just like a massive high street, you know what I mean? 45:02.203 --> 45:02.883 Or a shop that 45:03.463 --> 45:08.125 I can't see the point in going when all those shops have all the same things in them and there's one in every high street in the culture. 45:08.145 --> 45:09.345 Well, it's all under one roof, innit? 45:09.425 --> 45:10.326 It's homogenised. 45:10.346 --> 45:11.146 It's all under one roof. 45:11.166 --> 45:12.527 Written homogenised high street. 45:12.827 --> 45:17.769 So you can wander around the cathedral and there's little play areas for children. 45:17.789 --> 45:19.289 Ah, that's useful for parents. 45:19.309 --> 45:24.051 And, you know, you can have gigs there and bands and PAs and all sorts of things. 45:24.111 --> 45:28.913 And there's all the kind of shops that you might want to go to all under one giant roof. 45:28.953 --> 45:29.253 Right. 45:29.313 --> 45:30.754 That's the theory of why it's good. 45:31.814 --> 45:33.635 And you can easily spend... You've got free Wi-Fi there. 45:33.675 --> 45:34.936 You can be pro it. 45:35.377 --> 45:36.777 I'm going to take an opposing view. 45:36.797 --> 45:39.199 I think it's a big old crap shack. 45:39.459 --> 45:44.722 I mean, the strange thing about it is that it's so glossy and expensive looking. 45:44.863 --> 45:45.283 I hate it. 45:45.503 --> 45:50.546 You think, how long can they maintain this, especially in the current harsh... I think it's pernicious. 45:50.706 --> 45:51.207 ...climate. 45:51.467 --> 45:53.868 I'm not sure what pernicious means, but I think it's pernicious. 45:53.908 --> 45:54.228 Do you? 45:55.329 --> 45:59.232 But now you see, I'm being a little skeptical about it, so you have to back down from... I'm starting to like it. 45:59.992 --> 46:01.313 Play areas, you say? 46:02.034 --> 46:03.135 Free, sweet samples. 46:03.415 --> 46:04.336 A gig's by bands. 46:04.896 --> 46:05.917 Yes. 46:06.217 --> 46:09.900 Anyway, I went into one of the many clothes shops they have there. 46:11.502 --> 46:13.563 Am I allowed to say the name? 46:13.643 --> 46:15.665 I mean, I'm describing the shop specifically. 46:15.725 --> 46:17.046 Other shops are available. 46:17.166 --> 46:18.447 Other clothes shops are available. 46:18.748 --> 46:23.952 It's called Hollister, and I believe it's part of the Abercrombie & Fitch chain. 46:25.613 --> 46:29.175 And that was the work of a man called Mike Jeffries, right? 46:29.255 --> 46:33.357 He, I think, is the genius behind Epichrombium Fitch and Hollister. 46:33.877 --> 46:41.961 And he's created an elaborate fictional story, right, to give meaning and feeling to the image of the Hollister concept. 46:42.501 --> 46:43.202 I don't know this store. 46:43.222 --> 46:43.742 What does it sell? 46:43.782 --> 46:44.182 Clothes? 46:44.363 --> 46:45.503 It's clothes, right? 46:45.524 --> 46:56.472 Well, let me tell you first of all that Hollister, it's called Hollister California and the shop itself, which is inside the mall, is supposed to resemble a beach shack or surf shop, right? 46:56.873 --> 46:58.354 It's got shuttered windows. 46:58.634 --> 47:00.495 So it's like a house within a house type thing. 47:00.916 --> 47:07.161 And there's light and dark brown walls and teal boardwalks on the exterior. 47:07.401 --> 47:09.163 So you're going up someone's porch, right? 47:09.183 --> 47:12.127 And there's a couple of seats sat out on the porch there. 47:12.167 --> 47:13.288 Are there people in the seats? 47:13.909 --> 47:16.211 No, you can sit in the seats if you want to. 47:16.392 --> 47:16.732 Really? 47:16.812 --> 47:17.072 Yeah. 47:17.793 --> 47:21.618 And so it's like being in a real place where someone lives in the center of the store. 47:21.638 --> 47:22.699 There's a lounge area. 47:22.799 --> 47:25.880 with chairs on which blankets are folded. 47:25.920 --> 47:33.941 And there's dozens of bits of surf or general popular culture magazines piled up beside them, along with potted palm trees, right? 47:34.242 --> 47:36.682 The stores interior, and there's several of these stores. 47:36.702 --> 47:37.962 I think there's three in the UK. 47:38.322 --> 47:41.663 They're very dimly lit with spotlights above the merchandise, right? 47:41.683 --> 47:45.164 So the whole place is quite... It's a shame of being a shop. 47:45.744 --> 47:47.644 It wants to be a living space, a house. 47:47.704 --> 47:47.964 Right. 47:48.225 --> 47:50.225 Wants to fool you into thinking you're in someone's house. 47:50.265 --> 47:55.071 It's not just a house, but a kind of spookily, moodily lit house. 47:55.731 --> 47:58.134 The whole shop is divided into two sides. 47:58.314 --> 48:04.281 There's a dudes section for boys, and the other section is the Bettys section for girls. 48:04.341 --> 48:07.165 That's what they call them in California, in surfing circles. 48:08.125 --> 48:10.787 There is room spray, scented. 48:11.268 --> 48:19.334 Room spray, similar to the SoCal cologne, that's their brand that they sell there, sprayed directly onto the clothes and the mannequins. 48:19.614 --> 48:26.519 The store is scented every 60 minutes and is mandated, which is mandated by corporate policy. 48:26.539 --> 48:26.839 Yes. 48:26.959 --> 48:27.200 Right? 48:27.460 --> 48:31.503 Woe betaiju if you do not scented the mannequins every 60 minutes. 48:32.083 --> 48:33.685 Imagine the plunge in sales. 48:34.185 --> 48:35.847 It's heavily air-conditioned in there, right? 48:35.867 --> 48:37.168 You go in and it's really cold. 48:37.188 --> 48:38.850 Hence having to resent every 60 minutes. 48:38.870 --> 48:40.912 Like it's really... I mean, they must be just tortured. 48:40.932 --> 48:42.113 It's not cold in California though. 48:42.173 --> 48:43.174 Oh, I guess it's air conned. 48:43.314 --> 48:44.235 It's super air conned. 48:44.275 --> 48:44.495 Yeah. 48:45.356 --> 48:48.158 The staff are all aged between about 20 and 25. 48:48.198 --> 48:48.278 Good. 48:48.298 --> 48:48.979 I hate the over 25s. 48:48.999 --> 48:49.199 So do I. 48:51.081 --> 48:53.564 They're ugly and they're basically dying. 48:53.684 --> 48:58.729 And the good news is that they are much more attractive than any of the customers that they could possibly get in there. 48:58.749 --> 49:00.811 Like, clearly there has been a store policy. 49:00.851 --> 49:09.200 Well, Abercrombie and Fitch got in trouble, in legal trouble, didn't they, for refusing to... No, they had a slightly disabled woman, I think, with a... No, we can't talk about this. 49:09.680 --> 49:12.143 It's because it's a legal thing, Castle Rules, but they were in trouble. 49:12.583 --> 49:16.706 for being selective with who they hired on the physical grounds, allegedly? 49:17.326 --> 49:33.897 Well, it looks as if, and obviously I've got no clue if they've got an actual hiring policy at Hollister, but it certainly looks as if they've got something similar there because everyone is extremely sexy and there's extremely loud music playing and it's just an insane act 49:34.557 --> 49:36.337 So listen, I'm going to have to jump in here. 49:36.438 --> 49:38.698 Well, you have to hold that thought list because we have to do the news. 49:38.718 --> 49:39.998 We're past the news. 49:40.279 --> 49:44.120 So we'll bring this round to the thing we want you to text in about any second until then. 49:44.140 --> 49:44.480 Here's the news. 49:45.440 --> 49:58.803 That was the go team with Lady Flash just laughing because we got an email from someone informing me that the funny Papa Smith record that I played earlier on boasting about the fact that I'm doing a 60s DJ set tonight and this was the kind of thing I was going to be playing was from 1931. 49:58.843 --> 49:58.883 So. 50:01.284 --> 50:03.185 According to Christina and Swindon's dad. 50:03.366 --> 50:04.806 Yeah, we're not even sure that that's true. 50:04.826 --> 50:08.829 We don't this isn't a show about facts No, it's purely but it's a fit. 50:08.849 --> 50:10.450 This is this is a fictional program. 50:10.770 --> 50:11.431 Yes, right. 50:11.491 --> 50:17.635 It's filed in the fiction section So when I said it was from the 60s, we've got a little jingle that I know we haven't got it. 50:18.736 --> 50:21.838 Oh, here we go That was a species 50:25.404 --> 50:26.925 That's our specious fact jingle. 50:27.005 --> 50:29.988 Yeah, it might be useful to have that standing by, you know, more often. 50:30.568 --> 50:40.216 Now we were, we were, we sort of timed it badly just before the news, but we got into text the nation and I was talking about the fact that I went to the Westfield Shopping Center in West London. 50:40.896 --> 50:43.418 Amazing palace of consumerism. 50:43.739 --> 50:51.265 And there was a shop in there called Hollister, which is basically designed to look like a kind of Californian surf shack. 50:51.605 --> 50:53.887 You go inside and it's very dark. 50:54.327 --> 50:58.171 very dimly lit, extremely cold, air conditioned to the max. 50:58.872 --> 51:02.175 And the place is perfumed and scented every 60 minutes. 51:02.856 --> 51:05.779 They spray the mannequins and all the clothes with this special perfume. 51:06.500 --> 51:11.165 The staff are uncommonly attractive, like weirdly good looking. 51:11.625 --> 51:14.949 to the extent that you assume there must be some kind of hiring policy. 51:15.029 --> 51:16.551 Obviously, I wouldn't like to speculate. 51:17.512 --> 51:21.396 I'm sure that that might be a complicated legal issue. 51:21.416 --> 51:25.820 So what we're going to ask you listeners is for ideas for your crazy retail ideas, right? 51:25.840 --> 51:27.682 Shops these days, they're a shame to be shops. 