WEBVTT 00:07.585 --> 00:13.988 There'll be some music and some random talking in between and then eventually the whole thing will just end. 00:16.429 --> 00:19.851 Black Squadron! 00:19.871 --> 00:22.092 Always catch the beginning of the show. 00:22.573 --> 00:24.654 Black Squadron don't wanna miss a thing. 00:24.934 --> 00:27.295 That's not the one, Black Squadron roll. 00:30.734 --> 00:39.072 Went to bed at a reasonable hour Gotta be sharp on Saturday morning That's the secret of the squadron's power 00:42.148 --> 00:46.149 Boy, that jingle's not as good as the Creedence Clearwater revival song that we played before. 00:46.409 --> 00:46.949 I don't know. 00:46.969 --> 00:48.969 I wouldn't do yourself down. 00:49.309 --> 00:49.530 I would. 00:49.850 --> 00:52.310 This whole Black Squadron thing, right? 00:52.770 --> 00:59.692 We've been giving Black Squadron a command at the beginning of every show, but we were having a discussion about it before the program started. 01:00.212 --> 01:09.874 What kind of direction we should push these demands in, because, you know, we don't want to be like some kind of gratuitously nutty radio one breakfast show. 01:09.914 --> 01:11.034 I mean, we are a bit like that. 01:11.414 --> 01:26.145 yeah but i think it'd be nice it would be nice yeah i don't know i said that why did you say that okay how about this we do want to be like some kind of nutty what we want to be is like some kind of gratuitously nutty radio one breakfast show okay but 01:26.465 --> 01:32.390 We were thinking we should push the Black Squadron commands in a more serious direction. 01:32.730 --> 01:36.093 Not more serious, but just a more testing and challenging direction. 01:36.113 --> 01:37.694 Test the allegiance of the squadron members. 01:37.714 --> 01:40.917 They're supposed to be an elite stealth force, right? 01:41.297 --> 01:45.420 And they're like the SAS, and any challenge, they'll do anything. 01:46.421 --> 01:46.961 9 o'clock club. 01:47.241 --> 01:50.303 And if they won't do anything, then get out of the squadron. 01:50.323 --> 01:50.883 Get out of the squadron. 01:50.903 --> 01:51.823 That's the approach, isn't it? 01:51.903 --> 01:54.504 Yeah, if you've just tuned in, you've never heard this show before. 01:54.804 --> 01:56.245 Hello, we're Adam and Joe. 01:56.785 --> 02:04.808 Black Squadron is what we call the people that listen loyally from 9 until 9.30, the elite early listening force to the live show. 02:04.908 --> 02:05.828 Within the UK. 02:06.369 --> 02:07.949 Oh god, I don't see within the UK. 02:08.089 --> 02:09.330 It's all on Wikipedia now. 02:09.410 --> 02:09.750 Is it? 02:09.890 --> 02:11.551 Yeah, someone's broken down the squadrons. 02:11.691 --> 02:12.311 Oh my lord. 02:12.791 --> 02:14.732 What do we call people listening outside the UK? 02:14.972 --> 02:15.493 I don't know. 02:17.034 --> 02:17.774 Globe squadron. 02:18.174 --> 02:21.256 Anyway, so we've got a command for this morning, right? 02:21.476 --> 02:22.997 Yeah, do you want to issue it? 02:23.037 --> 02:24.038 I think you should issue it. 02:24.118 --> 02:24.398 Okay. 02:24.838 --> 02:25.138 Really? 02:25.498 --> 02:28.040 Yeah, you're uncomfortable with issuing the commands, aren't you? 02:28.200 --> 02:28.861 Yeah, not really. 02:28.881 --> 02:30.622 This is what I mean about the Nutty Radio 1. 02:31.002 --> 02:32.543 I'm not very good with leadership. 02:34.345 --> 02:35.906 Okay, well this is the command. 02:36.987 --> 02:46.955 You've got to write the words Black Squadron on your face, and you've got to keep it written there for as long as possible, not just beyond the first half hour of the programme, but all day. 02:47.335 --> 02:49.517 So here's like the ultimate test, right? 02:51.038 --> 02:52.939 to provide pictorial proof of this. 02:53.099 --> 02:56.280 Send us a photo of yourself with Black Squadron written across your face. 02:56.320 --> 03:02.404 So it has to be clear that that Black Squadron that you've written on your face is the same in the morning as it is in the evening. 03:02.684 --> 03:07.106 So you have to take a picture of yourself next to, I don't know, the TV or something. 03:07.126 --> 03:11.288 You don't have to do this, but if you are, you know, a proper elite, of course you don't have to. 03:11.308 --> 03:12.089 Black Squadron. 03:13.870 --> 03:15.111 Well, how would we enforce it? 03:16.171 --> 03:16.831 With the police. 03:17.392 --> 03:17.632 Yeah. 03:18.172 --> 03:19.334 Send the police around. 03:19.354 --> 03:20.335 They probably would go around. 03:20.395 --> 03:20.816 You reckon? 03:21.136 --> 03:22.318 Yeah. 03:22.378 --> 03:33.471 But yeah, so if you've got the guts to have Black Squadron written on your face and keep it there all day, then you could take a photo of your face, for instance, next to the telly tonight when Britain's Got Talent is on. 03:33.491 --> 03:34.673 When the boiler gets on telly. 03:34.833 --> 03:35.133 Yeah. 03:35.253 --> 03:36.254 I didn't mean to call it a boil. 03:36.274 --> 03:36.914 That came out wrong. 03:36.934 --> 03:37.975 But what's the name? 03:38.015 --> 03:38.596 Mary Boyle? 03:38.636 --> 03:38.996 Susan. 03:39.156 --> 03:39.816 Susan Boyle. 03:39.836 --> 03:39.996 Yeah. 03:40.157 --> 03:43.419 I mean, that would just be one way to prove that you'd had it on all day. 03:43.619 --> 03:43.799 Yeah. 03:44.299 --> 03:49.463 And don't try and pose next to a recording of last week's Britain's Got Talent, because we'll figure that out. 03:49.503 --> 03:50.103 We'll figure it out. 03:50.163 --> 03:52.825 Has to be Susan Boyle doing her new routine. 03:53.005 --> 03:53.986 Anyway, that's the command. 03:54.046 --> 04:00.410 But you know, it would be impressive if you just wrote Black Squadron on your face and kept it there for the first half hour of the show. 04:00.430 --> 04:02.151 That in itself would be impressive. 04:02.231 --> 04:04.433 I'm still chuckling at the idea that it takes guts. 04:05.313 --> 04:06.914 It does take cuts. 04:08.335 --> 04:09.596 Like being in the army. 04:09.636 --> 04:10.456 Of course it does. 04:12.178 --> 04:13.618 Here's some music for you folks. 04:13.658 --> 04:15.640 Here's Empire of the Sun with We Are The People. 04:16.220 --> 04:18.601 Empire of the Sun with We Are The People. 04:19.042 --> 04:22.224 James, our producer, telling us that they're huge in Australia. 04:22.524 --> 04:24.285 Yeah, I was waiting for you to do the accent. 04:24.325 --> 04:25.486 I was thinking, what's Joe doing? 04:25.506 --> 04:26.826 He's just reading out in a normal voice. 04:26.846 --> 04:30.789 I was waiting until I'd mentioned the country and it's now time to unveil my 04:31.589 --> 04:34.752 precise Australian accent. 04:35.493 --> 04:37.855 I mean, it really is absolutely on the money. 04:38.636 --> 04:45.542 Every tiny word, the shape of every phrase is perfectly observed. 04:45.902 --> 04:48.684 I like the way you do your little sibilant tease as well. 04:48.724 --> 04:50.346 Well, we've discussed that in the past. 04:50.406 --> 04:51.267 It's very important. 04:53.449 --> 04:54.309 It's very important. 04:54.329 --> 04:57.112 I like the fact that you recast 04:57.632 --> 04:59.292 Australians are slightly effeminate. 04:59.433 --> 05:01.233 Well, yes, that's right. 05:01.993 --> 05:03.073 Now they're very macho. 05:03.234 --> 05:04.874 Yeah, that's what's deceptive about them. 05:06.294 --> 05:06.774 You know what? 05:06.814 --> 05:10.275 In fact, that reminds me, I rented the film Australia. 05:10.555 --> 05:10.956 Did you? 05:11.116 --> 05:11.456 Today. 05:11.976 --> 05:12.556 Why would you do that? 05:12.576 --> 05:14.577 You had to go and see it when we wrote our songs, didn't you? 05:14.597 --> 05:15.837 Because remember I walked out of it. 05:16.437 --> 05:17.678 And everybody got very angry. 05:17.698 --> 05:19.240 You wanted to see what happened to the driver. 05:19.360 --> 05:22.503 My defense was I will watch the rest of it on Blu-ray. 05:22.543 --> 05:25.305 So in fact, I'm paying over the odds for it. 05:25.345 --> 05:26.266 Way over the odds. 05:26.346 --> 05:30.630 For the ticket price, but not a low price in the West End. 05:30.990 --> 05:32.752 And now I've paid to rent it. 05:33.132 --> 05:33.873 What a nutbag. 05:34.354 --> 05:35.715 And I'm going to watch the second half. 05:35.795 --> 05:37.217 So I'm only saying that. 05:37.237 --> 05:38.358 Oh, you haven't watched it yet. 05:38.839 --> 05:39.820 No, that I'm true to my word. 05:39.880 --> 05:40.781 No, I haven't watched it yet. 05:40.942 --> 05:41.723 Safeguarding trust. 05:42.103 --> 05:42.423 Well done. 05:43.284 --> 05:43.565 Yeah. 05:43.705 --> 05:45.607 So what night have you got set aside for that? 05:45.627 --> 05:47.109 I've got a little stack of four movies. 05:47.490 --> 05:47.670 Yeah. 05:47.690 --> 05:48.471 It's quite exciting. 05:48.531 --> 05:49.973 And you're only going to watch half of each one. 05:50.073 --> 05:50.193 Yep. 05:50.893 --> 05:53.854 No, I'm going to watch the rest of, you know, I'm going to give them a shot. 05:53.934 --> 05:55.655 Anyway, isn't that honest of me? 05:56.095 --> 05:57.235 Well, it's honest that you bought it. 05:57.315 --> 05:59.576 I'll be impressed if you actually... I didn't buy it. 05:59.656 --> 05:59.836 Rented it. 05:59.856 --> 06:00.596 Rented it, rented it. 06:00.796 --> 06:02.657 I'll be impressed if you actually watch the second half. 06:02.697 --> 06:04.397 I mean, there's really no reason to do that. 06:04.497 --> 06:07.278 What about the planes bombing the area? 06:08.019 --> 06:08.979 Did you walk out before that? 06:09.039 --> 06:09.219 Yeah. 06:09.799 --> 06:11.400 That must be quite good, mustn't it? 06:11.921 --> 06:12.561 Little Nula. 06:13.142 --> 06:14.263 Something's going to happen to him. 06:15.023 --> 06:20.307 He's taken away to some sort of place where they punish kids and huge goes and rescues him. 06:20.808 --> 06:21.428 To an island. 06:21.468 --> 06:23.230 We never actually see what happens. 06:23.270 --> 06:25.031 The rescue is fairly brief. 06:25.071 --> 06:25.792 It goes pretty smoothly. 06:27.633 --> 06:28.574 Oh, you ruined it now. 06:28.654 --> 06:29.934 I thought they were all going to be killed. 06:30.895 --> 06:32.155 Oh no, they're all going to be killed. 06:32.215 --> 06:32.796 No, mate. 06:33.276 --> 06:34.456 I've got a free play for you now. 06:34.556 --> 06:38.858 And I'm just, I'm just, do you think it's too early to do an insane free play or should I go for the more? 06:39.459 --> 06:41.459 Okay, here's an insane free play for you right now. 06:42.360 --> 06:43.100 This was sent to us. 06:43.120 --> 06:43.841 This is good, isn't it? 06:43.881 --> 06:44.481 This is, sorry. 06:44.901 --> 06:45.021 Yeah. 06:45.041 --> 06:46.442 This is the Lewis Records man. 06:46.522 --> 06:47.123 Yes, exactly. 06:47.143 --> 06:47.383 Yeah. 06:47.603 --> 06:48.304 That's good stuff. 06:48.484 --> 06:53.428 They sent us a big stack of their stuff, Lewis Records, and this was one of them. 06:53.928 --> 07:01.354 It's two Japanese girls and a Brit sort of expat who lives out there in Japan, I think, and they call themselves Cinnamon. 07:01.775 --> 07:03.316 And this is called Cakes and Pies. 07:03.596 --> 07:06.657 That was just a little exciting moment here in the studio, listeners. 07:06.697 --> 07:11.418 We were looking at some photos you've sent in of people obeying the Black Squadron command. 07:12.598 --> 07:17.219 And Xanthi, our lovely assistant lady, well, it's patronizing to call her an assistant, isn't it? 07:17.839 --> 07:19.519 Lovely assistant lady is a little bit practical. 07:19.539 --> 07:24.100 It's like she's a dolly bird on Brucey's, some Brucey, yeah, she loves that. 07:25.100 --> 07:27.361 She looks so proud of that description. 07:27.661 --> 07:33.182 Anyway, she came in with some, this conversation I'm having here has gone on for so long, I've forgotten what I'm talking about. 07:33.362 --> 07:36.125 It was, you started off by saying there was an exciting moment there. 07:36.145 --> 07:36.526 There we go. 07:36.626 --> 07:40.811 And she ran in with photos and we nearly collided like characters in broadcast news. 07:40.831 --> 07:42.113 It was exactly like broadcast news. 07:42.133 --> 07:43.074 Like William Hurton, Holly Hunter. 07:43.194 --> 07:44.896 Had the same degree of import. 07:44.936 --> 07:51.264 We were rushing to get to our seats to bring the important news that several people have written Black Squadron across their foreheads. 07:51.804 --> 07:52.664 What are their names? 07:52.704 --> 07:53.405 And sent in pictures. 07:53.705 --> 07:54.866 We don't really know their names. 07:55.426 --> 07:56.306 They're very good looking. 07:56.346 --> 07:58.647 Yeah, there's a couple, a lady and a man. 07:58.667 --> 08:00.948 That's very nice. 08:00.968 --> 08:01.569 We'll find out their names. 08:01.629 --> 08:02.149 Anyway, brilliant. 08:02.169 --> 08:03.009 Well done, Black Squadron. 08:03.109 --> 08:04.750 Good job, those of you who've responded to that. 08:04.790 --> 08:06.531 See if you can keep it going all day. 08:06.831 --> 08:07.151 Yeah. 08:07.692 --> 08:12.234 And yeah, pictures next to Susan Boyle. 08:12.294 --> 08:13.334 You'll be watching tonight, of course. 08:13.354 --> 08:14.575 Of course, I'll be watching tonight. 08:14.835 --> 08:17.236 I've got a couple of issues, though, with Britain's Got Talent. 08:17.256 --> 08:18.096 Do you want to talk about that? 08:18.116 --> 08:18.917 Yeah, what's your problem? 08:19.798 --> 08:22.400 My first problem is Amanda Holden. 08:23.061 --> 08:29.565 She's a problem generally, but she keeps saying the words on behalf of Her Majesty the Queen. 08:30.526 --> 08:31.347 Have you noticed that? 08:31.827 --> 08:33.608 Now she said it at least twice. 08:34.577 --> 08:37.938 On behalf of Her Majesty the Queen, it's a yes. 08:38.298 --> 08:39.358 Now, come along, Holden. 08:39.378 --> 08:41.979 I mean, that's a beheadable offence, isn't it? 08:42.019 --> 08:42.539 What does she mean? 08:42.559 --> 08:43.099 You would think so. 08:43.119 --> 08:44.439 On behalf of the Queen. 08:44.759 --> 08:44.959 Yeah. 08:45.039 --> 08:46.319 Is she talking to the Queen? 08:46.499 --> 08:50.380 It could be that she has a tattoo of the royal seal somewhere about her person. 08:50.640 --> 08:54.761 And that is enough to let you say, on behalf of... Yeah, if you've got... I don't think it is. 08:54.801 --> 08:55.821 She's got an endorsement. 08:55.961 --> 09:01.162 I think if she has... If she isn't actually relaying the Queen's opinions, then that is a reasonable offence. 09:01.663 --> 09:03.463 And I think Holden should be beheaded. 09:03.763 --> 09:04.503 Actually beheaded. 09:04.523 --> 09:09.265 Yeah, during Saturday week's episode of Britain's Got Talent. 09:09.285 --> 09:13.146 Well, they could get like a guy, they could get a sort of magician in, right? 09:13.727 --> 09:15.027 No, I want it for real. 09:15.487 --> 09:15.707 Really? 09:15.727 --> 09:21.329 I was going to say that the act could be he appears to behead her and the joke is he has actually beheaded. 09:21.349 --> 09:22.250 Yes, you're right. 09:22.350 --> 09:23.170 No, I like that now. 09:23.930 --> 09:25.691 Because he adds an extra twist. 09:25.711 --> 09:28.512 Yeah, he's like a kind of Tommy Cooper incompetent magician. 09:28.692 --> 09:30.453 Oh no, I've actually cut the head off. 09:31.053 --> 09:32.915 Because that would be good for the ratings. 09:32.935 --> 09:33.956 And he actually has, yeah. 09:34.196 --> 09:39.261 You know, look at how Ponderay's divorce has affected the ratings for Ponderay's program. 09:39.281 --> 09:39.721 Skyrocketing. 09:39.941 --> 09:42.043 It's not the same as actually killing someone on air though, is it? 09:42.344 --> 09:44.466 And beheading isn't really killing, it's a royal execution. 09:44.486 --> 09:45.687 It's a royal execution. 09:47.028 --> 09:48.489 It doesn't really fall under the remit. 09:48.550 --> 09:49.891 It's a clinical procedure. 