WEBVTT 00:00.069 --> 00:24.774 morning cut them some slack because they they appeared in the BBC staff magazine aerial this week all right which is the equivalent around here of I don't know winning an Oscar or bringing about world peace or something so um if they do seem a little bit full of themselves cut them some slack they've had a good week they're pictured with loads of members of black squadron so there's a few of you will be listening right now who should be bigging up themselves as well have been part of that 00:24.994 --> 00:27.635 So those guys are waiting in the wings, ready to go. 00:27.655 --> 00:29.975 They'll be here in about three of your Earth minutes. 00:29.995 --> 00:31.916 I've got time enough for one last record before I go. 00:31.956 --> 00:32.996 This is the Hold Steady. 00:33.696 --> 00:35.977 It's called You Can Make Him Like You. 00:36.057 --> 00:38.317 I'll catch you tomorrow morning at seven, bright and early. 00:38.577 --> 00:39.497 Make sure you join me there. 00:40.118 --> 00:43.418 Hello and welcome to the big British castle. 00:43.498 --> 00:46.399 It's time for Adam and Jo to broadcast on the radio. 00:46.499 --> 00:50.060 There'll be some music and some random talking in between. 00:58.855 --> 01:17.975 Always catch the beginning of the show Flag squadron don't wanna miss a thing That's not the one, black squadron roll Went to bed at a reasonable hour Gotta be sharp on Saturday morning That's the secret of the squadron's power 01:21.271 --> 01:22.552 Good morning, Black Squadron. 01:22.952 --> 01:32.759 You are the elite that tune into the Adam and Jo programme on BBC Six Music live from the very start of the show on a Saturday morning. 01:32.779 --> 01:34.220 Yes, from 9 till 9.30. 01:34.920 --> 01:36.601 We hope you're poised and ready for your command. 01:36.621 --> 01:39.323 I'm going to give Adam three commands there. 01:39.363 --> 01:40.183 They're at the top of the page there. 01:40.203 --> 01:41.404 I always pick the worst one, though. 01:41.424 --> 01:42.025 Just pick a number. 01:42.065 --> 01:42.805 Don't say the command. 01:42.825 --> 01:45.027 Oh, okay. 01:45.427 --> 01:47.268 Well, you know, I'm a big fan of number three. 01:47.668 --> 01:48.289 Are you sure? 01:49.010 --> 01:52.078 You always say that, but it makes me insecure about... Well, I've always got a favourite. 01:52.118 --> 01:53.181 I quite like number two. 01:53.201 --> 01:54.585 But we can do that next week. 01:55.427 --> 01:57.212 Yeah, but it's bad for the cholesterol. 01:58.615 --> 02:01.117 Black Squadron members are standing by to implement this command. 02:01.157 --> 02:01.597 Are you ready? 02:01.697 --> 02:03.098 It's quite a boring command though, isn't it? 02:03.138 --> 02:03.838 No, it's a good command. 02:03.858 --> 02:04.939 It's a good, useful command. 02:04.959 --> 02:07.040 Yeah, we're going to go straight into another record after this command. 02:07.140 --> 02:07.460 Oh, hey. 02:07.661 --> 02:07.881 Yeah. 02:07.941 --> 02:14.084 Can I just say before you give the command, Yare, thank you so much Yare for... I mean, he's so... He's a lovely man. 02:14.104 --> 02:16.286 He's a lovely man to inherit the airwaves from. 02:16.306 --> 02:17.967 It's such a great start to the morning, isn't it? 02:18.027 --> 02:19.107 Coming in and seeing Yare. 02:19.207 --> 02:19.928 Yeah, exactly. 02:20.288 --> 02:21.069 He's always such fun. 02:21.089 --> 02:22.189 He's lent us comic books. 02:22.489 --> 02:23.710 We always have a good chit chat. 02:23.870 --> 02:24.771 He's a smiley chap. 02:25.571 --> 02:34.135 He handed me an email that came into his show from Matthew Adam Barry in Sheffield that says, Bonjour Adam and Joe. 02:34.155 --> 02:36.296 So this is an email that Yare got. 02:36.456 --> 02:37.057 I have a question. 02:37.397 --> 02:39.258 Does Black Squadron have a ranking system? 02:39.338 --> 02:44.180 For example, I woke up at seven today so I could get stuff done before your show even starts. 02:44.580 --> 02:50.123 Am I still Black Squadron or am I something else like the elite noir or am I just a sad freak? 02:50.623 --> 02:54.005 I mean... There's already about 20 different subdivisions of the squadrons. 02:54.025 --> 02:55.085 I think we have to keep it simple. 02:55.106 --> 02:56.947 There's rivalry between squadrons. 02:57.147 --> 02:59.668 Plus, you know, why wouldn't you want to listen to Yarae's show? 02:59.688 --> 03:02.850 You can't just add yourself into an extra squadron. 03:02.870 --> 03:03.750 That's very cavalier. 03:03.930 --> 03:05.551 Yeah, that's Yarae's squadron. 03:06.392 --> 03:07.272 We ready for the command, then? 03:07.292 --> 03:08.153 Ready for the command. 03:08.493 --> 03:10.454 Black squadron, tidy it up! 03:13.496 --> 03:16.518 That's the Lemonheads with It's a Shame About Ray. 03:16.538 --> 03:19.220 This is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music. 03:19.240 --> 03:20.641 It's a great pleasure to be with you. 03:20.881 --> 03:25.264 Yeah, don't forget that coming up quite soon, in fact, we're going to be unveiling our Song Wars songs. 03:25.464 --> 03:26.465 Oh, yeah. 03:26.545 --> 03:28.607 Which are on the theme of The Apprentice this week. 03:28.647 --> 03:37.933 We'll be playing them at about half past, maybe a little bit later, and then again at the very end of the programme, which is more of a threat than anything, really, isn't it? 03:38.313 --> 03:39.274 Yeah, are we really going to do that? 03:39.294 --> 03:40.175 We're going to play them twice. 03:40.975 --> 03:42.196 Well, let's see how it goes. 03:42.256 --> 03:43.757 Yeah, yeah, let's see how it goes. 03:43.837 --> 03:44.618 It was tough, man. 03:44.658 --> 03:45.859 I had a tough week, didn't you? 03:45.879 --> 03:46.940 It was tough for both of us. 03:47.120 --> 03:47.941 Oh my gosh. 03:48.561 --> 03:49.982 I spent ages on mine. 03:50.002 --> 03:50.883 It was ludicrous. 03:50.903 --> 03:52.824 I only finished it about midnight last night. 03:53.245 --> 03:53.565 Really? 03:53.685 --> 03:54.526 Yeah, I feel ill. 03:55.560 --> 03:56.340 Well, there we go. 03:56.380 --> 03:57.581 That's going to be exciting, though. 03:57.601 --> 03:59.182 Good episode of The Apprentice this week, though. 03:59.322 --> 04:00.082 Oh, it was brilliant. 04:00.683 --> 04:06.806 And I heard Moyles, Chris Moyles talk, because I listen to Moyles in the days when I take the children to school. 04:06.846 --> 04:07.426 I alternate. 04:07.606 --> 04:08.987 Sometimes it's the- Nothing to be ashamed of. 04:09.067 --> 04:09.868 I'm not saying it is. 04:10.108 --> 04:10.548 Or is it? 04:10.568 --> 04:11.108 No, it isn't. 04:11.328 --> 04:11.529 It isn't. 04:11.649 --> 04:15.111 Some days I listen to, check this out for so eclectic, right? 04:15.131 --> 04:16.671 Check this out for so eclectic, right? 04:16.691 --> 04:19.213 Check all the, all the eclecticism of this out, right? 04:19.293 --> 04:21.774 Mr. Man, check this out for so eclectic. 04:21.854 --> 04:23.315 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 04:23.695 --> 04:25.156 Right, foot, foot, foot, yeah. 04:25.396 --> 04:27.520 I foot it four, four, four, foot it! 04:27.961 --> 04:29.443 I scratched up my own sentence! 04:29.804 --> 04:31.326 Foot it four, four, four, foot it! 04:31.346 --> 04:31.847 Check it out! 04:31.887 --> 04:32.288 What does that mean? 04:32.308 --> 04:33.470 Foot it four, four, four, foot it! 04:36.477 --> 04:36.857 No idea. 04:36.957 --> 04:37.778 Doesn't, you don't know. 04:37.898 --> 04:39.720 No idea what that means. 04:39.760 --> 04:41.521 Sometimes I listen to the Today program. 04:41.961 --> 04:43.222 I like that program as well. 04:43.242 --> 04:50.348 And then sometimes I listen to Moyles because, depending on how I'm feeling, you know, because Moyles has got the music and he's got the chitchat. 04:51.069 --> 04:55.252 Sometimes Moyles has got the edge on John Humphreys, in my opinion. 04:56.012 --> 05:04.235 Anyway, he was chatting about The Apprentice this week, but he was quite cruel about what's her name, The Lady with the Glasses. 05:04.915 --> 05:05.255 Oh yes. 05:05.275 --> 05:06.916 What is her name? 05:06.936 --> 05:07.656 I always forget the name. 05:07.696 --> 05:08.436 I've no idea. 05:09.477 --> 05:11.017 Just The Lady with the Glasses is good. 05:11.137 --> 05:11.718 Yeah, yeah. 05:12.478 --> 05:14.619 He was being really unkind about her looks. 05:15.139 --> 05:15.359 Right. 05:15.999 --> 05:17.019 That's not very good, is it? 05:17.039 --> 05:17.699 That's off, isn't it? 05:17.719 --> 05:21.460 You don't really want to be unkind about people's looks, because it's hard to change them. 05:22.020 --> 05:23.901 Also... I mean, people are born with them, and it's true. 05:24.041 --> 05:26.741 It's wrong to be nasty about things that people can't choose. 05:26.761 --> 05:27.202 Yeah, yeah. 05:27.262 --> 05:28.542 That's a general rule, isn't it? 05:28.602 --> 05:30.062 Maybe we should write Moyles a letter. 05:30.082 --> 05:30.442 Uh-huh. 05:31.262 --> 05:33.963 Because, you know, that's not very good. 05:34.483 --> 05:35.043 That's true. 05:35.943 --> 05:37.184 A fo-fo-fo-fo-fo! 05:37.224 --> 05:37.604 What was it? 05:39.912 --> 05:42.276 I forgot what it was. 05:42.296 --> 05:44.399 Check this out. 05:44.459 --> 05:47.022 He needs to be told that in his face. 05:49.926 --> 05:50.888 What were you building up to though? 05:50.908 --> 05:52.430 So he was he's rude about her faces. 05:53.051 --> 05:53.311 That's it. 05:53.331 --> 05:54.353 That's good. 05:54.973 --> 05:56.554 Yeah, yeah. 05:56.574 --> 05:57.894 He shouldn't have been rude about her face. 05:58.254 --> 06:00.295 That was my point I was building up to. 06:00.315 --> 06:01.455 Yeah, don't be rude about faces. 06:01.475 --> 06:03.015 You know, because he's a powerful man, Moyles. 06:03.035 --> 06:06.396 He's got the ear of many of the listeners of the United Kingdom. 06:06.436 --> 06:06.796 He does. 06:07.036 --> 06:09.437 And he needs to treat that ear more responsibly. 06:10.017 --> 06:12.038 You know, he's set a good example about people's faces. 06:12.358 --> 06:13.138 Yeah, absolutely. 06:13.238 --> 06:14.919 It's important that was said. 06:14.939 --> 06:16.139 That's my point, you know what I mean? 06:17.359 --> 06:19.320 Okay, so here's a free play for you listeners. 06:19.841 --> 06:25.023 Now this turned up on Pitchfork magazine's top hundred best tracks of last year. 06:25.043 --> 06:26.244 That's a vital list. 06:26.424 --> 06:27.904 Have you ever checked it out? 06:28.124 --> 06:28.305 No. 06:28.405 --> 06:29.205 That is a good list. 06:29.325 --> 06:30.406 What is Pitchfork magazine? 06:30.506 --> 06:33.287 It's an American sort of indie music mag. 06:33.907 --> 06:35.708 Online or a thing you can hold in your hand? 06:35.888 --> 06:38.549 You can get it in your hands, I think. 06:38.770 --> 06:40.530 I might be wrong about that, but I've only ever checked it out. 06:40.550 --> 06:41.491 Oh, very retrograde. 06:41.731 --> 06:43.112 It's extremely retrograde. 06:43.152 --> 06:44.012 The trees are saffoning. 06:45.093 --> 06:47.954 But this is a track that was in their Top 100 from last year. 06:48.274 --> 06:53.597 It's by Amadou and Mariam, who are both blind and they're from Mali, right? 06:54.457 --> 06:58.039 And I think that this has been remixed by someone. 06:58.079 --> 07:01.881 It's a track called Sabali, and it features that thing. 07:01.901 --> 07:03.862 Oh, the four, four, four, four foot. 07:04.123 --> 07:05.670 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 07:05.690 --> 07:07.659 We better just play it and I can talk about it afterwards. 07:07.719 --> 07:07.960 It's good. 07:07.980 --> 07:08.563 I hope you enjoy it. 07:09.568 --> 07:14.652 I was playing that in the car the other day with the children, and they were enjoying it, but they wanted to know what he was saying. 07:15.313 --> 07:19.076 And I felt bad about explaining that he was saying, I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me? 07:19.396 --> 07:21.278 It's difficult to explain that to a five-year-old. 07:21.678 --> 07:28.283 Well, yes, you need to establish sort of... It's hard to express, but he's being profoundly ironic. 07:28.483 --> 07:28.704 Yeah. 07:28.804 --> 07:30.625 And it's hard to explain irony to somebody. 07:30.665 --> 07:31.586 What's the opposite of irony? 07:31.626 --> 07:32.086 Sincerity. 07:32.607 --> 07:36.470 It's hard to explain irony to someone who doesn't yet fully understand sincerity. 07:36.730 --> 07:37.391 Well, exactly. 07:37.451 --> 07:41.113 A five-year-old is just about getting his head round the concept of lying and stuff. 07:41.293 --> 07:43.495 How irresponsible of you to play such music. 07:44.315 --> 07:45.096 The devil's music. 07:45.116 --> 07:47.177 Yeah, the devil's music to impressionable children. 07:47.417 --> 07:51.100 Well, it is good stuff, you know, and I was hoping that they wouldn't concentrate on the lyrics that much. 07:51.780 --> 07:53.361 I've got a free play coming up for the kids. 07:53.722 --> 07:53.902 Yeah. 07:53.922 --> 07:55.323 For the little kids in a second, haven't I? 07:55.903 --> 07:56.703 Can we play that next? 07:56.763 --> 07:58.684 I've got a free play at the end of the show. 07:58.704 --> 08:01.805 We don't have to James, if that makes you panic. 08:01.925 --> 08:04.826 This is a show especially designed to entertain children today. 08:04.906 --> 08:06.047 Anyway, that was Beck with Louis. 08:06.087 --> 08:08.007 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music. 08:08.328 --> 08:11.209 Yeah, we had an exciting call here at 6 Music yesterday. 08:11.609 --> 08:13.489 Adam from the news at 10. 08:14.010 --> 08:14.110 Oh. 08:15.270 --> 08:19.552 We were called, I wasn't called, but the lady in the press office was called by Nina Na Na Na. 08:20.552 --> 08:23.853 Yes, who is a famous reporter on the news at 10. 08:23.953 --> 08:25.134 She does the showbiz, doesn't she? 08:25.534 --> 08:28.435 She does all the important, all the critical, all the breaking news. 08:28.855 --> 08:31.036 That's the sound of her being picked up by an ambulance. 08:31.056 --> 08:32.136 That's a showbiz car. 08:32.176 --> 08:34.977 She just drives around to all the showbiz hotspots. 08:38.138 --> 08:38.478 Wow. 08:39.319 --> 08:40.380 Anyway, she phoned up. 08:40.440 --> 08:41.421 That was his sincere wow. 08:41.781 --> 08:42.162 Wow. 08:44.364 --> 08:47.567 She phoned up because they were doing a piece on Joanna Lumley. 08:47.687 --> 08:48.027 Right. 08:48.447 --> 08:56.214 On how culturally significant she is, of course, because she's been bullying politicians this week, demonstrating the power of celebrity over callow politicians. 08:56.254 --> 08:58.757 And they were doing a piece on her cultural impact. 08:59.077 --> 09:02.660 And they'd stumbled on my La La La Lumley song on the internet. 09:02.820 --> 09:02.940 Right. 09:03.681 --> 09:06.222 And they said, would I do an interview on Lumlee for the news at 10? 09:06.642 --> 09:07.623 No! 09:07.763 --> 09:11.625 We want to come to 6th Music, interview Joe, play a song. 09:11.785 --> 09:13.165 What's happened to the news at 10? 09:13.426 --> 09:16.007 Well, it's sharpened up its act. 09:16.767 --> 09:17.087 Has it? 09:17.167 --> 09:18.388 It's becoming more popular. 09:18.408 --> 09:20.049 Stepped up to a whole new level. 09:20.069 --> 09:22.690 Yeah, it's trying to reach young, funky people. 09:23.190 --> 09:24.131 I'm like me. 09:24.171 --> 09:27.192 Young funky 40 year olds. 09:27.212 --> 09:28.773 So you know what I said? 09:28.793 --> 09:29.534 What did you say? 09:29.674 --> 09:31.294 I was frightened of being interviewed. 