WEBVTT 00:07.408 --> 00:19.582 There'll be some music and some random talking in between And then, eventually, the whole thing will just end Black Squadron! 00:19.602 --> 00:27.050 Always catch the beginning of the show Black Squadron don't wanna miss a thing That's not the one, Black Squadron roll 00:30.484 --> 00:38.858 Went to bed at a reasonable hour Gotta be sharp on Saturday morning That's the secret of the squirt brings power 00:41.988 --> 00:44.509 It's a little bit lugubrious, that jingle I always find. 00:44.569 --> 00:48.430 Well, it has a seriousness and import that Black Squadron deserve. 00:48.690 --> 00:49.130 That's true. 00:49.150 --> 00:52.111 It was designed to be a serious jingle. 00:52.191 --> 00:57.533 Yeah, you know, military music isn't sort of all fey and skippy and cheerful. 00:57.653 --> 01:01.134 I think it'd be nice if we had an alternative version that was fey, skippy and cheerful. 01:01.174 --> 01:02.955 American military music is, isn't it? 01:02.975 --> 01:03.355 Yes. 01:03.395 --> 01:08.337 All the complicated rhythms, and they're not afraid to do a coordinated dance routine, are they? 01:08.877 --> 01:09.337 and stuff in there. 01:09.357 --> 01:11.058 They're not afraid to step up to the streets. 01:11.299 --> 01:11.719 Exactly. 01:11.739 --> 01:12.539 That's the number two. 01:13.440 --> 01:14.320 So welcome listeners. 01:14.340 --> 01:16.842 This is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music. 01:16.942 --> 01:17.482 I'm Adam. 01:18.143 --> 01:18.643 I'm Jo. 01:18.743 --> 01:20.624 Are we panned left and right then? 01:21.245 --> 01:26.288 But my mum pointed out, you know, that's meaningless to her because she's just got a little DAB with one speaker. 01:26.708 --> 01:27.289 Right. 01:27.669 --> 01:29.550 So she can't tell who's who. 01:29.590 --> 01:31.931 Well, they can imagine us like Zafod Bebelbrox. 01:33.432 --> 01:35.974 I was thinking of doing the show with the Jamaican accent this week. 01:35.994 --> 01:37.175 That's not going to be offensive, is it? 01:37.415 --> 01:37.655 Yes. 01:37.895 --> 01:40.197 Because that would help people tell who's who. 01:40.917 --> 01:41.698 Aritmon! 01:41.938 --> 01:42.659 It's Adam! 01:42.839 --> 01:43.979 From Adam and Jo! 01:44.440 --> 01:44.820 Like that. 01:45.400 --> 01:46.801 That's not a problem, is it? 01:47.462 --> 01:47.882 I don't know. 01:48.042 --> 01:48.362 I don't know. 01:48.402 --> 01:50.424 It smacks slightly of problems. 01:50.444 --> 01:51.484 Do you think dodgy area? 01:52.485 --> 01:54.887 Sort of entering into the arena of the Davidson. 01:55.087 --> 01:56.588 It's one of the problem accents, isn't it? 01:56.708 --> 01:57.048 Yeah. 01:57.448 --> 01:58.129 Steer clear. 01:58.589 --> 01:59.210 Steer clear. 01:59.290 --> 02:00.270 Alright then, I won't do that one. 02:00.310 --> 02:02.392 But I don't know any other accents that well. 02:04.033 --> 02:04.413 French! 02:05.413 --> 02:06.454 Oh, that's true! 02:06.514 --> 02:08.055 Thank you for reminding me! 02:08.075 --> 02:08.575 You see? 02:08.655 --> 02:11.677 Immediately we're transported to leafy France. 02:11.697 --> 02:12.577 Leafy France! 02:12.757 --> 02:13.818 Welcome to France! 02:13.958 --> 02:14.318 Would you? 02:14.538 --> 02:15.078 Vous les vous? 02:15.098 --> 02:16.199 No, no, no, no, no. 02:16.219 --> 02:18.320 I didn't say transported to leafy France. 02:18.380 --> 02:19.341 I said leafy French. 02:19.641 --> 02:20.461 Leafy French? 02:20.581 --> 02:20.901 Yes. 02:21.082 --> 02:21.822 That's nice. 02:22.062 --> 02:23.163 Would you like a baguette? 02:24.208 --> 02:24.809 We eat them! 02:24.969 --> 02:25.849 Yes. 02:25.910 --> 02:28.712 Okay, what about a Chinese accent? 02:28.752 --> 02:30.233 No, but that's dodgy again. 02:30.713 --> 02:30.993 Is it? 02:31.274 --> 02:31.554 Yeah. 02:31.934 --> 02:34.536 It's weird, it's slightly arbitrary, isn't it, these rules? 02:34.716 --> 02:37.698 We don't really understand them, but I just get the sense that that would be dodgy. 02:38.059 --> 02:38.459 Yeah. 02:38.999 --> 02:40.200 With the French it's fine. 02:40.220 --> 02:41.481 It's absolutely fine with the French. 02:41.521 --> 02:42.642 It's over in season on the French. 02:42.842 --> 02:43.222 Why is it? 02:43.262 --> 02:49.987 Is it because the French themselves tend to be a little on the racialistic side sometimes? 02:50.007 --> 02:50.788 No, no, no. 02:50.888 --> 02:51.888 Obviously that's not the reason. 02:51.968 --> 02:53.930 An Irish accent. 02:54.850 --> 02:56.752 That's problematic as well, isn't it? 02:57.772 --> 02:58.773 French is the only one. 02:58.853 --> 02:59.574 An Australian. 03:00.154 --> 03:01.075 And New Zealand, mate. 03:01.095 --> 03:02.055 And New Zealand. 03:02.375 --> 03:03.436 They can take anything. 03:03.536 --> 03:05.817 It's just to do with the robustness of the nation. 03:05.957 --> 03:06.498 Exactly. 03:06.558 --> 03:06.838 Is it? 03:07.038 --> 03:07.678 That's right. 03:07.978 --> 03:10.040 It's to do with how sensitive they are. 03:10.220 --> 03:15.303 It's to do with how likely they are to punch you in the face if you meet them and you antagonise them. 03:16.063 --> 03:21.586 And the French, that's not to say that, like, any other nation couldn't stand up for themselves in a fight. 03:22.126 --> 03:23.247 That sort of is what we're saying. 03:23.772 --> 03:24.933 Well, it's ludicrous, isn't it? 03:24.993 --> 03:30.035 Like a Chinese person is just as likely to wallop you if he's offended as a French person. 03:30.135 --> 03:31.916 I think we should ask our producer James. 03:31.956 --> 03:34.557 He'll know the BBC guidelines on comedy accents. 03:35.158 --> 03:36.298 It's bound to be in the system. 03:36.398 --> 03:38.960 There should be a proper BBC directive about comedy accents. 03:38.980 --> 03:39.480 I'm sure there is. 03:39.720 --> 03:41.641 Let's ask James while we pay a record. 03:41.661 --> 03:42.842 Which accents are acceptable? 03:43.042 --> 03:44.523 Have you thought of a Black Squadron command? 03:44.623 --> 03:45.503 Yeah, yeah, I have. 03:45.763 --> 03:46.944 We just before you read it. 03:46.964 --> 04:01.350 I've got an email here from Gil from Essex He says hey Adam and Joe could the black squadron task be a bit less physical I'm in my 50s and I have arthritis and the forward roll you commanded us to do last week nearly killed me You don't want blood on your hands. 04:01.410 --> 04:02.891 Do you at this point? 04:03.051 --> 04:07.173 I guess I'm supposed to say I love the show and I think you're wonderful Well, I'm not going to buy Gil 04:08.913 --> 04:11.014 Well, I guess that's true. 04:11.054 --> 04:14.536 I mean, it was a test with, you know, all these tests mean something. 04:14.696 --> 04:20.238 They're all building up, so we're not just, we're not just making them up in the two or three minutes before we come on air. 04:20.658 --> 04:22.198 I mean, that would be absurd. 04:22.239 --> 04:23.259 What a ridiculous suggestion. 04:23.279 --> 04:24.279 What a ridiculous suggestion. 04:24.599 --> 04:29.761 They're all dovetailing towards a really quite startlingly well thought out operation. 04:29.821 --> 04:30.162 It's like lost. 04:30.442 --> 04:31.122 It is like lost. 04:32.142 --> 04:35.243 This Black Squadron command is not going to be fun for vegetarians. 04:36.003 --> 04:38.064 In fact, it might be impossible for vegetarians. 04:38.764 --> 04:40.684 So if you're a vegetarian, you're excused. 04:40.764 --> 04:41.605 Are you ready? 04:41.805 --> 04:42.085 Yeah. 04:42.645 --> 04:42.945 Okay. 04:43.205 --> 04:48.807 Let me tell you that immediately after the Black Squadron command, we're going to play some mystery jets for you, two doors down. 04:49.047 --> 04:51.967 But right now, here's Commander Cornish with the command. 04:52.207 --> 04:52.948 Black Squadron. 04:53.408 --> 04:54.328 Bacon bracelet. 04:56.991 --> 04:58.572 They're so overexcited, aren't they? 04:59.333 --> 05:00.074 I like that record. 05:00.174 --> 05:01.895 Mystery Jets, two doors down. 05:01.935 --> 05:04.497 This is Adam and Jo here on BBC 6 Music. 05:04.858 --> 05:07.120 We're going to be in Glastonbury next weekend, listeners. 05:07.220 --> 05:18.989 Yeah, you know what's happened, listeners, is the kids, like we're talking under 20s, in massive numbers have demanded this year that the BBC sort their act out and send 05:19.750 --> 05:28.736 the two jowliest, most middle-aged men they can find in the corporation to cover the festival because kids are just bored of young presenters. 05:29.256 --> 05:32.639 You know, they're bored of Grimshaw and that kind of thing. 05:33.039 --> 05:36.381 They want a couple of, they want some jowls up there. 05:36.401 --> 05:37.962 Are you feeling a little old this week? 05:38.322 --> 05:44.186 No, I'm just thinking that, I mean, I'm just feeling maybe we're going to be a bit out of place at Glastonbury now. 05:44.206 --> 05:44.827 Do you know what I mean? 05:45.387 --> 05:46.989 Well, we're not going to have, like, crazy hair. 05:47.009 --> 05:53.815 I tell you what I'm looking forward to is entering the kind of peel, kind of, you know, elder statesman. 05:53.935 --> 05:54.335 Exactly. 05:54.896 --> 05:59.720 I mean, we've got many years and a lot of, we've got to be a lot better before we get there. 05:59.840 --> 06:00.621 But you know what I mean? 06:00.861 --> 06:01.642 I do know exactly. 06:01.702 --> 06:02.242 I get some respect. 06:02.302 --> 06:03.744 I feel a bit between two stools. 06:04.244 --> 06:04.745 Yes. 06:04.885 --> 06:06.026 But we just shouldn't be there. 06:06.046 --> 06:09.570 We should be at home bathing kids or cleaning up sick or something. 06:09.790 --> 06:10.130 Yeah. 06:11.131 --> 06:12.553 Or doing our accounts. 06:12.633 --> 06:13.794 Between children's dolls. 06:13.894 --> 06:14.955 Or mowing a lawn. 06:15.396 --> 06:16.257 Do you know what I mean? 06:16.297 --> 06:17.198 No, I know exactly what you mean. 06:17.218 --> 06:17.638 Or washing a car. 06:17.898 --> 06:22.063 Well, maybe we could get some kind of mobility scooter to go around. 06:22.083 --> 06:23.824 To go around, and that's a very good idea. 06:24.545 --> 06:25.085 Don't you think? 06:25.105 --> 06:25.865 That would be nice. 06:26.145 --> 06:27.546 And have some collecting tins. 06:27.566 --> 06:31.786 Because they do have those things at Glastonbury, like they have at airports when they drive people around. 06:31.806 --> 06:32.046 Golf caddies. 06:32.066 --> 06:32.166 Carts. 06:32.266 --> 06:33.127 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 06:33.147 --> 06:33.547 Golf carts. 06:33.727 --> 06:34.707 I think they do, don't they? 06:34.807 --> 06:35.587 Am I imagining that? 06:35.747 --> 06:36.067 They do. 06:36.607 --> 06:36.867 Yeah. 06:37.067 --> 06:37.847 We should get them. 06:38.267 --> 06:39.248 We should get them. 06:39.448 --> 06:40.148 Because we're old. 06:40.428 --> 06:40.728 Yeah. 06:40.888 --> 06:41.188 You know? 06:41.208 --> 06:41.988 That's a good idea. 06:42.068 --> 06:43.208 James, can we get them, please? 06:43.348 --> 06:44.629 Because how old is Lauren Laverne? 06:44.889 --> 06:45.669 What, 50? 06:45.789 --> 06:46.509 early fifties? 06:47.109 --> 06:47.909 Oh, she early fifties. 06:47.929 --> 06:48.789 She's early fifties. 06:48.829 --> 06:49.610 Dame Lauren Laverne. 06:49.630 --> 06:49.770 Yeah. 06:52.330 --> 06:53.590 I think she's in her early 50s. 06:53.670 --> 06:56.211 Dame Lauren, they don't even drive her around in a golf cart. 06:56.331 --> 06:56.571 No. 06:57.411 --> 06:58.791 She just has to use her Zimmer frame. 06:58.911 --> 06:59.251 She does. 06:59.291 --> 07:00.412 She tucks it under her dress. 07:00.512 --> 07:01.112 You can't see it. 07:01.912 --> 07:02.672 Mark commode. 07:02.872 --> 07:04.092 He has to be choppered in and out. 07:04.112 --> 07:05.353 Commodes in his late 80s. 07:05.633 --> 07:07.073 Yeah, he's in his late 80s. 07:07.113 --> 07:08.233 He can barely move. 07:08.313 --> 07:09.613 I like the way you just repeated it. 07:09.934 --> 07:11.734 That's one of my tricks. 07:12.234 --> 07:12.594 It's good. 07:12.614 --> 07:15.555 You can double the length of the program and use half the material. 07:15.655 --> 07:16.095 Exactly. 07:16.175 --> 07:17.315 Use half the material that way. 07:23.080 --> 07:26.163 These randoms are totally giraffe alarm clock. 07:27.044 --> 07:27.945 I can't even remember that one. 07:28.085 --> 07:30.667 Look, I got an email from one of our competition winners, right? 07:30.687 --> 07:34.151 Because we had a competition on the Six Music website to win tickets to Glastonbury. 07:34.851 --> 07:37.694 And Jason Carty was one of the lucky winners. 07:37.994 --> 07:44.159 He says, Dear Adam and Joe, a few weeks ago you suggested going to the Six Music website, entering the competition for your Glastonbury tickets. 07:44.559 --> 07:46.521 I did, as a Black Squadron operative. 07:46.681 --> 07:46.901 Yes. 07:47.021 --> 07:51.785 And since I was listening online, it was no biggie, just to go clickity-click, tap-tapity-click. 07:52.085 --> 07:52.425 he says. 07:54.167 --> 08:06.301 Anyway, cut to last Monday and six music contacted me to tell me I'd won, which means at 34 years of age, thanks to Adam and Joe, I can finally cross Glastonbury off the to-do list of my life. 08:07.162 --> 08:14.471 after always thinking I was too busy to pull off travelling to the festival, especially this year with our beautiful 10 month old baby girl still living with us. 08:14.491 --> 08:15.171 Congratulations. 08:25.194 --> 08:25.554 Out you get. 08:25.994 --> 08:30.656 The random bestowment of tickets has meant that I will finally get to go to Glastonbury. 08:30.696 --> 08:32.397 Thanks guys, you made it all a reality. 08:32.437 --> 08:36.238 I'll make sure to give you a hearty Stephen at appropriate points over the weekend. 08:36.338 --> 08:38.599 Keep up the brilliant work, regards Jason Carty. 08:38.639 --> 08:40.100 That's a pretty good prize, isn't it? 08:40.300 --> 08:40.980 It's a great prize. 08:41.000 --> 08:41.840 Tickets to Glasto. 08:42.081 --> 08:43.401 Do they get special accommodation? 08:43.781 --> 08:43.941 No. 08:43.981 --> 08:44.141 No. 08:44.401 --> 08:45.342 They get transport? 08:45.502 --> 08:47.543 They get like a bag to put over their head when it rains. 08:48.503 --> 08:48.903 A bat! 08:48.983 --> 08:49.183 A zigzag. 08:49.223 --> 08:49.643 A zigzag. 08:49.684 --> 08:50.224 Flacky bear. 08:51.064 --> 08:51.944 That's an awful prize. 08:51.964 --> 08:57.407 But we still have to figure out a few things for people to do to identify themselves as listeners to this show. 08:57.427 --> 09:08.633 We've had some suggestions and I think we should cover that in a later link maybe once we've collated all the various submissions we can decide James our producer's picked one he thinks is the winner. 09:08.813 --> 09:11.034 If you've only just got one there James. 09:11.567 --> 09:12.728 But that's good, I bet it's a good one. 09:12.748 --> 09:13.408 He's rigged the vote. 09:13.588 --> 09:15.389 We'll find it out later on. 09:15.669 --> 09:18.850 And also, we were thinking that maybe he's President Ahmad's dinner jacket. 09:19.571 --> 09:20.271 Ahmadinejaz. 09:20.991 --> 09:22.432 Can we listen to some Ahmadinejaz? 09:22.932 --> 09:23.953 Ahmadinejaz. 09:23.993 --> 09:24.233 What? 09:24.373 --> 09:25.374 I haven't even thought that through. 09:25.814 --> 09:26.114 Sorry. 09:27.094 --> 09:31.436 Also, I was thinking that the whole Stephen thing, maybe that might come to an end at Glastonbury. 09:31.476 --> 09:32.537 It might come to a head. 09:32.837 --> 09:33.477 Might come to a head. 09:33.537 --> 09:34.558 It's the correct word to use. 09:34.638 --> 09:37.639 An explosive head. 09:37.940 --> 09:38.180 Right. 09:38.300 --> 09:39.640 You think you've spots at that moment. 09:39.660 --> 09:40.040 Scanners. 09:40.261 --> 09:40.561 Yeah, OK. 09:41.341 --> 09:43.163 So listen, folks, we're going to play some music right now. 09:43.183 --> 09:47.748 This is a free choice and it comes from the new Eels album, Ombre Lobo. 09:48.289 --> 09:49.911 And this is a really nice track. 09:50.071 --> 09:54.716 If a trifle overlong, maybe. 09:54.916 --> 09:56.318 A tiny bit overlong. 09:56.778 --> 10:00.263 But it's nice and it's got a good little unusual rhythm. 10:00.283 --> 10:02.766 It's like a kind of half funky drummer rhythm. 10:02.906 --> 10:03.667 I'll be the judge of that. 10:03.687 --> 10:05.890 He sort of got halfway there and they thought, no, I'm going to give up. 10:06.470 --> 10:07.191 And it's nice. 10:07.532 --> 10:12.598 And, you know, he's very good at doing quite stripped down, very simple stuff that almost sounds like a demo. 10:12.658 --> 10:13.319 Hope you enjoy this. 10:13.339 --> 10:15.441 This is the eels with the look you give that guy. 10:15.982 --> 10:17.883 the bees with chicken payback. 