51:28.243 --> 51:30.564 People don't like just like goods on shelves. 51:30.624 --> 51:30.784 No. 51:30.944 --> 51:32.445 No, that's too boring and prosaic. 51:32.765 --> 51:34.206 We need a retail experience. 51:34.226 --> 51:40.829 We need an environment that transports you, goods that aren't just goods that are kind of defined in some kind of freaky context. 51:41.129 --> 51:48.392 We'd like your ideas for new retail experience concepts, the most idiotic shopping concept you can think of. 51:48.452 --> 51:48.993 Yeah. 51:49.073 --> 51:51.174 And I bet you that, you know, it'll be out there somewhere. 51:51.254 --> 51:55.916 Because basically it comes down a lot of the time to just like selling socks and T-shirts, right? 51:56.576 --> 51:58.177 And they're not particularly special. 51:58.857 --> 52:02.558 They're just like orange t-shirts with a little bit of rioting on. 52:02.978 --> 52:09.801 So you've got to jazz your shop up and make it as loony as possible for people to go in there and think, wow, I'm part of a sexy shopping experience. 52:10.021 --> 52:12.282 I've definitely got to have that orange t-shirt with the writing on. 52:12.302 --> 52:13.722 You know what would make me buy stuff? 52:13.762 --> 52:13.962 What? 52:14.443 --> 52:16.984 Is because I like this idea of only very sexy staff, 125. 52:17.164 --> 52:17.764 What if they hit on you? 52:20.865 --> 52:23.769 Because in shops, they come up and say, have you found what you're looking for, sir? 52:23.809 --> 52:23.949 Yeah. 52:24.370 --> 52:25.231 Everything OK, sir? 52:25.591 --> 52:28.355 So why not just make that a bit more flirty? 52:28.495 --> 52:29.436 I was thinking the same thing. 52:29.496 --> 52:31.799 Hey, hey, good looking. 52:31.839 --> 52:33.621 Hey, hey, have I seen you somewhere before? 52:33.701 --> 52:34.222 My prozzies. 52:34.402 --> 52:35.363 What are you doing here? 52:36.084 --> 52:38.246 You smell good, baby. 52:38.746 --> 52:40.428 I was thinking, yeah, I like it. 52:40.468 --> 52:40.708 Like this. 52:41.068 --> 52:42.209 Bad, bad. 52:42.249 --> 52:43.070 Bad, bad. 52:43.711 --> 52:44.752 Bad, bad. 52:44.832 --> 52:45.572 Bad, bad. 52:46.113 --> 52:46.753 Bad, bad. 52:46.853 --> 52:49.195 What are you doing? 52:49.235 --> 52:54.320 Because they're clearly a bit thick and that to me is sexy, you know, because it's easier with thick people. 52:54.340 --> 52:55.000 They're the thick person. 52:55.040 --> 52:55.841 You can confuse them. 52:55.981 --> 53:00.585 So they're thick and they're really good looking and they make a pass at you and 53:03.207 --> 53:04.748 Yeah, I mean you could go the whole way with that. 53:04.889 --> 53:24.123 Well, I was thinking I was thinking That at the checkout counter so once you've actually bought something Once the deal is sealed and the card has gone through and you've entered your pin etc You get a long kiss from the person behind the check really what sort of a kiss like tongues and everything really sure How would that work? 53:24.503 --> 53:25.024 How'd you mean? 53:25.384 --> 53:27.405 Well, it's from the staff's point of view. 53:27.425 --> 53:28.626 I'm getting deja vu here. 53:28.666 --> 53:30.328 Haven't we had this discussion before? 53:31.148 --> 53:37.192 about how you hygienically arranged for random strangers to repeatedly see something we're preoccupied with. 53:37.212 --> 53:39.994 I don't know, there's some mouth spray or something. 53:40.034 --> 53:46.839 As you go into the shop, you have to agree to have your mouth de-sanitized, or sanitized, not de-sanitized. 53:47.279 --> 53:52.903 So then the staff get shots at the end of every day and there's a doctor standing by. 53:53.143 --> 53:54.564 It's all fine, it's all doable. 53:54.724 --> 53:55.785 And what does this shop sell? 53:56.565 --> 53:58.286 T-shirts like orange t-shirts with writing on. 53:58.566 --> 54:00.167 Orange t-shirts with writing on. 54:00.467 --> 54:02.509 The text number is 64046. 54:02.549 --> 54:06.591 The email is adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk. 54:06.991 --> 54:08.752 We've started this text donation quite late. 54:08.772 --> 54:09.453 Look, it's 10.45. 54:09.693 --> 54:11.414 We've only got an hour and 15 minutes to do this. 54:11.734 --> 54:14.196 So please get your ideas in as quickly as possible. 54:15.776 --> 54:17.818 64046 adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk. 54:18.198 --> 54:20.099 Here's The Doors with Love Her Madly. 54:20.239 --> 54:21.440 That's The Doors. 54:22.020 --> 54:23.082 with Love Her Madly. 54:23.102 --> 54:25.305 This is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music. 54:25.645 --> 54:34.277 If there was a film about the doors, say someone made a film about the doors, and they wanted to capture the moment when they came up with one of their famous riffs. 54:34.297 --> 54:35.919 Like the riff from Light My Fire. 54:35.959 --> 54:37.241 Yeah, would that be a good scene? 54:37.261 --> 54:38.543 How would that scene go, I wonder? 54:38.683 --> 54:42.985 Well, because of time constraints, you'd have to speed the whole creative process up a little bit. 54:43.025 --> 54:55.192 So you could get the Ray Manzarek character to play some kind of experimental riff, and then, like, the next time he could play the actual riff. 54:55.232 --> 54:56.673 Right, so he thinks of it really quickly. 54:56.813 --> 54:57.414 Yeah, yeah. 54:57.454 --> 54:57.954 That'd be good. 54:57.974 --> 54:58.414 Someone should do that. 54:58.434 --> 54:59.635 That'd be a very good dramatic scene. 55:00.636 --> 55:02.418 Now, I was on the train earlier this week. 55:03.138 --> 55:05.841 It was one evening and it was 8 p.m. 55:05.861 --> 55:07.983 I was getting on the train from Liverpool Street. 55:08.003 --> 55:14.490 I was very tired, been working all day in the mine and it's exhausting work down there in the mines. 55:15.010 --> 55:18.514 And so I was looking forward to a nice little snooze and I went on the quiet carriage. 55:18.934 --> 55:19.895 Do you like the quiet carriage? 55:19.915 --> 55:20.816 I love the quiet carriage. 55:20.836 --> 55:21.256 No mobile phone use. 55:21.296 --> 55:21.336 No. 55:23.258 --> 55:25.021 and no audio equipment. 55:25.341 --> 55:36.075 What they're trying to avoid, obviously, is lunatics on phones having very loud conversations, and they're trying to avoid people with rubbish headphones turned up way too loud. 55:40.358 --> 55:43.999 That was a terrible little beatboxing bit of stuff there, wasn't it? 55:44.019 --> 55:45.639 That was awful. 55:47.040 --> 55:57.023 So you've got the lovely quiet carriage, the oasis of calm that is the quiet carriage, and you've got all the stickers up, right, like on every single window with shh, cartoons, right, people going shh. 55:57.743 --> 56:01.146 So if you don't speak the language, you can understand that this is a place to be quiet. 56:01.286 --> 56:02.146 You have to shh. 56:02.467 --> 56:05.709 And then there's announcements as well, just to underline the fact further. 56:06.009 --> 56:08.151 Just before you leave the station, welcome on board the train. 56:08.171 --> 56:13.615 And every time you stop at a station, quiet carriages are A and B, and they've been designated quiet zones. 56:13.675 --> 56:17.137 Please refrain from using your mobile phone and using audio equipment in these carriages. 56:17.177 --> 56:17.858 Thank you very much. 56:18.318 --> 56:21.200 So there's absolutely no excuse for not knowing the quiet carriage rules. 56:21.780 --> 56:25.223 And I got on this train last week that was not full in any way. 56:25.723 --> 56:28.984 So it wasn't as if, like, people had to sit in the quiet carriage. 56:30.265 --> 56:39.348 But these three guys, right, get on the quiet carriage, and about five minutes after we pull out of the station, more or less simultaneously, their phones go off. 56:40.008 --> 56:41.988 And they take the calls one after the other. 56:43.969 --> 56:48.252 So there's a Danny Dyer type city spiff, you know, Danny Dyer in Outlaw. 56:48.412 --> 56:50.073 I do know Danny Dyer in Outlaw. 56:50.833 --> 56:52.174 And he takes the call up, bruv. 56:52.514 --> 56:53.155 Yeah, bruv. 56:53.175 --> 56:53.695 What you doing? 56:53.875 --> 56:54.756 Yeah, I'm on the train, bruv. 56:55.056 --> 56:56.136 Yeah, just left the station, bruv. 56:56.477 --> 56:57.577 Yeah, I should be an hour or something. 56:57.617 --> 56:58.538 Nah, nah, nah, bruv. 56:58.598 --> 56:59.398 Nah, I'm knackered, mate. 56:59.518 --> 56:59.959 Oh, mate. 56:59.999 --> 57:00.519 Mate, that's me. 57:00.779 --> 57:01.299 I can't, bruv. 57:01.339 --> 57:01.760 Yeah, bruv. 57:01.780 --> 57:02.180 Yeah, bruv. 57:02.460 --> 57:03.461 That's my mate, Gary. 57:03.661 --> 57:04.962 Were you on the other end of the line? 57:04.982 --> 57:05.562 Yeah, that was me. 57:05.802 --> 57:06.402 That was your bruv. 57:06.542 --> 57:07.163 Yeah, my bruv. 57:07.423 --> 57:09.064 So there was bruv talking, right? 57:09.424 --> 57:13.386 And then there was another guy in a sort of hoodie, and he was having a sort of mumble chat. 57:13.946 --> 57:19.729 He was having his little chat, not too offensively loud. 57:20.130 --> 57:27.213 And then there's a third chap who's talking about DJing, and he's talking so loudly in such a booming voice that it's like a joke, right? 57:27.614 --> 57:29.234 Yeah, yeah. 57:30.895 --> 57:31.756 He had one of those laughs. 57:32.825 --> 57:33.465 Yeah, right. 57:33.766 --> 57:35.566 Gee, the new single is wicked. 57:35.606 --> 57:37.607 Her voice on that is amazing, right? 57:38.588 --> 57:40.469 Yeah, yeah, we played it last week. 57:40.509 --> 57:41.790 People went mad, right? 