09:31.314 --> 09:33.996 I thought I'd look like a big ponce. 09:34.016 --> 09:34.536 A big wally. 09:34.656 --> 09:35.036 Yeah. 09:35.257 --> 09:36.157 So I said, nah. 09:36.517 --> 09:38.218 Plus Adam, I don't want to get involved in politics. 09:38.598 --> 09:39.159 Do you not? 09:39.219 --> 09:40.499 Yeah, I don't get dragged in. 09:40.539 --> 09:41.440 Why do you hate Gurkhas? 09:41.960 --> 09:49.384 No, because I would lose control and I'd rant about the new runway he throw about the DNA database. 09:49.524 --> 09:52.986 I'd go off on a terrible politically provocative rant. 09:53.325 --> 09:55.807 They're erasing innocent people's names from the DNA database. 09:55.827 --> 09:58.990 There's a couple of them for a week or so. 09:59.090 --> 09:59.931 Let's not get into that. 10:00.291 --> 10:04.735 So you were worried that you would use the whole thing as a soapbox for your outrageous political views? 10:04.775 --> 10:07.277 Yeah, which obviously they'd be able to edit it so that they wouldn't. 10:07.597 --> 10:11.520 But I know in one way or another I would have made an idiot a whole of myself. 10:12.401 --> 10:14.043 So I backed away from that opportunity. 10:14.063 --> 10:15.224 But I was very excited. 10:15.244 --> 10:16.164 That's what they were hoping for. 10:16.204 --> 10:17.205 They would use the song. 10:18.206 --> 10:19.668 I thought, wow, that's going to be amazing. 10:19.688 --> 10:21.310 The Lummi song on the news at 10. 10:21.951 --> 10:24.935 I got similarly excited to when the Antiques Roadshow phoned up. 10:25.055 --> 10:25.736 Do you remember that? 10:26.197 --> 10:33.086 And they liked my Antiques Roadshow song and they said, oh, we're going to use it on our end of series sort of look back special. 10:33.587 --> 10:34.907 You know, it was a little funny thing. 10:35.368 --> 10:35.688 Did they? 10:36.108 --> 10:36.308 No. 10:36.448 --> 10:37.528 No, of course they didn't. 10:37.908 --> 10:41.950 Did they use my La La La Lummy song on the news at 10 with Nina Nana? 10:42.430 --> 10:42.950 No, they didn't. 10:42.970 --> 10:44.111 They always tease you, these people. 10:44.151 --> 10:48.032 You know, they tease me that they were going to use my Biff Baff Boff, my version of Biff Baff Boff. 10:48.912 --> 11:02.660 We have a theory about this right that there are researchers may be working on the programs who listen to the show and are enthusiastic So they're trying to gather as much material to offer to their senior person as possible to their editor Yeah, they think this one of our songs might be a fun thing. 11:02.920 --> 11:09.083 But then the editor who like looks at the song listens to the song No, no way in hell. 11:09.123 --> 11:11.384 Is that going anywhere near any serious program? 11:11.404 --> 11:12.925 And by the way, you're fired 11:14.666 --> 11:19.272 Well, I was watching the Antiques Roadshow and I was thinking, are they really going to play this song? 11:19.632 --> 11:20.793 I mean, it would be very odd. 11:20.813 --> 11:21.814 It would really pop out. 11:22.055 --> 11:22.235 Yeah. 11:22.755 --> 11:23.817 And then of course they did. 11:23.857 --> 11:26.319 And the same with, I mean, the song would pop out. 11:26.720 --> 11:26.900 Sure. 11:27.180 --> 11:29.383 The same with the news. 11:29.743 --> 11:29.903 Yeah. 11:30.324 --> 11:31.806 The same with the news at 10. 11:32.306 --> 11:34.168 I thought, wow, this is going to be really. 11:35.630 --> 11:39.295 surreal if they play my song because it's going to seem bad and weird. 11:39.896 --> 11:42.299 It's going to bring the integrity of the news down. 11:42.419 --> 11:47.246 I wonder what the chances of Apprentice song breaking into the Apprentice universe are. 11:47.591 --> 11:48.411 Pretty low, I think. 11:48.431 --> 11:49.172 Well, we'll find out. 11:49.232 --> 11:50.753 Are we going to play those within the next half hour? 11:50.853 --> 11:51.393 I think we are. 11:51.433 --> 11:57.096 But first, here's a free play for younger listeners and, you know, slightly backward older listeners. 11:57.456 --> 11:59.056 This is from the film The Jungle Book. 11:59.177 --> 11:59.437 Love it. 11:59.797 --> 12:00.197 Here it is. 12:00.777 --> 12:01.978 Can't beat that, really, can you? 12:02.218 --> 12:02.678 With a stick. 12:02.698 --> 12:03.258 You can't beat it. 12:03.278 --> 12:04.599 That's, of course, from The Jungle Book. 12:04.639 --> 12:06.340 This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music. 12:06.360 --> 12:08.641 Coming up right after the news, we're going to be unveiling our apprentice. 12:09.141 --> 12:11.342 Song was songs, so do stay tuned. 12:11.462 --> 12:16.605 But now, Black Squadron, everything should be tidied up, and it's time for you to stand down. 12:20.448 --> 12:36.219 Stand down, your work is done You've earned yourself a nice warm bath And maybe a nice little bun It's time for song wars The war of the songs 12:49.065 --> 12:55.407 Yes, it's Song Wars Time listeners and this week's Song Wars, or we should say this month's, how long since we last did it? 12:55.527 --> 12:56.108 Six weeks? 12:56.688 --> 12:57.208 At least. 12:57.328 --> 12:59.569 Yeah, so we can't say this week's Song Wars. 12:59.609 --> 13:03.770 That's misleading and betraying the public's trust in the BBC. 13:04.391 --> 13:07.692 I apologise unreservedly for that lie. 13:08.172 --> 13:09.253 You are a disgrace. 13:09.633 --> 13:11.335 Get your clothes and get out. 13:12.076 --> 13:13.016 We haven't done this for ages. 13:14.017 --> 13:14.838 Put your clothes on. 13:14.878 --> 13:15.979 Because I am nude. 13:16.119 --> 13:17.140 You are absolutely nude. 13:18.281 --> 13:27.089 If you haven't heard this show before and you don't understand what Song Wars is, basically, Joe and I occasionally decide to compose a song on a given theme. 13:27.369 --> 13:33.775 We create these songs completely ourselves using the limited musical skills that we have and our laptop computers. 13:34.355 --> 13:39.938 And then we bring those songs in and we battle them to see which one you, the listeners, enjoy most. 13:39.978 --> 13:44.161 And throughout the following week, you will be able to vote either by text or email. 13:44.681 --> 13:46.762 And then next week we'll play the winning song. 13:47.102 --> 13:48.343 Can they vote by text, though? 13:48.423 --> 13:49.784 No, they can't. 13:49.884 --> 13:51.004 You are a disgrace. 13:51.144 --> 13:51.825 Get your clothes. 13:51.985 --> 13:52.365 Get out. 13:52.865 --> 13:54.106 They can only vote by email. 13:54.166 --> 13:56.387 Adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk. 13:56.407 --> 13:56.788 Yeah. 13:56.928 --> 13:57.508 There you go. 13:57.893 --> 14:05.038 And the theme this week is The Apprentice, the exciting BBC programme that is being watched by lots of people. 14:05.559 --> 14:08.041 I mean, they're up to like eight million or something, aren't they? 14:08.081 --> 14:10.843 Or they're about... It's huge doing well, yeah. 14:11.924 --> 14:17.128 But more of the issue here is that, you know, maybe we both struggled with this one this week. 14:19.240 --> 14:33.932 A lot of these songs now how many 30 each or something ridiculous and I don't know maybe we're scraping the bottom of a couple of very bad albums worth we I kind of had it had a tough week because it was a bank holiday weekend last weekend So I thought I can't work on Monday. 14:33.952 --> 14:35.113 I'll take them Monday off. 14:35.153 --> 14:35.274 Yeah 14:35.914 --> 14:37.856 I did a bit of noodling on Monday. 14:38.457 --> 14:45.525 Tuesday I pumped out a sort of a musical stink that I thought, well that's the first thing that came out. 14:47.127 --> 14:51.372 You know, chalk it up to experience, move on later in the week, do something better later in the week. 14:52.173 --> 14:53.794 I got very busy later in the week. 14:54.614 --> 14:57.575 I half started a new one and that didn't go very well. 14:57.595 --> 14:59.796 And then suddenly it was Friday. 14:59.816 --> 15:00.996 Right. 15:01.056 --> 15:05.178 So I've had to revert back to the one that I pumped out on the Tuesday. 15:05.198 --> 15:05.718 The Stinkle. 15:05.738 --> 15:06.439 The Tuesday Stinkle. 15:06.459 --> 15:06.699 Yeah. 15:07.039 --> 15:08.039 I'm not sure it's a Stinkle. 15:08.079 --> 15:10.800 It's just quite kind of low key and it's minimalist. 15:10.860 --> 15:11.981 It's gone back to basics. 15:12.301 --> 15:13.081 That's always the best way. 15:13.101 --> 15:15.422 I've gone right back to Cornball's basics. 15:15.442 --> 15:17.303 When you strip it down, that's a good formula. 15:17.463 --> 15:17.823 Do you think? 15:18.243 --> 15:20.285 Well, we've tossed the coin already listeners. 15:20.305 --> 15:22.226 We decided to do that during the last record. 15:23.167 --> 15:24.068 I'm going to go first. 15:24.168 --> 15:26.009 So here's Joe's apprentice song. 15:26.209 --> 15:27.931 This is a tribute to Margaret Mountford. 15:28.491 --> 15:30.253 Mountford, Margaret Mountford. 15:30.313 --> 15:31.414 The white-haired Hatterdon. 15:31.794 --> 15:32.074 Yes. 15:32.454 --> 15:33.555 Do you think she's a Hatterdon? 15:33.595 --> 15:34.376 No, I'm just joking. 15:34.416 --> 15:34.876 She's lovely. 15:35.096 --> 15:39.660 She is the lovely lady who, you know, you'll get more details in the song. 15:39.880 --> 15:43.983 But yeah, this is a moving, touching tribute to Margaret Mountford. 15:44.023 --> 15:44.324 Here it is. 15:49.009 --> 16:14.192 Standing at the back, making notes on a pad In a tail of Mac deciding who gets sacked At Sir Allen's side, a trusted employee A handsome woman with so much dignity Margaret Mountford, your hair is like a cloud 16:37.126 --> 16:58.383 reading the results dispassionately young people today not what they used to be some well chosen words a little bit gruff she rolls her eyes she's had enough she lets out a sigh puts her head in her hands to be on TV 16:58.883 --> 17:18.395 Was never part of her plan She's on the team, but she stands alone While the candidates argue on their mobile phones Margaret Mountford, your hair is like a cloud 17:30.074 --> 17:35.840 There you go. 17:36.040 --> 17:36.721 Song number one. 17:37.261 --> 17:39.183 That's a song for Margaret Mountford. 17:39.203 --> 17:41.365 I've sort of left the funny doors wide open for you there. 17:42.005 --> 17:44.147 No, it's really good. 17:44.388 --> 17:46.329 It's musically very assured. 17:46.530 --> 17:47.691 Well, that's nice of you to say. 17:47.711 --> 17:50.613 I am kind of entranced by Margaret Mountford. 17:51.374 --> 17:57.857 Yeah, I'm annoyed because I get very envious of your superior musical abilities. 17:58.637 --> 18:02.519 And it's a very clear kind of summing up of our individual qualities. 18:02.539 --> 18:05.381 Well, listen, don't prejudice your song. 18:05.741 --> 18:07.101 Anyway, you love Margaret Mountford. 18:07.141 --> 18:07.782 Yeah, you fancy her. 18:08.682 --> 18:23.003 uh i wouldn't say i would want to have intimate relationships with her i think there's a bit of an age gap and it might be a bit weird age gap five years maybe yeah do you think um but she's i just think she's a very 18:24.385 --> 18:25.606 You know, powerful presence. 18:25.866 --> 18:26.286 Certainly. 18:26.467 --> 18:28.528 She draws the eye, you know, less is more. 18:28.708 --> 18:30.650 She has such a minimal, authoritative presence. 18:30.870 --> 18:33.653 And as you correctly point out, her hair is like a cloud. 18:33.693 --> 18:34.493 It is like a cloud. 18:34.854 --> 18:36.615 Sometimes it's like a slightly stormy cloud. 18:36.755 --> 18:42.600 You see, you're clever, though, with your songs, because that's tailor-made to be played on that show as a little... Do you think? 18:42.661 --> 18:48.205 Especially on The Apprentice You're Fired, they could do a little montage of Mountford moments and play that song over it. 18:48.566 --> 18:50.027 I mean, they'd be missing a trick if they didn't. 18:50.167 --> 18:50.647 Damn you! 18:51.408 --> 18:53.876 Because mine is just confused nonsense as usual. 18:53.896 --> 18:54.858 Oh, I'm excited about it. 18:55.179 --> 18:55.681 Let's hear it. 18:55.901 --> 18:57.647 Here's my apprentice song right now. 19:02.193 --> 19:21.903 I'm going to be the next apprentice I'm the best man for the job Although I'm vain and self-deluded And I'm quite a massive knob Sir Alan, please believe me I'm a business tycoon I could sell ice cubes to the Eskimos And deck chairs on the road 19:23.643 --> 19:24.764 Do you think you're a good team leader? 19:24.784 --> 19:25.785 I can't believe you'd ask. 19:25.985 --> 19:27.947 Team Velocimax did great on this task. 19:27.987 --> 19:30.489 Yeah, we made no money and we fought all the time. 19:30.769 --> 19:33.231 And I refuse to listen, but is that a flipping crime? 19:33.251 --> 19:34.092 You should be fine. 19:34.112 --> 19:34.593 You should be fine. 19:34.613 --> 19:35.834 You should find the boring one. 19:35.934 --> 19:38.596 He doesn't seem to realise that it's a TV show. 19:38.616 --> 19:41.919 You've got to act like a total utter brat otherwise, you know. 19:42.019 --> 19:42.419 You're fine. 19:43.140 --> 19:47.584 Thank goodness you got rid of him, cause I'm the one who's best. 19:47.704 --> 19:52.489 Although I'm bitchy and insufferable and thick like all the rest. 19:52.609 --> 19:57.614 But I've got management experience from my time in burger shops. 19:58.095 --> 20:02.459 And I really love to delegate and think outside the box. 20:02.819 --> 20:03.920 You're fired, you're fired. 20:23.719 --> 20:25.902 I was the project manager. 20:26.122 --> 20:28.084 We tried hard at the test. 20:28.785 --> 20:32.910 Although we didn't sell a thing, I think we were the best. 20:33.310 --> 20:33.831 You're fired. 20:33.951 --> 20:34.271 You're fired. 20:34.311 --> 20:36.454 Stupid moron, she's a stupid moron. 20:36.634 --> 20:38.916 I'm going to win, cos I am a genius. 20:38.936 --> 20:41.539 For goodness sake, Sir Allen, don't deploy a moron. 20:41.599 --> 20:43.742 Take a look at me, get back to the house. 20:44.002 --> 21:04.663 I'm going to be the next apprentice I'm the best one for the job Although I'm vain and self deluded And I'm quite a massive knob I'm going to be the next apprentice I'm the best one for the job Although I'm vain and self deluded And I am quite a massive knob 21:05.427 --> 21:05.687 You're fired. 21:05.727 --> 21:06.047 You're fired. 21:06.067 --> 21:06.507 You're fired. 21:07.208 --> 21:08.468 It's like from a musical. 21:08.568 --> 21:09.068 That's good. 21:09.088 --> 21:11.209 I like Velocimax as a team name. 21:11.229 --> 21:13.069 That's funny. 21:13.109 --> 21:14.050 You shouldn't be ashamed. 21:14.670 --> 21:19.871 Or maybe your shame is a deliberate scheme to be the underdog. 21:20.111 --> 21:20.431 It's not. 21:20.771 --> 21:28.054 You know, I think it's a shame that we never collaborate on these songs, you know, because as a team, we would amount to so much more than we do individually. 21:28.274 --> 21:30.074 This competition makes the world go around though. 21:30.274 --> 21:31.595 Speaking for myself. 21:31.655 --> 21:32.855 Maybe we should do that next time. 21:33.095 --> 21:33.295 Yeah. 21:33.496 --> 21:35.418 Anyway, listen, let's play some real music. 21:35.778 --> 21:40.764 And don't forget, folks, you can vote now, Adam and Joe at 6 Music. 21:40.804 --> 21:41.445 No, no, no. 21:41.685 --> 21:43.347 Damn it! 21:43.868 --> 21:47.172 Adamandjo.6music at bbc.co.uk. 21:47.192 --> 21:49.014 And that's the number six in 6 Music. 