10:18.564 --> 10:21.005 And this is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music. 10:21.105 --> 10:28.530 Our command for Black Squadron earlier in the show was just the Nomic bacon bracelet from Joe Cornish there. 10:28.771 --> 10:29.871 What does that mean, Nomic? 10:30.692 --> 10:34.875 I know what it means, but I just thought listeners might like to, some listeners might not know. 10:36.055 --> 10:39.578 Well, it sort of means obscure and gnomic. 10:39.958 --> 10:40.299 Really? 10:40.679 --> 10:41.840 How's that spelled? 10:41.940 --> 10:42.821 G-n-o-m-i-g-o. 10:42.901 --> 10:44.682 Really, like a gnome. 10:44.722 --> 10:47.024 Like if a gnome did it so you wouldn't notice it. 10:47.965 --> 10:49.326 Maybe that's where it comes from. 10:49.666 --> 10:50.126 Do you know? 10:50.407 --> 10:53.669 It's one of those words I know what it means, but I find it hard to define. 10:53.689 --> 10:54.590 You have a sense of it. 10:54.870 --> 10:55.150 Yeah. 10:55.491 --> 10:57.592 But you don't know what it means. 10:57.732 --> 10:59.374 No, I do know what it means. 10:59.694 --> 11:00.635 Well, I do know what it means. 11:00.655 --> 11:01.836 But you have a sense of what it means. 11:02.796 --> 11:03.716 Is that not the same thing? 11:03.736 --> 11:06.177 Is it not fair to have a sense of what a word means? 11:07.077 --> 11:09.818 Like, if I'm pretty sure that's what it means, no, Mick. 11:10.359 --> 11:11.639 Can we look at the dictionary definition? 11:11.679 --> 11:12.499 I just want to use it. 11:13.440 --> 11:14.400 James, he's got enough on his plate. 11:14.420 --> 11:14.660 He's jealous. 11:14.680 --> 11:16.241 We've already given him about half an hour of work to do. 11:16.261 --> 11:17.221 I use a word he doesn't know. 11:17.241 --> 11:18.481 He immediately gets jealous. 11:18.541 --> 11:19.742 He asks me to define a learn. 11:19.982 --> 11:22.843 I'm unable to give a dictionary definition immediately on air. 11:23.363 --> 11:41.250 That's bringing me down questioning the veracity of my no me cutthroat It's a new design of torpedo, but I'm just testing wheels that is special to be new brain torpedo An innocent inquiry torpedo all my all your torpedoes instead of going hit that target immediately it goes 11:44.777 --> 11:47.780 So it does a little jazz dance to distract you. 11:47.800 --> 11:48.500 What's that over there? 11:48.580 --> 11:49.561 That's not a torpedo. 11:49.801 --> 11:50.462 Yes it is! 11:51.022 --> 11:54.505 Like Stephen Fry, you couldn't get anything through Stephen Fry's defenses. 11:54.705 --> 11:55.926 Let's talk about Stephen Fry later. 11:55.946 --> 11:56.907 I've got stuff to say about Stephen Fry. 11:56.927 --> 11:59.429 He would immediately give you the dictionary definition of no mechanic. 11:59.449 --> 12:00.129 Listen, let's focus. 12:01.510 --> 12:02.151 Black Squadron. 12:02.371 --> 12:03.232 Bacon bracelet. 12:03.652 --> 12:11.998 The squadron interpreted it correctly as a command to wrap a piece of bacon around your wrist in the style of a bracelet, and we've already had some photos through. 12:12.638 --> 12:13.439 One from Chris. 12:14.440 --> 12:19.023 The thing about the modern world is if someone sends you an email and they're just called Chris, that's all you've got. 12:19.343 --> 12:19.663 Chris. 12:20.244 --> 12:21.164 It's not really enough, is it? 12:21.184 --> 12:22.085 It could be any Chris. 12:22.966 --> 12:24.447 But he calls himself Crispy. 12:25.227 --> 12:35.651 and he's lying in his bed there, he's got a hairy chest and a hairy chin and a little tuft of hair and he looks good with a, it looks like a triple strip there, doesn't it? 12:36.311 --> 12:39.913 Is that three pieces or is that just an exceptionally long bit of streaky? 12:40.093 --> 12:43.814 It looks like a bandage, like he's bust his wrist and he's... It's a meaty bandage. 12:44.294 --> 12:49.256 I think actually, medically speaking, if you had an injured wrist, wrapping bacon round it would help it. 12:49.676 --> 12:51.137 Look at this guy, he's just got... 12:51.957 --> 12:54.000 Three cans of lager round his wrist. 12:57.364 --> 13:02.611 He's hung them on with the... Maybe he thought I said nice Macon bracelet. 13:03.472 --> 13:04.413 Yeah, that's not so good. 13:04.433 --> 13:05.134 Well, he tried. 13:06.556 --> 13:09.639 I'd put him at the front of Black Squad and he could just be cannon fodder, couldn't he? 13:10.340 --> 13:14.962 I mean, it wouldn't matter if he got blown away fairly swiftly by the first artillery line. 13:15.882 --> 13:18.723 And another one from Eggman and his daughter. 13:18.743 --> 13:19.304 That's very good. 13:19.324 --> 13:21.204 They've both got bacon bracelets. 13:21.604 --> 13:21.965 Look at that. 13:22.005 --> 13:25.086 It looks like a piece of back bacon there on Eggman. 13:25.186 --> 13:27.587 And his daughter may have a piece of streaky. 13:27.667 --> 13:28.587 I'm not quite sure. 13:28.787 --> 13:32.169 That's David in Canada with the beer bracelet, incidentally. 13:33.269 --> 13:35.790 So he's just chosen to customize his squadron. 13:35.990 --> 13:41.595 And you can only speculate as to what role that piece of bacon will have in the final command. 13:41.655 --> 13:45.079 Maybe a group of you will have to distract some pigs. 13:46.020 --> 13:48.962 Maybe the operation will take place on Glastonbury Farm. 13:49.022 --> 13:50.904 Maybe it's a farm-based thing. 13:51.665 --> 13:58.071 I remind you that all these commands are very carefully designed, and they're all leading towards a brilliantly thought-through operation. 13:58.471 --> 13:58.952 Nomic. 13:59.752 --> 14:01.114 An adjective operation. 14:01.974 --> 14:04.075 Like or containing gnomes. 14:04.475 --> 14:05.275 Or aphorisms. 14:06.335 --> 14:08.015 Like or containing gnomes. 14:08.095 --> 14:08.876 What contains gnomes? 14:08.896 --> 14:10.736 How is a gnome the same as an aphorism? 14:11.456 --> 14:13.196 Like an aphorism is like a saying, right? 14:13.456 --> 14:15.277 I suppose maybe when gnomes existed. 14:15.537 --> 14:16.977 Because they did exist, right? 14:17.317 --> 14:21.998 They just were wiped out by... We've got to find a definition of gnomes then, I think. 14:22.338 --> 14:23.439 I know what a gnome is. 14:23.679 --> 14:25.019 Yeah, but a gnome is obviously... 14:26.409 --> 14:26.809 Nomic. 14:26.989 --> 14:29.030 Pertaining to or resembling a gnome. 14:29.270 --> 14:30.871 I tell you who could tell us all about gnomes. 14:31.131 --> 14:31.371 Yes. 14:31.891 --> 14:34.252 There's one man who knows everything about gnomes. 14:34.332 --> 14:35.333 Britain's gnome exponents. 14:35.353 --> 14:36.393 I'm the king of the gnomes. 14:37.073 --> 14:38.914 I'm the king of the gnomes. 14:39.334 --> 14:39.674 Hello. 14:39.975 --> 14:40.855 What a funny face. 14:41.135 --> 14:42.215 But beautiful eyes, though. 14:42.716 --> 14:43.716 I'm the king of the gnomes. 14:43.996 --> 14:44.957 You must do my bidding. 14:45.517 --> 14:46.797 So I was totally wrong, basically. 14:46.837 --> 14:49.618 I described your command for Black Squadron as being gnomic. 14:50.079 --> 14:53.140 I thought it meant sort of obscure and strange. 14:53.880 --> 14:56.301 I mean, you could say the gnome was obscure and strange. 14:56.921 --> 15:01.222 Describe something spoken or written that's brief, mysterious and not easily understood. 15:01.242 --> 15:01.682 Yes! 15:01.782 --> 15:03.242 But often seems wise. 15:03.442 --> 15:04.663 Yeah, well, it doesn't matter. 15:04.683 --> 15:05.243 Don't read that bit. 15:05.703 --> 15:06.163 No, that's good. 15:06.183 --> 15:06.703 You got it, man. 15:06.723 --> 15:07.283 You nailed it. 15:07.363 --> 15:07.824 Yes! 15:08.184 --> 15:08.704 Well done. 15:08.964 --> 15:10.884 You're officially clever. 15:11.404 --> 15:11.945 Thank you. 15:12.185 --> 15:12.905 Unarticulate. 15:13.805 --> 15:14.445 Clever and articulate. 15:14.505 --> 15:16.926 We'd better stand down the squadron and go to the news, haven't we? 15:17.066 --> 15:18.366 Clever and articulate. 15:19.546 --> 15:20.007 Gnomic. 15:20.527 --> 15:21.087 Your new word. 15:24.749 --> 15:37.055 I read the Franklin there with Baby I Love You. 15:37.155 --> 15:38.456 Thank you so much for joining us. 15:38.536 --> 15:40.897 It's a nice sunny morning, not you. 15:41.917 --> 15:51.822 Hey, thanks to everyone who's even though texted us all about the fact that the man wearing beer cans round his wrist was of course doing a brilliant phonetic joke. 15:52.602 --> 15:53.342 Did you get that one? 15:53.702 --> 16:07.048 Yes, because we started off the show talking in a Jamaican accent there, and so he'd combined the Jamaican accent with the Black Squadron command bacon bracelet to make beer can bracelet. 16:08.109 --> 16:11.270 Which is racist, so he should be ashamed of himself. 16:11.790 --> 16:15.933 And that's why we didn't in any way allude to that so-called racist joke. 16:16.273 --> 16:17.974 Imagine all the people that will have offended. 16:19.235 --> 16:25.700 My day was going perfectly well until I tuned in to BBC 6 music when I was very, very offended. 16:26.584 --> 16:29.507 by Adam Buxton. 16:29.667 --> 16:31.248 It wasn't me, it was David in Canada. 16:31.468 --> 16:32.649 It's David in Canada's fault. 16:32.669 --> 16:33.931 Go to Canada, get David. 16:34.671 --> 16:36.112 Blame Canada. 16:37.113 --> 16:38.575 Sorry about that, David in Canada. 16:39.736 --> 16:42.658 And thank you very much to all of you who complied with the Black Squadron commands. 16:42.698 --> 16:49.785 We're still, we're cogitating, right, about the best way to harness the power of Black Squadron at Glastonbury. 16:50.305 --> 16:54.728 We're going to think about that more and get back to you later on in the show with various things we can do. 16:55.489 --> 17:00.353 We're going to launch Text-o-Nation in the next 20 minutes or so, so stay tuned for that. 17:00.913 --> 17:01.393 I'm filling. 17:02.194 --> 17:02.995 You're doing well. 17:03.075 --> 17:03.675 I've got nothing. 17:03.975 --> 17:05.416 Launch Text-o-Nation. 17:06.297 --> 17:07.358 I like the use of the word launch. 17:07.478 --> 17:09.039 Do you think it fooled anyone? 17:09.079 --> 17:11.201 Like launch the words out of our mouths. 17:12.502 --> 17:13.422 Like all the other ones. 17:15.023 --> 17:15.543 No, it's good. 17:15.604 --> 17:16.124 It's exciting. 17:16.144 --> 17:18.445 It's like a proper radio show, you know. 17:19.026 --> 17:28.832 Do you get annoyed by the way BBC programmes, even though there's no commercials on the BBC, the way some programmes pretend they've got commercials and do kind of pseudo breaks? 17:29.052 --> 17:39.278 Well, we do trails and stuff, but... Yeah, but some programmes... There was a show all about the real Swiss family, Robinson, where families went on a desert island. 17:39.318 --> 17:40.199 Did you see that at all? 17:40.299 --> 17:40.539 No. 17:40.879 --> 17:43.301 That was constructed like an ITV programme. 17:43.902 --> 17:47.624 Every ten minutes it would have coming up and what you've just missed. 17:48.105 --> 17:48.485 Oh really? 17:48.505 --> 17:48.925 A little tease. 17:48.965 --> 17:49.786 Yeah, it was very odd. 17:50.246 --> 17:52.808 It was as if they were going to sell it to a commercial broadcaster. 17:52.888 --> 17:55.230 Well maybe it's the- And they got it all nice and ready for adverts. 17:55.350 --> 18:02.054 People are so used to the rhythm of commercial TV that they need to see that even on... Well, that's what they said. 18:02.094 --> 18:03.936 Somebody complained about it on points of view. 18:06.317 --> 18:14.022 James, if you were on the ball, you'd have the music ready. 18:14.042 --> 18:14.863 He doesn't know where it is. 18:15.243 --> 18:19.926 Anyway, someone complained about it on points of view and that was the BBC's excuse that the audiences actually like it. 18:20.967 --> 18:22.948 It makes them feel orientated and comfortable. 18:22.988 --> 18:24.670 That's what they said on points of view. 18:25.510 --> 18:29.051 It's a bit late, really. 18:29.231 --> 18:29.832 Again! 18:29.852 --> 18:34.833 Blah-boo-dee, blah-boo-dee. 18:34.853 --> 18:37.674 Go on. 18:38.575 --> 18:39.055 Oh, man. 18:39.395 --> 18:44.577 If we could just find a band to play that with us at Glastonbury, that would be amazing. 18:44.597 --> 18:44.837 Yes. 18:45.257 --> 18:46.197 That's a good idea. 18:46.318 --> 18:46.578 You know? 18:47.178 --> 18:49.099 If someone could send up... Would they need sheet music? 18:49.899 --> 18:50.939 How would you play that song? 18:50.959 --> 18:52.860 Can any musician read sheet music? 18:53.360 --> 18:53.760 Can they? 18:53.820 --> 18:55.341 Can the average band read music? 18:55.641 --> 18:55.841 No. 18:56.141 --> 18:56.381 No. 18:56.781 --> 18:58.542 A lot of very famous composers can't, can they? 18:58.562 --> 19:02.264 The Sex Pistols made it illegal for bands to read music, yeah. 19:02.304 --> 19:17.570 But if we could find someone with a keyboard and a little amp, and they could, you know, if they could get in touch with us, text us, the text number, incidentally, for anything you want to get in touch with is 64046 for this programme, or if you want to email us, the email address is AdamAndJoe. 19:18.771 --> 19:21.954 .6musicatbbc.co.uk. 19:22.134 --> 19:25.757 Adam and joe.6musicatbbc.co.uk. 19:26.097 --> 19:34.064 So if, for example, you did have, you were going to be at Glastonbury, you didn't want to sing blah-boobity-bye out with us, we could like film it for the blog or something. 19:34.505 --> 19:35.606 A black squadron choir. 19:35.706 --> 19:36.947 Yeah, that would be good. 19:37.507 --> 19:54.057 We're also trying to think of ways that we can get maybe a Black Squadron member who would prove to us his loyalty by executing all the commands that we have issued thus far, and then he would go on special ops for us during the Glastonbury weekend, maybe interview members of Spinal Tap, that kind of thing. 19:54.337 --> 19:58.620 We're getting all this together, so more information will be forthcoming throughout the show. 19:58.940 --> 20:00.561 Keep listening, here's some music. 20:01.041 --> 20:03.263 This is Back for Lashes with Pearl's Dream. 20:05.163 --> 20:19.548 with Pearl's dream Adam and Joe here on BBC six music I had an amazing idea last week well done it was an idea for Google oh yeah for the company Google yeah and you know that thing Google Earth sure it's amazing 20:20.248 --> 20:32.495 I thought, wouldn't it be cool to have a single button that you clicked on that told you exactly so you could locate your house precisely and then you click one button and it would tell you what was on exactly the other side of the world. 20:33.055 --> 20:33.335 Right. 20:33.595 --> 20:36.417 Exactly who lived there or like what building was there. 20:36.657 --> 20:37.837 I thought that's a brilliant idea. 20:37.878 --> 20:38.358 Cornballs. 20:38.898 --> 20:39.458 You're in the money. 20:39.739 --> 20:39.839 Yeah. 20:39.859 --> 20:40.539 Is that a good idea? 20:41.039 --> 20:42.380 It is really don't like it, do you? 20:42.560 --> 20:43.040 No, I do. 20:43.080 --> 20:44.481 I don't see the point. 20:44.781 --> 20:49.264 It's just an exciting thing to think about what's on the other side of the world. 20:49.324 --> 20:54.387 Yeah, because if you've got like an imagination, that was a little bit of a dig there. 20:54.407 --> 20:54.907 It was, wasn't it? 20:54.927 --> 20:55.548 It's an angry dig. 20:55.968 --> 20:56.969 You could dig. 20:56.989 --> 20:58.289 It wasn't even gnomic. 20:58.609 --> 21:01.971 You'd think about how far you could dig, you know, down in the earth. 21:02.432 --> 21:06.154 If you own a house, sometimes you think, well, how much beneath it do I own? 21:06.875 --> 21:09.878 You know, do I own the soil all the way down? 21:10.318 --> 21:17.967 But then I looked on the internet and I realized that actually very few places in the world, if you dig through, do you get solid earth? 21:18.668 --> 21:20.930 It's mostly just water. 21:21.270 --> 21:22.972 If you're in South America, you're quite lucky. 21:23.593 --> 21:25.815 You can dig through and I think maybe you get a bit of Japan. 21:26.656 --> 21:27.537 Well, something like that. 21:27.597 --> 21:30.479 But most of the world, if you dig through, it's just water. 21:30.619 --> 21:30.899 Is it? 21:30.979 --> 21:33.361 I thought there was caverns and stuff with crystals and dinosaurs. 21:33.381 --> 21:33.881 Oh, in the middle? 21:33.921 --> 21:35.002 Well, in the middle of the earth. 21:35.042 --> 21:37.183 Yeah, well, you just watch the film The Core for that. 21:37.263 --> 21:37.743 Exactly. 21:37.763 --> 21:41.626 That gives you a scientifically accurate depiction of what's in the centre of the world. 21:41.966 --> 21:43.207 Computer-generated bubbles. 21:43.547 --> 21:44.047 Bubbles. 21:44.448 --> 21:44.928 Bubbles. 21:44.948 --> 21:45.749 And Hillary Swank. 