WEBVTT 00:00.816 --> 00:19.024 Welcome to the big British castle It's time for Adam and Joe to broadcast on the radio There'll be some music and some random talking in between And then eventually the whole thing will just end Black Squadron! 00:19.044 --> 00:26.587 Always catch the beginning of the show Black Squadron don't wanna miss a thing That's not the one Black Squadron wrote 00:30.003 --> 00:39.749 Went to bed at a reasonable hour Gotta be sharp on Saturday morning That's the secret of the Squadron's power The Black Squadron! 00:41.311 --> 00:53.819 Yes, good morning, welcome to Black Squadron You are the elite listeners that catch this show live on a Saturday morning Yeah, the show's not called Black Squadron No You made it sound a bit like it was Did I? 00:53.939 --> 00:55.280 Hello and welcome to Black Squadron 00:56.082 --> 00:57.643 Oh, yeah, that's fair enough, isn't it? 00:57.663 --> 01:00.465 No, I meant just to the people listening who are known as Black Squadron. 01:00.485 --> 01:00.705 Yes. 01:01.566 --> 01:02.287 You're very welcome. 01:02.327 --> 01:03.007 My name's Adam. 01:03.227 --> 01:06.409 Hey, my name's Joe Cornish, and stand by for your command, Black Squadron. 01:06.750 --> 01:07.570 We're not sure what it is. 01:07.690 --> 01:10.472 The intelligence hasn't come in yet to formulate the command. 01:10.652 --> 01:15.116 Well, I was thinking maybe they could help me compose, because I'm going to quit Twitter, right? 01:15.476 --> 01:15.676 Right. 01:15.736 --> 01:17.858 I'm a Twitter quitter, because it's ludicrous. 01:17.938 --> 01:22.080 I haven't posted anything on Twitter for the last four weeks or something like that. 01:23.161 --> 01:32.687 And I was wondering if they could maybe compose for me a message of apology and resignation from Twitter that you can post on Twitter. 01:32.707 --> 01:34.748 That I can post on Twitter later today. 01:35.509 --> 01:37.710 So it needs to be 40 characters or less. 01:38.151 --> 01:41.353 They're used to doing more physical things, Black Squadron. 01:42.233 --> 01:42.373 Right. 01:42.453 --> 01:44.015 I mean, they're a physical force. 01:44.236 --> 01:44.556 Are they? 01:44.576 --> 01:45.137 Yeah. 01:45.217 --> 01:47.119 But we can use their mental powers, can't we? 01:47.520 --> 01:48.060 Yeah, we can. 01:48.341 --> 01:49.262 I guess we can, yeah. 01:49.983 --> 01:50.844 I guess we can. 01:50.864 --> 01:52.866 Are you not very confident in Black Squadron's mental powers? 01:52.886 --> 01:54.308 Well, they like to do things around the house. 01:54.729 --> 01:55.369 Black Squadron. 01:55.409 --> 01:57.812 So they prefer commands like eat chips. 01:58.573 --> 02:01.894 Well, shuffle your feet, chips, because they couldn't get access to chips. 02:02.214 --> 02:03.975 They love commands like bread and pockets. 02:04.095 --> 02:05.655 I can't make access to chips. 02:06.075 --> 02:06.835 Well, they locked away. 02:06.855 --> 02:08.756 Well, they might not have chips. 02:09.436 --> 02:12.197 We often give them things to do that are doable, you know. 02:12.357 --> 02:14.318 Well, listen, you give them a command then. 02:14.338 --> 02:19.439 I'm going to think about getting the intelligence, the surveillance information from spy satellites to find out what's going to be useful. 02:19.759 --> 02:19.959 Right. 02:20.719 --> 02:22.220 But we could do the Twitter thing if you want. 02:22.768 --> 02:27.212 Well, I just, you said before we came on air, you think of the Black Squadron command this morning. 02:27.232 --> 02:28.032 I thought of one. 02:28.353 --> 02:29.694 Immediately it's rebuffed. 02:30.094 --> 02:30.754 Wasn't rebuffed? 02:30.794 --> 02:31.895 It was just being discussed? 02:31.955 --> 02:34.137 Well, discussed in a very rebuffity way. 02:34.177 --> 02:35.518 We're going to confuse Black Squadron. 02:36.859 --> 02:39.101 I think Black Squadron should do my Twitter thing. 02:39.161 --> 02:40.042 Okay, let's do that. 02:40.422 --> 02:46.805 I need a message of resignation that expresses my deep regret, perhaps in poetry form. 02:47.805 --> 02:48.806 Right? 02:48.826 --> 02:52.007 40 characters or less by 9.30 from Black Squadron. 02:52.367 --> 02:52.687 Alright? 02:53.968 --> 02:54.788 Okay, that's the command. 02:54.848 --> 02:55.569 That's the command. 02:56.289 --> 02:57.469 See if you can rise to the occasion. 02:57.489 --> 03:00.511 And if it goes badly, excuse me, Black Squadron, I've got some... 03:01.371 --> 03:02.952 I've got some throat issues. 03:03.232 --> 03:05.594 If it goes badly, we'll never do a mental command again. 03:05.634 --> 03:08.355 It'll always be physical hereafter, all right? 03:08.735 --> 03:10.416 It's a beautiful morning, listeners. 03:11.057 --> 03:12.037 Absolutely glorious. 03:12.057 --> 03:15.800 I mean, it's the kind of morning that makes you feel very smug about being alive, don't you think? 03:16.080 --> 03:17.581 Yeah, very smug. 03:17.621 --> 03:19.942 Oh, it's going to be a lovely weekend, apparently, they say. 03:20.122 --> 03:21.043 Yeah, bang holiday weekend. 03:21.063 --> 03:22.483 It's going to be sunny all the way through. 03:22.503 --> 03:22.604 Sweet. 03:23.524 --> 03:24.345 That's gonna be nice. 03:24.525 --> 03:26.206 Absolutely sweet. 03:26.326 --> 03:27.926 I was waiting for you to talk about the weather. 03:28.087 --> 03:28.307 Why? 03:28.347 --> 03:30.968 Because I've got an exciting weather-related free play for you. 03:30.988 --> 03:31.468 What have you got? 03:32.089 --> 03:33.009 It's by Cassette Boy. 03:33.049 --> 03:34.830 I played some Cassette Boy the other week. 03:35.310 --> 03:35.891 What do they like? 03:36.111 --> 03:37.372 Your new boyfriend now? 03:37.612 --> 03:37.932 Yes. 03:38.352 --> 03:38.832 What do they like? 03:39.173 --> 03:42.815 Some amazing new band that you've discovered so you have to play them all the time now? 03:43.015 --> 03:43.295 Yes. 03:44.298 --> 03:45.999 This is a track by them called Brackish Water. 03:46.019 --> 03:46.580 You'll like this. 03:46.620 --> 03:47.481 It's all about the weather. 03:47.601 --> 03:52.725 Man, they sent that CD to both of us and it's wonderful stuff, so I'm excited to hear it. 03:52.865 --> 03:53.246 Here it is. 03:53.366 --> 03:55.788 What if this rainbow doesn't exist? 03:56.048 --> 03:56.969 Believe the rainbow. 03:57.309 --> 03:58.070 Taste the rainbow. 04:00.482 --> 04:01.824 Yeah, it's good stuff man. 04:02.024 --> 04:17.204 That's from a cassette boys album carry-on breathing I think it's called bit of weather fun very enjoyable stuff indeed welcome to the program listeners once again This is Adam and Joe here on BBC six music Sorry, I got some swine flu 04:18.902 --> 04:25.424 Hey, listen, Black Squadron, we've requested that you send in a suggestion for Adam's Twitter quitting message. 04:25.924 --> 04:28.445 And of course you do that via email and text. 04:29.065 --> 04:30.266 The text number is... 64046. 04:30.306 --> 04:32.686 Yeah, and the email is... Adamandjo.bbc... No, damn it! 04:32.706 --> 04:33.426 Adamandjo.at. 04:41.949 --> 04:45.892 It's like a sort of reading lesson. 04:46.252 --> 04:49.275 You should have a little flashcard. 04:49.555 --> 04:50.195 Well done. 04:50.395 --> 04:52.417 So that's how to get your quit twit 05:00.703 --> 05:19.746 uh message in via Adam Black Squadron and you've got another 15 17 minutes because of course Black Squadron is uh what's the word uh what dispersed debriefed what what stood down oh stood down right right right half past decommissioned yeah they just vanish into the ether exactly like a puff of well they go off and do other things they're busy 05:20.006 --> 05:21.988 They've got all kinds of missions over the weekend. 05:22.008 --> 05:25.030 People to kill, bodies to hide, that kind of thing. 05:25.270 --> 05:30.134 And people, again, if you're listening again during the week, you're not part of Black Squadron, you're part of Digiforce. 05:30.454 --> 05:31.275 Is that fair enough? 05:31.595 --> 05:32.716 Also, some people are confused. 05:32.756 --> 05:40.202 If they're listening around the world in different time zones, they're worried that they're listening live, but just in a different time. 05:40.282 --> 05:40.983 They're Globe Squadron. 05:41.683 --> 05:43.725 They're Globe Squadron, but they are part of Black Squadron as well. 05:43.845 --> 05:44.065 Are they? 05:44.225 --> 05:45.166 Yeah, of course they are. 05:45.186 --> 05:47.087 Because if they're listening live, they're listening live, right? 05:47.228 --> 05:47.728 It's complicated. 05:47.748 --> 05:48.348 Wherever in the world. 05:48.368 --> 05:51.191 I thought we weren't going to talk about Black Squadron right the way through the show again. 05:51.211 --> 05:52.392 There's a lot of different uniforms. 05:52.592 --> 05:53.072 Exactly. 05:53.572 --> 05:55.574 Are you worried about Swine Flu? 05:56.959 --> 05:59.581 Erm... Not yet, I wouldn't say. 05:59.621 --> 06:01.842 I've been touching things with my knuckle. 06:02.783 --> 06:03.863 Does that make a difference? 06:03.923 --> 06:07.285 When I'm pressing buttons in public spaces, I go for the knuckle, not the fingertip. 06:07.505 --> 06:08.766 Since swine flu came out. 06:08.786 --> 06:10.327 Yeah, that's the step I've taken. 06:10.407 --> 06:11.107 What's the logic? 06:11.127 --> 06:12.288 That's corny's advice. 06:12.628 --> 06:12.748 Why? 06:12.788 --> 06:14.629 Because you wouldn't stick your knuckle in your mouth. 06:14.729 --> 06:14.870 Yeah. 06:15.030 --> 06:16.971 But you would stick the tip of your finger in your mouth. 06:17.211 --> 06:17.631 Oh yes. 06:18.011 --> 06:18.872 Not only in the mouth. 06:19.372 --> 06:20.733 The tip of the finger goes everywhere. 06:21.073 --> 06:23.395 It's hard to keep it out of any kind of opening. 06:23.795 --> 06:24.335 Oi! 06:25.896 --> 06:27.417 Do you think that's enough action to take? 06:27.817 --> 06:28.798 Just using your knuckle. 06:28.978 --> 06:32.960 Yeah, for instance, on the Pelican crossings, press the button with the knuckle. 06:33.240 --> 06:33.781 What's wrong with you? 06:33.801 --> 06:35.642 Money out of the auto bank? 06:36.162 --> 06:36.823 Knuckle action. 06:36.863 --> 06:38.163 See, I'm using my tongue still. 06:39.965 --> 06:40.585 You'll be fine. 06:40.745 --> 06:41.866 For all of these things. 06:42.726 --> 06:45.628 Have you thought of any funny swine flu jokes? 06:46.548 --> 06:46.949 Not yet. 06:48.174 --> 06:48.914 I'll start working on it. 06:48.934 --> 06:49.414 What have you got? 06:49.694 --> 06:51.415 Well, there's a pork ellipse, obviously. 06:51.555 --> 06:52.155 That's nice. 06:52.355 --> 06:52.795 A pork ellipse. 06:52.815 --> 06:53.355 That's not mine. 06:53.395 --> 06:54.115 I heard that on Radio 4. 06:54.815 --> 06:55.856 On the Today Programme. 06:55.896 --> 06:56.236 Really? 06:56.416 --> 06:56.856 Yeah. 06:57.396 --> 06:58.016 Made me chuckle. 06:59.636 --> 07:03.157 You know, if you get swine flu, you can treat it with a special oinkment. 07:03.737 --> 07:04.057 Nice. 07:04.777 --> 07:05.738 I'm getting the drift here. 07:06.058 --> 07:06.238 Yeah. 07:06.578 --> 07:11.479 The CDC have been tracking the progress of the virus with grafts that show all the pigs and troughs. 07:15.820 --> 07:16.640 Of swine flu. 07:18.841 --> 07:22.083 I mean, it's a serious, hey, it's a serious illness. 07:22.103 --> 07:23.283 I'm trying to force laughter out. 07:23.363 --> 07:23.943 Yeah, well, don't. 07:23.983 --> 07:25.004 It's a serious thing. 07:25.024 --> 07:25.444 You're right. 07:25.704 --> 07:26.845 Should take it very seriously. 07:26.865 --> 07:27.945 Yeah, the pigs and the troughs. 07:28.786 --> 07:32.668 You know, I was thinking that we should have some more made up jokes later on in the show as well, speaking of which. 07:32.688 --> 07:33.268 It's a good idea. 07:33.308 --> 07:34.469 I've got some in my pockets. 07:34.709 --> 07:36.790 Oh, I've got some amazing ones in my pockets. 07:37.190 --> 07:38.811 I collaborated on one with a listener. 07:39.031 --> 07:39.311 Wow. 07:39.591 --> 07:40.511 It's extraordinary. 07:40.531 --> 07:41.892 That's coming up later in the program. 07:42.192 --> 07:43.613 But here's more music for you right now. 07:43.633 --> 07:45.074 Are you familiar with Grizzly Bear, Joe? 07:45.434 --> 07:45.534 No. 07:45.914 --> 07:46.915 They're from America. 07:47.276 --> 07:51.460 I think they're about to release their third album and I got their second one. 07:51.560 --> 07:51.980 It's good. 07:52.020 --> 07:56.125 It's a kind of, the second one was a sort of psychedelic mind-blowing adventure armour thing. 07:56.445 --> 08:00.409 Haven't heard anything from the third one yet so I'm excited to hear this track which is called Two Weeks. 08:01.911 --> 08:02.972 Beautiful stuff. 08:03.272 --> 08:04.734 Blur with the universal. 08:05.214 --> 08:05.975 Smooth. 08:07.537 --> 08:10.562 Oh no. 08:10.582 --> 08:17.773 You don't have to take your headphones off. 08:17.913 --> 08:18.314 I do. 08:18.534 --> 08:18.754 Why? 08:18.794 --> 08:19.876 Because you're... It freaks me out. 08:20.157 --> 08:20.878 Because it's too sexy. 08:21.338 --> 08:22.560 I just don't know what to say to it. 08:23.861 --> 08:27.205 So I just let it carry on without my involvement. 08:27.746 --> 08:28.407 I step away. 08:29.308 --> 08:29.848 Yeah, that was good. 08:29.888 --> 08:31.931 That was blur with the Universal. 08:31.991 --> 08:36.516 I mean, they are one of the all time great live bands, apart from anything else. 08:36.977 --> 08:42.002 So the prospect of them reforming while they still have their faculties intact is quite exciting. 08:42.543 --> 08:43.503 They're fackels in tackles. 08:43.563 --> 08:43.943 Yeah. 08:44.124 --> 08:45.344 I mean, have you ever seen them live? 08:45.904 --> 08:46.144 No. 08:46.204 --> 08:47.625 Man, you would like them, I'm telling you. 08:47.685 --> 08:47.845 Really? 08:47.885 --> 08:48.245 Are you sure? 08:48.305 --> 08:48.465 Yeah. 08:48.485 --> 08:49.565 Do they have a big stage show? 08:50.385 --> 08:53.406 Well, they're very energetic and Damon... Magic? 08:53.987 --> 08:54.767 Can they fly? 08:54.827 --> 08:55.687 It's a little bit of magic. 08:55.707 --> 08:56.647 Like Michael Jackson does. 08:56.767 --> 08:57.328 Sure they do, yeah. 08:57.348 --> 08:57.748 Balloons? 08:57.968 --> 08:59.268 People in animal suits? 08:59.288 --> 09:00.909 They make a DC-10 disappear. 09:00.949 --> 09:01.229 Do they? 09:01.249 --> 09:01.329 Yeah. 09:01.989 --> 09:04.412 That's what I want from a rock show is some stage magic. 09:04.432 --> 09:05.433 Well, that's exactly what they have. 09:05.453 --> 09:06.174 They all fly around. 09:06.214 --> 09:11.500 Alex James, he's got little wings, he flies over the audience, and he does little poops on the audience, right? 09:11.620 --> 09:15.665 But the poops are cakes, free cakes, and you get why. 09:16.005 --> 09:16.686 Why is that bad? 09:16.726 --> 09:17.287 You've looked at me. 09:17.307 --> 09:17.487 He what? 09:17.527 --> 09:19.429 Well, he's pooping cakes onto the audience. 09:19.469 --> 09:20.831 Let's rock and roll. 09:21.351 --> 09:21.411 Oh. 09:21.992 --> 09:22.273 Is it? 09:22.373 --> 09:22.813 Yes. 09:22.913 --> 09:23.434 I'm fixing them out. 09:23.454 --> 09:23.594 Okay. 09:23.634 --> 09:25.557 Come on, that is the great tradition of rock and roll. 09:25.777 --> 09:26.178 That's good. 09:26.198 --> 09:30.804 Little poop cakes and the audience, they get to take them home and you can have them whenever you like. 09:30.824 --> 09:31.325 What else happens? 09:32.006 --> 09:33.168 Don't have a big stage set. 09:33.308 --> 09:37.634 Dave Rountree flies around in a real UFO that he's made. 09:38.735 --> 09:40.477 And they have a massive stage set. 09:41.298 --> 09:46.784 What they do is they hire the whole of Sweden, the country, and they bring it with them wherever they go. 09:47.044 --> 09:49.226 So you can sit wherever you like in Sweden. 09:49.987 --> 09:51.829 And it's beautiful there. 09:52.169 --> 09:53.391 And they bring it with them everywhere. 09:53.691 --> 09:55.313 Wow, they must have a very loud PA. 09:55.493 --> 09:57.315 It's the loudest. 09:57.375 --> 09:57.895 Exactly. 09:57.935 --> 09:58.976 It's way loud. 09:58.997 --> 10:00.258 Don't neighbouring countries complain? 10:00.578 --> 10:18.771 some of them do you know they've almost gone to war a couple of times yeah because of the noise all right but they don't care they're brilliant it's when gorillas play live do they dress as the characters or do gorillas not play live uh gorillas do you honestly not know the would it be like seeing that yeah i honestly don't know would it be like seeing the banana splits no 10:18.831 --> 10:20.111 No, no, no, not the banana. 10:20.332 --> 10:21.432 All the wambles, you're thinking. 10:21.452 --> 10:21.932 That would be good. 10:21.952 --> 10:23.253 No, they don't dress up in costumes. 10:23.273 --> 10:24.013 That's what I want. 10:24.233 --> 10:25.554 No, no, it's all projections. 10:26.234 --> 10:27.354 Oh, that's right. 10:27.394 --> 10:29.535 I saw them at some awards ceremony or something doing that. 10:29.575 --> 10:30.275 That was really good. 10:30.355 --> 10:31.376 It's supposed to be. 10:31.416 --> 10:33.256 I've not seen it put myself, but I've read about it. 10:33.276 --> 10:34.097 It sounds awesome. 10:34.197 --> 10:35.237 Oh, that does sound awesome. 10:35.257 --> 10:36.558 That's what I want from a gig. 10:36.738 --> 10:36.878 Yeah. 10:37.458 --> 10:38.378 Bit of cartoons. 10:38.899 --> 10:41.420 Yeah, cartoons. 10:41.480 --> 10:45.122 I should go and see, you know, In the Night Garden live. 10:45.342 --> 10:47.162 I would enjoy that. 10:47.603 --> 10:48.803 Well, the Teletubbies live. 10:48.883 --> 10:49.384 Definitely. 10:49.424 --> 10:50.644 That's my kind of music. 10:50.884 --> 10:51.585 Yeah, it's not. 10:51.965 --> 10:55.726 Well, you know, the Teletubbies wanted to cover common people by pulp I read the other day. 10:55.907 --> 10:56.787 Yeah. 10:56.927 --> 10:57.667 Back when that was a big hit. 10:57.687 --> 10:58.288 Weren't they allowed? 