21:49.034 --> 21:51.557 And you've got until midnight on Friday, the 15th of May. 21:52.157 --> 21:54.339 to email us your choice of song. 21:54.499 --> 21:55.620 Every vote will be counted. 21:55.660 --> 21:58.021 It's of national political importance that you vote. 21:58.922 --> 21:59.962 Don't fail to please. 22:00.143 --> 22:09.329 You can listen to those songs immediately online if you go to the Six Music website, but we are going to play them for casual and non-interconnected listeners later on. 22:09.869 --> 22:12.771 In about 45 minutes, I'm going to play one of my abortive attempts. 22:12.831 --> 22:13.832 I'll play you one of mine as well. 22:13.852 --> 22:17.994 Yeah, we're going to bring in some of the ones we didn't play you, which is bad news for you. 22:18.255 --> 22:19.976 Right, here's an injection of real music. 22:19.996 --> 22:21.797 This is the Mighty Orange Juice with Rifida. 22:23.198 --> 22:24.459 What if I don't want to? 22:24.599 --> 22:26.081 But I'm using email. 22:26.301 --> 22:27.702 Is that a problem? 22:35.179 --> 22:39.462 It's Text the Nation time here on the Adam and Jo radio show on BBC Six Music. 22:39.482 --> 22:42.004 Can you explain the feature? 22:42.024 --> 22:42.765 I don't understand. 22:43.626 --> 22:53.494 It's an exciting feature where we give you a kind of a premise, a subject, the listeners, and then the listeners respond with their feedback, their ideas on that subject. 22:53.874 --> 22:56.156 They text them in and email them in. 22:56.696 --> 23:00.659 Then we read them all, pick the best ones out, read them out. 23:00.920 --> 23:01.800 Then we collate them. 23:02.181 --> 23:03.782 Then we send them to Tony Blair. 23:04.262 --> 23:07.526 the Prime Minister, and he invades Iraq. 23:09.188 --> 23:09.988 That's how it works, isn't it? 23:10.008 --> 23:10.729 That is how it works. 23:10.809 --> 23:11.630 That's a brilliant feature. 23:11.890 --> 23:14.994 And that's how this feature became the nation's number one feature. 23:15.034 --> 23:15.614 Absolutely. 23:16.295 --> 23:16.936 None of that's true. 23:17.436 --> 23:18.217 It's all lies. 23:18.257 --> 23:19.098 Absolutely rubbish. 23:19.379 --> 23:21.020 It's BBS. 23:21.241 --> 23:22.322 It's a load of BBS. 23:23.686 --> 23:33.235 So Text the Nation this week, what we're doing is slightly, in a slightly lazy way, we are incorporating, we are featuring a thing that has been featured in another capacity. 23:33.255 --> 23:34.236 Nothing lazy about that. 23:34.336 --> 23:35.176 It's resourceful. 23:35.317 --> 23:35.657 Exactly. 23:36.017 --> 23:40.682 What we're doing is we are pursuing the notion of songs, pop songs. 23:40.702 --> 23:45.806 We are pursuing the notion of pop songs, that you kind of... 23:46.707 --> 23:48.148 You see, the beginning of that song was great. 23:48.188 --> 23:48.929 I loved the beginning. 23:49.169 --> 23:50.110 Because there was a rhyme. 23:50.130 --> 23:52.151 What you're doing is pursuing. 23:52.171 --> 23:56.295 But then after that... Well, you hadn't said any more words from me to sing. 23:56.315 --> 23:59.297 Well, it's up to you to think, Mr. Songwriter. 24:00.718 --> 24:08.124 What you're doing is pursuing the notion of songs that you have customised yourself for your everyday tasks. 24:09.185 --> 24:11.447 That is what we ask of you. 24:11.487 --> 24:12.948 Oh, Christ. 24:13.168 --> 24:15.450 Yeah, so songs that you sing to yourself, right? 24:15.470 --> 24:16.771 Like real pop songs. 24:16.851 --> 24:17.932 Yeah, not like what we just did. 24:17.972 --> 24:19.373 That was a ridiculous tangent. 24:19.453 --> 24:19.633 Yeah. 24:19.753 --> 24:21.635 But it's when you're doing banal things around. 24:22.015 --> 24:25.558 I like to call it banal pop reversioning. 24:25.798 --> 24:26.658 It's not very pithy. 24:26.759 --> 24:27.779 It's not pithy and listeners. 24:27.799 --> 24:29.661 You can think of a more pithy way to describe it. 24:29.701 --> 24:30.822 But here are some examples. 24:31.002 --> 24:34.304 For instance, this is an email we got from 24:35.525 --> 24:44.687 Sarah what you're doing is pursuing Kendall email from Sarah Kendall that you got is she called Sarah Kendall or is she Sarah from Kendall land of the mint cake? 24:44.727 --> 24:56.789 I don't know But anyway, she says if I've been away on holiday whenever I get back to North London and see a sign to Holloway I sing Holloway Celebrate to the tune of Madonna's holiday though. 24:56.909 --> 24:59.570 I sometimes mix it up and sing Holloway run 25:03.107 --> 25:04.888 Oh, you know, from National Lampoon's Vacation. 25:05.249 --> 25:06.770 That's the kind of thing we're talking about. 25:06.790 --> 25:08.131 Who sings that song in Vegas? 25:08.171 --> 25:08.471 I don't know. 25:08.511 --> 25:10.092 We should play it as a free play. 25:10.152 --> 25:10.873 It's a great song. 25:10.933 --> 25:12.094 It's a great film as well. 25:12.134 --> 25:12.654 What a movie. 25:12.954 --> 25:13.415 Absolutely. 25:13.655 --> 25:17.798 Here's another one from... Oh, I haven't written down the name of the person. 25:18.078 --> 25:18.539 Doesn't matter. 25:18.559 --> 25:19.159 A jerk. 25:19.259 --> 25:20.260 What an absolute jerk. 25:20.860 --> 25:23.223 I used to work in Waitrose when I was a teen. 25:23.524 --> 25:24.645 What an absolute jerk. 25:24.865 --> 25:27.548 I used to work in Waitrose when I was a teen. 25:28.029 --> 25:33.395 What you're doing is pursuing the email from Waitrose person that I didn't write down the name of. 25:35.818 --> 25:37.060 Crackers, what is happening? 25:37.120 --> 25:37.680 Push, just push. 25:37.700 --> 25:38.321 I need to be shot. 25:39.342 --> 25:43.406 When I was a teen, I used to work in weight rows and I used to stack shelves. 25:43.666 --> 25:46.689 There was one soup that I used to stack on a regular basis. 25:46.909 --> 25:48.591 The soup was called malagattani. 25:48.951 --> 25:57.300 To make this certain stackage more interesting, I used to stack them in time to the song Oliver's Army by Elvis Costello, i.e. 25:58.120 --> 26:02.783 That's brilliant. 26:03.083 --> 26:04.904 That's a perfect example because it fits perfectly. 26:05.044 --> 26:06.185 Syllables exactly the same. 26:06.565 --> 26:06.925 Brilliant. 26:07.345 --> 26:09.706 Turning that song into a song about, what was it, cheese? 26:10.847 --> 26:11.467 I wasn't listening. 26:11.828 --> 26:12.228 Soup. 26:12.268 --> 26:13.689 You know what malagatorny is. 26:13.769 --> 26:14.189 No, I don't. 26:14.269 --> 26:15.009 I don't like soup. 26:16.370 --> 26:17.831 Malagatorny's the king of soups. 26:18.131 --> 26:19.132 I'm not a big soup fan. 26:19.232 --> 26:19.632 Obviously not. 26:19.652 --> 26:20.752 That's another conversation. 26:21.153 --> 26:23.054 And here's another example from Francesca. 26:24.594 --> 26:27.275 I think that's how you pronounce that. 26:27.295 --> 26:28.135 She's from Mario Land. 26:28.856 --> 26:30.456 Yeah, she's from Super Mario Land. 26:30.976 --> 26:37.738 Dear Adam and Joe, whenever we're on holiday, if one of us needs the suntan lotion, we sing a version of the disco hit Rock the Boat by the Hughes Corporation. 26:38.118 --> 26:41.259 Well, I'd like to know where you put the lotion. 26:42.180 --> 26:43.060 That is a good one. 26:43.100 --> 26:44.020 So that's what we're after. 26:44.080 --> 26:46.701 Your reversioning of classic pop songs. 26:48.081 --> 26:52.203 Oh, no, I'm not being able to explain this to make them banal or to sort of 26:53.883 --> 26:57.485 what's the word, give a bit of pizzazz to a banal everyday activity. 26:57.505 --> 26:58.566 I think people get it, you know. 26:58.986 --> 27:04.110 Someone suggested a chap called Non, I think... Non, he's from Superman too. 27:04.230 --> 27:07.312 Yeah, he's like... Non's Zardinosa, what are they called? 27:07.332 --> 27:08.453 Yeah, exactly right, yeah. 27:08.593 --> 27:11.074 They were trapped in the mirror prison, weren't they? 27:11.094 --> 27:11.855 They certainly were. 27:11.955 --> 27:15.337 Well, Non's busted out of the mirror prison in order to email us. 27:15.377 --> 27:17.599 He's mute though, but he can write, so that makes sense. 27:17.619 --> 27:18.739 He can write emails, yeah, exactly. 27:19.480 --> 27:22.542 Non says, he suggested the name for this feature, 27:22.842 --> 27:25.643 domestic jingles. 27:25.683 --> 27:26.423 I know he's mute. 27:27.063 --> 27:28.583 Yeah, but if he could speak, that's how he'd speak. 27:28.623 --> 27:29.243 He can't. 27:31.164 --> 27:36.725 Incidentally, his email was thus, nice to hear I'm not the only one who sets mundane tasks to music. 27:37.065 --> 27:45.947 A personal favorite is singing, get your crocs on, get your crocs on, honey, to the tune of Rocks by Primal Scream, when rallying my daughters before their swimming lesson. 27:46.467 --> 27:48.867 And actually, non is a lady person here. 27:49.007 --> 27:49.848 It's now clear. 27:49.888 --> 27:51.788 So it's not non from six, not two. 27:52.248 --> 27:56.451 She says, my husband is partial to singing, you've got a pitter pocket or two. 27:57.912 --> 27:59.694 When he's making pitter pockets, right? 27:59.774 --> 28:00.334 That's good. 28:00.474 --> 28:02.156 You've got a pitter pocket or two. 28:02.436 --> 28:03.156 Oh, how we laugh. 28:03.316 --> 28:04.177 Love the show, boys. 28:04.397 --> 28:06.379 Long may you reign at the big British castle, she says. 28:06.419 --> 28:07.259 Thanks very much, Non. 28:07.680 --> 28:09.341 So that's Text the Nation this week. 28:09.361 --> 28:10.382 We'd love to hear your ideas. 28:10.602 --> 28:14.125 The text number 64046, that's 64046. 28:14.725 --> 28:17.647 Get your ideas in quickly, please. 28:17.887 --> 28:18.528 It's very important. 28:18.548 --> 28:19.569 It's the top of the hour. 28:20.950 --> 28:24.372 This is the voice of the big British castle. 28:24.392 --> 28:27.834 You are listening to Adam and Jo on six music. 28:28.395 --> 28:31.617 We're on top of the hour, you'll be glad to know. 28:32.017 --> 28:34.599 But we're not on top of anything else at all. 28:34.639 --> 28:35.199 Let's go to the water. 28:35.998 --> 28:38.859 That was gorillas, gorillas with dare. 28:38.899 --> 28:41.160 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music. 28:41.380 --> 28:41.920 Weather check. 28:42.240 --> 28:43.121 Gorillas, gorillas. 28:43.181 --> 28:43.681 Gorillas. 28:44.201 --> 28:44.801 Weather check. 28:46.622 --> 28:47.062 Not that guy. 28:47.102 --> 28:54.345 We can't really discern the weather here anymore because the BBC have built a building a new castle and it's an extraordinary structure. 28:54.565 --> 28:57.386 It's going to be listed and run by the National Trust. 28:57.406 --> 28:59.887 You'll be able to go round it and see the portcullis. 28:59.907 --> 29:01.388 What are they going to do in there, James? 29:01.428 --> 29:02.368 Just execute people. 29:02.828 --> 29:04.308 Is that going to be the big execution block? 29:04.989 --> 29:10.991 They take the presenters, everyone eventually at the Big British Castle gets executed by its own guards. 29:11.851 --> 29:15.312 Sooner or later, someone puts their foot in it in an absolutely spectacular way. 29:15.332 --> 29:22.354 The king, he gets beheaded, all the serfs, all the jesters, eventually they make some kind of error and get tortured and beheaded. 29:22.694 --> 29:25.598 That's where they took Russell Brand to waterboard him after his gaffe. 29:25.898 --> 29:26.379 Exactly. 29:27.460 --> 29:29.823 That's what they're building, a giant punishment chamber. 29:31.245 --> 29:34.028 Did you see Andrew Sacks? 29:35.109 --> 29:41.317 Maybe, I don't know if he was misquoted or what, but the gist of this interview was that he was absolutely delighted about Sacks Gate. 29:41.457 --> 29:42.058 Of course. 29:42.318 --> 29:44.159 Why has it taken him so long to say that? 29:44.339 --> 29:48.721 He said he wasn't fussed about Georgina because he's not that close to her and he was fairly well aware. 29:48.741 --> 29:50.362 She's involved in an erotic dance act. 29:50.422 --> 29:56.885 Yeah, he said, you know, she makes her own life choices and that's up to her, but I wasn't that bothered and I was pleased for the exposure. 29:58.986 --> 30:01.567 Absolutely, everyone came out of that smelling of roses in the end, didn't they? 30:01.587 --> 30:02.907 It's just a big, big old panto. 30:02.967 --> 30:04.688 Apart from the people that worked at the castle. 30:04.848 --> 30:05.748 Who've been executed. 30:05.768 --> 30:07.608 Who've been executed in the execution block. 30:08.989 --> 30:09.809 So, Joe Cornish. 30:10.289 --> 30:10.829 Yeah, right. 30:10.909 --> 30:14.210 So, it's very exciting for Star Trek fans this week, right? 30:14.350 --> 30:15.251 Oh, man, I can't wait. 30:15.691 --> 30:17.011 I'm not a Star Trek fan. 30:17.131 --> 30:17.371 Yeah. 30:17.531 --> 30:20.852 But Adam Buxton, you're a proper TV Star Trek fan, right? 30:20.872 --> 30:24.013 And I don't want to make people think you wear funny ears and speak Klingon. 30:24.073 --> 30:24.493 Which I do. 30:24.673 --> 30:25.093 Do you? 30:25.293 --> 30:25.533 Yeah. 30:25.874 --> 30:26.394 Well, you do. 30:27.734 --> 30:28.375 What does that mean? 30:28.775 --> 30:29.056 Something. 30:29.376 --> 30:29.877 Mokta. 30:30.037 --> 30:30.918 It could be rude. 30:31.138 --> 30:32.880 I think it's like a cup of coffee or something. 30:33.180 --> 30:34.021 Yeah. 30:34.121 --> 30:35.042 But no, I absolutely love it. 30:35.082 --> 30:37.445 You know, I'm a more big fan. 30:37.585 --> 30:42.230 That's not good English, but I'm a massive more big fan of Star Trek The Next Generation. 30:42.310 --> 30:42.531 Right. 30:42.591 --> 30:43.171 There you go. 30:43.612 --> 30:48.097 But I still love I like the original series and I'm well up for the new movie. 30:48.137 --> 30:50.000 Oh, the film is really, really good. 30:50.601 --> 31:00.335 In fact, the weakest part of the film is when the crew assemble at the very end and you get a wide shot of them all and suddenly you recognise them as the classic Star Trek characters. 31:00.976 --> 31:01.917 And you go, what? 31:02.358 --> 31:03.319 This is Star Trek? 31:03.820 --> 31:26.355 because up until then it's been like a proper amazingly good sci-fi film that's what you do if you're a nerd with resonant characters and everything anyway i really recommend the movie it's brilliant but there's a poster all around britain for the movie and it's covered in quotes i'm holding the wrong piece of paper and it's got one quite funny quote on there from zoo magazine you know zoo magazine yeah 31:27.296 --> 31:29.097 It's a very noble periodical. 31:29.698 --> 31:34.842 And the quote on the Star Trek poster from Zoo magazine is set faces to stunned. 31:37.017 --> 31:38.718 So now what's that supposed to sound like? 31:38.978 --> 31:41.458 So it's set phasers to stun. 31:41.539 --> 31:45.600 Yeah, but set faces to stunned. 31:46.140 --> 31:47.100 Now that's quite good, isn't it? 31:47.120 --> 31:52.522 If you're a journalist, to get your pull quotes, as they call it, on a poster is a big thing, isn't it? 31:52.542 --> 31:52.922 Definitely. 31:53.262 --> 31:59.925 People have been known, you know, famously Jonathan Ross made a statement about Batman and Robin, one of the worst films ever made. 32:00.265 --> 32:03.706 I think his quote was something along the lines of, this is the best film ever made. 32:04.486 --> 32:08.729 And I think it was a bet he had with someone, and lo and behold, it got on all the posters around London. 