09:50.571 --> 09:50.831 Yeah. 09:51.732 --> 09:54.172 Is someone doing the beheading gesture to you right now? 09:54.333 --> 09:54.533 No. 09:56.753 --> 10:00.875 We're not actually advocating anyone should go and remove Amanda Holden's head, are we? 10:01.335 --> 10:01.775 No, we're not. 10:01.975 --> 10:02.375 We're not. 10:02.475 --> 10:03.536 Just to make it clear. 10:03.556 --> 10:06.637 If there's anyone out there thinking, you know, hey, hang on. 10:07.961 --> 10:14.085 Anyway, the second thing that gets me upset about Britain's Got Talent is something Cal keeps saying. 10:14.786 --> 10:20.749 He keeps saying, that is the most amazing dance act I've ever seen in my life. 10:21.590 --> 10:26.893 That is the most amazing puppy juggling act I've ever seen in my life. 10:27.354 --> 10:30.416 Everything seems to be the most amazing thing he's ever seen in his life. 10:30.976 --> 10:31.937 What's his life like? 10:32.617 --> 10:38.682 Is it just that things just get increasingly amazing during the day, sort of moment to moment for him? 10:39.182 --> 10:44.867 So he has to just constantly say, this is the most incredible coffee I've ever drunk in my life. 10:45.467 --> 10:48.930 No, this is the most incredible coffee I've ever drunk in my life. 10:49.150 --> 10:57.078 Now they're editing out the bits where he says, this is the 25th most incredible dog juggling act I've ever seen in my life. 10:57.118 --> 11:01.862 He should start being more specific and putting them on a list and yeah, bringing, quoting numbers. 11:02.023 --> 11:02.243 Yeah. 11:02.383 --> 11:05.686 Cause there's a lot of the most amazing things he's ever seen in his life going on. 11:05.746 --> 11:11.592 This is the 252nd worst ventriloquist act I've ever seen in my life. 11:12.172 --> 11:15.638 I think things just keep getting better for him because they're constantly the best thing. 11:15.878 --> 11:16.399 He's delighted. 11:16.419 --> 11:17.240 I mean, he's having a good time. 11:17.260 --> 11:20.104 Life is just a sort of orgasmic parade of revelations for him. 11:21.486 --> 11:22.568 Well, I'm just thinking about that. 11:24.409 --> 11:28.152 Do you see, do you like his bouncer that comes in with him to protect him from the furious people? 11:28.172 --> 11:34.297 I wouldn't say I like him, but he's a knockabout funster sometimes on the ITV2 show with Steven Mulhern. 11:34.497 --> 11:36.379 He looks like, oh I haven't seen that one. 11:36.519 --> 11:37.439 Oh you should see that one. 11:37.620 --> 11:41.042 I haven't, he looks like the guy from The Monsters though, Uncle Fester. 11:41.162 --> 11:41.483 Yes. 11:41.883 --> 11:43.084 He's from the Addams family, Uncle Fester. 11:43.124 --> 11:43.804 But he's fun loving. 11:44.125 --> 11:44.305 Yeah. 11:44.685 --> 12:03.073 yeah he's a jolly giant you know like the guy in uh of mice and men right what's his name sometimes accidentally killed little birds is that boo radley to kill a mockingbird who's the gentle giant i forget his name and is it george called george george the giant i tried to pet it but i killed it 12:04.699 --> 12:05.619 That kind of thing. 12:05.679 --> 12:07.340 That's what he's doing with a dead fan. 12:07.360 --> 12:07.960 Exactly. 12:08.420 --> 12:09.860 Can I touch your kitten? 12:10.420 --> 12:12.541 Oh dear, I killed it. 12:13.501 --> 12:14.641 Here's Jonathan Richmond. 12:16.161 --> 12:17.322 There you go. 12:17.542 --> 12:20.122 That's Jonathan Richmond with You're Crazy for Taking the Bus. 12:20.142 --> 12:22.743 You're listening to Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music. 12:23.063 --> 12:25.343 James, what side have you got us panned to? 12:25.383 --> 12:27.724 Because I can only hear sort of mono in these headphones. 12:28.344 --> 12:28.984 I'm on the left. 12:30.064 --> 12:33.125 So this is Adam on the left hand side of your hello. 12:33.145 --> 12:51.671 This is Joe stereo spectrum is this for legal reasons you're saying well No, we've had a few emails every now and again We get emails from people complaining that we sound very much alike and they can't tell who's speaking Adams on the left Joe's on the right cuz you you copy me What you're copying my voice you think it's so cool you copy it copy it 12:52.651 --> 12:53.132 You see, look. 12:53.172 --> 12:54.092 You're doing it right there. 12:55.534 --> 12:59.578 Someone emailed in and said, I've started talking like Joe because he's so cool. 12:59.598 --> 13:00.378 I was thinking, what? 13:00.498 --> 13:01.479 Why does that sound like? 13:01.559 --> 13:02.040 Hello. 13:02.440 --> 13:03.341 I didn't see that email. 13:03.381 --> 13:04.002 I want that email. 13:04.102 --> 13:05.483 Hello, how do you do it? 13:05.503 --> 13:06.764 Do you listen to me? 13:06.864 --> 13:08.186 They are so cool. 13:08.406 --> 13:09.647 This is how Joe speak. 13:10.108 --> 13:10.648 How rude. 13:11.068 --> 13:12.990 Listen, it's time for the news. 13:13.090 --> 13:13.871 So let's hear it. 13:17.865 --> 13:25.675 Stand down, your work is done You've earned yourself a nice warm bath And maybe a nice little bargain mark 13:33.693 --> 13:35.555 It's not true, it's a joke. 13:35.895 --> 13:39.819 It's a cover of a candy flip track, actually, by Stevie Wonder. 13:39.859 --> 13:42.581 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music. 13:42.601 --> 13:46.624 It's a beautiful Saturday morning and we're very pleased to have you along. 13:46.664 --> 13:49.347 I mean, I just felt delighted to be alive. 13:49.707 --> 13:50.468 It's a lovely morning. 13:50.928 --> 13:54.111 This morning and it's such a pleasure to be here with you folks. 13:54.331 --> 13:59.055 Thanks so much for sending in the pictures of yourselves with Black Squadron written on your faces if you did. 13:59.275 --> 14:06.041 Yeah, Louise and Gordon were the people who sent in the one we mentioned earlier, who Adam said were very attractive. 14:06.562 --> 14:07.243 Pretty good looking. 14:07.283 --> 14:09.605 I'd happily bed down with either of them. 14:10.065 --> 14:12.167 Well, you can only really see Gordon clearly. 14:12.828 --> 14:15.911 You're going to be bedding down with Gordon. 14:16.271 --> 14:17.672 Something to look forward to there, Gordon. 14:17.833 --> 14:22.237 Top of Louise's face is nice though, even though it's got black squadron written across it. 14:22.677 --> 14:32.582 And we repeat that we realise that this is a very juvenile and sort of disruptive thing to ask Black Squadron to do to write on their foreheads. 14:32.662 --> 14:36.324 But it's sorting out the men from the boys the week from the chaff. 14:36.805 --> 14:38.185 It takes guts. 14:39.026 --> 14:46.370 Someone has texted in and said apparently on the on the hash Black Squadron Twitter string or whatever you call it, there's a lot of people refusing. 14:46.730 --> 15:05.003 are they to do the command they resigning their commission they are chaff um anyway we'll put that aside for the moment so we're going to launch text the nation right now the nation's favorite feature excuse me little bit of frogles it's important to clear your throat before you start text the nation i'm talking about it out of respect 15:07.182 --> 15:07.962 Is that respectful enough? 15:08.082 --> 15:08.382 Very. 15:08.442 --> 15:09.643 That's so profoundly respectful. 15:09.663 --> 15:10.623 It's too respectful, isn't it? 15:11.443 --> 15:12.644 I've come up with a new jingle. 15:12.984 --> 15:19.746 This is a collaborative effort with a listener who sent in a very good rock instrumental version of the Text the Nation jingle. 15:20.206 --> 15:21.427 Have I written down his name? 15:22.527 --> 15:23.528 Lee Henman. 15:23.968 --> 15:25.148 Thank you, James. 15:25.528 --> 15:26.869 Someone's on the case here. 15:27.269 --> 15:30.870 Also, I've given a little shout out to Lee Henman at the end of the jingle. 15:30.910 --> 15:33.031 So you're immortalized in this jingle now, Lee. 15:33.071 --> 15:33.711 Thanks so much. 15:34.071 --> 15:34.851 Good collaboration. 15:34.891 --> 15:36.032 Hope you like what I came up with. 15:36.092 --> 15:36.412 Here it is. 15:47.524 --> 15:54.187 The text number is 64046. 15:55.528 --> 15:57.769 I can't remember the email. 15:57.789 --> 15:59.670 Lee Hedman, ladies and gentlemen! 15:59.950 --> 16:01.151 Good night! 16:04.418 --> 16:06.199 Wow, was that recorded live? 16:06.339 --> 16:06.919 I was live. 16:06.959 --> 16:08.180 In Germany, somewhere in Germany. 16:08.700 --> 16:10.200 It was at the Lubestrassen in Germany. 16:10.340 --> 16:13.442 I thought I recognised the Lubestrassen. 16:13.542 --> 16:14.622 You recognised the dynamics. 16:14.642 --> 16:15.542 The acoustics, yeah. 16:15.642 --> 16:18.304 I've got a setting on my amplifier that is the what? 16:18.484 --> 16:20.064 The Lubestrassen. 16:20.084 --> 16:21.485 The Lubestrassen, yeah. 16:22.245 --> 16:23.907 Wow, that was very powerful stuff. 16:23.947 --> 16:24.348 Well done. 16:24.408 --> 16:26.330 It's where we saw Bowie on the Glass Spider Tour. 16:26.490 --> 16:27.652 I'll never forget that night. 16:29.334 --> 16:30.435 Thank you very much though, Lee. 16:30.455 --> 16:30.876 Cheers. 16:31.176 --> 16:39.706 And if you feel similarly moved to send us an instrumental base for any of our jingles that we use on this show that we can retool, please do so. 16:40.367 --> 16:40.868 Absolutely. 16:42.669 --> 16:50.471 Text the Nation this week, listeners, is kind of coming from the fact that for the last two weeks my lovely lady partner's been away. 16:51.011 --> 16:52.731 She's been working in France, isn't she? 16:52.791 --> 16:59.152 Yeah, she's been working in the Cannes Film Festival, so I've been alone at home for two weeks. 16:59.312 --> 17:00.413 Macaulay Culkin. 17:00.453 --> 17:04.293 Now she's back this weekend, so, you know, don't panic or worry. 17:04.653 --> 17:07.094 But it's been an interesting two weeks for me being 17:07.834 --> 17:11.756 home alone, and I thought this is something a lot of people probably experience every now and then. 17:11.776 --> 17:23.242 If you've got a family when they go and stay with some sort of a relative, if you cohabit when your cohabities go away, but to be in your house on your own for a sustained period of time is an interesting experience. 17:23.982 --> 17:34.808 For me, it started with a feeling of terrific freedom and emancipation almost, excitement at the things I could get up to in an unmonitored, unfettered manner. 17:35.268 --> 17:37.830 This is most recently, you're not talking about the very first time you were left. 17:38.010 --> 17:39.030 No, this is every time. 17:39.130 --> 17:43.733 Every time I'm left alone in the house, it starts with an initial sense of freedom and excitement. 17:44.134 --> 17:51.018 But then, over the days, becomes melancholy and slightly sad and insane and unhygienic. 17:51.038 --> 17:54.280 When you think maybe the people who are supposed to be looking after you aren't coming back. 17:54.620 --> 17:56.121 Exactly, yeah. 17:56.401 --> 18:05.005 When the post starts piling up, you know, things get very, very dusty and messy, and basically when you run out of pants, that's the key problem that happens. 18:05.065 --> 18:05.585 And food. 18:06.126 --> 18:08.327 And food, that was happening as well. 18:08.747 --> 18:09.928 My diet has suffered. 18:10.188 --> 18:11.548 Yeah, are you Johnny Takeaways now? 18:12.249 --> 18:13.910 Not Takeaways, but a lot of fish pies. 18:13.930 --> 18:14.950 Fish pies? 18:14.970 --> 18:16.051 A lot of fish pies. 18:16.071 --> 18:18.552 Did she not freeze a whole load of dishes for you before she left? 18:18.912 --> 18:19.132 No. 18:19.352 --> 18:21.433 What kind of cohabity have you got there? 18:21.734 --> 18:23.114 That's just liberated. 18:23.534 --> 18:31.759 So listen, I've written a kind of top, I don't know what it is, top six or seven things I like to do when my girlfriend goes away and I'm alone in the house. 18:32.099 --> 18:33.940 The first thing is very loud music. 18:34.180 --> 18:34.460 Sure. 18:34.480 --> 18:37.842 I mean, everything very loud because she's very respectful of the neighbors. 18:38.582 --> 18:40.484 And when she goes away, I'm less so. 18:41.085 --> 18:42.747 And I think nothing of playing a film. 18:43.088 --> 18:43.768 Really loud. 18:43.929 --> 18:44.950 Crank up the surround. 18:44.970 --> 18:47.533 Yeah, the radio really loud, the telly really loud. 18:47.813 --> 18:53.420 Having them all on in every room so I don't have to go through the effort of switching them on when I enter the room. 18:54.884 --> 19:09.765 them on all the time like a kind of department store you know oh what's going on in here oh it's the telly what's goes the radios on in here there's someone chatting in the bedroom oh it's radio four I'm gonna move the telly into the toilet 19:10.826 --> 19:11.707 Oh, that's a good idea. 19:12.628 --> 19:13.268 So that kind of thing. 19:13.569 --> 19:13.909 Naked? 19:14.149 --> 19:14.570 Dancing. 19:14.630 --> 19:14.870 Sure. 19:15.170 --> 19:16.591 A lot of walking around naked. 19:16.731 --> 19:18.273 It sounds very much like Risky Business. 19:18.753 --> 19:20.294 It is a bit like that, but he had pants on. 19:20.314 --> 19:21.075 With you as Tom Cruise. 19:21.135 --> 19:21.936 I'm always better looking. 19:22.396 --> 19:24.018 You're just doing it completely new. 19:24.098 --> 19:24.858 I'm not so good looking. 19:25.299 --> 19:28.161 I'm very gangly and big in all areas. 19:29.182 --> 19:33.647 So I'm going around the house naked and I'm dancing to the very loud and singing. 19:34.047 --> 19:35.208 A lot of singing. 19:35.448 --> 19:35.649 Yeah. 19:35.709 --> 19:39.212 I'd like to apologize to my neighbors because there has been a lot of very loud singing. 19:39.633 --> 19:41.334 That kind of thing drives a partner mad. 19:41.414 --> 19:41.915 Of course. 19:42.115 --> 19:43.537 But she's not there. 19:43.657 --> 19:44.457 Totally unfettered. 19:44.778 --> 19:45.118 Okay. 19:45.438 --> 19:47.120 Unmonitored access to chocolate buttons. 19:47.420 --> 19:47.761 Nice. 19:48.061 --> 19:51.444 My girlfriend tends to try and stop me eating too many chocolate buttons. 19:51.464 --> 19:51.645 Right. 19:52.025 --> 19:52.686 But oh boy. 19:53.346 --> 20:12.858 have I been eating those buttons you know those resealable packs sure they're pointless why would you need to reseal them when you could just finish them off when they were all gone did you actually got a secret stash that you found or anything uh no she had well I did look for that I ran out of chocolate so I went to hunt for cooking chocolate yeah cooking back of 20:12.998 --> 20:16.740 the cupboards, but I couldn't find there was some dark chocolate. 20:17.360 --> 20:18.481 I'm not going to go that far. 20:20.562 --> 20:21.143 What else? 20:21.583 --> 20:24.124 Are you rifling through any of her personals? 20:24.524 --> 20:25.865 No, I wouldn't do that. 20:25.885 --> 20:28.847 That's awful, because I wouldn't want her to do that to my personals. 20:28.867 --> 20:31.889 Like going through drawers and stuff. 20:31.929 --> 20:33.089 That's a weird thing to say. 20:33.229 --> 20:35.551 That's a weird thing to say. 20:36.071 --> 20:38.472 That would be sort of assuming she was keeping secrets from me. 20:38.512 --> 20:39.493 Do you think she is? 20:39.713 --> 20:40.213 Everyone does. 20:40.553 --> 20:40.853 Really? 20:41.034 --> 20:41.494 Everyone does. 20:42.174 --> 20:42.514 Okay. 20:42.694 --> 20:45.475 The next one is having the whole double bed to yourself. 20:45.795 --> 20:46.275 Sure. 20:46.295 --> 20:47.215 I mean, that's amazing. 20:47.295 --> 20:51.756 It means that you can stretch those legs out at any point without worrying about kicking. 20:51.776 --> 20:52.156 Yeah. 20:52.937 --> 20:55.937 There's cold pillows, lovely, fresh, cool pillows. 20:55.957 --> 20:58.278 It's always a lovely, cool part of the bed. 20:58.378 --> 20:59.578 Always a cool part of the bed. 20:59.618 --> 21:01.619 When you've got the area, you're in all warm. 21:01.639 --> 21:03.459 You can turn around luxuriously. 21:03.499 --> 21:06.180 You don't have to kind of turn yourself over in the same spot. 21:06.200 --> 21:06.760 You can roll 21:07.040 --> 21:13.252 I mean really there's a strong argument for couples to have their own bedrooms with a massive double bed each in each room. 21:13.432 --> 21:13.853 Don't you think? 