57:43.130 --> 57:46.352 Everyone's looking around the carriage because they're thinking, have we gone insane? 57:46.372 --> 57:47.493 This is the quiet carriage. 57:47.973 --> 57:59.739 And not only is this guy brazenly taking a call in the quiet carriage, having been requested not to do so by all the stickers and like the train guy, but he's doing it at a ludicrous volume. 58:00.279 --> 58:02.041 like as if he's on stage or something. 58:02.561 --> 58:03.642 So this goes on for a while. 58:03.662 --> 58:04.303 Everyone's looking around. 58:04.323 --> 58:05.404 No one's really saying anything. 58:05.944 --> 58:08.186 And my heart's racing with indignation. 58:08.306 --> 58:10.629 With excitement at the possible looming confrontation. 58:10.689 --> 58:10.949 Yeah. 58:11.670 --> 58:17.295 And I'm sitting there thinking, someone's got to say something because I was looking at it's going to be me. 58:17.375 --> 58:19.116 I was looking forward to my knuckles. 58:19.417 --> 58:23.640 And now there's three people having conversations, indirect flautation of the rules. 58:24.421 --> 58:25.143 I've got to do it! 58:25.584 --> 58:29.372 So I poke my head above the parapet, and above the seats, right? 58:29.713 --> 58:32.318 And I just shout out, Oi mate, quiet carriage! 58:33.089 --> 58:33.890 Nice, nice, nice. 58:33.930 --> 58:34.770 Who can argue with that? 58:34.850 --> 58:35.050 Right. 58:35.291 --> 58:37.132 Simple, non-confrontational statement of fact. 58:37.152 --> 58:37.592 Statement of fact. 58:37.612 --> 58:38.313 What's the response? 58:38.633 --> 58:46.219 Response from a loud DJ guy is to halt his conversation temporarily, look over at me and go, are you just talking to me? 58:47.460 --> 58:47.620 And? 58:47.640 --> 58:48.600 Fair point. 58:48.841 --> 58:49.261 Fair point. 58:49.301 --> 58:50.482 There are three of them who you do. 58:50.502 --> 58:51.403 I wasn't singling him out. 58:51.423 --> 58:53.524 I said, no, no, I'm talking to all you guys. 58:53.844 --> 58:54.525 You guys. 58:54.565 --> 58:55.065 You guys. 58:55.085 --> 58:55.686 Hey, you guys. 58:55.966 --> 58:59.869 Yeah, I'm rapping across my words, across the scenes to you guys. 58:59.909 --> 59:00.829 Guys, guys, guys. 59:02.065 --> 59:08.993 Guys, quiet carriage, guys, hey, ixnay on mobile phone nay, ixnay, guys. 59:09.013 --> 59:09.553 What's that? 59:09.613 --> 59:10.995 I don't know, it's ixnay. 59:11.455 --> 59:12.096 Have you ever heard of that? 59:12.156 --> 59:12.596 It's Greek. 59:12.616 --> 59:13.077 Yeah, exactly. 59:13.417 --> 59:14.518 Kids want to talk Greek. 59:16.521 --> 59:17.121 Ancient Greek. 59:17.522 --> 59:18.743 Oh, he talks ancient Greek. 59:18.763 --> 59:19.444 But here's the thing. 59:19.824 --> 59:24.165 I got a total 100% success rate on my Interferon. 59:25.066 --> 59:26.866 They all concluded their conversations. 59:27.126 --> 59:29.627 There was absolute silence in the quiet carriage. 59:29.987 --> 59:30.947 It was beautiful. 59:31.668 --> 59:35.449 And I could feel everyone else in the quiet carriage, right? 59:35.849 --> 59:37.810 I could hear their thoughts. 59:38.170 --> 59:39.150 Who's that guy? 59:39.370 --> 59:40.370 Who's the beardy guy? 59:40.770 --> 59:41.911 He's amazing. 59:42.371 --> 59:43.051 He didn't care. 59:43.251 --> 59:44.792 He just stuck his head above the parapet. 59:44.812 --> 59:45.652 He wasn't afraid. 59:46.352 --> 59:47.913 to make his thoughts felt. 59:47.993 --> 59:51.395 He wasn't afraid about Danny Dyer getting back in his grill or anything like that. 59:51.675 --> 59:54.757 He just said what he thought and he got a total result. 59:55.498 --> 59:56.899 I love him. 59:57.859 --> 59:59.060 He's amazing. 59:59.420 --> 01:00:01.221 So I felt brilliant for about an hour, right? 01:00:01.762 --> 01:00:05.744 And then at Ipswich, the DJ gets another call. 01:00:06.364 --> 01:00:07.325 He takes it. 01:00:08.126 --> 01:00:10.187 It's right back to square one in a really loud voice. 01:00:10.207 --> 01:00:10.967 Do you say something? 01:00:11.588 --> 01:00:11.708 No. 01:00:12.528 --> 01:00:23.812 No, you quit while you're ahead quit while I was ahead and then to add insult to injury he strikes up a conversation with one of the other previous offenders with the mumbling guy and Starts talking about DJing to him talking. 01:00:23.852 --> 01:00:38.216 They're talking that they're talking and of course, there's no rules against against talking But he was talking very loud talking loudly and he kept on looking over at me like yeah Yeah, you're gonna do something about this interfere on I'm talking. 01:00:38.396 --> 01:00:39.437 What are you gonna do about it? 01:00:40.037 --> 01:00:40.617 I did nothing. 01:00:40.957 --> 01:00:48.440 But I was fantasising right the way to my destination about filming him on my camera and doing a link. 01:00:48.460 --> 01:00:50.221 I thought, would it be funny to get him to do a link? 01:00:50.401 --> 01:00:54.862 To say, hi, yeah, I'm the guy that was talking really, really loudly in the quiet carriage. 01:00:55.062 --> 01:00:56.203 You're listening to Adam and Jo. 01:00:56.963 --> 01:00:57.343 Yeah, it would. 01:00:57.403 --> 01:00:57.784 Where is it? 01:00:57.804 --> 01:00:58.344 Have you got it? 01:00:58.424 --> 01:01:01.266 Well, no, because I was worried I'd get punched in the solar plexus. 01:01:01.286 --> 01:01:01.927 What would you think, though? 01:01:01.947 --> 01:01:02.968 If that happens again, should I do it? 01:01:03.228 --> 01:01:08.752 Well, I think you might be glorifying him, and he might think that that was sort of, you know, approbation. 01:01:09.092 --> 01:01:09.693 Is that a word? 01:01:10.013 --> 01:01:10.233 It is. 01:01:10.333 --> 01:01:12.535 But then the listeners would know better. 01:01:13.095 --> 01:01:13.876 They would, wouldn't they? 01:01:13.936 --> 01:01:15.177 So that would be a victory for the listeners. 01:01:15.197 --> 01:01:16.438 He might not understand the irony. 01:01:16.858 --> 01:01:18.059 I'll be condoning it. 01:01:19.007 --> 01:01:19.927 Well done for standing up. 01:01:20.027 --> 01:01:21.508 I mean, you're a kind of a hero. 01:01:21.808 --> 01:01:23.208 In a way, you're a kind of a national hero. 01:01:23.508 --> 01:01:28.310 It seems to me you deserve a day, a commemorative day and a gold statue. 01:01:28.350 --> 01:01:32.511 But then the rest of the people in the carriage would have been thinking, what's happened to, what's happened to Hercules? 01:01:32.671 --> 01:01:36.732 He stood up once for our rights, but... He's a fair weather hero. 01:01:36.892 --> 01:01:37.752 Fair weather hero. 01:01:38.012 --> 01:01:39.333 Now you've got a free play right now, Joe. 01:01:39.433 --> 01:01:40.493 Yeah, this is by the Kinks. 01:01:40.553 --> 01:01:43.574 This features on the Rushmore soundtrack that I was listening to the other day. 01:01:43.594 --> 01:01:46.415 This is from their 1965 album, Kinda Kinks. 01:01:46.936 --> 01:01:49.677 It's called Nothing in the World Can Stop Me Worrying About That Girl. 01:01:51.177 --> 01:01:52.738 It's quite tough to do, isn't it? 01:02:02.582 --> 01:02:15.748 Devandra Obi Banhart is an American singer-songwriter. 01:02:15.808 --> 01:02:19.250 His first name is a synonym for the Hindu god of rain and thunder, Indra. 01:02:19.630 --> 01:02:24.072 His middle name is Obi after the Star Wars character, Obi-Wan Kenobi. 01:02:24.392 --> 01:02:24.893 Apparently. 01:02:25.573 --> 01:02:28.616 Baby, which you just heard listeners, is out on the 19th of October. 01:02:28.656 --> 01:02:32.679 It's taken from his album What Will Be Will Be, which apparently is very, very good. 01:02:32.739 --> 01:02:34.521 It's out on the 26th of October. 01:02:34.721 --> 01:02:35.462 How old is he then? 01:02:35.962 --> 01:02:36.563 He's young. 01:02:36.583 --> 01:02:37.784 I mean, he's in his mid-20s or something. 01:02:37.804 --> 01:02:37.944 Mid-20s, 77, 87, 97, 2007. 01:02:38.204 --> 01:02:38.665 He's a sexy man. 01:02:42.768 --> 01:02:44.589 Work if he's named after Obi-Wan Kenobi? 01:02:45.190 --> 01:02:53.655 That means his father must have been at least 15 when Star Wars came out in 77... 77... 879... 707... 2007... 809... 32... Yeah, what was that? 01:02:53.755 --> 01:02:57.258 There you go. 01:02:57.718 --> 01:02:59.079 Shall we get back into textination? 01:02:59.139 --> 01:02:59.999 Here's the jingle jingle. 01:03:01.941 --> 01:03:02.681 Textination! 01:03:02.701 --> 01:03:02.781 Text! 01:03:02.821 --> 01:03:03.122 Text! 01:03:03.182 --> 01:03:03.482 Text! 01:03:03.522 --> 01:03:03.882 Text! 01:03:04.002 --> 01:03:04.743 Textination! 01:03:04.803 --> 01:03:05.763 What if I don't want to? 01:03:06.003 --> 01:03:06.704 Textination! 01:03:06.724 --> 01:03:07.825 But I'm using email. 01:03:07.985 --> 01:03:08.725 Is that a problem? 01:03:08.765 --> 01:03:09.306 It doesn't matter! 01:03:09.366 --> 01:03:09.586 Text! 01:03:11.840 --> 01:03:25.484 Text the Nation this week's all about absurd ideas to make crazy retail shopping experiences, like how you would make and design a high-concept shop that is more than just a shop, it's kind of a lifestyle zone. 01:03:25.744 --> 01:03:29.466 Here's another thing that I forgot to mention about this actual shop, Hollister. 