10:58.508 --> 10:59.128 They weren't allowed. 10:59.168 --> 11:01.989 Jarvis Cocker said no, issued a Teletubby embargo. 11:02.009 --> 11:03.090 He said no, Popo. 11:03.810 --> 11:04.671 No, Lala. 11:05.331 --> 11:06.352 No Tinky Winky. 11:06.372 --> 11:06.932 Who's Bobo? 11:06.972 --> 11:07.993 The police telly-tubby. 11:08.093 --> 11:08.493 Exactly. 11:08.774 --> 11:11.876 He's the uh... He's the police telly-tubby. 11:11.896 --> 11:13.437 What was he called that one? 11:13.957 --> 11:14.457 Poe. 11:14.637 --> 11:15.878 Yeah. 11:16.078 --> 11:17.219 Here comes the po-po. 11:17.920 --> 11:19.060 Oh no, it's po-po. 11:19.441 --> 11:20.722 Lala's lost his bag. 11:21.522 --> 11:22.743 We've got to call the po-po. 11:23.363 --> 11:31.828 So listen, we should get to some of these Twitter commands or Twitter resignation things that your Black Squadron members have come up with. 11:31.848 --> 11:32.809 Yeah, because we're running out of time. 11:32.829 --> 11:33.309 Do you want to hear some? 11:33.329 --> 11:36.331 If you've just tuned in, I announced that I'm going to quit Twitter. 11:36.371 --> 11:36.931 It's no good. 11:36.951 --> 11:38.232 It doesn't work with my lifestyle. 11:38.252 --> 11:38.953 I'm sorry about that. 11:38.973 --> 11:39.533 I've really tried. 11:40.333 --> 11:43.715 and Black Squadron have been composing some letters of resignation for me. 11:43.775 --> 11:44.576 Okay, I tell you what I'm gonna do. 11:44.596 --> 11:47.938 I'm gonna read them out, and I'm only gonna read the names of the people who've sent them if you think they're good. 11:47.978 --> 11:48.278 Roger. 11:48.298 --> 11:49.759 That's the punishment for not being good enough. 11:49.779 --> 11:51.100 You don't get your name read out. 11:51.500 --> 11:53.141 I came, I saw, I twitted, I quitted. 11:54.262 --> 11:54.662 Quite good. 11:54.922 --> 11:55.282 Who's that? 11:55.382 --> 11:56.563 Shell and Alex in Cricklewood. 11:56.603 --> 11:56.903 Like it? 11:58.324 --> 11:59.185 This is a haiku. 11:59.665 --> 12:03.687 Social craze, attract old man, scary and pointless, bye. 12:04.368 --> 12:05.368 Oh, that's a bit harsh, though. 12:06.169 --> 12:07.290 Is he getting his name read out? 12:08.126 --> 12:08.286 Yeah. 12:08.306 --> 12:09.607 That's Chris in Portsmouth. 12:09.627 --> 12:10.869 A bit harsh Chris in Portsmouth. 12:13.931 --> 12:15.152 Oh, stick it up your bum. 12:18.175 --> 12:18.856 Says Dylan. 12:19.096 --> 12:20.057 That's his idea. 12:20.077 --> 12:22.659 That I should post or is he just talking to us? 12:22.739 --> 12:24.341 No, that you should post. 12:24.401 --> 12:25.542 That's your farewell word. 12:26.903 --> 12:28.205 to be aggressive because I feel bad. 12:28.225 --> 12:29.446 I like the idea of Twitter. 12:29.466 --> 12:29.967 It's not that aggressive. 12:30.007 --> 12:30.707 It's euphemistic. 12:30.747 --> 12:33.350 I don't think, you know, they're not really going to stick things up their butt. 12:33.370 --> 12:33.831 They might. 12:33.851 --> 12:34.912 Yeah. 12:34.972 --> 12:35.793 People are quite stupid. 12:35.833 --> 12:38.636 They might try and actually pop their PC or Blackberry up there. 12:38.656 --> 12:40.298 Somebody anonymous says that is it. 12:40.899 --> 12:42.501 I've quit twit because it's 12:43.021 --> 12:44.062 I can guess the last word. 12:44.082 --> 12:45.883 Well, you see, I don't want to be down on Twitter. 12:45.963 --> 12:47.405 I've got no problem with Twitter itself. 12:47.745 --> 12:49.146 It just doesn't suit my lifestyle. 12:49.166 --> 12:56.972 I want to say thank you to the people because I've got 10,000 followers on there who thought that I was going to be an interesting member of Twitter and I've let them down. 12:57.393 --> 12:59.094 So I want to apologize and say goodbye. 12:59.454 --> 13:00.375 Well, those are your choices. 13:00.395 --> 13:01.076 That's all we've got. 13:01.916 --> 13:02.377 Pretty much. 13:02.537 --> 13:03.538 Listen, I'll think about it. 13:03.978 --> 13:05.919 Let's play some Rolling Stones and then go into the news. 13:06.760 --> 13:07.661 So here's Paint It Black. 13:08.221 --> 13:10.983 Rolling Stones and Paint It Black. 13:11.003 --> 13:12.804 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC Six Music. 13:12.844 --> 13:16.327 Thank you Black Squadron for trying to compose resignation messages for me. 13:16.347 --> 13:20.650 I think my favourite so far, which I may or may not use, is I came, I saw, I tweeted, I quitted. 13:20.990 --> 13:22.051 Was it from Caroline? 13:22.131 --> 13:25.733 It's dropped off the bottom of my text screen, the sender's name. 13:25.773 --> 13:26.854 I think it was Caroline. 13:26.994 --> 13:28.475 Well, thank you very much, Caroline. 13:28.515 --> 13:30.176 And I think it was with someone else as well. 13:30.237 --> 13:30.457 Yeah. 13:30.477 --> 13:32.318 Apologies if we've got someone else. 13:32.598 --> 13:34.099 But thank you very much, Black Squadron. 13:34.479 --> 13:36.401 You may relax and stand down. 13:40.390 --> 13:48.496 Stand down, your work is done You've earned yourself a nice warm bath And maybe a nice little bargain mark 13:52.045 --> 13:54.347 That was Santa Gold with Say Aha! 13:54.367 --> 13:56.308 This is Adam and Jo here on BBC Six Music. 13:56.328 --> 14:01.932 It's a beautiful Saturday morning here in London Town and it's a great pleasure to have you along. 14:02.692 --> 14:05.134 Thank you very much for tuning in on your DAB. 14:05.634 --> 14:08.936 I'm just sort of carrying on talking rubbish until you stop me. 14:08.956 --> 14:09.777 You're doing a good job. 14:09.797 --> 14:15.401 I'm trying to make you go on for as long as possible so you use up more airtime. 14:15.501 --> 14:15.781 Yeah. 14:16.281 --> 14:19.223 Thank you very much for tuning in on your DAB. 14:19.703 --> 14:21.905 Great to have you along on Six Music. 14:22.445 --> 14:28.710 The nation's favorite digital station all music and chat all the time Good to have you here. 14:30.091 --> 14:36.075 I could carry on No, you can't because it's text the nation time right now. 14:36.115 --> 14:45.642 Listen, we've got we got some new jingles which are gonna play you throughout the show listeners continue to send us their interpretations of some of our jingles here on the program one thing I liked I 14:46.062 --> 15:02.601 was or the one thing I like in listener made jingles is people who've made them sound actually pretty close to the originals yeah people who've tried to copy ours as closely as possible but then have made one thing go wonky uh-huh because that's got more effect hasn't it than a completely wonky brand new jingle 15:03.101 --> 15:06.122 Yes, well someone sent in a Geordie version of Text the Nation. 15:06.983 --> 15:07.363 I don't know. 15:07.383 --> 15:08.043 Maybe we'll play that later. 15:08.063 --> 15:09.003 Should we play that one later? 15:09.023 --> 15:09.364 Yeah. 15:09.384 --> 15:15.166 And right now we're going to play a kind of air style text the nation version. 15:15.246 --> 15:15.386 Yes. 15:15.406 --> 15:17.127 Like air, the French band, you know them? 15:17.427 --> 15:21.308 So this was a listener called Matthew Leech who sent in just the music, right? 15:21.408 --> 15:24.710 He sent in a sort of ambient electronic version. 15:24.730 --> 15:26.771 A sophisticated French dance. 15:26.971 --> 15:27.631 That's right. 15:27.951 --> 15:30.232 It reminded me of air, the band. 15:30.412 --> 15:31.312 They are from France. 15:32.893 --> 15:33.876 That's the sound they make. 15:34.537 --> 15:37.905 And so I did a kind of air version of the text donation jingle. 15:37.925 --> 15:38.245 Here it is. 15:44.617 --> 15:46.238 It's nothing like Air, is it? 15:46.378 --> 15:47.999 No, it's like Air. 15:48.039 --> 15:49.520 The music's like Air. 15:49.560 --> 15:51.902 The music's like Air, but not my shouting. 15:51.982 --> 15:54.184 Is that correct French you've got there? 16:05.271 --> 16:06.913 Yeah well I checked it on Babel. 16:07.214 --> 16:07.634 Did you? 16:08.636 --> 16:10.078 Babel fish or whatever it's called. 16:10.098 --> 16:11.239 Is it called Babel fish? 16:11.259 --> 16:12.220 It's called something like that. 16:12.721 --> 16:14.544 That's Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy isn't it? 16:14.564 --> 16:15.265 The Babel fish. 16:15.285 --> 16:16.306 The Babel fish, that's right. 16:16.827 --> 16:20.211 But it's known to be often quite inaccurate. 16:20.572 --> 16:21.613 Babel things. 16:21.693 --> 16:25.095 Well, it does very literal translations that turn out a little wonk a lot. 16:25.115 --> 16:28.736 If anyone can speak French, you could let us know whether that's correct French or not. 16:28.856 --> 16:32.418 But thank you so much, Matthew Leach, for that wonderful backing track. 16:32.758 --> 16:37.480 And, you know, if you would like to compose other backing tracks for jingles on this show, we like that a lot. 16:37.520 --> 16:37.760 lot. 16:37.880 --> 16:38.801 It's very enjoyable. 16:38.881 --> 16:41.283 Cuts out 50% of the work for us, right? 16:41.303 --> 16:41.603 Correct. 16:41.944 --> 16:43.145 Just have to do the vocals. 16:43.465 --> 16:44.986 So what have we got for Text the Nation this week? 16:45.166 --> 16:47.128 Well, Text the Nation this week, listeners. 16:47.708 --> 16:52.552 The idea is things that you can't afford, so you've tried to make. 16:53.213 --> 16:53.413 Right. 16:53.473 --> 16:58.297 We're not really talking about clothes because we've done quite a lot of stuff on like weird customized clothes. 16:58.337 --> 16:59.077 We're talking about 17:00.058 --> 17:07.285 you know, ambitious machinery or furniture or sort of practical objects that you can't afford or get hold of so you try and make. 17:08.206 --> 17:10.188 Now obviously kids do this a lot. 17:10.868 --> 17:16.834 I remember I could not afford the toy Lotus Esprit from the Spy Who Loved Me what went underwater. 17:16.854 --> 17:17.935 Do you remember that one? 17:17.975 --> 17:19.196 I really wanted one of those. 17:19.216 --> 17:21.879 I couldn't afford it so I made one. 17:22.119 --> 17:22.840 How'd you make that? 17:23.040 --> 17:24.201 Out of cereal boxes. 17:24.862 --> 17:26.223 And it was really, really good. 17:26.243 --> 17:27.064 No, it wasn't. 17:27.084 --> 17:28.065 Yeah, no, it was. 17:28.085 --> 17:30.307 Because it was to scale with my play people. 17:31.148 --> 17:32.690 And the one you bought in the shop wasn't. 17:33.110 --> 17:35.012 I remember being really, really pleased with it. 17:35.032 --> 17:35.633 How did you make it? 17:36.393 --> 17:37.915 I just cut the shapes out. 17:38.295 --> 17:41.178 You know, looked at pictures, cut the shapes out, stuck them together. 17:41.198 --> 17:41.639 Right. 17:42.259 --> 17:43.982 It had little fins and everything. 17:44.022 --> 17:46.205 What were you using to stick them together there? 17:46.485 --> 17:46.966 Celotate. 17:47.006 --> 17:50.952 That is the bonding agent of choice for the under five, isn't it? 17:51.272 --> 17:51.933 For the under ten even. 17:51.953 --> 17:52.714 I was a bit older than that. 17:53.095 --> 17:57.001 Another thing I tried to make, because I couldn't afford it, was a video game. 17:57.461 --> 17:58.302 Really? 17:58.442 --> 18:03.126 I thought all my friends have got video games, computer battleships. 18:03.306 --> 18:07.850 You know, it was around that era when microchips were just starting to creep into toys. 18:07.930 --> 18:09.732 Sure, so you learned some basic programming? 18:10.052 --> 18:10.272 No. 18:11.193 --> 18:13.795 I got some cardboard and sticky tape. 18:13.815 --> 18:17.358 I thought I really want like a games console. 18:18.539 --> 18:20.200 I didn't get very far with it. 18:20.401 --> 18:22.603 Do you remember that old video game before 18:23.243 --> 18:27.545 It's hard to explain, but it used to be a racing car, and it was sort of on a piece of plastic. 18:27.625 --> 18:29.025 It was a backlit screen. 18:29.045 --> 18:29.205 Sure. 18:29.505 --> 18:31.346 And the technology was actually physical. 18:31.386 --> 18:33.427 It wasn't inside a telly. 18:33.487 --> 18:35.867 It was like Night Driver, but a physical version. 18:35.887 --> 18:36.047 Exactly. 18:36.067 --> 18:40.889 And it was kind of scrolling wheels with bits of road painted on them. 18:41.269 --> 18:42.710 And you had to guide the car. 18:42.990 --> 18:44.710 It was actually mechanical, do you know what I mean? 18:44.991 --> 18:45.171 Yeah. 18:45.311 --> 18:48.852 So I tried to make one of those using Meccano. 18:48.872 --> 18:49.352 Wow. 18:49.392 --> 18:51.813 I thought if I combine Meccano and cardboard, 18:52.353 --> 18:54.155 I can make one of those video games. 18:54.836 --> 18:56.197 I spent the whole afternoon. 18:56.217 --> 18:57.498 I got really frustrated. 18:57.559 --> 18:59.621 I didn't get very far at all. 19:00.161 --> 19:05.307 I couldn't figure out how to even start, but I spent the whole day trying to start. 19:05.327 --> 19:06.428 It didn't work at all. 19:06.468 --> 19:07.209 That was a failure. 19:07.409 --> 19:07.649 Right. 19:07.769 --> 19:11.133 I thought you were going to say that you just constructed like a console from cardboard. 19:11.673 --> 19:15.515 Because that seems to be like putting the cart before the horse in a way. 19:16.015 --> 19:23.819 The other thing I did is, after I saw War Games, the Matthew Broderick film, I was very impressed by the computer he had in his drawer. 19:23.879 --> 19:24.379 Do you remember? 19:24.959 --> 19:29.641 He'd go to his bedroom and he'd pull out a drawer and it had a sort of console in there. 19:29.901 --> 19:32.783 He'd flick on his telly, he'd put his telephone on the modem. 19:32.823 --> 19:33.523 That's right. 19:33.663 --> 19:35.364 I thought, man, that is good. 19:35.484 --> 19:36.084 I want that. 19:36.184 --> 19:37.245 I want a desk like that. 19:38.105 --> 19:43.108 So I filled my top drawer of my desk with cereal boxes. 19:43.968 --> 19:45.229 This is just childish behaviour. 19:45.249 --> 19:46.349 It doesn't really count, does it? 19:46.389 --> 19:48.850 But I tried to make a sort of homemade computer console. 19:48.910 --> 19:49.551 Yeah, that counts. 19:49.691 --> 19:50.411 That didn't work. 19:50.511 --> 19:54.033 I mean, we got an email, didn't we, from someone who... Yeah, here's the email that inspired this. 19:54.173 --> 19:54.633 Good thinking. 19:54.673 --> 19:56.094 This is from Sarah in Bristol. 19:56.234 --> 19:59.415 She says, Dear Adam and Jo, when I was 11, I really wanted a Walkman. 19:59.696 --> 20:02.097 But my parents wouldn't let me have one, so I made one. 20:02.717 --> 20:09.841 I got a small flat box, big enough for a tape, and attached a headband with some large material earpieces to it with some string. 20:10.441 --> 20:13.422 Obviously I drew buttons and volume controls onto the box. 20:13.983 --> 20:20.686 Luckily at the last minute I decided to leave it in my mum's car rather than take it to school, or I may not be here to tell the tale. 20:21.386 --> 20:29.871 Sarah's suggesting that her colleagues at school would have been so provoked into fury by a home-made non-functioning Walkman that they would have beaten her to death. 20:32.099 --> 20:34.761 Child beatin' to death while having cardboard Walkman. 20:35.801 --> 20:36.302 It's not a story. 20:36.322 --> 20:36.842 It's feasible. 20:37.502 --> 20:39.043 But that's the kind of thing we're after, this. 20:39.063 --> 20:39.784 Broken Britain. 20:40.104 --> 20:41.465 That's feasible. 20:41.585 --> 20:41.685 Yes. 20:41.725 --> 20:42.625 Blairs Britain. 20:42.645 --> 20:43.766 Blairs Broken Britain. 20:44.186 --> 20:46.007 Thanks very much, Tony B. Lear. 20:46.027 --> 20:46.608 Thanks a lot. 20:47.528 --> 20:49.590 Why don't you let someone else be Prime Minister for a change? 20:49.630 --> 20:50.750 Yeah, give someone else a go. 20:51.070 --> 20:52.131 What about Gordon Brown? 20:52.191 --> 20:53.052 Yeah, he'll be good. 20:53.112 --> 20:54.433 You know, he's got a cheeky face. 20:54.733 --> 20:55.013 Yeah. 20:55.994 --> 20:57.815 So thank you Sarah and Bristol for that email. 20:57.835 --> 20:59.676 And that's the subject of Text the Nation this week. 20:59.716 --> 21:00.656 The text number is... 64046. 21:01.337 --> 21:04.179 The email number... Don't shoot me the paper! 21:04.459 --> 21:05.019 I can remember it. 21:05.439 --> 21:10.523 Adamandjo.6music at bbc.uk. 21:11.223 --> 21:12.124 No, .co.uk. 21:12.244 --> 21:12.684 Dammit! 21:14.411 --> 21:17.352 We're not really supposed to email, it's text the nation, right? 21:17.372 --> 21:17.612 It's true. 21:18.593 --> 21:23.214 So please go ahead and get in your ideas for things that you can't afford, so have attempted to make. 21:23.414 --> 21:29.037 Although we should say as an addendum to that, that if you are listening during the week on this... You can email. 21:29.217 --> 21:29.897 You can email, yeah. 21:29.917 --> 21:31.437 And it might get used in retro attention. 21:31.457 --> 21:33.578 In fact, don't text if you're listening during the week, right? 21:33.718 --> 21:34.639 It's complicated. 21:34.719 --> 21:35.499 It's very complicated. 21:35.819 --> 21:36.659 Shall we play some music? 21:37.200 --> 21:40.601 Here is Dave and Ansel Collins with their monkey spanner. 21:46.025 --> 21:48.107 Ram Jam, Roadblock, Gribbit. 21:48.407 --> 21:48.908 Good stuff. 21:49.148 --> 21:50.869 Dave and Ansel Collins there with Monkey Spanner. 21:50.889 --> 21:52.171 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC. 21:52.211 --> 21:53.091 Hey listen, listen. 21:53.231 --> 21:53.632 Six music. 21:54.272 --> 21:55.353 About the text of the nation. 21:56.174 --> 21:59.537 An important thing to stress is we're not just going for things that children make. 21:59.717 --> 21:59.857 No. 22:00.137 --> 22:04.081 We're quite interested in stuff that adults might make in order to be cost efficient. 22:04.181 --> 22:04.321 Sure. 22:04.381 --> 22:07.303 It's quite a topical text of the nation, you know, because there's a recession. 