21:13.873 --> 21:15.076 That's what my parents figured out. 21:16.460 --> 21:17.221 they separated. 21:19.562 --> 21:20.082 And is that it? 21:20.142 --> 21:21.063 That's pretty much it. 21:21.303 --> 21:22.824 Going shopping very late at night. 21:23.424 --> 21:29.868 I enjoy disrupting my regular hours, you know, Sainsbury's at 10.45pm, getting up very late. 21:30.268 --> 21:33.530 I'd been watching a lot of films that she wouldn't be interested in. 21:34.190 --> 21:36.211 Catching up on my Pasolini Blu-rays. 21:36.491 --> 21:39.033 You know, hardcore European art house. 21:39.493 --> 21:40.854 Watching some extreme horror. 21:41.474 --> 21:45.817 A film called Laid to Rest during which a man's, the front of a man's face was hacked off. 21:46.437 --> 21:47.278 she wouldn't have enjoyed that. 21:49.701 --> 21:52.644 For some reason, she doesn't like that kind of thing. 21:53.184 --> 21:53.645 I love it. 21:54.025 --> 21:55.026 I watched it very loud. 21:55.086 --> 22:00.031 So, for Text the Nation today, we want to hear what kind of things you get up to when you're left home alone. 22:00.391 --> 22:04.856 Whether you're a youngster or an oldster, send us your ideas. 22:05.196 --> 22:05.957 You can text us on 64046 22:08.139 --> 22:08.980 or you can email us. 22:09.060 --> 22:15.185 The email address is adamandjo.6music at bbc.co.uk. 22:15.345 --> 22:16.426 Now it's time for some music. 22:16.446 --> 22:19.168 This is iMonster with a sucker for your sound. 22:19.909 --> 22:20.409 Very nice. 22:20.449 --> 22:22.491 That's iMonster with Sucker For Your Sound. 22:22.511 --> 22:25.172 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music. 22:25.232 --> 22:26.053 Pleasure to be with you. 22:26.393 --> 22:28.214 You know when you're a teenager, like 14, 15, 16? 22:29.155 --> 22:30.176 I remember. 22:30.596 --> 22:31.917 And you get really depressed? 22:32.237 --> 22:32.497 Sure. 22:32.997 --> 22:37.640 There's something about being depressed when you're a teenager that's slightly romantic and enjoyable. 22:37.860 --> 22:40.062 You've got the rest of your life ahead of you to sort your problems out. 22:40.662 --> 22:47.605 I mean, I think there are moments when, obviously, teenagers are genuinely and, you know, where that sort of thing could be serious, but I'm not talking about that. 22:47.625 --> 22:49.506 I'm talking about, like, when you're romantically depressed. 22:49.566 --> 22:50.126 Fun depression. 22:50.546 --> 22:52.307 Yeah, when you're, oh, I'm so depressed. 22:52.727 --> 23:01.511 And maybe you flop back on your bed or your sofa and you think, wow, it's a shame someone isn't taking a black and white photograph of me right now looking really depressed because I bet I look cool. 23:02.732 --> 23:03.293 Do you know what I mean? 23:03.333 --> 23:04.614 Is that the kind of thing you used to think? 23:04.714 --> 23:11.662 Well, I'm just saying this in preparation for the record I'm about to play because this is from 84 when we were in that kind of a period. 23:12.283 --> 23:21.834 And there's nothing better when you're sort of exquisitely depressed as a teenager than listening to a sort of, you know, wistful record with really awful lyrics. 23:22.454 --> 23:28.318 Even though teenagers generally don't look good when they're depressed, I mean, they're kind of spotty and awkward a lot of the time. 23:28.779 --> 23:29.179 Do you think? 23:29.419 --> 23:33.782 You know, I mean, if you happen to be blessed with incredible good looks as a teen, then... Yep. 23:33.802 --> 23:34.282 Keep talking. 23:34.362 --> 23:34.622 Great. 23:36.123 --> 23:36.304 Yep. 23:36.504 --> 23:36.704 Yeah. 23:36.824 --> 23:39.025 Well, it's different for, you know, different people. 23:39.105 --> 23:50.313 But if, for example, you were kind of spotty Herbert with, like, highlights in your hair and... And things tip-exed onto your jacket. 23:52.655 --> 23:53.175 Then what? 23:53.215 --> 23:53.535 Then what? 23:53.555 --> 23:55.097 Then maybe you wouldn't look quite so cool. 23:55.217 --> 23:55.657 No, no. 23:55.838 --> 23:56.578 You've got the wrong guy. 23:56.598 --> 23:57.339 I look cool. 23:58.040 --> 24:03.004 And in 1984, depressed and spotty with stuffed apex tons in my jacket. 24:03.405 --> 24:04.686 This is the kind of thing I was listening to. 24:04.726 --> 24:12.653 This is Lloyd Colan, The Commotions with Are You Ready to Be Heartbroken with some of the most terrible lyrics ever written. 24:13.094 --> 24:14.315 But a lovely tune. 24:14.395 --> 24:14.695 Here it is. 24:22.496 --> 24:23.576 Angela. 24:23.596 --> 24:25.737 It's Jarvis Cocker. 24:25.957 --> 24:26.857 Jarvis Cockles. 24:27.257 --> 24:28.198 Warming the cockles. 24:28.418 --> 24:29.478 That's his new single. 24:29.978 --> 24:33.679 And it comes from his album Further Complications, which is out on Monday. 24:33.719 --> 24:34.939 Nice sleeve design for that. 24:35.400 --> 24:37.640 With him all in a pose on the front. 24:37.660 --> 24:37.940 Yeah. 24:38.200 --> 24:40.081 And very nice font as well. 24:41.001 --> 24:41.721 Blocky font. 24:41.921 --> 24:44.802 A lot of the detail taken out of the lettering, but still very legible. 24:45.242 --> 24:45.662 Very nice. 24:45.682 --> 24:46.603 Beautifully designed. 24:46.623 --> 24:47.583 You're a big font queen. 24:48.643 --> 24:50.564 No, I'm not a big font queen. 24:50.604 --> 24:52.085 What is a big font queen? 24:52.545 --> 24:56.607 Like mincing around Soho with fonts all over a t-shirt. 24:56.787 --> 24:58.588 Very reductive way of... Really? 24:59.689 --> 25:04.211 I'm just thinking of like a drag queen, but who dresses in fonts, like with amazing letters. 25:04.251 --> 25:07.553 A bit wordy from that children's educational program. 25:07.573 --> 25:08.273 Words and pictures. 25:08.694 --> 25:11.955 The little round guy that looks like a typewriter ball. 25:11.975 --> 25:13.176 The apparently nude man. 25:14.502 --> 25:15.603 Are we talking about the same guy? 25:15.623 --> 25:17.565 He had a bow tie, but nothing else on. 25:17.625 --> 25:18.826 Yeah, but he hasn't got any legs. 25:19.146 --> 25:20.287 He had little legs poking out. 25:20.307 --> 25:21.568 Oh, did he have little legs poking out? 25:21.588 --> 25:22.009 Blobs. 25:22.849 --> 25:23.790 From his blobs. 25:23.810 --> 25:26.332 From his amorphous blob of a torso. 25:27.013 --> 25:28.414 He was a grotesque little fellow. 25:29.015 --> 25:32.798 He was a chirpy, cheerful chap who was very keen on spelling. 25:32.938 --> 25:35.280 He wanted to teach me how to spell, but all I could think about was 25:36.261 --> 25:39.865 The roles of your torso are just obscuring the fact that you're nude. 25:40.786 --> 25:42.388 I'd better look at a picture of him again. 25:42.408 --> 25:43.749 I'm not being able to picture him. 25:43.809 --> 25:44.170 Wordy. 25:44.851 --> 25:46.592 I might be picturing him all wrong in my mind. 25:47.113 --> 25:48.595 Anyway, I agree with you. 25:48.915 --> 25:51.077 Fonts are fun and I'm a bit of a font queen myself. 25:51.197 --> 25:51.458 Right. 25:51.478 --> 25:53.540 I'm like the one you mentioned. 25:53.640 --> 25:55.062 Right, but you're projecting again. 25:55.202 --> 25:55.903 Yeah, fair enough. 25:57.024 --> 26:00.967 Now, I had something in my brain and it's gone out of my brain. 26:01.708 --> 26:02.589 Oh no! 26:02.889 --> 26:03.470 It was a thing. 26:03.770 --> 26:04.090 Oh yes. 26:04.831 --> 26:10.256 Did you watch... Did you watch Silence of the Lambs the other day when it was on telly? 26:10.316 --> 26:11.377 No, but I've watched it recently. 26:11.737 --> 26:12.037 Have you? 26:12.157 --> 26:13.098 I know it very well. 26:13.198 --> 26:14.800 That is a film and a half though, isn't it? 26:14.840 --> 26:15.040 Yes. 26:15.180 --> 26:17.242 I mean that stands up pretty well. 26:17.282 --> 26:17.923 When did it come out? 26:18.443 --> 26:22.046 Ooh, 90, five, six, something like that. 26:22.146 --> 26:24.307 Mid, later, earlier, higher, lower. 26:24.367 --> 26:25.068 Brutus, babe! 26:25.088 --> 26:25.068 91. 26:27.249 --> 26:28.370 Early 90s. 26:28.390 --> 26:29.611 James thinks even earlier, yeah. 26:29.631 --> 26:33.753 The only thing that's dated about it is some of the SWAT team action is a little ludicrous. 26:34.073 --> 26:34.314 Right. 26:34.514 --> 26:35.254 When they're jumping around. 26:35.294 --> 26:36.595 The way they run and jump in formation. 26:36.615 --> 26:37.216 Oh, really? 26:37.376 --> 26:37.876 Hot, hot, hot! 26:38.016 --> 26:38.657 It's a bit like that. 26:40.297 --> 26:44.359 But Jonathan Demme, I mean, he is one of the kings of cinema, isn't he? 26:44.379 --> 26:45.219 He's very masterful. 26:45.759 --> 26:47.240 Terrific POV work there. 26:47.260 --> 26:50.401 A lot of camerawork straight into the faces of the actors. 26:50.961 --> 26:55.722 And an amazing thing he does as well, where the music climaxes after the picture climaxes. 26:56.363 --> 27:00.504 So Hannibal Lecter will do something appalling and the music's building to a climax. 27:00.544 --> 27:04.165 It'll cut to the next scene with Clarice Starling running down a corridor. 27:04.365 --> 27:06.606 But the music will still be building to a climax. 27:07.326 --> 27:13.752 So it's almost like the horrible bits sort of resonate beyond what they usually would and bleed into the next scene. 27:13.792 --> 27:14.532 It's really cool. 27:14.833 --> 27:15.573 Amazing score. 27:15.613 --> 27:17.094 Howard Shore, I think, did the score. 27:17.134 --> 27:17.795 Really good score. 27:18.035 --> 27:18.576 Howard Shore. 27:18.916 --> 27:19.757 Getting a bit nerdy. 27:19.977 --> 27:20.377 No, no. 27:20.517 --> 27:21.358 I mean, it's wonderful. 27:21.378 --> 27:21.758 It was a joy. 27:21.778 --> 27:25.261 It was one of those films that came on TV and you're thinking, I'm off to bed now. 27:25.281 --> 27:26.262 First five minutes. 27:26.282 --> 27:26.883 Can't switch it off. 27:27.623 --> 27:36.325 And the cross-cutting as well at the climax when you think the SWAT team are arriving at the same place where Clarice is about to get Buffalo Bill. 27:36.866 --> 27:39.907 And it's cross-cut, but then they're cheating you and they open the door and it's someone else. 27:40.047 --> 27:44.688 It's the kind of thing you've seen ripped off a number of times since then, but that was the first time I'd seen it when I saw that film. 27:45.088 --> 27:48.889 One of the fun things about... Because obviously the thing that everyone impersonates... Tuffins the nipples, doesn't it? 27:49.069 --> 27:51.010 Tuffins the nipples, doesn't it? 27:51.030 --> 27:55.371 It's very enjoyable to go through doing the Anthony Hopkins during that film. 27:55.911 --> 27:59.773 But the other fun thing to impersonate in that film is Buffalo Bill. 27:59.813 --> 28:01.033 Yes, you do a good Buffalo. 28:01.073 --> 28:01.774 I mean, it's fun. 28:01.814 --> 28:04.455 You can pretty much talk like Buffalo Bill for days. 28:04.555 --> 28:06.016 It's really funny. 28:06.096 --> 28:06.616 Oh, wait. 28:06.816 --> 28:08.437 Was she a great big fat person? 28:10.185 --> 28:11.326 That's good, it's unsettling. 28:11.366 --> 28:12.507 Do you remember that line? 28:12.628 --> 28:14.089 What's the put the lotion in the basket? 28:14.169 --> 28:15.551 Put the lotion in the basket. 28:15.791 --> 28:17.513 It puts the lotion in the basket. 28:17.593 --> 28:20.316 He starts off all camp when he's got the girl in the well down there. 28:20.836 --> 28:22.638 It puts the lotion in the basket. 28:22.718 --> 28:25.501 And then when she refuses to dirt, put the lotion in the basket. 28:25.561 --> 28:27.143 You know who he reminds me of slightly? 28:27.263 --> 28:27.423 Who? 28:27.583 --> 28:28.224 Russell Brand. 28:28.564 --> 28:31.245 Do you think Russell Brand's flat is like that? 28:31.305 --> 28:31.826 Definitely. 28:31.846 --> 28:35.528 He probably does that thing where he pops his chap in between his... Sure. 28:35.548 --> 28:36.848 Dances around, this is the fall. 28:36.888 --> 28:37.689 Yeah, I bet he does that. 28:38.449 --> 28:39.410 Is that wrong, James? 28:39.450 --> 28:41.090 Put the lights in the middle of the basket! 28:41.311 --> 28:48.014 So far we've said that Amanda Holden should be beheaded and that Russell Brand is a transvestite serial killer. 28:48.094 --> 28:48.474 Yeah. 28:49.095 --> 28:50.996 Come on, there's nothing controversial there, shall we? 28:51.036 --> 28:51.216 No. 28:51.516 --> 28:51.796 Fine. 28:51.976 --> 28:52.716 Family entertainment. 28:53.477 --> 28:55.418 Wait, we're sure you're a great big fat person. 28:58.259 --> 28:59.040 It's the music for you. 28:59.060 --> 29:04.063 This is what we got now Oh, this is the new single from the eels which is called my timing is off. 29:04.083 --> 29:04.904 It sounds on Monday. 29:05.564 --> 29:09.787 That's lovely Eels with my timing is off out on Monday. 29:09.827 --> 29:24.017 You're listening to Adam and Joe here on BBC six music I was talking about Buffalo Bill there just before and I forgot that one of the reasons I was thinking about it was that I saw a thing about Family Guy on TV, you know the cartoon series and They show that 29:24.637 --> 29:26.218 almost all the time on BBC3. 29:26.478 --> 29:27.018 Sure, they love it. 29:27.078 --> 29:28.579 But literally all the time. 29:28.659 --> 29:31.421 It is to BBC3 what Friends used to be to Channel 4. 29:31.541 --> 29:36.243 It's become the new three pints of lager and a packet of scratchings or whatever it's called. 29:36.263 --> 29:37.524 Yeah, that's no bad thing, is it? 29:37.624 --> 29:38.344 Walter Wall. 29:38.624 --> 29:44.848 Seth Green, you know, the American comedian who plays the name, the brother on that show whose name I don't know. 29:44.868 --> 29:47.069 I'm not a massive family guy aficionado. 29:47.189 --> 29:49.290 I like the show, but I couldn't tell you what the brother's name is. 29:50.151 --> 29:52.493 He said that he was inspired. 29:52.813 --> 29:55.856 The inspiration for the voice for that character is Buffalo Bill. 29:56.837 --> 29:57.418 That's how he went. 29:57.578 --> 30:01.022 He went in as a dare for the audition with a friend of his. 30:01.082 --> 30:03.925 He said, I'm just going to talk like Buffalo Bill right the way through the audition. 30:03.985 --> 30:04.525 And he got it. 30:04.585 --> 30:05.526 And he got the part. 30:06.327 --> 30:12.814 Fun fact, in the podcast, James, you can splice that together with the other bit and make it seamless. 30:13.214 --> 30:17.735 Don't forget, folks, if you've never listened to this show in podcast form, you're missing out. 30:17.975 --> 30:19.496 It's an amazing world out there. 30:19.516 --> 30:20.656 It comes out every Monday. 30:20.716 --> 30:22.997 Maybe it might be Tuesday this time because it's bank holiday, isn't it? 30:23.777 --> 30:29.339 But yeah, at the beginning of the week, you'll find a wonderful podcast available of this show free for download. 30:30.399 --> 30:34.763 We've had a text from the series producer of Britain's Got More Talents. 30:34.943 --> 30:40.247 That's the ITV2 Stephen Mulhern presented program. 30:40.287 --> 30:40.788 Never seen it. 30:40.948 --> 30:41.589 You've never seen it. 30:41.629 --> 30:42.309 You're missing out. 30:42.389 --> 30:42.649 I am. 30:43.190 --> 30:46.012 On quite an extraordinary program they put together there. 30:46.032 --> 30:46.112 Sure. 30:46.453 --> 30:48.054 With all sorts of segments and things. 30:48.094 --> 30:49.015 What do they call those things? 30:49.395 --> 30:53.097 They're just sister shows or there's a more fancy name for those. 30:53.117 --> 30:56.059 They show you auditions that haven't made it to the main program. 30:56.539 --> 31:00.982 And then they have standalone sort of segments. 31:01.242 --> 31:05.384 They get a lot of screen time out of Ant and Decks, sort of off-camera moments. 31:05.764 --> 31:06.265 Extra Decks. 31:06.385 --> 31:13.109 Any time that Mulhern can get you some time with Ant and Decks and say some silly things, they'll pop that in. 31:13.229 --> 31:13.869 Right, right. 