21:47.610 --> 21:48.530 And a load of crystals. 21:49.751 --> 21:54.474 So that was an idea I thought for a moment, for about half the week, I thought, this is a brilliant idea. 21:54.914 --> 21:58.177 Google are going to really go with it and it's going to become the new phenomenon. 21:58.497 --> 21:59.517 You know, kids will love it. 21:59.537 --> 22:01.218 That's a good kids love that kind of thing. 22:01.239 --> 22:03.340 You ever think of assumptions, geography? 22:03.380 --> 22:03.640 Sure. 22:03.940 --> 22:11.545 Well, I guess you could link it to the phrase, you know, on the other side of the world, you know, that phrase. 22:13.326 --> 22:14.387 What sort of a phrase is that? 22:14.887 --> 22:15.868 I wonder what's going on. 22:16.008 --> 22:17.009 That's not a phrase, you see. 22:17.029 --> 22:17.469 I don't know. 22:17.489 --> 22:22.173 It was literally on the other side of the world from me. 22:23.474 --> 22:25.375 I'm trying to big up your idea. 22:25.455 --> 22:26.596 I appreciate the efforts, man. 22:26.656 --> 22:28.598 I really thought that was a brilliant idea for Google. 22:28.638 --> 22:30.279 It was exactly the kind of thing that could catch on. 22:30.539 --> 22:33.721 For a week, everybody would be doing it, and they'd be going around boasting. 22:33.741 --> 22:38.505 They'd be writing letters to the person who lived exactly on the other side of the world. 22:38.545 --> 22:39.626 Your opposite neighbour. 22:39.646 --> 22:41.107 It'd be like a twin town or something. 22:41.127 --> 22:42.568 Right, your global opposite neighbour. 22:42.628 --> 22:43.369 It would give you a set. 22:43.389 --> 22:45.470 You could make them a pen pal. 22:45.890 --> 22:47.291 It would have been like wildfire. 22:47.311 --> 22:48.772 It would have been really, it would have caught on. 22:48.832 --> 22:49.993 That's if there's anyone living there. 22:50.433 --> 22:54.836 You might just be living opposite a large area of sea. 22:55.237 --> 22:55.657 I like that. 22:55.937 --> 22:56.918 That's a good phrase. 22:57.238 --> 22:58.039 I live opposite them. 22:58.279 --> 22:58.479 Yeah. 22:58.639 --> 23:00.220 Cause it makes it sound like they're near action. 23:00.360 --> 23:03.382 Or you might just be opposite like a big sewage works or something. 23:03.562 --> 23:05.003 Most people are just opposite ocean. 23:05.604 --> 23:05.984 That's right. 23:06.004 --> 23:07.505 And that's just a little factoid. 23:07.665 --> 23:12.468 Do you ever think of applications for iPhones and things like that? 23:12.988 --> 23:13.249 No. 23:13.269 --> 23:14.149 Do you not? 23:14.349 --> 23:14.509 No. 23:14.529 --> 23:15.310 Have you thought of one? 23:15.650 --> 23:21.394 Well, no, I'm just amazed that because most of the applications available are so utterly rubbish, like especially the free ones. 23:21.874 --> 23:22.734 OK, I've thought of one. 23:22.855 --> 23:22.995 What? 23:23.715 --> 23:26.336 It tells you who lives on exactly the other side of the world. 23:26.376 --> 23:27.277 You see, that's the kind of thing. 23:27.497 --> 23:29.518 That's better than the average free application you get. 23:29.758 --> 23:35.781 Like, for example, this week, when I was at work, there was people frantically downloading applications to amuse themselves throughout the day. 23:36.521 --> 23:40.803 And there was one guy who was going around saying, look at this, I've downloaded the sexy alphabet. 23:41.744 --> 23:43.404 And it's an application, right? 23:43.605 --> 23:46.846 Which is just the alphabet laid out like a keyboard. 23:47.606 --> 23:52.789 You press whichever letter you're after, and it's just a woman's voice saying, hey, 23:54.561 --> 23:56.263 F. That sounds good. 23:56.744 --> 24:00.347 X. G. You know? 24:00.788 --> 24:02.630 Can you make her say a whole word sexually? 24:03.234 --> 24:04.415 Oh, just the letters. 24:04.715 --> 24:04.855 Yeah. 24:05.215 --> 24:06.256 You could shoot you pay for that? 24:06.736 --> 24:07.637 I think that was a free one. 24:07.857 --> 24:08.337 What was this? 24:08.537 --> 24:09.678 But what the hell? 24:09.698 --> 24:13.981 You know, someone has had that idea, thought, this is a good idea, the sexy alphabet. 24:14.261 --> 24:16.683 A lady would be saying the words just in a lady's voice. 24:17.063 --> 24:19.044 I'm going to turn this into an iPhone application. 24:19.224 --> 24:22.826 This is the beginning of an amazing new chapter for me and my ideas. 24:23.487 --> 24:26.629 I downloaded one that's the stupidest one I've got is a heat pad. 24:27.069 --> 24:27.309 Right. 24:27.429 --> 24:29.110 And you put your fingers on it and it glows. 24:30.091 --> 24:30.831 Have you got that one? 24:30.892 --> 24:31.112 No. 24:31.352 --> 24:32.032 And that's it, is it? 24:32.072 --> 24:33.113 Yeah, it's rubbish. 24:33.133 --> 24:34.414 I've got bubbles, right? 24:35.154 --> 24:38.616 And when you pass your fingers across the screen, some bubbles appear. 24:38.956 --> 24:43.179 And if you tip the phone, the bubbles will sink down to where you're tipping the phone. 24:43.539 --> 24:43.959 Rubbish. 24:44.299 --> 24:44.660 Rubbish. 24:44.740 --> 24:45.560 My baby likes it. 24:46.000 --> 24:46.361 Really? 24:46.581 --> 24:47.281 A little bit. 24:47.461 --> 24:48.742 I think my ghoul one's a goer. 24:48.802 --> 24:50.323 I always think my baby, I mean, my wife. 24:52.444 --> 24:52.744 OK. 24:52.924 --> 24:53.885 My baby really likes it. 24:53.905 --> 24:54.906 Got a lot of babies in your life. 24:55.866 --> 24:58.328 Maybe this could be a textination, like the worst kind of... 24:59.448 --> 25:05.089 Well, no, it's a bit centric to that particular brand of phone and we don't, you know, many other phones are available. 25:05.369 --> 25:07.610 In fact, many people say that many other phones are better. 25:08.370 --> 25:09.690 I'm starting to think it myself. 25:09.971 --> 25:15.112 Yeah, but then you could, you know, you can get those similar types of applications for other devices, can't you? 25:15.132 --> 25:15.732 Or am I insane? 25:15.772 --> 25:16.712 Sort of just starting. 25:17.012 --> 25:17.912 Right, right. 25:17.992 --> 25:19.413 All right, it's a terrible idea. 25:19.593 --> 25:20.693 Let's play some music. 25:20.833 --> 25:21.693 This is a free play. 25:21.733 --> 25:24.814 This is Björk with Venus as a Boy. 25:25.367 --> 25:27.469 Vampire Weekend there with A-Punk. 25:28.009 --> 25:32.072 They were one of the big bands at Glastonbury last year, of course. 25:32.992 --> 25:36.295 I mean, I looked at the rundown for Glastonbury and it is pretty impressive this year. 25:36.315 --> 25:41.759 There's lots of good stuff, but I still can't recall any of the actual names. 25:42.259 --> 25:52.926 Well, we've got a big list of them and we're going to be filling you in about exactly who's on the bill and the kinds of stuff you can expect from Six Music's extraordinary blanket coverage of the event a little bit later in the programme. 25:53.026 --> 25:55.588 Unprecedented blanket coverage, isn't it? 25:55.628 --> 25:56.909 There are no precedents. 25:56.929 --> 25:58.690 There's never been a blanket of this size. 25:59.070 --> 26:00.331 No, a presidential blanket. 26:00.371 --> 26:02.293 Barack Obama's actual blanket. 26:03.153 --> 26:05.856 is going to be covering part of Glastonbury. 26:05.956 --> 26:06.656 Is that what we're saying? 26:06.736 --> 26:06.916 Yeah. 26:07.437 --> 26:10.139 OK, so possible text the nation topic here, right? 26:10.800 --> 26:15.844 Now, I was reminded of this by an incident that occurred to me a few weeks ago. 26:16.945 --> 26:22.690 But I will fill you in about this thing that happened a few years back now. 26:22.790 --> 26:28.314 And I was sat down at work and there was a guy sat next to me. 26:29.455 --> 26:36.297 And a lady came over and he said, and he was making to stand up and offer her the seat, right? 26:37.797 --> 26:38.897 And she said, oh, no, you're all right. 26:39.137 --> 26:39.698 You sit down. 26:40.718 --> 26:49.540 And almost immediately he laid his hand on her tummy and he said, no, no, no, you should sit down in your condition. 26:51.161 --> 26:51.961 That's nice of him. 26:52.342 --> 26:53.883 And she said, I'm not pregnant. 26:58.746 --> 27:02.648 So, and I was sat right next to them and I, and I was absolutely mortified. 27:02.688 --> 27:08.492 Like I felt like I had literally been turned to stone because obviously in that situation, the woman would be upset. 27:08.512 --> 27:09.713 What sort of environment was this? 27:09.773 --> 27:13.196 A party or a work environment? 27:13.216 --> 27:13.396 Yeah. 27:13.636 --> 27:16.017 Everybody needed a bit of a sit down to rest their legs. 27:16.057 --> 27:16.318 Yeah. 27:16.638 --> 27:18.239 There was a limited number of chairs. 27:18.519 --> 27:18.920 That's right. 27:18.960 --> 27:22.904 He thought he was being chivalrous because he thought she was brave. 27:22.944 --> 27:28.370 Not only was he being chivalrous, but he was being really, you know, he was sort of wanting to bond with her at that moment. 27:28.411 --> 27:28.751 Yes. 27:28.951 --> 27:32.756 And enthused with her about the happy arrival of the baby. 27:33.016 --> 27:33.356 Yes. 27:33.376 --> 27:35.519 Unfortunately, there was no baby forthcoming. 27:35.759 --> 27:38.222 It was merely the happy departure of several cakes. 27:38.442 --> 27:38.762 Yeah. 27:39.063 --> 27:41.565 So it was a terrible moment. 27:42.145 --> 27:43.767 I mean, she didn't even look. 27:44.067 --> 27:47.610 The thing is that it was kind of mad of him because she didn't even really look pregnant, right? 27:47.970 --> 27:48.230 Right. 27:50.593 --> 27:51.914 But he'd gone for it anyway. 27:52.774 --> 27:54.396 And he just made that bad call. 27:54.696 --> 27:55.997 He made a very bad call. 27:56.197 --> 27:58.499 And so I was sat there right next to the bad call. 27:59.500 --> 28:00.642 And I just didn't know what to do. 28:00.683 --> 28:02.165 I was sort of thinking, this is awful. 28:02.185 --> 28:07.636 This is absolutely awful because she's probably mortified and he is doubly mortified. 28:11.264 --> 28:15.906 the thing is that they had to go through this ritual of just carrying on speaking to each other. 28:16.146 --> 28:36.514 Yes, because yeah you don't you I suppose naturally you would just go oh my god I'm such an idiot whole yeah this is awful I'm gonna pop off and kill myself right that's sort of what you want to do but you don't you have to feel you have to soldier on make light of it yeah she I mean I would imagine both of them I would imagine as you say wanted to scurry away and hide in a corner for a long time 28:37.234 --> 28:38.815 and not speak to anyone. 28:39.155 --> 28:44.318 But instead they had to tough it out, especially as I was sat next to them like a lemon. 28:44.798 --> 28:46.199 So they kind of went through the motions. 28:46.219 --> 28:48.680 Were you laughing or were you just sort of ambulance chasing? 28:48.720 --> 28:50.882 My face was absolutely expressionless. 28:51.322 --> 29:00.247 It didn't crack in the least because I just thought if I make any expression right now it's going to be the wrong one and it's going to give away the fact that I am currently dying inside. 29:01.147 --> 29:03.248 So I just didn't even move my head. 29:03.328 --> 29:10.630 I was absolutely motionless like a statue to the extent that I was sort of the logic was I'm going to pretend that I'm just I've just zoned out. 29:10.951 --> 29:11.911 I'm just meditating. 29:12.131 --> 29:13.071 This is the kind of guy I am. 29:13.091 --> 29:13.872 I like to meditate. 29:14.172 --> 29:17.013 I'm just staring at a speck of dust at the other side of the room there. 29:17.293 --> 29:18.773 I'm not even aware of what's going around me. 29:18.813 --> 29:25.456 Certainly not the unbelievable car crash that just occurred a second ago there when you asked if she was pregnant, more or less. 29:26.136 --> 29:28.437 And so they go through the motions of like chatting and 29:28.997 --> 29:31.198 So, you know, what are you doing later on? 29:31.958 --> 29:32.458 Oh, you noticed? 29:32.478 --> 29:35.539 So they just switched instantly onto another topic. 29:35.559 --> 29:36.019 Yeah, totally. 29:36.599 --> 29:38.040 Don't even discuss, don't even go there. 29:38.120 --> 29:39.660 As if it meant nothing to either of them. 29:39.700 --> 29:40.120 Right, right. 29:40.280 --> 29:40.961 That's not a problem. 29:41.161 --> 29:41.901 Yeah, that's a good tactic. 29:41.941 --> 29:44.362 People offer an incorrect pregnancy diagnosis all the time. 29:44.622 --> 29:45.722 Let's talk about something else now. 29:46.102 --> 29:46.622 Both adults. 29:46.862 --> 29:48.203 Absolutely, it's not a big deal. 29:48.223 --> 29:49.383 No one's taking any offense. 29:49.403 --> 29:49.783 Who cares? 29:49.983 --> 29:50.644 It's absolutely fine. 29:52.324 --> 29:56.431 They chatted for a while and I was really thinking I've got to do something. 29:57.152 --> 30:00.257 Was there a relaxed atmosphere during the subsequent chat? 30:00.477 --> 30:03.242 It was pretty good but you could hear they were breathing in all the wrong places. 30:06.316 --> 30:09.298 They were clearly both absolutely rattled. 30:10.418 --> 30:12.860 And I was thinking to myself, I've got to do something. 30:12.880 --> 30:15.422 I've got to be like Gandhi in this situation and smooth the waters. 30:16.442 --> 30:17.163 What would you do? 30:17.243 --> 30:18.644 Oh my God, I've been shot. 30:18.844 --> 30:19.064 Yeah. 30:19.304 --> 30:20.965 Would you say something? 30:20.985 --> 30:22.927 Because I was thinking maybe the best thing to do now is say, 30:23.687 --> 30:29.090 Wow, that was bad and a bit awkward for both of you guys, but, you know, you shouldn't be upset because you don't look pregnant. 30:29.410 --> 30:32.072 I don't know what he was thinking because he shouldn't have said that. 30:32.492 --> 30:35.594 And you must be mortified because you made the incorrect pregnancy diagnosis. 30:36.134 --> 30:38.035 But, you know, don't worry about it kind of thing. 30:38.536 --> 30:41.997 So what your question is for tactics for dealing with situations like that? 30:42.037 --> 30:42.638 Well, what happens? 30:42.658 --> 30:44.479 Because the other thing that happened to me recently, right? 30:44.999 --> 30:51.203 And this again, I observed was this guy went up to someone very similar thing. 30:51.883 --> 31:00.694 And he just launched in, and she really didn't look pregnant this time, and he launched in with... Oh, congratulations, when's it due, right? 31:01.114 --> 31:02.315 And this has happened to a lot of people. 31:03.950 --> 31:06.292 And she had a little tummy on her but nothing really to speak of. 31:07.613 --> 31:12.216 Certainly not enough for a congratulations when it's you. 31:12.617 --> 31:14.818 So he goes in with congratulations when it's you. 31:16.019 --> 31:22.124 And then realises before she's really said anything, like he properly checks her out and she looks mortified, he realises that he's insane. 31:22.724 --> 31:23.985 So then he starts going... 31:28.723 --> 31:45.733 like trying to make noises that sound like he's singing something that sounds a bit like congratulations when she's misheard yeah she's like hallucinating right she's like what do you mean i'm not pregnant what do you oh i didn't see you i was just singing congratulations that's a good tactic 31:49.574 --> 31:52.495 That kind of thing. 31:52.535 --> 31:53.355 That's a good idea. 31:53.375 --> 31:54.556 To make her feel insane. 31:55.136 --> 31:59.937 So I'm curious about other situations like that that are absolutely mortifying that you try and wriggle out of somehow. 32:00.017 --> 32:01.317 Yes, tactics first. 32:01.337 --> 32:03.578 So we need to sort of hear the embarrassing moment. 32:03.678 --> 32:03.898 Yeah. 32:04.178 --> 32:07.719 And then the technique you use to try and cover it up, to recover. 32:07.939 --> 32:08.719 I mean, maybe you didn't. 32:08.939 --> 32:10.360 Maybe you didn't successfully wriggle that. 32:10.380 --> 32:10.960 Damage limitation. 32:11.340 --> 32:12.080 Maybe you made it worse. 32:12.120 --> 32:12.901 Maybe you made it worse. 32:13.141 --> 32:14.561 I'm curious about all those situations. 32:14.741 --> 32:19.763 Because these things you see in shows like The Office and Peep Show, and you know, they're a staple for comedy writers, those moments. 32:20.923 --> 32:22.104 Ricky Gervais especially. 32:22.244 --> 32:23.704 Yeah, and you sort of think moments. 32:23.804 --> 32:28.326 Right, and you think those can't happen in real life, but they do, they continue to happen. 32:28.586 --> 32:36.509 I think everyone makes, I reckon a lot of men make the incorrect pregnancy diagnosis once in their lives, and thereafter they are never going to do it again. 32:36.929 --> 32:40.392 Because the logic is, from their point of view, they want to be nice, right? 