32:09.089 --> 32:11.070 So it's quite a coveted thing as a journalist. 32:11.110 --> 32:20.876 And that zoo journalist must be pretty happy that that possibly one of the most tortured bits of wordplay in poster history has made it onto the poster. 32:21.076 --> 32:25.718 And that speculation, by the way, about Jonathan, obviously he's a well-respected critic. 32:25.738 --> 32:27.399 It's informed speculation. 32:28.260 --> 32:30.421 I don't think he'd deny it. 32:30.481 --> 32:31.602 I think he said it in public before. 32:32.142 --> 32:37.028 But I was trying to think of ways that we could get a quote on a poster because we talk about films. 32:37.528 --> 32:39.451 Why are we not on posters? 32:39.651 --> 32:40.592 We need some better puns. 32:40.752 --> 32:43.175 Like I was raving about let the right one in. 32:43.375 --> 32:43.535 Yeah. 32:44.176 --> 32:48.561 On this show, the Swedish vampire film, the poster on the underground was covered in quotes. 32:48.641 --> 32:50.544 Was there one from Jay Korn? 32:51.104 --> 32:53.626 No, not a peep. 32:54.106 --> 32:59.169 So I was trying to think of some Star Trek ones, like if he can get away with set faces to stunned, what about this? 32:59.750 --> 33:05.193 Quotes, I was clinging with a K on to my seat trek. 33:06.254 --> 33:06.694 Adam and Jo. 33:08.015 --> 33:09.856 Seat sounds a bit like star. 33:10.336 --> 33:11.477 In what world? 33:11.497 --> 33:14.178 Well, in the same way that faces sounds like phasers. 33:14.478 --> 33:15.358 Oh, shut your mouth. 33:15.378 --> 33:16.799 It's got the same first letter. 33:17.099 --> 33:19.480 Faces and phasers do sound the same. 33:19.820 --> 33:22.681 Seat and star do not sound the same. 33:22.721 --> 33:23.382 All right, how about this? 33:23.942 --> 33:28.364 I was beaming me up, Scotty with joy. 33:29.602 --> 33:31.604 I was beaming with joy. 33:32.184 --> 33:33.605 Beam me up, Scotty. 33:34.346 --> 33:34.686 Hello? 33:35.167 --> 33:36.067 That's no good, man. 33:36.267 --> 33:37.188 Come on, that's good. 33:37.529 --> 33:38.029 How about this? 33:39.310 --> 33:44.434 This is the final frontier of entertainment. 33:47.441 --> 33:48.322 Not as good as my ones. 33:48.522 --> 33:49.944 This is the final front. 33:50.084 --> 33:53.468 I think you are, you know, denying the quality of my quotes there. 33:54.049 --> 33:56.512 I think they're every bit as good as set faces to stun. 33:56.532 --> 34:01.879 Lead your second one out again, the one about seats and... I was, what, the beam-me-ups? 34:01.959 --> 34:02.479 The cling-on. 34:02.599 --> 34:05.062 Oh, I was clinging onto my seat trek. 34:06.508 --> 34:08.410 Clinging has a K because like a Klingon. 34:08.450 --> 34:14.335 Yeah, that's definitely yeah on a poster I don't think you're the right audience for this routine because you take Star Trek too seriously. 34:14.535 --> 34:15.356 I find it very insult. 34:15.376 --> 34:30.309 I don't think you're insulted Yeah, yeah, but you're not insulted by set faces to stun brilliant who would set their face to stun I would if I was my friend saw it last night at the Empire and he called me from the lobby He said it was packed the Empire Leicester Square with loads of Star Trek fans 34:31.030 --> 34:35.973 and apparently a lot of them were setting their faces to stunned before they even went into the cinema. 34:36.573 --> 34:39.195 Which is good news for the film and great news for Zoo Magazine. 34:40.676 --> 34:41.476 You're just jealous. 34:41.516 --> 34:42.037 The end. 34:42.277 --> 34:42.437 You are. 34:42.457 --> 34:43.017 Jealous of what? 34:43.197 --> 34:44.678 Jealous of the brilliance of that quote. 34:44.718 --> 34:45.399 Yeah, you're right. 34:46.219 --> 34:49.121 What's wrong with I was beaming me up Scotty with joy? 34:50.161 --> 34:50.822 It's brilliant. 34:51.462 --> 34:52.563 Here's the music now. 34:52.603 --> 34:54.424 This is the Yeah Yeah Yes with Heads Will Roll. 34:55.219 --> 34:58.502 That was the Yeah Yeah Yeahs with Heads Will Roll. 34:58.542 --> 35:01.444 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music. 35:01.604 --> 35:02.785 That was my creaky microphone. 35:02.925 --> 35:03.465 Yeah, nice. 35:03.525 --> 35:04.506 Very rude. 35:04.626 --> 35:05.627 Very rude indeed. 35:05.687 --> 35:06.207 How rude. 35:06.307 --> 35:07.989 How extremely rude. 35:08.309 --> 35:14.354 Now, we got a couple of messages this week, which I'd just like to fill you in on, a little bit of business, that's all. 35:15.655 --> 35:21.279 We got a nice message from a young chap called Kelly Jones. 35:21.619 --> 35:23.961 No, not off of the stereophonic, is it? 35:24.201 --> 35:31.486 Well, it probably isn't, but when I saw it, I thought, wow, it's Kelly Jones from the Stereophonics, who I've spent most of my life being rude about. 35:31.806 --> 35:33.888 Why would he be mailing the show? 35:34.468 --> 35:36.289 I mean, it might be Kelly Jones. 35:36.329 --> 35:38.010 What does Kelly Jones from the Stereophonics say? 35:38.030 --> 35:44.555 It says, Dear Adam and Joe, I'd just like to give a massive thank you to both of you for making such a fantastic radio show. 35:44.875 --> 35:49.698 Your podcast is a beacon of light amongst A-level stress and teenaged ennui. 35:50.158 --> 35:51.499 It really lights up my week. 35:51.679 --> 35:53.120 Thanks again, Kelly Jones. 35:54.562 --> 36:00.733 No, he doesn't put any brackets, but he doesn't even mention the fact like not the stereophonics Kelly Jones or anything like that 36:01.164 --> 36:02.245 Yeah, should he? 36:02.265 --> 36:06.568 The poor chap shouldn't have to go through life explaining that he's not famous yet. 36:06.829 --> 36:11.893 I mean, Kelly Jones, he's a famous stereophonic, but I was thinking maybe for children of that generation, they're not aware. 36:12.293 --> 36:13.074 Yeah, no, they haven't. 36:13.114 --> 36:14.855 Have they troubled the charts recently? 36:14.935 --> 36:17.977 Not really, the stereophonics. 36:18.058 --> 36:26.584 Did you read that out because he had the same name as the lead singer or because you were just charmed by the niceness of his message? 36:27.405 --> 36:27.885 Yeah, both. 36:30.449 --> 36:34.171 To be honest, I didn't mean to read it out, but I just accidentally started reading. 36:34.191 --> 36:38.674 It's nice. 36:38.694 --> 36:41.875 I mean, it sounds a bit... My brain's not in gear, man. 36:41.935 --> 36:46.518 I slept really badly last night, and I had strange dreams. 36:46.538 --> 36:48.439 I've been having very strange dreams recently. 36:49.519 --> 36:53.762 I had quite a sexy one about you the other day, and it's really upset me. 36:53.822 --> 36:54.342 Oh, dear. 36:55.182 --> 36:58.144 Another listener had an erotic dream about me that they sent in. 36:58.544 --> 36:59.986 as you as a white stallion. 37:00.006 --> 37:01.047 Yeah, I like that. 37:01.227 --> 37:03.489 And they were really impressed that you could open the door with your hoof. 37:03.790 --> 37:10.056 Yeah, and then they had an app that came into the dream and did something really obscene. 37:11.458 --> 37:12.338 It was quite funny. 37:12.479 --> 37:14.721 It was the most disgusting email I've ever made. 37:14.881 --> 37:20.427 Well, you should have an over 18 segment on the website where you have to put your name in, your birth date in. 37:21.028 --> 37:22.829 That's the system they have on the internet, right? 37:22.849 --> 37:30.017 You can put anything you want on the internet, but you just have to have a little field in which children have to put in a made-up birthday, right? 37:30.257 --> 37:30.397 Right. 37:30.598 --> 37:31.418 And then you just get access. 37:31.458 --> 37:31.939 Not even that. 37:31.959 --> 37:33.701 You just say, I hear by system. 37:33.721 --> 37:34.161 Yeah, I am 18. 37:34.201 --> 37:35.543 Yeah. 37:35.583 --> 37:36.203 We should do that. 37:36.344 --> 37:37.425 And we could put that email on. 37:37.845 --> 37:38.966 It's quite an image. 37:39.046 --> 37:40.427 I was shocked when I read it though. 37:40.507 --> 37:40.887 Were you? 37:40.927 --> 37:43.509 The dream that this girl had about George Lamb, my goodness. 37:43.549 --> 37:45.091 Why was she even writing it down? 37:45.131 --> 37:46.031 It was outrageous. 37:46.051 --> 37:50.795 Because most of it was an extremely sophisticated dream about me as a noble white stallion. 37:50.855 --> 37:52.096 As a stallion. 37:52.576 --> 37:53.657 I am a bit like a stallion. 37:53.677 --> 37:58.178 So that was that you turned into a stallion and the first part of the dream, she was walking through a graveyard with you. 37:58.478 --> 37:58.879 That's right. 37:58.899 --> 38:02.840 And she wanted to tell you how much she enjoyed the radio show, but she was embarrassed. 38:02.860 --> 38:06.141 So she said, let's take this email up and credit this listener. 38:06.181 --> 38:09.102 She said, let's talk about my show, even though she doesn't have a radio show. 38:09.122 --> 38:11.903 And then you turned into a stallion. 38:11.943 --> 38:14.203 Anyway, yeah, we were running around throwing grass at each other. 38:14.223 --> 38:14.883 That's right. 38:14.904 --> 38:15.984 Having a little grass fight. 38:16.024 --> 38:16.664 Grass fight. 38:16.884 --> 38:17.584 She's exactly right. 38:17.604 --> 38:18.545 I love grass fights. 38:19.465 --> 38:20.145 In graveyards. 38:20.305 --> 38:20.585 Yeah. 38:21.546 --> 38:22.486 Can't stop doing it. 38:22.526 --> 38:22.886 That's nice. 38:23.126 --> 38:24.586 Here's a free play for you now, listeners. 38:24.887 --> 38:36.130 This is a chap called Tim Fight, and I came across him because we're going to play one of his videos at this thing Bug that I do occasionally, which is a pop video for him at the BFI, and it's a really good video. 38:36.150 --> 38:37.531 You can find it on YouTube. 38:37.751 --> 38:47.414 It's for a track called Big Mistake, and it's got a couple of swears in it, so I've done some pirate censoring thereof, but I hope you enjoy it. 38:47.474 --> 38:48.094 This is Tim Fight. 38:55.035 --> 39:01.543 very nice indeed there are text the nation jingle in the style of air which was 39:13.942 --> 39:15.263 What was the name of the chap again? 39:15.303 --> 39:15.783 Who'd done that? 39:16.223 --> 39:17.024 Matthew Leach. 39:17.124 --> 39:17.644 Thanks very much. 39:17.684 --> 39:19.165 He provided the backing track for that. 39:19.785 --> 39:26.549 And a few people were sending in their suggestions for how I could improve on the French grammar in that jingle. 39:26.629 --> 39:27.849 But, you know, I'm not going to bother. 39:28.610 --> 39:29.230 Do you think that's bad? 39:29.970 --> 39:30.991 No, I think it's excellent. 39:31.771 --> 39:32.832 It's a really good decision. 39:33.273 --> 39:33.593 Well done. 39:34.013 --> 39:38.997 But I appreciate the messages and you taking the time, especially, you know, we did ask for people to do that. 39:39.617 --> 39:41.499 But I think that, you know, the French is good enough. 39:41.739 --> 39:45.182 Most people said the French was reasonable enough for it to get by. 39:45.262 --> 39:46.823 OK, so let's get on with Text the Nation. 39:47.343 --> 39:51.486 Yeah, this week's subject is all about lyrics to popular songs that you reversion. 39:52.327 --> 39:54.950 to allow them to accompany sort of banal daily tasks. 39:55.871 --> 39:58.775 Here is an email from Ben in Putney. 39:58.835 --> 40:10.468 He says, every time I pass through Vauxhall, which is an area in South London, on the train or by other means, I find myself singing Strangers in Vauxhall to the tune of Michael Jackson's Strangers in Moscow. 40:10.909 --> 40:12.511 We're strangers in Vauxhall. 40:12.851 --> 40:14.793 I'm impressed that you even know the tune to Stranger Things. 40:14.833 --> 40:15.794 That's a good song, man. 40:15.834 --> 40:16.054 Is it? 40:16.515 --> 40:18.998 Maybe it's just me and Ben from Putney that know that one. 40:19.338 --> 40:20.419 Plus I live near Vauxhall. 40:20.819 --> 40:22.241 So Ben, I'm right with you on that one. 40:22.361 --> 40:23.382 Here's one from Tom. 40:23.923 --> 40:30.790 He says, I particularly enjoy requisitioning overly wrought indie music for mundane household activities. 40:30.850 --> 40:32.552 My favourites include singing radio heads 40:33.292 --> 40:37.955 everything in its right place whilst tidying up small things. 40:38.255 --> 40:46.579 I like to think that's what Tom York really wrote the song about and I imagine him often tidying up his drawers or maybe rearranging a collection of small china animals on a mantelpiece. 40:46.999 --> 40:58.965 I also enjoy bastardising the white stripes and dusty Springfield song when I'm doing DIY and I sing I just don't know what to do with my shelves. 40:59.045 --> 40:59.445 Nice. 41:00.886 --> 41:01.206 I don't know. 41:01.226 --> 41:02.707 That sounds like a bit of a stretch, that one. 41:03.208 --> 41:03.628 You reckon? 41:04.488 --> 41:08.030 I just don't know what to do with my shelves. 41:08.130 --> 41:10.112 How often are you doing things with shelves? 41:10.372 --> 41:10.972 Come on. 41:11.472 --> 41:12.593 It's a fun thing to do. 41:12.613 --> 41:14.074 And he's got one more. 41:14.094 --> 41:24.820 He says, also, having misplaced the scissors, and this is one that a lot of people do, I think, he says he often sings, I still haven't found what I'm looking for. 41:24.860 --> 41:25.961 That's a very useful song. 41:26.161 --> 41:26.681 It really is. 41:26.761 --> 41:28.822 Easily applied to many mundane tasks. 41:29.022 --> 41:29.443 Definitely. 41:30.043 --> 41:37.546 Katherine Wright emails saying, when eating cake, I sometimes sing, I predict a diet, I predict a diet. 41:37.806 --> 41:39.547 It reduces the calories to almost zero. 41:39.867 --> 41:45.049 What she's suggesting, just the energy you burn up by singing the song, counteracts the cake. 41:45.749 --> 41:50.374 Yeah, or it makes you feel better about it that you've acknowledged the possibility that in the future there might be a diet. 41:50.414 --> 41:51.075 Small tangent. 41:51.235 --> 41:54.719 All bars of chocolate now have the precise calorie count on them. 41:54.879 --> 41:56.000 They have done for a while, surely. 41:56.020 --> 42:01.526 And apparently exercise bikes tell you how many calories you're working off, specifically depending on how much you pedal. 42:01.846 --> 42:05.509 You can probably get trainers that have a calorie... But there's something horrific about that. 42:05.729 --> 42:06.270 Absolutely horrific. 42:06.290 --> 42:14.976 That you would eat a chocolate bar and know precisely how many calories you'd consumed and then go up to an exercise bike and exercise for the precise amount to work them off again. 42:15.257 --> 42:15.997 People are obsessed about that. 42:16.017 --> 42:16.978 Is that horrific or brilliant? 42:17.258 --> 42:18.259 No, I agree with you. 42:18.279 --> 42:18.779 It's horrific. 42:18.839 --> 42:19.680 It just used to be hidden. 42:19.720 --> 42:21.902 Now it's in your face screaming at you from every packet. 42:22.042 --> 42:23.263 It's the same with booze, you know? 42:23.323 --> 42:29.167 They tell you exactly like one glass of wine equals half a Big Mac or whatever, you know? 42:29.187 --> 42:30.809 What's going on with freedom these days? 42:31.389 --> 42:31.509 Eh? 42:31.529 --> 42:32.770 Where's it going? 42:32.990 --> 42:33.891 Well, ask George Michael. 42:34.091 --> 42:35.833 Yeah, I joined Liberty the other day. 42:36.073 --> 42:36.313 Did you? 42:36.353 --> 42:36.633 Well done. 42:36.853 --> 42:37.074 Yeah. 42:37.454 --> 42:38.835 But because of this chocolate bar thing. 