22:07.424 --> 22:07.664 Is it? 22:08.364 --> 22:11.426 And Kirsty's homemade house is on telly, have you seen that? 22:11.446 --> 22:11.486 No. 22:11.666 --> 22:13.548 Oh, that's an annoying program. 22:13.588 --> 22:13.788 Is it? 22:13.948 --> 22:14.728 You should check that out. 22:14.788 --> 22:15.009 Yeah. 22:15.029 --> 22:15.509 What's wrong with it? 22:16.049 --> 22:17.150 I'll tell you maybe later. 22:17.350 --> 22:18.211 There's a lot wrong with it. 22:19.452 --> 22:26.916 So yeah, we're just looking for ways you try and cut cost corners with a bit of DIY, you know, try and actually make over-ambitious things yourself. 22:27.237 --> 22:29.038 And if it's gone wrong, so much the better. 22:31.760 --> 22:43.468 Speaking of cutting corners and being thrifty in these tough times, and also looking after the planet, which is something that I personally enjoy doing, how are you with reusable bags at the Supermarch? 22:44.269 --> 22:45.410 I usually take them, yeah. 22:45.630 --> 22:49.533 We've got a little store of bags and I usually try and take them, but sometimes I forget. 22:49.613 --> 22:50.193 One forgets. 22:50.374 --> 22:51.114 One does forget. 22:51.134 --> 22:52.075 One does forget. 22:52.435 --> 22:53.275 And what happens then? 22:53.295 --> 22:59.138 When you go to the supermarket and you've forgotten your reusable bags, will you just use the plastic dolphin killers? 22:59.678 --> 23:01.979 Or will you buy some more reusable bags? 23:03.039 --> 23:03.680 Do you have to? 23:03.860 --> 23:05.841 Oh, you mean like big ones like bags for life. 23:05.881 --> 23:07.021 Yes, I do mean bags for life. 23:07.401 --> 23:07.981 No, I will. 23:08.222 --> 23:10.082 Well, that's kind of counterintuitive, isn't it? 23:10.102 --> 23:10.663 Yeah. 23:10.763 --> 23:13.404 Well, then you end up with a huge stack of bags for life. 23:13.424 --> 23:13.824 Exactly. 23:14.004 --> 23:21.107 Bags for life are even more dangerous than normal bags because they're tougher and the little ones can't wriggle out of them. 23:21.827 --> 23:22.527 Which little ones? 23:22.567 --> 23:23.247 The little fishes. 23:23.387 --> 23:24.267 The little fishes. 23:24.387 --> 23:24.908 Dolphins. 23:25.208 --> 23:25.648 That's right. 23:25.688 --> 23:27.568 They're like maximum security prisons. 23:27.908 --> 23:29.868 They're reusable bags. 23:29.888 --> 23:31.989 So the thing to do is, this is what you do. 23:32.469 --> 23:35.549 You glue bags onto your body. 23:36.309 --> 23:36.730 Right. 23:37.230 --> 23:41.190 And during the week when you're not shopping, you just crumple them up and hide them under your clothes. 23:41.210 --> 23:41.990 You write this down. 23:42.391 --> 23:43.111 Glue bags. 23:43.851 --> 23:46.951 You glue them up your arms and onto your knees. 23:46.971 --> 23:47.851 Thought you were going to say something else. 23:47.911 --> 23:50.992 And then during the week, what did you think I was going to say? 23:51.670 --> 23:52.150 Carry on. 23:52.490 --> 23:57.974 And then during the week they're concealed under your clothes, like maybe a hanky would be concealed up your sleeve. 23:58.014 --> 24:00.075 And then when you get to the supermarket, they pop out and you can use them. 24:00.335 --> 24:05.618 You know, if you were a person with unusually stretchy skin, you could just make little pockets. 24:05.638 --> 24:08.359 Well, like kangaroo pouches, humans should evolve those. 24:08.419 --> 24:10.601 That's something nature could do to help itself. 24:11.101 --> 24:14.063 You know, nature, enough of humans trying to help you out. 24:14.103 --> 24:15.664 Why don't you do something to help yourself? 24:16.944 --> 24:18.166 You've got evolution, right? 24:18.206 --> 24:20.088 Well, why don't you evolve yourself out of this mess? 24:20.189 --> 24:20.729 That's true. 24:20.749 --> 24:23.973 Humans should evolve pockets, then the bag problem would be solved. 24:24.113 --> 24:25.996 Humans should evolve reusable bags. 24:26.016 --> 24:27.197 Stop humans farting. 24:27.518 --> 24:28.118 And cows. 24:28.399 --> 24:32.283 They're the number one producers of bad gases. 24:32.303 --> 24:33.665 Harmful CO2 gas, right? 24:34.386 --> 24:35.446 harmful emissions. 24:36.086 --> 24:38.167 Well, you know, that nature is interesting stuff, isn't it? 24:38.207 --> 24:39.087 Sort your act out. 24:39.227 --> 24:39.867 Sort your life out. 24:39.927 --> 24:43.708 If Darwin had been around a little longer, he might have been, what are you mumbling about? 24:43.808 --> 24:46.109 He might have been saying Mother Nature's a complacent woman. 24:46.449 --> 24:47.469 She certainly is, isn't she? 24:47.509 --> 24:52.270 Look at her, sat there moaning about everything and then failing, wanting everything done for herself. 24:52.290 --> 24:52.871 Failing? 24:53.331 --> 24:54.111 Come on. 24:54.131 --> 24:58.212 Sort out some kind of reusable bag situation on the human race that can be a permanent 24:58.932 --> 25:09.464 addition to the biological makeup because what's happened in our house is that basically we've had to, you know, throw the children out of their bedroom and just use that room to store the bags. 25:09.765 --> 25:17.013 Well, the most horrible thing about plastic bags is you can scrunch them up very small, but then when you let them go, they start growing again, don't they? 25:17.093 --> 25:20.134 I'm not talking about the plastic ones, I'm talking about the reusable, the bags for life. 25:20.214 --> 25:25.257 You know, I've got such a mountain of bags for life that I pretty much can't get out of the house. 25:25.537 --> 25:27.518 Yet, do I remember to take them to the supermarket? 25:27.778 --> 25:28.178 No, I don't. 25:28.458 --> 25:32.280 And then every time I go to the supermarket, I just think I can't buy a plastic one. 25:32.300 --> 25:33.921 I've got to get another bag for life. 25:34.541 --> 25:41.784 Another fiver on top of the shopping for the most fancy Hessian bag that I can lay my hands on. 25:42.464 --> 25:43.325 It's insane! 25:44.997 --> 25:45.798 Here's some music now. 25:46.198 --> 25:49.221 This is one of my free choices, and it's very mellow. 25:49.281 --> 25:49.961 Hope you enjoyed this. 25:50.001 --> 25:53.524 This is from the soundtrack to The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. 25:54.025 --> 25:55.546 Did you enjoy that film stroke soundtrack? 25:55.566 --> 25:56.907 I did, yeah, I want to see it again, actually. 25:57.067 --> 26:00.330 I liked the bits where the house collapsed and they were in the sea. 26:00.530 --> 26:01.771 I wanted to see it again as well. 26:01.952 --> 26:02.272 Yeah. 26:02.312 --> 26:06.215 Because it's one of those films that people absolutely raved about, and for some people it's their favorite film. 26:06.255 --> 26:07.656 Well, it's got Carrie in it, hasn't it? 26:07.957 --> 26:08.557 I like Carrie. 26:08.577 --> 26:08.878 Do you? 26:09.038 --> 26:10.859 I like him when he's being goofy, though, not necessarily serious. 26:10.919 --> 26:11.260 Me too. 26:11.280 --> 26:12.260 I like his early work. 26:13.241 --> 26:17.483 The number 23 caused problems for my carry affections, as did Bruce. 26:18.624 --> 26:19.584 No, that was quite good, actually. 26:20.005 --> 26:20.365 Forget that. 26:20.445 --> 26:21.065 Bruce Almighty. 26:21.325 --> 26:22.306 It's got some funny bits. 26:23.366 --> 26:28.809 Anyway, the music I really enjoyed from Eternal Sunshine and it's by a guy called John Bryan. 26:29.129 --> 26:30.210 He was in a band, wasn't he? 26:30.290 --> 26:30.970 And I can't remember. 26:31.571 --> 26:33.292 Listen, you can help me out with this. 26:33.332 --> 26:37.694 He's in some big West Coast band, I think. 26:38.034 --> 26:40.275 And the music is lovely. 26:40.395 --> 26:41.516 Here is a track called Themes. 26:42.349 --> 26:44.311 Those were not real horns on that record. 26:44.871 --> 26:45.232 Were they not? 26:45.432 --> 26:46.593 No, they were synthesised. 26:46.993 --> 26:47.994 They sounded alright though. 26:50.797 --> 26:52.259 Little synthesised horn stabs. 26:52.419 --> 26:53.760 Very snobby of you to bring it up. 26:54.280 --> 26:56.242 I'm not saying they were bad. 26:57.023 --> 26:59.285 They just sounded... Why bring it up then? 26:59.325 --> 27:00.687 Because they sounded a bit bad. 27:01.327 --> 27:03.888 Yeah, you're very haughty about synthy horns. 27:04.148 --> 27:05.109 I like synthy horns. 27:05.489 --> 27:08.130 I thought they sounded a bit bad on that record. 27:08.150 --> 27:08.650 That's very rude. 27:09.570 --> 27:11.151 That's the comment I was making. 27:11.431 --> 27:12.111 How wooed. 27:12.151 --> 27:12.912 How very wooed. 27:12.932 --> 27:13.512 How wooed. 27:13.532 --> 27:14.612 You like Jar Jar Binks. 27:15.053 --> 27:15.273 Jar Jar. 27:15.313 --> 27:19.094 That was the women with now. 27:19.334 --> 27:20.255 The Sundays. 27:20.275 --> 27:20.815 The Sundays. 27:20.835 --> 27:21.575 With Summertime. 27:21.655 --> 27:22.256 Harriet Wheeler. 27:22.276 --> 27:23.776 Sorry, that was very rude. 27:23.796 --> 27:23.776 1997. 27:24.136 --> 27:25.897 Yeah, that was very snobbish and rude. 27:25.937 --> 27:26.437 It was. 27:26.577 --> 27:27.298 How wooed. 27:27.778 --> 27:30.259 I just classified her as a woman. 27:31.119 --> 27:31.500 A woman. 27:33.122 --> 27:34.584 That was our Bond sting there. 27:35.085 --> 27:37.088 So you were talking about Moonraker the other day. 27:37.108 --> 27:37.708 Yeah. 27:37.869 --> 27:39.611 With Bond bumping into Dr Goodhead. 27:40.192 --> 27:40.633 A woman. 27:42.215 --> 27:43.376 Let's have it one more time. 27:43.857 --> 27:44.217 Well done. 27:45.359 --> 27:45.780 It's gone. 27:46.701 --> 27:47.081 He's back. 27:47.142 --> 27:47.542 A woman. 27:49.417 --> 27:51.579 That's good, it's good, but let's not overuse it. 27:51.599 --> 27:53.280 I was thinking we could overuse it. 27:53.300 --> 27:54.781 I was thinking we could overuse it. 27:55.482 --> 27:57.764 I think we could really hammer it home. 27:57.804 --> 27:58.544 Did you see what I'm saying? 27:58.604 --> 27:59.265 Overuse that one. 27:59.585 --> 28:06.091 We were talking the other day about songs that you kind of customise so that you can sing them as part of your everyday routine. 28:06.111 --> 28:12.536 This all started with someone saying that they sung, lock the taskbar, lock the taskbar. 28:12.936 --> 28:19.278 Only somebody emailed us in annoyed that we said it in a kind of posh voice and elongated the A. Oh yeah. 28:19.318 --> 28:21.278 Because of course it could be taskbar. 28:21.418 --> 28:22.859 Yeah, lock the taskbar. 28:22.979 --> 28:24.719 If you're from a different area of Britain. 28:25.640 --> 28:29.061 Well that's how quite angry in a class orientated way. 28:29.221 --> 28:29.621 Really? 28:29.701 --> 28:30.601 By email, yeah. 28:30.741 --> 28:31.621 People do that, don't they? 28:31.641 --> 28:34.122 Said we were too posh to execute that joke properly. 28:34.142 --> 28:34.422 Class war. 28:34.682 --> 28:35.522 Tough luck, Buster. 28:35.602 --> 28:36.783 Yeah, socialist worker. 28:36.903 --> 28:37.163 Yeah. 28:38.644 --> 28:39.925 Well, we've got a couple more here. 28:40.085 --> 28:40.985 Some good ones have come in. 28:41.065 --> 28:48.630 Actually, this one is from Steve, aka Stephen, exclamation mark, Curran, the man at the very epicenter of the Stephen phenomenon. 28:48.730 --> 28:51.672 He's one of the founding stones of the show. 28:51.712 --> 28:54.474 He is the Rosetta Stone of this program. 28:55.355 --> 29:03.941 Steve Curran says, when my flatmate and I are drinking red wine, we sometimes open the bottle a little beforehand to let it breathe. 29:04.041 --> 29:05.422 It improves the taste, of course. 29:05.842 --> 29:07.163 When we do this, we like to sing 29:08.204 --> 29:13.469 Let it breathe, let it breathe, let it breathe, let it breathe. 29:13.649 --> 29:15.331 To the tune of Let It Be by The Beat. 29:15.351 --> 29:15.731 That's good. 29:15.911 --> 29:17.513 Yeah, that's a posh one as well. 29:17.533 --> 29:18.153 I like that one. 29:18.634 --> 29:19.294 Let it breathe. 29:19.314 --> 29:21.056 They can hold hands and sing that one as well. 29:21.076 --> 29:22.317 Yeah, everyone could sing in unison. 29:23.158 --> 29:24.660 Well, that is so bourgeois, isn't it? 29:24.680 --> 29:27.402 While they're waiting for their wine to breathe a little bit. 29:27.422 --> 29:27.823 I love that. 29:28.444 --> 29:29.926 Here's one from Graham. 29:30.266 --> 29:35.474 He says I used to have a pair of blue boxers with pictures of wolves on them given to me by my mum. 29:35.875 --> 29:37.437 Mum gives the best pants, don't they? 29:37.497 --> 29:38.238 I love his mum. 29:38.439 --> 29:40.582 I mean, they always give good pants. 29:40.702 --> 29:42.745 Mums have just got a really good sense of pants. 29:42.845 --> 29:43.867 They're born with it. 29:44.227 --> 29:45.528 Yeah, it's true, isn't it? 29:45.568 --> 29:45.909 Yeah. 29:46.249 --> 29:47.891 Mums and p- they know their pants. 29:48.211 --> 29:48.631 A woman? 29:49.412 --> 29:52.615 Which I became very attached to, my wolf pants, says Graham. 29:53.136 --> 29:57.320 When donning them over morning, I used to sing to the tune of Mr. Sandman. 29:57.340 --> 29:57.880 Mr. Wolf Pants? 29:59.642 --> 30:00.664 Show me your pants. 30:00.764 --> 30:01.725 Bong, bong, bong, bong. 30:01.765 --> 30:04.468 Make them a nice pair of blue shiny scants. 30:09.054 --> 30:10.957 Yeah, not sure what to say. 30:11.037 --> 30:11.397 Nothing. 30:11.758 --> 30:12.839 Mr. Wolfpens. 30:13.961 --> 30:15.022 Show me your pants. 30:15.102 --> 30:16.043 Bong, bong, bong, bong. 30:17.205 --> 30:18.466 Mr. Wolf Pants. 30:18.486 --> 30:19.327 That's good, Graham. 30:19.527 --> 30:25.314 He says it used to amuse me no end and may actually have led to the early demise of some of my relationships. 30:25.634 --> 30:27.376 Worth it, though, I think, and I miss them dearly. 30:28.077 --> 30:30.780 Is sad when a favourite pair of pants is no longer usable. 30:31.801 --> 30:38.623 Do you think he sung that when he was with a lady and maybe they were reaching an intimate moment in their relationship? 30:38.903 --> 30:43.164 And he was dropping his drawbridges and the wolf pants. 30:43.184 --> 30:44.705 Do you think he would sing that at that moment? 30:45.045 --> 30:46.325 A Mr. Wolf Pants? 30:47.005 --> 30:49.766 Would that get a lady going? 30:50.669 --> 30:52.310 Would things continue as planned? 30:52.370 --> 30:54.192 You don't see that in many films, do you? 30:54.412 --> 30:55.052 Imagine though. 31:00.336 --> 31:03.779 Show me your pants. 31:03.919 --> 31:04.840 Boom, boom, boom, boom. 31:05.080 --> 31:07.662 Make them a nice pair of blue shiny scans. 31:07.782 --> 31:08.403 Bum, bum, bum. 31:08.803 --> 31:11.385 Please turn on your magic beam. 31:11.405 --> 31:12.626 Oh, hello. 31:12.686 --> 31:14.387 Please turn on your magic beam. 31:14.587 --> 31:16.149 I just finished that bit for him. 31:17.029 --> 31:19.350 Um, I think that's, that would be a sexy scene in a film. 31:19.590 --> 31:26.274 Can you imagine though, if you met a girl and without prompting, she sang to you that song, you know? 31:26.494 --> 31:32.677 So you drop your trousers and she sees your wolf pants for the first time and she just starts spontaneously singing. 31:33.257 --> 31:34.338 Mr. Wolf pants. 31:36.039 --> 31:38.000 A slightly sexy, breathy voice. 31:39.821 --> 31:41.021 She's really excited. 31:45.444 --> 31:46.685 That's far fetched, man. 31:46.725 --> 31:47.786 That's really far fetched. 31:47.806 --> 31:49.687 Yeah, but you would know that you found the one. 31:49.727 --> 31:54.711 Yeah, if that happened, you should just live on a desert island on your own, the two of you, forever. 31:54.811 --> 31:57.753 Your wolf pats would just explode off you with excitement at that point. 31:57.773 --> 31:58.113 Yeah. 31:58.774 --> 32:00.495 Anyway, thanks a lot, Graham, for that. 32:00.796 --> 32:04.198 And we'd love to hear more of those kind of customized songs, if you have any. 32:05.159 --> 32:06.540 I'm trying to think of a good name for that. 32:06.720 --> 32:07.341 People Pop. 32:08.362 --> 32:09.143 That's no good, is it? 32:10.063 --> 32:11.945 Uh, people pop. 32:12.045 --> 32:13.106 That's no good. 32:14.226 --> 32:15.587 I wish we could swear on this programme. 32:15.848 --> 32:19.470 When you said, I wish I could think of a good name for that, I was just going to say a swear word. 32:20.051 --> 32:20.451 What was it? 32:20.611 --> 32:22.673 It would have been a dismissive swear word. 32:23.033 --> 32:24.574 I'll tell you during the next record, maybe. 32:24.814 --> 32:26.635 Have we talked over the top of the hour? 32:26.655 --> 32:27.396 A little bit. 32:27.736 --> 32:31.219 Let's have the top of the hour jingle nevertheless and go into super grass thereafter. 32:32.162 --> 32:35.587 This is the voice of the big British castle. 32:35.607 --> 32:39.052 You are listening to Adam and Jo on six music. 32:39.653 --> 32:42.838 We're on top of the hour, you'll be glad to know. 32:43.259 --> 32:45.823 But we're not on top of anything else at all. 32:45.883 --> 32:46.544 Let's go to the ball. 32:47.592 --> 32:53.798 crazy sounds that was TV on the radio with Crying from their fourth album Dear Science. 32:53.838 --> 32:54.860 That's a nice noise. 32:55.020 --> 32:56.862 I like that keyboard noise they had there. 32:57.382 --> 33:01.486 Very evocative of science programming on the BBC in the 70s. 33:01.686 --> 33:05.050 Sure, if you produced it badly it would be too piercing but they've just done it lovely. 33:05.290 --> 33:05.570 Lovely. 33:05.590 --> 33:06.311 They've done it lovely. 33:06.391 --> 33:08.092 That's from their fourth album, Dear Science. 33:08.132 --> 33:09.192 I just said that! 33:09.212 --> 33:15.035 Yeah, I'm saying it again in case somebody blacked out when you said it, which does happen a lot. 33:15.075 --> 33:18.457 People do black out, so don't be a bigot. 33:18.637 --> 33:23.460 Did you know that was from their fourth album? 