31:14.169 --> 31:15.210 They'll pop most things in. 31:15.470 --> 31:17.812 And do Ant and Dec seem obliging? 31:17.892 --> 31:19.353 They seem very obliging. 31:19.433 --> 31:21.734 I mean, they're the most obliged chaps on television. 31:22.094 --> 31:24.476 Anyway, she's called Mariel. 31:25.056 --> 31:33.442 She says, she says we could come on their show for some knockabout fun if we wanted and we could meet Amanda Holden and we could quiz her firmly about the Queen thing. 31:33.842 --> 31:37.745 However, it's a no from me to any live execution action. 31:38.085 --> 31:38.745 Oh, wow. 31:38.806 --> 31:40.687 But it's nice because Mary has considered it. 31:42.788 --> 31:43.349 She's thought it true. 31:43.369 --> 31:44.670 She's looked into the possibility. 31:44.710 --> 31:48.173 I think she wants it to happen, but for health and safety reasons it's a no. 31:48.333 --> 31:49.054 Logistically. 31:49.074 --> 31:50.515 Because it could result in a beheading. 31:50.755 --> 31:51.315 That's right. 31:51.996 --> 31:52.536 The beheading. 31:52.817 --> 31:53.317 That's right. 31:53.998 --> 31:55.479 So she's decided to nix it. 31:55.719 --> 31:57.641 Thanks for considering it though, Marielle. 31:58.081 --> 31:59.362 And thank you for your invitation. 31:59.883 --> 32:00.904 Here's some music for you now. 32:00.924 --> 32:03.586 This is Roxy Music with Love is the Drug. 32:06.571 --> 32:08.233 What if I don't want to? 32:08.253 --> 32:09.675 But I'm using email. 32:09.695 --> 32:10.276 Is that a problem? 32:16.960 --> 32:27.263 Text the Nation this week, listeners, is all about things you do when you're alone in the house, when your loved ones or cohabitees or carers go away and leave you for an extended period of time. 32:27.843 --> 32:32.284 What kind of illicit fun do you get up to when nobody's watching in your own home? 32:32.324 --> 32:35.044 You thought of a little something you did just then, didn't you, Adam? 32:35.525 --> 32:43.487 Well, I've been, for a few weeks, a few months back, I was staying on the Thursday nights. 32:43.507 --> 32:44.847 This is a pathetic way. 32:46.648 --> 32:49.871 I was basically staying in our empty house in London before it was sold. 32:50.392 --> 32:52.073 And so there was no furniture and stuff. 32:52.533 --> 33:02.983 And I found myself one evening, having got back from a gig, just lying in the bath, but with no water in it, lying fully clothed in the empty bath, having a glass of wine. 33:03.103 --> 33:06.906 Is that the sort of thing your wife would scorn if you did it while she was in the house? 33:06.966 --> 33:08.487 I'd say legitimately she would. 33:08.867 --> 33:11.149 She'd think it was eccentric and you were losing your marbles. 33:11.229 --> 33:12.010 I wouldn't even do it. 33:12.030 --> 33:17.274 You know, I wouldn't do it in the family house with my children sleeping next door, just lie there with my clothes on with a glass of wine. 33:17.294 --> 33:18.675 His children would find it unsettling. 33:19.135 --> 33:20.876 His daddy was going potty. 33:20.916 --> 33:22.097 Yeah, what's wrong with daddy? 33:22.778 --> 33:25.380 Why is he in the bath with his clothes on and a glass of wine? 33:25.720 --> 33:26.080 Crying. 33:26.200 --> 33:27.161 Doesn't matter, he's fine. 33:27.181 --> 33:28.082 I wasn't crying. 33:28.102 --> 33:28.342 Sorry. 33:29.062 --> 33:29.863 I was thinking about him. 33:30.403 --> 33:32.604 I was thinking sad thoughts. 33:32.844 --> 33:36.126 I did catch myself and thinking and thought this is not right. 33:36.646 --> 33:38.047 Why am I doing this? 33:38.707 --> 33:42.349 I got out of the bath, didn't even finish the red wine, just went to bed. 33:42.709 --> 33:44.550 You wouldn't be a very good surrealist, would you? 33:45.050 --> 33:45.230 No. 33:45.530 --> 33:47.131 You'd think, oh, this is just weird. 33:49.392 --> 33:51.312 This melted clock on this branch. 33:51.852 --> 33:53.313 It's just disturbing. 33:53.393 --> 33:54.693 It's with ants everywhere. 33:54.733 --> 33:55.653 This is ridiculous. 33:56.113 --> 33:57.973 So here are some texts we've had in on the subject. 33:58.013 --> 33:59.334 This is from Pete in Dundee. 33:59.714 --> 34:06.195 Hi, I stopped smoking a few months ago, but when my wife goes out, I go through the bin and smoke her doubts. 34:07.015 --> 34:07.335 Doubts? 34:07.375 --> 34:10.916 Is that a word for little stubs, unlike Smokey Stubbed? 34:11.076 --> 34:12.796 I think maybe it's... Where's he from? 34:12.856 --> 34:13.276 Dundee. 34:13.476 --> 34:13.936 Dundee, yeah. 34:13.956 --> 34:15.376 I think maybe it's a Scottish word. 34:15.757 --> 34:18.337 Sometimes I have to dry them out on the radiator first. 34:18.977 --> 34:23.520 So in a way, in a way you haven't stopped smoking and in another way, you're like a tramp. 34:24.221 --> 34:26.182 It is very trampy behaviour. 34:27.003 --> 34:31.045 But I've got some sympathy for you there, Pete. 34:32.286 --> 34:34.027 Well, I don't know, I can't go into it. 34:34.087 --> 34:35.108 That's desperate stuff. 34:35.128 --> 34:36.649 Sometimes you have to go into bins. 34:36.729 --> 34:39.931 Sometimes you throw stuff away accidentally. 34:40.351 --> 34:45.715 Everyone's foraged in a bin for one reason or another at some point in their life. 34:46.095 --> 34:47.036 What's that? 34:48.957 --> 34:51.319 What kind of laugh was that? 34:51.499 --> 34:54.101 I don't know, it was an evil one. 34:54.141 --> 34:54.821 Let's move on. 34:55.001 --> 34:56.042 Matt from Ipswich. 34:56.122 --> 34:57.983 All my different types of laughs in one bit. 34:58.203 --> 34:58.944 Hi Adam and Jo. 34:59.004 --> 35:04.387 Sometimes when I'm on my own I like making up goal celebrations and practising them in front of the mirror. 35:04.887 --> 35:08.630 My favourite one is the handle fist pump with the pelvic thrust. 35:09.130 --> 35:10.251 Handle fist pump? 35:10.291 --> 35:10.951 How does that work? 35:11.071 --> 35:12.532 Like he's pumping a water pump. 35:12.572 --> 35:14.274 Sorry, the one handed fist pump. 35:15.455 --> 35:21.781 That was a better one handles Messiah and now handles this pump played by the Royal Philharmonic. 35:22.302 --> 35:28.808 Here's one from Becky Again, I haven't read the pirates back. 35:29.369 --> 35:29.990 It's the pirate 35:30.350 --> 35:36.135 This, I'm just flicking forward into it and it says kitchen knives, which is a bit worrying, but let's see where she goes with this. 35:36.556 --> 35:43.001 My husband is away just now, apart from obvious liberating things like letting the dishes pile up all along the worktop. 35:43.602 --> 35:45.263 Bracket sees a washing up freak. 35:46.324 --> 35:49.145 There's nothing freaky about wanting to do the washing up. 35:49.805 --> 35:52.305 He likes things vaguely clean. 35:52.325 --> 35:53.846 He likes to eat from clean plates. 35:54.266 --> 35:58.587 At night, I draw the curtains, leave the lights on, and hide the kitchen knives. 35:58.827 --> 36:00.707 Ridiculous, because I live in a nice part of Edinburgh. 36:01.007 --> 36:02.388 But that's true, actually, Becky. 36:03.028 --> 36:04.388 It can be a little bit scary. 36:04.408 --> 36:05.749 Well, that's the flip side of the whole thing. 36:05.769 --> 36:06.729 A tiny bit scary. 36:07.069 --> 36:11.590 And when one is an adult, not many things scare you in a kind of horror film sort of a way. 36:12.730 --> 36:24.578 because one's usually a bit comfortable about the world and things that might happen, but there's something about being alone in the house that really does make you do the kind of things that you would think were ridiculous in a horror film. 36:24.598 --> 36:30.923 When people go into the basement, they hear a noise in the basement, and when you're watching a horror film, you always think, oh, I'd never do that. 36:31.618 --> 36:35.320 But when you're alone in the house, you find yourself doing things exactly like that. 36:35.340 --> 36:35.680 Yeah. 36:35.980 --> 36:39.801 That's why she's hidden the knives in case some evil masked killer comes in. 36:39.901 --> 36:43.383 Well, the first time you're left home alone, it can be scary. 36:43.403 --> 36:45.844 And you were talking before about leaving a lot of appliances on. 36:45.864 --> 36:48.385 I remember doing that the first time my parents... That's why I'm doing that. 36:49.045 --> 36:50.166 Just for a sense of company. 36:50.246 --> 36:50.766 Yeah, yeah. 36:51.466 --> 36:52.748 These are good, keep them coming in. 36:53.188 --> 37:01.397 The text number is 64046 and the email is adamandjo.6music at bbc.co.uk. 37:01.437 --> 37:03.479 Here's Florence and the Machine with Rabbit Heart. 37:04.841 --> 37:06.563 That's Florence and the Machine. 37:07.263 --> 37:08.264 What was that one called Adam? 37:08.625 --> 37:09.346 It's gone away now. 37:09.526 --> 37:11.528 It was called Rabbit Heart brackets. 37:12.029 --> 37:12.869 Raise it up! 37:15.148 --> 37:39.314 I was thinking about we're talking about things that you've picked out of the bin there by the way of a text that we got on the text the nation theme and We're all talking about things that you've had to pick out every now and again James talking about having to retrieve some keys that were accidentally thrown away there I mean it's things have got pretty bad when you start having to rummage through the bin for whatever reason and it's always the last resort right I mean if there's any way that's been rummaging can be avoided and 37:39.694 --> 37:45.880 It's just humiliating because there's a thin line between rummaging through your bin at home and rummaging through a bin on the street. 37:46.300 --> 37:51.946 No, there isn't. 37:52.166 --> 37:56.490 Well, it's exactly the same action, but just in a different context. 37:56.530 --> 38:02.536 Yeah, but it's like if you think you've thrown something important away and you have to rummage through your bin, it's different to just thinking, oh, that's a bin. 38:02.896 --> 38:05.359 Well, that's what tramps think. 38:05.419 --> 38:06.500 I think I'll have a little look. 38:06.540 --> 38:09.965 I've thrown something important away in one of the bins. 38:10.025 --> 38:11.406 You never see tramps making excuses. 38:11.426 --> 38:11.907 In London. 38:12.027 --> 38:13.288 It's my keys. 38:13.989 --> 38:17.013 I think I may have dropped them. 38:17.033 --> 38:19.716 That's the reason I'm doing this. 38:19.736 --> 38:21.799 And show my wife left to Siggy's in here. 38:22.359 --> 38:23.180 One of these bins. 38:23.460 --> 38:25.202 This is probably a... Trampist. 38:25.422 --> 38:27.584 Trampist, racist, all kinds of things. 38:27.805 --> 38:29.226 It's almost certainly sexist. 38:29.807 --> 38:30.047 Is it? 38:30.848 --> 38:32.149 Because tramps are so sexy. 38:32.329 --> 38:32.589 Yeah. 38:33.791 --> 38:38.175 One time, this is the most revolting thing and here's an admission for you that I ever did Binwise, right? 38:38.475 --> 38:41.679 And I think I was probably home alone at this point as well because it involves a takeaway. 38:42.679 --> 38:47.920 Um, I actually decided to backpedal. 38:48.040 --> 38:49.260 I'm thinking about backpedaling. 38:49.980 --> 38:52.281 I got a lovely Indian takeaway, delicious Indian takeaway. 38:52.321 --> 38:53.281 Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. 38:54.041 --> 38:56.782 And I ordered too many poppadoms, right? 38:57.182 --> 38:57.742 Couldn't get through that. 38:57.762 --> 38:58.482 I was absolutely full. 38:58.542 --> 38:59.522 Couldn't get through the poppadoms. 38:59.982 --> 39:02.543 Finished about nine o'clock in the evening, absolutely stuffed. 39:02.923 --> 39:05.303 Chucked the rest of the poppadoms and the stuff in the bin. 39:05.463 --> 39:06.684 And one then later that evening. 39:06.704 --> 39:07.664 A couple of hours later. 39:09.404 --> 39:10.345 Poppa Dom merch. 39:10.425 --> 39:12.066 Thinking about the Poppa Dom's again. 39:12.447 --> 39:15.049 Thinking, chucked away a couple of whole Poppa Dom's there. 39:15.189 --> 39:17.111 Were they inside any kind of container? 39:17.431 --> 39:19.233 Or were they just that loose in the bin? 39:19.273 --> 39:21.014 They were in a sort of free range. 39:21.034 --> 39:22.175 A paper bag, you know. 39:22.395 --> 39:23.596 Ah, that's alright. 39:23.676 --> 39:24.117 Absorbent. 39:24.617 --> 39:25.318 Sort of absorbent. 39:25.338 --> 39:27.600 They had it absorbed. 39:27.680 --> 39:28.540 Some of them were loose. 39:30.222 --> 39:34.886 I picked the ones that were not soiled and had snaffled those. 39:35.680 --> 39:37.481 There was still some mango chutney left in there. 39:37.501 --> 39:37.881 Really? 39:37.941 --> 39:39.482 Well, yeah, I scraped it off the sides. 39:41.543 --> 39:42.723 A little extra treat. 39:43.084 --> 39:47.226 You see, all you have to do is transpose that image to the Tottenham Court Road at two in the morning. 39:47.406 --> 39:48.206 Oh, drop my keys. 39:50.967 --> 39:51.747 Here's a free play. 39:51.787 --> 39:52.587 This is for my mum. 39:52.607 --> 39:57.509 I'm thinking of having a regular free play for my mum because I know she listens to this show and I'm delighted that she does. 39:58.349 --> 40:00.649 And she loves this song as much as I do. 40:00.689 --> 40:04.570 This is, I mean, in a way, this song's been spoiled by two people. 40:05.390 --> 40:11.412 First of all, Robbie Williams, who did a dreadful version of it that ended up on the end of Finding Nemo, which is a wonderful film. 40:12.432 --> 40:18.397 And secondly, Kevin Spacey, who did the film Beyond the Sea about the man who sings this song. 40:18.417 --> 40:19.798 I've never actually seen Beyond the Sea. 40:19.858 --> 40:20.839 Apparently nobody has. 40:20.919 --> 40:23.321 No, the idea of it makes me sad. 40:23.721 --> 40:24.762 But this song is wonderful. 40:24.862 --> 40:26.063 Beyond the Sea by Bobby Darin. 40:42.981 --> 41:10.392 My lover stands on golden sand And watches the ship that goes sail Somewhere in the sea He's now watching for me If I could fly like birds I'm high and feeling straight to run 41:20.240 --> 41:22.462 it's near beyond the moon. 41:23.322 --> 41:33.930 I know beyond the doubt my heart will lead me there soon. 41:34.410 --> 41:43.737 Then the shore will kiss just as before. 41:45.879 --> 41:48.881 Happy will be beyond the sea. 41:51.022 --> 41:52.331 Again, never again. 42:30.800 --> 42:41.949 You'll be under doubt My heart will lead me there soon We'll meet I know we'll meet 43:12.242 --> 43:27.865 I got a can of drink, I got it in my hand, I'm drinking down the can of drink, now it is in my tummy, later on I'm gonna get another can of drink for myself, then I'm gonna drink the drink and it will be in my tummy with the other one. 43:28.125 --> 43:31.165 That's the kind of rapping that Joe Strummer likes doing there. 43:31.285 --> 43:32.966 Good rapping, that's good. 43:34.546 --> 43:55.854 I got a pair of shoes, I'm wearing them on my feet Like a raga walking upon the street I use my shoes to keep my feet from touching on the concrete It's a good way of keeping my feet nice It's a complicated rhythm No disrespect to Joe Strummer, you know, all the class No, early days, right? 43:55.934 --> 43:56.834 When was that record from? 43:57.294 --> 43:59.755 That was from 1890 Exactly So there you go 44:02.312 --> 44:03.813 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC6 Music. 44:03.833 --> 44:05.635 Now we haven't done any made up jokes in a while. 44:05.996 --> 44:07.297 Well, let's change that. 44:07.317 --> 44:07.977 Let's have the jungle. 44:08.978 --> 44:10.600 I'm a funny person. 44:11.040 --> 44:12.662 I often make up jokes. 44:13.062 --> 44:17.146 My jokes are more amusing than those of other folks. 44:17.827 --> 44:21.571 When you hear my joke, I think you'll find that you agree. 44:22.031 --> 44:25.855 Come on, you're all invited to a made up joke party. 44:27.352 --> 44:30.354 Yeah, these are jokes that listeners have authored. 44:30.394 --> 44:36.159 It's very important to realize that, yeah, these are written by real people. 44:36.719 --> 44:38.580 The more tortured they are, the better, right? 