32:40.732 --> 32:49.638 It's a moment of empathy and reaching out and they sort of think, I'm going to show off about the fact that I'm so observant and sensitive that I've noticed you're pregnant and I'm going to congratulate you, talk about it. 32:50.419 --> 32:56.163 But then to even go a step further and lay your hand on the tummy, which is something that some women don't even like very much, 32:56.903 --> 32:57.484 It's just madness. 32:57.524 --> 32:58.345 Being touched on the tummy. 32:58.565 --> 32:59.065 Madness. 32:59.326 --> 33:02.869 Well, yeah, because some men think that they're allowed to touch women on their pregnant bellies. 33:03.430 --> 33:05.892 I always thought that was a bit stepping over the line. 33:05.912 --> 33:07.454 Yeah, that's a different subject, isn't it? 33:07.534 --> 33:07.954 Yeah, yeah. 33:08.135 --> 33:09.556 Anyway, that's Texanation for this week. 33:09.716 --> 33:10.517 We've even got a jingle. 33:10.537 --> 33:12.779 We've got a new jingle from a Russian listener. 33:12.799 --> 33:13.020 That's true. 33:13.040 --> 33:19.126 We should remind listeners that the number is 64046, or you can email adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk 33:20.487 --> 33:22.327 Here, have we not played any kind of a jingle yet? 33:22.367 --> 33:24.368 Not yet, no, because I've been rambling. 33:24.788 --> 33:28.989 This is made by James, who lives in Barnal in Russia. 33:29.329 --> 33:30.869 He says, I only listen to the podcasts. 33:30.909 --> 33:32.430 We don't have six music here. 33:32.950 --> 33:36.871 So if by chance you use it in the live show, can you please make a recording of it for me? 33:37.571 --> 33:39.011 Well, we can include it in the podcast. 33:39.511 --> 33:40.492 We'll stick it in the podcast. 33:40.512 --> 33:42.292 This is the Russian text the nation jingle. 33:45.045 --> 33:46.186 Jex the nation! 33:46.246 --> 33:49.290 What if I don't want to? 33:49.811 --> 33:51.052 Can I use an email? 33:51.133 --> 33:52.094 Is that a problem? 33:58.120 --> 33:59.201 That's good, isn't it? 33:59.241 --> 33:59.561 He is. 33:59.601 --> 34:00.361 I got his name wrong. 34:00.401 --> 34:00.621 Sorry. 34:00.641 --> 34:03.023 When he said James, he was referring to our producer. 34:03.063 --> 34:07.025 His name is Aleksey Parfianov. 34:07.725 --> 34:10.207 He's going to be happy with the way I've read that, isn't he? 34:12.628 --> 34:13.568 So that's textination. 34:13.588 --> 34:14.829 Get your ideas coming in right now. 34:14.869 --> 34:16.030 And we've got some music for you. 34:16.050 --> 34:21.233 This is Amadou and Miriam with Massitelladi. 34:21.293 --> 34:21.953 Massitelladi. 34:23.226 --> 34:24.287 Hooray! 34:24.507 --> 34:26.289 Gorillaz with Dirty Harry. 34:26.469 --> 34:28.170 This is Adam and Jo on BBC6 Music. 34:28.351 --> 34:30.272 Hope you're having a lovely Saturday morning listeners. 34:30.412 --> 34:44.165 If you're a regular listener to the show, you might have heard last week we played a kind of abridged version of an episode of The Archers to highlight the amount of sighing that goes on in that very popular Radio 4 soap opera. 34:44.785 --> 35:08.791 uh just as a reminder here it is this is all from one episode of the archers and i just took out everything pretty much everything that wasn't a sort of a world weary sight dramatic breathing yeah dramatic breathing and and this is it ended up sounding quite filthy like a sort of very filthy episode of the archers where there wasn't a lot of talking it was it was pure action just loving have a listen 35:13.824 --> 35:15.044 Thanks. 35:16.285 --> 35:16.905 Anyway. 35:16.925 --> 35:17.585 Tom! 35:18.185 --> 35:19.345 I'm just... ready. 35:41.107 --> 35:42.929 Very satisfied residents. 35:42.949 --> 35:48.152 Strange, is it just me or do all sighs sound as if they are somehow connected with the toilet area? 35:49.953 --> 35:50.533 Yes. 35:50.873 --> 35:51.734 It is just me, isn't it? 35:51.754 --> 35:53.134 What do you mean by the toilet area? 35:53.555 --> 35:54.335 The trouser zone. 35:54.615 --> 35:55.996 The trouser zone, okay. 35:56.096 --> 35:57.617 I'd say there were two separate areas. 35:57.657 --> 36:02.220 There was a toilet area and the bedroom area, but is your bedroom in the toilet? 36:03.857 --> 36:05.178 Is that where you sleep? 36:05.238 --> 36:08.760 No, I was identifying a part of the body as the toilet area. 36:09.120 --> 36:09.460 Oh, right. 36:09.521 --> 36:09.781 Good. 36:09.981 --> 36:10.261 OK. 36:10.621 --> 36:17.846 Well, I was very excited to see that we got a letter from the producer of The Archers, Kate Oates, who says the following. 36:18.166 --> 36:23.229 It was with a mixture of delight and sorrow that I listened to Joseph Bridgeman of The Archers last week. 36:23.549 --> 36:30.914 Delight that our actors have finally been recognised by six music as being capable of carrying dramatic storylines through the medium of sighing. 36:31.514 --> 36:37.217 and sorrow that Adam, despite his best and brave efforts, couldn't quite reach the bar set by our actors. 36:37.477 --> 36:45.421 Because last week after playing that clip, I then auditioned Adam, who as you will know is a professional actor, having appeared in several major feature films. 36:45.741 --> 36:47.802 I auditioned him on sighing. 36:47.982 --> 36:49.683 I thought he did extremely well. 36:50.423 --> 36:52.945 Maybe not as well as you did in The Grunting the previous week. 36:52.965 --> 36:57.007 Come on, I was drinking some tea and then sighing in all kinds of different ways. 37:01.399 --> 37:02.160 That kind of thing. 37:02.260 --> 37:03.360 A bit big, that's all. 37:04.321 --> 37:09.404 And I think, I'm not sure whether Kate Oates, the producer of the archers, thought you were any good either. 37:09.464 --> 37:11.806 In fact, I think she thought you didn't do very well. 37:12.086 --> 37:17.729 She goes on to say, I would like to reassure Adam and encourage him not to lose heart at this early hurdle. 37:18.530 --> 37:20.451 She's suggesting that you fell over the hurdle. 37:21.051 --> 37:33.481 Many of our actors have been sighing for almost 60 years and many of our younger performers have completed extensive and exhaustive training in Capital Letter's emotional exhalations. 37:34.082 --> 37:38.145 It was clear that Adam gave his best efforts on Saturday and we were moved. 37:38.605 --> 37:39.166 Now get this. 37:39.847 --> 37:51.378 As a gesture of thanks, we'd be only too happy to offer some coaching at the hands of one of our more experienced actors or directors if Adam feels like he would like to increase his capabilities in this area. 37:52.078 --> 37:57.744 Alternatively, we'd be delighted to invite Adam into the studio to take part in an episode. 37:57.764 --> 37:58.284 Not! 37:59.165 --> 38:05.750 As a fully-fledged character, you understand, brackets the audition that he provided on last week's show simply wasn't up to scratch, I'm afraid. 38:06.611 --> 38:07.271 Close brackets. 38:07.591 --> 38:14.416 But as a background sire, a disgruntled customer in the bull, perhaps, or a weary churchgoer in St. 38:14.456 --> 38:15.597 Stephen's, the choice is yours. 38:15.617 --> 38:17.038 Many thanks for your kind mention on the programme. 38:17.058 --> 38:18.079 We were delighted by the tribute. 38:18.099 --> 38:19.320 Best wishes, Kate Oates. 38:19.880 --> 38:26.385 Now, Kate, I've got a side with Count Buckley's here, because he is an experienced big screen feature film actor. 38:26.605 --> 38:29.747 Professional, I mean, you can't call me a trained actor, certainly. 38:29.767 --> 38:31.208 Hot fuzz, stardust. 38:31.228 --> 38:32.009 What was the other one? 38:33.590 --> 38:34.170 Son of Rambo. 38:34.230 --> 38:34.930 Son of Rambo. 38:35.111 --> 38:35.991 Very, very good films. 38:36.031 --> 38:37.072 Let's not forget The Lowdown. 38:37.512 --> 38:38.733 And The Lowdown, exactly. 38:38.753 --> 38:39.353 We're both in that. 38:39.754 --> 38:46.158 And to say that he would be under qualified to, you know, he'd only be qualified enough to sigh in the background. 38:46.178 --> 38:48.059 Plus, you know, I've done radio drama. 38:48.119 --> 38:50.661 I did the yellow plush papers at the beginning of this year. 38:50.681 --> 38:51.661 You could have heard on Radio 4. 38:52.502 --> 38:53.863 Have you done a Spotify advert? 38:53.923 --> 38:55.524 Everyone seems to be... That's true. 38:55.964 --> 38:58.445 You know, I'm an experienced voiceover artist. 38:59.445 --> 39:01.126 I could sigh for England, woman! 39:01.626 --> 39:03.587 We're too aggressive. 39:03.627 --> 39:05.588 Well, you might flip out on the set. 39:06.208 --> 39:08.349 It's not done live, the archers, is it? 39:08.369 --> 39:10.910 It's pre-recorded so they could just edit your freakouts out. 39:10.950 --> 39:15.292 The only way I would do it, right, is if I could choose the level of sighing myself. 39:15.432 --> 39:23.935 I think you should play a local posh landowner who has bought a mansion in the village of... What's it called? 39:25.876 --> 39:31.998 And you just come in for one episode very haughtily and maybe romance a couple of ladies. 39:35.019 --> 39:38.220 But you're sort of in and out in the romancing stakes. 39:38.660 --> 39:42.841 And then, you know, it's a one episode only cameo that has a major impact. 39:43.482 --> 39:46.262 So I think on those terms, yes, Adam would be prepared to be in the episode. 39:46.282 --> 39:48.183 See, I think she's not really thinking about something like that. 39:48.303 --> 39:50.123 No, I want us to write the episode. 39:50.203 --> 39:50.423 Yeah. 39:50.963 --> 39:56.404 I'd like them to give us the archer's Bible, which gives you the guidelines of the characters so it fits into the ongoing storyline. 39:56.744 --> 40:01.685 But then we write a special letter in which Count Buckley's arrived in Ambridge. 40:01.825 --> 40:03.706 And I would be called Count Buckley. 40:03.766 --> 40:04.406 You would. 40:05.186 --> 40:07.126 I don't think that would throw off the seriousness of the show. 40:07.146 --> 40:08.566 Well, it would be tonally interesting. 40:08.626 --> 40:10.767 You'd be much broader than their usual characterisations. 40:10.807 --> 40:11.167 Right, right. 40:11.187 --> 40:12.627 There'd be a lot of roughty. 40:13.087 --> 40:14.187 There'd be loads of roughty. 40:15.068 --> 40:16.588 Oh, you're a good looking woman. 40:16.728 --> 40:17.308 Get out here. 40:18.489 --> 40:19.109 Oh! 40:19.169 --> 40:19.830 Hahaha! 40:19.910 --> 40:21.332 What's happening then? 40:22.072 --> 40:22.593 I don't know. 40:22.733 --> 40:23.654 Just use your imagination. 40:23.674 --> 40:24.835 That's the wonder of radio though, isn't it? 40:24.855 --> 40:25.336 Exactly. 40:25.476 --> 40:26.677 It would be a fruity character. 40:26.837 --> 40:30.221 So on those terms, Bucky Lee's is prepared to appear on your programme. 40:30.521 --> 40:31.121 I've slipped! 40:31.462 --> 40:32.803 Mmm, my trousers have come off. 40:33.584 --> 40:34.425 Oh, it's a lovely day. 40:34.585 --> 40:35.346 I'll be off good with you. 40:39.525 --> 40:40.346 That would be fine. 40:40.366 --> 40:42.288 That would really lift the ratings, I think. 40:42.849 --> 40:44.671 So that's a proposition for you there, Kate. 40:45.272 --> 40:46.313 Otherwise, the deal's off. 40:46.373 --> 40:50.539 But nevertheless, thank you very much for your kind letter and tolerating our Mickey taking. 40:50.579 --> 40:51.620 Who's been on my field? 40:51.740 --> 40:54.884 Look at your giant... Here's the Beatles. 40:56.826 --> 40:57.227 Oh, come on. 40:59.082 --> 41:02.843 I just don't know what to say when you do this. 41:03.003 --> 41:05.064 Neither do I, I just go blank. 41:25.189 --> 41:25.449 Yeah. 41:25.810 --> 41:26.810 Got no idea what to do. 41:26.830 --> 41:28.131 Filled with rage like a little red mist. 41:28.151 --> 41:30.593 No, not with rage, just nothing blankness, emptiness. 41:30.773 --> 41:31.293 Emptiness. 41:31.313 --> 41:32.394 Bar and tundra. 41:33.575 --> 41:34.095 Tundra. 41:34.676 --> 41:35.596 Is that how you say it? 41:35.616 --> 41:36.037 Tundra. 41:36.537 --> 41:37.077 Tundra. 41:37.097 --> 41:37.518 Tundra. 41:38.398 --> 41:39.359 Oh, I say it. 41:39.599 --> 41:40.620 Hey, so listen, man. 41:40.920 --> 41:41.400 Listen to me. 41:41.620 --> 41:42.081 I'm listening. 41:42.321 --> 41:47.865 Did you hear about this woman in the States who was fined $2 million for file sharing? 41:47.885 --> 41:49.426 They're making an example of her. 41:49.546 --> 41:50.447 They certainly are. 41:50.547 --> 41:52.348 I don't agree with that approach to life. 41:52.628 --> 41:53.709 What the heck is that? 41:53.729 --> 41:55.290 Don't make examples of people. 41:55.350 --> 41:56.170 But I don't understand. 41:56.330 --> 42:00.513 Surely, if she's... So here's the details, right? 42:01.814 --> 42:03.775 They are trying the R-I-A-A. 42:04.136 --> 42:05.417 What does that stand for, incidentally? 42:05.557 --> 42:12.081 Royal Institution for Amazing... What are the next letters? 42:12.521 --> 42:13.322 Annihilation. 42:14.042 --> 42:14.903 R-I-A-A. 42:15.123 --> 42:15.603 Think of something. 42:15.643 --> 42:16.104 Keep talking. 42:16.764 --> 42:25.648 The RIAA is trying to teach people a lesson about illegal file sharing, what they call piracy, of course, through our judicial system. 42:26.349 --> 42:29.170 And they have find this woman from Minnesota. 42:30.411 --> 42:34.653 She's called the Royal, the Recording Industry A-hole Academy. 42:35.473 --> 42:35.773 There you go. 42:35.793 --> 42:37.254 Here's what it stands for. 42:38.655 --> 42:39.955 Jamie Thomas Rasset. 42:40.596 --> 42:41.296 Jamie, Jamie. 42:41.916 --> 42:48.842 Anyway, she's been saddled with a $1.92 million fine for sharing 24 songs. 42:48.942 --> 42:51.143 That's $80,000 fine per song. 42:51.163 --> 42:52.444 Does it say by what artist? 42:52.585 --> 42:54.166 I think it was Beyonce. 42:54.746 --> 42:56.568 Beyonce. 42:56.628 --> 42:57.688 And her fiancé. 42:58.609 --> 43:03.113 Yes, I think it was Beyonce that she was uploading to a file sharing site. 43:03.493 --> 43:06.795 I think she's done it before, but I don't think she does like it. 43:06.815 --> 43:08.697 She doesn't do it in huge numbers and stuff. 43:08.717 --> 43:11.079 She's not selling these things illegally or anything like that. 43:12.519 --> 43:16.381 And she's been, like, she doesn't seem that phased by it. 43:17.002 --> 43:22.104 It was the second time it had been in court, the first time she had a slightly smaller fine. 43:22.764 --> 43:26.326 And this time she appealed and they upped the fine. 43:26.526 --> 43:28.667 Well, they did this to a lot of people, didn't they? 43:28.727 --> 43:31.728 And most people settled out of court for about $1,000, but she stood her ground. 43:33.109 --> 43:35.110 And the jurors were not satisfied. 43:35.351 --> 43:41.715 The jurors didn't believe that Thomas Rassett's denials of illegal file sharing were true and they were angry with her. 43:42.135 --> 43:43.236 The jury were angry. 43:43.256 --> 43:47.719 The jury were angry and being provocative, decided to be harsh. 43:48.439 --> 43:50.180 I wonder what's her argument? 43:51.581 --> 43:56.244 Well, I suppose your argument would be, well, everyone does it. 43:56.605 --> 43:57.645 Why is it a big problem? 43:58.426 --> 44:01.128 You know, I'm still like investing in other media. 44:01.188 --> 44:02.349 What your argument is going to be. 44:03.269 --> 44:07.633 When I get my $2 million fine, well, I don't upload music illegally. 44:07.653 --> 44:08.534 No, of course not. 44:09.174 --> 44:10.656 And I don't recommend anyone else does. 44:10.696 --> 44:10.896 No. 44:11.516 --> 44:17.382 But if you're doing that, compared to some of the things that people do wrong in the world, that seems like one of the more minor crimes. 44:17.822 --> 44:23.087 So if this woman actually has to pay out this fine, which it seems she does because it's been handed down by the court, 44:24.087 --> 44:25.688 That's going to destroy her life completely. 44:26.169 --> 44:26.649 Presumably. 44:26.989 --> 44:27.369 Possibly. 44:27.409 --> 44:28.530 Mother of four from Minnesota. 44:28.550 --> 44:29.511 She's not a wealthy woman. 44:29.671 --> 44:30.972 She's just an ordinary woman, I think. 44:31.732 --> 44:33.373 So what happens in that situation? 44:34.434 --> 44:35.855 All your possessions are taken away? 44:35.955 --> 44:36.195 What? 44:36.275 --> 44:37.256 I mean, I don't understand it. 44:37.276 --> 44:41.498 Well, her only choice is to launch a Beyonce-style singing career. 44:41.658 --> 44:41.918 Right. 44:42.179 --> 44:45.521 That, I think, is why Beyonce herself went into music. 44:46.121 --> 44:51.323 because she downloaded another R&B singer's tracks and was massively in debt. 44:51.664 --> 44:57.546 So she was forced to launch a highly successful booty-shaking R&B career. 