33:24.600 --> 33:25.681 Let me just check the name of it. 33:26.502 --> 33:28.424 Yeah, but what number album is that? 33:28.444 --> 33:28.884 DS Science. 33:29.024 --> 33:29.925 What number is that? 33:30.866 --> 33:34.269 What number, if you count it from the first one, which album is it? 33:34.289 --> 33:35.150 It would be four. 33:35.390 --> 33:35.671 Right. 33:37.112 --> 33:37.993 Okay, good. 33:38.373 --> 33:40.976 So listen, we're going to go back to Texanation now, and here's another listener. 33:41.656 --> 33:42.536 produced Jingle. 33:42.556 --> 33:49.458 This is Steve Cody and he also has taken issue with the posh aspect of this programme. 33:49.958 --> 33:52.679 He is fed up with our fruity, fruity voices. 33:52.979 --> 33:54.260 Our overprivileged vocals. 33:54.660 --> 33:56.360 Yeah, our arrogant, haughty vocals. 33:56.720 --> 34:01.722 So he has gone into GarageBand, found the relevant samples for the Text the Nation Jingle. 34:01.762 --> 34:02.402 Here's his email. 34:02.422 --> 34:03.302 I've got it in my hand. 34:03.322 --> 34:06.263 I think your Text the Nation Jingle is great but a bit posh. 34:06.923 --> 34:09.544 I did this so as not to detract from the brand. 34:10.084 --> 34:13.486 So he stuck to the template, but kind of made it a bit less posh. 34:13.626 --> 34:14.826 Doesn't want to offend Joe Brand. 34:15.647 --> 34:16.787 So here's his version. 34:16.807 --> 34:19.148 This is Steve Cody's version of our textination jingle. 34:19.488 --> 34:21.509 Textination! 34:21.549 --> 34:21.849 Text! 34:21.889 --> 34:22.130 Text! 34:22.170 --> 34:22.290 Text! 34:23.510 --> 34:24.330 Textination! 34:24.471 --> 34:26.451 What if I didn't want to like textination? 34:26.511 --> 34:28.172 But I'm using email and that doesn't have a problem. 34:28.192 --> 34:28.912 It doesn't matter. 34:28.952 --> 34:29.373 Textman! 34:31.431 --> 34:32.192 That's strong stuff. 34:32.812 --> 34:33.993 Really strong, isn't it? 34:34.454 --> 34:41.941 And we like that very much because it doesn't throw the baby out with the bathwater, it keeps the essential elements, the recognisable things about the jingles. 34:41.961 --> 34:46.105 He's remained very faithful to the jingle and even panned the voice in the correct way. 34:46.165 --> 34:50.128 Very, very well executed, but yet he's added a certain something that makes it completely different. 34:50.148 --> 34:51.169 What is that? 34:51.229 --> 34:52.370 It's the same but different. 34:52.991 --> 34:53.451 Geordism. 34:53.551 --> 34:54.592 Geordiosity. 34:54.713 --> 34:54.953 Yeah. 34:55.293 --> 34:56.774 Thank you very much, Steve, for that. 34:56.934 --> 35:03.477 And let's get into some of your texts and emails now on the subject of things that you have had to make yourself for various reasons. 35:03.957 --> 35:07.258 Yeah, because you can't afford them, so you're ambitiously trying to home-make them. 35:07.619 --> 35:11.660 Sometimes it's just because you're too lazy or you just don't know where to get hold of those things, you know? 35:11.700 --> 35:12.241 Right, is it? 35:12.701 --> 35:14.862 Well, in my case, what are you thinking of? 35:15.102 --> 35:16.703 I'm thinking of when I put up shelves. 35:17.643 --> 35:18.343 And you make what? 35:18.403 --> 35:19.864 You just use random bits of wood? 35:20.404 --> 35:27.247 Yeah, what I did when I was at university, when I was at art school in Cheltenham right now, I was renting this horrible, damp flat. 35:28.168 --> 35:32.650 And I wanted to put up some shelves, so I got some bits of wood out of a skip. 35:33.610 --> 35:38.333 and hacked them into more or less the right shape to fit in this kind of alcove. 35:39.114 --> 35:42.916 And then I got myself a masonry drill bit for the first time ever. 35:42.996 --> 35:44.357 I didn't really know what I was doing. 35:44.397 --> 35:50.081 I started drilling a load of holes because I'd learned to use roll plugs that week at art school. 35:50.141 --> 35:52.163 That's an exciting day when you learn to use them. 35:52.283 --> 35:52.603 Yeah. 35:53.003 --> 35:55.024 So I just drilled the heck out of this wall. 35:56.425 --> 35:57.506 You can pop them in anywhere. 35:57.526 --> 36:11.135 I mean the whole thing was peppered with holes and a lot of the time because the walls were so damp a lot of the masonry would just kind of fall out in a little cascade from the hole and the holes would become much too large very quickly you know what I mean? 36:11.155 --> 36:14.118 So the raw plug would just waddle about. 36:14.158 --> 36:14.838 Yeah the holes got 36:14.858 --> 36:16.538 to be slightly smaller than the raw plug. 36:16.558 --> 36:17.799 I hadn't figured that bit out yet. 36:18.099 --> 36:22.160 So it would be a whole system of like I'd shove the raw plug in, it would be way too loose. 36:22.480 --> 36:29.502 So I'd have to start shaving bits of wood and jam them in the side of the raw plug to get them to stick in there. 36:30.342 --> 36:34.043 And then to keep my slats 36:34.463 --> 36:35.743 for the shelves up. 36:36.343 --> 36:43.605 Instead, I thought the best way to do it would be just to hack big bits of wood and mount them on the side of the alcove walls. 36:44.385 --> 36:48.166 And then the bits of wood from the skip would rest on top of those. 36:48.406 --> 36:49.646 The whole thing was on our wonk. 36:49.727 --> 36:50.527 It was disgraceful. 36:50.847 --> 36:52.727 I thought, well, it looks appalling. 36:52.767 --> 36:54.428 So what I'll do to make it look nice, right? 36:54.448 --> 36:55.728 And this is a good tip for all DIYers. 36:56.628 --> 37:07.032 is buy a large pot of gloss white paint and then just pour it over the shelves in a cascade so all the paint just dribbles down on top of them. 37:07.052 --> 37:08.273 What is a sort of a style thing? 37:08.613 --> 37:11.514 Yeah, is it art or is it shelves? 37:12.615 --> 37:12.935 Neither. 37:42.214 --> 37:44.777 Hey, is that an ethically correct corner to cut? 37:45.477 --> 37:49.681 No one is going to be upset about saying that those red noses are very painful. 37:49.741 --> 37:54.865 What about an impoverished child somewhere who might have benefited from the pound or whatever you pay? 37:55.165 --> 37:57.588 You know, I think it's a wonderful thing to buy red noses. 37:57.988 --> 38:02.572 And don't make me look like I'm some kind of impoverished child hater, because I'm not. 38:02.952 --> 38:09.658 But I'm just saying that they could go a little further in designing those noses so that they didn't slice into the side of your nose flesh when you wore them. 38:09.958 --> 38:10.958 Oh, I'm sure they don't anymore. 38:10.978 --> 38:13.239 That was the first year of comic relief. 38:13.619 --> 38:14.979 They haven't got the nose technology. 38:15.820 --> 38:16.340 That's brilliant. 38:16.380 --> 38:16.920 Thank you, Rich. 38:16.940 --> 38:19.901 Here's another one from Socrates in Manchester. 38:20.521 --> 38:20.821 Hello. 38:21.721 --> 38:22.121 Oh, no. 38:22.221 --> 38:23.142 Yeah, OK, I'll read that one out. 38:23.182 --> 38:33.785 Myself and my brother would, in the months leading up to a holiday, create our very own holiday guidebooks, complete with restaurant reviews, ideas for fun days out, and also a countdown to the date of departure. 38:34.065 --> 38:36.785 They were incredibly inaccurate, useless pieces of rubbish. 38:37.166 --> 38:37.706 We loved them. 38:38.166 --> 38:38.426 Wow. 38:38.866 --> 38:39.827 I mean, that's going a long way. 38:39.847 --> 38:43.308 That's hard work, but that's a good way to keep the kids occupied until the big day. 38:43.528 --> 38:44.589 Get them to write a guidebook. 38:44.689 --> 38:48.271 Yeah, a guidebook of made-up rubbish, imaginary rubbish. 38:48.291 --> 38:49.491 My children aren't going to go for that. 38:49.872 --> 38:50.632 Well, they're very young. 38:50.992 --> 38:51.632 They will soon. 38:51.913 --> 38:53.213 That would be a fun video game though, wouldn't it? 38:53.954 --> 38:54.734 Writing a guidebook. 38:54.754 --> 38:55.634 Yeah, Wii guidebook. 38:55.935 --> 38:56.175 Yeah. 38:56.375 --> 38:56.855 Fun. 38:56.915 --> 38:57.395 Just type. 38:57.575 --> 38:58.816 Had to use the nunchuck for that one. 38:59.016 --> 39:00.597 Here's one from Claire in Wanstead. 39:01.178 --> 39:03.160 In year seven, I really wanted a pager. 39:03.460 --> 39:04.921 They were new and exciting at the time. 39:05.622 --> 39:09.905 So I used to go to school with my mum's digital kitchen timer hooked onto my belt. 39:10.586 --> 39:13.408 It looked like a pager if you didn't know what a pager looked like. 39:13.448 --> 39:17.232 That doesn't really count because she didn't make it, but it's kind of vaguely appropriate. 39:17.252 --> 39:18.493 Well, she appropriated it. 39:18.973 --> 39:20.374 Here's a proper making one. 39:21.215 --> 39:22.216 No insult there, Claire. 39:22.236 --> 39:24.678 I'm just being, you know, pedantic with my criteria. 39:24.718 --> 39:25.519 I'm really sorry, Claire. 39:26.019 --> 39:39.749 Marie in Cardiff says when I was eight I wanted perfume but was told I was too young so I stole my sister's collection of impulse body sprays and sprayed continuously into an empty coke bottle, making my very own fragrance. 39:40.149 --> 39:42.611 It probably smelt like cat wee and hairspray. 39:44.092 --> 39:45.032 Homemade perfume? 39:45.092 --> 39:46.273 Homemade perfume. 39:46.293 --> 39:49.776 That, I mean, you could go all kinds of dangerous areas with that, couldn't you? 39:50.396 --> 39:50.997 What would you use? 39:51.037 --> 39:52.778 I mean, you'd start with water as your base. 39:53.138 --> 39:53.458 Yes. 39:53.538 --> 39:55.700 And then you would add, what? 39:55.800 --> 39:56.961 A little bit of chocolate. 39:57.281 --> 39:57.421 Mmm. 39:58.002 --> 39:59.243 Some lemon squeezings. 39:59.263 --> 40:00.604 Chocolate, that's nice, yes. 40:00.664 --> 40:03.686 Maybe some part, something from the garden, some minty leaves. 40:03.766 --> 40:05.047 It would be like some lavender. 40:05.567 --> 40:06.208 A few weeks ago. 40:06.228 --> 40:06.828 Well, couldn't it? 40:07.189 --> 40:08.910 When they were making their beauty products. 40:09.811 --> 40:11.352 Here's an anonymous one, what's come in. 40:11.672 --> 40:15.835 Dear Adam and Jo, when I was young, I always wanted a chopper bicycle but could not afford one. 40:16.175 --> 40:19.498 So I replaced my front bicycle wheel with one from a pram. 40:22.699 --> 40:23.739 That is madness. 40:23.759 --> 40:24.599 That's good, though. 40:24.919 --> 40:25.459 Imagine. 40:25.799 --> 40:26.999 Yeah, I'm imagining. 40:27.319 --> 40:28.199 He seems dangerous. 40:28.540 --> 40:30.960 So the bike, he would be leaning forward. 40:31.260 --> 40:31.680 Yeah. 40:31.760 --> 40:33.620 Like artificially, weirdly. 40:33.780 --> 40:34.881 Yeah, sloping forward. 40:34.941 --> 40:36.321 That's not really the idea, is it? 40:36.741 --> 40:38.361 I mean, if anything, you lean back, don't you? 40:38.421 --> 40:41.862 The handles are really high and you lead back like a biker. 40:41.962 --> 40:43.022 Like a kind of easy rider. 40:43.182 --> 40:44.142 Not sort of forward. 40:44.962 --> 40:46.263 Still, that's quite an image there. 40:48.923 --> 40:49.884 Maybe that's it for the moment. 40:49.924 --> 40:55.225 Keep sending in ideas or stories about things that you can't afford, so you've had to try and make. 40:55.806 --> 40:57.126 The text number is 64046. 40:59.107 --> 40:59.667 Yep. 40:59.747 --> 41:05.769 And the email is adamandjo.6music at bbc.co.uk. 41:05.789 --> 41:06.830 Thank you very much, Joe Cornish. 41:06.870 --> 41:08.170 Here's your free play right now. 41:08.210 --> 41:09.531 Yeah, this is from main sources. 41:09.631 --> 41:11.231 Classic album, Breaking Atoms. 41:11.671 --> 41:12.312 What's it called? 41:12.492 --> 41:13.412 I've forgotten what it's called. 41:13.432 --> 41:14.612 He got so much soul. 41:14.752 --> 41:15.933 Yeah, he don't need no music. 41:15.973 --> 41:16.273 Here it is. 41:19.608 --> 41:22.011 That's Calvin Harris with Acceptable in the 80s. 41:22.051 --> 41:25.035 This is Adam and Jo on BBC Six Music. 41:25.055 --> 41:27.078 Do you know that programme The Secret Millionaire? 41:27.859 --> 41:29.341 Yes, I do, yeah. 41:29.481 --> 41:30.803 I watch that every now and then. 41:31.063 --> 41:34.988 And a couple of thoughts sometimes pop into my head that may be inappropriate. 41:35.749 --> 41:37.491 and I wondered if I could talk them through with you. 41:37.731 --> 41:39.032 Certainly, I'd be happy to hear them. 41:39.293 --> 41:50.784 The first is it's quite an established format that everybody knows about, but if you and I say worked in a youth centre, did some charitable work or something... Just for people who haven't seen it, the synopsis of the programme is... 41:51.266 --> 42:03.632 Well, they purport, they basically make a documentary and they have, you know, they go to some needy place in the country that's doing very, very good things but haven't got a lot of resources and support. 42:04.393 --> 42:18.560 And the Channel 4 crew tell these people that they're making a documentary about, say, a man from the north who's somehow, his family were involved in whatever that cause is, and he just makes what appears to be a normal documentary about their work. 42:19.020 --> 42:28.751 But then at the end the person will reveal that they're a millionaire and will start writing amazing checks for all the hard-working people that they've met over the previous 45 minutes. 42:28.791 --> 42:37.461 It's a one-hour show and 45 minutes of it is sort of seeing the hard work these people do and the suffering they're working to alleviate. 42:38.341 --> 42:47.548 The lives they're helping to improve and then the last 15 minutes is this amazingly emotional catharsis and the orgasmic reveal that the person is a millionaire. 42:47.688 --> 42:50.170 Invariably followed by a great deal of crying. 42:50.951 --> 43:02.880 Now the two things that arise in my head when I watch this is if I was working in a charitable organisation and a film crew arrived making a documentary that was nothing to do with a secret millionaire 43:03.380 --> 43:06.162 I would really hope that it was Secret Millionaire. 43:06.363 --> 43:07.604 Do you know what I mean? 43:07.864 --> 43:15.670 Like, for instance, there's a guy that's come into our studio here today who purports to be from the BBC website, who's going to help design our blogs. 43:16.531 --> 43:17.451 Fingers crossed. 43:18.472 --> 43:20.074 He's going to write some checks. 43:21.275 --> 43:26.198 He's going to go, Cornish, you are sad and I pity you. 43:26.379 --> 43:26.599 Have 20 grand. 43:28.160 --> 43:28.800 Why just you? 43:28.860 --> 43:29.580 Am I not getting it? 43:29.961 --> 43:31.821 No, you're getting a bigger check. 43:32.241 --> 43:32.641 Really? 43:33.282 --> 43:34.642 You're a disaster. 43:35.342 --> 43:41.804 You're getting 40k off of your show and the depressing and strange stories of your home life. 43:42.324 --> 43:47.026 And I think that you need a massive cash injection to turn your life around. 43:47.046 --> 43:54.468 Do you think there's not a side effect of secret millionaire that people around the country are secretly hoping that someone who's come into their life 43:55.308 --> 43:56.550 Companyed by a camera crew. 43:56.630 --> 43:56.830 Right. 43:57.331 --> 43:57.871 It's a millionaire. 43:57.992 --> 44:02.758 And then what if you were a charitable organization and someone was just conducting a legitimate document about you? 44:02.818 --> 44:02.998 Yes. 44:03.158 --> 44:07.003 And at the end of it, you're like, OK, so is there anything else that you wanted to say? 44:07.163 --> 44:08.004 No, thanks very much. 44:08.245 --> 44:09.466 I think it'll be a great documentary. 44:09.486 --> 44:10.107 Thanks for your cooperation. 44:11.128 --> 44:13.090 Yeah, and anything else? 44:14.031 --> 44:14.832 One more thing? 44:14.892 --> 44:15.893 But what do you really do? 44:16.373 --> 44:17.994 Yeah, but what do you really do? 44:18.615 --> 44:19.156 No, that's it. 44:19.196 --> 44:24.220 We'll send you a rough cut and see what you think of that and it should be on sometime in March. 44:24.961 --> 44:27.263 The other thing that I'd like to admit to is 44:28.584 --> 44:30.867 Finding the first 45 minutes quite boring. 44:31.128 --> 44:31.388 Sure. 44:31.589 --> 44:32.790 Well, that's like TV in general. 44:32.810 --> 44:33.932 They had to wade through that. 44:33.952 --> 44:36.075 And tuning in for the last 15 minutes. 44:36.155 --> 44:36.576 Right. 44:36.896 --> 44:39.160 Oh, look, it's the last 10 minutes of Secret Millionaire. 44:39.300 --> 44:40.742 Fast forward to the old Gazmatron. 44:42.337 --> 44:45.698 So I end up watching it, and I don't know what they've done to deserve the money. 44:45.718 --> 44:48.578 I have no idea, but I still cry. 44:49.278 --> 44:51.919 Oh, 20,000 pounds. 44:52.379 --> 44:53.439 Oh, thanks very much. 44:54.839 --> 44:56.940 You can't believe why this is... I still cry. 44:56.960 --> 44:57.480 Is that wrong? 44:57.820 --> 45:00.480 That's just kind of the way Hitler used to watch television, isn't it? 45:00.500 --> 45:02.241 Yeah, just dispassionate. 45:02.621 --> 45:06.641 Eva, could you just set the skybox for the last 15 minutes? 45:06.921 --> 45:08.782 I'm only interested in the weeping. 45:11.562 --> 45:12.843 Is that wrong? 45:13.083 --> 45:15.503 You have to find out about what the charity is. 45:15.783 --> 45:18.904 I don't care about what charity it is, ever. 45:19.324 --> 45:21.844 I only want to see the weeping at the end. 45:23.585 --> 45:24.445 That's what I do. 45:24.765 --> 45:29.066 If I tune in at the beginning of it, I flick over the channels till the last 45 minutes. 45:29.106 --> 45:29.766 Yeah, you're evil. 45:30.486 --> 45:31.346 Does that mean I'm evil? 45:31.406 --> 45:31.686 I don't know. 45:31.706 --> 45:34.387 I'd like to hear from anyone else who might have the same mental problems. 45:34.467 --> 45:35.207 I know it's wrong. 45:35.347 --> 45:36.587 That's what I'd like to emphasize. 