44:38.701 --> 44:41.503 Because we get a lot of jokes that are just a bit too good. 44:42.203 --> 44:43.484 And that's why they're not read out. 44:43.524 --> 44:44.045 And it's difficult. 44:44.065 --> 44:49.409 I feel bad sometimes, because a lot of times people send in joke after joke after joke and say, you never read my jokes out. 44:49.989 --> 44:51.090 Often they're just too good. 44:51.430 --> 44:52.551 And we're not sort of after that. 44:52.751 --> 44:54.392 deliberately bad jokes. 44:54.412 --> 44:56.413 A lot of people just send us deliberately bad ones. 44:56.453 --> 44:57.313 It's a fine line. 44:57.373 --> 44:57.953 It's a fine line. 44:57.973 --> 44:59.954 Do you think you've got one that meets our criteria? 44:59.974 --> 45:01.735 Well, I've got a couple of actually good ones. 45:02.995 --> 45:03.896 Do you want to go first? 45:04.916 --> 45:06.577 Alright then, here's one to get you going. 45:07.277 --> 45:09.798 This is from Ben Welling in North London. 45:09.998 --> 45:18.062 He says, Dear Adam and Joe, I'm not usually a profoundly intelligent person, but when I made this joke up, I felt I should apply for a scholarship to Oxford. 45:18.442 --> 45:20.163 Sadly, my friends think differently. 45:20.423 --> 45:20.723 Question. 45:21.323 --> 45:23.168 What is Santa's son called? 45:24.170 --> 45:26.215 Answer, subordinate clause. 45:27.438 --> 45:28.179 That's good. 45:28.199 --> 45:29.039 That is very good. 45:29.079 --> 45:29.860 That's intelligent. 45:30.821 --> 45:33.363 That's definitely, I would let him into Oxford for that. 45:33.743 --> 45:36.986 I mean, I would let him stay there as long as he wanted for that free. 45:37.106 --> 45:37.946 I'd give him a free boat. 45:37.966 --> 45:38.667 It's really good. 45:38.767 --> 45:40.168 It's educational and funny. 45:40.368 --> 45:42.010 Nice job laughing and thinking at once. 45:42.030 --> 45:42.770 Subordinate. 45:42.890 --> 45:43.991 I've never heard that before. 45:44.051 --> 45:45.372 Subordinate clause is great. 45:45.392 --> 45:45.672 Yeah. 45:45.753 --> 45:48.395 You know what happens when you laugh and think at the same time? 45:48.815 --> 45:49.476 Just silence. 45:49.536 --> 45:50.416 Just absolute silence. 45:51.437 --> 45:56.842 dead deathly silence is the result, which is what happened there. 45:57.342 --> 45:59.204 Okay, here is one from Josh Lee. 45:59.404 --> 46:04.649 He says, I know it was a while ago, so I'm not sure if the feature's still going, but I made up a joke this week. 46:05.250 --> 46:05.830 Here's the joke. 46:05.970 --> 46:08.112 Quotes, Russell Brand had a nightmare. 46:08.392 --> 46:09.353 He was being chased. 46:11.978 --> 46:15.364 Brackets, only one of my friends got this without it being explained. 46:15.765 --> 46:17.629 Also, it doesn't work written down. 46:18.009 --> 46:22.037 It plays on the words chased and chased, sounding the same. 46:24.060 --> 46:26.262 There's excellent the way he's explained it. 46:27.123 --> 46:30.486 I maintain it is genius and needs to be recognized as such. 46:30.546 --> 46:32.368 Well, we have done so Josh. 46:32.428 --> 46:32.868 Well done. 46:32.908 --> 46:34.610 I think that's genuinely very, very good. 46:34.690 --> 46:35.470 Respect delivered. 46:35.550 --> 46:37.812 Here's a couple from Dom Lawson. 46:38.173 --> 46:39.854 I don't know if this is Dominic Lawson. 46:40.675 --> 46:41.396 Well, it's important. 46:41.436 --> 46:42.096 Let's find out. 46:42.336 --> 46:43.557 Yeah, this is Dom Lawson. 46:43.638 --> 46:44.799 I don't think it's Dominic Lawson. 46:45.666 --> 46:51.630 Hi Adam and Jo, I make up a lot of jokes all the time, so I struggled to work out which ones to send you. 46:51.791 --> 46:54.252 I decided to go with two of my more ambitious ones. 46:54.292 --> 46:55.573 They took a lot of work. 46:55.593 --> 46:55.954 Uh oh. 46:56.674 --> 46:57.535 Uh, joke one. 46:58.215 --> 47:00.977 Why did Bridget Bardot anger Elvis Presley? 47:01.898 --> 47:02.218 Answer. 47:03.098 --> 47:08.339 Because you can make King's Cross if you're a star from Paris. 47:08.359 --> 47:13.480 Oh my God! 47:14.220 --> 47:15.241 That's good! 47:15.261 --> 47:19.302 Wow, I was going to say it again but I've decided against that. 47:19.322 --> 47:21.962 Why did Bridget Bardot anger Elvis Presley? 47:21.982 --> 47:23.862 Why did she anger Elvis Presley? 47:24.283 --> 47:26.583 Because you can make King's Cross 47:26.874 --> 47:28.055 He's the king of rock and roll. 47:28.376 --> 47:34.442 If you're a star... No, I understand it in the context of the celebrity names, but it should work on two levels, right? 47:34.462 --> 47:36.284 So let's have a look at the second level. 47:36.685 --> 47:39.408 What would that sentence mean without the context of the stars? 47:39.468 --> 47:40.809 Because you can make kings cross. 47:41.926 --> 47:43.668 I mean, the grammar is not correct, I agree. 47:43.808 --> 47:45.730 You can make King's Cross where you work. 47:45.750 --> 47:47.992 Well, because King's Cross and the Eurostar and Paris are all met. 47:48.012 --> 47:48.912 Just read the punchline again. 47:48.993 --> 47:51.975 Because you can make King's Cross if Eurostar from Paris. 47:52.216 --> 47:55.238 Because you can make King's Cross if Eurostar from Paris. 47:56.019 --> 47:57.821 That's not a feasible sentence, really. 47:58.341 --> 48:04.006 So the second, you know... I mean, the correct way of saying it is, you can go to King's Cross on the Eurostar from Paris. 48:04.026 --> 48:05.087 Yeah, now make a joke out of that. 48:05.788 --> 48:07.289 And you've got your super successful joke. 48:07.309 --> 48:08.250 I'm not bringing it down. 48:08.370 --> 48:10.691 I'm just being pedantic. 48:10.731 --> 48:11.912 You're very pedantic. 48:11.992 --> 48:12.873 Well, he's got another one. 48:13.033 --> 48:13.553 How about this? 48:14.894 --> 48:16.435 Hey, have you heard? 48:16.535 --> 48:18.317 I like the way he makes it conversational. 48:18.537 --> 48:25.041 Hey, hey, you heard the idea of passing this guy in the street and him grabbing your sleeve. 48:25.321 --> 48:26.302 Hey, hey, hey. 48:28.101 --> 48:29.642 Get off me, freak! 48:30.222 --> 48:31.322 You idiot! 48:31.962 --> 48:36.444 Hey, have you heard of this new reality team? 48:36.464 --> 48:38.424 Hey, excuse me, um... 48:43.826 --> 48:46.167 Come on then, watch the joke. 48:48.107 --> 48:49.848 Come on, put yourself together, man. 48:50.728 --> 48:51.488 Okay. 48:52.248 --> 49:02.211 Hey, have you heard of this new reality TV show where members of the British public take it in turns to try and strangle Chris Tarrant with piano wire? 49:02.951 --> 49:05.272 It's called Britain's Garrott Tarrant. 49:10.439 --> 49:11.060 That's good. 49:11.120 --> 49:13.461 That is good, Dom Lawson from London. 49:13.962 --> 49:14.862 Can we take any more? 49:14.882 --> 49:17.504 Come on, let's have one. 49:17.544 --> 49:18.385 Graham Webster. 49:19.165 --> 49:20.466 Is this an old one or a made up one? 49:20.486 --> 49:21.807 I don't know, he claims he made this one up. 49:21.847 --> 49:24.128 How many Spaniards does it take to change a light bulb? 49:25.089 --> 49:25.889 That is old. 49:25.929 --> 49:26.349 Is it old? 49:26.389 --> 49:27.670 I'm not even gonna say the punchline. 49:27.950 --> 49:28.970 It's too old to say the punchline. 49:28.990 --> 49:30.050 Let's all say it together, listeners. 49:30.411 --> 49:31.411 One, two, three. 49:31.931 --> 49:32.631 Juan. 49:33.371 --> 49:33.871 It's old. 49:34.472 --> 49:38.993 Are you accusing Graham Webster of just that being a received joke, not an author joke? 49:39.013 --> 49:40.393 It's too banal, though. 49:40.473 --> 49:47.895 The punchline of Juan and the, you know, the fact that the name Juan sounds a bit like Juan, that's been used before in other comedic contexts. 49:47.915 --> 49:49.036 This is from Jack Hughes then. 49:49.296 --> 49:53.157 What happened when all the hospital attendants arrived at the canteen all at once? 49:54.979 --> 49:59.726 I repeat, what happened when all the hospital attendants arrived at the canteen all at once? 50:00.547 --> 50:02.570 They were told to form an orderly queue. 50:03.712 --> 50:04.634 An orderly queue. 50:10.346 --> 50:11.026 What's that? 50:11.146 --> 50:13.847 Is that your pirate insane pirate list? 50:14.308 --> 50:22.811 Hey, you know, I'm not gonna read the whole joke out, which might make this guy even more angry, but Ben Escott from Westcliff, he wrote the manga management joke that you wrote. 50:22.831 --> 50:23.711 Yes, that was a good one. 50:23.991 --> 50:25.432 And he never got props for it. 50:25.932 --> 50:27.012 So sorry about that, Ben. 50:27.252 --> 50:27.933 Retro props. 50:28.333 --> 50:30.654 I'm not gonna read out your boo meringue joke. 50:31.394 --> 50:32.735 I'll leave that one for another time. 50:32.755 --> 50:33.115 That sounds good. 50:33.455 --> 50:34.595 Some kind of frightening meringue. 50:34.695 --> 50:35.496 Yeah, exactly. 50:35.596 --> 50:36.356 Yeah, exactly. 50:36.716 --> 50:38.096 Thanks for those made up jokes. 50:38.336 --> 50:40.137 You know, keep them coming in if you feel like it. 50:40.157 --> 50:41.417 I think you've got the idea now. 50:41.817 --> 50:43.477 Here's some music from the Animal Collective. 50:43.497 --> 50:44.598 This is Summertime Clothes. 50:45.738 --> 50:46.098 There you go. 50:46.118 --> 50:48.318 That's Animal Collective with Summertime Clothes. 50:48.338 --> 50:50.519 That's being released as a single at the end of June. 50:51.099 --> 50:56.320 And you can see Animal Collective headlining the park stage at Glastonbury on a Saturday night. 50:56.340 --> 50:57.480 We'll be able to see that, Joe. 50:57.640 --> 50:59.841 Yeah, we're going to be at Glastonbury, we think, listeners. 50:59.881 --> 51:01.281 Is it premature to say that? 51:01.821 --> 51:03.842 Yeah, we're not going to be at Glastonbury listeners. 51:04.262 --> 51:05.422 No way. 51:05.962 --> 51:09.926 Yeah, but we could, I mean, the likelihood is that we would want to go there as punters. 51:10.046 --> 51:12.488 Yeah, we're not, like, not in an official capacity, James. 51:12.508 --> 51:13.389 I wasn't saying that. 51:13.789 --> 51:18.693 I'm just saying that Adam and I have got tickets for Glastonbury and Wicked, we're gonna, we might go. 51:18.713 --> 51:20.795 That's a nice job, man. 51:20.815 --> 51:22.577 Thanks, man. 51:23.397 --> 51:24.718 I really saved the day, though. 51:25.860 --> 51:28.623 Listen, what do you know about Schooly D, Adam? 51:29.183 --> 51:35.228 Schooly D. He was the head of the... He was the education secretary in the 80s. 51:35.288 --> 51:35.749 Correct. 51:36.309 --> 51:46.498 Schooly D was the head of the education department in the 1980s, along with his sidekick DJ Code Money, who was head of the money department. 51:46.658 --> 51:46.898 Yeah. 51:47.159 --> 51:48.059 That's a good name, isn't it? 51:48.079 --> 51:49.220 DJ Code Money. 51:49.320 --> 51:50.161 Code Money. 51:50.181 --> 51:50.982 What does that mean? 51:51.482 --> 51:51.723 Yeah. 51:51.963 --> 51:53.124 Money is a sort of a code. 51:53.564 --> 51:56.325 Anyway, this is a free play coming up from Schooly D, living in a jungle. 51:56.685 --> 52:02.007 He's featured on a lot of Abel Ferrara films, Schooly D. King of New York and Bad Lieutenant. 52:02.527 --> 52:04.687 That's where you might have heard him if you're a movie fan. 52:04.747 --> 52:07.048 How old is Abel Ferrara? 52:07.768 --> 52:07.048 167. 52:07.788 --> 52:08.769 He must be very old. 52:08.809 --> 52:12.870 I mean, it seems strange to me that a man... He's actually a young man, but he's so grizzled. 52:13.310 --> 52:15.250 How old was he when he made King of New York? 52:15.491 --> 52:16.431 I've no idea, you know. 52:16.531 --> 52:17.071 I don't know. 52:17.511 --> 52:18.471 In truth, I think he is. 52:18.671 --> 52:19.412 Yeah, he's getting on now. 52:19.732 --> 52:20.292 He's getting on. 52:20.672 --> 52:22.333 Weird that he would be into that kind of music. 52:22.373 --> 52:23.754 I mean, there's no reason why he shouldn't be. 52:23.774 --> 52:24.494 He's a hipster. 52:24.675 --> 52:25.395 He's an absolute hipster. 52:25.415 --> 52:26.756 He's a New York underground man. 52:27.376 --> 52:28.597 Anyway, Schooly D's brilliant. 52:28.617 --> 52:40.624 He's got such a unique sort of sparse rhythmic thing going on and a really good little vocal style as well with a really cool kind of effect on his voice that I like a lot. 52:41.005 --> 52:41.385 Wicked. 52:41.505 --> 52:43.166 This is Schooly D with Living in a Jungle. 52:43.843 --> 52:49.365 That mixes very well into Alphabet Street by Prince if you want to do a disco mix. 52:49.685 --> 52:50.165 No thanks. 52:52.086 --> 52:55.607 That was Daft Punk with Daft Punk. 52:55.788 --> 52:57.868 This is Adam and Joe here on Six Music. 52:58.328 --> 53:01.630 Now presumably, Joe, you've gone out and you bought your copy of Bob Dylan's new album. 53:01.770 --> 53:02.450 Of course. 53:02.830 --> 53:04.631 Yeah, you would have done that on the first day. 53:05.271 --> 53:07.312 Well, I can't even remember what his new album's called. 53:07.393 --> 53:07.813 I've got it. 53:07.833 --> 53:09.514 I mean, look at that one. 53:09.574 --> 53:11.715 It's called Look What I Found in That Bin. 53:13.156 --> 53:15.498 I've dropped my keys, is what it's called. 53:16.278 --> 53:18.460 No, I'm not rummaging around for sandwiches. 53:18.640 --> 53:19.640 I dropped my keys. 53:19.740 --> 53:21.241 It's called Together Through Life. 53:22.162 --> 53:25.704 And for a time, it was certainly number one in the States for a while. 53:25.744 --> 53:27.626 I think maybe it was even number one here, too. 53:28.166 --> 53:31.768 He's done pretty well for, what is he, Septogenarian now or something? 53:32.168 --> 53:32.549 Must be. 53:33.467 --> 53:34.868 He is soldiering on. 53:35.408 --> 53:38.730 And I don't know, is that, I hope there's no, because he was ill for a while, right? 53:38.770 --> 53:41.212 And he got over that illness a few years back. 53:41.652 --> 53:46.054 Like he was teetering on the edge there in an upsetting way, but I'm very glad to say he bounced back. 53:46.735 --> 53:49.416 But is there something actually wrong with his throat? 53:49.997 --> 53:50.737 I don't think so. 53:50.797 --> 53:52.758 I think that's just the way he sounds now, right? 53:53.198 --> 53:54.479 Have you heard him sing recently? 53:54.819 --> 53:55.380 Not really. 53:55.580 --> 53:57.321 I'm a bit of a know-nothing. 53:57.341 --> 53:58.602 You're not up on your bobo. 53:59.782 --> 54:08.704 I was thinking about maybe playing a clip of how he sounds, but instead I've done a song, which more or less illustrates exactly what Bob Dylan sounds like nowadays. 54:08.744 --> 54:09.124 Here it is. 54:09.144 --> 54:28.669 I've got a problem this bad throat And I've been searching for a lousy inch I don't mind if it's a black current one 54:30.509 --> 54:58.063 But I'd object if it was orange Last night I caught a nasty shock I caught something really scary It had been there since the sixties It had legs and it could speak Which I don't think is ordinary 55:02.598 --> 55:24.296 I'm too busy to buy throat sweets for myself I got crappy gigs to play and roads to travel Maybe I'll revisit Highway 6-1 Drink a cup of dust and eat a lot of gravel 55:27.922 --> 55:53.090 It's so amazing that a legendary oldster like me still gets up on stage and Boogie's kind of the people in the audience throw lozenges to me and in return I let them have my loogies 55:58.473 --> 55:58.833 Wow. 55:59.574 --> 56:04.819 I didn't really I didn't realize it was so lozinger oriented. 56:04.879 --> 56:07.041 It's all about lozenges. 56:07.301 --> 56:10.985 He's fixated on lozenges and no surprises because you're right. 56:11.065 --> 56:17.811 He has got a very pronounced distinct vocal style there that does smack of throttle problems. 56:17.971 --> 56:18.171 Yeah. 56:18.752 --> 56:23.036 And it sounds as if he's singing through an anaconda style baro based tracheotomy. 56:23.236 --> 56:24.257 That's right. 