42:39.115 --> 42:40.917 What, the clothing store? 42:41.417 --> 42:42.418 Yeah, no, the campaign group. 42:42.938 --> 42:43.959 Anyway, here's another one. 42:44.179 --> 42:58.570 Gillian Alexander, after you talking about songs that you sing, for example, locking the taskbar when doing mundane things, whenever I see a dog on the underground, I always sing, there's a dog on the underground, to the tune of Girls Aloud's The Sound of the Underground. 42:59.151 --> 42:59.191 Ah. 42:59.691 --> 43:00.853 That's a bit like the shelf one. 43:00.893 --> 43:02.637 How often do you see a dog on the underground? 43:02.997 --> 43:04.039 Very seldom, yeah. 43:04.099 --> 43:05.021 Exciting moment though. 43:05.201 --> 43:08.527 I just don't know what to do with my shelf. 43:10.400 --> 43:11.741 So we'll have some more a bit later. 43:11.801 --> 43:16.745 It is useful because you know you got books and you know, maybe some DVDs. 43:17.506 --> 43:21.389 Should you put the books on a different shelf or make it exclusive? 43:21.889 --> 43:27.893 You know, is it just going to be all books on this one or half books, half DVDs and maybe a few ornaments, few Star Wars figures? 43:28.214 --> 43:29.835 Or should you put the Star Wars figures away? 43:29.995 --> 43:33.277 I just don't know what to do with my shelf. 43:33.718 --> 43:34.679 Have we got to go to the news now? 43:34.699 --> 43:35.139 Yeah, maybe. 43:36.442 --> 43:43.484 I was squeezed with Up the Junction, this is Adam and Jo, on BBC 6 Music, Britain's premier digital radio station. 43:43.624 --> 43:45.085 Amy Winehouse gig of Shambles. 43:45.365 --> 43:46.966 Baby Shambles gig in Winehouse. 43:48.426 --> 43:50.967 That sounds like a good gig though, I would have wanted to see that. 43:50.987 --> 43:52.087 Right, in a Winehouse. 43:52.367 --> 43:53.548 I'd like to see the knick-knocks. 43:54.068 --> 43:56.370 Oh, you want to see Amy's knickknocks. 43:57.171 --> 43:58.171 Look at Amy's knickknocks. 43:58.372 --> 44:01.274 The shambling and the rambling and the propping up. 44:01.694 --> 44:02.455 Sounds amazing. 44:02.495 --> 44:07.799 You know, a really appalling gig is almost as good as a really brilliant gig. 44:07.839 --> 44:10.221 What you don't want is the sort of average ones in between. 44:10.922 --> 44:13.383 You know, you want to see the headline acts and the disasters. 44:13.644 --> 44:15.385 Well, you know, she puts on a good show. 44:15.405 --> 44:16.066 Well, she does both. 44:16.186 --> 44:17.727 She's a disastrous headline act. 44:18.167 --> 44:19.348 So she ticks all the boxes. 44:19.368 --> 44:21.050 She's the biggest star in Britain. 44:21.710 --> 44:22.631 Best talented musician. 44:22.811 --> 44:23.572 We wish you well. 44:23.932 --> 44:26.274 Come on, sort your life out, Amy. 44:27.055 --> 44:27.576 What am I doing? 44:28.116 --> 44:28.577 I don't know. 44:28.617 --> 44:30.158 I think it's gone beyond that with her, hasn't it? 44:30.178 --> 44:32.180 I mean, the whole world's been shouting at her. 44:32.200 --> 44:38.986 Her parents, everyone has been doing everything they can to get her to try and have some self-respect. 44:39.546 --> 44:41.567 for her talent, but she just ain't listening. 44:41.607 --> 44:44.328 It's hard to instill self-respect though, isn't it? 44:44.849 --> 44:49.531 Do you think you could instill it by beating it into a person? 44:49.871 --> 44:51.492 I'd say the answer to that is no. 44:53.633 --> 44:54.293 Just in case. 44:55.414 --> 44:57.535 In case anyone thinks that's the way to go. 44:57.615 --> 45:02.177 Yeah, in case anyone misses the bone dry, Rene. 45:02.737 --> 45:09.900 Oh, for our food eyes, one way, I was listening to an interesting program about self-respect. 45:09.920 --> 45:12.361 Your apprentice contestants come over here. 45:12.421 --> 45:14.482 You could beat it into people. 45:14.542 --> 45:15.663 I didn't know that. 45:16.123 --> 45:19.285 I heard it on the BBC, so it's got to be true. 45:20.625 --> 45:20.785 Yeah. 45:21.025 --> 45:21.625 Sorry, sorry. 45:21.645 --> 45:22.126 That's all right. 45:22.286 --> 45:23.826 Sense everything off in a bad direction. 45:23.986 --> 45:28.768 Listen, listeners, we're going to play you now some of the curtailed work we did for Song Wars. 45:28.928 --> 45:32.509 If you weren't listening to the show earlier, first of all, how dare you? 45:33.089 --> 45:41.692 Secondly, we were playing our new Song Wars songs on the theme of The Apprentice and we were discussing how torturers we found the process of songwriting this week. 45:41.712 --> 45:43.392 So now we're going to inflict the torture on you. 45:43.432 --> 45:44.072 Yeah, yeah. 45:44.152 --> 45:46.933 Well, you know, it's a fascinating behind the scenes look. 45:47.193 --> 45:49.954 It's like The South Bank Show, if you replace the word bank with a... 45:50.735 --> 45:51.415 similar word. 45:51.495 --> 45:52.676 It's like classic albums. 45:52.736 --> 46:06.406 Yeah, but it's only, my one's only very short, but after I did my kind of Kings of Convenience style Warbly Margaret Mountford song, I thought it was no good and I decided I'd try and do a more upbeat funny one, you know? 46:06.886 --> 46:09.829 So I launched into the following aborted track. 46:09.909 --> 46:11.490 This is what I created. 46:13.985 --> 46:15.687 See, it's got the sample and everything. 46:16.608 --> 46:17.168 Theme tune. 46:17.188 --> 46:18.790 See, this is kind of the way I ended up going. 46:19.090 --> 46:19.330 Listen. 46:36.795 --> 46:39.057 I was gonna put something here, I couldn't think of what to put here. 46:39.077 --> 46:40.158 Ran out of ideas. 46:40.558 --> 46:43.280 But this is pretty much what I ended up with. 46:43.320 --> 46:44.521 Wait, hang on, there's a bit more. 46:52.907 --> 47:11.580 that's it gave up yeah gave up after that what do you think no i think you went you made the right decision do you you don't think i should have followed that one through to the end nah that's not very nice well musically it's inferior to what you ended up do you think yeah yeah but it could have been funnier more amusing not really not really 47:13.390 --> 47:15.791 It's really not the responses I was expecting. 47:15.831 --> 47:16.892 What's the matter with you today? 47:16.912 --> 47:17.832 Do you want to hear my one? 47:17.852 --> 47:20.693 It's like an evil gnome has taken possession of your body. 47:21.154 --> 47:22.874 Yeah, play your one. 47:23.014 --> 47:26.796 I went in a totally different, you know, because I like to do the pirate interruptions every now and again. 47:26.836 --> 47:28.197 So that's how I started off with this one. 47:28.237 --> 47:30.978 Yeah, we should reiterate these are not the song or songs you're voting on. 47:31.158 --> 47:35.060 No, this is merely a fascinating glimpse behind the self-indulgence. 47:35.080 --> 47:36.200 The curse of crap. 47:36.561 --> 47:36.981 Here we go. 47:39.384 --> 47:41.228 Shut up your face! 47:41.248 --> 47:42.811 Stop complaining! 47:42.831 --> 47:43.573 Shut up your mouth! 47:43.653 --> 47:44.755 Get out of order, Naya! 47:47.616 --> 47:49.098 No one like that for a while. 47:49.438 --> 47:50.319 And then I had some salt. 47:50.399 --> 47:50.879 It's good. 47:51.139 --> 47:51.740 I want to hear it. 47:51.780 --> 47:54.662 I'm sick and tired of you denying all this, you know. 47:54.983 --> 47:55.863 I'm sorry, my friend. 47:55.943 --> 47:57.825 I think you're a bit out of your debt. 47:58.105 --> 48:01.028 I just ended up doing like a sort of rave prank. 48:01.588 --> 48:03.130 Honestly, when could you make money out of that? 48:03.510 --> 48:03.750 Hang on. 48:03.770 --> 48:04.191 It gets all dark. 48:04.671 --> 48:04.991 Yeah. 48:14.520 --> 48:15.740 I just got a really big flashback. 48:15.760 --> 48:17.021 I'm having an active flashback. 48:18.141 --> 48:18.581 A beefer. 48:18.601 --> 48:22.342 Oh dear. 48:23.363 --> 48:24.083 I just got into it. 48:24.123 --> 48:26.163 I spent, I ended up being six minutes long. 48:27.164 --> 48:28.884 And yeah, with no lyrics. 48:31.705 --> 48:32.746 on and on and on. 48:33.146 --> 48:38.828 And I was dancing around and then suddenly I looked at the clock and it was seven in the evening and I'd started at midday. 48:39.189 --> 48:39.509 Wow. 48:39.789 --> 48:42.370 And I just thought, well, I've wasted a day. 48:42.450 --> 48:44.371 I've wasted an entire day. 48:44.551 --> 48:46.012 That's how it goes with Song Wars. 48:46.152 --> 48:47.993 Creating a terrible rave track. 48:48.873 --> 48:51.596 with some samples of Alan Sugar on the top. 48:51.856 --> 49:03.767 Don't forget that towards the end of the show, probably at about 20 to noon, we'll play the real tracks once more in case you missed them and you can vote for the actual song or songs via the email address. 49:03.787 --> 49:04.988 Can they vote on the website? 49:05.868 --> 49:07.750 Yeah, is there a thing they can click on the website? 49:07.770 --> 49:09.291 Yeah, so you can go to the website as well. 49:09.772 --> 49:13.115 All kinds of different ways to get involved here at the Big British Castle. 49:13.295 --> 49:14.316 Real music now. 49:14.376 --> 49:15.597 This is Cassabian with fire. 49:30.653 --> 49:32.213 Was that someone just doing that on that? 49:32.253 --> 49:32.993 Was that an instrument? 49:33.774 --> 49:36.554 I think it was an instrument, but it would have sounded good if they'd just done that. 49:36.614 --> 49:37.875 People should do that more often. 49:38.095 --> 49:42.376 Well, I think we should do an acapella song wars, but you didn't like the sound of that the other week. 49:42.396 --> 49:43.996 Oh yeah, I'm alright with that. 49:44.056 --> 49:45.457 A Bobby McFerrin style one. 49:45.677 --> 49:48.838 In fact, I always thought we should do a song wars where you weren't allowed any words. 49:49.478 --> 49:49.938 Right. 49:50.399 --> 49:51.880 That's a strange topic, though. 49:51.900 --> 49:53.341 I mean, that's... Yes, experimental. 49:53.381 --> 49:53.881 It's pushing us. 49:53.901 --> 49:55.262 Experimental song wars. 49:55.942 --> 49:56.062 Mmm. 49:56.262 --> 49:56.583 Anyway. 49:56.703 --> 49:58.364 The experimenting is what takes the time. 49:58.684 --> 49:59.785 That was Cassabian, right? 49:59.825 --> 50:00.665 Was that called Fire? 50:00.885 --> 50:04.868 I'd like it if, like, the new U2 album had just Bono on it going. 50:07.789 --> 50:12.270 There's an amazing, what's the Prince album, is it Parade? 50:12.611 --> 50:20.653 Where he does a whole trumpet solo that starts sounding exactly like a real trumpet and then by the end you realise he's just doing it with his lips. 50:20.893 --> 50:23.714 Yeah, generally it's not something I enjoy very much. 50:23.734 --> 50:25.035 Sometimes it snows in April I think. 50:25.155 --> 50:27.516 I was listening to a track the other day where someone does a 50:29.076 --> 50:39.688 In fact, it isn't even Paddy McAloon on one of their albums, Jordan The Comeback, where he does a kind of muted horn solo just vocally. 50:40.248 --> 50:46.355 It doesn't sound so good. 50:46.555 --> 50:47.616 It's the blah blah. 50:47.736 --> 50:49.398 I wanted to destroy the tape machine. 50:49.438 --> 50:50.139 It was terrible. 50:55.185 --> 51:02.390 I mean, he's a genius, and everything he touches turns to gold, except in that instance, when he needed some more advice from Thomas Dolby, I think. 51:02.410 --> 51:04.111 It was a total disgrace! 51:04.532 --> 51:05.352 Get out, McAloon! 51:07.549 --> 51:08.570 Actually, I want to hear it now. 51:08.590 --> 51:09.650 You should bring it in and play it. 51:10.771 --> 51:11.391 Good lord. 51:11.551 --> 51:12.532 Maybe I'll bring it next week. 51:13.432 --> 51:14.933 Now, what's your policy on speed bumps? 51:15.834 --> 51:18.095 Oh, I like to slow right down for speed bumps. 51:18.915 --> 51:20.336 Yeah, and go over them very slowly. 51:20.436 --> 51:20.736 Do you? 51:21.597 --> 51:28.060 It gets tricky if they're the little ones that are segmented, then the temptation is to drive into the middle of the road. 51:28.180 --> 51:28.641 Sure it is. 51:28.681 --> 51:32.143 So that you pass with your tyres either side of them that can be quite dangerous. 51:32.263 --> 51:34.424 And take them at speed because you could rip the whole engine out. 51:34.864 --> 51:36.566 No, just because you're suddenly in the middle of the road. 51:37.107 --> 51:44.336 Also, they deliberately designed them so that they're too wide, unless you were driving in a Humvee or something. 51:44.596 --> 51:50.623 Aren't they like a width so that ambulances can go over them at speed, but conventional cars can't have a 51:50.623 --> 51:51.103 I made that up. 51:51.143 --> 51:52.885 Well, that sounds like logic to me. 51:53.245 --> 51:55.067 That sounds like a stone cloud logic. 51:55.387 --> 51:56.968 Here's an email from Neil. 51:57.409 --> 51:58.890 He was actually writing it about something else. 51:58.910 --> 52:01.512 He was writing about listening again for the first time. 52:01.973 --> 52:07.778 And because he's a podcast listener, right, we should remind people that there is a podcast of this show if you've never explored that. 52:08.058 --> 52:09.819 It's available free on iTunes. 52:09.879 --> 52:14.724 It comes out on a Monday evening and many other podcast delivery services it's available on as well. 52:14.804 --> 52:15.004 Right. 52:15.024 --> 52:15.504 Right. 52:15.524 --> 52:16.365 There are other ones like 52:16.865 --> 52:19.407 RSS feeds and all that kind of nonsense. 52:19.427 --> 52:20.387 But it's worth picking up. 52:20.427 --> 52:24.309 I mean, there's a lot of extra stuff in there that you don't get in this show as well. 52:24.369 --> 52:27.051 It's worth listening to if you've never done so before. 52:27.211 --> 52:34.395 Anyway, Neil was saying that as a regular podcast listener, he actually listened again to the whole show for the first time and was enjoying that as well. 52:34.415 --> 52:39.037 That's something you can also do throughout the week is listen again on the iPlayer and various other things. 52:39.418 --> 52:43.200 But he concluded by saying, when we go over speed bumps in the car, 52:43.780 --> 52:45.161 This is his family he's talking about. 52:45.381 --> 52:51.246 We throw our hands up like we're on a rollercoaster and we go, hey, and take them at speed. 52:52.167 --> 52:53.108 I remember this email. 52:53.128 --> 52:54.509 It's probably even more worrying, doesn't it? 52:54.749 --> 53:00.154 He says it's probably not safe, but hey, I have to put my mobile phone down so that makes it safer, right? 53:02.496 --> 53:05.018 So he's breaking all kinds of laws there, Neil. 53:05.038 --> 53:09.282 You know, when I read that email last night, I thought, well, we won't be reading that one out. 53:09.602 --> 53:09.782 Yeah. 53:09.822 --> 53:10.963 Because that's encouraging. 53:11.063 --> 53:13.866 Actually, I don't know if he's in there with his family. 53:14.566 --> 53:16.848 He probably wouldn't be doing that kind of thing if he had children in there. 53:16.868 --> 53:20.832 It's highly illegal to... It gets me very annoyed when I see people talking on their mobile phones. 53:21.092 --> 53:21.412 Does it? 53:21.452 --> 53:22.473 Yeah, it does, actually. 53:23.054 --> 53:23.774 I want to arrest them. 53:23.814 --> 53:27.718 I want Black Squadron to... Because, you know, it's very, very, very dangerous. 53:27.758 --> 53:28.318 I agree with you. 53:28.338 --> 53:28.959 I absolutely agree. 