44:58.267 --> 45:01.368 As a result, she's now cleared the debt and she's considerably into profit. 45:02.189 --> 45:04.810 So look out for the first album by What's Her Name? 45:06.211 --> 45:07.311 Jamie Thomas-Rassett. 45:07.451 --> 45:12.034 Yeah, she will be doing some stadium tours and appearing at the O2 Arena quite soon. 45:12.214 --> 45:21.720 She said, outside the courtroom, she described the fine as kind of ridiculous and expressed resignation over the decision. 45:22.020 --> 45:24.221 She also added, there's no way they're ever going to get that. 45:25.962 --> 45:30.945 She says, I'm a mum of limited means, so I'm not going to worry about it now. 45:31.606 --> 45:37.369 So I admire her detachment, but surely she's going to be forced to worry about it at a certain point. 45:37.389 --> 45:38.250 When they come knocking? 45:38.530 --> 45:42.012 Yeah, I mean it's just distressing, the whole thing freaks me out really badly. 45:42.252 --> 45:42.592 Why? 45:43.192 --> 45:45.434 Well, because I do some things wrong in my life. 45:46.570 --> 45:48.731 Am I going to get a £2 million fine for all of them? 45:48.751 --> 45:51.231 This was your response to the MP's expenses as well. 45:51.392 --> 45:52.932 Oh, no, we've said those words. 45:54.553 --> 45:55.173 What did I say? 45:55.553 --> 45:58.794 You said that you sometimes fiddle your expenses. 45:59.034 --> 45:59.814 No, I didn't. 46:02.375 --> 46:06.836 Well, it was a similar sort of response in that you were saying, you know, what if it happened to you? 46:06.916 --> 46:07.857 What if it happened to me? 46:07.877 --> 46:14.299 And it seems like an over the top reaction for a small infringement of like a relatively minor infringement. 46:15.539 --> 46:22.548 I don't think I said exactly that, because there are some aspects of the MP fiddling thing that are... But you're right, that's a gross overreaction. 46:22.568 --> 46:25.532 I'm on both sides of the court, you know? 46:25.552 --> 46:31.820 I think it's right on the one hand that she should be sued, and on the other hand I also think that it's wrong. 46:33.622 --> 46:34.122 Okay? 46:34.363 --> 46:35.263 Judge Cornwall. 46:35.303 --> 46:35.984 Judge Cornwall. 46:36.344 --> 46:37.605 In a way it's right, in a way it's wrong. 46:37.645 --> 46:40.507 So what she's got to do is spend half of every day in prison. 46:41.707 --> 46:43.168 Just from nine till noon. 46:43.489 --> 46:45.030 And then she's allowed to go wherever she wants. 46:45.070 --> 46:47.471 But she has to be back there, back in prison at midnight. 46:47.491 --> 46:48.092 That's right. 46:48.352 --> 46:48.572 Yeah. 46:48.832 --> 46:49.612 Is that fair enough? 46:50.232 --> 46:50.973 Absolutely. 46:51.393 --> 46:53.393 Man, you're the best Judge Cornball. 46:53.473 --> 46:57.275 It makes her life inconvenient, but at the same time she can let off steam in the afternoon. 46:57.295 --> 47:00.135 I wonder how Beyonce feels about it, because it doesn't reflect well on her. 47:00.475 --> 47:02.716 I mean, unfairly so, because she's got nothing to do with it, right? 47:02.896 --> 47:05.197 She's massively out of pocket from illegal downloading. 47:05.837 --> 47:06.357 Oh, right. 47:06.397 --> 47:07.198 Yeah, not anymore. 47:07.218 --> 47:16.143 She's not but man, it can't be good because You know when you think that that kind of negative feeling would Would reflect back on Beyonce. 47:16.183 --> 47:16.563 It's not her. 47:16.603 --> 47:17.344 It's a record company. 47:17.364 --> 47:20.586 I'm sure she's not personally responsible Let's not blame it on Beyonce. 47:21.026 --> 47:22.967 Can we not don't take the shine off her boot? 47:23.787 --> 47:25.388 Hey We've got in the world. 47:26.029 --> 47:27.590 This is BBC six music. 47:27.630 --> 47:28.530 You're listening to Adam and Joe. 47:28.550 --> 47:29.151 It's just gone 1030. 47:29.271 --> 47:29.991 It's time for the news 47:35.043 --> 47:35.765 Text the nation. 47:35.825 --> 47:36.788 What if I don't want to? 47:37.049 --> 47:37.791 Text the nation. 47:37.871 --> 47:38.894 But I'm using email. 47:39.054 --> 47:39.756 Is that a problem? 47:39.796 --> 47:40.658 It doesn't matter, text! 47:43.801 --> 47:44.282 That's joke. 47:44.302 --> 47:45.402 I'm just chuckling away. 47:45.462 --> 47:49.405 That was genuine at a text that I'm going to read out in a second. 47:49.586 --> 47:51.287 Genuine chuckle from Joe. 47:51.307 --> 47:52.788 Joe did something genuine there. 47:53.569 --> 47:54.710 That's quite exciting, isn't it? 47:55.010 --> 47:58.192 You just heard Pixies, of course, with Here Comes Your Man. 47:58.532 --> 48:11.542 And it's time to get into Text the Nation, which this week is all about hideously embarrassing moments that you've had, and particularly the things you've done to try and gloss over them, extricate yourselves from them, that kind of thing. 48:11.562 --> 48:11.642 Yeah. 48:12.543 --> 48:15.667 Here is one from Matt in London, Matt Walton. 48:16.207 --> 48:21.874 He says, A few years ago I was walking through Hitchin Town Centre, where I lived at the time. 48:22.174 --> 48:25.838 It was shortly before Armistice Day and I hadn't already bought a poppy. 48:26.559 --> 48:32.266 As I crossed the square, I noticed an old war veteran stood in the corner selling poppies from a little tray round his neck. 48:32.846 --> 48:34.287 I walked up to him to purchase one. 48:34.347 --> 48:39.529 He was proudly done up in his military regalia, and even, I think, had some medals hanging from his chest. 48:40.069 --> 48:41.850 I reached into my pocket to find some change. 48:42.350 --> 48:48.012 What I pulled out was a big handful of coppers, five pences, the odd ten pence, but nothing very much to speak of. 48:48.532 --> 48:55.135 Embarrassed that I'd already started the purchase process, but only had an insultingly small amount of funds to offer in return for the poppy, I apologized. 48:55.675 --> 48:57.076 Sorry about the shrapnel, I said. 48:57.996 --> 48:59.477 He gave me a very odd look. 49:00.057 --> 49:04.419 I suddenly realised what I'd done, but by now I had the poppy half pinned to my jacket. 49:04.919 --> 49:09.982 I scuttled off as quickly as I could into the nearest shop I felt awful, but couldn't help but laugh. 49:10.322 --> 49:12.103 I hope the veteran felt the same. 49:13.102 --> 49:14.643 Oh, dear, oh, dear. 49:15.003 --> 49:18.245 So that's a good, embarrassing, awful, compromising situation. 49:18.305 --> 49:23.528 His tactic there, Matt's tactic, was to scuttle into nearest shop, the running away tactic. 49:23.848 --> 49:24.789 That's fair enough, isn't it? 49:24.809 --> 49:27.310 It's one of my favourite tactics for dealing with those situations. 49:27.370 --> 49:29.671 Just leave and let the world turn. 49:30.592 --> 49:33.233 Let the next event, you know, take over in the person's mind. 49:33.253 --> 49:37.496 The problem is that it comes back to you, those moments come back to you and make your blood run cold. 49:37.576 --> 49:38.256 They do tend to haunt you. 49:38.316 --> 49:40.497 No amount of scuttling will stop the haunting. 49:40.517 --> 49:40.858 It's true. 49:41.998 --> 49:43.299 Tim on the Whirl. 49:43.439 --> 49:44.779 I think he's a regular texter. 49:44.799 --> 49:47.180 I'm sure we've read out one of Tim's before, but here's a good one. 49:47.320 --> 49:52.902 I'm a paramedic and some years ago I was asked to take a pregnant woman who was in labour to the labour suite. 49:53.522 --> 49:55.983 She was full term and the birth was imminent. 49:56.543 --> 50:00.384 When she answered the door, I asked her how far apart her contractions were. 50:00.845 --> 50:04.586 Quote, it's not me you're here for, it's my daughter, came the reply. 50:05.906 --> 50:10.728 I asked her, and this is good, I asked her to close the door so that I could knock and start over. 50:11.108 --> 50:14.870 She duly complied, we pretended nothing had happened, and got on fine. 50:14.890 --> 50:15.610 That's great! 50:15.630 --> 50:20.352 So that's a very good, just you request that you rewind as if, and just repeat the action. 50:20.572 --> 50:20.932 Yes. 50:21.112 --> 50:24.915 That's probably actually a genuinely good psychological technique for erasing a memory. 50:25.135 --> 50:30.318 That's very good because that acknowledges that there has been something appalling said and done, right? 50:30.699 --> 50:33.280 And that there's an embarrassment on both sides. 50:33.941 --> 50:39.584 And you sort of express regret by saying that and just, you know, just literally say, can we just rewind? 50:39.624 --> 50:40.305 That's very good. 50:40.645 --> 50:41.225 Good old Tim. 50:41.426 --> 50:43.867 Here's another good technique from Stephen Coventry. 50:44.007 --> 50:45.828 I go rock climbing at an indoor walk. 50:45.848 --> 50:46.249 Are you all right? 50:46.849 --> 50:48.770 Just having a little scratch is that illegal now? 50:48.790 --> 50:50.452 Am I going to get a two million dollar fine? 50:50.472 --> 50:53.854 A noisy jacket, you know, you can't do that sort of thing during a recording of the archers, for instance. 50:53.874 --> 50:54.855 It's my new jacket from my wife. 50:54.875 --> 50:56.195 That would mean an entire plot point. 50:56.215 --> 50:57.776 What are you saying about my wife's choice of jacket? 50:57.797 --> 50:58.817 Can't buy a new jacket. 50:59.558 --> 51:02.500 Your wife's bought you a very radio unfriendly jacket. 51:02.580 --> 51:05.041 It does happen to be made of a material that's sort of waterproof. 51:05.061 --> 51:05.662 Extremely noisy. 51:05.942 --> 51:09.825 It's the radio equivalent of a newsreader wearing one with, you know, stripes that interfere. 51:09.985 --> 51:10.705 Strobing stripes. 51:10.725 --> 51:11.546 Strobing stripes. 51:14.028 --> 51:15.489 Makes me sound like an action hero. 51:16.269 --> 51:16.769 Where were we? 51:17.130 --> 51:17.890 Stephen Coventry. 51:17.990 --> 51:20.311 I go rock climbing at an indoor wall in Warwick. 51:20.712 --> 51:25.634 It's a great place to climb, but also attracts a certain kind of beautiful woman. 51:25.934 --> 51:27.255 Lady climbing, ladies. 51:27.275 --> 51:27.695 A woman. 51:28.356 --> 51:38.742 Sometimes if me and my mate Jan see one come in, see one come in, we can be a bit tactless and say something like, oh, she's got a nice bum. 51:39.282 --> 51:40.463 A bit too loud. 51:41.483 --> 51:47.047 If I think she could have heard us, I usually follow with something like, and she was great in Transformers. 51:47.627 --> 51:48.848 What was she in before that? 51:50.149 --> 51:50.569 Nice. 51:50.589 --> 51:52.250 That's good, isn't it? 51:52.310 --> 51:54.071 Very good diversionary tactic. 51:55.632 --> 51:59.795 It's only quite specific context you could use that in, like you couldn't have employed that. 52:00.115 --> 52:01.856 The guy in your story couldn't have employed that. 52:02.495 --> 52:04.376 No, with the incorrect pregnancy diagnosis. 52:04.776 --> 52:06.798 Once you've laid your hand on someone's tummy. 52:06.818 --> 52:12.961 That's the best one, a sort of grammatical or linguistic switch that makes the person think they've just misunderstood the sentence. 52:13.142 --> 52:13.422 Yeah. 52:13.582 --> 52:23.608 If you can mangle the grammar somehow or complete, make the sentence longer and somehow get out of it with the use of skilled sentence construction or tense manufacturing. 52:23.628 --> 52:25.009 Do you know what I mean? 52:25.129 --> 52:25.329 Yeah. 52:26.189 --> 52:27.630 Oh, no, I didn't say when you do. 52:27.690 --> 52:28.011 I said 52:29.171 --> 52:30.572 When are you Jewish? 52:30.972 --> 52:31.253 Yes. 52:32.373 --> 52:34.775 When are you due to take a train again? 52:34.835 --> 52:36.616 You haven't ridden on a train recently. 52:36.796 --> 52:46.583 And I was just put the reason I put my hand on your belly was I can't control that hand and you brought it up again. 52:46.603 --> 52:47.824 I can't believe you would. 52:50.246 --> 52:50.486 Bye. 52:50.766 --> 52:52.327 Now, those are the ones I've read through. 52:52.987 --> 52:54.467 I could do a random Lucky Tip one. 52:54.647 --> 52:55.568 That's never a good idea. 52:55.588 --> 52:57.848 Let's have some more later on. 52:58.189 --> 52:59.489 I've got a free choice for you right now. 52:59.529 --> 53:00.309 This is for my mum. 53:00.329 --> 53:04.191 You were complaining that all my mummy choices... Mummy choices. 53:04.251 --> 53:05.331 This is manly, isn't it? 53:05.411 --> 53:06.171 Manly behaviour. 53:07.452 --> 53:08.492 We're all very old. 53:08.532 --> 53:10.033 Well, this is a more recent one, right? 53:10.533 --> 53:12.013 Although it is sort of mummy-ish. 53:12.053 --> 53:14.154 No disrespect to Travis, who this song is by. 53:14.534 --> 53:16.154 But I've got a very soft spot for this song. 53:17.655 --> 53:21.156 It was played at my wedding and I love it very much. 53:21.176 --> 53:23.756 It's from the album The Man Who and it's called Indefinitely. 53:32.539 --> 53:37.340 Oh, that's the only bad bit about that song is the... That's exactly the sound of my partner's alarm clock. 53:37.360 --> 53:37.520 Yeah. 53:38.522 --> 53:39.463 I hate that sound. 53:39.944 --> 53:41.365 Never put that sound on a song. 53:58.502 --> 53:59.142 That's very good, isn't it? 53:59.202 --> 54:02.043 I haven't investigated the rumble strips properly, but that sounds great. 54:02.103 --> 54:03.944 Not the only person it's called. 54:04.664 --> 54:07.104 Now, do you know that show Wife Swap, Adam? 54:07.285 --> 54:07.845 Sure I do. 54:07.905 --> 54:08.245 On Channel 4. 54:08.845 --> 54:13.426 It's the show with the voiceover guy who says everything in exactly the same way. 54:13.446 --> 54:16.487 It's been going for a while now and I'm worried that the format's a bit tired. 54:16.507 --> 54:17.708 Do you know what I mean? 54:18.028 --> 54:19.328 Well, it's a classic format though. 54:19.488 --> 54:24.692 Well, I thought that maybe I've come up with an idea for a new twist, an idea for an episode. 54:24.712 --> 54:25.912 Do you want to hear it? 54:26.052 --> 54:27.253 Sure. 54:27.353 --> 54:41.203 This week on Wife Swap, an Anglican priest from Shropshire who loves fell-walking and lives without electricity, swaps wives with an Anglican priest from Derbyshire who loves fell-walking and lives without electricity. 54:42.123 --> 54:44.084 There's one big dramatic difference. 54:44.765 --> 54:49.228 One couple's dog is called Pongo and the other couple's dog is called Bongo. 54:49.908 --> 54:51.129 Oh man, how are they going to cope? 54:51.389 --> 54:53.269 I know, could you think that would be an exciting episode? 54:53.329 --> 54:56.130 Well they'd get confused about calling the dog. 54:56.570 --> 54:58.971 Household one, I'm just going out fell-walking. 54:59.571 --> 55:00.712 Wife, can I come too? 55:01.172 --> 55:03.053 Yes of course, let's take the dog. 55:03.853 --> 55:05.213 Okay, come on Pongo. 55:05.833 --> 55:10.195 Oh no, I called him Pongo instead of Pongo, but look he's coming anyway. 55:12.399 --> 55:13.079 Cut to the other house. 55:13.119 --> 55:14.781 You get exactly the same thing at the other house. 55:14.801 --> 55:17.844 Kerry is incorrectly called her dog Pongo. 55:18.064 --> 55:20.066 Where actually his name is Bongo. 55:21.467 --> 55:22.549 Would that be a good episode? 55:22.569 --> 55:26.652 Meanwhile in the other house... Pongo is... 55:27.802 --> 55:30.003 Doing well and has been called by his master. 55:30.263 --> 55:31.083 Is that the kind of thing? 55:31.143 --> 55:35.825 Yeah, yeah I mean that would be the only possible source of friction other than that. 55:36.066 --> 55:55.794 It would it would just be lovely They'd both fit in very well and they'd go and they'd have what lovely fell walking Joe, man You know, the point of the show is the friction, but my point is the friction is tiring You know the other week it was Rona Cameron and some sexist comedian and it's just the second you hear it it's tiring 55:55.874 --> 55:58.936 You just think, I just know exactly what's going to happen. 55:59.097 --> 56:00.398 He's sexist, she isn't. 56:00.898 --> 56:02.199 He's going to make her angry. 56:02.499 --> 56:03.280 They'll be angry. 56:03.300 --> 56:06.622 You know, you're not going to learn anything from this. 56:06.722 --> 56:09.244 It's just going to be, so why not have a nice one? 56:09.885 --> 56:11.766 I mean, in a way that would be more refreshing. 56:12.127 --> 56:13.488 Don't you think the fell walking? 56:14.168 --> 56:17.909 Well, you could kind of return it to the original sense of the title. 56:18.670 --> 56:21.691 So it's a wife swap and it's just sexy. 56:22.291 --> 56:23.371 It's all bedroom-based. 56:23.431 --> 56:25.532 Yeah, and they all just fool around a little bit. 56:25.612 --> 56:26.092 Do you think? 56:26.212 --> 56:27.653 Yeah, because they're married. 