56:24.517 --> 56:25.918 You may well be, for all I know. 56:25.938 --> 56:33.845 I mean, I haven't got, I can play you a clip, we haven't got any recent Bob Dylan on the system, but I can play you a clip just off my laptop here, if you want. 56:33.905 --> 56:34.525 Lapel-topple. 56:34.706 --> 56:35.106 Here we go. 56:35.126 --> 56:35.206 Nice. 56:39.109 --> 56:39.570 Where is he? 56:49.048 --> 56:51.010 Actually, that's one of the good ones where he's in fairly good voice. 56:51.030 --> 56:56.494 It's still sounding quite throaty, but throatiness can be, you know, can give a lot of character, can't it, you know? 56:56.634 --> 57:00.878 Yeah, but there's character and then there's just like an insane level of croakiness. 57:01.138 --> 57:03.860 Or it's getting into muppet areas as well, isn't it? 57:03.920 --> 57:06.702 It's getting into kind of puppet territory. 57:06.842 --> 57:07.163 Right. 57:07.283 --> 57:13.588 Which is a good way for an older person to go because, you know, you start looking like someone out of the dark crystal. 57:14.008 --> 57:16.170 He really does look like Skeksis, doesn't he? 57:16.610 --> 57:17.351 That's what he looks like. 57:17.371 --> 57:22.074 Someone should drape him, you know, drape some Hessian across his back to give him a little knoll stick. 57:22.214 --> 57:27.077 Yeah, there's probably a couple of sort of beardy Californians underneath him all the time moving him around. 57:27.117 --> 57:27.437 Yes. 57:27.737 --> 57:29.659 Someone should, when are they going to make labyrinths too? 57:29.679 --> 57:34.322 Because they could save money on puppets just by putting all those old rock stars in there anyway. 57:34.382 --> 57:37.364 Yeah, get Bowie back in because Bowie's pretty craggly now as well. 57:37.384 --> 57:38.544 He looks like a marionette. 57:38.845 --> 57:42.647 But Bowie's voice, I mean, what's he doing with his voice these days? 57:42.667 --> 57:44.368 I haven't heard Bowie's voice for a while. 57:44.388 --> 57:44.808 Well, he, uh, 57:45.729 --> 57:48.150 He's sort of fairly squeaky sometimes as well. 57:48.190 --> 57:52.371 He sounds a lot like... I think he still sounds pretty much like he used to. 57:52.551 --> 57:54.632 He's a little more pompy and operatic. 57:55.092 --> 57:57.133 Maybe he doesn't hit so many high notes as he used to. 57:57.453 --> 58:01.254 But Dilbo, he is gargling with... Dilbo bobbins. 58:02.294 --> 58:03.174 Dilbo bobbins. 58:04.015 --> 58:06.215 He's gargling with cactuses there. 58:06.895 --> 58:07.556 Sounds good. 58:07.576 --> 58:08.336 It's absolutely insane. 58:08.416 --> 58:09.176 It's a good rendition. 58:09.216 --> 58:11.437 You should do a duet with him. 58:11.937 --> 58:12.618 You know, I'd love to. 58:12.658 --> 58:14.220 If he's listening... It's going to happen. 58:14.260 --> 58:16.462 I think it's almost guaranteed to happen. 58:16.482 --> 58:20.827 You know, what I haven't heard is him doing his theme time radio things, which are supposed to be brilliant. 58:20.927 --> 58:22.268 He works for this station. 58:22.308 --> 58:22.949 Of course he does. 58:23.089 --> 58:24.190 Can I get some copies? 58:24.431 --> 58:26.052 Because everyone says how amazing they are. 58:26.073 --> 58:26.873 I still haven't heard them. 58:26.893 --> 58:27.434 It's ludicrous. 58:27.554 --> 58:29.496 Does he record those in New York? 58:29.877 --> 58:30.657 In America. 58:30.798 --> 58:32.039 We can go to America. 58:32.509 --> 58:33.149 We could swap. 58:33.309 --> 58:34.270 Can't we do some kind of swap? 58:34.290 --> 58:35.230 Why don't we do a swap? 58:35.250 --> 58:36.790 We could go, we could do a three show. 58:36.850 --> 58:37.751 He could do our show. 58:37.991 --> 58:38.291 Yeah. 58:38.411 --> 58:40.311 It's time for Texas Nation. 58:40.331 --> 58:41.792 That would be good. 58:42.092 --> 58:43.552 I bet he's got some funny stories about it. 58:43.592 --> 58:45.413 This week, rifling through bin. 58:46.193 --> 58:50.134 You never guess what I found last week. 58:50.174 --> 58:52.355 Sandwich, half eaten. 58:52.415 --> 58:54.255 But it was good, still good. 58:54.336 --> 58:55.256 It was fine. 58:55.276 --> 58:58.477 Here's the ting tings. 58:59.517 --> 59:03.180 That was Ting Tings with Great DJ, fun fact. 59:03.240 --> 59:05.282 That was actually written about Joe Cornish. 59:05.502 --> 59:09.225 Yeah, that's true, actually, because they think I'm such a great DJ. 59:09.785 --> 59:14.329 And all the lyrics are about Joe and it's about Joe, isn't that amazing? 59:14.669 --> 59:15.650 It's a big hit as well. 59:16.250 --> 59:16.651 Flattering. 59:16.671 --> 59:18.812 What's it like to have a song written about you by the Ting Tings? 59:18.953 --> 59:19.373 Boring. 59:19.433 --> 59:19.713 Boring. 59:19.753 --> 59:21.334 Yeah, I mean, I'm tired of it. 59:21.795 --> 59:22.595 I don't care. 59:22.776 --> 59:23.076 Yeah. 59:23.416 --> 59:28.498 We're going back to text the nation now and we have another jingle that's been created by a listener. 59:28.598 --> 59:30.638 Can I just say I wish I was Nick Grimshaw. 59:31.218 --> 59:31.979 Do you know Grimmy? 59:32.359 --> 59:33.399 Oh sure, yeah. 59:33.539 --> 59:34.559 He's on keyboard. 59:35.100 --> 59:39.541 I was in the hairdresser the other day and every man in there was having his hair done like Grimmy. 59:39.661 --> 59:41.401 How would you describe the Grimshaw cut? 59:41.421 --> 59:42.662 Grimmy's got curly hair. 59:43.482 --> 59:48.065 And he has it sort of short at the back and the sides and then kind of crazy and floppy at the front. 59:48.945 --> 59:51.987 I was listening to him on the radio this morning before I came in. 59:52.287 --> 59:53.748 He just seems like the man of the moment. 59:54.489 --> 59:54.809 Grimmy. 59:55.129 --> 59:55.930 Yeah. 59:55.990 --> 59:56.410 The Grimshaw. 59:56.690 --> 59:57.991 I want a little nickname like that. 59:58.925 --> 01:00:00.166 Jobo, job, jobsies. 01:00:00.186 --> 01:00:01.106 You've got loads. 01:00:01.166 --> 01:00:01.586 Jobbles. 01:00:01.827 --> 01:00:02.447 Jaycorn. 01:00:02.587 --> 01:00:02.907 Jaycorn. 01:00:03.508 --> 01:00:04.888 What's wrong with Jaycorn? 01:00:04.928 --> 01:00:06.249 Well then, then I need better hair. 01:00:06.269 --> 01:00:09.511 I don't know, he's just, just, there's something about grimy. 01:00:09.831 --> 01:00:11.632 I'll tell you what, there is about grimy that you want. 01:00:12.072 --> 01:00:13.273 He's 20 years younger than you. 01:00:16.718 --> 01:00:17.778 That's what it is. 01:00:18.559 --> 01:00:19.739 I'm not sure that he is, though. 01:00:19.799 --> 01:00:20.139 He's cool. 01:00:20.199 --> 01:00:21.460 I think he's 20 years older than me. 01:00:21.960 --> 01:00:22.220 Really? 01:00:22.540 --> 01:00:24.180 He just looks really, really good. 01:00:24.400 --> 01:00:24.901 He's the man. 01:00:24.921 --> 01:00:27.021 He's got a lackadaisical attitude. 01:00:27.061 --> 01:00:29.622 Are you taking Grimshaw over Steve Jones? 01:00:29.922 --> 01:00:30.342 Oh, yeah. 01:00:30.542 --> 01:00:42.146 I'm not, no disrespect to Steve Jones, but ever since he's turned up on yachts in the Caribbean with actresses from Heroes, I mean, you've left the planet. 01:00:42.366 --> 01:00:45.047 With Jonesy, that always seemed as if it was the plan. 01:00:45.347 --> 01:00:48.850 You know, he's too good looking to be in the mud with the rest of us. 01:00:48.910 --> 01:00:49.670 I don't know. 01:00:49.710 --> 01:00:51.992 Something about T4 gets on my nips. 01:00:53.113 --> 01:00:55.074 It's too lackadaisical. 01:00:55.154 --> 01:00:57.116 It's like they throw the baby out with the bathwater. 01:00:57.136 --> 01:00:58.617 Where it's grimy. 01:00:58.637 --> 01:01:00.438 I don't know, grimy's just got a certain something. 01:01:00.638 --> 01:01:01.039 Grimbles. 01:01:01.559 --> 01:01:02.440 Grimbles at Christmas. 01:01:02.660 --> 01:01:03.400 Yeah, he's great. 01:01:03.461 --> 01:01:04.061 He could do anything. 01:01:05.217 --> 01:01:07.079 And he's the king of plaid shirts as well. 01:01:07.099 --> 01:01:08.781 He pretty much... He's got the look. 01:01:10.402 --> 01:01:11.023 He invented it. 01:01:11.163 --> 01:01:12.445 Skinny jeans, the plaid shirts. 01:01:12.505 --> 01:01:13.906 I wish he was jamming in my book. 01:01:14.187 --> 01:01:14.787 He could be. 01:01:15.228 --> 01:01:15.929 He could easily be. 01:01:15.969 --> 01:01:16.549 We'll hook you up. 01:01:16.950 --> 01:01:17.270 Okay. 01:01:17.330 --> 01:01:18.311 So listen, text the nation. 01:01:18.652 --> 01:01:22.656 We've got a jingle that was sent in by a listener whose name is Ben Wizard. 01:01:23.397 --> 01:01:25.099 And this is what Ben's come up with. 01:01:31.787 --> 01:01:44.673 That barbershop quartet would not last long. 01:01:45.234 --> 01:01:48.655 No, there's something a bit disturbing about that type of music. 01:01:48.715 --> 01:01:54.699 It's a bit like the closing credits of The Shining or, you know, the flying pickets and fascinating Aida and that kind of thing. 01:01:54.739 --> 01:01:57.020 He's using a technique known as not so close harmony. 01:01:58.981 --> 01:02:00.023 Not that close harmony. 01:02:00.063 --> 01:02:00.863 Slightly troubling. 01:02:01.004 --> 01:02:01.824 Thanks a lot, Ben, though. 01:02:01.844 --> 01:02:02.325 That was good. 01:02:03.086 --> 01:02:03.286 Yeah. 01:02:03.786 --> 01:02:06.229 That sounded sort of dismissive and patronile. 01:02:06.249 --> 01:02:06.669 That was good. 01:02:07.590 --> 01:02:08.271 But I meant it. 01:02:08.351 --> 01:02:08.831 Thanks, Ben. 01:02:09.412 --> 01:02:12.815 Text the Nation this week is about things you do when you're home alone. 01:02:13.736 --> 01:02:15.617 You got some messages there, Joe? 01:02:15.817 --> 01:02:16.997 Yeah, John Smith from London. 01:02:17.017 --> 01:02:25.100 And yeah, this is stuff that you do when all your cohabities and your partner leaves you to go away and you're stuck at home alone, just like what you said. 01:02:26.480 --> 01:02:26.961 Home alone. 01:02:27.401 --> 01:02:27.581 Yeah. 01:02:27.781 --> 01:02:29.281 This is from John Smith from London. 01:02:29.581 --> 01:02:35.703 He says, I tend to buy some red wine, watch the notebook, then go to bed, distraught and inconsolable. 01:02:35.924 --> 01:02:36.544 What's the notebook? 01:02:36.564 --> 01:02:38.144 Well, the notebook is a film. 01:02:40.605 --> 01:02:42.226 It's one of those very romantic films. 01:02:42.246 --> 01:02:44.927 I haven't seen it, but girls are really into it. 01:02:45.027 --> 01:02:46.668 The notebook, it's super romantic. 01:02:46.708 --> 01:02:49.109 I don't know what happens in it, but someone must die. 01:02:49.210 --> 01:02:54.232 I guess somebody dies and I guess he or she writes something very compelling. 01:02:54.352 --> 01:02:56.433 I'm just making this up in a notebook. 01:02:56.673 --> 01:02:58.094 There might be time travel involved. 01:02:58.214 --> 01:02:59.315 Or is that the Richard Gere one? 01:02:59.495 --> 01:03:00.775 That's the lake house, isn't it? 01:03:00.815 --> 01:03:01.616 Oh, the lake house. 01:03:02.516 --> 01:03:05.599 I haven't seen that one either, and that's another very popular weepy one. 01:03:05.859 --> 01:03:06.740 Can't be popular, can't. 01:03:06.760 --> 01:03:07.781 That's one of the worst films ever made. 01:03:07.801 --> 01:03:09.362 No, people love The Lake House. 01:03:09.482 --> 01:03:09.882 Bullocks. 01:03:10.483 --> 01:03:12.104 But people love The Notebook even more. 01:03:12.504 --> 01:03:15.187 Sandra Bullocks and Keanu. 01:03:16.167 --> 01:03:19.890 But that's a man doing that, so he's indulging in kind of, you know... Lady behavior. 01:03:19.930 --> 01:03:21.231 Lady, lady behavior. 01:03:21.271 --> 01:03:23.413 Yeah, super emotional lady behavior. 01:03:23.473 --> 01:03:24.114 It can be fun. 01:03:24.234 --> 01:03:25.095 Sometimes I do that. 01:03:25.155 --> 01:03:26.596 Sometimes I do a bit of lady behavior. 01:03:26.896 --> 01:03:27.837 I have a special bath. 01:03:28.317 --> 01:03:30.519 Do you, with scented candles? 01:03:30.539 --> 01:03:31.660 They light a load of candles. 01:03:32.020 --> 01:03:32.340 Yes. 01:03:32.641 --> 01:03:33.862 And lie there, put some petals. 01:03:35.143 --> 01:03:35.543 To what? 01:03:35.583 --> 01:03:35.943 Petals. 01:03:36.243 --> 01:03:36.744 Petals? 01:03:37.044 --> 01:03:37.705 From a flower. 01:03:37.725 --> 01:03:38.545 Put some petals in the bath. 01:03:38.565 --> 01:03:39.706 Put some petals in my flower. 01:03:39.946 --> 01:03:40.287 Really? 01:03:40.707 --> 01:03:41.368 Have a special bath. 01:03:41.388 --> 01:03:44.450 I bet they look brilliant bobbing next to your pits. 01:03:49.914 --> 01:03:54.678 Disturb the surface of the petals with a little airborne toxic event. 01:03:56.460 --> 01:04:13.632 This is one from Jan Hi Adam and Joe my girlfriend just left yesterday for a few days to Germany and I felt exactly like Joe I bought steaks chocolates and cigarettes brackets I quit a while ago because of her and consumed everything almost at once then watched four episodes of Battlestar Galactica During which I felt very sick. 01:04:14.052 --> 01:04:15.493 I suddenly realized that without her. 01:04:15.794 --> 01:04:19.777 I probably wouldn't live very long This is the thing isn't it's very true your mortality. 01:04:19.797 --> 01:04:21.678 You suddenly realize my god, you know that 01:04:21.778 --> 01:04:23.939 Woman really actually keeps me fit and healthy. 01:04:23.959 --> 01:04:24.760 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 01:04:25.020 --> 01:04:27.662 I know all your parameters go out the window, don't they? 01:04:27.702 --> 01:04:29.623 I've been in almost exactly that situation. 01:04:29.643 --> 01:04:30.183 Who is that from? 01:04:30.603 --> 01:04:30.963 Jan. 01:04:31.204 --> 01:04:32.785 Jan, I can totally relate. 01:04:32.885 --> 01:04:35.986 I had one of those evenings where I thought, I'm going to watch Alien. 01:04:36.207 --> 01:04:38.348 I like to watch Alien once a year, right? 01:04:38.628 --> 01:04:38.868 Right. 01:04:39.008 --> 01:04:40.929 And I thought, oops, sorry. 01:04:41.690 --> 01:04:43.031 I can't even get in the bin. 01:04:43.051 --> 01:04:45.352 I'm going to have to fish around in a bit. 01:04:45.412 --> 01:04:46.333 It's just an excuse. 01:04:46.913 --> 01:04:50.315 So Joe can get the sandwich that Yare left in the bin earlier on. 01:04:55.540 --> 01:04:57.261 Now I was having my alien night, right? 01:04:57.301 --> 01:04:58.602 I thought I'm going to watch Alien tonight. 01:04:58.642 --> 01:05:00.284 I'm going to project it onto the wall as well. 01:05:00.304 --> 01:05:01.885 I'm going to do it the whole nine yards. 01:05:01.905 --> 01:05:03.887 I'm going to get a delicious Indian takeaway. 01:05:03.907 --> 01:05:04.367 The first alien. 01:05:04.848 --> 01:05:05.428 The first alien. 01:05:05.448 --> 01:05:05.648 Yeah. 01:05:05.749 --> 01:05:08.431 Even the director's cut, which is shorter than the theatrical one. 01:05:08.531 --> 01:05:08.831 Brilliant. 01:05:09.072 --> 01:05:10.012 Can't beat it. 01:05:10.653 --> 01:05:12.635 And I'm going to make myself a gin and tonic. 01:05:13.395 --> 01:05:33.495 You know seven gin and tonics later pretty much on the floor and I can't see I can't move to switch the DVD off and I just feel like an absolute disgrace I'm totally out of control and you feel sort of humiliated and then you can't do any work the next morning You feel so awful the whole day the only way the only thing to do then is just keep it rolling 01:05:33.715 --> 01:05:36.398 That's the only tactic there, just keep going. 01:05:36.478 --> 01:05:37.079 Keep going. 01:05:37.339 --> 01:05:39.241 Yeah, here's one from Lucian Barking. 01:05:39.581 --> 01:05:47.329 Whenever my boyfriend goes away, I buy the most sugary cereal I can find and live off it until he gets back. 01:05:47.770 --> 01:05:51.113 The TV also seems to get stuck on ITV2 or Living. 01:05:51.574 --> 01:05:54.677 I'm always quite relieved when he comes home, so this behaviour has to stop. 01:05:55.618 --> 01:05:58.620 There you go, you see, that's what relationships are about, policing each other. 01:05:58.841 --> 01:06:00.562 Parameters, imposing parameters. 