01:03:29.786 --> 01:03:38.548 This is something that they don't do anymore, but when they first started, they had animals in the shop as like a sort of feature, as if it was someone's house and the animals had just wandered in. 01:03:38.588 --> 01:03:38.888 Pets. 01:03:39.169 --> 01:03:40.229 They had little pets. 01:03:40.729 --> 01:04:02.990 and they had a cat right they had a cat there it was called moon um and they had a macaw you know like a parrot and he was called something like fletch or something that was a focus group names probably but they were stopped from doing it oh yeah the macaw was called riley a green wing macaw and it was a main kun cat apparently called fletcher 01:04:03.810 --> 01:04:09.896 And animal rights activists successfully protested the inappropriate use of live animals as store decor. 01:04:10.416 --> 01:04:13.459 And the animals were no longer used in those shops after November 2000. 01:04:13.519 --> 01:04:21.786 The other thing, though, that one of the things that the animal rights people said was that it was unfair to the animals because the music in the shops was so loud. 01:04:22.327 --> 01:04:28.492 And this is another thing is it's store policy in a lot of these shops to have unbelievably loud music. 01:04:28.512 --> 01:04:28.932 You know what I mean? 01:04:28.972 --> 01:04:30.594 And if you break your mind out, yeah, infuse you. 01:04:30.754 --> 01:04:32.695 If people complain about... To stop you thinking. 01:04:32.775 --> 01:04:33.215 That's right. 01:04:33.495 --> 01:04:34.315 So they overwhelm me. 01:04:34.355 --> 01:04:41.077 The whole point of Text the Nation is to think of techniques that can be used to overwhelm the senses in order to... Well, no, you can't suddenly say that. 01:04:41.297 --> 01:04:41.557 Why not? 01:04:41.817 --> 01:04:43.537 Because that's not what we said before. 01:04:43.677 --> 01:04:44.097 No, it is. 01:04:44.177 --> 01:04:46.138 It's to make... Yeah, to confuse people. 01:04:46.198 --> 01:04:48.959 Yeah, to lull them into a false sense of... Yeah, but groovy things. 01:04:49.039 --> 01:04:49.679 What were we saying? 01:04:50.579 --> 01:04:54.763 Uh, just like crazy, mad ideas for shops to enhance your shopping experience. 01:04:54.823 --> 01:04:56.804 Yeah, but let's read some. 01:04:56.824 --> 01:04:57.885 Here's one from Joe in Essex. 01:04:58.526 --> 01:05:03.470 His suggestion is a new extreme supermarket which involves you hunting and killing your meat. 01:05:04.130 --> 01:05:09.214 Market it as the new eat or be eaten range, a new exciting food shopping experience. 01:05:09.234 --> 01:05:10.095 That's pretty good, isn't it? 01:05:10.135 --> 01:05:12.517 So you have the livestock wandering around in the supermarket. 01:05:12.577 --> 01:05:19.604 Yeah, or a sort of wild area, and you're given some weaponry, and they're quite dangerous but delicious animals. 01:05:19.725 --> 01:05:21.126 I was thinking about dangerous animals. 01:05:21.146 --> 01:05:22.267 I thought that might be nice. 01:05:22.367 --> 01:05:23.388 In the clothes shop, right? 01:05:23.649 --> 01:05:27.573 You have very poisonous spiders lurking in some of the cabinets. 01:05:27.833 --> 01:05:28.694 Yes. 01:05:28.714 --> 01:05:29.955 That's already a nice idea. 01:05:29.975 --> 01:05:30.976 So you might get bitten. 01:05:30.996 --> 01:05:31.917 So you're a bit wired. 01:05:31.977 --> 01:05:33.319 Look at that t-shirt, mate. 01:05:33.719 --> 01:05:36.680 I really want that t-shirt, but there might be a spider in there. 01:05:36.700 --> 01:05:38.660 And it makes you even cooler for owning the t-shirt. 01:05:38.680 --> 01:05:38.820 Exactly. 01:05:38.840 --> 01:05:40.441 Because people know you've braved the spikes. 01:05:40.461 --> 01:05:40.881 Whoa! 01:05:41.201 --> 01:05:46.902 You got the black t-shirt with the writing that looks as if it was written ages ago, but actually it was written last week. 01:05:46.922 --> 01:05:49.403 You know, that could be a time with I'm a celebrity, get me out of here. 01:05:49.443 --> 01:05:54.784 And in order to get your product, you have to reach into a weird hole, and you don't know what's inside there. 01:05:55.084 --> 01:05:55.784 That's really good. 01:05:55.824 --> 01:05:59.385 You could triple the actual manufacturing cost. 01:05:59.465 --> 01:05:59.885 Exactly. 01:06:00.424 --> 01:06:02.865 And then you have someone standing by with an antidote if you get bitten. 01:06:03.685 --> 01:06:04.765 Oh, not people could die. 01:06:04.805 --> 01:06:05.945 I mean, that would make the papers. 01:06:06.045 --> 01:06:06.586 Certainly it would. 01:06:06.626 --> 01:06:07.466 Very good publicity. 01:06:07.806 --> 01:06:10.206 Here's one from Tom from the Wolds. 01:06:10.967 --> 01:06:11.927 I want to open a shop. 01:06:12.007 --> 01:06:16.268 I want to open a shop that sells tropical fish and underwater cameras. 01:06:16.588 --> 01:06:23.650 To gain entry to the shop, you must enter via a complex valve system akin to a canal boat lock as the shop is underwater. 01:06:23.790 --> 01:06:24.130 Nice. 01:06:24.290 --> 01:06:26.611 You must pay with waterproof Australian dollars. 01:06:26.911 --> 01:06:27.871 The shop is called WET. 01:06:28.311 --> 01:06:29.072 That's very good. 01:06:29.092 --> 01:06:29.672 That's very good. 01:06:29.692 --> 01:06:31.413 Here's one from Andy Kay from Pool. 01:06:31.733 --> 01:06:34.335 I want a garden centre to actually be a garden. 01:06:34.755 --> 01:06:38.298 You walk into home base, enter a lift, go to the garden area. 01:06:38.478 --> 01:06:44.141 It's got grass on the floor, fairies flying around, a maze on the left and a fountain on the right. 01:06:44.322 --> 01:06:45.602 You know fairies don't exist. 01:06:46.423 --> 01:06:49.205 No, but truth is not part of the equation here. 01:06:49.265 --> 01:06:51.186 Reality is not part of the equation. 01:06:51.206 --> 01:06:51.346 Yeah. 01:06:52.187 --> 01:06:54.508 If a big retail giant wants fairies, they'll have fairies. 01:06:54.568 --> 01:06:56.930 Aren't some garden centres like that, like big gardens? 01:06:57.946 --> 01:07:20.551 uh yeah but they don't have grass oh and you can't because that's a good idea to combine a sort of park with a garden center sure so these just become places public spaces where everything is for sale you know the guy was talking about wet in wet they have uh water right yes in that shop yeah under water um i was thinking weightless what about a weightless that's a good idea and being very expensive again you go through an air lock 01:07:21.551 --> 01:07:22.993 and you're weightless in the shop. 01:07:23.013 --> 01:07:24.014 The products are floating around. 01:07:24.074 --> 01:07:28.720 Look at those t-shirts floating around there with the writing on that looks as if it was done weeks ago. 01:07:28.900 --> 01:07:30.762 Here's one from Gil or Jill. 01:07:31.242 --> 01:07:32.624 Not sure what to do with the G there. 01:07:33.085 --> 01:07:37.630 You could have a shop where you connect with the product dot dot dot by making it. 01:07:38.290 --> 01:07:39.892 It's a communal craft experience. 01:07:39.972 --> 01:07:41.134 I think that's a brilliant idea. 01:07:41.794 --> 01:07:56.063 So those production lines in Asia where they make electronics you just go in there and you sit on the production line Mm-hmm, and you help manufacture say 240 flat screens And then you pay a grand and take one home. 01:07:56.403 --> 01:08:00.786 That's a nice idea people would do that I bet you they would do that I bet you you're right kids would love it. 01:08:00.826 --> 01:08:05.309 I bet you then it's simple All you have to do is one little soldier on one little chip. 01:08:05.529 --> 01:08:06.509 Yeah for an hour. 01:08:06.529 --> 01:08:07.750 It's a bit brush brush. 01:08:08.010 --> 01:08:09.411 These are really good ideas 01:08:09.411 --> 01:08:14.914 You know, because if you erected, like you get your flat pack from your IKEA-style shop, right? 01:08:15.375 --> 01:08:19.577 If you're actually part of a production line, putting those things together, everyone wins, right? 01:08:19.597 --> 01:08:20.037 Everybody wins. 01:08:20.077 --> 01:08:21.638 They save on the manufacturing costs. 01:08:21.658 --> 01:08:21.859 Yeah. 01:08:22.059 --> 01:08:24.940 One last one that's not so good from Ian in Cambria. 01:08:25.000 --> 01:08:25.281 Exciting. 01:08:25.481 --> 01:08:28.943 My mate's idea for a unique shopping experience was to sell everything in brine. 01:08:29.523 --> 01:08:33.045 This means every item, not just things that might be traditionally sold in brine. 01:08:33.526 --> 01:08:38.909 Clearly a unique selling point, but even better would be the special item, tuna in brine, in brine. 01:08:41.493 --> 01:08:46.701 So keep those coming in the text number 64046, the email adamandjoe.sixmusicatbbc.co.uk. 01:08:47.182 --> 01:08:50.187 Here is James Brown with Make It Funky. 01:08:51.317 --> 01:08:55.258 JB, you know, that's not one of my favourite James Brown songs. 01:08:55.578 --> 01:08:58.479 It's called Make It Funky, but then after his count in at the top. 01:08:58.899 --> 01:09:01.019 One, two, three, make it. 01:09:05.040 --> 01:09:06.661 The horns don't sound that funky. 01:09:07.081 --> 01:09:08.241 Yeah, they're laid back. 01:09:08.301 --> 01:09:08.961 That's the point. 01:09:08.981 --> 01:09:09.641 They're not making an effort. 01:09:09.661 --> 01:09:10.682 They're too laid back. 01:09:10.762 --> 01:09:11.502 I like it, man. 01:09:11.542 --> 01:09:11.982 You can't 01:09:12.082 --> 01:09:15.783 And so this probably makes you a Parker or someone, or Fred Wesley. 01:09:15.923 --> 01:09:17.083 He needs to pep it up a little. 01:09:17.223 --> 01:09:18.504 You're cussing the wezels. 01:09:18.624 --> 01:09:19.404 I was the band leader. 01:09:19.444 --> 01:09:20.864 I'd say, hey, hey, hey, come on chaps. 01:09:21.244 --> 01:09:22.345 Now that wasn't funky. 01:09:22.765 --> 01:09:23.645 Make it a bit more punchy. 01:09:23.665 --> 01:09:25.085 And they go, who is that cat? 01:09:25.225 --> 01:09:26.166 Who is that idiot? 