45:36.927 --> 45:37.607 Absolutely evil. 45:37.888 --> 45:39.488 It's just gone 10.30 here on 6 Music. 45:39.528 --> 45:40.128 It's time for the news. 45:41.577 --> 45:58.450 I'm a funny person, I often make up jokes My jokes are more amusing than those of other folks When you hear my joke, I think you'll find that you agree Come on, you're all invited to a made-up joke party 46:00.017 --> 46:04.019 Timers are made up jokes here on the Adam and Jo Six Music Program listeners. 46:04.479 --> 46:06.721 Thank you very much for continuing to send these in. 46:07.021 --> 46:08.161 They have to be made up, right? 46:08.201 --> 46:11.903 You have to believe genuinely that you have constructed these jokes yourself. 46:11.983 --> 46:17.846 And we're not necessarily presenting these as purely funny, you know, as pure like fun injections. 46:18.247 --> 46:23.529 You're more supposed to admire the convoluted craft of them and the kind of thinking that's gone into them. 46:23.829 --> 46:28.572 And the fact that other people out there do think they're really funny, but they might be funny. 46:28.792 --> 46:35.475 Because, you know, people make up jokes all the time and it's not just the preserve of the Rob Brydens and the Jimmy Carr's out there. 46:35.495 --> 46:35.895 Of great authors. 46:35.915 --> 46:37.455 You know who writes most of the jokes? 46:37.635 --> 46:38.075 Jimmy Carr. 46:38.135 --> 46:39.036 No, Salman Rushdie. 46:39.176 --> 46:40.076 Does he? 46:40.156 --> 46:48.519 Yeah, the government have a topical joke department and they get great authors to make up top, like all those swine flu ones that are going round. 46:48.619 --> 46:49.280 They're all Rushdies? 46:49.300 --> 46:50.100 They're all Rushdie, yeah. 46:50.220 --> 46:50.560 Are they? 46:51.380 --> 46:54.021 You know, Richard Dawkins tries to do jokes in the God Delusion. 46:54.161 --> 46:54.482 Does he? 46:54.622 --> 46:55.542 Yeah, they're not very good. 46:55.842 --> 46:56.602 Can you remember any? 46:57.303 --> 47:01.665 He does a whole passage that is framed like a Bob Newhart routine. 47:01.946 --> 47:02.206 Right. 47:03.386 --> 47:06.788 Bob Newhart, of course, did a very famous routine about a driving instructor. 47:07.369 --> 47:09.790 There's a difference between a joke and a routine, isn't there? 47:09.810 --> 47:11.951 The word routine sounds like hard work to me. 47:11.991 --> 47:12.872 It is torture. 47:13.092 --> 47:14.853 Anyway, shall we go with some of these listeners ones? 47:14.893 --> 47:15.073 Yeah. 47:15.093 --> 47:16.293 You're going to start? 47:16.353 --> 47:19.414 OK, yeah, this is a collaboration, right, between me and Nick Morgan. 47:19.754 --> 47:25.476 Nick Morgan sent in the punch line and he said he needed a bit of help working backwards. 47:25.516 --> 47:25.676 Right. 47:25.696 --> 47:26.516 What was the punch line? 47:26.756 --> 47:28.037 Well, you'll find out in a second. 47:28.717 --> 47:29.677 OK, so check this out. 47:30.037 --> 47:31.858 A member of the Borg, right? 47:32.078 --> 47:32.698 You love the Borg. 47:32.858 --> 47:33.718 They're from Star Trek. 47:33.918 --> 47:34.058 Yeah. 47:34.218 --> 47:39.340 A member of the Borg Collective was having difficulty in the supermarket assimilating some melons. 47:40.040 --> 47:42.621 So he called out assistance in Fruit Isle. 47:47.290 --> 47:49.491 That's quite good because futile, right? 47:49.511 --> 47:51.232 Like resistance is futile. 47:51.292 --> 47:51.593 Yeah. 47:52.153 --> 47:55.075 You could have filled in that very long pause there. 47:55.115 --> 47:56.756 That was a pause for laughter at home. 47:57.396 --> 47:57.736 Was it? 47:57.836 --> 47:58.156 Yeah. 47:58.497 --> 47:59.317 That was funny. 47:59.357 --> 47:59.937 That's good, man. 47:59.978 --> 48:00.438 I like that. 48:00.778 --> 48:02.579 I don't really have anything that can match up to that. 48:02.599 --> 48:03.700 Assistance in fertile. 48:03.940 --> 48:04.780 Thanks, Nick Morgan. 48:05.000 --> 48:05.821 Good collaboration. 48:06.081 --> 48:07.402 I thought it went quite badly, Nick. 48:07.853 --> 48:08.713 I thought it went well. 48:09.054 --> 48:11.115 That wasn't a dispiriting silence. 48:11.135 --> 48:11.875 All right, what have you got? 48:13.896 --> 48:14.836 I'm going off them now. 48:17.097 --> 48:17.978 I've got a couple more. 48:18.038 --> 48:18.758 Do you want to hear another one? 48:19.058 --> 48:19.439 Yeah. 48:19.699 --> 48:24.041 Here's one from Jason Thompson, who lives in somewhere called New Begin by the Sea. 48:24.381 --> 48:25.541 That's a nice name for a place, isn't it? 48:25.561 --> 48:25.922 That is nice. 48:26.042 --> 48:28.243 That's where you go to have a new beginning, presumably. 48:28.723 --> 48:30.424 Anyway, he says, hi, Adam and Jo. 48:31.164 --> 48:38.127 The scientific rule that describes the behavior of shredded vegetables in mayonnaise is called Cole's Law. 48:41.849 --> 48:44.370 There we are, there's another one. 48:44.930 --> 48:45.650 That was another one. 48:45.810 --> 48:48.612 That's good, you begin by the C Jason Thompson. 48:48.912 --> 48:49.492 That's good. 48:49.532 --> 48:50.412 I like that one. 48:50.453 --> 48:54.614 This is from Ali Phillos, F-I-L-O-S-E. 48:55.155 --> 48:58.576 Dear Adam and Jo, recently my sister told this joke to my mother and me. 48:58.596 --> 48:59.977 Now this is a real joke. 49:00.777 --> 49:02.978 What happened when the red ship hit the blue ship? 49:03.139 --> 49:05.840 To which the answer is of course, they all got marooned. 49:06.200 --> 49:07.041 Okay, wait for it. 49:07.361 --> 49:12.124 Apparently inspired by this, my mother proceeded to contribute the following. 49:12.765 --> 49:15.086 What happened when the red ship hit the yellow ship? 49:15.786 --> 49:17.928 They all said, Orange, you gonna help us? 49:25.209 --> 49:27.870 I like the idea of leaving the longest possible pause. 49:28.230 --> 49:31.191 Like, what do you think the longest pause... Chris Moyles, right? 49:31.211 --> 49:31.851 He loves pauses. 49:31.931 --> 49:33.011 Orange, you're gonna help us. 49:33.031 --> 49:35.192 What do you think the longest Chris Moyles pause has been? 49:35.232 --> 49:36.312 Supposed to sound like aunt. 49:36.892 --> 49:39.473 Yeah, it was a good joke. 49:39.533 --> 49:40.353 It wasn't supposed to be good. 49:40.373 --> 49:43.574 It's supposed to reflect the mother's sort of character. 49:43.594 --> 49:46.275 Do you think we could leave a 20-second pause after one of these jokes? 49:46.355 --> 49:48.095 If it's weird enough, yeah. 49:48.295 --> 49:48.835 How about this one? 49:50.256 --> 49:52.076 This is from Ed Miller in Birmingham. 49:52.516 --> 49:54.197 Which kitchen item never grows up? 49:56.348 --> 49:57.069 Peter Pan. 50:05.976 --> 50:10.400 He says I understand if you don't read this out. 50:11.961 --> 50:13.963 Keep up the good work and take care. 50:15.964 --> 50:16.865 Have you got any more? 50:18.374 --> 50:18.735 Yeah. 50:19.116 --> 50:21.681 Come on, let's have one more before we go into the yeah-yeah-yes. 50:22.001 --> 50:22.442 Oh, what? 50:22.502 --> 50:25.247 Did you hear about the Japanese animator who murdered his boss? 50:25.548 --> 50:26.289 Oh, this is a good one. 50:26.790 --> 50:28.373 He had manga management issues. 50:36.284 --> 50:38.365 Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's there with soft shock. 50:38.405 --> 50:41.667 They were, of course, the toast of the Camden Crawl last weekend. 50:41.967 --> 50:42.527 As were we. 50:42.547 --> 50:43.828 I just made that up. 50:44.688 --> 50:45.469 I don't think we were. 50:45.609 --> 50:47.970 We were given some toast. 50:48.030 --> 50:51.052 We met some lovely listeners from this show. 50:51.092 --> 50:51.372 We did, yeah. 50:51.612 --> 50:58.835 Thank you very much to every member of Elite Squadron, as they're now called, who came down to the Camden Crawl this time last week. 50:58.855 --> 51:05.559 You could see pictures from the event, not only from our radio show, but from the rest of the event and the musicians playing there. 51:06.199 --> 51:10.603 on the 6 Music website, that's still up there, some good pics of us looking like prats. 51:11.904 --> 51:13.185 They're not very flattering pics. 51:13.466 --> 51:15.607 No, but you know... I wish they'd let us vet them. 51:16.758 --> 51:20.460 James, producer, our producer here, James, can we be sent photos of us? 51:20.480 --> 51:25.383 Because I'd like to do heavy photoshop work on mine before they... It's going to end up spinning all week. 51:25.503 --> 51:26.303 But that would be good, wouldn't it? 51:26.323 --> 51:27.604 Photoshopping pictures of ourselves. 51:27.764 --> 51:33.927 If 90% of the photos were naturalistic, but then the areas of our faces were heavily, heavily photoshopped. 51:34.087 --> 51:36.929 Like that Matthew McConaughey poster at the moment. 51:36.949 --> 51:38.610 Yes, I mean really heavily. 51:38.890 --> 51:39.570 Oh my gosh. 51:39.770 --> 51:41.911 That's the most photoshopping I've seen on a poster. 51:42.071 --> 51:44.192 On Ghosts of Gullfriend's past. 51:44.212 --> 51:44.773 Yeah, yeah. 51:45.213 --> 51:45.933 It's extraordinary. 51:45.953 --> 51:47.314 He looks like a shiny mannequin man. 51:47.695 --> 51:48.715 Which he is, I suppose. 51:49.396 --> 51:52.738 Now listen, Joe, I'm pleased because I've had a good week financially. 51:52.838 --> 51:54.579 I've had an amazing piece of luck, right? 51:54.959 --> 51:55.559 Check this out. 51:55.619 --> 51:58.321 This came through in the emails this week. 51:58.401 --> 51:59.462 This idiot, right? 51:59.682 --> 52:06.106 This moron has accidentally sent me through the details of a business transaction he's involved with. 52:06.406 --> 52:06.646 What? 52:07.266 --> 52:10.788 And he thinks that I am some ex-business partner of his. 52:10.848 --> 52:11.149 No. 52:11.349 --> 52:14.191 And he wants to hand me over like a load of money. 52:14.271 --> 52:14.731 Check this out. 52:15.131 --> 52:22.574 He says, dear friend, this is to inform you about my success in getting the money moved under the cooperation of a new partner from London. 52:22.974 --> 52:27.276 Presently, I'm in Saudi Arabia for the purpose of investing my own share of the money. 52:27.756 --> 52:34.659 Meanwhile, I didn't forget your past efforts and attempts in assisting me to move the fund, even though we were not successful. 52:35.099 --> 52:41.162 Now, all you have to do is contact my account officer in CBN on the underlisted contact immediately. 52:41.822 --> 52:43.845 TomSiana at Hotmail.com. 52:44.305 --> 52:47.889 Ask him to send you a check for the sum of, and check this out, $1,500,000. 52:49.231 --> 52:51.113 Yes! 52:52.575 --> 52:57.741 Which I kept for you as compensation for all your past efforts in attempting to assist me in this matter. 52:58.441 --> 53:00.202 You moron, you've said it to the wrong guy! 53:00.503 --> 53:02.564 I appreciate your efforts at this time so much. 53:02.904 --> 53:07.127 While contacting Mr. Tom Cianna, please include and give him instructions. 53:07.467 --> 53:10.569 Please include your bank details and give him instructions where to send the money. 53:10.969 --> 53:12.390 Best regards, Dave Godwin! 53:12.990 --> 53:14.231 You idiot, Dave Godwin! 53:14.431 --> 53:15.652 And I'm in the money! 53:15.672 --> 53:15.652 £1,500,000! 53:15.692 --> 53:16.753 So I sent him off my details. 53:16.773 --> 53:17.673 I haven't heard back yet. 53:22.156 --> 53:23.037 Well, I'm very excited. 53:23.057 --> 53:23.957 What details have you sent him? 53:24.158 --> 53:28.981 I sent him my bank account details and my PIN number for my cash card. 53:29.081 --> 53:29.882 Is that what he wanted? 53:29.922 --> 53:31.103 Did he ask for that specifically? 53:31.123 --> 53:32.484 He wanted a load of details. 53:32.524 --> 53:33.244 Lots of details. 53:33.464 --> 53:34.445 Yeah, I sent him everything. 53:35.026 --> 53:36.447 Send him absolutely everything. 53:36.527 --> 53:37.968 So he can transfer the money across. 53:39.240 --> 53:42.422 £1,500,000. 53:39.260 --> 53:42.422 That's amazing. 53:42.742 --> 53:43.662 Wow. 53:43.942 --> 53:45.103 That's a chance in a million. 53:45.163 --> 53:45.883 I mean, it really is. 53:45.923 --> 53:50.045 Don't you think he's going to be angry when he realises that he's transferred that money to the wrong person? 53:50.065 --> 53:50.585 Here's the thing. 53:50.725 --> 53:54.927 He was obviously, from really the email, involved in some kind of shady dealing. 53:55.607 --> 54:02.030 So once he realises that the money's gone out of his account to me, Buckles Busted, there's going to be nothing he can do about it. 54:02.270 --> 54:03.570 Well, what if it's dodgy money? 54:04.371 --> 54:07.831 It's his look out, but it can't be traced back to me. 54:07.871 --> 54:09.032 His look out? 54:09.592 --> 54:10.732 What does that even mean? 54:10.792 --> 54:13.093 Yeah, this is not my look out. 54:13.373 --> 54:13.893 Well, it is. 54:13.953 --> 54:15.293 It's Dave Godwin's look out. 54:15.493 --> 54:15.754 Right. 54:15.774 --> 54:19.274 The money can't be traced back to me. 54:19.695 --> 54:20.175 That's good. 54:20.375 --> 54:20.815 That's good. 54:20.915 --> 54:21.495 Perfect. 54:22.275 --> 54:25.076 You have, though, in the past been taken in by that kind of thing. 54:25.456 --> 54:26.197 What do you mean? 54:26.597 --> 54:32.843 Well, one radio show you came in very excited about a scratch card you'd found in a Sunday magazine. 54:33.243 --> 54:33.984 That's true, isn't it? 54:34.264 --> 54:38.288 And you called them up, didn't you, wanting to win the holiday to France? 54:39.389 --> 54:43.473 It turned out to be a week in a porter cabin where a killings recently happened. 54:44.073 --> 54:45.595 And you pay for your own flights. 54:45.815 --> 54:48.677 Yeah, and the call cost me about 15 quid as well. 54:49.418 --> 54:49.778 That's true. 54:49.818 --> 54:50.919 I did do that that one time. 54:51.239 --> 54:55.382 But that taught me not to be so easily suckered, which is why I'm so excited about this opportunity. 54:55.462 --> 54:56.863 Well, it's exciting, man. 54:56.903 --> 54:57.544 Things are going to change. 54:57.564 --> 54:58.524 What are you going to do with the money? 54:58.824 --> 54:59.065 I know. 54:59.085 --> 55:00.586 I guess I won't be able to do this show anymore. 55:00.626 --> 55:00.866 No. 55:02.027 --> 55:05.949 I was thinking of going and building a gold house somewhere in Greece. 55:06.790 --> 55:07.270 Good idea. 55:07.330 --> 55:09.171 Maybe doing a radio show or a podcast from there. 55:09.231 --> 55:09.411 Yeah. 55:09.832 --> 55:10.732 Inside the gold house. 55:12.353 --> 55:13.734 Joe just flopped on me. 55:14.495 --> 55:19.138 I just spat at you and just stayed there. 55:20.520 --> 55:23.063 Are you quite a regular flubber when you're laughing? 55:23.083 --> 55:25.266 No, I was just laughing and it was a bit it's bitty. 55:25.386 --> 55:27.669 What do you do when you when you laugh and you flub on someone? 55:27.689 --> 55:30.993 Do you tell them about it or do you just reach over and just rub it in? 55:31.013 --> 55:32.855 What about if it's in the face? 55:32.875 --> 55:33.576 I lick it off. 55:38.742 --> 55:40.062 Here's a free play for you now. 55:40.082 --> 55:41.403 This is a summary sound. 55:41.723 --> 55:43.723 You can fire this one up because it's a slow intro, Ben. 55:44.543 --> 55:47.364 This is David Byrne with Loco De Amor. 55:47.404 --> 55:50.805 And this first turned up, the first time I heard this was on the soundtrack of Something Wild. 55:50.965 --> 55:51.605 Oh, good film. 55:51.685 --> 55:52.745 The Jonathan Demi film. 55:53.266 --> 55:55.826 And I was so excited because I hadn't heard this track before. 55:55.846 --> 55:59.747 A new David Byrne track and he was my favourite at times, still is in many ways. 56:00.307 --> 56:02.208 And I loved it because it was this new Latin direction. 56:02.228 --> 56:06.829 This track turns up on his album Ray Momo and it's very enjoyable. 56:06.849 --> 56:07.469 I hope you like it. 56:08.189 --> 56:09.089 Charming stuff. 56:09.749 --> 56:11.330 Latee Gray with Hot Topic. 56:11.650 --> 56:13.370 This is Adam and Jo here on BBC6 Music. 56:13.390 --> 56:19.892 We're going to get back into some text the nation in a second, but first here is an email from Charlie in Worcester Park aged 33. 56:20.372 --> 56:27.854 He says in brackets, whenever I hear your text the nation, Jingle, for some reason it always reminds me of Survivor's Eye of the Tiger. 56:28.074 --> 56:32.715 So I've decided to add some guitar and drums to your original work and create this mashup. 56:32.855 --> 56:33.215 Here it is. 56:45.345 --> 56:46.626 I was wanting it to kick in there. 56:46.646 --> 56:47.707 Yeah, that's good, isn't it? 56:47.967 --> 56:50.169 That's good, because it makes sense. 56:50.409 --> 56:52.290 It is good, right? 56:52.310 --> 57:01.817 Because it makes a lot of sense out of the beginning of Survivors Eye of the Tiger, which is not a song that usually I like to listen to. 57:02.657 --> 57:08.304 Seriously, the beginning of Eye of the Tiger, don't you find there's like a weird time signature thing going on? 57:08.364 --> 57:14.271 Like there's not the correct amount of... There's like an extra one in there. 57:14.291 --> 57:15.232 Do you know what I mean? 57:15.252 --> 57:15.772 Can we hear it? 57:20.958 --> 57:22.320 So, here we come. 57:25.725 --> 57:27.466 All right, all fine. 57:27.486 --> 57:27.866 What's that? 57:27.906 --> 57:28.046 Well... 57:40.271 --> 58:01.080 I think that's to keep it interesting if you're into house music do you never find yourself at a club dancing along and you're waiting you're waiting for the beat to come back in right it's stripped down you're waiting for the big beat to come back in and they always fool you they always try and trick you many is the time when i've gone 58:03.541 --> 58:06.262 You know, done a big thing. 