01:06:01.162 --> 01:06:07.087 Well, just having a person that brings out the best in you, you want to be your best for that person. 01:06:07.267 --> 01:06:11.470 There's a lot of talk about performing various ablutions with the door open. 01:06:11.811 --> 01:06:12.031 Oh yeah. 01:06:12.331 --> 01:06:15.153 People find that very liberating, not having to close doors. 01:06:15.954 --> 01:06:20.878 You know, there's no chance someone's going to walk past and catch you in the act of various private business. 01:06:21.799 --> 01:06:37.396 Phil says I'm not allowed to run up the stairs normally so if she's not there and I need the toilet I go down to the garage so that I can run up the flight of stairs the euphoria builds gradually as I approach the top steps fists clenched I shout yes in your face 01:06:39.138 --> 01:06:41.020 What kind of relationship is that, Phil? 01:06:41.040 --> 01:06:42.561 I don't know, troubling. 01:06:42.681 --> 01:06:43.302 That's terrible. 01:06:43.622 --> 01:06:47.045 Listen, we've got a few more of these before the end of the show. 01:06:47.145 --> 01:06:48.566 Do keep them coming in if you wish. 01:06:49.247 --> 01:07:00.016 The text number is 64046, or you can email AdamandJoe.6musicatbbc.co.uk. 01:07:00.236 --> 01:07:02.298 Here's the special AKA with Too Much Too Young. 01:07:04.875 --> 01:07:08.841 That was Big Star sounding very much like Teenage Fan Club. 01:07:08.941 --> 01:07:10.844 I guess it's the other way around though, wasn't it? 01:07:11.545 --> 01:07:12.406 September Girls. 01:07:12.466 --> 01:07:15.611 That was his Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music. 01:07:16.112 --> 01:07:19.396 Now I feel as if I was let down by London this week, Jo. 01:07:19.557 --> 01:07:19.917 Oh dear. 01:07:20.658 --> 01:07:30.687 because I was out on my bike yesterday, rattling along, and when I got home, I realised that one of my saddlebags was no longer on my bike. 01:07:30.987 --> 01:07:31.328 Uh-oh. 01:07:31.588 --> 01:07:37.313 It had bounced the heck off and was just lying somewhere in South London. 01:07:37.513 --> 01:07:38.914 Let down by London. 01:07:38.995 --> 01:07:40.136 Let down by London. 01:07:40.416 --> 01:07:44.419 No one yelled at me or tried to alert me or come after me. 01:07:45.160 --> 01:07:49.302 And let me know, now, I should say at this point, and... Were you cycling with your headphones in? 01:07:49.442 --> 01:07:55.664 I was, but... Well, there you go, so if... Well, don't go, there you go, Torpedo Commander Cornish, because... I'm just saying that you might not have heard them. 01:07:56.144 --> 01:07:57.645 Maybe they shouted at you and you couldn't hear them. 01:07:57.745 --> 01:07:59.966 Yeah, but... Is that a terrible thing to suggest? 01:08:00.406 --> 01:08:02.707 Well... Obviously, it is a bit. 01:08:02.807 --> 01:08:13.171 A little bit, because I don't have my music that loud, because I do want to be aware of other road users, and I do want to be aware if someone does shout at me, like a cop or something. 01:08:13.391 --> 01:08:14.191 Yeah, you know what I mean? 01:08:14.712 --> 01:08:20.314 So I don't have my music that loud, but I was certainly not aware of anyone trying to get my attention. 01:08:21.135 --> 01:08:28.238 And the other thing would be, why couldn't they hail a taxi and pursue you at their own cost? 01:08:28.278 --> 01:08:28.878 Exactly. 01:08:29.718 --> 01:08:30.759 What was in the bag? 01:08:31.479 --> 01:08:32.880 I'll tell you exactly what was in the bag. 01:08:33.718 --> 01:08:36.679 I had a front light that I'd just purchased. 01:08:36.999 --> 01:08:38.680 Price around about 20 pounds. 01:08:39.901 --> 01:08:42.221 A really nice rear light, 40 pounds. 01:08:42.982 --> 01:08:47.344 Expensive set of waterproof trousers for the unreliable weather we've been having recently. 01:08:47.564 --> 01:08:47.884 Cost? 01:08:48.444 --> 01:08:51.285 Cost around about 60 pounds. 01:08:51.305 --> 01:08:52.846 60 pounds for waterproof trousers. 01:08:52.886 --> 01:08:54.366 Really nice cortex trousers. 01:08:55.007 --> 01:08:55.367 Really? 01:08:55.387 --> 01:08:56.947 They like a diving suit. 01:08:57.107 --> 01:08:57.988 Actually, watertight. 01:08:58.008 --> 01:09:02.670 This is what you need to let your skin breathe and protect you from the moisture. 01:09:02.690 --> 01:09:03.090 60 quid. 01:09:03.650 --> 01:09:18.920 a nice mini pump hang on what's the what have we got so far i mean that's over over over over 150 quid 60 quid for the track mini pump mini pump 15 quid set of audio adapters and connectors i would say in toto probably worth around about 20 quid 01:09:19.960 --> 01:09:21.761 You know, things like leads. 01:09:21.821 --> 01:09:22.261 Phonos. 01:09:22.541 --> 01:09:24.702 Phono, Jackson, converters, stuff like that. 01:09:24.722 --> 01:09:25.262 Converters. 01:09:25.382 --> 01:09:25.943 Splitters. 01:09:26.103 --> 01:09:26.583 Splitters. 01:09:27.103 --> 01:09:29.484 BNC converter, that sort of thing. 01:09:29.564 --> 01:09:30.865 BNC to phono converter. 01:09:31.165 --> 01:09:32.786 Oh, I love a BNC to phono converter. 01:09:32.826 --> 01:09:33.666 It was gold as well. 01:09:33.686 --> 01:09:34.646 9-pin DIN. 01:09:34.666 --> 01:09:35.587 It was gold plated. 01:09:35.827 --> 01:09:36.607 Oh, HDMI. 01:09:37.048 --> 01:09:37.308 1080p. 01:09:37.368 --> 01:09:40.689 Yeah, I like to carry them around if I'm doing a gig and people don't have the right connections. 01:09:41.069 --> 01:09:41.389 Lost. 01:09:44.191 --> 01:09:44.991 There were some sweets in 01:09:45.091 --> 01:09:48.435 there that I'd snaffled from a post-production house. 01:09:48.535 --> 01:09:52.600 I'd just done a VO, just done a voiceover, that's what we call them in the industry VO. 01:09:53.781 --> 01:10:00.609 And I came out, you know they had those big bowls of sweets in post-production houses sometimes, sweets in the audio suites. 01:10:01.269 --> 01:10:05.454 And so I went through there and I had a chewy Maoam bar 01:10:09.076 --> 01:10:13.178 And the very beautiful receptionist lady recommended her favourite flavour to me. 01:10:13.218 --> 01:10:14.679 I was trying it for the first time. 01:10:14.699 --> 01:10:18.441 It was a wonderful moment and I was going to celebrate by eating it later on. 01:10:18.901 --> 01:10:20.462 I had a new twist. 01:10:21.002 --> 01:10:22.343 I've never had a twist before. 01:10:23.023 --> 01:10:27.305 It's like a Cadbury's cream egg in the form of a chocolate one. 01:10:27.345 --> 01:10:28.946 I had a caramel in there. 01:10:29.466 --> 01:10:32.048 Not the whole, but they're like, you know, what an amazing bag. 01:10:32.288 --> 01:10:32.488 Yeah. 01:10:32.709 --> 01:10:33.189 All fun. 01:10:33.309 --> 01:10:33.789 All lost. 01:10:34.130 --> 01:10:38.153 And finally, I had a little makeup cover stick in there as well. 01:10:38.273 --> 01:10:38.833 Oh, did you? 01:10:39.374 --> 01:10:40.755 For taking out the spots. 01:10:41.195 --> 01:10:41.435 Yeah. 01:10:42.256 --> 01:10:42.656 Really? 01:10:42.836 --> 01:10:44.497 You know, I very seldom... They never work, you know. 01:10:44.537 --> 01:10:45.999 They're never the correct skin colour. 01:10:46.159 --> 01:10:47.039 No, this one was perfect. 01:10:47.059 --> 01:10:48.100 They always show up, was it? 01:10:48.180 --> 01:10:55.346 It was ab... It'd taken me years to find the right... I spent most of my teenage years with very pale blobs all over my face. 01:10:55.506 --> 01:10:56.807 You were Mr. Witch Hazel, weren't you? 01:10:57.747 --> 01:10:58.428 I tried everything. 01:10:59.289 --> 01:11:00.910 When I went through his body squares. 01:11:00.930 --> 01:11:02.312 I had the perfect shade. 01:11:02.752 --> 01:11:04.213 What an amazing bag of stuff. 01:11:04.534 --> 01:11:08.477 I reckon there's that same tramp who we've been discussing all this morning. 01:11:08.577 --> 01:11:09.718 Celebrating with his cortex. 01:11:09.738 --> 01:11:12.341 He's got really lucky, yeah, because he's found this bag of goodies. 01:11:12.701 --> 01:11:13.802 He's got the twists. 01:11:14.002 --> 01:11:17.345 He's got the... It's just the connectors I need. 01:11:18.246 --> 01:11:21.671 I don't know if I should have the mow arm now or the twist. 01:11:23.854 --> 01:11:26.036 My trousers are so waterproof. 01:11:26.577 --> 01:11:28.460 I'm going dancing in the fountain today. 01:11:30.277 --> 01:11:31.778 He's gonna have a party, that guy. 01:11:32.159 --> 01:11:32.759 That hobo. 01:11:33.059 --> 01:11:34.180 No one came after me! 01:11:34.420 --> 01:11:35.161 BUCKY LEEZ! 01:11:35.601 --> 01:11:37.803 YOU'VE DROPPED YOUR... PANIA! 01:11:38.263 --> 01:11:39.585 It wasn't a penia, it was a saddlebag. 01:11:39.925 --> 01:11:41.106 You've dropped your saddlebag! 01:11:41.346 --> 01:11:43.868 Because I thought I was in the black in the karma bank, right? 01:11:43.888 --> 01:11:45.529 I found that guy's wallet a few weeks ago. 01:11:45.649 --> 01:11:51.614 You're the man who says, in the past, I seem to remember you saying that anything that falls on the ground is public property. 01:11:51.974 --> 01:11:53.075 No, when did I say that? 01:11:53.095 --> 01:11:55.157 We had a discussion about things you found. 01:11:55.297 --> 01:11:56.378 Oh, money, money, yeah. 01:11:56.658 --> 01:12:00.179 Yeah, and generally the rule was if it's on the ground, it's anybody's. 01:12:00.199 --> 01:12:07.681 You were saying that that was true in a shop, that if like you were in WH Smith's and a magazine has fallen out of the rack onto the floor, it's free. 01:12:07.981 --> 01:12:13.883 I think that's how I tried to justify walking out with some chewing gum that I found in WH Smith when I was 11. 01:12:14.203 --> 01:12:14.944 I learned my lesson. 01:12:14.964 --> 01:12:17.244 My dad told me off and he burned the chewing gum. 01:12:17.304 --> 01:12:19.405 Thanks for reminding me of that very traumatic incident. 01:12:19.425 --> 01:12:25.227 Well, if you've seen Bucky Lee's bag, then please return it to BBC Six Music and you'll be rewarded with what? 01:12:26.207 --> 01:12:28.670 Man, I could do all sorts of things. 01:12:28.950 --> 01:12:30.352 Man, seriously, big rewards. 01:12:30.872 --> 01:12:31.633 Big rewards. 01:12:31.713 --> 01:12:33.455 If you get all my stuff back to me, all right? 01:12:33.936 --> 01:12:35.157 Here's a free play for you right now. 01:12:35.177 --> 01:12:40.583 This is a wonderful band that the writer Graham Linehan introduced me to, and it's guided by voices. 01:12:40.603 --> 01:12:41.644 This is Watch Me Jumpstart. 01:12:54.256 --> 01:13:07.848 Yes, it's Text the Nation Time listeners and this week it's all about stuff you do when your cohabitees, be they your partner or your wife and kids or your, you know, student mates, go away and leave you in the house alone overnight 01:13:08.408 --> 01:13:12.049 And you do things that are kind of illicit and exciting and secret. 01:13:12.189 --> 01:13:14.009 Can you remember the first time you were left alone? 01:13:14.029 --> 01:13:15.090 Can you remember how old you were? 01:13:15.550 --> 01:13:16.930 When you were left alone by your parents? 01:13:16.970 --> 01:13:18.591 No, not without lots of thinking. 01:13:18.691 --> 01:13:25.132 I think I must have been about, erm... I must have been about 16? 01:13:25.752 --> 01:13:26.013 Right. 01:13:26.333 --> 01:13:26.713 I think. 01:13:27.973 --> 01:13:29.053 My wife's calling me. 01:13:29.293 --> 01:13:32.074 Why is she doing calling me in the middle of the show? 01:13:32.214 --> 01:13:32.834 Talk to her. 01:13:33.574 --> 01:13:35.355 I've let her leave a message now. 01:13:36.448 --> 01:13:38.269 I mean, that's... She's got no respect. 01:13:38.290 --> 01:13:39.390 She's got none respect. 01:13:39.470 --> 01:13:40.571 She has got no respect. 01:13:40.591 --> 01:13:41.772 Do you want me to have a word with her? 01:13:41.812 --> 01:13:44.414 She should be... Yeah, do you want to call her back? 01:13:44.615 --> 01:13:44.915 No. 01:13:45.335 --> 01:13:46.096 No, not on air. 01:13:46.416 --> 01:13:47.797 Because I'll be very sweary. 01:13:50.059 --> 01:13:53.962 Anyway, yeah, I think I must have been about 16 when they left. 01:13:54.042 --> 01:13:55.163 And you came around, I think. 01:13:55.303 --> 01:13:56.504 Remember the House of Clapper? 01:13:56.564 --> 01:13:57.585 Right, yes. 01:13:57.905 --> 01:14:00.467 And we just watched loads of video nasties and stuff. 01:14:01.528 --> 01:14:01.808 Fun. 01:14:01.968 --> 01:14:02.729 It was pretty fun. 01:14:02.749 --> 01:14:03.590 That's always fun. 01:14:03.670 --> 01:14:06.492 But it's not the same when you're a groany old person. 01:14:07.252 --> 01:14:07.532 No. 01:14:07.773 --> 01:14:08.673 Well, I don't know. 01:14:09.554 --> 01:14:12.316 Not judging by some of these correspondences, what we've got. 01:14:12.736 --> 01:14:17.800 Tom in Liverpool says, for me, the best thing about my girlfriend being away is the ability to snore with impunity. 01:14:18.180 --> 01:14:24.845 I cough, snore, break wind, do whatever I want, and I never have to hear, oh, shut you. 01:14:25.145 --> 01:14:26.086 You disgust me. 01:14:26.466 --> 01:14:27.187 That's what he's written. 01:14:27.467 --> 01:14:28.287 Oh, shut you. 01:14:28.688 --> 01:14:29.628 You disgust me. 01:14:30.689 --> 01:14:33.011 I think he might have made a typing error. 01:14:33.511 --> 01:14:35.572 Here's one from Karen, but that's true, isn't it? 01:14:35.632 --> 01:14:41.016 To be able to let air out of your body from whichever passage it wants to calm. 01:14:41.176 --> 01:14:42.457 However noisily you wish. 01:14:42.497 --> 01:14:44.098 Yeah, that's liberating, isn't it? 01:14:44.378 --> 01:14:44.979 Absolutely. 01:14:44.999 --> 01:14:46.079 Yeah, not to be rolled over. 01:14:46.119 --> 01:14:50.042 Because I'm not a massive snorer, but on the very rare occasion that I do snore. 01:14:50.362 --> 01:14:53.463 I get very indignant when I get woken up. 01:14:53.743 --> 01:15:02.787 Because if my wife is snoring, which she does occasionally, we all do every now and again, I'll put my earplugs in because I respect her right to sleep, unpunished. 01:15:03.308 --> 01:15:05.468 There's no question of her wearing earplugs. 01:15:05.869 --> 01:15:08.070 She taps me, you're doing it again. 01:15:08.610 --> 01:15:09.870 Roll over on your side. 01:15:10.050 --> 01:15:11.111 You're doing it again. 01:15:11.551 --> 01:15:12.451 Can you wake up? 01:15:13.892 --> 01:15:17.234 Weird, that happens exactly the other way around in my relationship. 01:15:17.274 --> 01:15:19.115 Because my girlfriend does snort a lot. 01:15:19.556 --> 01:15:22.577 And even with the earplugs in it, vibrates the bear. 01:15:22.637 --> 01:15:24.999 I'm like Eve Lynn Glenny or whatever she's called. 01:15:25.059 --> 01:15:27.180 I pick it all up through vibrations. 01:15:28.101 --> 01:15:29.381 And I have to do that. 01:15:29.441 --> 01:15:29.942 I poke her. 01:15:30.262 --> 01:15:34.945 I've considered cellotaping a wooden cube to the small of her back. 01:15:35.405 --> 01:15:36.305 Yes, that's one of the ways doing it. 01:15:36.325 --> 01:15:39.206 I've never got to do it, but I swear that's the solution. 01:15:39.246 --> 01:15:41.406 So every time she tries to sleep on her back, it's, ow! 01:15:41.826 --> 01:15:43.587 She has to go back on her side. 01:15:44.927 --> 01:15:45.607 It will come to that. 01:15:45.807 --> 01:15:46.047 Yeah. 01:15:46.687 --> 01:15:48.228 No, I can appreciate it. 01:15:48.328 --> 01:15:49.928 It can split couples up, snoring. 01:15:50.088 --> 01:15:50.928 This is one from Karen. 01:15:51.168 --> 01:15:53.089 I left my husband simply to go to work. 01:15:53.229 --> 01:15:57.590 And when I came back, he had constructed a pulley system to catch next door's cat. 01:15:58.910 --> 01:16:01.470 It involved a broom, sticky tape, and lots of string. 01:16:01.830 --> 01:16:04.511 My husband was sat in a cupboard holding the end of the pulley. 01:16:05.411 --> 01:16:09.314 So she's only left the house for a couple of hours and he's put that together. 01:16:10.115 --> 01:16:11.796 He must have had the plans already though. 01:16:11.876 --> 01:16:12.456 Sounds cool. 01:16:12.496 --> 01:16:14.818 You reckon he designed it, Heath Robinson style. 