01:09:26.206 --> 01:09:27.006 Hey, wait a second. 01:09:27.186 --> 01:09:30.367 Isn't that the guy who shouted out in the quiet carriage? 01:09:30.387 --> 01:09:31.347 You had the fat one from Laura Hardy. 01:09:31.427 --> 01:09:32.087 Come on, guys. 01:09:32.107 --> 01:09:36.648 That's the little fat one from Laura Hardy. 01:09:36.668 --> 01:09:39.229 Hey, that's the fat guy from Laura Hardy. 01:09:41.409 --> 01:09:42.390 So listen, what now? 01:09:42.510 --> 01:10:01.995 Oh yeah, if you're a regular listener you might remember that we have a sort of a competition going and we can call it a competition because it is a competition, it's actually been sanctioned by the castle, it's all official and the prize is, if it could be described as a prize, to join us on stage at the Electric Proms and to perform a Song Wars tune. 01:10:02.035 --> 01:10:05.456 We've put two Song Wars tunes on our website 01:10:06.216 --> 01:10:09.679 BBC.co.uk forward slash blogs forward slash Adam and Jo. 01:10:09.979 --> 01:10:12.121 They're instrumental versions, karaoke versions. 01:10:12.141 --> 01:10:15.924 They've got the lyrics up there with a little bouncing ball over the lyrics for you to sing along. 01:10:16.264 --> 01:10:19.567 We're asking you to make a video of yourself performing the song. 01:10:19.767 --> 01:10:24.871 It doesn't have to be like a pop video, just a straightforward kind of, you know, photo booth style thing. 01:10:25.231 --> 01:10:40.058 rain yeah that kind of thing miming the song then you send us and you upload it to one of them sites where you upload videos you send us the link we look at them and the least insane performance possibly the most insane performance 01:10:40.898 --> 01:10:44.159 will be chosen and you'll get to join us on stage. 01:10:44.279 --> 01:10:47.920 You have my Quantum of Solace song or Adam's Nutty Room song to choose from. 01:10:48.380 --> 01:10:52.201 Last week we announced that we had had no entries, none, not a single one. 01:10:53.041 --> 01:10:58.742 This kind of desperate void motivated some of our listeners to submit some videos. 01:10:58.782 --> 01:11:01.362 We now have 12 entries. 01:11:01.623 --> 01:11:02.683 How many Quantum of Solace? 01:11:02.803 --> 01:11:03.023 Three? 01:11:03.883 --> 01:11:25.289 three quantum of solace is only three nine nutty room version so quantum of solace under represented well it's it's a lot longer though isn't it quantum of solace and nutty room is fairly short so that's one thing but listen you don't have to worry about knowing the lyrics we're going to have a big video screen on the day with the with the lyrics up there so it's a very low key you don't need to be anxious Dame Jude did dentures 01:11:25.669 --> 01:11:27.110 curious with him. 01:11:43.480 --> 01:11:44.240 44 pairs of tickets. 01:11:44.280 --> 01:11:46.643 Yeah, 44 pairs of tickets to give away. 01:11:46.663 --> 01:11:49.445 The show is taking place on the 22nd of October. 01:11:49.485 --> 01:11:51.728 That's a Thursday and it'll be at lunchtime. 01:11:51.888 --> 01:11:52.348 Lunchtime. 01:11:52.388 --> 01:11:53.890 So you'll need to be able to come along. 01:11:53.910 --> 01:11:55.691 That's the hottest, slottest. 01:11:56.252 --> 01:11:58.854 I mean, that's when all the kids love to see things. 01:11:58.954 --> 01:12:00.035 Lunchtime on a Thursday. 01:12:00.216 --> 01:12:00.456 Yeah. 01:12:00.636 --> 01:12:02.758 That's Thursday lunchtime. 01:12:02.818 --> 01:12:03.379 Oi kid! 01:12:05.400 --> 01:12:06.581 We do it for lunchtime tomorrow. 01:12:08.023 --> 01:12:11.286 It's cool because then you've got the whole rest of the day to go out and... It is cool, Crows. 01:12:11.326 --> 01:12:12.306 Crows, yeah. 01:12:12.707 --> 01:12:16.070 So you'll need to be able to come along to the Round House, which is in Camden Town. 01:12:16.350 --> 01:12:18.032 It's the Chalk Farm area of London. 01:12:18.672 --> 01:12:20.894 Oh no, it's Camden Town slash Chalk Farm area of London. 01:12:20.974 --> 01:12:23.696 I'm trying to read from this page and make it sound naturalistic. 01:12:23.717 --> 01:12:24.858 Told you not to try and read. 01:12:25.838 --> 01:12:30.902 So yeah, you can find out more at bbc.co.uk slash six music. 01:12:31.222 --> 01:12:36.806 Don't be scared by the insane page of rules that are there if you check out how to get your tickets. 01:12:36.826 --> 01:12:40.389 You do have to register your details and it is like applying for a visa. 01:12:40.469 --> 01:12:41.630 It's like a draw, isn't it? 01:12:41.690 --> 01:12:42.410 Foreign country. 01:12:42.430 --> 01:12:46.013 So you just have to apply and then you go, but you know the castle, they're in trouble last year. 01:12:46.033 --> 01:12:47.334 They've got to be so careful with stuff like this. 01:12:47.354 --> 01:12:47.975 You do have to be careful. 01:12:48.655 --> 01:12:55.660 But we'd really like you to come along because one way or another, no matter who we pick from our competition entrance, it is going to be a fun afternoon. 01:12:56.141 --> 01:12:58.182 And we'd very much like to meet you and hang out. 01:12:58.262 --> 01:13:02.005 And the performance thing will soon drop off. 01:13:02.426 --> 01:13:04.988 You know like sheep's bits. 01:13:05.528 --> 01:13:10.252 And we're going to bring a couple of things along to entertain you and it's going to be an enjoyable afternoon. 01:13:10.692 --> 01:13:12.453 So do check it out, right? 01:13:12.633 --> 01:13:17.937 Registration is open now and it closes on Friday the 9th of October at 4pm. 01:13:18.017 --> 01:13:24.882 So if you fancy coming along, do register on that website and, you know, I'm sure not many people register. 01:13:24.902 --> 01:13:25.623 Don't say that! 01:13:25.683 --> 01:13:27.344 I'm sure millions of people register. 01:13:27.384 --> 01:13:28.665 Don't be disappointed if you don't win. 01:13:29.545 --> 01:13:35.389 And your video entries, if you'd like to actually enter the performance aspect of it, they have to be in by the 14th of October. 01:13:35.409 --> 01:13:37.631 So you've still got a little bit under two weeks 01:13:37.851 --> 01:13:40.633 Check out some of the entries we've had already on YouTube. 01:13:40.653 --> 01:13:42.494 Check out some of the Quantum of Solace entries. 01:13:42.534 --> 01:13:44.936 I mean, they're brilliant, but I think they are nonsense. 01:13:44.956 --> 01:13:46.938 They're brilliant, shall we say brilliant, but disturbing. 01:13:46.958 --> 01:13:48.178 Disturbing, yeah. 01:13:48.419 --> 01:13:51.301 And we've got some amazing close harmony versions of Nutty Room and stuff. 01:13:51.321 --> 01:13:54.203 We've got a little montage here of some of the versions of Nutty Room we've had. 01:13:54.923 --> 01:13:59.567 Nutty, I am a nutty man, I'm sitting in my nutty room. 01:13:59.627 --> 01:14:04.450 My honey, so this feels great to me too. 01:14:06.653 --> 01:14:11.158 It's a clue for the cops, so I'm googling out the shops because I'm a complicated loon. 01:14:11.198 --> 01:14:15.103 Look at the jars, look at the jars, look at the things inside the jars. 01:14:15.123 --> 01:14:17.806 I've picked some fingers, there's some hair and several winkies. 01:14:18.126 --> 01:14:20.890 Look at the holes, look at the walls, it's only covered in crazy squalls. 01:14:20.950 --> 01:14:22.732 And sometimes, time I add to cover a studio. 01:14:29.258 --> 01:14:32.498 A couple of those people were actually in what sounded like real nutty rooms. 01:14:32.558 --> 01:14:35.639 Well, he changed, one of them had changed it to poo and pooping, hadn't he? 01:14:36.379 --> 01:14:39.340 Knowing exactly where your comic interests lie. 01:14:40.780 --> 01:14:45.781 But I'm depressed because nobody's done the Quantum of Solace and they're all mad. 01:14:45.961 --> 01:14:48.181 Do some good versions of Quantum of Solace too. 01:14:48.401 --> 01:14:53.062 What Joe really wants is some staff from one of those clothing shops to do a version. 01:14:53.382 --> 01:14:55.404 But no one's even sung the Tonto of Solace. 01:14:55.424 --> 01:15:07.735 For some reason, the three men who, you know, I'm very grateful towards them, even though they, I think, are all in some kind of a prison or hospital, they seem to just say the lyrics. 01:15:09.778 --> 01:15:10.779 Just declare them. 01:15:10.919 --> 01:15:13.180 They're reading them out from the karaoke screen. 01:15:13.321 --> 01:15:14.782 That's what we asked people to do. 01:15:14.802 --> 01:15:15.602 I know. 01:15:15.822 --> 01:15:16.963 It's a song. 01:15:17.564 --> 01:15:23.528 You're supposed to sing it, not say it like you're kind of had your brain recently turned inside out. 01:15:23.548 --> 01:15:25.469 You should take them out because they are funny. 01:15:25.529 --> 01:15:26.670 I don't want to be disrespectful. 01:15:26.690 --> 01:15:28.031 They're very, very good. 01:15:28.631 --> 01:15:32.654 They just lack a certain joie de vivre that Nutty Rum has. 01:15:33.915 --> 01:15:35.956 Here's some classic indie music for you. 01:15:36.016 --> 01:15:37.638 This is The Breeders with Cannonball. 01:15:38.098 --> 01:15:38.919 It's an absolute slash. 01:15:39.679 --> 01:15:40.279 What a smash. 01:15:40.339 --> 01:15:42.200 That's the Breeders with Cannonball. 01:15:42.280 --> 01:15:45.500 Hey listeners, this is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music. 01:15:45.760 --> 01:15:47.961 Delighted to be with you this Saturday afternoon. 01:15:48.401 --> 01:15:51.402 Can't tell you if the weather's going to improve or not. 01:15:51.482 --> 01:15:52.702 It's going to be gaily. 01:15:53.222 --> 01:15:57.343 They said on the Radio 4 weather, as I was driving in, it's going to be gaily. 