58:06.402 --> 58:07.863 And it just didn't, and it doesn't come in. 58:08.463 --> 58:11.144 So you're just standing on the dance floor going, boo! 58:12.264 --> 58:13.385 Sorry, I mistimed it. 58:13.405 --> 58:14.185 Is that what you do? 58:14.285 --> 58:15.085 Boo-dee-doo! 58:15.866 --> 58:17.346 Yeah. 58:17.386 --> 58:22.528 Just looking for a sound that will like orally communicate my physical movement here. 58:22.568 --> 58:25.569 You know, you do a big thing and you've got the timing wrong. 58:25.589 --> 58:26.790 I think that's what they're doing. 58:26.910 --> 58:27.410 I don't like it. 58:27.650 --> 58:28.590 They're messing with you. 58:28.610 --> 58:29.170 I hate it. 58:29.190 --> 58:29.751 I hate it. 58:30.031 --> 58:30.651 Unsettles me. 58:30.811 --> 58:31.892 Yeah, freaks me in my mind. 58:31.912 --> 58:33.953 You're kind of obsessive compulsive, rhythmically. 58:34.013 --> 58:34.614 Four-four time. 58:34.734 --> 58:35.314 Four-four time. 58:35.695 --> 58:36.555 Be on the beat. 58:36.735 --> 58:39.017 Do not divert from beat. 58:39.037 --> 58:40.058 Please stay in four-four time. 58:40.438 --> 58:41.759 Do not understand rhythm. 58:43.801 --> 58:44.521 I don't like it. 58:44.541 --> 58:46.843 Anyway, some text the nations maybe? 58:46.963 --> 58:47.163 Yeah. 58:47.323 --> 58:49.965 Hey, thanks Charlie from Worcester Park for that jingle incidentally. 58:50.165 --> 58:50.485 Brills. 58:51.166 --> 58:54.348 Text the nation is all about things that you've made because you can't afford them. 58:55.829 --> 58:58.130 It's getting into some quite peculiar territory here. 58:58.531 --> 59:03.453 Thanks to Claire in Wokingham, when I was 10 years old I decided that I wanted to have asthma. 59:04.053 --> 59:07.355 This was largely due to the fact that the Goonies had just come out at the cinema. 59:07.715 --> 59:11.057 I developed a huge crush on the lead boy who also had asthma. 59:11.657 --> 59:13.278 The asthma made him all the cuter. 59:13.438 --> 59:18.261 You know I can relate I was very envious of the gizmos that people there asthmatics used. 59:18.521 --> 59:19.462 Well listen to this. 59:20.702 --> 59:23.064 The Asper made them all the cuter for the added vulnerability. 59:23.464 --> 59:26.567 However, I wasn't asthmatic and so didn't have an asthma inhaler. 59:26.867 --> 59:35.593 So, I emptied the rubber out of one of those plastic rubber holders that looked like a lipstick and used the empty plastic casing as an inhaler. 59:36.114 --> 59:39.856 It let the air through really well and even made a convincing noise. 59:40.397 --> 59:43.239 I never did this in public, but I certainly did it a lot in private. 59:44.579 --> 59:45.520 In private, even. 59:45.540 --> 59:46.820 It's kind of weird. 59:46.840 --> 59:48.041 I totally relate. 59:48.201 --> 59:49.641 Do you want to have asthma? 59:50.181 --> 59:53.543 Not so much the condition as the inhaler equipment. 59:53.883 --> 59:54.263 Yeah. 59:54.303 --> 59:54.563 Yeah. 59:54.843 --> 59:58.044 Well, when you're at school, the more bits of kit you can have in your pocket, the better. 59:58.264 --> 01:00:01.586 I just couldn't believe that the asthmatics really needed it. 01:00:01.626 --> 01:00:02.086 You know what I mean? 01:00:02.106 --> 01:00:03.606 Yeah, obviously they did. 01:00:03.646 --> 01:00:05.007 And obviously they'd be in trouble without them. 01:00:05.527 --> 01:00:07.788 But to me, it seemed they were 100% normal. 01:00:07.808 --> 01:00:10.029 Do you think they had some sort of sherbet fruity mist? 01:00:10.109 --> 01:00:10.969 And that's what I thought. 01:00:11.910 --> 01:00:17.254 I do remember begging someone to give me a go with them. 01:00:17.294 --> 01:00:17.714 Really? 01:00:17.894 --> 01:00:18.715 Very dangerous. 01:00:18.735 --> 01:00:19.316 I shouldn't do it. 01:00:19.516 --> 01:00:20.476 Apparently not, I think. 01:00:21.457 --> 01:00:32.646 Martin says, I tried making an outdoor air conditioner, like the ones I saw at SeaWorld and at Disney in Florida, which spray freezing cold mist into the air to cool everyone down. 01:00:32.666 --> 01:00:33.147 Oh yeah. 01:00:33.627 --> 01:00:42.694 My attempt involved attaching a hosepipe to the top of an electrical fan with some careful cable ties to stop the hosepipe from hitting the fan blades. 01:00:43.294 --> 01:00:47.337 The cable ties weren't quite as successful at stopping the water dripping into the fan motor. 01:00:48.418 --> 01:00:54.162 I did find out that my RCD trip switch works well though, so it was a dual voyage of discovery. 01:00:54.182 --> 01:00:55.663 He shorted the whole place out there. 01:00:55.683 --> 01:00:56.703 That's insane. 01:00:56.824 --> 01:00:57.724 You know you're on holiday. 01:00:57.744 --> 01:01:01.527 You know the summer started when those coolly fans come out there, don't you, on the street? 01:01:01.647 --> 01:01:03.249 We don't really have them in England, though, do they? 01:01:03.429 --> 01:01:05.371 No, they have them in Europe a lot on the... Today? 01:01:05.651 --> 01:01:07.673 They can't be very environmentally sound, can they? 01:01:07.894 --> 01:01:08.734 Bound not to be, surely. 01:01:08.754 --> 01:01:09.375 I think they're bad. 01:01:09.535 --> 01:01:10.076 Thanks, Al Gore. 01:01:10.287 --> 01:01:12.288 Here's one from Cammy in Glasgow. 01:01:12.728 --> 01:01:21.370 Dear Adam and Jo, my brother aged 17 couldn't afford to buy me a Christmas present, so he decided to construct a foot switch for me to use with my guitar amp. 01:01:22.010 --> 01:01:27.312 All he used was a block of wood, some old leads, a stapler, and some basic tools. 01:01:27.352 --> 01:01:35.554 Remarkably it worked, but every time I wanted to switch on or off the overdrive channel, you would hear an embarrassing clunk clunk as I pressed the stapler switch. 01:01:36.114 --> 01:01:39.235 That's kind of cool, isn't it, to use a stapler as an electrical contact. 01:01:39.275 --> 01:01:40.275 Yeah, very cool. 01:01:41.276 --> 01:01:43.296 He is now working as an engineer for Rolls-Royce. 01:01:43.697 --> 01:01:47.678 PS, I'm having a competition with my flatmate to see who you read out a message from first. 01:01:47.978 --> 01:01:48.999 Please pick me! 01:01:49.419 --> 01:01:50.299 Cammy, you won it. 01:01:50.559 --> 01:01:51.860 In your face to your flatmate. 01:01:51.940 --> 01:01:53.220 Yeah, take that. 01:01:53.440 --> 01:01:54.181 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 01:01:54.641 --> 01:01:55.281 Mark Owen. 01:01:55.541 --> 01:01:55.841 More? 01:01:56.202 --> 01:01:56.662 Yes, please. 01:01:57.083 --> 01:02:03.128 Okey-dokey, at boarding school around Christmas time my friends and I received chocolate advent calendars from our parents. 01:02:03.569 --> 01:02:08.013 Naomi didn't get one, so instead she made her own picture advent calendar. 01:02:08.393 --> 01:02:10.595 It was a sad and stupid thing to see. 01:02:10.956 --> 01:02:12.837 How surprised could she possibly be? 01:02:14.839 --> 01:02:16.881 Well, who is surprised by an advent calendar? 01:02:16.901 --> 01:02:17.881 It's just chocolate. 01:02:18.022 --> 01:02:21.664 Yeah, but there's the element of mystery there you never know for certain. 01:02:21.804 --> 01:02:23.366 What might be printed on the chocolate? 01:02:23.486 --> 01:02:24.326 Will it be a bell? 01:02:24.767 --> 01:02:26.108 Will it be Santa? 01:02:26.928 --> 01:02:31.492 Yeah, but no, there's always a chance they might have put something else in apart from chocolate, is what I'm saying. 01:02:31.732 --> 01:02:32.272 Like what? 01:02:32.292 --> 01:02:33.793 I don't know, a cash reward. 01:02:34.174 --> 01:02:35.194 A cash, a little pound. 01:02:35.214 --> 01:02:38.417 Like a little bundle of money, like 10 quid folded up really small. 01:02:39.957 --> 01:02:40.738 They should do that. 01:02:41.238 --> 01:02:42.298 That would increase their sales. 01:02:42.578 --> 01:02:45.380 That would be fun, I think, because I like making crackers sometimes. 01:02:45.480 --> 01:02:47.941 I haven't done it for a while, but certainly I went through a phase. 01:02:47.981 --> 01:02:50.742 I think you even came to one of my dinner parties where I'd made some crackers. 01:02:50.802 --> 01:02:55.263 Well, in the brilliant Adam and Jo book, it has a whole page of cracker jokes that you can use. 01:02:55.303 --> 01:02:59.045 I do love crackers and I'm constantly disappointed, like many people, by the contents. 01:02:59.845 --> 01:03:06.190 And it's my dream to just create the ultimate brand of crackers with genuinely brilliant, like little homemade gifts and stuff. 01:03:06.230 --> 01:03:10.393 Well, if it was Christmas, we could do Adam and Joe crackers with listener jokes inside them. 01:03:10.493 --> 01:03:10.773 Yes. 01:03:11.014 --> 01:03:12.575 That would be sensational. 01:03:12.655 --> 01:03:13.395 Absolutely brilliant. 01:03:13.415 --> 01:03:16.558 Let's store that one up in the pouch for Christmas time. 01:03:16.578 --> 01:03:17.318 Write that one down, James. 01:03:17.398 --> 01:03:19.640 I called James our producer, Ben, a while back. 01:03:19.660 --> 01:03:20.501 He was very insulted. 01:03:20.561 --> 01:03:21.982 I'm having some transition issues. 01:03:22.482 --> 01:03:23.123 Trans issues. 01:03:23.363 --> 01:03:24.544 Sorry about that, James. 01:03:25.064 --> 01:03:28.487 Well, appropriately enough, this is from Ben in Mouldsy. 01:03:28.867 --> 01:03:35.531 He says, dear Adam and Jo, as a child, I tried to make an aqua lung from two lemonade bottles, some tubing and some blue tack to seal the gaps. 01:03:35.551 --> 01:03:36.612 I think I might have done that, yeah. 01:03:36.852 --> 01:03:38.433 I tried it out in my paddling pool. 01:03:38.754 --> 01:03:39.674 There were two problems. 01:03:39.814 --> 01:03:42.836 One, you couldn't sink unless you sucked all the air out. 01:03:43.937 --> 01:03:45.999 Number two, it only held one breath. 01:03:46.779 --> 01:03:47.859 Back to the drawing board. 01:03:48.780 --> 01:03:50.080 It is mysterious, that, isn't it? 01:03:50.440 --> 01:03:54.261 Getting your head around how... Because you don't understand the concept of compressed air. 01:03:54.941 --> 01:03:56.141 And how can they compress air? 01:03:56.181 --> 01:03:57.962 Surely air is just air, you know? 01:03:58.182 --> 01:03:59.202 I still don't understand it. 01:03:59.242 --> 01:04:00.102 I don't understand it. 01:04:00.462 --> 01:04:01.223 It's a mystery to me. 01:04:01.343 --> 01:04:02.303 We'll keep those coming in. 01:04:02.943 --> 01:04:05.344 We'll revisit Text the Nation a bit later in the show. 01:04:05.564 --> 01:04:07.804 The number is 64046, isn't it? 01:04:07.844 --> 01:04:08.124 Yeah. 01:04:08.424 --> 01:04:11.165 Are you ready to get closer? 01:04:11.785 --> 01:04:12.985 Getting ready! 01:04:13.566 --> 01:04:14.766 Manic Street Preachers! 01:04:15.706 --> 01:04:16.827 Why are you singing it like that? 01:04:16.847 --> 01:04:19.067 Well, I'd sing it like that to jazz up the intro a little bit. 01:04:19.308 --> 01:04:19.588 Nice. 01:04:20.008 --> 01:04:21.869 Two blades shave you! 01:04:22.509 --> 01:04:24.230 Shave you, preachers! 01:04:24.550 --> 01:04:26.811 Let's step into the Manic Street, preachers! 01:04:28.071 --> 01:04:29.031 That's not, I haven't thought it through. 01:04:29.212 --> 01:04:33.953 But listen, this is the Jackie Collins existential question time single from the Manics. 01:04:34.674 --> 01:04:40.216 Hello, the name's Moore, Roger Moore, and you are listening to Adam and Joe, or Joe and Adam. 01:04:40.856 --> 01:04:43.677 That is four lads from Liverpool. 01:04:44.097 --> 01:04:47.239 They've got a cheeky sense of humour and unusual haircuts. 01:04:47.259 --> 01:04:48.659 They call themselves the Beatles. 01:04:49.720 --> 01:04:52.561 And they're apparently the next big thing. 01:04:53.365 --> 01:04:59.832 Yes. 01:05:04.436 --> 01:05:14.987 Listen, listeners, it's time to talk about song wars because we haven't done song wars for a while on this programme and we're thinking of maybe doing one for next week but we can't think of a subject. 01:05:15.647 --> 01:05:16.848 So maybe you can help us. 01:05:17.408 --> 01:05:23.713 The things that make it easier for us are if we have a really good subject so the lyrics kind of flow. 01:05:23.733 --> 01:05:26.475 You can think of things to write lyrically easily. 01:05:26.755 --> 01:05:27.936 That's the main thing, isn't it? 01:05:28.096 --> 01:05:35.041 Yeah, and it shouldn't be... It's very difficult when too many demands are made on our actual compositional music skills. 01:05:35.401 --> 01:05:37.762 You know, like it shouldn't be a parody of something. 01:05:37.843 --> 01:05:39.604 I found the 80s one very difficult. 01:05:39.644 --> 01:05:40.244 I enjoyed it. 01:05:40.584 --> 01:05:40.965 Yeah. 01:05:41.505 --> 01:05:44.686 But you enjoyed it because you just used Kim Wilde's flipping song. 01:05:44.706 --> 01:05:45.806 So that was the previous one. 01:05:45.826 --> 01:05:46.926 That was Australia, mate. 01:05:47.126 --> 01:05:47.926 Oh, yeah. 01:05:48.026 --> 01:05:56.588 My ABC one was beautifully crafted and it was spun by the idiotic listeners who don't know Amazing Genius when it's shoved in their face. 01:05:56.608 --> 01:06:02.510 Is that a mature way to respond to a loss? 01:06:02.670 --> 01:06:03.390 No, that's really impressive. 01:06:03.931 --> 01:06:04.511 Thanks. 01:06:04.751 --> 01:06:06.253 Well, you were talking about The Apprentice. 01:06:06.453 --> 01:06:08.596 Yeah, I've been enjoying The Apprentice enormously. 01:06:08.636 --> 01:06:10.398 How many weeks have we got to go on this series? 01:06:10.418 --> 01:06:10.919 A million. 01:06:10.939 --> 01:06:12.941 There were about 90 contestants left. 01:06:12.981 --> 01:06:16.886 At the end of every episode, they go, you know, they tell you how many contestants are left. 01:06:16.946 --> 01:06:19.248 I can't believe it took them so long to get rid of the neuralyzer. 01:06:19.489 --> 01:06:19.969 I know. 01:06:20.210 --> 01:06:21.231 Poor old neuralyzer. 01:06:22.252 --> 01:06:23.332 Did you see him on The Apprentice? 01:06:23.352 --> 01:06:24.213 You're fired afterwards. 01:06:24.253 --> 01:06:25.014 OK, here's a thing. 01:06:25.254 --> 01:06:27.476 I didn't know, but here's a thing that's wrong with The Apprentice. 01:06:27.816 --> 01:06:38.184 The person who's fired is always the weakest one, the one who basically is undramatic, has contributed the least to the excitement of the previous episode. 01:06:38.544 --> 01:06:41.726 But as a result, they're always featured the least in the episode. 01:06:41.907 --> 01:06:42.127 Yeah. 01:06:42.567 --> 01:06:45.289 So I think I can always work out who's going to be fired. 01:06:45.309 --> 01:06:46.270 Of course you can. 01:06:46.390 --> 01:06:46.730 Can you? 01:06:46.830 --> 01:06:47.211 Yes. 01:06:47.831 --> 01:06:50.273 Of course, the whole thing is a dramatic construct anyway, isn't it? 01:06:50.293 --> 01:06:50.393 Yeah. 01:06:51.174 --> 01:06:55.577 But it's sort of unsatisfying because we didn't see enough of Norrell doing nothing in the episode. 01:06:55.637 --> 01:06:58.039 Got some funny shots of him doing his neuralizer face though. 01:06:58.239 --> 01:06:59.881 Well, during the interviews he was very good. 01:07:00.541 --> 01:07:03.384 And then he went pretty nuts at the end when he was under pressure. 01:07:03.764 --> 01:07:04.004 Yeah. 01:07:04.044 --> 01:07:05.205 When he was defending himself. 01:07:05.325 --> 01:07:10.790 Well, his way to stick up for himself was just to launch into amazingly babyish attacks on the other guy. 01:07:10.910 --> 01:07:11.470 He was in trouble. 01:07:11.791 --> 01:07:15.033 If you'd seen him on The Apprentice, you're fired. 01:07:15.794 --> 01:07:18.315 It was a shame, man, because they really laid into him. 01:07:18.555 --> 01:07:18.875 Did they? 01:07:18.915 --> 01:07:20.355 Yeah, they gave him quite a hard time. 01:07:20.435 --> 01:07:24.316 Often the contestants seem completely different on that programme. 01:07:24.336 --> 01:07:29.997 They behave as if their character on the programme is a weird construct and you're now seeing the kind of real person. 01:07:30.077 --> 01:07:33.738 I know, you see a three-dimensional human being. 01:07:34.158 --> 01:07:38.359 And so he went on there all three-dimensional, quite smiley, like a nice little reasonable chap, basically. 01:07:38.880 --> 01:07:44.121 And they had that chap with the bow tie who gives out advice in a quite camp way. 01:07:44.181 --> 01:07:44.681 What's his name? 01:07:44.841 --> 01:07:46.703 Cedric, as he called, or something like that. 01:07:47.164 --> 01:07:48.185 Oh, you're spending too much. 01:07:48.225 --> 01:07:48.565 You should invest. 01:07:48.585 --> 01:07:49.466 Oh, yeah, the financial experts. 01:07:49.486 --> 01:07:51.048 You should invest in an ISAR. 01:07:51.308 --> 01:07:52.069 Yeah, something like that. 01:07:52.089 --> 01:07:53.250 He's not called Frederick, I don't think. 01:07:53.270 --> 01:07:53.471 Cedric. 01:07:53.491 --> 01:07:54.452 I know the guy you mean, anyway. 01:07:54.992 --> 01:08:01.019 And they had an auctioneer lady, a haughty auctioneer, and then they had Al Murray on there. 01:08:01.720 --> 01:08:06.185 And they all were quite serious about their criticism of poor neural. 01:08:06.665 --> 01:08:14.770 And just saying, you know, how did you ever think you were going to, you're the worst businessman I've ever seen, not only that, but you're quite a pathetic human being, you know. 01:08:14.790 --> 01:08:16.672 And really, poor old Norrell. 01:08:16.812 --> 01:08:17.692 He's not going to get a job. 01:08:17.712 --> 01:08:21.775 They said at the end of the episode, Alan Sugar said, we want to be his next boss or something. 01:08:21.995 --> 01:08:27.199 He said, if I'm, I think the next person that employs him should keep the receipt. 01:08:27.519 --> 01:08:28.339 That's correct. 01:08:28.700 --> 01:08:29.840 We should employ Norrell. 01:08:30.000 --> 01:08:30.941 I would love to employ Norrell. 01:08:31.001 --> 01:08:31.642 Can we bring him in? 01:08:31.682 --> 01:08:33.404 Get him to sort through the text. 01:08:33.444 --> 01:08:34.345 Then neuraliza. 01:08:34.365 --> 01:08:36.527 Santi, would you like to work with his neural? 