01:16:14.838 --> 01:16:15.258 Definitely. 01:16:15.519 --> 01:16:25.026 Robin Birmingham says often if I watch a film at home on my own and I've really enjoyed it I start to discuss it out loud at the end as if I'm on one of the extra features tapped on the end of the DVD. 01:16:25.726 --> 01:16:30.992 I often have to stop myself, though, as I admit it could sound odd if the neighbours heard it. 01:16:31.472 --> 01:16:33.734 Wow, that certainly... You shouldn't censor yourself, Rob. 01:16:33.795 --> 01:16:34.495 I'd chat away. 01:16:34.675 --> 01:16:34.936 Yeah. 01:16:35.336 --> 01:16:37.258 That's one of the things I miss about VHS. 01:16:37.318 --> 01:16:42.624 When Adam and I used to rent VHSs from his local video shop, we used to often audio dub them. 01:16:43.204 --> 01:16:43.464 Yes. 01:16:43.584 --> 01:16:45.746 You know VHSs would have an audio dub button? 01:16:45.986 --> 01:16:46.347 Exactly. 01:16:46.387 --> 01:16:52.211 We'd often change some of the audio then return them to the shop to give the next renter a bit of a surprise. 01:16:52.271 --> 01:16:53.672 You can't do that at all on DVDs can you? 01:16:53.692 --> 01:16:56.875 Well that's the sort of thing Rob could do but you can't do that on DVDs, no. 01:16:56.935 --> 01:17:02.479 I mean you could laboriously copy them onto another DVD and then put your own audio file on them. 01:17:02.799 --> 01:17:03.039 Yeah. 01:17:03.079 --> 01:17:06.302 But it would be more effort than just pressing audio dub like you did in the old days. 01:17:06.482 --> 01:17:12.866 There was a distribution company called Hokusin, wasn't there, in front of one of the... Was it Turkey Shoot that we were watching? 01:17:12.926 --> 01:17:13.326 Possibly. 01:17:13.366 --> 01:17:14.647 We used to re-sing the jingles. 01:17:14.767 --> 01:17:15.647 Hokusin video. 01:17:15.707 --> 01:17:16.668 What a super show. 01:17:16.728 --> 01:17:19.389 Watch them come and go with your favourite movies. 01:17:19.649 --> 01:17:21.170 Superman, Star Wars, Emmanuel and 3D. 01:17:21.370 --> 01:17:22.931 That was how it went. 01:17:23.572 --> 01:17:24.392 We dubbed it over. 01:17:25.352 --> 01:17:26.073 Oh, those are the days. 01:17:26.093 --> 01:17:29.035 Here's one from Steph Dalton. 01:17:29.955 --> 01:17:35.799 When I am at my boyfriend's house, and his housemates aren't in, I like to sit on the sofa with my bum out. 01:17:36.740 --> 01:17:38.821 Don't ask me why, because I don't know. 01:17:38.841 --> 01:17:41.503 I just have to do it when I'm there and they're not. 01:17:41.603 --> 01:17:42.823 What does she mean with her bum out? 01:17:42.864 --> 01:17:43.804 Does she mean just- Wait. 01:17:44.284 --> 01:17:51.529 I just pull my trousers, stroke leggings, stroke skirt down, just so my bottom is hanging out, and I just sit there and chillax. 01:17:53.482 --> 01:17:55.424 Love you both, big time saucy. 01:17:57.767 --> 01:17:59.228 And then about 15 kisses. 01:17:59.849 --> 01:18:06.696 Steph Dalton, office administrator, perfect installation limited. 01:18:06.896 --> 01:18:08.838 Shouldn't say the name of Raine in Essex. 01:18:08.878 --> 01:18:09.178 Why not? 01:18:09.599 --> 01:18:10.760 I haven't given her a dress or anything. 01:18:10.780 --> 01:18:14.524 I've just identified her in a way that people that know her. 01:18:16.045 --> 01:18:19.268 You can know that when they're not there, that's what she does! 01:18:20.649 --> 01:18:24.031 Sorry Steph, you didn't say like, she loves us. 01:18:24.051 --> 01:18:25.653 She loves us. 01:18:25.753 --> 01:18:26.633 Love you both big time. 01:18:26.653 --> 01:18:29.696 That's gonna be pinned up on the board, the transcript of that. 01:18:31.017 --> 01:18:32.658 My skirt and my leggings. 01:18:32.938 --> 01:18:34.439 Here's a good one from Patrick Impana. 01:18:34.459 --> 01:18:35.260 This can be the last one. 01:18:49.893 --> 01:18:51.694 from Patrick and Barnard. 01:18:51.774 --> 01:19:02.120 I mean that's a whole different conversation actually stuff like we used to build big networks of tunnels with tables and duvets and I mean stuff that kids can do when they're at Liberty in a house. 01:19:02.140 --> 01:19:04.022 You say you don't no longer do this now that you're growing. 01:19:04.042 --> 01:19:07.364 I know I haven't built a network of tunnels in my front room for 01:19:08.324 --> 01:19:18.433 Why mistake should get to it We used to turn all the lights on you had to crawl through them and your friends would be like a ghost train Yeah, people would is she back already or have you got another night? 01:19:18.653 --> 01:19:20.895 I've got another night Yeah, come on tonight's the night. 01:19:20.915 --> 01:19:25.139 Should I build some tunnels build some tunnels get the duvets out be like no I'm all over again 01:19:25.299 --> 01:19:27.020 Thank you so much for all your texts and emails. 01:19:27.040 --> 01:19:28.040 We really appreciate it. 01:19:28.080 --> 01:19:35.082 Don't forget you can email us during the week if you'd like to contribute to retro textination on this subject for next week's podcast. 01:19:35.122 --> 01:19:38.964 But don't text us during the week because they vanish into the ether. 01:19:39.644 --> 01:19:40.784 Here's the Pixies now. 01:19:40.944 --> 01:19:42.725 And if you're a Pixies fan, you might 01:19:43.365 --> 01:19:51.628 do well to go onto Vimeo and you can type in Frank Black and Portland Rock School, I think. 01:19:51.828 --> 01:20:02.292 There's a video of Frank Black singing Where Is My Mind with all these sort of 14-year-old school children at the Portland School of Rock in Oregon in the United States. 01:20:02.753 --> 01:20:05.554 It's very touching indeed and he really does a good version of it. 01:20:05.654 --> 01:20:07.314 And the children are playing really well as well. 01:20:07.414 --> 01:20:08.375 Anyway, here's the original. 01:20:08.395 --> 01:20:09.075 This is the Pixies. 01:20:10.100 --> 01:20:11.621 That's good on so many levels. 01:20:12.181 --> 01:20:18.204 If you had to count the levels, it would be at least 16 or 17 levels of goodness. 01:20:19.004 --> 01:20:19.944 And that end as well. 01:20:19.984 --> 01:20:27.768 For a crowd to be singing along to that track when the Pixies play live or whatever, it's just the most fun thing to sing, to make that noise. 01:20:29.889 --> 01:20:32.590 Did you read all the emails this week, Adam? 01:20:33.230 --> 01:20:34.811 I read as many as I could. 01:20:35.511 --> 01:20:37.492 Did you see the one from Ross Target? 01:20:38.072 --> 01:20:38.893 I think I did. 01:20:38.953 --> 01:20:39.613 What did Ross say? 01:20:40.054 --> 01:20:41.114 I hope you read this out. 01:20:41.315 --> 01:20:42.815 I love the show, particularly Adam. 01:20:43.095 --> 01:20:44.816 In fact, Adam, I love you lots. 01:20:45.116 --> 01:20:47.617 My number is... Oh, I did read that. 01:20:47.677 --> 01:20:49.958 I was not planning on... Call me as soon as possible. 01:20:50.638 --> 01:20:51.979 God love you, Mr. Buxton. 01:20:51.999 --> 01:20:55.140 By hearing your voice every Saturday morning, you send a shiver down my spine. 01:20:55.420 --> 01:20:57.281 You pleasure every fiber of my being. 01:20:57.641 --> 01:20:58.362 I long for you. 01:20:58.762 --> 01:21:00.122 I am yours and you are mine. 01:21:00.422 --> 01:21:01.463 I await you, darling. 01:21:01.563 --> 01:21:02.063 Shut up. 01:21:02.103 --> 01:21:02.783 I didn't read that bit. 01:21:02.823 --> 01:21:03.124 Joe's OK, too. 01:21:03.444 --> 01:21:04.084 Ross Target. 01:21:04.364 --> 01:21:05.445 Is that all real? 01:21:05.665 --> 01:21:05.785 Yeah. 01:21:05.965 --> 01:21:06.445 I didn't really. 01:21:06.465 --> 01:21:07.426 I stopped reading after the phone. 01:21:07.466 --> 01:21:08.206 What about that? 01:21:08.346 --> 01:21:10.087 Is Ross a lady or a man? 01:21:10.367 --> 01:21:11.368 And does that matter to you? 01:21:12.128 --> 01:21:13.029 It doesn't matter. 01:21:13.069 --> 01:21:13.989 I'll take it where I can get it. 01:21:14.009 --> 01:21:14.490 It doesn't matter. 01:21:14.530 --> 01:21:14.890 Text! 01:21:18.132 --> 01:21:24.295 We got a lot of correspondence as well about the fact that some people had seen on CSI. 01:21:24.315 --> 01:21:26.676 Is it CSI New York or one of the CSIs? 01:21:26.696 --> 01:21:27.637 Miami, one of those. 01:21:27.657 --> 01:21:30.098 I never actually sat through a whole episode of CSI. 01:21:30.559 --> 01:21:32.560 But there was some Stevenage on there. 01:21:33.300 --> 01:21:42.491 Well, there was a guy, there was a plot, and lots of people emailed us about this, there was a plot about some kind of serial killer or nutbag who had set up his own kind of church. 01:21:42.571 --> 01:21:44.614 Yes, as Joe says, many, many people emailed. 01:21:44.634 --> 01:21:45.896 This is just one message we got. 01:21:45.916 --> 01:21:47.437 This is from Duncan in Warminster. 01:21:47.918 --> 01:21:52.123 Dear Adam and Joe, have you guys been secretly writing for US crime drama CSI? 01:21:52.964 --> 01:21:55.046 If not, they've heard of Stephen too. 01:21:55.366 --> 01:22:07.616 This week's CSI featured the death of a kind of monk fella called Stephen who operated the Church of Stephen, later named the Church of George after Stephen's real name marks death. 01:22:07.636 --> 01:22:09.117 Oh dear, how did it go very well? 01:22:09.217 --> 01:22:10.018 No, that came badly. 01:22:10.738 --> 01:22:11.599 Brackets, deadly. 01:22:11.739 --> 01:22:12.960 They are absolutely deadly brackets. 01:22:13.524 --> 01:22:28.592 not only this but he had a tattoo of himself now somebody sent in pictures of this and it was fantastic did he have he had steven tattooed on his front and then when he turned around there was sort of scales on the back and it said basically he is coming yeah i am come 01:22:29.272 --> 01:22:33.854 He said that the guy had a tattoo of his back on his chest and his front on his back. 01:22:34.254 --> 01:22:42.579 So listen, as much as we try to curtail or suppress the Steven phenomena, is that overdoing it to call it a phenomena? 01:22:42.799 --> 01:22:43.439 Phenomenon. 01:22:43.819 --> 01:22:44.620 Phenomenon. 01:22:44.640 --> 01:22:45.440 No, that is overdoing it. 01:22:47.202 --> 01:22:53.489 We can't suppress it, it's rising up in the minds of the public and in places like CSI. 01:23:00.657 --> 01:23:04.499 There were reports of several at all tomorrow's party sounded respectful. 01:23:04.680 --> 01:23:10.863 It's nice If you've never heard this show before you don't know what we're on about Steven is a thing that someone's actually done a terrific animation. 01:23:10.923 --> 01:23:12.404 Haven't they is that on our blog yet? 01:23:12.504 --> 01:23:16.087 No, not yet What to keep an eye on the on the six music site because we'll put it up. 01:23:16.127 --> 01:23:28.855 There's already one up there There are several films on YouTube that that give you the source of the Steven phenomenon and on but the shortened version is that if you're in public and you shout Steven and then someone shouts just coming and 01:23:29.395 --> 01:23:31.717 then you know that they listen to this show as well. 01:23:31.737 --> 01:23:34.219 So if you're out there and you hear someone shouting, Steven! 01:23:34.540 --> 01:23:36.001 Then you have to shout, just coming! 01:23:36.401 --> 01:23:38.463 Otherwise, you know, you're letting everyone down. 01:23:38.483 --> 01:23:40.485 Get in terrible trouble. 01:23:40.545 --> 01:23:41.526 Get in terrible trouble. 01:23:41.746 --> 01:23:42.066 Absolutely. 01:23:42.086 --> 01:23:42.987 I got a couple this week. 01:23:43.567 --> 01:23:43.928 Did you? 01:23:43.948 --> 01:23:44.769 Yeah, I returned them. 01:23:45.189 --> 01:23:46.250 I don't get any anymore. 01:23:46.290 --> 01:23:49.953 I think I've made enough of a point of the fact that I live in fear of it. 01:23:50.013 --> 01:23:51.134 You're too grumpy about it. 01:23:51.955 --> 01:23:52.275 Yeah. 01:23:53.516 --> 01:23:54.778 So listen, is that it then? 01:23:54.838 --> 01:23:55.680 What are we going to do now? 01:23:55.720 --> 01:23:56.281 My free play. 01:23:56.301 --> 01:23:56.882 You got your free play? 01:23:56.902 --> 01:24:00.508 Yeah, this is a guy who is one of Roots Maneuvers Banana Clan. 01:24:00.848 --> 01:24:00.948 Ah. 01:24:01.209 --> 01:24:04.514 So he's a South East London MC type fella called Jimmy Screech. 01:24:05.456 --> 01:24:07.940 And this song is called Let's Get Moving. 01:24:08.871 --> 01:24:10.512 There you go, that's a little bit of Jimmy Screech. 01:24:11.233 --> 01:24:13.614 I don't know much about him, but I really like that song. 01:24:14.355 --> 01:24:14.935 That's very good. 01:24:15.135 --> 01:24:15.435 Thanks. 01:24:15.575 --> 01:24:16.716 I enjoyed that one very much. 01:24:16.956 --> 01:24:17.797 Let's get moving. 01:24:18.217 --> 01:24:19.778 That's pretty much it for our show. 01:24:20.179 --> 01:24:25.482 We were talking though, just before we go, we were talking about urinal etiquette last week, just to end on a classy note. 01:24:25.722 --> 01:24:26.743 That is sophisticated. 01:24:26.803 --> 01:24:29.405 It would be nice to do a little sophisticated link about urinals. 01:24:29.745 --> 01:24:35.889 Here's a message that we got from a lady who's called confusingly Den. 01:24:35.989 --> 01:24:37.370 I didn't know ladies could be called Den. 01:24:37.570 --> 01:24:37.930 A woman? 01:24:38.191 --> 01:24:38.591 A woman. 01:24:39.271 --> 01:24:46.494 She says, dear Adam and Jo, think again if you think that ladies don't suffer the same problem inside the cubicle just like men at the urinal. 01:24:46.574 --> 01:24:49.995 I was talking about the fact that sometimes you go into a urinal and you get stage fright. 01:24:50.035 --> 01:24:54.836 You know, it's very hard to do your business when there's other large men standing next to you. 01:24:55.356 --> 01:25:03.039 She says, what I particularly hate is when a friend offers to accompany you to the loo and insists on having a conversation with you. 01:25:03.739 --> 01:25:08.543 Whilst you're expected to be doing your numero uno, it is impossible. 01:25:08.943 --> 01:25:17.190 I usually find I have to wait for them to finish and flush and then only then in that brief period of flushing noise can I relax enough to go. 01:25:17.210 --> 01:25:19.112 A number two doesn't even bear thinking about. 01:25:19.212 --> 01:25:23.195 It's also stressful if there's an enormous cue and you feel the time pressure. 01:25:23.515 --> 01:25:28.139 I find the best way to relax is to stick my fingers in my ears and think of fast flowing rivers. 01:25:28.359 --> 01:25:29.420 Maybe I'm just insane. 01:25:29.780 --> 01:25:30.980 Now, I don't think you are, Dan. 01:25:31.001 --> 01:25:33.522 That's a good technique, and I'm going to try it. 01:25:33.542 --> 01:25:37.804 That's something that everyone can try this Saturday night and over the bank holiday weekend. 01:25:38.245 --> 01:25:39.145 The weekend. 01:25:39.225 --> 01:25:41.767 It's exciting, something for people to look forward to. 01:25:41.787 --> 01:25:44.228 Ah, it's going to be a good weekend this weekend. 01:25:44.248 --> 01:25:46.429 It's all working up to me being able to call it the weekend. 01:25:46.469 --> 01:25:46.829 Nice. 01:25:46.849 --> 01:25:47.650 Thank you very much. 01:25:48.050 --> 01:25:50.390 Hey, thanks to everybody who's texted an email. 01:25:50.410 --> 01:25:56.592 Then listen, don't forget there'll be a podcast version of this show available on probably Tuesday, seeing as there's a bank holiday. 01:25:57.232 --> 01:26:00.392 And you can listen again at any point via the BBC iPlayer. 01:26:00.432 --> 01:26:04.233 We'll be back at the same time next Saturday from 9am till noon. 01:26:04.273 --> 01:26:05.594 Liz Kershaw's taking over. 01:26:06.014 --> 01:26:08.794 We're going to leave you with the hottest band right now, right? 01:26:08.814 --> 01:26:12.315 They sort of taken over from Fleet Foxes as the kind of 01:26:13.236 --> 01:26:18.027 soulful, hippie, fackwoods, psychedelic, lunars, grizzly bear. 01:26:18.388 --> 01:26:19.772 Take care, have a great week, I love you, bye!