01:15:57.443 --> 01:15:58.243 Gaily, right. 01:15:58.263 --> 01:16:01.224 It's going to be winds of up to 70 miles an hour in the north. 01:16:01.384 --> 01:16:03.125 It's going to do some battering, isn't it? 01:16:03.145 --> 01:16:04.945 It's going to be battering parts of England, the wind. 01:16:05.225 --> 01:16:07.908 battering broken Britain. 01:16:08.148 --> 01:16:13.813 The final indignity. 01:16:14.193 --> 01:16:19.178 Once the proud Queen of Europe, now an old haggard tramp. 01:16:19.799 --> 01:16:21.160 Why are you saying that about England? 01:16:21.752 --> 01:16:24.534 I don't know, the sort of thing they say on the news. 01:16:24.734 --> 01:16:25.034 Is it? 01:16:25.054 --> 01:16:26.255 I don't know, not really. 01:16:26.295 --> 01:16:28.616 What's the proud queen of Europe now an old haggard tramp? 01:16:28.736 --> 01:16:28.956 Yeah. 01:16:29.937 --> 01:16:31.237 Is that what Alistair Stewart says? 01:16:31.598 --> 01:16:32.638 It's what he'd like to say. 01:16:33.339 --> 01:16:36.601 If you had the balls, got anything lined up for Saturday night, Joe? 01:16:36.641 --> 01:16:37.301 Exciting things? 01:16:37.881 --> 01:16:43.284 I have got some European cinema DVDs from what you said about Alistair Stewart. 01:16:43.405 --> 01:16:46.026 Is that bad? 01:16:46.766 --> 01:16:47.547 So vicious, yeah. 01:16:47.687 --> 01:16:48.928 It was just stupid. 01:16:52.172 --> 01:16:52.893 What's the question? 01:16:52.953 --> 01:16:55.554 You got some European cinema DVDs. 01:16:55.814 --> 01:16:57.015 What kind of thing? 01:16:57.315 --> 01:16:59.896 I've got Dead Snow. 01:16:59.976 --> 01:17:01.877 No, the new Michael Hanneker I've got. 01:17:01.917 --> 01:17:02.397 Have you? 01:17:02.757 --> 01:17:03.758 You love Michael Hanneker. 01:17:03.778 --> 01:17:04.018 I do. 01:17:04.438 --> 01:17:05.539 I think he's torture. 01:17:06.259 --> 01:17:06.799 Ah, I like him. 01:17:07.360 --> 01:17:08.200 What's his new one then? 01:17:08.220 --> 01:17:09.180 It's called The White Ribbon. 01:17:09.481 --> 01:17:09.841 Is it? 01:17:10.881 --> 01:17:11.662 I'm excited. 01:17:11.822 --> 01:17:12.562 Who's in that one? 01:17:12.602 --> 01:17:14.103 It's very stoic in black and white. 01:17:14.163 --> 01:17:14.723 Keanu Reeves? 01:17:15.143 --> 01:17:15.964 Keanu Reeves. 01:17:16.684 --> 01:17:17.044 Yeah. 01:17:17.585 --> 01:17:18.465 Who else is it? 01:17:18.545 --> 01:17:19.286 Lily Allen. 01:17:19.746 --> 01:17:20.227 Lily Allen. 01:17:20.267 --> 01:17:21.187 He plays the lead. 01:17:21.207 --> 01:17:21.407 Yeah. 01:17:21.748 --> 01:17:23.189 And then it's got the Teletubbies. 01:17:23.509 --> 01:17:23.709 Right. 01:17:23.769 --> 01:17:24.430 Are the baddies. 01:17:24.790 --> 01:17:25.851 Keanu Reeves. 01:17:25.891 --> 01:17:27.652 He's the last film star that I can remember. 01:17:29.213 --> 01:17:29.633 Well done. 01:17:29.753 --> 01:17:30.834 Shia LaBeouf, is he in it? 01:17:31.715 --> 01:17:32.135 Probably. 01:17:32.355 --> 01:17:33.176 He's a new film star. 01:17:33.196 --> 01:17:33.936 He'll be taking over. 01:17:33.956 --> 01:17:34.677 He'll be in the next one. 01:17:35.757 --> 01:17:41.261 What I'm going to be doing with my Saturday night listeners is a little bit of DJing, right? 01:17:41.301 --> 01:17:42.342 Yeah, your 60s tracks. 01:17:42.882 --> 01:17:43.303 60s tracks. 01:17:43.323 --> 01:17:44.023 I've actually got them. 01:17:44.043 --> 01:17:44.984 The ones that are from the 30s. 01:17:45.844 --> 01:17:46.705 From the 30s. 01:17:47.185 --> 01:17:48.887 Right now, here's one from the Human League. 01:17:49.207 --> 01:17:49.887 From the 60s. 01:17:51.208 --> 01:17:55.351 It's the 13th World Club downstairs at the Albany Pub, 240 Great Portland Street. 01:17:55.831 --> 01:17:56.932 Starts at 9pm. 01:17:57.392 --> 01:17:59.214 And I am going to be playing 60s music. 01:17:59.234 --> 01:18:00.795 That's the idea. 01:18:01.535 --> 01:18:05.638 I get an urge just to tell people my address and get them to come and watch films with me. 01:18:05.698 --> 01:18:05.898 Right. 01:18:05.918 --> 01:18:09.601 Because I want to reciprocate, you know, you say I'm doing this thing, come on down. 01:18:09.621 --> 01:18:13.223 I think, well, what if I got people to come on over? 01:18:13.283 --> 01:18:16.305 We could all the listeners, we could all hang out, watch some DVDs. 01:18:16.345 --> 01:18:18.247 You need a communal space, man. 01:18:18.267 --> 01:18:21.209 We'd see some sixties films, you know, Jurassic Park. 01:18:22.489 --> 01:18:24.111 All those famous sixties films. 01:18:25.451 --> 01:18:26.252 But that'd be terrible. 01:18:28.173 --> 01:18:32.177 Anyway, yeah, so come along, do hang out at the 13th floor. 01:18:32.237 --> 01:18:35.240 Here is a piece of real 60s music. 01:18:35.521 --> 01:18:37.623 No, because that would be an invasion of your home space. 01:18:38.203 --> 01:18:45.511 This is the Stones, Rolling Stones that is, and this is from their album, compilation album, Singles, 1963 to 1965. 01:18:45.591 --> 01:18:47.172 So it is in the 60s, this is stoned. 01:18:51.036 --> 01:18:58.382 That was Gaz Coombs and Danny Goffe from Supergrass trading as hot rats with their cover of Gang of Four's Damaged Goods. 01:18:59.003 --> 01:19:01.865 And Gaz and Danny are going to be on Six Music tomorrow from 3.30. 01:19:02.586 --> 01:19:08.871 A special show was recorded at Gaz's house earlier in the week and very good at his tour apparently, so do listen out for that. 01:19:09.532 --> 01:19:13.255 And the trail before was talking about it being Supergrass on Six Music. 01:19:13.295 --> 01:19:13.875 Not quite true. 01:19:13.895 --> 01:19:15.697 It's Gaz and Danny from Supergrass. 01:19:16.257 --> 01:19:17.699 But you know, you can't have Mickey Quinn. 01:19:17.759 --> 01:19:18.719 Gaz, what did you just say? 01:19:20.080 --> 01:19:21.141 You said Daz and Ganny. 01:19:21.421 --> 01:19:21.881 No, did I? 01:19:22.141 --> 01:19:22.361 Yeah. 01:19:22.381 --> 01:19:23.062 A bit of Spoonerism. 01:19:23.142 --> 01:19:23.802 Daz and Ganny. 01:19:23.922 --> 01:19:24.482 Sorry about that. 01:19:24.542 --> 01:19:24.823 Sorry. 01:19:25.103 --> 01:19:31.826 Daz and Danny from Supergrass, but there's no Mickey Quinn, so you can't have Supergrass without the Quinn-meister. 01:19:31.866 --> 01:19:32.326 Quickie men. 01:19:33.307 --> 01:19:33.547 Don't. 01:19:33.887 --> 01:19:34.267 What are you doing? 01:19:34.287 --> 01:19:34.887 From GrupaSauce. 01:19:36.932 --> 01:19:37.593 Here's the news. 01:19:38.213 --> 01:19:39.954 That's The Doves with Black and White Town. 01:19:40.014 --> 01:19:43.737 Very beautiful video to that, directed by Lynne Ramsay, shot by Tom Townsend. 01:19:43.777 --> 01:19:45.098 Very lovely video. 01:19:45.138 --> 01:19:47.260 Lynne Ramsay, the done rat catcher. 01:19:47.740 --> 01:19:49.121 Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music. 01:19:49.181 --> 01:20:00.050 Earlier on in the programme we had the wonderful comedian Josie Long on the telephone and she was furious about the fact that she made up the joke about 01:20:00.670 --> 01:20:04.071 How much do you have to pay to play sports at Hogwarts? 01:20:04.311 --> 01:20:05.331 Answer a quidditch. 01:20:05.691 --> 01:20:17.174 That was part of her stand-up act and since it was read out as the work of James Hewitt on last week's show in the Made Up Jokes section, she has had to drop it from her act and she's absolutely hopping mad. 01:20:17.714 --> 01:20:22.495 We've got James on the phone right now and James is in Western Australia. 01:20:22.595 --> 01:20:23.195 Are you there James? 01:20:23.863 --> 01:20:24.463 I am here, yes. 01:20:24.843 --> 01:20:29.944 Now James, in order to make you feel more comfortable, we will be using our Australian accents. 01:20:31.104 --> 01:20:34.365 You will just, if you could just testify to their perfect authenticity. 01:20:35.045 --> 01:20:39.386 They are, as we say over here in Australia, as we Australians say, as you probably know, their fair dinkum. 01:20:39.706 --> 01:20:40.546 Oh, absolutely. 01:20:41.366 --> 01:20:42.426 We say that all the time. 01:20:42.646 --> 01:20:50.928 Now James, we were chatting just while the doves were playing there, just before we came on air, and we established that you're a policeman James. 01:20:51.528 --> 01:20:52.149 That is correct. 01:20:52.169 --> 01:20:54.871 So this is a little ironic, you being accused of joke theft. 01:20:55.191 --> 01:20:57.753 You might have to cuff yourself, mate, at the end of all this. 01:20:57.773 --> 01:21:00.735 I've done a full investigation. 01:21:00.955 --> 01:21:02.396 Give yourself a little bit of a beat-up. 01:21:02.997 --> 01:21:04.598 So can you tell us the background? 01:21:04.638 --> 01:21:06.980 How did you make up this joke? 01:21:07.080 --> 01:21:09.141 Because of course you are claiming you made it up, right? 01:21:09.181 --> 01:21:11.443 Otherwise you wouldn't have sent it into the made-up jokes section. 01:21:11.883 --> 01:21:12.664 Of course, of course. 01:21:13.294 --> 01:21:16.276 Tell us the, describe the exact moment when the joke came to you. 01:21:17.057 --> 01:21:18.518 Sorry, I'll say that again in Australian. 01:21:19.339 --> 01:21:21.560 Tell us the exact moment that the joke came to you, mate. 01:21:22.401 --> 01:21:22.801 Oh, yeah. 01:21:22.861 --> 01:21:25.503 Well, it just came to me in a flash of inspiration. 01:21:25.543 --> 01:21:26.384 What more can I say? 01:21:26.504 --> 01:21:38.172 I was sat there reading some Harry Potter and watching some Harry Potter and I had an extremely blonde-haired man next to me, a young Draco Malfoy, and he said, can you lend me a quid? 01:21:38.653 --> 01:21:39.393 I said, oh, why is that? 01:21:39.774 --> 01:21:41.635 And he said, oh, I'm going to go and play sports. 