01:08:37.348 --> 01:08:38.710 Santi's looking through the text. 01:08:38.730 --> 01:08:39.851 She's giving us a thumbs up. 01:08:39.891 --> 01:08:44.096 He could just sit there doing nothing but every now and again you'd look over and he'd be staring at you. 01:08:44.136 --> 01:08:44.596 Neuraliza. 01:08:46.198 --> 01:08:47.500 He could neuralize some stuff. 01:08:48.681 --> 01:08:53.225 If you wanted people just to forget about stuff, like in Men in Black, just give them a look at the neuralizer. 01:08:53.646 --> 01:08:55.187 Pop a hood on him, right? 01:08:56.889 --> 01:09:00.192 If you want to wipe someone's mind, you just pop the hood off and stare into his eyes. 01:09:00.853 --> 01:09:01.353 Neuralize. 01:09:02.254 --> 01:09:02.894 That's a good idea. 01:09:02.934 --> 01:09:04.234 So how about that, then, listeners? 01:09:04.295 --> 01:09:07.975 We do a song about The Apprentice next week, feuding songs about The Apprentice. 01:09:07.995 --> 01:09:08.655 Would that be good? 01:09:09.196 --> 01:09:09.396 Yeah. 01:09:09.936 --> 01:09:13.416 It's very, you know, it's a very wide open remit. 01:09:13.477 --> 01:09:14.117 People would like it. 01:09:14.157 --> 01:09:15.257 They know what we were talking about. 01:09:15.317 --> 01:09:16.117 It's very obvious. 01:09:16.357 --> 01:09:16.557 Yeah. 01:09:17.137 --> 01:09:19.618 Very in-house, you know, another BBC programme. 01:09:19.698 --> 01:09:21.078 I mean, we could make the aim. 01:09:21.098 --> 01:09:29.260 I mean, we would never penetrate The Apprentice universe, though, would we, in the way that you kind of penetrated the Antiques Roadshow one. 01:09:29.680 --> 01:09:30.761 of what, get them to use it. 01:09:31.141 --> 01:09:33.302 Oh, they might play it on You're Fired. 01:09:33.442 --> 01:09:33.882 Possibly. 01:09:33.902 --> 01:09:35.423 They've invited us on that in the past. 01:09:35.483 --> 01:09:36.224 In the past, yeah. 01:09:36.404 --> 01:09:37.104 I would suffer on that. 01:09:37.124 --> 01:09:37.725 In the past. 01:09:38.045 --> 01:09:39.205 Yeah, we'd both be terrible. 01:09:39.305 --> 01:09:40.386 Even though I like Chiles. 01:09:40.746 --> 01:09:43.228 Oh, it's brilliant, but the audience would scare us. 01:09:43.288 --> 01:09:46.990 Stuart Lee was laying into Adrian Chiles the other day, and I thought that was unfair. 01:09:47.030 --> 01:09:49.131 I liked Stuart Lee, but I also like Adrian Chiles. 01:09:49.151 --> 01:09:50.712 Toby Chiles, full of... Yeah. 01:09:50.732 --> 01:09:52.573 Warren, he referred to him as, didn't he? 01:09:52.793 --> 01:09:53.854 I thought that was a bit harsh. 01:09:53.914 --> 01:09:54.654 It was a bit harsh. 01:09:54.734 --> 01:09:56.756 I think he's an engaging personality. 01:09:57.616 --> 01:09:59.497 Anyway, tell us what you think of that idea, listeners. 01:09:59.517 --> 01:10:00.978 We're only going to do it if you approve. 01:10:01.298 --> 01:10:02.019 Here's a free play. 01:10:02.059 --> 01:10:03.720 This is a band called Sweet Sable. 01:10:03.760 --> 01:10:09.604 They're a female hip hop dance act from the mid to late 90s who only ever had one album. 01:10:09.884 --> 01:10:11.645 But this is their song called Old Time's Sake. 01:10:11.665 --> 01:10:16.608 And it's got some suggestions for stuff you might do on this sunny weekend that you should in no way follow. 01:10:17.289 --> 01:10:17.589 Here it is. 01:10:18.209 --> 01:10:21.390 Yeah, don't do any of those things this weekend that they're talking about. 01:10:21.410 --> 01:10:26.231 They've got special dispensation because they are from America and the past. 01:10:26.512 --> 01:10:27.072 That's right. 01:10:27.092 --> 01:10:27.792 That's absolutely true. 01:10:27.832 --> 01:10:30.493 This is Adam and Joe here on BBC 6 Music. 01:10:30.573 --> 01:10:31.933 Has the sun gone in? 01:10:31.993 --> 01:10:36.915 Or has it just been obscured by the giant BBC building that is being built opposite the window here? 01:10:36.995 --> 01:10:37.715 I think the latter. 01:10:38.996 --> 01:10:42.438 Now, listen, Joe, how is your broadband working? 01:10:43.098 --> 01:10:44.299 It's working pretty well. 01:10:44.359 --> 01:10:47.100 It's still not as fast as one would hope in this day and age. 01:10:47.300 --> 01:10:47.821 Right, right. 01:10:48.141 --> 01:10:48.881 But it's all right. 01:10:49.081 --> 01:10:50.262 What's your dream? 01:10:50.402 --> 01:10:53.224 How long does it take you to download a film, for example? 01:10:53.484 --> 01:10:55.305 Oh, I wouldn't download a film. 01:10:55.325 --> 01:10:56.205 You mean legally? 01:10:56.245 --> 01:10:58.647 No, once you've paid for the film and everything like that. 01:10:58.847 --> 01:10:59.427 I don't know. 01:10:59.467 --> 01:11:00.548 I've never done that, actually. 01:11:01.844 --> 01:11:02.685 Not legally. 01:11:02.925 --> 01:11:03.766 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 01:11:03.906 --> 01:11:05.308 And it takes a long time. 01:11:05.528 --> 01:11:06.149 It does, right. 01:11:06.249 --> 01:11:06.509 Yeah. 01:11:06.589 --> 01:11:12.976 Because the thing that I heard on the radio the other day, I think they've got some pilot scheme with fiber optics going in Milton Keynes or somewhere like this. 01:11:12.996 --> 01:11:13.436 Yes, yes. 01:11:13.957 --> 01:11:18.802 And it takes them like less than an hour to download a whole movie or something like that. 01:11:19.142 --> 01:11:21.024 Well, apparently the technology is all there. 01:11:21.064 --> 01:11:23.527 The companies just aren't implementing it. 01:11:23.787 --> 01:11:24.047 Yeah. 01:11:24.688 --> 01:11:26.209 Yeah, that's what you want, isn't it? 01:11:26.249 --> 01:11:30.853 You want web pages to come up instantaneously, literally like turning a page in a book. 01:11:30.933 --> 01:11:31.294 Exactly. 01:11:31.334 --> 01:11:32.655 And it's about time that happened. 01:11:33.055 --> 01:11:35.998 And what happens in Japan, other countries, you can do that. 01:11:36.578 --> 01:11:40.942 Britain for some reason is very slow because they like to milk as much money out of the public as possible. 01:11:40.982 --> 01:11:41.483 That's right. 01:11:41.503 --> 01:11:42.503 Before they do anything. 01:11:42.523 --> 01:11:43.704 It's like the drug companies. 01:11:43.765 --> 01:11:45.206 I call it rip off Britain. 01:11:45.286 --> 01:11:45.666 Do you? 01:11:45.806 --> 01:11:46.087 Yes. 01:11:46.127 --> 01:11:46.887 That's a good name for it. 01:11:46.907 --> 01:11:47.087 Yes. 01:11:47.147 --> 01:11:50.550 And I'm going to make a television show about it with me and Nicky Campbell. 01:11:50.590 --> 01:11:51.631 I call it Broken Britain. 01:11:51.731 --> 01:11:52.052 Do you? 01:11:53.074 --> 01:11:54.457 Oh no! 01:11:54.798 --> 01:11:56.181 That's more terminal, isn't it? 01:11:56.322 --> 01:11:56.863 It's sadder. 01:11:56.883 --> 01:11:57.906 Is it mendable? 01:12:00.319 --> 01:12:00.519 No. 01:12:02.300 --> 01:12:04.760 Broken, polite, low-con Britain. 01:12:05.021 --> 01:12:09.842 But this is the thing, with my broadband, it's 100% unreliable. 01:12:10.262 --> 01:12:10.522 Right. 01:12:10.822 --> 01:12:11.023 Right? 01:12:11.123 --> 01:12:12.643 Now you can't say who you're with, can you? 01:12:12.703 --> 01:12:12.863 No. 01:12:13.023 --> 01:12:14.144 No, because that would be bad. 01:12:14.204 --> 01:12:15.064 James is shaking his head. 01:12:15.104 --> 01:12:16.324 That's the terrible kind of thing. 01:12:16.364 --> 01:12:19.525 But it's not necessarily the provider. 01:12:19.825 --> 01:12:23.967 I think it's a combination of my physical location, like on the map. 01:12:25.307 --> 01:12:27.269 and the router I'm using or something. 01:12:27.549 --> 01:12:35.055 But basically, I can never tell if this Devil's Box is going to be doing its job for me or not, right? 01:12:35.416 --> 01:12:40.500 So every time, like usually I don't really mind, I just think, oh, can't get my emails today, never mind, I'll survive. 01:12:40.740 --> 01:12:41.160 You know what I mean? 01:12:41.421 --> 01:12:42.341 It's totally annoying. 01:12:42.401 --> 01:12:43.442 What's the Devil's Box? 01:12:43.482 --> 01:12:45.284 People don't have, what, the computer itself? 01:12:45.304 --> 01:12:45.764 The router. 01:12:46.044 --> 01:12:47.906 People don't have, you don't have routers anymore. 01:12:48.006 --> 01:12:48.827 Well, for wireless. 01:12:49.802 --> 01:12:51.303 OK, fair enough, I suppose you do. 01:12:51.323 --> 01:12:55.346 So you've got the little box with the antenna on it if you're roaming around, right? 01:12:56.567 --> 01:13:00.689 And it doesn't help, incidentally, if I use the LAN cable, if I plug directly in. 01:13:01.210 --> 01:13:01.990 Still no difference. 01:13:02.791 --> 01:13:04.552 So it's completely unreliable. 01:13:04.832 --> 01:13:07.114 And then occasionally, it becomes a real problem. 01:13:07.154 --> 01:13:11.617 If I've got some kind of deadline, I need to send some stuff or I need to download an important message. 01:13:12.137 --> 01:13:13.038 I do get them occasionally. 01:13:14.719 --> 01:13:18.201 Then it's really... Well, that message would be... Your dinner's ready. 01:13:19.942 --> 01:13:23.165 then I get absolutely furious and I get apoplectic. 01:13:23.405 --> 01:13:27.368 And I go through this kind of machine juju routine, right? 01:13:27.388 --> 01:13:28.468 I can't imagine you angry. 01:13:28.809 --> 01:13:29.749 No, it's weird, isn't it? 01:13:29.789 --> 01:13:30.810 Normally I'm very calm. 01:13:31.631 --> 01:13:34.333 But sometimes the router makes me furious! 01:13:34.973 --> 01:13:46.598 And I go through this ludicrous kind of dance of superstition of going through these little routines hoping that maybe it will jog the router into working again, or jog the signal into coming through. 01:13:46.618 --> 01:13:51.320 Because what you want, right, if you're looking at the front of the router, is that whole little row of green lights. 01:13:51.781 --> 01:13:56.883 And you want one of those lights to be winking at you very... you basically want them all to be winking at you very fast. 01:13:57.003 --> 01:14:00.206 You know, you described yourself doing a ludicrous dance. 01:14:00.246 --> 01:14:04.770 That would be an amazing dance at Saddler's Wells, one about a broken router. 01:14:04.790 --> 01:14:05.471 A faulty router? 01:14:05.551 --> 01:14:06.832 Yeah, that would be award-winning. 01:14:07.012 --> 01:14:07.953 Would be beautiful, wouldn't it? 01:14:08.013 --> 01:14:12.397 Some choreographer, sophisticated choreographer could actually do that. 01:14:12.437 --> 01:14:13.258 Get Michael Clark back. 01:14:13.318 --> 01:14:14.379 That timeout would love that. 01:14:14.639 --> 01:14:15.000 Yeah. 01:14:15.340 --> 01:14:16.181 The router juju dance. 01:14:16.201 --> 01:14:18.303 This ludicrous dance about a broken router. 01:14:18.803 --> 01:14:23.026 It's one of the most powerful works in contemporary ballet I've ever seen. 01:14:23.146 --> 01:14:27.349 Honestly, Buxton's physicality is spellbinding. 01:14:28.349 --> 01:14:37.576 The moment when the signal started coming through and the green light started winking finally at the end of the piece was one of the most ecstatic moments of pure joy I've ever experienced. 01:14:37.796 --> 01:14:39.917 That's me talking, not the review of the piece. 01:14:40.077 --> 01:14:41.218 You do it naked as well. 01:14:41.378 --> 01:14:42.259 Certainly I'll do it naked. 01:14:42.279 --> 01:14:48.763 I'll do anything if it means that there's a chance that the lights will start winking and the data will start flowing. 01:14:49.023 --> 01:14:49.263 Right. 01:14:49.384 --> 01:14:52.146 All I do is I stare at these lights. 01:14:52.606 --> 01:14:54.027 I wanted to swear so much there. 01:14:54.348 --> 01:14:58.571 I stare at these lights and they just stare blankly back at me, not moving, right? 01:14:58.731 --> 01:15:01.633 All I want them to do is to start winking and the data to start coming through. 01:15:01.914 --> 01:15:02.874 I go through this routine. 01:15:03.375 --> 01:15:06.778 Disconnect the airport, first shut down the airport on the laptop. 01:15:07.038 --> 01:15:08.179 Shut down an airport? 01:15:08.299 --> 01:15:09.680 Yeah, shut down the whole of the airport. 01:15:09.740 --> 01:15:10.020 Oh my God. 01:15:10.321 --> 01:15:11.602 And boot it back up again. 01:15:12.442 --> 01:15:16.943 No, nothing coming, you know, because I want the bars on the top to be lighting up. 01:15:17.503 --> 01:15:19.964 I go through this whole thing of straightening all the cables. 01:15:20.704 --> 01:15:21.824 Oh, because that's important. 01:15:21.865 --> 01:15:22.765 That's really important. 01:15:22.965 --> 01:15:24.685 The cables have got to be straight. 01:15:25.285 --> 01:15:27.526 What, you think the data might get stuck on a corner? 01:15:27.546 --> 01:15:33.708 Well, an IT guy once told me that if you've got a twisted cable that might make a difference. 01:15:33.728 --> 01:15:38.929 I tell you the thing to do actually is take the plug off one end and blow down the cable, then you clear the blockages. 01:15:39.369 --> 01:15:39.869 done all that. 01:15:40.049 --> 01:15:41.510 You'll find things drop out the other end. 01:15:41.850 --> 01:15:46.653 I get a little brush, I dust all the connectors and everything like that. 01:15:47.173 --> 01:15:51.936 I unplug the router from the wall, having switched it off just on the back there. 01:15:51.976 --> 01:15:53.497 In case static's built up. 01:15:53.897 --> 01:15:56.058 Unplug it, leave it for 30 seconds. 01:15:56.078 --> 01:15:57.959 Count 30 seconds before I plug it back in. 01:15:57.979 --> 01:15:59.540 That's how much time static takes to leave. 01:15:59.560 --> 01:16:00.801 Exactly, for it to reset. 01:16:01.261 --> 01:16:03.162 I unscrew the antenna. 01:16:03.882 --> 01:16:06.924 I wave it around and then screw it back in there. 01:16:07.104 --> 01:16:08.605 Wow, this is such an amazing dance. 01:16:08.665 --> 01:16:24.575 I move the position of the router itself much, much closer to my computer so it's almost like sitting on top of the computer and then sometimes I'll move it, you know, because I don't want any furniture to be blocking the thing because otherwise the wireless stuff couldn't get around the furniture possibly. 01:16:25.476 --> 01:16:25.896 Sometimes I 01:16:27.837 --> 01:16:34.505 I go out of the room and come back in again and smile at the router. 01:16:34.965 --> 01:16:36.167 I'll chat to the router. 01:16:36.467 --> 01:16:37.809 I'll beg the router to work. 01:16:38.249 --> 01:16:39.210 I'll cook the dinner. 01:16:39.951 --> 01:16:41.132 I'll tell you what it feels like. 01:16:41.172 --> 01:16:45.998 It feels like you're approaching it from every possible angle apart from the proper one. 01:16:46.178 --> 01:16:46.838 Well, what's that one? 01:16:47.098 --> 01:16:49.399 Well, you could like... I don't know. 01:16:49.479 --> 01:16:50.559 You could call somebody. 01:16:50.759 --> 01:16:51.519 I've done that. 01:16:51.539 --> 01:16:51.699 Have you? 01:16:51.719 --> 01:16:52.940 You think I haven't done that? 01:16:53.000 --> 01:16:53.640 How did that go? 01:16:53.720 --> 01:16:54.480 Badly! 01:16:54.860 --> 01:16:56.601 They come round and they go, it works fine. 01:16:57.061 --> 01:16:59.261 Yeah, it works fine for five minutes while they're there. 01:16:59.741 --> 01:17:00.681 And then they go away. 01:17:00.702 --> 01:17:03.342 I tell you what, I bet you someone from this program could help you out. 01:17:03.402 --> 01:17:06.583 I bet you there's a listener who lives in the Norfolk area who could help you out. 01:17:06.643 --> 01:17:07.723 I don't believe that's the case. 01:17:07.743 --> 01:17:08.623 I bet there is. 01:17:08.723 --> 01:17:12.804 We're right, because we're right on the periphery of the signal thing, right? 01:17:13.185 --> 01:17:13.525 Really? 01:17:13.565 --> 01:17:15.265 And there's no cable around where we live. 01:17:15.385 --> 01:17:15.866 Satellite? 01:17:15.906 --> 01:17:17.327 Is that how you're getting it from the sky? 01:17:17.427 --> 01:17:18.127 I can't get satellite. 01:17:18.147 --> 01:17:19.108 I can't afford satellite. 01:17:19.128 --> 01:17:24.052 I'd pretty much have to launch my own satellite as far as the IT guys in Norfolk are concerned. 01:17:24.072 --> 01:17:26.715 It's ludicrous and it's driving me insane! 01:17:26.775 --> 01:17:28.256 You can use the phone though, can't you? 01:17:28.276 --> 01:17:28.857 The telephone. 01:17:29.577 --> 01:17:29.937 You know what? 01:17:29.957 --> 01:17:31.559 Can you make telephone calls from your house? 01:17:31.919 --> 01:17:32.099 You. 01:17:32.540 --> 01:17:33.000 You can't? 01:17:33.060 --> 01:17:34.241 Well, no, not where I'm working. 01:17:34.301 --> 01:17:34.621 I can't. 01:17:34.842 --> 01:17:35.742 I'm working somewhere separate. 01:17:35.762 --> 01:17:36.683 Oh, well, then you do have a problem. 01:17:36.703 --> 01:17:37.264 It's ludicrous. 01:17:37.904 --> 01:17:39.606 Anyway, machine juju news there. 01:17:39.746 --> 01:17:43.089 It's just gone 11.30 and it's time for the real news. 01:17:46.742 --> 01:17:48.903 Text, text, text, text, text the nation. 01:17:48.983 --> 01:17:49.964 What if I don't want to? 01:17:50.184 --> 01:17:50.904 Text the nation. 01:17:51.004 --> 01:17:52.005 But I'm using email. 01:17:52.185 --> 01:17:52.925 Is that a problem? 01:17:52.945 --> 01:17:55.907 It doesn't matter, text. 01:17:56.147 --> 01:17:56.867 Yes, indeed. 01:17:56.927 --> 01:17:58.028 Text the nation time before that. 01:17:58.048 --> 01:18:00.129 You heard 15 Minutes by Kirsty McColl. 01:18:00.169 --> 01:18:03.491 This is Adam and Jo, of course, here on 6 Music and Text the Nation this week. 01:18:03.551 --> 01:18:07.753 It's about things you couldn't afford or couldn't get hold of for whatever reason, so you made them yourself. 01:18:08.113 --> 01:18:08.413 Yes. 01:18:09.193 --> 01:18:11.335 I was thinking of sweet, sweet love. 01:18:12.955 --> 01:18:14.356 That's a little disgusting joke for you. 01:18:14.376 --> 01:18:15.337 That's disgusting. 01:18:15.377 --> 01:18:16.217 Absolutely disgusting. 