56:27.673 --> 56:29.113 They do tiptoe around that, don't they? 56:29.133 --> 56:35.835 I mean, usually the idea that they might sleep with each other is completely far-fetched because it's so abrasive. 56:36.535 --> 56:37.276 They're opposites. 56:37.336 --> 56:39.556 They don't want to have anything to do with each other's lifestyles. 56:39.576 --> 56:40.877 They just pair people up. 56:41.337 --> 56:47.459 They just pair up adventurous couples who want to spice up their marriage and they fool around a little bit. 56:48.079 --> 56:48.940 What's the big deal? 56:48.980 --> 56:49.800 What's the big deal? 56:50.060 --> 56:51.701 That's probably what would happen with the Anglican. 56:51.961 --> 57:00.224 And you watch the Anglican priests and the show is about watching people fooling around to spice up their marriage. 57:00.284 --> 57:01.184 What's the big problem? 57:04.205 --> 57:06.446 None, according to Buckle's household. 57:07.326 --> 57:09.727 We're not going to put it on in the afternoon, obviously. 57:09.747 --> 57:10.227 No. 57:10.247 --> 57:11.288 Put it on after nine. 57:11.308 --> 57:12.548 You can do anything after nine. 57:13.228 --> 57:20.231 I think if they did another series and it integrated both of our ideas, very similar people who get on very well. 57:20.431 --> 57:20.631 Yeah. 57:21.131 --> 57:22.352 And a bit of nookie. 57:22.732 --> 57:24.172 Yeah. 57:24.212 --> 57:25.853 The ratings would rocket. 57:26.233 --> 57:30.475 Carol and Roger have brought out a packet of peanuts and undressed in the living room. 57:32.075 --> 57:32.955 A packet of peanuts? 57:32.995 --> 57:34.696 That's what they do at those things. 57:34.936 --> 57:37.017 Really, that's the first, that's the sort of entree. 57:37.157 --> 57:39.598 Yeah, wife swapping, they have peanuts and stuff like that. 57:39.618 --> 57:39.938 Really? 57:40.118 --> 57:41.638 It's important to have salty fingers. 57:44.519 --> 57:45.479 You've got free play here. 57:45.639 --> 57:46.940 Yeah, this is The Associates. 57:47.000 --> 57:48.540 This is their album, perhaps. 57:48.600 --> 57:49.841 When was this from then, Adam? 57:50.501 --> 57:52.942 It's like 80, early 90s, late 80s. 57:53.102 --> 57:54.542 That was their golden period, wasn't it? 57:54.783 --> 57:56.863 Oh, no, this was slightly past their prime, wasn't it? 57:56.923 --> 57:57.303 It was. 57:57.343 --> 58:00.925 I think it was there slightly going off the boil, 80s one. 58:00.985 --> 58:02.845 The cover was odd. 58:02.885 --> 58:05.866 He had a sort of tartan, brightly coloured tartan jacket. 58:06.146 --> 58:06.667 Do you remember? 58:06.707 --> 58:10.868 And I bought quite a similar jacket and took it on holiday when we went on holiday to Spain. 58:10.888 --> 58:11.128 Right. 58:11.148 --> 58:11.808 To Mijas. 58:11.948 --> 58:14.009 I figured I looked a bit like the guy from the Associates. 58:14.029 --> 58:15.570 I didn't realise that was your thinking. 58:16.090 --> 58:17.790 My hair wasn't like his hair, thankfully. 58:17.810 --> 58:19.511 He wanted to take his jacket on. 58:20.231 --> 58:21.753 It was an unfortunate jacket. 58:22.213 --> 58:26.015 But anyway, I did like this album at the time, and I still like this track from it. 58:26.296 --> 58:27.797 The Associates, the album's called Perhaps. 58:28.157 --> 58:37.303 This has got great lyrics that really chime with me as a teenager, going off going out, nothing new to wear, found a pair of scissors, cut chunks out of my hair. 58:37.483 --> 58:37.884 Yes. 58:38.224 --> 58:38.524 You know? 58:38.544 --> 58:40.646 Buy my address book! 58:40.666 --> 58:41.426 Amazing vocals. 58:41.446 --> 58:41.886 Doesn't he say that? 58:42.127 --> 58:42.767 He does indeed. 58:42.847 --> 58:44.008 This is Waiting for the Love Boat. 58:44.888 --> 58:46.990 This is the voice of the big rip. 58:48.537 --> 58:59.284 It is the top of the apple, that's wonderful I got so bored with the last hour and glad it's gone Now here's the new one, it's exciting and it's new, how do you do? 58:59.924 --> 59:01.085 That's the Popo's. 59:01.125 --> 59:03.386 I bet he can't stand losing just in general though. 59:04.107 --> 59:04.427 Stung. 59:04.707 --> 59:05.027 Stung. 59:05.347 --> 59:06.368 I bet he hates to lose. 59:06.388 --> 59:06.988 He's pleased to win. 59:07.369 --> 59:12.031 That's why he's always doing his mantras and tantric. 59:12.111 --> 59:13.953 They should change their name to the Popo's, don't you think? 59:13.993 --> 59:14.453 The Bluefoot. 59:14.929 --> 59:15.590 The Popos. 59:16.190 --> 59:18.072 Some more records to the younger listeners. 59:18.112 --> 59:19.313 To jazz themselves up a little bit? 59:19.333 --> 59:19.474 Yeah. 59:19.534 --> 59:23.137 What, just to make themselves a bit streetwise, a little bit noughties, a little bit wanties. 59:23.297 --> 59:25.059 They're not going to do anything more though now, are they? 59:25.099 --> 59:28.483 They've collected all the money from the world that they need from their last door. 59:28.503 --> 59:28.963 They've got it all. 59:28.983 --> 59:29.624 They've got it all. 59:30.204 --> 59:32.366 They're just going to make clothes out of it now. 59:32.407 --> 59:34.168 How much money do you think you've given the police? 59:36.109 --> 59:37.650 The Stung based police. 59:37.670 --> 59:39.231 How much money do you think you've spent on the police? 59:40.351 --> 59:44.513 I bought... Been an interesting list to make. 59:44.573 --> 59:47.494 How much money you've given individual bands, you know? 59:47.554 --> 59:51.076 How much you've sponsored their duck houses. 59:51.096 --> 59:51.976 The police. 59:52.156 --> 59:56.838 I would say I've spent about £120 on the police. 59:56.918 --> 59:57.778 Into Stung's pocket. 59:57.798 --> 59:58.959 What do you think he's spent it on? 59:59.999 --> 01:00:16.573 uh probably i don't know tantric cleanups yeah tantric wipes clean up those tantric bottles get rid of the tantric goo so listen folks we're going to read out some of your made-up jokes in a second but 01:00:17.233 --> 01:00:21.835 I'm going to tell you right now that we will be doing this at Glastonbury as well. 01:00:21.935 --> 01:00:31.420 We will have classic made-up jokes from the last few months that I will read out in the cabaret tent next Saturday at the Glastonbury Festival. 01:00:31.460 --> 01:00:32.940 So if you're there, why not come along? 01:00:33.280 --> 01:00:38.503 We don't know the exact time we'll be there yet, but it'll be sometime between four and six in the afternoon on Saturday. 01:00:39.163 --> 01:00:55.530 We will say more about it when we do this is in fact You know if you're gonna sell this in an exciting way you could say that this is your chance To perform live to have your material performed live at Glastonbury by a professional comedian by a professional if you said well if you make it Non-specific to comedy as well. 01:00:55.570 --> 01:00:56.570 It'll sound as if you're a 01:00:56.690 --> 01:01:15.918 pop style won't it yeah like my my work has been performed live at Glastonbury so by sending in your made-up joke and remember they have to be made up and they have to be original that you could get it performed at Glastonbury that's a pretty amazing thing to offer I mean in no way is it any sort of competition no because that's illegal 01:01:16.438 --> 01:01:20.863 Just to remind you that next week you can hear us on Friday evening from 9 p.m. 01:01:21.063 --> 01:01:22.965 with a special Adam and Jo Sunset show. 01:01:23.085 --> 01:01:28.571 On Saturday we'll be along at a slightly later time of 11 a.m. 01:01:28.932 --> 01:01:31.134 We're doing the 11 to 2 slot there. 01:01:31.314 --> 01:01:33.095 What's the earliest time our show starts? 01:01:33.695 --> 01:01:35.156 Well, usually it starts at nine, right? 01:01:35.196 --> 01:01:36.157 Yeah, but at Glastonbury. 01:01:36.237 --> 01:01:36.517 Eleven. 01:01:36.797 --> 01:01:37.438 Oh, that's good. 01:01:37.458 --> 01:01:37.898 It's nice. 01:01:38.218 --> 01:01:39.879 So we don't, we're not gonna have to get up till nine. 01:01:39.919 --> 01:01:44.242 No, it's that we do the Sunset Show, and then we go absolutely insane. 01:01:44.382 --> 01:01:44.642 Really? 01:01:44.682 --> 01:01:45.342 On Friday night. 01:01:45.622 --> 01:01:46.223 Really cool. 01:01:46.283 --> 01:01:47.423 Completely insane. 01:01:47.463 --> 01:01:47.704 Really. 01:01:48.004 --> 01:01:50.065 And then, so we don't even... Do you think we get fired? 01:01:50.445 --> 01:01:55.128 I mean, are we going to do something really outrageous in the Glastonbury area or anything? 01:01:55.248 --> 01:01:59.130 We go just nuts enough so that it's nuts, but not so nuts. 01:01:59.150 --> 01:02:02.592 So we get in the papers. 01:02:03.252 --> 01:02:04.593 We go absolutely insane. 01:02:04.833 --> 01:02:06.674 And then we start the show at 11. 01:02:07.015 --> 01:02:11.217 So first hour of that show, we can't really speak very well because we've gone so insane. 01:02:11.537 --> 01:02:12.158 Nothing new there. 01:02:13.298 --> 01:02:15.359 And then we go until 2 p.m. 01:02:15.699 --> 01:02:21.741 Then we have an extra show on Saturday night as well, once we've recovered, at 9 p.m., another sunset show. 01:02:22.222 --> 01:02:22.942 And that's it for us. 01:02:22.982 --> 01:02:24.242 So we do those four shows. 01:02:24.262 --> 01:02:28.364 I think we're also doing other bits and pieces there, so keep a listen out. 01:02:28.664 --> 01:02:34.767 But overall, as you will have heard in the trailers, 6 Music is the place to come for Glastonbury coverage this year. 01:02:34.907 --> 01:02:36.668 It's absolutely the king of coverage. 01:02:37.188 --> 01:02:42.531 So if you're keen to hear highlights from the festival, a lot of 6 Music DJs will be there. 01:02:42.911 --> 01:02:45.132 And this is definitely the place to stay tuned to. 01:02:45.612 --> 01:02:54.419 But yes, I'll be doing a short set in the cabaret tent on Saturday, reading out some classic new and old made-up jokes, you know, because we've got a load to choose from now. 01:02:54.779 --> 01:02:56.900 And they will all be properly credited to the creators. 01:02:56.920 --> 01:02:58.682 But we've got a few for you right now. 01:02:58.702 --> 01:02:59.582 Do you want to kick off, Joe? 01:02:59.743 --> 01:03:04.946 Well, do you remember a lady called Miss Taylor who sent in that rutitut joke that we laughed at? 01:03:05.307 --> 01:03:05.627 Yes. 01:03:05.727 --> 01:03:06.988 Now many people were furious. 01:03:07.508 --> 01:03:36.247 furious about that word because saying that's a very old joke and I think we've got to be you know first of all acknowledge those people you're right it obviously is a very old joke and we were wrong to read it out even though it was funny but we need to be stricter with our criteria do you know we need to sniff out the contract the old ones a bit better well sometimes people feel as if they've arrived at those things themselves legitimately you know what I mean I think it's I've never heard rootitude before I thought that was still chucking yeah it's good 01:03:36.927 --> 01:03:56.345 uh you go first okay uh hello chaps this is from james from bath oh no that's pop appropriation sorry i'm insane hang on it's just up i'll go with one okay here's one from joe gulcher in bingley what do you call a what do you call projectile phlegm that flies out of the mouth of heavy metal singers air guitar 01:03:57.213 --> 01:03:57.834 Air guitar. 01:03:57.854 --> 01:03:58.635 Come on, that's good. 01:03:58.655 --> 01:03:59.435 That is quite good. 01:03:59.515 --> 01:04:02.418 All right, here's a similarly themed one, right? 01:04:03.219 --> 01:04:05.722 And this is from Steve Woolard. 01:04:05.962 --> 01:04:08.064 He's a Welshman living in Banff, Canada. 01:04:08.524 --> 01:04:09.926 Hi, Adam and Jo, long time fan. 01:04:10.146 --> 01:04:10.967 First time pest. 01:04:11.327 --> 01:04:14.530 I'm pretty sure I made this joke up myself, and I think it's a corker. 01:04:15.111 --> 01:04:19.095 Where are you taken to if you get injured in the crowd of a heavy metal concert? 01:04:19.454 --> 01:04:20.035 Oh, I don't know. 01:04:20.055 --> 01:04:21.116 A moshpital. 01:04:21.916 --> 01:04:22.877 Nice. 01:04:22.937 --> 01:04:23.458 That's good. 01:04:23.498 --> 01:04:24.239 Here's one from Chris. 01:04:24.519 --> 01:04:32.447 What do you call a man who jumps from a roof onto your window ledge, looks through your window, then runs away along your drain pipe before somersaulting onto a passing bus? 01:04:33.207 --> 01:04:34.208 A nosy parkour. 01:04:35.029 --> 01:04:36.390 Parkour. 01:04:36.810 --> 01:04:37.571 Free running. 01:04:37.591 --> 01:04:39.412 That's definitely, it's so contemporary. 01:04:39.773 --> 01:04:40.773 It can't be an old one. 01:04:41.073 --> 01:04:42.194 That's a contemporary phrase. 01:04:42.254 --> 01:04:43.515 That's why that passes, muster. 01:04:43.936 --> 01:04:45.737 Here's a message from Nick Turner. 01:04:45.777 --> 01:04:51.041 We were complaining last week about the fact that Joe's Apprentice song was not played on The Apprentice. 01:04:52.101 --> 01:05:02.148 And Nick Turner says, well, dear Adam and Joe, sorry that your hopes of having your song wars song, Joe, played on The Apprentice were so cruelly dashed. 01:05:02.648 --> 01:05:04.249 Now you know how I feel. 01:05:04.630 --> 01:05:11.274 I sent you guys a joke ages ago that I had carefully crafted for your enjoyment and I convinced myself you'd read it out on the show. 01:05:11.574 --> 01:05:12.835 By the time Saturday came around, 01:05:13.035 --> 01:05:16.518 I was sure I'd hear you chortling over my joke, but no. 01:05:16.799 --> 01:05:20.502 I listened to the show on the iPlayer again just in case I missed it, but it wasn't there. 01:05:20.842 --> 01:05:23.405 I checked the podcast, but again, no luck. 01:05:23.845 --> 01:05:30.912 And each week since then, the same routine as I convinced myself that you either saved it up or rediscovered it after dropping it on the studio floor. 01:05:31.452 --> 01:05:32.513 And here was the joke. 01:05:32.914 --> 01:05:34.175 So we finally found it. 01:05:34.255 --> 01:05:36.577 Nick, I am going to read it out for you right now. 01:05:36.617 --> 01:05:37.058 Are you ready? 01:05:38.729 --> 01:05:41.710 Okay, my wife is doing a new exercise class. 01:05:42.050 --> 01:05:45.731 It involves walking along pieces of wood to improve your inner body balance. 01:05:46.231 --> 01:05:48.251 It's called piratis. 01:05:51.092 --> 01:05:51.852 Piratis. 01:05:51.912 --> 01:05:54.913 You see, that's probably definitely made up, but is it good enough? 01:05:55.313 --> 01:05:57.133 I mean, he just bullied you into reading it out there. 01:05:57.153 --> 01:05:58.033 I felt sorry for him. 01:05:58.274 --> 01:05:58.974 Piratis. 01:05:59.234 --> 01:05:59.894 Piratis. 01:06:00.094 --> 01:06:02.895 It doesn't really, because there's no way of pronouncing it so it sounds like pirates. 01:06:02.955 --> 01:06:03.435 That's good, though. 01:06:03.455 --> 01:06:04.415 There's something good about that. 01:06:05.835 --> 01:06:07.916 I mean, how many times have you said it now? 01:06:08.196 --> 01:06:09.576 Pirotes, piratas. 01:06:09.616 --> 01:06:11.577 Six, seven, eight pirates. 01:06:12.317 --> 01:06:13.437 See, they don't even sound the same. 01:06:13.677 --> 01:06:14.077 Pilots. 01:06:14.297 --> 01:06:16.378 They're spelled the same. 01:06:16.498 --> 01:06:17.458 Written down, it works. 01:06:17.858 --> 01:06:20.499 But when you say it out loud, it's nonsense. 01:06:21.139 --> 01:06:23.140 I think the one I've got here, this could be really old. 01:06:23.360 --> 01:06:24.620 Pirotes. 01:06:24.720 --> 01:06:25.940 Caroline from Scarborough. 01:06:26.140 --> 01:06:27.281 This is my favourite ever joke. 01:06:27.581 --> 01:06:29.101 I normally manage to mess up the punchline. 01:06:29.121 --> 01:06:29.761 It's still a winner. 01:06:29.801 --> 01:06:31.542 What do you call a French man wearing sandals? 01:06:32.422 --> 01:06:32.943 Oh, I don't know. 01:06:33.003 --> 01:06:33.704 Philip, Philip. 01:06:35.105 --> 01:06:36.146 That's quite good. 01:06:36.206 --> 01:06:36.907 I bet that's old. 01:06:37.747 --> 01:06:40.991 I'm referring that for, you know, we're going to send that to the joke detectives. 01:06:41.111 --> 01:06:41.851 That's a good one. 01:06:42.112 --> 01:06:45.755 Here's one from, he says Ringo Starr. 01:06:45.895 --> 01:06:46.416 Not really. 01:06:46.716 --> 01:06:48.658 Sam Leaf Halvorson in Gateshead. 01:06:48.998 --> 01:06:50.980 Dear Adam and Joe, please read this out. 01:06:51.821 --> 01:06:57.244 He says, please read this out dad, because remember you said you would please, please, please in capitals. 01:06:57.484 --> 01:06:59.045 You said, remember, please. 01:06:59.565 --> 01:07:02.547 This joke is my brainchild born in the past few weeks. 01:07:02.867 --> 01:07:03.728 I'm very proud. 