01:21:41.937 --> 01:21:44.358 And I said, ah, they charge you a quid each. 01:21:44.858 --> 01:21:46.038 And we all fell about laughing. 01:21:46.178 --> 01:21:48.039 And since then, it's been my joke. 01:21:48.799 --> 01:21:51.900 So how do you feel about Josie accusing you of thieving this joke? 01:21:51.920 --> 01:21:54.580 Because she says she played gigs in Australia. 01:21:55.180 --> 01:22:01.382 And not only does she say that, but you say in your email to us, in my defence, I have not heard of Josie Long. 01:22:01.782 --> 01:22:07.424 I googled her and found out that she went to a school about a mile from my old house in the UK. 01:22:07.984 --> 01:22:08.564 Is that true? 01:22:09.384 --> 01:22:12.845 And clearly, there's a bit of long joke theft going on here. 01:22:13.165 --> 01:22:15.386 And I want to know where my royalties are, Josie Long. 01:22:15.866 --> 01:22:17.367 Where are my royalties? 01:22:17.567 --> 01:22:19.208 You're accusing her of stealing it from you. 01:22:19.288 --> 01:22:20.828 How could she possibly do that? 01:22:20.848 --> 01:22:25.950 Are you saying she's got kind of joke spies or she's bugged you in Western Australia? 01:22:26.430 --> 01:22:27.691 I mean, that's quite an accusation. 01:22:27.731 --> 01:22:29.631 Far-fetched if you ask me, James Hewitt. 01:22:29.992 --> 01:22:30.832 Officer James Hewitt. 01:22:31.417 --> 01:22:33.878 Hang on a second, you're supposed to be an independent arbiter. 01:22:33.918 --> 01:22:34.778 Whose side are you on? 01:22:35.038 --> 01:22:37.159 I don't really know, I'm just trying to stir something up. 01:22:38.200 --> 01:22:39.520 You are, you're the absolute stirrer. 01:22:39.780 --> 01:22:43.102 Before we came on, Joe said to James, can you get quite angry, James about it? 01:22:43.522 --> 01:22:46.743 Can you act like you're really outraged and that Josie definitely is wrong? 01:22:46.783 --> 01:22:47.984 It's not working so far. 01:22:48.004 --> 01:22:48.244 Well it's... 01:22:49.444 --> 01:22:49.945 There you go. 01:22:49.985 --> 01:22:56.631 It's just when Josie came on, one of the first things she said was, oh, you know, I'm sure we both just thought of it at the same time. 01:22:57.452 --> 01:22:58.893 Don't say that. 01:22:58.933 --> 01:23:00.955 That's just letting the air out of the whole thing. 01:23:00.995 --> 01:23:01.636 We're trying to run. 01:23:03.154 --> 01:23:05.215 Well look, here's what Josie actually said. 01:23:05.255 --> 01:23:07.896 Let's play you a little clip of what Josie was saying before. 01:23:08.477 --> 01:23:09.217 Right, you're it. 01:23:09.277 --> 01:23:09.957 Listen to me. 01:23:10.158 --> 01:23:11.258 I know you stole the joke. 01:23:11.298 --> 01:23:12.239 It's my bloody joke. 01:23:12.259 --> 01:23:13.639 It come out of my imagination. 01:23:14.060 --> 01:23:15.140 You want to write a joke? 01:23:15.460 --> 01:23:17.902 You write a joke about your cricket umpire. 01:23:18.042 --> 01:23:19.302 All right, that's it. 01:23:19.322 --> 01:23:20.043 Time up, sorry. 01:23:20.063 --> 01:23:21.203 Time up, please. 01:23:21.243 --> 01:23:21.724 Stand down. 01:23:21.744 --> 01:23:22.584 Stand down. 01:23:22.604 --> 01:23:23.084 Come down. 01:23:23.464 --> 01:23:24.085 Security! 01:23:24.105 --> 01:23:25.065 She's gone insane. 01:23:25.806 --> 01:23:26.066 There you go. 01:23:26.086 --> 01:23:27.767 That was us talking to... I'll tell you what, Long. 01:23:28.187 --> 01:23:30.928 If you're listening, don't come back to Perth. 01:23:31.248 --> 01:23:32.149 Your card's a mark. 01:23:32.847 --> 01:23:35.729 Well, that's maybe going too far the other way there. 01:23:35.749 --> 01:23:38.931 If Josie plays a gig, was she at the Hi-Fi Club or something? 01:23:39.152 --> 01:23:46.037 And if she plays a gig there in Western Australia, then James might fiddle her stats or something. 01:23:46.057 --> 01:23:47.017 Well, he's a police officer. 01:23:47.037 --> 01:23:48.338 He could probably get it shut down. 01:23:48.638 --> 01:23:50.200 Get the whole thing shut down and busted. 01:23:50.980 --> 01:23:52.822 Anyway, James, thank you so much for talking to us. 01:23:53.002 --> 01:23:53.862 You're welcome. 01:23:54.082 --> 01:23:57.005 Are we concluding that then this was just a coincidence? 01:23:57.425 --> 01:23:57.625 Yeah. 01:23:57.805 --> 01:24:00.227 I think a bizarre twist of fate. 01:24:00.842 --> 01:24:04.004 And who, and are both these people going to be allowed to use the joke? 01:24:04.024 --> 01:24:06.605 Do you think Josie should continue using the joke there, James? 01:24:07.246 --> 01:24:12.929 If you give her my email address and bank account details, so she can forward me royalties, then she's of course more than welcome. 01:24:13.049 --> 01:24:14.350 Do you know what I think? 01:24:14.590 --> 01:24:19.833 I mean, the fact is that the first day, the first Harry Potter book was released, right? 01:24:20.273 --> 01:24:22.114 Someone probably would have thought of that joke. 01:24:22.514 --> 01:24:24.956 And that's the criteria I think we need to apply to jokes. 01:24:25.016 --> 01:24:26.817 If the cultural reference in it is old, 01:24:28.118 --> 01:24:34.764 Beyond a certain number of years, I think the laws of probability mean that if it's a simple bit of wordplay, someone will have thought of it. 01:24:34.784 --> 01:24:42.272 Far bigger for me to start rowing firmly for sure, but this is not the most sophisticated joke I've ever heard in my life. 01:24:42.688 --> 01:24:43.068 Exactly. 01:24:43.108 --> 01:24:44.109 That's very humble of you. 01:24:44.129 --> 01:24:52.773 And I think the person to blame here is Adam Buxton for reading it out and not realizing that it would provoke this horrible, horrible contre tomp. 01:24:53.473 --> 01:24:54.274 I thought it was funny. 01:24:54.454 --> 01:24:55.494 Congratulations, James. 01:24:55.514 --> 01:24:56.395 I think you're a genius. 01:24:56.655 --> 01:24:57.635 Thanks for coming on, James. 01:24:57.975 --> 01:24:59.876 And do do good umpiring at this cricket match. 01:25:00.417 --> 01:25:00.897 I will do. 01:25:01.974 --> 01:25:02.735 Take care, mate. 01:25:02.795 --> 01:25:03.476 Bye-bye. 01:25:03.596 --> 01:25:06.158 Bye-bye. 01:25:06.919 --> 01:25:07.960 Be careful out there. 01:25:07.980 --> 01:25:09.241 Don't read any books. 01:25:09.522 --> 01:25:12.365 The only acceptable racism left on the planet. 01:25:12.685 --> 01:25:14.327 A bad Australian accent. 01:25:14.527 --> 01:25:15.908 Here is Fanfarlow. 01:25:16.088 --> 01:25:17.490 These are the worlds coming down. 01:25:17.670 --> 01:25:18.871 That is Fanfarlow. 01:25:19.232 --> 01:25:20.953 They're London based, right? 01:25:21.114 --> 01:25:24.537 They were formed in 2006 by the Swedish musician Simon Balthazar. 01:25:25.638 --> 01:25:27.739 And that track is called The Walls Are Coming Down. 01:25:27.759 --> 01:25:29.120 The single's out now. 01:25:29.400 --> 01:25:33.022 Second song to be released from Reservoir, their debut album which was released on Monday. 01:25:33.522 --> 01:25:35.163 It's time for some more text-o-nations. 01:25:35.383 --> 01:25:36.103 Here is the jingle. 01:25:38.384 --> 01:25:39.205 Text-o-nation. 01:25:39.245 --> 01:25:41.166 Text, text, text, text-o-nation. 01:25:41.226 --> 01:25:42.186 What if I don't want to? 01:25:42.446 --> 01:25:43.166 Text-o-nation. 01:25:43.246 --> 01:25:44.267 But I'm using email. 01:25:44.447 --> 01:25:45.167 Is that a problem? 01:25:45.187 --> 01:25:46.008 It doesn't matter, text! 01:25:48.413 --> 01:25:55.155 This week it's all about your crazy ideas for lifestyle-orientated retail experiences. 01:25:55.535 --> 01:25:56.915 Here's another idea I had, right? 01:25:58.256 --> 01:26:04.317 You have, apart from the weightless atmosphere, how about the store is completely frozen? 01:26:05.658 --> 01:26:09.919 And this is a clothes store, and you defrost your clothes when you get home. 01:26:11.239 --> 01:26:11.859 It's pretty good. 01:26:11.919 --> 01:26:13.880 It's a bit pedestrian, to be honest. 01:26:14.200 --> 01:26:18.583 I mean, there are ice hotels that lazy television programs constantly do features from. 01:26:19.064 --> 01:26:25.868 I mean, I don't mean to be too dismissive or cruel, but it's maybe too late. 01:26:26.669 --> 01:26:28.450 But yeah, it's a good idea. 01:26:28.470 --> 01:26:29.050 It's a good idea. 01:26:29.310 --> 01:26:29.871 I've changed my mind. 01:26:30.371 --> 01:26:49.373 whoa it's a good idea oh no i'm thinking now about all the consequences yeah because good idea it's so cold that your brain that your brain starts to shut down and that's what these stores want a lot of time they want the atmosphere to just hit you over the head with a sort of kosh as if the shop could be called kosh 01:26:50.314 --> 01:26:52.495 And they hit you over the head with a posh. 01:26:52.535 --> 01:26:55.776 How about this cosh, spelt Q-O-S-H. 01:26:55.816 --> 01:26:56.997 And then they take your money. 01:26:57.217 --> 01:26:58.357 Yeah. 01:26:58.717 --> 01:27:01.958 Or you wake up strapped to a chair and they torch you till you give them your PIN number. 01:27:02.258 --> 01:27:02.699 Right. 01:27:02.719 --> 01:27:04.779 And... And you consent to it. 01:27:04.799 --> 01:27:05.340 That's brilliant. 01:27:05.400 --> 01:27:06.280 Yeah, you consent to it. 01:27:06.500 --> 01:27:09.181 And they do a certain... Or Guantanamo, it could be called. 01:27:09.341 --> 01:27:09.981 Guantanamo. 