01:18:16.437 --> 01:18:20.341 Here's one from Max who says, I wanted a PS1 so I made one. 01:18:20.801 --> 01:18:24.064 I did the controllers, console, and even discs. 01:18:24.565 --> 01:18:27.868 I made up games like Super Pillow and Pillow Fighter. 01:18:28.348 --> 01:18:29.830 I had pillows on the brain, Max. 01:18:30.470 --> 01:18:35.455 The weird thing is, when people sort of forget the point of the thing they're making, do you know what I mean? 01:18:35.635 --> 01:18:39.904 Well that's good it's a console and and it's proper games proper games even. 01:18:39.924 --> 01:18:42.229 I understand because I made a TV when I was younger. 01:18:42.449 --> 01:18:47.059 Right and that was obviously just a box with a hole cut in it and I just put stuck some knobs on. 01:18:47.535 --> 01:18:48.816 Yeah. 01:18:48.836 --> 01:18:50.357 But you can stick your head in one of those. 01:18:50.697 --> 01:18:51.998 Stick someone else's head in there. 01:18:52.118 --> 01:18:59.883 If you've got an interesting friend, imagine if you were friends with someone who's actually... Imagine if you were friends with Justin Lee Collins, job done. 01:19:00.783 --> 01:19:04.846 Stick a cardboard box on his head and you've got... You're obsessed with Justin Lee Collins today. 01:19:04.906 --> 01:19:05.446 I like him. 01:19:05.466 --> 01:19:06.707 You watched his chat show, didn't you? 01:19:06.927 --> 01:19:07.587 That's what's happened. 01:19:07.627 --> 01:19:08.688 Yeah, I was talking about him off air. 01:19:08.708 --> 01:19:09.869 I haven't talked about him on air. 01:19:10.069 --> 01:19:10.509 That's true. 01:19:10.749 --> 01:19:11.109 Confusingly. 01:19:11.129 --> 01:19:12.190 I like his show that he does. 01:19:12.230 --> 01:19:13.011 He voices over. 01:19:13.071 --> 01:19:14.131 It's like a clip show thing. 01:19:14.151 --> 01:19:15.152 He's a fun guy. 01:19:15.172 --> 01:19:15.732 I like that show. 01:19:15.752 --> 01:19:16.553 He's got all the hair. 01:19:17.313 --> 01:19:19.615 Here is one from Mickey Melville in Leeds. 01:19:19.735 --> 01:19:20.516 Hi Adam and Jo. 01:19:20.856 --> 01:19:23.718 I had a novel do-it-yourself empire as a child. 01:19:24.259 --> 01:19:29.543 I developed many enemies as a youth and decided to get revenge with homemade stink bombs. 01:19:30.124 --> 01:19:34.287 I put dog poo in jam jars that I launched from a safe distance. 01:19:34.707 --> 01:19:36.489 I used to collect the poo on a stick. 01:19:36.809 --> 01:19:39.711 What's a safe distance for dog poo filled jam jars? 01:19:39.731 --> 01:19:40.312 You picked up 01:19:40.572 --> 01:19:43.854 dog poo with a stick, put it in little jam jars. 01:19:43.874 --> 01:19:44.914 Why are you reading that one out? 01:19:44.934 --> 01:19:46.335 Then threw it at people. 01:19:46.355 --> 01:19:48.136 That's from a total psychopath. 01:19:48.816 --> 01:19:49.876 That's why I'm reading it out. 01:19:49.896 --> 01:19:50.717 I'm a sociopath. 01:19:51.960 --> 01:19:53.121 Either that or Danny Wallace. 01:19:53.321 --> 01:19:58.604 But in a way, he's got the... He's got the basic functionality of a stink bomb. 01:19:58.644 --> 01:20:02.747 I mean, it's a stinky bit of liquid in a little glass pellet, isn't it? 01:20:03.067 --> 01:20:03.268 Yeah. 01:20:03.628 --> 01:20:05.609 So he's doing the right thing. 01:20:05.709 --> 01:20:08.031 He's got a stinky substance and a glass thing. 01:20:08.291 --> 01:20:10.953 He's investing time in a very unpleasant area, though. 01:20:11.013 --> 01:20:12.093 Shouldn't do that, though, should you? 01:20:12.153 --> 01:20:13.775 I mean, that could be really awful. 01:20:14.215 --> 01:20:17.197 I mean, it could give you diseases and slice your body up. 01:20:17.337 --> 01:20:19.298 A combination of broken glass and dog pop. 01:20:23.521 --> 01:20:32.528 Okay, Stacey says, for some reason as an adolescent I thought having perfectly straight teeth made me an outsider. 01:20:32.868 --> 01:20:35.290 Why couldn't I have a brace like all the cool kids? 01:20:35.990 --> 01:20:37.852 So I fashioned one out of paperclips. 01:20:38.552 --> 01:20:48.439 Strangely the idea caught on, and soon lots of the kids in year 8 were making fake braces and the school had to issue a warning about the danger of paperclip braces. 01:20:50.000 --> 01:20:51.381 That's nuts, I must say. 01:20:51.421 --> 01:20:51.942 That is nuts. 01:20:52.002 --> 01:20:53.503 And what if you had fillings? 01:20:53.783 --> 01:20:56.305 I mean, that would interfere very agonisingly. 01:20:56.465 --> 01:21:00.388 It could be useful because you could use them as soldering points to solder the braces on. 01:21:00.468 --> 01:21:00.988 Can you? 01:21:01.048 --> 01:21:02.389 Just a tiny drop of solder. 01:21:03.190 --> 01:21:06.572 I mean, it's dangerous to solder anything in your mouth. 01:21:06.612 --> 01:21:12.396 The idea of soldering a thing to your things. 01:21:13.317 --> 01:21:17.159 You know, like, oh, that just, that sends chills down my spine. 01:21:17.359 --> 01:21:18.579 You got teeth anxieties. 01:21:18.719 --> 01:21:24.082 Well, it's bad enough when you just accidentally bite on some foil with a, with a filling. 01:21:24.642 --> 01:21:26.023 Actually soldering. 01:21:27.438 --> 01:21:28.919 Here's one from Tessa in Ascot. 01:21:28.939 --> 01:21:35.483 When I was younger, this is along similar lines, I thought a gangster grill on motifs was the ultimate accessory. 01:21:35.583 --> 01:21:52.133 So considering I couldn't afford a diamond encrusted ghetto smile, I dried out my mouth for a good 10 minutes, applied superglue to my braces, and proceeded to delicately stick several crystal flower earrings provided by Claire's accessories onto my brace brackets. 01:21:52.273 --> 01:21:52.834 Voila! 01:21:53.414 --> 01:21:55.716 My grill lasted a good two weeks. 01:21:56.616 --> 01:22:02.781 I think people began to look past my thick glasses and chubby little body and realise how gangster I really was. 01:22:02.861 --> 01:22:05.564 Must have sliced up her lips though, the inside of her lips. 01:22:05.824 --> 01:22:07.625 Yeah, could she even close her mouth? 01:22:07.886 --> 01:22:09.988 No, she would have looked goofy. 01:22:10.588 --> 01:22:12.810 That's absolutely insane behaviour. 01:22:13.494 --> 01:22:15.796 Um, and that's pretty much it, I think. 01:22:15.936 --> 01:22:21.439 You know, what about the thing is that it's fun when you make these things for yourself, but then occasionally your parents would make them for you. 01:22:21.479 --> 01:22:22.200 Did you ever get that? 01:22:22.600 --> 01:22:31.105 Like my dad, when we complained about not having a pool one hot summer, he just dug a hole in the garden and shoved a bin liner in there and filled it up with our hoes. 01:22:31.305 --> 01:22:32.266 That sounds quite fun. 01:22:32.646 --> 01:22:37.229 Well, it was sort of fun for a little bit, but then it just instantly got muddy and gross and horrible. 01:22:37.549 --> 01:22:38.450 I said the word gross. 01:22:38.930 --> 01:22:39.390 That's all right. 01:22:39.410 --> 01:22:40.491 Just if I'm from America. 01:22:41.176 --> 01:22:44.097 Thanks for everyone who sent in Text the Nation stories there. 01:22:44.857 --> 01:22:51.078 You might find that some of the really good ones we missed will turn up in Retro Text the Nation in next week's podcast. 01:22:51.098 --> 01:22:51.659 That's right. 01:22:52.079 --> 01:22:54.179 And don't forget to download the podcast in today. 01:22:54.199 --> 01:22:59.500 There still exists a schism between people that listen to the show live and people that listen to it in podcast form. 01:22:59.561 --> 01:23:03.181 And sometimes, you know, one is not aware of the other in a way. 01:23:03.421 --> 01:23:03.681 Yeah. 01:23:03.802 --> 01:23:09.803 And our producer James brilliantly now gets that podcast up there at five o'clock on every Monday regularly. 01:23:10.063 --> 01:23:10.343 Yes. 01:23:11.144 --> 01:23:11.865 Well done, James. 01:23:11.965 --> 01:23:12.987 Round of applause for James. 01:23:13.948 --> 01:23:14.288 Yay! 01:23:14.769 --> 01:23:15.690 Music time now. 01:23:15.750 --> 01:23:17.071 This is LaRue. 01:23:17.572 --> 01:23:18.913 She's the 80s lady, isn't she? 01:23:18.974 --> 01:23:19.294 Yes. 01:23:19.474 --> 01:23:21.717 She's got the big quiff hair thing. 01:23:21.917 --> 01:23:22.137 Yeah. 01:23:22.418 --> 01:23:24.079 She's bringing back the 80s single-handedly. 01:23:24.120 --> 01:23:24.700 This is quicksand. 01:23:25.481 --> 01:23:26.803 Would you get her out of the quicksand? 01:23:28.244 --> 01:23:30.166 Yeah, I'd probably pull her out by the quiff. 01:23:30.527 --> 01:23:34.971 Yeah, because that would be I'd wait until she was all the way under and then grab the very tip of the quiff. 01:23:35.111 --> 01:23:37.634 I think she could probably take quite a lot of weight on that quiff. 01:23:37.674 --> 01:23:39.857 You know, the what's the word? 01:23:44.020 --> 01:23:44.320 Talk. 01:23:44.720 --> 01:23:45.000 Talk. 01:23:45.040 --> 01:23:45.560 It's not talk. 01:23:45.600 --> 01:23:46.540 I was going to say talk. 01:23:46.781 --> 01:23:48.581 I know what you mean, like the resistance. 01:23:49.641 --> 01:23:50.062 But you're right. 01:23:50.082 --> 01:23:51.502 That's probably why she has the quiff. 01:23:51.682 --> 01:23:52.662 So she's extra tall. 01:23:52.702 --> 01:23:59.345 So if she gets in a quicksand situation, there's more chance of her being rescued because more of her sticks up above it for longer. 01:23:59.505 --> 01:23:59.725 Sure. 01:24:00.425 --> 01:24:16.293 she's absolutely terrified of quicksand and that's there all makes perfect sense all makes total sense so listen we're almost at the end of our show it's whizzed by as usual i've got a little free play for you now how's the can we have a weather check because it said sunny with cloudy spells this weekend it's going to be sunny 01:24:16.573 --> 01:24:18.993 Yeah, it's going to be a very sunny weekend. 01:24:19.093 --> 01:24:20.714 You're checking on your phone there. 01:24:20.734 --> 01:24:21.994 I'm checking on my telling phone. 01:24:22.034 --> 01:24:24.474 But the thing about that phone weather thing, I've got the same thing. 01:24:24.554 --> 01:24:25.315 Update failed. 01:24:25.935 --> 01:24:27.295 Yeah, sometimes the update fails. 01:24:27.335 --> 01:24:30.555 The other thing is that it just tells you what the weather is at that point. 01:24:30.575 --> 01:24:31.276 You know what I mean? 01:24:31.316 --> 01:24:34.136 Like if the sun suddenly comes out, it'll say, oh, it's sunny. 01:24:34.416 --> 01:24:37.537 And then almost invariably, the next five days, it's going to be sunny. 01:24:37.917 --> 01:24:38.877 Oh, yeah, it's going to be sunny. 01:24:39.217 --> 01:24:42.557 And then the next morning, the whole week's forecast will have changed. 01:24:42.678 --> 01:24:43.858 Oh, no, it's going to be very rainy. 01:24:44.178 --> 01:24:45.158 It's very rainy this week. 01:24:45.678 --> 01:24:48.201 It's like a baby, it doesn't understand that things change. 01:24:48.962 --> 01:24:51.424 It thinks that what's happening now is going to carry on forever. 01:24:52.005 --> 01:24:53.807 That's why babies and children get upset. 01:24:54.728 --> 01:24:57.070 Can you use that? 01:24:57.150 --> 01:24:58.371 Use that with your kids, it'll help you. 01:24:58.492 --> 01:24:58.812 Thank you. 01:24:59.272 --> 01:25:00.654 What are you doing on bank holiday? 01:25:00.894 --> 01:25:02.535 I don't know, I've got very few plans. 01:25:02.795 --> 01:25:07.417 I've bought the Star Trek movie, all of the first six Star Trek movies on Blu-ray. 01:25:07.437 --> 01:25:09.778 What a strange thing for a non-Star Trek fan to do. 01:25:09.918 --> 01:25:12.179 Well, I really want to watch Star Trek The Motion Picture. 01:25:12.699 --> 01:25:13.459 Oh, on Blu-ray. 01:25:13.539 --> 01:25:17.581 Yeah, the first ever one, the Robert Wise one, the hugely over-the-top one. 01:25:17.781 --> 01:25:19.342 Vigour, I work for Vigour. 01:25:19.522 --> 01:25:21.343 And then it turns out it's Voyager. 01:25:21.543 --> 01:25:23.103 That's one of the lamest things in the film ever. 01:25:23.123 --> 01:25:24.404 Is that from Star Trek The Movie? 01:25:24.784 --> 01:25:26.004 Yeah, yeah, the motion picture. 01:25:26.144 --> 01:25:26.444 Yeah. 01:25:26.904 --> 01:25:28.945 VJ, I haven't got to that bit yet. 01:25:28.985 --> 01:25:29.585 Don't ruin it. 01:25:29.605 --> 01:25:30.945 I don't worry, you're not missing anything. 01:25:31.225 --> 01:25:31.966 Oh, it's amazing. 01:25:32.366 --> 01:25:32.746 With the board. 01:25:32.766 --> 01:25:33.406 I've watched half of it. 01:25:33.446 --> 01:25:34.106 It's incredible. 01:25:34.806 --> 01:25:38.527 Because they really went to town with the special effects. 01:25:38.607 --> 01:25:41.227 Special effects like a paint pot being thrown at the screen, didn't they? 01:25:41.247 --> 01:25:41.888 Yeah, it's like 2001. 01:25:42.428 --> 01:25:41.888 2001. 01:25:42.448 --> 01:25:46.288 It's sort of epic and it's all analogue effects, so it's amazing. 01:25:46.429 --> 01:25:47.469 It was sort of trippy, wasn't it? 01:25:47.489 --> 01:25:50.289 It was at the very early 80s, wasn't it? 01:25:50.309 --> 01:25:51.610 I don't know, I'd say very late 70s. 01:25:51.650 --> 01:25:52.850 Okay, right, okay. 01:25:53.770 --> 01:25:55.072 Anyway, that's what I've got lined up. 01:25:55.432 --> 01:25:56.633 Is that nerdy enough for you? 01:25:56.713 --> 01:25:57.274 Yes, thank you. 01:25:57.294 --> 01:25:58.935 That absolutely ticks all the nerdy boxes. 01:25:59.075 --> 01:26:00.577 Roth of Khan digitally restored? 01:26:00.817 --> 01:26:01.478 Yeah, wonderful stuff. 01:26:01.498 --> 01:26:02.299 That's supposed to be good. 01:26:02.319 --> 01:26:03.300 I haven't seen that for years. 01:26:03.700 --> 01:26:04.841 And you haven't seen all of them. 01:26:04.861 --> 01:26:06.883 You haven't seen the sixth one or whatever it was. 01:26:07.303 --> 01:26:08.064 No, no. 01:26:08.144 --> 01:26:09.626 Some of them are unwatchable, surely. 01:26:09.686 --> 01:26:11.127 Well, the first six are the best, aren't they? 01:26:11.147 --> 01:26:12.669 The first few are the best, the oldies. 01:26:13.049 --> 01:26:15.471 The oldies were the first six, the first three maybe. 01:26:16.392 --> 01:26:18.014 Four, five and six, I can't remember. 01:26:18.354 --> 01:26:24.942 Anyway, here is a free play for you right now, listeners, and this is from an album that never gets boring. 01:26:24.962 --> 01:26:26.304 You just keep coming back to this one. 01:26:26.344 --> 01:26:27.685 Lovely for a sunny morning. 01:26:28.987 --> 01:26:29.688 So I've chosen it. 01:26:29.708 --> 01:26:31.089 This was introduced to me by... Let me guess. 01:26:31.390 --> 01:26:31.750 Wham. 01:26:32.051 --> 01:26:32.551 Fantastic. 01:26:32.591 --> 01:26:33.753 Wham's fantastic album. 01:26:33.773 --> 01:26:34.574 That never gets boring. 01:26:34.594 --> 01:26:35.795 It's Wham's fantastic album. 01:26:35.835 --> 01:26:36.316 I've plundered it. 01:26:36.736 --> 01:26:42.399 No, this is actually from Scott Four, and this was an album that was introduced to me by a journalist called Tom Cox. 01:26:42.419 --> 01:26:43.239 Do you remember Tom Cox? 01:26:43.279 --> 01:26:43.819 He interviewed us. 01:26:44.139 --> 01:26:45.080 Tommy Cox, of course. 01:26:45.140 --> 01:26:48.361 He's written many entertaining books about cats and golf and things like that. 01:26:49.122 --> 01:26:53.083 He always writes very entertainingly and interestingly about music. 01:26:53.724 --> 01:26:56.565 And he got me into this album, and for that I'm forever grateful. 01:26:56.585 --> 01:26:58.586 And this is a track called The World's Strongest Man. 01:26:59.406 --> 01:27:03.851 That was Bjerg with Hyper Ballad and this is Adam and Jo here on BBC 6 Music. 01:27:03.871 --> 01:27:05.312 That's pretty much the end of our show. 01:27:05.773 --> 01:27:10.257 Thanks for listening and thanks to everybody who texted an email for Text the Nation. 01:27:10.277 --> 01:27:14.641 We'll be back live here on BBC 6 Music at the same time next week from 9am till noon. 01:27:15.142 --> 01:27:18.185 Plus you can listen again if you want to via the BBC iPlay. 01:27:18.245 --> 01:27:19.086 I can't listen again. 01:27:19.326 --> 01:27:20.426 No, you can't do anything. 01:27:20.446 --> 01:27:21.887 Because of my router problems. 01:27:22.007 --> 01:27:24.067 Thanks very much for the router suggestions. 01:27:24.328 --> 01:27:30.729 Some guys saying, oh, you know, 30 seconds, if you switch it off and on again, that's not enough to let the circuit discharge. 01:27:30.969 --> 01:27:32.450 Try 60 seconds. 01:27:32.970 --> 01:27:40.092 Life's too short for me to sit around extending my machine juju routine for 60 seconds, flipping heck, Tucker. 01:27:40.492 --> 01:27:40.792 Yes. 01:27:41.192 --> 01:27:42.373 I mean, for goodness sake. 01:27:42.413 --> 01:27:42.813 I agree. 01:27:42.853 --> 01:27:43.393 I'm scared. 01:27:43.573 --> 01:27:44.413 Yeah, exactly. 01:27:44.453 --> 01:27:46.214 I'm just going to go back to cable straightening. 01:27:46.534 --> 01:27:49.837 Don't forget that we do read every single email. 01:27:50.297 --> 01:27:51.398 We do our best to anyway. 01:27:51.458 --> 01:27:55.041 So if you've got some router advice for Dr. Buckles, it will get through to him. 01:27:55.501 --> 01:28:00.565 And the podcast will be available to download at five o'clock on Monday with extra bits. 01:28:00.845 --> 01:28:08.051 Even better, if you live in the Norfolk area and you wish to come and just help me construct some kind of makeshift router that will work. 01:28:08.271 --> 01:28:16.535 Honestly, I'm thinking of just running a six-mile LAN cable to someone's house that actually has decent broadband. 01:28:16.975 --> 01:28:17.316 That's it. 01:28:17.336 --> 01:28:19.096 We're going to leave you with music from the Maccabees. 01:28:19.136 --> 01:28:19.737 We'd love you better. 01:28:19.757 --> 01:28:20.557 We'll see you next week. 01:28:20.617 --> 01:28:20.997 Bye-bye. 01:28:21.017 --> 01:28:22.058 Stay tuned for Liz Kershaw.