01:07:04.368 --> 01:07:07.010 What do you call an island full of Scottish comedians? 01:07:07.590 --> 01:07:09.051 Oh, I remember this one. 01:07:09.151 --> 01:07:09.891 Billy Colony. 01:07:10.712 --> 01:07:12.253 I just think that's got to be old. 01:07:12.473 --> 01:07:12.913 You reckon? 01:07:12.933 --> 01:07:14.154 Because Anthony liked it. 01:07:14.254 --> 01:07:15.054 Maybe it's new. 01:07:17.395 --> 01:07:21.837 He says, I've received nothing but sheer looks of disgust when I've told people this joke. 01:07:22.557 --> 01:07:24.498 And I've had to be... Yeah, anyway. 01:07:24.858 --> 01:07:27.840 So thanks very much indeed, Sam Leaf, Halvorson and Gateshead. 01:07:28.380 --> 01:07:30.101 Yeah, keep those made up jokes coming in. 01:07:30.981 --> 01:07:35.823 You know, you can also contextualize them with stories of how you've tried to make people laugh. 01:07:35.963 --> 01:07:36.543 Oh, got one more. 01:07:36.724 --> 01:07:37.244 One more quick one. 01:07:37.904 --> 01:07:38.724 From Liz in Bath. 01:07:39.825 --> 01:07:41.205 How do hobbits dry themselves? 01:07:43.306 --> 01:07:43.747 Oh, don't know. 01:07:43.967 --> 01:07:44.707 Tolkien powder. 01:07:46.598 --> 01:07:47.541 Here's some cassabia. 01:07:48.558 --> 01:07:49.118 What's he on about? 01:07:49.138 --> 01:07:50.279 I've no idea. 01:07:50.299 --> 01:07:51.179 Never may come. 01:07:51.479 --> 01:07:52.139 Devil may come. 01:07:52.300 --> 01:07:52.980 Never may come. 01:07:53.340 --> 01:07:54.801 But I won't be there. 01:07:55.261 --> 01:07:57.241 Doesn't pay to think too hard about these things, does it? 01:07:57.402 --> 01:07:57.742 No, no. 01:07:57.762 --> 01:08:00.223 That was Fast Fuse by Kasabian. 01:08:00.263 --> 01:08:02.944 And this is Adam and Jo here on BBC 6 Music. 01:08:03.244 --> 01:08:08.426 Last night I went to the BFI IMAX to see Transformers 2. 01:08:09.386 --> 01:08:10.127 Right. 01:08:10.687 --> 01:08:11.347 Good one. 01:08:11.627 --> 01:08:12.988 Just came out yesterday, didn't it? 01:08:13.188 --> 01:08:13.768 Did, yeah. 01:08:13.948 --> 01:08:15.409 Is that Michael Bay at the helm again? 01:08:15.469 --> 01:08:16.649 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 01:08:16.889 --> 01:08:17.650 The Bay Monster? 01:08:17.810 --> 01:08:18.010 Yeah. 01:08:19.871 --> 01:08:24.776 My mum taught me, you know, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. 01:08:25.297 --> 01:08:26.518 Right, so how did you like the film? 01:08:29.280 --> 01:08:34.005 But the thing about films like that is that my mind started wondering. 01:08:35.627 --> 01:08:42.854 And that's the sign of maybe a not particularly successful massive blockbuster, is when you start thinking about something else, 01:08:43.574 --> 01:08:46.455 and how long it takes you to start thinking about something else. 01:08:46.535 --> 01:08:58.297 Most movies can keep you gripped for at least 10 or 15 minutes, but then, you know, especially sometimes modern blockbusters, where maybe you get the feeling that they haven't thought that much about it. 01:08:58.377 --> 01:09:04.238 You know, they've sort of rushed it into production a bit and had to squeeze it out for the date, the release date. 01:09:04.798 --> 01:09:06.778 Sometimes you find your mind wandering. 01:09:07.018 --> 01:09:10.539 And before I'd seen Transformers, I asked someone in the office while I'm working, 01:09:11.560 --> 01:09:14.362 for a proper job, who'd seen a preview of it. 01:09:14.863 --> 01:09:19.608 Nice young lady, I asked her what she thought of it, and she said, oh, you know, it was all right. 01:09:19.668 --> 01:09:21.149 It was quite good at the beginning. 01:09:21.730 --> 01:09:27.376 And I said to her, oh, how long into it did it take you for your mind to start wandering? 01:09:27.836 --> 01:09:28.597 And she said, oh, 01:09:29.264 --> 01:09:38.209 Well, yeah, yeah, I was enjoying it for about half an hour, but then I started to think about an anorak that a friend of mine had lent me that I needed to give her back. 01:09:39.050 --> 01:09:51.197 I thought that was a nice juxtaposition, you know, enormous battling robots over the pyramids, enormous spectacle, and you start thinking about a borrowed anorak and when to return it. 01:09:51.537 --> 01:09:57.421 And then interestingly, Peter Bradshaw's review of Transformers 2 in The Guardian mentions a similar phenomenon. 01:09:58.261 --> 01:10:10.354 I quote, While the Transformers were clanking noisily around, my mind wandered, and I found myself thinking about Hazel Blairs, Swine Flu, and whether Waitrose was going to take over all the empty Woolworths buildings. 01:10:15.379 --> 01:10:43.728 I mean I suppose this what this is actually is a sort of slightly nebulous potential text the nation topic like things you've started thinking about during films it's quite nice to think about what's actually happening on the screen when your brain loses it you know oh man I thought of bad a lot of very boring stuff during Australia for example did you yeah well it's a nice chance to really sort of think through your life you know flick through your mental filing cabinet rearrange your index cards yeah make sure everything's sorted in your brain 01:10:44.008 --> 01:10:45.529 Where's my favorite hoodie? 01:10:45.809 --> 01:10:48.410 I haven't seen it yet. 01:10:48.570 --> 01:10:49.131 I like that. 01:10:49.551 --> 01:10:58.595 Being someone who writes every now and then, I find it's kind of easy to think about your own ideas when someone else's white noise is playing in front of you, you know? 01:10:58.875 --> 01:11:03.738 If you ever get writer's block, you can just put on a movie or turn on the telly and let your mind wander. 01:11:04.158 --> 01:11:04.438 Right. 01:11:04.778 --> 01:11:09.461 Well, it's sort of the mind's defense mechanism when you get overwhelmed with information, isn't it? 01:11:09.621 --> 01:11:09.841 Right. 01:11:09.881 --> 01:11:12.102 The mind can't let itself be completely idle. 01:11:12.262 --> 01:11:12.462 Yeah. 01:11:12.502 --> 01:11:14.203 Do you think that was, I think that's true. 01:11:14.243 --> 01:11:22.325 I think what might happen in Transformers 2 is a complete and utter vacuum of any ideas, you know, truth or life. 01:11:22.585 --> 01:11:24.606 It's sort of sensory, meaningless sensory overload. 01:11:24.626 --> 01:11:33.649 It's so completely meaningless that it's actually almost Buddhist and it sends you into a sort of quite profoundly useful internal state. 01:11:35.129 --> 01:11:55.257 I was looking around at everybody else in the IMAX and the looks on, because there wasn't much else to do, the looks on their faces were quite extraordinary, no sort of expressionless, as if they were post-apocalyptic, half-semi-humans with a distant sense memory of the cinema and what it used to give them. 01:11:55.517 --> 01:11:56.298 Total numbness. 01:11:56.358 --> 01:11:58.299 Didn't cinema used to be fun? 01:11:58.599 --> 01:12:01.360 Wasn't this a place where I used to experience enjoyment? 01:12:01.940 --> 01:12:03.441 When my senses were heightened. 01:12:03.901 --> 01:12:04.121 Yes. 01:12:04.482 --> 01:12:06.183 This is a film, isn't it? 01:12:06.323 --> 01:12:10.625 I mean, there's things moving and a lot of noise and that's definitely a man. 01:12:10.645 --> 01:12:13.247 And there's a woman, they appear to be in danger. 01:12:13.267 --> 01:12:14.788 But no. 01:12:14.908 --> 01:12:15.588 I feel nothing. 01:12:15.808 --> 01:12:19.851 All I'm getting is a distant echo of a memory long ago of enjoyment. 01:12:19.971 --> 01:12:23.073 They're using it for complex operations now, I think. 01:12:23.533 --> 01:12:23.793 Really? 01:12:23.813 --> 01:12:25.535 They play it to the patients just beforehand. 01:12:25.555 --> 01:12:30.059 Right, as a sort of method of anesthetizing someone. 01:12:30.299 --> 01:12:33.402 It just completely shuts down all their nervous system. 01:12:33.442 --> 01:12:39.728 So if you must go and see Transformers 2, you know, make sure you use it as an opportunity to do some thinking about other things. 01:12:39.888 --> 01:12:42.070 All the work that goes into these films, though. 01:12:42.090 --> 01:12:42.850 That's a thing, man. 01:12:42.910 --> 01:12:43.311 It's a shame. 01:12:43.351 --> 01:12:44.832 All the talented people involved. 01:12:44.872 --> 01:12:45.493 It's so weird. 01:12:46.914 --> 01:12:47.835 What should they do instead? 01:12:48.096 --> 01:12:52.882 Well, I think they should just try and check the scripts right before they launch. 01:12:52.902 --> 01:12:53.963 That's the technique. 01:12:54.184 --> 01:12:54.845 Yeah, maybe. 01:12:55.005 --> 01:12:55.365 I don't know. 01:12:55.546 --> 01:12:56.006 I'm going to go see it. 01:12:56.026 --> 01:12:56.567 I haven't seen it. 01:12:56.587 --> 01:12:57.007 I can't wait. 01:12:57.148 --> 01:12:57.688 I'm sure it's brilliant. 01:12:57.728 --> 01:12:58.269 Add, add, add. 01:12:58.429 --> 01:12:59.030 Yeah, don't. 01:12:59.311 --> 01:12:59.611 Oh, OK. 01:13:00.352 --> 01:13:01.634 Here's a free play for you right now. 01:13:02.134 --> 01:13:08.277 I discovered this song on... I discovered this song... I'm saying me personally, my experience with this song. 01:13:08.297 --> 01:13:14.220 I'm not saying I'm the only one who discovered it because I got it off the orbitals All Back to Mine compilation. 01:13:14.280 --> 01:13:17.802 Those All Back to Mine series often have great nuggets hidden away. 01:13:17.842 --> 01:13:20.143 And this is Susan Cadogan with Don't Burn Your Bridges. 01:13:20.783 --> 01:13:21.404 That's lovely. 01:13:21.964 --> 01:13:24.367 Susan Cadogan with Don't Burn Your Bridges. 01:13:24.887 --> 01:13:30.493 It's time now for something that we usually just do on the podcast, but Joe has to rush off immediately after the show today. 01:13:30.954 --> 01:13:39.683 So we're going to include it in the body of the live show just to give you a little taste of what you're missing by not downloading the podcast if you're foolish enough not to do so. 01:13:39.703 --> 01:13:39.903 Yeah. 01:13:40.043 --> 01:13:50.007 This is a segment called Retro Text the Nation, and usually it's a chance for people who only ever listen to the podcast to join in with the previous show's Text the Nation subject. 01:13:50.468 --> 01:13:57.611 So we're actually going to refer back to the subject we had last week, and we've got a terrifically powerful jingle that introduces this segment. 01:13:57.651 --> 01:13:58.031 Here it is. 01:13:58.451 --> 01:14:14.772 I'd like to listen to Adam and Jo but I listen to the podcast not the live show I used to feel a cute frustration cause I couldn't join in with text the nation But now my worries have disappeared because we're projects the nation city And now my mail might be read out instead of throwing the trash and forgotten about 01:14:16.072 --> 01:14:17.873 There we go, I thought you didn't play the choral one. 01:14:18.233 --> 01:14:20.815 Now that's the super old-school sort of funky one. 01:14:20.955 --> 01:14:27.999 If we've got time we might play, because Joe asked if anybody who was in a choir might record a choral version of that. 01:14:28.039 --> 01:14:31.601 Sort of only makes sense if you've heard then the other mix of it kind of thing. 01:14:32.281 --> 01:14:33.582 It's getting quite complicated. 01:14:34.042 --> 01:14:49.450 we should keep it simple yeah so last week's text the nation was about confrontations that have gone wrong and you have basically revealed yourself as something of an idiot whole it was inspired by a contretent i had with a traffic warden last week which i was very ashamed about my 01:14:50.110 --> 01:14:53.375 behavior of therein with which. 01:14:53.395 --> 01:14:54.116 Yeah, that's right. 01:14:55.558 --> 01:14:57.841 So here's a couple that we received during the week. 01:14:58.261 --> 01:15:02.507 This is from Steve Hodgson in Leads. 01:15:02.547 --> 01:15:03.469 He's a regular listener. 01:15:03.749 --> 01:15:04.850 First time emailer. 01:15:04.991 --> 01:15:05.812 Welcome Steve. 01:15:06.332 --> 01:15:07.532 He says, Hi Adam and Joe. 01:15:07.552 --> 01:15:13.074 A couple of years ago, I was in the soup pile in the supermarket looking for some minestrone. 01:15:13.634 --> 01:15:15.034 And a man was stood in the way. 01:15:15.054 --> 01:15:15.934 The soup pile. 01:15:16.215 --> 01:15:18.575 Yeah, you said it like it was a pile of sous. 01:15:19.175 --> 01:15:20.296 Right, the soup pile. 01:15:20.316 --> 01:15:21.816 A big pile of women called sous. 01:15:22.616 --> 01:15:23.396 Susan Boyle. 01:15:23.416 --> 01:15:24.617 Have you got any sous? 01:15:24.657 --> 01:15:26.097 Yeah, they're over in the soup pile. 01:15:26.497 --> 01:15:27.658 Have you got Sue Perkins? 01:15:28.058 --> 01:15:29.559 She's over there next to Giles Curran. 01:15:30.420 --> 01:15:39.866 I was in the Sioux pile and there was a man blocking all of the soup while he and his girlfriend, stroke wife, discussed which flavours to get. 01:15:39.987 --> 01:15:46.131 I was absolutely exasperated by his positioning but didn't say anything in the great British way, he says in brackets. 01:15:46.411 --> 01:15:48.253 Instead, I just glared at the back of his head. 01:15:48.714 --> 01:15:55.442 His girlfriend, stroke wife, saw me and gently pulled her boyfriend's stroke husband's arm so that he would move out of the way. 01:15:55.762 --> 01:15:58.285 I smiled at her, picked up my minestrone and walked off. 01:15:58.545 --> 01:16:05.573 I'd barely gone two steps when I heard the lady's voice as she spoke to her partner, saying, he could have just said excuse me. 01:16:06.394 --> 01:16:08.555 Now, I'm not sure why I did what I did next. 01:16:08.595 --> 01:16:11.635 There's no rational explanation for it, and it's not something that I'm proud of. 01:16:11.975 --> 01:16:25.899 But I turned to the lady and opened and closed my mouth a couple of times, then waved my hand in front of my throat to imply that the reason I hadn't said excuse me was that I couldn't, because I was in fact mute. 01:16:26.519 --> 01:16:30.640 The colour drained from her face, from top to bottom, just like in a cartoon. 01:16:31.460 --> 01:16:38.583 Taking slight satisfaction from her look of apologetic horror, I turned on my heels and continued my shop. 01:16:39.083 --> 01:16:48.667 Unfortunately, I kept passing the couple again and again as we made our ways up and down the aisles, so I had to maintain the facade of muteness throughout my shopping visit. 01:16:49.167 --> 01:16:55.949 I wanted to get some ham from the deli counter, but I couldn't because I would have had to speak, so I had to buy pre-packaged ham from the shelf instead. 01:16:56.369 --> 01:16:57.350 Unhappy emoticon. 01:16:58.110 --> 01:17:01.731 Then, when I got to the checkout to pay, the couple were at the checkout next to me. 01:17:02.272 --> 01:17:05.573 Now normally I'm very polite at checkouts and I say please and thank you a lot. 01:17:05.733 --> 01:17:06.773 But not on this occasion. 01:17:06.993 --> 01:17:08.034 Would I like cash back? 01:17:08.554 --> 01:17:10.034 All I could do was shake my head. 01:17:10.395 --> 01:17:19.538 Then at the end of the transaction the nice checkout lady said thank you and I did a terrible, quite offensive and probably very patronising impression of a mute person trying to say thank you. 01:17:20.218 --> 01:17:22.219 Put my bags in the trolley and left. 01:17:22.739 --> 01:17:29.770 I also wanted to pick up a lottery ticket from the kiosk, but I couldn't, because I was sure that I didn't have the mime skills to ask for it. 01:17:30.652 --> 01:17:31.273 Oh, the shame. 01:17:31.413 --> 01:17:35.179 I've never done it again, although the look on the lady's face was priceless. 01:17:35.239 --> 01:17:35.880 Steve Hodgson. 01:17:36.966 --> 01:17:39.848 So that's going to fairly extreme lengths. 01:17:39.948 --> 01:17:40.268 It is. 01:17:40.308 --> 01:17:41.929 You've got to admire his ingenuity, though. 01:17:41.949 --> 01:17:42.750 Yeah, to win a confrontation. 01:17:42.770 --> 01:17:43.430 And following it through. 01:17:43.690 --> 01:17:44.191 Exactly. 01:17:44.291 --> 01:17:46.312 That's the kind of low behavior we would encourage. 01:17:46.672 --> 01:17:49.674 Now, we may have to go to the news in a second. 01:17:49.714 --> 01:17:52.456 So we'll carry on this retro-text the nation after the news. 01:17:52.836 --> 01:17:53.616 But now it is 11.30. 01:17:53.656 --> 01:17:54.397 And time for this. 01:17:57.353 --> 01:18:11.901 I like to listen to Adam and John But I listen to the podcast, not the live show I used to feel a cute frustration Because I couldn't join in with Tex the Nation 01:18:12.561 --> 01:18:27.171 But now my troubles have disappeared Because rent rotates the nations here And now my letter might be read out Instead of thrown in the trash and forgotten about 01:18:29.502 --> 01:18:34.746 Yes, listeners, we're continuing with, for one week only, Retro Text the Nation here in the live programme. 