53:28.979 --> 53:32.282 Well, if you suddenly hit a child, then how would you feel? 53:32.302 --> 53:32.462 Wow. 53:32.642 --> 53:35.103 You've really scared it into the blackest area that you possibly could then. 53:35.123 --> 53:36.764 Yeah, but it happens a lot. 53:37.244 --> 53:39.706 It's the largest cause of death, I think, in the country. 53:40.166 --> 53:40.406 Yeah. 53:40.786 --> 53:41.587 I mean, that's true. 53:41.887 --> 53:42.347 It is true. 53:42.367 --> 53:45.109 But on the other hand, this is a frivolous Saturday morning radio show. 53:45.309 --> 53:48.891 Yeah, but he's encouraging listeners to talk on their mobile. 53:48.911 --> 53:50.291 He's not encouraging them. 53:50.351 --> 53:50.972 He is. 53:52.753 --> 53:54.454 What if you suddenly hit a child? 53:55.014 --> 53:55.734 It's true. 53:55.754 --> 53:56.815 That's a great punchline. 53:57.195 --> 53:58.536 That should be Steve Wright's new punchline. 53:58.556 --> 53:58.636 Yeah. 54:00.937 --> 54:02.658 Cheer up his Sunday morning show. 54:02.678 --> 54:17.084 That'll be fun in between like tracks by the hollies I'm just saying it get you're annoyed when I see people doing it Of course, you're right do it as a sort of badge of pride, you know of devil may care, you know, oh Yeah, anyway, yeah, let's not go there 54:17.805 --> 54:19.747 I'll get annoyed, it'll be like the news at 10 all over again. 54:19.947 --> 54:21.489 Wow, Nina Nana, watch out. 54:21.769 --> 54:23.311 Get your crew over here. 54:23.331 --> 54:24.973 This is what would have happened if you'd been on news at 10. 54:25.013 --> 54:25.734 Cornish is on a rant. 54:26.275 --> 54:31.441 It suddenly would have gone incredibly dark from being like a little fluffy piece about Joanna Lumley with your track. 54:31.981 --> 54:35.405 Suddenly you take it into the most serious area that you possibly could. 54:35.986 --> 54:37.508 That's your MO though, that's what you like doing. 54:37.848 --> 54:38.889 Yeah, sure. 54:39.610 --> 54:40.651 Here's some music right now. 54:40.691 --> 54:42.252 This is, what is this? 54:42.733 --> 54:43.673 Nadia Catous. 54:43.713 --> 54:44.294 Is this your play? 54:44.314 --> 54:45.235 Yeah, this is my free play. 54:45.275 --> 54:46.196 This is a lovely track. 54:46.256 --> 54:51.160 Nadia Catous is from Belize, but she was an actress on telly in the sixties. 54:51.180 --> 54:55.264 Apparently she was in play for today's and crown court and Dixon of dot green. 54:55.604 --> 54:56.445 But this is a record. 54:56.485 --> 55:01.089 My mum and dad used to play a lot when I was very young and it's really nice. 55:01.169 --> 55:04.192 It's called a long time boy and it's by Nadia Catous. 55:07.148 --> 55:07.930 Text-o-nation! 55:08.010 --> 55:09.935 Text, text, text, text-o-nation! 55:09.995 --> 55:10.958 What if I don't want to? 55:11.218 --> 55:11.940 Text-o-nation! 55:12.020 --> 55:13.043 But I'm using email. 55:13.223 --> 55:13.945 Is that a problem? 55:13.965 --> 55:14.807 It doesn't matter, text! 55:17.363 --> 55:20.344 We've got radio, one extra. 55:20.404 --> 55:23.224 Is it one extra broadcasting from the next door studio? 55:23.244 --> 55:25.865 What, have they had a technical problem in their usual house? 55:26.505 --> 55:27.025 Maintenance. 55:27.065 --> 55:29.766 Maintenance, so they've come over to this building today. 55:29.806 --> 55:33.026 Where they broadcast from, usually there's a problem with the air conditioning. 55:33.246 --> 55:33.967 It's too chill. 55:35.007 --> 55:37.907 They've had too much chill cake, but it looks really exciting on one extra. 55:37.927 --> 55:42.528 They're eating little blamanges and waving their arms about. 55:42.548 --> 55:44.769 There's a lady that looks like Lady Sovereign. 55:45.289 --> 55:47.271 In there, I'm convinced it's Lady Sovereign. 55:48.472 --> 55:49.493 It all looks really good. 55:50.154 --> 55:50.474 Yeah. 55:50.714 --> 55:51.635 Well, it looks good in here. 55:51.835 --> 55:52.096 Yeah. 55:52.196 --> 55:53.437 Well, I don't know about that. 55:53.637 --> 55:56.960 Yeah, I don't reckon quite as extra in here as it does in there. 55:57.281 --> 56:06.790 Listen, it's Text the Nation time, listeners, and this week's theme is all about ways that you reversion popular songs so that you can apply them to mundane everyday tasks. 56:07.350 --> 56:08.272 Have you got one there, Ed? 56:08.332 --> 56:09.955 Here's one from Joe's Story. 56:10.275 --> 56:16.686 He says, when my cat Prudence knocks stuff over, we sing, stuff on the floor and you're too blame. 56:16.966 --> 56:19.310 You've gave cats a bad name. 56:20.120 --> 56:21.641 to the tune of the Bon Jovi song. 56:21.681 --> 56:22.061 That's good. 56:22.301 --> 56:22.781 I like it. 56:22.941 --> 56:23.801 You love Bon Jovi. 56:23.881 --> 56:26.322 I love Cats and Bon Jovi, two of my favourite things. 56:26.703 --> 56:31.544 Here's one from Ash, hello, from New Ash Green in Kent. 56:31.665 --> 56:32.325 What would that mean? 56:32.445 --> 56:34.306 From New Ash Green in Kent? 56:34.426 --> 56:35.046 New Ash Green? 56:35.186 --> 56:35.726 Is that a place? 56:36.306 --> 56:36.907 Oh, there you go. 56:36.927 --> 56:41.008 Yeah, they've compacted the Green and In from New Ash Green in Kent. 56:41.068 --> 56:42.509 But what's the name of the person? 56:43.089 --> 56:43.429 Josh. 56:43.929 --> 56:50.230 Okay, when I'm cooking curry, I find myself singing chicken tikka to the tune of Abba's chicken tikka. 56:50.870 --> 56:51.410 Right. 56:51.510 --> 56:52.051 Hello. 56:52.551 --> 56:52.951 Anybody? 56:53.051 --> 56:53.371 Anything? 56:53.471 --> 56:54.251 Yeah, yeah, that's good. 56:54.471 --> 56:54.871 That's good. 56:55.471 --> 56:57.191 Here's one from Chris from Shuttleworth. 56:58.912 --> 57:04.333 My wife Jess has to sing, you're microwavable to the EMFs. 57:04.373 --> 57:05.053 You're unbelievable. 57:05.093 --> 57:06.573 Every time she uses the microwave. 57:06.853 --> 57:07.073 Yes. 57:07.113 --> 57:08.213 Is that funny or annoying? 57:08.593 --> 57:10.654 You're microwavable. 57:10.674 --> 57:11.414 Oh, that's good. 57:12.418 --> 57:12.638 You know? 57:12.658 --> 57:20.304 Because it's exciting if you get a potato or something, and suddenly it dawns on you, I don't have to wait half an hour for this baked potato to be ready. 57:20.544 --> 57:21.705 You're microwavable. 57:22.385 --> 57:22.565 Oh! 57:22.585 --> 57:25.648 10 minutes later, delicious baked potato ping. 57:26.008 --> 57:28.269 Even though it's not crusty when you put it in the microwave. 57:28.310 --> 57:30.751 It goes, microwave potatoes are horrible. 57:31.232 --> 57:31.472 Yeah. 57:31.632 --> 57:32.633 Do you not like the microwave? 57:32.833 --> 57:33.033 No. 57:33.233 --> 57:33.934 It's convenient. 57:34.654 --> 57:35.474 I don't, we don't have one. 57:35.614 --> 57:35.954 Do you not? 57:36.134 --> 57:36.294 No. 57:36.394 --> 57:37.495 Did you used to have one and get rid of it? 57:37.555 --> 57:39.835 They're evil, they cook via pure evil. 57:40.195 --> 57:40.536 Do they? 57:40.656 --> 57:44.056 It's true, yeah, there's one of those little lump black, you know at the end of Time Bandits? 57:44.096 --> 57:44.317 Sure. 57:44.337 --> 57:45.397 When Satan explodes. 57:45.417 --> 57:45.777 That's right. 57:45.797 --> 57:47.657 Into lumps of charcoal. 57:47.717 --> 57:48.558 That's what they're powered by. 57:48.578 --> 57:51.498 They put a little bit of Satan into every single microwave. 57:51.518 --> 57:53.939 There's a little bit of see-do-do in every single microwave. 57:54.159 --> 57:58.640 They do, they cook with pure evil and that's why they're hot on the inside, not the outside. 57:58.900 --> 58:01.241 Because it's a core of evil that radiates warmth. 58:01.789 --> 58:02.049 Yeah. 58:02.189 --> 58:04.090 I mean, that is quite useful, though, isn't it? 58:04.110 --> 58:05.471 Because you could have little bed warmers. 58:05.491 --> 58:06.511 You know those hand warmers? 58:06.551 --> 58:07.972 Are they powered by evil as well? 58:08.612 --> 58:09.393 I'm not sure. 58:09.573 --> 58:11.213 Because sometimes it feels like they might be. 58:11.233 --> 58:11.894 You shake them up. 58:12.094 --> 58:13.234 You know the things I'm talking about? 58:14.095 --> 58:16.416 You get them to warm you up in the winter, hand warmers. 58:17.136 --> 58:20.858 What, the ones you put in the... And they've got little black bits of evil inside. 58:21.238 --> 58:22.799 Oh, like little granules, carbon granules. 58:22.839 --> 58:23.559 Granules of evil. 58:23.779 --> 58:25.100 Yeah, evil granules. 58:25.200 --> 58:27.181 And they keep them nice and warm. 58:27.441 --> 58:29.543 But the thing is that evil is often very nicely priced. 58:29.603 --> 58:30.704 It's reasonably priced evil. 58:30.724 --> 58:33.607 Well, evil is cheap because, you know, it's got an incentive. 58:33.767 --> 58:34.448 They want to spread it. 58:34.628 --> 58:35.089 Exactly. 58:35.409 --> 58:38.372 It's like a drug dealer giving you your first score for a low price. 58:38.632 --> 58:40.394 You know, if you're... Do you remember that drug dealer? 58:41.255 --> 58:41.815 What was his name? 58:42.256 --> 58:44.478 Terry, Terry the drug dealer. 58:44.498 --> 58:45.779 Terry, Terry the drug dealer. 58:45.860 --> 58:46.901 Terry, Terry, Terry. 58:47.721 --> 58:48.102 Terry, Terry. 58:48.442 --> 58:51.983 Anyway, here's one from Dan Davies from Birmingham. 58:52.464 --> 58:58.126 When I was doing a very dull office job, I used to announce that I was taking my lunch to the theme tune of Blankety Blank. 58:58.566 --> 59:03.908 He said, it's time to get a baguette, get a baguette, get a baguette, get a baguette, get a baguette. 59:04.488 --> 59:05.088 That's good. 59:05.388 --> 59:06.769 Get a baguette, get a baguette. 59:06.949 --> 59:07.229 More. 59:07.569 --> 59:09.010 Get a baguette, get a baguette. 59:09.110 --> 59:09.270 Less. 59:10.529 --> 59:14.492 You've got to retract some of the stuff you previously saw. 59:16.034 --> 59:22.519 From Giles and Harrow, when nearly at the end of a delicious meal, my brother will often sing, it's the final mouthful. 59:23.880 --> 59:24.441 That's a good one. 59:25.121 --> 59:26.903 That must be quite annoying. 59:27.223 --> 59:30.746 I mean, you can use that track for a number of things like that. 59:31.467 --> 59:32.948 Same with the Bon Jovi one, actually. 59:33.288 --> 59:35.949 Stuff on the floor and you're to blame. 59:36.169 --> 59:38.250 You give cats a bad name. 59:38.931 --> 59:41.011 You can do that with children or anything like that. 59:41.332 --> 59:43.192 Here's quite a good one from Joe in Kilburn. 59:43.593 --> 59:44.513 This is a useful one. 59:44.553 --> 59:53.797 In 1986 I was doing my Maths-O level and to help me remember the formula for the volume of a cylinder, I changed the lyrics of the popular song Frankie by Sister Sledge. 59:54.297 --> 59:55.898 Brackets or was it the Pointer Sisters? 59:56.298 --> 01:00:02.001 From Frankie do you remember me to Frankie pi R squared H over three. 01:00:03.181 --> 01:00:04.482 That's just ridiculous. 01:00:04.502 --> 01:00:05.323 That's good, though. 01:00:05.383 --> 01:00:06.864 That kind of thing's really useful. 01:00:06.884 --> 01:00:08.965 But you could crowbar that formula into any song. 01:00:08.985 --> 01:00:11.507 I think it was The Sister Sledge, incidentally, by the way. 01:00:12.107 --> 01:00:14.168 Frankie, pi R-squared. 01:00:14.248 --> 01:00:15.769 It's the H that ruins it, isn't it? 01:00:15.809 --> 01:00:17.530 The H is being shoehorned in there. 01:00:17.971 --> 01:00:21.113 But that in itself gives it a quirk that makes it even more memorable. 01:00:21.273 --> 01:00:22.614 You could do pi as well. 01:00:23.154 --> 01:00:24.115 Frankie, 3.14159. 01:00:27.657 --> 01:00:35.640 There's like, do you remember we wrote us like a country and western song that had the speed over distance, speed equals distance over time in it. 01:00:35.700 --> 01:00:36.080 Roscoe. 01:00:36.340 --> 01:00:39.501 Yeah, and lots of people write to us saying that that's become useful in there. 01:00:39.621 --> 01:00:41.102 My name is Roscoe. 01:00:41.442 --> 01:00:43.523 That's Roscoe, which spell good. 01:00:43.623 --> 01:00:48.125 I like to go a long way in a short time because I increase. 01:00:48.165 --> 01:00:48.545 That's why. 01:00:48.725 --> 01:00:53.066 My velocity went possible because speed equals distance over time. 01:00:53.227 --> 01:00:54.647 Are you going to help me sing that one? 01:00:54.667 --> 01:00:56.168 No, I let you take that solo. 01:00:57.168 --> 01:01:16.460 right the way through I think when's Joe gonna join is he gonna join he's in a grump they are I'm letting you hanging you out to try on that one that was good though keep those coming in the text number is 64046 here's some music right now this is the mighty Radiohead with there there 01:01:17.219 --> 01:01:24.605 That is Empire of the Sun with We Are the People, and this is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music. 01:01:24.665 --> 01:01:25.385 Hope you're very well. 01:01:25.425 --> 01:01:26.726 Thank you so much for tuning in. 01:01:26.766 --> 01:01:28.528 It's a great pleasure to be here with you. 01:01:29.228 --> 01:01:32.110 And we are going to have a little bit of Steven news right now. 01:01:32.150 --> 01:01:35.793 I've got a new jingle for this Steven news segment. 01:01:36.013 --> 01:01:36.434 Here we go. 01:01:36.454 --> 01:01:45.581 The service to Stevenage will depart from Stevenage calling at Stevenage and Stevenage 01:01:46.516 --> 01:01:47.557 There you go, Stevenage News. 01:01:47.617 --> 01:01:49.658 Well, it's not going to leave the platform then, is it? 01:01:49.998 --> 01:01:50.739 No, exactly. 01:01:50.799 --> 01:01:53.921 To parting from Stevenage to Stevenage via Stevenage. 01:01:53.961 --> 01:01:54.301 Yeah. 01:01:54.662 --> 01:01:55.862 That's a good service, though. 01:01:56.363 --> 01:01:58.904 I mean, you could say that just about a house in Stevenage. 01:01:59.425 --> 01:02:01.186 Well, you could stay any stationary object. 01:02:01.826 --> 01:02:02.307 That's good. 01:02:02.427 --> 01:02:04.188 That's where you go to get your Steven News. 01:02:04.448 --> 01:02:04.708 Right. 01:02:05.249 --> 01:02:11.413 Now, obviously, I mean, I personally, Joe Cornish, have an ambiguous relationship towards the Steven phenomenon. 01:02:11.673 --> 01:02:12.174 Ambivalent. 01:02:12.274 --> 01:02:13.795 Can it be called a phenomenon? 01:02:13.935 --> 01:02:14.955 Yeah, the minor phenomenon. 01:02:14.975 --> 01:02:15.496 No, mini one. 01:02:17.117 --> 01:02:19.920 I find myself terrified of it in the street. 01:02:20.721 --> 01:02:27.307 And I sympathise with some artists whose touring careers have been blighted by the shouting of Stephen at their gigs. 01:02:28.048 --> 01:02:31.912 We got another email from about Bat for Lashes. 01:02:32.793 --> 01:02:33.494 What was that one? 01:02:33.534 --> 01:02:34.515 We should try and call that up. 01:02:34.535 --> 01:02:39.660 I'm afraid I don't remember the name of the person who sent it, but saying that they were at a Bat for Lashes gig in New York even. 01:02:40.300 --> 01:02:44.745 Or somewhere where Natasha Khan could rightfully expect to be free of Stephen shouting. 01:02:45.226 --> 01:02:48.490 And she got Stephen shouted in this foreign area. 01:02:48.970 --> 01:02:53.575 And apparently her reply was something along the lines of, oh god, it's following me. 01:02:53.595 --> 01:02:54.537 She's not American. 01:02:55.037 --> 01:02:56.057 What's her voice like? 01:02:56.217 --> 01:02:56.738 Oh god. 01:02:57.098 --> 01:02:59.218 Oh god, it's following me overseas. 