01:27:10.001 --> 01:27:10.241 Yeah. 01:27:10.441 --> 01:27:11.482 It's a political shop. 01:27:11.722 --> 01:27:12.382 That is nice. 01:27:12.722 --> 01:27:14.403 And you can just buy orange boiler suits there. 01:27:14.443 --> 01:27:14.603 Yeah. 01:27:15.343 --> 01:27:15.923 Makes life simple. 01:27:15.943 --> 01:27:17.624 Anyway, here are someone sent in by listeners. 01:27:18.424 --> 01:27:20.265 This is one from Jack West Orem. 01:27:21.025 --> 01:27:22.345 Here's an idea for your sexy shop. 01:27:22.686 --> 01:27:25.867 What if all the orange t-shirts, this is a shop we were discussing earlier, right? 01:27:26.387 --> 01:27:26.987 Here's an idea. 01:27:27.067 --> 01:27:33.529 What if all the orange t-shirts with words on them and other clothes were already being worn by sexy people in the shop? 01:27:33.589 --> 01:27:38.591 In order to buy clothes, you have to strip the living mannequins of their vestigments. 01:27:39.171 --> 01:27:41.613 I'm getting excited just thinking about it. 01:27:42.014 --> 01:27:43.455 I'm pinching myself. 01:27:45.017 --> 01:27:47.219 Says Jack, who creates himself Jackanori. 01:27:47.579 --> 01:27:48.920 Here's one from Robin Birmingham. 01:27:49.581 --> 01:27:52.443 I feel we read out many texts from Robin Birmingham. 01:27:52.463 --> 01:27:54.025 He's just a very clever witty chap. 01:27:54.105 --> 01:27:55.246 Might be a number of different Robs. 01:27:55.406 --> 01:28:00.611 Wouldn't it be great if someone opened an underwear shop where the staff wore nothing but their underwear? 01:28:01.111 --> 01:28:02.792 This sounds like a pathetic fantasy. 01:28:03.453 --> 01:28:04.553 And it partly is now. 01:28:04.753 --> 01:28:08.214 However, I swear to you, it has only ever come into my head as a result of your text-to-nation. 01:28:08.594 --> 01:28:11.495 Now, would that be nice or would that be a bit... A bit yucky. 01:28:11.575 --> 01:28:12.215 A bit yucky. 01:28:12.235 --> 01:28:13.535 No, no, no, because they would be so clean. 01:28:13.555 --> 01:28:15.156 They're really sexy and very clean. 01:28:15.176 --> 01:28:18.557 They're probably mandated by the management to shower every hour. 01:28:18.777 --> 01:28:21.337 Yeah, health checks and hygiene checks. 01:28:22.077 --> 01:28:24.438 Although I was thinking, what about just nude stuff? 01:28:25.739 --> 01:28:26.179 I don't know. 01:28:26.199 --> 01:28:27.140 What? 01:28:27.280 --> 01:28:29.421 Why is the poo poo coming out? 01:28:29.441 --> 01:28:31.363 Because bits and bobs, they'd get everywhere. 01:28:31.403 --> 01:28:35.045 You know, you'd be, you know, the, the pit chip and pin machine would break. 01:28:35.085 --> 01:28:41.050 You'd have to do the old thing where you swipe the card through the machine and your bits would get caught. 01:28:41.070 --> 01:28:42.351 Why are they swiping at that level? 01:28:42.391 --> 01:28:43.592 They don't swipe that low. 01:28:44.352 --> 01:28:47.998 They have the machine, the nipple height. 01:28:48.138 --> 01:28:49.360 And the ladies can't operate. 01:28:49.440 --> 01:28:52.264 Yeah, but your nipple height is very different from, for instance, my nipple height. 01:28:52.304 --> 01:28:53.706 I wouldn't be allowed on the floor. 01:28:53.946 --> 01:28:55.609 Obviously, I would not be allowed on the floor. 01:28:55.629 --> 01:28:56.731 Well, what about if you were a customer? 01:28:56.791 --> 01:28:57.952 I'd be working in the stockroom. 01:28:59.761 --> 01:29:00.782 You, the little hairy one. 01:29:00.822 --> 01:29:03.223 The one that looks like Laurel and Hardy Guy. 01:29:03.243 --> 01:29:04.324 Get in the stock room. 01:29:04.344 --> 01:29:05.585 Here's one from Liam Mason. 01:29:05.765 --> 01:29:09.968 I think that on entering the store, you are given a trolley for you to sit in. 01:29:10.488 --> 01:29:13.610 All the sales assistants have to whiz you around the shop looking for your shopping. 01:29:13.630 --> 01:29:25.218 I mean, that's something major supermarkets could... That is something that major supermarkets could implement tomorrow. 01:29:25.938 --> 01:29:26.599 Pushing you around. 01:29:26.619 --> 01:29:28.920 Pushing you around in the flipping trolleys. 01:29:29.001 --> 01:29:29.381 I like it. 01:29:29.821 --> 01:29:30.581 He's getting angry. 01:29:31.322 --> 01:29:32.182 I said the F word. 01:29:32.262 --> 01:29:33.943 That's the end of our career. 01:29:36.545 --> 01:29:38.426 Did I read the one about things in brine? 01:29:38.866 --> 01:29:40.527 Yeah. 01:29:40.547 --> 01:29:42.088 Tuna in brine in brine. 01:29:43.128 --> 01:29:43.809 Another one then. 01:29:44.589 --> 01:29:46.690 From Rob in bed in Romford. 01:29:47.090 --> 01:29:49.112 A clothes shop with 60 staff. 01:29:50.530 --> 01:29:52.811 Oh no, this is the same idea. 01:29:53.411 --> 01:29:53.852 Oh god. 01:29:53.872 --> 01:29:54.612 What, and they're all new? 01:29:54.772 --> 01:29:54.972 Phil. 01:29:54.992 --> 01:29:56.493 Thank you, Phil. 01:29:56.693 --> 01:29:57.173 Good, thanks. 01:29:57.393 --> 01:29:58.534 Here's the one with Stephen Wells. 01:29:58.954 --> 01:30:00.655 A shop that sells just coat hangers. 01:30:01.235 --> 01:30:03.236 But the coat hangers have clothes hanging on them. 01:30:03.616 --> 01:30:08.338 And when you take them to the checkout, the clothes are removed and you buy the hanger. 01:30:09.079 --> 01:30:10.700 That's just an idea for a hanger shop. 01:30:10.720 --> 01:30:12.282 All right, all right, all right, I'm moving on, I'm moving on. 01:30:13.303 --> 01:30:21.751 I'd like a shop, this is from you, and I'd like a shop where there are way more shop assistants than customers, like a 10 to 1 ratio, and each one wears the national dress of a different country. 01:30:21.971 --> 01:30:25.374 They swarm around you gibbering and fighting and trying to sell you pencils. 01:30:25.775 --> 01:30:27.216 It would be a stationary shop. 01:30:29.018 --> 01:30:29.238 What? 01:30:30.479 --> 01:30:30.899 Another one. 01:30:30.959 --> 01:30:31.680 Graham Bowman. 01:30:32.080 --> 01:30:32.341 Shop. 01:30:32.861 --> 01:30:33.862 Shop has no branding. 01:30:34.022 --> 01:30:36.123 It is a perfect cube, painted entirely white. 01:30:36.524 --> 01:30:39.806 It is empty, apart from a single white t-shirt which hangs in the middle of the room. 01:30:40.086 --> 01:30:40.987 The t-shirt is white. 01:30:41.307 --> 01:30:42.068 It has no label. 01:30:42.368 --> 01:30:46.031 It comes in one size, mathematically measured, to fit only the perfect human form. 01:30:46.311 --> 01:30:46.791 It costs £500. 01:30:47.772 --> 01:30:51.675 One staff member dressed in white sits on a white plastic chair in the corner of the store. 01:30:51.875 --> 01:30:52.476 They never speak. 01:30:52.736 --> 01:30:55.098 If you buy the t-shirt, the store closes for the rest of the day. 01:30:56.439 --> 01:30:56.899 I like it. 01:30:56.919 --> 01:31:00.963 But then how would people know that you bought your white t-shirt from white? 01:31:02.965 --> 01:31:04.787 Because it would have the word white written on it in white. 01:31:04.867 --> 01:31:05.988 In a special way. 01:31:06.008 --> 01:31:06.909 No, it would just be white. 01:31:07.610 --> 01:31:15.477 Finally, Pauline in Suffolk hired him and Joe for a new shopping experience, an X Factor style panel of judges in the changing rooms to help people decide how things really look. 01:31:15.577 --> 01:31:16.378 That's not bad. 01:31:16.498 --> 01:31:18.140 Yeah, I have got one in the corner there. 01:31:19.232 --> 01:31:20.112 But that's terrific, isn't it? 01:31:20.152 --> 01:31:23.493 What an amazing lot of messages we got. 01:31:24.073 --> 01:31:31.195 And if you're listening during the week, don't forget that you can still contribute for next week's retro text donation, but you can only contribute by email. 01:31:31.496 --> 01:31:33.376 Texts will not be tolerated. 01:31:33.896 --> 01:31:39.678 Adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk is the email address to send them to. 01:31:40.078 --> 01:31:40.938 Here's some music right now. 01:31:40.958 --> 01:31:41.819 This is your free play, Joe. 01:31:41.839 --> 01:31:45.460 Yeah, this is a hot, hot, hot new band when, what's he called? 01:31:45.520 --> 01:31:46.380 Jerry O'Connell. 01:31:46.960 --> 01:31:49.482 Jimmy Stockings, who does later Jules Holland. 01:31:49.542 --> 01:31:50.143 Tommy Timkins. 01:31:50.183 --> 01:31:52.445 Tommy Timkins, when he introduced them the other week. 01:31:52.525 --> 01:31:54.166 I saw them on later. 01:31:54.267 --> 01:31:54.627 Did you? 01:31:54.707 --> 01:31:57.189 Yeah, it's an innovative underground show where you can hear new music. 01:31:57.569 --> 01:32:00.032 He said, here's some music, buy some exciting newies. 01:32:00.998 --> 01:32:03.400 He said, oh, random applause. 01:32:03.620 --> 01:32:05.102 Random applause is inside the newies. 01:32:05.122 --> 01:32:06.763 I don't even have my left fridge. 01:32:06.843 --> 01:32:08.345 Fridge, there's no amount of applause for milk. 01:32:09.005 --> 01:32:13.149 But this is the XX and this is a song from that album called VCR. 01:32:13.249 --> 01:32:15.071 The XX with VCR. 01:32:15.091 --> 01:32:16.772 This has been Adam and Joel on BBC Six Music. 01:32:16.812 --> 01:32:18.914 Thanks to everybody who's texted and emailed. 01:32:19.054 --> 01:32:24.199 And listen, don't forget this show is available in a highlights version in a podcast form on Monday. 01:32:24.559 --> 01:32:26.421 Or you can listen again on the iPlayer all week. 01:32:27.663 --> 01:32:29.046 Stay tuned for Liz Kershaw. 01:32:29.086 --> 01:32:32.374 She's coming up next have a fantastic week, and we'll be back with you at the same time. 01:32:32.635 --> 01:32:33.236 Thanks for listening