01:18:35.146 --> 01:18:43.732 This is a segment that gives podcast-only listeners a chance to join in with the previous week's Text the Nation subject, if you can get your head round that temporal loop. 01:18:44.592 --> 01:18:50.376 So we're reading out some emails we got in during the week on the subject of... What was the subject? 01:18:50.516 --> 01:18:53.018 Confrontations that you have badly handled. 01:18:53.218 --> 01:18:57.121 Yeah, not that dissimilar from this week's Text the Nation subject. 01:18:57.481 --> 01:19:01.082 Well, no, this week's is all about horrifically embarrassing moments. 01:19:01.262 --> 01:19:01.482 True. 01:19:01.622 --> 01:19:06.324 These are just kind of angry exchanges that you have made a bit of a jackass of yourself. 01:19:06.924 --> 01:19:08.504 Here's one from Joseph Denson. 01:19:08.885 --> 01:19:12.526 He says, A couple of years ago I was on the bus home from a shocking day at work. 01:19:13.046 --> 01:19:16.507 At the stop before I was due to get off, an elderly lady got on. 01:19:17.027 --> 01:19:22.889 Before I could offer her my seat, as I was getting off anyway, she barked loudly, Can I sit there, please? 01:19:23.789 --> 01:19:24.690 Is that a good impression? 01:19:24.710 --> 01:19:25.350 That's very good. 01:19:25.390 --> 01:19:26.671 It made her sound quite sort of evil. 01:19:26.731 --> 01:19:27.371 Exactly. 01:19:27.491 --> 01:19:33.095 Yeah, giving everybody on the bus the impression that I was some sort of young rude yop. 01:19:33.575 --> 01:19:34.555 Or so I imagined. 01:19:34.856 --> 01:19:42.100 I looked her in the eye and muttered, yeah sure, in a passive aggressive manner, before putting on the most outrageous limp 01:19:42.580 --> 01:19:47.466 when walking to the front of the bus, in order to try and get the other passengers on my side. 01:19:47.966 --> 01:19:53.973 As I was getting off, I turned to look at her horrified face, with almost everyone else shooting daggers at her. 01:19:54.273 --> 01:19:54.654 Brilliant. 01:19:55.074 --> 01:19:59.880 It made it appear as if she'd made a lame man have to stand up. 01:20:01.240 --> 01:20:08.823 Unfortunately for me at this point, instant karma took hold and my poor acting skills caused me to fall off the bus onto my backside. 01:20:09.283 --> 01:20:14.585 I ran down the street, not daring to look back, shaking in equal parts anger and embarrassment. 01:20:15.065 --> 01:20:17.206 I'll be honest, it wasn't the proudest moment of my life. 01:20:17.246 --> 01:20:18.727 What a lunatic, who's that from? 01:20:18.987 --> 01:20:19.947 Joseph Denson. 01:20:22.568 --> 01:20:26.269 Running away, that's the only sensible option in a situation like that. 01:20:26.409 --> 01:20:26.710 Run! 01:20:28.772 --> 01:20:32.715 Here's one from John somewhere near the Thames. 01:20:33.235 --> 01:20:33.535 He says, 01:20:47.023 --> 01:20:55.586 Now, I was far enough away that as I approached the action, I had time to build up a rage as I thought, I bet they don't pick that up. 01:20:55.986 --> 01:20:56.666 They didn't. 01:20:57.227 --> 01:20:58.507 Yes, I thought to myself. 01:20:59.187 --> 01:21:10.131 Righteous indignation and carried on happily walking in my direction, leaving the poo mine to be discovered by runners and children who frequent the area. 01:21:10.231 --> 01:21:11.231 Do you feel the rage? 01:21:11.451 --> 01:21:12.132 I feel the rage. 01:21:13.172 --> 01:21:17.898 By the time our paths crossed, I'd built up a head of steam, but in true passive-aggressive style." 01:21:18.459 --> 01:21:24.887 Joe knows all about this, he says, after your encounter at the gig the other week. 01:21:25.408 --> 01:21:28.111 I calmly said, is it okay if I tread in that? 01:21:28.812 --> 01:21:29.513 to the couple. 01:21:29.913 --> 01:21:30.834 Nice line. 01:21:30.974 --> 01:21:32.355 Well, the man went mad. 01:21:32.535 --> 01:21:35.438 He started ranting about people like you and the like. 01:21:35.658 --> 01:21:35.938 What? 01:21:36.398 --> 01:21:43.564 I was not only surprised at his vitriol, but secretly overjoyed that he'd set the parameters of the confrontation. 01:21:44.305 --> 01:21:46.047 And remember, I was in the right too. 01:21:46.087 --> 01:21:46.327 Yes. 01:21:46.647 --> 01:21:49.309 So open the floodgates of poo-related anger. 01:21:49.710 --> 01:21:52.952 Cue revenge for all those humiliating incidents in past years. 01:21:53.052 --> 01:21:54.754 Finally, I caught one at it. 01:21:55.194 --> 01:22:09.520 I won't bore you with the ensuing few minutes, suffice to say that it ended with me waving the poo in the old man's reddening face, and counting down from five to one, at which point I was going to, well, cross the pooey line and throw it in his fence. 01:22:10.280 --> 01:22:21.925 Fortunately, his lady wife stepped in and de-pooed the situation, although he and I never really resolved things, and the crazed ranting continued as we went our separate ways, in front of the sizeable crowd that had built up. 01:22:22.906 --> 01:22:25.000 In my head they were chanting at me, DO IT! 01:22:25.100 --> 01:22:25.422 DO IT! 01:22:25.523 --> 01:22:25.825 DO IT! 01:22:26.713 --> 01:22:31.974 I had about an hour or so's walk to reflect on my behavior, and I'm still not very pleased with it. 01:22:32.434 --> 01:22:37.176 I may have overreacted a smidge, but people who do this kind of thing must be stopped. 01:22:37.716 --> 01:22:40.176 At the end of the day, can I really be a winner? 01:22:40.316 --> 01:22:41.317 I picked up the poo." 01:22:41.757 --> 01:22:44.097 So he sort of saying, you know, he's the genius there. 01:22:44.617 --> 01:22:46.398 And he says, don't even get me started on litter. 01:22:46.838 --> 01:22:48.178 John from Somewhere Near the Thames. 01:22:48.558 --> 01:22:48.998 There you go. 01:22:49.018 --> 01:22:50.859 I mean, that's right behind you there, John. 01:22:52.899 --> 01:22:53.820 I think that was all right. 01:22:53.840 --> 01:22:54.620 He didn't cross the line. 01:22:55.820 --> 01:22:56.540 Would you really? 01:22:56.560 --> 01:23:04.144 Yeah, not just thrown it, but like an extended window washing hand movement with the muck. 01:23:05.444 --> 01:23:07.085 Ah, how people can do that. 01:23:07.125 --> 01:23:07.745 That's horrible. 01:23:07.825 --> 01:23:08.926 Absolutely is the worst. 01:23:09.446 --> 01:23:11.847 Anyway, that was retro text the nation listeners. 01:23:11.927 --> 01:23:17.730 This has been an exclusive chance for live listeners to hear a thing that's usually unique for the podcast. 01:23:17.870 --> 01:23:17.990 Yeah. 01:23:19.130 --> 01:23:25.333 And we're going to play you out now with a sort of response to a request I put out on the podcast last week. 01:23:25.673 --> 01:23:31.335 I was asking whether like a local amateur choir would like to cover the retro text the nation jingle. 01:23:31.815 --> 01:23:35.397 And lo and behold, a local amateur choir has covered it. 01:23:35.817 --> 01:23:40.901 And this really is quite an extraordinary noise they make. 01:23:41.201 --> 01:23:43.683 I'm hesitating because I don't want to be in any way rude. 01:23:44.304 --> 01:23:49.548 And you'll understand when you hear the beautiful singing that they've supplied us with. 01:23:49.808 --> 01:23:50.989 Did I negotiate that all right? 01:23:51.450 --> 01:23:51.710 Yeah. 01:23:51.730 --> 01:23:53.171 I've sort of been rude now, haven't I? 01:23:53.191 --> 01:23:53.672 A little bit. 01:23:53.692 --> 01:23:54.792 Just by saying the word rude. 01:23:54.832 --> 01:23:56.234 Damning with faint praise. 01:23:56.394 --> 01:23:57.395 This is really beautiful. 01:23:57.435 --> 01:23:57.875 This is good. 01:24:00.888 --> 01:24:05.112 I couldn't join in with Texas nation 01:24:15.493 --> 01:24:17.854 I like the ending. 01:24:36.906 --> 01:24:40.908 Oh, no, there was a bit at the end where they're all saying, play it back, play it back. 01:24:41.048 --> 01:24:45.629 That's I mean, we're amazingly touched that some that acquire would go to those lengths. 01:24:46.290 --> 01:24:55.693 I mean, that's in a way, that's sort of an amazing avant-garde talent there because they just seem sort of surgically a tiny, tiny bit off the note. 01:24:55.713 --> 01:24:59.635 This one guy, I think maybe he's a little off key and it's making it very dark sounding. 01:24:59.795 --> 01:25:03.556 Yeah, but it has got a certain resonance that's quite unique, don't you think? 01:25:03.576 --> 01:25:03.696 Yeah. 01:25:03.716 --> 01:25:04.676 You know what it reminds me of? 01:25:05.276 --> 01:25:10.337 Is the choir of mutant people underground who worship the bomb. 01:25:11.418 --> 01:25:13.078 In Planet of the Apes. 01:25:13.158 --> 01:25:13.438 Yes. 01:25:14.238 --> 01:25:15.519 I was getting exactly the same thing. 01:25:15.979 --> 01:25:21.020 It feels like a dungeon or the children locked under the castle in Chichi Chichi Bang Bang. 01:25:21.420 --> 01:25:36.130 It feels like they're in bondage and you can hear a skeleton sort of flop to the floor halfway through as if the string that it's been hung on has finally frayed through and the bones just clatter to the stone floor. 01:25:36.190 --> 01:25:38.392 Every single one of that choir aged 11 to 50 hates us now. 01:25:40.453 --> 01:25:41.493 Is that really how old they are? 01:25:41.534 --> 01:25:42.074 Here's the letter. 01:25:42.134 --> 01:25:42.314 Yeah. 01:25:42.514 --> 01:25:50.417 Dear Adam and Joan, in response to your call for a community choir to record Rhetrodix summation, Jingle, a couple of weeks ago, here's the choir that I run on Saturday singing my arrangement of it. 01:25:50.717 --> 01:25:52.938 We rehearse on Thursday mornings in Bouldic in Hertfordshire. 01:25:53.178 --> 01:25:56.200 We have members ranging from 11 to 50 something years old. 01:25:57.680 --> 01:25:58.781 I've got nothing but praise. 01:25:58.841 --> 01:26:03.343 That was fantastic and very unique and brilliant. 01:26:03.383 --> 01:26:04.283 And thank you so much. 01:26:04.343 --> 01:26:05.064 Is that anything unique? 01:26:08.374 --> 01:26:13.495 I'm falling into the Sal Simon Cowell trap now, aren't I? 01:26:13.715 --> 01:26:18.716 Words like special, unique, unusual, things like that, you've just got to avoid. 01:26:19.436 --> 01:26:22.237 Sincerely, we're very touched that you guys would get it together. 01:26:22.537 --> 01:26:24.637 And thank you so much, Charlie, for organizing it. 01:26:24.677 --> 01:26:25.297 That's amazing. 01:26:25.357 --> 01:26:34.019 And please don't let our stupidity put anyone else off doing something similar with the textination jingle or indeed any other jingle on this program. 01:26:34.359 --> 01:26:35.419 Can we send them something? 01:26:36.119 --> 01:26:36.779 to make up for it. 01:26:36.899 --> 01:26:37.159 No! 01:26:37.499 --> 01:26:40.440 It's not allowed for big British castle rule reasons. 01:26:40.540 --> 01:26:42.420 We'll try and think of something that we can do. 01:26:42.440 --> 01:26:43.261 Can we ease it? 01:26:43.381 --> 01:26:49.962 Like, we'll send them a message of some kind that isn't snooty and smug and ungrateful. 01:26:51.162 --> 01:26:52.283 But seriously, thanks chaps. 01:26:52.343 --> 01:26:54.743 Here's Adam and the Ants right now with Kings of the Wild Frontier. 01:26:54.763 --> 01:26:55.603 Is this your choice, Joe? 01:26:56.063 --> 01:26:56.263 No? 01:26:56.564 --> 01:26:56.684 Oh. 01:26:57.584 --> 01:26:59.484 Adam and the Ants, Kings of the Wild Frontier. 01:27:01.625 --> 01:27:02.545 When are they gonna reform? 01:27:03.638 --> 01:27:22.891 couple of weeks surely I want them to reform and play Glastonbury we're gonna be there of course next weekend Glastonbury that is for the festival six music will be there from dusk till dawn bringing you the best of live music and all the action we're gonna be joined by Steve I'm reading this off a sheet but I'm trying to make it sound like I'm saying it off the top of my head is it working yes yes thanks very much 01:27:23.451 --> 01:27:32.439 We're going to be joined by Steve LaMac, Kerris Matthews, Gideon Coe, Lauren Laverne, Lozinger, the Lozmistress, and the Six Music News team. 01:27:32.699 --> 01:27:34.981 If you're going, then hopefully we'll bump into you. 01:27:35.221 --> 01:27:41.246 Specifically, we'll be at the Cabaret 10, as I said earlier, on Saturday afternoon between 4 and 6, telling made up jokes. 01:27:41.666 --> 01:27:43.227 So that's something to look forward to. 01:27:43.628 --> 01:27:49.112 If you're not going, don't worry, you won't miss a thing, because we'll bring you the results of what? 01:27:50.128 --> 01:27:51.208 The results of that one. 01:27:51.228 --> 01:27:53.749 Of that one on one of our Glastonbury shows. 01:27:55.709 --> 01:27:56.250 My dear. 01:27:56.270 --> 01:27:56.950 You take over now. 01:27:56.990 --> 01:27:57.430 You take over. 01:27:57.470 --> 01:27:58.310 I've stopped talking naturally. 01:27:58.330 --> 01:28:02.571 Next week you can hear us on Friday from 9pm with a special Adam and Jo Sunset show. 01:28:02.891 --> 01:28:07.052 And on Saturday we'll be along from slightly... This is badly written. 01:28:07.292 --> 01:28:08.093 Look what it says here. 01:28:08.513 --> 01:28:13.054 On Saturday we'll be along from slightly a later time of 11am. 01:28:13.614 --> 01:28:17.075 And we have an extra show on Sunday morning from 11am as well. 01:28:17.475 --> 01:28:22.938 We also have an extra show on Saturday night at 9pm. 01:28:23.259 --> 01:28:24.799 We're not very good DJs are we? 01:28:24.820 --> 01:28:29.542 Our producer now took all the legs to write this out and now we're just being weird. 01:28:29.923 --> 01:28:32.684 Hopefully you'll want to enjoy the festival with 6 Music on at home. 01:28:33.105 --> 01:28:39.508 If you go to the events page of the 6 Music website you'll find a Glastonbury Party Pack to help you get things started. 01:28:39.528 --> 01:28:40.729 Don't say it like that. 01:28:40.929 --> 01:28:41.890 I'm just laughing. 01:28:42.150 --> 01:28:43.110 It's very dismissive. 01:28:43.190 --> 01:28:43.670 It's fun. 01:28:43.710 --> 01:28:44.310 It's party. 01:28:44.330 --> 01:28:45.351 I'm in a party mood. 01:28:45.371 --> 01:28:48.691 First we insult the choir, then we insult the organizers of the party pack. 01:28:48.751 --> 01:28:50.312 I did not exaggerate my assaulting of the choir. 01:28:50.392 --> 01:28:54.172 I was just being... It's just fun and you've made it all sound awful. 01:28:54.513 --> 01:28:54.893 It's your fault. 01:28:54.953 --> 01:28:55.333 It's your fault. 01:28:55.373 --> 01:28:55.773 It's your fault. 01:28:56.253 --> 01:28:59.674 Michael and Emily Evis cut out masks. 01:29:00.094 --> 01:29:03.574 I just want to drop this piece of paper and run from the studio right now. 01:29:03.614 --> 01:29:04.154 What would happen? 01:29:04.895 --> 01:29:05.915 Shall I take over this bit? 01:29:06.315 --> 01:29:11.076 Michael and Emily Evis cut out masks and an invite you can... 01:29:19.272 --> 01:29:26.519 Hey listen, Michael and Emily Evers cut out masks and an invite you can send to your friends. 01:29:26.539 --> 01:29:28.541 We'd love to see your photos while we are there. 01:29:31.067 --> 01:29:36.611 We should have got Michael and Emily Evis cut out masks and an invite you can send to your friends. 01:29:36.991 --> 01:29:39.453 We'd love to see your photos while we are there. 01:29:40.353 --> 01:29:44.296 pbc.co.uk forward slash six music forward slash events. 01:29:44.316 --> 01:29:47.118 Do you think anyone has grasped any sort of information? 01:29:47.298 --> 01:29:49.840 Maybe then we're going to be at Glastonbury, but apart from that, no. 01:29:51.821 --> 01:29:55.403 Listen, just check out the website and you'll find all sorts of exciting Glastonbury stuff. 01:29:55.423 --> 01:29:56.484 This is your free choice, Joe. 01:29:56.684 --> 01:29:59.126 Yeah, this is Ugly Duckling with Abigail Silk. 01:30:00.037 --> 01:30:01.958 Yes, ugly duckling with Abigail Silk. 01:30:01.998 --> 01:30:05.341 This is Adam and Joel on BBC6 Music coming up to the end of our show list. 01:30:05.361 --> 01:30:08.663 Kershaw's just about to take over with her marvellous programme. 01:30:08.743 --> 01:30:14.527 Don't forget to download the podcast on Monday evening and we hopefully will include... 01:30:15.447 --> 01:30:17.709 some of this week's Text the Nation stuff. 01:30:17.729 --> 01:30:22.632 We've not been very organised about the Text the Nation this week, sorry about that, if you sent us in stuff. 01:30:23.032 --> 01:30:27.255 It may well be included in the podcast next week for Retro Text the Nation. 01:30:45.928 --> 01:30:52.578 week or so and of course we will be broadcasting live from Glastonbury our first show is at 9 p.m. 01:30:52.959 --> 01:31:01.011 next Friday evening so we can't wait to be with you then right now listening here's blur the headliners for Sunday night this is charmless man have a good weekend