01:03:00.119 --> 01:03:00.819 Or something like that. 01:03:00.859 --> 01:03:12.283 But then, we got a message from Edgar Wright, mutual friend of the show, and he actually knows Natasha Khan because... What, Charlotte Hathley, who's a good friend of ours, plays bass for her. 01:03:12.403 --> 01:03:16.845 Yeah, and Edgar emailed the other day and he said... Or possibly rhythm guitar, I don't know. 01:03:16.985 --> 01:03:17.185 Right. 01:03:17.205 --> 01:03:17.565 It's bass. 01:03:17.945 --> 01:03:23.732 He said, as you may or may not know, Charlotte is playing with Bat for Lashes now, and I saw them in Toronto last night. 01:03:24.032 --> 01:03:30.379 I had lunch with Charlotte and Natasha Khan, who is lovely, he says in brackets, and she thought your podcast comments were very funny. 01:03:31.280 --> 01:03:33.263 She being Charlotte, Natasha. 01:03:33.763 --> 01:03:34.203 That's good. 01:03:34.223 --> 01:03:40.604 Well, we apologize, Natasha, if, you know, it's ruining your flow at all, the Stephen Shouting. 01:03:40.644 --> 01:03:42.045 But it's beyond our control. 01:03:42.065 --> 01:03:43.325 There's not a lot we can do about it. 01:03:43.405 --> 01:03:51.767 Also, someone sent me an email, a journalist, and they said that Clash magazine were looking to sum up sort of trends for the summer. 01:03:52.347 --> 01:03:58.788 And one of the other journalists had said, well, there's probably going to be a lot of Stephen Shouting at the festivals this year. 01:03:58.848 --> 01:03:59.108 Yes. 01:03:59.768 --> 01:04:02.370 And so we were, I mean, that cheered me up. 01:04:02.430 --> 01:04:02.910 That made me think. 01:04:02.991 --> 01:04:09.115 Maybe we should, maybe I should stop being, you know, ambivalent about it and throw your arms round. 01:04:09.155 --> 01:04:09.575 Yeah. 01:04:09.595 --> 01:04:13.758 To stoke it up to a sort of awful feverish crescendo over the summer. 01:04:13.978 --> 01:04:14.779 Yeah, exactly. 01:04:14.839 --> 01:04:18.782 Where it becomes like an unavoidable obnoxious social curse. 01:04:19.422 --> 01:04:29.066 Incidentally, at this point, if you've never listened to this show before and you don't know what we're talking about, Steven has become a thing that people shout out to each other in order to find out if there's any listeners to this show around. 01:04:29.287 --> 01:04:30.327 In the area, yeah. 01:04:30.407 --> 01:04:31.528 So you can shout, Steven! 01:04:31.608 --> 01:04:33.028 And if a stranger says, just come in. 01:04:33.048 --> 01:04:36.550 But here are some examples that'll describe it more eloquently than we can. 01:04:36.830 --> 01:04:41.652 Here's one from, these are people who've actually recorded Steven's happening in public. 01:04:41.892 --> 01:04:43.613 This is Matthew Hodson, who was at 01:04:44.253 --> 01:04:45.594 a Graham Coxen gig. 01:04:46.075 --> 01:04:49.477 And while Graham was changing over guitars, he said, so this is a bit naughty. 01:04:49.497 --> 01:04:50.518 This is during the gig. 01:04:51.259 --> 01:04:51.639 During? 01:04:51.759 --> 01:04:53.620 Well, it's not during the songs, though. 01:04:53.941 --> 01:04:54.681 Between songs. 01:04:54.701 --> 01:04:55.142 That's all right. 01:04:55.162 --> 01:04:55.762 That's fair enough. 01:04:55.802 --> 01:04:56.403 Not during a song. 01:04:56.423 --> 01:04:58.364 That would be outrageously irresponsible, Stevenage. 01:04:58.744 --> 01:05:00.526 But here is the sound of his. 01:05:01.166 --> 01:05:06.811 It sounds like a very empty room, but I think it was just people being quiet during the gig. 01:05:06.851 --> 01:05:07.451 Here's what happened. 01:05:10.293 --> 01:05:10.734 Steven! 01:05:13.187 --> 01:05:13.692 I'm trying. 01:05:16.499 --> 01:05:17.580 That's quite desolate, isn't it? 01:05:17.600 --> 01:05:17.960 That's good. 01:05:18.020 --> 01:05:20.281 That sounds like a very boho crowd. 01:05:22.343 --> 01:05:23.283 That's quite reserved. 01:05:23.363 --> 01:05:25.765 It sounded like he was doing it just in a community centre or something. 01:05:25.825 --> 01:05:27.106 Yeah, it was Pizza Express. 01:05:27.366 --> 01:05:30.548 He's just made up the fact that he was a Graham Coxing gig to sound cool. 01:05:30.968 --> 01:05:32.549 But thank you very much, Matthew, for that one. 01:05:32.869 --> 01:05:36.712 And then Ryan Kent was at the Brixton Academy to see Doves. 01:05:37.492 --> 01:05:40.995 And he fills you in on the whole thing. 01:05:41.055 --> 01:05:42.636 It's like reporting on Stevenage. 01:05:42.676 --> 01:05:43.096 Here he is. 01:05:43.416 --> 01:05:44.417 Hello, this is Ryan. 01:05:44.757 --> 01:05:45.177 And Matt. 01:05:45.617 --> 01:05:49.399 And we are at the Brixton Academy, about to watch Doves. 01:05:49.879 --> 01:05:51.480 And we're going to go for a Steven. 01:05:52.020 --> 01:05:53.981 Not Midgeot, we know that's a frown upon. 01:05:54.001 --> 01:05:58.043 So just as they come on, we're going to go for it and see what the response is. 01:05:59.264 --> 01:06:01.385 Okay, they're setting up now for the Doves. 01:06:01.405 --> 01:06:02.665 We're going to go for a Steven. 01:06:02.705 --> 01:06:03.145 Here we go. 01:06:03.245 --> 01:06:03.466 Ready? 01:06:03.506 --> 01:06:04.846 Three, two, one. 01:06:05.266 --> 01:06:05.426 Steven! 01:06:13.630 --> 01:06:15.091 I could just hear it buried in there. 01:06:15.151 --> 01:06:16.031 Could you just hear it? 01:06:16.091 --> 01:06:17.071 Yeah, I couldn't hear anything. 01:06:17.091 --> 01:06:17.592 That's good. 01:06:18.232 --> 01:06:19.032 We really like that. 01:06:19.072 --> 01:06:22.814 The idea of listeners recording it and doing a little commentary there. 01:06:23.254 --> 01:06:23.994 That's really good. 01:06:24.054 --> 01:06:25.275 That's very verite, isn't it? 01:06:25.455 --> 01:06:26.256 That's good reporting. 01:06:26.276 --> 01:06:32.220 That's sort of like the equivalent of the news, you know, someone bit Ben Brown in Afghanistan or something, isn't it? 01:06:32.340 --> 01:06:33.921 They should have a little section on the news. 01:06:34.361 --> 01:06:34.602 Yeah. 01:06:34.622 --> 01:06:35.382 The Stevenage section. 01:06:35.422 --> 01:06:36.163 They really should. 01:06:36.183 --> 01:06:37.023 They really, really should. 01:06:37.043 --> 01:06:39.045 And they should give some BAFTAs, you know, for bravery. 01:06:39.125 --> 01:06:39.705 Exactly. 01:06:39.805 --> 01:06:40.806 To some of our listeners. 01:06:40.906 --> 01:06:48.231 And now the BAFTA for bravest Steven, which is presented by John. 01:06:48.392 --> 01:06:50.073 I mean, what if another radio station 01:06:50.493 --> 01:07:07.008 encouraged its listeners to, you know, I'm not going to say hit or in any way physically confront, but you know, if they had some sort of a rival reposter, Stephen, if they were fed up with it was something like, you know, if you hear someone shouts, don't even put the idea in their heads. 01:07:08.049 --> 01:07:09.390 Don't even say it. 01:07:10.748 --> 01:07:12.511 I'm not going to say it now. 01:07:13.233 --> 01:07:14.395 You know where I was going though. 01:07:14.415 --> 01:07:18.983 If I wasn't on this show... Don't even continue thinking about it! 01:07:19.865 --> 01:07:20.847 It doesn't bear thinking about! 01:07:21.300 --> 01:07:22.921 Here's a free play for you right now, listeners. 01:07:23.281 --> 01:07:29.826 Now, this is a one for comedy nerds and fans of songs about mobile phones alike. 01:07:30.246 --> 01:07:39.793 And this is a track that I'd like to dedicate to my son, Frank, who absolutely loves this song, which is performed by the comedian Kevin Eldon and a little background on the track. 01:07:40.953 --> 01:07:43.495 I got a text from Kevin explaining what the track was when I asked him. 01:07:44.096 --> 01:07:50.260 And he says, it's me and my longtime musical collaborator, Martin Bird, who produced it and played all the instruments. 01:07:51.100 --> 01:07:55.922 You can find out more about Martin Bird on www.martinbird.co.uk. 01:07:56.502 --> 01:08:06.265 And for comedy nerds, Martin Bird was responsible for playing everything on the version of Virginia Plain, which you can see on the first series of Big Train, if you've never seen that. 01:08:06.725 --> 01:08:13.107 That's one of the all-time great moments of Big Train, with Kevin Elden as Chairman Mao singing Virginia Plain. 01:08:13.587 --> 01:08:14.467 It's just amazing. 01:08:14.787 --> 01:08:19.009 But this is a track that he did as Kevin Elden and the Cassettes, and it's about mobile phones. 01:08:19.049 --> 01:08:19.929 It's called Mobile Phone. 01:08:41.135 --> 01:08:41.218 you 01:09:29.817 --> 01:09:31.688 I'm your mobile 01:10:29.616 --> 01:10:31.997 What's his... I don't understand his problem with the world, though. 01:10:32.017 --> 01:10:34.218 He just wants it to shut up. 01:10:34.398 --> 01:10:37.159 Yeah, but he wants the world to get its head back in the clouds. 01:10:37.779 --> 01:10:39.719 Get your head back in the clouds. 01:10:40.080 --> 01:10:40.980 And shut your mouth. 01:10:41.600 --> 01:10:45.001 Yeah, you know, it's just being too dogmatic, the Earth. 01:10:45.161 --> 01:10:45.762 Too chatty. 01:10:45.962 --> 01:10:46.402 Yeah. 01:10:47.362 --> 01:10:50.563 Yeah, yeah, just too serious with all its problems. 01:10:50.683 --> 01:10:51.123 Right, right. 01:10:51.143 --> 01:10:55.605 Like, you know, we were talking about Mother Nature and her problems last week, that kind of thing. 01:10:55.845 --> 01:11:17.129 yeah the fact that complacency how complacent mother nature is and how she's failed to put pockets in human beings yeah exactly fix her own problems to herself expecting us to do it yeah sweep up your own backyard expecting everything on a plate from humans and al gore and al gore that's right that's what he's on about he's been too nice to mother mother nature hasn't he al gore basically spoiled her 01:11:17.549 --> 01:11:17.829 Yeah. 01:11:17.849 --> 01:11:18.229 Don't you think? 01:11:18.570 --> 01:11:19.750 Yeah, she's very spoiled. 01:11:19.790 --> 01:11:21.631 She's like Paris Hilton. 01:11:22.031 --> 01:11:26.073 Wouldn't that be awful if Mother Nature actually appeared? 01:11:26.093 --> 01:11:36.758 She was a hideous Los Angeles airhead with a little dog, an awful pink bag, complaining about how everything's been ruined by alcohol. 01:11:36.798 --> 01:11:39.239 Seriously, who do you picture when you think of Mother Nature? 01:11:39.379 --> 01:11:39.999 Leslie Douglas. 01:11:40.379 --> 01:11:41.400 Do you? 01:11:41.440 --> 01:11:44.581 Who used to be the ex-controller of BBC Six music and radio too? 01:11:44.741 --> 01:11:46.461 You know, I think of Miriam Margulis. 01:11:46.881 --> 01:11:47.202 Do you? 01:11:47.422 --> 01:11:47.682 Yeah. 01:11:48.102 --> 01:11:49.422 Or is that how you pronounce her name? 01:11:49.442 --> 01:11:50.122 Yeah, Margulis. 01:11:50.162 --> 01:11:50.702 The actress. 01:11:50.742 --> 01:11:51.422 Mike Wilees. 01:11:51.963 --> 01:11:53.203 Or Julia Margulis. 01:11:53.263 --> 01:11:53.823 Marge Wilees. 01:11:54.063 --> 01:11:55.123 Anyone called Margulis. 01:11:55.523 --> 01:11:56.184 Marge Wilees? 01:11:56.864 --> 01:11:58.284 Is that a good name for a woman? 01:11:59.144 --> 01:12:00.104 Nice image. 01:12:00.144 --> 01:12:00.865 Marge on the wheelie. 01:12:02.545 --> 01:12:05.366 Well, why wouldn't you pop a bit of Marge on the wheelie? 01:12:06.046 --> 01:12:06.706 I suppose it would be. 01:12:06.726 --> 01:12:07.286 Why would you? 01:12:07.686 --> 01:12:10.307 It would be keep the skin nice and supple. 01:12:11.087 --> 01:12:11.387 Oh dear. 01:12:12.408 --> 01:12:14.171 OK, so listen, I say that. 01:12:14.591 --> 01:12:16.114 I don't know what I'm going to... Oh yes, yes, yes. 01:12:16.354 --> 01:12:20.580 We were going to talk about... That was your fault. 01:12:21.521 --> 01:12:27.430 We were going to talk about movies just to enthuse, actually, about a trip to the cinema that I took with the children the other day to see Coraline. 01:12:28.271 --> 01:12:48.713 which was it was great on a number of levels because we went to the cinema in Norwich and it was absolutely packed man it was bank holiday Monday right and every single person I think in the Norwich area had just decided to go to the movie so we turned up there there were massive queues outside the movie house I mean the cinema industry looks to be in rude health you know if cinema queues in Norwich or anything to go by 01:12:49.853 --> 01:12:53.435 But I was a bit depressed about it, but luckily the queues moved fairly fast. 01:12:53.475 --> 01:12:58.356 I think there were loads of teens who wanted to see Wolverine and stuff like that. 01:12:58.856 --> 01:13:01.857 But they kept on shouting out, you know, cinema five's fully booked. 01:13:01.877 --> 01:13:03.318 You have to come back for the next showing. 01:13:03.538 --> 01:13:08.600 I was worried it was going to happen with Coraline, but we squeezed in there because we sat in the premiere seats at the back, right? 01:13:08.660 --> 01:13:09.200 All classy. 01:13:09.300 --> 01:13:11.501 Paid a quid extra, got the premiere seats. 01:13:11.741 --> 01:13:12.601 Best thing we could have done. 01:13:12.621 --> 01:13:13.842 The view was brilliant. 01:13:14.082 --> 01:13:15.482 The seats were so comfortable. 01:13:15.502 --> 01:13:17.563 We had little rests for our popcorn and stuff. 01:13:17.583 --> 01:13:18.183 When you were watching it, 01:13:18.303 --> 01:13:18.844 three diddles? 01:13:19.224 --> 01:13:19.984 Three diddles? 01:13:20.345 --> 01:13:21.866 Still not impressed by three diddles. 01:13:22.086 --> 01:13:23.127 Oh come on! 01:13:23.167 --> 01:13:24.688 I thought the three diddles was amazing. 01:13:24.708 --> 01:13:27.230 You know the best thing about 3D is it shuts everybody up. 01:13:27.371 --> 01:13:28.371 They don't chat to each other. 01:13:28.451 --> 01:13:29.032 That's absolutely true. 01:13:29.052 --> 01:13:32.255 Because you put the glasses on immediately, it's just you and the screen. 01:13:32.295 --> 01:13:32.455 Yeah. 01:13:32.655 --> 01:13:41.522 I think that's one of the best developments because I saw Coraline on Bank Holiday Monday as well at the Brixton Ritzy and it was fantastic and it was packed out. 01:13:41.582 --> 01:13:41.702 Yeah. 01:13:42.443 --> 01:13:58.564 Boisterous kids I thought it was gonna be a really boisterous 70s style screening as soon as the film started silence same here Yeah, it was absolutely one completely wrapped all I could hear was kids going yeah Occasionally I would there was one so there was one child who was wailing in some of the scary bits, you know 01:14:01.918 --> 01:14:04.901 But not very much I would say that it's quite scary. 01:14:04.941 --> 01:14:16.049 It's a little bit scary I mean my five-year-old enjoyed it, but he was teetering on the edge Yeah, I'd say that was anything younger than five probably not but even the younger kids were completely enraptured by it, but what a film 01:14:16.209 --> 01:14:33.059 I mean, after having seen Monsters vs. Aliens, which is okay, but only just about, Monsters vs. Aliens features one of the worst jokes I've heard in a film recently, which is when the aliens, they've been incarcerated for 50 years or something, and then they come out to fight this new enemy. 01:14:33.339 --> 01:14:37.002 And one of the aliens says, is it a bit warmer than it used to be 50 years ago? 01:14:37.022 --> 01:14:39.183 I mean, I think we should be told about this. 01:14:39.483 --> 01:14:43.946 If it really is, you know, if the truth is that it is warmer, that would be a convenient truth. 01:14:45.038 --> 01:14:47.940 Nah, nah, nah. 01:14:48.280 --> 01:14:49.341 But listen, it's coming up to the news. 01:14:49.361 --> 01:14:52.583 We have to go to the news, but I can't recommend Coraline strongly enough. 01:14:52.663 --> 01:14:53.384 It's an absolute peach. 01:14:53.404 --> 01:14:53.644 I agree. 01:14:53.884 --> 01:14:54.465 Two thumbs up. 01:14:54.805 --> 01:14:56.146 Pop a quote from that on the poster. 01:14:56.346 --> 01:14:58.347 What would your little cheeky punning quote be? 01:14:58.968 --> 01:14:59.688 Oh, no. 01:14:59.828 --> 01:15:00.489 You put me under pressure. 01:15:00.509 --> 01:15:01.189 I'll tell you after the news. 01:15:01.229 --> 01:15:01.629 How about this? 01:15:02.930 --> 01:15:05.552 It'll make you feel like some Coraline dancing. 01:15:06.032 --> 01:15:07.313 No, awful, awful, awful. 01:15:07.373 --> 01:15:07.994 News, quick. 01:15:09.655 --> 01:15:13.578 It's time for song wars, the war of the songs. 01:15:26.590 --> 01:15:28.630 Yes, it's Song Wars time again listeners. 01:15:29.250 --> 01:15:37.533 This is of course the feature where Adam and I pick a theme, then go home and use our little computers to make homemade songs on that theme. 01:15:38.213 --> 01:15:42.474 And it can be quite a torturous, draining, time-consuming process. 01:15:42.854 --> 01:15:45.875 Yeah, I was thinking earlier on, I mean we played Kevin Elden's song there. 01:15:46.655 --> 01:15:50.538 And with Martin Bird producing it and doing a really lovely job of doing so. 01:15:50.578 --> 01:15:51.658 He's got a producer. 01:15:51.678 --> 01:15:54.880 Yeah, that's what we need though, is a kind of Martin Bird in our lives. 01:15:55.681 --> 01:15:58.102 And then we would be absolutely sorted, you know what I mean? 01:15:58.623 --> 01:16:04.206 Yeah, it should be pointed out like we've got day jobs during the week and stuff, so some people might think that... 01:16:04.506 --> 01:16:05.246 What's your day job? 01:16:06.227 --> 01:16:09.649 I work in Ann Summers, just off Leicester Square. 01:16:09.709 --> 01:16:11.029 Can you get me any kind of deal there? 01:16:11.390 --> 01:16:12.650 I can get you a very good deal. 01:16:12.790 --> 01:16:13.050 Really? 01:16:13.551 --> 01:16:15.472 I'm a fireman, is there anything I can do for you? 01:16:15.652 --> 01:16:16.632 A fireman? 01:16:16.872 --> 01:16:17.112 Yeah. 01:16:17.313 --> 01:16:19.614 Well, we're looking for some models for some posters. 01:16:20.034 --> 01:16:20.294 Right. 01:16:20.554 --> 01:16:21.615 How's your hose holding? 01:16:23.096 --> 01:16:25.517 I can hold the hose in a suggestive way if that's what you're asking. 01:16:26.038 --> 01:16:26.838 You're a bit hairy. 01:16:27.238 --> 01:16:29.560 I'm hairy and a little bit fat, so is that a problem? 01:16:31.341 --> 01:16:35.024 I could strip off though and hold my hose in a suggestive way. 01:16:35.044 --> 01:16:36.785 I think some ladies would like that. 01:16:36.805 --> 01:16:43.310 Well listen, listen, pop in on Monday, we open at 10 and I'll take some Polaroids and show them to the boss. 01:16:43.410 --> 01:16:44.431 Thanks very much, that's excellent. 01:16:45.111 --> 01:16:52.961 So, sorry, as you can see, we have busy lives apart from our work that we do on the radio show, so Song Wars can eat up a lot of that time. 01:16:53.982 --> 01:16:56.184 However, it's time to play you the fruits of our labours. 01:16:56.244 --> 01:16:57.546 Joe's going to go first this time. 01:16:58.027 --> 01:16:59.268 No, I went first last time. 01:16:59.528 --> 01:16:59.829 Oh, did you? 01:17:00.169 --> 01:17:01.050 Oh, I'll go first this time. 01:17:01.070 --> 01:17:02.471 Okay, so this is my song. 01:17:02.571 --> 01:17:11.500 And for people who know my character, Ken Corder, this is kind of Ken Corder as one of the contestants in The Apprentice, or at least he kicks things off. 01:17:11.540 --> 01:17:16.244 And then I, you know, I inhabit the character of some other made up contestants. 01:17:16.765 --> 01:17:18.887 It's kind of a load of nonsense, and here it is. 01:17:23.358 --> 01:17:42.784 I'm going to be the next apprentice I'm the best man for the job Although I'm vain and self-deluded And I'm quite a massive knob Sir Alan, please believe me I'm a business typhoon I could sell ice cubes to the Eskimos and deck chairs on board 01:17:44.821 --> 01:17:46.002 You think you're a good team leader? 01:17:46.022 --> 01:17:46.963 I can't believe you'd ask. 01:17:47.163 --> 01:17:49.125 Team Velocimax did great on this task. 01:17:49.165 --> 01:17:51.688 Yeah, we made no money and we fought all the time. 01:17:51.948 --> 01:17:54.411 And I refuse to listen, but is that a flipping crime? 01:17:54.431 --> 01:17:54.911 You should be fine. 01:17:54.951 --> 01:17:55.632 You should be fine. 01:17:55.692 --> 01:17:57.014 You should find the boring one. 01:17:57.174 --> 01:17:59.796 He doesn't seem to realise that it's a TV show. 01:17:59.816 --> 01:18:03.120 You've got to act like a total utter brat otherwise, you know. 01:18:03.200 --> 01:18:03.600 You're fine. 01:18:04.301 --> 01:18:23.753 Thank goodness you got rid of him cause I'm the one who's best although I'm bitchy and insufferable and thick like all the rest but I've got management experience from my time in burger shops and I really love to delegate and think outside the box. 01:18:23.993 --> 01:18:25.074 You're fired, you're fired. 01:18:44.876 --> 01:18:47.077 I was the project manager. 01:18:47.297 --> 01:18:49.298 We tried hard at the test. 01:18:49.959 --> 01:18:54.101 Although we didn't sell a thing, I think we were the best. 01:18:54.481 --> 01:18:55.021 You're fired. 01:18:55.121 --> 01:18:55.441 You're fired. 01:18:55.481 --> 01:18:56.382 Stupid moron. 01:18:56.422 --> 01:18:57.622 She's a stupid moron. 01:18:57.822 --> 01:19:00.084 I'm going to win cause I am a genius. 01:19:00.104 --> 01:19:02.725 For goodness sake, Sir Allen, don't deploy a moron. 01:19:02.745 --> 01:19:03.625 Take a look at me. 01:19:03.765 --> 01:19:04.926 Get back to the house. 01:19:05.026 --> 01:19:26.114 I'm going to be the next apprentice I'm the best one for the job Although I'm vain and self deluded And I'm quite a massive knob I'm going to be the next apprentice I'm the best one for the job Although I'm vain and self deluded And I am quite a massive knob 01:19:26.590 --> 01:19:27.130 You're fired. 01:19:27.231 --> 01:19:28.111 You're fired. 01:19:28.131 --> 01:19:29.512 Some horrible singing going on there. 01:19:29.632 --> 01:19:30.093 It's good. 01:19:30.293 --> 01:19:31.414 That's Adam's song. 01:19:31.434 --> 01:19:32.174 What's that one called? 01:19:32.194 --> 01:19:33.555 It's just called The Apprentice. 01:19:33.835 --> 01:19:37.858 The Apprentice, written and performed by Adam Buxton. 01:19:38.779 --> 01:19:40.160 Are you going to publish that? 01:19:40.260 --> 01:19:41.721 Can we buy that in sheet music? 01:19:42.122 --> 01:19:45.764 Yeah, I'm going to make a lot of publishing from that. 01:19:45.784 --> 01:19:47.826 From chapels in Bond Street? 01:19:48.126 --> 01:19:51.989 Yeah, there's no, I mean, I don't think even The Apprentice You're Fired would want to play that. 01:19:52.129 --> 01:19:52.689 Oh, I don't know. 01:19:53.650 --> 01:20:02.761 Whereas, I reckon if they don't play your song about Margaret Mountford, then something has gone wrong at HQ of The Apprentice You're Fired. 01:20:02.961 --> 01:20:04.003 Well, let's listen to it again. 01:20:04.023 --> 01:20:05.044 This is song number two. 01:20:05.264 --> 01:20:06.686 This is my song, Joe's song. 01:20:06.826 --> 01:20:09.029 This is called Song for Margaret Mountford. 01:20:13.757 --> 01:20:39.173 Standing at the back Making notes on a pad In a Taylor Mac Deciding who gets sacked At Sir Allen's side A trusted employee A handsome woman with so much dignity Margaret Mountford Your hair is like a cloud 01:21:01.853 --> 01:21:27.430 reading the results dispassionately young people today not what they used to be some well chosen words a little bit gruff she rolls her eyes she's had enough she lets out a sigh puts her head in her hands to be on TV was never part of her plan she's on the team 01:21:28.110 --> 01:21:43.111 But she stands alone while the candidates argue on their mobile phones Margaret Mountford, your hair is like a cloud 01:21:59.369 --> 01:22:02.370 There we go, those are the two Song Wars songs this week. 01:22:02.630 --> 01:22:07.613 You can vote by email adamandjo.6musicatbbc.co.uk. 01:22:08.113 --> 01:22:10.974 Votes sent by text will not be counted. 01:22:11.295 --> 01:22:11.455 No. 01:22:11.915 --> 01:22:14.516 In fact, you may be punished. 01:22:14.976 --> 01:22:17.077 That's right, you will be spanked by BBC agents. 01:22:17.117 --> 01:22:18.398 Punishment block that they're building. 01:22:18.678 --> 01:22:23.040 And you've got until midnight on Friday the 15th of May to email your votes. 01:22:23.060 --> 01:22:27.601 And of course, both those songs will be in the podcast, which will be available for download on Monday at about 5. 01:22:28.301 --> 01:22:32.803 But before that podcast comes out, you can hear them on the website at BBC Six Music. 01:22:32.883 --> 01:22:33.183 Yeah. 01:22:33.483 --> 01:22:34.804 Time for some music now. 01:22:34.944 --> 01:22:36.964 This is Grizzly Bear with two weeks. 01:22:39.665 --> 01:22:40.486 Text the nation. 01:22:40.526 --> 01:22:42.446 Text, text, text, text the nation. 01:22:42.506 --> 01:22:43.487 What if I don't want to? 01:22:43.727 --> 01:22:44.447 Text the nation. 01:22:44.547 --> 01:22:45.547 But I'm using email. 01:22:45.707 --> 01:22:46.448 Is that a problem? 01:22:46.468 --> 01:22:47.268 It doesn't matter, text. 01:22:49.775 --> 01:22:57.998 Text the Nation this week is about songs that you have customised in order to make the lyrics fit a kind of mundane routine that you're involved. 01:22:58.018 --> 01:23:03.880 Yeah, for instance, Rod Spuria emails, this is a very good, blunt, precise email. 01:23:04.101 --> 01:23:05.901 It says, waiting for photographs. 01:23:06.521 --> 01:23:09.523 Someday my prince will come. 01:23:09.623 --> 01:23:09.943 Nice. 01:23:10.023 --> 01:23:10.843 Nice, you know. 01:23:10.863 --> 01:23:12.464 I think I've done that one as well. 01:23:12.924 --> 01:23:15.125 Yeah, that doesn't happen so much in the digital age, though, does it? 01:23:16.145 --> 01:23:18.907 No, that's very true, but yeah, that's true. 01:23:19.167 --> 01:23:20.808 Here's one from Thomas in Norwich. 01:23:21.629 --> 01:23:24.371 He says, in March I interned at a book publishers. 01:23:24.651 --> 01:23:28.614 Being a PC user, I was unfamiliar with the Macintoshes that they used. 01:23:28.994 --> 01:23:31.716 When being shown what to do by my supervisor, 01:23:32.316 --> 01:23:36.698 The supervisor apologized about the computer beach-balling, right? 01:23:37.038 --> 01:23:45.062 Instead of an egg timer on a Mac, you have a little spinning, multicolored rainbow circle, and this guy refers to that as beach-balling. 01:23:45.362 --> 01:23:48.203 So whenever I used the Mac thereafter, in my head I was singing, 01:23:50.484 --> 01:23:54.647 Beach balling to the tune of Free Falling by Tom Petty. 01:23:54.667 --> 01:23:55.147 That's a good word. 01:23:55.167 --> 01:23:57.809 I'm more excited by the word beach balling than the song. 01:23:57.829 --> 01:23:58.089 Exactly. 01:23:58.109 --> 01:23:59.230 That's the main reason I read that out. 01:23:59.290 --> 01:23:59.711 Beach balling. 01:23:59.731 --> 01:24:00.591 That's a good term. 01:24:00.611 --> 01:24:01.472 I hadn't heard that before. 01:24:01.492 --> 01:24:02.633 My machine is beach balling. 01:24:02.993 --> 01:24:05.334 Sometimes it just means it's crashed though, which is quite annoying. 01:24:05.695 --> 01:24:13.500 Kate, who is living temporarily in East Dulwich, she wants us to know, says when making cheese on toast, I always sing cheese on toast. 01:24:13.840 --> 01:24:16.602 Two minutes later, cheese on toast. 01:24:16.742 --> 01:24:17.403 That's a good one. 01:24:17.563 --> 01:24:18.643 Yeah, that is a good one. 01:24:18.703 --> 01:24:20.164 Girls on film, Joanne Joanne, right? 01:24:20.664 --> 01:24:21.484 Correct, correct. 01:24:21.544 --> 01:24:25.185 I'm assuming people would just get that from the wicked singing. 01:24:25.245 --> 01:24:25.965 You should never assume. 01:24:25.985 --> 01:24:26.385 You're right. 01:24:26.445 --> 01:24:29.726 Assuming makes assume of ass and moo. 01:24:30.446 --> 01:24:31.506 That's the phrase, isn't it? 01:24:31.586 --> 01:24:31.826 Yes. 01:24:32.986 --> 01:24:34.807 Here's one more from Denise Nicole. 01:24:35.047 --> 01:24:39.908 To the music of Billy Idol's White Wedding, we sing, it's a nice day for rice pudding. 01:24:41.188 --> 01:24:41.328 Yeah. 01:24:41.429 --> 01:24:42.289 I think that's good. 01:24:42.329 --> 01:24:42.770 It's nice. 01:24:42.930 --> 01:24:43.650 Although I disagree. 01:24:43.730 --> 01:24:45.412 I think it's never a nice day for a rice pudding. 01:24:45.832 --> 01:24:51.637 I've got a real problem because I ate one of the caramel digestives and half of it's just got lodged halfway down my throat. 01:24:51.677 --> 01:24:52.437 I can't seem to shift it. 01:24:52.457 --> 01:24:53.598 I'm just going to have some water here. 01:24:54.779 --> 01:25:02.305 Here's another one from Dominic Ware who says, whenever I'm out shopping with my mum, dad and sister Amelia, we invariably get split up and sometimes during the day. 01:25:02.685 --> 01:25:06.068 It's at this point I normally ask my dad, where's mum and Amelia? 01:25:06.448 --> 01:25:08.090 And then proceed to sing in my head. 01:25:08.490 --> 01:25:15.634 M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M- 01:25:37.586 --> 01:25:38.468 So thank you very much for that. 01:25:38.488 --> 01:25:40.573 Well, this is a bit of a free play fun coming up. 01:25:40.614 --> 01:25:45.887 So it's a steamroller you there This is Prince with another another lover hole in yo head 01:25:46.656 --> 01:25:46.996 Here it is. 01:25:47.496 --> 01:25:50.937 That was Pronts with another lover, Holin Yeo Head. 01:25:51.437 --> 01:25:54.138 This has been the Adam and Jo Radio show on BBC Six Music. 01:25:54.158 --> 01:25:54.958 Thanks for listening. 01:25:55.358 --> 01:25:58.879 Anyone who is listening, thanks to our producer has been James Sterling. 01:25:59.259 --> 01:26:03.360 And normally, you know, we never mention, sometimes we talk to James, but we never have credits. 01:26:03.380 --> 01:26:04.700 You know, we should have credits. 01:26:05.320 --> 01:26:07.861 Our producer's assistant has been Xanthie Fuller. 01:26:08.081 --> 01:26:11.242 Yes, The Adam and Jo Radio Show was produced by James Starling. 01:26:11.482 --> 01:26:14.583 The wrangler of texts and emails was Anthony Fuller. 01:26:14.743 --> 01:26:18.324 This has been an incompetent puns production for BBC Six Music. 01:26:18.584 --> 01:26:22.886 Don't forget the podcast available on Monday at 5 or listen again on the website. 01:26:22.906 --> 01:26:25.867 Liz Kershaw is taking over the airwaves any minute now. 01:26:25.967 --> 01:26:28.307 I wasn't saying that you're an incompetent puns, James, right? 01:26:28.487 --> 01:26:29.408 In a way you were, though. 01:26:29.588 --> 01:26:30.468 But that's how it came out. 01:26:30.488 --> 01:26:31.828 I just suddenly thought it as I was saying it. 01:26:31.848 --> 01:26:33.309 I was referring to ourselves. 01:26:34.290 --> 01:26:34.610 Uh oh. 01:26:34.670 --> 01:26:37.313 It's gonna be bad vibes when we do the podcast links now, isn't it? 01:26:37.333 --> 01:26:38.794 Oh yes, it's gonna be very little of you in it. 01:26:39.715 --> 01:26:42.298 Have a good week listeners, we'll be back with you next Saturday from 9 till 12. 01:26:42.338 --> 01:26:43.259 Take care, bye.